December 2, 2015 :: Damascus to Denver

DECEMBER 02, 2015 | OUTFRONTONLINE .COM | FREE

DAMASCUS TO DENVER:

EXODUS

FROM SYRIA + I NSI DE TRIPPIN’ OUT ON CUBA, PARIS, JAPAN, + MORE

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 3

CONTENTS DECEMBER 02, 2015 VOL39 NO17

24

06 OFFSIDES: HOMOPHOBIA ON THE FIELD 08 THE CHARLIE SHEEN MOMENT YOU PROBABLY MISSED 10 DON’T CALL ME CIS 12 EXODUS FROM SYRIA 24 VIVA LA ¡REVOLUCIÓN! 26 AOKIGAHARA: THE SUICIDE FOREST

12

26

30 NIGHTS IN LA VILLE LUMIERE 34 SHORE LOVE 38 CALENDAR 40 TIS NEVER THE SEASON FOR APATHY 44 BAR TAB 46 SHINING A LIGHT ON SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER 50 BACKWORDS

ON THE COVER

Lawrence + George Powell, Photography by Paul Wedlake Clothing in part by Armitage & McMillian

10 4 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Mural by Mariano Padilla, Michael Ortiz, + Jonathan Lamb

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O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 5

OPINION

Brett Callwood THE NAME WILL BE ALIEN TO MOST AMERICANS BUT ACROSS THE ATLANTIC, Richard Scudamore is kind of a big deal. Scudamore is the Chief Executive of the English Premier League, the top flight of soccer in that country.

So when Scudamore publicly stated this week that gay footballers (soccer players to you Americans) would be treated with respect if they chose to publicly reveal their sexuality, it carried some weight and made a few waves. The big question is: Is he right?

“The environment would be entirely suitable for them to come out,” Scudamore told the BBC. “It would be welcomed and I think there would be a tolerance to it.”

However, the evidence would suggest otherwise. The south of England’s Brighton (football team: Brighton & Hove Albion) is known as a desirable area for gay people to reside, but fans of other clubs have been known to sing homophobic songs and chants in the direction of Brighton’s football-team fans. League officials and police have gotten involved, but it’s virtually impossible to silence 60,000 sports fans.

Fans and opposing players have been fined, and it’s getting better, but the abuse remains. Soccer is the sport of the working man in the UK, despite soaring ticket prices. As a result, and generally for the better, a blue-collar ethic is still prevalent in the game — certainly among the supporters. The downside?

Old-fashioned ideas are tough to remove.

Indeed, not too long ago — the 1980s — black footballers were subjected to terrible abuse. Players like John Barnes and 6 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Cyrille Regis, among the first players of color in the country, had bananas thrown at them early on and regularly heard monkey chants aimed in their direction. Thankfully, that’s been almost entirely eradicated (not in Eastern Europe and some parts of Italy, sadly), pointing to progression in soccer, and in society in general.

So there is hope. It’s been 25 years since the first and last openly gay soccer player graced the premier league — Justin Fashanu at Norwich City — and he killed himself in 1998.

Former Aston Villa player Thomas Hitzlsperger came out after his playing career was over, uncomfortable with the ideas of revealing his sexuality while still playing.

But the Daily Mirror has reported that two Premier League players are set to come out with the support of their clubs and, while their names have yet to be revealed, one can only hope that the undesirable element that creates such an ugly environment during Brighton games is silenced.

Football is known as the beautiful game, the world game, and for the most part that’s true. It’s the sport that brings the whole world together and, at its best, its stadiums generate the best atmosphere of any game. Banter between supporters is an element that can never disappear — it’s key to the vibe. But everyone knows where the line is, and racism, homophobia, and sexism are … well, way over that line.

So when these two gentlemen do reveal their sexuality to an overly fascinated world, let’s hope they’re allowed to carry on with their jobs. Let’s hope they’re judged on their ability on the field and nothing else.

PHOTO BY KI PRICE/THE INDEPENDENT UK

OFFSIDES: HOMOPHOBIA ON THE FIELD

With rampant homophobia in the “working man’s sport,” will two players who are about to come out retain good standing with fans?

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 7

message. “For the first time in a long time you can be proud of yourself,” he read, “Now you’re really winning.”

OPINION

The camera cut to Sheen, who fumbled out a “Wow … that’s lovely,” although he still seemed to be holding his breath.

Lauer continued with a third message.

“Now you own your truth. Good on you, Charlie Sheen. Respect.”

And it was in this moment, as Lauer finished the third of three consecutive responses, all of them supportive, that the camera revealed something barely perceptible but achingly human.

THE CHARLIE SHEEN MOMENT YOU PROBABLY MISSED Mark S. King IT CAME DURING THE SECOND SEGMENT OF MATT LAUER’S EXPLOSIVE INTERVIEW with actor Charlie Sheen, a moment that impressed me so deeply, I actually backed up my recording and watched it twice more.

Sheen had already endured the first segment of his time with Lauer, during which he resembled an uneasy hostage trying to charm his captors. Gone were most of the features of the train wreck we have come to know as Charlie Sheen: the mania, the twitches and glazed eyes, the bloviated pronouncements delivered with the bravado of a crack-cocaine messiah.

That public meltdown was in 2011, a millennia in celebrity years. The humbled, visibly nervous man on The Today Show had his back against a wall, forced to reveal his HIV positive status on the eve of venomous tabloids doing it for him.

And so, the immensely privileged actor found himself in a position known all too well by those of us who live with HIV: having to disclose our status and pray to God the response will be at least civil, if not empathetic. Except, of course, Sheen did it under the blaze of studio lighting, with high-definition cameras searching for any betraying 8 DECEMBER 02, 2015

signals on a face layered with makeup and apprehension.

The moment that transfixed me came after an endless commercial break — several minutes of corporate pigs at the trough, lapping up the ratings slop of Sheen’s misfortune. Sheen had already made his HIV disclosure and had begun building a case against the extortions of his former sex partners and confidantes. It wasn’t the most relatable storyline with which to lead, but it was presented through a veiled, undeniable personal agony.

And then, Lauer announced he had messages from Twitter he wanted to share, fresh off the internet presses, containing reactions to Sheen’s HIV disclosure from the town square of cyberspace. Sheen’s face changed. On live television, in front of a blockbuster audience the world over, Charlie Sheen would now hear exactly what people thought of him, his story, and most unnervingly, his HIV status.

Lauer began to read. “Laura says, ‘You have brought me to tears. I am profoundly touched by your honesty.’”

The camera had moved to a graphic of the tweets and Sheen was not visible.

Lauer was continuing with a second

Charlie Sheen raised his shoulders slightly in a shallow intake of breath, and then let it out, shifting in his chair as if to mask it, while his eyes found a place of exquisite, emotional relief that no mere actor could ever muster.

It was the sigh of a thousand gulps of air, the release of months of secrecy and loneliness, of doubt and the very real fear of what lies beyond the words “I am HIV positive.”

It was then that I recognized the man on the television screen. He was every HIV+ person who has ever had to make a revelation that holds the acceptance of our loved ones and co-workers and friends in its precarious balance. And, at least in that instant, fate was merciful to Charlie Sheen.

The backlash, as if duty bound, has begun. Much has been breathlessly reported about the veracity of Sheen’s statements, the lawsuits, the blame and recriminations, and even his residual tiger-blood bluster that he might be the man to deliver a cure. None of the nonsense to come can nullify the fact that the critical words “undetectable viral load” have been written, spoken, and defined more in the last few days than in the entire history of HIV advocacy.

There will be plenty of time to assess the fallout of Charlie Sheen’s disclosure, for better or worse. For now, I remain struck by the eyes of a vulnerable man during his singular, desperate moment of grace.

And in them, a glimmer of hope for us all.

Like the writer? There’s more of that award-winning work at MyFabulousDisease.com.

O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M 9

dude, I needn’t walk the Earth in a state of persistent apology.

OPINION

Now, to be clear, I’m not using this as a forum to cry “heterophobia.” That would be ludicrous. I’m not even sure there is such a thing — certainly not in a “widespread problem” sort of way (much as racism is rooted in privilege and so the much-touted reverse-racism is a myth).

But the term “cis” seems to have replaced (or at least have been placed alongside) that old fave “breeders” as the hetero insult of choice.

DON’T CALL ME CIS Brett Callwood ANYONE FAMILIAR WITH PEOPLE IN A 12-STEP PROGRAM WILL KNOW that attendees/ participants will often refer to people who don’t have a substance abuse problem as “normies.” This probably started out as a sweet, well-intentioned point of reference.

Like, “My girlfriend can have a drink with dinner — she’s a normie.” Most of the time, “normie” (an epithet for normal) is used in that innocuous way. But occasionally, the term is laced with spite and resentment. There’s an underlying tone of, “F*cking normie — what do you know about hard living?”

Unfortunately, the same thing is happening with the term “cis,” short for cisgender, which is described often as the opposite of transgender. In other words, a person who was born biologically female, and identifies as a female; ditto for biological males who identify as males. Easy peasy. It’s a legitimate word that isn’t, on its face, a slur.

And yet there’s an assh*le fringe using the term as a pejorative, and that’s not f*cking on.

Now, I’m very aware that as a white, able-bodied, heterosexual male, I’m brimming with privilege. I’m aware that, were I to fail at life, I’d have nobody to blame but myself. That’s ok — I’m happy to walk forward with that responsibility. I’m also aware that, as a non-racist, non-homophobic, non-sexist, non-xenophobic (etc.)

ADALINE

Meet Adaline! An adorable dog who can’t wait to find a home. She can be a little shy at first and would do best in a quiet, patient home where she can come out of her shell. She’s a sweet and special little girl.

10 DECEMBER 02, 2015

PANCAKE

Pancake is a gorgeous, 11-year-old female Persian in search of a forever home. She is friendly, laid-back, affectionate, and has lived well with dogs in the past.

First of all, you don’t f*cking know me.

For all you know, I could be struggling with internal conflict, deftly hiding it from the outside world, wondering when the right time is to tell my family that my life is about to radically change. I’m not, but the dude in a bar crying “cis” doesn’t know that. Perhaps more relevant, that same person might not know that I despise gender and sexuality-related pejoratives with a passion that borders the absurd.

Is calling me “cis” the same as me crying out the “f” word at a gay guy? Hell no — it’s not even close. That would be the equivalent of a white guy dropping the “n” bomb after being called “honky” or “white-bread.” Not. The. Same.

But that doesn’t make the spite with which it’s being uttered any less assholey. I’m a person, you’re a person, we’re all people. Not to get all hippydippy, “Kumbaya” ’round the fire on your asses, but how about we all stick with that and leave the nonsensical insults to the people who don’t know any better?

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SAME-SEX COUPLE TAKES THE CAKE On August 13, the Colorado Court of Appeals announced its long-awaited decision in Craig v.

Masterpiece Cakeshop, ruling that a Colorado bakery could not cite religious beliefs as the reason to refuse to bake a wedding cake for a same-sex couple. Back in 2012, Charlie Craig and David Mullens were planning their marriage in Massachusetts, and a celebration with family and friends in Colorado.

They asked Jack Phillips, owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop, to bake them a wedding case.

However, their seemingly simple request was rejected by Mr. Phillips, who refused to bake a wedding cake for a same-sex couple due to his religious convictions. Mr. Craig and Mr. Mullens filed a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Divisions, and an Administrative Judge for the commissions agreed with them that Masterpiece Cakeshop had improperly discriminated against them. Masterpiece then took the case to the Colorado Court of Appeals.

In ruling in favor of Mr. Craig and Mr. Mullens, the Colorado Court of Appeals relied on the seminal US Supreme Court case of Obergefell v. Hodges, which granted same-sex couples the right just a few months earlier. Quoting the

Obergefell case, the Colorado Court of Appeals held that “The nature of marriage is that, through its enduring bond, two persons together can find other freedoms, such as expression, intimacy and spirituality. This is true for all persons, whatever their sexual orientation.” It therefore appears that the Obergefell decision created a clear path for the Colorado Court of Appeals to prohibit the discrimination of a same-sex couple.

The Colorado Court of Appeals further shot down Mr. Phillips’ argument that his rights to exercise free speech and religion allowed him to discriminate against a same-sex couple. The Court determined that “the act of designing and selling a wedding cake to all customers free of discrimination does not convey a message about same sex weddings likely to be understood by those that view it.”

The summer of 2015 will long be remembered for the landmark legal victories that same-sex couples achieved, both nationally and here in Colorado.

Bloch & Chapleau is a full service law firm that represents clients in domestic, criminal, personal injury, and civil matters. One of the first firms in Denver to represent same-sex couples in marriage and civil union matters, including divorce and pre-nuptial agreements, call Bloch & Chapleau today to schedule a consultation.

LEGAL DIRECTORY BLOCH & CHAPLEAU, LLC

303-331-1700 • BlochChapleau.com 1725 Gaylord St., Denver Family Law • Civil Union Dissolutions Pre-Union Agreements • Auto Accidents

LAW OFFICE OF LISA E. FRAZER, LLC

303-861-7717 • FrazerFamilyLaw.com 936 E. 18th Ave, Denver Family Law/Civil Unions • Divorce Child Custody

LAW OFFICE OF BYRON K. HAMMOND, LLC

303-501-1812 • BKH-Law.com 3900 E. Mexico Ave., Denver Wills • Trusts • Estate Planning Probate • Elder Law

TITUS PETERSON, AAL

303-260-6412 600 17th St, Suite 2800 South, Denver Personal Injury • Divorce • Criminal Law Marijuana Business Compliance

WOODY LAW FIRM, LLC

303-968-1711 • WoodyLawLLC.com 1407 Larmier St., Suite 300, Denver Dissolution of Civil Unions/Marriage Legal Separation • 2nd Parent Adoption

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 11

Damascus to Denver:

Berlin Sylvestre

YEARS BEFORE LIFELESS BODIES BEGAN WASHING ONTO MEDITERRANEAN SHORES, before panicked refugees flooded European borders, before humanitarian aid was fervently debated in governing bodies across the world, a love story between a young Syrian and a Manitou Springs retiree unfolded in a Middle Eastern cybercafé.

12 DECEMBER 02, 2015

ABOUT THE SHOOT Lawrence + George Powell, Photography by Paul Wedlake Clothing in part by Armitage & McMillian ArmitageAndMcmillan.com

Mural by Mariano Padilla, Michael Ortiz + Jonathan Lamb OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 13

Syria, 2011 The ground was already unstable.

In a land carefully watching its neighboring countries topple their corrupt regimes and publicly slay their leaders — a time now known as the Arab Spring — the ruling body of Syria, helmed by controversial President Bashar al-Assad, was on high alert for dissidents. The domino effect seen in the political takedowns of Libya, Jordan, Oman, Iraq, Lebanon, and so many other Arab nations was making its way toward Syrian soil and its president, a former ophthalmologist and hotly contested figure for the undemocratic way in which his father appointed him to the presidency, was anxious to demonstrate his intolerance for political uprising.

And then he got his chance.

On a city wall in the sleepy Syrian border town of Daraa, a group of minors — some as young as 10 — scrawled a message to President al-Assad from a spray-paint can: The people want the regime to fall. It’s your turn, doctor.

The boys could have no way of knowing that with each emission, they were striking the proverbial match in a gas tank. They were captured, incarcerated, and savagely beaten at the order of their infuriated president. The made-examples were returned, but instead of invoking fear and silence, their harsh punishment stirred the already unsettled hearts of the Syrian people, propelling them into the streets to protest their iron-fisted regime, igniting a brutal civil war that rages on to this very day.

And amidst the merciless massacres and daily fights for survival, Lawrence Ahmadi watched helplessly as the life he loved spilled into disarray like blood in the streets of Damascus.

Denver, 2015 Here on the more languid

end of the River North District, Lawrence settles in for what promises to be a mostly uncomfortable dredging of memories he’s labored tirelessly to put behind him. His demeanor is relaxed and his voice, thickly laden with an Arabic accent that lands like velvet, is softer than what we’re used to here in the states. His olive skin is radiant and impeccable, and icy blue eyes smolder beneath his thick, dark mane. He is beautiful and exotic, a displaced but assured young man. Next to him, his American husband looks on lovingly and gently reiterates a few lines of questioning that head into decidedly distressing territory — but it’s easy to wonder where the line of inquisitive indecency begins after listening to the young Syrian’s harrowing tales from home; ‘blood brings blood’ is a phrase the 26-year-old frequently returns to as he segues from one day’s tale to the next.

His husband, 63-year-old George Powell, is a fit, youthful, Richard Branson-type who’d look perfectly natural on a surfboard or striding up The Incline, as he does so often.

His hair is silver, full. He can’t help but look protectively at Lawrence, and lean toward him as the stories get dark, 14 DECEMBER 02, 2015

as though to remind him silently that those days of chaos and torment are behind him. As they recall the quagmire of getting Lawrence onto American soil, their hands slide toward one another atop the table, breaking softly at intervals only to rejoin minutes later, subconsciously magnetized as two people in love tend to be.

They met five years ago on a gay-centric chat site aimed at connecting men who are curious about men from other countries. The pair struck up an online friendship, both looking to one another for insights into their respective cultures — George was taken on vicarious trips to the cities Lawrence traveled to for his promising modeling career; Lawrence rode virtual shotgun on George’s life as a retired engineer in one of the most beautiful places to live in the United States.

Though Lawrence had boyfriends and the dalliances expected of a young man, he was tied down to nothing but life. And George, also of few obligations that needed constant tending, enjoyed the casual routine of swapping stories with a friend in a faraway land.

Descent Into Destruction Syria, 2012

“No one says no to me.”

This, from an local authority figure who’d been aggressively pursuing Lawrence for weeks. “He wanted to sleep with me,” Lawrence says, unable to hide his disdain, “but I told him no; I wasn’t attracted to him.” When his advances were rebuffed for the last time, the bruised lawman used his access to find Lawrence’s private phone number, and demonstrated his threatening reach by calling the young man up and addressing him by his birth name — something few people knew. Lawrence’s blood ran cold.

In Syria, being gay is a crime punishable by up to three years in prison. His fear of being outed came to fruition when the spurned admirer outed Lawrence to local police and his family.

He was immediately thrown into prison for “carnal relations against the order of nature.”

“We were chatting before Lawrence went to prison,” George says. “When he was arrested, he just stopped messaging me all the sudden. After a few months, a rumor was posted on his Facebook page that he had been killed. I was despondent.”

Adra Prison, on the outskirts of Damascus, has been described by human rights organizations as crowded, mismanaged,

HANCE C A E V R E S E D L L A E “W E AT A BETTER LIFER.IATNHS ARE MAJORITY OF SY D, AND SMART, EDUCATE. TOMORROW, SWEET-HEARTED NEED, BUT YOU MIGHT BE INHELP.” TODAY, YOU CAN — LAWRENCE POWELL

corrupted, and an unchecked breeding ground for brutality.

Lawrence says that even among the list of heinous offenses for which Adra’s prisoners were doing time, homosexuality was one of the more vile accusations with which an inmate could be burdened. As an Arab man without a beard, his face had a more feminized look that garnered unwanted attention in the prison’s general population. “I shared a room with rapists and other sexual offenders,” he says. There, homosexuals are especially wise to hide their crime. “When people find out, they want to abuse you sexually.” He refers to instances where his jailors tried to ‘humiliate’ him physically. “I wanted to die. You have to be strong if you want to survive, and that takes a real emotional effort to do all the time.” When he alerted to someone standing post that he just couldn’t take anymore, they agreed to transfer him to a different population, but not before further humiliation and name-calling. He was subsequently housed in a peripheral wing of Adra that offered, relatively speaking, safer accommodation than general population. “They put me in the ‘gay’ room,” he recalls. “There were about ten of us, most of them arrested for wearing feminine clothing. He says the new crowd was no more hospitable than the one he just left.

“Here, I wasn’t physically tortured, but even if they tried, I wouldn’t feel it — I was empty.” He says both his new jailers and fellow inmates were cruel. “[Syrian gays] aren’t supportive of each other. Even outside of prison, they stab each other in the back. They are insecure and incomplete, and make things even more of a scandal.”

Inside was no different.

The worst part for Lawrence, however, was not knowing when he was going to get out. “Each week, you fill out release papers and they’re sent to the judge. If he signs it, you can leave.” One week, he went before a judge and broke into tears. “I was crying because it was a woman, and I thought I was safe to release my emotion. ‘I have zero [prior] crimes,’ I told her. ‘I have a good background, and I have all the factors to be a successful person. Please release me.’” He’s become slightly upset at the memory. “She overlooked me, treated me like I was a bug.

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That was awful. I feel like I opened up and was really honest with her.”

After three months of hopelessness, he was released. He’d experienced the most grueling thing in his life up to that point, all because he refused to sleep with a man in a position of significant power. Though the man put him through hell, Lawrence refuses to name him.

“He has a family that I don’t want to shame or remind of his tresspasses,” he says. “And I have forgiven him.”

He adds quietly: “He burned to death in the war.”

What happened after prison marked a turning point in life as Lawrence knew it.

to arm, instituted a draft that was now overlooking sexual preferences. Lawrence, having already lost his family, friends, schooling, and life as he knew it was now being sucked into war. Even though the regime lifted restrictions against gay servicemen, the stigma — and potential death at the hands of his own comrades — was almost certain. He went into hiding, avoiding military checkpoints and laying low in Damascus.

Bombs were set off regularly, randomly. Food prices soared in the sudden scarcity.

“The only reasonable option was to leave Syria,” George says.

“Rather than take the chance of being caught at the border for shirking his military obligation, I sent him the [$3000 it took] to pay off the draft.”

Being excused from military service didn’t make life any easier. He was still without a home, without friends, without family. He’d learned now that his home was destroyed and members of his family were killed. “That took me a lot of time to get over,” he says. By this point, he was hiding in basements with no food, no electricity, and no heat. Syrian winters can reach sub-zero temperatures, and many have perished from the cold alone.

Though his parents are well-educated, forward-thinking people, he was subsequently disowned upon release, but not before being beaten by his brothers and an uncle — an intended honor killing.

Death At The Doorstep

“Part of the ordeal involved them pulling out some of Lawrence’s hair,” George says. “It so traumatized him that to this day, Lawrence won’t let anyone, even me, touch his hair.”

braced themselves amid announcements that the Syrian government was sending troops their way — not for their safety, but in spite of it. Water, electricity, and communication lines were cut. A sickened hush fell over the people.

When he fell unconscious from the vicious attack, his familial assailants took a break. Luckily, his sisters and aunts stepped in and helped him outside to escape. His spirit, however, was crushed. “It’s better for a man to be a thief or do drugs than to be gay,” Lawrence says.

“Before jail, I had everything a young man could ever imagine.

I had a great, handsome boyfriend, I was doing well financially, I went to an expensive university, had a great family,” he says.

“Now I thought, ‘I’m hopeless.’ I was jumping from place to place at friends’ houses. I was lost. I went from one extreme to the other. I needed an emotional push to get on my feet again, but no one did that. The only one who could do that was me.”

Cybercafés were a lifeline to the outside world.

Syria, 2012 War had officially broken.

Fed up with President Bashar al-Assad, Syrian citizens protested nationwide for him to step down. When he responded violently, they took up arms and the Free Syrian Army (FSA) was formed.

Add chemical warfare, innumerable massacres, and ISIS to a region that already espoused anti-LGBT sentiments and you get an environment where gay men can expect death sentences at the hands of any and all parties involved.

The Syrian government’s military, desperate for warm bodies 16 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Families in the ancient Syrian city of Homs huddled quietly and

Just hours before the announcement, Lawrence remembers normalcy in the city where he now resided. Children were playing in the streets as some of his friends stepped out to get juice.

In the distance, President Bashar al-Assad’s army progressed, bent on flushing out the town of rebel fighters, known as the Free Syrian Army. In the sudden darkness of places meant to be safe, children clung to their parents as the roar of helicopters and tanks shook the earth beneath them.

Then the shelling started.

“The whole house started to shake,” Lawrence says, looking at the ceiling of Out Front’s office as though channeling his eye movements from that day. “It was so, so scary. It was,”

“EACH JOURNEY STARTS WITH A DREAM AND MINE WAS TO START A NEW, PEACEFUL LIFE AWAY FROM WAR. BUT NOW THE DREAM IS BIGGER AND THE BELIEVING IS STRONGER—.”LAWRENCE POWELL

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he mimics a whirring sound, then fans his fingers and thumbs a few times suggesting explosions. “We didn’t know which direction they were coming from. When people ran outside, they were hit. We didn’t know where to hide.”

The first deaths are thought to have come from helicopter gunners who opened fire upon flyover, killing 11 people instantly, including a family of five.

Homes were reduced to rubble with entire families inside.

Though the government claims the attacks were targeted, the staggering amount of civilian casualties suggests the shelling was less than discriminate.

Lawrence says at least 40 people were killed in the streets.

The people he knew who had stepped out for juice? “They were turned into body parts.” He keeps his voice steady but his eyes betray him. “At one point, a lot of missiles hit a street I was on, and I ran for shelter but the building was hit — dust everywhere. When I ran to another place, another missile hit.

One hour, there were bombs; the next hour, there was quiet. I could have died so many times that day. There was no safety, no guarantee I would live. It was the scariest experience of my life.”

He managed to escape Homs and sleep at a friend’s. When he returned the next day, the scene was almost unrecognizable.

“Just the day before, the place was alive — there were children playing outside, people walking around. When I came back, the place was empty. There were ghosts in the street,” he says, and George reiterates “ghost town” for me. “There were holes here, holes there. There was blood all over the street … so quiet, so empty. All in one day ... destroyed.”

Amid the destruction, his grandmother’s house.

“I had some silent tears. I’ve never known that feeling. This is a stage of my life I’ve worked very hard to delete.”

Back in the states, George, beside himself with worry, sent him money for the first time: $600 for food. In a land where a loaf of bread (usually $1) was now $40, Lawrence would have been well-advised to make the money stretch any way he could.

But now, in a bombed-out basement back in Homs, huddled with children, Lawrence didn’t have his own safety in mind. Many people were hiding in what was left of the city, whispering among themselves and trying to be emotionally supportive of one another. “I stopped thinking about myself,” he says. Though hungry and homeless, he turned his attention to a group of children. “I can survive as an adult,” he told himself. “The children around me cannot. They were so little and they needed milk.”

So he used the money George sent him to buy milk and water for everyone in the building.

“I felt so responsible for those children,” he says, the air a little heavier. “While I’m enjoying my life, I still think about those children.”

“I’M BLESSED FOR ALL THE ADVENTURES. THEY TAUGHT ME THAT LOVE IS STRONGER THAN WAR.”

— LAWRENCE POWELL

EU, Turkey, Lebanon,” he says. “Lots of stories. We still send money to those children.”

Love Amid War “Neighbor hates neighbor,” Lawrence says, speaking to the nature of civil war. “Everyone is scared of each other.” From updates obtained from his aunt and sister, he learned that many more people he knew had died, victims of the al-Assad regime and his detractors. But he held on. “If I let negative energy control me, I would have already committed suicide. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to stay positive.”

In spite of the chaos and anguish, his online relationship with George was evolving into something beyond friendship, and more than ever, keeping Lawrence safe became a priority for George. Between the increasing flirtation, the two made plans to get Lawrence out of Syria and into Lebanon, and then eventually to the UN refugee center in Beirut.

“I thought it would be easy,” George says, but when Lawrence arrived in Lebanon, the reception wasn’t warm. “Many Lebanese made gay Syrians feel unwelcome.” In Beirut, Lawrence endured checkpoints manned by Hezbollah, a militant Islamic group. He spent nine months in a land that wanted his bribe money more than it wanted him. George, never wavering, made it possible.

“I wanted him in my life,” he says.

“At this point, I naively thought I could just buy Lawrence a flight from Beirut to Chicago,” he explains. “Then maybe Lawrence could get off at O’Hare International and ask Homeland Security for asylum based on his sexual orientation.”

I ask if he knows what happened to any of them.

The frustration of the time is evident in his expression. “It didn’t turn out to be that easy.”

“Some were killed, some were burned, some escaped to the

Hard-won visas were going to be necessary.

18 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Beyond the Border Beirut was getting more and more dangerous for Syrian refugees, especially young gay ones, so the pair decided it was best to get Lawrence to Turkey; he wouldn’t need a visa to enter the bordering nation and other Syrians were having better luck with the UN refugee agencies in the Turkish city of Istanbul.

“They’re more accepting and open-minded in Istanbul,” Lawrence says. “There were many Asian and European people there.” Though he says there was still a bit of racism — “It happens everywhere.” — he admits the culture of acceptance was “way better there than in Syria and Lebanon.”

In Turkey, Lawrence registered at the UN as an LGBT refugee.

There was a significant community of gay and trans people from Syria and Iraq established in Taksim, the more progressive side of Istanbul where many of the foreign consulates are located.

Many of the gay and trans interlopers came from wealthy families who funded their stay in Taksim while they waited up to three years for the UN to complete its refugee-vetting process.

None of the Syrian refugees were allowed to work in Turkey, and thousands of them were living on the streets. When Lawrence passed them, entire families preferring the cold sidewalks of Taksim to the ravages of war at home, he gave them what he could.

“Stray dogs also enjoy Lawrence’s generosity,” George adds.

Fleeing the death and brutality of home — and the hopelessness of unwelcoming regions surrounding it — hundreds of thousands of displaced people scratched together what they could to board overcrowded rafts and brave rough seas headed for Greece. Others would take their chances carrying everything on their backs toward checkpoints and border police. If they were lucky enough to cross, they could begin the long march into Germany and other European countries.

Initially, the exodus was received, albeit begrudgingly at times.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 19

“I’M SO BLESSED TO HAVE HAD THIS JOURNEY IN MY LIFE. THIS DRAMATIC CHANGE RESHAPED ME INTO A BETTER VERSION. THE DREAM IS BIGGER AND THE BELIEVING IS STRONGER. I’M HERE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.”

— LAWRENCE POWELL

Then many countries clamped down, their staunch refusal to admit any more migrants shedding light on the global crisis of what to do with the swells of Middle Eastern and African refugees seeking safety.

2014 After several months of

30-page refugee applications and three-week waits between interviews that were more like interrogations, George’s impatience could be tempered no longer.

“I want to come to Istanbul,” he told Lawrence, and on October 17, he made it happen.

When the two finally saw one another in the Istanbul airport, they threw their arms around each other. Lawrence had scouted out a small apartment where they could live together while George helped him navigate even more of the convoluted UN refugee process. Almost like war, George says, there were brief periods of intense, bureaucratic activity separated by long periods of simply waiting. But unlike the ugliness of war, Istanbul was a fascinating mix of ancient European city and exotic Arab capital that artfully accommodated the two during intervals of departmental stagnation.

“There was an endless supply of mosques, markets, restaurants, museums, neighborhoods, and coffee shops where adventurous young Europeans congregated,” George reminisces.

They explored the city together and fell hopelessly in love.

Two weeks after George arrived in Istanbul, he suggested to Lawrence that they apply for a K-1 “fiancé” visa.

Lawrence said yes.

20 DECEMBER 02, 2015

The Process Begins For the next five months, George and Lawrence worked on Lawrence’s visa applications. When the UN learned of Lawrence’s fiancé visa application at the US Embassy, they forced the pair to choose between having Lawrence continue his quest for refugee status, or continuing his quest to become a same-sex married man. For the second time, Lawrence affirmed his will to marry George. His refugee application was cancelled, and after a fresh round of dozens more applications, interviews, and medical exams, the end was in sight. They moved from Istanbul to the capital city of Ankara to be nearer the US Embassy and continued their romance, waiting for the gates to open.

The landscape of Ankara, unfurling in welcome for George and Lawrence, was a seduction of modernity. The buildings, with the exception of a few of the embassies, were striking and contemporary — a departure from the ancient cities, some of which had been reduced to rubble and chaos, left in Lawrence’s wake. Among skyscrapers lay chic office buildings, state-of-the-art hospitals, and luxury hotels with expensive shoes continually crossing their thresholds. Ankara’s highways, like arteries pulsing with vitality, cut through the city with late-model cars and a rush of traffic that outpaced Istanbul remarkably. Sidewalk cafes and restaurants in this new land radiated Western characteristics and the landscape, just as their shared life, was evolving before their eyes. The sole anachronism were black-clothed agents and police watching the comings and goings of people at the embassies, a subtle reminder that the region was not immune to bedlam.

When George was confident that Lawrence would get his K-1 visa, he flew back to the US to complete his taxes. Once again,

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 21

Lawrence was on his own, this time to complete yet another medical exam and brave the final interview at the US Embassy.

Two days after his exam and vaccinations, he was given a sealed envelope and told to bring it to his next interview at the US Embassy. A week later, Lawrence was once again in front of agents at the US Embassy in Ankara, a thick folder of documents and his sealed medical records his only company.

Just beyond an unmarked, gray door lay security checkpoints, not unlike ones conducted by airport security. A female inspector wanted to see Lawrence’s passport and embassy invitation. Once satisfied, she assigned Lawrence a number and seated him among a host of other applicants. Called to the front, a window separated Lawrence from an embassy employee and a translator. They interrogated him about his relationship with George, reviewing the evidence of it that Lawrence brought along, but ultimately told him they needed more: photographs, emails, testimonials from friends regarding the nature of their relationship, Facebook conversations, etc.

Lawrence returned to their apartment in Istanbul. The rental agent told Lawrence that US Embassy employees came by and asked questions about his relationship with George — specifically, whether they’d been living together and if they appeared to be in a romantic relationship. The agent confirmed both, and the Embassy agent seemed to be satisfied.

Next, Lawrence and George went to work finding as much evidence of their relationship as possible, compiling hundreds of Facebook messages, Whatsapp chat transcripts, and emails.

Lawrence dug up scores of photographs of the two of them, some intimate and awkward to have printed by a commercial printer. The end result was an inches-thick package of printed documents. This was hopefully the final package they’d need to send the US Embassy.

While he waited, Lawrence spent his days visiting the Syrian and Iraqi acquaintances he’d made back in Istanbul. He kept quiet about his application status and the fact that he may be leaving soon out of respect for the others; so many of their futures were hanging in limbo and they had no way of knowing whether they’d get the opportunity to leave legally, or if they’d be alongside the desperate masses risking European border crossings in the dead of night.

Neary two weeks went by until Lawrence received notice of a package he must pick up. Once he proved his identity to the postal clerk, he was given a parcel. Fumbling, heart racing, he opened it and found his passport — along with his visa pasted onto one of the pages.

In shock, he asked a rather annoyed English-speaking attendant to confirm that he was indeed looking at a genuine passport and visa to the US. Lawrence couldn’t form words. He raced to call George in the middle of a Mile High night, and confirmed that they’d been granted access to their new lives — Lawrence was cleared for takeoff.

A Syrian in the States April, 2015

The plane touched down in Houston after 11 hours.

Homeland Security took a few hours in their document-checking process, and released an ecstatic young Syrian into the arms of his American fiancé.

“I “President

Obama must develop a comprehensive strategy to address the developments in Syria and eradicate the threat of ISIS once and for all. We can’t let people into the United States who haven’t gone through a thorough background investigation and vetting process, ensuring that they won’t do harm to our country and its national security.” — Sen. Cory Gardner

take issue with President Obama and Governor Hickenlooper’s refusal to address the realities of the national security risks posed by the federal government continuing to admit thousands of refugees from Syria without the capability to stringently verify their identities and backgrounds.” — Rep. Scott Tipton, Pueblo

“The

first obligation of the Federal Government is to ensure the safety and protection of the American

People. While this is a step forward in ensuring a security check for any refugee admission into the US, there is still much to be done.” — Rep. Mike

Coffman, Aurora

“The

SAFE Act enables us to continue accepting refugees while strengthening our alreadyextensive vetting process so that we are taking every step within our power to ensure the safety of the American people.” — Rep. Jared Polis, Boulder

He was jumping and shouting, a young man whose hardship and fortitude managed to evolve into safety and welcome; whose body, now tightly wrapped in the embrace of his lover, could feel the mesmer of opportunity that only the truly grateful experience in this American life.

at a news briefing.

“It feels like a dream to me,” Lawrence says softly. “I never imagined life would be this perfect.”

good memories about beautiful Syria. The mountains, the sea, so many historical places. The new generation sees nothing but blood, sadness, hunger.”

Recent Days Six days after terrorists killed 129 people in calculated attacks across Paris, some US congressmen, senators, presidential candidates, and citizens banded together in solidarity with the French people, but also in anti-refugee rhetoric. This posed particularly bad news for a White House program that planned to grant 10,000 Syrian refugees asylum in the United States.

Moving swiftly, Republicans in the House crafted a measure entitled the Security Against Foreign Enemies (SAFE) Act. The bill would ensure that three of the highest security officials in the US — FBI Director James Comey; Director of National Intelligence James Clapper; and Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson — would personally verify that each refugee America took in posed no risk to the country.

With the aid of 47 of President Obama’s 188 Democrats who broke with the White House in support, the SAFE Act passed the House by a 289–137 margin. Now it moves onto the Senate — also controlled by Republicans — for approval. If that happens, Congress will have the passed the strictest refugeescreening process in the history of America. Should Obama then veto the SAFE Act, Congress would need to vote again, this time garnering support from two-thirds of each chamber to override the president and ensure SAFE’s implementation.

US Attorney General Loretta Lynch balked, citing that the requirements were an impossible task for the administration.

“To ask me to have my FBI director or other members of the administration make personal guarantees would effectively grind the program to a halt,” Lynch told reporters

At the time of printing, none of the terrorists subsequently killed by French forces have been identified as Syrian refugees.

“I’m sad for the new generation,” Lawrence says. “At least I have

“Are you ever going back?” I ask, and his face makes me think this is something he’s asked (and already answered) in his mind.

“I’m as loyal to the US as I am to Syria,” he responds. “I want to work for the pride of the US as much as I would for Syria.”

He’s resolute. “I have a great affection for both [countries], but I never want to live in Syria again.”

He doesn’t, however, believe that would be the case for the majority of people fleeing their native land. He says many Syrians, steeped in their history and culture, are quite comfortable with the Middle Eastern way of life, and would most likely return.

The two exchange looks. “[None of this] would have never ever be accomplished without George. He’s passionate and loving — everything good. I’m blessed. His life is my life,” Lawrence says as he reaches for, and kisses, George’s hand. “We come from absolutely opposite cultures, but we have morals, compassion, generosity, and family unity in common.”

For now, the pair are working toward Lawrence’s continued education, and are speaking out in favor of human rights advocacy — something for which both of their renewed lives are testament.

“Some people think that my journey has ended,” Lawrence says, still hand in hand with George.

“My journey has just begun.”

CO LEGISLATORS WEIGH IN “Republicans

openly admit their goal is to completely stop the flow of Syrian women and children into the country. That is against our values of who we are as a nation.” — Rep. Ed

Perlmutter, Wheat Ridge

“Millions

of Syrian refugees are desperately seeking protection, caught between ISIS’ brutality and al-Assad’s violent

regime. This crisis threatens stability in the region and requires regional solutions. As we are being asked to shoulder some of this burden, regional partners like Saudi Arabia need to step up and do more.” — Sen. Michael Bennet

“A

few short days ago we witnessed another senseless act of terrorism.

Our hearts go out to the families, friends and loved ones of those lost and injured in Paris,

and in other acts of terror around the world. Our first priority remains the safety of our residents. We will work with the federal government and Homeland Security to ensure the national verification processes for refugees are as stringent as possible.

We can protect our security and provide a place where the world’s most vulnerable can rebuild their lives.”

— Gov. John Hickenlooper

GLIMPSES INTO AN OPEN CUBA PAUL BINDEL

24 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Visiting Havana is a little like stepping into a book by Howard Zinn or Eduardo Galeano. (I almost said “amusement park” — how capitalist!). Shrines to left-leaning heroes dot the streets, particularly the Avenida de los Presidentes, all the way up to the Casas de las Americas, the awarder of a yearly prestigious literary prize.

Cars from every decade of the 20th century roam the streets, some Soviet, some Chinese, most mid-century American, and down the sidewalks people sit and talk to each other — so many conversations happening, animatedly, privately (most Cubans speak softer in tête-à-têtes). Above us hangs propaganda in support of solidarity, unity, and other revolutionary virtues, strangely absent of advertisements.

With President Obama’s loosening of the 1960 embargo, it’s even easier to experience the beaches, colonial architecture, iconic cars, and Havana nights all for yourself. Here are some tips from a recent trip.

How to Get There Domestic flights are still unavailable, so you’ll need to go through Cancún, the Cayman Islands, or another Caribbean town. Round-trip flights from Cancún to Havana through Cubana de Aviación start at around $300.

Though travel restrictions have been lifted, the Department of State currently only allows for US Citizens to travel to Cuba with a General License in one of 12 different categories including journalism, humanitarian aid, and the somewhat capacious educational activities. If you qualify under one of these, available in legal detail by searching “Federal Register 80 No. 11,” you can pick up a general visa in the airport on the way there for $25. The only question we got at Cuban Customs related to Africa and ebola exposure.

How to Buy Things

have typically have wifi ($2–6/hour).

Cuba has dual currencies: Cuban Pesos (CUP) and Convertible Pesos (CUC). One CUC is worth a dollar.

(After fees, our dollars ended up being worth about 84 cents.) A cab ride from Vedado to Old Havana can run $2 in a 1960s Chevrolet or up to $10 in a newer vehicle. Most of our taxis were privately owned with a paper sign taped to the front window, and they worked well. Meals run from $5–15 on average, and you’ll never leave hungry. I ordered blue marlin for $6.50, and received three filets on a plate heaping with vegetables and fried plantains.

Where to Go

Where to Stay You should find plenty of private homes called Casas Particulares to stay in for $20–30/night, and they’ll often cook you a meal for around $5. Many guidebooks suggest Casas and how to book them. We stayed in one through Airbnb that helpfully provided taxi logistics from the airport ($30 each way) and a stocked refrigerator once we arrived ($20).

The benefits of staying in hotels, which are more expensive, are that they can exchange currency and they

Aside from the many literary and historical sites; the tight streets and decaying architecture of Old Havana; and the salsa and jazz clubs throughout the city, Havana’s gay scene is centered on Calle 23 in Vedado. Without apps or alcohol, it feels like a cruising scene from 70s/80s NYC — friendly, young, and popular. Note that the line between new friend and prostitute is ambiguous at best. Havana has no gay clubs, but some such as Cabaret Las Vegas and Casa Miglis have regular gay nights. If you ask around at the Malecon or Calle 23, you’ll easily find where to go that evening.

For the gay beach, it’s a quick hop on the T-3 Havana Tour bus ($5 round trip) to the Mi Cayito section of Boca Ciega. It’s just a few umbrellas near a kiosk that serves beach grub, but don’t let its modesty fool you: You’ll see the crowd arrive around noon, and the water stays warm. The beers and the island itself? Just cool, day and night.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 25

I recently had the opportunity to visit Japan with a friend. Everyone I met in the Land of the Rising Sun was kind, generous, and excited to share their vibrant and extensive culture — not to mention the greatest Nigiri sushi I have ever eaten in my life.

We rented a vehicle in Tokyo so we could drive out to see Mount Fuji and the surrounding area. We were feeling a bit brave, not just in navigating Tokyo’s bustling and numerous narrow streets, but also in learning to drive on the left side of the road (with the steering column on the right side of the vehicle).

But apparently we needed our courage for a different reason.

After getting our rental car, the employee asked us for our destination so he could enter the location into the vehicle’s built-in GPS. When my friend told him Aokigahara Forest, he became visibly worried, shaking his head and making an X with his fingers.

Though he spoke little English, he did repeat one single word: Cursed. Cursed.

Aokigahara is also known as Jukai, loosely translated as Sea of Trees. The 30-square-kilometer forest is located just north of Mount Fuji in Japan’s Yamanashi Prefecture about 100 miles west of Tokyo.

But Aokigahara is also known by another name — the Suicide Forest.

Though recent estimates are difficult to come by (as local police stopped releasing the data to the public), 54 people killed themselves in Aokigahara Forest in 2010 with an additional 247 suicide attempts, according to The Japan Times.

And it’s speculated that the number is higher, as many of the bodies of those who commit suicide in Aokigahara might simply not have been found.

Compare that to one of the most infamous suicide locations in the world — San Francisco’s Golden Gate Bridge. In 2010, there were 32 successful suicides according to the Bridge Rail Foundation.

Aokigahara’s reputation as a final respite is so prevalent that regular suicide patrols hike the forest, and a sign was erected at the main entrance which reads, “Think carefully about your children, your family.” At the bottom of the message is a phone number for those contemplating suicide.

As my friend and I hiked through Aokigahara Forest, I understood why someone may choose this location to drift silently into the Sea of Trees, never to return.

WORDS + PHOTOS BY

MIKE YOST

26 DECEMBER 02, 2015

The sky was thick with gray, ominous clouds pregnant with rain which fell periodically through the abundant tree canopy above. Thunder occasionally echoed stridently through the forest, followed by an eerie silence.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 27

I didn’t hear any wildlife, only the soft murmur of raindrops splashing against damp tree branches and colorful dying leaves, some of which tumbled past me in brief flashes of yellow and red, landing silently on the forest floor.

The forest ground itself was made of lava rock, covered by thick blankets of moss, vegetation, and densely packed deciduous trees. It was a truly peaceful paradise, the compact trees truncating any ambient noise and fostering an intense sense of quietude I’ve rarely experienced anywhere else.

Although the notion of committing suicide while submerged in such a serene environment wasn’t that shocking (at least to me), I was surprised to learn that Japan has one of the highest suicide rates of any industrialized nation. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there were 29,442 suicides in Japan in 2012 — which works out to about 80 suicides every day.

That’s 18.5 suicides for every 100,000 Japanese citizens. As a comparison, the US had a suicide rate of 12.1 per 100,000 the same year, slightly higher than the world average of 11.4.

And as someone who has struggled with depression, these statistics made me wonder why the suicide rate is so much higher in Japan than in the US. Suicide doesn’t carry the same kind of stigma as it does in America. I’ve often been told that killing yourself is an unforgivable sin with a oneway ticket to the lake of fire (which isn’t much of a threat if you don’t believe in Hell).

But in Japan, there exists no religious taboo. In fact, the practice of Seppuku, or ritual suicide, is embedded in the culture as a way of taking responsibility for one’s actions.

There’s also the problem of seclusion. Psychologist Wataru Nishida of Temple University in Tokyo told BBC News that

one of the main reasons for the high suicide rate in Japan is isolation, cultivated by lives built behind technology. This can lead to what is called Hikikomori, in which Japanese men and women hide in their homes or apartments for months, sometimes even years at a time. The Japanese government reported that in 2010, there were 700,000 individuals living in Hikikomori.

Lastly, Japan’s National Police Agency reported that depression due to financial struggles was a key factor in the country’s high suicide rate, with 57 percent of those who committed suicide in 2010 unemployed when they died.

And not only is having a conversation about mental illness frowned upon, psychologists in Japan have no government certification program (unlike in the US).

Still, the Japanese government has recognized the problem, cultivating suicide prevention programs and declaring March National Suicide Prevention Month. Why March? It’s the end of the fiscal year and also when suicides are at their peak.

These programs seem to be working, as the WHO reported the suicide rate has been dropping slowly but steadily the past couple of years. Fighting the longing for Hikikomori and talking about my depression are strategies I myself have implemented when those suicidal thoughts begin to rain down upon me. And though I do enjoy my days alone (nothing is more tranquil than going on long, extended hikes by myself), I do try to balance out my valued secluded days with coffee dates or lunches with friends and family.

Like the sign at the entrance of Aokigahara Forest, staying engaged is a reminder of those who care about me, of those who are not always visible when I’m trying to navigate the foreboding, impenetrable forest that is depression.

Thank you for donating this holiday season.

303.573.5861 or visit PFLAGDenver.org. Advocacy. Education. Support. Since 1972.

28 DECEMBER 02, 2015

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WORDS + PHOTOS BY

MIKE YOST

Like the rest of the world, I was saddened and angered by the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. So as a big middle finger to those who resort to violence and fear in an effort to cloister Parisians and tourists alike, I’d like to highlight some of the famous (and not so famous) Parisian landmarks.

30  DECEMBER 02, 2015

Notre Dame Construction of this Gothic architectural masterpiece began in 1163, taking 182 years to finish with its completion in 1345.

In December of 1431, King Henry VI was crowned King of France in Notre Dame, and the cathedral was once used as a food warehouse during the French Revolution. Located on the Île de la Cité in the middle of the Seine River, this 800-year-old landmark is pretty much mandatory for any Paris visit.

The Louvre As one of the largest museums in the world, the Louvre boasts more than 35,000 pieces of art covering a space of 35 acres.

But it’s not just the place to see the Mona Lisa, as visitors can explore the remnants of a 13th-century fortress. The foundation of the palace which surrounds the familiar glass pyramid was once part of a citadel built by Philip II in the early 1200s. The royal palace we see today was once home to Napoleon I and Napoleon III before the royal family moved to Versailles. The glass pyramid was finished in 1989, juxtaposing modernity with 16th century architecture.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 31

The Catacombs Arrête! C’est ici l’empire de la mort (Halt!

This is the realm of Death) reads a sign just before you enter the ossuary in the catacombs 20 meters beneath the City of Light. Here you can walk among the dead, an estimated 6 million bodies, whose bones line the walls of these ancient limestone caverns which run an estimated 300 kilometers under the city. Louis XVI began transferring bodies into these caves in 1786 as the Parisian graveyards were becoming overcrowded. The ossuary has also been used for Catholic mass and even concerts during the 1800s.

Musée Fragonard d’Alfort This small museum is housed in a veterinarian campus and displays écorchés (flayed figures) prepared by Honoré Fragonard, a French anatomist who was eventually branded a madman for his creations. The museum also features various animal anatomical anomalies including Siamese lambs connected at the chest, a horse with a cyclops eye, and a sheep with 10 (yes, 10) legs. Located in Maisons-Alfort (a suburb of Pairs) with no signage, it takes a little planning to visit this eccentric museum, but it’s well worth it.

Eiffel Tower Of course, no trip to Paris is complete without visiting the iconic Eiffel Tower, built in 1889 for the World’s Fair. It was the tallest man-made structure at the time, reaching 324 meters (1,063 feet).

In 1944 as the Allies were close to taking back Paris, Hitler ordered the Eiffel Tower and other Paris landmarks to be razed. But the German military governor General Dietrich von Choltitz ignored the order, earning the nickname, savior of Paris. With more than 7 million visitors a year, the Eiffel Tower is one of the most visited locations in France.

32 DECEMBER 02, 2015

DOSE APPAREL FASHION SHOW Dose Apparel was rocking the runway once again at Blush & Blu during Denver Fashion Week on November 13th. Dose was the featured clothing brand in an artist collaboration called Art in Unity which included local bands and visual artists. What a great night full of great vibes, love, and community!

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 33

COREY DYLAN SIMMS

Dear High School Sweetheart, It’s been years since we last spoke, but I wanted to mail you this letter. I’ve been seeing you on and off Facebook and a lot of memories are flooding back.

Do you remember the summer of 2006? You and I spent together at the Jersey Shore. It was after a long and stressful sophomore year of high school and your parents invited me to come down to their beach house in Seaside Heights. You were so ecstatic because this was going to be our first time actually doing something fun since you were so busy during the year with baseball. This was one of the best times in my life. I felt like there was no pressure in the world for us and we were completely free. We had zero worries and the summer was ours. The Jersey Shore was our kingdom and we ruled like the kings we were. The Funtown Pier was our little home away from home, and it still makes me sad today that it’s all gone because of Hurricane Sandy.

Back then, we didn’t need cell phones or iPods; we had so much fun on those carnival rides. You always liked the more daring and higher rides, while I liked the rides that were firmly on the ground like the Musik Express. I always felt some kind of protection from you and you always made me feel safe. When I got sick, you laughed at me and bought me some funnel cake.

(I was obsessed with funnel cake and Seaside Heights has the best dessert in town.) You always bought yourself fried Oreos.

I remember saying to you, “Love, why do you eat this? It’s so gross!” and your response: “Because anything fried is amazing!

Broaden your mind, Cher!” (You and I were addicted to the movie Clueless and you always said I reminded you of Cher.)

Do you ever think about those times? You’ve moved on since 2006 and have had a few relationships. I always think about you and hope you found happiness. Have you been down the shore ever since? I know Hurricane Sandy went through there like Godzilla and destroyed so many awesome places but the memories still lay there in the sands of the beaches.

You and I walked along that Seaside Heights boardwalk for hours and never got bored. We were so passionate about that Casino Arcade, because back at home we didn’t have arcades to play our favorite video games. Even though you never liked taking pictures, I always persuaded you to take a photo-booth pic — they were important to me and you knew it.

Do you remember all the conversations we had on the beach?

When the sun was going down and the air was crisp, this was our favorite time. After a long, enjoyable day, we would relax with our blankets and cups of coffee and just talk about our aspirations. You would always make me laugh and bring out the best in me.

Another fond memory was the Sky Ride ... so peaceful above the boardwalk, just gliding across everything and daydreaming.

We would sneak a kiss way above the clouds and pretend, Aladdin and Jasmine on a magic carpet ride.

I apologize for the nostalgia, but I miss those times. It’s been years since we spoke and I know things didn’t end so well.

Maybe life got the best of us. I look back every so often and think of that summer with you. I will never forget those times and how they made me feel alive; the times of spontaneity, and being free. I miss that.

Wishing you well, Cher

Thank you for donating this holiday season.

303.573.5861 or visit PFLAGDenver.org. Advocacy. Education. Support. Since 1972.

34 DECEMBER 02, 2015

DENVER’S BEST PAITO Soak up some sun, sip on a cocktail, and enjoy a juicy burger on Denver's best patio!

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 35

36 DECEMBER 02, 2015

DGLCC BUSINESS AWARDS GALA The Denver Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce’s 19th Annual Business Awards Gala was held on November 20th in Palazzo Verdi at Madden Museum of Art in Greenwood Village. This year’s honorees included Denver Health and Hospital Authority, Ellen Trachman, Grant Muller, Larry Sondgeroth, Eden Lane, Marjorie Silva, Gender Identity Center of Colorado, Out and Equal Workplace Advocates, and American Veterans for Equal Rights.

Photos by Charles Broshous

MARQUEE THE ADDAMS FAMILY A NEW MUSICAL COMEDY

November 21, 2015 – February 27, 2016 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • BDTStage.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 37

CALE NDA R

B ROUG HT TO YOU BY THE D E NV E R GAY & L ESB I AN C HAM B E R OF CO M M E RC E

DEC 12 U PCO MI N G

CHAMBER E V E N TS

DEC 03

UFOS HERE AND NOW MONTHLY BREAKFAST SERIES

@ DOUBLETREE BY HILTON DENVER • 3203 QUEBEC ST • 7.30AM–9AM • $15/ MEMBER, $18/NON-MEMBER

@ LUMONI CS LI G HT AN D SOU N D GALLERY • 8 00 E 73R D AVE # 11 • DEN V E R • 8– MI DNI GHT • $15 ADVAN CE; $20 DOOR For the lover of all things mysterious (or of theremin music, perhaps), Lumonics brings a “questions and answers” forum to a new television series. Think investigative journalism meets UFO fandom unfolding right before your very eyes.

THRU JAN 10

A NIGHT IN VIENNA

DEC 10

@ BOET TCHER CON CERT HA L L , DPAC • 6. 30P M Kick off NYE early with A Night In Vienna, a Viennese style concert of waltzes, marches, and polkas brought to you by the Colorado Symphony. When the concert lets out, walk down to 16th Street Mall for the fireworks display.

HOLIDAY PARTY @ DOUBLETREE BY HILTON DENVERSTAPLETON • 4040 QUEBEC ST • DENVER • 5.30–8PM Hosted by DoubleTree by Hilton DenverStapleton. Hors d’oeuvres and drinks provided.

DEC 15

BREAKFAST NETWORKING GROUP @ HOT CAKES DINER • 1400 E 18TH AVE • DENVER • 7.30AM–9AM

For all our upcoming yearly events, visit DENVERGLC.ORG

38 DECEMBER 02, 2015

DEC 31

THE POWER OF POISON

@ DENVER M US EUM OF SCI EN CE A ND NATURE Per the preview, “... the Power of Poison uses models, objects, interactives, and live animals to explore various forms of poison and their role in nature, health, myths, and legends. Whether as a defense against predators, a source of magical strength, or a lethal weapon used in a medical treatment, the story of poison is surprising at every turn.”

MILE THRU DECEMBER HIGH PANTY DRIVE

@ DI VAS OF N ORT HEAST DE N V E R • 4 138 HALI FAX ST • DEN V ER Meant to bring awareness to the unique plight of homeless and transitioning women, the group hopes to open up a discussion of what it means to be a homeless or transitioning woman in this economy.

The Divas have set a goal of 2000 pairs of panties to be donated to The Gathering Place, Denver’s only women’s shelter on December 5th. Find them on Facebook to arrange pickup/drop off.

DEC 18

THRU DEC 05

UGLY XMAS SWEATER ROLL @T RAC KS • D EN VER • 9PM • 21 +

We know you didn’t intend for that sweater to be “ugly,” but you should still put it to good use by throwing some skates on and reindeer-gaming with the rest of us at Tracks.

THRU FEB 27

1ST WEDNESDAY

LESBIAN MOMS SUPPORT GROUP NIGHT BAZAAR

@ 245 0 LAR IME R ST • DENVER The best places to find truly unique gifts come from hidden crafthouses that make one-of-a-kind items that last. Instead of braving the traffic, handle that holiday shopping at the Night Bazaar and swipe that card to live music. Bonus: Beer!

TINSEL AND TREASURE

@ CEN T RAL P R ES BY T ER I AN • 1 660 S HER M AN ST • DEN VER The Denver Gay Men’s Chorus will warm your cockles with their inviting harmonies, great senses of humor, and genuine spirit of giving for their performance of holiday classics.

@ T HE FAM I LY ROOM • WHEAT RIDGE • 6–7PM One of two new LGBTQ community spaces that provide for LGBTQ families in Colorado, the group aims for more safe and inclusive spaces for our CO families outside of Denver.

DEC 10

THE WHO @ T HE PE PSI CEN T E R • DENVER Classic rock lovers can make like Horton and hear The Who as they turn 50 and take on North America. Can they still bring the house down? You better, you better, you bet.

SUNDAYS

RECOVERY SUNDAYS

@ X BAR • 629 E COLFAX AV E • DEN VER • N OON –5 P M Be real: When you think of curing your hangover on Sunday morning, your mind goes immediately to a brunch patio with a bunch of other temple-rubbing, miserably groaning, day-after zombies. Shake it up this weekend and get the proper type of hydration while you work on your next hangover. Drip Dr will be on-hand to administer intravenous rejuvenation to snap you back into shape.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 39

H E I N ZES I G H T

TIS NEVER THE SEASON FOR APATHY Brent Heinze, Senior Columnist DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON, MANY FOCUS ON THOSE LESS FORTUNATE. However, I have experienced a few situations recently that have me feeling extremely concerned that many people in our community have lost the desire to care about others. I’m talking about the ones who spend more time figuring out a super-cute outfit than being a supportive friend to someone who’s going through a rough time. I’m thinking about people who spend many hundreds of dollars on expensive clothes, coffee drinks, or parties and don’t consider putting any effort toward fixing problems in their own life or helping organizations that offer support within our community.

Apathy happens when we fail to care about other people or have no concern for their struggles. I’m especially troubled when people think they’re too “fabulous” to care about our community or don’t feel the need to worry about others because they are fortunate enough to have a job and healthcare, and that’s all that really matters. It’s important to think about what really gives our lives meaning. If it’s more fulfilling to focus on the social scene than the people who surround us, you have more to worry about than just getting laid or having a blast — you’re giving up one of the most significant parts of being part of a larger community.

So many are forgetting about all the dedication, sacrifice, and thousands of hours of hard work it’s taken to gain life of acceptance and equality for our community. This reality was not achieved with the belief that someone else would pick up the slack and do something; we’ve made progress because people care and make efforts to change the world around us for the better. Even though less than five percent of our community engages in activities to make it stronger, those people bust their collective asses to advocate for us to have the 40 DECEMBER 02, 2015

So many are forgetting about all the dedication, sacrifice, and thousands of hours of hard work it’s taken to gain life of acceptance and equality for our community.

right to live our lives as we desire, produce fantastic events, and ensure we have opportunities to congregate and have fun.

We have the ability to positively impact in the world. Our existence is not always a party and there are times where we can step away from our busy lives and focus on someone or something else. Our community has been strengthened most in times when we can identify opportunities to make changes.

People don’t have to produce huge efforts or devote tons of hours to a dedicated project; sometimes these contributions are nothing more than taking the time to have a conversation with someone or identifying how your efforts could have a positive impact somewhere else.

I do understand focusing on ourselves much of the time.

It’s important to keep our best interests in mind to build a successful life, but being self-centered or having an inflated sense of our own importance creates a dangerous reality where others don’t matter. It leads us down a road where we lose the desire to be thoughtful and compassionate to others.

This destroys part of our humanity.

I think it’s time to do some re-assessment of our priorities and think about how we spend our time and energy. It’s not realistic for most of us to live a life of personal sacrifice like Mother Teresa or Gandhi, but stepping outside of our dayto-day world can be beneficial. Start with small efforts to get involved with an individual or organization that can benefit from your engagement.

It’s important to have a life full of excitement, passion, and purpose, but if you’re fortunate enough to have a bountiful life, then take some opportunities to share your energies and abilities with other people. At the very least, take some time out to care.

GAME DAY AT THE EAGLE Fetish, food, and football! Broncos Game Day was held at the Eagle on November 15th. Diehard fans came out in their favorite football paraphernalia to watch the Denver Broncos battle the Kansas City Chiefs. The afternoon featured drink specials and a potluck buffet. Broncos Game Day is held at the Eagle during every Broncos game.

Photos by Charles Broshous

At DJ’s Café, we’ve taken some seriously delicious measures to make our community a healthier, happier place. We use locally grown and organic produce and 100% recycled to-go boxes. When you’re recycling 75-80% of your waste and using 100% of your frying oil as bio fuel; the whole community has something to be proud of.

865 Lincoln St | 303-386-3375

3838 Tennyson St | 303-482-1841

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 41

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BAR TAB 1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584

HAPPY HOUR Endless beer & cocktails $12 4pm–8pm Tuesday – Sunday

BA RK ER LOU NG E

TUESDAY Dart League: Games start at 7pm

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BA RR ICU DA'S

THURSDAY Underwear Night: Best Party in Denver $10 Bud Light pitchers 9pm–Close

1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com

EVERY 3RD SATURDAY Gear Nigh: Leather and Fetish Gear 9pm–Close

B LUSH & BLU

HAMBURGER MARY’S

1526 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 484-8548 blushblubar.com

700 E. 17 th Ave., Denver (303) 832-1333 hamburgermarys.com/denver

B OYZTOWN

MANIC MONDAYS Happy Hour from open to close.

Karaoke @ 9pm with Allison

117 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

B ROA DWAYS 1027 Broadway, Denver (303) 623-0700 facebook.com/broadways.denver

C HA R LIE'S ® 900 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com DAILY SPECIALS Open–close: $3 domestic minipitchers (32-oz.)

11am–7pm: $3 wells, $3 domestics, and $4 u-calls. 8–10pm: $5 PB&J drink & shot special THURSDAYS 2-4-1 drinks from 7pm–close FRIDAYS $3 Absolut from 9pm–close SATURDAYS $3 Svedka (all flavors) from 9pm–close SUNDAYS Svedka and well liquor bust from 4–8pm. Drag Divas: show starts at 9pm, $5 big pitchers

LANNIE’S CLOCKTOWER CA BAR E T 16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe (303) 293-0075 lannies.com

LIL’ DEVILS 255 South Broadway, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com

TRACKS 3500 Walnut St., Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com

BR

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SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS 18+ dance party Cover: 18–20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10pm ELEVATED SATURDAYS 2-for-1 drinks between 9–10pm No cover before 10pm

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1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 crownsocialdenver.com

110 N. Nevada Ave., Colo. Springs (719) 578-7771 undergroundbars.com

CO M POU ND BASIX

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145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com

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COMPOUND BOYZTOWN

DE N VER EAG L E

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scan or visit bit.ly/OutFrontBarTab for interactive map

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WRANGLER 17TH AVE. HAMBURGER MARYS XBAR

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CHARLIE’S BLUSH & BLU

EE R VD BL .

BROADWAYS

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44 DECEMBER 02, 2015

629 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com

N

DENVER BAR MAP

KRAMERIA ST.

UNDERGROUND PU B

1475 36 St., Denver (303) 291-0250 theeaglebar.com

AL

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1891 14 St #110, Denver (303) 586-4199 cravedenver.com

DRAG NATION LAST FRIDAYS The nation’s best drag show with the hottest celebrity drag queens!

16 T

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WEDNESDAYS: DOLLS WITH BALLS BINGO Hosted by Alexandra Winters & Harley Quinn. Free! Starts at 9pm.

BROADWAY

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TUESDAYS: OUTRAGEOUS DRAG BINGO Hosted by Sasha Andrews & Jackie Summers. Balls drop at 9pm. Free to play!

DOWNING ST.

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X BAR 5TH ANNIVERSARY The gin joint was jumping on November 12th as X-Bar celebrated its 5th anniversary.

The event, hosted by owners Steven Alix and Jorge Pesqueira, featured free food, drink, and a giant ice sculpture.

Congratulations!

Photos by Charles Broshous

WIN E A ND DINE DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303.386.3375 DjsCafe.biz

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303.832.1333 HamburgerMarys.com/Denver OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 45

H EA LT H

SHINING A LIGHT ON SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER Kelsey Lindsey THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT WINTER isn’t the cold, icy roads that make jogging and driving a pain, or the lack of warmth on your bare skin. The biggest bummer, the bane that always makes me curse my younger self for not settling down in the Bahamas, or even Florida (ok, maybe not Florida) is coming out of my office at 5pm to darkness. Doing my post-work run in the dark, knowing I wasted every minute of daylight at my climate-controlled desk job … ugh.

But for those with seasonal affective disorder or SAD (really, they couldn’t find a better acronym?) in this time of darkness can be excruciating. Triggered by the changing of seasons, this type of depression most commonly starts in the fall and spans the winter months, ceding in the spring and summer as the sun sticks around longer during the daytime hours.

Symptoms of SAD include irritability, weight gain, tiredness, and low energy.

SAD is typically treated with light therapy, where patients sit in front of a light therapy box that emits a very bright, typically white light every day for 30 minutes after waking up.

According to Mayo Clinic, light therapy generally is effective in treating most people with SAD, although research on the topic is still limited.

But new research has been released suggesting that light therapy is not the only effective treatment for SAD — and perhaps not even the best treatment in the long run. Published

With so little light in the day, people experience a seasonal depression that might not be too difficult to fix, after all.

in The American Journal of Psychiatry, the study compared light therapy for people with SAD with cognitive behavioral therapy, a common form of mental-health counseling that helps patients identify and respond to negative thinking and challenging situations more clearly and effectively. Comparing the use of cognitive behavioral therapy with light therapy in those with SAD, the study found that both treatments did not differ in effectiveness during the first winter. But beyond this first winter, cognitive behavioral therapy pulled ahead, with the cognitive behavioral therapy group reporting less people with depression than those in the light therapy group. Even the symptoms were less severe for those in the cognitive behavioral therapy group.

Looking at these results, I can’t help but think about the “mind over matter” mantra. Talking to The Atlantic magazine, Kelly Rohan, a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont and lead author of the study, hinted that cognitive behavioral therapy might work better because it focuses more on the mindset that leads to depression, rather than the seasonal changes that affect those with SAD. “You can manipulate the light in your environment by using light therapy, and that is an effective treatment,” Rohan told The Atlantic. “However there’s another way, by changing your thinking style and your behavior, that might actually confer longer term benefits than light therapy.”

Thank you for donating this holiday season.

303.573.5861 or visit PFLAGDenver.org. Advocacy. Education. Support. Since 1972.

46 DECEMBER 02, 2015

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OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 47

O U T BAC K CLASSIFIEDS Envisioned by Boberto

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If you believe you’re a victim of a sex or hate crime, contact the Colorado AntiViolence Program at 303-852-5094

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48 DECEMBER 02, 2015

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM 49

BAC KWO R DS

ASK A SLUT [WARNING: GRAPHIC]

I’m having problems with my roommate! He never pitches in for groceries or buys his own food, but has no problem eating all the food I buy. Thing is, he’s never been late with rent or bills. What should I do to correct the situation?

Signed, WHAT’S EATING ME? Bea: Just eat out. No food, no problem.

Zoey: Tell him the market is closed until his ass is open. If he wants to have a full tummy then the cost is a full ass and it starts now.

Latexa: Is he allergic to anything? If so, start cooking with it! He’ll get the point very quickly.

Cookie: Apparently, he must be doing a good job of it, What’s Eating Me. There’s some give and take in this type of relationship. Either recognize that he’s still providing the necessary extras in the cohabitation agreement, or pick up the pace so he sees you’re bringing more to the agreement. He’ll see the value beyond the groceries you provide.

JackLynn: Agreed. Tell him he can either pitch in, buy groceries, or pay with ass.

I’m currently dating a guy who is super nice, handsome, and extremely well built. All my friends are so jealous that I got such a great guy! What they don’t know is that in the romance department he falls really, really SHORT! Should I overlook his one obvious flaw just because everything else about him is so perfect?

Signed, ARM CANDY ONLY Bea: I’d say you’re in a real pickle — a gherkin, that is! So ask him, “What’s the dill?” Then move onto someone who can put some real slices on your buns.

50 DECEMBER 02, 2015

Zoey: If you’re eager to bottom for him, offer to buy him a larger sheath. Or get him to take up pumping … or fisting.

Cookie: There are always attachments that can improve needs. Talk to LaTexa; she sells all the stuff, and the lube to help.

JackLynn: Oh, honey, the only logical thing to do is give that bitch away. They say it ain’t the size of the boat; it’s the motion of the ocean. (I say bullsh*t!

Get yourself an oceanliner, baby.)

I took a guy on a first date to a nice restaurant a week ago. He seemed like the kind of guy who’d appreciate the effort, but the whole time we were there, he was texting on his phone! Besides being rude as hell, I thought it was very disrespectful! What would you have done in my shoes?

Signed, HELLO? I’M RIGHT HERE! Bea: I would have hopped on the first hot waiter and rode him home.

Zoey: Don’t stress it. It was only the first date, so do what every self respecting fag does and post it all over social media. Then hit Grindr for a new date.

Latexa: I would’ve found a trick on DaddyHunt, then left as soon as I got the hookup!

Cookie: Hello. Leave. Duh. Guys like that are just there for what you can give them. (Golddiggers, I mean to say.) Next time, excuse yourself to the bathroom, but walk out the front door. Leave him and the check.

JackLynn: Go to the bathroom, leave him with the check, and text him after you’re in the car that the night is on him. Rude little hussy.

You’re not just making a purchase.

You’re making a difference.

Get a great vehicle. Support a great cause. With every new Subaru purchased or leased, Subaru will donate $250 to a choice of charities that benefit your local community.* Subaru and its participating retailers will have given over $65 million in eight years. November 19 through January 2.

Subaru and Legacy are registered trademarks. *EPA-estimated hwy fuel economy for 2016 Subaru Legacy 2.5i models. Actual mileage may vary. *Subaru will donate $250 for every new Subaru vehicle sold or leased from November 19, 2015, through January 2, 2016, to four national charities designated by the purchaser or lessee, up to $15,000,000 in total. Pre approved Hometown Charities may be selected for donation depending on retailer participation. Certain participating retailers will make an additional donation to the Hometown Charities selected. Purchasers/lessees must make their charity designations by January 31, 2016. The four national charities will receive a guaranteed minimum donation of $250,000 each. See your local Subaru retailer for details or visit subaru.com/share. All donations made by Subaru of America, Inc.

Proudly Serving our Entire Community 800-789-5583 • bestbuysubaru.com 1080 Motor City Dr • Colorado Springs, CO 80905 Courtesy Delivery Available to Anywhere in Colorado