CO LO R A D O'S LG B TQ M AGA ZINE | F R E E
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CONTENTS MARCH 21, 2018 VOL41 NO31
6 STORMING THE CAPITOL: WHAT LGBTQ LOBBY DAY FOUGHT FOR 8 MARCHING TO A DIFFERENT DRUM: THE FIRST ACTIVE DUTY GAY COUPLE WAS MARRIED AT WEST POINT IN JANUARY 11
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THE ART OF THE QUEER CANNABIS WEDDING 16
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THREE YEARS LATER: THE QUEER MARRIAGE DIVIDE 19 LGBTQ INTERNATIONAL WEDDING DESTINATIONS 2018 30 WEDDING WARS: AHEAD OF ITS TIME TV MOVIE 38 DUELING WITH DEPRESSION: A DIALOGUE LACKING LOGIC
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SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontMagazine.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontmagazine.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontmagazine.com RYAN HOWE Editor ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER Associate Editor BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist SARAH FARBMAN Copy Editor INTERNS: Arianna Balderamma, Kate Dooley, Madeline Espinoza WRITERS: Hannah Gartner, Yvonne Wright, David-Elijah Nahmod, Ezra Kronfeld, Louisa Silverman, Mike Yost ART art@outfrontmagazine.com DESIGN2PRO Graphic Designer CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS Charles Brohous, Mike Bomberger MARKETING + SALES marketing@outfrontmagazine.com HARRISON SCHAFFER Director of Sales & Marketing BRENNAN GALLAGHER Marketing Executive National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 | sales@rivendellmedia.com
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What LGBTQ Lobby Day Fought For By Louisa Silverman
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he Capitol building is beautiful. The golden domes that sit majestically in Capitol Hill shine a bright light into the Mile High City. On February 26, the beauty was made even more so by the number of LGBTQ people in its hallways, decorated with rainbow flags and pins, buzzing with excitement and nervousness. They spent the morning bracing themselves, their hearts beating so loud they could drown out words. That day, the Capitol became their space, and they made the rules. Everyone was impressed by the 12-year-old girl who stood up to a rather unfriendly senator as he peered down at her during an earnest explanation of why everyone deserves equal rights. She was met with cheers and congratulations when her mother, grinning, recounted what happened. Equally powerful was the woman who squealed with excitement as she welcomed a hug from Representative James Coleman. She voted for him, granting him the authority to protect her rights, but she didn’t really know him until that day. She would never have realized how down-to-earth he was had she not gotten to talk to him face-to-face. Seeing legislators as people with personal values and concerns is important to constituents.
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Indeed, fellow lobbyist Charles Turlington felt empowered by Lobby Day and the idea that, as he put it, “Me, myself, and I could just walk into the Capitol, shake people’s hands, and talk to them.” Constituents had the opportunity to snag legislators right off the floor during a brief recesses and ask them to share their opinions on the LGBTQ-related bills of this legislative session: HB 18-1046 New Birth Certificate to Reflect Gender Change, HB 18-1245 Prohibiting Conversion Therapy on Minors, and HB 18-1206 Live & Let Live Act. Turlington asked Coleman what he thought about the Live & Let Live Act, which would allow businesses to turn away customers for any reason on the basis of religious beliefs. As a deeply religious man, Coleman expressed to Turlington his personal opinions on why Christianity and LGBTQ folks can exist in harmony, and how he didn’t understand how businesses could afford to turn customers away. “Your business must make a lot of money if you can afford to turn someone away just because they’re LGBTQ,” he said. His message moved Turlington, who was impressed by the way Coleman’s opinions seemed to be “coming from a place of love and acceptance.” Representative Jovan Melton also explained how he was troubled by cases like Masterpiece Cakeshop v. Colorado Civil Rights Division and legislation like Live & Let Live Act, which would permit widespread, categorical denials of services, because they were eerily reminiscent of stories his grandfather told him from the 50s and 60s in the southern United States. “That’s absolutely where we were 60, 70 years ago,” Melton said. “These bills are not moving us forward toward real equality. Civil rights doesn’t just mean for black people, people of color; it means for everyone that could possibly be discriminated against.” As an African American truck driver from Arkansas, Melton’s grandfather was frequently prohibited from eating in the front of restaurants and often even denied service altogether, being told at one restaurant that they would
not accept his business because they served “white-only pies.” “My grandfather’s white pies are today’s straight cakes,” he said. Representative Leslie Herod, a member of Colorado’s LGBTQ Caucus, spoke briefly, urging constituents to stay politically informed and active, because the legislative process is an arduous and slippery one, making progress susceptible to attacks. “I think the tide is turning,” she said smiling. “But, we know that our issues are much bigger than just marriage [equality]. We are impacted by everything that happens in this building.” Shortly thereafter, Herod and other members of the LGBTQ Caucus, including Senator Joann Ginal, Representative Paul Rosenthal, and Representative Daneya Esgar, made arguments for the New Birth Certificate to Reflect Gender Change, the first Colorado bill directly focused on trans rights that would bring Colorado law in line with federal policy for transgender Coloradans who want to update the gender on their birth certificate. The bill would significantly decrease the number of hoops transgender Coloradans currently have to jump through in order to change their genders on their birth certificates, and these legislators strategically pointed out how this modification would actually be a move toward less government involvement, a value of many Republican legislators and their constituents. Current Colorado law requires a person to have sex reassignment surgery (SRS) in order to update the gender marker on their birth certificate to accurately reflect their lived gender. For many transgender people, this means the genders on their birth certificates will never be updated to reflect who they are because many people do not want, cannot afford, or do not need surgery. These arguments were apparently successful, as the lobbyists watched the bill pass the House. The startlingly underwhelming delivery of the result was met with cheers from the gallery.
“In all honesty, I thought it was a little bit inspiring to hear the arguments on the other side,” Turlington said. He emphasized that those perspectives show which conversations we need have, and how to have them, “without going into defense mode.” “I think that finding common ground is the lesson, as a country, that we’re learning right now—or needing to learn,” he said. The third bill, HB 18-1245 Prohibiting Conversion Therapy on Minors, has been shot down in the capitol for three consecutive years. The bill would prohibit licensed doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists from using conversion therapy techniques on anyone under the age of 18. Conversion therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to suppress feelings of same-gender attraction with the goal of changing a person’s sexual orientation. It’s currently illegal to practice the therapy on minors in California, Oregon, Illinois, New York, New Jersey, and Vermont, and Washington State is working on similar legislation. “This bill will safeguard LGBTQ minors from being subjected to harmful and abusive practices trying to change who they are or who they love,” said One Colorado’s political director Laura “Pinky” Reinsch. “LGBTQ young people who undergo this so-called ‘therapy’ are proven to be at risk for long-term depression, guilt, rejection, and even a heightened risk for suicide.” “Despite the fact that nearly all of the leading mental health organizations in the country, and in Colorado, reject the practice of conversion therapy, the Republican members of the committee chose [in the past] to disregard science and the heartbreaking, emotional stories of those who came to testify in support of the ban.” Currently, the bill has passed the House and is pending approval from the Senate. These are the bills those queer lobbyists filled the halls of the Capitol to support or destroy. The force of so many people determined to be vulnerable for the sake of their community is one that will only grow stronger as the fight continues. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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MARCHING TO A DIFFERENT DRUM: The First Active Duty Gay Couple was Married at West Point in January
By Hannah Gartner
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n January 13 of this year, history took place at the West Point Cadet Chapel when Captain Daniel Hall and Captain Vincent Franchino wed in front of 150 of their closest family and friends. Although this was not the first samegender marriage to have occurred at the United States Military Academy, it was the first between two openly gay, active duty members of the armed forces. Both men are captains and Apache helicopter pilots. This fact makes Hall and Franchino’s union truly remarkable, opening a new epoch for the LGBTQ community within the U.S. military. For most of recent history, the mindset toward LGBTQ service members has been that they are not fit to serve. This perception arose around WWII. Before that time, homosexual acts were seen as the issue, but new research in psychology shifted attention to the persons engaging in those acts. Suddenly, identifying as gay
or bisexual, even if one never acted on their sexuality, was grounds for discharge. During WWII itself, when the military needed every able-bodied man available, the rules around LGBTQ service members were relaxed. The leniency was off the books, an effect of recruiters asking fewer questions and turning a blind eye rather than a sign of progressive policy. Unsurprisingly, as soon as the war ended, the policies around LGBTQ service members were again tightened. Although this same pattern of easing strictness in wartime continued throughout the 20th century, the overwhelming trend has been consistent discrimination against LGBTQ military personnel. In the 90s it looked like this might improve. As Bill Clinton got ready to be sworn in as the new president, the public cried for equal treatment of gay and lesbian individuals in the military. Clinton entered the White House saying that he would overturn the discriminatory
Ask, Don’t Tell,” and a few months later the two men went on their first date. Like any love story, there have been bumps along the way, and for these two the bumps have included issues that are particular to military couples. Hall has been sent on multiple deployments around the world, including a stint in South Korea that almost did the couple in. This deployment occurred only a few months after they were able to come out, so the relationship was still fresh. The stress of long distance and the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell," proved to be too much for Franchino, and they decided to see other people. However, they were unable to stay away from each other and began dating again the following November. They have been together ever since. The difficulties of making a relationship work are not the only hardships that these two have had to overcome. When speaking with the New York Times, Captain Franchino said, “We’ve experienced everything from people feeling awkward around us to being called faggots while holding hands.” Still, they would rather make others uncomfortable than go back to living the lie that their career paths required of them until recently.
protocols faced by LGBTQ military personnel, but was quickly met with resistance on the issue. As a way of compromise, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was passed. Under this law, potential service members were not allowed to be screened based on their sexuality, but they were also forbidden from serving as openly homosexual, bisexual, or trans. The policy was touted as being better for everyone, yet it required gay military personnel to hide parts of themselves for fear of discrimination, namely the possibility of losing their jobs. When Hall and Franchino met at West Point in 2009, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still the policy. They hit it off and became friends, but despite mutual attraction, could not start a relationship. In fact, the need to hide their gayness was so ingrained that they both found out about the other’s sexuality from friends. Then, in September 2011, the Obama administration officially repealed “Don’t
“Despite what we’ve been through, nothing was worse than having served during the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ years,” he continued. At their wedding, Captains Hall and Franchino were decked out in their military finest. They cut the cake with Hall’s officer saber and were given the honor of a saber-arch salute by the 34 other military personnel in attendance. They could be themselves fully, both military men and proud gay men at once. Wanting to serve this country does not only appeal to a certain demographic or cookie-cutter identity. It is not dictated by race, gender, or sexual orientation, yet for so long this country has wanted that to be the case. What is truly amazing is that to individuals like Hall and Franchino, serving is so important that they were willing to put their personal comfort and self-expression on the back burner. We should rejoice that this is no longer the necessary for them, but not forget that for many, in particular the transgender community, the struggle to be out and open while serving their country is still very real. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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or years, LGBTQ folks have been fighting for marriage equality, and finally, same-gender weddings are becoming the norm. But queer folks never wanted to just be normal. For starters, by their very definition, LGBTQ relationships are multilayered and intersectional. A lot more politics goes into putting two and two together when issues like trans inclusion, marrying outside the straight binary for people of color, and non-monogamous marriage are on the table. Plus, being normal is no fun. The very construct of marriage is steeped in heteronormative traditions, many of which are oppressive to women, and weddings are often expensive, and not accessible to everyone who wants to throw a party to celebrate their love. And it’s no secret that queer people know how to throw a good party. LGBTQ folks want to be fabulous and really make a splash, while also tending to the social issues often swept under the rug. 1 2 \\ M A R C H 2 1 , 2 0 1 8
This is why cannabis weddings are an awesome alternative for those looking to tie the non-traditional knot. Cannabis and LGBTQ advocates go hand-in-hand, since both are fighting for human rights and for consenting adults to be able to do what they want. A lot of queer people are also stoners, making a wedding that allows consumption the perfect pairing. Essentially, a cannabis wedding is any life-joining event that includes the leafy green stuff. Celebrations range from a couple puffs as part of a ceremony to fully immersive experiences where all the guests are invited to dose up. We spoke to some cannabis wedding experts to get the lowdown on inclusivity, legality, and how to throw a great party.
Cannabis-Friendly Venues One of the biggest things to consider when holding a cannabis wedding is where it should take place. Unless you have a really cool, private spot, most
wedding venues probably won’t allow cannabis consumption. A few spots that do right here in Denver are the Clocktower on the Sixteenth Street Mall, and the Church of Cannabis, a local organization started up to promote community and cannabis advocacy. “The LGBTQ community is already out there doing new things,” explained Lee Molloy, one of the Church of Cannabis founders. “Gay marriage is a new thing that’s legal, and so people who are going out and getting married are always finding new vows, new ways to create ceremonies, and they get to do that because they are starting from scratch, not hundreds of thousands of years of history. The cannabis situation is also new, so it’s kind of falling in with this new, improved way of getting married for people.” If you rent out the Church of Cannabis, you can enjoy all kinds of consumption at your wedding, from a toke exchanged
before the kiss between lovers to a blunt spark-up for the entire congregation.
personalized attention to couples that need it, and she loves it when she gets to work with queer folks.
High Attire
“I make wedding dresses, so two dresses are better than one,” she joked. “And each design varies so much. Sometimes the dresses will coordinate, have a theme, the same texture playing throughout, and that’s worked really beautifully when I know both brides’ secrets. Also, brides have collaborated; sometimes they come to appointments together, help with the design decisions, and do things that way. I think both approaches are really lovely. And of course, sometimes I am just designing one wedding gown for that couple; maybe the other partner is wearing a vest or suit or a jumper or something totally different.”
While it would be difficult to actually wear smokable cannabis, there is the option to outfit yourself head-to-toe in hemp. Janay Mallela of High Vibe Bride is passionate about dressing brides up in the cannabis-derived fabric. Not only does she care about cultivating wedding experiences and honoring all types of love, she thinks that wedding dresses should be ethically sourced. “I am one of the only brands in the U.S. that just creates gowns from botanic and natural fabrics,” she explained. “I use a hemp fabric and I also have a vegan, organic cotton option.There are not a lot of people doing hemp-lined dresses. They are really durable, beautiful, and there is a natural texture. Eventually, I would love to be able to source domestic hemp as well.” Mallela partially started her own company because she was tired of the icky trends she saw in the wedding industry, such as certain folks being kept off of showroom floors, and a culture that was quick to judge folks against an unrealistic standard of beauty. With High Vibe Bride, she is able to deliver
The Main Attraction The most important ingredient at any cannabis wedding, of course, is cannabis. You buy the cannabis you want to serve, and Irie Weddings & Events puts it all together into the perfect presentation. “As far as what the bud bar looks like, it depends on what people want to do,” said Madlyne Kelly, co-owner, about how cannabis can be presented. “We can have a simple, understated table;
recently we did a Halloween, Friday the 13th wedding, and we got to go nuts in terms of decor. We flex and decorate according to clients’ requests.” Irie has worked with many same-gender couples, both brides and grooms.They always aim to present what the client is looking for and make sure everyone has a stony good time.
In the Bedroom The icing on the cake for many wedding days is the wedding night, and there is a cannabis solution for that, too. Satya Kama is a company that makes edible cannabis body products. Purely by accident, founder Shadi Ramey was experimenting in the bedroom when she realized her products had more use than just as a cosmetic. “I think the inclusivity comes with our approach to really bringing integrity and awareness to all of the elements of our business,” explained Ramey, who makes all of her products from hemp seed oil and all edible ingredients. “In that way we are open and want to connect to everybody who has skin, who wants to connect, who supports the hemp plant, who loves love, whatever that looks like and feels like.”
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By Ezra Kronfeld
THREE YEARS LATER: The Queer Marriage Divide
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n June of 2015, at the conclusion of the Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges, five of the nine justices agreed that the Fourteenth Amendment assures same-gender couples the right to marry. After years of conflict between a myriad of parties, it all came down to that stirring landmark decision, mandating marriage equality on a federal basis. In the almost three years since this case, the issue of the legality of LGBTQ marriage has mostly died. All of those conservative pundits who cried degeneracy up to and a few months after the Supreme Court’s decision have now, as predicted, moved on to pushing anti-trans discrimination in schools and public places, trying to allow businesses to refuse service to the LGBTQ community, and other queerphobic causes. So, while same-gender couples’ right to marry can mostly be considered secure, not all queer folks love the modern institution of marriage, or would personally wish to be wedded to their partner. In some cases, they may prefer not to limit themselves to one partner. Polyamory, meaning an understood romantic relationship between more than two persons, has recently received more international attention than at any other time in recent history. In January of this year, it was announced that Angela Robinson’s biographical drama Professor Marston and the 1 6 \\ M A R C H 2 1 , 2 0 1 8
Wonder Women, which recounted the controversial love life of psychologist William Marston, his wife Elizabeth, and their partner Olive Byrne, would be nominated for Outstanding Film: Wide Release at the GLAAD Media Awards. Given this nomination for an LGBTQ film award, as well as the fact that many polyamorous folks are also in the queer community (and vice versa), it is pertinent to examine their views and lives when looking into the whole of marriage and relationships in our community. Robyn Trask, polyamorous advocate and director of the nonprofit Loving More, believes that while appealing to the mainstream may be necessary sometimes, exclusion can be a serious worry. “Many in the LGBTQ community had to basically say ‘hey we’re just like everyone else; we just want to get married and be monogamous’ in order to get marriage equality,” claimed Trask. “I understand why they did the messaging the way they did in the community, and why that was important... but the drawbacks are having people not feel like they’re welcome, or feel like they don’t belong.” This kind of thing can manifest itself in varying ways, including stereotyping of the non-monogamous as promiscuous, and even outright hostility toward polyamorous folks and groups like Loving More.
While queer women have long had a reputation for monogamy, queer men certainly haven’t; this has had major implications throughout the fight for gay rights since the 60s, and inter-community conflict often arises due to the perceived promiscuity of gay and bisexual men. The recent work of Blake Spears and Lanz Lowen, a couple who has independently conducted research into relationships for years now, shows that monogamy may be on the rise for younger queer men. In a 2017 survey they conducted of monogamous and non-monogamous queer men, a whopping 92 percent of the single queer men who responded claimed that they expected to get married someday, with 90 percent seeking monogamy in general. Studies like these, among anecdotal and cultural evidence, appear to show a shift in the culture toward monogamy and marriage since 2015. It should be kept in mind, however, that Spears and Lowen have been in a non-monogamous relationship for over four decades, and like countless others, they live happily. The queer community can never, has never, and will never be a monolith, but as we desire those outside of our fabulous bunch to treat us with dignity, we must also respect the lifestyles of fellow LGBTQs. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Buenos Aires
The Caribbean The Caribbean is the number-one destination wedding location for Americans. Again, be careful. Popular islands like Jamaica, Barbados, and St. Lucia still have anti-gay laws on the books and can be very dangerous for LGBTQ people. Other islands are welcoming to the LGBTQ community but still haven’t legalized equal marriage.
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omantic. Scenic. Exotic. International destination weddings can offer everything from a beachside ceremony at sunset to early-morning safari nuptials. But be forewarned. Some of the world’s most popular wedding destinations for Americans are also some of the most dangerous places for people in the LGBTQ community. So, before saying “I do” to a foreign location, it’s a good idea to check in on the queer-friendly rules in that locale.
The Americas If you’re looking to tie the knot in South America, it’s a good idea to do your homework. This is because the laws don’t always match up with the sentiment. LGBTQ marriage is legal in Argentina, Brazil, Uruguay, and Colombia. Both Brazil and Colombia are trying to break into the same-gender wedding business by offering destination packages. But, surveys show neither is very queer friendly. Some areas are downright dangerous. Buenos Aires isn’t just considered the Paris of South America; it’s also considered the LGBTQ capital. If it’s romance you want, the particularly progressive Argentine town hosts the seductive Queer Tango Festival every November. Queer-friendly areas include San Telmo, Retiro, Barrio Norte, and Palermo Viejo. For a more quiet, intimate affair, you might consider Uruguay’s capital of Montevideo. The laidback port city offers beaches and captivating colonial architecture. It’s also a ferry ride away from Buenos Aires. If you’re looking to get married in Central America, several states in Mexico have legalized same-gender marriage. But, again, do your homework before you go. Resorts often offer all-inclusive wedding packages, and if you’re planning to stay at the hotel the entire time, you should be fine. However, walking hand-in-hand down many of Mexico’s streets is a dangerous proposition. When it comes to the Americas in general, the further north you go, the better the prospects. Canada was the fourth country in the world to legalize gay marriage, and Vancouver is like the gay Vegas for destination nuptials.
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Curaçao, for instance, has the most prominent LGBTQ tourism campaign in the region. They even offer LGBTQ wedding packages. Only problem? It’s not legal for same-gender couples to marry there. If you’re looking to actually wed, all U.S. and French territories offer equal marriage. So do some independent islands. Perhaps the most queer-friendly island is one a lot of people have never heard of. Saba was the first Caribbean island to make marriage legal for everyone, and several dive operators offer special outings for gay and lesbian travelers. The island is the smallest of the Netherlands Antilles and is known for its ecotourism that offers hiking, biking, and diving. For drinking, gambling, and beaches, you might consider its next door neighbor of St. Martin. You can get married there, too, if you go to the French side of the island. St. Maarten–the Dutch side of the island–hasn’t yet legalized same-gender marriage.
Europe What’s not to love about Europe? There’s a little bit of everything there and lots to choose from. Currently 29 of the 50 countries recognize LGBTQ marriage. The first, and perhaps most friendly, tend to be the countries in the north. The Netherlands became the first country to legalize it in 2001. It’s also legal in most popular western European countries like France, Germany, and Spain. Don’t expect to get married in most eastern European countries, though. Most are still behind in same-gender legislation.
Jamaica
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Cape Town
New Zealland
Two years ago, Ireland became the first European country to legalize LGBTQ marriage by popular vote, ushering in a new, more liberal period. One of the most popular LGBTQ destinations is the European country known for its northern lights. When Iceland legalized same-gender marriage in 2010, their prime minister became the world’s first openly lesbian head of state to marry her partner.
Africa In Africa, choosing a country to marry in is easy. That’s because it’s only legal in one country. And given how homophobic much of Africa is, it’s surprising how welcoming South Africa is to same-gender couples. Cape Town often makes the top ten lists for international gay wedding destinations. There are several bohemian “gayborhoods,” including De Waterkant, which is known for its gay-friendly and gay-owned businesses, restaurants, hotels, and bars.
Asia
conservative lawmakers have held up a push to legalize it. Last year, Australians were finally allowed to vote on it, and after most approved it, lawmakers passed it. You can now be married anywhere in the LGBTQ-welcoming country. New Zealand is still most people’s top choice for same-gender weddings in the South Pacific. It was not only the first country there to legalize equal marriage; it has become a major destination, especially in early September, when the annual Gay Ski Weekend attracts lots of couples. Territories of the U.S., France, and Britain recognize samegender marriage, but culturally, don’t expect to be welcomed with open arms. Some hotels on island nations like Tahiti and Fiji advertise LGBTQ wedding packages. Just be aware, many of the locals see homosexuality as a “western perversion.”
Middle East Forget it. Not only is equal marriage banned in the Middle East, homosexuality in general is illegal in more than half of the countries there. Five punish LGBTQ activity with death. But, with so much of the world now welcoming same-gender couples, there are plenty of international destinations from which to choose.
You’ll have to wait a while if you want to get married in Asia. Taiwan is set to become the first Asian country to legalize LGBTQ marriage, but it likely won’t happen until next year. In 2017, its top court ruled the New Zealland existing law banning same-gender marriage was unconstitutional. The court gave the country two years to rectify that. With elections slated for later this year, actual legislation isn’t expected until 2019. Also, be aware that public perception is not in step with the new ruling. Most people surveyed do not support equal marriage.
South Pacific In Australia, we are seeing the opposite situation. While most people there have supported queer marriage for some time, 2 2 \\ M A R C H 2 1 , 2 0 1 8
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Photography by From The Hip
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By David-Elijah Nahmod
Wedding Wars:
Ahead of its Time TV Movie
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opular TV hunk John Stamos stars in Wedding Wars, a 2006 TV movie in which the LGBTQ community goes on strike for the right to marry. Though the SCOTUS decision legalizing queer marriage at the federal level was nearly a decade away, the issue of samegender marriage was very much on the table at this point. Through humor and pathos, Wedding Wars addresses the issue head on.
Shel is ridiculed on the air, dozens of gay men and lesbians join his protest. Shel soon finds himself on the cover of The Advocate, the country's leading gay news magazine. The protest spreads to all fifty states, with gay people walking off their jobs, demanding the right to marry.
Shel (Stamos) is an openly gay party planner, madly in love with his boyfriend Ted (gay actor Sean Maher). Shel is delighted when his brother Ben (Eric Dane) asks him to serve as wedding planner; Ben is engaged to Maggie (Bonnie Somerville), the governor's daughter. When the governor (James Brolin), who's up for reelection, publicly states that he's against LGBTQ marriage, Shel refuses to continue planning Ben's wedding.
Shel sums it all up in one sentence: "I just want the same thing you have."
Shel, who had always been apolitical, surprises everyone. He sets up camp in front of the governor's mansion and stages a one-man protest, which captures the attention of a local TV station. After 3 0 \\ M A R C H 2 1 , 2 0 1 8
Ben, in addition to marrying the governor's daughter, is also a speechwriter for the reelection campaign. He asks Shel to stop.
There are many touching moments throughout the film, such as when Ted drives to the mansion late at night to make sure that Shel, who is camping out at his post 24/7, has blankets and pillows. Ted places a blanket upon Shel and gently kisses him. Shel's stand forces him to come out to his parents. At first it's difficult for all three of them, but they love each other. Shel, much to his delighted surprise, gets his parents' support. Unfortunately, things don't go so well between Shel and Ben. Though the brothers also love each other, Ben remains uncomfortable with
Shel's sexuality, and is embarrassed at how Shel has caused the gay marriage issue to become front-page news. Maggie is not happy with Ben's attitude; she gets the film's best line: "You and your brother have something in common," she tells Ben. "Neither of you is having sex with a woman tonight!" Stamos, best known for his long running role on the sitcom Full House, is quite good in his first gay role. He beautifully conveys Shel's anger at the injustice of not having the same rights as everyone else. At first he stumbles a bit, but as his campaign picks up steam, he becomes more confident and self-assured. Stamos also gets able support from a fine cast. Now that we have marriage and a level of visibility that we never had before, Wedding Wars might be viewed by some as passĂŠ. Don't be too quick to write the film off. In addition to serving as a reminder of a battle we fought not that long ago, the movie is a sweet and charming delight. It remains well worth a look. Wedding Wars can be found on DVD through Amazon.
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CALENDAR MARCH 23
MARCH 23-25
SASS CAPACITY NOIR CITY DENVER
Blush & Blu, 1526 E. Colfax Ave.
Alamo City Draft House, 7301 S. Santa Fe Dr.
The Prowler: 3/23 @ 7:00 p.m.
In partnership with the Film Noir Foundation, check out the first-ever Noir City Denver. Six noir films will be presented for your viewing pleasure by Eddie Muller and James Ellroy. Tickets are available online.
Wicked as they Come: 3/24 @ 7:00 p.m.
The Lineup: 3/23 @ 9:30 p.m. 711 Ocean Drive: 3/24 @ 9:30 p.m. I Walk Alone: 3/25 @ 3:30 p.m. He Walked by Night: 3/25 @ 6:00 p.m.
Every fourth Friday, SASS CAPACITY takes over Blush & Blu, hosted by DJ L.A. Zwicky. This month’s event features a special guest appearance from DJ Gary Givant, so expect lots of great tunes. Blush & Blu is a safe space, and the venue owners and SASS CAPACITY reserve the right to keep it that way. Doors at 9 p.m., $5 cover charge.
MARCH 24
MARCH 29
THROWBACK NIGHT WITH LEA LUNA 45S AGAINST 45 AN ANTI-TRUMP DANCE PARTY Hi-Dive, 7 S. Broadway If you love 80s vinyl and don’t have love for our 45th president, this is the dance party for you. All the music will be retro, featuring everything from new wave to hip-hop to post-punk to rock to funk to pop. This event is also a fundraiser for the NCLU! Doors are at 9 p.m., and there is a suggested donation of $7.
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The Black Box, 314 E. 13th Ave. DJ Lea Luna is usually known for spinning the hottest, newest tracks, but this time she takes it back a little bit at The Black Box with a classic, all-vinyl set. On support are Adam Consigli, Evenfl0, and Nutmeg. See you on the dance floor! Doors are at 9 p.m.; tickets are $10 in advance, $15 at the door.
DRAG NATION 9 YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION
MARCH 30
Tracks, 3500 Walnut St.
Come celebrate the 9th year anniversary of iconic drag nation with some seriously sassy queens at Tracks! Nina Flowers of Ru Paul’s Drag Race is hosting, and other Ru favorites Vanessa Vanjie Mateo and Dusty Ray Bottoms will be making appearances as well. DJ Markie is spinning, and there will be drink specials. Doors are at 9:00 p.m., and the show is $10 in advance, $15 at the door.
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Photos By Charles Broshous
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Hello? Anyone there?
Still not following.
What . . . what are you doing?
I mentioned how there’s very little about mental illness that fits neatly inside any organized logic box. There’s absolutely nothing rational about having a panic attack in the grocery store because there are too many people standing around you buying potatoes.
Just seeing if you’re still around. I’m in your head, remember? Of course I’m still here. And I’m also trying to think. About what? About what this article is going to be about.
Clearly you’ve never been to the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving.
Ha! Very little about mental illness makes sense. And you claim to be in my head!
Even then, you can tell yourself a thousand times that having a panic attack in a grocery store is completely irrational—that you’re not in any real physical danger—but reason doesn’t stop the panic from manifesting into a physiological response.
But if someone is reading these words, that means you’ve already not only come up with an idea for the article, it’s been written and submitted to your editor, right?
Like falling to the floor in the fetal position, shaking in terror, unable to breath, feeling ridiculous about the whole thing. Stop sugar-coating this shit. It’s debilitating!
Well, maybe that’s the point.
Fair enough.
What point?! What the hell are you talking about?!
And aren’t anxiety and depression and all sorts of crazy mental illnesses clearly outlined in the DSM?
That . . . that doesn’t make sense.
You’re trying to apply logic to an experience that clearly falls outside of the boundaries of reason.
A tool that can be used incorrectly. Homosexuality was once outlined as a mental illness in the DSM, calling it “sexual orientation disturbance.” Well then, f*ck that book! Hold on. Remember our discussion about nuance?
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That was like a month ago. Don’t dismiss the DSM entirely. I’m just saying that— SOD What? Sexual orientation disturbance. S.O.D. Short for sodomite. You can’t tell me that wasn’t done on purpose. I’m just saying that there is a utility in using a sharp knife like the DSM to carve out all the variations of mental illness; just keep in mind that the knowledge gained using such a tool isn’t the entire picture. Like illuminating a corner of a large painting with a small pen light. Who the hell relates to depression when it’s defined as a list of bullet points? Depression is like tumbling down into a deep gorge, cracked fingers gripping sharp rocks before I slip and fall some more, reaching out with broken arms toward distant figures standing at the edge of the cliff. And no matter how much I scream for help, no one can really hear me. They just go about their lives at the lip of all that darkness and madness I’m buried beneath. You can’t reason your way out of such a place. And what do you do when you’re having an anxiety attack?
Who the hell can do that? Just. Focus. On. Your. Breathing. I get it. F*ck logic and reason. Okay, no. That’s not what I’m saying at all. Remember nuance? You do realize you’re using a logical argument to encourage people not to be so logical? I’m just saying that there’s a danger to overthinking, to ruminating for endless hours over the causes of depression. I save that for trips to the therapist’s office, or at least with a friend I can confide in. But when I’m trapped inside those gorges, I just try to take care of myself without working so hard to fix myself. I hate therapists. Okay, I know you’ve had some bad experiences with therapists, but now you’re being— How the hell would you know? You’re a voice in my head, remember? What if you’re the one yammering away in my head? Fair enough.
Umm ... are you talking to me? Or is this a hypothetical question for the reader? You’re taught to focus on your breathing. That’s it. Don’t try to think logically. Don’t even try to clear your mind of thoughts.
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OUTREACH
QUEER-FRIENDLY HEALTHCARE The Trevor Project............................... 866-488-7386 Suicide Prevention Lifeline...............800-273-8255 Lis’n Crisis Hotline................................ 303-860-1200
FOR INFO ON PLACING AN OUTREACH AD
303-477-4000
One of the proudest moments in my life was marrying my husband in the mountains of Winter Park, CO. I never predicted that I would marry a man, let alone a couple years after coming out. Through trusting myself and staying true to who I was, taking risks by sharing myself with family and friends, and staying connected to the same people as they changed their beliefs, I entered into the most enriching relationship of my life. But, there were questions. What role do the fathers play in the wedding? Does one of them hand over the groom to the other groom? What about the dance? Do both mothers get to have a mother-son dance? And what about the wedding party? Has anyone figured out what to call the best man who’s a woman/maid of honor on one of the grooms' side? But my husband and I overcame as we worked together. We got to decide how we wanted it to go. We got to have arguments over who would walk down the aisle first (we walked down both sides at the same time, if you’re curious). And, we got to say it was our wedding. Would it have been nice to follow a cookie cutter mold? Sure. Would I trade what we had for that? Not in a million years.
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BAR TAB | THE HOTTEST COLORADO NIGHTLIFE
BOYZTOWN
117 Broadway St, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com
CHARLIE'S® NIGHTCLUB
900 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com THU: 2-4-1 drinks 7 pm – closing FRI: Neon Party SAT: Shirts Off-Half Off! SUN: 3-4-1 drinks 4 – 8 pm Kai Lee’s KiKi at 9 pm
CLUB Q
HAMBURGER MARY’S
1336 E 17th Ave, Denver (303) 993-5812 hamburgermarys.com/denver
LIL’ DEVILS
255 South Broadway St, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com
LIPSTICK NIGHTCLUB
5660 W Colfax Ave, Denver (720) 669-3470
PRIDE & SWAGGER 450 E 17th Ave #110, Denver (720) 476-6360
R&R DENVER
4958 E Colfax Ave (303) 320-9337
TRACKS
3430 N. Academy Blvd, Colo. Springs (719) 570-1429 clubqonline.com
3500 Walnut St, Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com
CLOCKTOWER CABARET
2036 N. Broadway, Denver (303) 658-0913 triangledenver.com
16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe, Denver (303) 293-0075 clocktowercabaret.com
COMPOUND BASIX
145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com
DADDY’S BAR & GRILL
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ES
T.
PRIDE & SWAGGER
31ST AVE. WRANGLER
T
HAMBURGER MARY’S
17TH AVE.
L
COLFAX AVE.
AV E
ES
XBAR
11TH AVE.
COMPOUND BOYZTOWN 1ST AVE. LI’L DEVILS
OGDEN ST.
GLADYS 6TH AVE. TRADE
CLARKSON ST.
8TH AVE.
WASHINGTON ST.
VYBE
DADDY’S BAR & GRILL
R+R DENVER
CHARLIE’S BLUSH & BLU
YORK ST.
AL
O AH AP
COLORADO BLVD.
ST .M
K
TRIANGLE
PENNSYLVANIA
1027 N Broadway, Denver (720) 608-8923 vybe303.com
H
PA R
BROADWAY
VYBE
16 T
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629 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com
CLOCKTOWER
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UT
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VD BL
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X BAR
N AL
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500 Santa Fe Drive Denver, Colorado (303) 893-6112
W
WRANGLER
3090 Downing St, Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com MON: Poker Tournament 7 pm WED: Big Gay Jeopardy 8 pm FRI: Free Taco Bar 4-8 pm Phat Friday 9 pm SAT: $3 Svedka SUN: Charity Beer Bust 4-8 pm Show Tunes 9 pm
AK
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GLADYS: THE NOSY NEIGHBOR
BL
$8 Bottomless Beers 3:30 – 7:30 pm SUN: Funday $1 Bud/Bud Light 7 - 11 pm
SP
4501 E Virginia Ave, Glendale (303) 388-8889 Facebook - Elpotrero.180
TRACKS
SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.
EL POTRERO
TRADE
475 Santa Fe Dr, Denver (720) 627-5905 THU: Skivvy Stripdown SAT: Beer Bust
BROADWAY
1120 E 6th Ave, Denver (303) 993-6365 daddysdenver.com TUE: Pizza & Pitcher $12 WED: Daddy’s Girl Drink Specials SAT & SUN: Brunch Buffet $15, add bottomless Mimosas or Blood Mary’s$10 DAILY Lunch Specials
THE TRIANGLE BAR
DOWNING ST.
BLUSH & BLU
1526 E. Colfax Ave, Denver (303) 484-8548 blushbludenver.com
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OUTBACK CLASSIFIEDS | ENVISIONED BY BOBERTO
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