9 18 13 issue by OUT FRONT Magazine

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

CONTENTS

VOL. XXXVII ISSUE #12 September 18, 2013 t

FEATURE:

COVER STORY:

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW ... LGBT RIGHTS ARE SWEEPING THE GLOBE, BUT TROUBLED SPOTS STILL REMAIN

COLORADO SAYS GOODBYE TO TRANSFORMATIVE LEADER

SO LIV FO CUS CIAL ING 6 Letter From The Editor 8 Out In Colorado 12 News 14 Panel 18 Feature 25 Cover Story

30 32 34 37 39 40

Food For Thought High Society Calendar Bar Map On The Scene Radioactive Vision

On the cover: Brad Clark // Cover photography by Rod Alan Wildeman // www.rodalanwildeman.zenfolio.com 4

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45 46 48 50 52 53

Fashion Beauty Urbanism Back In The Day Sexuality HeinzeSight

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle. PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President / Director of Circulation Email: JC@outfrontonline.com SARA DECKER / Director of Operations Email: Sara@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

FROM THE EDITOR

Why we care about the world AMERICAN VIEWS REGARDING FOREIGN INTERVENTION HAVE CHANGED A LOT IN A DECADE. AS I’M WRITING THIS, PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA HAS JUST ASKED CONGRESS TO POSTPONE A VOTE AUTHORIZING U.S. MILITARY STRIKES IN SYRIA, WHERE INTERNATIONALLY-BANNED CHEMICAL WEAPONS WERE ALLEGEDLY USED AGAINST CIVILIANS. THE REQUEST TO POSTPONE COMES ON THE SUDDEN EMERGENCE OF A POSSIBLE DIPLOMATIC PROCESS; REGARDLESS, MOST CLOSE OBSERVERS BELIEVE CONGRESS WOULD HAVE REJECTED THE RESOLUTION. ABOUT 60 PERCENT OF THE PUBLIC OPPOSED MILITARY INTERVENTION IN SYRIA IN EARLY SEPTEMBER POLLS.

CONNECT WITH MATTHEW

Reach Features Editor Matthew Pizzuti by email at matt@outfront online.com, or by phone at 303-477-4000 ext. 712.

CONNECT WITH OUT FRONT

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

Ten years ago, roughly the same proportion of do not change based on what side of a border Americans supported invading Iraq to overthrow we’re born on. That’s not something I can easily Saddam Hussein, after 77 senators plus 68 percent explain; it’s either a foundational part of your of the House of Representatives voted a year worldview or it isn’t. So when New Zealand passes a law for marriage equality, I openly cheer. And earlier in 2002 to authorize war. I’m not suggesting that the cases for invading when a pair of young men are publicly executed Iraq and striking in Syria are identical; some con- for homosexuality in Iran, I do, like most LGBT sistently-applied principles could prompt opposite Americans, silently cuss about whatever outraconclusions on the two scenarios. But differences geous hubris, whatever repressive interpretation in how the stories have unfolded still show how of religion, whatever political calculation compelled a group of arrogant overlords to appoint American mindsets have evolved. This isn’t about the side I come down on, or themselves deciders that someone should die for speculation about what motivates world leaders harming nobody. Yet, I couldn’t condemn a whole society in or the rebel fighters killing and dying on the streets of Damascus. My knowledge of those broad strokes by calling it anti-LGBT when a things comes from reading the exact same news portion of its members are themselves LGBT, and still embrace much of the culture. stories you do. It’s about how I couldn’t condemn a society in ordinary people, myself included, a way that assumes it is homogehave discussed America’s apI believe every neous. Here in the U.S., people are propriate international role. life does matter still victimized on the street for In both Iraq and Syria — as in being gay or transgender. Is that any international crisis — I find as much as my less violent than a local governsome opinions for military interown. I believe our ment punishing lesbian sex with vention compelling and others responsibilities a fine? troubling. I find some opinions to one another do And I don’t believe that every against it compelling, and again, not change based community on Earth must look the others troubling. on what side of a way I think mine should. It’s easy And although Americans are border we’re born enough saying nobody, anywhere, coming to an opposite conclusion on. That’s not should die or be punished for about military force this time — at something I can being LGBT. But does every place least for now — the mix of princieasily explain; it’s ples called upon is similar to 2002, need government-recognized either a foundasometimes the same principles marriage equality? Do I even call being used both for and against. someone a “lesbian” if she has a tional part of your There are beliefs that universal completely different concept of worldview or human rights are paramount, conwhat same-sex attraction means it isn’t. trasting with beliefs that a governin her culture? She herself might ment is betraying its own citizens consider the Western concept of considering anything beyond its LGBT life immoral, foreign to her national interests. There are beliefs that consis- own gender identity or way of loving, so maybe I tency should guide our actions, contrasting with should grant her that I don’t speak for her. beliefs that it’s more important to evaluate how I find our overview of global LGBT rights fasthey’ll play out in volatile circumstances. There cinating, and I hope you do to. But take with a are beliefs that every innocent life has equal grain of salt that explicit government policies, or value, contrasting with beliefs that our concern news reports passed through a translator, tell you varies with a population’s culture, religion or citi- everything you need to know about what people zenship. There are beliefs that we are the world’s there experience, want or need. model society and economic system, contrasting That said — if an activist from way off in Iowa with beliefs that we make far too many assump- wants to swoop in to our state and help lead the tions about the rest of the world. push that delivers a pro-equality legislature, Often, I find myself in disagreement even with LGBT-competent health care policies and civil arguments leading to the same conclusion I’ve unions, I’m game. made. Sometimes my own principles contradict with each other — especially dealing with LGBT rights abroad. I believe every life does matter as much as my own. I believe our responsibilities to one another

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SPEAKOUT

Health care changes will have greater impact on LGBT community By Diana DeGette DURING THE PAST SEVERAL months, there has been increasing discussion regarding the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, or ACA, often referred to as “Obamacare.” On Oct. 1, the health insurance marketplaces for the ACA will go into effect, helping to bring access to quality, affordable health care for all Americans. Here in Colorado, our state’s new online health marketplace, Connect for Health Colorado, will enable you and your family or small business to shop for, compare, and purchase health insurance that meets your needs and fit your budget. Although the health insurance marketplaces have not yet launched, the ACA is already offering key benefits and protections for the LGBT community with additional key provisions to be implemented in 2014. For too long, LGBT Americans have faced discrimination from the health insurance industry and the ACA has already made progress to ensure access to quality care is available when it’s needed most. Most critically, the ACA will prevent insurers from denying coverage to anyone regardless of their sexual orientation.

Far too many Americans have had ments in addressing the health needs and to deal with the insurance compa- concerns of LGBT Americans. Through this nies worst abuses: denying coverage funding, policy makers will have access to indue to pre-existing conditions. The creased research and data and provide more LGBT community has been hit hard knowledge and tools to fight health disparities in by these discriminatory policies. For the LGBT community. As we approach the rollout of our state’s example, insurers have long considexchange, this month, I am hosting a ered both transgender inseries of town halls throughout our dividuals and people living ... the ACA community to discuss Connect for with HIV/AIDS to have a will make it Health Colorado and provide imporpre-existing condition. easier for tant updates. I believe it is critically In 2014 — thanks to the same-sex important that the public has all the ACA — it will be illegal for couples to resources they need to learn about the insurers to deny coverage to individuaccess health plans available to them. als because of pre-existing conditions, insurance The protections and benefits of the including transgender individuals and together health insurance marketplaces, conthose living with HIV/AIDS. through a sidered to be the heart of the ACA, Additionally, the ACA will make it insurance will be real and significant. This is the easier for same-sex couples to access and coverage relief that the Colorado LGBT comhealth insurance together through finder website, munity needs and I look forward to an insurance and coverage finder HealthCare. bringing these important protections website, HealthCare.gov. This includes gov. and benefits to the people of the first a filter for same-sex couples to make Congressional district and beyond. it easier to locate insurance providers that cover domestic partners. This feature will also be available for small businesses who are Rep. Diana DeGette represents Colorado’s first seeking plans in the small business market. The ACA is also funding preventative health congressional district which includes all of Denver. efforts at community health centers who are r Visit healthcare.gov to find more information serving the LGBT community to make improve- and resources on insuring your loved ones.

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NEWS BRIEFS

Trans teen selected as homecoming queen finalist Anti-gay hate group claims three-year boycott of Home Depot was a success THE ANTI-GAY HATE GROUP American Family Association, or AFA, announced Sept. 5 it was ending its three year boycott of the Home Depot because it was satisfied the home improvement retailer no longer supports gay rights groups. Randy Sharp, director of special projects for American Family Association, said that “after monitoring the company for several months,” the AFA was “satisfied” that Home Depot has withdrawn its major financial contributions to gay activist groups and to their activities. The AFA launched the boycott three years ago in response to Home Depot’s support of LGBT pride events, and for promoting

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

diversity-oriented organization, including “Out and Equal Workplace Advocates,” an LGBT advocacy group that supports workplace diversity, marriage equality, and activities such as Transgender Remembrance Day. The Home Depot also supports the Human Rights Campaign. The AFA claimed Home Depot’s support for such programs was an effort to “promote the homosexual agenda.” Executives at Home Depot have previously rebuffed the AFA at shareholder meetings, and has ignored the boycott entirely.

Cassidy Lynn Campbell

For updated news coverage visit OutFrontOnline.com/ofcnow or connect with Out Front on Facebook at Facebook.com/outfrontcolorado

Reports from LGBTQNation.com

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HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — A transgender student at Marina High School in Huntington Beach, Calif., has been selected as one of the top 10 finalists for her school’s Homecoming Queen. Cassidy Lynn Campbell, 16, has been living as a woman for the last three years; she said she has always felt trapped in the wrong body, even as a child. And now, she says, her shot at becoming homecoming queen isn’t just about a title but a hard-fought token of acceptance, reported KTLA-TV. “Gay people have been brought into the limelight and it’s a very touched-on subject,” Cassidy said. “It’s much more talked about than transgender is.”

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

NEWS BRIEFS

Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak

Minneapolis mayor brings gay marriage pitch to Colo. MADISON, WIS. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak wants same-sex couples in Wisconsin to get married next door in neighboring Minnesota. Rybak brought his pitch to Milwaukee and Madison on Monday at a pair of news conferences in which he unveiled a new ad campaign inviting same-sex couples to travel to Minneapolis and get legally married. Similar ads are also being run in publications in Chicago and the mayor plans to do something similar in Colorado. Rybak says progressive public policy is good for business and he hopes that Wisconsin will soon join Minnesota in recognizing gay marriage. Wisconsin voters passed a constitutional amendment in 2006 barring gay marriage in the state and Republican policy makers have shown no interest in reversing that. Last week, R.T. Rybak traveled to Illinois, where he launched his campaign in a predominantly gay neighborhood in Chicago. He hopes the campaign will take advantage of frustrations that Illinois has not approved a same-sex marriage law. His message is that residents in the Midwest no longer have to make a long and expensive trip to the coasts to get married. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

NEWS BRIEFS

Tilo Sandoval, suspect in hate-crime attack on gay man, has surrendered ing Sam’s Hookah Lounge in DenDENVER – The suspect in an alleged ver around 2 a.m. over the Labor bias-motivated beating of a gay man Day weekend. Olso said he and surrendered to police Sept. 10, Denver his friends were approached by a Police reported. group of people in the parking lot The police department said via its yelling gay slurs. Olson said one Twitter account just before 6 p.m. that man got particularly aggressive. Tilo Sandoval, 20, had turned himself “He kept asking ‘What are you in the day after authorities announced looking at faggot’ and he walked to he was wanted on an arrest warrant. my door, pulled my door open, and He will face felony charges of assault Tilo Sandoval hit me in the face,” Olson said. “My causing injury, second-degree assault clothes when I went to the hospital and bias-motivated crime. Sandoval is being held in Denver’s downtown were covered in blood.” “I don’t have a doubt in my mind they had a jail on $30,000 bond. His first court appearance problem with us being gay,” he said. was scheduled for the morning of Sept. 11. Investigators say Sandoval attacked Jared Olson, 23, as Olson and a friend were leav- — LGBTQNation.com

Judge rejects motion by Catholic school that fired transgender teacher NEW YORK — A judge in New York on Sept. 9 refused to dismiss a complaint by a former teacher at a Catholic school who was fired after notifying school officials that he was transitioning from male to female. Marla Krolikowski, 60, alleges in a lawsuit filed late last year, that she was wrongfully terminated from her teaching position at the St. Francis Prep in Queens, N.Y., after 32 years and receiving numerous accolades for her work, including leading students in a musical performance for Pope Benedict XVI. But school officials claimed Krolikowski “was fired for appropriate non-discriminatory reasons. She was insubordinate,” according to St. Francis Prep Attorney Phil Semprevivo.

Ban on homosexual male blood donations still in effect Despite new and mounting pressures, the Food and Drug Administration is continuing its policy to refuse the collection of donated blood from men who have had sexual encounters with other men. These pressures are coming from the American Medical Association, who not only voted to oppose the policy, but had a prominent member refer to the FDA’s policy as “discriminatory and not based on sound science.”

Also opposing the FDA’s policy are more than 80 members of Congress who wrote to the Department of Health and Human Services, declaring the ban as an “outdated measure that perpetuates inaccurate stereotypes about gay men.” Due to all of the mounting evidence and opinion on the matter, the FDA released a statement saying that the lifetime ban on gay men would be eased

“only if supported by scientific data showing that a change in policy would not present a significant and preventable risk to blood recipients.” “What we support very much is a review of the policy,” said Mark Skinner, the federation’s president from 2004 to 2012. “We want to move toward a system that reduces discrimination but does not increase risk.”

On Monday, both sides squared off in court, where Judge Duane Hart was openly skeptical about the school’s insubordination claim, reported WABC-TV. “Insubordination after 32 years of teaching? And the insubordination seems to coincide with the expression of being transgender?” he questioned. Hart then rejected a motion by the school that Krolikowski’s was essentially a minister, and that religious institutions have the right to hire and fire those employees without court interference.

Michael Madsen Your Denver Real Estate LGBT Specialist

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#COMARRIAGE

Treasury, IRS updates tax rules to include married, same-sex couples Staff and wire reports THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF THE Treasury and the Internal Revenue Service announced in late August all legally-married same-sex couples, regardless of where they live, will be recognized for federal tax purposes. Under the new rules, same-sex couples who are legally married will be treated as married for all federal tax purposes, including income, estate and gift taxes. The ruling applies regardless of whether the couple resides in a state or jurisdiction that recognizes their marriage. Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew said the new rules will provide “clear, coherent tax filing guidance for all legally married same-sex couples nationwide.” Lew said the regulations also make clear that legally married same-sex couples will be able to move freely throughout the country and their federal tax filing status will not change. “The news regarding how the Windsor decision is going to impact same-sex couples with issues of taxes is a tremendous step toward treating all committed married couples equally in the eyes of the federal government,” said Mindy Barton, Legal Director of The GLBT Community Center of Colorado. Barton Colorado couples in a civil union will not receive the same federal tax status as a couple married in one of the 13 states that extend those rights. “This may mean that some Colorado civil union couples may choose to go out of state to

get married to get this important benefit,” she said. Couples living in Colorado — regardless of their relationship status — will have to continue to file their state taxes individually. “I would expect that there will continue to be conversations at the state level to determine the potential for same-sex couples to possibly file joint state taxes,” Barton said. “However, it is my understanding that at this time neither same-sex married couples nor couples whose only relationship recognition is a Colorado civil union would be able to file in Colorado jointly.” The new federal rules will cover all tax provisions where marriage is a factor including the taxpayer’s filing status, personal and dependent exemptions and standard deductions, and will apply to any same-sex marriage legally entered into in any state where such a marriage is recognized. It will also cover such marriages recognized by U.S. territories, foreign nations and the District of Columbia. The government said that the statute of limitations for filing a refund claim was generally three years from the date the return was filed or two years from the date the tax was paid, whichever was later. As a result, the government said that refund claims can still be filed for tax years 2010, 2011 and 2012. The policy change comes in response to the recent Supreme Court decision, which held Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, as it prohibited the federal government from recognizing legal same-sex marriages. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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NEWS

Controversy continues over Denver’s camping ban By Mike Yost THOUGH SERVICES FOR THE HOMELESS community have increased since Denver’s camping ordinance went into effect last May, critics and supporters alike cite significant shortfalls for LGBT youth experiencing homelessness. The Denver City Council passed an ordinance, nine to four, last May to prohibit camping of any kind on public or private property in Denver. Those who violate the ban are asked to move along, find shelter or face arrest. The Colorado Anti-Violence Program was one of several organizations that protested the ordinance, arguing that the ban would criminalize homelessness. “What we see is people being given tickets or being arrested for survival crimes, things like peeing in public, sleeping in public, or sex work if young people are trying to get by,” said Eleanor Dewey, director of youth organizing and co-executive director for CAVP. She said that homeless individuals found camping are rarely presented with alternatives. “In my experience hearing from youth, they never get offered services or connected with any outreach workers. It’s mostly a verbal warning and their IDs are run.” Despite an increase in the number of shelter beds available since last May, Dewey said it’s still a challenge for the homeless to find adequate shelter as an alternative to sleeping on the streets. “We’re always struggling to find open beds for people, especially shelters that are safe for LGBTQ people. And 9 times out of 10, all of the beds are taken,” she said. Additionally, some shelters don’t take in transgender individuals, or refuse to house them with the gender they identify with, Dewey said. Denver Homeless Out Loud, or DHOL, a community partnership studying the impact of the ordinance, released a survey of 512 homeless individuals, 63 percent of whom reported shelters are more crowded and more difficult to access than last year. Additionally, 73 percent reported frequently being turned away, while 83 percent cited police ordered them to move along without offering alternative services. And Dewey said that even when beds are made available, many LGBTQ homeless youth feel safer camping outside. “Some decide not to stay in a shelter because of the fear of violence or harassment, especially with transgender folks who are experiencing 12

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homelessness,” she said. “We haven’t seen any said. “It’s really sad, but we’re working on kind of movement from council members or other options. LGBT individuals are eligible for from the city to really make significant changes our voucher program, and Urban Peak has just been wonderful in allowing individuals to be a for the better.” But Denver City Councilman Albus Brooks, part of that.” Urban Peak manages several housing fawho represents District 8 and voted for the ban, said that the city has taken steps to address the cilities and drop-in shelters with areas dediissue. cated to accommodate the needs of LGBT “I would say that’s not entirely true,” Brooks youth. “We have one specific case manager said. “We have been working to support Urban and other staff members who specialize in Peak in their efforts to continue to work with working with and trying to find resources for the LGBT community.” the LGBT population.” Urban Peak is a nonprofit organization that Venable said Urban Peak would not be works exclusively with Denver’s homeless possible without the city’s help. youth. “We couldn’t do what we do without the “We are definitely serving more youth support from the businesses, from Councilman then we have ever served before,” said Chris Brooks, and from the city in general,” he said. Venable, who works in Education, Employ- “At the same time, the camping ban is making ment, and Outreach at Urban Peak. the work that we’re trying to do to help the The nonprofit served 2,550 youth in the people who need help more difficult.” 2012 fiscal year, the most since it opened in Venable noted that many of Urban Peak’s 1988. Almost 19 percent identified themselves clients didn’t choose to be where they are. as LGB, and approximately 10 of the 2,550 identified themselves “Facilities, for whatever reason, have a as transgender. Brooks reiterated conflict with LGBTQ young people,” Brooks Denver has added 300 said. “It’s really sad, but we’re working on new shelter beds since last May, bringing other options. LGBT individuals are eligible the total to more for our voucher program, and Urban Peak than 1,500. Additionally, Denver’s shelter has just been wonderful in allowing program has seen an individuals to be a part of that.” investment of $1.3 million this year. “For the first time in history, we’re taking “Whether they’ve been kicked out of their tax increment financing dollars from our family because of their sexual orientation or downtown district and investing that into a day gender preference, or they have a substance facility in our downtown area,” Brooks said. “It abuse issue or a mental health issue, the folks is excellent work that (DHOL) was able to hear we work with experience multiple instances of directly from homeless individuals and hear trauma and abuse at a much higher rate than their issues,” but “the one thing that wasn’t folks who are not experiencing homelessness,” on the survey is a cross-reference with the he said. homeless providers and the police department, “The biggest complaint that we hear about so there were some inaccuracies.” the camping ban is ‘why can’t they just leave us Brooks said that Denver is one of the only alone? “Why can’t they let us be?’” jurisdictions with dedicated officers for the homeless community. “We have documentation of each of our Homeless Outreach Team Officers referring For more hundreds of individuals per quarter to services information and and even job opportunities,” he said. resources go to: But Brooks agreed LGBT homeless youth denverhomelessoutloud.org continue to be one of the most vulnerable and urbanpeak.org homeless populations. “Facilities, for whatever reason, have a conflict with LGBTQ young people,” Brooks

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PANEL

QUESTION: What responsibilities do LGBT Americans have in advancing equality in other countries?

Keo Frazier is the founder and leader of KEOS Marketing Group.

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE.

George K. Gramer Jr. is the president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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George K. Gramer, Jr.

While it is as inappropriate for our government to intercede in the laws of another country (as it is for another country to intervene in ours), advancing equality worldwide will only be achieved when the U.S. government puts a firm grip on some clear disparities. Recently the homophobic Russian laws affecting the Sochi Olympics have received a lot of press attention. All our U.S. Olympians have been very tight-lipped about their anger toward the Russian Parliament’s homophobia, and rightfully so — and there is a rightful fear among the LGBT athletes among them. The Obama administration has been equally tight-lipped on this. Clearly, this is because the Putin-Obama relationship has been ice cold of late. No one in media focuses on the fact that countries of North Africa and the Middle East are not at all gay friendly either. In fact, some kill LGBT people. Where is the Obama administration’s outrage and condemnation of this? President Obama has never criticized Islamic law, and he shows no inclination to do so, no matter what human rights abuses are committed in Islam’s name. Until the pusillanimous Obama administration gets the balls to speak out, our balls will continue to be cut off.

Pieter Tolsma

Being the only one who thinks you deserve equal rights and consideration is a very lonely place to be. I can only imagine this becomes much more difficult when you are put into a corner and doing your best to defend your own rights at the nose of a gun barrel or under threat of a pair of handcuffs. One of the few upsides of the situation at the Russian Winter Olympic Games for me is the response from many members of the world community. If it was only LGBT Americans or even LGBT world citizens who were angry and demonstrating then I would still be honored to be part, but still disappointed. The movement on an international level to demonstrate and demand change warms my heart. But it still seems too little, too late. As for LGBT Americans, I think we owe it to ourselves and those who share our lifestyle and experiences abroad to raise our voices. If we find ourselves unaware of the plight of LGBT in Uganda, Saudi Arabia and Sudan then we are failing. I believe that if we have the power to help them, we owe it to ourselves and humanity as a whole to speak up for those whose pain we understand but who cannot or don’t dare speak for themselves.

Keo Frazier

One definition of humanity is the quality or state of being humane. Another definition of humanity means the totality of human beings. Merging these two definitions together suggests that humanity means that all human beings should preserve the state of being human by being humane to each other. Our human responsibility is to preserve humanity by being responsible for and taking care of each other — all humans. We are meant to show compassion and sympathy for each other — all of us. There isn’t a subhead that bullets a certain subset of humans by race, color, gender, identity or culture. Equality is the demonstration of humanity at its best, our best. Equality is not a privilege or a right; it is just human. Is it nobler to seek to preserve humanity by helping others to advance and other nations to evolve, or complaining how terrible everyone is elsewhere? A teacher once told me, “instead of talking about it, you should be about it.” So, let’s be about humanity and seek justice and equality for everyone, not just our own back yard. I challenge you to be about it and make this idea of global equality not such a lofty idea, after all.

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE LESBIAN SOCIALITE

Have a gay day

Robyn Vie-Carpenter

r Robyn VieCarpenter is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.

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I’VE WONDERED HOW THE WORD “GAY” HISTORICALLY CHANGED MEANINGS FROM LIGHTHEARTED AND CAREFREE TO HOMOSEXUAL. I DON’T THINK MY GAY PEEPS ARE NECESSARILY MORE LIGHTHEARTED AND CAREFREE THAN THEIR STRAIGHT COUNTERPARTS — IN FACT WE HAVE HIGHER INCIDENCES OF HOMELESSNESS, ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ADDICTION AND SUICIDE. But there must be some connection. In the 17th century, the word gay had described being uninhibited and loving pleasure. Now we’re getting somewhere — if you’re having sex with someone of the same gender, you must be uninhibited; people will say that’s not natural, no matter how good it feels. Why can’t you just be normal and inhibited like everyone else? But much later on it went from a way of feeling to a way of being. I’d like to think my sapphic sister Gertrude Stein had something to do with it: “They were ... gay, they learned little things that are things in being gay…they were quite regularly gay,” wrote Gertrude Stein in 1922 in Miss Furr & Miss Skeene. Ms. Stein said it right there — it’s being gay, not feeling gay. That’s how it might come to mean homosexual: people who allow themselves to be gay must be having a good time, right? If more gay people would accept and celebrate their gay lives, more would have the opportunity to be happier. They say one in 10 people are gay, but if only a third of them are accepting themselves and living an out life it means the other two thirds are living an unfulfilled life. Even if they’ve found a way to make a happy life with what’s available to them, there will always be a part of them (a large part I say) that simply never gets fulfilled. I figure the people who really started using the word for carefree and lighthearted to mean homosexual must be those other two thirds. Of course they’d see being homosexual as being lighthearted — their hearts are heavy with the burden of their own denial. By standing up, singing our gay little songs, wearing our gay little outfits and living our gay little lives, we create a new possibility for people who somehow feel they have to wear the shackles of heterosexuality. You can be gay and be yourself. As one of my favorite characters on film in recent years said: “Because now I know that being gay doesn’t mean a guy has to be effeminate or flamboyant or sensitive. I’m no sissy,” wrote Roger Bannister in 2004, Stepford Husband in Stepford Wives. I am not saying that we must be flamboyantly gay, but I’m saying we don’t have to hide our light under a bushel or a Brooks Brothers suit. I’m saying you don’t have to hide, period. So, being gay really still means lighthearted and carefree, an uninhibited seeker of fulfillment, because every day that you get up from your gay bed, put on your gay clothes, drive your gay car and live your gay life, you are living an uninhibited life of the pleasure of being yourself. Have a gay day!

BLEED LIKE ME

The luck giveth, the luck taketh away and I couldn’t see. I grabbed my snow- more confirmation of my crazy luck, a voice THREE DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS brush and rolled down the window, came over the driver’s radio to announce that Eve, air travel was already going to be and with each upward swoop of the they were shutting down the shuttle service a madhouse, so the second I heard that windshield wiper I smacked the stick after this last run. the morning snow would turn into a I ran up to the check-in desk with an excited, against it. It worked, with a few costly full-blown winter storm I got nervous. swerves of the car. My face stung from wide-eyed serial killer smile on my face and Snow was piling up outside the overconfidently announced to the the frigid air blowing in window from my cubicle and flights clerk that I already knew my flight the open window. were quickly switching from “delayed” When it was cancelled and simply needed to It was a miracle when to “canceled.” comes to get on the next one out. I finally pulled up to Work closed early at noon, but Scott McGlothlen those times The clerk looked at me as if the airport’s economy instead of going home I decided to in life when I was high. The next flight was parking lot. If I hadn’t make my way to the airport. Somebooked solid, he informed me — times the necessary thing to do isn’t the smartest been lucky enough already, a large we’re riding in fact all of them were. The next truck near the front of the lot thing. a wave of available seat wouldn’t be until The roads were indeed a slick mess. Every pulled out leaving a snowless spot. good luck, Christmas Eve. He scoffed when I time I got gutsy with the gas pedal, my little I slammed the gas pedal hoping to we shouldn’t asked about stand-by. Honda Civic began to wobble out of control. slide in. The car got stuck. forget it When it comes to those times I did the only thing I could think Other compact cars were stranded all over the could easily in life when we’re riding a wave place. After a few miles, I learned to not go over of: run in circles around the car run out. of good luck, we shouldn’t forget and scream. Back in the car to give 20 miles an hour. it could easily run out. Trapped in Reaching the highway felt like a small victory. it another go, I backed up a bit and But the snow started getting thicker and the slammed on the gas again, launching magnifi- a shut-down airport with a few hundred other winds started blowing harder. Soon enough cently right into the spot as if some kind of motor travelers, things were about to get weird — but compact cars weren’t the only ones stranded — vehicle angels where shoving my car in from that’s a story for next time. large trucks that must have had four-wheel drive behind. I barely caught the shuttle to the airport Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life were also stuck in snowy ditches — a clear sign that I shouldn’t even have made it as far as I had. terminal. I probably looked like a wet, frazzled as a HIV-positive gay man. r See more of Scott’s The closer I got, the riskier this dumb drive loon with my bags, but I didn’t care. I had columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him seemed. My windshield wipers were icing over kicked this storm in the ass, and if I didn’t need at scott@outfrontonline.com.

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Vi•sion•ar•y

–BRAD CLARK– One leader who won’t be forgotten

/Adjective/: Thinking about or planning the future with imagination or wisdom: “a visionary leader.”

Thank you, Brad! Roger Sherman & Ernie Quemuel glbtcolorado.org

GROWING UP IN SMALLTOWN IOWA, THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MAKING SURE LGBT YOUNG PEOPLE AND FAMILIES HAVE THE DIGNITY AND PROTECTION THEY DESERVE IN EVERY CORNER OF OUR COUNTRY

d ‘‘

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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Brad Clark

GLOBAL

LGBT equality around the world

LEGAL PROTECTIONS AND GOVERNMENT PERSECUTION By Matthew Pizzuti

As LGBT Americans were celebrating the U.S. Supreme Court rulings abolishing California’s same-sex marriage ban and the Defense of Marriage Act, Russian President Vladimir Putin signed a law June 30 that forbids public advocacy of LGBT rights. The law, banning “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations to minors,” imposes stiff fines for promotion of LGBT acceptance or equality in Russia wherever a child could witness — prohibiting not only public Pride demonstrations but any public affirmation of LGBT identities, especially when it comes to mass media.

International reactions turned immediately toward the planned 2014 Olympic Games in Sochi next February, an event that normally represents global unity and diversity but now brings concerns that some athletes and visitors would be breaking Russian law for things they take for granted at home, such as simply talking to media about being lesbian or gay. Russian authorities have sought to assure the international community that the law doesn’t criminalize same-sex relationships, which can be punished as criminal in many other parts of the world. But the risk of fines inarguably puts LGBT Russians in a state of fear regarding what the Western world increasingly sees as basic human rights — the ability to speak, express and organize around LGBT causes, to humanize themselves to the general population and to respond to victimization. The law has come with a surge of street violence against LGBT Russians from nationalist vigilante groups. It limits LGBT Russians’ ability to build a community even simply for personal and social relationships, reminiscent of a time not long ago in the U.S. when LGBT Americans were seeing bars shut down and facing arrest, under vice charges for public affection or publicly wearing opposite-gender clothing. The situation in Russia, like growing dangers for LGBT people in Uganda, Iran or Egypt, elicit a question: which direction is history moving? From our relative comfort in the U.S. today, even with the challenges we still face, it’s easy to get a sense that the march to equality is unstoppable —

that in a generation same-sex marriage will be a reality nationwide and a subject of open political discussion even in the most currently-hostile places on Earth. Clearly LGBT rights are on a trajectory of expansion across the world, but progress toward tolerance has never been invulnerable. Though there’s never been a concept of LGBT equality quite like the way it appears in the Western world today, many manifestations of tolerance and even celebration of same-sex love and gender variance in ancient history have faded into centuries of stigma and repressive ideologies. Currently, populations where LGBT people are actively prosecuted for criminal offenses outnumber populations where same-sex relationships are recognized by 60 percent. That the arc of history seems turned backward right now in Russia, a place that defies stereotypes or assumptions about where these kinds of dangers lurk. Russia is a growing economy that has liberalized since the collapse of the USSR, and the population is relatively secular; Gallup polls on religious attitudes have found that only about a third of the Russian population says religion is important to them. Compare that to Portugal, a predominantly Roman Catholic nation where more than two thirds place a high value on religion (slightly higher than the U.S.) — yet Portugal has full marriage equality. It seems there are no firm and simple rules predicting how open a society will be to LGBT equality, and it may come as a surprise which parts of the world are truly seeing the most progress.

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ASIA More than half of the world’s population — more than 4 billion people — live in Asia, where diverse societies and cultures have a wide range of views and laws regarding LGBT issues. Only Israel offers formal relationship recognition for same-sex couples, a spousal benefit status with similar rights. Many Asian cultures tolerate or celebrate same-sex relationships or gender variance in forms that are unfamiliar to the West, making government relationship recognition or marriage equality less of a priority for those communities. Others, especially in the Middle East, strictly forbid same-sex sexuality with harsh criminal penalties despite the presence of underground LGBT communities or common same-sex sexual practices that are not considered “homosexual.” In former Soviet states, resistance to perceived Western influence has led to a growing backlash against LGBT rights — Russia’s anti-LGBT “propaganda” law has also been enacted in the former Soviet nation of Moldova. People have been convicted and executed for homosexuality in Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and Afghanistan. Persecution of same-sex relationships in those countries is often based on interpretations of Islamic law, yet there have been Pride marches in Turkey, which is more than 97 percent Muslim, an increasingly-visible LGBT community and gay press in Jordan, which is 92 percent Muslim, and examples of tolerant environments in Islamic countries in East Asia. AFRICA More than 1 billion people live in Africa, where overlapping cultures and religious groups set a complex stage for LGBT communities. More than 70 percent of Africans live in countries where homosexuality is prosecuted as a crime, yet isolated communities of out LGBT people and activist groups exist in many of them. Marriage equality is legal for 5.3 percent of the African population — in South Africa, in the offshore Canary Islands, Continued on page 20 e e e COVER STORY

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

Continued from page 19 which are part of Spain, and in other micro-territories that are part of Spain or France. Homosexuality is punishable by death in Mauritania, northern Nigeria and Sudan, and highly publicized legislation in Uganda threatens to enact a death penalty or long prison sentences for homosexuality there.

EUROPE In 2001 the Netherlands became the first country in the world with marriage equality, and since then the map has expanded through

most of the westernmost parts of Europe. Close to a third of Europeans live in areas that treat same-sex marriages equal to opposite-sex marriages, which include Spain, France, most of the United Kingdom, Norway, Sweden and Denmark. Ireland will likely have marriage equality next year, and majorities support equality in Germany and Finland. In central Europe civil unions or other forms of relationship recognition are more common, but about half of Europeans live in places that still lack any form of relationship recognition for same-sex couples. Included in their ranks are 110 million people in the European part of Russia, where LGBT advocacy has recently been banned. OCEANIA AND PACIFIC ISLANDS New Zealand this year became the first country in the region to approve a law for marriage 20

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equality, but before weddings began there in August, same-sex couples in New Caledonia, French Polynesia and other nearby islands were able to wed since they are colonies of France, which approved same-sex marriages in May. Most of the population in Oceania is in Australia, where all eight major states and territories offer same-sex couples a relationship status short of marriage. A majority of Australians support full equality. The second most populous country in the region is a drastic contrast â&#x20AC;&#x201D; homosexuality is punishable by a prison sentence in Papua New Guinea. Between the hundreds of Pacific islands composed of several islands and colonies, laws range from persecution to protections. NORTH AMERICA Most of North America has relatively liberal policies toward LGBT rights, but strong state governments in North American nations makes it one of the more complicated continents to asses: both the U.S. and Mexico have full marriage equality or civil unions in some states, no unions in others, and evolving interactions between

state and federal governments regarding how same-sex unions are handled. Alongside those differences are regional variations in rights for transgender individuals. In several Caribbean nations, homosexuality is still a criminal offense. More than a quarter of people in North America live in jurisdictions where same-sex couples can marry, but more than 88 percent are now able to get a marriage

license somewhere in their country that their federal government will recognize even if their current state doesn’t. But since more of the benefits of marriage in the U.S. are dealt with at a state level than in other countries, being married in a state that doesn’t recognize that marriage doesn’t offer couples protections as strong as they might have being married elsewhere in the world. SOUTH AMERICA In terms of American international news coverage, South America is one of the least-examined parts of the world — but in terms of government policies toward LGBT rights, South

America is by far the friendliest. Close to two thirds of its 387 million residents live where full marriage equality is available and about 80 percent enjoy some form of relationship recognition. The only South American nation with any statute against same-sex relationships is Guyana, where activists have been working to abolish a law remaining from British colonial rule that classifies sex between men as a criminal offence, but is not enforced. Brazil hosts some of the most visible openly-LGBT populations on the planet; Sao Paulo Pride, in the nation’s largest city, claims to host the largest Pride celebration in the world with more than 4 million in attendance.

BY THE NUMBERS: EUROPE • Population 739 million • 225 million in jurisdictions with full equality, • 30.4 percent • 366 million in jurisdictions with at least some relationship recognition, 49.5 percent • 373 million in jurisdictions with no relationship recognition, 50.5 percent • 110 million risk government persecution, 14.9 percent NORTH AMERICA* • Population 529 million • 140 million in jurisdictions with full equality, 26.5 percent • 179 million in jurisdictions with at least some relationship recognition, 33.8 percent • 467 million can have relationships joined elsewhere recognized at home, 88.3 percent • 62 million have no access to relationship recognition, 11.7 percent • 5 million risk government persecution, 0.9 percent *Hawaii is calculated with Australia and Pacific Islands instead of North America AFRICA • Population 1033 million • 55 million in jurisdictions with full marriage equality, 5.3 percent • 978 million in jurisdictions with no relationship recognition, 94.7 percent • 730 million risk government persecution, 70.7 percent ASIA • Population 4164 million • None in jurisdictions with full marriage equality

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• 8 million in jurisdictions with some relationship recognition, 0.2 percent • 4156 million in jurisdictions with no relationship recognition, 98.8 percent • 650 million risk persecution, 15.6 percent SOUTH AMERICA • Population 387 million • 246 million in jurisdictions with full marriage equality, 63.6 percent • 309 million in jurisdictions with at least some relationship recognition, 79.8 percent • 82 million in jurisdictions with no relationship recognition, 21.2 percent • None risk government persecution AUSTRALIA AND PACIFIC ISLANDS Population 39 million • 5 million in jurisdictions with full equality, 12.8 percent • 30 million in jurisdictions with at least some relationship recognition, 76.9 percent • 9 million in jurisdictions with no relationship recognition, 23.1 percent • 8 million risk persecution, 20.5 percent GLOBAL TOTAL • Pop. 7.1 billion • 671 million in jurisdictions with full equality, 9.5 percent • 947 million in jurisdictions with at least some relationship recognition, 13.3 percent • 1.5 billion where federal relationship recognition is possible, 17.4 percent • 5.66 billion with no access to relationship recognition, 79.7 percent • 1.5 billion risk persecution, 21 percent

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

IRELAND

UNITED STATES

MEXICO

COLUMBIA

WORLD EQUALITY MAP KEY Nations with full marriage equality Nations where marriage equality and other forms of relationship recongnition vary by region

CHILE

Nations ooering some form of relationship recongnition to same-sex couples Nations where LGBT people face government persecution for relationships or political organization Places to watch: Rapidly evolving political circumstances regarding recognition for same-sex relationships Places to watch: Rapidly evolving political circumstances regarding LGBT human rights

PLACES TO WATCH: MEXICO Ten million of Mexico’s 118 million residents live in the two states that currently offer same-sex marriages, one of which is the Mexico City capitol district, and two other states offer civil unions. Marriages performed in states where they are legal are recognized nationwide. Pending statelevel legislation and recent legal rulings in favor of lesbian and gay couples in several other Mexican states suggest the map for same-sex unions in Mexico is likely to expand on a course resembling marriage equality’s gradual progress in the U.S.

Court ruling striking the Defense of Marriage Act in June the U.S. federal government began recognizing the marriages, and with the simultaneous reintroduction of marriage equality in California now 30 percent of Americans live in places where same-sex marriage is legal. Several more states including Illinois and Oregon are expected to consider initiatives for marriage equality in 2014.

UNITED STATES A total of 13 states and six local Indian nations, plus Washington DC and several counties in New Mexico, have begun offering marriage licenses to same-sex couples since the nation’s first same-sex marriages began in Massachusetts in 2004. After the Supreme

COLOMBIA Same-sex couples in Colombia already receive some rights and benefits granted through court rulings, and in 2011 Colombia’s highest court ruled that the national congress must pass a law to offer same-sex couples a marriage or another form of official union by June this year. Though Colombia’s legislature rejected all proposals, notaries have begun offering marriage-like contracts. In July a lower court judge ruled that one same-sex couple could officially marry, putting pressure on the high court to expand its 2011 ruling.

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GERMANY Germany’s governing political coalition currently opposes full marriage equality but recent polls show growing majorities of German citizens support updating registered partnership laws to full marriage equality. Such a change would bring Europe’s most populous nation up to date with nearby European powerhouses, the United Kingdom and France. AUSTRALIA Former Labor Party Prime Minister Kevin Rudd made headlines during the months before Australia’s Sept. 7 federal elections when he switched his position to favoring same-sex marriage and campaigned on a promise to push for equality legislation. Election results have dealt those prospects a blow, defeating Rudd’s party and electing Tony Abbott, a former Roman Catholic seminarian from the center-Right party and staunch opponent of same-sex marriage. Polls showed that marriage equality wasn’t a major factor in

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how Australians cast their votes, but majorities of voters say they support it nonetheless. CHILE Chilean lawmakers have introduced bills for civil unions or marriage equality only to see their defeat, but recent polling has begun to show for the first time a majority of Chilean citizens supporting same-sex relationship recognition. The leading candidate for Chile’s upcoming presidential election, Michelle Bachelet, supports full marriage equality. IRELAND Next year same-sex marriage will go directly before voters in Ireland, where polling has found some of the world’s strongest levels of public support for marriage equality — more than three-quarters of respondents in some surveys. With the promised referendum’s outcome all but certain, LGBT activists have focused on pressuring the government to speed up setting a date for the vote, expected to occur sometime in 2014.

GERMANY

RUSSIA

IRAQ

NEPAL

EGYPT

TAIWAN

UGANDA

AUSTRALIA

TAIWAN Taiwan has a history of friendly relationships between political leaders and the LGBT community, and a publicized 2013 poll reported majority support for granting lesbians and gays the right to marry. A government court declined to make a ruling on a same-sex couple’s case in 2012, but the national legislature is set to review legislation for same-sex marriage later this year and the country may represent the easiest path to a first Asian nation with marriage equality. NEPAL Nepal’s Supreme Court requested protections for LGBT rights in 2007, and in a 2008 ruling the court sided with full equality for LGBT people, but for the last six years the small nation in the Himalayas has been caught up in a painstakingly-slow process of writing a new constitution and the interim government has missed repeated deadlines for finalizing one. The requested legislation is yet to materialize, though

observers suggest the promised new constitution could include marriage equality, whenever that may occur. IRAQ Human rights groups have voiced serious concerns about the safety of LGBT people in Iraq since before U.S. military withdrawal. Iraq’s penal code, which adopts the nation’s criminal code from 1969 even under the new 2005 constitution, does not specifically threaten LGBT individuals or sexual relationships with formal charges. But militias backed by political parties or clerics have killed or assaulted LGBT Iraqis in numerous extra-judicial attacks and trials — some of which, human rights observers have alleged, have been tolerated or even discreetly supported by the Iraqi government. EGYPT Despite social stigma Cairo hosts a substantial underground LGBT culture, and under Honsi Mubarak’s pre-2011 rule Egyptian police

sometimes used vague morality codes to arrest and prosecute LGBT people — one famous case being the “Cairo 52,” a group of gay men arrested in a floating nightclub on the Nile in 2001, many of whom served sentences. Since the Egyptian Revolution of 2011, which some hoped would be an opportunity for progress, conditions have changed rapidly and by many accounts have deteriorated. This summer the Egyptian military suspended the post-revolution Constitution and it is unclear what risk of government prosecution LGBT Egyptians face now or will face under future governments. UGANDA Uganda drew international headlines in 2009 when an anti-homosexuality bill in the nation’s parliament, sometimes referred to as the “kill the gays bill” by Western media, sought brutal criminal penalties — up to and including death — for convictions of sex between people of the same gender and also criminal penalties for supporters

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of LGBT rights. Reportedly influenced in part by American Evangelical groups and financing, the legislation stalled under international pressure, but has repeatedly reemerged and could still become law. RUSSIA Recent developments in Russia have put LGBT people at serious risk of government persecution and violence and made Russia a focal point of international outcry regarding LGBT human rights. Concerns focus especially on this year’s new vaguely-worded national law imposing fines for “propaganda” publicly depicting same-sex relationships as positive or as equal to heterosexual relationships. Alongside a flurry of brutal attacks on gay and transgender Russians by nationalist vigilante groups, many of which are posted for worldwide audiences in videos online, the situation has drawn international boycotts of Russian goods and calls to boycott the 2014 Winter Olympics next February in Sochi. SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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LEGAL ALLIES*

What’s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet BY SHEILA P. CARRIGAN, CARRIGAN LAW, LLC

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Comprehensive Legal Solutions. Exceptional Personalized Service. Pearson & Paris P.C. offers solutions that meet the specific needs of individuals and businesses

303-872-4719 • 888-725-2609 rockymountain-law.com

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If I enter into a civil union and I want to change my last name to my spouse’s last name, how do I do that? After your civil union license has been recorded at your local county clerk and recorder’s office, obtain a few certified copies of your union license. Take a certified copy to the driver’s license bureau to obtain a license in your new name and to the local social security office to obtain a new social security card. Do not forget you will need to change your name with your banks, credit cards, utility bills and all other such entities. You will also need to change your passport. If you are honeymooning immediately after the nuptials you may wish to get your tickets in your preceremony name to be sure your travel plans are not delayed. What if I want to keep my last name? Or hyphenate it? If you want to keep your name you don’t need to do anything. Hyphenating it is the same process as changing it. What if I want to change my children’s last name? If you already have children you will need to go through a name change process and have birth certificates reissued. If you have children after your civil union you can name your partner as the child’s second parent and give the child either name or a hyphenated last name. If your child does not have a second parent now your partner can adopt via a step-parent adoption after the ceremony.

What else should I know before entering into a civil union and how can a lawyer help my family prepare? You may want to consider a consultation with a family law or estate planning attorney before you enter the civil union, especially if you have significant assets or either of you have children from previous relationships. Individuals considering civil union should be aware under the current law, many common provisions that apply to spouses will not apply to parties in a civil union if the unions later dissolve. For example, dividing retirement and other benefits at the time of divorce cannot be accomplished under federal laws. Additionally, transfers of property among divorcing spouses is generally a non-taxable event, but because a civil union is not a “marriage,” this IRS provision does not apply to property transfers under a civil union. Some pitfalls resulting from the intersection of Colorado and federal law may be avoidable through the use of a well-drafted prenuptial agreement that a family lawyer can help you draft. Parties in or contemplating a civil union are well-advised to seek competent counsel before making the leap into or out of a civil union.

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The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation please contact us or another family law attorney.

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G I

UP! AFTER THREE YEARS OF BUILDING COALITIONS, CIVIL UNIONS AND TRANSGENDER HEALTH CARE REFORM, BRAD CLARK, THE MAN FROM IOWA LEAVES ONE COLORADO FOR NEW OPPORTUNITY BY NIC GARCIA

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ROD ALAN WILDEMAN

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

MOMENTS after a raucous rally on the east steps of the Denver City and County building came to a close, where supporters of the Colorado Civil Union Act urged a Republican controlled House committee to green light the relationship recognition bill, Brad Clark found a secluded tree and began to weep. He had learned about his grandmother’s death just 10 minutes before the rally began and it was the first time since hearing the news he allowed himself to react. Clark, the executive director of One Colorado, the state’s largest LGBT advocacy organization, would go on to gather his emotions, march to the Old Supreme Court chambers at the Colorado Capitol and testify before the House Judiciary Committee on the contentious legislation. It would be hours before he would evoke his grandparent’s relationship as a model of how so many Colorado same-sex couples want to live their lives, with dignity and commitment to family. Late into the May 3, 2012 evening, after all the testimony was completed on the proposed legislation (and another piece of legislation regarding marijuana regulation), Clark, his comrades and supporters would watch as Loveland Republican B.J. Nikkel, who just one year ago helped kill a similar bill, cast the deciding affirmative vote — the most transformative victory in the short-lived organization’s history. Clark boarded a plane to Iowa, his home state, the next day to say goodbye to his grandmother. He was back in Colorado to continue the fight for the bill as quickly as he left. And a fight is exactly what he got. Despite the bill’s bipartisan support, a coalition of organizations representing more than 1 million Coloradans and a full throttle lobbying effort backed by the biggest progressive donor in the state, the bill died the most tumultuous death in recent state history after GOP leadership shut the House of Representatives down with only moments to pass the bill before the chamber was constitutionally mandated to adjourn for the session. “It was really hard for me to go to supporters like Fran and Anna Simon and say we had lost,” Clark said in a recent interview. “It was not fair. The political system did not work that day.” But Clark, the unflappable Iowan, dug deep and got back to work raising thousands of dollars to funnel into a political action committee that would seek to unseat Republicans who were instrumental in killing the bill two years in a row.

I 26

t is that kind of story that makes the news of Clark’s departure from One Colorado all the more shocking. In an Aug. 23 email to One Colorado supSEPTEMBER 18, 2013

porters, the nonprofit’s board president Bobby Clark, no relation, announced Clark’s resignation and said, “We all owe a debt of gratitude to Brad. Under his extraordinary leadership, One Colorado has achieved phenomenal success in a very short period of time.” At deadline, it had just been announced Clark was joining the Human Rights Campaign to lead a new nationwide program. As much as you might want to separate the individual from the job, respect the entire team of individuals who make One Colorado work and reason with yourself that the movement is bigger than the man — it’s like imagining the American Revolution without George Washington. “Brad didn’t do it all by himself,” said One Colorado board member Nita Henry. “But he should get a lot of credit for the courage it took to take the risks he took. He stepped into a lot of uncharted territory.” Clark’s exit comes nearly five months after Colorado became the ninth state to offer civil unions to same-sex couples and just as the organization is taking the lead on developing the state’s path toward full marriage equality. “You will see marriage in your lifetime,” Clark told an audience at the McNichols Event Center, just a football field’s length from the Denver County Clerk’s office that opened at midnight May 1 to begin issuing civil union licenses. In July, One Colorado conducted an online survey of supporters and launched a statewide listening tour this month to gauge the interest of LGBT Coloradans on the possibility of a ballot initiative. A steering committee made up of LGBT and allied Coloradans has also been established to help filter through the quantitative and qualitative data. The tour was developed and will be executed as planned by the nonprofit’s field and communication teams, Clark said. Colorado’s Constitution defines marriage between one man and one woman, preventing the legislature from enacting same-sex marriage. The constitution will either have to be amended again or Amendment 43, passed by voters in 2006, will have to be found unconstitutional by a court in order to establish same-sex marriage here. Either path is expected to take millions of dollars and thousands of volunteer hours. One Colorado’s board expects to begin interviewing potential candidates in October and have its next executive director in place by the end of year, Henry said. And that person will be tasked with, among other things, keeping the forward momentum on marriage moving. “The next executive director will have to be able to pick up the ball and finish the next step in relationship recognition,” said Roger Sherman, one of the organization’s biggest annual donors. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

n the four years between the devastating double losses at the 2006 ballot box — since the same night Coloradans approved Amendment 43 they rejected Referendum I that would have established domestic partnerships — the LGBT community seemed not to know itself. “There was good work being done,” Sherman said. “But it was siloed.” Between 2007 and 2009, five laws that made up a patchwork of protections for LGBT families were passed by the Democrat-controlled General Assembly, the GLBT Community Center of Colorado embarked on a capital campaign to fund and construct a permanent residence for LGBT Denverities, and a needs assessment of community stakeholders was completed that showed the state needed a single political apparatus to conduct statewide outreach and coalition-building. “Prior to Brad, prior to One Colorado, there had been efforts to mobilize the state, but it never really clicked with the right funders, the right board and the right coalition partners,” said executive director of the Matthew Shepard Foundation Jason Marsden. With seed money from the Gill Foundation, One Colorado was incorporated and a leader with superhuman networking skills and political prowess was sought. “One Colorado was a bit of a concept,” Henry said. “Now we have a full blown organization that was led for three years by a rock star. We’re really looking to find someone who can follow in Brad Clark’s footsteps.” When One Colorado’s board announced it hired Clark, then 29, Henry didn’t point to his involvement in the successful Iowa Supreme Court decision to extend full marriage equality to its residents, but rather toward his success in building coalitions. “It was a feather in his cap but less prominent than his coalition-building efforts,” she told The Denver Post. “He reached people that hadn’t been reached before.” And in less than a year, Clark replicated much of that success here creating a coalition of nearly 100 organization that represented almost 1 million Coloradans who stood with the LGBT nonprofit in its lobbying efforts to pass the Colorado Civil Union Act. The coalition now includes more than 150 organizations and 1.2 million Coloradans. Under Clark’s guidance One Colorado opened field offices across the state and grew its staff from one full-time employee in a shared office space near the Capitol to a staff of seven (not including four additional part-time employees) that includes program directors for health care and safe schools. The nonprofit now leases its

office at the intersection of Colfax and Lafayette. Every policy initiative — including a bipartisan anti-bullying bill, the expansion of Medicaid and the inclusion of transgender individuals under health care protections — has been met, the social welfare group has a lobbying team on retainer and both a registered political action and small donor committee. First funded almost entirely by LGBT philanthropist Tim Gill, One Colorado now has more than 100 members in its Centennial Club with 84 members giving at least $1,200 annually, according to the nonprofit’s website.

“Wherever there was a bridge to build, One Colorado and Brad Clark was there.” – Jason Marsden

efore Clark’s arrival, One Colorado commissioned an online survey, much like the survey it just completed, to gauge support for a marriage initiative, to find out what LGBT Coloradans wanted for its community. The top three priorities were relationship recognition, safe schools for LGBT youth and better access to health care. Racism and transphobia were also listed as top concerns. And as One Colorado and Clark garnered a fair share of headlines for its work on civil unions, the organization also went to work on the other issues. The nonprofit helped establish more gay– straight alliances in Colorado schools and released the most comprehensive survey on LGBT health care in 2011. Earlier this year, after lobbying by One Colorado, the state’s department that regulates insurance issued a bulletin reaffirming transgender Coloradans can’t be discriminated against in coverage. And after multiple conversations, Colorado HealthOP, a new insurance provider, will go beyond the state mandate and include transition related health care coverage. One Colorado supporters also actively lobbied for stricter penalties for gender-biased employment discrimination and the Colorado ASSET bill that created a more affordable tuition level for undocumented students to attend Colorado colleges. “Wherever there was a bridge to build, One Colorado and Brad Clark was there,” Marsden said. The Foundation’s executive director pointed specifically to safe schools and trans health care. Sherman, who admittedly decided to donate $10,000 annually to the organization each year to fund relationship recognition work, said he has been impressed with the work One Colorado has done beyond civil unions. “One Colorado, with Brad’s leadership — it’s indisputable they’ve been an amazing progressive organization to watch,” he said. “I’m still shocked every time I read an email or see a report about trans health care or how they’re making schools safer.” Even Clark was caught off guard about how the organizations work in health care has panned out and how it impacted him. “From a policy perspective, I always knew some of the problems,” Clark said. “But sitting across the table with the health care industry listening to some of their reasons to deny coverage just hits the gut. Denying people health care is the greatest injustice.”

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In its early days, the nonprofit also hosted town hall meetings to specifically address and understand issues impacting LGBT people of color and transgender Coloradans. But it’s the organization’s failure to launch any major social justice programs to combat racism and transphobia that is, perhaps, the only chink in the armor that is Brad Clark’s and One Colorado’s sterling reputation. Nita Henry acknowledged how hard Clark and his team worked on the Transgender and People of Color Caucus program but said she hopes the next executive director will work on inclusion both outside and inside the organization. As chair of the search committee, she said candidates should be prepared to answer questions such as “how do we focus on inclusion? How do we bring people of color into the organization in an authentic way that isn’t merely checking a box?” One former employee said social justice work, in and of itself, is difficult to implement. Former One Colorado deputy director Jace Woodrum, who publically transitioned while at his post, said he can only point to one statewide LGBT organization that has mastered the work: Basic Rights Oregon. “It took years for them to figure out,” he said.

... admittedly shy, a selfproclaimed road hazard with a thing for contemporary Christian rock music and practical jokester who considers April Fool’s Day among his favorite holidays — is resolute in his belief the march toward a more fair and just Colorado has only just begun.

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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lark, the LGBT activist — admittedly shy, a self-proclaimed road hazard with a thing for contemporary Christian rock music and practical jokester who considers April Fool’s Day among his favorite holidays — is resolute in his belief the march toward a more fair and just Colorado has only just begun. Clark said his successor must be bold, keep an open mind for new partnerships and continue to listen to the community. “I was surprised by all the different people who came forward to work with us,” he said, including Republican lawmakers like former state Sen. Jean White and former state Rep. B.J. Nikkel, who cast the deciding vote in 2012 to move the civil union bill out of committee and put it on a path toward the full House where it had enough votes to pass into law until GOP leadership put the House in recess killing the bill. And despite all the advances there is still more work to be done to make schools safer, make health care more accessible to transgender Coloradans and full marriage equality, Clark said. “Colorado families are still denied dozens of critical legal protections,” he said.

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

A history of idealism

THE VIEW FROM PLATO’S KITCHEN

Little Dragon 1305 Krameria Street, G Denver • 303-322-2128 LittleDragonDenver.com

By Jeffrey Steen

Hamburger Mary’s 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

Serioz Pizzeria 1336 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-997-7679 SeriozPizza.com

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz/.com

The Melting Pot 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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Slung above the mountain town of Aspen — both geographically and in elevation — sits a peculiar resort known simply as Aspen Meadows. Its strikingly midcentury character isn’t typical of the quintessential mountain lodge–cum–luxury hotel motif I’ve been exposed to before, so it caught me off guard. Individual buildings are spread across an open campus with modern art and water fixtures. And while the rooms themselves are rife with comforts — TVs, couches, refrigerators, private balconies, a healthy supply of magazines and Zen-like calm — what stands out more than anything at this colorful stay is its history.

You see, part of why Aspen Meadows is not your standard ski resort is that it’s rooted in something quite separate from leisure life. More than 60 years ago, a man by the name of Walter Paepcke landed in Aspen when the city was still inchoate — a seedling of a town and a wealth of opportunity. For Paepcke, though, that opportunity was also a charge to build a community on the foundation of mutual dialogue on world issues. Here, on the same campus that Aspen Meadows Resort now sits, Paepcke built his dream: The Aspen Institute, 22,000 square feet of meeting space where world leaders have congregated for the past half a century to discuss art, health, politics, science and the future of our world. It’s a humbling place to kick your feet back and relax — a blending of lifestyle, which emphasizes healthfulness and activity alongside relaxation, and integration with living history. Just walk the grounds to see where history lives — in the spaces and sculptures that have played host to our era’s most monumental conventions. Plato’s Restaurant, at the heart of Aspen Meadows, is a tribute to the Greek philosopher, thinker and inspiration for the work of the entire culinary team led by James Beard Award–nominated Chef Todd Slossberg. While Slossberg is intimately involved in the culinary character of the entire resort — from simple breakfast to convention dinners — Sous Chef Paul Rose has lately taken the helm at Plato’s, continuing a tradition of locality, seasonality and uninhibited invention. Looking over Roaring Fork River and the distant mountains of idyllic Aspen ski country, my better half and I nestled into a meal that was part homage to Continental

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European staples — a busy Charcuterie Board to start — and part sampling of the world’s many cuisines. Ruby red, tender Ahi Carpaccio was one of Chef Rose’s early treats, followed quickly by housemade scones and gluten-free yucca flour bread — both hearty, flavorful fixtures with a cap of creamy butter and a dash of salt. Naturally, the heart of the meal was what got us most excited: CitrusMarinated Skuna Bay Salmon gently laid on a bed of spring vegetable risotto and surrounded by smoked tomato broth, and Grilled Rack of Veal with crisp broccolini and a creamy mushroom sauce. The food spoke for itself, but when surprisingly young Chef Rose came out to greet us the meal became that much more impressive. Laid-back yet clearly passionate, Rose chatted with us about sourcing this and that, wandering farmers’ markets and exploring Colorado’s best farms. Plato’s even has its own on-site garden, he said, which produces everything from salad greens to a sea of fragrant herbs. It’s hard to not let that be the capstone of a day — even if worldchanging decisions have nothing to do with it. But as newbies in a city of such history and character, we had to explore Aspen’s dynamic downtown. A shuttle from the resort got us where we were aiming to go — huddled up at the bar of rowdy Justice Snow’s, Armagnacs in hand. And when the noise got a bit too much for our old ears, we ambled over to Aspen Brewing, soaked in the charm of live music, and nursed a few pints of spectacular stout. Food For Thought is a culinary column by Jeff Steen, Out Front’s food writer. r See more food articles at ofcnow.co/food.

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

HIGH SOCIETY

Sister Act

Sept. 24 - Oct. 6 Curtis & 14th • Denver r DenverCenter.org

Dolls, toy museum rekindles childhood magic

The Full Monty

Sept. 6 - Nov. 9 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder r bouldersdinnertheatre.com

By Kristin Ziegler

Julie Fowlis Oct. 17

PACE Center • 20000 Pikes Peak Ave. Parker • r PACEcenteronline.org

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels Sept. 13 – Oct. 13 2450 W Main St. • Littleton r townhallartscenter.com

Margaret Cho at Paramount Theatre • Oct. 18 1621 Glenarm Place • Denver r www.paramountdenver.com

Wicked Divas

Oct. 12 Boettcher Concert Hall • 1000 14th St. Denver • r www.coloradosymphony.org

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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MAGIC EXISTS. IT LIVES WITHIN THE CREATIVE minds of children as they dress dolls to their own liking, ignoring the norms after which their own clothing is modeled; build worlds of their very own out of blocks, worlds where they can reign supreme and all dreams can be reality; find old toys belonging to their parents and grandparents, and for the very first time, understand that history is more than just a subject in school. And still, as we grow older, magic resides in our warm memories of the days when fantasy and playtime was all we knew. At the Denver Museum of Miniatures, Dolls and Toys, sentimental childhood memories are not fleeting, but are kept alive and well — beautifully displayed behind sheets of glass. Established in 1981, the whimsical museum has acquired a diverse collection of 10,000 items through local and international donations. With displays originating from countries all around the world and ranging from contemporary to hundreds of years old, there is surely something to resonate with most every visitor. The museum is a special and chimerical contribution to Denver’s burgeoning arts and culture scene, too. Whether you’re searching for a great location for a low-key, yet creative, afternoon date or find yourself waxing nostalgic for a trip down memory lane, this enchanting museum, with its storybook-like charm, will leave you under its spell. “The museum can appeal to people in a lot of different ways,” said Jillian Allison, assistant director of the museum. “Our name can be a little bit of a stumbling block for people sometimes. [Visitors] get hung up on the word ‘doll’ or they don’t know what to make of it — is it for grandmas? Is it for kids? We really try to make it welcoming and engaging for everyone.” Engaging it certainly is. While the museum, located in the Pearce-McAllister Cottage in City Park West, might be dwarfed by its larger peers (the Denver Museum of Nature, Denver Art Museum), it makes up for it in charm, history, character, and a unique touch — humanity. “My favorite doll [in our collection] is an old Raggedy Anne that was dropped off by a woman OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

in her 80s a few years ago,” said Wendy Littlepage, the museum’s director. “She’d had it since she was 4-years-old, and it has jam stains on the face and looks pretty well-loved.” The museum houses many other unconventional items. A couple of audience favorites include giant teddy bears (the largest stands more than 6 feet tall) and a large miniatures model of a circus. The latter is one of Allison’s personal favorite displays, along with an unusual stuffed bear sure to be appreciated by the museum’s more mature (or perhaps far-out) guests. “[My favorite item] is a tiny stuffed bear called a Shuco Janus Bear — it has two faces. One looks like a traditional teddy bear and the other looks wild, with giant eyes and a tongue that sticks out. There is a knob on the bottom of the body that makes the head rotate and shake ‘yes’ or ‘no,’” she shared. The museum also features the beautiful Someday House, a replica of an old mansion at 1st Avenue and Gaylord Street, along with classic Barbies, historic Japanese Friendship Dolls, American Indian and Southwest dolls, and miniatures. For those particularly struck by the museum’s offerings, a library was recently added for guests to continue their explorations. “It is a great place to come think about the toys you loved as a kid, but may have forgotten. A place you can see what toys your grandparents may have played with. Even a place to think about what a person sees as a perfect world through the dollhouse they created,” Littlepage said. “I think that people underestimate the value of both dollhouses and toys as a lens to look at how people live and what they value.” “It can be a quiet, cozy place or a very intriguing, unique place where you can really get the feeling that you are discovering something,” Allison added. The Denver Museum of Miniatures, Dolls and Toys is located at 1880 Gaylord St. The museum is open 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Wednesday-Saturday and 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. on Sundays. Guided tours are offered the first Friday of each month at 11 a.m. r For more information on the museum, or to check out upcoming workshops and events, please visit DMMDT.org.

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

CAFE VIVID

9/21 • EXILE BALL TO PUSH LIMITS Fetishes, dancing, live musicians, DJs, fashion and the visual arts will collide at 9 p.m., Sept. 21 at the Exdo Event Center when the Exile Ball II opens its doors. Continuing with last year’s success — the event raised more than $7,800 for sex-positive and LGBT inclusive nonprofits — the Ball will feature performances in rope bondage, hooks, fire, impact play, burlesque, power play, and other kinky hijinks. Performers will include Saskia and the Pavlovia Denver Team, Robert from Denver Bound and the Fire Goddesses Tarena. Some and large demonstrations, including some that are interactive, will allow ball participants to experience the sensation of kink in a 22,000 square foot event space with two main stages.

9/26 • BINGO FOR CHARITY Join one of Colorado’s longest operating GLBT nonprofits in raising money for their charities of choice by playing BINGO. Each Tuesday, starting

at 7:30 p.m., at 4 Aces Bingo, 16000 E. Colfax Ave., play bing with a chance to win up to $2,000.

9/28 • A NIGHT OF WHISKEY Join Central Bistro & Bar, 1691 Central St. for a night of whiskey and sample six of the 140 American whiskey’s Central Bistro offers. Robert Sickler, the master of whiskey, will lead the experience of tasting. Tickets are $35 and include four different dishes to choose from.

10/5 • ZOMBIE DASH Whether you’re trying to survive the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse (because you know it’s going to happen any day now) or part of the ever-growing flesh eating, walking dead horde, the third annual Zombie Dash is for you. This urban race through Denver will be fun, riddled with challenges that will blow your brain-eating-loving mind! The Zombie dash will start at 11 a.m. and part of the proceeds will benefit the Florence Crittenton Services. To register go to ofcnow.co/QuM

TO VIEW MORE EVENTS AND TO SHARE YOUR OWN VISIT OFCNOW.CO/CAL

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

WEEKLY SPECIALS FROM OUT FRONT’S LGBT INCLUSIVE BAR PARTNERS.

e Aqua Lounge – Facebook.com/Aqua.Denver Tuesdays: Mile Hi Bullseye Dart League. Open play and free darts at 10 p.m., league play at 7 p.m. Wednesdays: Wet Wednesday Dance party with DJ Tatiana and GoGo Dancers; 75 cent beers, $2 wells, $4 Absolut. Thursdays: Karaoke hosted by Dave Myers at 8 p.m.; half-price bar from 8-9 p.m. e Blush & Blu – BlushBluBar.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: $3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBR’s; $4 shots of Fireball 3 p.m.-7 p.m. Fridays: Karaoke at 9 p.m. Sundays: Molly’s famous $4 Bloody’s e BoyzTown – BoyzTownDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: MondayThursday: 3 p.m. till 8 p.m. Friday–Sunday: noon to 8 p.m. Mondays–Thursdays: Absolut $4.50 “U Call” Fridays & Sundays: Stoli $4.50 “U Call” Fridays–Sundays: 3Olives $4.50 “U Call” e Compound Basix – CompoundDenver.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR: 7am till 2am and 5pm till 8pm, $2.50 Wells, $3.00 Domestic Longnecks & $2.00 off Calls! FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES: $2.00 Wells from 9pm till 11pm & $4.00 JagerBombs all nite long! BEER BUSTS: Fridays, Saturdays, & Sundays 6pm till 10pm for $8.00. e Charlie’s – CharliesDenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL: $4 for a 32 oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher Thursdays: 1/2 price night. Fridays: $10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5 p.m. $3 Absolut, 9 p.m. Saturdays: $5 Beer Bust, 2 p.m. Sunday: Drag show, 9 p.m.–ish e El Potrero – Facebook.com/el.potrero.180 36

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No cover on Wednesdays and Fridays. Wednesdays: Drag Wednesdays with 2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts Fridays: Go-Go Fridays with $2 rum and vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots e Li’l Devils – LilDevilsLounge.com Wednesdays: $4 22 ounces tanks of your choice. Sundays: Trivia Night. Compete for free drinks and bar tabs, starting at 7:30 p.m., $3 Smirnoff. e Lipstick Nightclub – lipstick.us.com HOURS OF OPERATION: 8 p.m. to 2 a.m., Wednesday through Sunday. Visit website for specials. e Tracks – TracksDenver.com Thursdays: Superstar Night, 18 + dance party; Cover: 18-20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10 p.m. Saturdays: Elevated Saturdays; 2-for-1 drinks between 9 p.m. -10 p.m.; No cover before 10 p.m. e Wrangler – DenverWrangler.com Wednesdays: Geeks who Drink Pub Trivia 8 p.m., $2 house vodka, Bud and Coors pints Saturdays: $3 Svedka 2nd Saturday SWEET, 5th Saturday RETRO SWEET! Sundays: $8 Legendary Beer Bust (4-8 p.m.) e X Bar – XBarDenver.com Monday–Saturday: BOGO happy hour 3 p.m. – 6 p.m. Sunday: $5 lemonade buckets all day

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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ON THE SCENE

e A Night of the Greatest Showtunes Ever AQUA LOUNGE x August 31, 2013 photos by Charles Broshous The Aqua Lounge came alive with the sound of music on August 31st. The Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire presented “A Night of the Greatest Showtunes Ever”, a benefit for Urban Peak Snowball charities. In addition to live entertainment and DJs, the Aqua Lounge, located at 1417 Krameria Street, offers dart tournaments, poker, video bingo and karaoke.

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

RADIOACTIVE VISION

The pressures of palace life WHEN WE LAST LEFT MR. WASTE, HE WAS running for empress of the Imperial Court of the Rocky Mountain Empire. Having cut his teeth on Denver political campaigns all his life, the election was like shooting fish in a barrel. And now that Mr. Waste, aka Lushus La’Rell, is nearly half way through his reign, it’s time to see the effect Her Most Imperial Majesty is having on the Waste household. The biggest question I get is, “How are you doing now that Mr. Waste is Empress?” Quite fine, actually. It gets him/her out of the house so I have more time at home to play my video games. I told Mr. Waste I would support him but I would not attend every single little drag show and fundraiser. Lushus did bestow upon me the title of Entertainer to the Reign. So that means I do have to show up for some of the more important events. Besides entertaining, my skills as a graphic designer are also being commandeered for Court major events like Coronation 41 and Snow Ball 40. (Be sure to save the date for Snow Ball on Nov. 16

maps where our house sits. Well, an at the Exdo Event Center. Tickets are empress has to shine and Lushus will online at ICRME.org; it’s a benefit for blind you all the way to the throne. Urban Peak.) I am quite proud of my husband/ Lushus does try to rope me into atempress. He/she has really carved out tending more Court events. It is a lot an amazing year of fundraising and of work for her to be out so much all helping the Denver community in his/ the time. Combined with her job as her role as Her Most Imperial Majesty. director of boards and commission Where some have let the crown go to for the City of Denver, plus being on their head, literally and figuratively, the board of Planned Parenthood, Lushus has become a servant to her staying at home to relax does have a Nuclia Waste realm, making the world a better place lot of appeal. But I tell her, “Put on your for all of us. It’s not about being queen or being seen. big empress panties and It’s about service, caring and helping. And I would be remiss if I did not give a shout out suck it up.” to the second in command, Her Royal Highness GaIt’s a form of tough love. Honestly, once you put on briella Butz’In. I did not lose a husband to the Court. the makeup and jump into I gained a sister in Gabbie who has been there selfa pair of heels, the adrena- lessly helping Lushus through the thick and thin of line kicks in and everything it all. So, when life seems to be a bit overwhelming and turns out just delicious. You should see our drag you think you cannot do any more, just put on your dungeon now. The sparkle big empress panties and go. has gone into overdrive. I did a quick survey of Lushus’ Nuclia Waste, the triple-nipple treasure trove of rhinestone drag queen of comedy, is Out Front’s radioactive jewelry, neatly organized on five large shelves, and cultural columnist. r See more columns at realized I should have bought stock in Swarovski ofcnow.co/nuclia or contact her at crystals. Pirates have started marking X on their nuclia@outfrontonline.com

So, when life seems to be a bit overwhelming and you think you cannot do any more, just put on your big empress panties and go.

SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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INTERVIEW

MEREDITH BAXTER GIVES DENVER THE TREATMENT By Berlin Sylvestre You’ve got to scroll a good bit to get to the bottom of Meredith Baxter’s IMDb page, but she’s probably best remembered as Elyse Keaton from the beloved ’80s sitcom Family Ties. After a series of marriages gone awry, the Emmy winner penned a book that touched on her abusive relationships, a life in hiding and, most notably, her alcoholism. Sober for 23 years, she’ll be at The Seawell Grand Ballroom Sept. 20, as the keynote speaker at their annual nonprofit luncheon. Ms. Baxter came out in 2009 on The Today Show after discovering a tabloid was going to run a “sleazy” out piece centered around her time on a lesbian cruise. BERLIN SYLVESTRE: Without the tip off, do you think it would’ve taken you much longer to come out? MEREDITH BAXTER: Without knowing the tabloids were at work, I was trying to figure out how to come out while we were still on the cruise. I was imagining a little article … sort of like a birth announcement: “I’m gay!” I didn’t know how people did it and I’ve always tried to take the route garnering the least attention. I know — antiintuitive for an actor. A big splash was not my plan. It was cringe-worthy and horrible doing it on the show and in People magazine, but at the same time, bold, magnificent and freeing. I don’t ever have to do that again.

What do you mean by that? There are very few parts for women my age out there. I looked at a break-

Did you have any fear at all? Here’s the best part of getting older: I don’t care. I had all the normal concerns … didn’t want to be the subject of gossip, didn’t want to hear anyone wondering what took me so long … but ultimately, don’t care. You have five children. Did they know or was it a shock to them? They all knew … and they’re hard to shock, anyway. Michael J. Fox described your drinking as having a sadness underneath it. I thought that was an astute observation. Yes, I was a profoundly sad person. I drank because I’d made desperate choices in my life, clinging to damaging relationships in hopes that they’d make me feel OK. I knew nothing about myself except that my feelings were unbearable. I blamed my mother, my stepfather, my husband, everyone but myself. See the rest of this interview online at ofcnow.co/bxtr

WHAT? The Arapahoe House annual luncheon, featuring keynote speaker Meredith Baxter WHEN? September 20, 2013 WHERE? The Seawell Grand Ballroom at The Denver Center for the Performing Arts

Has there been an impact since you kicked down the closet door? I was only closeted to my work community in the industry. As a public speaker, I’d been out for some time and certainly to all my friends and family. Frankly, I believe I suffer more from ageism in the industry than from any kind of homophobia. It seems Hollywood thinks it’s bad for women to age; it’s certainly a bad career decision!

down of one network’s shows, photos of all the casts from an entire network … two women my age. Two! And there are maybe five women my age acting prominently in film. All those women and the ones from TV are vying for the same few roles everywhere, so opportunities are much slimmer. When the writers and producers decide to change that, that’s when it will change.

r Visit arapahoehouse.org for more information. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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FASHION

LIKE IT? Put a ring on it

By Berlin Sylvestre “YEARS AGO, WHEN YOU’D SEARCH ‘GAY’ OR ‘lesbian’ and ‘jewelry’ online all you’d get were rainbows and triangles,” Rony Tennenbaum tells me. Tennenbaum, an Israeli-born jeweler now based in Seattle, knew that had to change. Upon his introduction to the world of jewelry by fellow soldiers in the Israel Defense Service, Tennenbaum has honed the craft, steeping himself in each facet from gemology and polishing to pricing structures and final production. I ask him what sets his rings apart from the mainstream market’s version. “[Same sex] couples don’t usually want what’s traditional,” he says. “The women who come to me want something more sturdy and durable, not frou-frou and dainty. And for men, solitaire engagement rings weren’t even a thing, so creating a line where they can have that changes the whole scenario.”

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Tennenbaum has six signature collections to select from, but we find ourselves lingering on his LVOE line. Pronounced L-V-O-E, the rings are particularly close to his heart. Concerning the inspiration behind the curious spelling, he tells me: “I wanted to say that no matter who you are, love is love. No matter how you spell it, love is love.” Tennenbaum has custom-crafted the rings to read LVOE in German, Spanish, Greek, Russian, Hebrew, Farsi, and Dutch. “I keep adding languages — it’s great.” Having lived and worked in the U.S. for 26 years now, he’s a strong supporter of American-made goods. He’s seen people lose their businesses as a direct result of outsourcing. “When I started my line, I said enough is enough. I thought, ‘I must leave all the dollars here in the United States. I want people here to benefit.’ You can still make a good product here in the U.S. and be competitive.”

On mention of EcoGold, Tennenbaum’s voice becomes impassioned. He no longer purchases gold from mines, as the mining process is where a lot of environmental upsets happen and he wants no part of it. EcoGold is ethically reshaped, existing gold that yields new jewelry. “There’s such a wealth of gold that already exists above ground!” he says before ripping into just how senseless it is to tear the ground up and leave toxins in the wake when so much gold is already in circulation. For one of Tyra Banks’ final shows, she sponsored a gay wedding. The rings for the nuptials? American-made, environmentally friendly, gorgeously crafted rings from the mind of the LGBT community’s own Rony Tennenbaum. With a jeweler like that in our corner, marriage equality has a ring to it. r Visit ronytennenbaum.com to view the collections.

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BEAUTY

Kelsey Lindsey

Birds of a feather I recently had the pleasure of having dinner with my sister and mom — a rare girls-only night that happens far less often than it should. Midway through our chattering and sandwiches, the waitress, sensing that this dinner had a more celebratory aura than a casual sit-down, asked us what the occasion was. No occasion, we explained, just a mother and her two girls catching up. A surprised look came over her face. “Oh, you’re related!” she said, as she turned squarely to my sister, “but you look nothing like them!” 46

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This pointed remark isn’t the first time my sister has been singled out for her lack of resemblance to the rest of my family. With both my brother and I inheriting my mom’s curly, dark hair and freckles, I have been mistaken as sisters with some of my friends more often than with my actual sister, with her straight blond hair and porcelain complexion. But in a sharp conversation between her and my mother — with their identical wits and sharp honesty — it will quickly come to you: yes, they’re definitely related. Their commonalities are in their personalities, from their love of animals to their (sometimes infuriating) stubbornness. Why is it that society seems to focus more on inherited physical traits and less on inherited personalities? We often hear that one can have a parent or grandparent’s eyes or ears or mouth. Only then is it followed, if mentioned at all, by a relative’s spirit or mind. I admit that physical attributes are more obvious at first introduction, but I rarely hear relatives note I’m growing to think more and more like my dad — it’s always my mom’s characteristics I’m compared to. As my niece grows up, I hope that I can pass on my intellectual, not bodily, traits. While I would love to one day see my mother’s eyes peering back from my children’s faces, I’d much rather our conversations be littered with my father’s humor as they grow. I have photographs and countless hours of film to record my family’s physical characteristics. What I won’t have — and hopefully this won’t be an issue until the far, far future — are relics to remember my mom’s quirkiness and my aunt’s culinary skills. Compared to hair color and the shape of a nose or chin, I believe that those individualities are much more worth preserving. Kelsea Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. r See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsea at kelsey.a.lindsey@gmail.com.

THRIVE

Working up to the winter THE TIME TO FLEX SKI SEASON MUSCLES IS NOW By Alison Wineski SKI AND SNOWBOARD SEASON IS UPON US, yet with only a few short weeks to spare before hitting the slopes, working out indoors in preparation for the outdoors might not be at the top of any winter sport-lover’s checklist. But, according to Eric Andersen, former Junior Olympic Gold Medalist and pro-competitor, pre-season prep is key in making sure you stay safe and move at peak performance during the season. “If you don’t prepare and condition properly for skiing you will risk injury,” Andersen said. “It’s always important to warm up and stretch a bit before hitting the slopes.” Andersen has a few favorite pre-season workouts, but states the importance of seeking out a physician to make sure you’re ready for the powder. He also says to consider hiring a personal trainer. In doing so, “[it well help] to help get you going in the right direction with your plan. To see results and to avoid injury, it’s imperative that you are employing proper technique and a good plan.” 1 – SQUATS: Andersen recommends

2 – LUNGES: Another leg-centric workout,

3 – BALL SIT-UPS: “Everyone is familiar

4 – YOGA: In keeping on point with

5 – CARDIO: Cardiovascular exercising is

squats as a key component to any skier

executed by taking deep steps forward

with a basic sit-up, but when preparing for

balance as the main proponent of skiing,

an important part of any training. Though

or snowboarder’s workout because of

and allowing the front knee to stop a few

a dynamic sport like skiing, any time you

Andersen says yoga does more than

skiing is mainly an anaerobic activity, your

the muscle parts that they focus on: all

inches above the ground. Stabilization

can incorporate balance into your training,

keep the body centered. “Yoga will also

body will need to have the extra strength

parts of legs, the back, and the core. Start

is key in a lunge — make sure to put your

you should,” Andersen says. In using

condition the athlete mentally, which

of a healthy heart and lungs built up not

off just using your own body weight, and

focus on your flat front foot and your back

muscles not normally reached by a regular

is invaluable in a sport like skiing where

just for the ski hills themselves, but for the

when you feel ready, mix it up by adding

foot’s toes. Andersen recommends adding

sit-up, you’re training your core to also be

split-second decisions need to be made

other parts of the workout that you’ll be

dumbbells, a barbell in front or behind the

dumbbells or a barbell to switch it up as

prepared for the parts of skiing you don’t

constantly.” Search to see if a gym in your

doing to prepare for the season! No matter

neck, or a physio ball. Always make sure to

your body strengthens.

do normally, and according to Andersen,

area offers classes, check out some studio

the type of cardiovascular activity you

maintain a weight that is light enough for

“those muscles will come in handy next

locations online, or feel free to purchase a

choose, Andersen says to make sure it’s

the squat to be carried out to the full 90

time you hit a patch of ice or a mogul you

DVD to follow along to in the comforts of

one you like, because you should try to do

degree angle it is meant to.

didn’t see coming.”

your own space.

it at least three times a week for stamina.

e In his time skiing, Andersen found the most common injuries for skiers were ACL tears and back injuries, some of which were due to improper training. “Although you can never guarantee an injury-free experience, being well-conditioned, stretched, and warmed up will greatly reduce the risk of getting hurt,” Andersen says. But, his overall most important rule for all who are outdoor sport lovers? “Have fun and enjoy the snow!”

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URBANISM

URBANISM 101:

Is your neighborhood a ‘tree’ or a ‘grid?’ By Ken Schroeppel YOU MAY HAVE READ THE ARTICLE THAT MADE the rounds on the Internet a few months ago about the two houses in suburban Orlando that share a backyard fence, yet to drive from one house to the other requires a seven mile journey. If you haven’t, check out ofcnow.co/sprl. I mention this because it’s a perfect, albeit extreme, example of the failures of land development and transportation planning in suburban America for most of the latter half of the 20th Century. Much of suburbia, like the Orlando example, has been planned using the “tree” approach to how the streets and neighborhoods are laid out. Here’s what I mean: Envision two big leafy trees next to each other in a field, with each tree representing the road network of a separate subdivision, and the ground representing the major highway to which each subdivision’s street system is connected. The tree trunk is the main entry street into the subdivision — you know, the street with all the nice landscaping and the sign with the subdivision name on it. As you proceed up this main trunk street, you’ll see major branch streets heading off in different directions. Follow any one of those

main branches, and you’ll see even more streets branching off, with the streets getting progressively less trafficky as you go. After branching deeper and deeper into the subdivision, you’ll eventually find yourself out at the cul-de-sac end of a twig, where the farthest out houses, the outermost leaves on the tree, are found. And just a short distance away are the outermost leaves of the nearby tree. They are so close, and yet so far away, because these two subdivision trees don’t connect to each other. To visit those nearby leaves from the other tree, you’ll have to work your way down all those branch streets to get to the main trunk, travel across the ground highway, and then up the other tree’s trunk and all the way out its many branch streets to its farthest out cul-de-sac twig. This is the street layout for much of suburban America. You see the problem with this “tree” approach to subdivision design: everyone has to drive longer distances to get anywhere, bicyclists and pedestrians are generally screwed (unless they’re good at hopping fences and cutting through backyards), and traffic is concentrated at those main intersections where the trunks meet the ground. The alternative? The grid. Street grids of

rectangular blocks, the standard layout for most cities developed during the 19th and early 20th centuries (like Denver), may not have the bucolic appeal of curvy, branchlike suburban streets, but they are infinitely more efficient for allowing people to get from Point A to Point B. Pick any two historic Denver neighborhoods, say, Park Hill and Washington Park, and there are literally hundreds, probably thousands, of possible paths to traverse the grid from one neighborhood to the other. While there is still a tree-like hierarchy of local (twig), collector (branch), and arterial (trunk) streets embedded with the urban grid, the grid’s interconnectedness makes it a remarkably efficient, flexible, and resilient street pattern. It’s like hundreds of trees with their canopies knitted together in a weave of twigs and branches. Next time you’re driving or biking or walking about town, think about the pattern of the streets around you. Is it like a tree, or like a grid? r Ken Schroeppel is a Denver urban planner and the founder of denverinfill.com, a website and blog that reports on Denver construction projects and urban development. Ken also teaches urban and regional planning at the University of Colorado at Denver.

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BIG TOYS

Infiniti M35h

Options aplenty for car buyers RAM 1500 Lexus GX 460 By Jonathan McGrew FROM A LUXURY HYBRID SEDAN to the simplest of trucks, there are plenty of options for the car buyers today. In this issue we look at a sedan, the Infiniti M35h ; a SUV, the Lexus GX 460; and truck, the RAM 1500 Tradesman Crew Cab. Why these three vehicles? The Lexus and Infiniti both cost about $66,000 as tested. The Infiniti is a luxury hybrid sedan and the Lexus is a luxury SUV competing for red carpet and off-road appeal. Then you have the rough and tough RAM. Our truck was pretty Plain Jane and represents the diversity in the RAM brand alone ringing in at about $36,000. We should note that a RAM 1500 with all the luxury options can be had in the Laramie Limited starting at about $50,000. If you like or need a sedan, then the 2013 Infiniti M35h is a nice luxury hybrid — with the benefit of being greener. It’s sportier than the competing Lexus GS 450h and offers fuel economy of 29 mpg combined — not bad for 360 net horsepower. It also has Infiniti exclusive technology like the available Eco Pedal that provides the driver feedback through the pedal for more efficient driving. You will miss some trunk room with the hybrid, but it brings savings at the pump. With options like navigation, heated and cooled front seats and premium leather interior, it is a vehicle that will keep you and your passengers in comfort, yet has an aggressive edge veiled by the curvaceous body that has become a trademark of the Infiniti brand. If a SUV or truck is more your

style, you might turn your Luxury eye to the Lexus GX 460. The GX design isn’t new, but you can think of it as tried and true. Powered by a 4.6-Liter 301-hp V8, rated at 17 mpg combined, it drives as expected with good road manners, plus has safety enhancements galore. Have trouble gauging where the front bumper is? There’s a camera view for that. Another remarkable part of the GX 460 is the adjustable suspension — a feature directly aimed at the Range Rover Sport market. A couple drawbacks include dated design and an unfortunate rear spring/damping rate that bounce rear passengers more than they might like. On the plus side, Lexus customer service is acclaimed. Now the RAM Truck: Who doesn’t like a good, rough and rugged…well, you know. This RAM wasn’t a showstopper, but it did have interesting improvements including the optional 3.6-Liter V6 engine that achieves 19 mpg combined. Technology advances like Active Grille Shutters help the fuel economy. The best part of this 1500 4x4 is that it is capable and easy to drive with the all-new 8-speed rotary shift transmission. Just twist to shift. The 1500 drives smooth and handles road surface changes better than previous generations. It even has small feature touches such as a tailgate lock integrated with the keyless entry. The most notable part of the RAM family is the diverse option groups and levels of capability. You can opt for a plain model like our test truck or one to rival luxury vehicles from Infiniti and Lexus. My answer to so many choices? Have nine vehicles. Others might choose to be more practical. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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From the July 2, 2003 issue of Out Front

BAC K I N T H E DAY OUR INTERNATIONAL MAP ON PAGE 20 AND 21 SHOWING HOW LGBT PEOPLE ARE TREATED under the law reveals a world divided between Western and developing nations — the Americas and Europe increasingly affirming same-sex unions and many poorer countries still enforcing bans on sex between people of the same gender. But only ten years ago, gay sex could be charged as a crime in much of the United States. In June 2003, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 6–3 that a Texas anti-sodomy law was unconstitutional in a case brought by John Lawrence and Tryon Garner, gay men arrested and convicted for having sex in Lawrence’s home in 1998. The ruling on Lawrence v. Texas abolished laws against sex between men, anal sex or oral sex in 14 states. It overturned a previous ruling that had upheld the anti-sodomy laws in 1986.

Original printed article

BACK IN MY DAY

Got a story, memory or reflection to share from way back when? Let us know about it. Email backinmyday@ outfront online.com with a story to have it considered for print!

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SEPTEMBER !8, 2013

SEXUALITY

ASK THE SEXPERT

E–jill–ulation explained

Your subtle sexual sign language

Shanna Katz

INVOLUNTARY CUES THAT GIVE YOUR THOUGHTS AWAY

ANY POLICE INTERROGATOR OR CLINICAL psychologist will tell you how much of human communication is nonverbal. When it has to do with flirting, anthropologists call these inadvertently amorous moves protean signals after the shape-shifting Greek God Proteus — but we know them today as “hips don’t lie.” Just kidding. Humans are fickle and unpredictable things; no one can say with certainty that someone wants you because she fixed her hair or he straightened his tie as you spoke — overconfidence when someone is saying no is a surefire path to being guilty of sexual harassment. But if all else is clear, here’s the dish on the top six unspoken characteristics of “let’s get it on.” PUPIL DILATION: Because it’s an irrepressible response of the autonomic nervous system, there’s not much you can do about those dilated pupils giving your intentions away. It’s long been known that pupils enlarge when you see something you like — fact, as far back as 16th century Italy, women used the herb belladonna to make eye drops that kept their pupils expanded, taking makeup to the next level. This is one of the reasons poker players wear those shades, and perhaps why strong eye contact is so important on dates. RAISED EYEBROWS: Just as furrowing one’s brow gives off the “steer clear for awhile” signal, raising them puts out the message that one is open to communication. A slightly raised brow says “I find you interesting,” but it can happen in a flash — less than a second, even. If that sweet-faced gent across the coffee shop does it at the moment of eye contact, you’re cleared for approach, you magnetic thing you. SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

I HAVE LOTS OF QUESTIONS ABOUT FEMALE EJACULATION. IS IT URINE? CAN ALL WOMEN DO IT? DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN WITH AN ORGASM OR CAN IT BE SEPARATE? DOES IT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE G-SPOT? – A RIDICULOUS NUMBER OF PEOPLE FROM DENVER

Dear folks who want to know more about women and ejaculation –

By Berlin Sylvestre

DEAR SHANNA –

LIVING

PREENING: In an ongoing effort to say (without saying) “I want to look good for you,” those who want to make themselves available can’t stop fine-tuning their look in real time. Women often neaten themselves by adjusting their clothing and moving their hair, men will pick imaginary bits of lint off their clothing and posture themselves in “alpha” ways, standing taller and flexing slightly. MIRRORING: In an unintentional show of intimacy, you almost can’t help but mimic your interest’s body language. You observe him crossing his legs and whaddya know? She slowed her speech a bit and interestingly, so did you. Perhaps a little less subtle is mirroring hip position. Your inadvertent game of copycat is a giveaway — you’re game for some one-on-one. VOCAL TONE: Both men and women tend to deepen their voices slightly below their normal range when addressing someone they find sexy. This display of sexual maturity takes the conversation out of the casual, “Oh, hello there!” realm and into the “Well, hello there … ” kind. By presenting the voice in more mature tones, potential suitors are signaling they’d like to engage in playtime that’s a little more … adultcentric, shall we say? TOUCHING YOUR FACE: If that scintillating Adonis keeps casually rubbing his chiseled jawline while you’re helping him with his taxes … or that gorgeous lass keeps touching the edges of her bee-stung lips with that wine glass at the company dinner, it could be that those spots are exactly where you’re being asked to look. What’s more, rubbing one’s face is considered by some an act of autoeroticism; when we’re turned-on, the sensitive areas of our faces feel amazing when touched. OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

In the past month I’ve received not one, not a few, but over a dozen questions on the concept of “female ejaculation,” or ejaculation from bodies that don’t have penises. I’ll address them all at once. So — is it urine? Nope! While ejaculatory fluid from females and those assigned female at birth, or FAAB, does exit through the urethra, it doesn’t originate in the bladder, but from something called the Skene’s gland. It can be just a few drops, a tablespoon or two, or even upwards of half a cup. The amount varies person-to-person, independent from level of arousal. Can everyone with a vagina and a Skene’s gland ejaculate? In theory, yes, they have the parts. Theoretically everyone with two legs has the parts to do a triple axel or compete in a triathlon, yet many people cannot or do not. Many people can ejaculate with practice, but many cannot, despite having satisfying sex lives. Rather than making it your goal, consider putting it on the wish list and enjoy the journey. Is ejaculation in female of FAAB bodies connected to an orgasm? It can be, but not always. Some people orgasm without ejaculating, and some can ejaculate without an orgasm. (A side note: The same goes for males and males assigned at birth — orgasm and ejaculation are two separate things, but we tend to socialize teenage boys to make them happen at the same time.) Is G-spot stimulation involved? Remembering that not everyone ejaculates or ejaculates every time, internal stimulation, particularly of the G-spot area, is important. Some can ejaculate without any type of internal stimulation, but the majority find that vaginal penetration, especially around the G-spot (at the top wall of the vagina under the belly button) is what facilitates it. I hope this answered many of your questions, and that you enjoy your G-spot spelunking! Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. r See more columns at ofcnow.co/sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com. Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

HEINZESIGHT

Take advantage of community wisdom methods to experience some MANY OF US HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE amazingly intense, mind-blowing to have people in our lives who sensations. It helps build a strong provide motivation, guidance, love, set of skills and personal integrity, support, and maybe a kick in the while limiting the risk of getting ass when we need it. They can be hurt by doing something the mentors who help us develop into wrong way. more well-adjusted, powerful and Unfortunately, the AIDS epidemic fulfilled individuals. In many ways took many of these mentors away these mentors are like coaches who from us, leaving a tragic loss of opincrease our chances of success in portunity for insight as well as some this complicated game of life. Brent Heinze amazing friendships. When we lack those relationAs we continue to heal from this loss of ships, we’re left to navigate some serious life situations on our own. That means it can take our gay family, rich history and amazing life longer to get through them, and involve a lot experiences, I feel we need a return to some more frustration, bruises and defeat than nec- basic ideals of mentorship across our commuessary. Growing up, we may not have received nity. This can help build a stronger and more the kinds of support, education and insight empowered community and ensure that exthat would be relevant to us as gay men. Many perience and guidance pass along with meanstruggle with feelings of loneliness, low self- ingful stories and experiences, and useful tips esteem and a lack of confidence kicking ass in and tricks. None of us experience exactly the same their own lives. We also probably didn’t get a lot of parental support coming out or wisdom pain, discomfort and heartbreak as anyone else, and some lessons will be that we just on how to date guys. Historically, one of the main strengths in have to endure some discomfort and consethe gay leather and kink communities is a quences. Regardless how many times we’re reliance on mentor relationships. In some cir- told not to touch the hot stove or stick a finger cumstances people are trained and mentored where it doesn’t belong, sometimes we won’t in safety, traditions, cautionary tales and listen until we get burned and experience the

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pain for ourselves. Yet there are common experiences, and we’ve all relied on teachers to educate and help us. These mentors can help train others on the importance of achieving life balance, living well with HIV, or understanding why it’s important to not act like a douchebag. These relationships can be valuable in both directions — bringing shared fulfillment, strong interpersonal bonds and community strength. Mentors can take pride sharing positive outcomes from struggles they’ve faced throughout their lives and are reminded to look at how they are leading their lives currently. Mentors can benefit by taking some of their own advice mirrored back to them — a hard look at the choices they’ve made. We each need to step outside of our narrow field of interest and talk to people with different life experiences — not thinking that it’s going to turn into listening to someone rant about how it was so much more difficult or fabulous to be gay back in the day. Out there is wisdom to take advantage of. Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. r Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at brent@outfrontonline.com.

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