HOW SHOULD I STAND UP TO BULLIES?
INTRODUCTION S
ometimes it feels like bullies are everywhere. There’s the older kids at school who make fun of you, the classmates who laugh at your exam marks, or the people at the bus stop who make the same jokes about you every day. Maybe you get picked on by your brothers and sisters. Maybe you’ve even found your best friend talking about you behind your back. Being bullied is one of the hardest things we have to cope with. These Bible readings won’t get rid of bullies—but they will remind you that you are never alone. The person who walks with you is our “shield around [us]” (PSALM 3:3)—He’s bigger than anyone or anything you will ever face. You can bring every bully, stress, and bad relationship to God. And when you do, you’ll see the amazing difference He makes! Come and check it out for yourself . . .
Psalm 4:1-8 Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer. 1
2 How long will you people turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods? 3 Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him . . . 8
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
FOREVER LOVED Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself (PSALM 4:3).
I
t’s almost impossible for us to get through a day without being made fun of, ignored or put down in some way. Sometimes we even do it to ourselves.
David’s enemies were bullying, threatening and hurting him with insults. His sense of self-worth and wellbeing had crashed (PSALM 4:1–2). He asked for a break “from my distress”. Then David remembered, “Know that the L ord has set apart his faithful servant for himself” (V.3). Different versions of the Bible try to show the full meaning of David’s bold statement by translating “faithful servant” as “godly person”. The original Hebrew word here literally means God’s neverending love or, in other words: “those who God will love forever and ever and ever”. Here’s what we need to remember: we are loved forever and we are important to God. He has made us His children when we believed in Jesus Christ! Instead of being down, we can remind ourselves of the love we freely get from our heavenly Father. We are His own children. He never gives up on us, and He never ever stops loving us. DR
To pray about . . . Father in heaven, the words of others can hurt us deeply. But Your words heal and comfort. Help us to remember that we are loved by You forever.
1 Samuel 17:33-50 33 Saul replied, ‘You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.’ 34 But David said to Saul . . . 37 The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.’ Saul said to David, ‘Go, and the Lord be with you.’ . . .
Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine . . . 40
45 David said to the Philistine . . . 47 ‘All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.’ 48 As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly towards the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face down on the ground.
So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him. 50
UNDERDOG The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine (1 SAMUEL 17:37).
W
e all like good underdog stories: the ‘little’ person outsmarts the bully; the small team no one’s ever heard of beats the team of sports stars; the kid who fails school becomes a billionaire with one good idea. We love it when giant hurdles or problems are beaten. When ancient Israel was being attacked by the Philistines, there was a boy named David who actually beat a real giant (1 SAMUEL 17:41-51). The armies were facing up to each other. They were probably scared of one another. So they agreed that the battle should be decided by just one soldier from each side fighting each other. The Philistines sent forward Goliath, who was over 3 metres tall—but Israel could not find anyone who was brave enough to fight. David heard about it and asked King Saul to let him fight Goliath (VV.32-37). Saul wasn’t sure, but in the end he agreed. David, a shepherd boy, armed with five smooth stones (V.40) and a confident trust in God (V.45), defeated the Philistines’ champion. We all face giants in our lives—worry, doubt, exams, bullies, and guilt. It doesn’t matter if we don’t feel up to the challenge. If we trust our allpowerful God, we too can keep going and ask God to defeat them. MW
To pray about . . . Father, You know the giants I’m stressed about today. Please help me to face them in Your strength, knowing You are with me and far bigger than anything else I will come up against today.
3 John:5-11 5
Dear friend, you are faithful in what you are doing for the brothers and sisters, even though they are strangers to you . . .
9 I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will not welcome us. 10 So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us. Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other believers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church. 11 Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.
COPYING WHAT IS GOOD Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good (3 JOHN 11).
I
know lots of people who’ve been gossiped about at one time or another. I find it really painful when I see how hurt they’ve been by lies and rumours. It’s even worse when some of the people spreading the gossip have been Christians.
In the Bible, John suffered from disagreements, gossip, and unkind “nonsense” (3 JOHN 1:10) in some of the churches he worked with. One example was how Diotrephes treated him, as we see in 3 John. Not only did Diotrephes reject John’s teaching, but he didn’t welcome the Christians who had travelled to share God’s good news (V.10). Yet John didn’t stop trying to bring peace to the situation. He wrote to Gaius to encourage him to keep acting in love and to not copy Diotrephes’ actions (VV.5,11). John also planned to visit (V.14) to sort things out. When people are gossiping about us, or our friends are being made fun of, we might want to spread some gossip of our own to hit back. But we should listen instead to John’s instructions to not copy things that cause pain, but to do good instead (V.11). This may mean talking face to face with the people spreading the gossip and lies. Although we may hear words that hurt us, we can keep sharing the peace of God’s love, walking in it day by day (V.3). ABP
Thinking it over . . . When are your words most likely to be unkind or cutting? What can you do to make sure that you keep using kind words, even when other people are being hurtful or gossiping?
Isaiah 40:10-11 10
See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. 11
GENTLE AND POWERFUL Let your gentleness be evident to all (PHILIPPIANS 4:5).
D
uring World War II, Anne Frank and her family had to be brave to stand against the Nazi’s invasion of her home in the Netherlands. Yet Anne, writing in what became her famous Diary of a Young Girl said this: “In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit.”
But gentleness can be a complicated thing to get our heads round as we deal with real life. In Isaiah 40 we get a picture of God that shows Him to be both gentle and powerful. In verse 11 we read: “He tends his flock like a shepherd: he gathers the lambs in his arms.” But that verse follows this: “See, the Sovereign L ord comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm” (ISAIAH 40:10). Full of power, but gentle when it comes to protecting those in need. And think of Jesus, who made a whip and used it as He flipped over the money-changers’ tables in the temple, but who also gently cared for children. He used powerful words to reject the religious leaders (MATTHEW 23:1-39) but forgave a woman who needed His gentle mercy (JOHN 8:1-11). While there may be times to stand up for people being bullied at school and challenge anyone who is hurting others—we’re also to “let [our] gentleness be evident to all” (PHILIPPIANS 4:5). Sometimes the most powerful thing we’ll be able to do is sit quietly with our friends who are struggling and simply be with them. DB
What I’m thankful for . . . Thank You, Father, that I can live in gentleness today, knowing that You are truly powerful and that You hold me and love me.
Ephesians 4:15 15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:26–32 26
‘In your anger do not sin’: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold . . .
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. 29
ANGER MANAGEMENT In your anger do not sin: do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (EPHESIANS 4:26).
W
hen I was chatting with a friend, she told me she was fed up with someone in her family. But she didn’t want to say anything to him about the way he always made fun of her. When she did try to talk to him, he was just sarcastic. So she exploded in anger at him. They both just got mad at each other and the problems only ended up getting worse.
I understand her situation. I handle anger the same way. I also find it hard to talk to people when they upset me. If a friend says something mean, I usually hide how I feel. When other people say unkind things, I just bury all those comments and keep my head down. But after a while, I can’t help exploding. Maybe that’s why Paul said in Ephesians 4:26: “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”. Putting a time limit on our issues keeps anger in check. Instead of silently becoming bitter when someone hurts us, we can ask God to help us “[speak] the truth in love” (EPHESIANS 4:15). Got a problem with someone? Rather than hold it in, hold it up to God first. He will help us in our anger so that we can show love and forgiveness to the people who hurt us. LW
To pray about . . . Father, please guard us from uncontrolled anger. May the words that we speak please You and show love to others.
FOCUS ARTICLE
THREE WAYS TO DEAL WITH BULLYING
I
didn’t realise I was different until the kids at school kept pointing it out. You see, I have ginger hair. No one else had ginger hair in my school.
Most of the time it was one or two kids who picked on me. But sometimes they would do it in front of my friends, and my friends would join in too. They called me “ginger minger” and “carrot top”. I was left out of their games in the playground and I hated going to school. I felt isolated and alone. I felt stupid for feeling left out. I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t respond or retaliate. I thought the bullying was somehow my fault, that I must have annoyed the other kids in some way. I went to talk to another friend about the situation and we began to pray about it. At first, I was so angry I couldn’t even pray for the people bullying me. But slowly God helped me to see them through His eyes. Here are three things I’ve learned about how to deal with bullying:
1. See bullies from God’s point of view
Though we are each unique, everyone is made in the image of God, and Jesus loves us equally. We need to see ourselves and others the same way God does. God created us all. He doesn’t want any of us to feel cut off and alone. When I was able to see the kids at school as people Jesus died for and loved, and not just as a bullies, I was then able to pray for them.
2. Pray for their good
When Jesus told His friends to love their enemies and pray for those who hurt them, He wanted them to see their enemies in a different way (MATTHEW 5:44-48). When we start praying for good things to happen to the people who hurt us, it helps change our view of them and the situation. It helps us to love them as people who also need Jesus’ rescue, rather than hate them as bullying monsters. Sometimes, the way they behave may be because they have terrible things going on in the background that we don’t know about.
3. Tell someone
Facing a problem with someone beside you is better than facing it on your own. If you share your struggles with your school chaplain or someone in your church who may be a bit older, or who has known Jesus longer, you can learn from their experience and advice. They can pray for you and with you (GALATIANS 6:2). My friend helped me to see that I hadn’t done anything wrong, and that I should not be afraid to continue to be myself. There are times when bullying can become so bad that action needs to be taken by your school to protect you or others. But no matter how bad the situation is, we can always take it to God and know that He is in control. I no longer face bullying today. But whenever the situation comes to mind or if I happen to bump into people who bullied me in the past, I pray and ask God to show them His love. But ultimately, I’m learning to remind myself that the opinion of others doesn’t matter. I want to fix my eyes on Jesus and His love and care for me.
Are you struggling with being bullied? Do seek help. Talk to your pastor, school chaplain, or someone in your church who is a bit older or who has known Jesus longer.
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