May 17, 2017 :: LGBTQ 101

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F r ee

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A U R O R A

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P R I D E 2017

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CONTENTS

MAY 17, 2017 vol40 no28

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46 Recent winner of 8 awards from the Society of Professional Journalists, an Excellence in News Writing award, and an Excellence in Feature Writing award from the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association.

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OU TFRO N TMAGAZINE.COM

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 Phone 303-477-4000 • Fax 303-325-2642 Web OutFrontMagazine.com Facebook /OutFrontColorado Twitter @OutFrontCO Instagram /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER Phil Price 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontmagazine.com Jerry Cunningham Publisher J.C. McDonald Vice President MaGGIE Phillips Operations Manager Jeff Jackson Swaim Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontmagazine.com Ryan Howe Editorial Brent heinze Senior Columnist arianna j. balderrama Editorial Intern Jeremiah ntepp Editorial Intern SARAH FARBMAN Copy Editor Contributing Writers Addison Herron-Wheeler, Mike Yost, Rick Kitzman, Denny Patterson, Yvonne Wright, Sarah Farbman, Joseph Soto, Nathanial Lacrue, Brett Longhi ART art@outfrontmagazine.com Lisa Force Art Director CONTRIBUTING artists Charles Broshous MARKETING + SALES marketing@outfrontmagazine.com DUSTIN KRIER Director of Sales & Marketing TOPHER LA FLEUR Marketing Executive Trevor Hoyt Marketing Executive National Advertising Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 | sales@rivendellmedia.com DISTRIBUTION

OUT FRONT’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge, one copy per person. Additional copies of OUT FRONT may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at OUT FRONT offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. OUT FRONT is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of OUT FRONT, take more than one copy of OUT FRONT. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

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Bobby LeFebre MSU Denver ‘04 Poet. Visionary. Roadrunner.

As an award-winning poet, spoken word artist, actor and social worker, Bobby LeFebre found his voice at MSU Denver.

For him, words are “indestructible bridges connecting us all across social, political, cultural and psychological borders.”

At MSU Denver, we’ve been transforming lives and empowering our students to find their personal road to success for more than 50 years. msudenver.edu/road

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RYAN HOWE

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Why we use QUEER ALONGSIDE LGBTQ IN OUT FRONT It’s hard to define the word ‘queer.’ For different people, it means different things.

QUEER /kwir/ adjective • strange; odd.

• an alternative that some people use to blur the idea of the labels and categories such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, etc.

• an in-group term or a word that can be considered offensive to some people, depending on their generation, geographic location • a reclaimed umbrella term used to describe the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender/Transsexual and generally non-heterosexual or non-binary communities. Queer is the opposite of Straight.

There isn’t a clear definition of the word. There isn’t a clear consensus on how the LGBTQ community feels about the word. Some have reclaimed it and use it as an easy umbrella term. Others hear or read the word and are immediately turned off. It’s still a word covered in filth and hurt. Some use it as a way to express exclusivity into a radical faerie’s way of life and thinking.

OUT FRONT’s staff spent many meetings and arguments on whether to use the word in our magazine. We discussed when it should be used. We talked about the backlash we might receive. We talked about what the word meant to us. Ultimately, we settled on using queer when both the writer and the subject of the story agree with it. In all other instances we’ll use LGBTQ to represent our community.

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For us, queer is used as an umbrella term for anyone who identifies as LGBTQ or something other than heteronormative the worldview that promotes heterosexuality as the norm.

Sexuality and gender are fluid. Nothing is black and white, and all of us live somewhere in the grey area that falls between the opposing sides. Someone may not identify as gay, lesbian, or transgender, but they still live within our community. We must make an effort to include these people.

Being queer is first and foremost a state of mind. It is a worldview characterized by acceptance, through which one embraces and validates all the unique, unconventional ways in which individuals express themselves, particularly with respect to gender and sexual orientation. It is about acknowledging the infinite number of complex, fluid identities that exist outside the few limited, dualistic categories considered legitimate by society.

Being queer means that people are accepted for being themselves. They are celebrated for living authentically to how they want to live and not letting social norms dictate how they navigate our world.

Being queer means challenging everything that’s considered normal.

Being queer means recognizing that people don’t have to live with specific labels that potentially ignore their intersectionality.

Being queer means spreading love and happiness and standing up for what is right.

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QUEER H i s t o ry: Angels in America, Devils in t he W h i t e House r i c k k it zm a n 8 \\ M A Y 1 7 , 2 0 1 7

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was his unethical and illegal breach of jurisprudence that condemned the Rosenbergs.

o you enjoy painting your toenails red or holding your boyfriend’s hand in public?

Marrying your girlfriend? Declaring your pansexuality? Do any variation of current queer freedoms sound tantalizing to you?

The notoriety brought Cohn to the attention of then FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, rumored to be a homosexual crossdresser. Hoover recommended Cohn to Republican Sen. Joseph McCarthy from Wisconsin, who was leading the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC) hearings to expose suspected communists and homosexuals in the government, Hollywood, and the military. Cohn became McCarthy’s hypocritical lackey and the brains behind the inquisition. The pair was responsible for the firing of hundreds of gays and lesbians.

It wasn’t always like that, obviously. In the last decade, we’ve seen LGBTQ rights rapidly move through congress (although there are still plenty that we need to focus on) and acceptance stretch across the nation.

But mid-century America viewed homosexuals as subversive, anti-God, immoral, a disease, non-conformist, scheming, and manipulative — a haunting invasion threatening to destroy middle-class society, the American way of life, and the country.

McCarthy’s eponymous political tactics became known as McCarthyism — smear campaigns, guilt by association, false accusations, and demagogic disregard of law and civility.

Remind you of anyone?

The persecutions and prosecutions of past generations of the LGBTQ community — and their successful battles — paved the way for us to practice freedoms we may take for granted.

All history is personal. We must know ours and honor, appreciate, celebrate, and remember the stories.

During the Cold War, fear of communist infiltration — the Red Scare — reached mass hysteria. Irrational anxieties implicated gays and lesbians — the Lavender Scare — and targeted government employees. In 1953, President Eisenhower’s Executive Order 10450 barred homosexuals from working in the federal government (including the armed forces) on the suspicion that they posed security risks because of potential blackmail to blackmail.

Approximately 5,000 homosexuals, primarily in the State Department, were outed, fired, and thrust into a paranoid public.

This is why history recently made its way onto the menu at a dinner party that my partner and I hosted. Politics opened its garrulous mouth and President Trump, or as I like to call him, Prez KWAC (The Kook With A Comb-Over The Color Of An Orangutan’s Ass), took center stage. I mentioned that Roy Cohn had mentored the Young KWAC.

The Cohn-McCarthy-Hoover ménage-a-trois ended in 1954. The Army-McCarthy hearings investigated Cohn’s pressuring the Army to give preferential treatment to G. David Schine, a handsome blonde “friend.” Cohn resigned, and the Senate eventually censured McCarthy.

“Roy who?” they asked.

“You know, the villain in the play Angels in America (Angels)? The greatest play of the 20th century?”

I threatened to call ICE to revoke their pink visas to live in the United States as gay men. It seemed a fitting punishment, given President KWAC’s travel bans. Instead, I donned my teacher’s hat and educated the children.

Roy Cohn played a starring role in the commie/homo witchhunt of the ‘50s. Knowledge of this travesty of American justice and prejudice informed my first four decades of shame as a gay man. Angels examines the zeitgeist of the ‘80s: the AIDS plague and homosexuality in Reagan’s America, specifically New York City. I lived there during the onset of the nascent plague.

History helps me understand the present. Craving more knowledge, the teacher becomes the student.

Real-life Roy Cohn was a closeted homosexual lawyer in New York with a ruthless reputation and a malevolent, heavylidded sneer, ready to strike. He first gained prominence in 1951 prosecuting Julius and Ethel Rosenberg (Ethel is a ghost in Angels) for being Russian Communist spies. They were convicted and executed in 1953, generating much criticism.

In his autobiography, Cohn admits with great pride ex parte (secret) discussions with another prosecutor and judge. It

ROY COHN

Blank stares.

Responding to homophobia in 1957, The Crittenden Report of the United States Navy concluded there was no factual data to support the belief that homosexuals posed a security risk, but it did find other reasons to condemn homosexuality. The Crittenden Report remained secret until 1976. Eisenhower’s 1953 E.O. remained active until 1995 when President Clinton replaced it with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

By the ‘70s, Cohn had built a powerful network in New York City, using the courts and City Hall to enrich friends and crush enemies. He performed questionable deeds for Nixon, Reagan, and various Mafioso.

Cohn met Young KWAC in 1973, teaching him his signature formula to exploit power: attack, counterattack, never apologize, never admit responsibility, claim other’s acomplishments, promote yourself, deflect. Grasshopper KWAC learned well from his mentor. The President lies, sues, debases adversaries, offends minorities and women, and ferments fury in fans.

In 1986, The New York State Supreme Court disbarred Roy Cohn for multiple unethical and unprofessional conducts.

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Shortly thereafter, still denying that he was homosexual and claiming he had liver cancer, Cohn died of AIDS.

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Cohn was a rotten patriot, and, as a character in Angels describes him, “the polestar of human evil.” The play’s villain, historical but imagined by playwright Tony Kushner, guides us through his unbearable suffering to hell and hopelessness. The everyman hero, Prior Walter, guides us through his to heaven and hope.

In the early ‘90s, Kushner wrote Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes as two separate plays: Part 1 – Millennium Approaches and Part II – Perestroika (Russian, meaning “restructuring.”). As a Fantasia, Kushner embraces magical realism, combining the terrifying reality that his characters travel with the supernatural and hallucinations they confront. Its National Themes are grand: religious, racial, psychological, political, sexual. Its human stories are intimate: love, sex, beliefs, loss, illness, resilience.

Part 1 garnered the Pulitzer Prize for Drama, and both parts won Tony Awards for Best Play in 1993 and 1994.

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This summer, London is reviving the play courtesy of the Royal National Theatre of Great Britain, starring Andrew Garfield as Prior Walter (Spiderman, Hacksaw Ridge) and Nathan Lane as Roy Cohn (The Birdcage, The Producers). A recorded live performance will broadcast in Denver cinemas participating in National Theatre Live.

For dazzling performances and CGI intensity, watch the 2003 HBO series on DVD, winner of 11 Emmys. Directed

by Mike Nichols, the cast soars with Al Pacino, Emma Thompson, Meryl Streep, and a perfect ensemble. As Cohn/Pacino vomits his vitriol gleefully; Thompson’s angel is beatific, frightening, and erotic; La Streep portrays an old Jewish rabbi, a Mormon mother, and the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg with her usual numinous craft.

Angels’ themes are as timely today as the day it was written, reflecting the current national chaos. The Cohns and KWACS of the world love chaos, camouflaging themselves in a wolf’s hide of patriotism.

Order exposes their greedy grab for power and billions — to hell with the rest of the world.

The de v i l occupies t he W h i t e House.

I

consulted the genesis of alternative facts, the Bible, finding that the devil is also known as “the lord of filth,” “ the father of lies,” someone who “leads the world astray.” Indisputable proof that with aggrandizing ego and colossal animus President KWAC curls his pointy tail round the Oval Office, his slimy demons slithering through the halls of every government agency. If Christian imagery fails to ignite your horror, imagine Sauron and his slobbering Orcs. Make America great again? The decline and fall of America has begun.

History may repeat itself. In 2016, Fox News reported that former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich advocated a new House Un-American Activities Committee to combat Islamic terrorism “as a blueprint for weeding out American ISIS adherents and sympathizers.”

Rejuvenating one of the grossest travesties of American injustice should be grounds for treason.

By all means, enjoy your red toenails, marriage, and sexuality. That is what our heroes and heroines fought for. Just remember that they stood up and paid painful prices. Someday, you and I will have to make a stand.

As Prior declares in the last line of Part One, “The Great Work begins.”

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Brett Longhi

Gay and Single in Unchartered Waters In the wake of a break up, your first year back in the singles’ lounge can feel like you have been pushed out onto the high seas without any navigational tools. It’s just you, in a rickety old ship without a compass or map. Dead-reckoning.

This initial departure, whether you cut ties or they did, feels like pulling away from a dock and saying goodbye to dry land. Initial panic sets in as you realize that you are going on your first solo journey in quite a while. What I’ve learned in the last year since breaking up with someone I truly loved is that gusto is the only way to hit the high seas (better known as being a single, gay man in America).

When I set sail, my first piece of advice was to find a way to ignore all things ex-related on social media. I know this sounds drastic, and maybe it is, but think about it: a long time ago, before all of these self-promoting social media platforms, when you broke up with someone, you rarely saw them again. The only way to move on is to not sit and watch their life play out in front of you like a movie.

Remember that no one is going to post the low moments of their life or a moment when they look anything less than perfect. It is all an illusion. An illusion you must first understand, then let go of. Obsessing and watching your ex’s every move will only drift you farther off course than you might already feel.

It may seem the only way you are going to feel “good” again is to find someone to take your ex’s place. This individual is best known as the “rebound.” Now, the rebound may work for some individuals in helping numb the pain of a break up.

For the short term, this might feel like a problem solved. To me, the rebound can be a mirage.

Here you are, all alone in the ocean, and all you want is that

sense of safety again and to feel like you aren’t so alone. So you paddle after something you feel is going to solve all your problems. What I have learned here is this: sometimes you simply have to feel the pain. You feel every emotion you have, which can lead to a bout of clarity.

There are going to be many opportunities for you to talk openly about your ex. People are going to ask and will genuinely be curious. Here is the best advice I can offer someone who has ended a long-term relationship: keep your lips sealed.

There are no benefits to trash-talking your ex, even if you feel like you have a really good reason to. Even if you ended your relationship on good terms, there are still going to be plenty of things that make you upset about that person or the situation. Lashing out and trying to make your ex look like the bad guy only makes one person look bad, and that’s you.

After all, the water is choppy enough out there. There’s no reason to create bigger waves that are bound to boomerang back to you.

My final piece of advice is this: when you get upset thinking about this person, remember: it isn’t coming from a place of hate, but a place of hurt.

When hurt disguises itself as hate, remember that there was a time when you loved this person, or maybe you still do.

The waters will calm, and you will be able to jump in again and enjoy splashing around on your swan or flamingo raft, whichever you prefer. It’s hard to believe that you’ll find land again when you’re in a vast ocean feeling pretty alone.

You won’t be alone forever, you will find your island, and there will be many more lessons for you to learn once you get there.

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A g e n d e r .

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ender identity has been a very hot topic of late, and it’s something that confuses and bewilders even the most liberal of thinkers. Those who claim in every other way to be completely accepting of LGBTQ individuals end up making ignorant remarks about the trans community.

Even those who strive to be friends to their trans pals end up worrying they will say something offensive by accident. I don’t claim to know everything about every single trans person or promise that any type of advice works all across the board, but if you follow these guidelines, you can be respectful to the trans community and dialogue with everyone without offering any offense.

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J U S T L I K E E V ERYONE H A S A DI F F EREN T P ERSON A L I T Y, E V ERYONE H A S A DI F F EREN T GENDER IDEN T I T Y

One common mistake when it comes to gender identity is trying to put people in categories or boxes in order to make it easier to understand gender identity. While this may seem helpful at first, it’s actually more hurtful in the long run because everyone’s identity is different, no matter where they land on the scales of gender or sexual preference.

“I identify as a male, and it’s not so much to say I’m male to be in groups with every other guy on the planet because I’m not; we as humans

are complex and each beat a different drum,” explained Robbie, a cis gender male who identifies as gay. “Beyond the physicality, gender is a big mental state. Your brain is just as important as your body, so being yourself is more than just looking; it’s being.”

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Many believe that every trans person is transitioning in the most basic sense of the word, identifying as either male or female. But that isn’t the case. Plenty of individuals identify outside of the gender binary as agender or nonbinary and don’t wish to be assigned either female or male pronouns.

“I first came out as nonbinary, which met with a lot of disapproval and confusion, so I did what I’m sure others have, and went full throttle into trans man,” Oliver, who identifies as agender, but sometimes accepts he/his/ him pronouns, said. “Unfortunately this was to fit into expectations as a trans person, and never really felt quite right. As I get older and more sure of myself, the comfort of androgyny without gender implications has overridden my fear of confrontation.”

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This may all seem complicated to those who have always identified as cis and never questioned their identity, but that doesn’t mean it actually has to be. Simply listening to what a trans person has to say is all you need to do to understand their gender preference. This doesn’t mean you need to turn every conversation with a trans person into a Q&A session, but if you have questions for someone you are close with or they want to talk, then lend an ear.

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“Trans people aren’t all the same, but overall we want to be heard and treated as people,” Oliver said. “If someone tells me they want specific pronouns or a different name, even if it’s something they’re still figuring out, I listen to them because I am not them.”

R e s p e ct i n g w i s h e s i s k e y, a s w i th a n y o n e

Respecting others may seem like a preschool level lesson, but it can be trickier than you think when it comes to how a trans person wants to be talked to.

“The kinds of dodgy bullshit people get up to when they say stupid shit like, ‘Your gender is female but your sex is male,’ ‘Well I can still refer to you with this other name/pronoun because you were that person for most of your life,’ or whatever is a bunch of garbage,” Drew said. “It’s hateful and it shows fundamental disrespect to who a person is.”

D o n ’ t att e m pt t o fully u n d e r s ta n d g e n d e r — I T S c o m pl e x a n d n o t e a s y t o define

If you’re anything like me, an inquiring mind, a journalist, then you want to understand what it’s like to be trans or nonbinary and how it feels not to identify as cis. You want to fully grasp it so you can be a better ally and advocate. You can’t.

If you aren’t a trans or nonbinary person, you don’t know what they are going through, period. And that’s fine. The important thing is to listen, ask questions when appropriate or necessary, and give every human the respect they deserve in regards to how they want to be addressed and treated.

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YOU’RE INVITED

Please join us for The 2017 Alexander Foundation Spring Fling– Colorado’s premiere spring event! Socialize at the exclusive Owner’s Club pool at One Lincoln Park and enjoy unique downtown views.

Purchase your tickets in advance for a discounted rate that includes complimentary cocktails, heavy hors d’oeuvres, an exciting silent auction and a brief program recognizing 2017 scholarship recipients.

Friday, June 9, 2017 @ 6-9 p.m.

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The Alexander Foundation has been a crucial resource for Colorado’s LGBT community since 1981. Our purpose is to raise money to support the health and well-being of LGBT people so they may live with dignity. We do this by providing scholarships for higher education and assistance grants to those in need due to temporary life challenges, or who are suffering from chronic/serious illness or injury.

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“it is not always carcass I carry woman boi lesbian they are living in this body, too” – Or when he asked me to describe queerness in 20 words or less

ne of the definitions of pride is “a group of lions forming a social unit.” A second definition is “a feeling of satisfaction or deep pleasure from the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated.”

O

This second definition means a lot to all of us in the LGBTQ community come June every year.

One of those people is Denver’s 2017 Youth Poet Laureate, Ayla Sullivan, who describes themself as “first generation Vietnamese American, Black, Filipinx, Chinese, queer, and trans nonbinary.”

They are a part of our pride.

Getting to be the Youth Poet Laureate of Denver is no simple task. The talented young artist that gets chosen every two years must submit a portfolio of their poetry as well as a resume detailing their social justice involvement. Ayla’s resume includes sitting on multiple genderfocused panels, teaching poetry workshops as a Minor Disturbance Denver Youth Poetry Team Alum, working on the Chancellor’s Black Student Advisory Council, and being a student leader for Queer & Trans People of Color.

The position was awarded by Denver youth poetry organization Minor Disturbance in collaboration with Colorado Creative Industries, Youth on Record, and Lighthouse Writers Workshop, and in partnership with Urban Word. It includes a book deal with Penmanship Books and a scholarship in memoriam of Russel J. Arkind. As a Denver Youth Poet Laureate, Sullivan teaches poetry workshops, tours around the Denver Metro Area as a youth ambassador, collaborates with different organizations around the city to create more arts programming, and helps advocate for literacy.

A lot of the work Ayla, a theatre and secondary English education student at University of Colorado Boulder, takes on centers around the narratives of queer and trans people of color.

That’s a lot to fall on such young shoulders, but being a poet, a musician, an actor, a playwright, and a student, Ayla is comfortable juggling multiple tasks and can handle the added expectations.

When it comes to their work, Ayla writes about love, identity, and, of course, political topics.

It is difficult to separate poetry from politics,

especially with the diverse intersection of identities Ayla has.

“My mother and my grandparents were Vietnamese refugees that came to the U.S. during the war,” they said. “I feel like so much work needs to be done in my own Asian community on how we have to return compassion to immigrants and refugees seeking asylum for the same reasons our families were forced to leave home.”

When asked about their plans for Pride this summer, Ayla expressed their love for the yearly celebration but also talked about the importance of remembering how tumultuous the last year has been for our community, focusing on the safety of queer people after the Pulse Nightclub massacre.

“I have some political differences with the idea of Pride as of late, particularly because of how Pride has become industrialized and often preaches sacrificing safety for the sake of visibility,” they said.

“Pride is such a beautiful thing, but when we are in a time of so much mourning in our community, I am more ready to celebrate Pride with the queer people in my life I love and admire outside of Denver or Boulder Pride,” they said. “I grew up with Denver Pride before I even came out, but as the city is changing and I am changing, I recognize I celebrate best with people I know I can grieve in front of.”

Ayla’s ability to speak about such a difficult topic for many in the LGBTQ community is fresh and beautiful. It is important in this coming month to remember that Pride is different for everyone, but it started as a community coming together to fight for equality and acceptance. While it has transformed over time, it is still a place for queer people to congregate, celebrate, and advocate.

Ayla is currently working on publishing their first poetry book, title to come. They also have a play, We Are the Wake, set to run next spring at CU Boulder, featuring predominantly queer people of color in the cast.

More recently, they have been working on 30 for 30, April’s Poetry Month challenge. That means a lot of poetry in a short amount of time. You can check some out on Ayla’s blog at saltwaterflesh. tumblr.com.

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3/27/17 3:39 PM

Addison Herron-Wheeler

R e s o u rc e s for B i s e x u al Y o u t h in Denver Coming out can be incredibly tough on teens, especially for those who come out as bisexual. Too often, young people’s emotions or feelings get brushed off as “just a phase,” and those who come out as bisexual often get told they are just experimenting. While this may seem like a harmless comment, in reality it is basically telling the bisexual person that rather than having an identity and a preference, they just can’t make up their minds. In worse cases, bi teens can face bullying at school, rejection from peers or family, and even physical harm.

with any challenges unique to bisexual teens.

If you or someone you know is a bisexual teen facing problems from feeling like they don’t fit in and aren’t understood to dealing with bullies and trouble at home, there are resources here in Denver that can be turned to.

This organization offers support and community for LTBGQ families and individuals, and also helps people with things like faith support, STD testing, and retaining rights. Bi teens can reach out to the center to be connected with further resources or put in touch with those who can help.

One Colorado | OneColorado.org Located in Capitol Hill on Lafayette Street, this advocacy group fights for LGBTQ groups across the board, whether it’s bisexual teens at a public school or gay men in the workforce. They have a vast GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) network that helps to connect bisexual youth with needed resources, including the resources to start a GSA at school.

[NOTE: They also suggest calling the group something like Gender & Sexuality alliance so that asexual, bisexual, trans, and nonbinary students will feel more welcome.]

“The most common issue facing bisexual teens is the lack of support, even from gay and lesbian peers, i.e. biphobia,” Neil Aasve, Safe Schools Manager at One Colorado, said.

“The lack of knowledge about sexuality makes it hard to understand bisexuality, even for bisexuals. For example, it is common that bisexuals are told they don’t exist, assuming they are actually gay and in the closet or straight and just experimenting. For teenagers this is even more difficult because for some identifying as bisexual may indeed be a phase, but it is important to acknowledge that bisexual is just real as being straight or gay.”

Maria Droste Counseling Center | MariaDroste.org For some, the problems may lie deeper than simply needing more resources at school or wanting to spread awareness. If mental health, anxiety, or depression are factors, or if there are serious home or relationship problems to be addressed, then a little counseling can help. Maria Droste Counseling Center specializes in speaking to LGBTQ youth and helping

“On our website, we have several clinicians who specialize in working with the LGBTQ community to offer individual counseling,” Krista Turner, Director of the Access Center at Maria Droste Counseling, explained. “Currently, many clinician continue to attend training to help serve the needs of LGTBQ teens.”

The GLBT Community Center of Colorado | GLBTColorado.org

“The Center opened in 1976 and over the years has grown to become the largest community center in the Rocky Mountain region, giving voice to Colorado’s LGBT community and playing a pivotal role in statewide initiatives to reduce harassment and discrimination,” their website states. “Today, we are focused on fulfilling our mission – to engage, empower, enrich, and advance the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community of Colorado – by ensuring that every member of the LGBT community has access to the programs and resources they need to live happy, healthy and productive lives.”

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) | PFLAG.org PFLAG provides support to the parents of LGBTQ children.

They can also help with speaking to parents who may not be accepting of their child’s announcement at first.

According to the LGBTQ student resource center at MSU Denver, “PFLAG offers monthly meetings with support groups, programs on various aspects of GLBT lives, and a speaker’s bureau. They also operate a hotline staffed by parents and friends who provide support to people dealing with concerns about sexual orientation.”

Those are a few great places to get started when it comes to looking for bisexual resources. Remember to always consider the feelings and words of your bisexual teen peers and always seek professional help if self-harm or destructive thoughts are involved.

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YVONNE WRIGHT

Jen Lueck during her professional quarterback career.

Photo provided by Jen.

I

LGBTQ Athletes

t was freezing, mind-numbingly cold when Denver-born Olympian John Fennell sat atop two concrete pillars, staring down a 45-foot drop that would send him careening through nearly a full mile track of pure ice, twisting and turning into a Latvian mountain at speeds up to 76 miles per hour.

“I thought to myself, ‘How the hell am I brave enough to go down this hill if I can’t be brave enough to be who I am?’”

instilled in him about Russia’s laws against LGBTQ activities that helped push him into coming out shortly after the games.

“I think that coming out eliminates distractions. A lot of athletes get in their own head about having to keep up personal appearances. At the end of the day,” Fennell said “everyone wants to focus on their sport.”

Fennell is one of dozens of LGBTQ Olympians, one of thousands of LGBTQ athletes, finding the courage to come out of the closet in order to step fully into their sport.

This is one reason Outsports is holding its national reunion this year during Pride weekend in Denver. High school, college, and professional athletes will gather for a variety of events, including Pride Night at the Rockies in a game against the San Francisco Giants.

This month he is training in Colorado Springs as he prepares to try out for the U.S. Olympic Luge team. As a dual citizen, he competed for Canada in Sochi. Ironically, it was the fear

“For so long, we’ve been told the sports world is not a welcoming place for LGBT people. Yet over and over, we’ve found LGBT people totally accepted by their coaches and

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john fennell competes at the 2014 sochi olympics. Photo provided by johncanluge.com

Breaking Barriers teammates when they come out,” said Cyd Zeigler, cofounder of Outsports. The Pride weekend events are cosponsored by Nike’s Be True, a line released every Pride month featuring rainbow colored shoes, shirts, and other apparel. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to One Colorado.

Denver educator Jen Lueck was one of the very first woman quarterbacks to play professional football. After the team she was on in Denver folded, she went on to quarterback in New York with the WPFL, the original and longest-running women’s professional American football league. Lueck said playing sports at a young age helped her feel accepted by her peers in high school, “Where my tomboyish appearance might have otherwise made me an outcast. Teammates are virtually family, and it’s a wonderful feeling of inclusion and acceptance,” she said.

Fennell agrees. “One of the pillars of sports is respect for your teammates and fellow athletes, as long as that’s upheld.”

Northfield High School Athletic Director Micah Porter is determined to make sure those values are upheld. Following his very difficult experience coming out after 20 years of coaching, he’s put together a handbook used by all Colorado schools as well as districts throughout the country to help make and keep athletics inclusive.

“The playbook focuses on all aspects — parents, students, leaders — so they can approach their season and allow all their teammates to really thrive,” Porter said.

What can be done? He says little things make a big difference.

It doesn’t have to be overt. Something as small as a rainbow flag in a coach’s pencil holder sends a big message about O u t f r o n t ma g a z i n e . c o m

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PITCHIN’ PRIDE!

Outsports Reunion this year at Denver Pride June 15-18

Pride Night at the Rockies Colorado Rockies vs San Francisco Giants Fri, June 16 6:40 p.m.

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acceptance and inclusivity. Porter also talks a lot about casual homophobia — the “locker room talk” that may not be meant as hurtful or discriminatory, but is. Not only does it impact the player, it impacts the game.

“As an experienced closeted athlete, I can say when you hear and see people you respect [being inclusive], there’s a level of comfort that allows you to be a better athlete,” Porter said.

When he came out six years ago at a conservative high school in Jefferson County, he says he was told he was no longer allowed in the boys locker room, despite having coached for many years and having led his teams to several state championships. While some students, parents, and teachers were welcoming, he says many were not. He even felt unwelcome in the coaches’ changing room.

“What that did for me is it inspired me to be an advocate for other coaches and students who are LGBTQ and who want to be who they are in their sexuality but also want to be a coach or play football and participate as any other student would,” he said.

Sat, June 17

Now in a more diverse high school in Denver, Porter’s been promoted. He says students, teachers, coaches, and parents are all very accepting. These days he says the only mention students make of his sexuality are jokes about him making sure they have the nicest dressed players.

Time and Location Pending

“It’s still a stereotype, but it’s one I can laugh at,” he said.

Newest details @ www.outsports.com

All agree there is more to be done around athletics and homophobia.

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Ted Talk Storytelling

Outsports and Nike Be True March with Denver Pride Parade Sun, June 18 Cheesman Park to Civic Center via Colfax Steps off from Cheesman at 9:30 am

Twenty one-year-old Fennell comes from a football family.

His father played pro-football in Canada, and his brother played at Michigan State. After trying his hand at a number of sports, Fennell settled on what is considered one of the most dangerous – luge. There’s nothing but 45 pounds of fiberglass, a helmet, and what he refers to as “the thinnest layer of spandex” separating him from a slick, icy track full of hairpin curves.

He’s not joking when he says he needs to be alert at all times. Every second. In luge, by the time you realize you’ve made a wrong move, it’s usually too late.

“It’s become normal for me, but it’s very fast-paced, you need to think very quickly. The track is coming at you at 80 miles an hour, and you need to be on your toes ready for each turn to come,” he said.

Staying on their toes is something LGBTQ athletes are used to. Like many before them, these are sporting pioneers.

Sports have historically been a conduit for change because so many diverse people come together to enjoy the games.

Major League Baseball pushed desegregation by putting Jackie Robinson on the field. Tennis star Billie Jean King helped swing the doors wide open – not only in sports, but in women’s professional and personal lives.

“It’s had a huge impact on women’s rights, minority rights, and I think the next step is for LGBTQ rights,” Porter said.

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5/8/17 6:43 PM

perspectives

joseph soto

INTERSECTIONALITY IN THE QUEER COMMUNITY When we think of identity, we tend to paint with broad strokes that group people into messily homogenized, collective identities. It’s how we allow ourselves to think of the “gay community” or the “Black community” as being distinct groups.

One theory of group identity states that in some sense, identity is formed based on collective trauma and situations of extreme or persistent stress not shared by those outside of the group. What that means is that we tend to make a community from those who know what it’s like to have been through what we’ve been through. One problem with the identities that we use to define marginalized communities is that they lack depth — they’re one-dimensional. Believing that the marginalization that each LGBTQ person faces is the same as that faced by every other person in that community devalues the complexities of being black and gay or differently abled and trans.

Are you starting to see how important it is to represent those perspectives that are at the intersection of multiple identities? Good. Let’s talk about intersectionality.

Intersectionality in the queer community is, in some sense, about addressing some of the problematic ways people of color and other marginalized peoples within the LGBTQ community have been treated by the movement overall.

While the idea of intersectionality is about addressing the shortcomings of our community’s past, it is equally about creating a stage for people with intersectional identities to be empowered enough to speak on that wealth of experiences.

Huffington Post quoted Junot Díaz, a Pulitzer Prize awardee and MacArthur Fellow, as saying that the genius that writers who are women of color wield is “cultivated out of their raced, gendered, sexualized subjectivities.”

With any profession, but certainly with writing, there exist creative communities that are growing and thriving

without attention from the mainstream community but are utterly deserving of it and more.

These intersectional perspectives don’t shut out the perspectives of mainstream, able-bodied, white, male members of the LGBTQ community, but rather enhance them by placing them in the context of other beautiful accounts of the human condition. Keeping the LGBTQ community as exclusive as possible does not hurt the creative vitality of marginalized groups within that identity, but it is profoundly damaging to the community as a whole.

In April, Ashley Burnside wrote for The Mighty on being disabled and a lesbian. Her story highlighted the general social exclusion that sometimes comes from being part of a small community within an already small community and how that reinforces many of the feelings of isolation that many people with intersectional identities often feel.

She wrote, “While my family always supported me, they did not understand how I felt or the experiences I had.

This made it very lonely and isolating to possess both identities. It took me years to find friends who share these identities – and I still don’t know anyone who is both queer and who has CP. When I realized I was gay, it felt like one more identity I did not share with my family.”

Her story is one of many that details the difficulty of making community within the group identity construct when the community is small to start off with. You may still not be buying that, so think about this. Three percent of the population is “LGBT”. If disability rates are comparable in our community, that means that of 325 million Americans, there are just fewer than 2.1 million who are both LGBT and differently abled, compared to more than 11 million that are LGBT overall.

Intersectionality in our community is about accurately and respectfully chronicling our past, creating a stronger and more inclusive future, and supporting everyone in our community in their pursuit of finding greater understanding and acceptance.

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calendar 5/15-9/11 FILM ON THE ROCKS Film on the Rocks is back with a stellar lineup for 2017. The collaborative production of the Denver Film Society and Denver Arts & Venues was created to provide an affordable opportunity for the community to enjoy films and live entertainment at Red Rocks Amphitheatre. This year’s films range from Superbad to Twister to The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. So grab those blankets, and get out to Red Rocks! For more information visit Film.RedRocksOnline.com/FOTR.

THRU 5/21 THE GIRLS ARE BACK IN TOWN The Avenue Theater and Theatre Out Denver are presenting all-new episodes of their hit serial comedy The Golden Years:Thank You For Being a Friend – In Drag. After a successful run of the first three episodes of this Golden Girls Tribute, the “girls” have put together three new episodes for a run from April 28 through May 2 on Friday and Saturday evenings at 7:30 p.m. There will also be three performances of the original three episodes on Sunday, May 7 and Sunday, May 21 at 6:30 p.m. Individual tickets are $20, and tickets to BOTH of the episode evenings are $30. Visit AvenueTheater.com/tickets for tickets!

EVERY FRI ULTIMATE QUEEN @ TRACKS Now that RuPaul’s Drag Race has taken over our Friday nights, there’s no better time to head over to Tracks and watch the episode alongside some fierce competition between local queens. Every week, some of the freshest faces of Denver drag duke it out in a lip sync battle like no other. Bring your ones and support these fabulous queens! For more information visit TracksDenver.com.

6/3 I WANT TO BE A COWGIRL’S SWEETHEART The Denver Women’s Chorus is fixin’ to entertain and inspire audiences with a tribute to the fierce and fearless women of country music. This toe-tappin’ show will feature hit songs from country music’s legendary female artists from Patsy Cline to Dolly Parton to Taylor Swift. We invite friends new and old to take a load off and join us for this one of a kind concert experience. For more information visit RMarts.com! www.RMARTS.org Get Tickets at Red.Vendini.com

6/17-6/18 DENVER PRIDE It’s here, y’all. Break out those short shorts, nipple pasties, temporary tattoos, dancing shoes, and sunscreen, because Denver PrideFest is less than two months away. The summer staple for Denver’s queer community is one not to be missed … obviously. This year’s lineup includes performances by Peppermint, AB Soto, Jennifer Holiday, and Dave Audé. Gather your girls and start planning now. It’ll be here sooner than you think. For more info visit GLBTColorado.com/PrideFest.

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CINCO DE MAYO

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Sarah Farbman

Evangelical Denver Co m m u n i t y Church Opens Its Arms to t h e LGBT Q Co m m u n i t y O

n a recent Sunday, I crept awkwardly up the steps of Denver Community Church. Despite my internal pep-talks, I was hesitant: as a gay, liberal Jew, I couldn’t help but feel just a little uncomfortable venturing boldly forth into an Evangelical Sunday service. But I reminded myself why I was there: DCC had recently come out, if you will, as fully inclusive members of the LGBTQ community, welcoming us queer folk into the fold at any and all levels of leadership. And I wanted to check it out.

Many in the LGBTQ community share my hesitancy toward faith communities, especially toward the Church, and with good reason. Michael Hidalgo, lead pastor at DCC, gets that.

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“The Church,” he said, was founded on the “wild love of Jesus Christ.” But he acknowledges that in the past several centuries, it has been used to “build walls rather than pathways.”

As a leader in the Church, Hidalgo owns that. And with DCC’s new stance as fully inclusive of the LGBTQ community, Hidalgo and other church leaders are trying to change things.

While DCC may not be the first Evangelical church to welcome us LGBTQ folk, they’re not exactly following a time-honored tradition. So how did this change come about?

Slowly, it seems, and carefully.

The church leadership team, composed of Hidalgo, two other pastors, and the eight-member elder team, underwent a ‘period of discernment,’ during which they met twice a month for almost two years to study and discuss and learn.

Throughout this time, the group was careful to remember that they weren’t just discussing an ‘issue’: they were discussing the lives of actual people.

and cultural context, think about text? If the Bible (or any text) can be reinterpreted as time goes, how is it a solid enough foundation to base entire lives off of? How is it solid enough to tell some people that they’re okay, and others that they’re not? But then again, if a text is set in stone, how can it possibly remain relevant across time and around the globe?

Okay people. Don’t you dare get bored and skip this section. This is quite literally a matter of life and death.

Hidalgo shared the story of a lesbian couple who have been attending DCC for a while now. After the announcement, the two came with tears in their eyes to receive communion together for the first time. Gettings said that in their latest Ministry training, a meeting for new or prospective members, a quarter of the participants were LGBTQ. But it hasn’t all been rainbows and sunshine. Gettings mentioned a few congregants who met with him to “speak at” him, rather than to engage in dialogue, and Hidalgo maintained that some congregants had decided to seek community elsewhere; the portion of their budget that comes from congregant donations has shrunk by somewhere between 20 and 30 percent.

Hidalgo mentioned that the Bible doesn’t change, but we can understand it differently as our consciousness They invited LGBTQ Christians to their meetings grows. He drew an analogy to his son. While to share their experiences and viewpoints.

Hidalgo has always spoken to the 14-yearThey took another look at the Bible, old the same way, his son has been able to examining six verses in particular that understand Hidalgo’s words differently are often interpreted as condemning DCC wants as he’s grown. homosexuality. Is that really what those verses were saying? Was members of the Gettings also mentioned a changing there perhaps a different meaning interpretation. For him, we behind them, one that would say LGBTQ community interpret the Bible through the it’s okay to be queer? lens of our time and place. He to know that mentioned that the Bible is not a It’s a big step to go from the relatively conservative, Christian “followers of Jesus rulebook telling us how to behave — it tells us how to believe. upbringings of Hidalgo and Pastor care for you and Jon Gettings, another member None of this was quite enough of the lead team, to helping steer to convince my lefty brain of the want you in the a congregation through a period authority of text, but the next thing of turbulence and come out more Gettings mentioned did resonate with community.” accepting on the other side. me. People, he said, need boundaries in order to feel safe. Foundational texts can Both men mentioned that it was experience act as those boundaries, drawing a clear line with individuals that helped open their own between ‘us’ and ‘them.’ As long as there is a ‘them,’ minds. ‘we’ are okay.

For Hidalgo, it was coming to know a couple of godly men So when a church reinterprets those infamous six verses to who were role models to him. And who happened to be a make monogamous same-sex relationships just as kosher as gay couple. For Gettings, it was when his brother-in-law their heterosexual counterparts, some Christians are into it. came out. Gettings also acknowledged that many people of But some get worried: if what used to be part of ‘them’ is now faith adopt a belief system that has been handed down to part of ‘us,’ then how do we know that ‘we’ are still okay? them fully formed; they don’t necessarily interrogate those beliefs. When he began to think critically about the inclusion “We just widened the tent,” Gettings said. of LGBTQ folks in the Church, his mind began to change.

It’s been almost four months since this announcement, so Depending on your memories of Sunday school (or lack how has DCC changed? In a lot of ways, it hasn’t. Hidalgo thereof), words like ‘exegesis’ and ‘hermeneutics’ might mentioned that several congregants had been under the make your eyes roll back in your head. Or they might just impression that the church was already fully inclusive. But make you scratch your head. Both more or less mean the both Hidalgo and Gettings were able to provide examples of interpretation of text, especially biblical text. change, both positive and negative.

What is it that has allowed the Church to justify the abuses it has perpetuated over the centuries? At the risk of oversimplification, it’s the way that it has interpreted the Bible. But then again, what is it that is allowing DCC to now open its arms to us queers?

Well, a reinterpretation of that same book. And while we’re on the subject, what is it that allows the courts to justify keeping guns in the hands of their owners? How is it that we can have laws allowing or forbidding abortion? How did Judge James Robert rule Trump’s travel ban illegal? Hermeneutics! Only now, the text is the Constitution (and other legal documents), rather than the Bible. Bet you’re reading now.

So how do Hidalgo and Gettings, men who lead a congregation of close to 2,000, based on a text that is almost 2,000 years old and written in an incredibly different time

Still, both men affirm that so far it has been a “beautiful journey.” And perhaps most importantly, Gettings mentioned that, although the opposite message is often sent, DCC wants members of the LGBTQ community to know that “followers of Jesus care for you and want you in the community.”

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Denny Patterson

Family Matters: Amber Cantorna

W

hen Amber Cantorna came out to her family five years ago, her world forever changed. Yes, coming out can be difficult for anyone, but when you are the child of an executive at Focus on the Family, a Christian fundamentalist organization, coming out can result in losing everything.

Amber’s parents tried to shelter her from the outside world and entrench her with the values that the organization embodies. Once she told her family she was gay, she faced instant rejection and lost not only the relationship with her family, but her extended family, many friends, her church and hometown. This amount of devastation sent Amber into a downward spiral.

Now, five years later, Amber is a Denver-based author and motivational speaker who recently founded the non-profit organization Beyond. The goal is to help LGBTQ people of faith through their coming-out process. She is married to the love of her life and they are currently in the process of building a family of their own. Her upcoming memoir, Refocusing My Family: Coming Out, Being Cast Out, and Discovering the True Love of God, will be released October 1.

First off, go ahead and tell me more about your upcoming book.

Also to create the conversation for changes among families so they can kind of humanize the issue and help them see that how they respond directly impacts other people’s lives.

What made you want to write this book? To give others hope who are going through a similar situation as you?

That’s a big part of it, and then again, to create conversation for change among families because obviously, this is still a huge issue across the nation. The way families are responding is really impacting these kids’ lives. Being shunned and ousted from their families and losing everything.

I think what really drove me to write the book was how high the suicide rates are among LGBT people. I, myself, was close to becoming one of those statistics after I came out. All the devastation I went through, the loss, the grief. Knowing how close I came to almost becoming one of those statistics and knowing how high they are among LGBT people already really helped fuel the fire behind writing this book. LGBT people who are rejected by their family are four times more likely to commit suicide than their straight peers. I want to help change that and bring those numbers down and give these LGBT people hope knowing that they can reconcile with their sexuality. They can have a great future.

I grew up in a very conservative, Christian environment. My dad has worked for Focus on the Family for almost 30 years, so that was really kind of the theology I grew up with. Very conservative Christian. When I realized I was gay, my life took a drastic turn, obviously.

I want to help families learn that they can come out and become allies instead of shunning their children out.

I came out to my family in 2012 and because of their religious beliefs and what we’ve been taught to believe about what the Bible says about homosexuality, my family turned their back on me. I lost not only my parents and my only sibling, but all my extended family and a lot of my friends, my church, my hometown, so that’s what pushed me to move to Denver.

It was quite a journey. It was still painful to recall a lot of the more recent memories. There were a lot of things I didn’t really want to look at or think of or recall, so it was painful, but I think in some ways, it was therapeutic. It let me pull back and look at my life from the outside and kind of analyze it in a different way. It let me look at things about my upbringing I may not have realized before. So, it was a painful but healthy process to go through. A lot of those memories are still tender.

This book is based on my coming-out story and what it was like to grow up in a conservative, fundamentalist, Focus-onthe-Family life and coming out of that and losing everything for the sake of authenticity. The goal is to share my story and reach other people who are in similar places or have similar stories. People who are still hiding in the closet because of their upbringing or conservative religious beliefs and give them something to identify with and give them some hope.

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How was the writing process? Was it painful to recall these memories or more freeing?

Why did you come out? What was the deciding factor that made you want to have the talk with your family?

I think it reached a point where I went through such a rough time struggling to reconcile my own faith and sexuality.

Those two worlds could not coexist. You could not be both

gay and Christian, and I really had to work through that.

When I thought I found that peace inside myself, I could not live this double life. My family and I were always close.

We did everything together. Events, birthdays, I always lived near them, we just did everything together. So this pressure, feeling like I had to filter everything I did and said to ultimately make them comfortable, was exhausting. I got to the point where I felt like, no matter the cost, I had to be authentic with myself.

Even during how painful it was, coming out was freeing at the same time. I felt like I had worn a façade all my life. Even though I didn’t realize my sexuality until I was older, I felt like I had to hold up this appearance because of who my dad was and his position, I always had to be perfect and wear a smile. When I broke out of it, it was so freeing. I felt so much joy in being authentic in who I was as opposed to being forced into this perfect façade all the time.

Was it your choice to cut ties with your family or theirs?

It wasn’t like I was instantly out, but it progressed slowly over time. This shunning pushed me farther and farther away. They wanted to change me, wanted to fix me and do all these things. This constant disapproval of who I was and reminder of how far outside of God’s will I have fallen. How deceived I had become. Their passive-aggressive behavior over time pushed me further to the outside, and when I met the woman who is now my wife, when we started dating and got engaged, which solidified that I wasn’t going to change.

My family hoped I was going to come back to Jesus and back to them. When I got married, that was it for them. They realized I wasn’t going to change. I had no family whatsoever present at my wedding, and it was only a few months after that we cut ties completely and we haven’t spoken since.

Did you tell your family together or separately?

Let’s chat about Clara for a moment. You were still in touch with your family when you met her?

I told my brother the night before, but he ended up coming over again the next morning and I sat all three of them down together and had the conversation, so it really was altogether, and it did not go well. I tried telling them the process I’ve been through and what I worked through and what has taken place over several years of time, and they were just mortified. You could just see the look on their faces.

I was, but it was strained. It was nothing like it used to be. I used to talk to my mom every day on the phone, sometimes a couple times a day. We saw each other every other day, we were so close. Once that moment happened, we rarely saw each other, rarely spoke, and when we did, it was superficial and awkward and uncomfortable. Over time, we grew more and more distant to the point where we hardly talked at all.

Anytime I spoke with them on the phone, I felt so threatened and backed into a corner. I eventually came to the point where I would only communicate with them through email because it gave me time to process and respond appropriately without reacting and saying something I would regret. So that’s kind of what it came to. It became very cold and icy.

My dad was like, “I have nothing to say to you right now,” and he got up and walked out. They didn’t speak to me for weeks after that, and when they did, it was a very tough conversation. They compared me to murderers and pedophiles and bestiality and there was just tons of guilt and shame. They took back the keys to my childhood home. It was a painful conversation and the relationship continued to erode from there.

So your mom was just as upset about this as your dad.

She was. They have always been a cohesive force. The only thing she said that day initially when I came out to her was, “thank you for being honest with me, but we’ll have to see what this mean for the future of our family.” In my mind, I’m like what could that mean, but I knew in that moment thing would never be the same again.

Clara has changed your life for the better, hasn’t she?

Oh my gosh, she has been my biggest support by far. She has been great. Since she has never met my family and doesn’t know the dynamic, she doesn’t persuade me one way or another on how I should handle things, but she has been behind me all the way. The amount of devastation and loss I endured, I would have nightmares and wake up sobbing so hard, but she has been there to support me through it all. She has made all the difference in the world.

Have you attempted at all to contact your family?

I haven’t. The only thing I usually do is send them a Christmas card, and they usually send me a card on my birthday.

There’s really no contact outside of that. I think it finally dawned on me why they contact me on my birthday instead of Christmas. It’s because on my birthday, they only have to acknowledge me and not Clara. That probably makes them more comfortable than sending me a Christmas card where they have to acknowledge both of us. It’s very superficial, and that’s the only contact I’ve had with them.

How exactly did you pick yourself up and move forward with your life? Like you said, you faced so much devastation and grief.

It was a pretty quick decision for me after I came out when I saw how poorly things had gone. That quickly sent me into a dark place. I had already started building community in Denver and had a good support system here, so moving to Denver was really a survival tactic. I was suicidal and trying to find a way to survive. Living down in Colorado Springs, which is such a tight-knit Christian community, I grew up there all my life, I felt like I had to look over my shoulder and people were always watching. I could never be myself. The area felt so toxic. Moving to Denver allowed me to start fresh, and having a good support system made all the difference, which helped me to rise out of that dark place.

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Out of this, you started a non-profit organization called Beyond. Tell me more about that.

It recently launched, and its focus is to help LGBT people through the coming-out process, especially those who come from conservative backgrounds and strict religious upbringings. Not only does that complicate things, but more often, it causes conflict within individuals to reconcile their faith and sexuality. We want to come alongside them and help them through that. Also, we want to help them through the coming out process with whatever support they need as they potentially transition churches or have difficult conversations with family and friends. We want to help support them.

What advice do you have for those who are currently going through a situation similar to yours?

I think the biggest thing is to build support before you come out. I think that is one of the biggest defining things to help you succeed or not. I really believe having a good, affirming, supportive community underneath me saved my life. I don’t think I would have pulled through if I didn’t have that.

Finding other people really encourages you and affirms who you are. Also, get plugged into the resources available. If you don’t know they’re out there, you will feel isolated. There are so many other people like you that can help you. That’s the biggest piece of advice I would give.

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DUeLING WITH DE giant

For some that may be reading a book or listening to music.

For others that may be wearing nothing but black boots and a leather dog-mask while on all fours as your lover walks you around Wash Park on a leash.

Whatever works for you.

One of my favorite self-care strategies is watching (sometimes binge watching) the greatest science-fiction show ever to be put on film. EVER! This is not hyperbolic rhetoric, and you can tell just how serious I am because I am not even using any contractions in this article.

I am writing, of course, about Mystery Science Theater 3000 (or MST3K for short), which first aired in 1988 and ran for 197 episodes until it was cancelled in 1999. Thankfully, the show was recently resurrected from the dead by a fanfunding campaign.

In the original show, a guy named Joel (not too different from you or me) is shot into space by his evil mad-scientist bosses (I think we have all been there before) and forced to watch awful movies while marooned on an orbiting space ship.

These are really bad movies. Monster movies with a giant turtle named Gamera who flies, destroys dioramas of Tokyo, and befriends annoying child protagonists. Movies meant to make an innocent human nuttier than a jar of unsalted

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When depression or anxiety chews away on your brain for weeks, carving time out of your day for selfcare is essential. I work to unplug from the perpetual preposterousness inside my skull by engaging in activities that help me reset and recharge for the next duel.

PRESSIO

turtl

peanuts. Who the hell eats unsalted peanuts?

But Joel finds ways to cope by building robot friends to help keep his sanity. They sit in the space ship’s theater cracking Gamera jokes and riffing on the bad dubbing that makes the bad acting worse.

They roll their eyes and ridicule the very movies that are supposed to be making Joel bonkers, much to the chagrin of the mad scientists.

In the not-too-distant past, I sat in the dark of my parents’ living room drinking Mountain Dew and watching the midnight airing of MST3K, a show that helped keep me from going bonkers when I was a closeted teenager suffering from depression.

Joel created buffers against the movie lunacy thrown upon him every week to stay (somewhat) sane. Joel’s self-care was using his creativity (to create the robots), then fostering and nurturing his persistent humor and scathing sarcasm in the face of a hopeless situation.

MST3K taught me that I could separate myself from the very thing that was driving me down Main Street of Crazy Town.

Like Joel, I cannot control where that film of depression in my head begins or ends, but I still have control over how I choose to react to that film.

Work to find your own self-care in the face of a hopeless situation, whether it is watching silly science fiction shows, wearing a leather dog mask in Wash Park, or making movies with giant flying turtles.

Whatever works for you.

O u t f r o n t ma g a z i n e . c o m

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heinze sight BRENT HEINZE

Perfectly Imperfect

I

work really hard to be a kind and successful guy, but I cannot even list all of the ways I suck. There are times where I become overwhelmed with work and all of the projects I take on. My body isn’t how I want it to look and many times I get aggravated with elements in my life that are under my control and others that are outside of my sphere of influence. Nothing ever happens fast enough for me.

Sometimes I aggravate people around me that I love by setting high expectations for myself, them, or our friendship in general. Other times, I’m just a grumpy ass for no good reason other than the fact that my emotions tell me that I’m in a bad mood. I see the potential good in most people and react aggressively at times when they disappoint me by acting like thoughtless jackasses. People that I love are sometimes targets for the anger I feel towards other unrelated people and situations.

I am far from perfect, and I struggle with that reality often.

I’ve maintained a consistent focus in my life on high levels of achievement and am hard on myself when I don’t do as well as I hope. It makes me wonder sometimes why I do this and if my frustrations are warranted. An ex-boyfriend of mine had an interesting, albeit misguided, view of putting effort into actions. He noticed that I consistently busted ass in working towards something and steadily hit high levels of success.

I would also spend energy trying to figure out why my success wasn’t perfect and how it could be better next time.

He felt that his significantly lower expenditure of energy in a project was better because it yielded an acceptable result with much less intellectual, emotional or physical effort. His results were often nothing spectacular but were most often seen as acceptable. Being just “good enough” 4 6 \\ M A Y 1 7 , 2 0 1 7

was never a good option for me, and I struggled often to see his perspective. Trust me, this was just one of many philosophical differences we had, but it got me thinking about my patterns.

What it comes down to is that I am a perfectionist and I can accept that truth about myself. As I get older, I am working to re-evaluate aspects of myself that maybe don’t work as well as I once thought they did. There are times when I wonder if my desire to develop the best possible future for myself is a significant hindrance to my overall happiness.

Of course, this question usually only enters my mind in times of extreme stress. Most of the time, I feel relatively confident about myself and the life I have created. I work hard and strive to be a positive influence in my own life and endeavor to be supportive to others. Above all else, I want to feel fulfilled and that I’m making a difference in the world.

As much as it personally pains me, I recognize that it is truly acceptable to not be perfect. I accept that reality in other people, but I continue to struggle with it in my own personal life. I have worked to find a balance between killing myself to make something work perfectly and putting an appropriate amount of energy into a project to give me a positive outcome.

I’m also coming to realize that I don’t have to do everything I desire and there are times where I only have a certain amount of energy to put into something. That effort will have to be sufficient. Even with all of my personal internal struggles and desires to become the best, most amazing person I can be, it is important for me to remember that I am better for recognizing my accomplishments than tearing myself down for my shortcomings.

The Subaru Outback

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