May 4, 2016 :: Glamping

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6 | O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M | F R E E

GLAMPING GLAMPING BECAUSE IT’S FINALLY TIME TO BREAK OUT THE TENTS, SUNCREEN, AND GLITTER.

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 3

CONTENTS MAY 04, 2016 VOL40 NO03

22

PHOTO // ZACH DISCHNER

06 TAKING ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY

36

30

10 THE GROVE: A PLACE FOR REMEMBERING 14 THAT TIME I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE TRANS 18 GLAMPING: IT’S WHAT TO DO THIS SEASON 20 HIDDEN DANGERS ON HIKE DAY 26 PITCHING TENTS: 8 LGBT-FRIENDLY PLACES TO CAMP THIS SPRING 28 GOLDEN GATE CANYON STATE PARK: GO FORTH AND WANDER 32 BIG CITY WILDS 38 FESTIVAL GLAMPING 48 HEINZESIGHT 54 THE INTOXICATING POWER OF THE KISS 58 ASK A SLUT

42

ON THE COVER

Ryan Howe photographed

by Paul Wedlake Photography.

4 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

SERVING THE LGBT COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 3535 Walnut Street, Denver, Colorado 80205 PHONE 303-477-4000 • FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontOnline.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontonline.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontonline.com BERLIN SYLVESTRE Editor RYAN HOWE Digital Content Manager BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist RACHEL BECHER Intern CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Don Alderson, Anna Biscay, Elle Browning, Brett Callwood, Steve Cruz, Khoa Lee, Kelsey Lindsey, Ryan O’Loughlin, Mikey Rox, Chris Schaaf, Stephen M. Small, Wesley Smith, Akiva Weinstein, Yvonne Wright, Mike Yost, The Cycle Sluts, Associated Press ART art@outfrontonline.com TRISHA HIMMLER Art Director CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Charles Broshous, Zach Dischner, Ryan McGuire, Paul Wedlake, Mike Yost, ExtremeShots Photography

GIVE IT

TO US

Your opinion that is.

MARKETING & SALES marketing@outfrontonline.com DUSTIN KRIER Director of Sales & Marketing JORDAN JACOBS Senior Marketing Executive TOPHER LA FLEUR Marketing Executive KELSEY NOLAN Marketing Executive NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 | sales@rivendellmedia.com DISTRIBUTION

OUT FRONT’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge, one copy per person. Additional copies of OUT FRONT may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at OUT FRONT offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. OUT FRONT is delivered only to authorized distributors.

No person may, without prior written permission of OUT FRONT, take more than one copy of OUT FRONT. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM/NEWS/2016-SURVEY

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY

Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization.

Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT, its staff, or advertisers.

RESERVATION OF RIGHTS

Q Publishing Group, LTD is the owner of all right, title, and interest in the OUT FRONT brand and logo. No person or entity may reproduce or use (or authorize the reproduction or use of) the OUT FRONT brand and logo in any manner other than expressly authorized by Q Publishing Group. Unauthorized use of the OUT FRONT brand and logo is strictly prohibited.

OUT FRONT is published by Q Publishing, Ltd., a Colorado corporation and is a member of: NEPA, Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

WIN A VIP PACKAGE

COMPLETE THE 2016 LGBT COMMUNITY SURVEY

+ be entered to win a VIP package to OUT FRONT’s Birthday Bash with the Sex Shooters on June 18.

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 5

PERSPECTIVES

TAKING ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY RAISE THE BAR: DEMAND PROOF THE SEETHING RASH OF ANTI-GAY/LESBIAN AND anti-trans legislation spreading across the US is fueled in great part by one phrase: “religious liberty.” It’s a ruse for the same ol’ vitriol that has found a new vent. Religious liberty is simply another situation where religious conservatives concoct standards for others, but none for themselves. It’s time for a strong offense, and in legal matters PROOF is the standard. The bar must be set for religious authenticity that requires those seeking religious liberty to prove their devoutness.

If governments — and even the Supreme Court of the US — refuse to separate church from state, then opponents of theocracy should recognize the strength in our position: A great many American Christians are lazy pricks when it comes to religious observance — I know firsthand; I graduated from Bible College, then attended and worked in numerous churches with my wife. The Bible levels requirements on believers and clearly spells out the evidence of faith. Bewilderingly, in American courts and legislatures, religious devotion is most often a matter of say-so. Time to challenge those who think a verbal claim of religious fervor overrides the civil rights and fair treatment of others.

To start, investigate businesses and owners to make sure their financial records reflect tithing: ten percent off the top contributed to a religious institution — all the more reason to rescind tax exemption for religion: You want to give, then GIVE. (How popular would Jesus be if he wasn’t deductible?) Furthermore, is there evidence of charitable generosity or are they just enriching themselves?

Next, those who feel entitled to religious liberty should be scrutinized by biblical standards against pride, greed, vanity, sloth, wrath, gluttony, and envy, as well as lust, gossiping, lying, and drunkenness … for starters. Then evaluate whether religious 6 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

chest-beaters are following commands to be humble, kind, compassionate, charitable, selfsacrificing, “the servant of all,” and loving.

THE BURDEN OF PROOF IS ON THOSE WHO MAKE THE CLAIM. Finally, an audit of the business and personal finances, as well as sworn legal affidavits from neighbors, parents, spouses, children, employees, and vendors should help weed out hypocrites. If religious liberty is allowed preeminence, then those wielding it as a cudgel should prepare for a lot of hard work.

When religious conservatives rushed to establish “sanctity of marriage” laws and amendments defining marriage as “one man and one woman,” I had the same thought: You want sanctity of marriage? You’re gonna get sanctity full throttle! I imagined legislation that would have made marriage so sanctified, only saints and angels would qualify.

What if Kim Davis had been denied her second, third, and fourth marriage licenses based on marital sanctity? At the other end of the topic, what if marriage vows became ironclad and divorce was granted only in extreme circumstances and adulterous remarriage not allowed? Even more incisive, what if marriage was unavailable to those who fail to procreate? The outcry would be deafening … but it would also shake a lot of people out of their apathy toward marriage equality.

Steve Cruz

LEGAL DIRECTORY

CAN I FLY WITH MARIJUANA? This is a frequently asked question by marijuana patients, caregivers, and enthusiasts who are

wanting to travel outside their resident state.

The question immediately brings up one of the most debated political topics around the legalization of marijuana — federal versus state and local laws.

According to state law, whether or not you can fly within different areas of a single state in possession depends on the state in which you are traveling. Both Colorado and Washington may allow adults 21 and older to have up to an ounce of marijuana, but those policies are at odds with federal law. Additionally, it is unclear how marijuana-infused edibles are interpreted under the law and the legal limits.

According to federal law the answer is also no, you may not fly on a commercial airliner in possession of marijuana or products that contain marijuana. Airports, airspace, and airplanes all fall under federal jurisdiction and marijuana is considered illegal under

THE SAWAYA LAW FIRM

303-GOOD-LAW • SawayaLaw.com 1600 Ogden St • Denver, CO Auto Accidents • Personal Injury Worker’s Comp. • Social Security

federal law, therefore being in possession is punishable by up to one year in prison and a minimum fine of $1000 for a first conviction.

That was until two weeks ago.

THE O’CONNELL LAW FIRM, PC

303-759-4000 • OConnellLegal.com 910 13th St, Ste 300 • Golden, CO Personal Injury • Estate Planning Wills • Trusts • Marijuana Business

On April 1 of this year, President Obama issued Executive Order 21302, effectively removing marijuana from the list of controlled substances.

JOHNSON MÁRQUEZ LEGAL GROUP

303-394-3030 • JohnsonMarquez.com 4500 Cherry Creek Dr S, Ste 700 • Denver, CO Divorce • Child Custody/Support Family Law • Domestic Violence

And what does that mean for traveling while in possession of marijuana? Well, it’s not really clear. It seems like playing it safe in the short term is a better strategy than risking detainment at the airport, having your wacky-tobaccy confiscated or, worst yet, being thrown in jail.

LAW OFFICE OF BYRON K. HAMMOND, LLC

303-501-1812 • BKH-Law.com 3900 E. Mexico Ave • Denver, CO Wills • Trusts • Estate Planning Probate • Elder Law

If you’re still unsure, or if you’ve been charged with marijuana possession, it’s important that you get in touch with an experienced marijuana defense attorney to fully understand your rights and ensure that they are protected.

BLOCH & CHAPLEAU, LLC

303-331-1700 • BlochChapleau.com 1725 Gaylord St • Denver, CO Family Law • Civil Union Dissolutions Pre-Union Agreements • Auto Accidents

TITUS PETERSON, AAL

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

outfrontonline.com/legal-directory | To advertise here, please call 303-477-4000.

303-260-6412 600 17th St, Ste 2800 South • Denver, CO Personal Injury • Criminal Law Marijuana Business • Divorce

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 7

PERSPECTIVES

Hobby Lobby — the religious liberty grand champion — sells pagan and mystical merchandise that is incongruent with religious purity. Seasonal items represent Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Halloween; year-round merch includes gnomes, unicorns, wizards, and fairies; even the magical imaginings of Harry Potter are profit generators for Holy Hobby Lobby. Their claim of religious devotion should have been laughed out of court.

“TO THOSE ACCUSTOMED TO PRIVILEGE, EQUALITY FEELS LIKE OPPRESSION.” This sentiment has been around in various forms to describe opposition to human rights advances by those in the majority, whether the issue is race, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic, or accommodating those who are differently abled.

This isn’t the first time religion has been used to bolster arguments against human rights.

Slavery, the right for women to vote and hold property, non-white soldiers joining ranks with

whites, and the Civil Rights Movement have all been rebuked by those claiming the Bible backs their bigotry. Religious liberty is a battle cry against decency.

Time to challenge those who think a verbal claim of religious fervor overrides the civil rights and fair treatment of others.

Along with raising the bar, it’s time to sound the alarm. When states with “Potty Laws” targeting trans people actually figure out enforcement, imagine the inconvenience if LGBT activists and allies stood outside public restrooms and phoned police every time a suspect person entered a bathroom. Women with flat chests, narrow hips, short hair, wigs, large hands and feet, or rotund figures that defy womanly curves: all suspect.

Men with boobs, wide hips, soft facial features, delicate hands, small feet, or muscles and beards: suspect as well. Somebody call the Crotch Patrol!

In conclusion: With liberty comes duty. The popularity of religious liberty laws that seek to control who uses which bathroom or allows businesses to discriminate against LGBT at whim stems from the fact that it’s easy. Sure there are business and celebrity boycotts, but nothing feels better to a bigot than elevating oneself by standing on the necks of others.

If the idea of demanding proof gets around, having one’s enterprise and life splayed open for examination could change the game.

ONE MOMENT IN TIME Charles Broshous and Toby Romero celebrated their marriage atop a Denver landmark, the historic Daniels & Fisher clock tower. Built in 1911, the clock tower endures as one of the most recognized icons in Denver, and is now on the National Register of Historic Places. Clock Tower Events converted the top five floors of the 393-foot tower 8 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

into a cozy, scenic venue perfect for an intimate wedding ceremony, reception, party, or dinner. The venue features two wrap-around balconies, panoramic views of the city, and chic décor.

“The Clock Tower proved to be a magnificent space for a wedding and the perfect place to start our new lives together,” Charles says.

PHOTO // EXTREMESHOTS PHOTOGRAPHY / EXTREMESHOTS.COM

Bakers, florists, and other business owners who refuse to sell (SELL!) products or services to gays and lesbians for their weddings should be asked to provide proof that they also deny non-virgins, non-believers, and divorcees.

The Bible speaks against marriage in all these situations. Surely vigilant Christians wouldn’t want to “participate” in such noxious unions.

Restaurant owners and workers, landlords, and other service providers who are discriminatory should have their lives dissected and ruthlessly examined.

RED ROCKS CONCERTS

June 9

Performing QUEEN’s Greatest Hits

THE #1TB IN W THE HEEATLES #1 BEATLESSSHOW HOW IN THE ORLDWORLD

"

1964 The The Tribute Tribute

"

WEDDINGS • CELEBRATIONS • MEETINGS Golden Foothills, I-70/Genesee exit • 303-526-3105 www.MountVernonCC.com 25 MINUTES FROM DOWNTOWN DENVER

August 26 1-888-9-AXS-TIX

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 9

THE GROVE: A PLACE FOR REMEMBERING IT BEGAN WITH ONE MAN’S VISION OF A SPACE FOR contemplation, and happened because a group of his friends labored for seven years to make that vision a reality.

On the edge of downtown Denver, and on the banks of the South Platte River, sits one of just a few memorials in the US — or worldwide — dedicated to those lost to HIV/AIDS. It’s called The Grove, initially inspired by the National AIDS Grove in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park.

Nestled between the river and Little Raven Street near 15th is an area that is part of Commons Park but is separated from the recreation area. In a small grove of trees, with gravel paths winding through, a brief inscription on a rock tells the story. “This area of Commons Park is dedicated to the remembrance of those who have lost their lives to AIDS and to their loving caregivers who helped them live out those lives with dignity and grace.”

When Doug McNeil saw the AIDS Memorial Grove in California, he asked why his hometown of Denver couldn’t have such a place. Doug died of AIDS in December 1993 at the age of 54. He left behind a group of devoted friends and an idea.

“Doug’s friends got together and agreed they wanted to carry out his dream of getting that done,” says John McNeil, Doug’s brother. “We felt it was sad that there was nothing to commemorate those who had passed on and the many who were ill and dying.”

“Literally on his deathbed, he charged the people around him to get it started,” remembers Al Halverstadt, who was then a neighbor of Doug’s.

“We needed a Grove in Denver.”

That band of friends pulled in their friends and incorporated as The Grove Project. In addition to Halverstadt, then rector at St. Barnabas Episcopal church and now retired, Patterson Benero, Mary Blish, Merilou Johnson, Roger Moore, Sen Talley, and Randy Wren joined the organizing committee.

None were experienced in local or LGBT community politics; only Moore and Wren were members of the LGBT community.

McNeil and Benero had known each other for years.

Both were realtors and very active in supporting Denver’s arts, such as Central City Opera and the 1 0 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Young Adults Symphony. “Doug was very polished and very social,” Patterson says. “He was a lot of fun to be with.”

Wren also remembers McNeil for the good times they shared. “I met him in the late 1980s and we became instant friends. Doug was very witty and had movie star good looks, like Montgomery Clift. He was very sophisticated and gave wonderful dinner parties,” says Wren.

The Grove Project applied for and received a 501c3 non-profit status with the federal IRS. Halverstadt headed the board of directors. They took Doug’s idea to the city’s Department of Parks and Recreation.

Memories differ on the reception they got at the Parks Department. The first site proposed was the lawn on Speer Boulevard behind the Performing Arts Complex. Benero recalls, “I thought it would be interesting with Doug’s background in the arts and theater to have it in [the DCPA’s] backyard. But the city’s reaction was rather stern. Like, how dare you consider that site?”

“They didn’t like the idea of an AIDS memorial right in front of the DCPA because people were there to have a good time, they said, and wouldn’t want to be reminded of AIDS,” Wren says.

“At the time,” says Benero, “AIDS was still a no-no. Why would anyone want to glorify such a thing?”

Halverstadt too recalls the fear of AIDS and even of gay people in the early 1990s. “Funeral directors were refusing to handle the bodies of those with HIV for fear of infection,” he says. “People were afraid that even contact with gays could spread the disease.”

Ray O’Loughlin

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 11

By 1993, Colorado had seen 6,617 cases of HIV/AIDS with 2,473 deaths, according to the Colorado Dept. of Public Health and Environment. At that time, however, most LGBT community energy was diverted to the aftermath and court challenge to the infamous Amendment 2. In 1992, Colorado voters added a provision to the state’s constitution that prohibited any government agency from enacting any protection against discrimination toward lesbians and gay men.

That measure was immediately taken into state courts with the Colorado Supreme Court eventually ruling it unconstitutional, followed by the US Supreme Court finally ruling it in violation of the US Constitution.

That campaign took four years.

Garnering little community support, Doug’s friends plodded on. Halverstadt remembers Mayor Wellington Webb’s office and staff at the Parks Department being favorable to the idea of The Grove, but claiming the city had no money to build such a space.

The Parks Department proposed another site, this one in a park in southeast Denver. The committee rejected that, since it was remote. A third site was proposed on the north side of town, but that too was rejected.

According to John McNeil, “The city kept changing their minds on a place.”

“We felt it needed to be more in the central city where people with AIDS tended to dwell,” says Halverstadt.

“Plus, we feared there might be some neighborhood resistance in the more suburban locations.”

After years of negotiations, somebody — nobody recalls exactly who — suggested the newly planned Commons Park being constructed along the South Platte River.

Organizers liked the idea and took it to the Parks Advisory Board for approval.

“They seemed concerned about approval by the community,” recalls Halverstadt, “but, in the end, decided to take a risk and approved the plan. They wanted to do the decent thing.”

In February 1999, a letter of agreement from The Grove Project board formalized the final plan. “We are delighted that The Grove is an entity in Denver and know that it will be a place enhancing the appeal of Commons Park while offering a site for all to find quiet and comfort,” read the letter drafted by Halverstadt.

He also praised the Parks Department for their cooperation in the project. “Everyone in the Department of Parks and Recreation has been a joy to work with — open, creative, dedicated, and thoughtful.”

That letter also mapped out the vision for The Grove.

It described “a grove of trees that would offer the community a quiet space … appealing to any passerby.”

1 2 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

The letter also promised that The Grove Project would provide $10,000 toward the construction. The trustees, Doug’s loyal friends, pitched in much of that amount.

Randy Wren, an experienced event producer and publicist, also organized a lavish Valentine’s Day fashion show and dinner to raise funds.

Ruth Murayama, a landscape architect with the Parks Department, designed the area, working with The Grove Project to make the spot “a place for reflection,” she told The Denver Post, which covered the dedication in 2000.

The plan was for a quiet space. “It was to be a contemplative spot, a place to go to remember in an area of historical significance to Denver,” says Wren.

“When people would come into it,” says Halverstadt, “they would be invited by its beauty and peacefulness to reconnect spiritually with those who have gone. It was not to be a picnic spot, but a place to escape busyness.” According to Halverstadt, there was never a plan to list the names of those who had died, since it was not a memorial for individuals.

“It was to be simple and natural,” recalls Benero, “a contemplative place for people who had been touched by AIDS — their families, caregivers, friends.”

“This area of Commons Park is dedicated to the remembrance of those who have lost their lives to AIDS and to their loving caregivers who helped them live out those lives with dignity and grace.”

Enter the south end of Commons Park from Little Raven Street near 15th, turn to the left, follow a walkway down an incline, and you’ll find yourself in a quiet, recessed area of trees. You’re in The Grove.

There are stones meant to serve as benches amidst shrubs and grasses along gravel paths. It has the rustic feel of a High Plains cottonwood grove. The two-acre area stretches down to the banks of the South Platte River. If the river is high, some of the lower area may be marshy. The path winds around and climbs up to the pedestrian bridge over the river.

On Aug. 12, 2000, a small celebration welcomed The Grove. There were prayers, some singing, and a few speeches. Benero remembers herself and others tying dozens of red ribbons on tree limbs in memory of their many friends and relatives lost to AIDS. They quickly ran out of red ribbons. By 2000, the numbers had risen to 8,211 cases of HIV/AIDS in Colorado and 4,394 deaths.

Between 1982 and 2014, there have been 12,698 cases of HIV/AIDS reported in Colorado. Although the death rate has dropped dramatically in recent years, there are still 300–400 new diagnoses reported each year.

COLOR ADO’S L ARGEST LIGHTING SHOWROOM

20,000+ SQ. FT OF DISTINCTIVE LIGHTING FOR ANY LIFEST YLE

VISIT OUR SHOWROOM

TODAY AND RECEIVE

% 40 off *

Fulton Collection Fulton’s minimalist beauty emphasizes “less is more” with vintage industrial style. This clean, airy tapered cage design is constructed without glass and the unique square candle sleeves rest on a discreet “H”-shaped cluster.

M-F 8-6, SAT 9-6, SUN 11-5 *Sale does not include already discounted merchandise. 30% off sale does not include ceiling fans. Shop & compare our everyday low prices on ceiling fans!

URBANLIGHTSDENVER.COM | 1393 SOUTH SANTA FE DR, DENVER | 303.989.8895 OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 13

PERSPECTIVES

THAT TIME I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE TRANS

“That’s not nice,” one of my friends said in my defense.

“Elle is a girl.”

The new girl tried to play it off like she honestly didn’t know, but it was clear that I was female. I had the long hair, the touch of pink in my tennis shoes, and I just … didn’t look like a dude, dude! (Right?)

That evening, I couldn’t shake this weird feeling that I might actually look like a boy to her because I was presenting myself as a boy through my actions. I mean, no other girls ever dared to get rough with the guys on the soccer or football field. None of them read comic books or talked at length about Ninja Turtles episodes, obsessed over Super Nintendo games, or built ramps to jump a bike on. I had no hangout buddies who were female. I did absolutely nothing with other girls but flirt. (That was actually a golden age for the young lesbian me, as the dudes hadn’t come into their own and couldn’t give two shits about girls.)

myself of their ilk. I was a boy trapped in a girl’s body, and I felt every bit as uncomfortable as that would be.

I was angry at times, and depressed at others.

This went on for awhile, until I eventually entered middle school and went long-hair, dirty-flannel grunge.

I was in a garage band (weren’t we all?) and found one of the (hot!) neighborhood chicks hanging around a little more than others. I thought she was into the frontman, but when she started walking me home, it dawned on me: She’s actually digging you, ya dummy! One night after practice, she said what I’d needed to hear for a few years: “I like when girls do things that usually only guys do, like play drums. Tomboys are cute.”

Tomboy? Tomboy! Yes, of course! (Why didn’t I see that earlier?) I’m actually supposed to be a girl, because I couldn’t be a “cute tomboy” if I were a dude. And man, did I fall in love. I fell ass-first into the stuff and she did the same. She’d watch me as I played, smiling and bobbing along. She’d ignore the guys as they made suggestive comments.

She’d come over and wipe the sweat from my brow during a break and relish in my new version of grassstained knees.

However, in the coming years, the guys sprouted upward and started taking notice of the ladies — especially at our sacred space: the skating rink. Now, instead of horseplaying on eight wheels, the guys kept their sneakers on and tried to get girls to a darkened corner for a very different kind of play. And the girls took to that like ducks to water, which infuriated me.

I still think of this from time to time, how gender identity is some powerful and mind-f*cking stuff if you have issues with it. Some transfolk still get the “Are you a boy or a girl?” business f ro m g row n - a s s people, and can easily and understandably succumb to rage and depression.

The stats on trans suicide (and homicide) are tragic, enraging, and depressing as hell.

If I were a dude, they’d be doing that with me, I realized.

This isn’t fair! I told my Mom that I was supposed to be a boy, but she didn’t buy it. Still, she let me cut my hair short, in defiance of my feminine locks. I stopped wearing anything that came from the girls’ aisle. I was supposed to be a dude and God royally screwed me out of my proper body. Although I had no idea about transfolk back then, I would’ve certainly considered

What I mean to say is that, in a small part, I empathize with my trans brethren. Being treated as an outcast was something I (kinda-sorta) outgrew once I found my footing, but others aren’t as fortunate. So to all my trans buddies who feel out of place, go hunt down a tomboy and know that many of us wouldn’t mind wrapping an arm around you and hoping we can be there as you find your footing, too.

1 4 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Elle Browning

PHOTO // RYAN MCGUIRE

WHEN I WAS IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, MY LIFE REVOLVED around recess. Half the time, I was playing some particularly spirited soccer with the guys, and the rest of that hour was devoted to giving face time to the classmates I found especially interesting (the girls at the tetherball thingy). I always made sure to show them how rough I was out there (read: grass-stained knees, sometimes a good scrape), and how go-hard I could be (read: exaggerated panting as I ran up to them, making sure to let my sweat run down my face and neck). I had a few chick-buddies who were used to my schtick … but the new girl, who wasn’t particularly interesting anyway, thought she’d have some back when she asked: “Are you a boy or a girl?” I was shocked at the question, embarrassed into silence.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 15

A FEW THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT TRANSGENDER AMERICA PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA HAS QUIETLY DONE MORE to advance rights for transgender people than any other president, but they remain among the nation’s most misunderstood minorities. Let’s touch base with a few common no-nos and see if we can’t get society on a better track to understanding.

to ask a transgender person that question either.”

Asking transgender people what their names were before they transitioned is similarly considered illmannered, as is failing to make an effort to use the pronouns they prefer.

WHO YOU ARE VS. WHO YOU LOVE

Transgender people make up .3 percent of the American adult population, according to estimates

by The Williams Institute, a think tank at UCLA. In a 2011 survey by the Public Religion Research Institute, 11 percent of respondents reported having a close friend or relative who was transgender, compared with 58 percent who had a close relationship with someone who was gay or lesbian.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing. The first refers to a person’s physical and emotional attractions to another person.

Gender identity is a person’s strongly felt sense of being female, male, or perhaps neither. That’s why transgender rights advocates are pushing for nondiscrimination laws that cover both sexual orientation (gay, lesbian, or bisexual) and gender identity (transgender). It’s not often discussed, but lots of transgender people also identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.

WATCH YOUR WORDS Terminology is constantly evolving. Words once tossed around casually are now considered offensive. RuPaul’s Drag Race was successfully urged to stop using the words “tranny” and “shemail.” (Drag queens, such as RuPaul, are not usually considered transgender because their act is based on performance, not innate identity.)

“Sex change” has fallen out of polite use for the medical treatments that some, but not all, transgender people undergo to bring their bodies into alignment with their identities. Until recently, “sex reassignment” was the favored alternative, but it is giving way to “gender reassignment” and “gender confirmation.”

MANNERS MATTER Katie Couric was called out after she pressed model Carmen Carrera for details about her gender transition and “private parts.” Such questions are considered rude and intrusive.

As Washington Post etiquette columnist Steven Petrow has noted: “It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask a non-transgender person about the appearance or status of their genitalia, so it isn’t appropriate 1 6 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

BY THE NUMBERS Associated Press

Transgender people — especially women — remain vulnerable to violence. The murder of our transgender brothers and sisters comprise the large majority of biasrelated killings of the LGBT community.

And transgender people — especially women — remain vulnerable to violence. The murder of our transgender brothers and sisters comprise the large majority of bias-related killings of the LGBT community.

INTERESTING TO NOTE When he was president, George W. Bush hosted a White House reunion for his former Yale classmates, including a transgender woman who had lived as a man when Bush knew her. Another guest told reporters that the president grabbed the classmate’s hand and exclaimed fondly, “Now you’ve come back as yourself.”

During his boyhood in Indonesia, Obama’s nanny was a transgender woman who told The Associated Press three years ago that she didn’t dress as a woman around her young charge, but that the Prez “did see me trying on his mother’s lipstick, sometimes.”

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 17

Glamping:

Akiva Weinstein

IT’S WHAT TO DO THIS SEASON

BY

combining glamour and camping, you get “glamping,” the best of both worlds that offers the great outdoors and the luxuries of home.

Purists all over — and I’m sure Buffalo Bill himself is turning over in his grave — scoff at the idea of glamour camping, but I’m here to offer a few pros to the cons that buzzkill campers are so quick to posit.

TAKE IT OUTSIDE With glamping, you still get to enjoy the outdoors. Shocking, huh? Not really a revelation in my opinion because I don’t think that busting your chops and climbing the fourteener make you “appreciate” the mountain more. To enjoy the outdoors is to slow down and take it in — how you arrive at the destination does not predicate your benefit or pleasure we are so graced with here in Colorado.

ONE BIG HAPPY You can bring Grandma. There are few things better than enjoying quality time with your elders, and even fewer things better than quality time around a campfire. Combine the two? You pretty much deserve a medal. With glamping,

Glamping may seem like a lamer alternative to roughing it or backpacking, but it can truly be an enjoyable and productive way of enjoying the outdoors. you can spend time with your relatives and the elderly who, frankly, either physically can’t or don’t want to hike half the PCT or the Colorado alternative.

1 8

PACK MULE NOT REQUIRED M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Think of all the stuff you can bring.

Whether you want to bring the full Harry

Potter series for a marathon reading, a kayak to navigate the river, or a bundle of firewood to save time collecting it, your car or RV acts as a good alternative to a backpack. I can’t stress the amount of times I’ve had to choose between 5 oz. of toothpaste or 6 oz. of protein powder whilst backpacking. With glamping, you don’t have to worry about any of that.

SAFETY FIRST A very important but less fun reason to choose glamping this season is safety. The inexperienced backpacker poses a threat to the safety of any group of backpackers.

Nature offers quick weather changes, dangerous predators, all of which are threats that hinder an experienced and seasoned backpacker. Glamping, on the other hand, offers a safety net for several reasons including the ability to transport first aid quickly and the ability to contact help if needed.

So glamping may seem like a lamer alternative to roughing it or backpacking, but it truly can be an enjoyable and productive way of enjoying the outdoors.

With glamour camping you can still enjoy the outdoors, bring along those who may be unable to hike, bring tons of stuff to make your experience all the better, and it’s all around a safe thing to do.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 19

Wesley Smith

HIDDEN DANGERS ON HIKE DAY BEFORE YOU TAKE OFF INTO THE Colorado wilds with your beloved crew, beware of a few plants we should all watch out for — especially if you’re hiking with pets who tend to nibble. Here are four common plants that, if ingested, will help us bite the big one in kind.

WESTERN WATER HEMLOCK

This widowmaker is the most violently toxic plant in the entire country. (Lucky us, no?) Just a bit of this stuff in your system will cause convulsions of a particularly deadly nature, so if you come across this guy, do steer clear. Humans have flirted with the fatal fandango while clearing ditches and plowing soil.

The toxin is located inside the stem and presents itself as a brown or strawcolored liquid you do not wanna mess with. The tuber portion resembles a wild parsnip and smells of carrots, which is all kindsa wrong. Poor bunnies.

DEATH CAMAS

Way back when, natives called this little bugger “mystery grass.” Ya wanna know what botanists call it today?

Toxicoscordion venenosum. Yeah. Found in dry areas, every single bit of this plant is poisonous, and consumption of 2–6 percent of your bodyweight can be fatal

2 0

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

in both humans and animals. Kinda messed up, as the bulb is often mistaken for edible wild onions.

LARKSPUR

A fan of the wetter areas of our state — especially in high elevation — the larkspur has been known to obliterate entire herds of cattle. (The poor things find the royal purple plant highly palatable.) The ornamental beauties are often found in gardens and are alluring to the touchyfeely crowd (read: kids) but beware the skin irritation: It tells of worse things to come if consumed. Like what? Like respiratory paralysis, seizures, and a spot right next to it in the garden for your final dirt-nap. Pass, right?

TWO-GROOVED MILKVETCH

This plant sounds like it’d cut a rug, but it’s more likely to cut your pet’s lifespan. Drawing on the natural selenium in certain soil regions of Colorado, this prairie- and roadside-loving legume (uh huh, a legume) has taken down curious livestock that merely wanted a nibble. Sheep who’ve been observed shortly after “getting into the two-groove” exhibited signs of shock and coma before they died of cardiac arrest, so hold the leash a little tighter as you pass this sinister son-of-a-gun.

I know it’s a buzzkill to talk about sick pets (and humans), but google these plants and remember them the next time you’re strapping on hiking boots.

It could save you the biggest buzzkill of all. Also, if you’re getting ready to upgrade the no man’s land of your backyard, be sure you know what you’re doing or hire a professional landscaper who’s equipped to kick some poisonous ass in your honor.

Happy and safe trails to you all, my outdoorsy friends.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 21

Camp Wesley Smith

LIKE A CHAMP

BE AWARE of dead or dying trees. These tend to fall over in a stiff wind and could wreak havoc on your supplies — or even you, if you’re not careful.

or river, and use a mesh laundry bag with a drawstring to hold drinks in the water by staking it to the bank. The drinks will cool to the temperature of the water.

AVOID still water, as it tends to house insects that (especially in warmer weather) love to bite.

so that when it’s bedtime, the bag has plumped up and set you for full insulation.

IF YOU’RE going to skimp, don’t do it on the tent or sleeping bag. These are crucial items no matter the weather.

MOSQUITOES are attracted to perfume,

START your fire on one side of the firepit

BUGS are attracted to brightly colored clothing.

KNOW where the sun rises and sets. In cooler months, camp where the morning sun will strike your tent and warm it.

In summer months, do the opposite so

Because even experienced campers don’t know some of these. you don’t wake to blinding sunshine.

(Bonus for watching the sun set from the romantic confines of your tent.)

STRAP a headlamp onto a full jug of water (light facing the jug) for an instant lantern.

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

IF YOU CAN, set up camp near a stream

UNROLL your sleeping bag right away,

so opt for unscented sunscreens and laundry detergent.

2 2

way, when you get ready to rinse off after your hike, you’ll have some warm water.

LEAVE a few jugs of water in the sun to warm while you enjoy your day. That

and add wood to the open side. This will gradually move the fire from one side to the other, revealing a perfect bed of coals to cook on.

BLOCK ice melts much slower than cubes, so load your cooler with a big block of ice that you can chip off fron when needed.

IN BEAR country, cook and eat at least 100 feet from your sleeping area, so no food or drink odors will bring hungry visitors too close at night.

MAKE SURE to check your campsite for signs of food remnants and/or bear visits.

The campers before you may not have been as vigilant at keeping smells at bay.

SOME campsites offer hanging poles to string your food up high and away from the prying noses of bears. Use tall trees (at least 50 feet) if you don’t see any of these, or secure your food in lots of plastic wrap and put it several hundred meters away from your site.

PHOTO // ZACH DISCHNER

KNOW the general wind direction, lest you subject yourself to the neighbor’s campfire smoke all night.

(Get upwind, if possible.)

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 23

Furnishing Stephen M. Small, PharmD

E

ven if you’re not exactly roughin’ it, you may still get hurt while you’re exploring your wild side out in nature. Piercing thorny plants, stinging insects, campfire burns, and all sorts of other maladies can turn your luxurious campsite into a MASH unit. That’s why it’s important to pack a first aid kit as you get ready to set out on your next fantastic glamping trip.

A FABULOUS FIRST AID KIT

A good first aid kit should contain supplies to treat some of the common conditions you could encounter on your trip. In a 1998 study of wilderness injuries by Montalvo and colleagues, the most common nonfatal injuries in the backwoods included lacerations, insect bites, and sprains/strains. Thankfully, major injuries like loss of limbs, heart attacks, and anaphylactic reactions were relatively rare. For these serious cases, you would need to seek immediate help from medical professionals.

If you peruse the internet, there are a ton of great resources that list what you should pack in your kit. Personally, I really like the recommendations listed by the American Red Cross, which are included in this article.

2 4

poisonous plants.

Just because you have the right medical supplies doesn’t make you a wilderness medicine guru. First aid can be complicated, so it’s wise to pack a first aid booklet with your kit so you know what to do when illness or injury strikes.

Otherwise, you could make the situation worse.

As a pharmacist, I implore you to check the expiration dates on your medications and other supplies. It’s hard to get relief when your aspirin expired during the Bush administration.

Many sports-equipment retailers carry small individual packages of medications, bandages, and other supplies so you don’t need to buy first aid materials in bulk.

If you like to accessorize (and who doesn’t?), you can always add more supplies to your kit. Go ahead, customize the heck out of it! Get some Sesame Street bandages, rainbow-colored scissors, or funky-colored exam gloves. To help you customize, many sports-equipment retailers carry small individual packages of medications, bandages, and other supplies so you don’t need to buy first aid materials in bulk.

For lacerations, you should have an assortment of dressings and bandages, antibiotic ointment, and alcohol swabs to protect wounds and prevent infection.

Instant cold packs and roller bandages can be helpful for mending strains and sprains. And having tweezers, hydrocortisone cream, and pain relievers is useful for insect stings or run-ins with

Hopefully you never need to use your first aid kit when you’re out glamping, but packing one can turn a potentially urgent medical need into a manageable mishap. And who knows, if your skills are comparable to Florence Nightingale’s, your first aid knowledge might just impress your friends and special someone as well.

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

BASIC FIRST AID KIT SUPPLIES (ENOUGH TO TREAT 4 GLAMPERS)

2 absorbent compress dressings

2016 COALITION BUSINESS EXPO May 19th, 2016 5:30-8:00 pm xp

(5 x 9 inches)

(10 yards x 1 inch)

5 antibiotic ointment packets

5 antiseptic wipe packets 2 packets of aspirin 1 breathing barrier 1 instant cold compress 2 pair of non-latex gloves 2 hydrocortisone ointment packets Scissors 1 roller bandage (3 inches wide) 1 roller bandage (4 inches wide) 5 sterile gauze pads (3 x 3 inches) 5 sterile gauze pads (4 x 4 inches) Oral thermometer 2 triangular bandages Tweezers First aid instruction booklet

in us

rb

(assorted sizes)

1 adhesive cloth tape

e ss

e

25 adhesive bandages

om

c o.

e nv

de

. ww

w

Sports AuthoritY Field at Mile High 1701 Bryant St Denver, CO 80204

ABOUT THE EVENT This is the first combined Business Expo by the six chambers that make up the Minority and Women's Chamber Coalition. Nearly 150 booths are available for member businesses to network and make business connections across the six different chambers.

rEGISTER TODAY SPACE IS LIMITED OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 25

Mikey Rox

PITCHING TENTS: 8 LGBTFRIENDLY PLACES TO CAMP THIS SPRING

ENJOY THE GREAT OUTDOORS THE WAY MOTHER NATURE INTENDED AT THESE LGBT-OWNED AND ACCEPTING WILDERNESS HOT SPOTS WHETHER YOU LIKE ROUGHING IT IN the woods or prefer the luxuries of a wellequipped cabin, these eight inclusive campgrounds, resorts, and retreats for both gay men and women have something for everyone. Load up the Winne and git along, little doggies.

LIZARD LANDING CAMPGROUND COLUMBIA, AL

Primarily catering to the gay community but welcoming of allies, Lizard Landing offers 11.5 secluded acres of primitive tent sites, no-frills sleeping cabins, and deluxe cabins featuring in-unit hygiene facilities. Heated saltwater pool (your skin will thank you!), fishing, canoeing, and kayaking activities are available for adventurers, plus access to a boat ramp if you bring along your vessel.

LizardLanding.com

MAGNETIC VALLEY RESORT EUREKA SPRINGS, AK

Considering that Carroll County, AK is one of the gayest places in the south-central

2 6

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

United States — approximately one-third of its population is “family,” according to the New York Times — it’s no surprise that this exclusive, private men’s resort is a popular destination. Catering to gents age 21 and older, Magnetic Valley facilitates a vibrant social scene that transitions to an intimate atmosphere with amenities like a heated pool, hot tub, dry sauna, outdoor showers, fire pit, and the Carrie Nation Bar. MagneticValleyResort.com

RANCHO CICADA RETREAT PLYMOUTH, CA

Nestled on 44 acres within the Sierra Foothills, this mostly male retreat along the Cosumnes River provides platform camping near the water’s edge, a swimming hole, gorge tubing, sunbathing, volleyball, and fishing. When you’re all tuckered out, enjoy a homemade meal before slipping into the bubbling Jacuzzi-style tub. RanchoCicadaRetreat.com

SOUTHERN COMFORT CAMPGROUND CROSS CITY, FL

If you prefer a more private, members-only (18 and older!) ambience, check into the clothing-optional and aptly named Southern Comfort Campground in northwest Florida. Pick your preference of camp arrangement — tent, RV, or cabin — and let loose in the Southern Nights clubhouse, playing horseshoes or volleyball, visiting the beer garden, or dressing up for one of the destination’s theme weekends. SouthernComfortCampground.net

ROY’S HIDEAWAY

Gay and lesbian anglers will delight at the abundance of fishing opportunity at Roy’s Hideaway — a private, members-only campground in rural Georgia — offering six lakes filled with a wide assortment of daily catch. Landlubbers can

stay occupied at the pool and spa area, hiking several treecovered trails that wind through the property, canoeing, kayaking, duck watching, or enjoying a snack from the café. RoysHideaway.com

STAG RUN CLUB AT OVERLOOK FARM MAUCKPORT, IN

Gunning to get dirty? Don your boots and overalls for a weekend of camping among farm animals, including horses, cows, chickens, ducks, and other wildlife with which you can interact. Tents, log cabins, bunkhouses, and suites are available on this private, all-male property where, after you’ve put in an honest day’s work (like gathering your own freshly laid eggs for breakfast), you can bask on the clothing-optional sundeck, dive into the heated pool, engage in games in the lodge, or ride your own stallion if you brought one — of the two- and four-legged variety. StagRunClub.com

TWIN PONDS LODGE ALBION, ME

It’s a bare-all, free-for-all for naturists at Twin Ponds Lodge in Maine, a gated campground and resort for men age 18 and older. Strip down and hang out — literally — anywhere on the property, from the large, heated pool, and 14-man hot tub to the recreation hall outfitted with billiards, ping pong, and satellite TV. Day passes are also available if you prefer a shorter stint fishing or hiking, releasing toxins in the wood-fired sauna, scrubbing down in the communal shower room, or catching rays in open sunning areas. TwinPondsLodge.com

WINDOVER WOMEN’S RESORT OWENDALE, MI

Lady-loving ladies can find camaraderie and perhaps companionship at Windover, a private, membership-only resort on the Pigeon River of Michigan’s farm country.

Open to women age 18 and older, this tent- and RVfriendly ground offers a pool, nature trails, clubhouse, and scheduled events with other exciting activities nearby, including golf, boating, and recreational water sports.

WindoverWomensResort.com

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 27

Golden Gate Canyon State Park: Mike Yost

WE

all need to escape the city, if only to forget about those mornings when the interstate turns into a parking lot, complete with a thick blanket of noxious smog holding in all that smoldering heat and road rage. If only to forget those nights when the couple next door quarrels loudly about furniture until 2am, followed by even louder make-up sex until 4am, complete with their headboard slamming rhythmically against the wall, your own framed photographs bouncing with each thrust.

Our ancestors were wanderers, constantly exploring new lands, pulled onward by the distant horizon. That yearning to explore is deeply embedded in us all, and thankfully there’s a brilliant patch of land in Denver’s own backyard where we modern humans can still wander ... and revitalize.

Located 16 miles northwest of Golden, I first discovered Golden Gate Canyon over a decade ago when I first moved here,

Golden Gate Canyon boasts over 12,000 acres of public land, with almost 40 miles of hiking trails, some of which are designated for mountain biking and horseback riding — plenty of ways to wander.

2 8

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

searching for a place to calm my mind from the ceaseless cacophony of city life.

And it was indeed tranquility I found as I navigated the meandering Golden Gate Canyon Road, rolling down my windows and filling the cab with fresh air and the sharp scent of pine.

Golden Gate Canyon boasts over 12,000 acres of public land, with almost 40 miles of hiking trails, some of which are designated for mountain biking and horseback riding — plenty of ways to wander. There are also areas for rock climbing, fishing, picnicking, and of course camping. All kinds of camping.

There are designated areas for RV campers complete with electricity (for those who can’t quite relinquish the conveniences of city life). There are designated areas for group camping.

(Can’t go wrong with friends around a campfire drinking libations and smoking weed.) And my personal favorite, individual backcountry campsites that require a fair amount of hefty hiking to get to (for when you want to be alone to contemplate your aloneness).

One hike I recommend is Coyote Trail off of Mount Base Road. This two-mile trek features several steep switchbacks to get those legs muscles burning. The trial rises almost 1000 feet in elevation, a great way to burn away all those residual

PHOTO // MIKE YOST

GO FORTH AND WANDER

As I traced the nowvisible Milky Way Galaxy with my finger, I thought about my own finite and infinitesimal place in the universe. Then I ate a homemade turkey sandwich with lots of mustard and hot sauce. holiday cookies and pies. The top of Coyote Trail flattens out into the serene Frazer Meadow surrounded by groves of tranquil Aspen trees and tall prairie grass that tickles the knees. It’s there that I bivouacked one clear summer night, unrolling my sleeping bag outside my tent, staring at the unfathomably distant stars for hours.

Free from most of Denver’s light pollution, I got a frontrow seat to the cosmos and began to wander internally.

As I traced the now-visible Milky Way Galaxy with my finger, I thought about my own finite and infinitesimal place in the universe. Then I ate a homemade turkey sandwich with lots of mustard and hot sauce.

OUR HERITAGE OF JUSTICE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG Founded in 1977, we decided more than 35 years ago to turn all our energies to helping people. Our personal injury lawyers and staff go beyond the obvious to seek the funds you need to make a full recovery.

AUTO ACCIDENTS | PERSONAL INJURY WORKERS’ COMP. | SOCIAL SECURITY WAGE & HOUR | VA DISABILITIES MEDICAL MALPRACTICE

If you’re feeling adventurous after camping, I recommend a scramble to the summit of nearby Tremont Mountain.

There’s no trail, but you won’t need any climbing gear either. And at 10,400 feet, it’s the highest point in the entire park, offering remarkable views of the surrounding area.

There’s so much more to discover, such as Panorama Point where you can view a 100-mile stretch of the Continental Divide, or Reverend’s Ridge Campground where you can spend the night in a yurt.

Liberate yourself from traffic gridlock and humping neighbors. Tap into that ancient need to roam in Colorado’s own Golden Gate Canyon State Park.

303-GOOD-LAW SAWAYALAW.COM OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 29

Yvonne Wright

PLACES TO GLAMP I can sum up my idea of camping in three words: The Four Seasons! If you’re like me, a vacation isn’t a vacation without running water, electricity, and the luxury of all luxuries, a toilet. I don’t care how majestic the mountain, how pristine the snow, or how fragrant the wildflowers; if my creature comforts are missing, Colorado can keep its outdoor beauty to itself. Luckily, more and more companies cater to people like me.

They create the perfect glamping getaways by balancing adventure with luxury.

Local TENTS

They look like something straight out of Arabian Nights, but instead of sand, these tents are surrounded by snow in the winter and pastures in the summer. Tucked inside the Colorado mountains, about 20 miles west of Vail, you’ll find chandelierlighted tents. You will not be living like a Bedouin here. The tents are draped in soft white, billowy material and include electricity, a private bathroom, a romantic wood stove, and even an outdoor deck with a private campfire. In addition to daily breakfast, coffee, snacks, and water, you’ll be treated to a complimentary wine tasting. Rates per tent begin at $500 and can be booked through GlampingHub.com, a company that coordinates nearly 300 glamping sites.

TIPIS (Teepees)

For a more adventurous and budgetfriendly experience, you can book a

Native American Tipi through the same website for as little as $38 a night. The family-owned luxury tipis are located between Gunnison and Blue Mesa Lake. Each sleeps four and are furnished with futons or beds, a propane log fire, and electricity.

YURTS

Yurts are traditionally portable, round tents that Mongolian nomads use to follow their herd. In Colorado, several companies offer yurts for more pleasurable endeavors.

Tennessee Pass Sleep Yurts are nine miles west of Leadville and about a million miles from the nomadic lifestyle. You can lie under a down comforter while watching the stars from a skylight. Each sleeps six and comes with wood stoves, firewood, propane cook stoves, and cookware.

If you don’t want to cook, a gourmet cookhouse is just down the road and

The tents are draped in soft white, billowy material and include electricity, a private bathroom, a romantic wood stove, and even an outdoor deck with a private campfire.

will bring room-service meals right to your yurt. Yurts cost $225 a night. Meals are extra. TennesseePass.com Less glamorous yurts dot the state. They range from $85 to $175 a night. Most sleep six and include beds and propane stoves.

A 5.5-mile hike will land you in Leadville Backcountry Yurts with thousands of mountainous acres to climb, ski, or simply explore. Never Summer Nordic Yurts offer the big, round tents about 75 miles west of Fort Collins. You can even find them along the Continental Divide.

Wolf Creek Backcountry Yurts are a one-mile hike or three-mile ski up the San Juan Mountains in southern Colorado.

These yurts come with hut shoes and unlimited access to backcountry skiing.

CABINS

Cabins and ranches can be found across the state, but when it comes to

ultra-luxury, two stand out. The Broadmoor’s all-inclusive Ranch at Emerald Valley offers 10 cabins along a secluded, private lake in Pike National Forest. Rates begin at $500 per person and include gourmet meals prepared by chefs from the longest-running property in the world with a 5-star lodging ranking.

Eight miles from Colorado Springs’ Broadmoor, guests can hike, bike, ride horses, swim, fly fish, sit in a hot tub, or sip a fine wine on one of the outdoor patios. This may be the only cabin community that offers its own concierge. Broadmoor.com/ Experience-The-Ranch

RANCH

As far as ranching goes, Dunton Hot Springs doesn’t just offer a ranch — it offers a whole town! The former mining settlement just outside Telluride is comprised of cabins, safari-style tents, a dance hall, a saloon, and activities that range from skiing to horseback riding. Ranked the number one all-inclusive ranch in the US by TripAdvisor in 2012, it’s still one of the best high-end ranching experiences around. Prices start at $700 per person and can go as high as $22,000 if you want to rent the entire town. DuntonHotSprings.com

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

31

BIG CITY WILDS

Khoa Lee

SO YOU LOVE TO HUNT AND FISH, BUT YOU ALSO APPRECIATE THE CREATURE COMFORTS, DINING OPTIONS, AND CULTURAL EVENTS THAT COME WITH LIVING IN A BIG CITY. WELL, THERE’S NO NEED TO COMPROMISE. IF YOU’RE JUST AS COMFORTABLE THROWING FLIES AS YOU ARE IN A SUIT AND TIE, ONE OF THESE BIG CITIES MIGHT OFFER YOU THE PERFECT FIT.

3 2

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

BEND, OR

AUSTIN, TX

Nestled in the middle of Oregon and surrounded by national forests, Bend and its surrounding areas provide ample hunting opportunities for big game such as elk, mule deer, antelope, and black bear. Wingshooters can chase quail, pheasant, and chukar across a beautiful backdrop while waterfowlers can target a variety of species that fly through the Pacific Flyway in the fall.

Centrally located in the Texas Hill Country, adventure can be found in every direction.

Head north for excellent dove and feral hog hunting in Granger, just outside of Austin city limits. Head west and you’ll find yourself in some of the most fertile whitetail-deer territories in the state. Llano, widely recognized as the Deer Capital of Texas, possesses the highest density of deer in the nation and the areas surrounding Kerrville and Fredericksburg hold the only free-ranging herds of axis deer in America.

Many, including me, believe Axis meat is the finest and best-tasting venison there is.

With its population estimated at over 165K, Bend is Central Oregon’s largest city and home to over a dozen craft microbreweries, including the famous Deschutes Brewery.

Events like The Bend Film Festival have attracted a number of creative professionals to the area.

The area is an angler’s dream as well, with renowned waterways such as the Deschutes, holding plentiful populations of rainbow and bull trout, salmon, and steelheads. There are also opportunities to catch big, buttery brown trout and even the unique opportunity to land kokanee salmon in area lakes.

Home to some of the world’s hottest tech companies, a vibrant art scene, outstanding nightlife, and inspiring cuisine, it’s rarely surprising to find Austin on a “top cities” list. However, it’s a bit more rare to see this Hipster Haven recognized for its wonderful hunting and fishing opportunities.

Katy, located east of the city, offers duck and geese hunting and to the south, anglers can

provides opportunities for anglers to catch native brook trout in stunning scenery.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT enjoy fishing for trout on the springfed Guadalupe River. This is the only stream in the state with water conditions that can support trout year-round. Every winter, thousands of rainbow trout are stocked into what I believe is the most scenic river in Texas. However, if largemouth bass is what you’re after, then look no further than Lake Austin right in the middle of the city.

WASHINGTON, DC

Legend has it that George Washington once threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River. While that may not be true, it is a fact that there are excellent public waterfowl hunting areas within a stone’s throw to Capitol Hill. Duck hunters can chase dabbling ducks and divers, such as the prized canvasback, along the same hallowed grounds that have been hunted on by former presidents. Waterfowl purists and history buffs will also be thrilled to know that they are within a short drive of Havre De Grace, home to a community of the world’s finest wood duck decoy carvers. Nearby Maryland offers a chance to harvest the unique Sika deer, sometimes referred to as “swamp ghosts” because of their affection for marshlands.

For anglers, Rose River Farm offers exclusive fly fishing access for trophy trout along cold, pristine, gin-clear waters, within a two-hour drive of Washington DC. Access is limited so be sure to make reservations online well in advance. Nearby Shenandoah National Park also

Salt Lake City hosts the Sundance Film Festival every year, but that’s not the only featured attraction. If you are lucky enough to draw a tag, Utah is home to some of the biggest early-season mule deer bucks and is recognized as the premier state for harvesting a monster deer in velvet. Nestled in the Pacific Flyway, duck hunters can harvest a variety of waterfowl from tundra swans to teal that make their way through this aerial superhighway. There are roughly 30 duck clubs on Great Salt Lake alone and over 100,000 acres of public land in the vicinity. The world-famous Green River offers amazing fly fishing for a variety of trout species and kokanee salmon.

It’s where I’ve caught my biggest rainbow trout and my first red dragon while staying at the Flaming Gorge Resort. Great fishing can also be found nearby on the Provo River and Strawberry Reservoir, which holds kokanee salmon as well.

KANSAS CITY, MO

With excellent nightlife, dozens of major corporate employers, and pro franchises like the Chiefs and the Royals, you can live like a king in KC. The region produces monster whitetail bucks year after year and because of its location near the four corners of Kansas, Missouri, Iowa, and Nebraska, you can actually hunt four of the best midwestern deer states in a single season! Kansas is universally known as a big buck state that has produced over 120 Boone & Crockett deer and 508 Pope and Young bucks in the past five years.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 33

World-class waterfowling can also be had in the area thanks to the abundance of croplands that draw huge numbers of ducks and geese. One of North America’s premier waterfowl lodge, Habitat Flats, calls the region home.

PITTSBURGH, PA

With over 1600 technology firms such as Google, Apple, and IBM along with nine Fortune 500 companies calling Pittsburgh home, it’s not hard to find a great job in the Steel City. Pennsylvania hunters also rack up some of the highest deer harvest numbers in the nation year after year with western Pennsylvania holding the better whitetail bucks in the state. Furthermore, Pittsburgh is within driving distance of Ohio, a perennial producer of the nation’s largest Pope and Young and Boone & Crockett bucks. The region’s creeks and streams are also well-stocked with rainbow trout, brown trout, and Pennsylvania’s state fish, the beautiful brook trout.

3 4

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

NEW YORK, NY

Don’t laugh, youse guys. Believe it or not, the New York metro area is home to some excellent waterfowling, especially if you travel to Atlantic City, which attracts pintails, brant, and black ducks. Good duck-hunting can also be found in the New Jersey Meadowlands and the marshes near Giants Stadium.

For those interested in hunting whitetail just outside of the city, New Jersey offers more than 750,000 acres of public land to deer hunters and a thriving herd through stringent population management. The black bear population has also soared in New Jersey. Hunters can now enjoy an expanded season designed to control the population and reduce the number of dangerous interactions.

A short train ride to neighboring Connecticut provides ample opportunities for rainbow, brook, and brown trout in some of the most scenic streams and waterways in the country, especially during the fall. For those who can’t get away, Central Park allows fishing in three of its ponds, where conventional poles and bait are even provided.

Fly fishing is permitted and there is opportunity to catch largemouth bass, bluegill, sunfish, and hard-fighting carp.

DENVER, CO

Our Queen City of the Desert is home to amazing restaurants, bustling neighborhoods, a hot job market, and cold microbrews. It’s also the place for weekend warriors who want to head to the mountains to ski, hike, kayak, hunt, and fish. Some of the best fly fishing is just a short drive from downtown on the South Platte River and Clear Creek. Both provide excellent opportunities for trout, though avid anglers have enjoyed success catching carp, bass, and even catfish in the urban portions of the South Platte River as it runs through the city. Colorado is probably most famous for its elk and mule deer hunting, but many will be surprised to learn that there is good whitetail hunting opportunities in the eastern half of our state. A lot of the land is private, but with permission, you can spot and stalk some very big bucks due to lack of hunting pressure. The ratio of Pope and Young in Colorado is among the highest in the nation.

PHOTO // STEELHEAD NEAR BEND, OR / BUREAU OF LAND MANAGEMENT OF OREGON AND WASHINGTON

THIS IS THE BEST LIST OF BIG CITIES FOR HUNTERS AND ANGLERS THAT AMERICA HAS TO OFFER.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 35

CREATURE COMFORT

A

FTER HER HUSBAND DIED SUDDENLY, Murielle Harlow

found it nearly impossible to remain in the house they’d built. His memory lingered and it took virtually nothing for her to break into the loneliest tears she’d ever cried in her life every time something reminded her of him. As her parents were aging and in need of help around their farm, she decided to sell her home and build a place of her own on their land. In tow was Cecil, her dog.

Every day, she would help tend the land and wait excitedly for the construction workers to finish her cabin at the more wooded end of the family’s land. Finally, the day came where the small place had electricity and running water, so Murielle took a cot, a few blankets, a book, and Cecil to stay their first night.

Sleepy from reading, she closed the book and reached beneath the cot to give Cecil a goodnight rub, then promptly fell into slumber. Shortly after, she awoke to a heavy dripping sound.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

I have to get them to fix that, she thought to herself. Still excited about the place, she smiled in the darkness and reached beneath the cot. Apparently,

the dripping had awakened Cecil too, as he licked her hand without delay.

She bade him goodnight again, and went back to sleep.

Not too long after, she awoke to the same sound.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

She got up to look, stuck her head through the doorway of the bathroom, and saw the sink wasn’t leaking.

Perhaps it fixed itself, she thought, and returned to the cot. Once again, Cecil licked her hand as she reached beneath it.

Just after her head hit the pillow, the dripping started back up, this time faster and thicker. Thoroughly annoyed, she stomped into the bathroom, flipped on the light switch, and saw that the sink was dry and the faucet hadn’t been leaking after all. All was quiet, until: Drip. Drip. Drip.

She heard it in the shower. Aha! She threw back the makeshift shower curtain and to her horror, there was poor Cecil, skinned and hanging from the showerhead. His blood was dripping into the tub. She drew in air to scream, but cut herself short.

If Cecil is dead, what’s been licking my hand?

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK

M Anna Biscay

CREEPEDOUT CAMPFIRE TALES

3 6 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Y BOYFRIEND AND I BOUGHT a really old house. He’s

in charge of the “new” construction — converting the dining room into a guest bedroom for instance — while I’m on the more tedious stuff, which is currently wallpaper removal. The previous owner covered every single wall, even the ceiling! Removing it is time-consuming as all get-out, but oddly satisfying. The best feeling is managing to get a really long peel; it’s similar to pulling off dead skin, when you’re peeling from a sunburn. (I don’t know about you but I make a game of peeling sunburnt skin, hunting down the longest piece before it finally rips completely off.)

Under each corner of different segments of paper is a person’s name and a date. After curiosity got the better of me one night,

GREEN MOUNTAIN HAUNTING

A

FTER GRADUATION, three nursing students

from the University of Colorado set out for a celebratory weekend cliff diving into the Green Mountain Reservoir. They made it in record time, set up camp, and hiked to the nearest cliff to watch the sunset.

Gina, the more adventurous of the three, ran to the edge. “Race you to the bottom!” she called to Jeff and Tracy, and jumped before they could protest. The two leaned over and watched the young woman disappear with a splash into the darkness. They waited, but Gina never surfaced. After nearly a minute, they both ran down to the water’s edge and waited for any sign of movement, but everything was still. Panicked, they ran up and down the banks of the reservoir shouting her name to no avail.

Two days later, after police questioning and a traumatic stay in a dismal hotel, Jeff and Tracy returned to Denver. They vowed to return to the reservoir each year in memorial. Alas, that day came.

The two set up camp in the same spot, and began the uphill trek. Just as they reached the top, they heard a splash below and ran to the cliff’s edge, peering over.

They saw Gina emerge from the water’s surface, wipe her smiling face, and wave up at them. Bewildered, they ran down to the water’s edge.

A fog had crept up the banks of the Green River Reservoir, but once Jeff and Tracy adjusted their eyes, they stopped calling Gina’s name. Instead of being greeted by their missing friend, three crosses bearing each of their names welcomed them home.

I Googled one of the names only to find the person was actually missing, the “last seen” date matching the date under the wallpaper! I quickly made a list of all the names and dates, and sure enough, each name was for a missing person with dates to match.

We notified the police, and they promptly roped the area off and sent out the forensics team. I overhead one tech say “Yeah, it checks out.”

Wait. What checks out?

“Ma’am, we’re gonna need to see all the material you’ve removed from these walls. This stuff isn’t wallpaper and the families are probably going to want proper burials of all this flesh.”

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 37

Brett Callwood

FESTIVAL GLAMPING THE YEAR WAS 1994. I WAS 19 AND camping at a festival in England for the first time. Funds were tight, so there were two of us in a two-man tent (built for one man in reality). We were parked what seemed like many miles from the campsite and had to drag our clothes, tent, sleeping bag, food, and (most importantly) beer for a great distance.

We were drinking the cheapest beer and eating Pot Noodles, the British equivalent of Ramen packets. We didn’t care, though — why would we? We were music-mad teens, essentially getting to sleep at a concert, and we were with friends. It was a great adventure.

Fast-forward to 2007. Now 32, I went to the Rocklahoma Festival in Oklahoma.

This time, I had a job and therefore some disposable income. I flew from England to Dallas, rented an RV, and drove to the festival. No carrying shit because it was all in the RV, where I was sleeping. Air conditioning (which is admittedly more important in Oklahoma than England).

Good beer. Good food. A real bed. This was a very different way of experiencing a festival.

The thing is, I love camping at festivals.

I love the atmosphere on campsites, and I love roughing it a bit. I’m 41 now, and

3 8

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

as I’ve grown older, I’ve seen my friends who still want to attend these events start going the nearby-hotel route. To me, this is a cop-out. More than anything, what would bother me about this would be missing out on the party atmosphere on site.

Conversely, I have to admit, that RV was a great compromise. If you can afford it (and they are expensive to rent) or you know someone with one that you can borrow, try it. But not everyone is so lucky, so how can you make camping at a festival as pleasant as possible?

AIR CONDITIONING. GOOD BEER. GOOD FOOD. A REAL BED. THIS WAS A VERY DIFFERENT WAY OF EXPERIENCING A FESTIVAL.

From about 2000, when I did stay in a tent, I was lucky enough to be on the press/VIP site. With fewer people and a closer proximity to the stages, plus some great campsite parties, this was an awesome way to experience it. Again though, not everyone can do it. There is a way though. Most festivals call for volunteers to help pick up trash and other such tasks in exchange for a free ticket. Often, those volunteers also have their own campsite, and I’ve noticed it’s right next to the one for press at some festivals. It’s worth a try.

Otherwise, the only way to make it work is to take the planning seriously.

How much food do you really need to take with you? If you can save a bit, survive on soggy fries for a few days and save the space for clothes, makeup, etc. Share sheets with friends, if you need sheets at all. Don’t take a cushion — use clothes. Liquor takes less space than beer. And park your car carefully.

There are few better ways to spend a weekend than at a festival. And with some planning and perhaps a bit of luck, you don’t have to sacrifice your appearance or any of your good time to do it properly.

PROTECT YOUR HUMAN RIGHTS NOW AND IN THE FUTURE

Over 50% of adult Americans don’t have a will or trust.

Who will get your assets? Home? Photos?

PERSONAL INJURY Motor Vehicle Accidents Falls & Dangerous Conditions Wrongful Death (Contingency fee basis) E S TAT E P L A N N I N G Wills Trusts Power of Attorney Advance Medical Directives Compliance Contracts Business Formation

FREE CONSULTATION PROUDLY SERVING COLORADO'S LGBT COMMUNITY

REPRESENTING PEOPLE ALL OVER COLORADO

303-759-4000 OConnellLegal.com

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 39

Romance Don Alderson

AND THE GREAT OUTDOORS

W

hen dating and meeting new people, we often find ourselves agreeing to coffee dates — a cup of coffee’s length of time to decide whether or not you ever want to see this person again. There’s also the classic dinner and a movie which, come to think, probably got replaced by the coffee date. Then there’s, “Let’s grab drinks.”

I was used to all of these having lived in the city for so long. Then recently, I moved to the great open plain and experienced a new kind of date — those that involve camping. This was all very new to me, but a few mountain men later, here is what I’ve learned: There are benefits in combining romance with the great outdoors, and at least a few reasons why taking “Mister Right Now” into the woods for a weekend may reveal how he’s “Mister Right.”

First and foremost, the outdoors is a great and refreshing getaway; there’s something about being engulfed in nature that is very relaxing. There are no distractions — just the wind in the trees — which can really help you get to know someone better. (Especially if you both have zero bars on your cell phones — you know who you are!)

There benefits in combining romance with the great outdoors, and at least a few reasons why taking “Mister Right Now” into the woods for a weekend may reveal how he’s “Mister Right.”

4 0

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Fewer distractions and more focus on your current company and the flames of romance practically ignite themselves.

You can cook and make meals over an actual fire, snuggle up in a sleeping bag, watch the stars as the campfire burns into the evening, and make s’mores!

Why not open a bottle of wine and relax together? (Pro Tip: Don’t forget a wine opener! Otherwise you’ll have to open the bottle with a shoe and a tree, which you should google by the way because it does work and may save your life.) Anyway, you are literally in a setting where you and your date are possibly the only two people for miles around. If you’re more on the risqué side, make sure there’s a body of water nearby. Think about a latenight skinny dip or even a morning bath together. One can’t spend the whole trip smelling like campfire smoke, especially if you have someone there to wash your back.

For some, the great outdoors is a chance to be more adventurous in the sexual department. I don’t know about you, but it’s not very often I get the opportunity to have sex by a fire, in a tent, or behind a bunch of trees that aren’t adjacent to a 7-Eleven convenience store.

Sex aside, the outdoors allows us to detach from our day-to-day lives and really get to know someone and see what kind of connection may exist. Sure the bright stars, warm fire, and wilderness can leave you wondering if it’s Mr. Right Now or if it’s just the moment that has you feeling bubbly with excitement. I guess falling in love is just the risk you’ll both have to take when you have a ménage à trois with Mother Nature.

RED TIE AFFAIR The 3rd Annual Red Tie Affair was held on April 16th at the Hilton Doubletree Hotel in Stapleton North. The event featured a silent auction, dinner, and cocktails with a special performance by popular standup comedienne Suzanne Westenhoefer.

Proceeds benefit the Denver Colorado AIDS Project and Howard Dental Center.

Photos by Charles Broshous

MA RQUEE PETER AND THE STAR CATCHER

Now through May 14 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • BDTStage.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 41

Chris Schaaf

WANT CHEAP CAMPING GEAR THAT LASTS? WE’VE GOT JUST THE THING. ARMY SURPLUS FOR LESS HAS BEEN A fixture of Southern Broadway for almost 70 years now, first opening its doors in 1947.

Located at the intersection of Hampden and Broadway, it’s also in a prime location for curious people wandering the street.

The initial reason I went in was to quickly buy some camping equipment on the cheap, but I ended up lost in the shelves and stacks of things for hours.

When you walk in the front door, you’re greeted by old war memorabilia displays and a musty smell one can only find in surplus stores. Passing through the wobbly turnstile that guards the entrance, bags and camping gear of all kinds sit right at the front. Used canvas pup tents for $40; rubberized Swiss army knapsacks for $50; tools like shovels and hatchets for reasonable prices — Even comically oversized cast-iron pans. If there’s something you need for a camping trip, you’ll most likely find it here. But this is only the gear section — the real treasures of this labyrinth lie further within.

You’ll start finding them right around the middle. This is the general clothing section, and has three different areas: military apparel, civilian clothing, and work clothing in the back right corner.

While it’s tempting to pass on the civilian section, give it a once over. I’ve found excellent hiking socks and a few good pants that are still with me after a couple years of abuse. Moving on to the military section, (naturally) you’ll find everything from arctic parkas half their retail price, to camo fatigues made famous by US Special

4 2

M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

Forces in Vietnam. Unfortunately, it’s a mix of true surplus along with knockoff brands and clothing. And for someone who may not know much when it comes to militaria, they risk buying what they think is quality but will only be a headache later down the road. Buyer beware! While they do have a return policy, if you took the tags off and the item can’t be proven defective, you’re out of luck.

Don’t let that dissuade you from continuing on into the deep, dark back of the store however. This is where you’ll find that one thing you can’t do without and you didn’t even know you needed it. It’s also where most of the odds and ends of the store wind up, and has the footwear section as its central focus.

My favorites were discontinued field manuals for US troops with titles such as Aircrew Survival Guide, Mountaineering Basics, and Improvised Explosive IED and Removal. Charming titles those, but you’ll also find old things like metal signs for minefields, Italian ammo bandoliers, and Russian helmets from the Cold War. This is where you’ll get lost for an hour or so, but don’t worry: There’s one last area that may pique your interest.

ALL OF MY CAMPING GEAR IS STILL IN GREAT ORDER, EVEN AFTER SURVIVING TWO MOUNTAIN TRIPS AND A THREE-WEEK-LONG FORAY INTO THE MOJAVE.

The hunting/shoes section is on the small side, but it still has a lot to offer. I got some Chippewa logger boots there about a year ago, and they’re still going strong after all sorts of outdoor trials like our annual blizzards and rains. Waterproofing sprays are on a little stand in the center of the room, and various footwear lines the walls.

The hunting gear is through a small door, and offers things like targets, beginner’s bows, rifle slings, and even full ghillie suit. That last bit is made to turn a human into a bush, and carries a hefty price tag for a few hundred dollars. And it’s a great example of the strange nature of this store.

Most of the stuff is quality, and you’ll be surprised at how useful most of it is.

All of my camping gear is still in great order, even after surviving two mountain trips and a three-week-long foray into the Mojave.

The clothing took a beating, but most of it’s still just fine. And when I eventually did have a defective product (a camo jacket’s sleeve fell off because it wasn’t sewn correctly), the staff handled it quickly and without complaint.

Army Surplus for Less is a gambler’s paradise, so roll the dice. Get lost in the shelves for awhile. Find some weird thing you just can’t live without. Even if all you do is browse, you’ll be surprised how fast time seems to go in there.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 43

is leaning in with her shoulders. Sexy, right? (It’s calculated.) From the way she keeps her posture in check to making sure her voice is tinged with just the right amount of sexy, she’s making sure that everything she gives you is in top form. She’s a one-woman show putting on a performance in the hopes that you’ll pick up what she’s putting down.

SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT YOUR INTERESTS ARE. Asking you about what you like to do outside of work (or the bar) and actually listening to your response gives her more opportunity to match your likes with hers. If she drops hints that she’d like to join you, well … consider it a casual date, mi amigo.

OH, YEAH. SHE’S FLIRTING. Eva Woods “HOW DO I KNOW IF A WOMAN IS FLIRTING WITH ME?” is a question we’ve gotten from so many women (in the LGBT community and beyond!) who are picking up some “otherness” from another lady. As funny as it is for one woman not to recognize when she’s being pursued by one of her kind, it’s a fair question.

That’s because women can be masters of subtlety, no matter what gender they’re after. Let’s cut to the chase and reveal the top 10 signs that it’s on and poppin’ if you’re game. (And remember: Don’t just lock onto one of these and assume you’re in; it takes a good combination to be certain she’s feeling a little more than friendly.)

SHE INITIATES CONTACT. If she sees you come into the office (or enter the room at a party) and finds a reason to chat you up, she might just be a nice person saying hey, perhaps … but then again, perhaps not. Either way, if she wants some one-on-one face time, you’ve already got a head start in the “She Likes SOMETHING About You” department. If she displays some of these other signs, chances are you’re being scoped.

4 4 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

SHE LAUGHS … A LOT. Don’t get us wrong — you’re probably funny, ok? It’s just that she tends to listen to your stories and commentary with baited breath, waiting for her next chance to crack up at your personal brand of wit. That’s basically because her aura is mingling with yours and it’s (more or less) getting her high. Just friendly? Your call.

SHE STANDS REALLY CLOSE TO YOU. Think about your body language toward people you don’t really dig that much — you’re not quick to smile, you don’t go out of your way to extend the conversation, and (whether you realize it or not) you tend to turn your body away, as though to suggest you gotta bail. So when she moves into your bubble … and then a bit further, she’s displaying just the opposite of “gotta jet,” because that’s the last thing she wants in that moment. And admit: There’s a delicious tension there and you bet your ass she knows it.

SHE POSES. Look at the way she positions herself while you’re speaking. She’s almost looking at you through her lashes and

SHE MAKES FUN OF YOU (IN THE PLAYFUL WAY).

Few things show comfort with another person like being able to razz on their bed-head or nervous little stutters — it says, “I wanna be cool like that with you.” She’s giving you the real-life version of a Facebook poke and reels like a giddy schoolgirl at your reactions.

SHE HOLDS YOUR GAZE. When she makes eye contact (which she always does), it’s laser-like. When you turn away, her gaze is still virtually burning a hole through you, and when you stare back, it gets intense. Yyyyyeah, that’s your cue.

SHE MAKES EXCUSES TO TOUCH YOU. I don’t think we need to go too far into this one, but if she’s reaching out to touch your arm or fix the collar on your jacket, get serious: She’s testing how down you are to connect on a physical level.

HER JOKES ARE INCREASINGLY DIRTIER. Ok, if you can’t see the light by now, fool. Seriously. If she’s droppin’ sexual innuendos into the conversation, she’s checkin’ out your freak-level and seeing how you might feel about some *nudge nudge.*

SHE STARES AT YOUR MOUTH INTENTLY AS YOU SPEAK. That’s it. Just friggin’ kiss her already.

LATIN NIGHT AT LIPSTICK

Lipstick Nightclub hosted Latin Night on April 22nd. The evening featured live performances from Arial Ari Staxx and Kevin Omar (winner of Battle of the GO-GOs in Los Angeles). The club is now located at 5660 W. Colfax Avenue and is open until 4am.

Photos by Charles Broshous

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 45

MARKETPLACE

FOR INFO. ON PLACING A MARKETPLACE AD [ ACCOUNTING ]

303-477-4000 [ CHIROPRACTIC ]

MARKETING@OUTFRONTONLINE.COM [ HEALTH + FITNESS ]

GET A WORKOUT THAT WORKS

720.402.5981 | COLUNGASTRONG.COM

[ ADULT ]

[ COUNSELING ]

LUBES + LOTIONS VIBRATORS ANAL TOYS BONDAGE DILDOS

Under 18

not allowed FOR ALL STROKES AND ALL FOLKS: PLEASURE FOR EVERYONE.

ANXIETY | DEPRESSION | ANGER MANAGEMENT

COUNSELING JOHN NIELSEN, LPC GATETOTHEFESTIVAL.COM

720-755-5753

WWW.PARTNERSSHOPPES.COM

SELF-ACCEPTANCE | SUBSTANCE ABUSE | ADDICTIONS

[ BATH + BEAUTY ]

[ FINANCE ]

THERE’S NOTHING “DIRTY” ABOUT IT

$2 0

Bir thday o r Bathing Suit

bath entry

MA SSAGE $35+ BODY SCRUB $10+ CAFÉ

(303) 825-2995 • 3540 W COLFAX AVE. • DENVER 4 6 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

[ INSURANCE ]

WE’RE NOT A BANK, WE’RE BETTER BUSINESS TO BUSINESS LENDING FOR EVERY SITUATION.

1412 LAKEVIEW AVE #204 PUEBLO, CO | (719) 564-5980 Attorneys | Merchant Accounts | Accounts Receivables | Court Settlements

[ INSURANCE ]

SMALL BUSINESS PACKAGE • MARKETPLACE AD in each issue; 24 ads per year • WEB AD for one year • ONE MILLION IMPRESSIONS

For more information, contact us: 303-477-4000 or email marketing@outfrontonline.com [ INVESTMENT ]

[ LEGAL ]

[ MASSAGE ]

TAOS TAOS

a four letter word for

CHANGE YOUR LIFE

A HERITAGE OF JUSTICE fighting for the rights of Coloradans since 1977

[ MASSAGE ]

Country Furnishings is for sale 30 years of success Make it yours William Swan, business broker

bnswan@newmex.com | 575-770-1156

303-GOOD-LAW

SAWAYALAW.COM CFTAOS.COM [ LEGAL ]

AU TO ACCIDEN T S | PERS ON A L INJ URY WORK ERS’ COMP. | S OCI A L SECURIT Y WAGE & HOUR | VA DIS A BILITIE S MEDICA L M A LPR AC TICE [ MASSAGE ]

[ MASSAGE ]

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 47

H E I N Z ES I G H T

REMEMBERING A FORGOTTEN MEMORIAL TO HIV AND AIDS Brent Heinze, Senior Columnist I REMEMBER A MORNING ASSEMBLY AT my middle school in 1986 where all of the students were rounded up to watch an educational film about an extremely concerning disease that was killing people at an alarming rate and there was little doctors could do to prevent it. It was a horrific collection of images showing people ravaged by HIV and dying of AIDS. I had never been so terrified by anything in my life. A little part of my innocence died that day. Growing up knowing I was gay and this horrible disease was killing off people like me threw me deeper into feelings of fear and shame about being gay and becoming sexual with anyone. It led me into being even more withdrawn and scared.

I was unaware at that time there were people in our country actively dealing with this disastrous situation. Groups of individuals mobilized to support and take care of those struggling with the virus, brought awareness to the importance of knowledge about how the virus was transmitted, and fought for funding to support research and medication treatment so people had a better chance to live their lives in spite of HIV. I witnessed the devastation from afar, but I kept up on news stories and had opportunities to get to know some of the people involved.

Years later, I became part of a worldwide community working to educate people about HIV and empower individuals to embrace their sexual health. We’ve made significant progress, but it is important to focus on how issues continue affecting our culture and remember the progression of how we have engaged this virus over the past 35 years.

Communities in places like San Francisco 4 8 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

have been some of the most highly impacted by HIV and AIDS. I’ve spent significant time in that amazing city and have visited the National AIDS Grove in Golden Gate Park many times. There have been instances of visiting there with friends to reflect on how HIV has impacted us and to remember friends who have passed as a result of the virus or those who are currently living with HIV. Other times have been in celebration of being alive, surrounded by loving people enjoying music, dancing, flagging, flirting, and hanging out. Alongside the natural beauty of the park, the area also serves as a reminder of something that has devastated our community.

Although I had been working in gay men’s health and HIV for many years, I had no idea that Colorado had also created an area as a memorial for those affected by HIV. After learning about its location, I rode my bike down there with one of my best friends to show him this forgotten space. I was excited to share the story about how a determined group of Colorado residents championed an initiative to designate part of Commons Park as “The Grove” to serve as Colorado’s AIDS Memorial. This rustic space across from REI in downtown Denver was dedicated in August 2000. The project took over seven years, thousands of fundraising dollars, and hundreds of volunteer staff hours to complete with no one knowing that this location would evolve into such a bustling area for urban living.

The Grove’s original design of a few benches paired with cottonwood trees and natural ground covering includes its heart-felt purpose inscribed on the stone at the park’s entrance which states,

“This area of Commons Park is dedicated to the remembrance of those who have lost their lives to AIDS and to their loving caregivers who helped them live out those lives with dignity and grace.”

Unfortunately as HIV treatments became more effective and the virus became less sensationalized in the media, so did the visibility of The Grove.

It wasn’t until a motivated group of community members and organizations were reminded of this important space in the fall of 2015 that efforts began to bring awareness back about The Grove. A re-dedication of this space is scheduled for Sunday, May 15th from 2–4pm with support of Denver’s Parks & Recreation Department, Denver Gay Men’s Chorus, Mile High Freedom Band, Team Colorado from AIDS LifeCycle, and many others from our community. The ceremony will be a mix of speakers and activities intended to bring a revitalized energy back into this memorial that many fought diligently for in the past.

The Grove, like other memorials, can mean different things to a wide variety of people. Colorado’s AIDS Memorial is a space to not only remember and recognize those who have lost their lives to this virus and the people who offered care for them, but also as an area for people to explore their own thoughts and feelings about how HIV impacted in their lives. This is a space for those who have been diagnosed as HIV+ for 30 years or only three months. It’s for those who may be HIV-, but feel the importance of sharing thoughts, feelings, and memories of those who have come before them or to support other people in their lives who are living with HIV. It can also be in remembrance of pioneers who led valiant fights to motivate government and industry in making HIV a global priority. It can also give hope to those working diligently to create a world that is not impacted by HIV. There are many current and future opportunities to get involved with The Grove, including planting, clean-up projects, hosting events, fundraising, and bringing awareness to this unique piece of Colorado history. The physical address for The Grove is 2101 15th Street in Denver and more information can be found at AIDSgroveColorado.org or Facebook. Join us to take part in the re-dedication on Sunday, May 15th from 2–4 pm.

[ REAL ESTATE ]

SMALL BUSINESS PACKAGE • MARKETPLACE AD in each issue;

24 ads per year • WEB AD for one year • ONE MILLION IMPRESSIONS

For more information, contact us: 303-477-4000 or email marketing@outfrontonline.com

[ MEDIA + MARKETING ]

[ REAL ESTATE ]

RICH PLASMEIER W H AT A T I M E T O B E B U Y I N G

303-931-4155

[ REAL ESTATE ]

[ REAL ESTATE ]

Offering personalized service for all your real estate needs.

Experience counts!

Since 2004, Mike DeGuire has been helping clients buy and sell homes.

REALRICH6@AOL.COM MikeDeGuireHomes@gmail.com | 303-907-3950

MikeDeGuireHomes.com

[ RENTAL ]

PARK GROVE 1280 LAFAYETTE STREET Large 1 bedroom units, $1000-$1300 Large 2 bedroom units, $1200-$1500 Balconies, dishwashers, parking garage, indoor pool, sauna, exercise room, and views!

303-830-1344 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• CHEESMAN PARK 1360 WILLIAMS STREET 1 bedroom units from $900 Rooftop deck, fireplaces, dishwashers.

303-830-1344 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• WASHINGTON PARK 960 S. LOGAN STREET 1 bedroom units from $875 2 bedroom units from $1200 720-205-0990 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• WASHINGTON PARK 10 S. PENNSYLVANIA ST. 1 bedroom units from $900 Rooftop deck, fireplaces, dishwashers.

720-205-0990 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• GOVERNOR’S PARK 899 WASHINGTON ST. 1 bedroom units from $900 Fireplaces, rooftop deck, dishwashers, fabulous remodel!

303-668-5014 Clean, Renovated and Friendly!

Managed by Lloyd’s Apartments L.P. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 49

BAR TAB

THE HOTTEST DENVER NIGHTLIFE

AQUA LOU NG E

CLUB Q

1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584

3430 N. Academy Blvd., Colo. Springs (719) 570-1429 clubqonline.com

475 Santa Fe, Denver (303) 778-0545

BA RR ICU DA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com

B LUSH & BLU 1526 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 484-8548 blushblubar.com

B OYZTOWN 117 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

B ROA DWAYS 1027 Broadway, Denver (303) 623-0700 broadwaysdenver.com

CRAVE 1891 14 th St #110, Denver (303) 586-4199 cravedenver.com

COMPOUND BAS IX 145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com

M UPTOWN 700 E. 17 th Ave., Denver (303) 832-1333 MANIC MONDAYS Happy Hour from open to close.

Karaoke @ 9pm with Allison TUESDAYS: OUTRAGEOUS DRAG BINGO Hosted by Sasha Andrews & Jackie Summers. Balls drop at 9pm. Free to play!

HAPPY HOUR TIL 8PM $2 domestic drafts, $2.50 wells, $3 domestic mini pitchers

WEDNESDAYS: DOLLS WITH BALLS BINGO Hosted by Alexandra Winters & Harley Quinn. Free! Starts at 9pm.

SUNDAY DJ TONY All Day $1 Coors Light Draft

LANNIE’S CLOCKTOWER CA BAR E T

MONDAY LEATHER & TATTOO $1 Coors Light, $3 Svedka 8pm–CL

16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe (303) 293-0075 lannies.com

TUESDAY 2-for-1 wells/domestic drafts 8pm–CL WEDNESDAY All Day Happy Hour ABSOLUT THIRSTY THURS W/ DJ MIA $3 Absolut, $5 Fireball & Jack Fire, $6 Malibu Buckets 8pm–close

LIL’ DEVILS 255 South Broadway, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com

3500 Walnut St., Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com

SATURDAY DJ TONY All Day $3 Svedkas

SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS 18+ dance party Cover: 18–20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10pm

L

.W

.

ST

ES

T

WRANGLER 17TH AVE. M UPTOWN XBAR CHARLIE’S BLUSH & BLU

BROADWAYS

11TH AVE. VINYL

ARKANSAS AVE.

COLORADO BLVD.

ALAMEDA AVE.

OGDEN ST.

1ST AVE.

BROADWAY

COMPOUND BOYZTOWN

CLARKSON ST.

6TH AVE. BARKER LOUNGE

COLFAX AVE. AQUA LOUNGE

R&R

BARRICUDA’S WASHINGTON ST.

8TH AVE.

LI’L DEVILS

5 0 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

AV E

OE

ELM ST.

AL

COLFAX AVE.

K

AH AP

YORK ST.

CRAVE

ST .M

PA R

.

ST

UT

KRAMERIA ST.

H

.

629 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com

16 T

VD BL

X BAR

N AL

COLORADO BLVD.

LANNIE’S

TRACKS

T. ES

R

1700 Logan St., Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com

AK

.

VD BL EAGLE

EE

FRIDAYS $3 Absolut 9pm–CL

H

AR

SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.

DRAG NATION LAST FRIDAYS The nation’s best drag show with the hottest celebrity drag queens!

IG

W

BABES AROUND DENVER FIRST FRIDAYS Largest monthly women’s party in the US! Doors open at 6pm. 21+

W RANGLER

SUNDAYS Svedka & well liquor bust from 4–8pm Drag Divas at 9pm: $5 big pitchers

BL

ELEVATED SATURDAYS 2-for-1 drinks 9–10pm No cover before 10pm

THURSDAYS 2-4-1 drinks 7pm–CL

SATURDAYS $3 Svedka (all flavors) 9pm–CL

BR

N TO

SP

DAILY SPECIALS All Day $3 domestic mini-pitchers (32oz.)

11am–7pm: $3 wells, $3 domestics, and $4 u-calls. 8–10pm: $5 PB&J drink & shot special

(FOR M ERLY HA M BURGER M ARY’S)

BROADWAY

900 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com

(303) 832-1333 M-UPTOWN.COM 700 E. 17 TH AVE. DENVER

TRACKS

FRIDAY DJ TONY 10–11pm & Midnight–1am $2 wells, $3 domestic mini pitchers

C HA R LIE'S ®

DO IT WITH A LOC AL

DOWNING ST.

BA RK ER LOU NG E

* S AT U R D AY S @ 9

LE

ET

SD

AL

E

DR

ALAMEDA AVE.

.

EL POTRERO

MILE HIGH GALA The Human Rights Campaign’s 25th Anniversary Mile High Gala was held at the Marriott Denver City Center on April 23rd. The annual event serves as a major fundraiser for HRC and honors local community members for their tireless work for social justice, equality, and visibility. The 2016 award winners were Olympic hopeful Josh Dixon, trans student Reign Vela-Tapia, and political strategist Ted Trimpa.

Photos by Charles Broshous

BARBARA THE SNUGGLY

Barbara is a sweet and adorable dog! She’s an affectionate and active girl who would do best in a home without other dogs.

She enjoys playing with toys and snuggling with her person.

PRETTY GIRL

Meet Pretty Girl! She’s been described as a sweet dog who does well on a leash. She enjoys being pet and hanging out with people. Pretty Girl is ready to find her new forever home, so come and see if that could be with you!

® Furry Scurry 16 20 7, May k, held in urry dog wal The Furry Sc a two-mile is , rk Pa n hingto le and op Denver’s Was pe 00 ,0 aws 12 an 150 walk that dr th e or M ch year.

5000 dogs ea sors offer pet-related spon vendors and joy food, d walkers en products, an ntests. co d an , ns demonstratio St 80 S. Quebec DDFL.org | 20 2 77 1-5 75 ) (303

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 51

H EA LT H So with or without a partner, just find a way to achieve an orgasm on a regular basis, kind of like taking your meds.

Because regardless of how you achieve sexual gratification, an orgasm deposits a wondrous amount of fabulous chemicals into the brain — all of which are especially helpful for a depressed brain.

There are even scientists who claim the euphoric feeling of an orgasm is equivalent to the same euphoric feeling you get from Big H. One study published in The Journal of Neuroscience (conducted solely with male participants) showed that there are “parallels drawn between ejaculation and heroin rush.”

Well then, I guess it’s no surprise I’ve been mercilessly bludgeoning my beef stick almost every day since I was 13.

During an orgasm, the brain dumps a substantial dose of dopamine into the body. This lovely neurotransmitter is responsible for both stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain and your friend’s cocaine habit.

Also, the hypothalamus releases oxytocin. Often referred to as the love hormone, oxytocin helps reduce anxiety and is even being tested to reduce symptoms associated with postpartum depression. The brain also releases endorphins during an orgasm, which reduce pain and are responsible for the euphoric feeling you get when you exercise, often referred to as “runner’s high.” In addition, the lateral orbitofrontal cortex shuts down during an orgasm, the part of the brain responsible for reason, self-control, and logical thinking — the Vulcan part of the brain.

In short, the brain loses its goddamn mind during sexual climax.

And solo masturbation can help exercise the imagination we all have. Porn is helpful and ubiquitous, but why watch someone else’s fantasy? Create and develop your own sexual vulgarities. (The things I’ve done to Ryan Reynolds would make Deadpool blush through his red super suit.)

DUELING WITH DEPRESSION: MASTURBATE MORE Mike Yost OKAY. THE TITLE SHOULD PROBABLY READ, F*CK MORE, BUT I’M SINGLE. And I’ve wasted too much time on apps like Grindr being inundated with photoshopped dick pics or messaged by bots. And there’s the horror that is the gay club scene, dodging guys wearing white pants with sandals who open the conversation with, “My name’s Mustang. What’s yours?”

It’s all very depressing and only increases my suicidal tendencies.

5 2 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

And you probably guessed it, some doctors argue that regularly flexing your creative muscles, regardless of the creative outlet, can help reduce depressive symptoms. There are caveats, as the side effects of some antidepressants may prevent orgasm. Your living situation might not give you any privacy. And there’s the persistent social stigma.

When I was younger, I was taught that masturbation was dirty and shameful. Of course, I was also told that homosexuality was dirty and shameful ... and that listening to Black Sabbath was listening to Satan sing in your ears.

There’s nothing wrong with finger-banging your blues away.

It hurts absolutely no one. And everyone does it. Everyone.

Even the pope. Even your grandma.

So regularly exercise those fingers to increase dexterity. Buy yourself a vibrating dildo that’s powered by multiple D-size batteries. Close the curtains and kick the cat and/or dog out of the bedroom. Give your depressed brain a healthy dose of dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins at least once a day.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 53

H EA LT H

THE INTOXICATING POWER OF THE KISS Kelsey Lindsey I HAVE A FRIEND, LET’S CALL HER JESSIE, WHO RECENTLY BROKE UP with her boyfriend that was, for lack of a better word, a complete dickhead. Mean, non-committal, the whole shebang. My friend knew this — she knows this! — yet she was still incessantly checking her phone the last time we went to brunch, hoping that Dickhead would magically have a change of heart and come back to her with sad puppy eyes and a bottle of red wine to kiss and make up.

Jessie is an attractive girl. She could have many younger, more attractive guys (who, you know, aren’t dicks) chasing after her with one bat of the eyelashes. I pointed this out, and Jessie gave in: Yes, she knew her ex was a dick, but no, she could not get over him. This is common in relationships, but the reason she couldn’t let go was something I hadn’t heard before: Their kisses were so powerful, Jessie said, she thought she could never find another like it.

Skeptical that it wasn’t something more, I pressed Jessie. “By kissing you mean sex, right?” But no, she didn’t. Thus began my long descent into questionable Google searches to see if there were any merits to Jessie’s claim: Could a kiss be more than just a kiss?

Long story short: yes. According to scientist Sheril Kirshenbaum writing for CNN, kissing produces a natural rush thanks to electric impulses between the brain, tongue, and lips, which 5 4 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

In a 2013 survey of both women and men, the women placed more of an emphasis on the kissing prowess of a partner when assessing them for a relationship.

are among the most sensitive parts of our body. During a kiss, the brain releases chemicals like dopamine and serotonin that can make us feel euphoric and affectionate. Our bodies respond with a quickening pulse, flushed cheeks, and dilated blood vessels — some of the same symptoms associated with falling in love.

It’s not completely known why some humans kiss to show affection, but Oxford postdoctoral researcher Rafael Wlodarski told Smithsonian Magazine that it could be a combination of psychological attraction and an instinct to mate. According to research from Wlodarski, kissing may help women select this lucky mate-to-be: In a 2013 survey of both women and men, the women placed more of an emphasis on the kissing prowess of a partner when assessing them for a relationship. Even more of a kicker, in a 2014 study also from Wlodarski the ability to kiss well was found to make a partner more attractive, at least in short-term relationships like Jessie’s.

So yes, Jessie’s body may have been working against her, telling her “yes” when kissing her ex, blinding her to all the nasty behavior that came before and after. While I can’t eliminate the memory of this kiss from her brain, I can do the next best thing: kidnap her phone at the next brunch and delete all his contact info.

I’m kidding … or am I?

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 55

O U T BAC K CLASSIFIEDS Envisioned by Boberto

Need help?

If you believe you’re a victim of a sex or hate crime, contact the Survivors Organizing for Liberation 24-hour statewide hotline at 1-888-557-4441

Advertise Here

303-477-4000

DO IT WITH A LOC AL (303) 832-1333 M-UPTOWN.COM 700 E. 17 TH AVE. DENVER

(FOR M ERLY HA M BURGER M ARY’S)

5 6 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 57

BAC KWO R DS

ASK A SLUT [WARNING: GRAPHIC]

Dear Sluts, I have a short in my vibrator and my OBGYN wants to know where the contact burns came from. What do I tell her?

Signed, IT HURTS WHEN I PEE Latexa: Just tell your doctor what I tell mine: “I accidentally fell on it. Repeatedly.”

who stand at the front of the bus and talk to him nonstop until he gives you his number.

Cookie: Sit in the back row and pull your “thing” out. I’m sure he’ll stop the bus and come back for you.

JackLynn: Ride to the end and let him take you in the garage.

got captured, then tortured. That’s how I get out of family dinners.

I’m thinking about getting into drag. Where do I start?

Signed, LITTLE LATIN BOY IN DRAG

Cookie: Quit lying — you know those contact

Latexa: First thing you want to do is get a good

Zoey: Tell her you’re a spy and was just overseas,

burns aren’t from your vibrator; they’re from the spark plugs on your John Deere. They weren’t gapped properly. For a new vibrator you can always go to Fascinations (shameless plug).

I take the bus all the time and think my driver is really hot. How do I get him to notice me?

Signed, RTD (RIDE THIS DICK) Latexa: There are two ways to handle this. You can pay in small change (nickels and dimes). That way, you can make small talk while you’re at the front. Or, you can be one of those annoying people 5 8 M AY 0 4 , 2 0 1 6

pair of heels, a good wig from a reputable store, and makeup from a costume shop. Remember: It’s called Covergirl, not Coverboy. Then get the sluttiest dress you can find at Goodwill on Broadway.

Zoey: Find someone you admire, then come join us so we can warp you beyond all hopes of salvation.

Cookie: Quit asking the question and come to see us. We’ll set you up real fine, then teach you what not to do.

JackLynn: Well the Sluts are always looking for a good drag, I mean person, to join the group!

Sometimes you have to put your foot down.

Go where others can’t with the 2016 Subaru Forester.® Road-gripping Symmetrical All-Wheel Drive. An enviable 32 mpg.* Not to mention it’s a 2015 IIHS Top Safety Pick. You’ll have a sunny disposition all year long.

Love. It’s what makes a Subaru, a Subaru.

Subaru and Forester are registered trademarks. *EPA-estimated hwy fuel economy for 2016 Subaru Forester 2.5i CVT models. Actual mileage may vary. Vehicle shown with accessory and aftermarket equipment.

Proudly Serving our Entire Community 800-789-5583 • bestbuysubaru.com 1080 Motor City Dr • Colorado Springs, CO 80905 Courtesy Delivery Available to Anywhere in Colorado