June 1, 2016 :: Pride Preview by OUT FRONT Magazine

JUNE 01, 2016 | OUTFRONTONLINE .COM | FREE

THE UNEXPLORED SIDE OF GAY CONVERSION THERAPY

TAYLOR SCHILLING AND TY HERNDON

PLUS:

THE

ALEXANDER FOUNDATION TURNS 35

LGBT DENVER GETS A FACELIFT

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M â&#x20AC;&#x192;3

CONTENTS JUNE 01, 2016 VOL40 NO05

34 06 THE NARP PERSPECTIVE ON GENDERED LOCKERROOM STEREOTYPES 10 THE UNEXPLORED SIDE OF GAY CONVERSION THERAPY 18 HANGOVER HELPER 22 A PROACTIVE PRIMER TO PROPER PRIDE PREPARATION

28 FIRST-TIMER’S GUIDE TO PRIDE 30 THERE’S A BRUNCH TO EAT DURING PRIDE 32 DENVER’S KRISTI SIEDOW-THOMPSON IS BASICALLY A GODDESS 38 WHERE TO CELEBRATE PRIDE IF YOU’RE NOT IN DENVER 43 OUT IN THE COUNTRY: IT’S ABOUT TY 48 HEINZESIGHT 60 EASING YOUR WAY OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL SHELL 66 ASK A SLUT

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SERVING THE LGBT COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 3535 Walnut Street, Denver, Colorado 80205 PHONE 303-477-4000 • FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontOnline.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontonline.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontonline.com BERLIN SYLVESTRE Editor RYAN HOWE Digital Content Manager BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chris Arneson, Paul Bindel, Professor Fawn, Evelyn Franco, O’Brian Gunn, Laila Ibrahim, Kelsey Lindsey, Kelly Morris, Stephen M. Small, Logan Taylor, Akiva Weinstein, Mariel Wilson, Mike Yost, The Cycle Sluts ART art@outfrontonline.com TRISHA HIMMLER Art Director NADYA LYAPUNOVA Graphic Intern CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Charles Broshous, Dale Karsten, Nikki Kushner, Ryan McGuire, Daniel Spiess, KJean Photography MARKETING & SALES marketing@outfrontonline.com DUSTIN KRIER Director of Sales & Marketing JORDAN JACOBS Senior Marketing Executive TOPHER LA FLEUR Marketing Executive KELSEY NOLAN Marketing Executive NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 | sales@rivendellmedia.com DISTRIBUTION

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O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 5

THE NARP PERSPECTIVE ON GENDERED LOCKER-ROOM STEREOTYPES BEFORE I BEGIN, LET ME START BY SAYING, I AM NOT, NOR have I ever been ashamed of my athletic ineptitude. I don’t mind being the one to ask all the wrong questions in a room full of sports spectators, like “How many points is a touchdown?” or “Who’s the blue team?” or “Isn’t there anything better on?” I don’t know the rules or regulations, the culture or the character, the point or the pleasure of any sport. But there is one piece of lingo I’ve become particularly familiar with: NARP. If you’re confused by that term, it’s probably because you are one. NARP is the acronym for a Non-Athletic Regular Person. Fortunately, if you’ve gone this long without hearing it, then you’ve yet to have it yelled at you. More importantly, if you don’t know that word, then you probably haven’t spent much time where our story takes place. So for this article, it was with a brave heart and a plugged nose that I went where no NARP has gone before: the locker room. Doug Payton has been the equipment manager at Colorado College for 16 years. Playing football since childhood and onto a successful NFL career, he’s become a locker-room expert. Although, it wasn’t until he got off the field himself and came to Colorado College that he learned the ins and outs of both genders’ locker-room dynamics. “The locker room is like a sacred place for them. We have a rule here: That happens in the locker room stays in the locker room. If people heard what they said in there, they’d be in trouble,” Doug tells me. “The girls might be worse than the guys. The guys will fight, but the girls, they’re sneaky. Really though, they’re not too different. It’s just an important place for any team because it’s their sanctuary. A coach might come in and quiet them down, but really, it’s theirs,” Payton explains. So why, if they’re not so different after all, do we only get a look into the men’s refuges? Why must the female version remain a mystery? The male athletes I met with seemed only to support stereotypes and 6 JUNE 01, 2016

deny the genders’ similar sanctuaries. “The locker room basically feels like any party with your team,” collegiate men’s soccer and lacrosse player Jack McCormick explains. “We always have music playing and we can talk about anything. The team wouldn’t be the same without the time we have in the locker room.” As far as locker room stereotypes go, Jack found them to be generally accurate. “The towel-whipping, the crude speech, and inappropriate behavior — I’d say that’s all pretty real. At least one thing happens a day that I’m sure has been in a movie,” Jack says. “I imagine the women’s locker rooms are pretty different. If I had to guess, they’re probably a lot less crazy and vulgar than we are.” While Jack’s predictions seem uneducated, can we blame him? After lengthy depictions of vulgar male athletes in movies and blank screens for the women, how can we be expected not to assume the same? A teammate of his agreed. “There’s definitely a lot of singing and butt-slapping in our locker room. The movies are pretty accurate,” soccer player Connor Rademacher admits. “I would

Mariel Wilson

imagine that the girls’ locker rooms are different. I could imagine them just kind of getting their stuff and being more serious, not very rowdy like us.” After confirming the obvious elusiveness of the women’s locker rooms, it was time to get to the bottom of this mystery. Why must it all be left to the imagination? Do women simply not enjoy rowdy, vulgar, party-like behavior, or is it the world that doesn’t like seeing it on the big screen? (Take a guess.) Shockingly, soccer player Louisa Mackenzie described something quite similar to the guys when asked what women’s locker rooms are like. “It’s just a place we can goof off without worry of people judging us. There’s always music playing and it’s a place away from our coaches or anyone so we can vent or work things out that need to happen,” Louisa says. “It’s where we get to know each other a lot better. I first learned how weird the girls on my team were from the locker room and I probably wouldn’t have figured that out anywhere else.” Patty Atkinson’s description of her track and crosscountry locker room sounds even more movie-like than any of the men’s descriptions, “We just got this awesome new speaker that lights up and we pretty much bump everything from trap to 90s rap,” Patty explains. “Our captain will always post the top-ranked times in the SCAC and highlight girls on our team so we can see where we stand. Oh, and we also have a giant poster of Ryan Lochte in a speedo. All hail.” Change Ryan Lochte to Lindsey Vonn and you have a picture-perfect men’s locker room. Looks like no matter what locker room you walk into, you’ll find sweat, nudity, dancing, touching, and even objectification of the opposite gender. So why is one half of this iconized and the other kept under wraps? The lewd behavior that occurs in men’s locker rooms is often written off as “boys will be boys” but whether we show it on TV or not, behind closed doors, girls will be girls, too. All hail, ladies. O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 7

THE ALEXANDER FOUNDATION MARKS ITS 35-YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH THEIR ANNUAL SPRING FLING Sparked by the early days of the AIDS crisis, his idea was to help those he cared about who were sick, who were dying. A garage sale was scheduled for an April afternoon, and by the end of the day, Dr. Leavel had raised over $450. With those funds, The Alexander Foundation was established. From its humble beginnings in Dr. Leavel’s living room, the foundation has expanded its programs and assistance opportunities, and is a significant contributor to the health and dignity of the LGBT community of Colorado. Dispersing over $3.5M through a variety of programs, The Foundation strives to honor the legacy left by Dr. Leavel. Today, The Alexander Foundation continues to exist strictly as an all-volunteer organization, giving back to the community only as many dollars as we receive in donations. Through Community Assistance, they’re able to provide immediate support such as rent, security deposits, medical expenses, food, clothing, utility bills, and other basic living expenses. The Holiday Letter Assistance program provides one-time assistance during the traditional holiday season from November through December. The amount of assistance is based on need and the financial support of the community. The Rocky Mountaineers Motorcycle Club of Colorado’s catastrophic assistance program is intended to provide support to those at risk of losing their ability to provide basic life needs due to treatment or complications related to a serious illness or impairment. Finally, their scholarship program funds tuition and other expenses for those seeking degrees from accredited institutions of higher education in Colorado. The Alexander Foundation will host a celebration of their 35 years of service at their Annual Spring Fling 8 JUNE 01, 2016

on June 10 from 6pm–9pm, at the beautiful Parkside Mansion, just west of City Park. As part of this anniversary celebration, they’ll share memories of 35 years of community service through photos and stories. They’ll also be announcing their 2016 scholarship recipients. Tickets for this event are $95 for general admission and $60 for students, young professionals, and military personnel. Help the foundation celebrate a milestone, and the continuation of the legacy created by founder Dr. William Leavel. Get info and tickets at TheAlexanderFoundation.org.

Logan Taylor

PHOTO // DALE KARSTEN / THE ALEXANDER FOUNDATION SPRING FLING 2014

IN 1981, DR. WILLIAM LEAVEL HAD AN IDEA.

LEGAL DIRECTORY

AVOIDING PERSONAL INJURY CLAIMS THIS SUMMER Summer is almost upon us with cookouts, pools, backyard parties, and many other outdoor activities, so it’s not surprising that accidents increase during the summer months — as do personal injury claims. Here are a three tips to keep you and your loved ones safe and out of legal trouble this summer. Slips, Trips, and Falls Because we spend more time outside during warmer days, we’re exposed to many hazards, from wet, uneven, or cracked surfaces to kids’ toys, landscaping tools, or equipment left in the yard. They may seem commonplace, but they can create dangerous conditions for you and your guests. Every year, homeowners face lawsuits for failing to take simple precautions to ensure their property is safe. Watching for these and any seemingly unsafe conditions can keep you out of the courtroom and in the pool where you belong this summer. Pet-Related Injuries Fido may be outside more than usual, but some

families forget that even the sweetest pooch can nip at a stranger or react unexpectedly around other animals. Home and pet owners can be held liable for injuries caused by their pets. Keeping Fido restrained while outdoors is the best way to minimize risk and prevent a legal problem down the road. Fire and Burns Burns are more common during the summer — and not just the ones caused by the sun. Outdoor grilling equipment or even fire-pits and campfires cause countless injuries. Proper care and maintenance is crucial to prevent being burned legally. Be sure to check, clean, and maintain your barbecue equipment regularly. Summer is meant for making memories with family and friends, not litigating a personal injury claim. But in the event that you are affected by someone else’s misconduct or negligence, consider seeking advice from qualified legal counsel. Have a safe and fun Pride this summer!

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The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

outfrontonline.com/legal-directory | To advertise here, please call 303-477-4000.

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 9

PERSPECTIVES

THE UNEXPLORED SIDE OF GAY CONVERSION THERAPY

Now I know that there’s nothing funny about it. Conversion therapy destroys lives emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It’s an industry based on a lie that profits from people’s deepest-held convictions and their deepest-held hopes for their children. Before I learned more about conversion therapy I believed it was something that was done to teens and young adults by their parents. In my mind, the teens were the victims of ignorant and bigoted parents. As a Unitarian Universalist — a faith tradition that embraced LGBT equality for decades — I had a smug sense of superiority toward those parents. I hadn’t considered the emotional and spiritual damage being done to parents by their very own churches, the institution they rely on for moral leadership. Since then I’ve learned: • Many of the leaders of the conversion therapy movement were and are LGBT people pretending they’ve been “cured” because they were so desperate for that to be true. • In some religions, parents are being told by their ministers — trusted authorities in their lives — that it’s their fault their children have same-sex attractions. • Many of the teens go to conversion therapy voluntarily, desperately believing in and praying for a cure. The faulty premise of conversion therapy can be summarized: The LGBT person has an insecure attachment with their same-gender parents; the LGBT person has been sexually abused; and the LGBT person has a weak spiritual connection to Jesus and God. Prior to my research, I couldn’t understand how a parent could possibly send their child to conversion therapy, but now I see that the faulty premise of conversion therapy preyed on parental insecurities. The parents feel guilty. They’re told it’s their fault. They’re promised a cure, so they invest in the snake oil promised by their religion. 10 JUNE 01, 2016

And the pay-off? Salvation. Who wouldn’t invest time and money in their child’s eternal well-being? Smug superiority is not a good look for anyone, but especially for someone who aspires to plant seeds of love and justice in the world. I’ve learned this lesson many times in my life. When I look deeply at people I disagree with, I most often find a shared human impulse. The parents who desperately want their children to be straight are scared for their kids. That I can relate to. I remind myself that my liberal parents had a less-than-stellar reaction to my coming out. They tried. Really, they did. But as I look back at the time so long ago, I realize they were afraid for me. They didn’t believe I would have a good life if I partnered with a woman. They were sure I’d have to live in secrecy or face rejection by society. Their fear was reasonable at the time. They couldn’t know that I would get married, have children, and be respected in the world. I’ve watched many documentaries about conversion therapy. One of the most heartbreaking interviews was with a mother whose child had succeeded in committing suicide. The despair in her eyes as she spoke about the choices she made that had added to her child’s depression haunts me to this day. I’m grateful to her for sharing her painful story. I pray that it, and so many other stories, will help parents to move past fear for and rejection of their LGBT children to a place of acceptance and support, secure in the knowledge that God’s love is that big.

Laila Ibrahim

PHOTO // BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER (1999)

BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER WAS MY INTRODUCTION TO conversion therapy. It’s a ridiculous comedy that satirizes the movement to “cure” people with same-sex attractions. I thought the movie was an exaggeration, and it left me believing conversion therapy is a joke.

FULL GUEST LIST ON OUR WEBSITE GEEK THEMED GROUP WEDDING in partnership with PrideFest 2016

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THE MYSTERIES OF ASEXUALITY EVERY COUPLING OR ROMANTIC GROUP IS INEVITABLY going to have differences in sex drive. But when does that difference become a problem? Human variation is a beautiful, magnificent trait that has allowed us to grow big brains and big genitals (compared to other primates at least). Sure, you may have a low sex drive, but is that an issue? Let’s review a few scenarios. Meet Bob and Tom. Bob wants sex every day. Tom begrudgingly agrees to once a month, and although he enjoys the experience, it’s never something he actively seeks out. Both Bob and Tom are satisfied with their sex lives. Alice and Lana are also having issues in the bedroom. Alice enjoys weekly romps while Lana is more of an every-other-day kind of girl. There are constant fights about their sex life and they may not remain a couple because of it. Which of these couples have a sexual disorder? Could any of them be considered asexual? Either way, it will definitely be discussed over drinks as soon as they leave the dinner party. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. Just like there are variations in overall sexuality, there are variations within the asexual spectrum as well. There are those who do not experience sexual attraction, but do enjoy the dating/kissing/cuddling that comes from a romantic relationship. We could describe what have become to be known as “bromances” in this way. You may have that special friend who people are convinced you are dating even though there is no sexual attraction. This idea hit its pinnacle when James Franco published a book of poetry called Straight James/Gay James where he explores his romantic but not sexual attachments to other men (most notably to his friend and fellow actor, Seth Rogen). In the past, psychologists believed asexuality to be a symptom of some other buried problems. In other words, your sex drive is low because you’re depressed/ anxious/paranoid/in love with your mother. Currently, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual in its 5th edition (DSM V), does have a classification that addresses low sex drive as Hypoactive Sexual Desire 12 JUNE 01, 2016

Disorder (HSDD), characterized by a disinterest in sex. In order for a behavior to be classified as a disorder, however, it must be distressing for the person and/or cause interpersonal problems. Let’s return to our first two couples. If Bob and Tom aren’t experiencing any relationship issues due to their difference in sex drive, and it’s not distressing for Tom that he appears to be asexual, then there is no disorder. However, since Lana and Alice are experiencing relationship problems, this diagnosis could be applied. Even though their differences are much less extreme than the guys’, that relatively smaller difference is still causing dysfunction. That means, if someone lacks sexual attraction to others, isn’t bothered by it, and it doesn’t cause problems with the people in their life, they do not have HSDD.

Professor Fawn

In the past, psychologists believed asexuality to be a symptom of some other buried problems. In other words, your sex drive is low because you’re depressed/ anxious/paranoid/ in love with your mother.

This leads us to the idea that asexuality is a sexual orientation and not a disorder. Although some studies have shown a correlation between anxiety and asexuality, we know that all minority groups face a similar pattern. Asexuals have been vilified in many of the same ways that homosexuals have been in the past. Organizations such as the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Asexuality.org) and blogs like Asexual Explorations (AsexualExplorations.net) are helping to change that view. As members of the Queer community, we should be leaders in this movement. Those with sexual orientations that differ from the accepted norm are our brothers and sisters. There should be room under our umbrella for anyone needing shelter from the cultural storm. Coming Up Next Month: Does this acceptance include people who have sex with animals? A surprising discussion of the morality of bestiality.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COMâ&#x20AC;&#x192;13

Ch-ch-Changes! Chris Arneson

Turn & Face the Strange of a New LGBT Denver

There’s been a ton of closings over the past year, so prepare yourself.

ou haven’t been back to town since last Pride, huh? And you haven’t been checking in with us either? (Shaaaade.) Don’t worry, we still got you. Here’s an update on a few things that might affect your Pride this year. The A-Train. You might’ve heard about this one; it’s a huge deal. For only $9, you can make it from Denver International Airport to downtown. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. The Eagle’s gone. Yeah, it shut down just a few months ago. There’s been a ton of closings over the past year, so prepare yourself. The Crown Social is closed, too. The former Black Crown Lounge allegedly had some messy ownership issues and ended up shutting its doors back in March. So long, classy piano antique shop. The Barker Lounge also had to go. There are plenty of dog-friendly patios around, but most don’t compare to what the Barker offered. Trade. Like some majestic fate, Trade (similar to the Eagle) opened up in the Barker Lounge’s old spot. According to owners Ray Hurtado and Chris Newell, they want to “harbor a gay

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community not just for gay men.” Bring your hetero-buddies, boys and girls. M Uptown. Oh yeah, that’s the new name of Hamburger Mary’s. They didn’t close. Not much else has changed, though. You might notice a few different things on the menu and some of the shows are tweaked a bit. Charlie’s got new entrance. You’ve probably seen this bar evolve a lot over the last few years. The new entrance is on the west side now, and it feels less shady. According to general manager Brendan Sullivan, this is the time and place where you don’t have to enter in the back door anymore. (Oh, shut up.) The Wrangler’s moving. So it’s not gone yet, but the Wrangler’s got a new home in RiNo, and it’s gonna be bigger and (hopefully) better. Don’t forget to say farewell to the Uptown location’s final Legendary Pride Beer Bust. Corky’s Pride Pool Party is ending. This one’s the 9th and final. Make sure you pick up your tickets early for a cheaper rate (CorkysPoolParty.Eventbrite.com) because this one’s already packed every year. Give Corky the send-off he deserves.

RED ROCKS CONCERTS

June 9

Performing QUEEN’s Greatest Hits

THE #1TB IN W THE HEEATLES #1 BEATLESSSHOW HOW IN THE ORLDWORLD

1964 The The Tribute Tribute

August 26 1-888-9-AXS-TIX

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 15

Comic Con Drops Anchor During PrideFest Akiva Weinstein

Well you’re in luck, because this year Denver Comic Con and Denver PrideFest are collaborating, and you get a whole weekend to do so. (Can I hear a “woot woot”?)

“Whether it’s Pride or Denver Comic Con, you can rest assured that you’re not different, never judged, and can share your interests with thousands of people just like you.”

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If you were feeling let down because you never thought you would see a sexy, gay Deadpool, your day is here! Fellow friends, comic-book lovers, and proud members of the gay community, unite! This year, on the weekend of June 18th and 19th, not only do DCC (one of the best) and Denver PrideFest (also one of the best) happen at the same time, they’re collaborating. I interviewed Bruce MacIntosh, director of programming for Denver Comic Con, and chairman emeritus for its parent nonprofit, Pop Culture Classroom, for some info. He tells me this relationship has been several years in the making — since 2012 when Comic Con had its first year here in Denver. Bruce says Comic Con has a diversity mission that aims to bring people together regardless of who they are or who they like; therefore, he expressed, the ideals of Comic Con and Pride deeply align. He hopes that with this partnership, members of both events take the opportunity to explore the ideals of both events as exemplified through special goings-on this year. Bruce says the message of Comic Con works so well with Pride because it “involves learning, diversity, tolerance, and self-expression at the same time as all the entertainment.”

One such event (a highlight, really) is a series of marriages on Sunday of that weekend. While not too much is changing about DCC or PrideFest this year, this special close will act as a finale. “Author and Wonder-Woman-expert Andy Mangels is coming from Oregon and getting ordained especially to officiate nuptials. Nowhere else in the world have multiple same-sex couples ever been able to ‘tie the knot,’ while dressed in geeky costumes,” Bruce says. He tells me that even if the events don’t fall on the same weekend annually like they do this year, DCC and PrideFest will continue to cross-program. After all, he explains, DCC will continue to have its Unity mission (previously called the Diversity mission), which aims to “bring together anyone who enjoys the many and varied elements of pop culture, regardless of their race, gender, or sexual orientation.” “Practically everyone enjoys some form of pop culture, whether it’s the latest movie with somebody in a colorful costume, or the final volume of a fantasy trilogy with an alien race,” he says. “It’s only recently, however, that many nerds or gays have felt comfortable coming out and coming together to celebrate our common interests. Whether it’s Pride or Denver Comic Con, you can rest assured that you’re not different, never judged, and can share your interests with thousands of people just like you.” So really, don’t miss it. We may, in fact, finally settle the Batman and Robin gay debate.

PHOTO // DANIEL SPIESS

hat if I told you that you could express your inner nerd and your outer sexuality on the same day?

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Hangover Helper Kelly Morris

Eggs are full of cysteine which breaks down acetaldehyde, the byproduct of alcohol that makes you feel sick.

ride is here so bring on the rainbow food. (It’s kitschy but classic, let’s be real.)

Sweets are the easiest to make colorful. Add rainbow sprinkles to anything: cookies, chocolate-covered strawberries, chocolate-covered pretzels, chocolate-covered anything, rice crispy treats, pancakes, whatever — just pour on those sprinkles. Rainbow cake seems like another obvious Pride treat because who doesn’t love cake? Just prepare two boxes of white cake mix and separate it into however many layers you want. Add either a few tablespoons of juices like carrot, blueberry, beet, spinach, and blackberry to add natural colors to the layers, or food coloring for more vibrant colors. As far as main dishes go, create a rainbow pizza by layering veggies like tomatoes, different-colored bell peppers, broccoli, and purple onions on pizza crust. Make grilled veggie skewers with veggies like squash, brussels sprouts, beets, and zucchini. Rainbow fruit skewers are just as easy using foods like grapes, blueberries, pineapple, cantaloupe, and strawberries. Arrange the skewers in a rainbow shape for added yass. Pasta is another easy thing to gay up. Cook and drain your pasta, then separate it into different bags. Add rainbow food coloring and

18 JUNE 01, 2016

mix the pasta and coloring with your hands. Let it sit for a few minutes then transfer it back to the colander to rinse off any extra food coloring with cold water. Add parmesan clouds to accompany the pasta by placing a few tablespoons of the cheese in a flat cloudshape on a lined baking sheet and bake for 4–5 minutes in a 350° oven. Ok, so you ate your weight in colorful food and probably drank more than your weight in rainbow Jell-O shots and beer and it’s now the next morning. You’re that fantastic mixture of feeling of sick but hungry and unable to move. Eggs are full of cysteine which breaks down acetaldehyde, the byproduct of alcohol that makes you feel sick. Pre-make egg muffins by mixing eggs, milk, and whatever mix-ins (cheese, veggies, bacon, etc.) you like. Add the mixture to an extremely well-greased muffin pan and bake at 375° for 18–20 minutes. Keep them in an airtight container and microwave them (or eat them cold) when you muster up the energy. Bananas are also full of cysteine, so freeze bags of fruit (extra bananas!) and yogurt a few days before. Add the fruit to a blender with some juice in the morning and drink up that potassium-filled smoothie. Guzzle lots of water, tomato juice (Bloody Marys, anyone?), and go back to sleep. Congrats, you made it through another Pride.

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One Year Later

Akiva Weinstein

Looking Forward by Looking Back

une 26 of 2015 to Pride 2016 is (essentially) a year.

and the spirit that makes the Mile High City great.

And it’s been quite a year, hasn’t it?

And we will make it great.

When Obergefell v. Hodges overturned the ban on same-sex marriage placed by Baker v. Nelson, Pride coincided exactly on the day — and magic happened. If you don’t know what I mean, here it is a little clearer: A monumental civil rights law for the gay community in history was passed — gay marriage was made legal. Then everyone boogied. Let me remind you just how large last year’s Denver PrideFest was. When gay marriage was legalized, thousands came to celebrate and cheer and love on Colfax. Last year’s PrideFest added to a historic annual event with an estimated 200,000 people attending. And this year will overcome that. Not only does this year mark the 40th anniversary of Denver PrideFest, it marks the first march after a year of legal marriage and expression. In fact, the GLBT Community Center of Colorado advertizes “more than 350,000 people from across Colorado and the Rocky Mountain region will be here for one of Colorado’s top festivals.” They invite you to join them as they celebrate the rich history of Colorado’s LGBT community

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Overcoming a year of ups and downs for the LGBT community gives us the right to show our pride and parade about as if we’d won the Superbowl and legalized gay marriage on the same day. And let’s face it: If the Broncos parade is an indication of anything, it’s that we’ve got plenty to be proud of, and we like to show it. So, before marching, take a moment to look both back and forward. Between last year and this year, plenty has happened and it shows us the battle is not over. For instance, a homophobic presidential nominee has gobbled up the nomination; the White House got a transgender bathroom; there’s been a constant fight about just who can use the bathroom and who can’t; an Olympic athlete came out as a woman; and we even inspired other countries to follow our ways such as Ireland and Colombia. If these are an indication of anything, it’s that between last PrideFest and this upcoming one, things have been in flux. They show us that there is a battle and pride to be shown. We will parade to show our pride by looking back and looking forward, to show that after all is said and done, love wins.

PHOTO // NIKKI KUSHNER

Overcoming a year of ups and downs for the LGBT community gives us the right to show our pride and parade about as if we’d won the Superbowl and legalized gay marriage on the same day.

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A Proactive Primer to Proper Pride Preparation

Denver has a ridiculous number of transportation methods; you can get around easier than a fresh bottle of poppers at a bathhouse.

Take Some Time Off I mean this sincerely. Even if you don’t have a rainbow-infused hangover the Monday after Pride, you might want to use one of your personal days to take off work and recover. Give your body a chance to recuperate from all of the walking, dancing, drinking, standing, sunning, and whatever else-ing you were doing during Pride weekend. If your boss gives you flak, just tell her/him you need some time to mentally come together (like Voltron!) so you can perform at peak efficiency and smash the ish out of those quarterly projections.

Get Your Tickets Early If you plan on going to a show, club, bar, or anything else that requires a ticket for entry, snatch dem tickets up early! Sure, you might think you have plenty of time now, but who’s to say those hoes won’t run out early or be higher at the door? Save your money and frustration and pounce on a good opportunity when it presents itself.

Know How You’re Going to Get There Denver has a ridiculous number of transportation methods; you can get around easier than a fresh bottle of poppers at a 22 JUNE 01, 2016

bathhouse. If you already know where you and your crew will be headed, start making travel arrangements now. Will you drive, carpool, take an Uber/Lyft, avoid talking to people while on the bus, or tone those calves by walking? Planning now helps you decide where to park, how to avoid/prepare for increased prices on ride-sharing services, and plan your bus or light-rail route.

Stock Up on Condoms/ PrEP/Lube/Etc. Let’s be frank about this: Pride undoubtedly makes some people want to do the unbridled dance of the two (or more)-backed beast. Go ahead and stock up on condoms, lube, and renew your PrEP ’script if need be. While you’re at it, don’t forget to make a sensual playlist composed of Maxwell, Teedra Moses, Daley, and Raheem DeVaughn. There won’t be a dry crotch in the bedroom.

Get Ready to Pay $10 for a Bottle of Water No one can blame bars and clubs for taking advantage of the throng of people that comes with Pride. You already know you’re going to be paying more for drinks and cover, so go ahead and start putting back a lil’ extra now so it won’t feel like your bank account is being shanked when you step up to the door or bar. Pregaming is a valid option for saving money, but make arrangements to either have a designated driver or arrange for a taxi or Lyft/Uber. I really don’t want for you to spend Pride in a drunk tank. Dass not cute, boo. No matter if this is your first Pride or your 20th, having a solid game plan never hurts. Remember, a failure to plan is a plan to fail.

PHOTO // NIKKI KUSHNER

ride season is sweeping upon us faster than an American Family Association “tester” ducking into the women’s restroom at Target. To keep from making headlines yourself for having the most disappointing Pride experience, you’ve got to make sure you’re well prepared to squeeze every drop of enjoyment out of the celebration, all while making sure you aren’t denying yourself (or anyone else!) the right to have a damn good time, no matter your gender.

O’Brian Gunn

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Prepping Your Pooch for Dogs in Drag Paul Bindel

Whether your German Shepherd is a gender essentialist, social constructionist, or simply beyond the binary, drag is for fun.

or centuries, you breeders have finetuned your Shiba Inu’s cheekbones, your Labradoodle’s legs, and your Welsh Corgi’s torso, but you haven’t taken five minutes to think up a PrideFest costume? (Realness doesn’t happen in a day, and doggie drag realness is not going to, either.) Be a good owner and get it together with our tips for Dogs in Drag, one of Denver PrideFest’s signature events.

Have Some Interspecies Real Talk Neither species believes for a second that this event is for the dogs, but if your canine friend isn’t excited by the promise of treats, a walk, or park-time, it’s totally appropriate to shake your head, make non-verbal noises, and repeatedly, excitedly ask, “Why are you always making this about you?” or “Who wants a sexy pink wig for half an hour?” Consent is the presence of tail-wagging, not the absence of human language.

Pick a Category and Queer it Up Whether your German Shepherd is a gender essentialist, social constructionist, or simply beyond the binary, drag is for fun. Start with a clever drag name for your four-legged friend, then choose a costume that makes them feel confident, sexy, and comfortable. This year’s themes are Most Unique, Funniest, Best Owner/Pet Duo, Best Dog in Drag. Werk it so your dog qualifies for all four!

Accessorize Turn up your Etsy-self, and create the homemade items to match the personality and body of your dog. Anyone can buy a Chihuahua Dolly Parton costume online, but only yours will have the cerulean sequins and choice curves that the costume truly deserves. In a world of tired and uninspired Fidos and Fi-Fis, a few simple choices can make your dog stand out from the pack.

Keep it Safe Of course, your Sharpei would look cute with long, lazy eyelashes, but true kings and queens know when to say Yass and when to say Nuh-uh. The official rules from Denver Pride require leashes and updated vaccinations, while prohibiting snakes (would love to know the story there!) and things that go vroom (the latter includes remote-controlled vehicles since previous pet-owners couldn’t resist). At home, be sure to use pet-safe dyes, makeup, and materials so that it’s a positive experience for all parties.

Register You have three ways to register your dog before the special day: online, printout, or in-person on June 18, and registration is only $5. You still have several weeks, so get ready! Dogs in Drag will be hosted by Shirley Delta Blow on Saturday, June 18 at 12:15pm. Registration begins at 11:45 at Center Stage in Civic Center Park.

Hit up DenverPrideCenterStage@gmail.com with any questions. 24 JUNE 01, 2016

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Step Your Host/ess Game Up O’Brian Gunn

Some people like to have a few moments to decompress after traveling and others are ready to be social. Let your guest decide which is preferred.

ust like the definition of a true gentleman or lady is timeless, so too is the definition of a good host/ess. With Pride coming up, you might have out-of-town friends hittin’ you up to see if they can crash at your place for a few days. Before you give an enthusiastic (or possibly reluctant and uneasy) “yes” and dust off the air mattress, know that your hosting techniques could make it your friend’s first and last time staying with you. Gather ’round, churrins, it’s time to hip yourself to the host game.

Setting a Good Foundation Before launching into our lesson, know that every tip herein is intended to remove any discomfort your guest/friend might feel while staying with you. Even if you’ve known this individual for years, we all have our routines and ways of doing things in the comfort of our homes, and it can sometimes be a bit jarring not to go through those same motions. Being a gracious host is about making sure everyone can relax and creating a clear orientation so that you and your visitor are both on the same page of the guestbook. Now, onward!

Wash Up and Cook Up Once you welcome your guest into your humble abode (you did straighten up a bit, right?), ask if s/he would like to wash up or eat first. Depending on how long the trip was, your visitor may want to “wash the road off” or fuel up on grub. Both options take care of immediate needs and allow them to start ...

Settling In Show your guest where s/he will be staying and give her or him time to get settled or wash up. Some people like to have a few moments to decompress after traveling and others are 26 JUNE 01, 2016

ready to be social. Let your guest decide which is preferred.

Create a Plan Together The next step in being a good host or hostess is setting the course for the visit. Here is where you and your guest decide what you’ll do during the days ahead as well as how long your guest will be staying. This isn’t to seem as if you’re ready for your guest to get the hell out before even unpacking, but to add a bit of structure to the visit. You might be a bit uncomfortable bringing this topic up, but it’s better than thinking your guest is staying three days when s/he planned on enjoying your hospitality for five.

Be Aware of Allergies If you have pets, be sure to let your visitor know well ahead of time in case alternate arrangements need to be made. Even if your guest doesn’t have allergies, it’s still good to wash the sheets and towel s/he will be using and vacuum your place.

Make Them Feel at Home If you’ll be in and out while your guest is visiting, provide them with a spare house key and a few recommendations for nearby coffeehouses, transportation options, shopping, and eating. If you won’t arrive at your place until after your guest, give directions to your home and have everything set up so s/he can wash up, eat, and be entertained until you arrive. Above all else, shower your guests with some good ol’ Southern hospitality. Let them leave feeling as if they should pay you for such fantastic accommodations. Just be sure you don’t send a bill with your email or text.

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Many Pride events charge less if you book in advance. Save that extra cash for parking, higher-priced drinks, and tipping drag queens.

o you’re a Pride virgin, huh? Don’t worry, kiddo. Here’s a few tips to make you feel like you’ve been there, done that.

Plan an agenda for at least one day. Whether that agenda includes watching the parade, wandering around Civic Center Park, or just figuring out what’s for lunch that day … plan something. Pride is so much more than sitting around on a blanket smoking weed with your friends. (But definitely do that, too.) Figure out where you’re parking (or how you’re getting to the park). If you’re not staying within walking distance, do a quick search on parking in the area. Unfortunately, it’s the most expensive area to park in the city. Fortunately, that means there are a ton of options. Pay extra for a garage and see if there’s a deal for the weekend. (Pro-tip: Go to Parking Panda’s website and get something on the low-low.) Do your homework on the gay bars. If you don’t live here, figure out where they’re all located. Are they walkable from your hotel? Are they charging a cover for that weekend? What theme fits your party mode? If you have a sec, stop by during the day when the bars aren’t as crowded. Ask the bartenders for recommendations. Pull out your “Pride virgin” card and they’ll probably be stoked to fill you in on some local secrets.

28 JUNE 01, 2016

Chris Arneson

Buy your tickets early. Whether it’s for Corky’s Pool Party or a wristband for Tracks, many Pride events charge less if you book in advance. Save that extra cash for parking, higher-priced drinks, and tipping drag queens. Hydration and sunscreen. This sounds obvious, but don’t blame me when you’re stuck in the middle of the park with a dry mouth and lobster skin. Bring cash. And keep it on you. Better yet, when you make that agenda, note the days where you might need more. It might also be a smart idea to leave your credit card at home and throw your Pride budget onto a prepaid card. Pace yourself. It might seem like an awesome idea to day-drink all day on Friday to kick off the weekend, but remember the last time you got wasted outside? Take breaks. Take naps. Take a multivitamin. (And your PrEP, boo.) Know your other drugs. Your mother is (probably) not going to be there to take care of you. Maybe your friends won’t, either. Don’t assume Pride is a safe environment. Don’t think the hottie who gave you molly at the clubs is looking out for you. Don’t be an idiot. Do a little research on the trendy drugs on the scene, and if you’re going to do them at Pride ... at least know what they look like.

PHOTO // NIKKI KUSHNER

First-Timer’s Guide to Pride

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There’s a Brunch to Eat During Pride Chris Arneson

F HIghland Tavern has a decent brunch menu, and recent renovations give it a great vibe. It was even featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives!

ace it, if you’re planning to brunch downtown during Pride, there’s gonna be some waiting and a bit of compromise. You’re probably not going to spend less than an hour waiting for hotspots like Snooze or Jelly. Don’t abandon hope; there are some hidden gems in the ’hood, especially if you plan for them.

M Uptown It’s probably on your list, just like everyone else’s. Don’t cross it off because you think it’ll be too packed; they always take reservations for brunch — just book it ASAP. (That goes for all their events during Pride.) Book. Tables. Now.

Waffle Brothers This cute place is a little further east on 17th Street, a few blocks past Park Ave. They’ve got a few tables outside, and they totally serve mimosas. There’s also a location just south of Speer on 1st and Washington.

Root Down Ok, yeah, it’s always packed. Because it’s amazing. But if you know you want to brunch somewhere good during Pride, and you know now, see if you can make a reservation. If you book early enough (like, weeks in advance), you might still reserve a spot and basically walk in like you own the joint.

Old West Pancake House If you exited onto Park Ave from I-25 or I-70,

you might’ve completely missed this gem. It’s not much of a trek from downtown, and I’ve never seen it busy.

Racine’s While this place can be pretty popular, I showed up on Mother’s Day with my mom and waited less than 15 minutes for a spot. It’s at the southern tip of Cap Hill, nestled in the curve between Lincoln and Speer. There’s a bunch of seating, so it clears fast. Bonus: Free valet.

Highland Tavern A few blocks from Root Down, this place has a decent brunch menu, and recent renovations give it a great vibe. It was even featured on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives!

Mezcal Just a couple miles down Colfax, directly south from City Park, Mezcal is a killer brunch spot. They have several types of mimosas, and they’re bottomless for only $7. If you’re here early enough you should be fine, but they do take reservations. Don’t worry about calling more than a day in advance.

The Lobby At the edge of downtown, The Lobby is a classic brunch spot for downtown locals. You can’t reserve on Sundays, so make this your Saturday spot. It’s worth it. They have mimosa towers.

TIP: Most brunch places don’t draw huge crowds until 9am. Just arrive earlier, start your bottomless mimosas, and hang out for a bit. Make sure you check if they’ll seat you without your entire group. 30 JUNE 01, 2016

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Denver’s Kristi Siedow-Thompson is

Basically a Goddess Chris Arneson

If you don’t

notice her impeccably coiffed lavender locks, you’re sure to catch the sparkle from the gem in her tooth. Kristi Siedow-Thompson has a style all her own, and you might already be in love with her art. A local fashion designer, Kristi has appeared in the Ultimate Queen Competition, and her work has been featured in a few Denver fashion shows. She’s worked with local drag favorites including Ginger Douglas, Krystina Fatale, and Anya Nees.

PHOTO // KJEAN PHOTOGRAPHY

“I love haute-couture looks that are pushing boundaries,” Kristi explains. Her inspiration comes from eccentric designers like Alexander McQueen and eras like the 60s.

32 JUNE 01, 2016

Along with fashion design, she’s is an actress, singer, and dancer. She is one of the featured performers on the PrideFest main stage this year, performing Don’t Rain on my Parade featuring a rainbowinspired dress she crafted herself. “Doing something that nobody sees coming, that’s kind of my specialty,” she smirks. And those who catch her performance at PrideFest this year will see why. Emcee & Entertainment Coordinator for Denver PrideFest DeMarcio Slaughter chose Kristi because her talent was unrivaled. She’s part of a group that DeMarcio says represents an incredible selection of diverse entertainers. “The girl can sang … and I mean SANG, like we do in the Southern Baptist church! OMG!” DeMarcio enthuses. “She walked into the auditions and blew the judges away with natural talent. Very rarely are we fortunate enough to see such killer vocals on the PrideFest Center stage … she is just pure WOW!” However, that performance almost wasn’t on her agenda this summer. After she auditioned, she received an email saying she wasn’t selected. Flash-forward a few days, when Kristi was contacted personally by DeMarcio about the gig. Her rejection was a mistake, and not only did the committee put her in the show, DeMarcio asked her to sing the national anthem at the parade. She’ll also be performing with his disco group on Sunday. “Kristi is kind and her spirit radiates positivity — all the elements we look for — which is why I was so disappointed when I originally couldn’t find her contact info after auditions,” hesays. “She scored 78 out of 80 possible points, coming in second to a guy dancing as a half-naked unicorn.”

An art major in college, Kristi had a penchant for sculpture but ultimately chose graphic design as her career path. When shen lost her graphic design job last year, her costuming hobby evolved into an occupation. She’s currently working on at least six commissions that are due by Pride this year. But she’s not letting PrideFest get in the way of Denver Comic Con, which both fall at the same time again this year. Last year, she was selected as a featured designer at San Diego Comic Con, where she designed a Star Wars-inspired look for Denver drag icon Ginger Douglas. “I hardly get to make costumes for myself,” she says. “It’s mostly for other people, and I get a lot of joy out of that.” Among her Denver Comic Con costumes this year is a “sexy Gorn,” inspired by the extraterrestrial reptiles from Star Trek. But it’s always tough for her to pick which of her designs she loves best. “Picking a favorite costume is like picking a favorite cat,” jokes the feline enthusiast. After making connections through a production of Cabaret with Denver’s PHAMALy (Physically Handicapped Actor and Musical Artists League) last year, she took a job costuming with the New York Deaf Theatre’s production of The Rocky Horror Show in the fall. At the end of this summer, Kristi (along with her husband Phil) will relocate to Manhattan so she can attend school at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

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But she plans to stick to her values when it comes to design, and to continue pushing boundaries. “There’s ways to dress all shapes and sizes,” she explains. “And you can bodyshame or whatever, but a woman who’s a size 18 or 20 isn’t going to be a size 14 tomorrow, so she should be able to look good now.” OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 33

Paul Bindel

HOW DO I GET INVOLVED IN PRIDE WEEK? L et’s admit it: June is the best month to be queer. Businesses in town fly rainbow flags, bars host special events and brandish discounts, and organizations roll out engaging programs that connect us to queer folk past and present. You will probably have the opportunity to attend private pool parties or exclusive events throughout the weekend, but here are ways everyone can get involved in Denver’s Pride Week.

March in the Parade

Forty-six years after the Stonewall riots, the PrideFest Parade is the heart of our celebration of LGBT+ agency, selfdetermination, and alliances. It will start at Cheesman Park at 9:30am on Sunday, June 19 and move to Civic Center Park. Whether you march, hop on your organization’s or company’s parade float, play music in a marching band, or just watch from the side, you can expect a crowd. The Dyke 34 JUNE 01, 2016

March typically takes place on Saturday, so watch for that as well.

Connect with Queer History

PrideFest is an excellent time to learn more about LGBT history, particularly in Denver as both the Center and OUT FRONT celebrate their 40th anniversaries. Join the Center on Monday, June 13 11am–1pm at the First Unitarian Church for a panel featuring seven of the eight living founding members who will discuss “How the Center Began.” Meanwhile, on Tuesday, June 14 at 4:30pm and 7pm, Denver Film Society and Cinema Q will be hosting a double feature at Sie Film Center: the classic gay rom-com La Cage aux Folles and The Birdcage, the American film it inspired.

Be a Part of the Family

Some family you’re born with and some you choose. Show your support

of your queer brothers and sisters by volunteering for a couple hours at PrideFest. Sign up online at the LGBT Center, and you’ll score a free meal the day you volunteer. If you have kids, nephews, and nieces, bring them to the Kids Parade on Saturday at noon and for the petting zoo both days. Finally, check out the fun shows throughout Pride Week, including the Dogs in Drag Show on Saturday at 12pm, the Lil Big Shot kids talent show at 12:30, and the Seniors Got Talent Show on Tuesday, June 14 at 11:30am at The Center.

Run the Big Gay 5k

You have summer #goals, right? Take a step toward them by walking or running the Big Gay 5k. The race starts at Civic Center Park at 10am on Saturday, June 18 and loops around Cap Hill via Cheesman Park. Coordinate rainbow costumes with your friends and get your endorphins going!

Be Inspired by LGBT+ Musical Groups

If you’re the person who got goose bumps from Mariah and Whitney’s There Can Be Miracles as a kid, let Denver’s LGBT+ choruses and bands give you the feels. The Rocky Mountain Arts Association is bringing together the triple threat of the Denver Gay Men’s Chorus, the Denver Women’s Chorus, and Out Loud: Colorado Springs Men’s Chorus for Rocky Mountain Voices — a special concert on Sunday June 18, 2pm & 7pm at DU. Meanwhile, on Tuesday, June 14, at 7pm, you can listen to the Melodies of Pride from the Mile High Freedom Bands in Civic Center Park.

Mix and Mingle with Other Queer Nerds

Just because it’s Pride week doesn’t mean we have to be as fabulous as a Carnivale samba dancer or as drunk as a Mardi Gras bead-catcher. Queer nerds unite (in cosplay!) at Denver Comic Con, with special LGBT panels all day Friday. Meanwhile, Denver Museum of Nature and Science will be hosting The Science Lounge, a PrideFest 21+ mixer on Thursday night, June 16 from 6:30pm–9:30pm, ensuring that science geeks find chemistry in their element. With all of these events, PrideFest has something for everyone, including three stages and hundreds of vendors at the main event all day Saturday and Sunday. Whether you’re perfecting your costume or body or catching up on sleep and sobriety in the days before, get ready for a great weekend!

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Don’t Wear Out Your Welcome O’Brian Gunn

We all have that friend who would likely tell us to “stay as long as you like,” but don’t take this to the extreme.

o you’ve decided to stay with friends in Denver this year for Pride. First of all, great job on saving cash that could’ve been spent on a hotel room! Who needs complimentary breakfast with questionable eggs and coffee as tasteless as Helen Keller’s fashion sense? Second, keep a good thing going by being an absolutely perfect guest. No matter how long or short your stay will be, there are a few tips to keep in mind to maintain your friendship and your dignity while residing in someone else’s casa.

Send Up a Flare Be sure you have a concrete idea of how long you’ll be staying with your host or hostess, and whittle that time down to when you’re arriving and when you plan on leaving. We

36 JUNE 01, 2016

all have that friend who would likely tell us to “stay as long as you like,” but don’t take this to the extreme. Be respectful of your friend’s time, and be sure to let her or him know the moment your plans change or if you even think they may change. On a related note, keep your friend updated on your schedule while visiting. This might not be too big of a deal if the two (or more) of you will be together most of the time, but if you’ll be hittin’ the streets, keep a brotha or sista updated about your wayward whereabouts.

Roll Out Your List of Restrictions Allergic to cats? Became a vegetarian or carnivore since your friend saw you last? Don’t care much for dat Colorado stank weed?

Be almost like a ninja guest; there should be no trace you’ve been there. As my mom would say, “Act like you got some home trainin’.”

Say “I Do”

Whatever dietary restrictions, allergies, or personal quirks/ preferences you have that might interfere with your trip, let your host/ess know. You don’t want to be welcomed with a painstakingly prepared home-cooked meal only to reveal that you’re on a special diet and can’t eat a blessed thing. Fantastic way to start off your visit, eh? And whatever you do, try not to be one of those prudish, insufferable veg-heads (I can use that word, I’m one myself) who ministers on the evils of the meat industry. Doing so is a good way to wind up on the sidewalk on your ass, and not in a way some of you might like.

with a view

Don’t Disrupt the Flow While you’re getting settled or before you arrive, be sure to ask your friend: ×× When s/he goes to bed and wakes up ×× If there are any household routines of which you need to be made aware ×× How you can help keep the house in order ×× About house rules ×× If any food in the fridge or pantry is off limits I know that most friends tell us to make ourselves at home whenever we visit, but it’s just good manners to be as respectful of the space into which you’ve been welcomed. Be almost like a ninja guest; there should be no trace you’ve been there. As my mom would say, “Act like you got some home trainin’.”

Keep Track of Your Personal Items

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Be sure you put your clothes away, make up your bed, refrain from leaving your shoes strewn all over the floor, and that you not leave your belongings all up and through your friend’s place. Not only does organization keep OCD individuals like me happy, it makes it less likely that you’ll leave anything behind.

WEDDINGS

Just like it’s the host/ess’s job to make the guest as comfortable as possible, it’s the guest’s job to be as unobtrusive as possible. Make it your goal to put every other guest before and after you to shame. Guest them to filth!

SPECIAL OCCASIONS

CELEBRATIONS

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 37

Paul Bindel

Where to Celebrate Pride if You’re Not in Denver

our family reunion wedding overlaps with Denver PrideFest? Or maybe you want to avoid a recent breakup or old flings. OUT FRONT has the scoop on nearby and major Pride gatherings in the event that you’re on the road this summer, whether by obligation or design.

NEARBY PRIDE CELEBRATIONS

Durango, CO: June 22–26. This mountain town knows how to throw a party! Thursday is a cocktail reception followed by pub crawl. All day Friday, Purgatory will host an adventurous event, with zip lines, an Alpine Slide, and mountain-bike tours. Saturday kicks off with an 11am parade down Main Ave and all-day party in the park.

Colorado Springs, CO: July 9–10. Now in its 26th year, COS PrideFest will have two days of drinks and entertainment in America the Beautiful Park. The Parade will run at 11am on Sunday, July 10.

Salt Lake City, UT: July 3–6. This year, Utah Pride’s rally will organize in support of of people in the Dyke, Trans, Sexually Fluid, and Poly communities on June 3 at 6pm. The Pride 5k starts at 9am on July 5, and the Parade commences at 10am at 200 S and West Temple.

Santa Fe, NM: June 25. Celebrate Pride in the land of enchantment. The Parade starts at 1pm from the State Capitol, and festivities will continue in the plaza with live music and booths, followed by an official Pool Party.

MAJOR PRIDE EVENTS

Washington D.C.: June 1–12. Capital Pride’s theme is “Make Magic Happen,” speaking to the political queer imagination that is integral to the city. The main event runs Sunday, June 12 and includes a cocktail bar, beverage gardens, family area and waterslide, several concert stages, and a dance tent. Concert headliners will be Meghan Trainor and Charlie Puth. 38 JUNE 01, 2016

Boston, MA: June 3–12. Pride is a full-month affair in Bean Town, with neighborhood block parties in Jamaica Plain and Back Bay. On June 11, the Boston Pride Parade will launch at noon from Boylston and Dartmouth. Concerts and dancing to follow. Travel by T because parking will be scarce.

Los Angeles, CA: June 10–12. Centered in West Hollywood and featuring big names like Carly Rae Jepsen, Big Freedia, Gallant, and LE1F, LA Pride is a three-day music festival with three stages: main, hip-hop, and Latin. The Parade starts on Santa Monica Blvd and Crescent Heights Blvd on Sunday at 11am.

Portland, OR: June 17–19. Pride Northwest has two parades: the Trans Pride March on June 18 at 3:30pm and the Portland Pride Parade on June 19 at 11am. Both start at Burnside and NW Park at 11am.

Chicago, IL: June 18–19, June 26. At four miles and over 850,000 spectators, Chicago Pride’s Parade is one of the most spectacular in the country. Their Pride will run the same weekend as Denver’s, with the Parade occurring as its own event a week later.

San Francisco, CA: June 25–26. Located in SF’s Civic Center, this year’s Pride theme is “For Racial and Economic Justice.” You will easily find your peeps, with stages and venues for every persuasion. The Parade marches down Market on Saturday at 10am.

New York City: June 24–26. It all begin at Stonewall, and NYC has kept it lively ever since. This year, you can attend rooftop parties, costume parties, shows, dances, brunches, movie nights, and a rally kick-off event. The march starts at noon on Sunday, June 26 at 36th St and Fifth Ave.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 39

memoir of her year behind bars. The series stars Taylor Schilling as Piper Chapman, a woman serving time in prison due to a decade-old drugtrafficking charge, and has generated massive attention as much for its depiction of the hot lesbian sex scenes between Piper and Alex (played by co-star Laura Prepon) as for its insights into the twisted lives of its inmates. Even President Obama has declared himself a fan.

SEX ISN’T THE POINT

ver the last several years, television has undergone a renaissance with a daring new wave of shows that has seen series like True Detective, Breaking Bad, Homeland, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, et al. change the programming landscape. One of the most eclectic of those series is Orange is the New Black, a comedy/drama set in a women’s prison and based on Piper Kerman’s eponymous

Evelyn Franco

The series, now entering its fourth season on Netflix, has turned Taylor, 31, into a cult star for her brilliant and engaging portrayal of Piper, and helped earn her roles in films including The Overnight, Stay, Argo, and The Lucky One. In the meantime, however, Taylor is basking in the spotlight of OITNB. Although the series has attracted a major following within the gay community, it’s popular with audiences across the board, and Taylor is keen to remind people that the gay element must be seen within a much broader context. “The lesbian aspect of the story is important, but much more important is the fact that these women are mothers, daughters, girlfriends, and working women,” Taylor says. “The real breakthrough is that audiences are able to see these women as fully developed characters — who their families are, what their backgrounds are, and what went wrong in their lives. And it’s within that context that our show examines both straight and gay relationships and doesn’t judge them or differentiate between them. That’s what’s truly remarkable about Orange.”

“ ORANGE IS A VERY

WELL-WRITTEN SHOW THAT GIVES WOMEN THEIR OWN NARRATIVE AND PRESENTS US IN A VERY COMPELLING, COMPLEX, RAW, AND VULNERABLE WAY.” Taylor Schilling grew up in the suburbs of Boston where her father was a state prosecutor (how ironic!) and her mother worked as an administrator at MIT. After her parents divorced when she was 15, Taylor divided her time between her father’s home in West Roxbury and her mother’s place in Wayland. Having long nurtured a dream of becoming an actress, Taylor earned her BA in acting from Fordham University and then completed two years toward an MFA at New York University before dropping out and “following [her] gut” to try her hand at getting series work.

Taylor, what do you think accounts for the popularity of OITNB amongst a wide spectrum of the viewing public? Our series has shown that audiences are just as interested in women’s stories as in predominantly male-driven stories. Orange is a very well-written show that gives women their own narrative and presents us in a very compelling, complex, raw, and vulnerable way. The series is very close to life and people are hungry for that kind of authenticity.

How does it feel to be the central figure in this kind of unique series? I’m thrilled that I’ve had the chance to play Piper and even though we see things through her eyes, Orange is really written as an ensemble show and there are many great and diverse characters who are part of her world.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 41

SEX ISN’T THE POINT

Has it been important to you to be part of a series that is centred on women and which has openly depicted lesbian relationships?

never meant to fit into that world and that she’s really an outsider and has to figure out her place in this difficult new world she’s been thrown into.

It’s important that the series that has been able to reflect issues that are vital to the LGBT community, as well as issues regarding prison life. Another thing that’s very meaningful is that it allows women to be presented in different ways and shows so many different aspects of our nature. But when I’m working on the set I’m not thinking about any of those things, really. I try to focus on Piper and do justice to the character above everything else.

I grew up feeling very different and that’s something I understood about Piper and how she has to abandon the facade while she’s in prison and stop trying to keep up appearances. As soon as I started playing the character I was fascinated by all the dilemmas she’s facing in terms of who she really is and who she’s been pretending she is to others in her life. I identified with those questions immediately.

Were you ever expecting this Netflix series to have such a massive impact?

Do you think European audiences view the lesbian love scenes differently from the way American audiences do and which have created a lot of fuss?

As soon as we starting working on it, I had the feeling we were doing something special. It felt different and I was pretty confident that Orange was the kind of series the public wanted to see and that it would find an audience.

How has your life changed in the four years you’ve spent working on OITNB? I think I’m more relaxed and at ease with myself although I can still take that process further. I’m more willing to be myself and that helps me in the way I can relate to other people.

You grew up in Boston. How close do you relate to Piper, a preppy Connecticut woman? She’s quite different from me. Also, I’ve never been in jail so I can’t directly relate to that kind of an experience. But I understand the perspective of someone who was meant to follow the rules of getting married, having children, and being successful. But then she discovers that she was

42 JUNE 01, 2016

Nobody should be shocked by [lesbian sex scenes]. It’s all very natural. In the end, these are beautiful love stories and the sex scenes are far less important than the underlying dramas that the characters are experiencing.

It’s rather ironic that your father worked as a prosecutor. laughs Until I got the part, I didn’t even realize that all my life I’ve been surrounded by the issues that Orange is dealing with. I grew up listening to my father saying that good people may not be good all the time, and that prison guards are not always behaving the way they should and that the world is not black or white.

What does he make of the sex scenes? We don’t talk about that. I’ve forbidden him to watch them. laughs

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His 14th studio album, House on Fire, is being released this year. Ty is no stranger to performing in gay bars. His first time was at Neon Boots in Houston, Texas. With a career spanning more than 20 years in country music, he came out publicly in 2014, shortly after releasing his first album in seven years, Lies I Told Myself. Currently, there aren’t too many mainstream country artists who are publicly out. Along with Ty are Chely Wright and Billy Gilman. While many consider singer-songwriter Steve Grand to be part of that club, Ty says his longtime friend doesn’t consider himself a country artist. In his new album, Ty spent a lot of time figuring out what it would look like. The title track to House on Fire he calls the deepest and heaviest on the record, as it examines everything he’s been through, from addiction to secret relationships. “I was able to take all those things, heal, and burn that house down to rebuild,” he explains. “And I’ve had to do that more than once. It’s a powerful song.” But as for songs targeted directly at a gay male audience, he’s not quite heading that direction yet.

OUT IN THE COUNTRY: IT’S ABOUT TY

y mom won a Ty Herndon CD from a radio station once. As a 10 year old who at least knew when a guy was attractive, I think I stared at the smoldering cover of his 1999 album Steam more than I listened to it.

Ty will be headlining Charlie’s 35th Anniversary, playing the bar on Friday, June 3. His show will begin at 7pm on the parking lot stage, which follows an hour of free drinks beginning at 6pm.

Chris Arneson

“Country music is all about people putting their own lives in the middle of the songs,” he explains. “I was very careful to make it non-gendered. It’s an album that speaks to everyone.” Especially to his longtime boyfriend, Matt, who has several songs written about him on the album. “I didn’t even have to tell him which ones!” he laughs. Although he’s only been a writer on his last three albums, he says classic hit songs like Loved Too Much reference a 14-year relationship he had to keep secret but eventually had to end. As the song goes: “Love is something different that disregards the rules; you call me a dreamer, but sometimes dreams come true.” He and Matt were able to attend his first gay wedding last year. In the future, he just wants to get married in a barn someday. “Knowing us, we’ll just get married in a courthouse and have a party in a barn. We’ll just make an announcement when it’s done.”

For more information on Herndon’s appearance and the rest of Charlie’s 35th Anniversary, visit CharliesDenver.com

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H E I N Z ES I G H T

SUMMER TUNE-UP FOR ONLINE ACTION Brent Heinze, Senior Columnist

Although there’s nothing wrong with showing off some of your best assets, think about other things that may entice others to check out your profile and what the images are saying.

WE LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL PLACE WHERE SUMMERTIME ACTIVITIES are plentiful. Be careful about getting stuck in patterns that will keep you from enjoying the sunshine outside. We tune up many things including our bike and car, but you can also work on fine tuning your online presence.

effort to read between the lines or think about what the profile is expressing about personality, passions, and potential concerns. Sometimes it takes trial and error to figure some of these things out, but I think many times it becomes apparent if you read deeply enough.

UTILIZE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

BE HONEST

Some people think using phrases like “sup” or “show me your cock” are effective online icebreakers. A more positive option may be to give a compliment or make reference to something you read in their profile. Also, be careful about statements that seem like pick-up lines. If they come across as creepy, dishonest, or just plain strange, it will not be effective in moving you to the next level of conversation.

There are times when we’ve all experienced people who aren’t being genuine about their pictures, age, body type, interests, intentions, personality, or intelligence. It’s not good practice to hide behind a computer screen, play an elaborate fantasy game, or cheat on a partner. By the same token, feel free to be straightforward about your intentions or lack of interest.

SELECT PICTURES THAT SHOW YOUR PERSONALITY AND INTERESTS

We’ve all been turned down, but also turned someone else down. Hopefully being considerate of others will minimize hurt feelings and make rejection a little less painful.

Show off your smile or hobbies instead of just posting pictures of a cock, butt, nipple, or pucker. Although there’s nothing wrong with showing off some of your best assets, think about other things that may entice others to check out your profile and what the images are saying.

DON’T REFUSE TO SHOW YOUR FACE Take pride in the fact that you are putting yourself out there in hopes of connecting with others. If you’re embarrassed about being online or what you are expressing, take some time and figure out what’s so concerning about being honest about your intentions.

TRANSLATE THE PROFILE Although all profiles are just a collection of words and images, how they’re arranged and presented can tell you a lot more about someone than just the surface impressions. Take some 46 JUNE 01, 2016

ACT THOUGHTFULLY

TAKE A CHANCE AND GO MEET UP WITH SOMEONE There are so many potential friendships and exchanges that never even have a chance to flourish. It can take a leap of faith sometimes to try and see where interactions may go, but don’t be too scared to grab a coffee, hike, or cuddle with someone you may have a great connection with in the future. Heaven forbid you might want to log off and try out some person-to-person flirting or communication skills.

FOLLOW THROUGH It’s important to have integrity behind your promises. Don’t lie about your intentions, cancel at the last minute, or fail to show up at all. We all get excited when a plan actually comes together.

BAR WARS The 2016 edition of Bar Wars was held at the Denver Wrangler on May 21. The annual event pits the best bartenders from various LGBT establishments in Denver together in a competition to determine the cream of the crop. Boyztown, Broadways, M Uptown, Tracks, Wrangler, and X Bar participated in this year’s event and raised $6000 for the Denver Colorado AIDS Project’s food bank. That’s nearly 3000 meals. Congratulations to this year’s winner, Cindy Alix from X Bar! Photos by Charles Broshous

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Fire as the coffin is rolled into the oven.

H EA LT H

Anyhow, taking a pull from my beer, I mentioned to my friend that I sometimes listen to depressing, f*cked-up music. Songs that slice deep into the flesh and into the heart, bleeding with experiences of emptiness and bleakness, that caustic anguish that is captured and sculpted by talented musicians into this jagged, sonic landscape blanketed with falling ash. He replied with, “Well, no wonder you’re depressed — you listen to depressing music.” Yeah, that’s not how it works ... at least not for me. So I came to the defense of these melancholic albums that populate my musical library. Talking over the cacophony of conversations and the increasingly crowded bar, I replied that listening to dark, depressing music can actually make me feel better. At the very least, I can drown out those voices in my head trying hard to convince me to swallow the barrel of a high-caliber rifle. Back when I was in the Air Force, I couldn’t come forward about my depression (the military turns a blind eye to military members struggling with their mental health) and I certainly couldn’t tell anyone I was gay at the risk of being dishonorably discharged from the military. I was lonely, severely depressed, and frequently imagining my own suicide (the bullet from an M-16 would do the trick, leaving a Pollock-style brain painting on the wall). Then I came across an industrial band called Front Line Assembly. I played their album, Implode, so often, I’m surprised I didn’t burn a hole in the CD. (This is back when people actually bought CDs.) The music was despairing, suffocating, nihilistic, and forebodingly melodic. Most importantly, it made me realize for the first time that I wasn’t alone in all this darkness.

[WARNING: GRAPHIC]

DUELING WITH DEPRESSION: MOROSE MELODIES Mike Yost I REMEMBER HAVING A CONVERSATION AT A BAR WITH A FRIEND. We were sipping on craft beers (like a proper Colorado resident), sitting under those fashionable naked bulbs that hang from the ceiling by a single wire. We had only known each other for a few months, and we started chatting about music. Now, music is an absolute necessity in my life. I listen to music when I write. I listen to music when I sleep. I plan on listening to music when I’m cremated, a pair of headphones clamped over my purple, stiff ears, blasting Cash’s Ring of 54 JUNE 01, 2016

I soon expanded my library with other f*cked-up bands such as the industrial forefathers, Skinny Puppy; the doom metal magi, Morgion; and malevolence incarnate, Velvet Acid Christ. Lustmord has often been called the father of dark ambient, creating these eerie soundscapes that envelope your mind like an obsidian fog, cultivating the sensation of falling into a black hole — never to return. I yearn for these ominously auditory experiences because the music mirrors so perfectly (and creatively) how depression can make me feel. Sadly, my friend at the bar wasn’t convinced, arguing I should listen to more up beat music (some of which sounds incredibly phony and trite to me). I’ll admit that I sometimes take a spin with more “happier” albums. Madonna’s True Blue is a proud part of my collection (so I get to keep my gay card). But depressing music is truly a bastion for those dark days when you feel so empty your chest feels like it’s about to implode. Despondent albums are a wonderfully creative and dynamic means of cultivating perseverance and solidarity in those who constantly duel with that fickle fiend, depression.

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H EA LT H

SCALES PHARMACY: AN OLD-SCHOOL APOTHECARY WITH A MODERN ATTITUDE Stephen M. Small, PharmD WHEN YOU WALK INTO SCALES PHARMACY LOCATED AT Pennsylvania and 20th Avenue, you might do a double take. There are no harsh fluorescent lights, generic linoleum floor tiles, or monotonous overhead tunes you might find at major chain pharmacies. Instead, you’re invited by modern track lighting, stylish flooring, and industrial-chic décor. Obviously, Scales Pharmacy has decided to create an experience that is totally unique and cool, and it’s definitely a place you need to check out. A long time ago, the majority of American pharmacies were independently owned, usually serving as the community’s hub for medical care and other amenities. Over time, the concept of the true community pharmacy morphed into retail pharmacy with the arrival of big chain stores. With this, the focus sadly shifted from patients to profits. Thankfully, Dan Scales — a pharmacist and founder of Scales Pharmacy — decided to tip the balance and bring the concept of the community pharmacy back to Denver and the LGBT neighborhood. Dan, like me, is a graduate of Butler University’s College of Pharmacy in Indianapolis, and he had an interesting beginning in the profession. “I was in film school before I went to pharmacy school,” he says. “It was a pretty hefty shift.” With his sleeve tattoos, gauged ears, and innovative approach to pharmacy, Dan’s creative spirit is hard not to notice. “It took me a long time to recognize there is a creative element that can be orchestrated into business practice and patient care. I can utilize that same creative mindset to really drive a communitybased business … to be able to think outside the box.” And thinking outside the box is just what he did. Since founding the pharmacy in 2014, Dan and his colleague Natalie Nix, PharmD, have expanded their services to better assist the LGBT community, which makes up the majority of their clientele. Sure, they offer common pharmacy services like immunizations and blood pressure monitoring. However, the pharmacy specializes in medications for HIV, and it changed the game by providing PrEP monitoring and free HIV testing each and every day — not just on select days like other pharmacies. In fact, Scales is working toward including screening and care for other STIs, which no other pharmacy currently does in Denver. Plus, if you cannot make it to the pharmacy, Dan and his 56 JUNE 01, 2016

colleagues will deliver your prescriptions to you. You can even have your meds sent to you via their mail-order program. Clearly, Dan Scales and his team will go above and beyond to get you the meds you need. And Scales Pharmacy doesn’t just help with your medications. Next to the aspirin and vitamins, you can find products ranging from soy butter and gourmet pickles to aromatherapeutic cleaning supplies. “Most of the products we carry on the front end are locally sourced,” says Dan, and he is currently getting in touch with other businesses to continue showcasing unique merchandise.

Dan Scales — a pharmacist and founder of Scales Pharmacy — decided to tip the balance and bring the concept of the community pharmacy back to Denver and the LGBT neighborhood.

With all of this exciting growth, folks are starting to take notice. “We were at 60 or 70 prescriptions a day back in January … we are now doing over a hundred,” he says. As the neighborhood’s interest grows, the business is building its focus on community engagement. “We are also involved with Hey Denver and Colorado Health Network, and do health fairs once a quarter.” In addition, there are plans to utilize some of the pharmacy’s space for educational programming. As a pharmacist and a patient, I can tell you that Scales Pharmacy is not just a drugstore — it’s an experience. Like Dan himself, the pharmacy is not afraid of going against the status quo to provide services that are top notch. As a result, the establishment is comforting, the staff members are welcoming, and the dedication is evident in everything they do. You need to check this place out because it’s truly one of a kind, and I personally think it may just be the antidote Denver has been waiting for. So go on in, look around, and consider getting your prescriptions filled. If nothing else, grab a Scales Pharmacy T-shirt on your way out!

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C RAV E

SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.

SATURDAYS Shirts Off-Half Off!

(FO R M ERLY HA M BURGER M ARY’S)

FRIDAYS Neon Party

3500 Walnut St., Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com

COLORADO BLVD.

THURSDAYS 2-4-1 drinks 7pm–CL

(303) 832-1333 M-UPTOWN.COM 700 E. 17 TH AVE. DENVER

TRACKS

BROADWAY

DAILY SPECIALS All Day $3 domestic mini-pitchers (32oz.) 11am–7pm: $3 wells, $3 domestics, and $4 u-calls

WEDNESDAYS: DOLLS WITH BALLS BINGO Hosted by Alexandra Winters & Harley Quinn. Free! Starts at 9pm.

DO IT WITH A LOC AL

DOWNING ST.

BA RR ICU DA'S

* S AT U R D AY S @ 9

ALAMEDA AVE.

. EL POTRERO

COLORADO AIDS MEMORIAL REDEDICATION The Grove: Colorado AIDS Memorial rededication ceremony was held in Commons Park on May 15. The memorial, which was originally dedicated on August 12, 2000, recently underwent an extensive cleaning and overhaul. Inspired by the National AIDS Grove in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park, the Grove is a natural space for peaceful reflection honoring the thousands of Coloradans who lost their lives to AIDS-related illnesses, those who cared for them, and all others living with or affected by HIV. Photos by Charles Broshous

MA RQUEE FOOTLOOSE

SUMMER 2016 May 21 – Sept. 3 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • BDTStage.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 59

H EA LT H

EASING YOUR WAY OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL SHELL O’Brian Gunn

BREATHE You do this all of the time, but it’s an automatic function we rarely think about. Whenever you feel a bout of heart palpitations coming on, focus on your breath. Ease air into your nostrils, counting to four, and exhale through your mouth for four more slow counts. Make sure you breathe deep into your diaphragm, making your belly button pooch with each inhale. Deep breathing gives you something to focus on and helps to keep your nerves from spiraling out of control.

BECOME MINDFUL Rather than the mass of bodies, it could be your mind that makes it difficult for you to be in a crowd. Our minds have a way of creating worst-case scenarios, reasons you should’ve stayed at home, distressing thoughts, and other activities you could be doing instead of feeling trapped in the middle of a crowd. Latch onto each of those spastic veins of thought and root them in the soil of reality rather than a puddle of perception. Be mindful that you’re only making your anxieties and fears worse by feeding them. You can also shift your focus to the more pleasurable images you see while you’re out. This could 60 JUNE 01, 2016

be the perfect opportunity to build unforgettable memories with your friends, be introduced to new and interesting people, and possibly meet someone worth getting to know better, but that slate of possibilities is easily wiped away if you let your thoughts run rampant.

KNOW YOUR LIMITS If you know you can only handle being in a crowd for a limited amount of time before you feel overwhelmed, respect and honor your limits. Just like there might be some people you can only take in small doses, the same is true of certain social situations. If you’re unable to head back home within your time limit, extricate yourself from the crowd for as long as it takes to center yourself. Maybe suggest to your friends that you find some shade to sit in and relax for a moment and rehydrate. This might not be exactly what you need, but sitting and refueling can do wonders for your mood.

LET YOUR FRIENDS KNOW WHAT’S UP If you feel comfortable doing so, let your friends know how you feel about large crowds. They’re likely to be more understanding than you might think, and they can help take your mind off of your anxiety. Simply seeing a friendly face and having someone tell you that you’re safe and okay can ease the tension. Another reason to let your friends know what’s up is so they can help you avoid anything that might trigger a panic or anxiety attack. Anxiety is a load that’s easier to carry with the help of people who care about you and want you to have a hallelujah good time. There’s a Pride celebration and an entire world waiting for you. Don’t let your misconceptions, anxiety, or 100-mph brain keep you from enjoying either one.

PHOTO // RYAN MCGUIRE

PRIDE IS A TIME OF REVELRY, ENTERTAINMENT, FREEDOM, AND celebration. But those of us who aren’t comfortable immersing ourselves in the middle of a massive crowd of bodies may find every reason/excuse possible to “sit this one out.” As someone who has a touch of social anxiety, I understand how you might feel exposed in a swelling sea of people, sounds, and situations that are completely out of your control. While the following centering methods won’t turn you into a social butterfly within a few readings, they can most certainly make it more enjoyable and easier to spend time with your friends for Pride.

Anxiety is a load that’s easier to carry with the help of people who care about you and want you to have a hallelujah good time.

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H EA LT H

A SURPLUS OF EXERCISE IS ACTUALLY UNNECESSARY I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS. REALLY, REALLY GOOD NEWS. It turns out not all workouts are created equal. According to a recently published study, 60 seconds of all-out exercise is equal to 45 minutes of moderate exercise. When this 60 seconds is incorporated into an interval workout, it seems the minimal amount of time required for exercising might not be 45, 30, or even 15 minutes, three times a week — it’s a highly doable, easy-peasy 10 minutes. Yes, 10 minutes. Scientists from McMaster University took 27 sedentary (read: out-of-shape) men and had them divided into three groups. One group would remain inactive for 12 weeks, munching on Doritos while binge-watching Game of Thrones (as I imagine; sadly such details were not disclosed). Another group would do 45 minutes of moderate biking with a warm up and cool down, three times a week. The last group participated in interval training, also three times a week, which had them warm up for two minutes on the bikes then ride slowly for two minutes. After slowly pedaling, they broke into an all-out, exhausting sprint for 20 seconds, a pattern they repeated for five minutes followed by a three-minute cool down. All three groups had their muscles biopsied and aerobic fitness 62 JUNE 01, 2016

tested before the tests. At the end of the 12 weeks, the scientists found that both the moderate exercise group and the interval training group had very similar fitness levels — even though the former group had exercised for 27 hours during that time, compared to the latter group’s six hours. Both groups’ endurance levels increased around the same percent, and their insulin sensitivity scores and “skeletal muscle mitochondrial content” also improved comparably. The sedentary group (surprise!) saw no change in their health and fitness levels. And there’s even more good news. While the sprint required in the study was “the pace you might cycle at to save your child from an oncoming car,” the study’s senior author Martin Gibala told CTV news that interval training can be adopted to less taxing movement. According to Time, the same idea can be applied to walking, where you start at a gentle pace and do your best powerwalk — preferably with hand weights, a neon leotard, and headband — for 20-second intervals with two minutes of slow walking in between. In the end, it’s all about finding what’s best for you, and which exercise will help you keep with it. But, as with sample sales, Costco, and coupons, getting the same thing for less is always a good thing.

PHOTO // RYAN MCGUIRE

Kelsey Lindsey

At the end of the 12 weeks, the scientists found that both the moderate exercise group and the interval training group had very similar fitness levels.

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BAC KWOR DS

ASK A SLUT [WARNING: GRAPHIC]

Dear Sluts, If you don’t have all your balls, who gets searched first? Signed, CURIOUS GEORGE

Zoey: I gargle with a dick in my mouth. Cookie: The deeper meaning is only found about 30 minutes before your show while driving to the event. We are that good.

Latexa: What in the hell are you talking about?

JackLynn: Well, I guess you could call it meditating;

This is what happens when we ask drunks to ask us a question. sigh

there’s a lot of head bobbing like you do during

Zoey: The hot guy at bingo for the first time gets his balls searched first.

Cookie: We go out into the crowd and start doing

meditation.

What’s your kinkiest fetish? Signed, VANILLA IS FOR VODKA

strip searches of everyone. You never know where someone is going to hide something. But why do you ask? You volunteering?

Latexa: I can’t say it in print, because it may be

JackLynn: I have a pair — they’re just bigger and

down-right boring may be something that, should

higher up!

you dream of tonight, would have you screaming

What does the vigorous lip-sync training regime for the DCS consist of? Is it meditating under waterfalls and wrestling bears or is there something deeper? Signed, LIP SYNC FOR YOUR LIFE Latexa: First, I drink a bottle of wine. Second, I find a CD and look over the list. Third, I listen to it all while picturing the amazing job I will do on stage. Finally, I go on stage and pray that I don’t fuck it up. 66 JUNE 01, 2016

considered an admission of guilt and is illegal in this state. Kink is subjective: What I consider

in a pool of what you hope is sweat upon waking.

Zoey: I don’t have any kinks; I have areas of interest.

Cookie: It’s banned in all but Canada because they could care less about how we live our personal lives. Let me just say that vodka is mild when compared to a good Irish Whiskey or Scotch.

JackLynn: I prefer to answer these questions in person, so call me and bring ALL your toys!

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