Aug. 6 :: Colorado Dreamin'

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CONTENTS

VOLUME 38

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ISSUE 9

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AUGUST 6, 2014

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ON THE COVER: Photo: Jay Diers Jaededart Studios JaededartStudios.com Model: Topher La Fleur 8 State Judge: Colorado’s gay marriage ban “discriminatory” 10 AIDS Walk Colorado celebrates 27 years of history and hope 12 In the Spotlight: Courtney Gray 14 Liberty Community Fund 16 Vie Carpenter: A Big Bowl of Gumbo 18 McGlothlen: Medication Meltdown 19 Legal Directory 20 Mile High Youth Corps 21 Colorado Theater Festival 22 Scouting for a Way to Come Out 24 Scenic Colorado Road Trips 26 Colorado Dreamin’ 28 Calendar 30 Food for Thought: LOLA 32 Same-Sexy & Satisfying Summer Reads 34 Celebrate 35 Radioactive Vision 36 Marketplace 38 That’s Inking with Your Head 39 The Poz Closet 40 Rocky Mtn. Regional Rodeo 32 42 Bar Tab 44 Sexpert: Gimme a “G” 45 Heinzesight: The Insanity Cycle 46 Outback Classifieds

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ABOUT OUR CONTRIBUTORS KRISTIN ZIEGLER

S TA F F W R I T E R

“What the heck can you do with a degree like that?” Kristin Ziegler gets asked on the daily. Holding a BA in “Queer Representation in Media” (... yes, really ...) and working on an MA thesis about “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” Kristin is ecstatic to actually be employed in her area of study as a staff writer for Out Front.

Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street, Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 • Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Instagram: /OutFrontColorado Out Front is published by Q Publishing, Ltd., a Colorado corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

SCOTT MCGLOTHLEN

COLUMNIST

Scott McGlothlen is the author of his Out Front column Bleed Like Me, offering snapshots of his journey as an HIV-positive gay man along with many other enlightening, edgy, or hilariously-revealing stories of insight he’s gained along the way.

BRENT HEINZE

COLUMNIST

Brent Heinze is a licensed counselor and is the director of gay men’s services for Mile High Behavioral Healthcare in addition to being in private practice working with at-risk youth, kinky relationships, and gay men. He also owns Lokusdor Productions, a non-profit production company specializing in non-traditional fundraising events. He was Mr. Leather Colorado 2010 and creates music with his band Probe 7.

Oops!

In our June 18 issue, we erroneously reported that Mr. Tvrdik is a doctor at LoHi Laser Lipo Clinic. He is, in fact, the owner — not a doctor. We regret the error.

FOUN D E R PHIL PRICE, 1954-1993 A D M I N I ST RAT I O N JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher • Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD Vice President • JC@outfrontonline.com RYAN KING Associate Publisher • Ryan@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist • Jeff@outfrontonline.com ED I TO R IA L BERLIN SYLVESTRE Editor • Berlin@outfrontonline.com KRISTIN ZIEGLER Staff Writer • Editorial@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER Digital Content Manager • Rob@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rex Fuller, Kirstin Graber, O’Brian Gunn, Brent Heinze, Shanna Katz, Kelsey Lindsey, Scott McGlothlen, Mikey Rox, Jeffrey Steen, Robyn Vie Carpenter-Brisco, Nuclia Waste, and Mike Yost M A R K ETI N G & SA L ES JORDAN JACOBS Senior Marketing Executive • Jordan@outfrontonline.com DUSTIN KRIER Marketing Executive • Dustin@outfrontonline.com JAY DUQUE Marketing & Events Coordinator • Jay@outfrontonline.com COLE RUFFCORN • Digital Marketing Intern JASMINE THOMPSON • Marketing Intern NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media / 212-242-6863 • sales@rivendellmedia.com A RT COLBY BRUMIT Art Director • Colby@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Laura Baccus, Charles Broshous, Chad Chisholm, Jay Diers, Nikki Kushner, Hans Rosemond, and Evan Semón D I ST R I BUT I O N

Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semi-monthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors.

No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

CO PY R I GHT & L I MI T O F L I A B I L I T Y

Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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STATE J U DGE: COLORA DO’S GAY M A R R IAG E BA N “DISC R I MI N ATO RY ” On July 9, Adams County District Judge C. Scott Crabtree ruled that Colorado’s 2006 constitutional same-sex marriage ban violates the fundamental rights of gay and lesbian couples, adding that civil unions only reinforce the biased nature of the statute.

Mike Yost REBECCA BRINKMAN SAT IN HER CAR in the parking lot and checked her voicemail — it was an urgent message from her partner of almost 35 years, Margaret Burd.

Last October, the couple sued Adams County when the county clerk politely refused to issue a marriage license, explaining that Colorado’s Amendment 43 prohibited same-sex marriage.

They were offered a civil union license, which they politely refused. For the last nine months, Brinkman and Burd have spearheaded the challenge to the ban, and their lawsuit was recently combined with a similar case in which nine samesex couples sued Denver County in February for the right to be married.

“It was very emotional. I called my partner back right away,” says Brinkman, overwhelmed with excitement when she heard Judge Crabtree ruled in their favor. She sat in her car phoning friends and family with the good news. “I just had to share it.”

Ralph Ogden, the couple’s attorney, received the news as he was leaving a theater. “I had a ton of emails about the ruling, and I couldn’t read the decision fast enough. Judge Crabtree was so thorough in taking apart the state’s argument. It was a very courageous thing for him to do.”

Though Crabtree immediately stayed his ruling, the state judge’s 49-page decision vigorously dismantled Colorado’s defense of the voter-approved gay marriage ban.

Colorado’s central argument revolved around what it called ‘responsible procreation,’ outlining that the optimal environment for child rearing required opposite-gender parents, and that it was in the state’s interest to promote that environment.

Judge Crabtree did not mince words in razing the state’s claim, asserting that the child-centric defense, utilized to deny gays and lesbians the right to marry, was nothing short of blatant discrimination.

“The avowed State interest can be distilled down to encouraging procreation and marital commitment for the benefit of the children,” writes Crabtree. “The problem with this post-hoc explanation is that it utterly ignores those who are permitted to marry without the ability or desire to procreate. It is merely a pretext for discriminating against same-sex marriages.”

Crabtree highlighted that the passage of civil unions in Colorado, which became legal last May, only serves as further evidence of a separate but not equal system of governing which “does not ameliorate the discriminatory effect of the Marriage Bans.”

In addition, the state judge emphasized that those who organized and backed Amendment 43 in 2006 pushed for the ban even though the Colorado legislature had already enacted a similar provision prohibiting gay marriage. “This historic fact evidences a clear intent to ensure that gay and lesbian Coloradans be preemptively denied rights under the Constitution.”

Ogden applauded Crabtree’s candid verbiage, emphasizing that the ruling echoes other federal and state court decisions in declaring gay marriage bans to be in violation of the 14th Amendment of the Constitution. “The standard for violation of fundamental rights,” says Ogden, “is that the government must show that the law which violates rights serves a compelling state interest and is narrowly tailored to serve that interest. What Judge Crabtree said was that the state law was invalid because it infringed on this fundamental right

“The problem with the [pro-creation argument] is that it utterly ignores those who are permitted to marry without the ability or desire to procreate. It’s a pretext for discriminating against same-sex marriages.” — Judge Crabtree

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[to marry] without any rational basis.”

Crabtree’s ruling came only a few weeks after the Denver-based 10th Circuit Court of Appeals, which has jurisdiction in Colorado and five other states, ruled that Utah’s marriage amendment ban was unconstitutional. On July 18, the 10th Circuit also ruled Oklahoma’s same-sex marriage ban unconstitutional. And on July 23, U.S. District Judge Raymond P. Moore ruled that Colorado’s Amendment 43 was unconstitutional. All three courts immediately stayed their rulings.

Since last June, when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a section of the Defense of Marriage Act, there have been a total of 29 consecutive federal and state court decisions upholding the right for gay and lesbian couples to marry. A poll conducted in April of this year by Quinnipiac University revealed that 61 percent of Coloradans support the right of same-sex couples to marry.

But despite the court of victories and public support, Colorado Attorney General John Suthers has appealed Crabtree’s ruling, taking the fight for marriage equality to the Colorado Supreme Court. Requests from Colorado Gov. Hickenlooper and LGBT organizations such as One Colorado to stop defending the ban have gone unheeded.

Suthers shows no sign of relenting, as he recently joined nine other state attorney generals in filing a friend-of-the-court brief defending a same-sex marriage ban in Indiana.

“I don’t really understand [Suthers’] motivation,” says Brinkman, who pointed out that several attorney generals in other states have decided not to defend similar gay-marriage bans. “I can’t figure out why he is doing this, other than he might have political aspirations later. It’s a real waste of taxpayer money.”

The appeals process also takes time. Ogden explained that a ruling on Brinkman and Burd’s lawsuit by the Colorado Supreme Court won’t come until early next year — and that’s only if the courts decide to expedite the case.

“In the length of time it’s going to take to get this through the Colorado Supreme Court,” says Brinkman, “there are going to be gay people who die without protections, who miss out on Social Security benefits … there are going to be children who are confused whether their parents are married or not. It affects peoples’ lives on a very real level.”

But no matter how long it takes, Brinkman and Burd are committed to their goal to get married in Colorado and put an end to Amendment 43.

Though the couple has been fighting for gay rights in the Centennial State since the early ’90s, they don’t see themselves as courageous.

“Everybody has thanked us for putting out the effort and [said] that we are brave to do this,” says Brinkman. “I really have to say that I don’t feel that brave. I feel like the trail had already been blazed

by Edith Windsor.”

Brinkman added that although there’s been a flurry of court victories in the past 12 months, ending these discriminatory bans which violate the 14th Amendment is long overdue.

“Everybody’s talking about how fast this is going, but if you think about it, the Constitution has been here for more than 200 years.” 

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OUR WALK O F LIFE

AIDS Walk Colorado celebrates 27 years of history and hope Kristen Ziegler AN ESTIMATED 8,000 PEOPLE will participate in this year’s AIDS Walk Colorado, each marching in the footsteps of a rich history of loss, love, and life. The annual 5k turns 27 this year, and organizers are looking to the event’s past for an inspired future.

“I try to add a new component each year,” says Jeff Trujillo, manager of marketing and events for the Colorado AIDS Project. But in trying to come up with new ideas, Jeff realized the importance in bringing back some key activities and themes that were once at the heart of this historic event.

Taken out of the schedule in 2006, the VIP Breakfast will be making a glamorous comeback.

The breakfast will be hosted in the community room of a ritzy skyscraper near Cheesman Park, the location of the walk. And, whereas in the past the event was held for sponsors and Colorado state officials, the breakfast is now open to anyone generous enough to donate $100 or more to the cause.

(That ticket price includes a delicious breakfast catered by Larimer Catering, a swag bag, and refreshing mimosas to kick off the walk.)

“In celebrating our history, we are bringing back the breakfast,” says Jeff. “And it’s a great event for those who don’t want to walk. You can really contribute with the breakfast.”

The breakfast isn’t the only event making its return to AIDS Walk Colorado this year. The popular annual volleyball tournament will once again be held after the walk by the Colorado Gay Volleyball Association, and the Diva Dash, a high heeled .5k race, will be sashaying back to the park.

“Women, men, boys, and girls can strap on the heels and join the fun,” Jeff laughs. The mini-race is always a spectacle, and participants can win awards for “Highest Heels” and “Diva Disasters.”

AIDS Walk will also host their ever-popular beer garden, which will also serve wine for those with a palette for the more delicate, and an abundance of entertainment will liven up festivities for participants of all ages.

But the most important aspect returning to AIDS Walk Colorado this year is its theme: “From All Walks of Life.”

This year’s theme was the original name of the event, an attempt made 27 years ago to engage the larger community in an effort to fight a disease so destructive and devastating.

“The original ‘All Walks of Life’ was a downer event, it was a death march,” Jeff says. “We still want to give people an outlet to mourn and grieve their loss, but now we also want to celebrate those people who are still here with us — and still fighting.” 

P H OTO B Y C H A R L E S B R O S H O U S AIDS Walk Colorado will be held on Sunday, August 16 at Cheesman Park. For more information, or to register for the event, please visit aidswalkcolorado.org.

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I N T H E S POT L I G H T: C O U R T N E Y G R AY Rex Fuller | Out Front & Center News & Spotlights from the GLBT Community Center of Colorado THE GUEST LIST WAS A WHO’S WHO OF LGBT CELEBRITIES — Laverne Cox from “Orange is the New Black,” trans supermodel Geena Rocero, and Sirius XM founder Martine Rothblatt were among the fray. But it was actor Zachary Quinto who almost made our Courtney Gray rethink everything: “He’s devastatingly handsome on stage but he’s even more handsome in person. I considered changing my sexual orientation for a second,” she jokes.

Courtney has had many highlights in her career. As manager of the Transgender Services Program at the GLBT Community Center of Colorado, she’s also been a vocal and effective advocate for transgender health care issues. She served on a national task force with the Department of Justice to implement national transgender inmate policies. She was recently named one of the Trans 100, a select group of trans activists who are making a difference on a national level. But one of the most thrilling moments of her career was when she and her wife received an invitation from the White House to attend a reception with other activists to celebrate LGBT Pride Month.

Acknowledging the 45th anniversary of Stonewall and the progress that the LGBT community has made in the last year, President Obama issued an official proclamation declaring June LGBT Pride Month. “As progress spreads from state to state, as justice is delivered in the courtroom, and as more of our fellow Americans are treated with dignity and respect, our nation becomes not only more accepting, but more equal as well,” the proclamation begins. “During Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month, we celebrate victories that have affirmed freedom and fairness, and we recommit ourselves to completing the work that remains.” In his comments, the president thanked the attendees for working to make “the United States a more just and compassionate place.”

“We can speak up and “I think this means a great deal for speak out for what we trans activists,” says Courtney. “Going into this experience, I figured there need as a population would be a handful of trans folks, but inside our big acronym.” there were fifty or sixty of us among 350 or so in attendance. That was a really large delegation of people there who identified as trans means a great deal because we’re being seen and we’re being heard and we have a seat at the table so we can speak up and speak out for what we need as a population inside our big acronym.”

However the excitement of the trip was tempered by news of the murder of Mia Henderson, a transwoman from Baltimore who was found dead in mid-July. In a recent Facebook post, Courtney praised the work of activists who are making marriage equality a reality, but while advances are being celebrated, she expressed deep concern — Henderson’s death was the fifth murder of a trans woman in the previous 41 days.

“Their lives were snuffed out because they had the audacity to be themselves,” Courtney posted. “We need your help! We need to change the conversation in our community from making sure we can all get hitched and back up and realize that not nearly all of us are safe, not all of our identities are even acknowledged by our governments, and most trans people can’t even get the medical care they need.” Last year alone, nearly 300 trans people were murdered.

“I’ve seen us do amazing things as an LGBT community and many of us trans people have been fighting right alongside you. We need to do amazing things for trans people. We need to circle the wagons back around and fight to protect ALL our people. We can do amazing things, and we need you — please don’t leave us behind.”  Stop by GLBTColorado.org to learn more about services for the community as a whole.

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UNIVERSAL

COSMIC

2014 GALACTIC

STELLAR

Roger Sherman and Ernie Quemuel

SOLAR

AA2014_FP_OutFront_a2_OL.indd 1

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FUNDING CHANGE Community First Foundation establishes LGBT special interest fund Kristin Ziegler It’s been a whirlwind of a year for Colorado’s LGBT residents. With our state’s same-sex marriage ban hanging in legal limbo and record-setting turnouts at Denver’s PrideFest, the momentum is clearly on our side.

Still, the work to achieve full equality and affirmation for our community is not finished.

Recognizing a need to fund efforts to secure an equal and just future for the LGBT community, the Community First Foundation has established a field-of-interest fund to help address the needs of Colorado’s LGBT community.

The Community First Foundation has been working to build a stronger Colorado community by uniting interested donors with nonprofit programs since 1975. The foundation has granted funds to worthy causes such as women’s shelters and clinics for the uninsured. Much of their money is raised during their annual Colorado Gives Day, which garnered an impressive $20.9 million dollars last year.

And the new Community First Foundation’s LGBT special interest effort, called The Liberty Community Fund of Colorado, is no less ambitious.

“There was no place for people to donate to, essentially, an LGBT clearinghouse,” says Dr. Christopher Ott, a member of The Liberty Fund of Colorado’s steering committee, on the need for this fund. “People who wanted to donate to LGBT causes had to pick and choose foundations.”

With the Liberty Community Fund, those interested in donating to LGBT causes can fund a rich variety of services and efforts with one tax deductible contribution — and no amount is too big or too small.

“We will be funding social service organizations to mental health services,” adds Dr. Ott. “Our mission is pretty broad [and] basically includes any group or advocate looking after the well-being of LGBT people.”

Although the organization is still in its infancy, the fund advisory board, which is comprised of community members sought out by the Liberty Community Fund, is gearing up to issue its first call for funding proposals.

Having met their fundraising goal of $100,000 last year, the fund looks forward to distributing $30,000 to worthy organizations this first go around. However, this “first go around” is definitely not a trial run; the Liberty Community Fund is ready to stand by LGBT Coloradans for the long haul. The determined fund hopes to raise $50,000 this year to match what is donated and continue to strengthen its future.

“We have already put half of our endowment away,” says Kayla Arnesen, director of strategic communications for the Community First Foundation.

“This won’t be a flash in the pan.”  To learn more about the Liberty Community Fund of Colorado, or to make a tax-deductible donation, please visit: communityfirstfoundation.org/liberty-community-fund.cfm.

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COLORADO SQUID Out Front caught up with the Colorado SQUID Swim Team (Swimming Queers United in Denver) during their morning practice at the La Alma Rec Center Pool on July 13. Eight members are preparing for the 2014 Gay Games being held in Cleveland August 9 – 16. For more information on the team, please visit their website at squidswimteam.org.

All are welcome regardless of sexual orientation, gender, or skill level. | Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/squid2014

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A B IG BOWL OF GUMBO Finding the nourishment and integration in life

Robyn Vie Carpenter-Brisco When people hear about all of the different things I do, places I go, and people I meet, it can give the impression that my life is totally different from theirs. Although the details of my life are different from theirs, we often struggle with some of the same things. In fact, as I’ve been working with my nutrition and fitness counselors to uncover the issues contributing to my eating and exercise habits, I’ve come to find out a lot of my issues are exactly the same as other peoples’ — looks can be deceiving. Ah, the joys of being me continue to unfold daily.

My latest revelation: how out of balance my life is. My perception of myself and my life was vastly different from the reality. I thought I had it a lot more together than I actually do. I’ve discovered I am a “feast or famine” person in almost everything I do — not just food. I either fill my day with wellbalanced, nutritious meals or I forget to eat all day and end up eating popcorn for dinner. I wake up, religiously get my exercise/meditation/journaling in before work or I wake up, roll over, and get on social media and email before both eyes are open, barely giving my needs a thought. I either work

nonstop, double-booking myself, trying to squeeze one more meeting in my day, or I cancel all of my appointments, lie in bed swearing to become a fullfledged housewife, and stop working altogether.

The last time I went on my rant about housewifedom, my wusband laughed right in my face and told me she knew that would only last a couple of weeks. At best! This didn’t sit well with me. Then I wondered if she was saying it because she knew it to be true or if she was trying to goad me into proving her wrong, thereby giving her a housewife à la Donna Reed.

Previously, balance to me had always been an internal/external kind of thing, a kind of spiritual living vs. day-to-day living. I’ve now come to understand that it’s about living, period. It’s about how I live my whole life. It’s more about harmony amongst all aspects of life — feeding my body, moving my body, doing my job, living my mission, being a good partner for my wusband, a true loving friend, a supportive and understanding sister. It’s about my roles in life as well as my goals in life.

The way a spiritual advisor explained it to me once, it’s less about balance and more about integration. I understood what she meant ... or so I thought. Now I’m becoming more aware of

WE’VE GOT A HOME MEOW!

how big a statement that really is. Balance is just the beginning. Once you’ve found a way to keep your eyes on everything, you have to get it all in the pot together.

Previously, I’ve compared my life to a sandwich.

My balanced life is a sandwich, layers of living. I thought the integrated, harmonious version of life was like hummus. I’ve now come to realize it’s really like gumbo. An integrated life is a gumbo filled with flavor and delicious, nebulous morsels of living. The more things in the pot, the more layers of flavor, and the better the life-gumbo.

I know how delicious a fully integrated, harmonious life can be. I have experienced it before, but had no appreciation for it at the time. I didn’t know that life wouldn’t always feel like that, be like that, taste like that. Now that I’m rediscovering myself, I’m beginning to understand the real work that needs to be done. This understanding will make things that much more delicious this time around.  Robyn Vie-Carpenter is a social columnist on the local and national LGBT community. See more of Robyn’s columns online at ofcnow.co/TLS or find her on Twitter @TheLesSocialite.

Life is happier with a pet!

Megan Rees IT WAS AN AMAZING DAY FOR COLORADO CATS! The Dumb Friends League placed 114 homeless cats and kittens into loving homes during its sixth annual CatFest, the most cat adoptions in the history of the event. In addition, 25 dogs and seven small mammals found new homes. In total, 146 formerly homeless pets are now living happily with their forever families.

The Dumb Friends League also exceeded its goal of finding homes for 250 cats during the whole week, with 286 cats adopted between July 13 – 20. Baby Bear, a 12-year-old cat who had been at the shelter since May, was the lucky 250th cat adopted. She went home with her new family on Sunday.

The support from the Colorado community was tremendous — more than 1,500 people attended CatFest, which included clicker-training demonstrations, cat health, and behavior information, dozens of vendors, activities for kids, prize giveaways and more.

Visitors at the Buddy Center also came out in support of Colorado cats and enjoyed adopter goodie bags and waived adoption fees for adult cats at the League’s south location.

“It was a great day for our feline friends and for everyone who welcomed a homeless cat into their family,” said Bob Rohde, Dumb Friends League president and CEO. “The community rallied in support of this event, and together we made a difference in the lives of 146 pets.”

To help even more cats find homes, the Dumb Friends League is offering $10 adoption fees for adult cats (1 year and older) through the end of the month.  16

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Adopt a new friend today! At the Dumb Friends League, all cat and dog adoptions include spay/neuter, a microchip ID, and initial vaccinations. Visit DDFL.org to see all adoptable animals looking for good homes.

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M E D I C AT I O N M E LT D O W N Scott McGlothlen

O ZERO

new infections

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Bleed Like Me

IT DIDN’T MAKE SENSE WHY THE ANTIDEPRESSANTS WEREN’T WORKING this time around. They had done wonders for me when I got my HIV diagnosis back in 2007. But in the summer of 2012, a new wave of depression seemed to get worse by the day. My partner Luke kept warning me that medications only had a 50 percent success rate when used without therapy.

After my physician switched me over to Cymbalta, the depression still didn’t lift and I got a whole new set of side effects. Eventually I had to work with a specialist — a psychiatrist — who increased the dose in order to achieve its desired effects. But my head felt even more fogged over and I couldn’t pay attention to anything anymore.

When I complained, he had a new solution: Ritalin (the classic ADD drug). I figured it couldn’t hurt. The Ritalin definitely gave me energy, but it manifested itself in all the wrong ways. I had giant mood swings, feeling on top of the world one minute ... then wanting to curl up and die the next.

Instead of taking me off these drugs, another drug was added yet again.

The doc prescribed me Risperidone, an antipsychotic. Apparently, antipsychotics aren’t just for psychos and can actually help mood swings.

But the mood swings didn’t go away and neither did the rest of the side effects. In fact, things went from bad to worse. The world looked like an even uglier, more depressing place. I started having paranoia which resulted in isolation. A mere trip to the grocery store sent me into “But the mood swings an unbearable tailspin. didn’t go away and I started losing touch with reality neither did the rest and my therapist wondered if I of the side effects. In suffered from bipolar disorder. I, however, knew she was wrong. I fact, things went from worked many years with people bad to worse.” dealing with bipolar and this wasn’t the same. Sure, my brain felt like it was getting pulled a hundred different directions, but I knew deep down in my heart that these medications were the real culprit.

I begged my psychiatrist to take me off all of them. Instead he increased them, saying that we just needed to find the right chemical balance. And like clockwork, the symptoms got even worse. I began having mild hallucinations. Strange sensations pulsated all over my body, similar to that tingling feeling you get when a limb goes numb. I actually started feeling psychotic.

This cycle continued for months until I finally put my foot down. I told both Luke and my therapist that I would no longer take all of these medications.

They were terrified. And that made sense. Logically, if I was doing this bad while taking the medications, then how much worse would I get if I stopped?

They asked me to discuss this with the psychiatrist but I refused. He hadn’t listened to me before and I decided to never see him again.

To the best of our ability, we created a “weaning schedule” so I could stop at an appropriate pace. But the side effects weren’t subsiding fast enough.

I got impatient, took all of the medications, and dumped them down the toilet. Now I had no choice but to quit cold turkey.

The psychotic side effects did start to go away — but not without a price.

My body went into withdrawal. For the next couple weeks I suffered from terrible body aches and head spins. I worried that I had done permanent damage to myself and that I would feel like this forever.

Ultimately, these dark clouds did start to clear. My psychotic episodes went away and I came back to being your average, everyday (depressed) person. Looking back, all of us had been so quick to blame my depression on a chemical imbalance. But what if there never was any chemical imbalance?

There’s a time and a place for medication intervention, but as it turned out, I was just another person burned out by overloading themselves in this fast-paced world.

I have seen these exact drugs work amazingly for most others, but these were probably people who truly did suffer from chemical imbalance. In a world where prescriptions become the answer all too quickly, I decided I needed a different approach to solving my depression: hard work and a holistic means. It would take time, but the depression would go away too.

And one day I would become the man that I used to be. 

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Family Law • Divorce • Custody Protection Orders • Parenting Coordination

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LEGAL

Know your rights in Colorado Although more legal rights and protections are needed to give LGBT Coloradoans true equality, being aware of laws that exist right now can help you protect yourself and your family, and help you know what to bring to an attorney to find out what options or recourse you have.

CIVIL UNIONS The most well-known benefit Colorado provides lesbian and gay couples is the ability to join in a civil union, passed into law in 2013.

Unmarried individuals who are of age can form a civil union with a same-sex partner to gain access to the same state-level rights and benefits enjoyed by a married couple.

WORKPLACE DISCRIMINATION PROTECTIONS Colorado’s Employment Nondiscrimination Act of 2007 bans employers from firing you, refusing to hire you, or making employment-related decisions based on your lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender identity.

ABILITY TO ADOPT Single LGBT people can adopt children in Colorado, and since 2007, Colorado makes it possible for a second parent in a same-sex relationship to legally adopt a partner’s child as co-parents.

PUBLIC ACCOMODATIONS & HOUSING PROTECTIONS Colorado law prohibits open-to-the-public establishments such as stores or restaurants from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression, whether it is your real identity or what they perceive you to be. The protections also apply in hotels, medical establishments, museums, public libraries, and more, and also to housing. ¢ The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

ANDY CAMERON, P.C. 1535 Grant St., Suite 205 Denver • 303-831-8309 www.ACameron.com Bankruptcy Experience Matters. 40 Years Plus.

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ACC E S S O U R L E GA L D I R E C TO RY O N L I N E AT ofcnow.co/legal TO ADVERTISE HERE, PLEASE CONTACT OUT FRONT: 303-477-4000, OR EMAIL MARKETING@OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Don’t Miss the DGLCC’s End-of-Summer Bash Thursday, August 21st, 2014 — 5:30pm to 8pm Warwick Denver Hotel, 1776 Grant Street on the Rooftop Pool Deck & Randolph’s Patio

Sign up at Denverglc.org (Free Event) — Bring a friend, have some fun and let DGLCC show their appreciation.

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C O M P L E T E FA I T H I N Y O U T H Kristin Ziegler

I

n choosing college majors, career paths, and “true callings,” millennials have been served quite a contradiction — they’re caught between feeling special and staying true to their authentic selves, and thriving in a tough economy that values some pretty specific skill sets.

The Mile High Youth Corps, however, doesn’t believe that making money while following your heart has to be so dichotomous.

Established in 1992, the MYHC is a nonprofit organization that helps youths aged 16 – 24 make money while engaging in projects that better their own communities.

“With the youth unemployment rate in Colorado still nearly double that of adults, Mile High Youth Corps offers young people from all backgrounds the opportunity to earn a paycheck, make a difference in their local community, protect the environment, and develop their career skills for the future,” says Kelly Causey, Ph.D and CEO of MHYC. The corps has worked on a number of projects, from fire and flood restorations in Boulder County to promoting energy and water conservation efforts. Upcoming focuses include building and maintaining trails, planting trees, and installing energy — and money — saving products in low-income households. In the organization’s 22-year history, projects like these have earned participants more than $1.75

million in AmeriCorps Education Awards, which can go toward secondary-education expenses.

In addition to providing work experience, the nonprofit’s members, called “corpsmembers,” are given access to ample educational opportunities. Through a nine-month program called YouthBuild, corpsmembers may complete high school diploma or GED courses and participate in leadership development and life skills programs.

“In 2013, a total of 35 YouthBuilders provided 10,685 hours of service, 15 earned a GED or high school diploma, 88% were placed in a job, and 29 percent enrolled in post-secondary education.

YouthBuild corpsmembers also earned $30,828 in education awards,” Causey says.

And while the MHYC boasts so many remarkable achievements, none of these efforts would be possible if it weren’t for the group’s passionate dedication to recruiting members from all walks of life.

“We value all youth and the unique skills that each person has to offer,” Causey affirms.

“At both the staff and youth level, we have a robust anti-discrimination policy that covers both sexual orientation and gender identity.

Additionally, we place a premium on diversity in the workplace, with some of our top staff identifying as LGBT. We believe that people thrive when they are valued in the workplace.”

We couldn’t agree more.

Is there more? You bet. Visit MileHighYouthCorps.org.

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CINEMA Q FILM FESTIVAL The Denver Film Society celebrated queer cinema with the 6th Annual Cinema Q Film Festival at the Sie FilmCenter July 24 — 27. | Photos by Charles Broshous

So Full of Drama Three-day festival sets the stage for local entertainment with theatrical flair Shane Delavan

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/q2014

THE COLORADO COMMUNITY THEATRE COALITION WILL RAISE THE CURTAIN for theatre companies, actors, and fans from across Colorado during the 26th annual Colorado Theatre Festival.

From August 13 – 16, the festival will come alive with performances from 10 state-wide community theatres, 12 professional workshops, acting competitions, and nightlife networking, or “wetworking,” in downtown Denver with fellow theatre lovers and experts from around Colorado. Ranked as one of the best community theatre festivals in the country, the Colorado Theatre Festival takes the spotlight at the Newman Center for Theatre Education.

Highlights of this year’s festival include 10 captivating, 60-minute performances from coalition companies, including scenes from “Apartment 3A” from Evergreen Players; “A Song for Correta” from Vintage Theatre; and “Spirit and Sworded Treks” from newcomer Theatre Esprit Asia. Companies who present their performances at the festival have had a higher rate of success during their scheduled runs. In addition, participants can look forward to 12 stimulating workshops, some taught by faculty of the Denver Center Theatre Academy.

A sample of workshops include “Strengthening Your Callback Audition,” taught by Allison Watrous; “Recipe for Genius: Practical and Effective Tools for Creating a Thriving Theatre Experience,” taught

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by Peter Hughes; and “Ten Broadway Moves Every Actor Should Know,” taught by Regina Fernandez Steffan. The festival is one of the most unique opportunities for theatre practitioners across the spectrum — actors, producers, directors, production staff, etc. — to grow their skills and knowledge through educational workshops and direct critiques of their performances.

The Colorado Theatre Festival is open to the public. Often cited as the best theatre deal in town, tickets to the festival are $65 per person and include admission to all three days, 10 theatre company performances, 12 workshops, and all networking and social events. Day and single workshop/performance passes are available, as well as student and senior discounts.

Visit CCTCTheatreFestival.com to register. 

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Scouting for a Way to Come Out The Boy Scouts value honor — except for when it comes to being honest with who you are

he Boy Scouts of America (BSA) was founded on the idea of fostering the seeds of leadership, positive values, independence, and good morals in the hearts and minds of young men across America. The Scout Oath states that scouts will keep themselves “physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.” In recent years, it’s become apparent that scouts are also required to keep their sexuality as straight as their morals.

Today, the BSA’s original mission and aims are relatively unchanged.

The organization is one that easily resembles a family and a community of individuals who are committed to helping young men become totems of a better today working to create an even better tomorrow. Just as there are bound to be members of a family who are gay, the BSA will undoubtedly have gay members ... and just as parents may reject their gay son or daughter, the same is true of the BSA.

he was gay, Ryan had reached a point where his scout-hood was “part of a fabric of who I was. I didn’t want to give it up.” Even with the BSA’s ban, Ryan, who was on the National Executive Staff of the organization, still feels that it’s a great leadership program, but that the organization doesn’t fully realize what they’re doing to their gay members.

If the BSA is concerned about the values that adult gay troop leaders might instill on younger scouts, all they have to do is look to Zach Wahls. Zach is an Eagle Scout who was raised by a lesbian couple. In 2011, a 19-year-old Zach gave a now-viral speech before the Iowa House Judiciary Committee in opposition of a resolution to end civil unions in the state of Iowa. Both Zach and Ryan are prime examples of not only how the BSA can help shape young men, but also how the gay community can influence who you are and what you become. It’s truly a wonder that the BSA doesn’t want Ryan, Zach’s mothers, and other brave scouts like them to help other scouts become better members of society.

The Ban

Community Outreach

O’Brian Gunn

T

In the past, adult men were banned from becoming involved in the Boy Scouts if they were openly gay. The main reason for this opposition was that the BSA believed gay men went against the very core of the Scout Oath and weren’t the type of role models the organization wanted scouts to be influenced by.

It was only last year that the BSA decided to lift the ban — or at least part of it — and allow openly gay youth to become members. One major caveat to this decision: when openly gay scouts reach the age of 18, they are forced out of the organization, forced out of what some scouts might’ve seen as their second family.

The decision to alter the ban didn’t come without more than a few brushfires from opponents. Several corporate BSA sponsors with nondiscrimination policies pulled funding from the organization because of the BSA’s discriminatory stance. When he learned that the Scout’s policy had been lifted, Alabama Pastor Greg Walker decided that scout troops would no longer be allowed to meet at his church. Other open opponents of the new policy include Texas Gov. Rick Perry; radio host and member of the American Family Association Bryan Fischer; and John Stemberger, who is the founder of a Christian alternative to the Boy Scouts called Trail Life USA. It seems no matter what they do, the BSA is at risk of upsetting someone.

Some might say they now have firsthand experience of what it’s like to be gay: welcomed with open arms in some circles, callously cast out in others.

Products of the Boy Scout Environment

It was in the fifth grade that Ryan King and his friends wanted to start a Boy Scout group, and also when Ryan began his love affair with the outdoors.

He loved being a scout, and does to this very day as a man in his thirties. He describes the BSA as a “leadership development laboratory.”

As far as there being any outward signs that gays weren’t allowed in the Boy Scouts, he says “it was never talked about.” When he discovered that In some ways, the BSA may be doing gay scouts and scoutmasters a favor by making them feel like second-class citizens and showing them how to be first-class pioneers of the Great Gay Wilderness.

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In May of this year, President of the BSA and former Director of Central Intelligence Robert Gates gave a speech at the organization’s National Annual Meeting where he expressed his desire for the BSA to be “far more aggressive in recruiting Hispanic, African-American, and Asian-American community leaders.” While Gates is in full support of gay scout members and scoutmasters, it’s obvious he would like to add more color and diversity to the organization, and color is the very essence of the well-known symbol of the gay community: the rainbow flag. Why not go straight to the well if it’s water you want?

New Steps in an Old Dance

While some might feel otherwise, the BSA is taking steps, and in some ways half-steps, to be more inclusive. The BSA National Council, at one point, proposed that chartered organizations be allowed to decide whether or not they would allow gay troop leaders, but the proposal was essentially a compromise that never saw the light of day.

Scouts for Equality

Scouts for Equality is an organization that is comprised mostly of BSA members who seek to fully end the organization’s ban on gay members and leaders. This past NYC Pride March, the group served as Color Guard and spoke out against the BSA’s banning practices. What’s so significant about this move is that the BSA has stated in the past that wearing a Scout uniform during a Pride event is a violation of their Oath and Law. For now, it’s unclear as to what, if any, consequences the group will face.

Ryan might not be alone in thinking that this issue hasn’t hit the BSA in the pocketbook enough for them to truly think about the message they’re sending to gay youths who aspire to become scouts. In some ways, the BSA may be doing gay scouts and scoutmasters a favor by making them feel like second-class citizens and showing them how to be first-class pioneers of the Great Gay Wilderness.  For more information about Boy Scouts of America, visit Scouting.org.

To learn more about Scouts for Equality, head to ScoutsForEquality.com.

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A D RI VE WITH A VIEW: CO LO RADO SC ENIC ROAD T RI PS Kirstin Graber Spending a long time in the car for a road trip can sometimes be uneventful, but not through Colorado! Summer through fall is the perfect time of year to travel the byways, roads, and passes of our state. Following is a sampling of scenic drives with the best views and activities.

CACHE LA POUDRE – NORTH PARK SCENIC & HISTORIC BYWAY (FORT COLLINS) This drive, which means “the powder’s hiding place” in French, is 101 miles (three hours) following the Poudre River up to Cameron Pass. The route was once used by settlers connecting the northern plains of Colorado to the Green River settlement in Utah. Now, it’s a place to drive and see raging river rapids (ideal for rafting), bighorn sheep (our state mammal), and amazing views around the bowlshaped basin of North Park at the top of Cameron Pass. Don’t forget your binoculars — North Park is a bustling habitat for wildlife.

FRONTIER PATHWAYS NATIONAL SCENIC & HISTORIC BYWAY (PUEBLO)

After beginning this drive in Pueblo, pass along the high plains to see buttes and flatlands before hitting the south side of a local favorite, Lake Pueblo State 24

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Park, a 4,646-acre lake. Another 25 miles down the road is the town of Wetmore, which separates the Great Plains from the edge of the Rockies. At Highway 96 and Highway 165, the byway splits west and south. The western route hits the San Isabel National Forest and sister towns Silver Cliff and Westcliffe. The southern route leads to the modern-day structure Bishop Castle and Colorado City, which is a great place to eat some local cuisine. Keep an eye out on this 103-mile (three and a half hour) drive for gray fox, mule deer, elk, and pronghorn.

GOLD BELT TOUR NATIONAL SCENIC & HISTORIC BYWAY (CAÑON CITY)

The Gold Belt Tour is 131 miles (five to six hours) of rolling mountain parklands to deep rocky canyons. The drive was once the “Roads to Riches” historic route, connecting Cripple Creek to Victor Mining District and was also the world’s largest gold rush to Florence, Cañon City and Florissant.

The drive climbs from 5,500 to 9,500 feet in elevation and visits Phantom Canyon Road, a road with green spotted canyons and eerie ghost towns. A great place for a rest stop toward the beginning of this trip is at the Florissant Fossil Beds National Monument to see fossils dating back 34 million years.

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HIGHWAY 160 OVER WOLF CREEK PASS (PAGOSA SPRINGS)

For a shorter scenic drive, Highway 160 over Wolf Creek Pass will not disappoint. The highway stretches 41 miles (about one hour) between South Fork and Pagosa Springs. Views from the highway include portions of Weminuche Wilderness within the San Juan National Forest, the Continental Divide Trail and the 100-foot Treasure Falls. The hike to Treasure Falls is one for the whole family and a great way to get out and about.

MOUNT EVANS SCENIC & HISTORIC BYWAY (IDAHO SPRINGS)

This Scenic Byway is also the highest paved road in North America at 14,130 feet above sea level. Along the 49-mile (two hour) road, alpine lakes, granite walls, mountain goats and bighorn sheep can all be seen. On the way up, views of glacier-cut valleys and many sharp, rocky peaks can’t be beat. On the way back down, stop in Idaho Springs at the Indian Hot Springs resort to relax and enjoy the hot springs.

PEAK-TO-PEAK SCENIC & HISTORIC BYWAY (ESTES PARK)

Established in 1918, Peak-to-Peak is Colorado’s oldest Scenic Byway. From Estes Park to Black Hawk, this 55-mile (two hour) drive passes through Rocky

CLOCKWISE FROM OPPOSITE: WET MOUNTAIN VALLEY (FRONTIER PATHWAYS), CAMERON PASS (CACHE LA POUDRE), BACHELOR MINE (SILVER THREAD), TWIN LAKES (TOP OF THE ROCKIES), THE GOLD BELT TOUR SUMMIT, LAKE AGNES (CACHE LA POUDRE). PHOTO CREDITS: ANNA ZOROMSKI, WEAVER MULTIMEDIA GROUP (OPPOSITE). SALLY PEARCE, CDOT (ALL PHOTOS THIS PAGE).

Mountain National Park (celebrating its 100th anniversary in 2015), Golden Gate Canyon State Park, Arapaho and Roosevelt National Forest, and Eldora Mountain Resort ski area, all of which make for a beautiful drive full of mountain and high-country lake scenery. Take a detour through the ghost towns of Hesse and Apex, and walk around for a rest stop, or stop west of Eldora for an easy hike to Arapaho Glacier.

PIKES PEAK HIGHWAY (COLORADO SPRINGS)

In 1915, Pikes Peak Highway was built and allowed locals and visitors to reach the summit of Pikes Peak. Today, the 19-mile drive (about two hours) is filled with lakes, mountains, and wildlife along the climb from 7,400 feet to 14,115 feet. There are also many activities to choose from on the way up, such as hiking, biking, and boating. Once at the top, try a world-famous donut at the Pikes Peak Summit House — it is the only donut made at an altitude above 14,000 feet.

TOP OF THE ROCKIES SCENIC AND HISTORIC BYWAY (LEADVILLE)

Colorado’s two tallest peaks, Mount Elbert and Mount Massive, can been seen from this scenic drive. For 115 miles (four to five hours), pass the beginning of the Arkansas River, the town of Twin

Lakes in San Isabel National Forest and Leadville, the highest incorporated city in the United States.

Get off the beaten path for a bit and bike Shrine Pass, which is the perfect place for viewing wildflowers, or go trout fishing in Missouri Lake. This Byway also includes Independence Pass.

SILVER THREAD SCENIC AND HISTORIC BYWAY (LAKE CITY)

The Silver Thread Scenic Byway passes through two of Colorado’s historic districts, Lake City and Creede. Each has many sights worth seeing.

Lake City has one of the largest collections of preserved buildings from the 1870s, and Creede has the Creede Repertory Theater, which USA Today called “one of the best places to see the lights way off Broadway.” Also along this 120-mile (two to four hour) route, see the 800-year-old Lake San Cristobal, and don’t forget to wander off a bit on Forest Road 510 to see stunning views of North Clear Creek Falls.

TRAIL RIDGE ROAD (ESTES PARK)

Take a drive through Rocky Mountain National Park on the 48-mile (two to three hour) Trail Ridge Road.

Starting in Estes Park, hop on the highest continuous auto road in the country to see elk, glacier-carved valleys, and amazing peak summits. The Continental

Divide can also be seen from this route. Due to its high altitude and heavy snowfall, the route is only open from late May to late October. Don’t forget to stop by The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, which inspired Stephen King’s novel “The Shining.” Also, head to Grand Lake, which is the largest natural lake in the state of Colorado.

WEST ELK LOOP SCENIC AND HISTORIC BYWAY (GUNNISON)

The West Elk Loop Scenic Byway is one of Colorado’s longer drives, but amazing every minute. This 205mile (eight to 10 hour) drive passes through three beautiful mountain towns — Marble, Gunnison, and Crested Butte, each of which has something truly unique. See where the marble for the Lincoln Memorial and Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Washington, D.C., came from in the old mining town of Marble. Gunnison offers a culture mixing the ranching community and a university, while Crested Butte offers amazing views of wildflowers, as is designated the “Wildflower Capital of Colorado.”

Also along the drive, pass by Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park.

The state is home to 25 of the state’s aptly named Scenic and Historic Byways that are celebrating their 25th anniversary this year. 

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P I C T O R I A L B Y J AY D I E R S , J A E D E D A R T S T U D I O S JAEDEDARTSTUDIOS.COM • MODEL: TOPHER LA FLEUR

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CALE N DAR

FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND

AUG

6 – 10

W YO M I N G E Q UA L I T Y P R E S E N T S

R E N D E Z VO U S

AUG

6 – 10

@ LARAMIE, WYOMING The Rocky Mountain Region’s largest LGBT event features camping, cookouts, games, fun, and PRIDE! Out Front’s very own Nuclia Waste joins Suzanne Westenhoefer as headliners for a summer event that is not to be missed.

Visit wyomingequality.org for information and a full schedule.

R E - M I X E D TA S T E @ 3126 LARIMER ST., DENVER AUGUST 7, 14, 21, & 28 • 6PM

ST EA M B OAT W I N E F EST I VA L

Looking for something intellectually stimulating, or perhaps intellectually disorienting? The Museum of Contemporary Art Denver is finishing off the 10th year of its popular “Re-Mixed Tastes: Tag Team Lectures on Unrelated Topics,” a series of lectures on unusual topics given by renowned experts. August topics include “Existentialism & Giant Vegetables,” “Motown & Human Mating,” “Machiavelli & Fresh Meat Sausages” and “Minimalism & Giant Wombats.” Intrigued? You’d have to be crazy (or perhaps sane?) not to be.

@ STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, CO (VARIOUS LOCATIONS)

Purchase tickets at mcadenver.org.

AUG

WED

8 – 10

AUG

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KESHET NIGHT OUT @ BLUSH & BLU 1526 E. COLFAX AVE., DENVER •7PM Enjoy a quiet evening of beautiful poetry and spoken word with Keshet, a group committed to securing equality, affirmation, and dignity of LGBT people in Jewish life. The event includes a poetry workshop for those interested in sharing their stories, but all are welcome to come and simply appreciate.

Learn more at keshetonline.org

MYTHS AND L EG E N DS CO N @ RAMADA PLAZA NORTH 10 EAST 120TH AVENUE, NORTHGLENN, CO For the “Game of Thrones” obsessed to “bronies,” Myths and Legends Con celebrates contemporary tall-tales and heroes with costumes, vendors, fun, and more. Hosted at the beautiful, historic, and slightly creepy Tivoli Student Union, this family-friendly cosplay event guarantees a good time for everyone.

Learn more at malcondenver.com 28

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Food and beverage aficionados through and through, Coloradans know what’s good. And all that is good will be at the 2014 Steamboat Wine Festival. With more than 100 vendors of local fine wine and gourmet food, and exquisite locale, everyone (21 and up, of course) is encouraged to come, healthy appetite in tow.

Visit steamboatwinefestival.com for information.

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@ THE GOTHIC THEATRE • 3PM

Like your music turned up to 11?

Check out SummerGrind2014, a small music festival featuring local bands with big sound and even bigger attitudes. Headliners include The Suicide Machines and Lower Class Brats, and, as is fitting, angsty teens (and those adults who still have safety pinned jean vests) are welcome at this all-ages gig. facebook.com/SummerGrindFest

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ONE COLORADO 16 ALLY AWARDS

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@ THE CABLE CENTER 2000 BUCHTEL BLVD., DENVER • 7:30PM The One Colorado Education Fund’s Ally Awards is the organizations biggest, and most glamorous, fundraiser of the year. OCEF will recognize the exemplary efforts of some of Colorado’s most dedicated straight allies amidst a backdrop of fine hors d’oeuvres, cocktails, and live entertainment.

DIVA DASH STILETTO FUN RUN

To purchase tickets, visit: www.one-colorado.org/allyawardswordpress

A I DS WA L K CO L O RA D O @ CHEESMAN PARK • 7:30AM – 2PM 2014 marks the 27th year of AIDS Walk Colorado, which, in addition to the annual walk, features a 5K run, a volleyball tournament, VIP breakfast, and the Diva Dash Stiletto Fun Run (pictured). Check out our coverage on Page 10.

For more information and to register, visit aidswalkcolorado.org

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F I L M O N T H E R O C KS @ RED ROCKS AMPHITHEATER Film on the Rocks is a Colorado summer must, so don’t miss out on the final two fabulous screenings of the season. August 25 sees the wildly entertaining “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” while the 2014 series wraps up with the cult classic “The Big Lebowski” on September 2. Both shows feature live music from various local acts.

For more information, visit denverfilm.org

FRI PHOTO: BART YOUNG / COLORADO RAPIDS

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CO L O R A D O R A P I DS E Q UA L I T Y N I G H T @ DICK’S SPORTING GOODS PARK 6000 VICTORY WAY, COMMERCE CITY • 7PM Come support LA Galaxy’s Robbie Rodgers (the first openly out MLS player) for an evening of futbol fun! Part of the proceeds from this outing will go directly to Urban Peak and the Gender Identity Center.

R.S.V.P. online at rapidstix.com/equalitynight

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Save the Date!

BOULDER PRIDEFEST 2014 @ CENTRAL PARK, BOULDER 11AM – 6PM LEARN MORE AT OUTBOULDER.ORG.

E N VO G U E

AT TA S T E O F CO L O RA D O @ CIVIC CENTER PARK, DENVER • 7:30PM As if the culinary creativity of Denver’s finest restaurants wasn’t already reason enough, summer staple A Taste of Colorado just got sizzlin’. The popular festival, now in its 31st year, will be turning it up with a performance by multiplatinum R&B legends En Vogue.

The ladies of En Vogue, best known for hits like “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It),” “Giving Him Something He Can Feel,” “Free Your Mind,” and “Whatta Man,” are dear friends and allies to the LGBT community, having played Denver’s PrideFest in the past.

Find more information at atasteofcolorado.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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WINE & DINE

THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz

SAM'S NO. 3 15th & Curtis Denver • (303) 534-1927 samsno3.com

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: LOLA Jeffrey Steen Some restaurants endear themselves to the dining public with a shiny veneer. You know the type: eccentric signage dolled up with retro lights or hand-scrawled art; caricatured murals sprawled across the front door; old-timey knick-knacks dangling out the front. Then there are those that pulsate with a kind of energy more arresting than any veneer: patios spilling over with laughter; smiles lining the dining room; buzzing conversation pouring out of windows.

This is where LOLA begins … but it is by no means where her story ends. The Latin-themed mainstay of LoHi has long been beloved by Denver’s dining connoisseurs, but it’s been around so long we’ve started to take her for granted. Let me remind you why LOLA is deliciously attractive, and how it has so gracefully remained true to her roots while staying on the edge of today’s everchanging culinary scene.

Inside the LOLA we know so well, the Big Red F team, championed by Culinary Director Jamey Fader and Executive Chef Kevin Grossi, has wound its way through a colorful turnstyle of late, exchanging patterned decorations for accents more in touch with Latin culture. Jamey has actually been out looking for portraits and paintings to replace the out-of-touch photographs that now dock the walls.

When I stopped by for a meal, a cheeky Morgan Freeman lurked above me, eyes ever on the kitchen line. “Morgan’s got to go,” Jamey said to me with a bit of a wince. “Don’t get me wrong — I love me some Morgan — but he’s got to go.” In his place: snapshots of the faces of Latin culture, art depicting life by the sea, and trinkets both historic and artfully ornate.

Alongside this visual renovation, Jamey, along with Kevin and his crew, has brought together many of Big Red F’s strengths to make LOLA a shining new example of what Denver can do with both premium seafood and classic Latin cuisine.

Kevin recently migrated from Jax in Fort Collins, so he’s very much in touch with the flavors of the sea. Pair that with LOLA’s Latin roots and you have a dynamic pairing that makes us appreciate (again) what LOLA’s engendered.

My exposure to Latin fare is, to be honest, spare.

I’m a German white boy bred on schnitzel, so no surprise that spice masters confound me. And while I confess I’d never enjoyed Braised Octopus in a smoky rojo before, or posole as self-sure as the soulful red chile at its base, it perhaps did me a great service; eyes opened and palate primed, I dove in to this Latin seafood fare with relish.

There’s hardly anything on LOLA’s menu not worth a nibble or sip, but if you must choose, then lean heavily on a few outlying treats. For a crowd, order the tableside guacamole without hesitation, and guide the “Avocado Technician” to your own custom blend of spices and accoutrements. For me, the more garlic and lime the better.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Another crowd-pleaser is very definitely the Queso Blanco Fundido, which reminds the good citizens of ‘Murica what can be done with exceptional cheese, a treasure trove of culinary talent, and absolutely no Velveeta.

If you make it to entrées, then know this: Jamey and Kevin have so deftly engineered the main dishes to leave each one unique, while spanning the wide spectrum of spice, texture, and presentation. For a light summer indulgence, spend some time with the Salmon Veracruz served with a savory-sweet tomatillo broth and heirloom tomatoes that bears the marks of the Mediterranean. For the rich, thick flavors of a classic mole, spend your appetite on the Carne Asada — a creamy, meaty, dark dish that does justice to an authentic Mexican staple. And if you need a show-stopper — perhaps for a date sliding toward awkward — then call on the Baja-Style Whole Fish. This one’s hard to paint, so you’d best just experience it. Suffice it to say you’ll get exactly what the menu describes: a crispy, deep-fried snapper that offers the chance to snack on bite-sized pieces of fried fillet, or dig deeper into the luscious neck and tail meat.

As your meal wends on, Jamey and his team soar back and forth across the dining room, lighting on various tables to check in on a Margarita neophyte (introduced to the premium tequila concoction made coin-style with Cointreau), banter about that interesting photo of Tim Robbins on the back wall (“I loved him in Shawshank!”), or sit down and talk añejos, because, well, that’s where it’s at.

Given that it’s summer, it might be a good idea to get your dessert to-go. Pastry Chef Xan Lynch has offered us just what we want, without having to ask for it: a walk-and-eat Snickerdoodle Ice Cream Sandwich for talking, slurping, and soaking in the sunset at the end of a night on the town. There’s also the waffle cone-wrapped Salted Oreo Choco Taco (also available to-go), and for those who enjoy lingering in the dining room, a subtly sweet Almond Cake with stone fruit that offers a happy resolution your last relationship probably didn’t.

Don’t be surprised if you find Jamey checking in with you between bites, or before you duck out for the night. If you’re lucky, he might even pull up a seat and call on one of his favorite tequilas to sip while regaling you with stories of the slopes or summers out flyfishing. A smile on his face and always a story at the ready, Jamey Fader is the personification of LOLA itself: fun, never to be taken too seriously, and ever eager to indulge and explore.

You remember the LOLA of the yesteryear right? Well, maybe it’s time you get to know her again, and discover why she made us so excited, so hungry 12 years ago. There’s always something to experience.  LOLA is located at 1575 Boulder St., Denver.

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SA M E -S E XY & SAT IS F Y ING

MARQUEE SUMMER RE ADS Mikey Rox

The end of beach season draws closer by the day, hunty. Tell your boss “Toodles!” and while you pack for the coast, don’t forget a good book. Here are six fabulous reads to choose from in Summer 2014’s Hottest LGBT Lineup.

MENOPAUSE: THE MUSICAL August 16 Champa & 13 th • Denver DenverCenter.org

SHREK THE MUSICAL May 7 - Sept. 16 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

MARTIN SCORSESE PRESENTS: MASTERPIECES OF POLISH CINEMA

August 12-19 Sie FilmCenter, 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

PLEASE JOIN US FOR OUR 2014-2015 SEASON How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying Anything Goes • The Clean House Next to Normal • The Marvelous Wonderettes Young Frankenstein 2450 W. Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

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THE UNDEAD SORCERESS A mixed bag of LGBT supernatural beings — including vampires, sorceresses, zombies, and warlocks — populate Volume 1 of JF Garrard’s International House of Vampires series, at the heart of which is a bloodsucker-led modern civilization and a family feud that includes a not-so-sweet Granny stealing her great-granddaughter’s soul. And you thought your clan had issues.

EVERYTHING LEADS TO YOU Talented young set designer Emi is a romantic at heart finding the hidden beauty in the minute details of décor. Thriving in Los Angeles, but struggling to find a partner with whom to share her optimism and joy, Emi’s unfortunate love life takes an unexpected turn with the discovery of a mysterious letter at Hollywood estate sale. As Emi follows the clues enclosed in the letter, she meets Ava, heir to a long-protected secret of a movie icon’s hidden life, and a course-altering prospect that she just can’t deny. By Nina LaCour.

MY LIFE, A FOUR LETTER WORD: CONFESSIONS OF A COUNTER CULTURE DIVA When her Italian-American family rejected her after the birth of her mixed-race baby, Delores DeLuce hit the skids in search of a new place to call home and ended up with a makeshift family of misfits, including the legendary Divine, the Cockettes, various bad boys on Venice Beach, and her loving gay “husbands.” Her memoir includes encounters with John Waters and Joan Rivers, facing the pain of AIDS on the front lines, and being crowned Miss Alternative L.A., all while raising a kid as a single parent — with a little help from a few extraordinary characters, of course.

OPEN: FIVE FILTHY BISEXUAL EROTIC STORIES Five prolific bisexual female writers — Tenille Brown, Sommer Marsden, Alison Tyler, Sophia Valenti, and Saskia Walker — detail their erotic encounters with both sexes in this easily consumed anthology of short stories … in case you needed a little more heat on the beach.

SECOND SON: TRANSITIONING TOWARD MY DESTINY, LOVE, AND LIFE Trans- and cisgender readers alike will be captivated by the story of Ryan Sallans, born Kimberly Ann Sallans, who details the many tumultuous chapters of his life. Sallans explores each era — from infancy and childhood to body-obsessed teenage girl to the transition from female to male — with plenty of bumps along the way. His bravery and honesty will make you pine for a happy ending.

JUSTICE IN AN AGE OF METAL AND MEN Avid sci-fi fans will want to strap in for this futuristic ride that takes a fictional look at an independent Texas overrun by outlaws and corporations. (Sort of like Jetsons-meets-Wild West, with commentary on how sexual preference might not actually matter as much in a dystopian future.) Where’s that time machine when you need it? By Anthony W. Eichenlaub. $3.99; amazon.com 

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PHOTOGRAPHY

A TALE OF ICELANDIC SHEEP AND TRAUMATIZED TURKEYS

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up behind him, John began to open the door to his cab.

PEOPLE COME TO COLORADO FOR SO MANY Suddenly and without warning, an 18-wheel REASONS. Some come here to hike, ski, bike. semi truck, whose driver was asleep at the wheel, Some come to escape the humidity of just about came barreling down the highway. It clipped the everywhere else in the country. Some, like me, rear left bumper of John’s truck, swerving and follow an ex-spouse who moved to Denver to start crashing into 40 feet of guardrail. The Iceland a business. Some now come because of legal weed. sheep were thrown from the truck bed, surviving.

And at least one person is here because of Icelandic John, though shaken, was unharmed inside his sheep … and 2,500 turkeys. truck cab. That’s when John began to notice the It doesn’t matter what the reason, as long as turkeys. Hundreds of turkeys were scurrying all over the highway — 2,500 to be you just get here. We have an exact. The semi had been fowlamazing state, amazing weather, amazing nature, amazing people. filled and when it crashed, the I meet so many locals who move birds escaped. away for awhile because they That’s the moment John redon’t realize how great our state alized he need to head back to is. Once they live elsewhere, they Colorado and climb Long’s Peak. move back to this spectacular Life is short and can end in the blink of an eye. If John had restate we call home.

But back to those sheep … membered his car jack, he would and turkeys. I recently ran into have been under his pickup truck John Verbeck a second time. The at impact and would have been first time we crossed paths was crushed to death. So he booked a Don’t miss Nuclia Waste at Apogaea, Colorado’s regional plane ticket the next day in order Saturday, August 9 at Burning Man event. John came to rock climb the Pervertical Wyoming Equality’s Sanctuary on the Diamond of all the way from Virginia to share Rendezvous! his acro yoga, which blends eleLong’s Peak. wyomingequality.org When I ran into John at the ments of yoga and acrobatics, rooftop party, he had just come with festival attendees. I was surprised to see him back in Denver a month off the mountain. He was all grins and filled with later at the Rooftop Rumpus party hosted by the such happiness. And then he told me the story Fantastic Hosts. of the sheep and the turkeys. His advice: Life is John had returned to Virginia after Apogaea short; do it now. and was delivering four Iceland sheep in the back John is right. Let those sheep and turkeys of his pickup truck at 4am. (Iceland sheep can only inspire you to do something exciting and amazing be transported at night because of their sensitivity you’ve been putting off. You might not be here to daytime heat.) As John and his mutton cargo tomorrow. Do it now.  were zooming down the highway, “Pop!” went one of his tires. He had a flat and unfortunately Nuclia Waste, the Triple Nipple Drag Queen of had left his tire jack at home. He called AAA for Comedy, can be reached through her website at roadside assistance. As the tow truck pulled NucliaWaste.com.

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It seems to be a family tradition for the children to come home and horrify Mom and Dad with a new tattoo following our eighteenth birthday. First there was my sister’s butterfly art, followed by my brother’s shrine to his childhood Chihuahua on his arm a month after the pup passed. (I’m not kidding here.)

While I’ve yet to follow suit, and am way past my eighteenth year, I still admire the beauty found in skin art. As I would hate to see any art go to waste due to improper tattoo care, below are some tips to keep your ink looking fresh long after you’ve left the parlor.

First, treat it right from the start. We know it’s gorgeous, but try to leave the bandage on for up to 24 hours, without taking peeksies or showing it off. This will help avoid infection from airborne bacteria. If your tattoo artist brings out the Glad Wrap, don’t fret: This is a common form of post-ink wrapping, along with the traditional ABD wound dressing. Note that if your artist chooses this type of dress, the plastic should be removed after two hours.

After the allotted time, remove your bandage, dazzle in your new inked-up skin’s glory, and then gently wash the tattoo and let it air dry. In the days following, continue to wash and apply ointment to the tattoo, taking care to only apply a thin layer. A typical tattoo takes four to six weeks to heal, so keep up the good work until then.

Things to avoid: After your tattoo has healed, you’ll still want to take some precautions to help keep it from fading. You’ve most likely paid good money for it, so think of these steps as due diligence to protect your investment — let’s try to avoid an appearance on “Tattoo Nightmares” as much as we can.

Just as you should have been doing even before you inked up, be sure to apply sunscreen before any lengthy activity in the sun.

Sun is the leading cause of color-fading in tattoos, so pay special attention to your skin art when applying. Anything above SPF 50 will do.

Be sure to keep moisturizing the skin everyday to avoid flaking.

This is especially important in Colorado, as dry air (and the cold) causes skin to crack and dry faster. You want a smooth and beautiful canvas to make your art stand out.

While a nice dip now and then can’t be avoided (especially in the dry climate I just mentioned above), chlorine is another element known to pull color from tattoos. Try to limit your time in the pool, and immediately shower afterwards. Best to avoid the water all together in the weeks following when your tattoo was done.

And there you have it! A few easy steps to ensure your ink doesn’t ever feel “not so fresh.” (Tell your Mom and Dad I’m sorry I was so encouraging.) 

T HE POZ CLOSET Berlin Sylvestre I FOUND OUT MY BUDDY DIED VIA FACEBOOK … not that I’m complaining that I was robbed of the worst kind of phone call or anything. That’s just how I learned, after two years of not talking to me for reasons I wouldn’t be privy to until he was dead, that Billy was … well, dead.

“How?” my tiny voice wept into the phone when his sister answered my late-night call. My soul was an emotional oil spill, and I muted my phone as she spoke so she wouldn’t have to hear my sobbing. After a winded round of apologies that she didn’t call me directly: “He died of complications from AIDS.” I stopped crying, suffocated by terrible revelation. I couldn’t move.

Couldn’t think. Couldn’t f*cking believe what she just said.

“Berlin? You there?”

Sort of. I remember the “no no no!” crying business that we humans get up to when stuff like this happens. I remember the blubbering and the gasping and the snot on my pillow that night … but I couldn’t conjure any memory of him telling me he was poz. All this time — not a word. We’d known each other for a decade plus, lived together for three years, man! We cooked together, painted the deck together, rolled on shitty ecstasy together, spent countless evenings creating weird toys for the cat — we were best buddies … right?

I must’ve called him an asshole post-mortem for the next three days.

I wrote his obituary in a flurry of rage-tears, hammering at the keys like he’d feel my thunder in the Great Beyond. “I’m gonna kick your ass when I get there, Billy,” I promised him many, many times. “Why didn’t you tell me, man?”

He’d known since he was 18, which means he’d lived with the disease for 16 years. I searched my database for any memory of Billy taking medication and there was none. We’d traveled together and all he’d cart around in his duffel bag were clothes and his contacts case. His bathroom was never tinted

orange with pill bottles, and he never spoke of going to the doctor. I mean to say: Billy had HIV and he didn’t fight back.

“HIV isn’t a death sentence anymore,” my good buddy, Dr. Ansel, said to me one afternoon. “He could’ve gotten treatment, and there’s a good chance he’d still be here.” That lit the rage and sadness anew. He could still be here.

I’ll be frank: It’s taken me longer than it should to process that I’ll never speak to him in this life again, and I’ll admit now that my rage was mostly outta line. He wasn’t obligated to tell me a damn thing, and who am I to think his problems were mine to know? So I’ve let it go. He had his reasons for hiding from me and I’ve let it go.

But what I want to release into the wilds of your minds, my other buddies, is that we’re closer and closer to wiping this bastard of a disease off the face of the earth.

We’re gonna have setbacks and speedbumps, but giving up is bullshit. HIV isn’t a death sentence and I want you to remember that.

As well, I’d like to request that you don’t shame yourself and go through this alone. You are not a problem, you are not a bother, you are not defined by your illness.

I found out my buddy Billy died in a twin bed in his parent’s basement, alone and deeply depressed, legs blackened by Kaposi’s Sarcoma. He had a phone by his side the entire time, and why he never dialed my number to say goodbye is a question I’ll have to learn to stop asking.

Here’s where I’m going with this: If anyone out there reading this is HIV-positive and hiding from those who love you, I beg you to let us hold you up when you’re down. I beg you to let us love you through this shit, and to grow old with us knowing we won’t let HIV/AIDS win. Not on our watch, baby. That’s really all I want, on behalf of the people who will always be Team You. I know Billy isn’t the first (or the last) to throw in the towel needlessly and float away from us without goodbyes — I just kinda hope it’s rarer by the day. We need exactly zero more asses to kick in the Great Beyond. 

A R E Y O U H I V- P O S I T I V E A N D I N N E E D O F S U P P O R T ? U N S U R E O F Y O U R S TAT U S A N D N E E D T E S T I N G I N F O ?

Contact the Colorado AIDS Project at 303.837.0166 (denvercap.org), or the GLBT Center of Coloado, 303-733-7743 (glbtcolorado.org).

Family Centered Medicine

Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years Primary Healthcare HIV/AIDS Health care & prevention

Peter Prutch, NP.C, PhD

2121 S Oneida St Ste 248 Denver CO 80224 • (303) 504-0600 familycenteredmedicine.com

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R O C K Y M O U N TA I N REGIONAL RODEO The Colorado Gay Rodeo Association’s 2014 Rocky Mountain Regional Rodeo was held on July 11, 12, and 13 at the Jefferson County Fairgrounds. Hundreds of competitors from across the country converged on Colorful Colorado to compete in numerous events including: Bareback Bronc Riding, Chute Dogging, Calf Roping, Pole Bending, Steer Riding, Goat Dressing, Team Roping, Steer Decorating, Wild Drag Race, Barrel Racing, Flag Race, and Bull Riding.

Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/rodeo2014

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GAY R O D EO W E E K @ CHARLIE’S Charlie’s Denver kicked off Gay Rodeo Week on July 9 with a mini rodeo on the main dance floor. In an effort to drum up support for the Colorado Gay Rodeo Association’s Rocky Mountain Regional Rodeo 32, patrons and employees competed in rodeo-themed events using a tricycle instead of a steed. On July 10, the CGRA Royalty Show took the main stage to carry the momentum into the weekend.

Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/rodeoweek

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STOLI GUY @ HAMBURGER MARY’S The 2014 Stoli Guy Denver Contest was held at Hamburger Mary’s on July 26. Five local men competed for the coveted title. David Smithey, who works at Tracks Nightclub, took the top honors. Smithey will head to New York in September to compete against 12 other contestants for the 2014 Mr. Stoli Guy title. The grand prize is $10,000. Good luck, David! | Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/stoliguy

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WRANGLER 1700 Logan St., Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com MONDAY: POKER NIGHT Free Texas Hold-em Poker, 7–8pm $2 House Drinks, $2 PBR Cans TUESDAY: POOL TOURNAMENT $5 buy in Pool Tournament, 7pm $2 House Drinks, $2 Beer Grab WEDNESDAY: TRIVIA NIGHT Free Geeks Who Drink Trivia 8pm $3 Svedka Drinks, $2 PBR Cans.

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Best of luck, David!! See more photos at outfrontonline.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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COLORADO SPRINGS PRIDE The 2014 Colorado Springs PrideFest was held in America the Beautiful Park on July 19 and 20. A recordbreaking crowd turned out for the two-day event in downtown Colorado Springs. Police estimate that 50,000 LGBT community members, their family, friends, and allies came out for the festivities. Last year’s attendance was estimated at 35,000 people. Out Front caught up with the festivities on Sunday for the annual Pride Parade and some of the festivities in the park.

Photos by Charles Broshous

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/csp

ASK THE SEXPERT

GIMME A “G” Dear Shanna,

I have heard some rumors that the G-spot doesn’t exist. I’m a little confused, since I know I have one, and I’m pretty sure my girlfriend has one as well. What gives?

— Giving It Up for the G, Lafayette.

Dear Giving It Up for the G, SO THE G-SPOT (short for the Gräfenberg spot, named after the scientist who first brought attention to this part of anatomy) is a tricky piece of the body. While it does in fact exists (I know so, because I have one too!), it doesn’t exist all the time. Unlike the rest of your body parts which tend to hang out in the same spot regardless of time of day or how you are feeling, your G-spot is a little sneakier. It only is evident when one is turned on, as the area on the wall of the vagina engorges as it is filled with blood. This aspect has made it very difficult for scientists to measure the G-spot, as when most people go to the gynecologist, they’re not feeling hot, sexy, and turned on.

(Note: some folks do have medical fetishes, but most people don’t enjoy the invasion of the duck lips.) Because of this, the G-spot is not palpable or measurable during gynecological or other medical exams.

Lucky for the owners and caretakers of G-spots, other researchers — like Beverly Whipple — got creative, and had women come in and masturbate. Once they were aroused and their vaginal walls had engorged, then, and only then, did the researchers attempt to examine their participants, and explore the existence of the G-spot. Not surprisingly, they found that it DOES in fact exist, and that women DO in fact have this part of the body.

All of this being said, there is no holy grail of sex. Some people love having their G-spot stimulated, and find G-spot play to be one of their favorite sexual activities. Others find G-spot stimulation to be tickling, annoying, or even incredibly uncomfortable, and never want it to happen to them. Of course, for many people, there is a middle ground — G-spot play can feel good and sexually satisfying, without being a groundbreaking sexual discovery that redefines their sexual dance card. Wherever you (or your partner!) fall on this continuum, I hope you continue to enjoy your sexual adventuring, and rest easy knowing that the G-spot does in fact exist.

— Shanna.

Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna (anonymously)? Email shannakatz@gmail.com.

Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator, and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. See more columns at ofcnow.co/sexpert or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives visit ShannaKatz.com.

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THE INSANITY CYCLE Brent Heinze | Heinzesight

H

ey, Brent. My life has never really been easy (or happy) but in the past few years, I’ve been even more aware that I don’t like what’s going on with me in my life as an adult.

I know I should probably to try something else to improve my happiness, but I don’t even know why it’s so hard to get out of my mindset and do different things. It seems like an easy decision to make, but really hard to start. Do you have any suggestions?

There are many of us who’ve heard the definition of insanity described as our decision to continue doing the same crap 4,612 times and praying for a different result. It truly doesn’t matter what the situation, whether it’s trying to make a Shakespearian tragedy of a relationship work, or trying to solve our own diminished self-esteem issues by getting chemically smashed or overcompensating in a variety of ways.

For example, most of us probably wouldn’t revisit a restaurant that gave us food poisoning, awful service, or disgusting food over and over.

Unfortunately, there are situations (and people) that somehow motivate us to keep going back for more discomfort, abuse, or frustration — we pray it won’t happen again despite the logic that the same repercussions are to be expected.

This could happen because anything we do over and over becomes a pattern for us. We create

habits that benefit and drive us towards achieving goals. Unfortunately, some of our other habits serve to impact our lives in negative ways. They can reinforce such ideas of helplessness, isolation, and feeling like change isn’t likely to occur. The longer we experience the same things, the less likely are to try and change them.

To get this ball of change rolling, take some time to figure out the aspects of your life you want to change. These may be the ones causing you distress, but you may want to consider those that could improve your overall quality of life.

Be careful about glamorizing certain changes by thinking that if you achieve something, your life will be so amazing. Attaining something does not necessarily mean your life will be full of glittercovered unicorns. Very rarely does outside change cause amazing internal improvements Also, be careful about waiting for the “perfect time” to start working on something. There will never be that single wonderful moment where the planets will align to quit smoking, start eating better, begin going to the gym, or start trying to be more socially outgoing.

You would think that getting repeatedly bitchslapped would teach us that what we’re doing may not be the best course of action, but there are times when it takes a longer amount of time to learn these lessons. It is important to remember that we all have the potential to change almost anything in our lives. Changing long-established patterns can be challenging and uncomfortable, but will

hopefully lead into better outcomes and aid in giving us the confidence that we can tackle difficult situations and gain control over our choices.  Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

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