March 5, 2014 :: Trans

Nine Colorado couples file lawsuit for marriage equality • INTERVIEW: Manila Luzon

GUYLINER: Conquer the elusive look • Seven modern myths about gay men • PANEL: Do we love labels?

F RE E DOM TO BE

Why there can't be one definition of 'trans' for everyone

Volume 37 • Issue 23 | 3.5.14 – 3.19.14 FREE | $3.95 Outside Colorado OutFrontOnline.com

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[ CONTENTS ]

[ FOCUS ]

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6 Letter From The Editor 8 Community Voices 10 Out In Colorado 12 News 14 Panel 16 Cover Story

[ SOCIAL ]

VOL. 37 | ISSUE 23 | MARCH 5, 2014

22 Bleed Like Me 24 Cuisine 26 Arts & Culture 28 Calendar 34 On The Scene 36 Interview 40 Bits & Bobs

[ LIVING ] 42 Beauty 44 Auto 45 Experts 4 8 Media Stream 50 Back In the Day 52 Sexuality

Huma ni zi ng the trans* narrative

beyond bodies, the voices of our diversity

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BITS & BOBS WHAT OUT FRONT GOT IN THE MAIL

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SEXUALITY SEVEN MODERN MYTHS ABOUT GAY MEN

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INTERVIEW MANILA LUZON AND ON TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN

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PANEL DO WE LOVE LABELS?

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FROM THE EDITOR

An expanding gender conversation

MATTHEW PIZZUTI Editor TWO YEARS AGO, OUR MARCH 2012 COVER STORY ON TRANS ISSUES HELPED OPEN OUR EYES TO HOW DIVERSE — and often oversimplified — trans identities can be, told through the stories of three local people self-identifying as trans: Kelly Shortandqueer, Dylan Scholinksi and Victoria Mykels-Sexton.

It was the first time many of us who were on staff at the time learned how it can do trans people a disservice when we explain being trans as “being trapped in the wrong body” or as someone who “became a man/woman” at a certain age, or by reducing trans identity to hormones/ surgery. Since those are the main ways that the media have depicted the trans community, even a wellintended and well-read person might still have misconceptions.

Since our 2012 effort to get Out Front up to date, the “mainstream” national conversation has been

catching up. Some of the same issues we touched on in our 2012 cover story appeared this year in very public conversations between trans actress/activist Laverne Cox and TV journalist Katie Couric, and between trans writer/activist Janet Mock and CNN program host Piers Morgan.

We’ve begun to see, for the first time, mainstream journalists who call themselves supporters of trans rights being educated in front of big audiences on what they still have to learn. Those can be difficult conversations — trans people already have a lot at stake, and are forced to respond to assumptions or awkward questions while millions of viewers are making their own judgments.

I can only imagine the dilemma of trying to decide whether to correct the record or to let misinformation slide, when people tend to react so poorly to being corrected, yet the misinformation is harmful.

But these are also incredibly important conversations to have.

To allies: Nobody likes to hear they just spoke with prejudice or unwittingly hurt or angered someone, but we can’t call ourselves allies to any community unless we’re willing to embrace those moments and listen respectfully. There’s no point at which you “know enough” and can stop listening to new critiques, stories and concerns.

In light of developments of the last few years, we caught up with the same three sources from the 2012 story for the cover story in this issue.

One of the sources, then going

by Victoria Mykels-Sexton, is now

Beyond the Binary

Building a better Trans* Narrative Out Front’s groundbreaking March 14, 2012 cover story on trans* identities by Josiah Hesse is still available online at ofcnow.co/trans12.

We caught up with the same individuals to explore what’s changed in the last two years in their lives and in the national conversation on trans* issues.

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Tony Perry — now presenting and identifying as male. There was a thought that it might be perceived controversial for a person to transition as a trans woman, and later transition back to male. But it’s far from unheard of, and I think Tony’s story furthers the idea that there are many different experiences and stories by which people explore and own their gender identity. No two stories are alike.

In conversations with this cover story’s writer, Michael Kipp — who I’m happy to introduce as a firsttime writer for Out Front — I also learned while many trans people see themselves as gender-fluid or existing between genders, there are also many who have transitioned but see themselves simply as a man or a woman, and don’t affiliate closely with the term “transgender” at all.

So perhaps the most important thing any of us can do for trans causes is to give trans people control of their own conversations. We can give any person, trans-identified or not, control of their own personal gender expression. And if we’re in positions of influence, which any of us are to some extent, we can strive to be models of how to offer that respect — of how to never punish or marginalize a trans person or ally for speaking up or trying to educate us — and to realize that there’s always something more to learn.

About the Contributors

Michael Kipp is a writer, speaker, and educator, who has an unapologetic obsession with systematic self-development and Korean pop music. He identifies as a bisexual male and no longer likes to use the term “transgender” to describe his self-concept and experience. See Michael’s cover story on page 16..

Hans Rosemond has been a magazine, headshot and portrait photographer for the last seven years. He enjoys all things film — from Lord of the Rings to Dumb and Dumber. The only thing better than a good movie is making the subjects he photographs look good, and feel like rock stars. See more of Hans’ work online at hansrosemond.com.

Hans’ photographs are on the cover of this issue and inside in the cover story on page 16.

COMMUNITY VOICES

SPEAK OUT: An ally’s awakening

When LGBT people achieve the courage to come out, the journey for straight family members has just begun

By Madeline Abram

M

y first exposure to “gays” was when I was in elementary school. My mom and dad had given me “the sex talk” with the help of a book full of pictures and more than enough information for an eight-year-old to digest. As a curious child, my ears perked when, a couple years later, I heard my mom recommending the same book to my aunt who was looking for ways to have “the talk” with her own children. I overheard my mom say that she’d ripped out the “gay and lesbian page.” I looked in my book to discover that it was, in fact, missing two pages.

The idea that it’s best to “shelter” your child from knowledge about gays or lesbians is not uncommon for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as LDS or Mormons. There’s an expectation to teach your children that

heterosexual couples are the only successful relationships, and that God does not ordain or support anything beyond that. Growing up in this faith, I was always taught to “love gay people” but not their choices — in other words, love the sinner, hate the sin.

I accepted this into my own belief system, to run with blind faith and hope that God knew what he was doing, but there was always something that bothered me about the whole idea.

A few years after I developed this sort of thinking, my cousin moved in with our family. He had come out as gay to his own family only a year or so before — they “still loved” him but reacted with heavy hearts.

I found some faults with their “Christian-like” behavior; they grieved over “losing a son to the

devil,” and, from my perspective, put the spotlight on themselves.

They didn’t seem to acknowledge how difficult it was for their son to come out to his devout Mormon family, which is why I was so glad to have my own immediate family make the decision to accept him with open arms. He was my first real exposure to gay people and how different it actually was from my own prior perceptions. Jordan was, and still is, one of the most loving people I have ever met. Although he does not claim to be, he is my perfect definition of a Christian.

As I began my adult life and ventured out to college in Utah, I discovered a community that ranged from semi-supportive fence-sitters to outspoken anti-gay religionists.

Yet simultaneously, I have found some of the most wonderful,

accepting, and genuine individuals in my life here in The Valley. I’ve struggled trying to hold on to the religion I treasure so dearly while understanding and supporting the LGBT community.

As an active Mormon, I have found so many wonderful resources allowing love and acceptance to flourish in Utah. While my own extended family is still ultra-conservative, I am striving to help make “Happy Valley” Utah a place that truly lives up to its title.

I hope that with future input of my own and those with whom I come in contact, I can help bridge the gap between religion and love, — the way it should have always been.

Madeline Abram grew up in the Mormon faith in Parker, Colorado, and is a psychology student at Utah Valley University. Her mother Rallet Butler and cousin Jordan Jacobs work for Out Front as marketing executives.

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COMMUNITY VOICES

Letters, comments and reactions RE: How old were you when you came out?

Do you wish you came out sooner? | ofcnow.co/wish Waited too long Accepted in and came out at 40 only to be told ‘why not tell us something we didn’t know.’ I was the one with the problem. And hell yes I wish I’d accepted it sooner, so much wasted time and opportunities.

— John Kelly, Denver

We work with you WeWeunderstand you work with you because you We understand We because are you!

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27 was perfect Age 27, didn’t even realize it until then, then it was an “oh, duh!” moment. I wouldn’t change it; I had no angst about it at all and a great support system in place.

— Clair Meij, Denver

It was better to not be living at home I didn’t so much come out as I was forced out by my family. They noticed I had a couple lesbian friends and had a “gay intervention” for me when I was 21. It wasn’t till 8 months later that I came out in a letter. If I had been younger and financially dependent on my parents I probably would have been suicidal.

— Kirsten Marshall, Denver

Colorado's Premier Gay-Owned & Operated Caterer serving the RE: Nine same-sex couples file suit against Colorado Community same-sex marriage ban | ofcnow.co/colo9 since 1995!

Came out as no surprise I was 18, and yes I wish it was sooner, because my parents already knew. They were just waiting for me to say something.

— Kim Sisneros, Albuquerque

Gradual and good timing Fully? I was 18….but, to a select few people 2 years earlier. I came out when I had the adequate support, so I’m rather glad that I didn’t come out sooner.

— Timmy Gibbons, Arvada Join the conversation at ofcnow.co/facebook

Great news!

This makes me HAPPY! We’re leading the nation on cannabis legalization.

Meanwhile backwards “traditional marriage” laws across the nation are under the gun. I kept asking myself, ‘What about Colorado?’ Gays and lesbians are able to get civil unions, but not marriage because of our idiotic law.

Cheers to Wendy and Michelle, and the rest of the plaintiffs. I hope the “defendants” (Gov. Hickenlooper and Debra Johnson, both champions of marriage equality) won’t put up much of a defense.

— Steve Cruz, Denver

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LGBT Economics FROM THE FEB. 19 ISSUE: From spending power to stereotypes, Mike Yost takes a big-picture view of the LGBT economy.

Online at ofcnow.co/economics

Catching up with Cazwell FROM THE FEB. 19 ISSUE: The racy gay rapper dishes with Out Front’s Berlin Sylvestre on his new single ‘Helen Keller,’ a collaboration with Manila Luzon. (See Sylvestre’s interview with Luzon on page 36.)

Online at ofcnow.co/Cazwell

NEWS

Nine couples file lawsuit against Colorado same-sex marriage ban NINE COLORADO SAME-SEX COUPLES SEEKING TO MARRY OR HAVE THEIR MARRIAGES RECOGNIZED IN THE STATE FILED SUIT Feb. 19 in Denver District Court, with the claim that being denied a marriage license on Feb. 18 in Denver was a violation of their rights.

The lawsuit argues that the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, passed to the Colorado Constitution by voters in 2006 as Amendment 43, is prohibited by the U.S. Constitution’s Equal Protection Clause. This lawsuit comes on the heels of favorable rulings in Utah, Oklahoma and Virginia, striking those states’ laws limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples.

The lawsuit identifies Gov. John Hickenlooper and Denver County Clerk and Recorder Debra Johnson as defendants, since both of them

are responsible for upholding the existing state law in their jurisdictions, though both Hickenlooper and Johnson personally support extending marriage to lesbian and gay couples.

While this is not the first litigation challenging Colorado’s law limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples, it is the first case to do so on such a scale and with such open backing of Colorado LGBT advocacy and policy groups. Five LGBT advocacy organizations in Colorado — One Colorado, the GLBT Community Center of Colorado, the ACLU of Colorado, the Colorado GLBT Bar Association and the Faithful Voices Coalition, released a joint statement in support of the lawsuit.

Read more of this story online at ofcnow.co/colo9

FALLING LIKE DOMINOS More state bans on same-sex marriage struck by courts

Court rulings continue to side with marriage equality across the nation — Virginia’s same-sex marriage ban was overturned by a federal judge on Feb. 13, and Texas followed with a federal judge’s ruling on Feb. 26. Meanwhile in Chicago, where a law passed last year was set to allow lesbian and gay couples to marry starting in June, weddings began early on Feb. 21 when a judge ruled there were no grounds to make them wait.

See the stories online: Virginia: ofcnow.co/virg • Texas: ofcnow.co/tex • Chicago: ofcnow.co/chi

STAY TUNED Stay up-to-date with Out Front’s coverage of the latest news:

ofcnow.co/facebook ofcnow.co/twitter Subscribe to our weekly email:

ofcnow.co/outbox

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OUT IN COLORADO

Kicking for community

By Christopher Otero DENVER’S GAY AND LESBIAN SOCCER CLUB, THE GOAL MINERS, ARE GEARING UP FOR THE OUTDOOR SPRING SEASON — a time when Club Manager Brian Coulthard said the Goal Miners are ready to increase team membership and welcome players of all skill levels to join.

The club prides themselves on providing a safe environment for all to have fun, keep active and enjoy the game of soccer, Coulthard said.

The group often ventures out for social events like viewing parties for professional games and plans to hold meet-and-greet opportunities to win over prospective players — most likely at The Wrangler, the Goal Miners’ official sponsor.

After moving to Denver from Seattle in early 2013, Coulthard took it upon himself to build and rebrand the Goal Miners into a much more active group. Aiming to strengthen the club’s image, he relaunched in Fall 2013 and set club up as a member of the International Gay and Lesbian Football Association (IGLFA). Founded in 1992, the IGLFA supports clubs on the local level and currently has 100-plus teams from 10

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more than 30 countries as part of their organization.

Coulthard said community service should be an important aspect of any organization and plans on making outreach an integral part of the Goal Miners’ mission once the club becomes more established.

Coulthard’s former club in Seattle, Rain City Soccer, worked with local organizations such as Lambert House and Lifelong AIDS Alliance.

The Goal Miners currently play in non–LGBT-specific leagues, but when membership increases, Coulthard hopes to take a team to play in national IGLFA tournaments and even the Gay Games.

For now, the club is comprised of roughly 35 percent women, Coulthard said, so there is also the possibility of an all-women’s team in the Goal Miners future. For the time being, Coulthard’s goal is to increase the active roster across the board, and seeks players with healthy, positive attitudes, regardless of experience.

For those interested in learning more about the Goal Miners or becoming a member, visit their website at denvergaysoccer.org or you may email them directly at info@denvergaysoccer.org. ¢

IN MEMORY

REMEMBERING A TRUE ALLY VIVIAN R. SOLOMON, AKA: “THE WIDOW,” PASSED AWAY SUNDAY, JANUARY 26 at the Clermont Park Assisted Living Center in Denver, Colorado. She was 101 years old.

Vivian was born in Haggler, Nebraska on August 16, 1912 and moved to Denver in her early teens with her Mother, Sister Esther and Brother Raymond. She later married Joe Solomon.

Her husband, Joe, owned the “Tic Toc Lounge,” one of the early Gay Bars in Denver, located on Broadway at Colfax Ave. Upon his death in the early 60s, Vivian stepped in and with the help of the staff and a group of eccentric bar patrons, she learned to run a Gay Bar. She later opened and ran several other Bars in the City: The “Pirates Den” on Federal Blvd, “The Rocky Mountain” on I-25 near where the Aquarium is now located and “The “R” Den” later known as the “The Den” on West Colfax Ave. Vivian was a strong supporter of the early Gay Community in Denver. The first meeting of MCC was held at the “Pirates Den”.

She helped many a young man tread the turbulent waters of coming to grips with being gay in the 60s, 70s and 80s. She was named Guardian Angel of the Imperial Court at Coronation II and the Rocky Mountaineers Motorcycle Club established a Service Award in her honor in 1973.

She was preceded in death by her husband Joe and her daughter Jerry. She is survived by 2 Children, Judy (Kevin) Landon of Denver; Joey (Mary) of Flagstaff, Az and Son-in-Law Dick Winter of Denver. She is also survived by 6 Grand Children, 6 Great Grand Children, 6 Great Great Grand Children along with a host of friends in the LGBT Community.

No Services were held, at Vivian’s request. The family suggests Memorial Donations be made to the “GLBT Community Center of Colorado”, 1301 E. Colfax Ave, Denver 80218, GLBTcolorado.org. ¢

Dennis Dougherty, Denver LGBT community leader who died last month, was “never closeted” LOCAL LGBT COMMUNITY LEADER AND PHILANTHROPIST DENNIS DOUGHERTY DIED FEB. 14, after battling liver cancer.

He was 70.

Born in Omaha in 1943, Dougherty was a Vietnam War veteran and successful founder of tech company Visual Electronics. He was familiar face at local LGBT fundraisers and events, and has been involved in gay activism and organizing since the sixties.

He was a focus of Out Front’s May 2, 2012 cover story by Josiah Hesse on LGBT seniors, where he spoke about the profound cultural changes LGBT people have experienced over the last few decades.

From the 2012 story: “These kids don’t have a clue what it was like,” says Dennis Dougherty, a 69-year-old self-described “lone wolf” and “sixties vintage” gay rights activist.

“Part of me thinks that’s too bad and part of me thinks it’s good,” Dougherty said. “Because they don’t have to go through the pain of it all. They shouldn’t forget that there was a struggle, but if you talk to an 18-year-old today and ask him about Matthew Shepherd – that was 14 years ago.”

Despite growing up in an era where being gay could land you in jail, Dougherty maintains that he “was never in” the

closet. A Vietnam veteran, cancer survivor, philanthropist and Hunter S. Thompson doppelganger – “He was a friend,” Dougherty said of the famous gonzo journalist – Dougherty is a local icon of the gay rights movement and a man Senator Mark Udall referred to as “living proof that one can be a hard-driving and successful businessman and also contribute to causes that are beyond self-interest.”

Over the last half-century, Dougherty has seen attitudes in America shift, from perceptions that LGBT persons were a danger worthy of arrest, to the ability to serve in the military as openly gay. He didn’t only witness the changes: Dougherty was instrumental.

“We had to look out for each other back then. [Anti-gay] Amendment 2 really caused that; and Anita Bryant and her statements. All of those things tended to galvanize people – it was them against us, and we needed to stand hand-to-hand.”

Dougherty requested to not have a funeral, but a celebration of life is being planned instead for his birthday coming on July 29.

See more of the 2012 interview with Dougherty and other Colorado LGBT seniors online at ofcnow.co/aginggay

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NEWS

Bill to extend bar hours killed by sponsor

By Mike Yost ON FEB. 17, DEMOCRATIC STATE Rep. Crisanta Duran of Denver asked the Colorado House to vote down legislation she introduced which would have extended the statewide cut-off time of 2 a.m. to serve alcohol.

“After having many conversations about this bill, I think that it’s time to go back to the drawing board on this,” Duran told House lawmakers during the final reading of the legislation. “What I’m going to ask for is to go ahead and put me out of my misery and please just kill this bill.”

Duran had introduced the bill with co-sponsor state Sen. Pat Steadman (D-Denver) with support from Denver Mayor Michael Hancock and the Denver City Council.

The legislation was introduced in part to tackle the problem of inebriated crowds pouring into Denver streets at 2 a.m., the statewide mandated cut-off time for serving liquor.

Fights and injuries have become a consistent occurrence right around closing time, and The Denver Post reported an individual is more likely to be a victim of crime in the Lower Downtown area than in any other part of Denver between the hours of 1 a.m. and 3 a.m.

“This could be a tool that local governments could use towards crowd control,” Duran told Out Front before the bill was lost. “There should be more discretion at the local level. That’s why I put forward the bill.”

The legislation would have allowed bars to stagger the closing times at 2 a.m., 3 a.m., and 4:30 a.m. in an effort to disperse surge of patrons heading home. But some state lawmakers, such as Rep. Tim Dore (R-Elizabeth), argued that people will just drive intoxicated 12

to a neighboring city that has later drinking hours.

Duran responded that the bill would allow local governments to work with businesses, such as the possibility of allowing later open hours but banning additional patrons from entering the establishment after 2 a.m. “That would really prevent the bar hopping that some people have talked about,” she said.

The legislation would also have granted local municipalities the authority to restrict the hours an establishment could serve alcohol — requiring them to stop selling alcohol even before the current closing time — a provision some local bar owners found alarming.

“We really don’t want the city to decide how our businesses are run as far as hours,” said Tony Fleith, owner of the gay bar Li’l Devils on Broadway. “It’s got to be unanimous for everybody, or it’s not going to work.”

Duran said the provision would only be used when a business faced disciplinary action from the city. “Right now, their license could actually be taken away all together if there’s an issue, so this would be less severe,” she said.

The Colorado Restaurant Association, which represents about 4,500 restaurants in the state, pulled their support for the bill, arguing the city should not have authority to restrict businesses hours upon renewal of a liquor license.

With the loss of key allies, Duran commented that she will revisit the issue next year.

“I brought this bill to address a serious public safety issue that’s affecting people in my district and elsewhere in Colorado,” Duran said.

“With more time for consultation and compromise, I want to come back next year with a bill that has the broadest possible support and input from the widest variety of stakeholders.” ¢

| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

PHOTO: HUSTVEDT

Colorado to keep 2 a.m. closing time for now, but lawmakers promise to revisit

Same-sex tax bill heads to governor’s desk Legislation clarifies that married same-sex couples can file jointly

By Mike Yost ON FEB. 17, THE COLORADO HOUSE PASSED LEGISLATION THAT ensures married same-sex couples who file jointly on their federal taxes can also file jointly on their Colorado taxes, despite the state’s ban on same-sex marriage.

The bill passed 37-26 along a largely party-line vote in its third and final reading on the House floor. Though the bill was approved without debate, opponents voiced their disapproval during the second reading of the legislation in the House on Feb 14.

“We can’t simply ignore our state constitution,” said state Rep. Frank McNulty (R-Highlands). “We can’t simply ignore the fact it says what it says — that marriage is between one man and one woman. While I know that some would prefer to simply ignore that provision, we can’t.”

The legislation was introduced to the Colorado Senate last January by state Sen. Pat Steadman (D-Denver) who told Out Front the bill actually aligns the state tax code with Colorado’s gay marriage ban “by getting rid of the concept of marital status for income tax purposes and instead have everything determined by how you filed your federal return.”

The Colorado Department of Revenue already allows same-sex married couples to file jointly, but Steadman said the legislation is necessary because it removes contradictory language from Colorado’s tax code.

“Members, this is really a simple bill,” said co-sponsor and state Rep. Dominick Moreno (D-Commerce City) when he introduced the

bill for its second reading in the House. “A simple bill that follows what we currently practice in our tax code in Colorado, and that is that our Colorado state income taxes follow our federal state income taxes.”

State Rep. and Minority Whip Kevin Priola (R-Henderson) attempted to add an amendment to the bill that would require same-sex couples who were married in another state to file separately in Colorado — even though they may file jointly at the federal level.

McNulty supported Priola’s amendment, arguing that it “attempts to harmonize the conflict that now exists because of what the Obama administration has done and what our state constitution says — to harmonize the federal provision and our state constitution.”

“We’re not violating the state’s constitution,” replied co-sponsor to the bill, state Rep. Joann Ginal (D-Fort Collins). “We’re not violating the definition of marriage according to state law because this bill only applies to same-sex couples who have been married in other states that are federally recognized for samesex marriages.”

Speaker of the House Mark Ferrandino (D-Denver) also spoke out against the Priola amendment, stating it was “building into our tax code more discrimination and allowing the state to say yes, well maybe you’re married in another state, but we’re going to treat you separately.”

Ferrandino added, “That is not fair, that is not right.”

The Priola amendment was voted down before the bill was approved.

The legislation now heads to Gov. Hickenlooper for his signature. ¢

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PANEL

Do our labels like ‘butch,’ ‘femme,’ ‘bear,’ ‘otter,’ etc. help us find community or do they get in the way?

I

do believe labels can help find community as long as they are simply descriptors that are embraced by the individual desiring the association. Being a ‘foodie,” a “geek,” a “karaoke junkie,” or a “twink” can provide a quick and simple way to define a group with which to associate.

When labels become shallow and stereotyping (gays as “effeminate” for example) — they become harmful and get in the way. I’m not a fan of political correctness, so for me labels are just one more way to communicate quickly and effectively, while realizing every person and every group has as many or more other

attributes that make them unique and different as they are similar.

On a side note, some labels can be a little too esoteric to be effective. I just found out “otters” are defined as slim, hairy guys. I always thought “otters” were younger, thick hairy guys — smaller versions of “bears,” if you will. Just goes to show how important it is to always read the label!

Jeff Swaim is an entrepreneur, sports lover, outdoor enthusiast, philosopher, and ex-Nebraska farm kid. He’s also a believer in unleashing the incredible talents and potential of people.

Jeff Swaim

I

Brianna Matthews

George Gramer, Jr.

Pieter Tolsma

think labeling us sometimes is in many ways a form of segregation within our own community. You won’t find “Femme” women hanging out with the “Bears” or vice versa.

But I think in some cases it does define us — describing who we want to associate with. For the most part, we associate with who we are interested in.

It does help us find who we are looking for in our community — and a society we tend to need to label everything because it helps us define the world around us — but I think the question is, is that the right thing to do?

As people we tend to compartmentalize all the things in our lives, and I think even more so in the LGBT community.

It’s easier to say “I’m trans” and I want to associate with others like me, so then we would seek out other trans persons, or I’m a “femme” lesbian, so I seek out others like me to be around, or that I like only “femme” women, because I too am “femme” or I want to find a butch woman, because I like “butch” women.

The short answer is that I think it helps us navigate who we are and who we like as group of people. As with all things, I feel there are no absolutes, but sometimes a label is a necessary evil.

P

ersonally, I would like to be described as a “silver fox,” but the only label I usually receive is “61-year-old white male.”

While I know that I prefer NOT to categorize anyone flippantly, even those who may fit well into the “categories,” sometimes when describing someone to another person who has not yet met the described, a one-word description suffices perfectly.

Labels can seem condescending, but also may very accurately pinpoint the predominant interests or general appearance of the person described. That is particularly true if the individual clings to the attributes of the label’s stereotype.

This may just be me, but thankfully most of my friends defy one-word descriptions. I see each one as a unique individual

who has gifts, talents, attributes, and a physical appearance like no one else in the entire world. My LGBT friends are people, not stereotypes – at least not to me. I think in making friendships, I seek people who defy stereotypes, and who do not mirror image me.

Therefore, here are some new labels I want to see applied to LGBT folks: “self-sufficient,” “compassionate,” “drama-free,” “college-educated,” “completely monogamous,” “supportive” and “drug-free.” Most likely, a person with all of those characteristics would be a “unicorn.”

A

but try to objectify him as such and you are in for a pointed discussion and a look that could melt lead. Those of us who do not really fit into a category are sometimes grouped into them anyways and resist it. Additionally, terms like twink are actually rather derogatory when you stop and think about their origins or what they say about you as a person.

Best solution? Label yourself and embrace the community among other self-identifiers if you like but stop short of trying to Venn diagram everyone else. Some of us just don’t fit.

nyone who has done gay online dating has stumbled across some really offensive labels. While I don’t doubt that lesbians, transgender and bisexual people have just as colorful a lexicon as gay men, I am most familiar with gay verbiage and it’s often tasteless and shallow, specifically when it comes to the masc-femme spectrum. These terms exist and crop up like mushrooms in March because they are useful but it does not mean they are doing the community any favors when it comes down to getting us to respect each other’s differences.

As far as those categorical ones that people rally around like bear, otter, pup, etcetera, it really can only go so far. My ex may have had the type of build that qualifies him to be a “cub,”

Brianna Matthews is a 40-something post-op trans woman, lesbian, and telecommunications professional working for a major telecom.

Iowa native George Gramer, jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? JOIN THE CONVERSATION!

Out Front is your platform for the expressions and perspectives of Colorado’s LGBT and allied community – We want to hear from you!

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | 15

COVER STORY

KELLY SHORTANDQUEER

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

O

n February 13th, Facebook unveiled 56 custom gender options, a feature many had been requesting for years. And the new options don’t just fall under the trans* umbrella — they include terms like “cisgender woman” and “cis male.” Users can also change their preferred pronoun to gender-neutral “they.”

Of course, most Facebook users will keep the default options — and even many trans people who identify with the binary gender identities of male or female will feel comfortable sticking with them. But having more options than “he” and “she” is another step toward increasing mainstream acknowledgement of the enormous diversity of gender identities and expressions in the human experience.

The recent buzz around gender and trans identities extends well beyond the changes on Facebook. Laverne Cox, an actress, activist and trans woman who stars in the popular Netflix series Orange is the New Black, did her own part in moving the conversation in January when she was interviewed by Katie Couric on her self-titled ABC show Katie. (Online at ofcnow.co/kc) Earlier on the show, Carmen Carrera, a transgender supermodel who starred in the third season of RuPaul’s Drag Race declined to talk about whether she has had bottom surgery. Instead, Carrera wanted to talk about her modeling career and life goals.

When Couric asked Cox if she felt the same, Cox said “I think that the preoccupation with transition and with surgery objectifies trans people” — and that by focusing on trans bodies, we don’t focus on the oppression and discrimination that is the lived reality of many trans people. The rate of homicides against trans women, for example, is the highest of any segment of the LGBTQ community, and the unemployment rate for trans people is twice the national average — four times that for trans people of color.

Cox reflected publicly on the exchange that month in Houston during a speech for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force’s Creating Change conference. At the largest annual LGBTQ conference in the nation, she spoke of the interview’s significance: “Never before have I seen, in mainstream media, a discussion about what is appropriate and not appropriate to ask trans people.”

Setting boundaries around what is appropriate isn’t intended to “demonize” Couric, Cox said. Couric is simply following a conversation about transition and surgery that has been going on for 60 years.

Cox told the audience, “We are changing the conversation right now.”

Another powerful figure changing that conversation is author, speaker and transgender rights activist Janet Mock. In a Feb. 5 interview with CNN host Piers Morgan for Piers Morgan Live, she said, “This is the conversation I think our country is going through…how, then, do we report on these lives without sensationalizing?” (Online at ofcnow.co/pm) That interview was a follow-up spurred by Mock’s tweets criticizing the way she was portrayed on the same program a day earlier, when she’d gone on to discuss her new memoir, Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More. After the program aired Mock learned the shows editors had presented her with the on-screen description “Was a boy until age 18;” she addressed that and some of the language from the interview dialog that Morgan used to refer to her gender. At one point, the host had stated “you used to be, yourself, a man.”

Mock, and many trans people, do not see themselves as having been born one gender and later switching to another — rather, many see themselves as having been labeled at birth and raised as a gender that was, for them, inaccurate to how they feel.

“I was born a baby, who was assigned male at birth. I did not identify or live my life as a boy,” Mock explained. “As soon as I had enough agency in my life to grow up, I became who I am. And this did not start at 18 when I went to Thailand to have surgery. It started when I was six years old. And my parents saw me for who I was and allowed me to live my life.”

While the follow-up interview has been reacted to with controversy, it’s significant that Mock and Morgan are having this discussion at all — it’s a big step to see mainstream journalists publicly educated about how many trans

people really see themselves or prefer to be depicted. Like Carmen Carrera and Laverne Cox, Mock is challenging the sensationalization and objectification of trans people and advocating for a change in the conversation.

Their efforts and the efforts of all the trans people willing to publicly share their stories are working to humanize the media’s trans* narrative and create a safer space for the diverse voices and experiences under the trans* umbrella.

“ It’s Not a Jo ke, It’s Ou r Sto r y” “I know I confused a lot of people, and some people thought I lost my mind.” Tony Perry said, laughing to himself.

“I had a couple of death threats.”

Two years ago, Perry was one of the sources in Out Front’s March 14, 2012 cover story on trans identities — known at the time as Victoria MykelsSexton, a trans woman and drag performer. Perry emphasized the difference between performing in drag and being transgender — that drag is a persona and being transgender is who a person is in their soul.

True to that sentiment, Perry began to sow the seeds for living more authentically.

Even before the 2012 story was published, Perry had stopped taking estrogen, he said. He began going to the gym to lose the weight and breast tissue the hormone had given him.

This process culminated in a powerful reclaiming of his identity and expression in October 2013. He cut his hair short and began presenting as male again.

Like transitioning to a female presentation, transitioning to a male presentation has, for Perry, brought a mix of support and scrutiny.

“I’ve had people who are amazing support,” he said. “One of them, he himself used to be trans — he used to live as a woman…he gets it.”

Perry said that the biological mother of a drag daughter who passed away to suicide a few years ago reached out to Perry and said she was there and proud he was being himself. Like Perry, his drag daughter transitioned and wanted to be seen as male again.

Unfortunately, our own communities — drag, trans, and otherwise — are not immune from gender policing.

When asked if there was pressure to transition in his 20s to Victoria, Perry said, “Some in the trans community (were) making me believe that’s how I was going to progress my drag career…but drag is just drag, you know what I mean?

And I have, for the last maybe five years, known (being a woman full-time) is not what I want to do.”

Most people in the trans community have been supportive of Perry’s recent transition to a male presentation, he said. Yet that support is starkly contrasted with a couple of death threats from within the same community.

“Their conflict was that I’m ‘setting back the movement,’ and I’m ‘making it look like a joke,’” Perry said. “It’s not a joke, it’s our story…it’s how you have to write it. And I chose that I don’t want my shell to be a woman anymore.”

Perry continues to perform in drag as Victoria, which, for some, brought another conflict between Perry’s identity and their expectations. People wondered what it meant to see him as Victoria on stage when he no longer identifies as Victoria in life — for Perry, it’s a costume for a show, he said.

When asked about his personal identity, he said he’s two spirit. “I’m just a boy that happens to be in touch with both my feminine and masculine sides…I got the chance to have a dual spirit. And that’s exactly what I have. I recognize that now…I just know that I have a double spirit, a double soul.”

Two spirit is sometimes categorized under the trans* umbrella — a Native American cultural identity that is actually an umbrella term itself, encompassing the spiritual and social roles of gender-variant people across many tribes. Two spirit was, and is, considered a sacred identity, and they often take the roles of healers and medicine persons. Perry has Native American ancestry from both Navajo and Cherokee tribes.

Hu m a n iz ing t he t rans* narrat ive

beyond bodies, the voices of our diversity

by Michael Kipp photos by Hans Rosemond

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE >>

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | 17

NARRATIVE CONTINUED FROM PAGE 17 >> A powerful 2009 documentary film Two Spirits tells the story of 16-year-old Fred Martinez of Cortez, Colorado, a two spirit person, or nádleehí in Navajo, who was murdered in a brutal hate crime in 2001. The film has helped bring awareness to the identity.

In an interview with Democracy Now!, Laverne Cox said “there are as many genders, really, as there are people. I think what’s wonderful about what Facebook is doing is acknowledging that this is all okay.”

“ We H ave t h e F reedom to C hange”

W

101

TRANS

hen Dylan Scholinski recalled a coworker who struggled to call him by male pronouns, he explained that the man found him attractive — and to identify Scholinski as a male would make his coworker question his own identity as a straight man.

Identifying as bisexual, Scholinski wondered what would happen if he, himself, woke up tomorrow with a realization that he was straight — would he panic and wonder if he’d been lying all along?

But he doesn’t think it’s a lie to allow your selfunderstanding to progress.

“When we have those realizations, we assume that we weren’t being truthful, and I don’t think that’s true — or, that the person was not being truthful. We have epiphanies, we have realizations, when they’re necessary and when we’re ready. And we have the freedom to change.”

During his teens, Scholinski was institutionalized for being an “inappropriate female,” which he wrote about in 1997 in a memoir called, The

MAC Q. S IMO N

Queer transman Mac Q. Simon offered these basics on trans-related language and terms.

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Last Time I Wore a Dress. In 1995 he spoke at a UN conference on Women about his experience as a violation of human rights, and he was heavily involved in the gay and lesbian cause in college in the late 1980s.

An artist and activist at heart, he now works as a resident artist at REDLINE Denver, as the selfdescribed founder and witness at Sent(a)mental Studios and the HAVEN Youth Project, and as an instructor at Jefferson County Open School.

Scholinski works with youth to help them discover their personal narrative and to claim the power of their voices in a shame-free space.

Finding a voice was important in his own healing process, so he provides a safe and uncensored environment for their creative expression, for which he is a witness to.

Like Laverne Cox and Carmen Carrera, Dylan Scholinski sees the focus on trans bodies as problematic. His own interview with Katie Couric years ago, like the discussion between Janet Mock and Piers Morgan, was important because it was happening at all.

During his early morning interview, Scholinski imagined people getting ready for work in their underwear and pausing in front of the television, thinking, “’Whoa! Did I just hear ‘asexual’ and ‘sex reassignment?’”

“It was almost like a celebration that she was questioning,” he said, “that the conversation was happening.”

But his perspective now shows that what defines a victory in a movement may change as it progresses. “The fact that (surgery is) still the question, that that’s still the TONY PERRY go-to place — that everyone is so concerned about what makes you one thing or the other, or more valid or less valid. Even in our own community, the conversations we have around ‘passing’ are so problematic,” he said.

Scholinski said he identifies more as genderqueer and he’d prefer to go by gender-neutral pronouns, but there isn’t a set of neutral pronouns that feels comfortable to him. Safety is also a motivator for using male pronouns.

“I’m a person who can’t argue and can’t dismiss the other part of me,” he said. “My whole life has been about balance: I’m never happy without being sad; I’m never sad without being happy.

I’m never a guy without being a girl; I’m never a girl without being a guy…And when I feel the greatest, when I feel the strongest, is when I have that in check — that whole yin and yang. When I find that thing that’s been lost, and I pick it up, and I embrace it, and I love it — that’s balance.”

Speaking of balance, Scholinski also said he’s a Red Sox fan, is a big fan of tomatoes, and likes hoodies and caramel.

He jokes that there are still people who put articles in his mailbox any time they find one about gender. “There are so many articles that you could put in my mailbox,” he said.

“ There’s M o re Than E no ug h Ro o m fo r A ll of U s”

I

n a story shared at The Narrators, a monthly storytelling night held at the Deer Pile art gallery in Denver, Kelly Shortandqueer recalled his mother asking him why he couldn’t just be a masculine woman.

“In my head, I pictured a mythical seesaw of gender, where the tipping point went from butch woman to effeminate man — which is not quite how it works in real life.”

Shortandqueer works for the Gill Foundation and is one of the co-founders for the Denver Zine Library, a collection of 15,000 zines from around the world.

Like Scholinski, Shortandqueer said that the youth component of his work is part of what’s most exciting. It lets them know they have a voice, which is especially important for people whose identities aren’t reflected in mainstream media. He often connects with people who read his work and say they never knew anyone else felt the same way.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 20 >>

DEFINITION: SEX VS. GENDER Sex refers to biology, while gender refers to an identity within a culture.

“Sex is what you are assigned at birth based on your genitals; gender is up to the person based on that person’s internal sense,” Simon said.

transgender, Simon said. “Just say ‘what pronouns do you prefer?” Whether somebody is transgender or not is a personal question, so asking all people what pronouns they use avoids singling anyone out.

Some use gender-neutral pronouns such as they/them or ze/hir.

DEFINITION: GENDER BINARY The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders: male and female.

“Lots of people don’t fit in the gender binary. A gender expression that falls outside the ‘normal’ definition is outside the gender binary,” Simon said.

GENDER IDENTITY VS. GENDER EXPRESSION Gender identity is how a person identifies, while expression might be a more complicated mix of masculine or feminine traits.

Everybody – transgender or not – has both a gender identity and a gender expression.

TO POSIT A PRONOUN Rather than assume what gender pronouns (he/him or she/her) a person goes by, it’s better to ask.

“The rule I go by is to ask everybody what pronoun they go by” even if that person isn’t

DEFINITION: TRANSITION Moving from one public gender identity to another.

“For some it can mean surgery or hormones, but for others it can be just changing a name or clothing,” Simon said. (continued on Page 20)

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NARRATIVE CONTINUED FROM PAGE 18 >>

identity, expanding on the binary trans-narrative and the genderqueer trans-narrative. While he admits bias as a storyteller, he believes the way to connect people with our lives as trans people is through telling our own stories.

In a room packed shoulder-to-shoulder, people spilling out the doorway of the Deer Pile and standing in the hall, Shortandqueer finishes his story.

“In order to make room for ourselves, it often feels like we have to take that space from each other. What I’ve come to realize is that there’s more than enough room for all of us.”

Shortandqueer also appreciates the moments of education, when people read his zines and say, “‘I never even thought about that before.’”

“So there’s that teaching aspect to sharing our stories,” he said.

Shortandqueer was one of three storytellers from The Narrators chosen to have their stories re-purposed on stage with Off-Center, in three Friday-night performances at The Jones Theater on March 7th, 14th, and 21st. His story, a trans-twist on the theme “Lived/Re-Lived,” will be told by aerial performance artists.

Knowing that so many people are going to see it on stage, Shortandqueer said he feels the weight of responsibility. If someone hasn’t met a trans person before, that story is all they know — and as someone who doesn’t have a strictly binary identity, he wonders how that might impact their perception of someone who does.

“I don’t want my gender fluidity to make someone invalidate another trans person who does not feel the same way about gender as I do.”

Because he’s so willing and able to be out, he said, “I feel like I can help push the conversation along, whether that’s with my experience or trying to say, ‘Well, not everyone feels that way.’”

So for him it’s just as important to ask how he can tell his own story, without taking space away from someone else. “I’ve seen so many trans people speak that say, ‘This is how it is for trans people. This is how trans people feel.’ The reality is that many of us have very different experiences.”

Shortandqueer believes that DYLAN SCHOLINSKI every narrative allows for more nuanced conversations about

(Trans 101 continued from Page 18)

TRANS, TRANSGENDER OR TRANSGENDERED? Trans* is an abbreviation for a range of people outside gender binary. Transgender refers to people who identify as other than the sex they were assigned at birth, while transgendered is often considered incorrect. “‘Transgendered’ is kind of a sore subject; a lot of people use it incorrectly. You can’t ‘transgender’ somebody so they can’t be ‘transgendered.’ Go with ‘transgender’ to be safe.”

20

“That’s pretty personal; it depends on the context and how well you know the person.

Referring to someone as using a different pronoun in the past can potentially out them, so it’s safer to use the person’s current pronoun” if you don’t know, Simon said.

DEFINITION: CISGENDER Cisgender refers to a person who agrees with the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. Those who aren’t trans are cisgender, often appreviated “cis.”

WHAT COULD A TRANS PERSON’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION BE? Gender identity and sexual orientation often have little or no relation to each other. Some transgender people identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual before transitioning; some are gay, lesbian or bisexual after they transition.

“Trans people can have any sexual orientation cisgender people can have; queer, pansexual, gay, bi or lesbian,” Simon said.

TRANSITION TIME MACHINE What gender pronoun do you use to refer a trans person’s life before transitioning? It depends on the person.

IS TRANSGENDER “BEING A MAN STUCK IN A WOMAN’S BODY” OR VICE VERSA? Many see this way of explaining what it means to be transgender as outdated.

| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Bring ing Love into t he Co nversat io n When talking about the stories of trans* people and advancing the movement toward inclusiveness of diverse trans* identities and expressions, the greatest principle for respectful and authentic exchange and conversation is simple: love.

Love informs us on why we, regardless of our identities, should be concerned with honoring the identity and story of each trans* individual — or any individual.

In her Creating Change speech, Laverne Cox recalled the difficult conversations that she has with her friend Jeremiah, who is HIV-positive.

While they don’t always know what the right thing to say to each other is — to someone who is a trans woman, to someone who is HIV-positive — they have these difficult conversations anyway, with love, empathy, and a desire to understand more than they did before.

Cox said these are the kinds of conversations we, as the GLBTQ+ community, need to have more of — where we are there for each other “across difference.”

“Loving trans people, I believe, is a revolutionary act,” she said.

“And I believe when we love someone, we respect them, and we listen to them. We feel that their voice matters, and we let them dictate the terms of who they are and what their story is.”

It is these stories that humanize the trans* narrative. ¢ Dedicated to Mike F., a friend who was gay-identified and taught me the power of self-love, loving others, and having conversations “across difference.” He passed to spina bifida complications in March 2012.

“That’s not the terminology I hope to see in five years,” Simon said. “It gives the impression that whatever body you have is not good enough. You have to be very connected to your body if you transition and most trans people I know are very aware of their bodies.”

It’s better to think of a transgender person as someone who identifies differently from the gender assigned by others at birth.

IS IT OK TO ASK A TRANS PERSON QUESTIONS ABOUT BEING TRANS? “It’s important to be sensitive to everyone’s needs,” Simon said – if you don’t know how to talk to a trans person about gender or identity, it’s better to own up to that from the start.

“If it’s framed in a respectful way, most trans people I know would be more than willing to answer questions,” Simon said, “but asking a person what their genitals look like is probably a no-no unless you’re also talking about your own genitals.” ¢

LEGAL

THE B ENEFITS OF COLLABORAT IVE L AW

By John C. Hoelle trained in the collaborative process

A

t either the beginning or end of a relationship, there is a growing trend for intimate partners to utilize practitioners trained in “Collaborative Law.” This formal process is designed to avoid the otherwise adversarial nature of resolving a dispute at the end of relationship or arriving at an agreement at the beginning. Each party has the advice of counsel as to his or her legal position, and win-win outcomes are negotiated using good-faith, respectful, transparent, “needs-based” techniques at settlement meetings involving both clients and both lawyers. In addition to the attorneys, other neutral experts are often called in to facilitate, such as a mediator, accountant, mental health consultant, property appraiser, and/ or child expert.

In the prenuptial context, the process can provide each person with confidence because someone is looking out for his or her legal rights, while focus remains firmly on reaching outcomes that feel right to both parties together. The same is true in

the divorce context, and in addition, if either client threatens to take the dispute to a judge, the collaborative lawyers are disqualified from further participation. The disqualification agreement is a strong incentive on the part of both clients and lawyers to make the process work.

In divorce cases where the parties are prepared to work together, the collaborative process is often quicker, less costly, more creative, more individualized, less stressful, and more satisfying in its results than what occurs in most conventional settlement negotiations. Perhaps most importantly, particularly for dissolution cases involving children, the collaborative process can provide an education for parents in how to resolve future conflicts. For those parties who want to keep conflict low for the good of the children, and so that they can sit in the same room at their children’s graduation or civil union (nay, wedding!) ceremony, going through a collaborative divorce is basic training in avoiding an acrimonious and possibly litigious future. And that’s healthy and financially wise for everyone involved.

The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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A WALLFLOWER’S

WORST

NIGHTMARE BLEED LIKE ME Scott McGlothlen

When a swanky party leaves you feeling like an ugly duckling

D

uring Pride 2007 I was invited to a socialite’s pool party. The host handed me a card with all the details, telling me to bring cute friends — cute (guy) friends. This certainly sounded like it could be my kind of event.

I’d always secretly wanted to rub elbows with the gay scene’s wealthier jetsetters. Being a high school ugly duckling and then working in a low-paying career field left me craving the “finer things” in life. I often looked at my hand-me-down furniture with embarrassment.

I rounded up a couple attractive comrades and we headed to the party, where we discovered one glorious house and let ourselves in.

Immediately, I felt out of place. Guests were huddled into small groups, probably sharing amazing conversations, darting their eyes over to check us out but quickly looking away. The unfriendly glances and beautiful home decor transformed me into a wallflower.

My friends found the booze, and I waited as they made their drinks. I’d been sober for more than a year now, and it took selfcontrol to not dive into the alcohol. We made our way to the pool — where I witnessed a scene that looked like an Abercrombie ad. Incredibly good-looking men with hard, fit bodies were frolicking in and out of the water. Standing to the side were older men enjoying these poolside views.

I commented to my friend about the party guests’ bizarre disjuncture — he

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rolled his eyes at me said that the older guys were either sugar daddies or drug dealers. Whether or not it was true, this wasn’t the party I’d expected.

The party offered an even more startling surprise: the guy I once dubbed “Leaping Larry: the hot douche bag” (online at ofcnow.co/Larry). I’d once dated him briefly and fell for him hard — based purely on his stunning good looks. His body looked phenomenal in his swimsuit.

My friend whispered in my ear: “Do you see that guy right there?” He pointed to the older man Larry was talking with. “I know for a fact he’s a drug dealer.” I wondered what other red flags I’d ignored back when I was so fixated on Larry’s body.

Between my sobriety, all the gorgeous young men and the possibility of being in the presence of lots of hard drugs, my anxiety skyrocketed. Just as I desperately needed to relax, my friend found a buddy who was known for having good weed. (I was one of those Coloradans who dismissed marijuana as a “real drug,” and clearly if I ever needed to get a little stoned, it was now.)

The weed lived up to the rumors. After a couple puffs I got high. Then really high. Then high as a kite. My friends stripped down to jump in the pool.

“Aren’t you going to come with us?” one of them asked.

I shook my head. Despite my usual attitude about real bodies, at this moment I felt like I couldn’t take my shirt off unless I had a six pack to show. I wondered how long I’d been hanging around without speaking a word. Were people staring at me? Did Leaping Larry think I was a total loser sitting by myself? My heart began to race. It was official — the really good weed made me paranoid.

Without saying goodbye I got up and left. The walk home felt good, like I’d been trapped under water and finally came up for air. And it gave my very stoned brain a chance to purge its racing thoughts.

I got home and crashed on my couch. I thought about my night and how I finally got the opportunity party with such wealthy, beautiful trendsetters. That life might have its fun points, it wasn’t one I’d ever have really wanted.

My ugly, hand-me-down furniture didn’t look so bad after all.

Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life as a HIV-positive gay man.

See more of Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

MY LIFE AS A PHOTO: FLOR BLAKE

THE LESBIAN SOCIALITE Robyn Vie-Carpenter

T

SANDWICH The perfect balance of ingredients is different for everyone

he sandwich, legend has it, was invented by the Earl of Sandwich when he wanted to eat and gamble at the same time without getting the playing cards greasy. He instructed his chef to put some meat between slices of bread so he could hold it.

Food history was changed forever by a gambler.

I work from home, so my work schedule is of my own design and my perfect day begins with me. It starts with yoga, meditation, journaling and breakfast. I end my days with my wusband — we have cocktails, dinner, entertainment and bed.

Between living my life, I work. This is my life sandwich.

When you’re a kid, your life sandwich is like a fluffernutter. Even when you have school, you still have fun, so your fillings are sweet – gym, recess, music and art. When you get older, work takes over. Your life sandwich is more like a Reuben — you pile on as much as you can. When I lived in NYC, I prided myself on my ability to squeeze in up to six meetings in a day. Life was a big, meaty mess of a sandwich all about making as much of your life as possible revolve around work.

Eventually, it was just too much.

Just imagine what it would be like eating a Reuben every day for 17 years. It was killing me — eventually I had to stop.

When we fill our life with work and very little living, it is like a sandwich filled with too much meat. It’s messy. The tasty toppings slide out from the edges, dragging out the pickles and secret sauce. The overfilled life is the same way: all of the good stuff — the variety — leaks out and gets lost. We fill the living spaces with work and worry, pushing out the joy, allowing the sweet life we relish to get lost.

My ultimate goal is to stop making

sandwiches altogether and just live. I don’t mean by not working; my ultimate goal is about spending my time living my mission, fully integrated, with no discernable difference between life and work.

I’m not sure what the food analogy would be for this. Hummus dip?

While I am still making sandwiches, my ideal would be a tea sandwich.

They are small and delicate sandwiches. They don’t have much filling and the filling they do have is mild and sweet. Instead of a big meaty sandwich, they are light, intended to stave off hunger and provide a snack before your bigger meal later. That’s my ideal — so what’s yours?

And the biggest question: how?

The more responsibilities in our life, the more elements you have to balance. Start with what you love. Consider the parts of your life that bring you the most joy and satisfaction. When you are giving yourself exactly what you need, what does that look like? If money was not an issue and you didn’t have to go to work, what would you fill your day with?

Don’t you think it’s time to start creating something delicious that allows you to do more of what brings you true life satisfaction?

Only we can create the sandwich that we really want. We are empowered to have whatever ingredients we want as part of our life sandwich.

Take the time to build just what you want, it will be the most delicious sandwich you’ve ever made and one you’ll be happy to take a bite of it every day.

Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 23

CUISINE

Churchill’s: A pub to end all (American) pubs THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

T

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

PARALLEL SEVENTEEN 1600 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-399-0988 ParallelSeventeen.com

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz

COOHILLS 1400 Wewatta Street Denver • (303)-623-5700 Coohills.com 24

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he man was a cultural behemoth: the giants in sudsy culture on the Isle, five feet, eight inches of marbled include Newcastle, Samuel Smith, Fuller’s, and Boddingtons. There marvel. And though he didn’t, by the average account, soar above his conare welcome strangers, too — Stiegl, temporaries, his disposition and mien Stella Artois, Hoegaarden, and, if you were undeniably imposing. A cigar happen in on the right day, some see-sawing in his teeth, a bow-tie lucky Leffe. I’m more of a Belgian haphazardly knotted in the concave guy, so when I saw the beer menu of his neck, and a bald head that took leaning toward the lighter lager and ales, I was a bit disappointed. But let well to unadorned, very British hats.

He pulverized the Nazis, then took it be known: I’ve become a bit of a his tea.

Stiegl fanatic since my two healthy FOOD FOR THOUGHT And he said things like this to pints at Churchill’s.

Jeff Steen mistresses and madams, secretaries The food menu, meanwhile, and heads of state — all who berated is chocked full of what, I imagine, his over-zealous imbibing: “Madame, I may be Churchill himself ate in a t-shirt and jammies drunk, but you’re ugly — and in the morning, on Downing Street slow days. And yes, there are I’ll be sober.”

“Rabbit Food” offerings for salad-cravers (the Farm A champion of the people and star of British Salad with turkey, mushrooms, bacon, spinach, history, the great Winston Churchill has inspired and Swiss is tops), but if you come to a pub, eat the much since the mid-20th century. These days, his food of the natives. Id est: a Sausage Sandwich with politics and bravado are revered with a nearsweet onions, or a whole plate of tender Bangers cultish lust. But what gets us more excited in 2014 and Mash. Even the Indian subcontinent gets a nod is his name on all things pub with the Chicken Tikka Masala and beer. and Coconut Chicken Curry.

Lately, I have taken to Like most British-Indian fare, the British pub. Perhaps it’s however, these two staples are because I recently watched probably more British than It’s worth a stop — for Green Street Hooligans. Or Indian. perhaps it’s because my What’s for dessert, you a traditional British secret desire to be British ask? Well, Churchill wasn’t brew, and for a plate of can no longer be contained. a man with much inventive Regardless, I recently had the whimsy when it came to some truly delightful joy of relishing a couple of sweets, but he’d indulge the pints and bangers at Denver’s chef’s indulgences. As you English grub. should. So ask your server newly-minted Churchill’s Public House. It’s nestled in an what’s on the menu for the up-and-coming spot in LoHi — day’s after-dinner treats. right across from LOLA and Now I offer all this with VITA. In better weather, it’s walking distance from the full understanding that most true pub men downtown and from some of the apartments in the and women wouldn’t fret about the food. They’d be in for a pint and the game, to round down the Highlands. But whether you drive, bus, or walk, it’s day and catch up with friends. There’s room for worth a stop — for a traditional British brew, and all that here, too — what with the sprawling bar, for a plate of some truly delightful English grub.

The atmosphere is almost dry — a fabricated a community table, and TV screens peppered space with adornments that nonetheless make it throughout. Here’s the spot to catch some real seems like a true pub. The rich woods are beautiful football — none of that pigskin, helmeted nontouches, and painted quotes from Sir Winston sense Americans get on about. And whatever team himself dock the walls for a colorful touch. The you’re cheering, toast them with a frothy pint and wrap-around patio is nice indeed, though off-limits a mind to the man who inspired this neighborhood in colder months. I trust that come April, May, taste of the Empire.

June, and beyond, those seats will be some of Churchill’s Public House is located at 1560 the first to fill up in evening and weekend hours.

Boulder Street in Denver. Visit online at On the menu, the beers are what you might churchillspublichouse.com. expect in an English pub: a gathering of some of

Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Gold!

FUN AFFORDABLE DELICIOUS

Not all green chili is created equal. Come in and get your Benny’s fix.

301 EAST 7TH AVE. • 303 894 0788 BENNYSRESTAURANT.COM

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 25

ARTS & CULTURE

Shout Out: Redefining Realness

By Kailyn Lamb

CHICAGO Mar. 18 - 23 Champa & 13th • Denver DenverCenter.org

SISTERS OF SWING Mar. 7 - May 11 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

THE MIDTOWN MEN Mar. 22 • Boettcher Concert Hall 1000 14th St. • Denver ColoradoSymphony.org

SWING! Feb. 21 - Mar. 23 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

T

here are few people who can open up and tell the world the most intimate details of their life. It is a prospect that would cause most people to cringe. But Janet Mock, previous editor at People.com and author of Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love and So Much More tells her story with courage, and it is courage that has led her through her whole life.

Though she was born Charles Mock, she has always been Janet and in her book, which was released on Feb. 4, Mock takes readers through her life, from the conflict in her own mind to the teasing she received as she set out to show the world who she really is.

After giving a brief description of the 2011 “Marie Claire” profile of herself that made Mock want to write her own story, she opens the book with a story most people can relate to: the idea of sharing a secret, a secret that you’re afraid a person will no longer love you for. Mock tells the story of meeting and falling for Aaron. Mock pull you in with heart touching details of their first dates and how she always thought about telling him she was trans. She abruptly ends with a cliffhanger, telling Aaron “I have to tell you something,” before jumping into the story of ther life.

Mock was born in Hawaii, and spent a lot of her adolescent years there, with the exception of the years she spent living with her father in Oakland, Calif. Throughout the entirety of the book she questions people’s idea of “real,” saying that in her journey as a woman she is often confronted with what a real woman is.

It is a stigma that Mock has always fought, as people told her that as a trans woman her attractiveness made her more like a “real woman.”

Mock is fighting the dehumanizing words that people throw and is trying to make the world realize the hurt that words can cause.

With the mind of a mature woman Mock looks back on her life and tells stories of a rough childhood, that had it’s moments of beauty, strength and friendship that led her to the life she leads today.

Mock admits that her story does not represent the story of all trans youth, bringing to light

statistics that most trans youth are not accepted by their families and are often homeless due to rejection. A headstrong Mock said that her mother let a young Janet lead the way, never questioning that her daughter knew what was best.

From getting hormone treatments to working the streets to earn money for her gender reconstructive surgery Mock walked the path mostly on her own.

In her book Mock paves the way to deconstructing the view of trans women as “fake” or “freaks” that leads to their rejection by society.

Her strength and unapologetic story telling will open the minds of readers to see the power of storytelling.

A strong advocate of words, Mock released a six part video along with “Redefining Realness” one of which is about the power of words.

Find out more about Janet Mock and Redefining Realness at ofcnow.co/mock.

storysharing CLAW Mar. 22 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

Mock explains on her website: Redefining Realness was my opportunity to tell my story — now I want to hear yours. I want to hear the “untold thousands” out there. I want to provide another outlet in which we — together — can banish the overbearing silence that haunts many of us. I believe we can only do this through storysharing in safe, welcoming spaces of our own creation.

To share your story, visit I AM #REDEFININGREALNESS at ofcnow.co/rr 26

| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 27

COMINGEVENTS EVENTS COMING Month of MARCH Printmaking

THROUGHOUT

PICTURED: MARC ADDISON BROWN, THREE GOOD HOOK-UPS SHOWING @ ABECEDARIAN GALLERY, 910 SANTA FE, #101 THURSDAYS & FRIDAYS 1-6PM • SATURDAYS NOON-4PM MORE INFO @ OFCNOW.CO/ABEC

MAR

7 Fri

@ HIGHLANDS UNITED METHODIST CHURCH, 3131 OSCEOLA ST. 7-10:30 P.M.

N R O B

THIS

"The Born This Way Ball" is a dance for GLBT youth and their friends (7th– 12th grades). There will be great music from our DJ, dancing, food and desserts and prize giveaways all evening long! All of this, while surrounded by friends and other teens who believe that everyone should be exactly who they are. This is a non-religious event hosted by Highands UMC.

W AY BALL

More info online at ofcnow.co/youthball

MAR

7 Fri

Babes Around Denver First Friday

7, 14 & 21

Lived / Relived The live realization of True Stories @ OFF-CENTER @ THE JONES THE CORNER OF SPEER & ARAPAHOE, DOWNTOWN DENVER DOORS 8 P.M. / SHOW 8:30 P.M. We’ve partnered with The Narrators to find true stories from Denver locals, which we’ll then give to creative teams to re-imagine and perform live in The Jones. This could involve aerial dance, music, 8,000 balloons, puppets, a large water tank, spaghetti, clowns…whatever is needed to fully realize these stories. Tickets $15.

More info online at ofcnow.co/lived

FIND MORE UPCOMING EVENTS AT ofcnow.co/cal

MORE

More info online at ofcnow.co/moprint

MARCH

FIND

Month of Printmaking Denver (Mo’Print) is a celebration of the art of making original prints to inspire, educate and promote awareness through a variety of public events and exhibitions in Denver and the metropolitan region. More than a dozen participating galleries: see link for full event schedule.

MAR

MAR

8

8

Sat

Sat

SexCom presents: "Are you smarter ELEVATED SATURDAY PRESENTS

PISCES @ TRACKS/EXDO DENVER 3500 WALNUT ST. • 6 P.M. TO 2 A.M. The biggest monthly lesbian party (all genders welcome) in the nation with more than 1,500 guests every month. Three Rooms with four DJs including country/ retro/Top 40/Hip Hop. 21+, cover $5–$7 More info online at ofcnow.co/babes314 28

| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

@ TRACKS DENVER 3500 WALNUT ST. • 9 P.M. TO 2 A.M. If your sign is pisces, get free admission for you and three friends plus three free drinks!

No cover and two-for-one Absolut Cocktails 'til 10 p.m., cover $5 from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m., $10 from 11 p.m. to close.

More info online at ofcnow.co/pisces

than a sexologist?" @ BLUSH & BLU 1526 E. COLFAX AVE. 7 P.M. & 8:30 P.M.

Ask anonymous sex-related questions on index cards. Comedians Abby Alt, Stephen Agyei and Matt Wayman make appearances. Cover $5—$10 includes free giveaway and raffle. Program runs twice, at 7 p.m. and again at 8:30 p.m.

More info online at ofcnow.co/SexCom

MAR

TRAVEL

WEDNESDAY, MAR 12

8 Sat

Transgender Name Change Workshop @ GLBT COMMUNITY CENTER OF COLORADO 1301 E. COLFAX AVE. • 6 TO 7:30 P.M. Get help navigating the process of changing your legal name. Sarah Spears Program Fellow with the ACLU of Colorado and volunteers will give you the tools you need to make the next big step in your transition.

More info online at ofcnow.co/name

THROUGH

MAR 9

See What I Wanna See

Michelle Theall @ TATTERED COVER 2526 E. COLFAX AVE. 7:30 P.M.

Ignite Theatre presents the Regional Premiere of “See What I Wanna See,” a musical about lust, greed, murder, faith and redemption. Tickets: $27 Adult, $19 Student, $24 with a group of 6 or more More info online at ofcnow.co/seewhat

More info online at ofcnow.co/tc

MAR

Jokers, Jewels 13 & Justice

M A RC H 21 – A P R I L 13

The GLBT Center of Colorado presents a night of gambling and debauchery, all in good fun.

Benefitting the Legal and Advocacy program, this event is sure to be a night to remember.

Tickets: $125 VIP / $75 General

What if...

Opening Reception @ HINTERLAND, 3254 WALNUT ST., DENVER • 6 TO 11 P.M. & OTHER LOCATIONS This project pairs fifty Denver artists with fifty artists from Berlin, asking each artist to initiate a work via the linguistic question, “What if…?”

More info online at ofcnow.co/whatif

April 5-6, 2014 Phoenix, AZ ofcnow.co/phoenix

Albuquerque Pride May 31, 2014 Albuquerque, NM ofcnow.co/abq

Capitol Pride

June 6, 2014 Washington, DC ofcnow.co/dc

More info online at ofcnow.co/jjj14

Fri

Phoenix Pride

June 3-9, 2014 Orlando, FL ofcnow.co/orlando

@ THE BROWN PALACE HOTEL 321 17TH ST. • 6 P.M.

14

April 2-6, 2014 Palm Springs, CA ofcnow.co/dinah

Disney Gay Days

Thu

MAR

national LGBT destinations Dinah Shore Weekend

Even while society, friends, the legal system, and the Pope himself moved toward acceptance of homosexuality, Theall still longed for the one blessing that has always mattered to her the most: her mother’s. Boulder author Michelle Theall will discuss and sign her new book Teaching the Cat to Sit: A Memoir.

@ AURORA FOX, 9900 EAST COLFAX, AURORA DOORS 8 P.M. / SHOW 8:30 P.M.

itinerary

End of the Rainbow

LA Pride

@ ARVADA CENTER 6901 WADSWORTH BLVD • ARVADA

PrideFest Milwaukee

It’s December 1968 and Judy Garland - with her signature cocktail of talent, tenacity and razor-sharp wit - is poised to make a triumphant comeback... or maybe not.

Featuring many of her most memorable songs, this bio-drama with music will leave audiences with a tragically poignant insight to the star's final days.

Tickets start at $36. Visit ofcnow.co/end for showtimes and more information.

OUT FRONT NIGHT: Saturday, March 22 Pre-show reception and special discounted ticket pricing - More info online at ofcnow.co/end22

June 6-8, 2014 Los Angeles, CA ofcnow.co/la

June 6-8, 2014 Milwaukee, WI ofcnow.co/milw

Pittsburgh Pride June 6-15, 2014 Pittsburgh, PA ofcnow.co/pitt

Boston Pride

June 6-16, 2014 Boston, MA ofcnow.co/boston

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 29

WEEKLY SPECIALS FROM OUT FRONT’S LGBT-INCLUSIVE BAR PARTNERS.

BLACK CROWN

EL POTRERO

DAILY HAPPY HOUR

DRAG WEDNESDAYS: NO COVER

4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts

BlackCrownLounge.com

MONDAYS

1/2 price select bottles of wine

Facebook.com/el.potrero.180

It was standing room only at El Potrero February 16. The crowd came out for their Sunday night drag show and the Mr. Potrero contest.

Photos by Charles Broshous

see mo re ofcnow at .co/ ep214

GO-GO FRIDAYS: NO COVER

SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette and $8 Kettle One martinis

$2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots

BLUSH & BLU

HAMBURGER MARY’S

DAILY HAPPY HOUR

HOURS OF OPERATION

$3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m. to 7 p.m.

11 a.m. to 2 a.m., Thursday through Saturday.

BlushBluBar.com

e Beber en El Potrero

HamburgerMarys.com/denver

VISIT WEBSITE FOR SPECIALS

FRIDAYS

Karaoke at 9 p.m.

SUNDAYS Molly’s famous $4 Bloodys

BOYZTOWN

BoyzTownDenver.com HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Thursday: 3 – 8 p.m.

LI’L DEVILS

LilDevilsLounge.com WEDNESDAYS

$4 22-ounces tanks of your choice.

SUNDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smirnoff.

U CALLS

Monday–Thursday: Absolut $4.50 Friday & Sunday: Stoli $4.50 Friday–Sunday: 3Olives $4.50

PIRATES COVE • PUEBLO

BROADWAYS

TRACKS

HAPPY HOUR

SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS

Mon – Fri: 2pm – 9pm Sat & Sun: 12pm – 9pm $2.25 Wells | $2.00 Domestic Drafts | $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers

18 + dance party Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m.

BroadwaysDenver.com

Facebook.com/ piratescoveeventspage TracksDenver.com

ELEVATED SATURDAYS

2-for-1 drinks between 9 – 10 p.m.

No cover before 10 p.m.

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT

Mondays at 9pm

CLUB Q • COLO. SPRINGS ClubQOnline.com

COMPOUND BASIX CompoundDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOURS

7 - 10 a.m. & 5 - 8 p.m. $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES

$3 Well Vodka & $5 Svedka; No cover BEER BUSTS

Saturdays, 6 – 10 p.m., $8.

CHARLIE’S

CharliesDenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL

$4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher THURSDAYS: 1/2 PRICE NIGHT FRIDAYS:

UNDERGROUND PUB COLO. SPRINGS

sidengo.com/undergroundbars

WRANGLER

DenverWrangler.com WEDNESDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT

Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia 8 p.m. $2 house vodka, Bud & Coors pints SATURDAYS

$3 Svedka // 2nd Saturday SWEET 5th Saturday RETRO SWEET! SUNDAYS: BEER BUST

$8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.)

X BAR

XBarDenver.com MONDAY–SATURDAY

BOGO happy hour: 3 p.m. – 6 p.m.

SUNDAY

$5 lemonade buckets all day

$10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5 p.m. $3 Absolut, 9 p.m.

SATURDAYS: $5 Beer Bust, 2 p.m.

SUNDAYS: Drag show, 9 p.m.

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

FOR TWITTER UPDATES AND INTERACTIVE MAP GO TO OFCNOW.CO/BTAB

DGLFFL Casino Night / Artwork Network • February 22 Local flag football aficionados donned their 70s best and tested their luck at blackjack, craps and poker. Proceeds from the event will help finance the DGLFFL team headed to the 2014 Gay Games in Cleveland this August. | Photos by Charles Broshous

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700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333

Humboldt St.

Logan St.

Emerson St.

Washington St.

E. 18th Ave. E. 17th Ave.

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1446 S. Broadway Denver, CO 80210 720.353.4701

Downing St.

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E. 20th Ave.

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see mo re ofcnow at .co/ fbpics

Colfax Ave. Broadway

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E. 2nd Ave.

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4501 E Virginia Ave Denver, Colorado 80246 • (303) 388-8889 www.facebook.com/elpotreroclub

Alameda Ave.

A

A. BLACK CROWN

F. EL POTRERO

B. BLUSH & BLU

G. HAMBURGER MARY’S

C. BOYZTOWN

H. LI’L DEVILS

D. CHARLIES

I. TRACKS

E . COMPOUND BASIX

J. WRANGLER

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 31

‘Breakfast of Champions’ And other tawdry nicknames T

he other evening my friend Rob, hunky UPS truck driver, made an unplanned delivery.

As he was leaving a party in Capitol Hill, a woman jumped into the passenger seat of Rob’s car and asked if he would give her a ride. Rob, a little flabbergasted by the assertiveness of her request and the fact that she was already seated in his car, figured what the hell. She obviously was not going to take no for an answer.

She only needed to go down the street a little ways to the 7-Eleven convenience store. No problem, thought Rob. She chatted him up along the way and introduced herself as “Special K.” Now Rob, being a little naive, figured her parents must have been hippies in the 60s with a name like that.

“Take a right and let’s pull in here,” she unexpectedly suggested as they came upon a doit-yourself car wash. Rob turned the car but refused to acquiesce when she insisted they stop inside. Rob assumed she was concealing a knife inside her purse and might try to take his money. Rob was not going to get robbed (pun intended).

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| MARCH 5, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

“Stop, stop, stop!” Special K Froot Loops – a gay hooker that sits protested. But Rob drove straight and spins for days through the car wash and into the Cheerios – high-class hooker with nearby 7-11 parking lot and told her a delightful British accent and sunny to get out of the car. disposition Count Chocula – he will suck you It wasn’t until a week later while silly Rob was explaining the story to a coworker that he realized he had Frosted Flakes – a messy whore actually picked up a hooker. Red with a cocaine addiction Fruity Pebbles – mmm, fruity and flags should have gone up when she said her name was Special K and pebbly, but you might want to get wanted to make out in those bumps checked by a doctor RADIOACTIVE VISION a car wash.

Lucky Charms – magically delicious Nuclia Waste Rob’s story Trix – as in turning some brought me to Not only do these make great hooker names, the realization that breakfast cereals really do make great they also make great drag queen names. After all, hooker names. If your career we both are in the same business — staying up all path should lead you down the night to keep you happy and entertained. path o’ prostitution, consider So keep these in mind come October when these fine nicknames. you are looking for the perfect Halloween name for your costume. You can dress as a drag queen or a whore. It really doesn’t matter. The outfit is Sugar Smacks – juicy with some exactly the same. spanking action Cap’n Crunch – a male gigolo with extra Nuclia Waste, the triple-nipple drag queen of crustiness comedy, is Out Front’s radioactive cultural Rice Crispies – an Asian queen that goes snap, columnist. See more columns at ofcnow.co/ crackle and pop nuclia or contact her through her website at Honey Bunches of Oats – a country whore that’s NucliaWaste.com. a little long in the mouth

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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ON THE SCENE

Need to get out of Denver for a while?

Run to the hills!

Boulder Mountain Lodge offers a variety of amenities that truly make your stay feel like a home away from home.

What could be better?

Out Front readers receive an extra 10% discount!

2 miles into the mountains 5 minutes away from dining and Pearl St activities!

91 Four Mile Canyon Dr. Boulder, CO 80302 303•444•0882 800•458•0882 www.bouldermountainlodge.com

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Valentine’s Day BROADWAYS // FEB. 14

photos by Charles Broshous Two dozen love birds spent their Valentine’s Day at Broadways on February 14. Cupid was on hand with Jello, the Absolut boys brought shots, and the bar held a drawing for a trip for two to fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. The evening’s festivities featured a beer bust that benefitted Project Angel Heart.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/valentine

Colorado Gold Rush RENAISSANCE DENVER HOTEL // Feb. 20 – 22

photos by Charles Broshous The annual Colorado Gold Rush Conference is dedicated to the education and support of the trans* community, their families, friends and allies.

Workshop topics included gender queer, SOFFA (significant others, families, friends and allies), trans* activism, professional training, medical issues, gender education and gender role and presentation. Out Front stopped by the conference’s formal reception on February 22.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/goldrush

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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INTERVIEW

Manila Luzon and On Til the Break of Dawn Photo: Michael Wakefield

By Berlin Sylvestre

M

anila Luzon called me from the road in the middle of a breakneck tour to kick around some questions and be her hilarious self for our readers. Luzon recently collaborated with Cazwell on a new single, “Helen Keller,” where she adds rapper to her growing list of talents. Nicki Minaj might wanna step her game up.

BERLIN SYLVESTRE: What’s keeping you busy lately?

MANILA LUZON: I’m always traveling around the world, ever since “Drag Race.” That’s keeping me busy. Currently, I’m on tour with about six other drag queens for “Ru Paul’s Battle of the Seasons” tour. We did Seattle last night, we’re doing Portland tonight … we’ll be going to Vegas, San Francisco … city after city after city, all before Monday.

I literally about an hour ago watched a video of you getting ready to perform, and what was fascinating to me was this metamorphosis that went beyond the physical. It was like a possession of sorts, but a really self-positive one. I wonder if you could tell us about what happens mentally when you go from Karl Westerberg to Manila Luzon.

It’s like a meditative moment for me. I usually get ready alone. I take a nice hot shower and let the boy wash away and I sit there and just start painting. I’ve always loved painting from when I was a kid, painting on canvas. It’s a great way of slowly transforming. It’s releasing the gay drag queen female power inside of me.

You have the opportunity to live life in the male and female form. Do you notice that the world treats you differently as a woman?

For sure. When I’m in drag, I become a gigantic woman. I’m six feet tall and when you put on the pumps, I can get up to 6’6 with the hair.

It’s obvious [I’m male]. I think people stare because [drag] is a thing of beauty, something people aren’t used to seeing a larger-than-life, beautiful woman. Of course, people have to do a double-take and figure it out and question their own sexuality. If you find me attractive, it doesn’t make you gay. It just means I’m doing my job well.

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If you could have a lifetime supply of any one item for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Money, bitch. That’d be pretty damn sickening.

Trust a drag queen to find a loophole.

To Madonna someone is to… …be given the ultimate crown. Either that or you gave birth without having sex.

To Britney a ho is to… …give someone a lot of money for work that happened ten years ago.

Do you like it that way?

Probably not, but it’s fine. I’m a giving person and I wanna give it to the fans.

You kinda got this kickass Gwen Stefani solo sound going.

It’s white-girl rapping. Asian white-girl rapping.

What gives you the heebee-jeebees?

Rats. Living in NYC for such a long time, rats are gross to me.

Since ‘to Helen Keller’ someone means you don’t see or hear them, I’m gonna give you some celebrity names, and you tell me what they translate to in verb form.

Do you ever get time to yourself?

Never.

I really dig you in Helen Keller. Did you write your own parts?

No, that’s Cazwell. [He’s] such a talented lyrist, rapper, writer, artist and person. That’s all Cazwell; I just had to put my swag on it.

What’s the last book you read?

I don’t know the last book I read, but I can tell you the last drag queen I read.

To Lady Gaga that ass is to… …literally have everything put on top of you ... a coffee-maker on your head, a pillowcase dress with a possible bloodstain on it ...

See Out Front’s interview with Cazwell from the February 19 issue online at ofcnow.co/cazwell

To Betty White a bitch is to… …be a gangsta and outlive all the other Golden Girls. To Betty White is to win. And to get a discount on coffee at McDonald’s.

People have commented that you seem so down to earth. Do you have to check yourself now that you’re an international star?

Every day, I wake up and think about how blessed I am for being able to do what I do, which is to get dressed up in women’s clothes, which I find so much fun. And being able to do it at the level I’m doing it, with as big of an audience as I have, I just think … I’m a man in a dress. I can’t let it go to my head. I’m not Beyonce. Yet!

To Cazwell someone out the frame… …is to be sexy with a sickening vocabulary. He’s a sexy-ass boy.

If a man wanted to get your attention, what would he have to do to set himself apart?

It’s easy to get my attention if you’re a man, honey, but what’s gonna set you apart is being a sweetheart. I’m attracted to all sorts of people, but if you’re a sweetheart, you’re golden. Humble, sweet and hot.

ON CONFIDENCE: “I don’t know how sexy [people] think I am, but in my own little fantasy world, everyone wants me. That’s how I manage to exude my Manila-esse and, just like in the song, I have a hard time seeing the haters.”

What personality trait is an absolute turn-off?

Someone who’s too cocky. You can be cocky, but you have to back it up, but guess what, honey?

There’s always somebody with a bigger dick than you.

What’s an album in a guy’s music arsenal that takes him from ‘kinda hot’ to ‘hot as hell?’

I’m attracted to gay guys, so if he has Madonna in his collection, cool. If he has all the albums? Yeah, we’re gonna have some good ol’ kinky action. We’ll just put on Erotica and see what happens.

ON FEELING FEMME: “The goal is to emulate what I find beautiful and feminine and exaggerating it beyond what we’re used to seeing these days. Women’s lib[eration] ruined everything. But that’s why drag queens come in here, to be old school glamour.”

ON LIFE IN FEMALE FORM: “I usually work in gay nightclubs. If I get hit on, it’s usually the bouncer or the bartender or the straight go-go dancer. But I get treated like a woman when I go out as a woman. I’ve never been called derogatory names when I’m around.

People see me as a beautiful woman and act accordingly. People open doors for me, they pick up my bags for me, it’s kind of interesting. I mean, I pick up bags for drag queens if I’m (presenting as) a guy. I think it’s a natural thing. Men want to be chivalrous.”

Denverites, Love socializing?

Love painting the town red?

Would you like to be paid for it?

Out Front has openings for our Street Team Marketing Program and we may be looking for you. Inquire about the position by contacting jobs@outfrontonline.com

3535 Walnut St | Denver, CO 80205

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 37

BEGINNING OF THE END

CREATE

Sleeping with strangers submitted anonymously

after our loss comes grasping fiery chests we wander hungry ghosts lacking wisdom the body searches Samsara the darkness begging strange bones forgiveness from our exile Visitors We want for reciprocation of Eyes and skin — impostors of those affections we remember — stock these sooty caverns with exotic roots But still lock your fingers round mine Unknown squeeze ‘til we bring it back alive shivering in alien beds no longer when you and I Stranger make Someday envious of now I confess this thirst we know one another by the echoes of our own —2006/2013

To A S t r a n g e r Poem by Walt Whitman Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you; You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking (it comes to me as of a dream).

I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you.

All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured; You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me; I ate with you, and slept with you — your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only; You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass — you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return; I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone, I am to wait — I do not doubt I am to meet you again, I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

CALL FOR ENTRIES Submit poetry, stories and personal essays to editorial@outfrontonline.com Submit original artwork and photography to art@outfrontonline.com 38

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Essay by Chanomi Maxwell-Parish

I

s this a new age, the beginning of the end of bigotry? Gay marriage bans are being found unconstitutional in one state per day, it seems.

Michael Sam came out. Ellen Page came out. The only fallout from either of these announcements, in my world, was that a gay friend of mine from Seattle joked on Facebook that Michael Sam could be his roommate if he was drafted by the Seahawks, and a straight comedian I follow on Twitter joked that he was upset he’d wasted so many years wooing Ellen Page. There probably was more to these stories than that; I don’t follow the news very closely.

If I follow the news, I might learn more than I want to, see ugliness creep in. I still see the ugly things here and there – they find their way into my world of funny Twitter quips and amusing celebrity gossip – my husband told me about an NPR story he heard, of another football player saying that there was no way Michael Sam would be accepted into NFL culture. I haven’t heard any ugliness about Ellen Page, though. Maybe it really is a dawn of a new time. But then, the “right to discriminate” law in Arizona passed. And I heard a man on the street yell to someone that he was a f*cking f*ggot with such anger and implied violence that everyone nearby walked faster to get away.

I remember that in my own adolescence, in the mid 1990s, f*g was the insult of choice, and there wasn’t a single out student in my small town Minnesota school. I remember my brother getting slammed up against a locker by two huge football players after he slow-danced with his male friend at the homecoming dance. I remember that an HIV-positive man came to our school to speak to us about his past – his drug use and non-use of condoms – and how we could make better choices. I listened to all of it, marveling at his worldliness and kindness: his gentle demeanor and his black New York clothes and his ability to take something awful and use it to teach us.

I was still thinking about him on the bus that night, and I asked a boy who lived near me what he thought of the talk.

“I liked him. He was cool.”

And instead of agreeing, which is what I meant to do, I said, “Was he gay?”

I put my best junior high emphasis on the word gay, so that he would know that it would not be okay if he was, ingratiating myself, I suppose, although I hadn’t thought about it enough to know if I believed the tone of my own voice. He made a disgusted face, not at the concept of gayness, but at me.

“NO,” he said. “He was bisexual. He said that in his speech.”

“Oh,” I said, shot down and ashamed.

I stared out the window until the bus pulled up to his stop, and he abruptly strapped on his backpack and got off, adding more emphasis to the encounter. I watched him walk across the gravel road into his white house in front of a cornfield and that’s the last conversation I remember having with him. I left the school the next year, to go to a public art school in Minneapolis where many of the boys were gay, having escaped schools like mine, and some of them became my friends.

A couple of years ago, I taught freshman composition, and one of my students wrote an essay about coming out. The day the class was to get into small groups and workshop their essays, she came up to me to request that she not be put into a group with a boy in the class who had glared at his desk and refused to participate when we discussed a David Sedaris essay. I told her that there was no way I’d put him in her group. I was discouraged by our need to have this conversation, though – shouldn’t her generation have moved past that kind of thinking?

But maybe it was actually a sign that the tables are turning quickly. If she’d gone to school in my era, not so long ago, she probably wouldn’t have written her essay at all. And if she had, there might have been one student she felt comfortable sharing it with instead of the other way around. The Arizona law is being described as hateful. A Texas sportscaster quoted Audre Lorde as he defended Michael Sam. The kid from my small town said it all with a dirty look: it’s time to evolve. And maybe we are. The main news story about Ellen Page today is that she went to the gym.

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Black Leather jackets & boots. If there’s no snow on the ground, I love to wear loafers.

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W H AT ’ S Y O U R F A V O R I T E T H I N G T O W E A R ?

Probably a dress and tights with heels.

It depends on the day.

W H E R E D O YO U L I K E TO S H O P ?

Charlotte Ruse. I do a lot of online shopping at amiclubwear.com. I love Gordmans.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 39

BITS & BOBS

I N THE MAIL Capolavoro di Uomo: Masterpice of Man “Showcasing the best of the diversity in gay erotic art,” Masterpiece of Man features sensual drawings from hundreds of gay artists from Thomas Acevedo to Todd Yeager, which Out Front received in the mail this January. Whether they’re strikingly realistic pencil drawings to shockingly gratuitous digital paintings, the images in this massive coffetable book have been an entertaining conversation-starter every time they’ve showed up at staff meetings. More info online at capolavoroart.com.

VOFABULARY blouse (n.) an effeminate gay man who happens to be a top.

Source: Urban Dictionary

Absolut-ly do not try this A drink recipe that is cute, easy & ominous

By Rob Barger

B

ack in college, I drank dangerously. Not in the sexy, James-Bond-y living dangerously kind of way, but in the “you’re probably going to die tonight” kind of way. This is best exemplified by the Gerbil Shot which became famous and infamous my sophomore year. I would like to say again that attempting the Gerbil Shot will most likely result in death and I do not advise anyone try it.

Gerbil Shot recipe: One 1.75 liter plastic bottle of vodka, ¾ full Administering the shot is the hardest part, and you’ll need two people.

First, bend the neck of the bottle to an approximate 45 degree angle.

Second, have your friend hold the bottle while you paw around on the ground like a gerbil. Third, your friend then flips the bottle upside down so it resembles a gerbil’s water feeder and you chug as much as you can.

Boom: Gerbil Shot. Bigger boom: imminent death. For an extra dose of fun (or if you don’t like cheap vodka) you may substitute vodka with spiced rum for something I named “The Dirty Gerbil.”

PRIDE PARADE / WALK OF SHAME

In Out Front’s Pride Parade versus Walk of Shame, we analyze the big shakers across the globe and highlight whether they’ve done something positive or negative for the gay community and give them a shout out.

Ellen Page’s coming out speech on Valentines Day was heartfelt and real. Three cheers.

Michael Sam stands to become the first openly-gay NFL player after the Mizzou Defensive End came out publicly last month

Retired Olympic figure skaters Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski turned out to be the most fabulous duo of fashioncoordinated sportscasters at the 2014 Games in Sochi.

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In a blatant political stunt, Washington D.C. lobbyist Jack Burkman responded to Michael Sam coming out by announcing he’d push for a bill to ban gay players from the NFL. RuPaul’s 6th season of Drag Race just launched on Logo, but the nation’s most famous drag diva already has signed on for a 7th season.

Uganda’s president Yoweri Museveni called signed long-disputed legislation to increase criminal penalties for gay sex or advocacy, calling homosexuality “disgusting.”

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 41

BEAUTY

Eyeliner/Guyliner How to pull it off like Jared Leto

By Kelsey Lindsey

I

recently saw Dallas Buyer’s Club, and was swept away by the level of talent and storytelling the film possessed in portraying the true story of Ron Woodroof’s fight to obtain HIVinhibiting medication in the 1980s.

If you haven’t seen it yet, I urge you to do so. It’s a story exemplifying the strength and friendship that was needed in that difficult time. If that doesn’t convince you, let me bring one more argument to the table: Jared Leto. That longhaired, blue-eyed fox pulled off his role as Rayon, a transgender woman living with AIDS, with such grace that his Golden Globe for best supporting actor came as no surprise.

Watching him accept that award, my roommates and I became jealous by his effortless ombre hair and, what was even more impressive, his expertly applied eyeliner — a Jared Leto trademark.

I’ve been rocking the same sweep of black brown liner on my top lids since high school. It’s my go-to look, yet I found myself wondering what I might look like with Mr. Leto’s smudgy lined eyes — and how exactly he conquered that elusive look. Some research and self-practice gave me the set of application tips below, good for eyeliner, guyliner, and everything in between.

Step One: Start on the Top • Pull lid tight at the outer corner, creating a smooth surface for easy application.

• Starting in the middle of your lid, use a kohl pencil liner to create a line to each corner. Wiggling the eye pencil, try to get the liner in between the lashes — it will make them appear fuller. Don’t worry too much about creating a completely straight line; the 42

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next step will help smooth over any bumpy mishaps.

• Once finished with the initial application, use a Q-tip or small makeup brush to smudge the eyeliner ever so slightly, creating a smooth line on the lid.

Step Two: Move on to the Bottom • Grab corner of the lid and pull it tight.

• Aiming for the inner eyelid just above the lashes, apply liner from the inside out, using small strokes if need be.

• Smudge using a Q-tip or makeup brush.

These steps are a process for the most basic full-eye liner. If you’re feeling really adventurous, here are two options for some more extreme guyliner applications.

• Apply a matching eye shadow slightly above the top lid liner for a more intense look. For even more contrast, opt for a mismatching color, such as a manly steel grey or blue. The latter can be especially useful in accentuating natural baby-blues.

• Follow up your lower-eye liner application with a deeper smudge of kohl eyeliner below the lashes. Be weary of it smearing too far down though, lest it give you the appearance of dark under eye circles.

Kelsey Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsey at kelsey.a.lindsey@ gmail.com.

THRIVE

Beat the bloat

High-potassium foods flush sodium from your system

T

hat stiff or puffy feeling the morning after a fancy dinner probably isn’t because you suddenly gained five pounds of fat, which usually comes on or burns off more gradually. When something seems to have transformed your figure overnight, it’s more likely due to salt and retaining water.

Your body uses salt (sodium) in balance with other electrolytes.

Potassium pulls water into your body’s cells, such as helping your muscles swell after a workout, whereas sodium pulls water into

blood serum and other fluids between cells. Too much sodium can increase your blood pressure and make you look and feel puffy.

Not only do salt and potassium help balance each other, but eating more potassium along with drinking water helps your kidneys flush extra sodium out of your body.

Bananas are a famous source of potassium, but all unsalted fruits and vegetables can help re-balance your body after a salty meal, and you might be surprised by which foods have more than bananas.

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High Potassium Foods Fruit or Vegetable Juice

There’s a mega-dose of potassium in a serving of freshly-juiced vegetable juice — the greener, the better — but canned or storebought vegetable juice can have a lot of added sodium that cancels the bloat-beating benefit of potassium, so be sure to read the nutrition label. Orange juice contains a good amount of potassium too.

Fresh Greens

Beware — potassium will leach out into the water when vegetables are boiled or canned, which removes it from your meal.

But but steamed, sautéed or fresh greens are an excellent source.

Beans

Beans are not only high in potassium but are great sources of protein, antioxidants and fiber.

Potatoes

Believe it or not, a large baked potato (cooked with the skin on) has more than twice as much potassium as a banana.

Avocado

The good news is that one of the tastiest health foods is an excellent source of potassium. The bad news is that most preparations of guacamole have a lot of salt, too, so read nutrition labels or make your own low-salt guac to be sure.

Dried fruit

Raisins, dried apricots, banana chips or any other dried fruit provides a concentrated source potassium because you can eat larger quantities of fruit, which keep the same amount of potassium as when they were fresh.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MARCH 5, 2014 | 43

AUTO

2014 Toyota Corolla LE Eco

Three styles, three makes — under $25,000

By Jonathan McGrew

S

ome estimates say that buying, maintaining and fuelling a car can add up to a greater expense over your lifetime than housing does. That might be okay if we all had unlimited supplies of cash. Rarely the case, let’s look at what you can get for less than $25,000.

The options are diverse spanning coupes, five-door liftbacks with All-Wheel Drive (AWD), four-door sedans and more. Today, we are looking at the 2014 Scion tC, Subaru Impreza Sport and Toyota Corolla LE Eco. Starting with the two-door, the tC has undergone some modest changes for 2014. It has a more aggressive front grille and elongated hood.

There are also other little changes like a new standard 6.1” touchscreen stereo and LED taillights. What you really need to know is that this is one versatile two-door. It isn’t truly a coupe, and that is what makes it special. The Scion tC is a two-door liftback (or hatchback), which gives it a lot of flexibility in how it handles cargo. Add the folding back seat and you can fit more in this car than you might expect — and certainly more than a Honda Civic or Hyundai Elantra Coupe. It is also a great value at $20,965 as tested, 26 mpg combined and a host of dealer options for those who want to personalize their tC’s look.

Next up is the 2014 Subaru Impreza Sport. For those of us here in the Rockies the Subaru brand and magic is no stranger. Their claim to fame — AWD. From a performance perspective the WRX really put Subaru back on the map, but for the average consumer vehicles like the Impreza Sport create a loyalty to the brand. For the lead foots you will want to stick to the WRX because the Impreza 2.0-Liter flat four will seem lackluster in comparison. The 44

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Impreza Sport is in no hurry to go anywhere, but it can get you almost anywhere. Ground clearance might be a problem, but Subaru answers that with the Impreza Sport based XV Crosstrek. If you are more comfortable with tried and true, then the lack of high-end technology won’t bother you. Of course, there is Bluetooth, leather, heated front seats and automatic climate control, but no satellite radio (weird, right?).

The Impreza Sport as tested came in at $24,990, boasts 30 mpg combined and All-Wheel Drive.

Finally, we come to the completely redesigned 2014 Toyota Corolla. Our test car is not one Toyota thinks will be a huge seller, but in my opinion is the best deal in the model family both from a features and efficiency perspective. The Corolla LE Eco Premium comes with 6.1” touchscreen navigation, satellite radio, SofTex simulated leather, heated front seats, ECO drive mode and a mechanical feature they call Valvematic.

It translates to a pretty peppy driving experience, especially considering its CVT transmission (think no shifting).

Moreover, at 34 mpg combined it is the most economical vehicle of our test group and the quietest. Many of the big auto magazines have said the new Corolla is a true competitor to the current generation Honda Civic — and that is saying something. My favorite touches include the piano black finishes in the interior, the large trunk capacity and surprising exterior styling (at least for Toyota).

The as tested price: $23,270.

If you are trying to stick to a $25,000 budget, these are just a few vehicles that might peak your interest. In the end, it really depends on your style and daily driving needs. My best advice: make sure you test drive under multiple conditions and try to experience normal situations common to your weekly routine. ¢

EXPERTS

Make a great first impression

By Keo Frazier They say that first impressions are everything in business. When it comes to promoting your own professional life there are simple ways to put your best foot forward — just be ready to do it at any time truly become the professional you want to be seen to be at work. Here are five principles to better your chance of leaving a lasting impact.

1. Every moment is an opportunity to network.

Life is one big networking opportunity.

Whether you’re at a social event, business event, cocktail event or something in between, you never know who you might run into, so always be prepared to network.

2. Always have a stack of business cards on you, ready to hand out.

This is in conjunction with the first tip. Never leave home without them!

3. Business = Social and Social = Business.

Our social and business lives collide, and especially in the age of social media we cannot afford to make one slip and think that the worlds are hidden from each other. Keep your head in the game at all times by being business-appropriate even when you’re out socializing.

4. First impressions are first perceptions and perception is reality.

Don’t let a first impression get away from you because the best first impression becomes the reality of each perception afterwards.

5. The clothes do make the woman (or man).

Your attire is important. Know your audience and dress accordingly. Always be clean and neat, being sure your clothes match the great impression you are striving for.

Keo Frazier is a local entrepreneurial and business leader, and the fearless founder of KEOS Marketing Group.

E!

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MEDIA STREAM

Dredd: not as bad as it sounds

By Rob Barger Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 78% fresh My rating: 4 stars out of 5

E! C N A H C T S A L

2014

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THERE’S NOTHING IN THE WORLD QUITE LIKE A PURE ACTION MOVIE. Does the plot necessarily make sense? No, but does it really have to? The point of an action movie is that there are established bad guys and established good guys and lots of gore, sex and drugs happen until the good guys win. To that extent, Dredd accomplishes every goal.

The movie takes place in a postapocalyptic America. Overpopulation has forced people to live in 200-story buildings with adorable names like “Peach Tree.” There’s a police force, but they’re the entire justice system all rolled into one person called a “judge” who dispenses arrest, trial and sentence all upon catching the criminal. If it seems like an easilycorruptible system, that’s because it is.

The main character is Judge Dredd, a famed and talented dispenser of justice. He is a big fan of terrible one-liners, fancy ammunition, a rigid set of morals and a really ugly helmet. He is also training a young female recruit who happens to be a clairvoyant mutant. If they have sexual tension at all, it’s lost on the helmet.

The bad guy of the movie is played by Lena Heady (who also plays Cersei Lannister in the Game of Thrones series and is quickly becoming the top contender to play every sexy evil badass woman ever). She plays the character of “Ma-Ma,” an ex-prostitute who went insane after her pimp cut her face, and quickly became the sinister leader of a gang and unofficial ruler of the Peach Tree living compound. Things start getting pretty hairy for our heroes when

Ma-Ma orders both of the judges killed via intercom to the entire building.

Of sex, drugs and gore, there is plenty. Ma-Ma’s clan is the producer of this adorable futuristic drug that comes in heart-printed inhalers, looks like it’s filled with Jagermeister and is called Slo-Mo. The cinematography surrounding the use of Slo-Mo is pretty awesome — time slows down and there are colorful hallucinations and it really enhances the scenes of gore that follow. The sex is less cool and mostly (maybe totally) takes place in the clairvoyant trainee’s mind when she interrogates some bad guys. This part may need a trigger warning for those who have experienced sexual abuse.

Dredd is filled with twists and turns and will certainly keep you entertained for 90 minutes. If you choose to only watch 5 minutes, I suggest the climax because it’s one of the most drug fueled, beautiful and marvelous death scenes I’ve ever seen. Now I’m off to get my hands on some Slo-Mo. ¢ Rob Barger is the Production Coordinator at Out Front.

BINGEWATCHER: BREAKING BAD

The last 8 episodes of Breaking Bad just hit Netflix at the end of February, and Oh. My. Shit. No spoilers here (if you’re one of the ten people in the country who managed to resist every urge to Google the ending early) — just thank goodness we can finally let go of one of the most suspenseful, unsentimental and adrenalinepacked series in American television with some genuine closure.

Caution: Once you get started with the first episode in the final installment, good luck getting some fucking sleep.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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BACK IN THE DAY

B

ack in the Day has always been a celebration of the LGBT rights movement from the past, and it seems appropriate to highlight Ellen DeGeneres and her courageous path.

Ellen is set to host the Academy Awards March 2, and Out Front couldn’t be more excited. Unfortunately, we can’t report on them just yet due to our printing schedule, but you can bet you’re bootstraps that the excitement of the office is palpable.

To Ellen, we wish the best of luck and thank her again for being such an amazing role model. ¢

fr 1997 om the Ou arch t Front ives

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SEXUALITY

Seven modern myths about gay men Debunking stereotypes about what gay guys love

By Berlin Sylvestre

L

ast October we ran a feature on obnoxious myths and stereotypes about lesbians — online at ofcnow.co/Ute — but I know gay dudes get some really weird questions or assumptions from time to time as well.

Guys, it’s your turn. Good thing you’ve got a lesbian pal who’s not afraid to get to the (ahem) bottom of all this mystery. You ready?

“All gay men are into anal” Not every gay male prefers taking the backroads to PoundTown. There are so many avenues to reach sexual fulfillment that don’t include anal and if any crew is gonna spend time researching them, we can trust our guys with this one. Fun fact: Some guys prefer intercrural sex (lubing and penetrating the thighs) and frottage (dryhumping). The more you know …

“Gay men are cruising 24/7” In spite of the primetime stereotypes of gay men who lower their shades and “haaaaay” nearly every fit guy who walks by, gay men in real life have more things going on upstairs than sex. It’s a bummer to realize that people actually fret about gays being at their gym or at work (“Is he going to check my package in the locker room?” or “I bet the gay dude at work is being nice because he wants to bone.”) Tsk. Gay men are completely capable of leaving their sex life out of the public arena.

“Gay men just want to be women” Yes, it’s true that some gay men impersonate females. Sure, some gay dudes dig women’s jeans.

Sometimes gay men have “girly” mannerisms, but no: all gay men don’t secretly wish they had vaginas. It’s no secret that most of them absolutely love their penis — even the female impersonators.

Besides, there are completely heterosexual men (as in strictly chickly) who get their kink on from time to time in women’s underwear. Sexuality and its expression is all over the map.

“Gay men are sissies” Crack open any magazine that’s marketed to gay men and what’re you looking at? Muscles. Muscles everywhere. How’d they get those muscles? By training like gym beasts, lifting heavy stuff, sweating, grunting, swearing and loving every testosterone-packed minute of it. Now go into a gay bar and take a look. Muscles stretching the fabric of tasteful clothing of someone you definitely don’t want to call a sissy. Good thing for us, fist-fights at the gay bar are few and far 52

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between. If the gay male default setting for a masculinity display was knocking in the teeth of other guys, we’d be in big trouble.

“Gay men don’t like sports” Apart from being born in cities that have sports teams (“Go Broncs!”) and going to schools with mascots that give them the warm fuzzies, gay men can appreciate the universal appeal of athleticism, camaraderie and contention that sports can really bring out in people. In fact, athletes are coming out of the closet and it’s an almost sure bet that more will follow suit within the next few years. Tell these guys they know nothing about “the game.”

The next two are, for me, the worst of the lot. The ones above are annoying, but these here are pretty outrageous and go for any member of the community.

“Gay men were sexually abused as kids, turning them gay” Not only is that a disdainful topic that shouldn’t be brought up (unless you’re the poor guy’s therapist, maybe), it’s one of the most offensive assumptions ever. I mean, were all straight people sexually assaulted as kids, kickstarting their sexuality? If someone had never experienced sexual abuse at all, would they end up being asexual? That.

Is friggin’. Stupid. Dude. I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt on this one, but the train of thought that it takes to arrive here is creepy and deplorable. That’s why I’ve always spoken up when someone so much as appeared to be heading this way. Speaking of not-able-to-holdmy-tongue-when-the-subject-comes-up, the final myth which states ...

“Gay men haven’t been with enough women to realize they can be straight” People can inflict some real psychological damage on others with this one, pressuring gay men to do the horizontal tango with a person they don’t want to be sexual with. It’s not only sadistic, it’s counterproductive. The trauma of “faking straight” in the bedroom has been the subject of many jokes, but it’s akin to a form of self-sexual abuse that, once you’ve had enough, will mostly likely end up on the list of things you’ll never ever do again. This “you need to go hetero for awhile to see what it’s all about” myth comes with a deep, dark burden that is sinister and unjust. (See: corrective rape, gay conversion therapy.)

Got some more gay myths that really get under your skin? Join the conversation at OutFrontOnline.com.

Assuaging anxiety about anal Dear Shanna, How can I convince my wife that she’ll like anal sex and should try it? We have lube and some good anal sex books, but she still seems skittish. I feel like she’ll love it if she just gives it the old college try. Help!

ASK THE SEXPERT Shanna Katz

— Anxious for Anal, Broomfield

Dear Anxious for Anal Any time I see or hear the word “convince” in regards to sexual acts, I get a little anxious myself. Sex is a partnership, and while you two should certainly be able to have open discussion about all potential activities, trying to convince someone that they should do a specific activity seems a bit manipulative.

Have you considered her concerns and given her space to share them? Common concerns include fear of pain, the sense that it may be seen as dirty or degrading, a history of sexual violence or lack of consent involving anal sex — and just a plain ol’ lack of interest in it. Exploring her thoughts is a good starting point, but keep in mind that troubleshooting any “issues” does not mean that she’ll ultimately chance course; you need to be ok with having a dialog with room for her to still say “heck no!”

Another thought: people often view anal sex as a one-way deal: I do you, period. But the anus is the great equalizer — everyone has one! Consider asking her if she’d like to strap it on and reverse roles. She could also use a butt plug on you or even fingers and a glove (and yes, you’re right, lots of lube!). However it goes down, make sure to have lots of lube, lots of time, lots of relaxation, and lots of communication.

There is no quick way to have anal sex for the first time (or first 100 times, depending on your bodies), so treat it more like a journey than a destination. Best wishes on your mutual adventures!

— Shanna Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. See more columns at ofcnow.co/ sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com.

Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

Focused on the negative

Rather than thinking about what’s wrong, turn towards what can be done

O

HEINZESIGHT Brent Heinze

ur rich gay history is filled with adverse situations that have been best met by mobilizing our bodies, minds, and voices in protest. As true injustices have been a part of our culture, our brothers and sisters have unified to influence social change and have allowed us to continue moving forward in our efforts towards equality. These types of demonstrations were about strengthening our community, not just because a few people disagree with a philosophy, policy or business.

I remembered so many gay pride events where a group of people stood there with their signs letting me know that they aren’t supportive of my sinful lifestyle and that I will most likely burn in hell. Those people utilize their right to free speech, but I have always questioned their motives.

I doubt that they really think their influence is going to change my decision to make out with hot guys.

Many times, these people gain some misguided internal power from feeling like they have some influence over a situation, are arrogant enough to think that their perception is the only correct choice, controlling other people’s feelings, or causing drama to occur around them. These people may also not have logical reasons for getting involved other than to develop something for them to do.

Unfortunately, these people tend to attract others of like-minded negativity or those who are looking for some drama-of-the-moment to support. Some of these people aren’t even out in the public and lurk in the shadows to grab their signs of protest, cause a ruckus, and then retreat back to the shadows. Others seem to find injustice in many places or may just be looking for the next cause to jump on.

Many of these people have extremely loud voices of disdain and may become addicted to finding faults where ever they can. They could also choose to spend their energies doing good things for people around them or develop ways to make their environment or communities stronger.

This negativity may be expressed to individuals in different ways throughout our community. There are those who see a friend’s new relationship as an opportunity to remind them that men are dogs, will probably never be faithful, and to enjoy the brief relationship as long as possible before it falls apart. These are also the people that will turn a great party full of fun people into an opportunity to complain about the quality of the food or be critical of their décor.

Be careful about turning into one of those mean girls that we all joke about in our social circles or running to get behind their angry protests. There will always be things around us that we don’t like. Hopefully those overly negative people who constantly complain are not kept in our lives, blocked on Facebook, walked away from when they engage us, or called “Pappa GrumpyPants” when they take up our time with pointless bitching. There is also nothing wrong with standing up to those who attempt to influence our days and pull us into their sticky web of negativity.

Tell them that you are choosing to enjoy your time in the sun to participate in all of the wonderful things around us.

Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor.

Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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