March 16, 2016 :: Health & Fitness

MARCH 16, 2016 | OUTFRONTONLINE .COM | FREE

SUPERFOODS, PROBIOTICS, + CREATIVE ROUTINES

THE HEALTH + FITNESS ISSUE + INTERVIEW: STEVE GRAND

Brian had his HIV under control with medication. But smoking with HIV caused him to have serious health problems, including a stroke, a blood clot in his lungs and surgery on an artery in his neck. Smoking makes living with HIV much worse. You can quit.

CALL 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

#CDCTips

HIV alone didn’t cause the clogged artery in my neck.

Smoking with HIV did.

Brian, age 45, California

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M  3

CONTENTS MARCH 16, 2016 VOL39 NO24

20 06 CONFORMITY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME 08 F THE N-WORD 14 NOT YOUR GARDENVARIETY GONORRHEA 18 THE CLEAN LEAN 22 HEAD SHOT

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26 IT’S OKAY TO BE A GUY WHO ISN’T INTO SPORTS 30 CHANGE YOUR LIFE: JIU JITSU AND THE ART OF TRANSFORMATION 38 IS IT ACTUALLY EXPENSIVE TO EAT HEALTHY? 41 CROSSFIT MADE ME LESS BODY CONSCIOUS 46 ALL UP IN YA GUTS 54 DUELING WITH DEPRESSION: OF MICE AND EXERCISE

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MARCH 16, 2016

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O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 5

P ERS P EC T I V ES

CONFORMITY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

I wonder how long a person is able to keep up the ruse for the sake of false friendships and tainted love.

O’Brian Gunn YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR BUZZED SHORT ON THE SIDES AND SWOOPED back up top in a slick business cut. You’ve grown out your beard to proper lumberjack proportions. You “lift heavy things” and make sure to post plenty of pictures on Instagram to make sure everyone knows you do in fact lift, bro. You’ve legally changed your name to Masculine. You wear vintage glasses with huge frames even though you have perfect vision. You finally fit in with a large percentage of the gay community.

In fact, you fit in a bit too well.

You look around at the bar or club and see lots of other guys with similar haircuts, beard styles, body types, and fashion senses.

This should make it easier to fulfill your “#relationshipgoals,” right? Or will it only make you see a stranger every time you look in the mirror?

REFLECTION REJECTION While there’s no harm in following trends, there is harm in following those trends simply because you want to fit in or feel that doing so will improve your chances of finding a relationship.

Gay dating profiles have become cluttered with phrases such as:

But the danger of conforming and compromising is that it can lead to a bit of an identity crisis.

WAIT, WHAT’S MY NAME AGAIN? By adopting a lifestyle and giving up your core identity and personality, you may be able to attract a partner, but that individual may end up falling in love with someone else who happens to inhabit your body. Sure, you may work out five times a week but hate every second of it. You may have an Instagram slathered with daily selfies but hate taking so many pictures of yourself. You may wear a bro cap with a flat brim but be more comfortable wearing a beanie. You do these things to attract and keep your partner, but how long will it be until your original operating system has been completely corrupted and overwritten? Are you as happy and as satisfied as you wanted to be before you started your transformation, or do you feel a gaping void inside?

I workout 5 to 6xs a week.

I’m not saying the above scenario applies to every gay guy with these physical features and personality traits, but I wonder how many have adopted the lifestyle as a way to cure themselves of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and perceived flaws. I also wonder how long a person is able to keep up the ruse for the sake of false friendships and tainted love. Wearing such a mask is sure to wreck a person psychologically over an extended period of time. You may start to feel like a method actor embodying various trends instead of a single specific character.

These are just preferences, but they’re prevalent preferences.

While gay men may not be able to do anything about their race or physical features, they can at least look the part and make up for their perceived shortcomings with thick thighs, the right wardrobe, and full beards … if they can even grow full beards.

It all boils down to this: Don’t camouflage. Don’t be afraid to try new looks and styles, but make sure they complement and raise your vibrational frequency, not drown it out with exterior static. Authenticity and knowledge of True Self is one of the most attractive features a person can have — don’t sacrifice it.

I like other masculine guys.

Must have a beard.

I like guys who know what the inside of a gym looks like.

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LEGAL DIRECTORY

HOW TO CHOOSE THE RIGHT PERSONAL INJURY ATTORNEY HERE ARE FIVE TIPS THAT CAN HELP: Experience. The value of an attorney’s experience will come in handy when assessing and investigating a claim. Hiring a personal injury attorney who knows what to look for, where to look for it, and how it applies to your case can make a big difference.

Specialization. Just like doctors specialize in certain areas of medicine, lawyers usually specialize in certain areas of the law. An attorney that specializes in personal injury has a unique set of skills that will help determine issues of liability such as negligence and causation.

Reputation. When it comes to resolving your claim fairly and expeditiously, look for an attorney with a positive reputation in your community. Selecting an attorney that has a good reputation will go a long way in dealing with insurance companies and the other attorneys handling your claim.

Personality. When you’ve been injured, you want an attorney that values the importance of being available to take questions, update you on the status of your claim, and return your calls in a timely manner. Personality is often the most overlooked factor in selecting an attorney, but it can be a good indicator of how they operate their business. You are going to be spending a good amount of time with them, so you want to make sure you like your attorney and trust that your experience is going to be a good one.

Patience. As you go through the hiring process, remember: There is no need to rush the process. Selecting your attorney is an important step, and you can take your time to do it right so you’re confident that your claim will be in good hands and handled with the care it deserves.

BLOCH & CHAPLEAU, LLC

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The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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7

P ERS P EC T I V ES

F THE N-WORD Betrearon Tezera FOLLOWING MONTHS OF CIVIL PROTEST, A MASS SHOOTING AT A black church that shook the nation to its core and got our president to sing Amazing Grace on international broadcast television, and after years of civil rights and countless discussions on diversity and social justice, I finally started to feel as though things were looking up. A slew of white police officers were receiving just convictions after countless months of radio silence or downright acquittals from the Justice Department.

On a more personal note, I’d been accepted to the grad school of my choice and moved to a new city: NYC, in fact, the city that never sleeps and is hailed as history’s biggest gay mecca. What better set of circumstances to kick off studying 20th-century queer American literature? Shock.

It was the evening of Christmas Day. I had done well in my first semester of graduate school and was celebrating with some new but close friends, and I felt really happy and present in my body for the first time in awhile — it felt great. On my way home later that night, I decided I’d try and continue the party mood by inviting a guy over I had been talking to on Grindr for about a month. (Let’s call him X). It was going really well, and we really liked each other, so we decided to meet. But out of nowhere, someone I hadn’t initiated any form of communication with before messaged me. I thought I was having a lucky strike, talking to two guys at the same time. But I was wrong.

The stranger called me a nigger. And then he told me to kill myself. At first, the incongruence of the situation with how I was feeling previously left me no choice but to laugh out loud.

I didn’t really comprehend my feelings, nor could I process properly what I had just experienced. Was it still Christmas?

I realized I needed to meet X immediately, because it wasn’t 8 MARCH 16, 2016

just about me anymore. I needed to feel him by my side and look at him to help me understand what happened, where I went wrong, for we were both gay black men in a city that will swallow anyone whole if they so much as relax their vigilance for an instant. But the surprises just kept coming. He got to my place, and he had tears in his eyes. I didn’t understand why, because I thought he’d be happy to see me. I was certainly happy to see him, my excitement concealing my grief. He walked in and showed me a picture on his phone. Three words felt like three deep cuts loosening from their false sutures against an insultingly lively orange screen: “Nigger. Kill yourself.”

We stayed in bed together for five consecutive days talking, laughing, crying, and holding each other through what felt like a nightmare. Disembodied, I felt like I was awake in someone else’s dream world, trapped in a series of actions and words that I produced without knowing why I was doing them at all. When I was becoming more politically aware of my racial identity, I discovered Toni Morrison’s novels and her public interviews. In an early interview with Charlie Rose, Morrison asks a series of questions I ended up asking a stranger in my bed. What are you without racism? Are you any good? Are you still strong? Still smart? Do you still like yourself?

I still don’t believe it, but that’s because it actually happened to me.

Though disturbing, author Betrearon Tezera insisted elements of this article, including the imagery — a screenshot of the actual Grindr message from the piece — remain uncensored to communicate the shock experienced daily by queer/trans folk of color via racism on LGBTQ+ social/dating/hook-up apps. We obliged.

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FLEXING THE MIND: STEVE GRAND MILES GRIFFIS

If Steve Grand had a corkboard full of his inspirations, there would be screenshots from the graphic Netflix series Bates Motel, the ambient sounds and popular melodies from Zayn’s PILLOWTALK, a lifesize cutout of James Dean, and lastly, in the corner, Springsteen rocking out to his Born to Run album.

“I’m very visually stimulated” Steve says. “I’m taken by a beautiful image.”

It is these aesthetics that currently inspire Steve’s songwriting. He’s constantly pursuing a timeless feel in his lyrics, melodies, and appearance. All of these are present in his debut viral sensation All American Boy. The well-known video showcases abiding hairstyles and enduring fashion: denim, white t-shirts, and flannels — top buttons open to the sunny day, of course. The car on display is a vintage convertible and labels are removed from beer bottles. Here, Steve and director Jason Knade tell a tale of unrequited love in a washed-out, lightly hazed filter. The video has just reached 5M views.

“I have a real fascination for things that never go out of style,” he says. As I talk with Steve, he is wearing his go-tos: dark Levi jeans, a moss shirt, a brand-less heather grey zip up, and a black letterman jacket as his final layer.

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“I buy simple stuff that works and looks great, and I get a bunch of it,” he says. “I like solid-colored shirts. I don’t like bright things; I like earth tones. It’s about keeping a very basic wardrobe, nothing too trendy.” His wardrobe changed very little when he took the stage at Tracks on Valentine’s Eve. In his newest music video, We Are the Night (Dave Aude Remix), he sports a bright red jacket and is elevated on dusty hills above the California city below him. He is a gunmetal-black-haired James Dean, but instead of dueling in knife fights at Griffith Park Observatory, he’s revealing with a diverse crowd of characters like genderfluid YouTube actor Jason Greene and plus-size model Dexter Mayfield.

Here is Steve’s touch of modern, his rebel with a cause.

“I’m inspired by a lot of rigidly intellectual thinkers, like Sam Harris,” he says when we talk about his creative crushes. “And I’m influenced by Lady Gaga — beyond just her music. She took the rules, she learned the rules, and then broke them in every way possible. I like people who break the rules.”

I waited to talk with Steve a Tracks while he warmed his vocals and found the right levels for his keyboard during sound check. Of course, he sang snippets from his own album, but more prominently he played around with various pop songs like Taylor Swift’s Style and Justin Bieber’s Sorry.

Steve doesn’t deny that he enjoys a catchy melody.

Steve doesn’t mind breaking the rules himself, choosing to forgo record deals to start his own label, Grand Nation, after raising over $300,000 dollars from a Kickstarter campaign. He wanted 100 percent of control over his album and poured his heart and soul into it, spending a full year finessing every tune.

Many of Steve’s songs apply the simple pop song structure of verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. In songs like Stay, Say You Love Me, and Time, he relies on catchiness to make his songs memorable. He says, “I”m not necessarily the most gifted singer naturally; I’ve had to work on my voice. So I have to create melodies that stand on their own and it’s made me a much better song writer.” By fine-tuning his lyrics to strong, almost ballad-like chord progressions, he’s found a formula that millions are responding to.

However, after a stressful year striving for a perfect debut album, Steve learned his first great lesson in producing and creating. He gives advice to any creative whether they be poets, painters, or entrepreneurs: “Let whatever you are creating or working on be a snapshot in time, then move on — don’t ruminate in it forever.” Steve explained that while putting together his album, he constantly went back to finished songs to augment the lyrics with his current feelings. After many delaying drafts, he wished he would have moved on from the work and let it stand on its own.

“I should be three records in now!”

His videos and songs also seem to have similar and popular themes within them. The first is the bright-eyed days of summer that remind viewers of long afternoons, freedom, and new beginnings. Steve admits a certain fondness for summer and all of its possibilities. “It’s something that creates a warm feeling for me.”

PHOTO: CHRISTOPHER FREE

“It’s my pushback to the happy ending,” he says. “Things don’t always tie up neatly, and that’s not always bad. It’s just that happily ever after doesn’t exist.” The day after his performance at Tracks, Steve posted a goofy vlog to his YouTube channel denouncing Valentine’s Day and jokingly claimed he wasn’t “bitter” for his singleness.

These phantoms still seem to exist in Steve’s life, just out of reach, inducing him to consume full tubs of ice cream.

The second prevalent thread in so many of his videos are “phantom men.” In his Christmas cover video of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas, Steve is intimate with another man in a reclusive and festively decorated house in which they cuddle, kiss, and joke. But, at the end, the man dissipates and Steve is left alone with his piano.

Similarly, in Stay, his handsome companion seems to exist only in a daydream state where everything is too perfect and fantastical. And in Time, the structure of the video obscures the moments and realities he spends with his green-eyed lover. None of the men are attainable.

With his first big project complete, he’s learned his lesson and says he’s spinning together a new project he really loves. “I’m just beginning.”

For Steve, being creative and producing are top priority in his life. “I forgo a lot of other things so I can create. I care much more about making something beautiful that will live on forever than buying a new car. I think in ten years, I’ll look back and be glad that I did that.”

Steve is living to be remembered beyond the wild blue yonder. He doesn’t want to be just another snapshot of the 2010s — he wants timelessness. Lucky for him — without the dangers of owning a new car, like Dean’s Porsche barreling down California freeways — we’ll get to see the young man develop maturely as an artist.

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BREAKING THE MOLD DON ALDERSON

ABOUT A YEAR AGO I LEFT THE HIGHLY gay-accepting West Hollywood and moved to Idaho. Minus the two or three gay bars in the state’s capitol of Boise, there was no real scene. No drag queens on the street, no one-stop shop for meeting other gay men. Over time, though, I met gay men in the area and rounded up some friends — other out-and-proud gay men like myself. It wasn’t until my new straight friends started asking me about my dating life and my gay friends that it dawned on me: Stereotypes are still pushed onto the gay community.

Too many times I’ve heard, “No, I know him — he’s not gay.

He doesn’t act gay. Are you sure he’s gay?” In my mind I couldn’t help but think, Wow! It’s 2016! Gay people have existed for longer than there are years on the calendar.

There’s no defining characteristic for being gay other than the desire to love someone of your own gender, and I’m pretty damn sure that characteristic isn’t visible to the naked eye.

I grew up playing soccer and tackle football before I took up skateboarding. My coming out came as a shock to some who really didn’t expect it, and the only reason they were shocked was due to their vision of how a gay

TUCKER THE LIVELY

Tucker has been described by new friends here as a nice and lively guy who responds to the, “Sit” command. He would do best in a home without cats and with children over the age of 12.

Come see if he’s a match for you!

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MARCH 16, 2016

HILDA THE CHILL

person is supposed to act and be. Almost as if it’s impossible for me to like my own gender because I don’t carry certain character traits they assume all gay people have. When did we start making people justify their sexuality by the way the carry themselves on a day-to-day basis?

What they’re passionate about, how they talk, how they walk, their favorite music, what they wear, and further, the perceived notion that the big, beefy, bearded neighbor who’s out chopping wood in front of his house couldn’t possibly be gay because he has masculine features.

A perfect example is when famous athletes come out and shock follows because being athletic is considered a masculine trait. Soccer, boxing, basketball, football — you name it and we play it. They’re coming out and shocking some fans who thought, “He can’t be gay! He doesn’t act gay.” Well, exactly how are we supposed to be acting? I ask because I want to make sure we fit into whatever “gay mold” it is that society’s made for us. Otherwise we’re going to have to keep breaking away the box that society has put us in by continuing to be individuals who come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and backgrounds. Some are masculine and some are feminine and we exist everywhere on the scale between the two. I can’t help but remember that age-old phrase, “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”

This smart girl already know basic commands like sit, stay, and come. She would do best in a home where she can be the center of attention as an only pet. If you’re looking for a sweet and adorable dog Hilda may be your match!

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Gay and bisexual men — or “men who have sex with men” (MSM) — are at increased risk of STDs compared to our straight friends. Scientists think this is due to a complicated jumble of psychological and sociological factors ranging from decreased healthcare access and stigma to increased drug abuse and anonymous sex. As a result, the rates of syphilis, chlamydia, and other infections are skyrocketing in our community, which isn’t the best PR. We are now facing issues with these old-timers of the STD world despite our revolutionary advances in HIV care with PrEP. Specifically, these once-antiquated bugs are becoming resistant to many important antibiotics I carry in the pharmacy, and the worst offender is gonorrhea.

NOT YOUR GARDENVARIETY GONORRHEA STEPHEN SMALL, PHARMD

THROUGHOUT MY YEARS IN PHARMACY SCHOOL and now starting my career, I’ve had many friends — gay, bi, and straight — ask random questions about sexually transmitted diseases. Invariably, I get asked whether such-and-such infection can just be treated with antibiotics. I usually give a brief (and sometimes sassy) reply: “For now.”

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MARCH 16, 2016

Gonorrhea has been around for ages (probably even before loincloths were in vogue), causing symptoms like unsightly penile or vaginal discharge and pain with urination. It’s primarily spread from semen, vaginal fluids, and other bodily secretions. It’s pretty gross, but it’s also pretty common with about 300K new infections reported in 2013. From 1990 to 2012, the number of MSM testing positive for gonorrhea at STD clinics increased from 4.6 percent to 33.1 percent Realistically, this is an underestimate since gonorrheal infections in the throat and rectum are usually asymptomatic and go unnoticed.

Even worse, untreated gonorrhea can spread and infect your joints, causing debilitating arthritis.

I must give a round of applause to “the clap” because it’s a bacterium with a Napoleon complex. It’s less than a billionth our size, it plays rough, and it’s outsmarting us. Being a sly devil, gonorrhea can actually develop ways to evade our drugs as we use more and more antibiotics out in the world. We have encountered these same issues with other bacteria, such as MRSA, where typical antibiotics can’t do the job anymore. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has gone so far as to classify resistant gonorrhea as one of the top three bacterial dangers to the nation in a 2013 threat report. The problem is so important that they even have a special task force to solely track gonorrhea resistance — talk about a unique career.

Our community is at higher risk for resistant gonorrhea, and the stats aren’t pretty. In our region, MSM with gonorrhea are more than twice as likely to have a multidrug-resistant version compared to straight men with gonorrhea. We clinicians have needed to completely rethink how we treat gonorrhea as a result.

“The CDC stopped recommending fluoroquinolones as a viable treatment option in 2007 when fluoroquinolone resistance was on the rise,” says Kati Shihadeh, PharmD, who is an infectious disease pharmacist in Denver.

However, the problem doesn’t stop there. “Resistance to cephalosporins,” Dr. Shihadeh says, “was on the rise to the point where in 2010, the CDC increased the recommended dose of ceftriaxone.

The treatment guidelines were revised again in 2012 to no longer recommend cefixime as a first line option.” To make it even more complicated, we now must treat patients with ceftriaxone and azithromycin, in case one of the drugs isn’t strong enough. If this resistance increases, we are going to have fewer ways to combat gonorrhea, giving it the chance to spread even faster. We may even need to resort to stronger antibiotics with more side effects. For example, gentamicin is a potent drug that can cause kidney and hearing problems, and it is now recommended for treating gonorrhea if you’re allergic to ceftriaxone.

All this information begs an important question: Why are we at higher risk for resistance?

Studies have suggested that MSM have more antibiotic exposure than straight folks, possibly due to having more rounds of antibiotic treatment for repeated STDs. This exposure gives gonorrhea the

chance to interact with antibiotics and figure out ways to thwart them. Another reason may be our collective interests in travel — after all, we have our own cruises. With our wanderlust, we tend to travel more than straight men, making it easier to pick up resistant strains that are becoming more common abroad.

What can we do to stop this resistance from spreading? As a young gay man and a pharmacist, I always advocate the use of condoms as one of the best ways to prevent the spread of infections.

It is also good to get to know your partner and discuss the topic of safe sex before getting serious in the bedroom. I’ve been hearing from more and more friends that they find this message to be repetitive and therefore less meaningful.

They feel the “penny of prevention is worth a dollar of cure” motto is becoming stale. However, after seeing these infections in clinical practice and witnessing their toll on people’s health, self-esteem, and pocketbooks, I still stand by the awesome power of this relatively inexpensive (and sometimes flavored) piece of latex.

I also make a point to practice what I preach. I get tested regularly, and Denver has a bounty of clinics that offer free or low-cost testing services. I also make a point to bring up the topic of safe sex early on when I meet a potential suitor. Yes, it can be an awkward conversation, but the fellas who understood ended up being particularly special guys to me.

We have the tools, and I believe we can slow the spread of resistant gonorrhea and its sexuallytransmitted relatives, but it will mean all of us making a conscious effort to protect ourselves and those around us.

LESS THAN

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DAYS UNTIL GAY CHRISTMAS

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WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE: YOU PROMISE

ALREADY THROWING IN THE TOWEL ON YOUR NEW YEAR’S FITNESS RESOLUTION? (THIS’LL GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN GEAR.) DAVID BLATT 16

MARCH 16, 2016

yourself that this time it’s going to stick; you’re going to get in shape, and stay in shape, no ifs, ands, or buts. And for the first few weeks, you’re pretty proud of yourself. You’re waking up early and heading to the gym, or going straight after work, your running shoes tucked in your bag.

You do your 15 minutes of cardio and your 30 minutes of free weights. You swim, you do yoga, and you take a class that makes your body burn in all the right ways. And then something happens — a schedule snag, a crazy week, the season premiere of your favorite show that you just can’t miss.

You fall out of your pattern, sometimes just for a day, and the whole routine comes crumbling down.

Unless you have some serious discipline or a charming and persuasive workout buddy, it can be shockingly easy to lose your momentum. And suddenly you find yourself exactly where you were the December of the year before: a little soft, a little sad about it, and more than a little envious of your supertfit coworker.

So how can you reignite your fitness fire after letting it flame out?

They say sex sells, and in this case it’s true (and this is one instance where I actually support it).

Not only will you feel and look more confident and sexy if you stay on top of your fitness routine, you’ll be a better lover when you’re active on a regular basis. (And working out can even restore your libido if you find that going soft too.)

“There is a proven direct link between sex and exercise,” says Dr. Jennifer Landa. “When you exercise, the brain produces endorphins that stimulate the release of sex hormones. These hormones reduce your heart rate, improve

THEY SAY SEX SELLS, AND IN THIS CASE IT’S TRUE (AND THIS IS ONE INSTANCE WHERE I ACTUALLY SUPPORT IT). digestion, lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, and relax the body. Oh, and you also might just feel primed and ready for a little one-on-one time in the bedroom.”

Not only will you feel primed for that one-on-one time, your workouts will help you maintain your bedroom stamina, and even allow you to get more creative with a variety of positions.

For guys with erectile dysfunction, exercise can prove to be a huge benefit as well. ED is usually the offshoot of a circulatory problem, and staying active not only keeps your overall vascular system healthy, it ensures that the muscle downstairs is working like you want it to, when you want it to.

For the ladies, exercise also enhances arousal and increases sensitivity to touch, both of which mean greater satisfaction in the bedroom.

So the next time you’re struggling to work up the motivation to get off the couch just because it’s good for you, imagine the look on your partner’s face when you surprise them with your next-level prowess in the boudoir.

But don’t just take my word for it — make it real for yourself. A powerful way to put something into action is to visualize it in detail and then write those details down. Imagine the kind of lover you want to be for your current or future partner as vividly as possible. Write down those specifics and keep them handy for yourself so you can refer to them when you need a little nudge to get going.

Every time you head out the door for a workout, you’re not just supporting your overall wellness, you’re one step closer to being that lover worth bragging about.

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PERSPECTIVES

That’s why, besides the longer days of more sunshine, gym membership is up like it’s New Year’s all over again.

So whether you’re a dude working on those abs, a girl working on that butt, or you don’t confine to gender labels and you’re working on whatever part of your bod you wish to be at its best, there’s one thing in common on in all your minds: Ya gotta look good for the summer.

And what better way to attract a fellow workout enthusiast at your favorite fitness center than to be healthy?

Personally, as a vegetarian and a self-proclaimed environmentalist, I’m cognizant of the nutritional values and facts of what I put into my body, and being (moderately) concerned about fitness, I know there are better ways to your workout besides eating pesticide-laden meat after driving to the gym and drinking a power-shake full of mysterious chemicals marketed “good for you.”

I don’t mean to yuck anyone’s yum here; I condone the gym and being in shape. I think it’s a meditative and good practice we should all be aware of. However, I find it imperative to point out that the combination of contributing to climate change (even if you drive a hybrid), contributing to the factory-farm food industry, and contributing to the perpetuation of lab-made chemicals in our food is not the right way to do so.

Here’s the deal: It’s advised by health officials to avoid jogging in the early morning next to traffic — which, by the way, is the best and healthiest time to jog — because the excess of vehicular carbon emissions is extremely unhealthy to breathe.

THE CLEAN LEAN AKIVA WEINSTEIN

WITH SPRING RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, sweater weather is soon to become shorts-and-T-shirt weather, and with that, plenty more people will start trickling outside to meet and woo.

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Eating meat as your protein intake, which we all know is important when working out or exercising, is to pump yourself full of hormones and additives which, in my opinion, are bad for you. (Yes, I know that argument is controversial.)

Drinking protein supplements that are marketed as healthy does not make them so. For instance, whey protein supposedly contains “no banned substances,” but that’s because the FDA hasn’t banned xanthan gum, a pretty mysterious chemical found in many foods these days. I can go on about every ingredient in these powders, but I won’t.

So, you want some better options? Bike or walk to the gym.

Form a bond with someone in the beautiful, upcoming months and carpool. Eat leafy greens for protein; they have a surprising amount of protein and tastes delicious. You’re a guy, they even fight erectile dysfunction. Lastly, throw out the whey powder and try Maca powder, the Peruvian superfood.

I know it’s all the hype right now, but seriously: Even though it smells a little funny, it has so many of the health benefits you’re looking for in your workout supplement including B6 vitamins, iron, copper, and (oh!) more protein. Not only that, Maca powder will boost your sex drive too.

Join the crowds and get in shape within the next following months, and try it the cleaner, more health-conscious way.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 19

ACTIVE CLINICS

CHICKS CLIMBING AND SKIING (OURAY) Chicks Climbing and Skiing empowers women through mountain sports and offers a variety of clinics and programs. Chicks with Picks, now in its 16th year, utilizes the world-class Ouray Ice Park to teach women of all skill levels how to ice climb efficiently and manage climbing systems. Chicks also offers Chicks Rock, women’s rock-climbing clinics and (new this year) Chicks with Stix, a women’s ski and snowboard program that covers a variety of clinics, from backcountry avalanche education to powder skiing and ski mountaineering.

COPPER WOODWARD CAMP (COPPER MOUNTAIN)

COLORADO ROAD TRIPS TO WELLNESS CARLY HOLBROOK

AS ONE OF THE MOST ACTIVE AND OUTDOORSY states in the nation, Colorado promotes personal health through outdoor adventures, relaxation, healing arts, and more. Check out a few samples.

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MARCH 16, 2016

A year-round action sport training camp invites guests of all ages to engage in summer camps, winter camps, drop-in sessions, private lessons, and more. During the summer, campers can choose dates that offer exclusive camps dedicated to snowboarding, skiing, skateboarding, etc.

In the winter, all camp dates are focused on two-day freestyle camps where campers will spend half their days in the Barn, a 19,400 squarefoot indoor facility equipped with Olympic trampolines, pump tracks, ramps, and foam pits. The second part of campers’ days will be spent at Woodward’s award-winning outdoor terrain parks.

REVITALIZING SPA RETREATS

ALLEGRIA SPA (BEAVER CREEK) The hydrotherapy techniques at Allegria Spa alternate hot and cold temperatures to restore the body and promote wellness. Modeled after ancient Roman baths and the origins of spa, the healing waters are complimentary when done before any service such as a hot stone massage, reflexology session, facial etc. The fitness center at Allegria Spa encourages wellness through exercise with classes including kinesis, yoga, Pilates, outdoor programs, and group fitness workouts.

HEALING HOT SPRINGS

SPA OF THE ROCKIES (GLENWOOD SPRINGS) The Spa of the Rockies at Glenwood Hot Springs, home to the world’s largest hot springs pool, offers a 90-minute Ultimate Zen package that aims to heal every part of the body with therapeutic minerals, shea butter, and soothing oils. Aromatherapy, a therapeutic soak in the thermal hot springs, exfoliating body scrub, Swedish massage, and more are sure to ease the tightest of tensions.

The wilderness setting of Strawberry Park Hot Springs highlights the rustic beauty of the Yampa Valley. Here, several hot pools of varying temperatures are fed by the natural spring water and the rushing Hot Spring Creek.

Guests can enjoy a massage in private massage huts or a watsu therapy in the hot spring’s private pool. Several miles of trails surrounding the hot springs invite guests to snowshoe through National Forest lands.

Find out more at Colorado.com.

PHOTO: KARSTEN DELAP

STRAWBERRY PARK HOT SPRINGS (STEAMBOAT SPRINGS)

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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AFTER THEIR NAMES WERE ANNOUNCED, TERRY BRADSHAW, 67, WALKED LIKE A 75-YEAROLD. EVEN MY HERO, JOHN ELWAY, HAD A SLIGHT LIMP TO HIS STEP.

PERSPECTIVES

While watching the Super Bowl was the highlight of my week — daresay month — I’m still stuck on an image, or images, that aired before the game.

In its true self-congratulatory manner, the NFL hosted the league’s past Super Bowl MVPs in a ceremony before Super Bowl 50, announcing each winner in chronological order. While I was mainly playing a game of “who’s that?” with my friends, I couldn’t help but notice each man’s stiff and painful walk to the bleachers after their names were announced. Terry Bradshaw, 67, walked like a 75-year-old, and even my hero John Elway had a slight limp to his step. It was as if, with each MVP announced, I was watching a PSA of what years of football does to the body.

This has been a hot topic recently, but talk mainly centers around damage that is sometimes less visible than a limp or a stiff walk — chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). CTE is a degenerative disease, believed to be caused by repeated brain injury with symptoms that include memory impairment, mood problems, behavior changes, and motor problems.

HEAD SHOT KELSEY LINDSEY

I LOVE FOOTBALL. AND I LOVE MY BRONCOS. I remember cheering on John Elway as he grabbed, not one, but two, Super Bowl titles. My most recent memory includes standing on a bar chair two weeks ago, singing We Are the Champions with my fellow Broncos fans while John Elway — a lot more grey than in 1998 — again lifted the Lombardi trophy over his head.

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A study released before last season and reported by Frontline found that 87 out of 91 former NFL players tested for CTE were found to have the disease — a whopping 96 percent. In 2015, the NFL reached a $1B settlement with more than 5000 former NFL players who sued the league for allegedly hiding the dangers of concussions, although the NFL still publicly denied that football is dangerous. Will Smith’s latest film, Concussion — in which he plays Bennet Omalu, the forensic pathologist who first discovered the link between playing football and CTE — further put the issue in the spotlight.

The league introduced new initiatives to reduce concussions last year, and commissioner Roger Goodell said he would fully support his young son if he were to ever play football. While Goodell’s statement fits with his roll at the NFL, I still wonder if he is playing chicken, especially given the recent research around the disease. Only time, and unfortunately more NFL players diagnosed with CTE, will tell.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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The first person to correctly pronounce these wins! The first person to eat any one of these food additives loses. (Unfortunately, most of us are losers.) A good rule of thumb? If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it. Sounds easy, right?

Not so much. Real food is being replaced by processed imitations at an alarming rate. If it comes in a box, a can, or a jar, chances are it’s chock-full of chemicals. Here’s a look at some of the top five foods we most often eat and why they need to be replaced.

PROCESSED MEATS

Most bacon, sausage, hot dogs, and deli meats (like bologna and ham) contain nitrates. This preservative messes with the body’s ability to process sugar, increasing the risk of diabetes.

Added chemicals, fats, and high sodium can increase the risk of cancer, heart disease, stroke, and high blood pressure. It’s so bad the World Health Organization recently categorized processed meat as a carcinogenic. If you want to eat these foods, look for meats that are nitratefree. Buy lunch meats at the deli instead of pre-cut. Boar’s Head and Applegate Natural are just two companies that offer meat and organic bacon without harmful chemicals.

FAKE FOODS + THEIR HEALTHIER

ALTERNATIVES YVONNE WRIGHT

BREAD AND PREPACKAGED BAKED GOODS

Nearly all breads and pre-packaged baked goods are processed with chemicals, many of them harmful. For instance, azodicarbonamide is used to whiten flour and improve the texture of dough.

It’s also used to make rubber and synthetic leather.

One report found it in nearly 500 foods, including most commercial breads, buns, cakes, and other treats. It’s linked to respiratory, skin, and immune problems — not to mention one of the breakdown products causes cancer.

What’s the alternative? Very careful shopping!

Ezekiel Bread (found in the frozen foods section), Alvarado Street Bakery breads, Udi’s bread and bagels, and Rudi’s Organic Bakery are a few loaves that do not contain harmful chemicals.

They cost a bit more, but are worth every cent.

If you’re on a budget, invest in a bread maker and make your own — it’ll quickly pay for itself.

FORTIFIED CEREAL PERFLUOROOCTANOIC ACID. DIACETYL. Butylated Hydroxytoluene. Azodicarbonamide. Propylene glycol alginate.

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Fortified cereal is mostly made of chemicals that get a spray of vitamins at the end of processing.

Those vitamins wash off as soon as milk is poured on top. Besides the loads of sugar, most contain food colorings believed to cause cancer. These

dyes are banned in the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, and much of Europe.

Reading labels is essential in the cereal aisle.

Look for cereal with little sugar, whole grains, and little to no dyes. Plain oatmeal with a bit of honey or peanut butter is a great alternative, as is Greek yogurt.

MICROWAVE POPCORN

Popcorn is a low-calorie, high-fiber, whole-grain snack — so why the warning? Many brands line their bags with the same chemical used in Teflon, which is linked it to infertility, weight gain, and impaired learning. Butter-flavored popcorn almost always comes with a chemical that breaks down the layer of cells protecting your brain.

The fix? Pop your own. Use an air popper or put kernels in a small paper lunch bag. Fold down the top of the bag and microwave until done. Quinn Popcorn is the only microwavable popcorn free of chemicals.

It’s not just the food itself, but what you put on it that can add harmful chemicals to your body.

Most condiments come with large amounts of unhealthy ingredients, especially salad dressing.

Luckily, making your own condiments (especially salad dressing) is easy. Everyone from Reader’s Digest to Saveur offers dozens of recipes.

The key to health: real foods, plain and simple.

PHOTO: RYAN MCGUIRE

CONDIMENTS

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 25

TURN ME DOWN FOR WHAT?

When I was young I played pee wee football … for all of about a week. I only did it because my older brother kept pestering me to, but for some reason I couldn’t grasp the concept of what I was supposed to do after tackling the guy in front of me. I remember always looking up afterwards like, “I’ve done the thing, now what other thing am I supposed to be thinging?” Plus, I was always more worried about missing Batman than I was missing the next play.

IT’S OKAY TO BE A GUY WHO ISN’T INTO SPORTS O’BRIAN GUNN

IT USED TO BE THERE WAS A GOOD CHANCE A guy was gay if he didn’t at least like sports. After all, nothing says heterosexual like whoopin’ ‘n’ hollerin’ while watching a bunch of sweaty men with athletic physiques tackle each other, grab at each other, wear form fitting uniforms, and slap each other on their bubble butts. But times have changed and more gay men have become sports fans who actually enjoy playing or watching football, basketball, rugby, or what have you. It’s become the norm for gay guys to mention something about their love for their favorite team on their Scruff, Grindr, or OKCupid profiles, and it’s also become normal for them to mention they want to date a guy who enjoys sportsball just as much as they do.

Which is why I feel even more like an outsider in the gay community.

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After that, I joined band (played the tenor sax), and it was there that I felt as if I’d come home. While band nerds are usually objects of derision, you have to bear in mind that marching band is rooted in military practices. All of that snapping, precise body movement, marching, and discipline may not be considered a sport, but it requires the same dedication and commitment as a sport.

IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T LIKE YOU

I’ll honestly say I enjoy watching the Olympics (especially gymnastics) and MMA fighting, but even then I have a “take it or leave it” mentality about the two. I don’t outright hate sports or feel they’re barbaric. I think the display of athleticism is fascinating and impressive, but I most certainly wouldn’t plan my day around a game, and that’s especially true if I’m not there to see it live. I think part of it is that I don’t find the plodding pace of most sports captivating enough to keep me mentally arrested. That, and half of the time I’m not sure what the frak is going on. This is part of the reason why it was hard for me to concentrate on the church sermon when I was younger; I always found myself wanting to read a good book rather than The Good Book.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER OF US

If you too are a gay, straight, questioning, trans, or bi man who isn’t a fervent sports fan, know that it’s perfectly fine. Know that it doesn’t make you less masculine (which is subjective), less dateable, or slightly deranged. Yes, you’ll probably have a few people outright dismiss you when you tell them you didn’t watch the Broncos last night or any other night (that actually happened to me), but that shouldn’t make you question your self-worth.

So the next time someone asks if you caught the game last night, don’t hesitate in letting them catch the truth as it falls from your lips. After all, it’s not your fault if they fumble to understand you. Don’t let those hoes throw a flag on your verbal play.

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People who qualify for bariatric surgery usually have at least 100 pounds to lose. More recent studies show obese people with less to lose also benefit from surgery if they have complications like type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure.

The newest and fastest-growing surgery is the sleeve gastrectomy, usually referred to as the sleeve. With the sleeve, 70–85 percent of the stomach is removed. This includes the part that sends hunger signals to the brain. Many prefer this surgery over the traditional gastric bypass because it doesn’t involve re-routing the intestines. This means fewer problems with absorption and eliminates long-term issues like reactive hypoglycemia.

BARIATRIC SURGERY: NO SHAME

NECESSARY YVONNE WRIGHT

IT’S NOT FOR EVERYONE. IT’S A SERIOUS, lifelong change. But for those who need weight-loss surgery, it’s one of the most effective ways of losing and maintaining weight loss. Make no mistake — this is not the easy way out. It usually requires months of preparation and massive lifestyle changes.

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The sleeve also doesn’t cause what’s known as “dumping syndrome.” Dumping happens in people who’ve had the bypass because sugars and carbs dump directly into the small intestines, often causing people to feel very sick. This is good and bad. Dumping helps stop people from eating high-calorie foods for fear of getting sick. On the other hand, re-routing the intestines often make it difficult to maintain nutritional requirements.

The bottom line is that whichever surgery is chosen, they both result in rapid and significant weight loss. People lose between 50 to 70 percent of excess weight within the first couple of years — most of it within the first year. In addition, long-term studies show most people recover from diabetes, improve cardiovascular risks, and see an increase in life expectancy that ranges from 20–40 percent.

Sounds good, but be prepared. Life as you know it will change dramatically. Most insurance companies require a doctor-monitored diet for 3–6 months before approving surgery. The average cost of a bypass is $24,000, while the average sleeve costs $19,000.

Long term, most meals are 2–4 ounces. In order to get enough protein, you’ll need to plan and track meals carefully, but, you will feel full and satisfied after a small amount of food. Liquids also need to be monitored daily to ensure you get enough.

It’s important to realize the surgery is only a tool.

It will initially help you lose weight quickly, but exercise and a high-protein/low-carbohydrate diet need to become a lifelong habit. If you don’t accompany the surgery with lifestyle changes

you will regain weight. However, very few people regain all of their pre-surgery weight. With a stomach the size of a walnut, it takes a lot of work to stretch it out enough to regain it all.

Unlike weight loss surgeries of the past, technology has dramatically improved the safety of each procedure. Most are now done laparoscopically. A recent study reported that most surgeries last less than two hours, with a mortality rate of less than one percent. Given that most patients are obese and often go in with health conditions, the numbers show the surgeries are now extremely safe.

Keep in mind, it is major surgery and with any surgery there are risks. The most common side-effects include nausea, diarrhea, and/or soreness during the first few months. Serious complications may include incisional hernia, infections, and pneumonia. These happen to less than seven percent of patients and are also possible side effects involved with most surgeries. For people who have the gastric bypass, malabsorption issues can lead to calcium, iron, B12, thiamine, folate, and other vitamin and mineral deficiencies.

Everyone needs to weigh the risks versus the benefits. With obesity rates skyrocketing, the surgical dangers often take a backseat to the risks of health problems from obesity. For many, it’s literally life-saving.

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YOU’VE GOT LESS THAN 93 DAYS TO SECURE YOUR 2016 OUT FRONT PRIDE SPONSORSHIP. IT’S NOT TOO LATE, BUT DON’T PUT IT OFF TOO LONG. marketing@outfrontonline.com | 303.477.4000 OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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“What if you get into a fight with a drag queen at Tracks?” he taunts. “How are you going to defend yourself?”

CHANGE YOUR LIFE: JIU JITSU + THE ART OF TRANS FORMATION PAUL BINDEL

“IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?” Back to the floor, I’m grappling with Dylan Miller’s wrists as he straddles my torso. In the world of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I’m supposedly in the more powerful position, but it doesn’t do much to keep me from an approaching choke-hold — by my own forearm.

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In spite of barely being able to breathe, I feel reassured by these quips. Years ago, I avoided hyper masculine-coded spaces like this, and when I first changed into the “gi ” — the large white robe and belt worn by Jiu Jitsu fighters — I felt slightly insecure, swaddled like a hack-Jedi.

Would Jiu Jitsu be yet another sport that proved my lack of coordination?

It’s true that Jiu-Jitsu, with its Ultimate Fighting associations and its macho pedigree from Brazil and Japan, isn’t quite as queer-friendly as figure skating. But once I started “rolling” on the mat and flipping other students over my shoulder, I found the gi very useful and realized I didn’t need to be self conscious. And there’s Dylan, who could care less about my sexuality or my lack of experience. After I tap out, he asks, “Ready to roll again?”

A wise-cracking, charismatic 28-year-old gym owner, Dylan commands trust and respect from his students, while also earning their laughter.

Today, he is excited to be opening a new gym — Nova Mente Jiu Jitsu Academy. “I’m going to open this gym as a place for community empowerment. No matter your walk of life, you’re welcome.”

The journey here, though, hasn’t always been direct.

In 2008, teaching lessons in a West Texas gym, Dylan was outed at work. First, he lost students.

Then, he received hate mail. Then, he lost his job. The real toll, he tells OUT FRONT, were the beliefs he accepted through that experience.

“By being gay, I thought I wasn’t an appropriate leader for an organization,” he tells us. While he cofounded Champion Jiu Jitsu and MMA in Dallas, Texas in 2010 — and while he worked with

Steve Hordinski to build up Katharo Training Center in Littleton in 2014 — he began to realize that some of his limits were self-imposed. “I had been living as though I couldn’t be a leader of an organization,” he says. “Jiu Jitsu helped me overcome that thought. Jiu Jitsu is the same as life — if you can conquer yourself on the mat, when you go out into life, you will also be transformed. Being gay didn’t have to limit me in making a difference in people’s lives.”

Dylan believes in Jiu Jitsu’s transformational potential. As an example, he recounts how a Latino man walked into Katharo fresh out of prison and announced, “When I was in juvenile detention as a boy, the guards told me ‘If you do Jiu Jitsu, it will change your life, so I’m here.” The man was seeking a space that would distance him from friends on the streets, but he didn’t have a bank account to set up a membership. Dylan gave him careful instructions on how to get one, and the next day, he came back, ready to roll. Even more, a married couple walked in, two longtime gym members who were also detention officers,

JIU JITSU ISN’T QUITE AS QUEERFRIENDLY AS FIGURE SKATING, BUT ONCE I STARTED ROLLING ON THE MAT AND FLIPPING OTHER STUDENTS OVER MY SHOULDER, I REALIZED I DIDN’T NEED TO BE SELF CONSCIOUS. AND THERE’S DYLAN, WHO COULD CARE LESS ABOUT MY SEXUALITY OR MY LACK OF EXPERIENCE. AFTER I TAP OUT, HE ASKS, “READY TO ROLL AGAIN?”

and recognized the man immediately, and Dylan realized that they had told him about Jiu Jitsu.

“Seeing the three of them sitting on the mat after class, joking with each other, was one of the most satisfying moments I’ve had,” he says. The man was able to find the community he was seeking.

Jiu Jitsu offers many benefits, and Dylan pinpoints three that it offers to queer communities: “Jiu Jitsu’s primary asset is self-defense. Our community can benefit from learning martial arts because gay hate crimes still happen. At the same time, some [LGBT] people are often isolated from their family after coming out, so the secondary benefit is forming another community, another supportive network that will share the ups and downs of life with you. The third is the psychological components: building confidence, facing your fears, and developing strength. And everyone needs that.”

Nova Mente Jiu Jitsu Academy will be opening this month. Interested in training?

Contact Dylan Miller at dylan@novajj.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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SPONSORED

DISCOVER WHY HIIT TRAINING IS ONE OF THE HOTTEST WORKOUTS IN 2016

months? Desire a toned body this summer? Don’t worry about looking for a row of treadmills and stationary bikes — look for an HIIT program or studio to bust out of your rut!

The popularity of high-intensity interval training (commonly called HIIT) is on the rise. This type of training involves repeated bouts of high-intensity effort followed by varied recovery times. Not only will you burn a ton of calories, but you’ll tone and sculpt your muscles with total-body moves. You’ll also keep your mind and body engaged with various killer sequences performed for one minute each, ranging from oblique mountain climbers to criss-cross squats. With that kind of variety, a 30-minute workout will feel like 10!

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF HIIT?

HIIT training has been shown to decrease abdominal fat and body weight while maintaining muscle mass, improved cardiovascular health, and more.

WHY IS HIIT TRAINING SO POPULAR RIGHT NOW?

In today’s world of hustle and bustle, varying health problems, and diet choices, there are unique needs when it comes to fitness. HIIT training can easily be modified for people of all fitness levels and special conditions. You can push your own intensity, variety, and movement combinations based on your own strength and ability level. HIIT workouts therefore provide similar fitness benefits as continuous endurance workouts, but in shorter periods of time. This is because HIIT workouts tend to 32

MARCH 16, 2016

burn more calories than traditional workouts, especially after the workout.

IS EQUIPMENT INVOLVED? HIIT training is modern training for the modern athlete.

Depending on the HIIT experience you are looking for, will see everything from kettlebells to TRX® and beyond, used in intervals and in movements you use every day.

Combined together, these movements can build strength and improve athleticism. Additionally, HIIT focused studios and athletes have begun incorporating heart rate technology to track their workouts, results and fitness levels. This not only helps you benchmark your progress but helps you reach your goals and understand how your body burns calories.

HOW DO I START? HIIT training can be done in the comfort of your own home or you can find a class at a local gym or studio. There are YouTube videos, magazine articles, and videos for purchase that explain how to get started, or you can turn to a professionally run studio that guides you through the correct moves, takes out the guesswork with a built plan, and provides new obstacles to keep your body engaged in toning — it really depends on your comfort level and what you need from the experience to motivate you. Sometimes working out with a friend or group of people is the right medicine to stay on track, but regardless of your choice, HIIT offers flexibility and results when done right.

So are you ready to give HIIT a try? 720.259.2314 // Fit36Fitness.com/Highlands // 3774 Julian St, Denver, CO

PHOTOS: ANDREW CLARK

GAIN A FEW POUNDS OVER THE WINTER

Red Tie Affair is a fun-filled night of dinne dinner and comedy Colorado AIDS Project and Howard De Dental Center, with a special standup comedy per performance.

WEB + C R E ATIV E

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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“ARE YOU REALLY VEGETARIAN?”

I’M THAT WEIRD VEGETARIAN YOUR PARENTS WARNED YOU ABOUT O’BRIAN GUNN

I GREW UP IN ALABAMA, SO YOU CAN IMAGINE how vegetarian-friendly supermarkets and restaurants are there. While I became a vegetarian back in ‘05, it wasn’t until ‘09 (when I moved to Denver) that I realized how many vegetarian options there are and how easy my “lifestyle” could be. But no matter where I go, I still get the same questions.

I’m tempted to make a card that lists common questions and answers about vegetarianism so I don’t have to rattle off the same responses. While “coming out of the garden” isn’t the same as coming out of the closet, it certainly has its share of frustrations.

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When I say I’m vegetarian, I mean that I don’t eat fish, but I do eat eggs, dairy, and honey. This is actually a fair question to ask, as there are different types of vegetarianism, and it can get confusing. Ovo-vegetarians eat eggs, but not dairy; lacto-vegetarians consume dairy, but not eggs; and ovo-lacto-vegetarians (like myself) consume dairy, eggs, and honey. There’s also fruitism (not referring to gay vegetarians), straight up veganism, and even raw veganism (insert sex joke here), but that’s an article for another time.

“WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR PROTEIN?”

Black beans, quinoa, green peas, oatmeal, tempeh, edamame, spinach, broccoli, chickpeas.

These are several items other than soy/tofu that contain the protein everyone’s so worried vegetarians and vegans aren’t getting. While soy-based meat substitutes have undoubtedly come a long way in terms of uses and flavor, they can get a little boring after a while. And trying different plant-based proteins adds some much needed variety to the diet. So don’t worry, your vegetarian and vegan friends are good on protein.

“WHY DO VEGETARIANS GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THEY’RE VEGETARIAN?”

I only tell people I’m vegetarian when I’m with another person or group of people and we’re deciding on what/where to eat. Imagine if I don’t and we go to a steakhouse. I’m gonna be stuck with sides. And I might get a “Why didn’t you tell me!” thrown into the mix. Sometimes it’s nice to make your friends feel guilty (mainly because they might feel as if they have to make it up to you), but I enjoy good food too much to jeopardize my dining experience. You only live once, so you might as well take every opportunity to have a magnificent meal.

03/08 03/09 03/19 04/10

“I FEEL BAD ABOUT EATING THIS MEAT IN FRONT OF YOU.”

Just as I don’t/try not to make people feel bad about the often incorrect and unnecessary use of “literally,” I don’t make people feel bad about eating meat in front of me. I don’t expect everyone to be vegetarian or vegan, and I don’t expect you to wait until I turn my back before you chomp into your burger or steak. Just as I enjoy my vegetarian meal, I want you to enjoy your steak ‘n’ potatoes. It’s even better if we can enjoy our meals <together.> Just as being gay is only a fragment of who I am, the same applies to my being vegetarian. Please, eat and enjoy your meat in front of me!

Yanni David Archuleta Lewis Black The Bible Show

03/16-20 Denver Auto Show 04/03 Rocky Mountain Bridal Show 06/17 Denver Comic Con

“WHY ARE YOU VEGETARIAN?”

While I know vegetarianism isn’t without its flaws and arguments, it’s something that works for me. I don’t feel I’m superior to those who choose to eat meat, but I will say I feel superior to who I was before I embraced a ovo-lactovegetarian diet.

PHOTO: EPICURRENCE

Animal rights, health, helping to save some natural resources. Next.

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Fortunately, you don’t need a gym or a ton of time to exercise. In fact, you can get your recommended exercise in throughout the work day so you can finally go home and watch season four of House of Cards.

One of the easiest ways to add some steps to your daily routine is to park at the furthest parking spot available.

When you’re at the grocery store, carry bags to fill up instead of pushing around a shopping cart … may as well get that extra arm work done too while stocking up on food.

Take the stairs whenever it’s an option. If you work on the 15th floor and that just seems excessive, take the elevator to floor ten and walk up from there. In a couple weeks, start at floor nine, then eight and soon you’ll literally be a stairmaster.

Instead of eating lunch at your desk, grab your headphones or a coworker and head outside for some stress-relieving, heart-pumping speed walking. If you’ve got a phone meeting, take it outside and walk instead of sitting at your desk.

ALL IN A DAY’S WORKOUT KELLY MORRIS

THE CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND Prevention recommends adults exercise at least 2.5 hours per week at a moderate-intensity level. You’ve already worked a long work day, up before the sun and done after it has set, and now people want you to add on exercise?

Who has time for the gym? Heck, who has money for a gym? No, thank you.

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If it’s an option for you at work, sit on an exercise ball instead of a chair. Sitting at a desk all day puts a lot of strain on your back and using an exercise ball will not only help you stay more aware of your posture, but work on your core and stability. If you can use one, add in little exercises throughout the day, such as lifting one foot off the ground at a time or moving the ball forward and backwards with your hips, as that will challenge your muscles in an unstable environment.

Take your happy hours to the park instead of the bar. Avoid that overcrowded patio and bring some blankets, a frisbee, and a ball to Cheesman and catch up with your friends while running around.

Beer is cheaper this way too.

Spend your weekend gardening, washing your car, walking to the coffee shop, or getting your dance on. The upcoming spring weather is perfect for outdoor activities and biking, so utilize the weather while you can.

The last piece of advice comes from Carrie Bradshaw herself: “Shopping is my cardio.” Take a few laps around the mall, the grocery store, Target — why use a boring treadmill when you can window shop and get your exercise in? Plus, the more you shop, the heavier the bags you’re carrying will be, and at that point you’re even adding strength to your cardio.

Remember, getting in your exercise doesn’t mean taking time out to go to the gym or even putting on your workout gear. Use your daily activities to your advantage and see where you can sneak in exercise that fits in to your needs.

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Grocery shopping can be the worst, especially with the rumor circulating that healthy food is expensive so you may as well just grab some cheap boxed and frozen food and call it a day.

IS IT ACTUALLY EXPENSIVE TO EAT HEALTHY? KELLY MORRIS

YOU’VE WAITED UNTIL SUNDAY AFTERNOON to grocery shop. You nearly got hit in the parking lot four times and then you almost hit someone yourself (ten points). It’s crowded. Carts are everywhere. Okay seriously, how many screaming children are in here?

Your list is a daunting scramble of words that don’t seem to matter anymore. Healthy food is expensive anyway.

Just grab some essentials and go. Looks like this will be another week of mac and cheese and frozen meals.

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However, eating healthy doesn’t need to be expensive. Sure, Whole Foods sells salads that reach well into the double digits and yes, buying organic can up your price as well — “Is that USDA organic or Oregon organic or Portland organic?”

— but you can definitely eat healthy on a budget.

Fresh vegetables never cost more than a couple of dollars. The price also drops when you buy seasonal produce, which means prices will soon go down for foods like apples, asparagus, broccoli, and radishes. Buy seasonal veggies and freeze them so when you’re craving brussels sprouts in the summer, you’ve already got them on hand.

Speaking of frozen vegetables, they’re another good way to keep food cost low.

Veggies destined for the frozen aisle are frozen just after being harvested so all the nutrients are there. Plus, because freezing preserves food — they don’t contain additives that other fresh veggies contain to ensure their shelf life.

Just throw some bags in the microwave, toss it over rice (brown rice or quinoa if you’re feeling especially healthy), and you’ve got veggie-packed stir fry in just a few minutes.

Buying food from bulk bins can also be a great way to save a few bucks. If you only need a cup of wheat flour, instead

of buying a pound of it, head to Sprouts so you can scoop out what you need. This also applies to grains and dried fruit and nuts which tend to come in huge packages for huge prices.

Meal-planning is another way to keep your prices low. Look for sales at the grocery store and plan your week’s meals accordingly. Planning out your meals will keep you from getting that sweaty, overwhelmed feeling at the grocery store that causes you to impulse buy whatever is most convenient.

Prepping meals like veggies for the week or meals for the next day will keep you from tossing in a frozen meal after a long day at work. It’ll also make grabbing some veggies for a snack at work just as easy as reaching for that candy bar.

Plus, if you already cut everything up for dinner the night before, it’ll be just as easy to prepare that meal tonight as it would to toss in a frozen pizza.

Staying organized can also expand your culinary horizons. You made squash the night before and now you have a ton left over? Use that google machine and find something else to make with squash. Also, repurposing leftovers into an entirely new meal will keep you from getting bored eating the same meal a few days in a row and reduce waste.

Remember, the key to healthy eating on a budget is to stay organized. Plan your meals, prep beforehand, and look for seasonal produce. Now, go take on the grocery store.

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My reason for changing my routine was time efficiency. On my own, I wasted hours a week planning my own fitness schedule, making sure I was stretching and hitting muscle groups in different ways. I also spent too much time in the gym, nearly two hours a day, five times a week. I was worried that I was becoming a gay stereotype, a man losing his mind over his body.

CrossFit is fast and efficient. By combining high interval cardio (sprints, rowing, and box jumps) and full-body muscle building exercises (calisthenics and Olympic weightlifting), patrons come out with stronger and leaner bodies. A typical CrossFit workout is twenty minutes and the clock and coach sweep you through it.

I go for my swift hour session a few times a week and then I leave. The work is done and I think about the rest of my life.

CROSSFIT MADE ME LESS BODY CONSCIOUS JACKSON DAVIS

UNLIKE STANDARD GYMS, CROSSFIT DOESN’T have big walls lined with mirrors. It doesn’t have men and women staring at themselves lined up in front of the dumbbells, headphones in, looking at their reflections as they pump.

I was used to that standard gym scene. Everyone in their own sphere, disconnected from the people around them.

I found myself envying the bodies of other guys, wanting various muscles like theirs. I would see myself in the mirror next to them, motivated to become like them.

Two months ago, I made the switch to CrossFit after four years of weightlifting in my standard fitness centers. I’ve traded full-length mirrors for concrete walls, my headphones for room-filling 80s rock or high-energy EDM, and glaring workout neighbors for an encouraging community of people.

Mentally, the greatest stride I have noticed since beginning CrossFit is that instead of focusing on my physique and constantly comparing it to the other men of the box (CrossFit slang for gym), I’ve begun to set fitness goals. Previously, I used to think, If only I could have biceps like that one guy in the white tank.

Now, it’s, I will work on my technique of overhead squats so I can complete a workout with 105lbs.

This goal — one I created with coaches and friends at the box — put a step in my journey, and an attainable one at that. By focusing on fitness goals instead of my body’s image, I’m becoming stronger and my physique will follow. I’m less aesthetically focused; I’m gaining strength and using the workout program to challenge me.

The best part of CrossFit has been its silly moments: playing dodgeball to warm up, the jokes between members while we share the mutual suck of the day’s workout, and talks in stretching circles post workout. To me, the program is a sports team for big-kid adults and this is why it’s compared to a cult.

That, along with the crossfitters who’ve taken to Instagram to flaunt about their daily achievements with shirtless or sports-bra selfies, offering a caption of self approval and challenging others to “get on their level.”

CrossFit is not a perfect program. I still struggle with its commercialization (now in over 10,000 locations worldwide), its obstinate owner Greg Glassman who ruthlessly attacks any criticism of his training program, and the risk for injury. But I know it’s given me more time in my day and is making me a stronger and happier man. I tread with caution, but I know now that I’m no longer the dullard staring narcissistically into the mirror, worshipping my aesthetics.

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THE PALEO DIET, ALSO KNOWN AS THE “CAVEMAN” DIET, IS BASED ON MIMICKING THE FOOD GROUPS OF OUR HUNTER-ANDGATHERER ANCESTORS BEFORE AGRICULTURE WAS AN OPTION.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES THAT AREN’T HARD TO DIGEST KELLY MORRIS

THESE DAYS, IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO BRUNCH. Each person has some sort of dietary restriction. Glutenfree, raw, paleo, and vegan — what do these words even mean?

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Those who don’t eat gluten by choice are different than those with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder in which eating gluten damages the small intestine. A gluten-free diet means food containing gluten, such as wheat, barley and rye, aren’t consumed. This means there shall be no breads, beer, or pasta.

So why would someone give up gluten by choice?

According to David Perlmutter, a neurologist and founder of one of the gluten-free movement’s foundational texts, Grain Brain: The Surprising Truth About Wheat, Carbs and Sugar — Your Brain’s Silent Killers, gluten sensitivity “represents one of the greatest and most under-recognized health threats to humanity.”

Five years ago, Rochelle Fuller joined her partner Heather in becoming gluten-free.

“I dropped ten pounds and I saw a significant difference in my running performance,” she says.

“I hit personal records the whole year.”

Many foods like fruits, veggies, meats, fish, poultry, unprocessed beans, and a majority of dairy products are naturally gluten-free. Grains like quinoa, rice, and cornmeal are gluten-free as well.

Another diet trend pushing its way into the world is the raw diet. One of the earliest raw dieters was Maximilian Oskar Bircher-Benner, a Swiss doctor in the 1870s who viewed raw food as “solar light energy.”

A raw foodist is someone who eats a majority of their meals uncooked and unprocessed. Once food is exposed to temperatures above 118 degrees, the natural enzymes that help balance and restore the immune system are destroyed.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 43

A vegan is someone who stays away from all animal products like meats, eggs, cheese, and dairy.

eat unprocessed, natural foods from the plant and animal world.

Tyler Despres became a vegan a few months ago.

After being sick for almost a decade, Jami Fynboh, co-owner of Denver’s mmm…COFFEE! Paleo Bistro, said she changed her diet and has been healthy since.

The Paleo diet, also known as the “caveman” diet, is based on mimicking the food groups of our hunterand-gatherer ancestors before agriculture was an option.

According to Dr. Cordain, the world’s leading expert on Paleolithic diets, this means eating more protein (19–35 percent instead of the average 15 percent) through meat, seafood, and other animal products. It also means taking in fewer carbs and more fiber through non-starchy fruits and vegetables. Essentially, those eating a Paleo diet 44

MARCH 16, 2016

“I picked up some Paleo books and read them all in one night,” Jami says. She’d been going to doctors for years with no cure. “It’s like the lights went on.

Everything made sense. It was a game changer. I was housebound for 13 years before Paleo and now I run a decent restaurant, cook, talk to people, and I’m really active.”

So there you go. If you’re searching for common ground within all these health trends, don’t fret — most restaurants and grocery stores already cater to every one of them. Brunch away my gluten-free, raw, vegan, and Paleo friends. Besides, mimosas are one thing all the diets are on board with.

PHOTO: BENJAMIN FAUST

“I think the treatment of factory-farmed animals is intolerable and I don’t want to contribute to its success,” Tyler says. “I also know the healthy aspects of removing animal fats and cholesterol from my diet.”

QUEEN OF ACES The Colorado Gay Volleyball Association held Queen of Aces at Charlieâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on February 27th. A capacity crowd packed the Jack Daniels Lounge to watch the house queens perform, purchase raffle tickets in hopes of seeing Justin Bieber, and help raise money for CGVA. To learn more about CGVA, please visit their website at CGVA.org.

Photos by Charles Broshous

EARN YOUR BODY. Join today and your first month is FREE. *Join between March 16th-April 6th.

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IT ALL STARTS AND ENDS AT THE CORE

What you might not realize about your gastrointestinal system is that it affects everything from your memory and mood to your immune system and overall brain health. When you think about the fact that your large and small intestines stretch a whopping 25 feet (marinate on that image for a moment) and are essential to your digestive and immune systems, it makes sense they have so much sway over the rest of your body’s functions.

When you make an effort to improve your gastrointestinal health, you allow your body to create more of the healthy bacteria that essentially shifts into Ryan Gosling and says to your brain, “Hey, Brain: It’s okay for you to relax yourself and settle down.” Marinate on that image for a moment! All of that glowing bacteria churning in your guts has a positive impact on mineral and vitamin absorbency, vitamin production, hormone regulation, your body’s ability to give toxins their walkin’ papers, and your immune response.

A BAD FEELING IN YOUR GUT

ALL UP IN YA GUTS O’BRIAN GUNN

ADMIT IT, YOU’VE PROBABLY WONDERED how you’d look with a glistening six pack, abs broken up into cobblestones with those little ripples trailing down the sides as you flex. While you’d be sure to turn heads at the beach and gym, you still might not feel as awesome as you look.

Your body has a second brain found in the gut, and if you fail to eat right and take care of your gastrointestinal health, you may find yourself feeling as unnatural and disharmonious as Rebecca Black’s autotuned voice.

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If you know anyone with irritable bowel syndrome, Celiac disease or leaky gut, then you might already have an idea of how likely it is for a person with a bowel disorder to have autoimmune disease as well as a mental issue such as depression or anxiety.

Even if you don’t have a bowel disorder, you can still tell your guts are in need of some Tender Lovin’ Cleansin’ if you experience: • Bloating after eating • Abdominal discomfort • Flatulence • Headaches • Weakened immune system • Fatigue Your intestines are more likely to become inflamed or irritated whenever you eat heavily processed foods or foods to which you’re sensitive. What’s happening is food proteins are flooding your bloodstream like frothing Beyonce fans and kicking your immune system/security team into action, which can result in mood changes and debilitate your cognitive functions.

DIET IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER

So what can you do to keep bad gastrointestinal health from making you feel like a bourbon-swillin’ detective in a film-noir flick? You can look into

advanced diagnostic testing to determine if you have any food sensitivities of which you might not be aware. If there are certain foods you can’t have that contain nutrients you need, research healthy alternatives. A nutritionist can help you develop a well-rounded diet focused on the the four Rs of digestive and gastrointestinal health: Remove, Repair, Restore, and Replace.

You can also take a more low key approach. Start by cleansing your guts by eating: • Dark, leafy greens • Cayenne • Fennel seeds • Oregano • Peppermint • Chia seeds Once you’re done with the removal phase, you can begin to repair, restore, and replace with: • Probiotics, such as natural yogurt and kimchi • Ginger • Bananas • Fiber • Citrus fruits • Eggplant While you may never have slabs of steel masquerading as abs, you can most certainly have the healthiest GI tract in town. I’m sure there’s a joke in there somewhere, I just need to squeeze it out.

PHOTO: IAN CUMING VIA GETTY IMAGES

• Water (to replace what you lost while cleansing)

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 47

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Jerry Cunningham THE TONY-AWARD-WINNING PETER AND THE STARCATCHER, NOW PLAYING AT THE BDT Stage in Boulder, is a coming-of-age adventure story about a nameless orphan (played by Jack Barton), who is inspired by a rare and ambitious girl named Molly (Sarah Grover), and how he became the extraordinary and long-celebrated hero that is the ‘Boy Who Would Not Grow Up.’ The play opens on the dock of Portsmouth, where two ships — the Wasp and the Neverland— are about to set sail. Lord Aster (Brian Burron) and the Wasp’s Captain Scott (Brian Jackson) are preparing to carry out a special ‘trunk-delivery’ mission for the Queen of England. While the Neverland ship carries another trunk that is said to contain magical “starstuff,” Slank (Joel Silverman) — evil captain of the Neverland — conspires to switch the two trunks. Once at sea, we are introduced to the most feared pirate, Black Stache and his swashbuckling sidekick Smee, played by the accomplished and very entertaining duo Scott Beyette and Wayne Kennedy.

For a play, Peter and the Starcatcher has a lot of sophisticated, grown-up humor, but fear not noble, sea dweller — there’s plenty of suitable fun for all ages. Most of the more mature laughs in the story will ‘sail’ right over the younger heads in the audience, but anything that might not is pretty innocuous.

The show is chock-full of slapstick humor, fart jokes, stage trickery, melodramatic choreography, and plot twists that will keep kids engaged while adults snicker at numerous pop culture references and double entendres about Philip Glass

operas, Starbucks, and Michael Jackson’s dance moves. Very funny, clever, and something you wouldn’t expect from a show that’s supposed to be set in the late 1800s. The play’s pure silliness at times made me feel as if Monty Python flew his circus to the island of Neverland and began running amok, which made for an evening of fun and enjoyable entertainment.

The cast of Peter and the Starcatcher — directed by acclaimed local favorite Nick Sugar — is a gifted ensemble of talented performers who effortlessly switch from narrating the story to playing any number of different and unforgettable characters from sailors, pirates, and naval officers to native islanders, captive orphans, and even a mermaid or two.

Interestingly, in doing some research on the story’s history, I learned that starting back in 1924, the theatrical role of Peter Pan has almost exclusively been portrayed

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PHOTO: GLENN ROSS PHOTOGRAPHY

PETER AND THE STARCATCHER BENDS THE RULES AND THE DRESS CODE

Peter and the Starcatcher has a lot of sophisticated, grownup humor, but fear not noble, sea dweller — there’s plenty of suitable fun for all ages. Most of the more mature laughs in the story will ‘sail’ right over the younger heads in the audience.

by a female and ever since, casting a woman in the role has become the norm.

In nearly every film adaptation, however, Peter has been played by a male.

And in Peter and the Starcatcher, the role of Mrs. Bumbrake, Molly’s faithful nanny, and not the role of Peter, is crossgender casted and so goes BDT’s version.

Bob Hoppe plays Mrs. Bumbrake, a strict yet flirty Brit who is prone to alliteration when ‘they’ speak.

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One might wonder if Mrs. Bumbrake being cross-cast is a nod to the tradition that started back in 1924 or if it’s “gender-bending,” a form of social activism created to breakdown rigid and oppressive gender stereotypes — think nurses, nannies, firemen, and even pirates. Or, perhaps, could it be a reaction to, and protest of, homophobia, transphobia, or misogyny?

“At the top of the show, the audience is asked to imagine that planks and ropes become a ship and other set pieces,” explains Director Nick Sugar. “So it makes perfect sense to allow them to imagine an actor with a rag on top of his head becomes a charming nanny.” The role of Mrs. Bumbrake, “was originally played by a woman, but as the storyline evolved, a male actor was cast into the role making Molly the only [biological] female character on stage. Having only one female among the cast of men made a stronger statement of how much women have had to evolve in a male-dominated society. This made the idea that Molly’s character was ‘against impossible odds’ even stronger by the end of the show, as her father points out.”

Other notable performances include the nanny-smitten Alf (RJ Wagner), Fighting Prawn and leader of the Mollusk Tribe (Matt Gnojek), the pork-loving Ted (Chas Lederer), and his wannabe-leader friend, Prentiss (Ben Griffin).

I believe that Barrie’s original work, as well as Peter and the Starcatcher, strives to free us — if only for just a moment — from the notions and confines imposed by the past, our culture, and religion and encourages us to stretch and wrap our brains around the idea that anything is possible.

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51

H E I N Z ES I G H T

LET THE MUSIC PLAY Brent Heinze, Senior Columnist

I’ve also been a musician since starting to play piano when I was 5 years old, but didn’t realize how many gay people were in the world creating music. Now I’m excited to lead a synthpop band called Probe 7 with fellow homo Seth Moons.

There are particular thoughts that happen when someone brings up the topic of “gay music.” For some, it is all about artists who motivate us to gyrate on dancefloors while others appreciate the songwriting and social consciousness of other musicians. The 70s and 80s brought us a huge variety of amazing gay artists like Sylvester, Michael Stipe, Pet Shop Boys, Boy George, Elton John, Freddie Mercury, Melissa Etheridge, Rob Halford, Indigo Girls, and Village People into the mainstream.

Modern pioneers like Fischerspooner, Scissor Sisters, Steve Grand, Martin Sorrondeguy, and Cazwell have built on the legacy of these queer artists and gained commercial success.

These performers have married their musical talents with an openness of their sexuality in a primarily straight industry.

Colorado is fortunate to have its own collection of gay musical artists and performers who’ve entertained our community.

Performers like Hotel Radio, GSTV, Damien Dane, Coles Whalen, Sarah & the Meanies, Zack Fay, and Sarah Slaton have provided opportunities to see live performances and have released many songs and albums. The huge monthly alternative dance night Ominous is co-produced by Sante Suffoletta, Tina Berger (Slave1), and out-and-proud DJ Ritual.

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It creates an environment where all sexual orientations and gender expressions are welcomed to enjoy an evening of music, dancing, art, and performances. Our local community is full of creative diversity and often shows that they’re not afraid to be honest about their sexuality.

My band has the opportunity to open a show on April Fool’s Day in Denver for an unexpected ally in gay rights. Leather Strip is one of the most popular bands in industrial music with creator and frontman Claus Larsen proudly being an openly gay man.

He’s been with his partner for 23 years, got married in Denmark in 1998, and they perform live on stage together. Unfortunately, his career is not without brushes with discrimination. They have experienced a fair amount of homophobia from some members of the music community including fans and DJs, but it has not stopped them from continuing to put out popular albums and touring the world. Although not identifying himself as a gay activist, Claus identifies his contribution to gay rights simply by being open about his sexuality through messages in his music and public persona.

It’s important to encourage our community to search out gay artists who have the courage to live a life out loud and create art in a variety of forms. Support performers who let the rest of the world know that gay people exist in the entertainment industry they already enjoy, and that there are many others still left for us to discover.

We’re excited to participate in this show on April 1st with Leather Strip and supporting bands Ludovico Technique and Voicecoil. This will also be a party to celebrate the release of our new music video and album Over & Out (fun double entendre, right?) at the Oriental Theater promptly at 9pm.

Pre-sale tickets may be purchased at OminousDenver.com.

PHOTO: RYAN MCGUIRE

GROWING UP, MUSIC WAS ALWAYS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY life. It’s been there for me regardless of whether I was in a happy or depressed mood. It acted as therapy when I was challenged to identify or accept feelings that were confusing or uncomfortable. It’s provided hours of enjoyment and created opportunities to forge some amazing friendships.

POLAR PLUNGE Hundreds of people took to the frigid waters at Boulder Reservoir on March 5th and were Freezin’ for a Reason! Under the watchful eyes of Boulder Fire Rescue, approximately 500 participants showed their support for the 18,000 Special Olympics athletes in Colorado by taking the plunge — the Polar Plunge! Proceeds from the annual event benefit Special Olympics Colorado.

Photos by Charles Broshous

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53

H EA LT H

Certainty sounds familiar. There are weeks when life feels like a continual maze of responsibilities and obligations and dead ends. Sisyphus pushing that damn boulder up that damn mountain. And what does it all amount to in the grand scheme of the universe? Is anyone going to be reading articles by Mike Yost 100 years from now?

Nope.

But I do find it a little comforting that falling head-first into an outright existential crisis, splintering the will to exist, isn’t limited to human beings. And how did these mice get depressed? Lack of serotonin in the brain? Loneliness? The realization of their own finitude?

Nope.

It was scientists restraining them or lightly shocking them into hopelessness. Yeah. Depressing, isn’t it?

So why the hell are Swedish scientists shocking mice into depression? It was to discover why exercise helps fight against depression (obviously).

I’ve heard it thousands of times. I’m sure you’ve heard it, too.

Hell, I’ve written about it. Regular exercise has been shown in numerous case studies to combat depression and anxiety.

I can tell you from personal experience that exercise helps (though it doesn’t cure).

But how? What specifically is happening in the body and/or brain when you exercise that shoots depression in the knees?

Is it that deluge of endorphins known as “runner’s high”? Is it just crawling out of that troll cave that is your bedroom?

Well, no one really knows for sure, but those Swedish scientists had a hunch.

DUELING WITH DEPRESSION: OF MICE AND EXERCISE Mike Yost TURNS OUT MICE CAN GET DEPRESSED. LIKE, REALLY DEPRESSED. So much so that in 2014, scientists at the Stockholm Karolinska Institutet observed mice that were so despondent, they didn’t even bother trying to navigate a maze filled with cold water.

The mice just remained motionless and froze.

What’s the point? Those scientists are just going to throw me back into the maze when I finish. Same routine, day after day after day. Why bother?

54 MARCH 16, 2016

Science Dump: When you exercise, your body generates an enzyme called PCG-1alpha1, and this enzyme affects another chemical in the body called kynurenine, generated when you’re stressed (like being shocked or thinking about the meaningless of existence). Kynurenine passes through the blood-brain barrier and inflames the brain, which can lead to harmful changes in mood. (An inflamed brain is a depressed brain.) The PCG enzyme breaks down kynurenine so that it can’t pass into the brain, stopping the inflammation. (An uninflamed brain is a content brain.)

So, the Stockholm scientists bred mice already flooded with high levels of PCG-1alpha1, essentially creating exercised mice — without the exercise. The pre-exercised mice were more resilient when shocked, finding their way out of the cold-water maze instead of becoming depressed and freezing.

The peer-reviewed study, published in Cell, concluded that reducing “kynurenine protects the brain from stress-induced changes associated with depression.” Now, if only those Swedish scientists could find a way to bottle PCG-1alpha1, you could shoot up your daily exercise routine before digging into a pan of pot brownies and watching an entire season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. (Make it so!)

I feel my depression lifting already.

5

REASONS TO GET TESTED FOR COLON CANCER

if you’re 50 or older or have a family history of colorectal cancer

1. YOUR KIDS 2. YOUR FRIENDS 3. YOUR EXTENDED FAMILY 4. YOUR FUTURE 5. YOURSELF

To learn about ways to prevent colon cancer, visit cancer.org/fightcoloncancer or call 1-800-227-2345.

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O U T BAC K CLASSIFIEDS Envisioned by Boberto

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MARCH 16, 2016

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57

BAC KWO R DS

ASK A SLUT [WARNING: GRAPHIC]

I’m a vegetarian and I was wondering if it’s safe to use a cucumber as a dildo.

Signed, FEAR OF MEAT Zoey: Only if it’s certified organic, gluten-free, sugar-free, and kosher … and then used in a salad so others can “embrace the eternal love between you two.”

Latexa: I’m a firm believer that anything can be used as a dildo if you’re brave enough, but it does give a whole new meaning to tossing the salad.

Cookie: Fruit/vegetable salads are always the best; just make sure you wash them. They don’t call it a “tossed” salad for nothing.

Jack-Lynn: Definitely! I’m a recovering vegetarian myself and might I suggest the American cucumbers? (They tend to be much wider than the European version.)

I lost $100 Super Bowl bet and don’t have the money. What do you suggest I use as an alternative way to pay?

Signed, 9-POINT SPREAD Zoey: The obvious answer would be to pay it back while flat on your back, but let’s go at this from a different direction. Face down on the dinner table satisfying the winner and three of his closest friends (one for each quarter of the game) is perfectly in bounds.

Latexa: If you have to pay back $100, hard labor should do. I’m sure their house needs to be painted, or their yard needs some work. If that’s not up 58 MARCH 16, 2016

your alley, your best bet is getting that mattress and doing what you do best.

Cookie: Get down on your knees and open wide.

For that price, maybe you could also find some help on Colfax or Broadway when they’re doing their parade.

Jack-Lynn: You can spread up to 9 points? Oh, honey that won’t be fun … anyone very skinny will have to strap a board to their ass to keep from falling in.

My boyfriend wants to videotape our sexcapades and, to be honest, it sounds hot. I think we’re a hot couple, but I’m afraid that the camera will lose three inches and add 15 pounds if you know what I mean. What should I do?

Signed, LEAKED AUDITION TAPE Latexa: Videotaping yourself always sounds like a good idea — the problem is, most people don’t know what angle they look good at or what angle they look really bad at. Practice in the mirror and get good hair and makeup.

Cookie: Are you feeling a little self conscious there? Poor baby. The solution is always to find better angles. From certain angles even Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton look good on camera.

Jack-Lynn: I think my sister Sluts and I would be happy to preview that movie for you. If it’s worth a damn we’ll upload it ourselves. If it’s not any good, I’m certain we could agree to film another version in person and give you pointers as you go along.

Hell, we might even make a cameo appearance.

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