Valentines
How to Speak the 5 Love Languages, With Your Kid By Pam Moore
Haven’t we all left a copy of The Five Love Languages on our partner’s side of the bed at some point? (Or maybe that’s just me.) According to the book’s author, Gary Chapman, the five love languages are: ■ -Physical affection ■ -Acts of service
■ -Words of praise ■ -Quality time
■ -Receiving gifts
While you might hope to come home to flowers after an argument, your partner might prefer you volunteer to do the dishes to show you care. According to Chapman, the key to a healthy relationship is for each person to express love in their partner’s preferred love language, instead of their own. Chapman says this concept applies to children, too. According to child therapist Megan Cronin Larson, a child’s primary love language typically emerges around age three or four. While you can respond to cues from your child to figure out what his or her love language is, in The 5 Love Languages of Children, Chapman encourages parents to use all five love languages with their children, in order to lay a healthy foundation for future relationships.
Physical Affection Research shows that touch is vital to healthy neurodevelopment in infants. But the need for touch— whether a hug or a fist bump—doesn’t end with infancy. Physical affection lets kids know you care, and that you will listen when they’re ready to talk. But what if your child’s love language is touch and you’re not a big hugger? Licensed psychotherapist and play therapist Brenna Hicks recommends parents “keep the physical touch small but consistent. [It] can be as simple as placing your hand on a child’s shoulder as you pass by, rubbing their head a few times on the couch, or giving them a quick kiss on the forehead. It isn’t necessarily long bear hugs.” 22
Our Kids Magazine | Janaury / February 2021
You could… ■ -Let him sit in your lap while you read to him (or have him read to you). ■ -Give a back rub ■ -Put the couch cushions on the floor and have a WWFstyle wrestling match ■ -Wash her hair ■ -Hold hands ■ -Invite her to snuggle while watching a movie
Acts of Service As parents, our lives are a never-ending blur of acts of service. How can we possibly do more? And why should we? There is a difference between responding to rapid-fire requests for snacks and help with school projects versus setting your phone aside, making eye contact, and offering to help, or taking time to do something extra-special for your kid. You could… ■ -Offer to fix a broken toy ■ -Bring your child breakfast in bed (note: plan to change the sheets after breakfast) ■ -Cook his favorite meal ■ -Cut their sandwiches into fun shapes (Kitchen scissors or a cookie-cutter make it easier.) ■ -Give a manicure
Words of Affirmation Research shows we aren’t actually helping when we tell our kids they’re great at everything. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use praise to connect with them in a meaningful way; rather, we should be deliberate about what we say. Parents should strive to acknowledge the effort, not the outcome. For example, instead of saying “Nice job!” when your kid comes down the slide, you could say, “I noticed how hard you worked to get up the ladder.” You could…
■ -Acknowledge how hard she’s working on something specific LIKE US @ facebook.com/OurKidsMagazineSA