June 2020 issue

Hidden Power of Laughter Page 8

GRADS of 2020!

Page 18

How Dads Are Different Page 15

Respecting Your Teen’s Privacy Page 28

Summer Camp Guide Sports • Academics • Music • Outdoors & More!

Now offering telehealth visits

We’re Welcoming New Patients!

Whether you’re at home on your computer using our telehealth care or in our clinic, we’re here to help.

From preventive care to illness and injuries, we’re here to help keep you and your family members healthy.

Immunity comes in many forms. For COVID-19, the best immunity you can access comes from within: Wearing a mask, washing your hands and being sure you’re up-to-date on annual vaccines and that any conditions are cared for will help you stay healthy.

We’re Here to Help You Live Your Healthiest Life.

10 Locations • Pediatrics, Family Medicine and 20+ Specialties 541-242-4444 • OregonMedicalGroup.com 2

J U N E 2 0 2 0 • O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M

T R I P L E P : T H E P O S I T I V E PA R E N T I N G P R O G R A M

Top 10 Tips For Parents

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Have realistic expectations.

All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable that you will have some discipline hassles.

Trying to be the perfect parent can set you up for frustration and disappointment.

L e a r n m o r e a n d s i g n u p a t L a n e T r i p l e P. o r g

Now inc ludes guide parentin for gd COVID- uring 19!

Triple P Online is free for families with OHP! • Tr iple P es ta d is pon ible en es pañ o l .

TELL US WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT OUR COMMUNITY Love letters are a great way to reach out and tell someone you care, especially when you have to be away from them a long time!

Since we have to stay home, we are writing to our favorite places in Lane County to tell them how much we #LoveLane. Get creative with the whole family and post your love letters with the hashtag #LoveLane - we can't wait to see them!

EugeneCascadesCoast.org O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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june IN THIS ISSUE

7 8 11

SAT AND ACT TESTING In the age of Coronavirus

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LAUGHTER! It’s hidden powers.

EARTHTALK Cargo Ships The need to green is now.

13 14 15 17

CHILD CARE OPTIONS Local support and resources.

A DAD’S EYE VIEW Who needs a perfect father?

FAMILY LIFE How Dads are Different.

PARENTING NOW! Understanding Power Struggles.

18 20 24 26

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28

SENIOR SHOUT OUT! Congrats to the Class of 2020!

SUMMER CAMPS! Camps are Open!

BACKYARD CAMPING Strategies for success and fun.

LIFE’S A BEACH Kid’s beach questions answered.

27

FAMILY MOVIE REVIEWS For kids: Wendy For adults: The Aeronauts

28 30

RESPECTING TEEN PRIVACY How far should you go?

PET RESCUE SPOTLIGHT Moose and Mr. Peabody

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Wherever your child needs care, from the clinic to the hospital, we are with you every step of the way.

Pilar Bradshaw, M.D., F.A.A.P., cares for children of all ages, from birth through adolescence. We are the only pediatric providers who still make rounds to visit patients at PeaceHealth Sacred Heart Medical Center at RiverBend.

To schedule an appointment, call 541-HUG-KIDS. 995 Willagillespie Road, Suite 100 • 541-484-5437 • www.EugenePeds.com

From the Editor An Emotional Time

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ast month I touched on Imperfect Times… This month, Feelings! So many Feelings! There’s a lot happening right now, and a lot we just walked through; so, it makes sense at some point it would all start to well up. We have the end of a school year… we’re knee deep in Covid-19… still somewhat sheltering… with Father’s Day coming… and so much more! That’s a lot of emotional talking points!

As a typically pretty steady, even-keel kinda gal, these “extra” emotions have caught me off guard on more than one occasion lately. To the extent I’m asking myself (sometimes out loud)… “what is going on here?!” (all endorsements aside) It’s both refreshing and funny to find myself laughing out loud at say, the new Progressive commercials! Or busting a move while cooking. And dare I mention a Costco trip - which offers several opportunities to become #triggered! Or another (unnamed) store which invariably promotes mask rage as one ventures into the land of “mask / no mask.” And so much sad… When I see pics of Covid-19 heroes, fighting for everyone else – sitting with their heads in their hands, and blank stares… that’s a gut punch and I usually have to walk away.

It seems like everything is sitting just below the surface right now… Reporters are choking up during news casts, others not able to finish sentences when simply asked about their day, and (ugh) Facebook, which has for sure become a bit unhinged. Emotions are happening!

Sad, Mad, Happy, Confused, Vulnerable, Scared. It’s all there…

Most recently… and this touched me deeply… In this issue, we have an opportunity to honor and recognize the Class of 2020. This is a tough time for these kiddos, with so much taken away – by no fault of their own (or anyone else’s). These kids have worked SO incredibly hard to get to this moment. This milestone. This rite of passage. It’s hard to imagine what they’re feeling – and their parents, who must be so incredibly proud! (insert “I’m Not Crying – You’re Crying!”) As these Grad pics started rolling in for the Senior Shout Out, I found myself (over and over) swallowing a lump in my throat! Looking at these kids and FEELING so proud, of kids I don’t even know! Excited for their futures, and the journey ahead.

To be honest, “why” doesn’t really matter. The point is – it’s different, at least right now. While we all get a little coo-coo from time to time, but I sure hope I’m not here in this emotional place alone. Could it be as simple as middle-age hormones? Maybe. Might I be a little stir crazy? Possibly. But the answer just might be – Life is happening, so much. Take it in. Notice it. Be aware. Give back. And don’t forget to breathe…

Sandy Kauten Editor in Chief

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27 YEARS

Oregon Family Magazine is distributed through Eugene, Springfield, Veneta, Elmira, Creswell and Junction City elementary and middle schools, most area private schools, and over 275 high-traffic commercial locations throughout Lane County.

PUBLISHER Pacific Parents Publishing EDITOR Sandy Kauten CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Claire “Marie” Epstein Bonnie L. Harris Kristen Helton Joshua Hirschstein Sarah Lyons Cheryl Maguire Christa Melnyk Hines Pam Moore Sandi Schwartz GRAPHIC DESIGN/LAYOUT Springer Design & Illustration ADVERTISING Christi Kessler • 541.484.0434 christi@oregonfamily.com Sandy Kauten • 541.683.7452 sandy@oregonfamily.com OREGON FAMILY MAGAZINE P.O. Box 21732 Eugene, OR 97402 541.683.7452 Email: info@oregonfamily.com Web: www.oregonfamily.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/OregonFamily

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED SINCE 1993 Opinions expressed by contributors or advertisers are not necessarily the opinions of this publication. © 2020 Pacific Parents Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be copied or reproduced without prior expressed written permission from Pacific Parents Publishing.

College Testing and Admissions IN THE AGE OF CORONAVIRUS

by Joshua Hirschstein

D

ue to the pandemic , colle ge admissions and testing expectations are chang ing for those who anticipate entering college in Fall, 2021. The situation is currently very fluid as colleges and testing companies assess the logistics and risks of meeting in group settings.

Prospective students should carefully research and communicate with their individual

Test Schedules The current scheduled test dates, which are subject to change, are: • SAT: Aug 29, Sep 26, Oct 3, Nov 7, Dec 5 • ACT: Jul 18, Sep 12, Oct 24, Dec 12 For updated information, visit: • SAT: www.collegeboard.org • ACT: www.ACT.org

schools of choice about changing admissions requirements and campus scenarios.

Many colleges that have traditionally required SAT/ACT test scores are now choosing to make the exam optional for Fall, 2021 (and possibly future years). A list of colleges shifting to test-optional due to the pandemic can be found at www.mytutor.com/ colleges-shifting-test-optional-covid-19 The purveyors of both the SAT and ACT, as of May 18, hold that future exams will be given in local school settings as has been done in the past. However, both testing companies are creating online testing options should inperson testing be cancelled. The design and logistics of an online testing option have not been released.

Testing Advice A student who anticipates being a higherrange scorer should surely sign up for one of the Fall 2020 test dates. Uplifting scores only assist in an application. Keep in mind that taking the test in August or September allows time for a retake. If you anticipate

being a lower-range scorer, be patient for another few weeks and see what your colleges of choice recommend. (If you are unsure if you are a higher- or lower-range scorer, take a practice exam on your own time to find out.

Free practice tests you can score are available on the test administrators’ websites listed above.)

Most importantly What students do with their time and circumstances – how one “digs in” and makes the best of what is - says a lot about an individual’s character, capacity, and maturity.

Keep showing your desire to learn in and outside your classes; keep researching and communicating with future school options and opportunities that interest you. Reach out, however you can, with your curiosity and desire to help oneself and others. These are the most important traits that colleges seek in applicants.

Joshua Hirschstein, the director of Lane Tutoring Service, Inc. in Eugene, has advised students on testing and college admissions since 1990.

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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THE

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HIDDEN POWER of

Laughter

by Sandi Schwartz

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ometimes life can be tough.

Whether we’re feeling anxious about current affairs or dealing with a health issue, something as simple as laughter—believe it or not—can help us persevere.

As adults, we tend to get bogged down with our to do lists and stresses of daily life and forget how beautiful it is to let loose and have a good laugh. Unfortunately, most adults do not laugh enough. In fact, one study found that healthy children may laugh as much as 400 times per day, but adults only laugh 15 times per day.

If we stop for a moment and observe our children, they are probably laughing and playing freely without the weight of the world on their shoulders. We can learn so much from them when it comes to being lighthearted. It is so important to raise our kids in such a way that they will continue to experience fun and laughter throughout their lives. We can create a positive environment for them to grow up by stopping once in a while to have a laughing fit together.

Why is Laughter So Important?

Science shows us laughter really is like medicine. According to the Mayo Clinic, laughing is one of the easiest ways to reduce stress and anxiety in our lives. Laughing transforms our body and mind in so many amazing ways, boosting positive emotions like happiness, peace, and humor.

When we laugh, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex of our brain is activated. This releases feel-good hormones called endorphins that allow us to experience pleasure and satisfaction. Laughing also reduced our stress response because the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), and dopamine are lowered. We feel energized since we take in more oxygen-rich air when we laugh.

Finally, laughing relaxes our muscles, which soothes tension from stress. In fact, a good laugh can leave your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes afterwards.

The muscles that help us smile also affect how we feel. When we use these muscles, we trigger the part of our brain that improves mood. One particular research study involved having participants

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hold a pencil in one of three ways in order to get them to make certain facial expressions without telling them exactly what they were doing. The first group held the pencil sideways in their mouths to force a smile. The second group stuck the pencil in lengthwise to force a frown. The last group, serving as the control group, held the pencil in their hands. Participants were then asked to watch cartoons and rate how funny they were. The group with the sideways pencils (the “smiling” group) had higher funny ratings than the lengthwise group (the “frowning” group). The control group scored somewhere between the other two groups. This study showed how smiling and laughing can really make a difference in how we perceive the world around us.

Researchers also found that facial expressions can reduce negative feelings like pain and sadness. In one study, researchers applied an uncomfortable level of heat to subjects’ arms, then asked them to make either a relaxed face, an uncomfortable face, or a neutral face. The results showed the group who made a relaxed face experienced less pain than those who made an uncomfortable or neutral face. This happens because smiling releases endorphins and serotonin, which are thought to minimize any pain we feel.

Laughter is also beneficial because it changes how we look at a situation. A silly moment can offer a healthy distraction from negative emotions like anger, guilt, and stress. It sure is hard to feel negatively when you are cracking up!

It also gives us a more lighthearted perspective when faced with challenges and helps us view such events as positive opportunities as opposed to threats.

Next, laughter builds resilience, the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant s o u rce s o f s t re s s .

When children are resilient, they are braver, more curious, more adaptable, and more able to obtain happiness and success. Additionally, resilience can help cushion us from mental health conditions like anxiety and depression because it improves our ability to cope, according to Mayo Clinic. Laughter plays a huge role in how we handle adversity by allowing us to escape from our problems for a little while.

By teaching our kids to laugh even in times of pain, we are giving them a key tool that will help them be more resilient as they grow older.

Laughing with our kids is so special because it builds bonds with them. These joyous moments create a more uplifting environment and what’s really fun is, laughter tends to be contagious; so, before you know it the whole house could be giggling up a storm. Finally, the best part of laughing is it’s completely free and always accessible, without any side effects (except for maybe a few aches on your side from laughing so hard).

So, how can we laugh more with our kids?

Here are 10 ideas to get you rolling (on the floor)…

1. Start a laughing contest to see who can make the other person laugh first.

2. Play fun games like charades, Twister, Pictionary, and Headbanz.

3. Read joke books and websites, and then share your favorites with each other.

4. Create funny stories using Mad Libs or whisper down the lane.

5. Have a family talent show and see who comes up with the funniest routine.

6. Dress up in silly costumes.

7. Watch a comedy television show or movie together as a family.

8. Talk in a silly language like pig Latin.

9. Keep a collection of funny quotes and pictures that you can bring out at anytime to get everyone laughing.

10. Try laughter yoga with your kids. Created

by Dr. Madan Katari in 1995 in Bombay, India, this yoga practice combines breathing exercises, yoga, stretching, and laughing.

Sandi Schwartz is a freelance writer/ blogger and mother of two. She has written extensively about parenting, wellness, and environmental issues. You can find her at www. happysciencemom.com. Get her free course on raising happy, balanced kids at bit.ly/2i53TDV

Earthtalk

aid fix is the installation of exhaust scrubbers, which spray a fine mist of water to remove pollutants from ships’ exhaust before they can make their way up into the atmosphere. But scrubbers require energy, which leads to more fuel being burned.

Also, the waste water they generate is sometimes dumped into the ocean, which negatively affect marine organisms.

Longer term, environmental advocates are hoping for the wholesale decarbonization of the shipping industry. Plans are on the table for clean-burning hydrogen-powered cargo ships.

Meanwhile, the first electricallypropelled cargo ship, Norway’s Yara Birkeland, is nearing completion. This 260-foot long vessel will carry chemicals and fertilizer on a relatively short 30-mile route.

Despite these advances, cargo shipping will continue releasing large amounts of pollutants into the atmosphere for the foreseeable future. Though battery-powered ships are finally moving off the drawing board

from the Editors of “E” the Environmental Magazine

Dear EarthTalk: Cargo shipping creates huge amounts of air and marine pollution. What’s being done to change this given the large number of everyday goods that travel this way?

T

he vast majority of goods we use and enjoy have spent at least some time traveling on cargo ships. In fact, such ships facilitate more than 80 percent of global trade. Unfortunately, these huge ships that ply the world’s oceans and waterways burn lots of fossil fuels—some individual ships burn upwards of 100 tons of oil a day. If the global cargo shipping industry were a country, it would rank sixth overall in carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions (higher than South Korea, Iran and Canada).

Cargo ships have several other negative environmental effects as well. They also emit large amounts of fine particles, sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxide—all bad for us and our environment.

As if the emissions weren’t bad enough, cargo ships also run into marine life at an alarming rate: Ship strikes are one of the

leading causes of death for many of the world’s whale species.

But as bad as all this sounds, cargo shipping is one of the most efficient and eco-friendly ways to get items from point A to B. Big ships emit only about half as much CO2 as trains, one-fifth as much as trucks and only onefiftieth of what airplanes would emit to transport the same load.

Nonetheless, environmental concerns continue to dog cargo shipping. In response, shipping companies have star ted to employ innovative strategies to save fuel and reduce pollution, such as so-called “slow steaming” whereby ships can burn less fuel and reduce emissions by traveling more slowly than usual.

Transitioning to cleaner fuels—such as liquified natural gas (LNG)—is another obvious short-term solution, but it can only get us so far. Another band-

CONTACTS: “The environmental cost of shipping stuff is huge…” vox.com/2015/12/23/10647768/ shipping-environmental-cost; “CO2 emissions for shipping of goods,” timeforchange.org/co2emissions-for-shipping-of-goods/; “Shipping and climate change,” transportenvironment.org/whatwe-do/shipping-and-environment/ shipping-and-climate-change; The uncounted cost of shipping’s environmental impact, greenbiz.com/ article/uncounted-cost-shippingsenvironmental-impact.

EarthTalk® is produced by Roddy Scheer & Doug Moss for the 501(c)3 nonprofit EarthTalk. See more at https://emagazine.com. To donate, visit https://earthtalk.org. Send questions to: question@earthtalk.org.

PHOTO: CHUTTERSNAP, UNSPLASH

— JJ, Newark, NJ

and into the water, their range is simply too limited to allow for mass replacement of existing cargo fleets. The energy density of batteries will need to increase by a factor of ~30 before such replacements can begin taking place en masse. Given the likely slow pace of change, buying local is probably the average citizen’s best option for reducing shipping-based emissions in the short term.

Some 80 percent of goods for sale around the world make their way from point A to B on a cargo ship, so cleaning up this industry is key to greening the overall economy.

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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Were currently closed to help curb the spread of COVID-19 We look forward to reopening and continuing our 33 years of serving the Greater Springfield area.

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy !

747-3181 • www.eastgatekenpo.com • 4404 Main St, Spfld.

Wellsprings Friends School Looking for a smaller alternative for high school? We offer individualized and tailored curriculum and small class sizes in a safe nurturing environment.

We are the place you’ve been looking for.

Fully accredited nonprofit high school.

Please call for a tour.

541-686-1223 www.wellspringsfriends.org 3590 West 18th Ave, Eugene, OR

Online, One-on-One

The Little l Schoo with ig the B t Hear

The City of Eugene Rental Housing Code requires working locks on all doors and windows in all apartment units and rented houses within the city to protect you and your property. If you are a renter in Eugene and your home does not have working locks, we can help.

Visit EugeneRentalCode.org or call 541-682-8282.

Happy Father’s Day to All Our Oregon Family Magazine Dads

Joshua Hirschstein, Director

LANE

TUTORING SERVICE, INC. One-On-One Tutoring: • Friendly, Locally-Experienced Certified Teachers • All Subjects, K-12 • Organizational Experts College Prep Services: • College Admissions Coaching • Family Workshop • SAT/ACT and Essay Prep

541-484-4133 lanetutoringservice.com Trusted locally for 30 years!

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J U N E 2 0 2 0 • O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M

Thank you, Lane County Child Care Providers

Tha

Your hard work allows parents to work hard!

Your ha parents

Thank you for staying open and providing child care for essential workers during these extraordinary times. Because of you, our community will grow and strengthen.

Thank you providing c workers du times. Bec will grow a

To learn more about the various child care opƟons available in Lane County and how to recognize quality child care, please call Quality Care ConnecƟons at 541-463-3300 or visit our website at www.lanecc.edu/qcc

To learn more available in Lan quality child ca Ɵons at 541-46 www.lanecc.ed

Thank you, Lane County Child Care Providers Your hard work allows

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Your ha

Yes, Child Care Is Open and Available!

by Kristen Helton

I

n mid-March Governor Brown issued an Executive Order on social distancing measures for Oregon due to the Coronavirus pandemic. The order required all schools, and many businesses, to close. Additionally, much of the workforce began working from home. Now that Lane County has been approved to enter Phase 1 of the Governor’s Reopening Plan, many businesses are resuming operations. Consequently, there will be an increase in demand for child care.

Although half of all licensed child care programs in Lane County have closed as a result of the pandemic, child care is still available in Oregon! Currently, more than 150 licensed child care programs are operating as Emergency Child Care (ECC) programs. These programs must adhere to specific rules aimed at reducing Covid-19 transmission risks.

While ECC programs must give priority to parents who are considered essential workers, programs are open and available to any family that needs care.

Similar to ECC programs, summer day camps and youth recreation programs can operate, but will be limited to separate, stable groups of ten or fewer children. This means that capacity and child care options across

the county will be decreased this summer.

However, there are currently many licensed family and center-based child care programs open with space available for your child!

So, how do working parents find child care?

The best way to find child care is to contact 211Info for a list of programs that align with your specific needs. By answering some simple questions, you will receive a list of child care programs that have space available.

You can then contact the providers to arrange for a tour to ensure the program meets your requirements and quality standards. Parents who need assistance covering the cost of child care may be eligible for an Employment Related Day Care (ERDC) subsidy, through the Department of Human Services.

Quality Care Connections supports child care workers with professional development, quality improvements, and general resources.

We are also available to talk with you about finding quality child care, as well as provide you with information on the new health and safety requirements that licensed child care programs are required to implement.

Kristen Helton is a Quality Improvement Specialist with Quality Care Connections, in Eugene, Oregon.

Parent Resources For Child Care Quality Care Connections • Call 541-463-3300 • Visit www.lanecc.edu • Email qualitycareconnections@ lanecc.edu Early Learning Division • Visit www.oregonearlylearning.com 211Info Child Care Referrals • Visit www.211info.org • Dial 211 • Text keyword “children” to 898211 • Email children@211info.org Department of Human Services ERDC • Visit www.oreon.gov/DHS • Call 541-686-7878 O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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A Dad’s Eye View Humor by Claire “Marie” Epstein

So Who Needs a Perfect Father?

Editor’s note: In observance of Father’s Day, we’re letting the oldest daughter of our long-time dad columnist give her take on her old man.

W

riting a parenting column is a delicate task.

You don’t want to turn people off by writing as if you’ve mastered the art of motherhood or fatherhood. Yet even if you don’t claim to have any special credentials, even if you’re funny and self-deprecating -- like my dad, Rick Epstein -you still have to convey a sense of authority and perspective in your writing.

When my dad wants to provide an example of good, solid parenting, he ’ ll usually turn to a memory of his own father performing some thankless task for his children, or delivering some sage advice that’s stayed with little Ricky all these years.

Because my grandfather’s long, slow decline into Alzheimer’s was already well underway by the time I was a kid, I know him almost exclusively as a character in my dad’s columns. Even so, it’s hard to believe that my grandfather could have really been the paragon of virtue that my dad describes in his writing. According to him, Ted Epstein never broke a law, never lied, never cheated, never swore, never accumulated debt, never evaded duty, never drew attention to himself in public, and never overindulged in anything whatsoever.

It would not be fair to say that my dad is his opposite. (Although it’s true that my dad never shies away from the attention of his public.)

For the purposes of his column, however, Dad habitually contrasts himself with his father. He remembers his old man for his wisdom and restraint, his high moral standards, and his total lack of hypocrisy.

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Who wouldn’t pale in comparison?

My theory is that we all create hard-to-live-up-to standards for ourselves when we decide to emulate our parents (or vow never to become them). The standard set by my dad is no exception: Not once in my childhood did I see my parents argue. My dad never called in sick to work – even when he was sick. He never got a speeding ticket.

He never drank more than half a beer at a time. He never lied to me, never lashed out at me with an insult, and never broke a promise.

(Take that, Grandpa Ted!) With all the modest habits of his middle age in plain sight and all of his youthful transgressions safely hidden from his children, my mildmannered grandfather managed to retain a certain aura of fatherly mystique. My dad on the other hand, told me anything I wanted to know about his life. On long car trips I would try to come up with the juiciest questions I could think of. I really hit the jackpot when I asked, “What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” He couldn’t name just one thing.

I won’t reveal his dumbest mistakes here, but I would like to honor him for being so candid. My dad makes no secret of the fact that he’s mortal, and I’m not sure he could if he tried. I’ve seen my dad fall off a horse, capsize a canoe, and (in a moment of panic) dive fully clothed into a swimming pool. All of these things were oddly heroic.

My dad never saw his own father run, yell, or even swim.

He was a librarian. He was punctual and conscientious.

He wore rubber-soled shoes so as not to disturb anyone studying in the library. On one memorable occasion, my reclusive grandfather returned home to find that my dad had invited over two of his teenage friends.

“What is this, Woodstock?” my grandfather asked.

My grandfather was so private and withdrawn that I sometimes wonder how well my dad knew him. I don’t think Ted Epstein’s formal, reserved style as a father would have suited me at all. I try to imagine what my childhood would have been like without a dad who was affectionate, expressive, and willing to admit his mistakes. And it’s just impossible.

As a parent, my dad does not exactly know what he’s doing. And I think that’s a good thing. If he had all the answers, his column probably wouldn’t be as much fun to read, and being his daughter probably wouldn’t have been such an adventure.

Claire Epstein, now grown up, has been a semi-fictitious character most of her life. Her antics have been reported to readers from Alaska to Australia.

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Great Ways Dads are Different

by Sarah Lyons

T

here is no denying there are differences between how moms’ and dads’ parent their kids. Just because dads may do things differently than moms doesn’t mean their parenting style is less beneficial to kids. A different perspective on how to handle challenges, how to have fun, and how to show affection is great for kids. Here are some great ways dads are different.

Dads Play Differently When I watch my husband interact with our kids, I notice one major difference, how they play together. My husband will often hide and when the kids start looking for him, he will jump out and scare them.

He fills water balloons for an hour to have a water fight that lasts five minutes. He spends time building Legos and helping the kids learn how to follow the instructions. He wrestles with, laughs with, and good-naturedly teases the kids. They love it. Most of these things I would rarely do, some I would avoid if possible. Dads have a way of bringing silliness and fun into our kids’ lives, usually in the form of a game. The kids love it, the dads love it, and it strengthens the bond between them.

went back to our normal routine, but those little moments of silliness and flexibility taught me that sometimes it’s okay to set aside the rules and routine and have fun.

Dads Show Affection Differently Kids enjoy snuggling up with both mom and dad but in addition to sitting together reading a book or watching a movie, dads have a way of showing affection that is different from mom. They wrestle, tickle, and roughhouse. They lift kids up on their shoulders and carry them around and often spend time roughhousing and showing affection in a totally different way than women typically do. They carry kids to their beds and throw them onto a pile of pillows, which is usually rewarded with giggles and a shout of “Do it again!”. Dads have a knack for showing affection and having fun at the same time.

Dads Encourage Kids to Try New Things I love how my husband encourages the kids to try new things. It is usually easier for me to just order food for the kids when we’re at a restaurant, but my husband lets them speak to the waitress themselves and order their own food. This teaches them independence and how to be comfortable speaking to other adults. If they are too shy to do so, he pushes them out of their comfort zone and tells them they can do it, gently encouraging them to try something new. There are so many situations like this. Dads often will push kids to try new things, learn to do things themselves, or tell them to follow the directions on their own.

There may be differences between how moms and dads’ parent their kids, but neither is right or wrong. Each parent has something unique to teach their kids and different ways of showing love.

Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer, wife, and mother of six living in Kansas City.

Dads (can be) More Flexible This may not apply to all dads, but dads (tend to be) a little more flexible than moms. When I was a little girl my mom had a weekly night out with her friends and my dad was in charge. This often meant fried egg and ketchup sandwiches and staying up late watching TV. I remember one day dad let us have ice cream for dinner. We walked to the ice cream shop and my brother and I ordered bubble gum ice cream cones. By the time we had walked home, we were covered in a sticky mess. Instead of a bath dad sprayed us down with a hose, took us inside and changed us right into our pajamas and called it a night.

We all laughed the whole time, including my dad, and I remember thinking how mom would never have allowed that. The next night we O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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5 4 1 . 6 8 3 . 7 4 5 2

UnderStanding Power Struggles WITH YOUR CHILD

by Parenting Now!

C

hildren and adults both have a need for control—you’ve seen it when your toddler demanded the red cup instead of the green one you offered, or when your teenager didn’t listen to your advice about wearing protective gear while skateboarding.

The topic of power struggles has come up frequently in our One-2-One virtual chats with parents. We all are feeling anxious about what the future holds as we wait out this pandemic. Even children, who are primarily unaware of what’s happening outside the home, can pick up on their parent’s feelings of uncertainty.

Sense of security and need for control go hand-in-hand with power struggles.

But understanding why you are in a power struggle with your child, and how to best respond to it, can go a long way in minimizing arguments in the home.

What are power struggles?

Power struggles occur when both parent and child are determined to have their way— and neither has any intention of backing down. Power struggles are a natural and normal part of a child’s development as they

explore their autonomy and independence.

They are testing boundaries, trying to learn the rules that govern our family lives and our world.

Our role as parents is to find a way to give them a sense of control, while maintaining some boundaries. It’s a balancing act, and you’ll have questions such as: • “how much is too much for them to control?”

• “what boundaries need to be firmly maintained?”

• “How do I safely let my child test the limits?”

A good starting point is to ask yourself: • “What is my child trying to control?”

• “What is a simple, actionable thing that gives me a sense of control?”

• “What works best for my child when we are in a power struggle?” Is it distraction?

Explanation or reason? Having choices?

Ways to minimize power struggles One of the best ways to minimize power struggles is to let your child make a lot of little decisions and choices that are safe and age-appropriate. For example, your toddler

can pick their shirt to wear; your elementary school-age child can decide which friend they want over for a playdate; or your teenager can choose which classes they want to take or sports to play. Letting your child have control over their food choices, clothing, chores, or extracurriculars can help lessen power struggles over the big issues.

And when it’s appropriate, take a moment to recognize and applaud your child’s decisionmaking skills, as well as make moments each day to just connect as parent and child (for example, cooking together, reading a book, or talking in the car on the way to the store).

Lastly, remember that although you can’t control your child’s emotions, you are in charge of your own—and you have the superpowers to help your child work through their feelings and make decisions that will help them grow into smart, capable adults.

Parenting Now! is a private, non-profit organization that provides parenting education and support to families with young children.

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2020 CAMP DIRECTORY

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Private Nature Education and Play Sessions Youth from the same isolation household will learn about nature and play nature games with a dedicated Outdoor School instructor in this two-hour private session. Sessions take place at local parks that are chosen by parents during registration, or at the Camp Wilani site in Veneta, and other sites based on convenience for families.

Regular Summer Camp and Other Summer Programs Stay tuned for information on how we will be adjusting to state requirements and recommendations!

wilanicouncil.org O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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The Ultimate Family Campsite is Right in Your Backyard Four Simple Strategies for Success

by Pam Moore

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T

here is a plethora of things you can do before taking your kids camping to maximize your chances of a successful trip.

You can choose a campsite that’s relatively close to home, invite other families (read: other kids to entertain your own kids), and bring a solid supply of junk food, to name a few strategies.

But the key to ensuring a successful camping experience is right in your backyard.

Seriously, the best way to see if your crew is ready for real camping is a backyard test run (or two or three). Why? If someone is crying, the only ones losing sleep are you and perhaps your neighbors. At a campground, on the other hand, your kid’s wailing multiplies your stress by however many campsites are within earshot. (Multiply that number by about a million if any of your fellow campers are drunk and belligerent.)

It may be annoying to bring a miserable kid back into the house just when you’ve finally found a comfortable sleeping position, but it’s harrowing to flee your tent in the middle of the night with only your crying baby, your wallet, and your headlamp as the rowdy guys in the adjacent campsite rapidly and loudly lose patience with your crying kiddo. (Trust me, I’ve been there.)

Backyard camping means reveling in the pleasures of camping without the stress of packing. If someone’s teething, the Tylenol (or Ibuprofen, homeopathic tablets, whiskey – no judgment) is in easy grabbing distance.

Too cold? No problem, just run to the linen closet and grab a blanket or ten. Forget to charge your Kindle? Don’t worry, the pile of magazines you’ve been meaning to read since the birth of your first child is just a few steps from your tent. Bonus: You’re not shoving your partner awake to bug them about where they stashed the teething remedy/ extra blanket/emergency reading material, or whisper-yelling at them because they forgot to pack it.

Pro Tips for Your Backyard Adventure

1

INCLUDE AT LEAST ONE ADULT WHO IS THRILLED ABOUT CAMPING. I’m talking Birthday/Christmas/ Hanukkah/Last day of school/Going to Target Alone levels of excitement. Though the effectiveness of trickle-down-economics is sketchy at best, trickle down excitement is totally a thing (until your kids hit puberty).

Additionally, if one adult in the family is trying really hard to enjoy camping but can’t help occasionally dropping a snarky comment about how little sense it makes to sleep in a tent when beds are so comfortable, the excitement level of the adult who loves camping will result in a positive net excitement factor. (My husband and I may or may not demonstrate such a dynamic.)

2

LET ANTICIPATION BUILD. As soon as it is reasonable, tell them about the backyard camping adventure so they can start getting excited, count down the days, ask you if you’re camping today, ask you if you’re camping tomorrow, and ask, “how much longer till we go camping?” Just how much notice you give will be a function of how well your children understand the concept of time and how much pestering your nerves can withstand. Whether you give them a week or an hour to wrap their minds around the idea is up to you—what matters is that there’s time for their excitement to build.

3

GET YOUR KIDS INVESTED IN THE PROCESS. Let them pack their own backpacks. How much supervision they’ll need will depend on their age and will vary

Is it recyclable?

from kid to kid. By doing this, you’re giving them agency in a situation where the negative consequences of a mistake are practically nonexistent. Let them pack whatever jammies they want, a favorite stuffed animal or two, and a few books.

If they’re old enough, give them a flashlight or a headlamp of their own. Speaking of flashlights, do not give your toddler a Mag-Lite. Even if that’s the only available flashlight, even if she generally a gentle, loving child, and even if you haven’t yet fed her any sugar. (My husband may or may not have inspired this tip.)

4

ENJOY DELICIOUS OUTDOOR EATS. Sure, you can practically see your kitchen table from your tent, but the kitchen table is boring. Half the fun of a backyard camp out is the novelty. Roast marshmallows or make s’mores together over your fire pit or your grill. If you have the strength to bring your kids to the grocery store, let them pick their favorite treat and let them eat it sitting on a picnic blanket or a camp chair under the stars. Yes, giving kids sugar right before bedtime is ridiculous, but some might argue that sleeping on the ground when you could be snuggled into your very own bed, just 20 feet away, is ridiculous too.

Most of parenting is reacting to random, unexpected situations. Sleeping in a tent may not be luxurious but having the opportunity to prepare for it is nothing short of decadent.

Pam Moore uses her experience as an occupational therapist, Ironman triathlete, and marathoner to help women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com

Ask the Garbage Guru

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If in doubt, find out . . .or leave it out!

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O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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Your Kid’s Beach Questions Answered

W

ho wants to go to the beach? This question is almost always answered with “ME!” in our family.

My curious children, combined with multiple hours by the ocean, has led to many inquiries about their surroundings – and often (without a valid answer) they hear, “I don’t know.” I created this Q&A so, unlike me, you will have the correct response and hopefully prevent your children from wondering if you passed high school science. Besides appearing smart, you can also use this list to create a trivia game!

What makes the ocean sound when I hold a shell to my ear?

It is actually the sound of your own ear fluid being echoed back to you.

How are seashells made?

One common seashell is the clam. To create the shell a clam takes in salt and chemicals from the ocean and uses these materials to produce calcium carbonate, which is secreted on the outside of their bodies and hardens to create a shell.

How is sea glass made?

Sea glass is the result of people (unfortunately) discarding glass (old bottles and jars) into the ocean. Sea glass results from the glass being tossed by ocean waves and being dragged through the sand. It can take 30-50 years before the glass becomes smooth and polished.

Is sea glass worth money?

It can be. Because it rare, and old - Like gems, the value depends on several factors such as size, color, age, condition, and shape. Several social media and sale sites offer it, and some have sold for over $1,000

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by Cheryl Maguire What is the most common color of sea glass?

The most common colors of are white, green, and brown (the color of milk, soda, wine, and beer bottles).

What is the rarest color of sea glass?

The rarest colors of sea glass are red, orange, and yellow because red glass contains gold chloride (which is expensive), so not much was made. Orange and Yellow are just rare glass colors.

Are there different types of seagulls?

What most people refer to as a seagull is actually called a Herring Gull. The Herring Gull can differ in size and color depending on age. Adults are mostly white with a gray back. Gulls are scavengers and can usually be found near food. There is another type called the Great Black-backed Gull found along the coasts which looks like the Herring Gull.

This is the largest gull in the world. There are currently two dozen different species of gulls living in North America.

Do seagulls have nests and lay eggs?

Yes, and often place the nest near a rock, log, or bush to protect it from predators and strong wind.

Is a starfish a fish?

The real name is a sea star and it is not a fish. Sea stars do not have fins or gills which are found on fish. This type of creature is an ‘Echinodermata’ which is in the same category as a sand dollar, sea urchin, and sea cucumbers, and can regenerate it’s limbs.

How do people know the times of low and high tides?

Creating a tide chart with times of high and low tides is not an exact science. Factors such as ocean current, winds, and the contour of the ocean bottom all influence high and low tides.

The official source in the U.S. for predicting tides is the Center for Operational Oceanographic Products and Services (CO-OPS). There are 140 tide stations that measure tide levels, wind speed, direction, water currents and directions, air and water temps, and barometric pressure.

These measurements, collectively, create tidal chart times.

What causes ocean waves?

Waves are the result of winds moving over the ocean surface. The friction between the air and the water transfers energy between the air and water. The transfer of energy is what creates a wave.

How is sand on the beach created?

Sand is created mostly of quartz rocks. The rocks are broken down by wind and rain and transported to the beach by the water and waves.

What causes an ocean sandbar?

An ocean sandbar is created by waves pulling the sand from the beach further out into the ocean. When there is a storm or larger waves a sandbar can form. If there are many large waves or storms, a barrier island can form.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, Upworthy, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count Your Blessings and Your Teen Magazine.

Movie Time for Stay-at-Home Streaming!

by Bonnie L. Harris

Unenchanted Adventure Arriving at Neverland

Fox Searchlight Pictures Rated: PG-13.

Streaming on Amazon

M

any versions of Peter Pan, from J. M. Barry’s original play to Disney’s animated movie, tell a whimsical, enchanted story of the boy who refused to grow up. Wendy, the new film by indie director Benh Zeitlin, however, goes a darker route with an allegorical tale set in the rural South that contains all the familiar elements such as Neverland, Captain Hook, the lost boys, and Wendy Darling, but turns them upside down in a much sinister way. Although

beautifully shot and uniquely reimagined, it’s the type of film a cinema class would analyze for themes and symbolism rather than a movie watched for uplifting entertainment.

Wendy and her twin brothers, James and Doug, live above a greasy spoon Café alongside a busy railway station and help their mother serve its patrons.

It’s a poverty-stricken existence and young Wendy dreams of better things. One eerie night, she sees an African-American boy atop a freight train and she urges her brothers to follow him.

The boy, Peter, leads them to a mysterious, tropical island were adventure knows no bounds and they discover a friend, Thomas, who disappeared years ago. Strangely, Thomas hasn’t aged and Peter shows them “Mother,” a large glowing fish,

who magically keeps children young when they sing to her.

Wendy eventually discovers that total freedom has serious flaws, and when Doug is presumed drowned, she and James want to go home. Peter convinces them to stay and help save Mother from mortal peril, but it costs James his hand in a gruesome scene that doesn’t belong in a movie for kids. Wendy makes her way home while James decides to remain and become Captain Hook. Zeitlin deserves credit for his effort, but I’d recommend Wendy only if a mature teenager needs an unconventional topic for a term paper.

FOR THE PARENTS Record Setting Adventure The Aeronauts Amazon Studios, Rated: PG-13 Streaming on Amazon

G

ood theatrical releases are getting sparse these days, so I’m glad to reach back a couple of months for a hidden gem called The Aeronauts, an Amazon original movie I missed when it debuted. Loosely based on the record breaking hot-air balloon flights in the late 1800’s, The Aeronauts takes its viewers on a spectacular, death defying, white knuckle voyage that’s wonderfully thrilling.

Eddie Redmayne plays James Glaisher, a meteorologist before anyone knew it was

previous flight. Together, they upend the stuffy scientific world by collaborating on the historic possible to predict the weather, and Felicity trip while confronting their personal demons Jones plays his flamboyant pilot, Amelia and battling the atmospheric elements.

Rennes, whose husband was tragically lost on a And the higher they float, the quicker the temperature drops, the faster the ice forms, and the thinner the air becomes until James passes out and Amelia is left to save them both. If going up was treacherous, coming down proves almost lethal and the two explorers must use every ounce of courage they have to reach the ground. It’s a wild ride, and no wonder that The Floating with the Aeronauts is the most watched butterflies movie to date on Amazon.

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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P a r e n t i n g

T e e n s

How Far Should You Go to Respect Your Teen’s Privacy?

by Christa Melnyk Hines

T

eens by nature crave independence and privacy. As parents, how far should we go to respect their privacy while still ensuring that they're making sound decisions?

"The goal is for teens to gradually assume more responsibility for their own judgment about things," says Dr. Rochelle Harris, a clinical psychologist. "This isn't clear cut - like when they turn 16, do you get off their Facebook or Instagram? It's really more of making sure those foundations of communication are there."

Determining how much oversight a tween or teen requires often depends on their level of maturity, their friends, and their personality.

Maturity can vary greatly especially in the middle school years.

Where one tween might not have completely put away her dolls, another might be more keyed into social issues and sexual experimentation in middle school-which means you'll need to have a stronger handle on what's happening in their social circle.

"Who our kids hang out with will determine who they become," says Tom Kersting ,

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J U N E 2 0 2 0 • O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M

psychotherapist, and author of Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids.

As our kids get older, we may be less likely to know their friends' parents and how much wiggle room they give their kids. While your teen will try to make you feel as if you're the lone drill sergeant compared to their friends' parents, stand firm about what you feel is appropriate for your child.

"Our job as parents is to make sure our kids are safe and doing the right things," Kersting says.

No mysteries As soon as your child has access to any digital device, create a "digital citizenship contract" (check online for examples) to make your expectations for online behavior and your house rules crystal clear.

Establish sensible consequences to help your kids learn from their mistakes. For example, rather than taking away their phone for two months, set tighter limits like less daily phone time and increased oversight from you until they prove they're responsible enough to handle it.

"A month later, if something similar happens, you do the same thing," Dr. Harris says.

Strike a healthy balance by setting a curfew for when all electronics are turned off each evening.

"Nothing good happens at 12:30 on a school night if your teen has their phone in their room," Dr. Harris says.

Besides sleep deprivation, research suggests that the more time a teen spends online, the more likely she'll experience cyberbullying. A study presented to the American Public Health Association, also found that "hyper-networkers," or teens who spend three or more hours a day on social networking sites, were 84 percent more likely to have used illicit drugs and three and half times more likely to have had sex.

Inquiring minds want to know Teens are likely to shut you out if you get too nosy. Instead ask "naive" questions to get them thinking critically about issues that can happen online and in their social circles. For example: "I'm hearing a lot about cyberbullying. What does that look like?"

"If someone says something nasty and you push 'like' on it, does that mean you're part of that bullying or are you saying you like that person? What does that mean?"

"Use that as an opportunity to talk about the fundamentals of communication," Dr. Harris says. "Don't text a friend when you're upset. Don't spread gossip-it may make you feel like you're connected with someone, but it isn't really the way to connect and it can be very hurtful."

And ask if they'd be comfortable with someone they love and respect, like Grandma, seeing what they've posted on their Snapchat account.

country," Kersting says.

Some areas of a kid's life should be off-limits like bedrooms and private journals, say most experts.

"The only exception to this is if you are concerned for their safety. In that case, wellbeing trumps privacy," says family therapist Lisa Ruff, LMSW. Before snooping through his room, talk to your teen to see if you can figure out why he seems troubled. Consult with your child's physician if you notice changes in behavior, school avoidance, changes in diet or sleep, or withdrawing from favorite activities, family and friends.

When to pry Tell your kids that you'll be checking their social media content and text messages.

"If kids knows that their parent is going to be looking through their stuff, they're less likely to get themselves in a pickle somewhere with inappropriate content or privates sites where they're talking to people from all over the

Set aside time together To help get your child out of her bedroom and into the family room with you, Kersting suggests carving out a device-free 15 to 20 minutes each evening for "mandatory family talk time". This might be at dinner time or before bed.

"This is such a hugely important way of

developing a connection with our kids-for our kids to trust us and be able to communicate with us freely and tell us the things that are bothering them," he says.

At least once a month, spend time one-onone with your teen without the distractions of phones or other electronic devices to ensure that you're both present with one another.

"Let them pick what to do," Ruff advises.

"Without siblings being present, homework to be done or an activity to rush to, conversation flows easier."

The time you spend with your teen will benefit them now and into the future, says Kersting. "Kids that actually enjoy hanging out with their parents are the ones that all of the research shows are overall better human beings as they progress in terms of their happiness, well-being, self-esteem, achievements and so forth."

Christa Melnyk Hines and her husband are the parents of two digitally active teens. She is the author of Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.

O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M • J U N E 2 0 2 0

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Rescue Spotlight

M

eet Moose, a very friendly, polite dog looking for his perfect home! Moose is a 3 year old mix breed with a white and brown coat and soft, brown eyes. He has a lot of energy and would be the perfect companion to take on outings. He loves to go on hikes and adventures and is looking for a family to give him a lot of daily exercise. Moose is very smart and likes to learn! He is looking for a family to continue giving him mental stimulation through positive reinforcement training. Our staff love to play with him outside and discovered that if you give him the perfect toy he will give you big, slobbery kisses!

Moose needs an adult home that is cat free. Kids make him a little nervous and he prefers older teens who can respect his space. He would do ok with a female dog sibling but needs to be the only male dog in the home. Moose is such a sweet dog that would fit so perfectly into a loving family that will shower him in love and affection!

If you are interested in adopting a dog, or would like to learn more about adding a dog to your family, please visit Greenhill Humane Society. Greenhill Humane Society is open for adoptions by appointment seven days a week, 11 am – 5 pm at 88530 Green Hill Rd in Eugene. For more information call (541) 689.1503 or visit www.green-hill.org

T

he Cat Rescue & Adoption Network presents Mr Peabody, a friendly fellow with a soft black & white tuxedo coat, about 11 years old. He has the spirit of a kitten and loves to play and engage with people. He is a conversational cat who will greet you at the door and follow you around, asking for pets and head scratches.

Mr. P has hyperthyroidism, a lifelong condition that is easily managed with an inexpensive daily medication that he takes enthusiastically wrapped in a treat.

He has tested positive for FIV (the feline immunodeficiency virus), but is a healthy kitty and will likely have a normal lifespan as an indoor-only cat. The virus cannot be passed to dogs or to people, and only to other cats through a deep bite wound. He is extremely gentle, and is great with other mellow kitties and with cat-savvy kids. Mr. P is now ready to be loved and spoiled in his own forever home! He is neutered, up to date on vaccinations, microchipped, has been de-fleaed and dewormed, has had a complete dental, and is negative for Felv. His adoption fee is $60.

To meet Mr. Peabody, please call 541-225-4955 option 1 or send an email to adoptinfo@CatRescues.org

FREE Compost Demonstrations Saturdays 10am-12pm June 6 GrassRoots Garden 1465 Coburg Road

September 12 River House

301 N. Adams St.

Grows Great Gardens!

For directions or more information about composting and gardening contact the OSU Extension - Lane County Master Gardener Plant Clinic: 996 Jefferson Street, Eugene • (541) 344-0265 http://extension.oregonstate.edu/lane

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J U N E 2 0 2 0 • O R E G O N F A M I LY. C O M

September 26 OSU Extension Service 996 Jefferson St.

Please call for dates of future Master Gardener Composting Class dates.

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