September 02, 2015 :: Let's Talk Ladies by OUT FRONT Magazine

SEPTEMBER 02, 2015 OUTFRONTONLINE .COM FREE

let’s talk ladies

(le a d e l a r i a’s s p e c i a lt y)

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 3

CONTENTS SEPTEMBER 02, 2015 VOL39 NO11

08 AIR FORCE COMBAT MEDIC SHINING LIGHT ON PTSD 10 REPUBLICANS ARE FUN! WHO KNEW? 14 ARE WOMEN “JUST AS HORNY” AS MEN?

LIPSTICK OR BUTCH? VEHICLES TO DRIVE THE GALS WILD

24 WHY I LOVE QUEER WOMEN

ALL HAIL THE BUTCH SUPERHERO 32 LADY EMBODIES THE BLUES

Photo Credit: Sophy Holland

38 CALENDAR 44 BAR TAB 46 DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF 50 BACKWORDS

14 4 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

ON THE COVER

Photography by Sophy Holland.

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O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 5

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WEDDINGS • CELEBRATIONS • SPECIAL OCCASIONS

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6 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

For many in our community, accessing healthcare can be scar y. For those of us who have faced discrimination for being LGBTQ, it means coming out to someone in a trusted position — the person who is giving you advice on how to take care of yourself . One of our most trusted health providers who provides care to LGBTQ Coloradans is Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood provides a safe space to get services, advice, and education concerning reproductive health. And Planned Parenthood also provides care to many lower-income Coloradans, including those in the LGBTQ community, who wouldn’t have healthcare access otherwise.

Parenthood provides. Now we

Currently, Planned Parenthood is the target of a smear campaign. An extremist anti-choice group lied to Planned Parenthood staff and released highly-edited, misleading videos about the services Planned

and testing for sexually transmitted

are seeing anti-choice politicians calling for the defunding of Planned Parenthood. Such actions would only hurt Coloradans and the LGBTQ community by removing access to critical health services. Our community needs Planned Parenthood and the services it provides like family planning, wellness visits, hormone therapies, diseases. Their work keeps us safe. I stand with Planned Parenthood and I hope you do, too. — State Rep. Dominick Moreno

A FA R E W E L L

IN MEMORIAM BARBARA JONES OUT FRONT COMMEMORATES THE LIFE of Barbara

Jones, an educator and spirited AIDS first responder. Barbara donated all of her minutes to those in need of equality, a voice, or a role model. Miles Griffis

Barbara began her life in Evanston, Illinois before receiving her education at Grinnell College and a Masters from the University of Wisconsin. From then on, she made Colorado her home, teaching and eventually administrating for more than twenty years in the Adams County School District. During her time as an educator, she was also an active volunteer for the Girl Scouts of America. Her contributions to children as both a teacher and a scout leader showcase Barbara as a believer in the future. Barbara is the modern example of the ancient Greek adage, “A society grows great when old men/women plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in.” Debra Pollock, CEO of the GLBT Center, worked alongside Barbara for many years. “She was interested in young people and making sure they had a solid foundation.” After retiring as a school administrator, Barbara became the Director of Volunteer Training for the Mile High Council of the Girl Scouts. She was a true and trusted leader. Like many Coloradans, Barbara loved the outdoors. She spent her summers canoe-tripping the lakes in the Boundary Waters Canoe Wilderness Area on the border between Minnesota and Ontario, Canada. As a scout leader, she loved to raise morale by singing campfire songs with her girl scouts. Barbara loved adventure and travel, whether it was by plane or canoe paddle. It’s no surprise that her generosity to others extended into speaking up for victims struck by the devastating AIDS crisis of the 80s and 90s. Pollock describes her contributions: “Barb was heavily involved in responding to AIDS when the government really didn’t care, when there was no funding for AIDS, when we were just watching our friends die. She was there. She was one of the first.” Barbara was involved in politics within Denver and Colorado. She is proof that by making noise, you can be heard and you can change circumstances. “We have made

huge legislative strides in the state because of people like Barb. She inspired other people to get involved,” says Pollock. Barbara was an organizer who got every wheel moving in unison. Barbara served on boards at the GLBT Center, the Board of Equality Colorado, and two terms as chairperson for the Colorado AIDS Project. Clearly, Barb was a super volunteer. She gave her time to numerous nonprofits like PFLAG and Project Angel Heart, a nonprofit that cooks and delivers quality meals for individuals with life-threatening illnesses. Her work as first responder to the AIDS crisis inspired her to volunteer with the organization baking lasagna alongside a dozen others for those coping with HIV/AIDS in early 90s. Barbara leaves behind an inspiring legacy. Looking at her life, it’s obvious her mantra screams, “Get involved!” She exemplifies the importance of boldness and proactivity. Barbara never got to see a world free of AIDS, but she did get to see one with growing management. She saw the trees she planted grow and caught some of their shade, she saw the promise in the future. “She really wanted to make a difference. And she did,” Pollock says. “She’ll be greatly missed.” Barbara Jones passed on August 7, 2015 to Alzheimer’s disease. Although the sickness may have taken many of her memories, they are survived by her hundreds of students and girl scouts, her family, and everyone she inspired along the way. Our most sincere condolences to all affected by her passing from the team at Out Front.

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 7

N E WS

AIR FORCE COMBAT MEDIC SHINING LIGHT ON PTSD “YOU REALLY APPRECIATE LIFE A whole lot more — in

a different perspective than what people could ever understand if they had seen and done what I had seen and done.” Daniela Costa

Those are the words of Sgt. Jen Burch, a veteran of the US Air Force and former combat medic in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Burch, 28, served her country from 2008 to 2014, earning an Air Force Commendation medal for her bravery. But her time in the military came with consequences, and upon returning home after she medically retired, she found herself struggling with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). “You get stuck in a mindset, and you have a lot of anger in you,” she says. “You also have a lot of survivor’s guilt.” And yet it all started off so well. Wanting to do something different with her life, the Air Force gave Burch the sense of direction and purpose she was looking for. “I wanted to do something with my life. I wasn’t doing anything at the time, and knew that I needed to be.” Joining the military would allow her to travel, as well as save up funds for school, which was exactly what she wanted. The only question then was: What branch should she join? Asking around, the answer became obvious — the Air Force. 8 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

“Especially being a woman in the military, the word is that the Air Force treats women the best,” says Burch. “I’m not sure how accurate that is, but everyone said the Air Force was one of the best branches to join, so I took their advice.” She would find that, for the most part, the advice was spot on. “You’re always going to have those guys that just give women a hard time, or don’t think we can do the job,” she says. “But most of the time, all the guys were very ... they were great. They were like brothers, and took care of us and made sure that we were okay, and helped us if we needed it.” From a physical standpoint, there were definitely differences that made it easier or more likely for her male colleagues to take on certain tasks. That doesn’t, however, mean she feels she missed out. “I already saw a lot of action from what I was doing. I wouldn’t have changed that at all.” Burch built a lot of memories during her time with the Air Force, but oddly her most positive overlaps with her worst — working in the trauma center in Kandahar. An intriguing experience

‘Word is that the Air Force treats women the best,’ says Burch. ‘I’m not sure how accurate that is, but everyone said the Air Force was one of the best branches to join, so I took their advice.

”

itself, she says it’s also made her live life to the fullest. But what she saw there and throughout the rest of her deployment left its scars, scars that she says the Air Force did not attend to. “I would say probably the biggest negative thing with the Air Force that I went through was how they handled me when I came back from my deployment and suffered pretty bad symptoms of PTSD,” she says. “There really wasn’t much of a support system when it came to that.” Fortunately there’s a happy ending here. Over the past year, she’s gained her happiness and motivation back, and, as a result, she’s dedicated much of her time to helping others in similar circumstances. “Since I’ve gotten the help I needed and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, I try to advocate for PTSD.” That includes working on and being featured in the new documentary ACRONYM: The Cross Generational Battle With PTSD. “It shows that it doesn’t matter what war you served in, PTSD is PTSD,” she says of the film. “It’s probably one of my biggest passions in life right now.” Outside of the documentary, Burch is busy finishing up her Bachelor of Arts degree in Public Health at the University of Colorado Denver, running a photography business, and volunteering her photography skills at military veterans events. After graduating, she hopes to eventually work for the Department of Veterans Affairs. Indeed, it’s shaping up to be a story meant for the big screen.

LEGAL DIRECTORY

“NO LONGER MAY THIS LIBERTY BE DENIED” Sara M. Cates

June 26, 2015 was a day that marked the turn of a new era when the Supreme Court of the United States handed down the momentous decision granting marriage equality to all. Although Colorado granted such equality to couples eight months prior to this historic ruling, the effect of this ruling nonetheless raises questions as to how it will affect the rights already granted by Colorado. For example, now that marriage is legally recognized, does this also mean that common law marriage will be recognized? What about the availability of federal benefits to same-sex spouses, has that door been opened with this ruling? Will my marriage in Colorado be recognized in every state? The Supreme Court’s ruling recognizing same-sex marriage means that the same rights provided to one couple are the same rights provided to every couple, regardless of sexual orientation. Same-sex couples will now be able to file federal taxes jointly to receive the benefit of the marital deduction, which they were not able to do even after marriage

equality passed in Colorado. Same-sex marriages in Colorado will now be recognized in every state, just as Colorado will recognize marriages from all other states. In contrast however, although Colorado may now recognize common law marriage of same-sex couples, other states may not recognize such marriages, albeit not because of the couples’ sexual orientation, but rather because they simply do not recognize common-law marriage. Divorced spouses of a same-sex marriage may now share in the federal benefits that were just recently denied to them such as COBRA benefits, the ability to request Social Security benefits as a former spouse (so long as the other necessary factors are satisfied), and their former spouse’s federal retirement benefits. Obviously this remarkable ruling will create more questions as others are answered, such as whether long-term relationships will be given retroactive marriage recognition, but it is nonetheless amazing to be able to witness the evolution of our laws based on something so beautiful. Love.

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The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 9

As president, I was aware of the decision. John Andrews did not make the decision. He was told by his boss and the board of CCU that we were not appropriate to have an individual table. Steve House [Colorado Rep. State Party Chairman] was very good about working out a settlement.

P O L IT I CS

How did you feel about the recent SCOTUS decision on gay marriage? I was happy! However, I wish it had gone through the legislatures instead of the courts. I also attended the Summit. To me, there was so much un-Christian anger about the gay-marriage ruling.

A LIBERAL’S INTERVIEW WITH GEORGE GRAMER, PRESIDENT OF THE COLORADO LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS

The body of attendees was primarily evangelical Christian, and they were shell-shocked with the Supreme Court decision. Many felt it was an affront to their religious beliefs. I’m a mainline Protestant. I have religious beliefs too, but my church is bigger than that. Some churches are small in their mindset. I think the candidates who spoke — and I heard five of the six — handled it pretty well considering they hadn’t given it much thought. Our candidates are not necessarily anti-LGBT. We have many friends in Congress. Trust me, the national executive director, Gregory Angelo, will certainly lobby the Republican presidential candidates to get them an informed point of view. I know for a fact one of the candidates — I won’t say which — has already contacted the national organization. Maybe more than one, but I can’t say.

LAST JUNE, A LOCAL GAY organization, the Log Cabin

Last week I read that Phyllis Schlafly* encouraged disobedience of the ruling, that we should just ignore it.

REPUBLICANS ARE FUN! WHO KNEW?

Republicans (LCR), made headlines when it was denied a booth at the Wester n Conser vative Summit (WCS), sponsored by the Colorado Christian University. This annual, evangelical convention held in Denver revved the 2016 election cycle into high gear as many high-profile presidential candidates auditioned for votes.

Rick Kitzman

Formed in 1977 as a conservative organization for Californians opposed to the Briggs Initiative — the attempted ban of homosexual teachers in public schools — LCR was part of the coalition that defeated the measure by a landslide. In 2010, they brought about the lawsuit that led to the overturn of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. More recently, they’re lobbying Congress to support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and encourage support for a wide variety of LGBT rights, both locally and nationally. Meet George Gramer, current president of the local LCR chapter.

and influence them — we hope. I know a lot of state house members and senators. I think our influence is in large part just knowing that we have a following. We have a mailing list of about 450 people from all around the state. Believe it or not, we’re pretty good people. We’re fun! [The interviewer choked on his vanilla frappé] WHAT?! Fun Republicans? No way! Yes! We have a monthly social and meeting. Later, we’re having our summer picnic which is usually the largest event of the year.

What does LCR offer the community?

Were you involved when John Andrews denied LCR a table at the recent Summit?

The national organization lobbies on behalf of conservative gay issues. We speak to our elected officials and wanna-be elected officials

[Mr. Andrews is the Director of Centennial Institute, a public policy think tank based on the campus of Colorado Christian University.]

10 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

I didn’t realize she was still around. She must be eighty. Phyllis has a gay son, right? Yes. It’s extremely interesting that, like a praying mantis, she will eat her own kind. She’s one example of many who’ve said words to that affect. It’s a ridiculous thing to say. I don’t agree with every law or ruling, but you have to live with the system we have, and it’s the best system we have, the best system on earth. What’s next on the infamous gay agenda? All fifty state legislatures will need to clean up the language in their laws because there are still laws on the books that discriminate. The SCOTUS decision wasn’t about discrimination, it was about marriage. We have to resolve and implement employment non-discrimination, ensure nobody is fired, nobody is refused to be hired, nobody is refused accommodation in buying a house because of their sexual orientation. There are a lot of things that the gay movement as a whole can come together in agreement on. * Mrs. Schlafly, actually 91, is an extreme political and social conservative who opposes modern feminism and in 1972, successfully helped defeat the ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment to the US Constitution.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 11

What other issues can Republicans and Democrats reach across the aisle to find compromise? We should be able to do it in foreign policy, energy policy, educational policy, in some aspects of healthcare and national defense. Do you have a favorite presidential candidate? There are several I like. I don’t think I should favor anybody in my position (with LCR). About four that I really like. I could tolerate any of the second team. Donald Trump can be abrasive. Speaking of the elephant in the room — and I don’t mean the Republican mascot — why is Mr. Trump topping the polls? Two things. First, he’s a TV celebrity. People have known him for years. He’s been in their living rooms. Number two, he’s not afraid to say anything. He’s unapologetically brash, but a lot of people are tired of political correctness. They just want somebody to tell it like it is, egging him on saying, “You go, Don!” As a gay Republican, what has the Obama presidency meant for you? I don’t know that America is a better place, or a safer place, or a powerhouse in the world that it once was. In that respect, the last seven years have been a setback for America and not a movement forward. Do you think George W. Bush’s invasion of Iraq was a step forward? Retrospectively, I think it was a wrong move, but based on the best intelligence of the time that was available. We do know there were chemical weapons found after the fact. Now large swaths of the country are under ISIS control. It’s downright scary. Explain to me as best you can the reason behind the absolute hatred of Hillary Clinton. She has very high negatives across the total surveyed populace. She can be shrill, she has a cackle, she has the Bill baggage. There’ve been Clinton scandals dating back to 1991 and

OSCAR

Oscar has been described by new friends here as a super sweet dog who walks well on a leash. He would do best in a home with children over 6 and would love to meet any older children prior to adoption. He hopes to meet you soon!

12 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

before that in Arkansas. I think people are tired of the Clintons. People aren’t tired of the Bushes? I don’t think the Republicans are going to have Jeb Bush as their nominee. He’s got quite a war chest to purchase votes. The Bush presidential PAC has raised $114 million dollars … so far! Money doesn’t get you elected.

Why is Trump topping the polls? Two things. First, he’s a TV celebrity. People have known him for years. He’s been in their living rooms. Number two, he’s not afraid to say anything. He’s unapologetically brash, but a lot of people are tired of political correctness. They just want somebody to tell it like it is, egging him on saying, ‘You go, Don!’

”

It helps. After Obama was elected in 2008, the Republican National Committee had one agenda item: Defeat anything Obama proposed. How does that speak to you? I think the better point of view on this is: What are we going to propose? Let’s just not repeal Obamacare; let’s propose substantive changes that we can live with. Saying something is bad without giving an alternative is just saying something’s bad. You have to give positive alternatives.

WIGGLES

Wiggles is an adorable tiny dog looking for her forever home. Her favorite things are soft treats, leash walks, and squeaky toys. Wiggles has been diagnosed with a heart murmur, so she would do best in a relaxing, quiet home.

Is the Republican Party not anti-gay? I think it, like the Democrats, has slowly been transitioning in their views as America changes. Our older population, which was possibly less inclusive in their views, is dying. The younger generation has more experience knowing gay people. I don’t think I knew a gay person — that I knew of — until after college. What does LCR offer younger generations? We have a good number in that age group who come to our events. They’re working. They have cars, some of them nicer than mine. I think young people are fearful of the tremendous amount of debt that keeps growing faster and faster. Half the national debt has occurred in the last seven years. Let’s not go there. OK. The young are scared about the future. Most of my Log Cabin friends are employed. I don’t know any who are unemployed. For the young who have a work ethic, who want to develop the future of the United States with opportunity, with hope, and who happen to be LGBT, Log Cabin is the organization. Kids getting out of high school face an entirely different future than I did in 1970 in small-town Iowa. Today, kids can’t find jobs, kids can’t get into good schools. Or can’t afford school if they can get in. Or can’t get in because they haven’t had the proper preparation. My tuition at UNC in Greely was $333. When I graduated in 1975, it skyrocketed to $393. Wow! Keep the faith. Things are better. Things will continue to get better if we help push things along in a positive way. I would encourage LGBT people to come to our meetings to find out who we are, what we’re like. I don’t think a lot of gay people know Republicans. Hear both sides, have an open mind. Sound worth a try? LogCabin.org/chapter/colorado

r 19th TM – Septembe Wag ’n Trail their dogs at y hiking with jo en s st ia ck from us h of Castle Ro Outdoor enth n Space nort Dumb pe e O th r rm fo Fa s e Glendal ing raise fund lp he llect le co hi ts w r. Participan 8am to noon scenic Buddy Cente e th ue to ag e Le nc s Friend d gain entra earn prizes an d dog-centric donations to , vendors, an ts en hm es fr Re ll fundraiser. l. ai fa r tr la ile pu 1.6-m d out this po un ro ns n is open. tio tio ra demonst g. Registra ock@ddfl.or Contact sspr 5772 St | (303) 75180 S. Quebec DDFL.org | 20

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 13

OPINION

ARE WOMEN “JUST AS HORNY” AS MEN? ASHLEY MADISON HAS, FOR A long time, claimed their

ser vices are just as appealing to men as they are to women, but the infamous hack tells a different stor y. Out of the 35 million leaked records, only 5 million (just 15 per cent) of the profiles seem to belong to actual women. The rest were either fake or commissioned by Ashley Madison in order to lure male clientele. Riya Foxter

The most recent statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth reveal that men will typically have a third more sexual partners in their lifetimes than women will. Even if we actively ignore heterosexuality and give a superfluous look to the queers in the room, we’ll see that there is no queer girl equivalent of Grindr, Adam4Adam, or Scruff — all of which seems to heed legitimacy to the ancient belief that girls “just don’t want it” as bad as boys.

A whopping 10 percent of women are clinically incapable of achieving orgasm, and only about a third in general can achieve an orgasm through penetration alone, so they’re not exactly forming swat teams to find three minutes of mediocrity followed by a UTI.

”

if you’re a promiscuous woman, you’re a whore or Amy Schumer (love you, Amy). Escaping the label of a slutty pariah is plenty of motivation to run from sex as if it were your mother coming over announced on a hungover Saturday morning.

But sex isn’t the same thing for women as it is for men, so comparing the two is tricky. For starters, 10 percent of women are reported to be anorgasmic — clinically incapable of achieving orgasm — and only about a third of women can achieve an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. It seems logical then, that women aren’t regularly forming swat teams to find three minutes of pure mediocrity with a strong risk of urinary tract infection.

Additionally, there are less nuanced dangers associated with promiscuous sex for women. We constantly hear stories of physical and sexual violence and the use of date rape drugs occurring at bars, clubs, music festivals, and even innocuous house parties. Rape culture had most of our mothers telling us not to stay out too long lest the frenzied male libido would hunt us and take us down. Women learn to associate sex with danger at a very young age, and whether they’re queer or straight, the subconscious, puritan instinct persists: Sex is dangerous, sex is bad, no need to take unnecessary risks when I have my brand new vibrator at home or the new Martha Stewart book!

Sociologically, we’re a few hundred years away from being able to truly compare the two — and that’s being optimistic. Women and men receive different sexual socializations throughout their lives, with men receiving positive messages associated with sex and women receiving negative ones. Nothing new here: If you’re a promiscuous man, you’re the boss;

We don’t make decisions in a vacuum, nor do we live in one. Social stigma and the threat of physical violence are responsible for discouraging women from exploring their sexuality and until that is fixed, we cannot make any definitive generalizations concerning genetically or evolutionary inherent differences of the sexes’ libidos.

14 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

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FIVE

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epiphany, that ever since she was small, she always knew she’d never have a man in her life whose father taught him how to do these sorts of things, so she learned how to do them herself. (I’m not even sorry — that’s hot as hell.)

L ET ’S TA L K L A D I ES

SHE UNDERSTANDS MY NEED TO VENT MORE THAN MY EXBOYFRIENDS EVER DID.

5 REASONS I <3 MY BUTCH GIRLFRIEND

(OR ... WHY I WANT TO DATE A WOMAN WHO “ACTS LIKE A MAN”) Claire H.

BEFORE I BEGIN, I’LL START with an apology: I’m

not exactly sure if it’s PC to call someone “butch” anymore, so pardon me if my ver nacular has fallen out of what’s acceptable. As an “old-timer,” though — I’m in my early 40s and have only recently come out to a few — the sor ts of women I’ve admired (secretly) have been referred to as “butch.” Feel free to substitute whatever word you like. “Why would anyone want to date a woman who looks and acts like a man?” is a question I had whispered to me over lunch when what appeared to be a lesbian couple walked by. I didn’t give away that I felt a slight pang of jealousy at their casual demeanor. “What I wouldn’t give to just come out myself and have a butch lover escort me around town,” I thought. That was more than two years ago, and since that time, I actually did put off dating men and struck up three amazing dalliances with women who, apart from being butch, shared many lovely traits. So I’ll answer the question and hope that some people will get it. For the sake of ease, I’ll refer to the woman I’m more or less head over heels with.

others think. No, my butch woman (ok, she needs a name — I refuse to call her “my butch woman,” so let’s go with Erin) … Erin literally doesn’t give a damn when someone says, “Are you trying to look like Elvis?” or “You’re really short for someone with such attitude.” Instead of squaring up like you’d imagine some mediatrope, Napoleon-esque “wannabe man” might, she smirks at their feeble attempt to rile her and moves along. The dirty looks from people on the street, of which there are plenty, roll right off my Teflon Don. I imagine at some point that it used to bother her, but not anymore. She’s her own woman, and she fashions her life accordingly.

SHE DOESN’T GIVE A SH*T WHAT YOU THINK OF HER.

Yes. I realize how cliche that sounds, but not only is it true, it’s a survival skill that gets scoffed at when it really ought to be lauded. I once asked her (jokingly) if “all you tough-girl lesbians” are born knowing how to change your own oil and fix broken garage doors. She said, much to my

And not even in that “omg, I really don’t care what people say about me” way I’ve seen women leap to right after they’ve been criticized, which tells you they care way too much about what 16 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

SHE’S HANDY.

I’m not one of those to cry over Hallmark commercials (do they still make those?) or Lifetime movies (of which I never watched, I’ll be honest), but I lose it from time to time over work and my sh*tty workout that I bailed on early because I wasn’t feeling it. When I stop off at her place, walk out of my shoes, drop my purse on the floor and just lean into her wall like “f*********ck,” she always cracks a good joke, offers me a drink, and actually listens to the bullsh*t I put up with. She doesn’t just “man, that sucks” or “yeah, I hear ya” every other minute. Instead of making me feel like I’m blowing things way out of proportion, she interjects weird but wise advice that I think she gets from tackling the world head-on instead of trying to circumvent it like I’ve been known to do. She somehow always knows what to say, and I think it’s because she’s really just … listening to me.

SHE TALKS TO ME. How many times have you heard comedians say, “Why does my wife/girlfriend always ask me what I’m thinking? I’m either thinking about eating, sports, or sex! Get off my case!” (It’s a hackneyed bit that I think even guys know is tired, but it’s somehow still there.) When there’s an issue, Erin puts it on the table, we examine it together, then we move on. “I said something that unintentionally sucked? I’m sorry. Here’s what I meant” or “You hated that my ex called and I left the room to talk? Honestly, it’s because I don’t want you to hear me being as mean as I had to be at that moment. I’m sorry.” Stuff like that, whereas before, things would simmer and later blow up. She’s not afraid to be seen as weak by showing her emotional hand. That’s refreshing to me.

SHE’S GOOD IN BED. Though I really (really) want to get into detail, this isn’t that kind of magazine. Let me put it like this, though: When I was in college (of course), I “got it on” with a woman who was more like me — dresses, heels, makeup, tradition. We’d knocked back a few already knowing in that unspoken manner that the sexual tension between us needed resolving, so there we were: two women letting their kissing lead them to the bed only to discover that we were more or less asking permission for each little move we were hoping to make. It got … awkward. Unsexy. With every single butch woman I’ve slept with, there’s always been the element of just being TAKEN. No questions, no hesitations, just full-on skill and intuition. And the sex that happens outside of the traditional sex I’ve had with men … there’s just no comparison. None.

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LIPSTICK OR BUTCH? Vehicles to Drive

the Gals Wild Jonathan McGrew

STEREOTYPICALLY, cars and trucks have been talked about from the male perspective; the boys want this and need that. Well, that was then, and this is now. Who says the gals out there can’t find a car hot, sexy, or a downright turn-on? Read on for some vehicles that just might add that bit of glam to your life ... or crank up the volume on your rugged persona.

2015 LEXUS RC 350

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2015 DODGE CHARGER SXT PLUS

2015 LEXUS RC 350 OR NX 300H (Starting in the low $40K)

The RC and NX represent a new entry-level of vehicle for those looking for something that stands out with a sexy persona. Yes, I am talking to those looking to grab the attention of the fashion-forward glam goddesses. The RC is the newest coupe to the Lexus line-up with the NX being the CUV sibling. Both boast an edgy look with angular cues derived from the IS sedan design language. The RC coupe and the NX CUV (“h” for the hybrid version) offer impressive fit and finish, a long and rich option list, and razor-sharp handling that stands up against that of a BMW. The biggest complaint might be how many of them you are starting to see out on the road. One thing’s for sure, they’re quick and exude sex (and curb) appeal.

2016 NISSAN MAXIMA PLATINUM (Starting just under $40K)

If you’re looking for a blend between “hot and sexy” and “butch and rugged,” then you have to stop and check out the 2016 Nissan Maxima. The 4-Door Sports Car (4DSC) is all new in ’16, inside and out. While first impressions make it seem longer and narrower, Nissan has actually improved almost every aspect of this car from performance to interior volume. Read: It is roomy! It has strong character lines that make it aggressive while retaining an interior softness that makes you wanna extend your drive a little longer. With up to 30 mpg on the highway now, it will also spare your pocketbook at the pump.

2015 LEXUS NX 300H

2015 DODGE DURANGO CITADEL

2015 DODGE CHARGER SXT PLUS OR DURANGO CITADEL (Starting in the low $30K and $40K)

When I think of a butch car, the Dodge Charger comes to mind along with its SUV sibling, the Dodge Durango. The refreshed 2015 Charger design mainly updates the front and rear of the exterior. Now with LED lighting and updated rims, the Charger puts a new spin on this wide and roomy muscle car with 4-doors for the 2015 model year. The Durango, also recently refreshed, also sports updated LED lighting with a more masculine and aggressive exterior than most SUVs on the market. Pair that with the 8+ plus inch UConnect infotainment and available 300-hp V6 and 350+ hp HEMI options and you have a pretty “butch” option set to select from and please even the most rugged among us.

2015 GMC SIERRA DENALI (Starting in the low $50K)

You just can’t be rough and tough without a truck, but trucks aren’t what they used to be. Pull on your boots and climb up into superior luxury in the 2015 GMC Sierra Denali half-ton pickup. With one of the most powerful and fuel-efficient V8 engines on the market, it won’t rob you of your greenbacks at the pump or prevent you from taking care of business during the week. With a fully featured interior included heated and ventilated seats and leather, you can also take your special someone out on the town in style.

2015 GMC SIERRA DENALI

2016 NISSAN MAXIMA PLATINUM

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L ET ’S TA L K L A D I ES

SEX: THE MYTH, THE MAGIC, AND THE MEDIA DEAD BED! I’M SURE YOU’VE heard about it. Read

about it. Maybe even lived it. It’s the notion that some lesbians, usually over time, stop having sex but remain a couple. And gay men? If we believe the stereotype, they get to enjoy the opposite. Without a woman to say “no,” the par ty apparently never ends. As a lesbian myself , I would like to think this is all a bunch of media hype based on nothing more than common stereotypes. But study after study shows that, for the most par t, it’s true. Men do have a higher sex drive than women.

Yvonne Wright

The thing is, mainstream media often stops there. We are inundated by commercials with half-naked women used to sell products. What’s missing is the other half of the story. No, half-naked men probably won’t sell perfume, but a romantic setting might. What our community knows and embraces is the fluidity of sexuality, but what fluidity marketers often miss. It may not be that men have a higher sex drive, but that their drive is based on more straightforward, instantaneous triggers. Mass media, like advertising, entertainment, and the news business often take a narrow approach to male and female roles in general and an even narrower approach to sexual roles. Even in 2015, stereotypes hold firm. Fifty Shades of Grey made more than $500 million dollars portraying 20 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

RECENT STUDY: Straight men are almost always aroused by malefemale images; gay men are exclusively aroused by male-male sex; women, both straight and lesbian, showed arousal while watching all types of erotic material; and lesbians showed more sexual fluidity than gay men.

”

a young, naive woman who is stalked, controlled, and isolated by a rich, strong man. Even the BDSM community distanced itself from this movie that so blatantly blurs the lines between dominance and abuse. In the advertising world, everyone from Calvin Klein to Fiat uses sex as a staple to sell their products. There’s a reason. Sex does sell — but only under the right conditions. Men’s magazines like Maxim and FHM have experimented with sexy covers versus images of male stars. Semi-naked women overwhelmingly outsold magazines with male celebrity covers. Advertising executive Paul Suggrett chalks it up to our reptilian brains that respond to “certain primal urges” like food and sex. The more sexually provocative the ad, the more men liked it.

Studies show that while women may have sex less often than men, it tends to last longer and be more fulfilling.

”

At the same time, a University of Florida study showed that women who looked at sexy models in print ads like Vogue and Allure were often turned off. In fact, the hotter the models and the sexier the poses, the more uninterested the group of women. Does this mean sex doesn’t sell to women buyers? No! At least one company has taken a page from the sexual fluidity manual that the LGBT community has always been in touch with. Victoria’s Secret rakes in $5 billion dollars a year, mostly from women buyers, by using ads that show some of the most provocative images of women in the advertising industry. Why? Glad you asked! In The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States, sociologist Edward O. Laumann, Ph.D., conducted a major survey of men’s sex drives versus women’s. What he, and many other researchers have found, is that men do have a higher sex drive, at least when it comes to immediate, straightforward sexual gratification. Men tend to think about and want sex more often. They have more testosterone, which usually leads to a greater sex drive. Keegan Duncan is experiencing this first hand. He recently began his transition and says his sex drive has increased considerably. Since beginning testosterone shots a few months ago, he says he’s more easily aroused, has a greater sex drive, and “thinks about sex several times a day, whereas before I thought about it a few times a week.” While women may not have that extra sexual testosterone boost, we’re far from asexual. This same study shows women’s turn-ons are simply more complicated. We are more influenced by social and cultural events, or as Laumann puts it we “take a less direct route to sexual arousal.” What I found to be the most interesting part of this study is that women tend to be more sexually fluid than men — even straight women. When researchers at Northwestern University showed straight and gay men erotic films, straight men were almost always aroused by male-female images while gay men were almost exclusively aroused by male-male sex. But women, both straight and lesbian, generally showed arousal while watching all different types of erotic material. Lesbians showed more sexual fluidity than gay men. This is sometimes apparent in how women are portrayed by the mainstream media. Back to Victoria’s Secret. It seems the secret to the success of their overtly sexual advertising using semi-nude women is to let the general fluidity of women’s sexuality, and the paths to their arousal, guide them. The company follows the two rules of selling with sex to women. First, the product needs to be expensive. Research shows women see sexual images used to sell cheap items as cheesy. Second, they sell items of a sexual nature. Other studies show that using sexy women to sell items like watches, turn most women off. So, while some stereotypes about the male/female sexual divide hold true, studies show it’s not as black and white as we often think. Dead bed isn’t even a proven fact. One small study done this year shows it didn’t exist at all among lesbians they questioned. Other studies show that while women may have sex less often than men, when they do it tends to last longer and be more fulfilling. One of the best things about the LGBT community is we tend not to subscribe to stereotypes. We are forging our own sexual paths, our own way, despite how the media portrays men and women.

2980 N Syracuse St | Denver, CO OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 21

L ET ’S TA L K L A D I ES

DRINKING THE FOUNTAIN OF WOMANHOOD SCULPTED PHYSIQUES WORKED TO THE pinnacle of

Adonis-inspired perfection. A generous dusting of thick hair that covers the body from head to heel. Moder n swagger that struts the catwalk between arrogance and charm. Baseball hats with brims f latter than Tahmoh Penikett’s stomach and beards grown lush like well-tended gardens. O’Brian Gunn

Masculinity has the gay community clenched tight in its thick fist and seems to have no intention of letting go, but that doesn’t mean my gay brethren and I can’t learn from the women in our lives. While it’s important for gay men to have open and honest discussions with each other in order to learn, it’s equally vital that we balance our education by taking a lesson from the women in our lives.

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE FREE My friend Grace would be considered a free spirit with a dash of 60s hippie sensibility about her. She’s one of the most open and loving people I know, and those traits have slowly worked their way into my heart over the 13 years I’ve known her. She’s also shown me how to make people feel welcome in my home as well as my heart, proving that home is most definitely where the heart is. I also have Grace to thank for showing 22 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

me that it’s okay to make decisions based on instinct rather than logic.

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A KING Shareese is a powerful black queen standing and singing tall at her throne and reigning over a kingdom of her own creation. As a modern black woman, her experience is a reflection of mine as a black gay man. She’s taught me to embrace who and what I am and to dig through the trials and tribulations heaped upon us to magnify the true history of our culture and acknowledge what it truly means to be African-American rather than simply “black.”

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE A NURTURING WARRIOR Jamie, Carrie Lynn, and Andrea are three women, three feminists, and three true friends. They’ve taught me how to be an opinionated and

While I may enjoy looking at men, I enjoy thinking and growing with women.

”

outspoken individual with a nurturing spirit. I have no doubt that Wonder Woman would be the result of combining these three women. These warriors have also taught me how to be a true friend, one who stays with you through arguments, misunderstandings, significant others, and the storms of life. These three women have shown me how to give my everything to the people who are the most important in my life.

YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE OPENLY VULNERABLE Another of my friends, who I’ll refer to as E, taught me how to turn and face the psychological and emotional damage done to me in the past, acknowledge it for what it is, and draw strength from it. It’s easy to use our mental and emotional scars as excuses for certain behaviors and negative personality traits, but E has shown me those scars should instead be transmuted into fuel to keep the heart and mind going when we want to shut down. In a way, she taught me how to be an alchemist. While I may enjoy looking at men, I enjoy thinking and growing with women. The women in my life have made me a better man, a better writer, and a better human being. And for that, I’ll always be grateful to them.

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WHY I LOVE QUEER WOMEN Betrearon Tezera

It seems as though people today, both within and outside the LGBT community, are attached to the idea of “women” without marking the brilliant and embraceable differences between them, opting instead to tether them to the shorthand of stereotypes.

24 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

For example, a lot of my gay male friends espouse many of these stereotypes when the women in their lives come up: Their straight-girl pals talk to them about boys, the latest smoothie fast, and clothes exclusively; their gay-girl pals “mother” them (a term I’m borrowing verbatim from a recent

conversation) by way of introduction to/mentoring in feminist/queer politics, theory, and activism. But, as with minority politics in general, stereotypes are dangerous and limiting. They’re also incredibly boring and predictable when you start to deal with everyone around you through the tunnel vision of tropes. I don’t like engaging the “straight girls vs. gay girls” debate much, because the experiences I’ve had with the women in my life have been far too textured and complicated to be accurately encapsulated by the words straight and gay. After all, there is a third category we’re not considering: “queer” girls. Straight and gay are terms that directly reference sexual orientations and practices, but “queer” (although defined differently by different people and in different time periods) refers to a much broader sense of outsiderness that can never be reduced to the kinds of genitals that get you off. Queer is a political orientation that (explicitly or implicitly) considers sexuality, of course, but also equally takes to task economics, history, social order, labor, politics, and other citadels of normative consciousness in infinitely productive ways. It’s not, as many would have it (including my mother), an ideology that is anti-convention just for the sake of flying in the face of “tradition” and what’s “normal” (although that’s totally enough of a reason to be queer), but rather one that is anti-convention for the sake of flying in the face of “normal” because for so many people, the notion of “normal” is equivalent to a “tradition” of oppression. You can exclusively enjoy having straight sex and still be queer. You can also be queer and not really interested in straight sex. To put that into context, there are, the way I see it, four kinds of women I’ve interacted with the most over the course of my life (that is, of course, not to say that this is meant to be a comprehensive breakdown; it is, rather, meant to be an examination of a crosssection I believe I am familiar with): Queer Women who are Straight, Queer Women who aren’t Straight, Non-Queer Women who are Straight, Non-Queer Women who aren’t Straight.

she sometimes approaches me about guys in a way that makes me really uncomfortable, like talking about Nietzsche and Rancière are appetizers and “15 reasons why I hate boys but oh my god X is so cute, isn’t he?” is the main course. Beth often uses the phrase “letting our hair down” when she talks to me about guys. I’m not a fan of that one, because Nietzsche and Rancière are guys, but apparently not the kinds of guys Beth really wants to talk to me about because (I’m guessing that) as a practicing homosexual, men are my specialty. (I think this is funny because I call myself asexual in earnest more often than I call myself homosexual.) I talked to Beth last week about how unsettled those moments make me feel, and she gave me her word that she’d keep mindful during those moments because “genitality isn’t worth a whole lot when it comes to our friendship and how each of us should interact with male bodies.” I’m completely convinced that the profound nature of that conversation was made possible because of her queerness, and the fact that “fetishization” and “othering” are now catchphrases in our friendship. Christine is not queer, but she’s pansexual. I love Christine for how much she teaches me about how sex, gender, and sexuality intersect powerful ly in romantic/ sexual situations. She catches me on a lot of the biases society has injected us all with, and the rapidity of a lot of my radical sexual unlearning is thanks to Christine giving me advice and sharing her own experiences. However, I often argue heatedly with Christine because she openly expresses her “irritation with feminine men.” She once told me she stopped talking to a guy she thought was hot because “the moment he opened his mouth he sounded like a f*cking twink.” She also loves to remind me “a man isn’t really a man unless he’s a man’s man.” Speaking with Christine can, as I’m sure you can imagine, be a pain in the ass a lot of the time. The luminescence she obviously has when it comes to gender is made precarious by how she despises men in particular whose sex/gender/gender comportment/sexuality combo doesn’t fall in line with Butler’s “heterosexual matrix” (male = man = masculine = heterosexual). I have, at different points in my life, identified as “femme,” and that’s a part of my identity I can’t introduce to my relationship with Christine, and I don’t really deal with that well. If only she were queer …

Christine once told me she stopped talking to a guy because ‘the moment he opened his mouth he sounded like a f*cking twink. A man isn’t really a man unless he’s a man’s man.’ Perhaps if she were queer, she’d know why this is wrong, wrong, wrong.

”

Disclaimer: What follows is a slightly fictionalized account of four of my friends, Abby, Beth, Christine, and Dahlia (names have been changed to protect privacy). Each roughly falls under one of the above four makeshift (and admittedly insufficient) permutations. Here goes nothing. Abby is a queer woman who isn’t straight. Abby is my best friend from all my friend groups because we’re both queer and experience same-sex attraction, in addition to both being immigrants. Abby is someone with whom I can talk about so many different (yet intersecting) elements in my life, like being a person of color and an immigrant and a homosexual and never having quite as much money as is necessary, all at the same time, because while she shares many of those identities and circumstances, she’s also committed to living in ways that don’t just accept and reify these terms at face value, but that fundamentally question their very nature constantly. Beth is a queer woman who is straight. I love Beth tremendously, because she is an anarchist, a squatter, and an artist at heart. Her filter is always absent, which makes her a joy to be around. However,

Dahlia is perhaps the friend who resembles society’s ideal woman the most (not queer, straight as an arrow, very feminine, etc., etc., etc.), but instead of being equal parts infuriating and triggering, she (perhaps paradoxically) is the friend with whom I have the simplest relationship. We just don’t talk about much of anything. We have what many people call a “superficial relationship.” We seem to get along fine and have enough fun, but it’s all really just filler. When she found out I was from Africa, though, she told me I barely have an accent when I speak English, and how wonderful that is, which is the one and only time anything she’s ever said to me has made me feel something more intense than a virulent apathy, which I guess is a good thing? Where dominant idioms of being leave us high and dry (especially when some or all of our conformities to them are effortless), queer idioms have an interesting and introspective solution to very real lapses in meaning that “normal” will never be able to rid itself of. Queerness is life-giving, but queerness and non-heterosexuality is just unbeatable. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 25

all hail the butch superhero Sara Hernandez

Lea DeLaria, commonly known as Big Boo from Orange Is The New Black, flew to Denver during Pride to party it up at the City Hall Amphitheater. Graciously, she gave us a few minutes of mic-time that we decided to reserve for our Let’s Talk Ladies issue. The interview is as follows. (I’ll warn you now that this interview gets graphic, so the faint of heart might wanna skip to the next feature … but I’ll also warn you that you’ll miss some anecdotes about Meryl Streep, Lori Petty, and Lily Tomlin. And strap-on sex. It’s all in here.) Come along as Lea D. gets candid outside the clink. You’ve been labeled in the past a “butch superhero.”

Do you feel like you’re a good role model for the community?

A butch superhero? I haven’t heard that one but I love it! I get a picture of me standing on a hill with my arms akimbo, the breeze blowing through my cape. It’s like that shot from the original Superman series with George Reeves, where it always showed him with America behind him. The second thing I think of when I hear that is how much the community has changed in terms of its acceptance of butch dykes and nelly fags. I hope I had something to do with that.

No. I think if I’m a role model, then the community is in a lot of f*cking trouble. *laughs That’s what I think. People keep calling me a role model and I don’t know what to do with it. I mean my entire life, my career has been based on social commentary. And in order to be a good social commentator, you have to be a bit on the outside if you know what I mean. So for people to suddenly start calling me a role model is sort of frightening. It’s like, “Oh my God, I’ve lost my edge!” I prefer dyk-on* to role model. * Dyk-on is Lea’s portmanteau of ‘dyke’ and ‘icon.’

26 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

I read you were excited about being the “fat, butch dyke with the c*ck strapped on” in season 3. Why was that so exciting for you? Are you kidding?! The reason I was excited was 1) they never show fat people having any sexuality whatsoever, so here’s a fat dyke having sex with a truly hot babe. In fact, Madison was so hot that I now know how men feel when they’re afraid they’re going to get a woody during a sex scene. Thankfully, my scene called for me to have a woody so it was all good. But you never see fat people having any sexuality, and you never see butches having any sexuality. You only see them drunk; you only see them beating their girlfriends; you only see them stupid. And in all of American television, The L Word included, this is a first — TV guide pointed that out, which is awesome. This is the first time there’s ever been a lesbian sex scene with a c*ck strapped on the way it’s supposed to be. There have been dildos before but never dyke sex with c*cks strapped on. So to be the first to do that was very, totally cool. You’re a pioneer in the TV strap-on field. Absolutely hilarious. I was the first openly gay comic to perform on television in America and that was 1993. So now, 22 years later, I’m the first actress to have dildo dyke sex [on television]. When you read the script, were you like, “Holy sh*t! This is gonna happen!”

political things when I go to Prides. In fact, for a time I was kind of over Pride because all they seemed to be was a celebration when there was so much f*cking work that needed to be done. I felt like “Gay Pride Day? Sorry I don’t have enough pride to last the f*cking day.” I was so over all of it. It was only until recently, where the queer community has gotten their sh*t back. Those things, those desires. To borrow the hashtag, I’ve been using “refuse to be invisible.” Now I’m really excited when I go to Pride. I spent a lot of time saying no. People would say, “Oh, come. It’s a great party.” Stop right there, I’d lose my f*cking mind. I was sick of every f*cking Pride having some assh*le talking about how we’re like everyone else and we’re exactly like straight people. That f*cking goes up my ass so far. We’re not like straight people. We have our own community and our own culture. We can coexist peacefully within who we are without having to emulate anybody. The other thing is how religion seemed to take over every Pride I went to. I was like, “If I go to another Gay Pride and see another religious float, I’m going to personally go up to Heaven and bitch-slap Jesus.” With organized religion, there’s a history of the persecution of everybody — not just queer people — everybody throughout history. And some people need to own that sh*t. Don’t get me going here, I’ve got nothing against religious people if they respect my choice to be me, to be an atheist, and the fact that I was born a dyke. As long as they respect me, I’ll respect them. But the minute they show any derision for who I am, I’m in their face.

people keep calling me a role model and I don’t know what to do with it. i think if i’m a role model, the community is in a lot of f*cking trouble.

I asked Kate Mulgrew [who plays Red] about it because I’d never done a sex scene before. I asked if she had any tips, forgetting that Kate and I had been emailing each other over my phone. And you know how your phone will say “Sent from my iPad or sent from my iPhone” and people get creative with that? Mine says “Sent from my vagina.” She sends back, “Isn’t everything you send from your vagina?” I mean, I was a tad nervous about it because I wanted it to be real. We had a conversation on set where they wanted me to strap the dildo on over my boxers. They wanted people to see what [the strap-on] was. I said, “Look. As a butch dyke, I can’t allow that. Nobody does that. Absolutely nobody does that. Nobody straps a c*ck on over their panties! It’s stupid.” But I understood what they wanted, so I said, “Let’s go naked,” which is what we did. They just thought I’d never go naked, which is why they suggested it in the first place. I’ll tell you right now: If there’s anybody comfortable in their skin, it’s me. I don’t give a f*ck. Once we got that cleared up it was good. You were in Denver for Pride. Yes! I had so much fun. Ridiculously great fun — [Girl Pride] was quite a party. And you know, I’m often not celebrating. I’m often doing very

But you enjoyed Denver while you were here?

I was in Denver for less than 12 hours. I came into that to party and put my face out to say, “Happy Pride! What a f*cking amazing time to be queer!” I was there to do some dancing and have a few drinks — it was great. Fangirl question for you: Is Lori Petty as rad in real life as most fangirls think she’d be? Lori Petty is the raddest motherf*cker on the planet! It’s interesting that you should ask because you’ve probably seen on social media about a thousand pictures of me and Lori and often Taryn Manning [who plays Pensatucky]. The three of us hang a lot; we’re sort of the punk-ass bitches on the show. Lori is the f*cking sh*t, man. She’s so cute. The first season we became friends pretty quickly. And she was like, “Yo, DeLaria! My sister’s coming to town with a girlfriend. You would make me a hero in their eyes if you would have dinner with us. They’re huge fans of yours and have been for a long time.” I f*cking love that about Lori, she was totally fangirling. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 27

It’s been a joy. Having Lori is one of the best gifts Orange has given me. She’s a rad-ass motherf*cker — love her. And she’s a great actor. She’s so good on the show, a great f*cking addition to the cast. Who have you fangirled over in the past? I don’t generally fangirl over celebrities. My demeanor is usually pretty cool. Having said that, I will say this: I met Lily Tomlin back in 1993 backstage at the GLAAD awards. I had just become the first openly gay comic on television that March, and this was the June GLAAD awards. So I was rubbing elbows with famous people and I’d never done that before. I saw Lily Tomlin backstage in the corner going over her script. She had her glasses on reading her script and I thought to myself, “I may never have the opportunity again to shake hands with Lily Tomlin. So I’m going to go over to say hi, and she looked up. Before I could say, “Excuse me, Ms. Tomlin, I would love just to be able to shake your hand. You’ve been a huge influence on me and my comedy” ... before I could even say that, she looked up and smiled really big and said, “Oh, Lea DeLaria! What a pleasure to meet you! I am a huge fan.” And I just burst into tears! Like a f*cking little bitch. I was horrified! And I was like, “Oh, Lily, I’m so sorry. I don’t usually respond like this. It just means so much to me.” Interestingly enough, since then, almost every day now, someone bursts into tears when they meet me. So I have total empathy for them because the f*cking thing happened to me. The other was when I first met Meryl Streep. This would’ve been somewhere around 1999 — Mrs. Streep and I both worked for the public theater in NYC. I was playing Audrey in As You Like It, which starred Gwyneth Paltrow at the time. Gwyneth had just won her Academy Award so every day was insanity. Every day, the stage manager would come back and tell you who was in the audience. And it became a joke, I mean it became ridiculous. Names like Steven Spielberg. I remember one day the stage manager came back and was like, “We’ve got Kevin Kline and Meryl Streep.” So of course we all went crazy. And she came backstage to meet me and I kind of shook her hand and was really calm. And then I got down on my knees and did the “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!” thing to her. She was beautiful! She went, “You know that’s why I love your acting, Lea. You always make the small choices.” And the next time I saw her, we did a 50th anniversary show for public theater and it had God and everybody in it. And she sang Sodomy from Hair and I was going on after her. She had been nervous about it in rehearsals and when she came out, I told her, “See? I knew you would f*cking kill!” And she kissed me on the cheek, then she kissed me on the hand and let me tell you: I didn’t wash my face and my hand for a f*cking year!

Why was it a crowdsource venture? Because it’s almost impossible to get a jazz record made unless you’re Michael Bublé, which is actually more pop music than jazz. Pardon me, but even if you’re an actual jazz artist, unless you’re the biggest name in jazz it’s almost impossible to get a record made. I’m definitely not Pat Metheny, so Warner Jazz [Records] was like, “Oh, we’ll give you $5000.” I can’t sh*t a record with $5000 dollars! So what’s the good of being on a number-one show if you can’t use that to do some other things? My first love is jazz, and people who’ve been fans for a long time know I’m a singer. So we just kind of went [the crowdsourcing] route, and we did really well. In fact, when David Bowie Official started following me on Twitter, I knew we were doing incredible. Jazz is your first love, even before acting and comedy? Yeah! Of course I like doing everything I do. I feel very blessed that people seem to want me to do a lot of things, you know what I mean? It’s not like Bruce Willis, you know, coming out with his blues band. Nobody gives a f*ck. Who the f*ck cares? People seem interested in watching me do standup, watching me do Broadway, and watching me act and are buying my jazz records and coming to hear me sing. So that’s a blessing for me. As a Gemini, I gotta tell you: If I had to only do one thing I’d probably f*cking lose it. But luckily I’m allowed to do a variety of different things.

you never see butches on tv having any sexuality. You only see them drunk; you only see them beating their girlfriends; you only see them stupid.

You just released an album of David Bowie covers done in a jazz style, House of David. It’s available for download! 28 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

What do you enjoy most when you’re on the road? I generally tour with a trio if not a quartet and always intersperse music within my stand-up comedy. Because my comedy is so loud, so fast, and so vulgar, people get tired. You can only take it for so long. So, you know, after like five minutes they’re like, “Mom, make it stop!” In 1982, when I started doing dyke comedy, I did music as well because it worked. I would just sing some song [the crowd] knew, lull them into a false sense of security, then start screaming “f*ck!” and “dyke!” and “c*nt!” at them. And that’s been my format since 1982 and hasn’t changed. So, what do I like the most when I’m on the road? Finding strange p*ssy. You’re hilarious. So let’s wrap this up by playing Marry, Murder, Screw. Your choices are Piper, Alex, and Pensatucky. Piper, Alex, and Pensatucky? Oh, Lord. Are we talking Lea DeLaria or Big Boo?

We’re talking Lea DeLaria. I would murder Pensatucky, screw Piper, and marry Alex. But Boo would murder Piper, screw Pensatucky, and marry Alex. Let me just say Boo is more understanding than Lea DeLaria. I would bitch-slap Pensatucky into next Tuesday — I’d never have the patience to deal with that bullsh*t. Boo is a much more patient and loving person than Lea DeLaria.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 29

lights, camera,

WOMEN! O’Brian Gunn

TV shows and movies have been some of my best teachers, even if the plot was rooted in science fiction, fantasy, or otherwise improbable situations. No matter how much time and money is spent on special effects, location, costumes, or advertising, TV shows and movies don’t stand a chance of truly succeeding without compelling characters. While I’ve learned a lot from all of my years of watching TV shows and movies, I’ve learned most of those lessons from female characters. BLACK WIDOW/NATASHA ROMANOFF

While she might not have superpowers or high-tech armor and be the only female member of The Avengers, at least before Wanda Maximoff bewitched her way onto the team, Black Widow has shown she’s more than capable of holding her own with a little help from her friends. Natasha shows us how to use our skills to the absolute fullest and look awesome while doing it. She doesn’t seem the slightest bit impressed or intimidated by the fact that she fights alongside a god, an American legend, and two of the smartest men in the Marvel universe. It’s easy to become jealous of other people, compare ourselves to them, and covet what they have, but what if we were more like Black Widow? What if we knew the totality of our worth and didn’t try to place ourselves in a box in which we know we can’t fit? Maybe we should start asking ourselves, “What would Black Widow do?” CLAIRE UNDERWOOD Claire Underwood is one of the most ambitious women on television. She plays the First Lady on House of Cards, but she knows all too well that her position and status are directly linked and overshadowed by her presidential husband, Frank Underwood. Claire also realizes she can lose her status just as quickly as Meechum can lose his sense of boundaries after a few drinks. Claire shows us that no matter how high your position, you can quickly and easily be laid low by the whims and wills of others. Another insight Claire imparts is that we should never settle when it comes to relationships. Like Natasha, Claire knows her worth and isn’t willing to settle for being in an unfulfilling relationship where she’s not fully satisfied 30 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

and appreciated for all she’s worth. How many people do we know who have settled in a life or relationship where they aren’t happy, aren’t being challenged to do and be better, and are willing to accept “good enough?” VANESSA IVES Never in the history of television (at least in my opinion) has there been a character more intriguing and well-composed (or eloquently spoken) than Miss Vanessa Ives. Penny Dreadful’s Vanessa Ives first arrested my attention with her initial interaction with Ethan Chandler (played by Josh Hartnett) and has held me in sway ever since. Touched by the “back hand of God,” Vanessa is at once accepting and sometimes fearful of her supernatural abilities and often seems quite comfortable being far removed from “normal” people, no matter how often she immerses herself in the pool of humanity. She has no qualms or apologies for who and what she is, and that’s a trait we can all learn from. Miss Ives also teaches us there’s wisdom to be gained in the more melancholy and solitary aspects of life, something I know all too well as an introvert. Rather than despair or attempt to recreate herself to fit in, Vanessa glorifies in going out by herself and is in no rush to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t operate on the same wavelength as she does, even if she is a product of the Victorian era. There are several more female characters whom I adore, including Buffy Summers, Joan Holloway, Zoe Washburn, and Christina Yang, but these three have a fond place in my heart. While fictional, the lessons they impart are very real and very relatable. You know you’ve found a truly magnificent TV show or movie when it’s just as educational as it is entertaining.

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L ET ’S TA L K L A D I ES

LADY EMBODIES THE BLUES O’Brian Gunn

I’LL OPENLY AND UNHESITATINGLY ADMIT that I love

melancholy music. It probably has more than a little to do with my experience with life and love, but there’s something about listening to songs about hear tache, hear tbreak, longing, and unrequited love that resonates with the core of my being. I usually tur n to female ar tists when I’m in the mood to drown my emotions and ears in lilting lyrics, soul-crushing chords, and radiating refrains. So why is it that female singers seem to hit all of the right notes when it comes to matters of the broken hear t? THEY’RE (OFTEN) BETTER EQUIPPED While a majority of men were taught that showing and sharing emotion is a sign of weakness and emasculating vulnerability, a majority of women are expected to show and share these emotions. I’m not saying male singers are unable to or are forbidden from crooning about being afraid to fall in love or the emotional blight that results from a onesided breakup, but I am saying that most of the female singers I enjoy know how bring those emotions to bear in all of their unadulterated and bitter glory. When I hear Tweet, Jazmine Sullivan, Adele, or Amy Winehouse sing about lost love, I feel them digging deep deep deep into the feeling and the experience. They don’t half step when they come up to the mic, even though they know full well their song will be heard by thousands or millions of listeners. They don’t hold back when it comes 32 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

to recalling that feeling and filling every note to the brim with it. You can hear the tears in their music, but you can also feel the recovery and strength those tears bring.

THEY HAVE THE INSIGHT It’s believed that women operate on a different wavelength than men, and I’m inclined to believe that. Call it intuition, a gut feeling, extra senses, or even societal conditioning, there’s no denying that women perceive the world differently. When it comes to love and everything that goes with it, a woman can have a completely different perception of the experience and how it makes her feel and act. I believe female singers can see the subtle nuances etched into a fully realized love as well as all of the cracks and chips in a shattered heart. This insight is infused into the voice, one of the most powerful and expressive forces known

It’s believed that women operate on a different wavelength than men, and I’m inclined to believe that. Call it intuition, a gut feeling, extra senses, or even societal conditioning, there’s no denying that women perceive the world differently.

”

to man(and woman)kind. I gain a new way of looking at and understanding love and life when I listen to Teedra Moses confess that “you’ll never find a better woman or a bigger fool.” It’s pure poetry that can only be uttered from the lips of a woman.

THEY HAVE THE VOICE There’s something about juxtaposing a soft voice with a hard truth. While male groups like Heatwave and Earth, Wind and Fire and male singers like Maxwell and Daley are well known for embracing the higher end of the scale, female singers are able to weave their angelic voices with lyrics that seem as if they were written by the devil. It’s like getting punched in the stomach while watching a beautiful sunset and feeling unadulterated joy for the first time; it’s almost too much for your soul to bear. I admit that I’ve teared up more than a few times at the savage beauty unleashed by a sultry siren. I realize there are male singers who are talented at painting a portrait of the human condition across the canvas of our ears, but there’s a certain intimacy and honesty rubbed into a woman’s voice. In any case, it’s clear that lady feels the blues just as well as she sings them.

LANCE BASS AT TRACKS Former *NSYNC member and LGBT activist Lance Bass took over Tracks Nightclub on August 22 for One Colorado’s 2015 Ally Awards after-party. Hundreds of fans packed the main bar as Bass and husband Michael Turchin honored owner Marty Chernoff for his nearly four decades of support to the LBGT community. Photo by Charles Broshous

Climb The Stairway To Heaven

September September 24 24 Red Rocks

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 33

34 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

WHO IS KOMEN COLORADO? Susan G. Komen® began in 1982 as a promise between two sisters. Today, Komen is the global leader of the breast cancer movement. Locally, Komen Colorado has supported our mission since 1991.

FUND-“RACING” FOR BREAST CANCER AWARENESS “YOU HAVE BREAST CANCER.” THOSE words send shockwaves

through patients and their families. At that moment, ever ything changes. Ask any breast cancer sur vivor and they can tell you exactly where they were when they heard those words, and who they tur ned to next.

WHERE OUR MONEY GOES

75%

25%

of net funds raised are invested in national breast cancer research

of net funds raised every year are invested locally to provide breast health services in Colorado and advocate for equal access to quality breast cancer care

www.facebook.com/KomenColorado @komencolorado

Susan G. Komen Colorado serves as an important resource for breast cancer education and services. Komen Colorado is dedicated to saving lives and ending breast cancer forever by empowering people, ensuring quality care for all, and energizing science to find the cures.

Komen Colorado received applications requesting more than $3 million in support, so we know there is still more work to be done to ensure all Coloradans have access to the care they need and accurate information about breast cancer risk and screening recommendations.

In Colorado, 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. This year, more than 3,420 women in Colorado will be diagnosed with breast cancer and 510 will die from the disease. Komen Colorado is working to better the lives of those facing breast cancer in our community. Through our signature events — Komen Colorado Race for the Cure®, Ride for the Cure, and the Pink Tie Affair along with other fundraising initiatives — Komen Colorado has invested $41 million in community breast health programs. Of the funds generated by the organization, 75 percent of net proceeds stay in Colorado and the remaining 25 percent support life-saving national breast cancer research.

Those organizations receiving funding include Clinica Tepeyac, Colorado Foundation for the Public Health and Environment, Native American Cancer Research, Rocky Mountain Rural Health, Denver Health, Project Angel Heart, Sense of Security, Ray of Hope Cancer Foundation, Aspen Valley Hospital, Colorado Community Health Network, Community Health Services, Grand River Hospital District, Inner City Health Center, Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains, Saint Joseph Hospital Foundation, Yuma District Hospital, Saint Anthony Health Foundation, and Poudre Valley Health System Foundation.

Please join us for the 23rd annual Susan G. Komen Colorado Race for the Cure®, which will be held Sunday, September 27 at the Pepsi Center. This event is the largest breast cancer event in Colorado and among the top five Komen Races across the United States. Race events include a 5K run at 8am and a Family 1-mile Fun Walk at 9am. Survivors and coSurvivors are invited to visit the Survivor Village prior to the race. All participants are invited to stay and honor survivors at the signature Survivor Celebration at 10:15am. Along with recognizing those who have conquered the disease, a special Co-Survivor Award will be presented by Great-West Financial. Connecting our mission with our revenue goals is very important to the organization and its Board of Directors. This year, Komen Colorado awarded more than $1.7 million through a competitive grants program to provide safety-net breast cancer care for those in need. The grants support 24 breast health and breast cancer projects at 58 Colorado locations that will be administered by 18 nonprofit hospitals, health care clinics, and community-based organizations.

Komen Colorado’s 22-county service area includes Adams, Arapahoe, Boulder, Broomfield, Clear Creek, Denver, Douglas, Eagle, Garfield, Gilpin, Jefferson, Larimer, Logan, Morgan, Park, Phillips, Pitkin, Sedgwick, Summit, Washington, Weld, and Yuma. Thanks to the generosity of our donors, Komen Colorado has funded nearly $15 million in lifesaving research since 1991 in all areas of breast cancer, from prevention to treatment and to survivorship. And with continued support, this scientific research will address some of the most pressing issues in breast cancer today: • Identifying/improving early detection methods. • Ensuring more accurate diagnoses. • Developing new approaches to prevention. • Enabling personalized treatments based on breast cancer subtypes and the genetic make-up of a tumor. If you or someone you know does not have insurance, needs a mammogram, or has questions, call Komen Colorado at 303-744-2088 or go online for additional community resources. KO M E N C O L O R A D O . O R G SPONSORED CONTENT OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 35

L ET ’S TA L K L A D I ES

THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT LESBIAN HEALTH AS A LESBIAN, GAY, OR bisexual woman, did you know you have a higher risk of developing breast and cer vical cancers than heterosexual women?

If you’ve never given birth to children, your risk of breast and cervical cancers is increased. Other factors that put you at higher risk include having a family history of these cancers, smoking, and being overweight. While it’s a special health concern to be aware of, the good news is there are easy, simple steps you can take today to reduce your risk for breast and cervical cancer and keep your engines purring. The answer? Early detection with routine cancer screenings. While cancer screenings are admittedly not super-sexy topics for conversation, they are worth discussing and doing for your health! If anything is discovered, it’s easier to treat when caught early. What do they involve? You will need mammograms and breast exams to check for breast cancer and screenings for cervical cancer. The nice thing is you don’t need to have these tests done every year! When you go to your medical provider for your annual women’s wellness check, your age, family history, and previous medical history will determine which screening tests are needed. It is important to get the right test done at the right time. As a heads up, you don’t need to worry about mammograms until you are over 40 years old, but should already be doing regular selfexaminations of your breasts to detect any lumps. 36 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

If you are over 21, you should be no stranger to speculums and Pap tests. Cervical cancer screenings are recommended starting at 21 and should be performed every three years. In case it’s been awhile since your last women’s wellness check, don’t worry — Denver Health has you covered. Denver Health has partnered with the GLBT Center and One Colorado to provide a safe and caring environment for all women. Recognized as a “Leader in LGBT Healthcare Equality” by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, Denver Health is dedicated to serving the medical needs of Denver’s LGBTQ communities with dignity and respect at every stage of your care. What does Denver Health offer?

WE OFFER ONE-ON-ONE HELP FROM DEDICATED LGBTQ PATIENT NAVIGATORS Need to schedule an appointment? Not comfortable with your current medical provider? Wish you had someone to go to your appointment with you? Take advantage of Denver Health’s dedicated staff of LGBTQ patient navigators to help support you as you navigate the medical system. They can help you schedule an appointment with welcoming and affirming medical providers and understand if you have other health concerns such as high blood pressure, colon health, or diabetes. They will help connect you to these services.

If you would like additional support along the way, they can also attend appointments with you. They can be a great advocate for you as you become familiar with our healthcare system and can be supportive to you along the way. Contact our LGBTQ patient navigators: Paige Jackson: 303-602-6736, paige.jackson@dhha.org Angella Fawcett: 303-602-2319, angella.facwcett@dhha.org

WE HAVE NUMEROUS CLINICS ACROSS THE CITY, NOT JUST AT DENVER HEALTH Women’s wellness checks can be provided at any of our Family Health Centers or the Women’s Care Clinic on the Denver Health campus. With more than nine locations within the Denver metro area, there’s bound to be a health center near you. Pro-tip: While the Denver Health campus has a Women’s Care Clinic, the Family Health Centers at Eastside and Westside feature dedicated Women’s Care Clinics as well.

NEED A MAMMOGRAM? HAVE WHEELS, WILL TRAVEL Denver Health’s Women’s Mobile Clinic travels to several areas in Denver and provides mammograms on site. If you know that you just need a mammogram, definitely take advantage of the mobile clinic. It takes the hassle out of trying to schedule an appointment at a regular clinic and is super convenient! Visit our website for the latest schedule to see if the mobile clinic will roll into your neighborhood. Don’t delay your health! DENVERHEALTH.ORG/LESBIANHEALTH SPONSORED CONTENT

AIDS WALK COLORADO The 28th annual AIDS Walk Colorado was held on August 15 in and around Cheesman Park. Hundreds came out to help raise funds for the Colorado AIDS Project. Other festivities at the event included numerous panels from the AIDS Memorial Quilt, the Diva Dash, and a volleyball tournament. Funds raised are used for supporting prevention programs and providing free HIV testing, and for client service programs at Colorado AIDS Project including housing, insurance assistance, transportation, counseling, and a food bank that provides more than 150,000 meals annually. Photos by Charles Broshous

W I N E A ND DINE DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303.386.3375 DjsCafe.biz

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303.832.1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 37

CA L E N DA R

BROUGH T TO YOU BY T HE DENVER GAY & LESB I A N CH A MBER OF COMMERC E

SEPT 05+06 UPCOMIN G

CHAMBER EV E N TS

SEPT 03

ROCKY MOUNTAIN STEAM FEST @ B OU LDER COU NT Y FAI RGROU NDS • 11AM – 7P M The Rocky Mountain STEAM Fest is a two-day, jam-packed celebration of all things STEAM! This year’s STEAM Fest also features three exciting learning spaces at STEAM University. STEAM stands for Science, Technology, Entrepreneurship, Arts, and Making (among other things), and the Rocky Mountain STEAM Fest will feature more than 100 exhibitors – everything from music to robots, drones to knitting – and lots in between. More info at MakerBoulder.com/STEAM

MONTHLY BREAKFAST

@ DOUBLETREE BY HILTON DENVER • 3203 QUEBEC ST • DENVER • 7.30AM

SEPT 11

With host and speaker, Robert George, from Colorado AIDS Project.

SEPT 05+06

URBAN MARKET @ S KY LI NE PARK • 11AM – 7PM

SEPT 08

At the market you will find an amazing array of local arts and crafts sold directly by the artist. Featuring clothing, jewelry, antiques, furniture, holistic services, unique treasures, delicious food, and just about anything else you could want. Come out and have fun in the sun while supporting your local artists, businesses, and community at Denver’s premier outdoor shopping paradise. Free live music at noon.

DGLCC NETWORKING BREAKFAST CLUB

@ HOT CAKES DINER • 1400 E. 18TH AVE • DENVER • 7.30AM

SEPT 24

TRANSAMERICA WITH WRITER/DIRECTOR DUNCAN TUCKER

A PART OF BOULDER PRIDE WEEK 2015

@ ETOW N HALL • 1535 S P RUCE ST • B OU LDER • VI P MEET & GREET 5 . 30P M • M OVI E 7P M

BUSINESS AFTER HOURS @ THE CROWN SOCIAL (FORMERLY THE BLACK CROWN) • 1446 S. BROADWAY • DENVER • 6PM – 8PM

With host Vince Grandi from Coldwell Banker.

Out Boulder and Terrapin Care Station are teaming up to bring you a screening of the iconic 2004 film, Transamerica. A comedy that will make you laugh out loud, this groundbreaking film for transgender visibility was written and directed by Duncan Tucker who will be in attendance. Check out all the events for Boulder’s Pride Week at OutBoulder.org/ content/12th-Annual-PrideFest.

38 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

THE WIT PRESENTS

SEPT 06+13

SHAKESBEER’S MUCH ABREW ABOUT NOTHING

@ RAT I O BEERWORKS • 2920 LARI MER ST • DENVER • 2PM To commemorate the longstanding tradition of drinking on, off, and all around the stage, The Wit Theatre Company and Ratio Beerworks present a frothy, hopped-up comedy with notes of romance and intrigue … at a taphouse! Acting out an original 60-minute adaptation of the lauded Shakespearean comedy, actors imbibe before and throughout the entire show. Hijinx ensue.

SEPT 27

SEPT 09+20

SUSAN G. KOMEN RACE FOR THE CURE ® @ PE PSI C E NTE R • 1 0 00 C H O P P E R C I R • D E N V E R • 8 AM One in seven women in Colorado will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime. Every minute, somewhere in the world, someone dies from breast cancer. Join Komen Colorado for the 23rd Race for the Cure, the world’s largest education and fundraising event for breast cancer. 100% of the net proceeds are allocated to the Susan G. Komen mission and help support the fight against breast cancer. For more information and registration visit: Bit.ly/KomenCORace

SEPT 06

1ST THURSDAY

YOGA + WINE 13TH ANNUAL LABOR DAY WEEKEND WHITE PARTY @ BETA NIGHTC LUB • 1 90 9 B L A K E ST • DENVER • 9 P M • $ 35 + Your last chance to wear white before it’s a faux pas. Featuring DJs Topshelf, Squizzy Taylor, Cook, and KDJ Above. All tables for the White Party are SOLD OUT. Tickets available at WhitePartyDenver.com

SEPT 12

HOUSE OF MONTALDO FAMILY REUNION

MATILDA THE MUSICAL @ B U ELL TH EATRE • 1350 CURTIS ST • DENVER Winner of 50 international awards, including four Tony Awards, Matilda The Musical is the story of an extraordinary girl who, armed with a vivid imagination and a sharp mind, dares to take a stand and change her own destiny. Based on the beloved novel by Roald Dahl, Matilda continues to thrill sold-out audiences of all ages on Broadway and in London’s West End. Tickets at DenverCenter.org

@ I NFI NI T E MONKEY T HEOREM • DENVER • 6. 30 TO 8. 30P M • $ 25

SEPT 11

Every 1st Thursday of the month, Infinite Monkey lets yoga enthusiasts of all stripes practice their stuff with a yoga class in the winery, topped off by a glass of wine afterward.

AFTER PARTY ON THE BRIDGE

@ LI ’ L DEVI LS • 25 5 S B ROADWAY • DENVER • 4P M

@ 19TH & PLATTE STREET HISTORIC BRIDGE • 9PM • $75 ADVANCE • $85 AT DOOR

Celebrate with the sons and daughters of the House of Montaldo while they raise money for the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research. There will be a BBQ from 4–8pm that goes to the benefit. The show begins at 9pm, led by the Denver’s legendary Nina Montaldo.

One night after the Greenway Foundation’s highly esteemed annual Gala on the Bridge, this event features eats, cocktails, and live music as they present the Partners in Change awards. Proceeds from the After Party on the Bridge support The Greenway Foundation’s longstanding efforts to protect and enhance the South Platte River and its tributaries and to engage the Metro Denver community with their river through educational programming and free cultural events. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 39

H E I N Z ES I G H T

FIGHTING OFF NEGATIVITY IN LIFE Brent Heinze, Senior Columnist

DEAR BRENT, I tr y to be a positive person, but

sometimes it’s really hard when I feel there is so much negativity in the gay community. It doesn’t matter if it’s online or in person, there are some really mean people out there, who hur t my feelings and make me less motivated to engage people. What are some good ways to protect myself from these people so I can work on building happiness in my life?

Unfortunately, there are some extremely toxic people and rough situations that can come into our lives. Building up protections to keep negativity from impacting us can be a difficult, life-long process, but having the desire to build a positive life is probably the most essential quality to remember when faced with these. Life is full of rough trials and interactions, but they don’t have to knock us down or stop us from developing personal fulfillment. An important thing to keep in mind is that people with healthy self-esteem usually aren’t the mean ones. When people truly feel confident about themselves and the life they have created,

M A RQU EE

40 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

there is little need to act in demeaning or angry ways to others. Personal discontent can drive people to lead miserable lives or attempt to spread it to others. There are also people who have developed a misguided sense of power to cover their own unhappiness. For others, it’s not necessarily a vindictive effort directed at you personally, but these negative attitudes and behaviors can rapidly turn into deep-rooted addictive patterns where pessimism effortlessly spews from them with little conscious awareness that they are doing it. It is simply a normal state for them to be in and many feel powerless to stop this once it has been ingrained in them.

So many of us struggle with the rudeness of people online. Unfortunately, sometimes the unanimity of being online gives people the justification to act like a jackass. For these damaged, abusive individuals, thankfully there is usually a selection for blocking them from sending you messages or seeing when you’re online. These people generally wouldn’t have the balls to be that much of a jerk to your face, but from behind the keyboard they seem to have developed a sense of being invulnerable and self-important. Don’t waste your time or energy getting in a war of snippy comments. It won’t make a difference anyway, will only serve to frustrate you, and doesn’t help you maintain a positive outlook with connecting with others. The best defense against these people is a three-pronged attack. First, you can ignore the negativity and focus on the magnificent parts of yourself and your life. The more energy you spend on being grumpy, the less you have to spend on building a successful life. Second, if you feel so inclined, you can say something and challenge their negativity. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that their attitude is bringing you down and you are going to focus on more positive aspects of your life. It may help them in the long run to identify that they have patterns that aren’t very attractive to others. The last thing is to remain focused on your desire to create an amazing life. You have the ability to hold onto important things and people around you while having the confidence to discard the trash.

MARY POPPINS Thru September 5 th, 2015 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BDTStage.com

ONE COLORADO ALLY AWARDS One Colorado’s 2015 Ally Awards were held at the Four Seasons Hotel in downtown Denver on August 22. The annual event honors straight allies who made a substantive difference in the lives of LGBT Coloradans. The 2015 honorees included Kelly Brough, Marty Chernoff, Diedra Garcia, Rosemary Harris Little, and Ted Trimpa. Proceeds from the event benefited the One Colorado Education Fund. Congratulations to all the winners! Photo by Charles Broshous

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 41

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BAR TAB

THE HOTTEST DENVER NIGHTLIFE

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COLFAX AVE.

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scan or visit bit.ly/OutFrontBarTab for interactive map

T. ES

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DENVER BAR M A P

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 45

HEALTH

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF IN AUGUST, A PR EXECUTIVE in England was the focus

of local news after she took a six-month leave of absence because her excessive sweating caused her so much embarrassment that she couldn’t come into the office. This wasn’t an average case of sticky summer armpits, but hyperhidrosis, a condition where a person sweats excessively (up to four or five times the normal person), thought to be caused by a fault in the ner vous system that controls sweating, but it can also be a side effect of an infection or illness or a reaction to cer tain medications. Like this PR executive, hyperhidrosis can cause social anxiety, depression, and embarrassment for those affected, according to the Mayo Clinic.

Kelsey Lindsey

Steve Tribe described his experience with hyperhidrosis in The Guardian, including the anxiety he receives when he has to shake hands and the constant underarm stains that lead him to wear a blazer, even in warm temperatures. After receiving an ETS treatment, his lung collapsed, sending him into emergency surgery. The kicker of all this drama? The procedure never really rid Tribe of his excessive sweating. 46 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

Instead it was just displaced to his torso, now soaking many of the shirts that he wears. Tribe says that he has learned to deal with the condition, educating others about it and joining a support group in the UK. Now, these are very extreme examples. For those not affected by hyperhidrosis, the amount you sweat is genetic — some people are born with more sweat glands, because that alas, is life.

Myth: You can not sweat out mysterious ‘toxins’ apparently waiting in the body to be disposed of by your next juice cleanse or hot yoga session.

”

It also has some part to do with your fitness level; those with high fitness level perspire more and start sweating earlier into workouts. Sweat is also influenced by the body’s level of heat generation during activity, which is affected by a person’s gender and weight. Nerves can also cause unwanted sweat, although that kind of sweat usually comes from different glands than those that produce exercise or heatrelated sweat. According to Dr. Craig Crandall, professor of internal medicine at the University of Texas in a piece from Time, the parts of the body most sensitive to nervous sweat are under the arms, the palms, and the soles of the feet. Another helpful tidbit from Crandall? The fact that no, you can not just sweat out these mysterious “toxins” apparently waiting in the body to be disposed of by your next juice cleanse or hot yoga session. “It’s not like parts of the junk food you ate are going to escape through your sweat,” Crandall told Time. “There’s just no evidence of that.”

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BAC KWO R DS

ASK A SLUT [WARNING: GRAPHIC]

A friend of mine just moved to Denver and is really getting into being the “new meat in town.” The problem is, he’s attracting some real slime-balls, and he doesn’t listen to me when I try to warn him! Should I even bother trying to look out for him? Signed, BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, STILL REGRET IT

When I was working out I ripped a hole in the butt of my yoga pants. Are they still wearable? Signed, BREEZY DOWN SOUTH

Bea: First off, he was wonderful. Not as good as I was, but decent

LaTexa: It all depends. How big is your hole? If it’s a small hole,

nonetheless. Second, do you have any more friends?

wear them! Someone might take a peek and start a conversation. If it’s a big, gaping hole, just wear them to Underwear Night at the Eagle.

LaTexa: Don’t be the friend that tells your other friends they’re attracting bad company! Let them enjoy being fresh meat while it lasts, because let me tell you: The freshness date on all of us expires rather quickly.

Cookie: As with all new shiny toys, the luster will fade. What’s important to realize here is the jealousy. Sorry that your luster faded so quickly. I don’t think it’s so much that you regret it, but that you want what he’s getting.

What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you? Signed, NOSY NANCY Bea: This one time, I was visiting a friend of mine on top of a bar. While she was showing me a “drop kick and swing to the pole,” she slipped and tipped over a pint. I then slipped in it, fell off the back, and landed in the ice bin. My feet ended up in the air and my legs were open for business. (And business was good.)

LaTexa: When I was in high school, I was getting gang-banged in the bathroom at the Triangle when all the sudden, someone called my name. I looked up and it was my history teacher. (Awkward!) He was enjoying the show. Zoey: What’s ‘embarrassed’ mean? I don’t understand the concept. Cookie: If you mean bare assed, this one time at lip sync camp, I was walking on the stage in these new heels and slipped and fell. The stage was so slick and the shoes had no grip. I couldn’t get up. I was like a turtle. While I was trying to get my feet, my dress rode up over my head. It took three people to finally get me up. I was so bare assed. 50 SEPTEMBER 02, 2015

Bea: So, I have to know: Do they say “JUICY” on them? If yes, continue to wear them until they’re crusty. If no, you can have a pair of mine.

Cookie: It all depends how big it is. If it’s small, just let it continue to grow. Eventually, you’ll have a pair of fashionable crotchless leggings, just like from the 80s! If the hole is large, save them for the bar. It allows for easy access.

I’m looking at the fall schedule of my college (I know, a little late), and there aren’t a lot of classes left. Do you have any ideas for someone who is getting their degree in History? Signed, SERIOUSLY LATE Bea: I would suggest some classes on how to cook burgers — there’s a brighter future in that direction. I miss my college daze. I remember giving a dissertation that brought my favorite hot professor to tears. (He was much better after I unlocked his office door.) I got an A in that course.

LaTexa: As a college student, you should know that many offer classes in wine tasting or watching cartoons (it’s some -ology bullsh*t), but they’re slacker classes. Find them and enjoy!

Zoey: Don’t repeat history, and pick a better major that can earn money — like something at a liberal arts school!

Cookie: My best advice to you is find another major. The only thing history is good for is getting a job teaching. If you’re not into that, find another field immediately. Besides, anyone who studies history is someone who lives in the past; they have no future.

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