July 16 :: Identity Issue by OUT FRONT Magazine

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SOCCER HOTTIES THE DENVER GOAL MINERS BRING THE HEAT

Celebrating 5 years of FUNdraising!

“THE Party of the Summer!” August 1

Cocktails at Sunset, The Denver Film Center, 6-8 pm Presented by Gay Pride Pageantry of Colorado Dance for Change, X Bar, 9-Midnight

August 2

Exquisite, Tracks, 7-11pm Hosted by Nicole Sommers, presenting sponsors Jackie Summers and Jimmie Ramos

August 3

SPLASH Pool Party, Warwick Hotel, 12-4 pm Presenting sponsor Vital Beats and Hostess Goddess Duane http://holdmyticket.com/event/174329 Individual event and full weekend passes to all events are available. Use promo code OFC for $5 off of any single event online ticket purchase or $10 off the full weekend package! Proceeds benefit the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

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A TIP ABOUT SECONDHAND

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IF YOU WANT A SINGING CAREER, STAY AWAY FROM SECONDHAND SMOKE. Ellie’s severe asthma attacks were triggered by secondhand smoke at work. She and her partner have to live with its effects forever. If you or someone you know wants free help to quit smoking, call 1-800-QUIT-NOW.

Ellie, Age 57 Her partner, Karen Florida

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CONTENTS

VOLUME 38

ISSUE 8

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Cover photo & left: Hans Rosemond 6 Obama Visits Denver 6 10th Circuit Court Rules for Equality 8 One Colorado Ally Awards 10 5 Things to Know About Transgender America 12 Mile High Fashion: Urban Nights 14 Model of Success 16 Hidden Dangers on Hike Day 18 Thirsty Lion: King of Union Station 20 Kidnapped for Christ 22 10 Questions with “Glee” Star Charice 23 Legal Directory 24 Calendar 26 CatFest: This Little Kitty Went Home 27 Denver Days: 5,280 Reasons to Fall in Love with Denver 28 Marketplace 30 Sweaty Betty 31 CoolSculpting 32 Radioactive Vision: Same is Lame 34  Denver’s Soccer Hotties 40 Bar Tab 42 The Beautiful Buds of Botanico 44 The More, The Scarier 44 A Knight in Shining Armor 45 Too Hard ... Or Not Hard Enough? 46 Outback Classifieds

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street, Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 • Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Instagram: /OutFrontColorado Out Front is published by Q Publishing, Ltd., a Colorado corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. FOUNDE R PHIL PRICE, 1954-1993 A DMI NI STRATION JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher • Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD Vice President • JC@outfrontonline.com RYAN KING Associate Publisher • Ryan@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist • Jeff@outfrontonline.com E DI TORI AL BERLIN SYLVESTRE Editor • Berlin@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER Digital Content Manager • Rob@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Lauren Archuletta, Elizabeth Barron, Brent Heinze, Brian Henderson, Carly Holbrook, Noah L. Jordan, Shanna Katz, Kailyn Lamb, Kelsey Lindsey, Scott McGlothlen Jeffrey Steen, Nuclia Waste, Mike Yost and Kristin Ziegler MA RK ETING & SALES JORDAN JACOBS Senior Marketing Executive • Jordan@outfrontonline.com DUSTIN KRIER Marketing Executive • Dustin@outfrontonline.com JAY DUQUE Marketing & Events Coordinator • Jay@outfrontonline.com COLE RUFFCORN • Digital Marketing Intern JASMINE THOMPSON • Marketing Intern NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media / 212-242-6863 • sales@rivendellmedia.com ART COLBY BRUMIT Art Director • Colby@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Laura Baccus, Charles Broshous, Chad Chisholm, Nikki Kushner, Hans Rosemond, and Evan Semón DI ST RI B UTION Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPY RI GHT & LIMIT OF L IAB IL ITY Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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O BAM A V I S I TS DE N VE R Obama waxed economic in his July 9 speech at Cheesman Park in Denver, discussing the minimum wage and small business growth. For Out Front’s full coverage, visit ofcnow.co/obama.

PHOTOS BY EVAN SEMÓN

10th Circuit Court Rules for Equality

On June 25, the Denver-based 10th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals struck down Utah’s same-sex marriage ban, a landmark decision that could pave the way for gay couples in Colorado. Mike Yost IT STARTED OFF AS A TYPICAL DAY in the office. Jodi Martin was sitting at her desk when suddenly somebody started banging on the office wall. “It’s out!” a voice yelled from the other side. It was Jodi’s partner, Jenny, yelling out the 10th Circuit ruling which struck down Utah’s gay marriage ban. “I was very excited,” says Jenny Martin. “I had been watching the 10th Circuit opinion page, and I hit refresh and saw the [Utah] case name, and my stomach just ... I just got butterflies.” Their daughter, 13-year-old Morgan Martin, was in the building as well. “I ran to where she was,” says Jenny, “and yelled: the 10th Circuit ruled! We won!” Jodi and Jenny, who have been together eight years, have been following the Utah case closely. Although they have a civil union, the protections

Visit outfrontonline.com for up-to-the-minute coverage of marriage equality developments. 6

Colorado affords is not enough — especially for a couple raising a child. Once the Martin family leaves the state of Colorado, they lose their rights as a family. They are hopeful the Utah case will change that. In a 108-page decision, the three-judge panel at the 10th Circuit handed down the 2-1 ruling which outlined that restricting marriage to opposite-sex couples violates equal protection rights. Writing for the majority opinion, Judge Carlos F. Lucero scribed: “We hold that the 14 Amendment protects the fundamental right to marry, establish a family, raise children, and enjoy the full protection of a state’s marital laws. A state may not deny the issuance of a marriage license to two persons, or refuse to recognize their marriage, based solely upon the sex of the persons in the marriage union.” The 10th Circuit Appellate Court is the highest court to rule on gay marriage since the U.S. Supreme Court ruled on Windsor last year, striking down a section of the Defense of Marriage Act. There are six states which fall under the 10th Circuit’s jurisdiction, including Colorado. And

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though the ruling would apply to all six states, the court immediately stayed its ruling, preventing the issuance of any valid same-sex marriage licenses in states with marriage amendment bans. Judge Lucero knocked down Utah’s defense that same-sex marriage will somehow adversely affect opposite-sex marriages. “We cannot imagine a scenario under which recognizing same-sex marriages would affect the decision of a member of an opposite-sex couple to have a child, to marry or stay married to a partner, or to make personal sacrifices for a child.” The 10th Circuit also criticized Utah’s argument which posits that because same-sex couples cannot procreate naturally, they should be denied the rights afforded to married couples. Writes Judge Lucero: “... each of [Utah’s] justifications rests fundamentally on a sleight of hand in which same-sex marriage is used as a proxy for a different characteristic shared by both same-sex and some opposite-sex couples.” 10TH CIRCUIT CONTINUED ON PAGE 13

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ALL EYES ON OUR ALLIES

The One Colorado Education Fund wants to recognize our local allies, and they’re enlisting our help. Berlin Sylvestre IN THE RELENTLESS CAMPAIGN FOR EQUALITY, our community sometimes forgets to stop for a second and thank the non-LGBT folks who are champions of equal rights — allies, as they’re known — for their selfless dedication to LGBT equality. It’s one thing to be an out and proud member of the community who fights the good fight, but to step out into some rough, anti-LGBT territory as an ally … that’s not only courageous and noble — it’s beautiful. From power-players in D.C to supportive moms and dads right here at home, we’ve got some real backbone propelling us forward, and for that we’re grateful. We truly couldn’t do it without you. So to honor and celebrate the warriors who suit up alongside us, Denver’s own One Colorado Education Fund will host its signature fundraising event, aptly named the Ally Awards. The evening will culminate with an awards presentation to straight allies who work to advance equality and who make a substantive difference in the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender Coloradans. The aim is to celebrate the work of straight allies and their tremendous ability to change the beliefs of fair-minded Coloradans — and because their courage is an incredible asset to their work. Last year, the Ally Awards was a garden party that honored the University of Denver Hockey, Colorado Medical Society, and Tim Sweeney. This year, the Ally Awards will be a cocktail party with a silent auction, live music, guest speakers and entertainers, a hosted bar, and heavy hors d’oeuvres that will make it an evening to remember. The money raised from the Ally Awards will help fund the One Colorado Education Fund, which provides educational programming on LGBT issues, conducts research to understand public opinions, mobilizes a community of LGBT people and straight allies, and develops campaigns to build public support for fairness and equality. This year’s Ally Awards features a People’s Choice category! How are the winners chosen? The community will vote! This is your chance to recognize an ally whose bravery has touched an LGBT person or an entire community. Let’s take a look at the nominees:

BLANCA O’LEARY Blanca is an attorney, the Chair of the Pitkin County Democrats, and a longtime supporter of LGBT equality. She serves as a DNC member at large and was a member of the 2008 Obama Victory Fund committee. Blanca understands the importance of full and equal protection for all Colorado families, and that’s why she works day in and day out with the Aspen community to help advocate for a fair and just Colorado. A native of El Paso, TX, Blanca lives in Aspen with her husband and son.

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HILLARY HALL Hillary Hall was elected Boulder County Clerk and Recorder in 2006 and began her first term in 2007, and second term in 2011. As Boulder County Clerk and Recorder, Hillary oversees three divisions including elections, motor vehicle, and recording. Hillary is an active member of the Colorado County Clerks Association. She currently serves as co-chair of their legislative committee. During the 2009 legislative session, she helped champion House Bills 1335, 1336, and 1337, known as the “election triplets.” The bills have improved the election processes across Colorado. In addition to her legislative duties, Hillary serves on the Statewide Colorado Registration and Election (SCORE) System Advisory Board. SCORE is responsible for the oversight of the statewide voter registration system. She is being nominated because, following the 10th Circuit Court decision on Utah’s marriage ban, she began fearlessly issuing marriage licenses to LGBT couples in Boulder. We commend her for standing up for what she thinks is right and interpreting the ruling in favor of Colorado families.

DR. ANNA WEGLEITNER Dr. Wegleitner has been nominated for her outstanding trans health care work. She has done so much incredible work, not only creating an LGBTQ-friendly and welcoming practice, but providing competent and high-quality care to transgender and gender nonconforming people in Colorado. In addition to meeting the needs of her varied family practice patients, she has a special interest in the care of transgender individuals including hormone therapy, disease management, and primary care. Dr. Wegleitner is an active member of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). She does not require a letter for hormone therapy. Dr. Wegleitner graduated from University of Texas Medical School at Houston and currently practices medicine in Denver.

Voting is now open! Cast your ballot for the nominee you feel deserves 2014’s Ally Award at allyawards.org. T H E O N E C O L O R A D O E D U C AT I O N F U N D

A L LY A W A R D S

August 16, 7:30 − 10pm The Cable Center, 2000 Buchtel Blvd., Denver For tickets and information, visit allyawards.org.

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5 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT TRANSGENDER AMERICA

The Associated Press

resident Barack Obama has quietly done more to advance rights for transgender people than any other president, but they remain among the nation’s most misunderstood minorities. WHO YOU ARE VS. WHOM YOU LOVE Sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing. The first refers to a person’s physical and emotional attractions to another person. Gender identity is a person’s strongly felt sense of being female, male, or perhaps neither. That’s why transgender rights advocates are pushing for nondiscrimination laws that cover both sexual orientation (gay, lesbian, or bisexual) and gender identity (transgender). Some transgender people also identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. WATCH YOUR WORDS Terminology is constantly evolving. Words once tossed around casually are now considered offensive. A recent campaign pushed TV show “RuPaul’s Drag Race” to stop using the words “tranny” and “she-mail.” (Drag queens, such as RuPaul, are not usually considered transgender because their act is based on performance, not innate identity.) “Sex change” has fallen out of polite use for

the medical treatments that some, but not all, transgender people undergo to bring their bodies into alignment with their identities. Until recently, “sex reassignment” was the favored alternative, but it is giving way to “gender reassignment” and “gender confirmation.” MANNERS MATTER Katie Couric was called out in January after she pressed model Carmen Carrera for details about her gender transition and “private parts.” Such questions are considered rude and intrusive. As Washington Post etiquette columnist Steven Petrow has noted, “It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask a non-transgender person about the appearance or status of their genitalia, so it isn’t appropriate to ask a transgender person that question either.” Asking transgender people what their names were before they transitioned is similarly considered ill-mannered, as is failing to make an effort to use the pronouns they prefer. BY THE NUMBERS Transgender people make up .3 percent of the U.S. adult population according to estimates by The Williams Institute, a think tank at UCLA. In a 2011 survey by the Public Religion Research Institute, 11 percent of respondents reported having a close friend or relative who is transgender, compared

Memorial Celebration for Dennis Dougherty Join us as we celebrate the life and legacy of Dennis Dougherty. Dennis left us in February of this year, but his love, work, and passionate fight for equality and justice will live on in each of us forever. In true Dennis style, this will be a celebration with joy, laughter, friends, and gratitude for a man who reminded us to love each other. Friday, July 25 at 2pm Hamburger Mary’s Denver 700 E 17th Ave, Denver, Colorado 80203 10

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with 58 percent who had a close relationship with someone who is gay or lesbian. And transgender people — especially women — remain vulnerable to violence. Out of the 18 bias-related killings of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people documented by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs last year, 13 victims were transgender women. “T” TIME “Orange is the New Black” co-star Laverne Cox’s made history this month with her debut as the first transgender person to appear on the cover of Time, but several other people who identify as transgender have been in the limelight because of affiliations with other Time cover subjects. During his boyhood in Indonesia, Obama’s nanny was a transgender woman who told The Associated Press two years ago that she did not dress as a woman around her young charge, but that the Prez “did see me trying on his mother’s lipstick, sometimes.” When he was president, George W. Bush hosted a White House reunion for his former Yale classmates, including a transgender woman who had lived as a man when Bush knew her. Another guest told reporters that the president grabbed the classmate’s hand and exclaimed fondly, “Now you’ve come back as yourself.” 

Local Gay-Owned Eatery Closing July 31 “My partner Jacob and I opened Earl’s Sandwich Parlor in April 2003, and have decided to close so we can move on to the next chapter of our lives. Time to make way for new adventures in our 30 years together! Many people contributed to Earl’s success over the years. From our heart, we thank you all. It was a pleasure getting to know so many people and a privilege to serve you in this great city of ours. As Denver continues to grow it has been great being apart of it. We wish you all the very best. On to our next adventure.” – Marvin Fisher, Owner.

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MILE HIGH FASHION: URBAN NIGHTS Kristin Ziegler

rban Nights conjures up images of glamorous people, beautiful and put together, as they sip cocktails and enjoy high culture. And Urban Nights, a Denver-based fashion extravaganza, promises nothing less. In its second year, the outdoor and under-thestars fashion show has extended its runway to more than 200 ft. and booked some of the hottest designers and entertainers in the business. Mondo Guerra, local fashion icon and winner of “Project Runway All Stars,” will kick off the event, which will feature collections from more than 13 designers — including a collection designed exclusively for Urban Nights by Mondo. And if haute couture and equally haute models doesn’t bring enough on the entertainment front (as if!), 22-year-old “Glee” star Charice, who came out as a lesbian last year, will bring the house down with those powerful pipes. The event will also feature a silent auction full of lavish gift items. But make no mistake confusing fashion with vanity. Urban Nights may be an evening of glitz and glamour, but the showcase is certainly not in vain. “Urban Nights is a fashion fundraiser unlike anything Denver has ever seen. Our goal in launching the event was to artfully meld the powerful message of Urban Peak with a high-production fashion show with headliner entertainment,” Justin Joseph, the co-chair of Urban Nights 2014, tells Out Front.

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Hosted by the Joseph Family Foundation, a that many people who had never heard of Urban philanthropic group that has previously donated Peak or of the tragedy that is youth homelessto LGBT focused-and-friendly organizations such ness have the opportunity to learn about it and as the Human Rights Campaign to make a difference in the lives and Project Angel Heart, proceeds of the thousands of young people raised from Urban Nights will Urban Peak will serve in the years benefit Urban Peak. Urban Peak to come,” says Hanley. is a nonprofit organization that Joseph echoed similar sentiseeks to provide resources and ments, stating that Urban Nights support for homeless and at-risk not only raises money for the organization, but also aims to youth ages 15 through 24. Many raise consciousness and the of the youth Urban Peak cares for identify as LGBT. idea of efficacy in ending youth “Of the 1.7 million youth exhomelessness. periencing homelessness today “Urban Nights raises muchin the US, forty percent identify as needed money for Urban Peak. LGBTQ. Here at Urban Peak, our On any [given] night, over 900 number is closer to thirty percent,” youth sleep on the streets. That’s says Dan Hanley, director of destaggering,” he says emphatically. MONDO GUERRA velopment and public affairs for “Urban Nights is about letting Urban Peak. “The youth we serve people know [this is a] crisis, and already do not have a voice, a home, or a place in showing them a way to help.” our world, and those who identify as LGBTQ are And attendees of the event can and will help even at more risk of danger on the streets.” make a difference. Last year, Urban Nights raised Hanley shared that Urban Peak has a case more than $150,000 for the organization’s efforts. manager who specifically, and compassionately, With this year’s exquisitely designed venue and aids youth who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, star-studded lineup, Urban Nights will once again transgender, queer, or questioning — just one of the be a guaranteed hit for fashion aficionados and a many services offered by Urban Peak made possible great help for homeless youth.  from funds raised from events like Urban Nights. “Urban Nights puts the spotlight on youth expe- Read more about Urban Nights headliner and riencing homelessness, a light shining so brightly “Glee” star Charice on Page 22.

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10TH CIRCUIT CONTINUED FROM PAGE 6 Nancy Leong, associate professor at the University of Denver’s Sturm College of Law, emphasizes the significance of this momentous ruling. “This is a very comprehensive, thoroughly researched, and well supported majority opinion. Clearly what Judge Lucero is doing here is talking to the U.S. Supreme Court.” Though it is likely Utah will appeal to the Supreme Court, a hearing is not certain. The Court could deny Utah’s request and allow the 10th Circuit’s ruling to stand, or the Court could hold Utah’s case until other federal courts have ruled on similar cases. There are currently marriage lawsuits in six different federal circuit courts throughout the nation, including another case before the 10th Circuit regarding Oklahoma’s same-sex marriage ban. There is also a possibility the lawsuit will stay in Denver, as Utah can ask the 10th Circuit for a rehearing with the same three-judge panel or a rehearing before all the judges within the 10th Circuit. However the case moves forward, it is likely Utah will pull arguments from the dissenting opinion on the panel, Judge Paul J. Kelly. He is the first federal judge since United States v. Windsor to rule in favor of a same-sex marriage amendment ban. But Leong explains that in his dissent, Judge Kelly does not defend Utah’s gay-marriage ban itself, but rather outlines the importance of separation of powers. “Judge Kelly’s argument,” explains Leong, “is that states deserve deference in deciding what laws to pass, how to justify those laws, and when to defend those laws. What he is getting at is that state legislatures have a certain role, and the courts have a certain role. As members of the judiciary, we need to stay in our role, and part of that role involves deference to state legislators.” Judge Kelly was very critical of his two colleagues who voted to strike down Utah’s ban. “We should resist the temptation to become philosopher kings imposing our views under the guise of constitutional interpretation of the 14th Amendment,” Judge Kelly writes. Since Windsor, there have been 22 consecutive court decisions upholding the right for gay and lesbian couples to marry. Colorado’s largest LGBT lobby organization, One Colorado, held a celebratory rally in Civic Center Park on the night of the 10th Circuit’s ruling. “We’re gathered here tonight to celebrate our success,” said Dave Montez, executive director of One Colorado, “and send a clear message that Colorado is ready for the freedom to marry. There can be no doubt that marriage equality is inevitable in the nottoo-distant future here in Colorado and all across the county.” In his ruling, Judge Lucero echoed what he also sees as inevitable progress, delineating the large paradigm shift that has occurred regarding LGBT rights. Judge Lucero writes: “A generation ago, the declaration by gay and lesbian couples of what may have been in their hearts would have had to remain unspoken. Not until contemporary times have laws stigmatizing or even criminalizing gay men and women been felled, allowing their relationships to surface to an open society. As the district court eloquently explained, ‘It is not the Constitution that has changed, but the knowledge of what it means to be gay or lesbian.’”  OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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MODEL OF SUCCESS DENVER’S TOPHER LA FLEUR IS ON HIS WAY TO THE TOP

Charles Broshous If you stopped by Out Front’s booth the Saturday of PrideFest, you probably posed with the “the hot guy!” for a sexy snapshot. (The photos are on our Facebook page.) So who was sparkly-eyed sweetheart giving out hugs and cheesing like a champ? That’d be 22-year-old Topher La Fleur, an ambitious, enthusiastic, and incredibly sweet local model. Our comely Coloradan is now the face of VXII Underwear after winning a national model search contest. Topher gave us a hang sesh at Cheesman to flex and wax philosophical on what makes him tick. Awhile back, during some self-reflection, Topher found his life lacking discipline. He turned to physical fitness in an effort to gain some direction. In just 18 months, he bulked up from 135 to 210 pounds of sculpted muscle. “It’s like meditation,” he says. “It puts a lot of other things in your life into perspective.” He took up modeling a few years back and landed a number of local gigs. “I love being out there and having fun — being a model helps promote a healthy lifestyle.” Earlier this year, he was encouraged by his partner to enter VXII Underwear’s model search contest. Topher competed against 250 contestants in three rounds of voting. In June, he made the final three and was finally selected to be the new face of the company. In September, Topher heads to Houston to debut their new fall line. He hopes XVII Underwear is a stepping stone to a bigger and brighter career. When not modeling, Topher keeps busy working at Costco, remodeling a home in Commerce City with his partner, and working to raise money for HIV/AIDS prevention. Team Topher will be raising funds for the 27th Annual AIDS Walk Colorado in Cheesman Park on August 16.  Want more? Find him at Facebook.com/OfficiallyTopher.

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Hidden Dangers on Hike Day

Union Station

Berlin Sylvestre As I’ve only been in Colorado for two months — most of that time spent working — I haven’t gotten a chance to hike as much as I’d like. (And by that, I mean I haven’t gone hiking.) As my wife is allergic to everything under the sun, I’ve been trained to pay attention to the vegetation around us. Most of it’s harmless, but there are a few plants we should all watch out for — especially if we’re hiking with pets who tend to nibble. Here are four common plants that, if ingested, will help us bite the big one in kind.

The City Is Alive.

WESTERN WATER HEMLOCK This widowmaker is the most violently toxic plant in the entire country. (Lucky us, no?) Just a bit of this stuff in your system will cause convulsions of a particularly deadly nature, so if you come across this guy, do steer clear. Humans have flirted with the fatal fandango while clearing ditches and plowing soil. The toxin is located inside the stem and presents itself as a brown or straw-colored liquid you do not wanna mess with. The tuber portion resembles a wild parsnip and smells of carrots, which is all kindsa wrong. Poor bunnies.

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DEATH CAMAS Way back when, natives called this little bugger “mystery grass.” Ya wanna know what botanists call it today? Toxicoscordion venenosum. Yeah. Found in dry areas, every single bit of this plant is poisonous, and consumption of 2 to 6 percent of your bodyweight can be fatal in both humans and animals. Kinda messed up, as the bulb is often mistaken for edible wild onions. LARKSPUR A fan of the wetter areas of our state — especially in high elevation — the larkspur has been known to obliterate entire herds of cattle. (The poor things find the royal purple plant highly palatable.) The ornamental beauties are often found in gardens and are alluring to the touchy-feely crowd (read: kids) but beware the skin irritation: It tells of worse things to come if consumed. Like what? Like respiratory paralysis, seizures, and a spot right next to it in the garden for your final dirt-nap. Pass, right? TWO-GROOVED MILKVETCH This plant sounds like it’d cut a rug, but it’s more likely to cut your pet’s lifespan. Drawing on the natural selenium in certain soil regions of Colorado, this prairie- and roadside-loving legume (uh huh, a legume) has taken down curious livestock that merely wanted a nibble. Sheep who’ve been observed shortly after “getting into the two-groove” exhibited signs of shock and coma before they died of cardiac arrest, so hold the leash a little tighter as you pass this sinister son-of-a-gun. I know it’s a buzzkill to talk about sick pets (and humans), but take a good hard gander at these pics and remember them the next time you’re strapping on hiking boots with the pooch. It could save you the biggest buzzkill of all. Also, if you’re getting ready to upgrade the no man’s land of your backyard, be sure you know what you’re doing or hire a professional landscaper who’s equipped to kick some poisonous ass in your honor. Happy and safe trails to you all, my outdoorsy friends.  PHOTOS • DEATH CAMAS: WALTER SIEGMUND; LARKSPUR: STARLILY37; TWO-GROOVED MILKVETCH: DAVE POWELL.

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| J U LY 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | 1 7

THE KING OF UNION STATION

WINE & DINE

With a vast and varied menu, Thirsty Lion Gastropub is an exercise in restraint we just didn’t have. Berlin Sylvestre

beautiful little corner of Denver yields room for a beautiful new establishment and its already famously large patio and diverse menu. Even though my dinner-date and I dodged some pretty thick Rockies-game foot traﬃc, we found our way fairly easily and were seated promptly — a surprise considering how packed the place was. Further, by the time we’d casually downed our first Leinenkugel, our appetizers were hittin’ the table. Well, hello! With everything made in-house, it was no wonder the freshness kept coming. You ready? Bacon-Wrapped Dates Have you ever had something so delicious, the moment you pop it in your mouth you make a mad face as you slowly savor it? Yeah. These. Oh, Lord, these. The fact that only four come on a plate is probably mealtime providence — I might’ve filled up on the addictive nature of sweet meets salty. What’s more, you’d never guess that gorgonzola could be tamed. It wasn’t nearly as kicky as I’ve come to expect, and the balsamic reduction had me shoutin’ hallelujah.

THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

Scotch Eggs If there’s one thing on this planet that’s gonna knock the wind outta your hangover’s sails, it’s this appetizer right here. Big enough for a meal, and delicious enough to have you coming back (which is exactly what this has done to me), the Scotch Eggs actually made an Englishman in our midst give props to the kitchen. High praise, no? Not a diet dish, the sausage “shell” is fried crispy and the egg inside is cooked just a touch under complete, imparting a creamy finish. (Ok, brb. Going back. Again.)

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

Seared Atlantic Sea Scallops When in Rome, you do as the Romans … so when I had a gander at jasmine rice at a gastropub, I went for it. As my mother is Thai, we’ve had fresh jasmine rice in a countertop rice cooker all my life. Never have I had it done so fragrantly and delicately as the kitchen at Thirsty Lion prepared it. Hints of lemon and thyme rush in behind the initial exhale, and epiphany sets in: This is just the side dish, girl. The flash-seared scallops fill out the flavor profile and bring the sea to Union Station. This is a fantastically light dish you needn’t feel guilty (or too full) for finishing.

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe

Beer-Braised Corned Beef & Cabbage To call this dish fork-tender is an insult. The way the brilliantly braised beef (done with Newcastle Ale, which is just pub etiquette, c’mon) succumbs to the lightest touch is testament to the deliberation that goes into the execution. The stone-ground mustard vinaigrette is marvelous, with an underlying sweetness (was that nutmeg, maybe?) that hugs up to the beef’s briny base. A succulent portion of white cheddar mashed potatoes and braised cabbage ensure you get your veggies and happy-hum the entire way through the dish.

DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz

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Rhubarb & Strawberry White Chocolate Cheesecake “We get a discount on everything, except the cheesecake. They know we’d eat it all!” – a TL employee. Taller than your average cheesecake, but surprisingly light (whipped, actually), the white chocolate cheesecake is a summer-menu smash. Puréed rhubarb cascades down high sides, a sweetened nest cradling fresh strawberries. The kicker: a chocolate-hazelnut crust that (somehow) doesn’t bully through the mellow flavor of the cake. Brilliant. Tip: Let valet park. With all the Coors Field parking-ticket piranhas about, you might wanna forgo that risk. Bonus: Inside or out? Doesn’t matter. Huge windows next to the booths open up to the fabulous patio, letting the breeze and all the sounds and smells of summer waft over your comfy inside booth — a fine case of “the best of both worlds.” 1605 Wynkoop St., Denver, CO 80202 • (303) 623.0316 • ThirstyLionPub.com/Denver

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MARQUEE

KIDNAPPED FOR CHRIST

Greeley teen dishes on the dark side of Escuela Caribe in new Showtime documentary Gary M. Kramer

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CINEMA Q FILM FESTIVAL July 24-27 See our insert in this issue for a complete schedule Sie FilmCenter, 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

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J U LY 1 6 , 2 0 1 4

was doing. They were convinced by the [Escuela Caribe] people that they were doing the right thing. There is some guilt, but the parents are victims along with the students.

ate Logan’s probing documentary, “Kidnapped for Christ,” airing this month on Showtime, was originally meant to be an evenhanded examination of Escuela Caribe, a Christian boarding school How did you grapple with the rules of the for troubled teens in the Dominican Republic. school? However, when she captures institutional abuses I kept my Ps and Qs. I knew that by not following on camera, she’s compelled to take action. the rules, things would get hard. A student learns Kate got involved in the personal struggle of to comply — go numb, and get into this mindset: David Wernsman, then a 17-year-old gay teen “Do whatever they tell me.” You become emotionfrom Greeley, Colorado, whose parents sent him less, and that’s the goal for “troubled teens” who to Escuela Caribe in 2006 to “fix” have a history of “acting out” — his sexuality. She exposes David’s being gay, having anger problems, KIDNAPPED FOR CHRIST suffering and helplessness at the anxiety, etc. Being “robotic” is the school in this disturbing film. transformation. They would tell Playing July 26, 5pm Now 25, but still haunted by us they are breaking us down and @ the CinemaQ Film Festival the experience, David spoke with building us up into the Christian Sie FilmCenter way of thinking. Out Front about “Kidnapped 2510 E. Colfax Ave., Denver for Christ.” For more showtimes & There is a chant in the film, information, head to How did you get involved in “Do not conform any longer to KidnappedForChrist.com the film? the pattern of this world,” which Kate entered Escuela Caribe as a seems paradoxical. Can you senior from Biola University. She discuss this? wanted to get the story of the students and she I found it really ironic to use that Bible verse. I wanted to interview me. I took the risk of telling was very involved with faith and the Bible before her why I was there. I came out, and it floors me how they would use it in the most incorrect way to justify everything Did you think Kate could rescue you? they were doing. It was a leap of faith for me. It was amazing that I was able to get a letter to Kate — if a piece of Are you still faithful? paper was found in our pockets, we would get in I’m faithful and spiritual, but you won’t see me huge trouble. I kept that letter hidden and was going into any church anytime soon. freaking out during my inspection, but I thought it was worth the risk. What advice would you give to gay teens and/ or other students that might face the situation You talk about not being able to trust your you did? parents in the film. What is your relationship I would advise [parents] that sending a kid away is not the answer. If they feel they need to do that with them like now? I quickly set the rules with my parents: This is for drug issues, look up the facility and know what who I am, take it or leave it. My relationship with they do. If there is a kid acting out, the kid is likely them has grown tremendously since then. I forgive not the root of the problem. But that’s the nature them because they didn’t know what the school of relationships between parents and kids. 

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PHOTO: KATRINA MARCINOWSKI

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10 QUESTIONS WITH “GLEE” STAR CHARICE Noah L. Jordan DENVER, MEET CHARICE. She’s been all over YouTube, joined the Glee club elite as the one and only “Sunshine Corazon,” and was one of the four judges of the Philippine version of “The X Factor.” Oh, and let’s not forget how she was once dubbed by Oprah as “the most talented girl in the world.” (And we all know Oprah can’t tell a lie.) This week the 22-year-old singer serenaded us with answers to all our ten most pressing questions. [Writer’s note: She didn’t actually sing her answers but I wish she did.] You got your start on YouTube. What inspired you to start there? A Filipino guy named David Duenas posted a video of me singing “I’m Not Telling You.” The video went viral and caught the attention of Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah Winfrey, among others. It was an unbelievable feeling. Thank you, David! How does it feel to have someone like Oprah give you the title “most talented girl in the world”? Oprah is a friend, a mentor, and one of the very first to believe in me. She has a stake in whoever I am now, of what I have become as an artist. I remain grateful to her and the people behind the Oprah show. Was it surreal being on the other side of the table as an “X Factor” judge? There was a feeling of disbelief when I was offered to be a judge in the Philippine production of “X Factor.” I was elated. I was so involved coaching the new artists because I started my career by entering 1001 singing contests. I literally sang for my supper in my past. Yes, it felt surreal. Becoming a judge on “X Factor” was a validation of my dreams. What was it like working on “Glee”? Who was the hottest cast member on set? That was another surreal event! I was an avid fan of the show. Surprisingly I got a notice that I would be part of the “Glee” cast as Sunshine Corazon! Just imagine my excitement being on set and doing shoots with all that talent on “Glee.” The hottest members of the cast must be Lea Michele and Cory Monteith — they always had that electricity in them. Why did you decide to come out around your 21st birthday? I thought I had been hiding too long, and I needed to come out. I felt my freedom had already been suspended too long and it was the time for me to go on center stage to tell the world that I am out and proud. Trust me, it was not easy hiding under the rock, curtailing my emotions. I came out because I wanted to be free. And when I freed myself, I realized it was not asking too much to be honest for myself. If you could team up with any other performer who would it be? I want to collaborate with Justin Timberlake! He’s my idol! What brings you to Denver? I will be performing at Colorado’s largest outdoor fashion extravaganza — Urban Nights! What expectations do you have for the Mile High City, and what can we expect from you? I will give my best to entertain the crowd, as I always do.

Don’t miss Charice performing at Urban Nights Friday, August 1 Tickets & information: urbannightsdenver.org

In your opinion, what makes a woman sexy? A woman’s heart makes her sexy. It’s always about one’s good intention that makes one beautiful. Kill, Marry, Shag: Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Whitney Houston. Marry them all because they are all performers of high standard. 

| J U LY 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M

LEGAL

Psychological Parent Standing for Allocation of Parental Responsibilities From The Law Offices of Frazer & Parks, LLC Factual Scenario: Jill was in a relationship with her same-sex partner, Barbara, and they raised Barbara’s daughter, Emily, together as a family in Colorado. Jill and Barbara never entered into a Colorado civil union, and they were never legally married in another state. Emily’s father was not in the picture. During their relationship, Emily referred to both Jill and Barbara as “mom.” Recently, Jill and Barbara ended their relationship. Now, Barbara is refusing to let Jill spend time with Emily. Barbara told Jill she has no legal parental rights. Is there anything that Jill can do? If you find yourself in a similar situation as Jill, you may be able to successfully make a psychological parent argument before a Colorado family court. A non-legal parent “may be deemed a psychological

parent for the purposes of seeking and receiving an award of parental responsibilities ... ” In re E.L.M.C., 100 P.3d 546, 559 (Colo. App. 2004). In general, a psychological parent who had the physical care for a child for 182 days or more may file a petition with the court for allocation of parental responsibilities. Colo. Rev. Stat. § 14-10-123(1)(c)(2013). Further, the petition for allocation of parenting time must be filed within 182 days after the termination of physical care. When assessing physical care, Colorado courts consider “the nature, frequency, and duration of contacts between the child and the nonparent, including the amount of time the child has spent in the actual, physical possession of the nonparent and the [legal] parent.” In re L.F., 121 P. 3d 267, 270-271 (2005).

See the full story at ofcnow.co/parent

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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LAW OFFICES OF FRAZER & PARKS

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Family Law • Divorce • Custody Protection Orders • Parenting Coordination

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LIFE INSURANCE + RETIREMENT/401(K) PLAN SERVICES + DISABILITY INCOME INSURANCE + LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE + ANNUITIES MassMutual Financial Group refers to Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Co. (MassMutual) and its affiliated companies and sales representatives. Local sales agencies are not subsidiaries of MassMutual or its affiliated companies. Agency Officers are not officers of MassMutual. As of Dec. 9, 2013, MassMutual received a 100-percent score on the Human Rights Commission’s Corporate Equality Index and was named a Best Place to Work. Insurance products are issued by MassMutual, Springfield, MA 01111, and its subsidiaries, C.M. Life Insurance Company and MML Bay State Life Insurance Company, Enfield, CT 06082. CRN201503-169729.

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| J U LY 1 6 , 2 0 1 4 | 2 3

CALE N DAR

FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND

COLORADO 19 & 20 SPRINGS PRIDE

SUN

JUL

@ AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL PARK, 126 CIMINO DRIVE FESTIVAL: SATURDAY, 10AM – 8PM; SUNDAY 10AM – 6PM. BIG GAY 5K RUN: SUNDAY, 10AM; PARADE: SUNDAY, 11AM. Come be out and proud at the 24th annual Colorado Springs Pride! Enjoy food, fun, and entertainment all weekend long. For a complete schedule, visit the official website at cospride.org.

REMEMBERING DICK BEEBE @ CAPITOL HEIGHTS CHURCH, 1100 FILLMORE STREET • 5PM Longtime Denver resident Richard “Dick” Beebe has been missing since July 2013. He was active in numerous LGBT groups. To remember and celebrate Dick one year after his disappearance, Dignity Denver will be offering a Roman Catholic mass. All are invited to attend.

More information online at ofcnow.co/beebe

Get Your

Film

On! JUL

20, 23, & 24

QUEER FILM FAVORITES @ THE ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE, 7301 S SANTA FE DR., LITTLETON • 7PM

All throughout the month of July, The Alamo “Goes to ‘11’” with films celebrating rock and roll. Among the selected films are LGBT cult favorites “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” (July 23) and “Velvet Goldmine” (July 24). Also screening on July 20 is the dragtastic “Some Like it Hot” starring Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, and Tony Curtis. Don’t miss your chance to enjoy these classics up on the big screen!

More information online at drafthouse.com/denver/littleton

JUL

24 – 27

ARRIVAL: 24 THE MUSIC OF ABBA THU

JUL

@ RED ROCKS, GOLDEN • 8PM “Arrival from Sweden” is the world’s foremost ABBA tribute show. This 12-piece band will take you back to the ’70s as they re-create the appearance of the original stars that defined pop music. Authentic costumes, captivating dance numbers, and impeccable harmonies all come together to create the ABBA experience, live on stage. As ABBA has infamously refused to reunite, this tribute show is the best thing going.

More information online at ofcnow.co/arrival

THE 10 YEAR PLAN

CINEMA Q FILM FESTIVAL @ SIE FILMCENTER, 2510 E COLFAX AVE, DENVER

Queer Lives. Queer Voices. Queer Visions. The Sie FilmCenter is proud to present them in all their diversity via one of the only regular showcases for GLBTQ cinema in Denver. Don’t miss limited first-run releases like Prodigal Sons or encore presentations of genre pioneers such as Gregg Araki’s “The Living End.”

For a complete listing of showtimes and events, visit ofcnow.co/cinemaq2014 24

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SAT

AUG

FAIRMOUNT CEMETERY MOVIE NIGHT

@ FAIRMOUNT CEMETERY, 430 S QUEBEC ST. • 8PM Fairmount Cemetery invites the Denver community to enjoy a family friendly film, the classic “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” under the stars. The cemetery is gearing up to celebrate its 125th anniversary next year, and hopes the audience will enjoy their beautiful and historic surroundings as much as they do the film. Admission (and popcorn) is free.

More information online at ofcnow.co/fairmount

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Keep in touch!

Get the latest news & event listings delivered directly to your inbox every Wednesday! Sign up for our weekly OutBox e-blast at ofcnow.co/outbox. And don’t forget to check out our new & improved website at outfrontonline.com.

AUG

DAYS 2 – 10 DENVER S E E PAG E 2 7 F O R F U L L ST O RY Believing that strong communities create a stronger city, Mayor Michael B. Hancock is proud to launch Denver Days, a new citywide effort to help neighbors get to know each other and get involved with their communities by throwing block parties, organizing service projects, and hosting neighborhood activities.

For information on how to get involved, and a complete schedule of events, visit ofcnow.co/denverdays

SAT

ONE COLORADO 16 ALLY AWARDS

AUG

S E E PAG E 8 F O R F U L L ST O RY

@ THE CABLE CENTER, 2000 BUCHTEL BLVD., DENVER • 7:30PM The One Colorado Education Fund’s Ally Awards is the organizations biggest, and most glamorous, fundraiser of the year. OCEF will recognize the exemplary efforts of some of Colorado’s most dedicated straight allies amidst a backdrop of fine hors d’oeuvres, cocktails, and live entertainment.

CHARICE • READ MORE ON PAGES 12 & 22

URBAN 1 NIGHTS @ MILE HIGH STATION,

FRI

To purchase tickets, visit www.one-colorado.org/allyawardswordpress

AUG

2027 OLD WEST COLFAX AVE. • 8PM Check out Page 12 for more about this great event!

For tickets, visit urbannightsdenver.org.

F R I D AYS

SAT

AUG

UNCORKED

AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION’S

TOUR DE CURE

@ THE BOULDER COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS • 5:30AM – 4PM

@ BONACQUISTI WINE COMPANY • 5:30 - 8:30PM Live music at sunset is the recipe for a perfect evening. Join Bonacquisti as they transform their winery parking lot into a Friday night hot spot. Featuring musical acts like Jazz Del Barrio (July 18) and Heavy, Timbo & Deb (July 25), and, of course, great wine.

Help put an end to diabetes one pedal at a time. The American Diabetes Association’s day of biking and fun is open to participants of all ages and skill levels. Proceeds from the event benefit the ADA’s mission to “stop diabetes.”

bonacquistiwine.com/pages/fridays-uncorked

To learn more: http://tour.diabetes.org.

ONGOING

ACTIVE MINDS DENVER @ VARIOUS LOCATIONS Travel the world, learn about the social issues facing cultures in transition and discuss everything from 19th century painters to Colorado’s wildfires. Active Minds Denver aims to keep the inquisitive informed and thinking about the headlines and beyond with their series of stimulating (and free) events.

For a complete schedule of events, visit activeminds.com. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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COOPER

UMA

OZZY

TOMMY

This Little Kitty Went Home CatFest to ﬁnd homes and hearts for Denver’s shelter kitties Kristin Ziegler

he internet is for cats. If you haven’t jumped on board, posting hundreds of kitty pictures to your Instagram and Facebook feeds, you are committing social media “faux paw” number one. But don’t tuck that tail between your legs in shame just yet! CatFest 2014 is ready to hook you up with a meme-able cat (or three) of your very own. Entering its sixth year, CatFest is an effort by the Dumb Friends League to find fur-ever homes for cats and kittens in a unique and fun way. The July 19 event, held at the Dumb Friends League’s Quebec location, will shower attendees with food, live entertainment, cat training and care demonstrations, children’s activities, and, of course, adoptable cats galore. The feline festival promises a good time for both the cat-converted and cat-curious alike. “Our goal for CatFest is not only to highlight

C AT F E S T Saturday, July 9, from 11am to 3pm Dumb Friends League Quebec Shelter 2080 S. Quebec St., Denver, CO 80231 Admission is free. For more information, please visit DDFL.org/CatFest.

“By adopting, you’re not only giving one cat a second chance at a happy life, you’re also opening up space at the shelter for another homeless pet in need.” our cat companions, but also to educate the public on why it’s so important for us as a community to reduce the number of cats that come to shelters, especially during this time of year,” says Bob Rohde, president and CEO of the Dumb Friends League. The Dumb Friends League is currently serving as a temporary home to more than 900 adoptable cats in the Denver Metro area. “The fact is that there are thousands more cats than there are responsible homes for them,” says Megan Rees, a spokesperson for the DFL. Rees attributes part of the overpopulation problem to pet parents who choose to “purchase” cats from breeders and pet stores, instead of opening their hearts to shelter animals. “By adopting, you’re not only giving one cat a second chance at a happy life, you’re also opening up space at the shelter for another homeless pet in need. Adopting a cat from an animal shelter can help address the issue of overpopulation at a higher level, which is the only way we can solve this problem — collectively, as a community,” she stresses. There are many perks of adopting a shelter cat from CatFest. Not only will your new companion come with unconditional love and an abundance

of fun times to be had, all cats will be spayed/ neutered, vaccinated, and microchipped. A complimentary visit with a participating veterinarian will also be included. Additionally, fees on adult cats one year or older will be waived during the event. Adult and senior cats, like Cooper, Uma, Ozzy, and Tommy (who are all available for adoption and ready to find families to call their very own), are the most likely to be overlooked by potential adopters. “Older, more mature cats make wonderful pets,” says Rees. “There aren’t as many surprises in terms of behavior, and they tend to be more laid back and mellow, while remaining active and fun.” Rees also asserts that the life expectancy for indoor cats is now an average of 15 years. “Adopting a cat that’s 5 – 10 years old still gives you plenty of years of love and companionship,” she says. So whether you’re looking for a kitten or a cat, CatFest will have you purring with joy. Who knows, you may even find the next big internet meme superstar. “There is a Lil’ Bub or Grumpy Cat at every animal shelter,” exclaims Rees. “[They’re] just waiting to be discovered.” 

DON’T FORGET ABOUT US! BOOMER - ID# A0677321 I can’t wait to explore my new household and surroundings with my wonderful adopter! I am a 4-year-old black Terrier mix and my new friends here have said I’m a “good walker” on a leash! I can be shy, but give me some time to get to know you and I hope to steal your heart. If I might be the pet for you, I hope you’ll visit today.

An adoptable new friend is waiting for you at the Dumb Friends League! Visit them at 2080 S. Quebec St., or online at ddfl.org.

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DUKE – ID# 0485621 Who could resist this face? I’m hoping you can’t! I’m Duke, a 7-year-old pug and beagle mix. My new friends here say I am an adorable boy who seems to love the world! I hope to find a forever home with kind and loving owners.

5,280 REASONS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH DENVER Kristin Ziegler

MAYOR HANCOCK WITH 2013 DENVER DAYS PARTICIPANTS

“Denver Days is a time for the Mile High City to unite. From school drives to block parties and alley clean-ups, the event is a week-long opportunity for residents to connect with each other and make Denver a better place to live, work, and play.” – Mayor Hancock

"The Today Show" has ranked Denver among its top five friendliest cities in the US, and it’s easy to see why. Maybe it’s the sunshine, our (obsessive) appreciation for physical fitness or a little, erm, substance we were the first city to begin selling recreationally, but Denver is an undeniably happy and just a flat-out nice city. It’s a shame, then, like citizens in almost every metropolitan location, we don’t really take the time to get to know one another — including our own (probably very friendly) neighbors. Denver Days, a citywide effort launched in 2013 by Mayor Michael B. Hancock, hopes to change that. Stating he created the event to reaﬃrm his “belief in strong communities that create a stronger city,” the celebration of Denver Days encourages neighbors to throw block parties to get to know each other and help local groups organize service projects that benefit greater Denver. A website for Denver Days includes a downloadable tool kit for participants that includes how to throw an unforgettable neighborhood shindig (menu ideas included), how to participate in local beautification and sustainability projects, and how to continue staying active within the community even after Denver Days ends. The kit suggests seasonal activity ideas to keep neighbors socializing with each other year round, including adorable ideas like “furry friend parties” and “snow buddies," a community shoveling project. The tool kit also includes important information about permit rules for large community get-togethers and laws pertaining to alcohol consumption in public places, such as parks. Nothing can kill a fun afternoon with new-found Denver friends quite like getting a ticket! Denver Days kicks off August 2 and runs through August 10. However, as participants will find out (if they haven’t already), Denver is a truly special city; its charm doesn’t end with its magnificent scenery, innovative architecture, beautiful historic districts, or burgeoning arts and culture scene — it ends with its citizens. Denverites are among some of the most diverse and unique people in the country. May we celebrate — and be friendly to — one another the whole year through. Stay in touch and get all the info you can handle at facebook.com/ DenverNeighborDays. 

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Family Centered Medicine

Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years

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SWEATY BETTY Kelsey Lindsey I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH to visit the wonderful city of New Orleans last week, which subsequently corresponded with the beginning of the brutal summer heat down South. Born and raised in Colorado, I thought I knew what heat was when the thermometer hit 100 degrees during the summer. I was wrong. I knew what hot was, but hot and humid? That was something I was blissfully unaware of until my walking tour of the scenic French Quarter. Halfway through the tour, my denim shirt (clothing mistake number one) was sporting a dark line of underboob sweat, while my skinny jeans (clothing mistake number two) were chafing against my inner thigh. Fanning my shirt out, trying to slightly dry the sweat stains, I turned to my neighbor in the group, apologetically noting how sweaty I was. She turned to me, unimpressed. “Girl, you and the rest of the South.” I looked around the group, spotting multiple people with dark patches on their lower backs, underarms, and even, rather unfortunately, in the inner thigh area. But no one was doing the awkward clothing wave or handkerchief forehead pat I have come to expect to avoid a sweaty look. Sweat seemed to be an accepted conscience of being outdoors in the South, just like a tan or rosy cheeks. With this epiphany, I spent the rest of my time in New Orleans exceedingly not caring about the small wet patches that may have accumulated during my exploration of the city, because it seemed like many others weren’t caring either. And let me tell you, embracing the sweat … was liberating. I’ve always been a fan of sweating it out. I’d much prefer hot yoga and saunas to colder endeavors. So when I got a pass to walk to a restaurant instead of taking a cab to avoid showing up a little sticky, I grabbed it and never let go. It seemed like people didn’t mind sitting next to a slightly damp girl at an outdoor table, because they two were slightly damp themselves. We were all showing our imperfect humanity with our shining visages, trudging through the grueling humidity together. Nearing the end of the trip, I became wistful that I would be leaving this wonderland of accepted perspiration. Would I have to go back to huddling in the air-conditioning and wearing undershirts when I left? Would I again feel the need to apologize for being human, and therefore a little sweaty? I hope not; I hope Coloradans come to realize that it’s ok to brandish a little sweat outside of the yoga studio and hikes and be thankful of our blissfully mild summers from here on out.  30

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SPONSORED CONTENT

BEFORE

AFTER

BEFORE

AFTER

Before and after photos provided by Murphy Plastic Surgery murphyplasticsurgery.com

Keep the love, lose the handles. C

oolsculpting is a revolutionary, non-invasive procedure that uses the technology of cold temperatures to help eliminate unwanted deposits of fat. This procedure allows individuals living a healthy lifestyle to experience the body they have always wanted without the downtime required with other fat loss procedures. The Process Using the power of cold temperatures to freeze and destroy fat cells, Coolsculpting is like no other fat reduction process. The process begins as a consultation with a physician that specializes in Coolsculpting. Once the candidate has been deemed a good candidate, the session can be scheduled. Each session only takes about one hour to complete. Once completed, there is virtually no downtime!

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Health & Wellness Guide Everything you need to stay active, healthy and happy in every area of your life

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C L I M A X S U N D AYS @ CLUB VINYL The annual Climax Sundays White Party was held at Club Vinyl on July 6. Festivities included a hottest white outfit contest, hookahs, frozen drinks, grilled food, and GoGo dancers. DJ Tatiana and special guest DJ Dan Slater from Australia provided the musical entertainment. Climax is held every Sunday throughout the summer on the roof of Club Vinyl. | Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/climaxwhite

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SAME IS LAME Nuclia Waste | Radioactive Vision

s I was shopping last month at the hot new Japanese store (UNIQLO, in Tokyo), I came across singer Pharrell Williams’ new line of clothing. Emblazoned across his t-shirts is the slogan, “The same is lame.” The message struck a chord with my Japanese friend Yuca. There is so much pressure in Japanese culture to conform to the norm. Yuca is a female adult gamer. In Japan, video games are for kids. When adults do play games, it’s mostly men. Because Yuca doesn’t fit the mold of what a Japanese adult woman should be, she is looked down upon as she pulls out her Nintendo DS and plays it on the train. “The same is lame” message is one the Japanese need to hear. Here in the United States, it’s ok to be different. We love being individuals.

Or so I thought. Fast forward to New York City’s gay pride. Mr. Waste and I attended several of the pride parties — one on the rooftop of a five-story building and another on Pier 26. Here we were, in the city that never sleeps, the city that gave birth to Lady Gaga and Andy Warhol, but as I looked around each dance floor, I found myself surrounded by an army of gay clones. Everyone had their shirts off. Everyone had muscles and more muscles. Everyone had shaved chests. Everyone was wearing shorts. Everyone looked just like everyone else. It was so … lame. I actually walked up to someone wearing a shirt and thanked him for dressing different. It was refreshing. Why is it that so many gays in New York City feel the need to spend all their time weightlifting at the gym and shaving their happy trails? When I picked up a local bar guide, it was filled with more of the same ... photos of shirtless men at clubs. At the pride parade, every float was filled with a gaggle of beefy, shirtless, hairless men. Granted, buff bodies are hot, but when everyone looks the same, it’s ohso-boring and dull. My libido went from stimulated to numb in no time flat. On Broadway, Mr. Waste and I enjoyed the Tony-award winning musical “Kinky Boots.” In the show, one of the main characters (Lola) says, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” Now there’s a message so many New York gays need to hear — and all of us, for that matter. Why do we spend our lives trying to be somebody else? Each of us is a unique creation. There will never be another you in the history of the world. Embrace that you’re different from everyone else. Life is too short to be chasing after someone else’s dreams and ideas of what the perfect person is like. Same is lame. Being different is where it’s at.  Nuclia Waste, the Triple Nipple Drag Queen of Comedy, can be reached through her website at NucliaWaste.com.

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Denver’s

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DENVER’S

SOCCER HOTTIES

The whole world seems to be suffering from a serious case of World Cup Crazy, and we are no exception. To bring it home, we found some local and sexy soccer satisfaction — none other than the guys and gals from the Denver Goal Miners. They may not be internationally recognized, but that’s a good thing for us! (Our dreams of scoring with someone from this team are are a little more realistic ... hopefully, nudge nudge.) Noah L. Jordan • Photos: Hans Rosemond • hansrosemond.com

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BO OM , 27 Lives in: Cap Hill Birthplace: Alexandria, VA Astrological sign: Taurus Your best feature: Eyes Biggest goal in life: To create a network of urban, semi-wild food forests with multicultural community centers. And happiness. Sexiest trait in a mate: Imagination Guilty pleasure: Doritos Drink of choice: Gin & ginger Describe your perfect first date: Wandering around a city with no specific plans, bouncing between bars, friends, and parks Tell us a secret about yourself: I have a brain like an 8-year-old in the prime of their daydreaming Motto you live by: Carpe diem. Like a nickname, it was given to me … and it works Best purchase: Used books, new books, or notebooks, and AT bindings. Oh and those hammock chairs with pillows on them. Pets: None Celebrity Doppelgänger: Dunno Three of your favorite spots in Denver: I’m new to Denver, so you tell me Best place to meet single people: After 2am Biggest turn-on: Creativity, kindness, boldness, and risk-takers Biggest turn-off: Laziness

CH RI S ST EWART, 3 4 Lives in: Capitol Hill Birthplace: St. Louis, MO Astrological Sign: Aquarius Single or taken: Taken Your best feature: My ears Biggest goal in life: To make the world a better place, inspire others, and fall asleep with a smile on my face Sexiest trait in a mate: Kindness (and abs) Guilty pleasure: Frozen yogurt Drink of choice: A cold Colorado microbrew served on a sunny Denver patio with friends Describe your perfect first date: Meeting for a drink Tell us a secret about yourself: Well then it wouldn’t be a secret, would it? Motto you live by: Live the life you love. Best purchase: Five-mountain ski pass Favorite movie quote: National Lampoons Christmas Vacation - Is your house on fire, Clark? Pets: I hope to be a proud dog owner in the next 12 months. Celebrity Doppelgänger: Don’t think I have one Three of your favorite spots in Denver: Red Rocks, REI, DCPA Boxers or briefs: Briefs Best place to meet single people: A friend’s house party Biggest turn-on: Confidence Biggest turn-off: Negativity OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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KEEGAN HE RRI N G, 29 Lives in: Arvada Birthplace: Iowa City, Iowa Astrological sign: Libra Single or taken: Single Your best feature: My beard Biggest goal in life: To change the world Sexiest trait in a mate: Creativity Guilty pleasure: Staying up past my bedtime Drink of choice: Water Describe your perfect first date: We meet up at a local bar for a drink and get to know each other over a card game. (I will bring the cards). Good conversation leads to dinner at a unique restaurant with great food. A great dinner (paid by me) leads to spontaneity with what we do next. The night will end with a second date and smiles all around. Tell us a secret about yourself: I wear fanny packs. Motto you live by: Live the life you love, and love the life you live Best purchase: Apple TV Favorite movie quote: From “Best in Show” ... She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig. Pets: Cat. Her name is Grace Celebrity doppelgänger: I used to get Steve Burns from Blue’s Clues Three of your favorite spots in Denver: Cheesman Park, Stoney’s, anywhere with good people Boxers or briefs: I’m transitioning into briefs Best place to meet single people: Everywhere. I am always meeting singles. Biggest turn-on: Smile Biggest turn-off: Narcissism

MA R I E L L A (M A RI) M OSEL EY, 25 Lives in: The fabulous Capitol Hill Birthplace: Manhattan, New York Astrological Sign: The fiery, outgoing Aries Single or Taken: Single ;) Your Best Feature: My positive, confident energy Biggest Goal in Life: To meet and encounter as many people, places, and things as possible Sexiest trait in a mate: Brain and body Guilty pleasures: Chick flicks and over-popular hip-hop songs Drink of choice: A spicy Bloody Mary in the morning and beer all day, everyday Best pickup line: I’m sorry ... I saw you from across the way and I knew I just had to run over here just to tell you that you are gorgeous because you deserve to know. Worst pickup line: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Tell us a secret about yourself: I would love to be a singer for a punk rock band. Motto you live by: Everything happens for a reason. Love, dammit. Love hard. Best purchase: My one-speed neon bicycle (Well, best gift) Pets: None but if I had time I would have a dog, a cat, a frog, and a turtle Celebrity doppelgänger: Kiyomi McCloskey from “The Real L Word” hahaha Three of your favorite spots in Denver: Cheesman, Stoney’s, Speer biking trail Boxers, briefs, or something else: Boy shorts — the ones that cup a girl’s butt juuuust right Best place to meet single people: Everywhere Biggest turn-on: Ability to laugh and go on adventures Biggest turn-off: Being uptight with no sense of humor 36

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AS H T YN T RID ER (A . J. ), 31 Lives in: Wash Park Birthplace: Maine Astrological sign: Gemini Single or taken: Single Your best feature: Legs Biggest goal in life: To rule the world, own a pie shop, and meet a mermaid named Ariel. Sexiest trait in a mate: Confidence Guilty pleasures: Ice cream, cheesecake, “Mean Girls” Drink of choice: Champagne with a splash of St. Germain (and a strawberry) Describe your perfect first date: A picnic in the park Favorite movie quote: From “Bridesmaids” ... I’ve seen better tennis in a tampon commercial! Tell us a secret about yourself: I was born a princess. Motto you live by: Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly. Best purchase: My bed. Pets: Dog. Mutt. Woof Celebrity Doppelgänger: No clue. Three of your favorite spots in Denver: Devil’s Food, Satchel’s on 6th, the park Boxers or briefs: Briefs Best place to meet single people: The park Biggest turn-on: Confidence, sexy smile, and a sense of humor Biggest turn-off: Arrogance and rudeness Best pickup line ever: I haven’t heard it yet Worst pickup line ever: Is your father ... Wait ... Um … No, your father a thief. Wait. No. Is you father a thief because he stole the stars and stuff? (That’s a real transcript)

LUKE SKY (BADG ER ) , 24 Lives in: Wash Park Birthplace: Birmingham, UK Astrological sign: Libra ... I think (Sept 23) Single or taken: Single Your best feature: I’ve been told my beard Biggest goal in life: Found a non-profit that provides medical care and disaster relief to underserved populations near and far Sexiest trait in a mate: Confidence (Man fur is nice too) Guilty pleasures: Sour Gummy Worms and Saturdaymorning cartoons Drink of choice: Mmmmm ... beer (IPAs to be exact) Describe your perfect first date: I am easy to entertain so a perfect first date would be the one that leads to several more dates Tell us a secret about yourself: I hate the word “Papi” Motto you live by: Do unto others. Mostly. Best purchase: Kinda excited I splurged and bought myself a new car Pets: My fish, Sam Celebrity doppelgänger: Everyone tells me I look like Tim Howard, the USA goalkeeper. Not sure if I believe them. Three of your favorite spots in Denver: Anywhere I can play soccer, the mountains, and Barricudas (my favorite bar.) Boxers or briefs: Boxer-briefs. (They help keep my ghettobooty in check) Best place to meet single people: I was just wondering the same thing Biggest turn-on: Body hair, gingers, blondes, the teddy-bear type (It honestly doesn’t take much) Biggest turn-off: Men who aren’t ready to act like grown ups. 38

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REFRESH @ RAMADA DOWNTOWN DENVER

The latest Refresh event was held on July 6 at the Ramada Downtown Denver, 1150 E. Colfax Avenue. DJ Sinna G, Out Front’s 2014 OUTstanding DJ, was on the decks to heat things up. | Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/refreshjuly

See more photos at outfrontonline.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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BAR TAB

W E E K LY S P E C I A L S F R O M O U T F R O N T ' S L G B T- I N C LU S I V E B A R PA R T N E R S

AQUA LOUNGE

B ROA DWAYS

1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584 ofcnow.co/aqua

1027 Broadway, Denver (303) 623-0700 broadwaysdenver.com

HAPPY HOUR MON–FRI $2.50 wells & domestic bottles from 3–7pm

HAPPY HOUR Mon – Fri: 2–9pm Sat & Sun: 12–9pm $2.25 Wells, $2.00 Domestic Drafts $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers

475 Santa Fe, Denver (303) 778-0545 facebook.com/BarkerLounge DAILY HAPPY HOURS 3–8pm & 11pm–close $3 Well/Wine/Domestic Bottles

BAR RICUDA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 2–4pm. & 10pm–midnight

B LACK CROWN 1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 blackcrownlounge.com

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT Mondays at 9pm

C HA R LI E'S ® 900 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL $4 for a 32-oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher

4TH OF JULY @ BARKER LOUNGE

THURSDAYS 1/2 price night FRIDAYS: BEER BUST $10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5pm $3 Absolut, 9pm

DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4–6PM

SATURDAYS $5 Beer Bust, 2pm

MONDAYS 1/2 price select bottles of wine

SUNDAYS Drag show, 9pm

SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette. $8 Ketel One martinis

11 TH AVE. V I N YL 8 TH AVE.

6 TH AVE. BA RKE R LOU N GE COM P OUND B OYZ TOWN 1 ST AVE. L I ’ L D EV I LS

BA R R I CU DA’S

ALAMEDA AVE. ARKANSAS AVE.

COLORADO BLVD.

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B ROA DWAYS

COLFAX AVE. AQUA LOU N G E

R &R

OGDEN ST.

HAPPY HOUR Tuesday through Sunday, 4–8pm: Endless beer & Cocktails $12

HA M B U RG E R MARYS

CLARKSON ST.

1475 36 th St., Denver (303) 291-0250 theeaglebar.com

X BA R

WASHINGTON ST.

DENVER E AG L E

for interactive map

WRA NG L ER

BROADWAY

BEER BUSTS Saturdays, 6–10pm, $8.

FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES • NO COVER

17 TH AVE.

ofcnow.co/barmap

CHAR LI E ’S B LUS H & B LU

VD BL

THURSDAYS: MARK STAR KARAOKE

117 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

B OYZTOWN

DAILY HAPPY HOURS 7–10am & 5–8pm: $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls

ST .M

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The Front Range Bears celebrated Independence Day at the Barker Lounge with a barbeque and beer bust. The Front Range Bears is a non-profit social organization whose purpose is to foster fraternity among its members, arrange activities, and provide communications about club business and endeavors. Proceeds from the event benefit Octobearfest 2014. | Photos by Charles Broshous

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THE BEAUTIFUL BUDS OF BOTANICO Elizabeth Barron

ike many other pot shops in town, Botanico doesn’t have screaming signage that broadcasts the biz with tacky decorum. In blink-and-youmiss-it style, the little brick building on the sleepy end of Larimer is one you might not notice without provocation. Inside, Botanico is that really cool exposed-brick apartment your buddy back in college kept full of swirling nag champa smoke except, instead of incense, the place smells beautifully of bud. The ample off-street parking, chill staff, and user-friendly menu create the kind of atmosphere you feel absolutely welcome to take your time in. Let’s sample some of their big sellers and see what’s shaking. If you enjoyed Fruity Pebbles, Trix, or Fruit Loops as a kid (no gay puns intended), or if you’re a Midori- and DeKuyper-loving adult, Botanico has some strains you should try. These citrusy flavors may induce the urge to grab your favorite childhood cereal, but they themselves provide some extra-sweet effects.

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Golden Goat (sativa) Golden Goat has a floral citrus scent (think lemon blossom) and a flavor to match. The buds are light green with orange-pinkish hues that give away its Hawaiian ancestry. When smoked, Golden Goat leaves a sweetness behind and provides an instant headchange and energy boost. The Goat is a sativa-dominant hybrid, so while you may notice some of its subdued indica influence, like that allover euphoric feeling, the sativa dominance lends itself to Golden Goat’s energy-inducing reputation. Noobs, give this strain time for the full effect to kick in before channeling that energy. You may even find yourself more comfortable sitting or lying down (thanks, indica ancestor!) at first. For longtime friends of the Goat, this strain will likely make you want to go out and do something fun, so pack a bowl of something else on Redbox night. But if you’re hitting the city, Golden Goat is good company. With its ability to motivate full-body vigor, Golden Goat will make you feel, well … elevated. Larry OG Kush (indica) Larry OG smells like citrus as well, but with more of that earthy indica heft behind it. Larry has more of a piney profile, and the buds are darker and a little looser than Golden Goat. The origins of Larry OG can be traced back Orange County, California, which explains the OG in the strain’s name. (Larry is not an original gangster — he’s Ocean Grown. Duuuuuuude.) Good ol’ Larry is great for relaxation and productivity. Indicas are usually aligned with a sleepiness effect, which you may experience with Larry because effects vary per individual, but this strain tends to produce the euphoric body high of an indica without the strong sedating effect. So this strain is helpful in stressful situations when things just need to get done. Larry is the guy you want around for your massive spring cleaning project or Black Friday shopping. With Larry, you’ll be calm, happy, and focused. So OG, right?  3054 Larimer St, Denver, CO 80205 • (303) 297-2273 • botanicommj.com

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THE MORE, THE SCARIER Maybe that open relationship isn’t for you Pieter Tolsma THERE’S A CONCEPT IN PHILOSOPHY called solipsism and what it says is that all you or I can ever know is that we, and we alone, exist. So you — specifically that wee little voice inside your head — are the only thing that can be trusted to exist. Now, before you sink into the Matrix and start doubting everything around you, my point: Putting trust in anyone, even ourselves, can be really challenging. We open ourselves up to losing things that are precious to us by putting ourselves out there like that. Trust is a necessity in any healthy relationship — not a bonus. Trust forces you to reach outside your certainty and control. Frankly, I’m curious about the role of trust and how it relates to open relationships. Note: I am not going to condemn open relationships, as I am sure they work for those who are willing to commit to the labor involved. I’m speaking to the slice of the population that attempts to dabble in it when I ask, “What is the real reason you’re giving this a go?” I wonder if part of the reason new relationships open up from the very beginning boils down to trust or, in this case, a lack of trust. It’s challenging to open up emotionally and then be shut down. Conversely, it’s pretty terrible to have someone open up to you and then watch yourself break that trust and hurt them. Is it possible the reason for the open relationship is because we don’t want to

risk our partners hurting us by cheating, or that we don’t trust ourselves not to cheat on our partners? Could it be that every time we get our heart broken, we lean toward the open relationship because we want to head off heartbreak at the pass so we don’t get cheated on again? And if that is the case, are we ever really going to be ok with it when they take us at our word and start having sex with other partners? Our anger wouldn’t be valid, but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t feel hurt and retaliate. What about established relationships that open up? There are a few possibilities. One big one involves someone cheating, and another involves someone who is bored, stifled, or wants to have sex with others, but doesn’t want to hurt his/her partner. Another aspect to consider is whether we’re opening up the relationship to condone a partner’s cheating. Are we making excuses for his/her behavior? Are we trying to compromise loyalty to avoid loneliness? In this case, an open relationship is like a Band-Aid on a broken bone. And what about when the partner hasn’t cheated? This could be totally valid if you’ve both discussed it. However, take caution and make sure the relationship isn’t just withering on the vine.

Open relationships are far more complex and involve significantly more trust and emotional maturity than monogamous ones if they’re going to work. If you think it involves less trust and personal sharing, then you’re destined for some tough lessons. One more thing: If you’re considering an open relationship, at least know why you’re looking for extraneous sex. Physical intimacy is a potentially rich and meaningful exchange, but are you seeking validation and a source of self-worth by pursuing outside sexual partners that you cannot get from your current lover? Fair warning: If sex is your only source of self-validation, you’re chasing a white rabbit you’ll never catch. No amount of notches in your bedpost will give you true self-worth and you may just lose a meaningful, loving relationship in the process. Unless you are ready to be frank, open, incredibly trusting, and ready for a whole lot of personal sharing without holding anything back, then maybe that open relationship is not for you.  Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

TRUST IS A NECESSITY IN ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP — NOT A BONUS.

A Knight in Shining Armor Scott McGlothlen

fter getting the initial rapid test that said I could possibly be HIV positive, I tried killing time in all sorts of ways, mostly going into chat rooms and talking about anything that didn’t have to do with sex or STDs. It wasn’t long before I ended up chatting with Luke. We originally met online and went on one pseudo-date before writing each other off. He and I did, however, become very good friends … with benefits. I couldn’t keep the pressing topic at bay any longer and brought it up by asking if he knew his HIV status. He told me he was negative and wondered why I asked. I told him about the rapid test. Luke wasn’t so convinced that I needed to be worried. He was giving me hope. A few days later, all hope was crushed when my status was confirmed. That day, things went from bad to worse when my HIV mentor, Jonathan, made a sexual advance. I cried my way through the whole thing and after he left, I felt used and dirty on top of everything else. I tried to escape by watching brainless TV. Once TV didn’t suffice, reality sank in hard. With nowhere else to turn, I felt compelled to call Luke. The moment he answered, I told him the test came back positive. He instructed me to hang on and that he would be right over. The second I opened the door, he grabbed me for the tightest hug I’ve ever had. I broke down and sobbed in his arms. After getting an immense amount of tears and snot all over his t-shirt, he 44

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calmed me down and helped me organize my thoughts. “I have so much to do right now,” I said. “But I don’t know how I’m going to do any of it.” “Like what?” He asked. Truthfully I didn’t know what I needed to do. “Well, I need paper towels,” I said. It was the first thing I could think of. Luke smiled, seemingly understanding that even the need of a household product could feel crushing in a time like this. “C’mon.” He stood and took my hand. “We need to get you out of this house anyway. Let’s go get you some paper towels.” He drove me to the store and instead of going directly to get my supplies, Luke took me on a detour to the toy section. “Let’s play for a little bit,” he said. And for the next hour, we did just that: running through the aisles, throwing bouncy balls at each other, constructing Lego display sets, and any other weird items that could make me feel like a kid again. And amongst all this horsing around, Luke got me to do something I didn’t think would be possible on this tragic day: laugh. When we returned to my place, we talked for another hour about our hopes and fears. “Would you mind if I prayed for you?” Luke asked. It was a strange request. In fact our differences

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of opinion on religion and faith had been one of many driving forces to deter us from actually dating. But after my experience with Jonathan earlier, prayer seemed like a refreshing concept, even for a staunch atheist like me. “Dear God,” he started. His prayer unfolded unlike anything I heard before. He didn’t seem to ask God for irrational things like abolishing this disease from my body. Instead, he asked that I gain the strength to make through this difficult time. It inspired me. I knew Luke had his own concerns about himself. Although we had played around safely, neither of us knew enough about HIV to know if we’d put him at risk or not. So when he finished, I asked him to do another prayer for himself. This time, he asked God for the strength to help him not assume the worst despite his now-uncertain status. Again, it was refreshing to hear. As the night wrapped up, I didn’t want Luke to leave. He felt like my knight in shining armor. But we both knew that to undertake this journey properly, I couldn’t be so codependent. He made me realize that life would be ok. It wouldn’t be easy. But it would be ok.  Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life as a HIV-positive gay man. See more of Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

TOO HARD … OR NOT HARD ENOUGH? Brent Heinze I LOVE IT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE TAKING TIME OUT of their busy schedules to do some hardcore self-reflection. For some, it’s an extremely difficult process that may bring up tons of apprehension, fear, and self-loathing. Others revel in it as a selfimprovement aid. The majority find it an exercise of both pleasure and pain. Let’s be honest: It can take a lot of courage, energy, and focus to take a good, hard look at ourselves and the part we’ve played in landing us where we are — both good and bad. Self-evaluation can happen at many different times and can be very beneficial, but it can also come with its own unique set of pitfalls that can trip us up, bum us out, or make us flee from these realizations, internally screaming in terror and/or hopelessness. For as much as we can look inward using our own intelligence, insight, and experience, we can also call upon highly revered people in our lives to give us feedback and impressions about ourselves we may not be aware of. Gazing at our true reflection is a great opportunity to assess where we are in our journey and, need be, make course corrections or change our direction entirely. We can figure out the steps we need to maximize opportunities and help us attain our goals. True, it can also be scary — what if we see something we don’t like? One of the biggest concerns in this process is looking at our qualities in an inaccurate way, distorting them with our own perceptions. Are we looking at ourselves in

a funhouse mirror or are we getting an honest picture of what’s going on? At times, we’ve all been hyper-critical in our assessments, either with ourselves, others in our lives, or situations around us. You’ve probably heard the term “dysmorphia,” as it relates to those who struggle with body image issues that may cause anorexia, bulimia, steroid abuse, or worse. The idea can be extended to all who have experienced distorted views of ourselves, the world around us, or our place within it. This inaccurate perception can lead us to make drastic changes, most times due to the debilitating self-esteem issues dysmorphia causes. On the flip side, arrogance, shit-talking, and putting others down can be a symptom of distorted selfperception. Certain people may struggle with “kickassery dysmorphia” where it appears to them that they’re much more awesome than they really are. Their self-assessment has built an inflated ego that has them acting cocky or mean to others. Most often, this is an act to cover up the fact that they did some self-analysis and discovered

Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/ brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

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they feel like a big wimp and experience a lot of shame about who they are. Creating a false front is sometimes a quicker and easier solution for some than taking the time and effort to figure out why they feel the way they do and how to fix the things they may consider broken. Regardless of what you find when you look at yourself, think about how these things impact your life. There are things within us that makes our lives full, fun, and enriched, while other things wreak high levels of dysfunction — volatile friendships, toxic relationships, and personal anguish. Take the time and effort to see things accurately when you evaluate yourself, others, or situations. Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror! Done properly, there’s a fine chance you’ll lay eyes on your own beautiful, true self and that’s something each of us deserves. 

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