Nov. 5, 2014 :: Same-Sex Marriage is Here

SAME SEX MARRIAGE:

IT’S HERE

NOVEMBER 5, 2014 OUTFRONTONLINE.COM FREE

PLUS: Starz Film Festival • Mindful Marijuana • Mary Lambert

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CONTENTS

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street, Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 • Fax: 303-325-2642 Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO • Instagram: /OutFrontColorado Out Front is published by Q Publishing, Ltd., a Colorado corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

FOUNDER Phil Price, 1954-1993 ADMINI STRATIO N info@outfrontonline.com Jerry Cunningham, Publisher J.C. McDonald, Vice President Lis Porreco, Operations Manager Jeff Jackson Swaim, Chief Strategist EDITO RIAL editorial@outfrontonline.com BERLIN SYLVESTRE, Editor MIKE YOST, Senior Contributor ROB BARGER, Digital Content Manager BOBBY CREW, Editorial Intern Contributing Writers Rex Fuller, Brent Heinze, Isa Jones, Shanna Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Amanda Moutinho, Gregg Shapiro, Robyn Vie Carpenter-Brisco

SAME SEX MARRIAGE:

IT’S HERE 8

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Boy Scouts Withdraw Job Offer to Local Lesbian Director of Gay Pilots Association Killed in Single-engine Plane Crash Equality State Finally True to its Name: Marriage Equality in Wyoming Denver’s Free Wedding Wednesdays Give LGBTQ Youth a Place to Be Themselves

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Panel: Colorado’s Marriage Reaction

33 Chat Sesh: DJ Rockstar Aaron

18 The Lesbian Socialite: Vegas, Baby!

34 Colorado Nuptials

20 Michelle Obama Visits Denver 22 Changing Your Name After Marriage 23 Legal Directory 24 Mary Lambert 26 Throwing a Bitchin’ Bachelor(ette) Party 28 Calendar

14 From Seed to Sale: Mindful Marijuana

30 Colorado Wedding Venues

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32 The Newlyweds: A Pictorial

Denver Police Getting Schooled in Trans* Policy

38 The Crawford Hotel 40 Whiskey Business 42 Brilliant: Cartier in the 20th Century 44 The Starz Denver Film Festival 46 Marketplace 48 Fluevog 50 Bar Tab 52 Sexpert: The Parent Trap 53 HeinzeSight: Why Do Some People Appear Stronger Than Others?

32 A Same-Sex Marriage Timeline

COVER PHOTO & ABOVE BY: JAY DIERS, JAEDEDART STUDIOS • jaededartstudios.com MODELS: Seth Valkonen & Darren Axel Stephens • SHOT AT: THE OLD STUDIO

WHOops!

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On page 36 of our Halloween and politics issue, we made mention of the cemeteries “Fairlawn and Riverside.” Trouble is: There is no Fairlawn Cemetery in Denver. (Imagine our embarrassment!)

The correct name is Fairmount Cemetery. Our apologies, dearhearts.

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MAR KETING & SALES marketing@outfrontonline.com jordan jacobs, Senior Marketing Executive DUSTIN KRIER, Marketing Executive TOPHER LA FLEUR, Marketing Executive JAY DUQUE, Marketing & Events Coordinator National Advertising Rivendell Media / 212-242-6863 • sales@rivendellmedia.com

ART art@outfrontonline.com COLBY BRUMIT, Art Director CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Laura Baccus, Flor Blake, Charles Broshous, Chad Chisholm, Jay Diers, Christina Gressianu, Nikki Kushner, Hans Rosemond, and Evan Semón DI STRIBUTI ON

Out Front’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205.

Out Front is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front, take more than one copy of Out Front. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY

Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited.

Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted.

OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT, its staff, or advertisers.

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boY ScouTS wiThdRaw Job offeR To local leSbian She was then taken to lunch by David Whinter, the BSADA Program Team Leader, and was verbally ON Sep. 19, Yasmin Cassani was offered a position offered the job — with one additional requirement. as program director with the Boy Scouts Denver “The day that they offered me the position, Area Council, but the job was rescinded once she they told me I had to become a formal member,” informed the organization she was an open lesbian, says Yasmin, adding that becoming a member was she tells Out Front. never listed as a requirement for the job. “So once Yasmin has been working to improve the lives I reviewed the employee manual, I looked into the of kids since she was a teenager, working first as membership process and found out they do not a camp counselor in Michigan. “I just fell in love grant membership to openly gay people.” with helping kids and being a positive influence Yasmin emailed her contact, explaining that and role model for them.” she was indeed an open lesbian and asked if that was going to be an issue. A few days later, Yasmin She grew up in a single-parent home with a says that Dave Whitner called her and withdrew small income. Though Yasmin loves the outdoors, she didn’t get a lot of chances to pursue her passion. the offer, stating that she didn’t meet the minimum Then, through the kindness of a family friend, she qualifications for the position.

“I did tell him that it was very unfortunate that was able to attend a basketball camp where she could indulge in her love sports and the outdoors. this was the case because they obviously picked Yasmin never forgot the importance of that me because of my experience and my abilities and opportunity she was given, and she is now the he agreed,” says Yasmin. “I was really upset; I was co-founder for the nonprofit, Create Play, which looking forward to that job. It was given to me, provides recreational equipment and opportunities offered to me, I knew it was going to be the right career move for me.” for underprivileged kids. “That’s near and dear to “i’m happy and proud of who i Yasmin adds that she could have taken the job my heart because as a kid, I didn’t always have those without disclosing her sexual orientation, but she opportunities unless people were helping me, and am. i’m not going to go to work I think it’s time to pay it forward.” didn’t feel that it was the right thing to do. “I’m and be scared that i’m going to Yasmin moved to Colorado from Michigan in happy and proud of who I am. I’m not going to go to work and be scared I’m going to be fired every 2008 to intern for Denver Parks and Recreation be fired every single day, and i single day. I wasn’t okay with that.” where she fell in love with the Centennial State. wasn’t okay with that.”

At every other place of work, Yasmin’s sexual For the past three and a half years, she has worked as a youth services coordinator. orientation has never been a problem. “In my — yasmin Cassani “As an adult, it’s really important for me to help current place of employment it’s not an issue. I’m kids and show them they can tackle obstacles if welcomed and everyone is so great and people their parents can’t afford to send them to camp.” don’t judge me for my sexual orientation. I’m so comfortable.”

Earlier this year, Yasmin discovered the Boy Scouts Denver Area Council Out Front reached out to the Boy Scout Denver Area Council, but the was opening an adventure center at the beginning of 2015, and they were organization did not return multiple attempts for a comment. The organilooking for a center director. zation did release a statement to FOX 31 that read, “As this is a personnel “It was a huge step up from my job now and I was extremely excited matter, we are not at liberty to discuss details. But, during the employment about the position,” says Yasmin, who was eager to broaden her passion of process, this individual brought it to our attention that she did not meet the the outdoors and for helping kids. “It would have been a great career move requirements for employment.” for me.”

Despite the fact that Yasmin lost the job, she tries to find meaning behind Though she admits she had some trepidations about how the organiza- it. “It’s really unfortunate that discrimination is still happening based on tion has treated the LGBT community in the past, she was confident her sexual orientation. But I also feel like this happened for a reason, and own sexual orientation would not be a problem as the Boy Scouts recently this is where I can advocate for change. That’s what I’m trying to do. I’m allowed openly gay youths to join. trying to move forward and trying to figure out how this will not happen in Yasmin applied for the position and participated in the first round of the future.” interviews on Sep. 3. “It was a pretty intense process with a couple of different Yasmin hopes her story will have an impact on others to stand up for who interview panels of people.” Yasmin was asked to return to a second round they are and not be afraid. “The only way we’re going to create change is to of interviews on Sep. 19, where she met with the CEO of the Boy Scouts of stand up and say discrimination based on sexual orientation, or anything America Denver Area Council (BSADA). else, is not okay.”  Mike Yost

director of gay pilots association killed in single-engine plane crash bOulDeR — The Executive Director of the National Gay Pilots Association was killed Monday when the single-engine plane he was flying crashed and burst into flames after taking off from Boulder Municipal Airport.

Steven Moore, 35, was killed in the crash, according to a statement by the pilots group. He was flying the plane, a Mooney M-20C, to nearby Broomfield for maintenance.

The preliminary investigation indicates the plane hit the ground propeller-first just after 7:30 a.m., said Cmdr. Jeff Hendry of the Boulder County Sheriff’s Office.

Scott Shatzer, chairman of the National Gay 8

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Pilots Association (NGPA), a global community of LGBT aviators, confirmed to The Associated Press that Moore was killed in the crash.

On their Facebook page, the NGPA said, “It is with greatest sadness that we must announce the loss of a treasured member of our NGPA family.”

“Our Executive Director, and valiant crusader for the NGPA cause, Steven Moore, passed away this morning while flying his beloved Mooney in Colorado.

Steven, we love you, we will miss you, and we will be forever indebted to you for all of the passion you put into your work with NGPA.”

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Jeff Slater, who was working on gas lines near the airport’s runway, told the Daily Camera the plane “didn’t sound right” when it took off.

“It was choking and sputtering pretty bad,” he said. “It sounded horrible.”

The crash is being investigated by the sheriff’s office and the National Transportation Safety Board.

Moore was employed as a First Officer for ExpressJet, a regional airline that operates as American Eagle, Delta Connection, and United Express.

He is survived by his fiancé, Nathan Samek. 

Report from lgbtqnation.com.

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Bonnie Robinson and Anne Guzzo

Equality State Finally True to its Name Wyoming couple Bonnie Robinson and Anne Guzzo were featured in Out Front back in March after filing a lawsuit with three other couples against the state’s gay marriage ban, but a battle which potentially could have lasted years suddenly came to an end on Oct. 21.

Mike Yost

“I

t was something we never thought we would see in our lifetimes until very recently,” says Anne, who was at the Albany County Clerk’s Office with Bonnie the day same-sex marriage became legal. “There’s a lot of joy today. We brought roses with us to give to anyone who might be getting a license.”

Bonnie added she almost couldn’t believe that any same-sex couple in Wyoming could now just walk into a county clerk’s office and receive a marriage license. “It still seems surreal that it’s finally here after all this time.”

Bonnie and Anne thought they were going to have to wait until December for their day in court, followed by months of appeals. But on Oct. 6, the US Supreme Court refused to hear a ruling by the Denver-based 10th Circuit Court of Appeals declaring Utah’s gay marriage ban unconstitutional.

Six states fall under the jurisdiction of the 10th Circuit, including Colorado and Wyoming. “I

was disappointed that it wasn’t going to go to the On Oct. 17, US District Court Judge Scott W. Skavdahl Supreme Court,” says Bonnie, equating the last ruled that Wyoming’s statute prohibiting same-sex few weeks as a roller-coaster ride. “But then I marriage was unconstitutional. Wyoming did not was excited that it made it legal in Wyoming, but appeal the ruling, becoming the 32nd state to legalthen upset [again] when I realized the governor ize gay marriage. was still denying marriage licenses.”

For Bonnie, the most memorable moment Wyoming Gov. Matt Mead stated the Supreme during the last few weeks was when she was Court’s decision had no impact on Wyoming welcoming couples at the county clerk’s office. and that he would continue to enforce the “A couple came up to me, and one of them had state’s gay marriage ban. In return, the attor- tears in her eyes and she hugged me and thanked neys representing Bonnie and Anne as part of me because their marriage is now recognized.”

For Anne, it was when she was sitting in the the original lawsuit sued the state in federal court to immediately allow same-sex couples courtroom with a front row seat to the judicial to marry. system at work. “You can’t cheat the constitution, “One of the things I was very surprised at was and that’s why I felt particularly proud to be an that the state brought no evidence — literally American in Wyoming. The Constitution worked. nothing,” says Anne, who attended the hearing It protected our rights.” with Bonnie. “It really felt to me like there was But Anne acknowledges there are still same-sex political grandstanding on the governor’s part couples lacking basic protections, with 18 states because when it actually came down to the lawsuit, currently prohibiting gay marriage. “We just want he pretty much didn’t do anything.” [same-sex marriage] for the whole country,” says Nor did the governor show up for the hearing. Anne. “We want it for everyone.” 

F ree W e d d i n g W e d n es d a y s Berlin Sylvestre

(Disclaimer: My inner Suze Orman may have written this.) Why spend the dough getting hitched when the real fun is in the honeymoon?

If you head down to the County Clerk and Recorder’s Office, you’ll find that Denver’s own patron saint of same-sex marriage, Debra Johnson, has arranged two dates where folks like us can tie the knot without breaking the bank. Here’s what you need to know: • A licensed officiant will be there to preside over your ceremony.

• You must be eligible for a civil union or marriage certificate.

• You don’t need a witness.

• The ceremonies are from 11am – 1pm.

• You must satisfy all paperwork and requirements within 15 minutes of your scheduled appointment.

• The remaining dates are Nov. 12 and Dec. 10.

• There are six slots per date, each 20 minutes.

• Reservations are encouraged.

So there you are! Give them a ring (or an email) and save your coin for that amazing vacay that comes after you say “I do.”

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The Goal at the End of the Rainbow:

G i v e L G B T Q Y o u t h a P l a c e t o b e T h e m s e lv e s Rex Fuller The enthusiasm for her new role bubbles up as soon as Nadine Bridges starts to speak. “I love it here,” she says. Nadine just started as director of youth services at The GLBT Community Center of Colorado where she runs the Rainbow Alley Youth Program, and she’s already diving into her new role with gusto.

“When I attended the strategic planning meeting at The Center the other day, I was blown away with how enthusiastic the board was and how welcoming everybody is,” she comments.

The Center is currently creating a strategic plan for the next three years and, though it was only her second day on the job, Nadine presented to the board and discussed the future of Rainbow Alley.

“The extent of experience, the connections both locally and nationally … I’m just blown away. It’s amazing. The volunteers here have been nothing but welcoming. I feel at home.”

Rainbow Alley provides support, resources, and referrals for young people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or are questioning their orientation. The program also provides a drop-in space as well as programming where young people can explore their developing identities and build life skills for healthy living. Now celebrating sixteen years of providing supportive services for young people, Rainbow Alley is regarded by many as a national leader in the field.

“For me, Rainbow Alley offers youth an opportunity to be in a safe space,” Nadine continues.

“Although I see things changing for our young people, in regard to there being much more open and welcoming communities, it sounds like, at

least from what I’m hearing, youth still don’t feel they can be who they truly are. Yesterday, I was actually meeting with two youth here and they were saying the reason they continue to come to Rainbow Alley is that this was the first place they felt welcome. They’ve built friendships here. They’ve built community here. That’s what I want: Opportunity for young people to be proud of themselves and feel empowered, regardless of what their situations are. Everything I do is geared toward that ultimate goal.”

Nadine comes to The Center after working with Denver Urban Scholars. She first became aware of the program when she encountered youth who needed additional support. “I had a lot of youth who came out or who were questioning or who were not out at all and just needed a safe space to be who they are,” she remembers. “I dropped them off here and met with the folks at Rainbow Alley and was impressed with what I saw.”

For the time being, Nadine is excited about continuing Rainbow Alley’s success. Drop-in hours will continue, Tuesday through Friday from 3 – 8pm in The Center’s youth space.

“I want Rainbow Alley at the forefront of supporting LGBTQ youth,” Nadine concludes. “I hope people will look toward Rainbow Alley in regard to best practices. I also hope the youth we serve will become mini ambassadors for the work we are doing here and in turn, youth will come to us. I want parents to know we are a resource for them too if they need one.”  Learn more about Rainbow Alley online at GLBTColorado.org/Rainbow-Alley, or give them a call at (303) 733-7743.

Life’s Happier with a Pet! Adopt a new friend today! At the Dumb Friends League, all cat and dog adoptions include spay/ neuter, a microchip ID, and initial vaccinations. Visit DDFL.org to see all adoptable animals looking for good homes. 2080 S Quebec Street, Denver • (720) 241-7117 It’s time to “paws” and give! Each holiday season, patrons are invited to DDFL’s three Colorado facilities to fill out a “paw” decoration with a donation amount and a message, which is then displayed on the walls. Children and adults alike often write something in honor or memory of a special pet or horse.

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BUCKY – ID# 0687444 I’m looking for a kind adopter who will love being active as much as I do! A new friend here described me as being a “great running partner” and said I am fond of treats and hugs. I am a special pet and the adoption counselors here would love to tell you about me!

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From Seed to Sale: Mindful Marijuana Mike Yost e Product specialist Ry Prichard buttons up a white lab coat, motioning for me to do the same before taking me on a tour of Mindful’s 40,000 sq.ft. warehouse dedicated to growing the most unparalleled pot in Colorado.

Every week, the facility churns out about 100 lbs. of product, housing more than 5,000 plants with 250 different strains. As I’m lead into the vegetation room where the entire process begins, Ry tells me about Mindful’s not-sosecret weapon — lead grower Phillip Hague.

“He’s known worldwide for what he does, and he’s traveled to Afghanistan, Ghana, all these different places to get genetics,” says Ry. “He’s created close to 100 strains of his own, and he’s been breeding for the better part of 20 years. We’re really proud to have him as part of the operation.”

Ry explains how the vegetation room serves as a sort of genetic library where different strains are tested and cultivated, grown either from a seed or as a clone clipped from one of the mother plants.

“Phillip is able to create varieties that are more dialed in toward specific ailments, toward specific smells and flavors, and that can only happen from seed,” Ry explains. “Once you find what you want, then you want the clone.”

After 7 to 10 days — once the plants are well rooted — they are moved into the propagation room where they’re blasted with light 24 hours a day (to bolster growth) and are fed a tightly-regimented diet to perfect the product.

“The cool part about our facility is that we use a fertigation system,” says Ry. “Basically it’s a big, computerized feeding system that we can dial in for specific nutrient programs for specific times for specific rooms.”

After two to three weeks, the plants are moved to one of the 11 flowering rooms, some of which can hold as many as 800 plants at a time.

I follow Ry into one of the flowing rooms surrounded by marijuana plants as tall as I am, large clusters of sticky, frosty buds populating each plant. He eagerly shows me a couple of different strains, including Mob Boss, Lavender Appalachia, Head Trip, and Triangle Kush — his favorite.

“When it’s full grown and you smoke it in a joint, you taste it the entire way down, and there are very few strains that do that.”

For six to eight weeks, the plants are fed with the fertigation system as the light in each room is cycled on and off every 12 hours. The plants are then harvested and prepped for trimming. Ry walks me through a room where about 20 people wearing blue scrubs (to prevent contaminates) are quietly trimming away on the latest harvest.

“Hand trimming is a lot more delicate,” says Ry, emphasizing how Mindful’s higher-end products are trimmed by hand rather than by a machine. “You’re retaining the original structure of the bud, and you really taste and feel the difference. If you go into a dispensary and everything sort of smells the same, they probably machinetrimmed them.”

The product is then dried, inspected, tested for THC content, vacuum-sealed, and shipped to one of their stores.

The entire process takes 12 to 18 weeks depending on the strain.

And Mindful also works to grow community ties. There’s a vegetable garden out back, the produce of which is given away at the Hiawatha Davis Recreation Center. “We go out there with a big tent and give away all the produce to people,” says Ry. “We like to give back however we can.”  Learn more online at BeMindful.today.

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Law enforcement doesn’t have the best reputation when dealing with transgender individuals. There’s a high rate of police assault on transfolk and an even higher rate for transgender individuals of color. In response, Denver’s law enforcement sought out to change those statistics, and created a policy that expanded on their existing one-paragraph of trans policy into a staggering nine-page policy aimed at improving relations between law enforcement and the transgender community.

The seminar, mainly used as a way to educate police academy students and other interested community members, is roughly three hours long and covers many of the basics that the transgender community has set. The major issues touched upon were use of correct terminology, debunking misconceptions, building trust and rapport with those in the community, and improving the respect between the police force and transgender population in Denver.

“Being more compassionate and understanding of trans individuals can be something as simple and overlooked as providing bras to trans inmates,” said Deputy Angela Willis, one of the speakers.

The class originated after a six-month collaboration of police, the US Department of Justice’s Community Relations Service, and Colorado community members who described the process as “less like unicorns, ponies, and rainbows and more like a mutual, level-headed conversation with some crying,” per Captain Paul Oliva, another speaker. Thanks to the progressive, passionate program, the Denver Police Department now has one of the most advanced transgender policies in the nation.

The seminar also had some useful tips for transgender people, such as disclosure on transgender status when dealing with law enforcement.

Every uniformed police officer must take this class, so they have a basic The Denver Police understanding of trans issues, and are Department now has one encouraged to be as sensitive as possible.

“It’s paramount to remember to treat all of the most advanced people with respect,” said Deputy Willis. transgender policies in This led to a request for transgender people to trust in police. Disclosure of the nation. transgender status makes for smoother interactions, respectful handling, and (to law enforcement relief) less overall paperwork.

The respect was enhanced by the police speakers, whose speeches were punctuated with scenarios and in-field experience gained by the implementation of the thoroughly-researched policy. Deputy Willis said the go-to phrase for transgender conversations is: “When in doubt or uncertain, ask clarifying questions.”

While there’s no doubt transgender people and law enforcement have not always been on the best terms, it seems as though Colorado police force is on the right track for healthy, communicative partnerships. 

PANEL

Why do you think the announcement of same-sex marriage in Colorado didn’t generate as much excitement as some thought it might?

I

I

live in Capitol Hill and on my way to the grocery store, I pass Planned Parenthood. It wasn’t too long ago that I drove past and saw folks outside protesting abortion. To refresh our memories, it was in 1973 that the Supreme Court legalized abortion across the United States. Forty years later, the issue is still attracting protests. In fact, Colorado has a personhood bill coming through that threatPieter Tolsma ens to ban abortion again. There is a very real chance abortion rights might be stripped away, 40 years after winning them.

What’s my point? Romer v Evans settled an issue in 1994 that set Colorado apart as the “hate state” of the west. Twenty years later, we have gay marriage through yet another court case. Keep in mind, the people of our fine state banned gay marriage explicitly just over a decade ago via referendum. That means, when people got a chance to say “yes” or “no”, the majority said they wanted no chance of gay marriage. A court case changed the situation but the memory of that referendum remains.

What makes me cautious about marriage? History. I lived in San Francisco during the Summer of Love when gay marriage was legal before Proposition 8 took it away. We fought the legal battle and won for right now, but let’s remember: We have to keep at it or it can all be taken away. 

believe that most people in the LGBT community knew it was just a matter of time before the Supreme Court of the United States either ruled or let stand lower court rulings on same-sex marriage. The excitement level by the time of the decision was likely lower than some anticipated for several reasons: • Our governor and state attorney general already George Gramer, Jr. said they would abide by the Supreme Court decision.

• Many Colorado same-sex couples are already civil-unioned or have been married in another state.

• The unmarried are not likely particularly interested in tying the legal knot for a variety of reasons. (If polled, I would guess that most LGBT have no desire to marry.)

There are still many things that need to be tidied up in the Colorado statute. Even with the SCOTUS’ decision, the Colorado legislature must clean up a lot of state laws in the next session. There will be supporters on both sides of the aisle to correctly codify changes.

2014 will go down as a watershed year in the LGBT movement, yet there is much to be done in our nation and around the world. America is changing, but much of the rest of the world is not. That’s the next big hurdle for the LGBT movement. 

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

Iowa native George Gramer, Jr. is president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

Got something to say? Join the conversation at outfrontonline.com and facebook.com/OutFrontColorado. Interested in joining our panelists?

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G ay s , V e g a s , a n d P l e n t y o f L i z a

What’s gayer than Vegas?

(Don’t even try to answer that.)

We know the answer is nothing.

Literally nothing is gayer than Vegas.

Professional Man of the Year

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e It’s happened: Queers can get married in Vegas. After the SCOTUS decision, (or indecision), queers everywhere started getting married — including those in Nevada. I called this shit years ago! I said I never understood why Nevada (of all the states in the union!) hadn’t passed marriage equality. What’s gayer than Vegas?

(Don’t even try to answer that.) We know the answer is nothing. Literally nothing is gayer than Vegas.

Now that out Nevada Senator Kelvin Atkinson has married his partner, Sherwood Howard, the flood of queer marriages can officially begin. Can you imagine what this is going to look like in a couple of months? There are so many queers working in Vegas. They will have all kinds of celebrity weddings. Ev-ree-bod-eee will be there.

Why should straights get all the quickie-marriage/ quick-annulment fun? Just think: You’ll finally get your moment to be just like Britney Spears and marry your bestie from way back as some drunken “bright idea.” My friend DJ Lisa Pittman holds an event every year called Shedonism. Thousands of lesbians come to Vegas to … well what they’re doing is beside the point. The point is, all of these lesbians will be feeling good, in Vegas ... a place where a woman can look at her girl, post coitus, and say, “Let’s just go get married” — even if they just met, she’s positive she found her soulmate.

This also means people can create the most over-the-top weddings imaginable. Think: the gay wedding in “Sex in the City 2.” There were swans, a gay men’s chorus, and Liza. While that scene was gayer than gay, it won’t touch what these people will come up with. Now, Hollywood set designers and celebrity makeup artists can marry each other. We will have the kinds of weddings that those

Individual Community Ally of the Year

Corporate Community Ally of the Year

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Entrepreneurial Man of the Year

against marriage equality were afraid we were going to have. Drag queens, lashes, glitter, feathers, sequins, and Liza. It will be big, showy, and fabulous. (They’re really just mad because they know they won’t be invited.)

Meanwhile, on the northern end of Nevada, lesbians will get married in the Reno/Tahoe area. You’ve got a big lake, mountains, water conservation, trees, boarding, bears, and beers. There are also casinos, roadside chapels, and wineries. This is Lesbian Paradise. People will host wedding/camping trips with their softball team.

The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority, capitalizing on the “Wedding Capital of the World” reputation, already took out a full-page ad in USA Today. (You know when you put an ad in the nation’s newspaper, it is officially on.)

I am not making fun, I promise you. Look at me.

I ran off and eloped with my wusband last year. Now I’m planning THE wedding for next year with four days of events including sunset crab boils on the beach, dance parties, and celesbians. I am as thrilled as everyone else watching all of these people getting their moment.

I love weddings. I became an officiant to get a front-row view at my friends’ weddings.

Regardless of what kind of wedding you have, please have one if you are so inclined. Invite as many people who are important to you to witness it. Then you can hit the slots and the tables. The only thing I ask? If possible, please take pictures and send them to me. I can’t wait to see them. I love a family wedding.  Robyn Vie Carpenter-Brisco is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.

Non-Profit Organization of the Year

Professional Woman of the Year

Entrepreneurial Woman of the Year

PHOTO: FLOR BLAKE

Robyn Vie Carpenter-Brisco | The Lesbian Socialite

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Thanks, (Michelle) Obama!

First Lady Michelle Obama spoke to a crowd of more than 1500 on October 23 at Exdo Events Center. Mrs. Obama was campaigning for Senator Mark Udall’s re-election.

Other speakers included Colorado State Senator Michael Bennet and Congresswoman Diana DeGette.

Key points in her speech included Udall’s support for marriage equality, clean energy, affordable education and health care, comprehensive immigration reform, women’s reproductive rights, equal pay for equal work, and the unequivocal importance of voting — especially with the race between Senator Udall and Congressman Cory Gardner being so close.

See more photos at outfrontonline.com Photos by Charles Broshous

HEY! WHO WON THE ELECTION? We go to print before Election Day, so check out outfrontonline.com for the lastest election coverage.

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Designs: EKiZ, Kimono Dragons, Baskit, House of Arden, Babylon Floral, D’Lola Couture Hair & Makeup: Rebelle Salon, Vanity Dollz, Studio: a collective of stylists, Fleur Salon, Henry’s Salon Models: Nate Treece, Melody Esler, Elias Langlois, Diva Brown, Jade Mao Photography: Jim Bailey Photography

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K e e p i n g up with the J o neses How to change your name after marriage Amanda Moutinho You just married the love of your life, and you’re dreaming white picket fences and monogrammed bath towels. But unfortunately just because your washcloth says “The Joneses,” doesn’t mean you’re done yet.

Changing your name can be stressful, time consuming, and involve lots of paperwork. But with a plan and some perseverance, you can get through it.

The first step is to put your new full name on your marriage certificate. If you forget this step, you have to go down a more complex process of getting a name change for other reasons. Contact the circuit court where you got your marriage license to obtain multiple certified copies of your marriage certificate.

Next, to get your new name on the books, you need to contact the Social Security Administration, either in person or online. If you go in person, you must have a completed SS-5 application, which you can find on SocialSecurity.gov; your marriage certificate, proof of identity (driver’s license, ID card, or passport), and proof of your citizenship (passport, birth certificate, or citizenship certificate). If you mail in your paperwork, remember: they must be the original documents or certified copies, which they will mail back. You should receive your new card within 10 days of the date on your receipt.

After getting your new social security card, head over to everyone’s favorite hot spot: the Department of Motor Vehicles. Bring your new social security card, your marriage certificate, proof of identity, proof of address (utility bill, bank statement, rent, or mortgage document), and $21.

To get a new passport, you’ll have to send in your current one. If it’s been less than one year since your last passport was issued, you won’t have to pay any processing fees if you submit Form DS-5504 (found at Travel-State.gov) by mail with your current passport, a passport-style photo, and a copy of your marriage certificate. If longer than one year, submit Form DS-82, your current passport, passport-style photo, certified copy of marriage certificate, and all applicable fees.

The last step is to shout your name from the rooftops and call everyone you know. Make a list of every institution that has your name, do some finger exercises, and get ready to dial. Some places to include: bank accounts, credit cards, leases or mortgages, vehicle title, voter registration, medical offices, post office boxes, passport, employers/ payroll, utilities, and insurance. Don’t forget your

Facebook, your barista, your butcher, your baker, and your vegan cupcake maker.

Thankfully, there are some options that can save you time. The DMV and other companies offer packages where you can pay a flat fee and fill out a lot less paperwork. The package includes a bundle of vital forms such as driver’s license, vehicle title, IRS, voter registration, passport, and notification for your bank, credit card, and insurance company.

Go to DMV.org to find out more.

After your paperwork-induced hand cramps subside, cuddle up with your boo and start planning that Christmas card from “The Joneses.” 

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Civil Protection Orders t GEttInG A PROtECtIOn ORDER In COLORADO is a twostep process. The first step is to file a written complaint with the court where you live. Most courts have set aside specific times for these to be filed and then immediately ruled upon. So long as you have said that some other person has done something to put you in fear of imminent danger of harm to your life or health, the court will grant a temporary protection order and will set the matter for a permanent protection order hearing.

The second step is the permanent protection order hearing. It is set no more than fourteen days after the temporary protection order, which must be personally served on the restrained party before the hearing.

Proof of service is required at the permanent hearing, and if it has not occurred by that date the hearing will be continued.

At the hearing, the plaintiff must prove two things: (1) that the restrained person committed acts constituting grounds for issuance of a civil protection order and (2)

unless restrained [that person] will continue to commit such acts or acts designed to intimate or retaliate against the protected person.

Different kinds of evidence can be used to support or deny a permanent protection order, including testimony, telephone messages, emails, text messages, and communication through social media. Even though the trial is generally user friendly, the technical rules of evidence apply and many hearings have been lost because people are unfamiliar with those rules and court procedures.

If you are involved in a situation involving a protection order, it’s critical that you hire an experienced attorney immediately to protect your rights. A protection order can remove you from your home, your job, and be a black mark on your record. The ramifications of a permanent protection order are simply too severe to try to do it alone. Who can help? One of Bloch & Chapleau’s aggressive attorneys. Reach them at (303) 331-1700 or visit them online at BlochChapleau.com.

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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A n

O p e n

I n t e r v i e w

w i t h

Gregg Shapiro

M

ary Lambert is nothing if not grateful for her newfound popularity. The out singer/songwriter and performance poet’s swift and meteoric rise to fame occurred via her collaboration with the duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on the groundbreaking song “Same Love.” A YouTube sensation and hit single, the song received Grammy Award nominations, and was performed live during the Grammy telecast, featuring a mass-wedding including several same-gender couples. Shortly thereafter, Lambert released the Welcome To The Age of My Body EP, featuring “She Keeps Me Warm,” a song that expanded on her contribution to “Same Love.” I spoke Lambert in about her career and new album, Heart On My Sleeve (Capitol), out this month.

Mary, I’m sure you’ve been asked about your Grammy performance with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis a million times, but now that there is some distance between that night and now, what was the experience like for you?

It’s a life-altering experience. Performing for that many people and being nominated for a Grammy is pivotal enough for an individual. But what the song stands for and what I’m singing about and what I’ve written... that, to me, is more gratifying. The actual content and the social impact; it was life-changing for me. I feel so fortunate that this is the song that will be remembered for years to come. I feel very lucky that it’s the song for which I will be known for sure.

Your religious upbringing also plays a role in your artistic life. What kind of an impact do you think your work is now having, if any at all, on conservative religious organizations with which you have been involved?

I’m not sure if it has. There are churches that have reached out. I do think Christianity and the whole evangelical sect is in a shift right now … towards the idea of gay marriage.

Heart On My Sleeve opens with “Secrets,” a song that does a fantastic job of exhibiting your sense of humor. How important do you think it is to maintain a sense of humor as an artist?

I don’t think it is for everybody. I know it is important for me. I think the topics I talk about can be really heavy. I’d like there to be some sense of relief through it so I’m not making everybody cry through an entire show. There’s some joy in it, too. It’s probably because I’m clinically bipolar. Part of being an extreme person is the capacity for extreme joy. Fun, tongue-in-cheek writing also has the capacity to be vulnerable, maybe heartbreaking writing as well.

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M a ry

L a m b e r t

Guest rappers on tracks are nothing new and your song “Ribcage” features K. Flay and queer rapper Angel Haze. Why did you choose to work with them?

I’m a huge fan of both of those women. I met K. Flay about two years ago in Austin during SXSW. I was such a fan of her already and was so excited to meet her. We really hit it off. I have equal admiration for Angel Haze. I think she’s one of the fiercest MCs making music today. I think she’s so on point with her writing and emotional intensity. I resonate with her. What really solidified it was her song, and video, for “Battle Cry,” which I thought was so vulnerable. It was so open of her to discuss trauma in such a way.

It shook me in a really beautiful way. That was when I knew I had to have her on the track as well. Throughout the recording process I’d been asked to have multiple rappers on the tracks. I was hesitant to have any rap on because I would like to step out of that capacity in which people know me.

But this felt like the absolute right thing to do. It felt so good to have two absolutely f*cking fierce female MCs on it [laughs].

Your torch song reinvention of Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” is nothing short of brilliant. You take ownership of the song! Why did you choose to cover that song?

“Jessie’s Girl” is one of my favorite songs [laughs]. There’s intensity behind it when you break down the lyrics. I love that line: “She’s watching him with those eyes/and she’s loving him with that body.” That line is so poetic.

I know it’s an upbeat, angsty kind of song, but I just thought, “If you’re a gay person, you’ve undoubtedly had feelings for someone who’s straight.” I also love the non-gender-specific name Jessie.

Do you know if Rick Springfield has heard it and what he thinks of it?

I think he has heard it. I would love to have a conversation with him. I think we’re actually working on setting one up now.

Hearts are a recurring theme on the new disc. You make mention of hearts in the title cut, “Ribcage,” “When You Sleep,” “Wounded Animal,” and “Monochromatic.”

Wow! I honestly didn’t even realize it! I mean, I knew it was the title [laughs]. I didn’t even think about it! I talk a lot about my heart. The heart is a metaphorical thing we describe as the vessel in which we connect to each other. That’s why I write about it a lot. I’m so hungry for connection. I crave real, tangible human interaction. I believe the way to achieve that is vulnerability. The way you achieve vulnerability is to have an open heart. That’s the basis of it. An openness of your soul which I believe is your heart.

Learn more online at marylambertsings.com.

DENVER GAY PROFESSIONALS 9 TH ANNIVERSARY The Denver Gay Professionals celebrated their 9th anniversary on Oct. 24 at the Curtis Hotel. Festivities included a live DJ, door prizes, party favors, appetizers, and several fully stocked cash bars. The Denver Gay Professionals strive to provide a creative and social environment where members and guests are encouraged to network, promote business contacts, advocate for one another, and champion inclusivity.

See more photos at outfrontonline.com | Photos by Charles Broshous

Master of Arts in Social Justice and Ethics degree and graduate certificate programs that immediately help you use your powers for good Online • On-campus • Hybrid

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O u t F ro n t ’ s g u ide t o

throwing a bitchin’ bachelor(ette) party but you don’t want to kiss your fiancé goodbye too. Remember to look, not touch. And stay away from any daredevil stunts. (Full-body casts don’t photograph well.)

Amanda Moutinho The bachelor(ette) party is, theoretically, the last night the bride/groom can really let loose. It’s customary for friends to throw the party, and to have a truly epic night, you have to plan. Here are some tips to get you started: DO ask the bachelor(ette) what they want.

While some peoples’ worst nightmare is a bachelor(ette) craft party or playing video games all night, remember: This party is about the bride/ groom. Consider their interests and really think about what will make them happy.

That being said, DO a little pushing. This is the one night in their lives designated to be scandalous and naughty. Brides/grooms get caught up in weddings stress and want a low-key party, but sometimes they need just a little nudge over the line. It’s about getting them out of their comfort zone and making them blush.

But, DON’T shove them over the line. If the hard limit is no strippers, don’t hire the whole Chippendales brigade. You want the bride/groom to have fun — not be mortified.

For the love of wedding gods, DON’T have the party the night before the wedding. Give them some breathing room to let loose. No one wants to look hungover in wedding pictures. Plus, movies like “The Hangover” have taught us that you might need some wiggle room to solve problems created by the bachelor(ette) party.

DO get a little cheesy. While there’s a ton of ways to throw a lame bachelor(ette) party, it can be fun to be a bit corny. Consider playing some dirty games, coordinating outfits, truth or dare, risqué scavenger hunt, or naughty gift bags, filled with genital-shaped candy, shooters, cigars, and condoms.

DO get organized and stay patient. Planning can be a nightmare, especially when you have a group of people with different suggestions and restrictions. DO relax and try to listen. DO communicate the plan. DO take in budget considerations. DO approve the guest list with the bride/ groom. DON’T let the bride/groom pay. DO pack in some surprises. DON’T create any drama and DO diffuse any that starts.

DON’T do anything you’ll regret in the morning. Sure you’re kissing singlehood goodbye,

What to DO Bachelor(ette) parties can be flexible to fit each bride/groom. Skip Las Vegas — get creative to find the best option for your party. While there are a plethora of bars and clubs to choose from in Colorado, here are some alternate activities you can try instead of (or before) hitting the dance floor.

Don’t forget to mention it’s for a bachelor(ette) party; they might throw you some deals.

Get outside: Colorado is full of activities for the outdoorsy bride/groom. Hit the slopes for a snow bunny weekend or, when the weather improves, go for a scandalous camping weekend.

Go to the source: If bars aren’t your scene, head to a brewery tour or a wine tasting. See how your alcohol is made and get drunk in the process.

Take a class: It’s never a bad time to learn something new. You can find a private class in everything from trapeze to cooking to martial arts. You can even develop a new skill for your honeymoon like striptease or pole dancing.

Boudoir photo shoot: Get dolled up and dressed down. Embrace your sexy side and take some saucy pictures for your significant other to enjoy before or after the wedding. 

It’s about damn time.

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CaL e n da r NOW THRU

KinKy bootS

NOV

9

FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND

@BUELL THEATER Put on your dancing boots! This Tony-Award-winning musical, inspired by a true story, is about a young British shoe factory owner who is struggling to keep his business afloat. He meets Lola, a sassy drag queen, and the two become friends and business partners. If you’ve seen the movie, and even if you haven’t, you must see the musical with music created by Cyndi Lauper.

Get your tickets at denver-theater.com.

N OV 1 2 – 2 3

NOV

7

THRU

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DenVer artS weeK

An enormous weeklong celebration of Denver’s art scene. There are more than 300 events at different museums, galleries, and art districts, and music venues all over the mile high area, so pick a few and explore some of the beauty Denver has to offer.

There are tons of free events, and great sales. • For a complete listing of events and participants, visit denver.org/denver-arts-week.

N OV 1 4 – 1 6

@COLORADO CONVENTION CENTER

StarZ DenVer FilM FeStiVal

This finale event to Denver Arts Week promises to be “the next big thing.” Visual artists will present one-of-akind and handcrafted works for sale, exhibition, and inspiration. Fashion designers, home designs, Colorado artisans, and local food and beverages round out this indoor arts experience.

More info at art-denver.org

SEE OUR FULL COVERAGE ON PAGE 44.

SAT

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SAT

SUSAN G. KOMEN

pinK tie 15 aFFair

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@ SHERATON HOTEL DENVER, 1550 COURT PL. • 6PM One in seven Colorado women will battle breast cancer in her lifetime. Help Komen Colorado in the fight against breast cancer, and enjoy a beautiful night out at the same time. The Pink Tie Affair features cocktails, silent and live auctions, dinner, casino games, and dancing.

Learn more at komencolorado.org

lgbtQ health FeStiVal @ TRACKS, 3500 WALNUT • 10AM –3PM HIV prevention in a pill? Come discuss the pros and cons of PrEp at this LGBT Health Festival.

You can receive HIV testing, health screening, vaccinations, and get health insurance information. You also get free admission to Tracks Nightclub the night of the 15th just for going to the event. • For more info, please email info@thedenverelement.com

8 th annUal

oUt boUlDer wine taSting @ BOULDER CREEK WINERY, 6440 ODELL PLACE, BOULDER • 6 – 8PM Tour the award-winning Boulder Creek Winery, sample delightful Colorado wines from the centuryold vineyards of the Western Slope and support the vital work of Out Boulder. Proceeds from the event support Out Boulder’s programs and services.

RSVP is required. Please visit outboulder.org to purchase tickets.

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MaDaMa bUtterFly @ ELLIE CAULKINS OPERA HOUSE

THRU

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DeVin 4 liFe blUe tie gala @ HOTEL ELEGANTÉ CONFERENCE & EVENT CENTER 2886 S. CIRCLE DR., COLORADO SPRINGS • 6 – 11PM The Devin 4 Life Foundation presents Blue Tie Gala, a fundraising event for national suicide prevention that includes dinner and entertainment from Colorado Springs comedy guest speakers.

For more information check out Facebook.com/Devin4Life or devin4life.org.

SAT

Opera Colorado presents the tragic tale of love, betrayal, and clashes of culture.

Madama Butterfly, by Giacomo Puccini, is a traditional opera production sung in Italian. (English and Spanish subtitles are at every seat.) There are only four opportunities to view this stunning musical performance.

Book your tickets at OperaColorado.org.

NOV

NOV

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THRU

MAR

1

ForbiDDen broaDway: aliVe & KicKing @ GARNER GALLERIA THEATRE A musical that roasts other musicals? This sidesplitting performance features outrageous costumes, hysterical rewrites of songs, and spot-on impressions covering the highs and lows of other recent Broadway shows. This musical comedy has won many awards, including nine Drama Desk Awards and a Tony.

SyMphonic tribUte to coMic con V2.0 @ BOETTCHER CONCERT HALL • 7:30PM BAM! POW! CRASH! The Colorado Symphony Tribute to Comic Con returns with an upgrade to v2.0 — just when you thought it was safe to go back in the concert hall!

This performance will explore new works from your favorite movies, television shows, and video games. Whether you’re a hero or a villain, this concert calls to your inner geek. • Get your tickets at coloradosymphony.org.

WED

NOV

MSU DenVer

19 aFrican DrUMMing

enSeMble & gaMelan orcheStra @ KING CENTER CONCERT HALL • 7:30PM

Get your tickets at denvercenter.org.

THU

DenVer gay & leSbian chaMber oF coMMerce

18 th annUal bUSineSS 20 awarDS Dinner NOV

@ MILE HIGH STATION 2027 OLD WEST COLFAX AVE - DENVER • 6 – 9:30PM

In addition to the rich sounds of the African Drumming Ensemble, this performance features the traditional Indonesian percussion ensemble known as Gamelan.

Come and play with the stars! After dinner and a performance by the the Gay Men’s and Women’s Chorus, Denver television personality Chris Parente will present the DGLCC Business Awards to outstanding business leaders.

Purchase tickets at msudenver.edu/kingcenter

Find more information at denverglc.org.

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¡Viva La Venue! Stateside Spots to Tie the Knot Berlin Sylvestre People travel to Colorado to make it official — so why leave at all? If you’d rather roadtrip than fly, we’ve got your back with a few suggestions for that classic, picturesque Colorado wedding.

Maroon Bells Take up a trip to Aspen and you’ll see why Maroon Bells is rumored to be the most photographed spot in Colorado — and why it tops our list of places to wed without leaving the state. Situated at the foot of a natural phenomenon, the nuptial valley makes nearly every picture worth framing.

The US Forest Service maintains the “ampitheater” where most weddings are held and keeps Maroon Lake and its surrounding meadow in literally picture-perfect shape year round. Recreation.gov The Rock Room @ Red Rocks Perhaps the most lauded spot on Planet Earth for concerts, Red Rocks is also renowned for intensely memorable wedding ceremonies. The Rock Room, where up to 250 of your fam and besties can converge to witness your special day, is literally built around one of the famous red rocks.

And how cool is catching a show on your wedding anniversary next to the very spot you married, c’mon? RedRocksOnline.com

Della Terra Mountain Chateau Chateau is French for ‘castle,’ which is exactly what the grounds are. (Actually, the place feels kinda like the “quiet village” Belle sings about in that animated Disney hit.) The natural beauty of the mountains is incorporated into the design, and the stonework is outta this world. There’s a salon on the grounds, too, which — if you’ve ever been in a pinch on a day like this — is a lifesaver. If you’ve ever wanted that “fairytale wedding,” we’ve found the spot.

DellaTerraMountainchateau.com Clock Tower Events Apart from being a great spot for re-enacting the lightning scene in “Back to the Future,” the clock tower makes for an amazing wedding venue. Get hitched on the 18th floor of the D&F Clock Tower overlooking the city, then party (responsibly!) on one of the two floors in the building that offer wrap-around balconies for a bird’s-eye-view of Denver and the mountains.

ClockTowerEvents.com Mile High Station With a decidedly urban flair, Mile High Station is the place you hold a formal and elegant wedding in the city. The elevated mezzanine makes for amazing overhead shots of the action, as well as a great spot to clink drinks and mingle with the other architecture nerds who want to wax about the history of the place.

MileHighStation.com 

Til Death Do Us Part? Hardly.

New process turns the ashes of cremated loved ones into diamonds Berlin Sylvestre With this ring, I thee wed. With this other ring, I commemorate the life we lived together.

‘Algordanza’ means remembrance in Romansh, a language spoken in the Swiss alps — specifically by the owner of the like-named company that turns the ashes of your cremated loved ones into diamonds.

The ashes produced from an average-sized human is usually around 5.5 pounds. From that, somewhere around 0.2 grams of carbon is extracted. For between $5,000 – $20,000, that carbon can be compressed into a diamond and sent to the grieving. The finished product can be placed into jewelry, such as a ring or a necklace, 30

and is delivered in a beautiful polished wooden box. Inside the box is a pyramid-shaped stand on which the jewelry rests on display.

“It’s a very emotional moment when you are returning a family member,” Rinaldo Willy told The Atlantic last month. “The diamonds always bring back beautiful memories. If there are tears, they are tears of happiness.”

Perhaps most peculiar is the fact that the diamonds take on a color all their own. The hue of the finished product is determined by elements present in the deceased’s ashes. For example, false teeth, metal bone and joint replacements, even chemotherapy can affect the final color of the diamond. For example, if the ashes contain

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excess amounts of nitrogen, the diamond will be yellow; a blue diamond is a result of a significant amount of boron, while an excess of boron yields a black diamond.

In order to visit a loved one’s final resting place, one usually has to head to the cemetery which may not even be in the same town (or state) as the mourning. Other times, paying respects means eyeballing an urn on the mantle here and there, and perhaps sharing a word of bereavement. The process of turning a loved one’s remains into a diamond takes the somber association of cemetery dirt and sooty ash and gives it a more positive association. Ashes to ashes, dust to diamonds.  Learn more at algordanza.ch.

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The Newlyweds

OPINION

Isa Jones

H ow Di d We Get Here?

A Same-Sex Marriage Timeline 32

A PICTORIAL BY JAY DIERS, JAEDEDART STUDIOS • jaededartstudios.com MODELS: Seth Valkonen & Darren Axel Stephens SHOT AT THE OLD STUDIO

A

t first, Colorado had no law making gay marriage legal. Unfortunately, due to legal jargon, this meant it was illegal by default. This terrible idea was solidified by the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) which became a law in 1996. That law federally defined marriage as between a man and woman (boo) and Section 3 of the law denied any federal rights to gay partners that are otherwise granted to heterosexual spouses. In 2013, the Supreme Court became true American heroes and struck down Section 3 following a court case related to it. This ruling put gay marriage in the hands of the state since now any married couple (straight or gay) would be recognized federally. This brave and amazing decision was

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crucial because not only did it put the legality of gay marriage in the hands of the states, all state laws regarding marriage were now able to be challenged, because in the court system, federal law overrules any state law.

Timeline of Gay Marriage in Colorado: 2006: Long before DOMA became unconstitutional, anti-gay assholes succeeded in passing a law excluding same-sex couples from marriage.

Gay marriage was already illegal by default, but now it was super illegal, like in writing nailed to the town hall door illegally.

2009: Designated Beneficiaries Agreement Act of 2009 became a law. It’s a big old thick law full of

Chat Sesh: DJ Rockstar Aaron Berlin Sylvestre A quick YouTube search of ‘wedding DJ fails’ yields a few “omg, no” moments that — funny as they are — you can’t have on your big day. I’ve been to a few parties around town and noticed this awesomelycoifed DJ puttin’ pep in the partygoers steps and had to get this cat in our pages.

Turns out, he’s done a ton of weddings and was free to rap about the work. Here are a few gems from that convo:

PHOTO: HANS ROSEMOND

Are weddings different from other gigs?

I love DJing weddings because it’s the most joyous occasion. Every single person is so happy.

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What are some wedding no-nos when it comes to hiring the DJ? I’ve heard stories from people who used one of the ‘mobile DJ’ companies that book weddings in volume. These companies send out a random, inexperienced DJ the day of the wedding and they don’t even mix or beat-match songs … basically a glorified sound guy. On the other hand, I work with each bride and groom from the booking process to DJing the actual wedding, and I mix all my music live — no pre-recorded sets or sync buttons are used.

So you actually care.

I obsessively care. When I DJ weddings, I have three backup computers, plus a backup iPod and extra equipment just in case. A lot of the weddings I DJ are in rural areas so there’s not a Guitar Center close by to go to for a replacement cable.

I sometimes feel like a wedding planner. I give a lot of advice to brides/grooms for their weddings.

The biggest secret is to have the dance floor in the same room as the bar and the DJ. It always messes with the dance-party vibe when someone tries to be clever and put the bar outside and the dance floor inside. There’s nothing that infuriates me more at work; it breaks up the crowd.

2 miles into the mountains 5 minutes away from dining and Pearl St activities!

What’s a normal day for Rockstar Aaron?

I wake up between 7 – 8am every morning and respond to a bunch of emails. I usually run errands, have lunch, then meet with Francis, the guy who designs my outfits. We meet about once a week to work on a new look. I come home, take a nap, then listen to new music. (I get a lot of promo stuff sent to me.) I also go through my library to look for music that I forgot about. I’ll load music on a flash drive and transfer it to my DJ computer. Then I get ready and head out to my gig. I go to sleep around 4am and do it all again.

Are you ready to rock? Contact DJ Rockstar Aaron online at RockstarAaron.com.

confusing words but basically, it allowed same-sex couples to receive benefits. Long before the federal courts were debating DOMA, Colorado was already giving gay couples more rights than most states. This was a big victory, especially considering the tragic and harmful law passed just three years earlier.

2013: Civil Unions become legal in Colorado. While this still seperates gay couples and hetereosexual couples, and hardly has the same connotation or amazing weddings that marriage allows, it creates a “marriage-like” status that allows couples even more benefits and rights.

July 9, 2014: A district judge who is truly the best district judge there ever was, strikes down Colorado’s gay marriage ban as part of a case with

two other states. While there is still no federal precedent, for the moment, gay marriage is legal in Colorado.

October 6, 2014: The Supreme Court decides against ruling on two federal gay marriage cases.

When the Supreme Court decides not to take a case, the existing ruling on that case stands, which luckily, in this case, was that gay marriage was legal. Suddenly gay marriage becomes legal in multiple states, and the ruling that gay marriage in Colorado is legal stands.

Current Status: Go get married you lovebirds.

It’s your right. 

91 Four Mile Canyon Dr. Boulder, CO 80302 303•444•0882 800•458•0882 www.bouldermountainlodge.com

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COLORADO nuptials

COLORADO GLAM C

olorado is often thought of for its rustic style, more antlers and pine trees than glamour and glitz. This wedding shows off Colorado’s more elegant style. The colors are drawn from the gold of our Aspen trees, the blush hues from our famous Palisade peaches. Lace and sparkle are grounded with seasonal tones based on the wineries in the Grand Valley. The result is feminine and pretty, while still allowing each bride to show off her personal style.

C O N G R AT U L AT I O N S T O M O D E L S A N D N E W LY W E D S L eslie S c h mal z ried & J enni f er Heinric h s !

V endor C redits P h otograp h Y : Kokoro Photography, Amanda & Debi Tipton kokorophotography.com Florist : Bella Calla  bellacalla.com V enue : Villa Parker  villaparker.com P lanner S : Colorado Aisle Weddings & Events  coloradoaisle.com Marilee & Grace Wedding + Event Design  marileegrace.com C atering : Tony Rosacci’s Fine Catering  tonyrosaccicatering.com W edding C a k e : Kelley Kakes  kelleykakes.com W edding Attire : Wedding Treasures Bridal & Tuxedo weddingtreasuresbridal.com L E T T E R P R E S S : Chatham & Caron Letterpress Studio chathamandcaron.com E vent R entals : Event Rents  eventrents.net Hair S tylist & M a k eup A rtist: Kim J. Beauty  kimjbeauty.com V I D E O G R A P H Y : Lockerpartners  lockerpartnersxo.com

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COLORADO nuptials

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COLORADO MODERN F

or those of the contemporary, masculine persuasion, we've created a wedding that incorporates zinc details, succulents, and other structural floral elements like thistles and lavender, and geometric details on the cake and linen to express a style that's very "now." Photos in front of giant marquee letters and a Rolls Royce send-off cap the stylish event.

VENDOR CREDITS P h O T O G R A P h Y : Kokoro Photography, Amanda & Debi Tipton kokorophotography.com f L O R I S T : Bella Calla  bellacalla.com V E N U E : Villa Parker  villaparker.com P L A N N E R S : Colorado Aisle Weddings & Events  coloradoaisle.com Marilee & Grace Wedding + Event Design  marileegrace.com C AT E R I N G : Tony Rosacci’s Fine Catering  tonyrosaccicatering.com W E D D I N G C A k E : Kelley Kakes  kelleykakes.com f O R M A L W E A R : Wedding Treasures Bridal & Tuxedo  weddingtreasuresbridal.com L E T T E R P R E S S : Chatham & Caron Letterpress Studio  chathamandcaron.com E V E N T R E N TA L S : Event Rents  eventrents.net h A I R S T Y L I S T & M A k E U P A R T I S T: Kim J. Beauty  kimjbeauty.com V I D E O G R A P h Y : Lockerpartners  lockerpartnersxo.com

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ABOVE & RIGHT: ELLEN JASKOL

LEFT & ABOVE: CHAD CHISHOLM

Honeymooning in Town?

Go with The Crawford Berlin Sylvestre The sleek black Tesla pulls silently into the parking lot of my office and a dapper chauffeur slides out, the sheen on his shoes reflecting my wife’s dress as he takes her bags. “Good afternoon,” he bids. Indeed. He pops the hood and loads our stuff (cargo goes in the front, yes) and I’m further enraptured by the Model S, sexy in its form but even sexier in its all-electric function. This is the Crawford’s “house car"?

“It’s basically an iPad with wheels,” he smiles as we settle in and marvel at the interior. He steps on the accelerator and the only sound on our quiet street is rubber on gravel as the office parking lot shrinks into oblivion in my sideview mirror. I’m on vacation now, I have to remind myself. I can’t seem to remove the anxiety that hit me that morning. Leaving my house for a weekend with no plane tickets, all of my trip wares fitting into a single duffel bag seems … not very vacation-y, I’ll admit.

We always talk about staycations, but do we honestly know how to? With our house and our pets and our office a few miles down the road, is it really “getting away from it all”?

The chauffeur opens the door and I step out to the white-noise whoosh of the fountain just outside The Crawford Hotel feels nice. Walking by and feeling the mist around your ankles, cooling the moment in the waning heat of the late afternoon is a nice reminder that you haven’t even stepped through the threshold and your work-riddled, stress-tensed shoulders are already starting to uncramp.

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I try not to let myself get too used to the time off. You’re still in Denver, remember? You’re not on vacation; anyone can call you back to your desk for an "emergency." But once I step into Union Station’s sparkling Great Hall, with its gleaming, gilded, marbled interior, I’m transported to an era of petticoats and bowler caps, of bartenders in vests polishing heavy mugs and tipping their curled moustaches toward patrons saddling up for a brew while waiting on the train. Still in Denver …

A friendly face checks us in, informing me that our bags are being taken up to the room. I scan my surroundings as Friendly Face tinkers for a moment on her computer. Signs direct observers to restaurant and retail shops and the bustle is unmistakable. The place owes its name to Dana Crawford, our own living legend of urban revision. The redevelopment powerhouse’s work includes Larimer Square and pretty much any spot in this town that at one point needed a fresh face, like LoDo. I have to say, I love what she’s done with the place. Like a miniature Grand Central Station, polished marble floors, arched entryways, hardwood accents, and resplendence loom from 65 feet up.

A tall, thin gentleman breaks the spell. “Right this way,” he beams. A quick ride up the elevator and a short jaunt down a hallway that smells remarkably of fresh carpet and new paint and we’re at the door of the room.

He leaves silently, tucking his tip into his crisp uniform and the door closes behind us. And instantly …

Ok, yeah. This is a vacation.

TOP & ABOVE: ELLEN JASKOL

The room is immaculate and the first thing I notice are the wood beams that impart a “cabin” feel. Then it’s the iPad that’s connected to all things guest service charging on one of the nightstands. Then it’s the brilliant amenities like the polished metal and leather chest, the comfy leather couch, the giant flatscreen, and the beautifully-tinted baubles in the chandelier.

I do the obligatory “let’s see the bathroom” and my breath leaves me. A deep, enormous garden tub stands alone, sparkling with a soap and salts selection for your soaking pleasure. The shower itself is, of course, nice (but that tub). The marble floors feel cool on my feet and I look forward to messing this room up later.

My wife is exhaling all her stress from the pillowy hug of the bed, her heels dangling from the tips of her toes. “This is good,” she confirms, staring at the ceiling. “This is great.” We unpack, examine a few more touches (the plush bathrobes being a favorite), and head out for a bite to eat.

In a sort of cruise-ship fashion, you don’t need to worry about your keys or parking or any of that hassle if you get hungry or need some retail therapy during your stay. You actually don’t need to leave the building at all.

D inne r

Kitchen Next Door is down a hallway similar to ours. We approach to an energetic buzz and are seated in short order. I’ll skip the lofty language that comprises most restaurant reviews and go straight for the kill: The calamari isn’t breaded. Good. The result is a non-greasy starter that stays true to

the basics: salt, pepper, lemon, and squid. Their Manhattans are legendary and made in-house (ask about them). Their mushroom polenta ragout is creamy and to die. I’d recommend sitting outside; so many of the folks enjoying the libations were also enjoying the sound of their own scream.

A pres-dinner Drinks

Terminal Bar is dim. It’s that sexy lowlighting that makes anyone’s skin seem flawless while throwing mysterious shadows across the faces of people in corner booths. It has a remarkably European feel, but the bellylaughs and revelry are distinctly American. They pour heavy and no one dares complain.

Breakfast

Snooze delivers to the Crawford’s rooms. If you had a particularly sloshy night, go for the Reuben and fries. (Like a charm.) If sweetness tames the morning-after beast within, shut it down with their sweet potato pancakes with ginger butter.

So can a staycation actually relax your work-frazzled nerves? If The Crawford Hotel has anything to say about it, absolutely. 

Make your reservation today at TheCrawfordHotel.com O u t f ron t on l i ne . c om

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Whiskey Business After sampling some of colorado’s ol’ fashioned firewater, I’m afraid the South’s gonna have to try even harder to rise again.

Berlin Sylvestre

i

t takes a lot for a die-hard Southerner like me to disparage whiskey from my neck of the woods. You need a smooth pour to contend with the Woodford Reserve I splash over rocks when I’m clocking out of the world at large. So when a buddy I made here — also from Georgia — swirled some curious brown at me in a shotglass and said, “This’ll change your life, I promise,” I cocked my head in amusement. “It’s called Stranahan’s,” he continued. “It’s better than anything you’ve had back home.”

Oh, well now it’s on, son.

I took a quick whiff and my brows shot up.

That’s a good start. I toasted to no one in particular and down the hatch she went. Now, as anyone who loves a good swig of whiskey will tell you, the burn is something you winced at in your younger years, but came to adore as you matured. It’s an acquired pain, I should say. Then you exhale and, if you’re so inclined, you dissect the age and essence of the concoction, compartmentalizing oak and barley and the years they’ve been living together in a barrel.

There was a noticeable tameness to the drink.

Not bad. Not bad at all, so I had to give it to my new buddy: I had some rethinking to do.

The night before I conceded to give props to Stranahan’s in the mag, I went to a Kimbra show.

For the pregame, I thought it best to crack the bottle of Breckenridge that came highly recommended by a bartender who “appreciates a woman who likes bourbon up.” Comparably priced to the Stranahan’s, Breck Bourbon (in my most humble opinion) lets the rye do the singing upon exhale — and it’s a smooth exhale, lemme tell ya. (I like that in a drink.)

What’s more, the next day was blissfully bereft of the mental thickness that usually accompanies a night of dancing with the devil.

Now before anyone lobs accusations that I’m being paid to say these things, rest assured I’m not. I’m new to town so I’m sure I’ll get around to sampling other varieties of the good stuff. But for now, I’m a fan of credit where it’s due. It ails me none that I can now raise a glass of Colorado whiskey with an added sense of pride in my new state and what she’s capable of when it comes to a household staple of mine.

Cheers, y’all. 

WInE &

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Whiskey vs. Bourbon every bourbon is a whiskey, but not every whiskey is a bourbon. think of it like Cajun chicken, perhaps. the ingredients make the dish both Cajun and chicken … but not every chicken is done Cajun-style. (Did i just confuse you even more? sorry.)

BY tHE (lAW) BOOKS Bourbon must: • be made in America.

• be at least 51 percent corn.

• be stored in new, charred oak containers.

• not be more than 160 proof.

Whiskey must: • be distilled from a grain.

• be stored in oak containers.

• not be more than 190 proof.

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MarQuEE

STarZ DEnVEr FILM FESTIVaL

November 12 – 23 Sie FilmCenter, 2510 East Colfax denverfilm.org

TIMELESS IN CARTIER Berlin Sylvestre The Denver Art Museum will be the sole venue worldwide for “Brilliant: Cartier in the 20th Century” from Nov. 16 – March 15. The exhibition will feature an assortment of exquisite jewelry, timepieces, and precious objects produced between 1900 and 1975. The display will showcase the many eras of Cartier including pieces adored by aristocracy through the ages, designs that gave the newfangled cigarette-smoking era a classy take, and how icons of style (such as Elizabeth Taylor and Princess Grace of Monaco) bejeweled their world-famous visages in Cartier. 

Egyptian striking clock owned by Mrs. George Blumenthal. cartier Paris, 1927

November 14 – 16 Colorado Convention Center, Denver Art-denver.org

Gold, silver gilt, mother-of-pearl, lapis lazuli, coral, emerald, cornelian, enamel; 24 x 15.7 x 12.7 cm. cartier collection.

Photo: Nick Welsh, cartier collection © cartier.

Engagement ring worn by HSH Princess Grace of Monaco. cartier Paris, 1956 Platinum, one 10.48-carat emerald-cut diamond, two baguette-cut diamonds. Palais Princier de Monaco, P 01 1276

ForBIDDEn BroaDWaY: aLIVE & kIckInG! November 15 – March 1, 2015 Garner Galleria Theatre, Denver denvercenter.org

FIDDLEr on ThE rooF November 14 – February 28, 2015 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BdtStage.com

Santos wristwatch. cartier Paris, 1915 Gold, sapphire, leather strap; 3.49 x 2.47 cm. cartier collection.

Photo: Nick Welsh, cartier collection © cartier.

tutti frutti strap bracelet worn by Mrs. cole Porter. cartier Paris, 1929 Platinum, diamonds, sapphires, emeralds, rubies; 18 x 4.07 x 0.75 cm. cartier collection.

Photo: Nick Welsh, cartier collection © cartier.

ShE LoVES ME November 25 – December 21 6901 Wadsworth Blvd. • Arvada Arvadacenter.org

Necklace worn by Elizabeth taylor. cartier Paris, 1951, altered in 1953 Platinum, diamonds, rubies; length 37.5 cm. cartier collection.

Photo: Marian Gérard, cartier collection © cartier.

For more information about “Brilliant: Cartier in the 20th Century,” visit DenverArtMuseum.org.

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T h a nk You r Lucky StarZ This year’s lineup for the Starz Film Fest dazzles Gary M. Kramer

BARRIO BOY

FUTURO BEACH

Castanha

The Imitation Game

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The Starz Denver Film Festival screens Nov. 12 – 23 at area theaters, and this year’s program offers some choice LGBT titles in its Cinema Q program. Here’s the rundown: Writer/director Karim Aïnouz’s superb new film, “Futuro Beach” concerns a hunky Brazilian lifeguard, Donato (Wagner Moura) who bonds — often in the naked, physical sense — with Konrad (Clemens Schick), a tourist who is grieving the loss of his friend.

After Donato visits Konrad in Germany, their relationship deepens and changes.

Things change even more when Ayrton, Donato’s younger brother played by Jesuita Barboso, takes over the narrative in the film’s third act. Aïnouz’s deliberately elliptical style of storytelling captures the ebb and flow of its characters’ erotic and emotional currents. This, along with outstanding cinematography, is what makes the film so mesmerizing.

Another worthwhile Brazilian entry is Davi Pretto’s dazzling character study, “Castanha.” The film provides a terrific showcase for actor/subject João Carlos Castanha, a gay man who works as an actor and drag emcee at local gay clubs. He only feels alive when he’s performing. He is fabulous on stage, playing the hostess with “beauty, sensuality, malice, and perfume,” lip-synching and generating laughs dishing about the club’s beefy bare-assed dancers, and cracking wise about penis size. But the film is equally interesting (and candid) when he is off stage, where the actor’s quiet despair is palpable. “Castanha” is both sympathetic and compelling as it mixes fiction and reality.

The festival’s Cinema Q program also includes two fantastic non-fiction films.

“Limited Partnership” is a touching documentary addressing the immigration and marriage laws that could potentially divide same-sex couples. Richard Adams and Tony Sullivan met in 1971, and they even got married in Boulder, Colorado when a clerk granted same-sex marriages back in the 1970s. (Shout out to Clela Rorex!) However, when Australian-citizen Sullivan wanted equal rights protection after marrying an American, he received an offensive letter in response from the US government. Their court case took years, and it decided that the men must leave the country if they wanted to stay together. Director Thomas G. Miller nimbly traces their relationship through activism, art, and archival footage to show their “strange patience” with their legal status. Tony’s willingness to be undocumented and live underground to fight for his rights is inspiring, as is the stirring testimonies by Richard and Tony.

Their story resonates in light of the wave of recent legal decisions that have benefitted LGBT couples.

An astonishing doc not to be missed (and about which almost nothing should be revealed) is “An Honest Liar.” The film, directed by Tyler Measom and Justin Weinstein, is a clever portrait of James “The Amazing” Randi, a gay man and a magician who debunks folks such as Uri Geller who use trickery to con people.

The film is vastly entertaining as Randi shows off his talents, but it gets even better when he reveals a particularly astounding situation.

The festival also features a quartet of queer shorts that showcases some talented up-and-coming filmmakers. Dennis Shinner’s “Barrio Boy” is a charming film about Quique (Dennis Garcia), a gay barber in Brooklyn who secretly pines for a new client, Kevin (Dan Leonard). In the process of cutting Kevin’s hair, Quique articulates his desires for what he wants from this handsome young man in a romantic and heartfelt voiceover.

Another fine short, “Adjust-a-Dream”

by Jonathan Wysocki, has a gay couple, Anthony (Doug Tompos) and Jake (Tom DeTrinis), rethinking their big step of moving in together when they look at a new mattress. The two actors are perfectly matched as they express their preferences — and their bitterness — and confront issues of communication and compromise in their relationship.

Two other queer shorts (unavailable for preview) include “I Love Hooligans,” an animated entry about a closeted football hooligan, and “Under the Last Roof.”

Also playing at the fest is the Alan Turing-based film, “The Imitation Game.” Turing, played by an Oscar-worthy Benedict Cumberbatch, was a gay man with a great mind. As this terrific film shows, he had few social skills, alienating his colleagues at Bletchley Park, where he was hired to help break the code of the Nazi Enigma machine. (There is a great interview scene.) This film, which toggles back and forth in time, reveals a young Alan being bullied at school and his love for a male classmate, as well as his investigation by the police for “gross indecency.” In between, the film crackles with the code-breaking drama and Turing’s friendship with Joan Clarke (a superb Keira Knightley).

Although slick and manipulative, “The Imitation Game” is a highly satisfying crowd-pleaser.

In addition, four other films at the festival that feature LGBT characters include the hilarious screwball mystery “Wild Canaries,” the Nordic noir “In Order of Disappearance,” and the documentaries “Hotline” and “The Overnighters.”

For tickets, showtimes and more information, contact DenverFilm.org.

Mat thew Shepa r d Fou ndat i o n H on ors The 2014 Matthew Shepard Foundation Honors Gala, formerly known as Bear to Make a Difference, was held in the Seawell Grand Ballroom at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts on Oct. 11. This year’s honorees included actor Stephen Fry, NBA player Jason Collins, and Leslie Herod. The Matthew Shepard Foundation is dedicated to erasing hate through education, advocacy, and awareness by changing hearts and minds, pushing for improved reporting of hate crime statistics, and calling for updates to state hate crime laws.

See more photos at outfrontonline.com | Photos by Charles Broshous

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D e n v e r G ay a n d L e s b i a n F l a g F o o t b a ll L e a g u e F a ll B a n q u e t The Denver Gay and Lesbian Flag Football League’s 2014 Fall Championship Banquet and Awards Ceremony was held on Oct. 25 at the Cowboy Lounge in downtown Denver. Now that the season is over, the league took time to celebrate with cocktails, a delicious dinner, door prizes, and awards.

Congratulations to Go Deep Blue, the 2014 Fall Champions!

See more photos at outfrontonline.com | Photos by Charles Broshous

Outfrontonline.com

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BAR TAB

W E E K LY S P E C I A L S F R O M O U T F R O N T ' S L G B T- I N C LU S I V E B A R PA R T N E R S

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1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584 ofcnow.co/aqua

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BA RRICU DA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 2–4pm. & 10pm–midnight

BL ACK CROWN 1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 blackcrownlounge.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4–6PM Mondays 1/2 price select bottles of wine Sundays Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette. $8 Ketel One martinis

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Freak Show @ Tracks Hundreds of costume-clad characters kicked off their Halloween festivities with Freak Show at Tracks Nightclub on Oct. 30. The first of three epic nights welcomed the 18-and-over crowd who showed up in force to drink, dance, and enjoy the musical stylings of DJs Flowers and Tatiana. A $500 cash prize was awarded for best costume.

See more photos at outfrontonline.com | Photos by Charles Broshous

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X BA R 629 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com Monday–Saturday 3 – 8pm Happy Hour! BOGO tall wells, drafts, wine. $4 Svedka drinks, $7 PBR & Jameson, $8 Tecate & Patron Silver MONDAYS: SERVICE INDUSTRY NIGHT $2 Bud Lt. Drafts & $3 Tall Wells Tuesdays: karaoke, 8pm $3 Bud Lt. Drafts & Tall Wells, $6 Absolut WEDNESDAYS: BEAT THE CLOCK, 8PM $1 Wells @ 8pm; increases $0.50 every hour ‘til $3 FRIDAys & saturdays: 2 dj’s, 2 dance floors, 8pm – close sunday funday 3pm – close $5 vodka lemonade buckets. $7 raspberry Svedka buckets. $8 beer bust from 4 – 8pm.

For uPdates & interactive map, PLEASE VISIT ofcnow.co/btab

Outfrontonline.com

| N O V EM B ER 5 , 2 0 1 4 | 5 1

The afterlives and netherworlds collided at Charlie’s on October 31 as angels, devils, sinners, and saints converged for Heaven or Hell. A capacity crowd turned out for the annual Halloween Spooktacular at 900 E. Colfax Avenue. Festivities included drink specials, dancing, plenty of socializing, and a costume contest at midnight with a $500 cash prize.

See more photos at outfrontonline.com | Photos by Charles Broshous

ASK THE SEXPERT

The Parent Trap Dear Shanna,

My partner and I recently adopted a 7-year-old and are incredibly blessed to have a kiddo in our lives. However, having an extra set of eyes and ears (plus a whole lot of extra curiosity) in our home has really placed some strain on our sex lives. How can we negotiate being parents while also maintaining a sexual relationship?

Parents Wanting to Party, Park Hill.

Dear Parents Wanting to Party, First of all, many congrats on the addition to your family! Parenting requires a lot of energy, caring, and commitment, and kudos to you for taking that on. That being said, putting out that much time and energy can also be exhausting, to say nothing of your compromised privacy. Here are a few tips to keep up that lovin’ feeling while still showering your newest family member with lots of love.

If being too tired is resulting in a lot of climbing into bed solely to fall asleep, make it a habit to plan time together specifically to be intimate.

If you’re tired before bed, consider morning nookie, or set aside some time when you have a babysitter/family member/close friend playing with your kid. A lot of people hate the idea of scheduling time to get it on, but when your schedule has suddenly filled up, this could be your saving grace. It doesn’t mean you HAVE to have sex right then, but even a quick makeout session or relaxing back massage can help the two of you feel more connected.

Have a little chat with the little one about private time. This is a great way to set the stage for Make it a habit all sorts of things. Explain that to plan time together everyone has a right to private specifically to be intimate. time and that they are allowed to go into their room and close their door if they’d like private time, as well. (You as parents would need to knock before entering.) Conversely, parents get private time too, which means “please leave us alone for now, but it’s ok to knock if something is important.” Obviously, your kid may want to test out these boundaries to make sure you actually WILL answer the door in case of them knocking, but it sets the stage for more private time moving forward.

Take each other on dates, surprise each other with sweet treats, romance each other again. Being a parent can really become a main focus (which is 100 percent ok), but don’t forget to show each other some extra love and affection too. It’s easy to forgo that in focusing on your offspring, but don’t forget: There is more to life than homework, “Monster High,” and whichever restaurant has free kids’ meals that night.

Best of luck!

Shanna

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna (anonymously)? Email shannakatz@gmail.com.

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator, and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. See more columns at ofcnow.co/sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com.

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PHOTO: CHRISTINA GRESSIANU

H eav e n o r H e l l @ C h a r l i e ’s

W h y d o some P EO P L E a pp ea r stro ng e r than others?

Brent Heinze | HeinzeSight

PHOTO: CHRISTINA GRESSIANU

Hey, Brent.

I’ve never felt comfortable dealing with stress.

Growing up, I had personal challenges with my family and my self-confidence, but there are many people I know who had it much worse and seem to deal with anything that comes their way. Is there a reason some people are able to deal with life better than others?

— Anonymous.

A good sense of humor, effective communication, independence, and creative problemsolving skills create positive outlooks on rough situations.

I’ve always found it interesting that some people from really rough childhoods or other difficult life experiences can leave behind the hurt caused by what many of us could consider debilitating and become powerful, fulfilled, and happy individuals with jam-packed, fun lives and amazing support. Then there are others who develop feelings of powerlessness through tough life situations. They perceive the world as unfair and full of pitfalls and villains waiting to jump into their lives and hurt them.

There is an ongoing debate about what makes some people more resilient than others. A complex mix of personality supportive situations, and a healthy dose of good fortune may have the most influence in a person’s ability to overcome difficulties without becoming a victim. So many of us have struggled with feelings of inferiority, abuse, abandonment, body image, insecurities, and shame, yet some appear better-equipped to deal with them.

Truth is, personality plays a big role. Traits like a good sense of humor, effective communication, independence, and creative problem-solving skills create positive outlooks on rough situations. Resourcefulness, compassion, and the desire to take the initiative helps support persistence.

Some are skilled at creating supportive networks of people who can aid them in gaining outside perspectives while nurturing their need to connect with other good people.

These strengths are innate with some people, but most times they’re gained from outside sources like family or friends. They’re also developed throughout our lives. Over time, there can be an increased awareness of unknown strengths and abilities that were waiting to be released.

Tapping into these may take time, focused attention, and a lot of practice. Regardless of where they come from, these traits can give us strength and confidence to take on the world. Our ability to cope with stress successfully gives us a better chance of not losing our minds when things get rough.

Although having these strengths doesn’t stop crappy things from coming into our lives, they make us selfsufficient and more empowered to deal with unexpected or unfortunate challenges. We have the opportunity to engage these difficult experiences with confidence and increased abilities to emerge victorious.  Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor.

Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

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| N O V EM B ER 5 , 2 0 1 4 | 5 3

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