Day 4 - Love Became Hard

A BEAUTIFUL LESSON ABOUT BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS

BY RAPHAEL ZHANG

ave you ever wished for a perfect relationship with a family member, friend, or romantic partner? One where you are completely understood and loved by the other person in the exact way you want, and vice versa? One without conflicts, anger, or frustrations—just perfect reciprocity and bliss?

Well, I certainly have, because more often than not, relationships do not turn out the way I want them to. When that happens, I would think that the problem lies with the other person. If only they would change, I tell myself, this relationship would be perfect.

Recently, I’ve been learning that the challenges I face in a relationship are not always because of the other person—I am equally at fault. Instead of always expecting or waiting for the other to change, I ought to improve myself first. I’ve also learned that imperfect relationships can reveal something deeper about ourselves.

“Triggers” or “buttons”, as some might call them, are the things that get us riled up and cause us to feel and react in a certain way. Perhaps it is a person’s inefficiency, tardiness, or unreliability. In the face of such behavior, we may react instinctively by showing our frustration or by ignoring the other person.

I get annoyed whenever I feel that I’ve been ignored by others. It also bothers me when someone has misunderstood or misjudged me. These things cause me to react and respond in an unpleasant way.

I have come to realize, however, that my perceptions are not always accurate. Others may not have intended to do what I thought they had done intentionally. For example, a friend who I think has ignored me may have simply missed what I said. Of late, I have been reminded to take a step back and think before jumping to conclusions and reacting angrily.

Ultimately, these “triggers” reveal an underlying issue that we may not see if we had not been “pushed”. Often, our triggers hide something deeper. My frustration with being ignored by others could be an outward response to my inner fear of rejection. I’m scared of being unappreciated by those I love and trust. Behind the displeasure I feel when others misunderstand or misjudge me, is a fear that others may not know who I truly am or what I’m like.

Personally, I have discovered that the best way to treat these inner wounds and fears is to turn to God and the Bible. Whenever I feel rejected, I remind myself that Jesus has already accepted me and that nothing can separate me from the love of God. When I feel misunderstood, I remind myself to stand on the truth that God knows everything about me.

How about you? What are the triggers in your life? Are there deeper feelings and issues behind them?