May 21, 2014 :: Fabulous

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FA B U LO U S W I N A D E L U X E V. I . P. W E E K E N D AT D E N V E R P R I D E F E ST 2 0 1 4 : S E E PAG E 4 8

MARK

RUFFALO

MATT

BOMER

TAYLOR

KITSCH

JIM

PARSONS

AND

JULIA

ROBERTS

TO WIN A WAR, YOU HAVE TO START ONE.

F R O M D I R E C T O R RYA N M U R P H Y A N D W R I T E R L A R R Y K R A M E R

PRESENTS A PLAN B ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION A BLUMHOUSE PRODUCTION IN ASSOCIATION WITH RYAN MURPHY PRODUCTIONS MARK RUFFALO THE NORMAL HEART MATT BOMER TAYLOR KITSCH JIM PARSONS ALFRED MOLINA AND JULIA ROBERTS CASTINBYG AMANDA MACKEY AND CATHY SANDRICH GELFOND DESICOSTUMEGNER DANIEL ORLANDI SUPERVIMUSISORC PJ BLOOM

MUSIC BY

PRODUCTION PRODUCED EDITED DIRECTOR OF EXECUTIVE CO-EXECUTIVE

BY ADAM PENN DESIGNER SHANE VALENTINO PHOTOGRAPHY DANNY MODER BY SCOTT FERGUSON PRODUCER MARK RUFFALO PRODUCERS RYAN MURPHY DANTE DI LORETO CLIFF MARTINEZ SCREENPLAY DIRECTED EXECUTIVE

BY LARRY KRAMER BASED ON HIS PLAY “THE NORMAL HEART”

BY RYAN MURPHY PRODUCERS JASON BLUM BRAD PITT DEDE GARDNER

SUNDAY, MAY 25 9PM OR WATCH IT ON

HBO GO® is only accessible in the US and certain US territories. © 2014 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Office, Inc.

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CO NT ENTS

VOLUME 38

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ISSUE 4

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People have told me I can be a bit much, but I don’t make excuses for it. We’re here to deliver, so shit or get off the pot!

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From the Editor

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The Outfield

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To Health with Femininity

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Vegas: Bright Lights, Sin City

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Fear and Loathing of Fems and Bottoms

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The Power of Pretty

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Les Femme Fatale

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Legal Directory

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McGlothlen: Dirty Little Secret

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Cuisine: Eat It, Write It

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Arts & Culture: At Ease, Soldier

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Calendar

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The Fabulous & Fascinating Hats of Paul Moschell

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Radioactive Vision: Gov’ Lov’

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Bianca Del Rio

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Bits & Bobs

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Panel

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Back in the Day

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Media Stream

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Bar Tab

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Sexuality: On Being A Woman

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Sexpert: The Golden Question

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Heinzesight: Evolution of the Self

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Outback Classifieds

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26 “I think that there is some element of sexual energy, sexual tension in almost every interaction, every relationship.”

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“Our lives don’t come with a reset button and starting completely over isn’t often possible.”

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Serving the LGBT Community of the Rocky Mountains since 1976 3535 Walnut Street Denver, Colorado 80205 Phone: 303-477-4000 Fax: 303-325-2642 Email: info@outfrontonline.com Web: OutFrontOnline.com Facebook: facebook.com/OutFrontColorado Twitter: @OutFrontCO Out Front is published by Transformation Communications Group, LLC, a Colorado limited liability corporation and is a member of: Denver Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce and Denver Drama Critics Circle.

ADMINISTRATION PHIL PRICE / Founder, 1954-1993 JERRY CUNNINGHAM / Publisher Email: Jerry@outfrontonline.com J.C. MCDONALD / Vice President Email: JC@outfrontonline.com RYAN KING / Associate Publisher Email: Ryan@outfrontonline.com ERIN ANDERSON / Administrative Coordinator Email: Erin@outfrontonline.com JEFF JACKSON SWAIM / Chief Strategist Email: Jeff@outfrontonline.com

EDITORIAL BERLIN SYLVESTRE / Interim Editor Email: Editorial@outfrontonline.com ROB BARGER / Production Coordinator Email: Rob@outfrontonline.com KAILYN LAMB / Intern CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Lauren Archuletta, Michael Carr, Paul Collanton, Steve Cruz, Nicholas Ferguson, Keo Frazier, Nic Garcia, George Gramer, Brent Heinze, Josiah Hesse, Shanna Katz, Jen LaBarbera, Kelsey Lindsey, Brianna Matthews, Ken Schroeppel, Scott McGlothlen, Jonathan McGrew, Phil Nash, Tom Rockman, Karen Scarpella, Jeffrey Steen, Berlin Sylvestre, Pieter Tolsma, Ashley Trego, Robyn Vie-Carpenter, Nuclia Waste, Alison Wisneski, Mike Yost

MARKETING / SALES JORDAN JACOBS / Senior Marketing Executive Email: Jordan@outfrontonline.com DUSTIN KRIER / Marketing Executive Email: Dustin@outfrontonline.com JAY DUQUE / Marketing & Events Coordinator Email: Jay@outfrontonline.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media / 212-242-6863 sales@rivendellmedia.com

ART COLBY BRUMIT / Senior Graphic Designer Email: Colby@outfrontonline.com CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS & PHOTOGRAPHERS: Charles Broshous, Nicole Kushner, Denee Pino, Hans Rosemond, Evan Semon DISTRIBUTION: Out Front Colorado’s print publication is available semimonthly, free of charge in Colorado, one copy per person. Additional copies of Out Front Colorado may be purchased for $3.95 each, payable in advance at Out Front Colorado offices located at 3535 Walnut Street, Denver CO, 80205. Out Front Colorado is delivered only to authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out Front Colorado, take more than one copy of Out Front Colorado. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable for theft, including but not limited to civil damages and or criminal prosecution.

COPYRIGHT & LIMIT OF LIABILITY: Reproduction of editorial, photographic or advertising content without written consent of the publisher is strictly prohibited. Advertisers are responsible for securing rights to any copyrighted material within their advertisements.

Publisher assumes no responsibility for the claims of advertisers and reserves the right to reject any advertising. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles or advertising is not to be considered an indication of the sexual orientation or HIV status of such person or organization. Publisher assumes no responsibility for the loss or damage of materials submitted. OPINIONS EXPRESSED are not necessarily those of OUT FRONT COLORADO, its staff or advertisers.

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FROM THE EDITOR

This issue brought to you by the state of being FABULOUS. A

t every given turn, we have the opportunity to express, and at every other turn, people have the opportunity to judge us for it.

Each article of clothing we don, every accessory we fasten, the footwear we’ve selected, our hair, our gait, our voice… all of it is subject to verdicts — good and bad — from the court of public opinion.

BERLIN SYLVESTRE, INTERIM EDITOR Good. Let them look. Let them stare. Let them assess. You just keep moving, honey.

Some folks, though … some really brave folks go out of their way to challenge the status quo and dress/accessorize with feminine fervor. They charge at life in colors that scream, attitudes that won’t be hushed, a self-possession that expresses itself any damn way it wants.

That’s what we mean by fabulous.

But there’s a repressed side to fabulous, for some ... a stigma born of the fact that, in order to be fabulous, you must be self-assured enough to put your feminine side on blast. For some lesbians, it’s a given. For most guys, it’s a risk.

I took a bit of heat for my decision to include male femininity in this issue. Last year, Out Front published “Butch,” a celebration of masculinity in women, as defined

by our interviewees. The question was posed: Why, with the infatuation with and saturation of the gay male that LGBT media possesses, can’t the ladies have their own issue once more, to counterbalance the “Butch” issue? It’s a fair question and I’d like to address it, lest anyone else feel the same way traipsing through our pages.

I’m a lover of perspective and I have an issue with things being “this” or “that.” What a trans woman may find eye-opening (pg. 52 ) about being a woman full time, a feminine gay man might find epiphanic (pg. 16 ). These are stories I don’t want to leave out simply because they don’t fit a theme or properly juxtapose an issue that was published before my time as editor. To be honest, I never would have published an issue devoted to what has the potential to be a singular perspective.

But because the young woman taking me to task was so passionate with her line of questioning, I ruminated. It’s my nature to toss and turn at night, wondering if there’s something I’m not seeing. That kind of thing eats me alive.

Ultimately, I decided that inclusion is my conclusion and we must move on. I invite anyone to write me and address your concerns of this nature, and I thank the young woman and all her fire.

This issue is dedicated to all the men and women in our community who let their inner goddesses take the wheel.

We see you. We’re staring. We’ve assessed that hotness and honey ...

You are fabulous. 

About the Contributors

Scott McGlothlen is the author of his Out Front column Bleed Like Me, offering snapshots of his journey as an HIV-positive gay man along with many other enlightening, edgy or hilariously-revealing stories of insight he’s gained along the way.

ABOUT OUR COVER The image you see on our cover was provided by world-renowned photographer Mike Ruiz. Taken from his coffee table book entitled “Pretty Masculine,” the photograph conveys an idea Ruiz explores throughout the collection: the convergence of masculinity and femininity aimed at blurring the lines between their stereotypes. Available now as an app, “Pretty Masculine” lets users recreate their own photos with a variety of elements he implemented for the shoots -- creative lighting, tribal tattooing, and costuming among the interactive effects. All of the proceeds from the sale of the book and the app go to the Gay Men’s Health Crisis, a non-profit based in New York City that is also the world’s first and leading provider of HIV/AIDS prevention, care, and advocacy. For more on “Pretty Masculine,” head to MikeRuiz.com.

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Charles Broshous is an avid photographer whose snapshots have appeared in the Grand Junction Free Press and Denver Daily News, and here in Out Front for nearly three years now.

Dive in front of Charles’ camera at LGBT bars and events around Colorado to be featured in Out Front’s regular “On the Scene” galleries, or spot yourself or your friends in print on pages 34 & 35 and online at ofcnow.co/pix

THE OUTFIELD

St. Louis Rams pick Michael Sam in seventh round of NFL draft Ralph D. Russo MICHAEL SAM WAITED AND WAITED. Hours passed, rounds came and went, and eventually, there were only eight more picks left on the third and final day of the NFL draft.

For just a moment, it looked as if his chance of being picked by a pro team and becoming the league’s first openly gay player might take a detour.

Or at least be delayed.

The call finally came Saturday from the St. Louis Rams, the team right down the road from where Sam played his college ball at the University of Missouri.

Sam was selected in the seventh and final round and admitted it was a frustrating wait. He said teams that passed on him chickened out and he should have been drafted sooner.

“From last season alone, I should’ve been in the first three rounds. SEC Defensive Player of the Year, All-American,” Sam said. He stopped short of directly saying his stock dropped in the draft because he came out.

REPORT FROM LGBTQNATION.COM

“You know what, who knows? Who knows?

Only the people who sit in the war room know,” he said. “They saw Michael Sam, [and] day after day they scratched it off the board. That was their loss. But St. Louis kept me on that board. And you know what? I feel like I’m a (Jadeveon) Clowney, a first draft pick. I’m proud of where I am now.”

Sam came out as gay in media interviews earlier this year. His team and coaches knew his secret and kept it for his final college season. He went on to have the best year of his career. He was the co-defensive player of the year in the nation’s best college football conference and had 11.5 sacks.

The pick came after several rounds of suspense.

The first round of the day, No. 4 overall, came and went. No Sam. Then the fifth … the sixth ... and finally, the day was down to just a handful of picks.

When Mike Kensil, the NFL’s vice president of game operations, walked to the podium at Radio City Music Hall in the draft’s final minutes to announce the Rams’ second-to-last pick, the crowd got a sense something was up. Very few of the last-day picks were announced at the podium.

Twitter lit up with suggestions the Rams were about to make news.

PHOTO: G.M. ANDREWS, AP

When Kensil said: “The St. Louis Rams select … Michael Sam…” the fans gave a hearty cheer, chanting “Yes! Yes! Yes!” and “Michael Sam!” Sam was in San Diego watching with friends and family at the home of his agent, Joe Barkett of Empire Athletes. ESPN and the NFL Network had cameras there and showed Sam’s reaction.

Sam was on the phone bending over, with his boyfriend hugging him and rubbing his left bicep.

When Sam got off the phone, the tears started. He gave his boyfriend a big kiss and a long hug as he cried and his eyes reddened. After, they shared cake — and another kiss. 

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OUT IN COLORADO

We work with you WeWeunderstand you work with you because you We understand We because are you!

We are you!

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Johnna Jaynes, masculine, feminine, PA-C, MMS, leader, funny, personable, director of student health, and much more Rob Barger

The 9Health Fair wrapped up around noon, but Medical Site Coordinator Johnna Jaynes stayed until 2pm to ensure everything wrapped up nicely.

Jaynes is a certified physician assistant and the woman responsible for managing more than 180 medical volunteers including phlebotomists, nurses, other physician assistants, and, much to her intrigue, a bone density machine donated for the day by Walgreens.

“I wish I hadn’t been so busy,” says Jaynes. “I was really curious about it” Her task was no easy one. She and her crew have been planning the health fair since last October. With the fair dubbed a huge success, Jaynes has catapulted herself as an up-and-coming medical leader in the greater Denver community. On top of it all, she is a happily married lesbian whom others refer to as ‘femme.’

“I’ve always had long hair and long nails, so I guess that’s what you’d call feminine,” says Jaynes. The notion of feminine is naturally subjective, so she doesn’t fault others for making snap judgments about her traits.

“I have a difficult time understanding the definition of femininity outside of those social constructs,” she says. “[They’re] created to help people understand each other. Psychologists do this a lot with diagnoses, and people do it everyday without thinking — it doesn’t mean they’re right or wrong.”

“I’m a Libra with a bit of Scorpio,” she laughs, referring to her masculine and feminine attributes. “I like to get dressed up and take pride in my appearance, so I guess that’s feminine, but my strongest feminine trait would be that I’m a nurturer.”

When it comes to the marginalization of feminine lesbians within the LGBT community, Jaynes feels that things have vastly improved over time.

“When I was younger, I had a lot of people question my sexuality because of my femininity. Not so much from men — gay men totally accepted and embraced me — but from older lesbian women,” she says. “Nowadays, I see a lot of younger feminine lesbians and they are celebrated within the community. A lot of butch lesbians are thrilled that feminine attributes are becoming more abundant.”

Jaynes says there is a quiet strength to the power of femininity. “It’s like the French language and how it uses gendered words. The French word for ‘leadership’ is masculine, while the French word for ‘influence’ is feminine, and I think that really rings true for me,” says Jaynes. “Feminine power manifests itself in communication and influence rather than a more forceful masculine power.”

While Jaynes admits her femininity might show more often than her masculinity, she remarks that these are just simple ways to label people.

“What we’re talking about are [constructed] roles that don’t fit anyone perfectly. My wife and I get asked all the time who the man of the relationship is and what the askers don’t realize is that they don’t fit into the perfect masculine or feminine stereotype, either. Everyone dabbles in a bit of both.” 

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Ark. judge strikes down all state laws banning same-sex marriage

Pulaski County clerk says he’ll immediately resume issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — A judge cleared the way on Thursday for gay marriages to resume in Arkansas, striking down all state laws that prevent same-sex couples from marrying.

A day after the state Supreme Court effectively halted gay marriages in the state, Pulaski County Circuit Judge Chris Piazza expanded his ruling striking down a constitutional ban to also include the prohibition on clerks issuing same-sex marriage licenses. Justices had ruled Wednesday that Piazza’s decision on the gay marriage ban did not change that license law.

Piazza also rejected a request to suspend his ruling, saying there’s no evidence the state would be harmed by allowing gay marriages to continue.

“The same cannot be said of the plaintiffs and other same-sex couples who have not been afforded the same measure of human dignity, respect and recognition by this state as their similarly situated, opposite sex counterparts,” Piazza wrote. “A stay would operate to further damage Arkansas families and deprive them of equal access to the rights associated with marriage status in this state.”

Attorney General Dustin McDaniel’s office said he would appeal and was asking the high court to suspend Piazza’s latest order. McDaniel, a Democrat, recently said he supports gay marriage but would continue defending the state’s ban in court.

“This order clarifies what we understood Judge Piazza had attempted to do last week, and it does not change our posture of seeking a stay from the Arkansas Supreme Court and pursuing an appeal,” McDaniel spokesman Aaron Sadler said.

Pulaski County, one of two counties that had been issuing licenses before the high court’s decision, said it planned to resume issuing licenses to same-sex couples immediately. The other, Washington County, was not issuing licenses Thursday.

An attorney for the couples who had sued over the ban said he wasn’t surprised by the ruling.

“I think his intent all along was to strike down any of these statutes that interfered with a samesex couple obtaining a marriage license in the state,” attorney Jack Wagoner said. “The fact he didn’t call out the statute number of one of those statutes was an oversight.”

Last Friday, Piazza threw out a 10-year-old ban that voters placed in the state constitution, as well as a separate state law barring samesex marriages.

After Piazza’s decision last Friday, clerks in five counties responded by issuing marriage licenses to gay couples. Through Wednesday evening, 456 gay couples in Arkansas had since received permission to marry, according to an Associated Press canvass of county clerks. By Wednesday, only Pulaski and Washington counties were issuing licenses.

Arkansas voters approved a gay marriage ban by a 3-to-1 margin in 2004.  Story from lgbtqnation.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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BEYOND COLORADO

Vegas: Bright Lights, Sin City Why stay here when it’s happening there?

ZU M A NI T Y

CULINARY DROPOUT

L A RE VE : D R E A M T H E AT E R

Ryan King

F

or my birthday this year, I wanted it all. Exquisite food, hypnotic shows, and as much decadence as I could muster without breaking the bank.

In a word? I wanted Vegas. With such a fabulous time under my belt, I thought this issue would be the perfect place to share and recommend the one-of-a-kind experience of Sin City with our readers and I hope you keep my suggestions in mind the next time you venture west.

Getting There Flying from Denver to Vegas is quick and easy — especially with all the airfare wars going on with United, Southwest, and Frontier. I decided that Southwest was the way to go and I’d highly recommend them. Not only do bags fly free, but they also allow flights changes without charging any fees. On the other hand, Frontier has slashed their fares and if you don’t mind paying for everything individually, they are the most cost-effective way to get to the glittering oasis of Vegas.

Hanging Your Hat I stayed at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel, as I was told it’s right next to the “Fruit Loop.” No, the Fruit Loop isn’t unlimited bowls of cereal; it’s where several of the gay establishments are located. However, I probably wouldn’t stay there again … several other hotels on the strip are catering specifically to the LGBT community and they know how to do it right!

Next trip I’m definitely going to check out the Encore Hotel. They have a concierge program that caters specifically to the LGBT community and 10

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C H A ND E L I ER BA R @ COS M O PO LI TA N

PA RASO L D OW N @ W Y N N

Exquisite food, hypnotic shows, and as much decadence as I could muster without breaking the bank.

what I’ve seen of the hotel is amazing! The Encore is part of the Wynn Las Vegas Hotel, created by Steve Wynn, the billionaire responsible for some of the revamping and modernization of the Vegas strip we see today. You can pick up a room at Encore for around $200/night this summer. The Cosmopolitan boasts an incredibly hip vibe with the amazing Chandelier Bar. Walking into the blinging, sparkling casino transports you to the time of Liberace and their current marketing campaign — Just the Right Amount of Wrong — says it all. Rooms at The Cosmopolitan go for $150/night. If you are sticking to a budget, check out Luxor Las Vegas. The Luxor brings an Egyptian theme for less than $100/night, but check out their specials for around $50! When the party gets hot, cool off at Temptation Sundays, the must-do pool party hosted by J. Son of Naked Boy News.

Eating Out If you stay on the strip you have to check out Culinary Dropout, sister restaurant of True Food Kitchen located here in Cherry Creek. Start your mouth-watering adventure with their soft pretzel bites and provolone fondue sauce. But make sure you leave room for dessert and the silkysmooth caramel custard topped with homemade caramel corn. You also want to head over to Le Cave at the Wynn where you will experience the American version of small plates from Chef Billy DeMarco. Trust me: the filet and its brilliantly-paired roasted beets melt in your mouth. End with the s’more-styled flat bread for warm-and-fuzzy flashbacks to camping trips as a kid.

Continued on Page 12 >> Photos: Guikano Bekor/Zumanity; Courtesy of The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas; Wynn/Encore Las Vegas

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Gay Coloradan talks coming out, moving to Los Angeles, and working as a TV producer.

>> Vegas Continued from Page 10

Brenton Metzler grew up in rural Colorado and struggled to come out to his family; now he lives in California, working as the supervising producer for the Emmy-nominated show, “Elbow Room.”

show that legitimately changes and affects lives in such a great way?”

Metzler said his upbringing in rural Colorado “The premise of the show is you have these old, 50s-style homes in the south,” Brad Metzler has been a huge help working in Los Angeles. “It’s says. “They’re huge, but all chopped up, so we so vastly different in every way. Colorado has given wanted to find interesting ways to give those me so much on how to deal with this industry.” homes function and space.”

Metzler grew up in Yuma, a small town about Launching its third season this month on 140 miles northeast of Denver with a populathe Home & Garden Television network, “Elbow tion of roughly 3,500. When he was 16, Metzler Room” is hosted by Chip Wade, a carpenter and moved to Fort Morgan, which has a population of contractor who renovates homes utilizing invenabout 10,000. tive designs such as movable walls, or tables and “Little towns in Colorado are the absolute beds that collapse out of site. best place in the world to be from,” says Metzler.

“Wade creates crazy pieces of furniture that “They teach you how to be a good person, they allow the space to be more functional within a really do.” tiny amount of space,” he says.

Metzler added that he learned a strong sense of Before working on “Elbow Room,” Metzler community and looking out for each other growing was a producer for “Extreme Makeover: Home up in rural Colorado, something he lives by to this day.

“A handshake is your word,” he says. “I run into people so many times out in these big cities who are always looking over their shoulder. I just feel like there’s a certain amount of niceness from anywhere in Colorado.”

But Metzler was worried about how far that niceness would extend once he came out as a gay man. When he flew home to visit his family for his 21st birthday, he made a promise to himself to kick that closet door down.

“I didn’t get the nerve to tell ME TZ L ER O N S E T anybody,” he admits. Then he was outed in a most peculiar Edition” (EM:HE). The show’s goal was to renovate and — only years later — amusing way.

“My sister is gay, too, and we knew about each the homes of families who have endured hardships or tragedies. other,” Metzler says, adding his sister is seven years Metzler mentioned that one of the more older. “My parents called her and said: ‘We know memorable episodes featured a volleyball coach you’re gay, you can come out of the closet.’ She by the name of Carrie Prewitt, who took in three replied: ‘I’m not gay, but Brenton is.’ She totally foster children after their parents passed away. threw me out of the closet!”

“The three kids had been abused at almost Much to Metzler’s relief, his family and his every house they had been to,” he says. “They hometown embraced him for who he was, true to the small-town kindness archetype. were going to be put into foster care and split up, and the oldest girl, who had been in volleyball “It’s been nothing but support from that town,” with this volleyball coach for a while, said: ‘Call says Metzler. “They all kind of looked, I think, submy coach. She’ll know what to do.’” consciously to my dad, a staunch Republican and Prewitt and her three foster children were a farmer who worked as an investigator for the living in a small, cramped, double-wide trailer Colorado Public Affairs Office. He was so amazing about it that I think they felt like they had to be.” near Jacksonville, Florida. Then EM:HE came along. Working with almost 3,000 builders, deMetzler has advice for any LGBT youth growing signers, and volunteers, a new, spacious home up in a small town who might feel isolated or alone. was built for the Prewitt-Brewer family in only “The thing you don’t realize is that there’s seven days. somebody out there who is completely going to “It feels almost like I got the brass ring early appreciate you for you. It might not be in the town in my career,” says Metzler, who still keeps in you’re in, but you’ll find those people in your life, people who are genuinely drawn to what makes contact with some of the families featured in the you you.”  program. “How often do you get to be part of a Mike Yost

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ROS E. RA B B I T. LI E. Now Showing Vegas is full of shows vying for your attention.

Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity at New York, New York is an edgy show that brings you sensuality and sexuality. It was one of the very first gay kisses in a show on the strip. Le Reve has been likened to Olympic synchronized swimming on steroids, but that vastly understates how amazing the show really is. Le Reve was started by Franco Dragone after he left Cirque in 2005, and is a show that has been transformed many times over the years. There are plenty of ripped, shaven-head guys that will leave you dreaming (which might be why it’s called Le Reve, which is French for ‘the dream’). If you are looking for a show-andnight-out combo, head over to Rose. Rabbit. Lie. at The Cosmopolitan. It’s a social experiment that blurs the line between theater, club, restaurant, and bar offering an unpredictable evening for those seeking the unexpected. Still too ordinary?

Try The Dig. You get to drive around in bulldozers and excavators and it don’t get any more butch than that! After you have all your fun monkeying around with big machinery, head over to Share Nightclub. A hot mix of locals and visitors congregate there to shake it to the latest hits from local DJ talent. This ultra-lounge has a great dance floor surrounded by couches and VIP tables — definitely the place to be seen.

Vegas is truly designed to live up to its “What happens here, stays here” motto, so jump on Kayak or Southwest.com and get out to the strip!

(We won’t tell.) 

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FEAR AND LOATHING OF FEMS AND BOTTOMS

Steve Cruz

W

hen first setting out to write about disrespect and disdain from gay men toward fems and bottoms, the temptation is to talk about those who defy the broadest types: bottoms who are butch or tops who are fem. But in order to address this topic in limited space, going right down the middle and concentrating on obviously-gay, pinkpurse, ankle-grabbing homos is the most effective way to make sense.

I’m one of those homosexuals who sounds gay on voicemail. I used to cringe trying to leave a voice greeting without a feather boa. I’ve been the one who isn’t invited to meet a closeted friend’s visiting family.

When I came out, I heard from my only friend during my formative years, “We all knew you were gay; it’s stupid that you felt compelled to try changing yourself.”

When I came out and found a niche in nightclub promotion, I met other gay men who weren’t butch. Some were delicate and fine, and others were big chicks like me who could change a tire, chop firewood, make quiche in our sleep, and apply nail lacquer flawlessly.

Then I heard it: a gay putdown I would hear often and in many forms. “That thing, he’s a big ol’ bottom!” Even though it wasn’t aimed at me, I felt shame. Just like derogatory stuff I heard in school, I realized it described me.

Evil Twins A lot of internal and external venom — often in the forms self-hatred and paranoia — goes into hating fem gay men and bottoms. It’s a form of bullying others and in many cases oneself.

Homophobia and misogyny are evil twins that almost always appear together.

Misogyny is the hatred or dislike of females that manifests itself as discrimination, denigration, violence, and sexual objectification.

Homosexual misogyny is problematic and often unchecked. For many gays, the women in our lives are crucially important; for other gay men, their grudge against certain women spreads to all. I can’t imagine it for my own life, but I’ve observed it, and it always makes that person seem stupid.

Heterosexual male misogynists may be attracted to women, but somewhere along the way they picked up the mentality that they are superior and entitled to control them.

How does this relate to homophobia?

Misogynistic minds that consider women inferior generally despise men who assume the position of a woman — on their knees or bent over, being penetrated by a penis. Gays who have internalized this message and not challenged it often have negative attitudes toward feminine aspects in themselves and others.

Exposure We’re gay, supposedly living in the realm of diversity and acceptance. Conceptually, we’re socially elevated and not shocked by a man getting pounded in the ass and loving it. Realistically, though, we’re often bitchy 14

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and mean. It’s nothing new, but seems more shrill of late. For vast numbers of gays, being undetectable is greatly desired.

Think “straight-acting, straight-appearing” and the adoration and respect it immediate generates among people, both gay and straight.

This cocoon of personal security is easily pierced by the sounds of sparkling gay laughter and the sibilant ‘S’-sound. The term “appeasement mode” sums up those who wish to be “acceptably gay” to friends, family and colleagues. For those in appeasement mode, hearing, “You’re gay? I never would have guessed!” is a huge compliment.

They’re constantly checking themselves and rejecting those who don’t fit their illusion.

Twenty-five years ago, actor Ian McKellen remarked, “Upon hearing you are gay, a great many people’s minds go directly to the bed and they imagine what you do there.” His observation still rings true.

Stigma The comment “If gays aren’t loathing themselves, they have to loathe someone,” is humorous because there’s a lot of truth in it. Gays stigmatizing men who take it in the ass or whose mannerisms are fem isn’t rare.

We’ve already established that, to some, it is considered not manly. Australian comic Steve Hughes blows that out of the water. In high school, Hughes, a heavy metal dude, took home economics instead of football.

One of his mates made a derogatory comment and Hughes observed: “While you f*cks are showering with each other, I’m hanging out with 30 girls.” When one of them said — out of the blue — he didn’t like poofs because they aren’t tough, Hughes made the observation: “What do you mean?

While you’re with your girlfriends and their soft curves and girly smells, gay guys are taking it up the ass from other blokes. What do you mean ‘not tough?’”

Part of the stigma comes directly from gays who seem not to respect themselves.

How many of us have read or heard sexual come-ons by bottoms seeking tops and found them unsavory and self-trashing?

“Cum dump,” “breed,” “seed,” “destroy my hole” are utterances meant to cater to tops and, in the same breath, demean themselves in an egregious lack of self-respect ... or is it a sense of self-preservation? We know that bottoms are at greater risk for STDs, and perhaps such language fortifies notions of bottoms as infected and inferior.

Where from here?

I’m a big believer that people who are offensive and cutting need to find their own help. Those of us who are bottoms or fem or both need to shed the shame and figure out who our strongest allies are: draw them so close the others can’t get near.

Put a brick in your purse — figuratively, not literally — and learn to swing it. Be self-satisfied, not easily offended or hurt.

Don’t repay insults with insults! (Ignoring someone and having a good time will drive them crazy.) In just a few words: “If you’re gonna be a femme-shaming jerk, you get none of THIS.” 

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THE BODY OF A MAN, THE FORTITUDE OF A WOMAN Nico Stoerner “Feminine force is that inner strength, that power, that will to face down any negative circumstances in life and defeat them.”

-Georgette Mosbacher Georgette says it best, although I highly doubt she — the chairwoman of John McCain’s 2000 Presidential Campaign — ever foresaw her insightful words being used to console and encourage effeminate, perhaps even gay, men. That, however, is the premise of this article and the reason we’re featuring two successful entrepreneurs who learned to embrace and celebrate their true, feminine selves. With gender lines continuing to blur, human rights being gained, and societal norms adjusting, it’s important to recognize the strength and beauty of the individual. These two men found the courage to do just that, and so I sat down with them to discuss their journey.

DANNY BLU, GLAM ROCKER Growing up, how did you feel about femininity?

When I was younger I tried to suppress any kind of femininity. I played soccer and watched crime shows. It felt like something I wasn’t supposed to know about or let other people see.

When did you become comfortable expressing it?

It wasn’t until I started getting into the music scene that I figured out that “feminine” and “queer” we’re separate identities. Boys in punk bands wear eyeliner and act flamboyantly and that’s considered masculine because of their profession. When I first saw Marilyn Manson, when I was 11, I began to understand what it was to be a “boy who wore non-boy things” and I started painting my nails, wearing a lot more fishnet, etc.

Did your family respond to this?

My family was actually very supportive. I dyed my hair for years and wore piercings and jewelry before I was even in high school. My friends were ok with it too. I was more weird than feminine to them, and they were weird so that was ok.

What were your greatest challenges as you became more comfortable in your own skin?

At that time, I faced more challenges from the older generation. I had a principal who hated me for what I wore (though I was the president of the student government) and faced issues with administration and faculty.

How has your perception of femininity changed?

My perception has changed greatly. I perform in heels and corsets, covered in makeup. I think it’s something to be admired to be in touch with both sides of your being. I definitely embrace those around me who are in touch with themselves. I have tons of drag queen friends and other queer musicians who understand the influence [femininity has].

How do you see gender roles changing among young people and in the media today?

I believe gender roles are starting to blur, especially in pop culture and in the media.

As the queer world begins to gain strength and rights, we are more comfortable seeing gay characters on television, in films, in music. Pop culture has always been on the forefront of the war of equality. It dominates our existence, so if we see change there, we begin to accept it into our lives. Young people, especially, are less concerned with gender roles, I believe. In my own experience, my own young nieces simply see me as the uncle they’ve always had, no matter what I’m wearing or how I act.

Concerning the stigma people have against feminine males/men who express their femininity, what advice would you give people experiencing the same struggle?

I would have to give the same advice I give to anyone going through the struggle of being themselves: you have the opportunity to choose your family, your tribe. Again, like I tell people when I’m speaking against bullying, if you don’t have a support system, find one. You are in this world for a reason and one day there will be people who understand you. Changing for others is counterproductive to evolution. If you were meant to be a more feminine male, werk it out. Be yourself.

See Danny and his fabulous self at www.thefactoryblu.com or shout him out at Facebook.com/DannyBlu.

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JUSTIN JEDLICA, “THE HUMAN KEN DOLL” As you were growing up how did you feel about femininity?

I grew up to regard effeminacy and homosexuality as the same thing, and frequently heard these terms used interchangeably.

When did you become comfortable expressing it?

Around senior year of high school I finally began to grow into my own skin, and once I graduated and had my first relationship with a man, I realized that I needed to accept myself.

Ironic as it may sound, I began to use plastic surgery as a medium to create art – to literally sculpt myself. I began to realize the power I had to illustrate my interest in art, beauty, and plastic surgery by using my own body as my canvas. My idols were female, and my effeminate nature was now both a strength and an inspiration for my work. Soon after, my caring, softness, finesse, and style began to be appreciated. I found the strength to see them as a blessing instead of a curse. Just as a “butch tomboy” should be proud of her confidence and strength, a “femme” guy should be proud of his softness and charm.

How has your femininity influenced your body modification?

Since my childhood I idolized females more than men. To me they were glamorous celebrities ... symbols of creativity, desire, and sexuality. They were powerful. I always saw my mother as the “siren” of the household – the most tender, loving, alluring, and even manipulative. There was instant appeal.

What’s more, there’s even more acceptance for women to modify their bodies than men. The measure of beauty always seems to be set by females and not men, so of course I’ve always found my inspiration to fall somewhere between the beauty of a woman in the build of a man.

How has exploring your feminine side changed your idea of the male aesthetic?

I’m not sure that my personal views of the male aesthetic have changed.

However, my ideal aesthetic has changed as I learned to celebrate my own

femininity. I love specific contours and characteristics that are characteristic of both genders, and I have the power to pick and choose what I want to see in the mirror. This face and body is my artwork, my life’s work. Most artists get to create on canvas, but imagine how rewarding it is to wear your canvas 24/7.

What were your greatest challenges on your journey?

In my 20s, my challenges were within myself. Now that I am married, there’s a constant push/pull with myself and my husband. He’s much more conservative and prefers not to be acknowledged in the media. I respect his wishes but I also disagree with his choice. As partners, you must always make compromises with each other, and this is one of mine. I do, however, find great strength in and respect for people who are “out and proud.” I don’t tolerate untruth and I don’t perpetuate prejudice.

Did you have any idols you looked up to that you were inspired by?

Lots! The short list includes Michael Jackson, Jocelyn Wildenstein, Joan Rivers, Ken (the doll), Esther Canadas, and Queen Nefertiti.

What advice would you give people experiencing the stigma of the feminine man?

While I consider mine a success story I don’t delude myself into thinking that I’ve overcome any stigmas in society and I’m ok with that. Part of the reason for my success has been the result of having challenged the norm as a strong, ambitious, effeminate man – and not just in plastic surgery.

What advice would you give to men struggling with their femininity?

Don’t. Be true to yourself. “Fitting in” isn’t always the route to happiness — it can actually be a prison. Be the trendsetter, don’t follow the trend. It may sound cliché, but as an adult I’ve found that people respect people who respect themselves.

Check out more of Justin’s life work and aesthetic at JustinJedlica.com.

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Berlin Sylvestre A security-guard examines my credentials, takes a hard look at me, then steps aside, sweeping the length of his enormous arm into the dark doorway in a silent, “Right this way.” I see her immediately, the subject of my next piece. She’s going over notes on a hip little device, but must’ve felt my gaze.

She stands to greet me in the underlit warehouse — the site of an erotica convention that is hosting her as keynote speaker — and I’m immediately hit with the unmistakable power of a woman put together. Her dark, thick curls hold their perfectly coiffed posture alongside a pale, flawless face.

A mesmer of full lips stained the color of backlit blood smile in greeting. I am suddenly self-conscious that I hadn’t the foresight to style myself with such aplomb. I manage a smile, one leg somehow making its way in front of the other.

The archetypal little black dress hugs the hourglass she calls home rather hypnotically and a beautifully manicured hand reaches for mine in welcome. I like to believe she instinctively picks up on my nerves as she sits back down in a relaxed posture.

“Thank you so much for the Coke,” she says. (Before I arrived, she texted that she’d kill for one.)

“Are you kidding me?” I respond, thanking her for agreeing to chat for a minute about our next issue. I launch right in. “I suppose I’ve come to the right one to talk about feminine lesbians,” I observe. “I do have to warn you, though, that I’ve never taken any women’s studies classes or read any longform on feminism, so I’m sure what I’m about to ask is eight kinds of wrong in that regard.” She waves a hand.

“I’ve never had any women’s studies classes either,” she says, to my comfort. “I mean, I’ve experienced a lot as a woman, and I do go and research the subject from time to time — especially in preparation for lectures — so, it’s actually something I’m still learning about, as well.”

“I just want to examine femininity from different standpoints and find out what it means from various angles,” I tell her. “I know that femininity has its own power, but what does that mean, exactly?” Her look suggests I go on.

“Well, for example, when I think about male power, I instantly think physical strength and social standing. When I think about power in women, my mind immediately goes — is this sexist? — to their physical beauty.”

“Beauty certainly carries quite a bit of power,” she tells me. “Female beauty is highly commercialized — we have an entire industry devoted to the cultivation and maintenance of it.”

Jincey knows it well, being the CSO (Chief Sexy Officer) of Juicy Pink Box, a lesbian-run adult entertainment company geared toward audiovisual stimulation aimed to appeal specifically to lesbians. Dubbed the “Hugh Hefner of lesbian porn,” she’s created an empire devoted to the lesbian sex aesthetic that runs the gamut of cis/trans, femme/butch, top/bottom, and so on. A former Wall Street attorney, she left the business to pursue her passions — a good

move. The sex-positive entrepreneur has been featured everywhere from “20/20” to “Sway in the Morning,” and is a Huffington Post regular.

“What you’re talking about with male ‘power,’ Berlin, is really more the concept of ‘male privilege.” I feel my face burn with controversy. “The idea that men, by sheer virtue of them being male, have certain advantages we have difficulty obtaining.”

“How do you personally get around that?” I ask.

“Honestly, the more I learn about the world and about people, the more I want to move away from the constructs of gender we’ve put in place. The more we reinforce ideas about ‘real men’ and ‘real women,’ the more we force ourselves into boxes that don’t fit.” She leans in. “I guess what I’m saying is f*ck feminine power. How about we just go after the same power?” I can’t argue with that … not that I want to.

“Someone brought up an interesting point to me recently,” I tell her, “someone being a femme lesbian ... heels, skirts, all that womanly stuff … and she says she often feels invisible to other lesbians. Now, me? I’m thinking ‘Why do people need to know your sexuality, mama?’ These chicks should be approaching you regardless. That’s what I’ve always done. Or — and here’s a concept — approach them.’”

“I’ve absolutely been in a situation where I felt invisible as a femme

JINCEY LUMPKIN, CREATOR/JUICYPINKBOX lesbian!” she says. “When I was younger and went to gay bars, everyone assumed I was straight and wouldn’t talk to me! Because I look very traditionally feminine, pretty much everyone assumes I’m not gay.” She smiles.

“I think you have to get bold and just go up to women.”

“That’s what you do?” I smile back.

“I walk right up to a woman I think is hot and say, ‘Can I buy you a drink?’”

Now I’m burning with curiosity.

“What kind of woman?” I ask. “What’s your type?”

And without hesitation: “Great tits. High sex drive. Ambition. Humor.

Positive outlook on life. But no type, really — it’s about chemistry.” Amen.

“Do you find that men and women watch porn for the same reasons?”

“YES!” she laugh-shouts. “To f*cking jerk off!”

“Ok, well some porn geared toward the dudes has these horrific scenes that serve the dark side of the male libido ... bukkake, painful acts ... is there a female-driven version of that dark side?”

“Lots of my female friends watch hardcore gang-bang and porn <supposedly> geared toward dudes,” she responds, stretching out the s-word. “I don’t think it’s a problem for women to watch anything they want to watch.

I just like that Juicy Pink Box offers an alternative.”

Curious? See what it’s all about at JuicyPinkBox.com

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JUSTINE JOLI, ARTHOUSE/FETISH-FILM ACTRESS

H

er long legs folded up on the couch, red hair lazily twisted into a bun atop her head, Justine Joli reaches for a shawl. She’s lean, pale, and settling in beneath the olive-colored fabric in her L.A. apartment. The Missouri-born bisexual bombshell turns her eyes my way again, and this time they’re alight with mischief. From beneath the covers, two slender arms reappear — one with a lighter, the other with a joint. She raises a brow, strikes the flint, and proceeds.

“I don’t think of myself as really feminine and I don’t think my friends do either,” she says, sweeping ashes off her Star Wars Stormtrooper tee. “I’m kind of gender-neutral, honestly. I mean look at me!” She holds up a leg clothed in a stretchy green fabric. “I’ve tried checking out men who are into really feminine things for a few tips and tricks, but for the most part, I still don’t completely get the definition of femininity.”

But it’s hard to know what she means by any of this. To look at her in her element, one would see a figure who’s comfortable in a number of adornments that the feminine enjoy: hair that’s been fussed over, cheekbones tinted in exotic shades, high-gloss lips, faux-lashes over alluringly painted eyes, and accessories that dangle from every corner of her body that will have them. Given the ‘girly’ stuff, there’s still another aspect of Justine that’s impossible to hide: her aggressiveness.

“I’ve been accused of acting like an alphamale,” she says through the plume of pot-smoke she’s exhaled. “But why am I acting like an alpha-male when I summon my alpha-female in that moment?”

I hold a hand up to decline the joint. “You got an example?” I ask.

“For example, I have no problem walking up to a woman and being upfront about it. I’ll just come out with it: ‘I would love to take you home and have sex with you.’ Some people have a problem with that -- I don’t. [Being sexually straightforward] is not a guy thing.”

And I can’t say I’m surprised; we’ve talked about this before, being sex-positive. It’s one of the finer things a woman can take back from a society that’s worked so hard to repress it. The twice-made Penthouse Pet has used her prowess to her advantage, having been in the adult film industry since her late teens. Her portfolio consists of mostly fetish and art-house films and she’s known for her insistence on working strictly with women in front of the camera.

“I understand duality, though. I can catch a fish, gut it, scale it, then toss it over the coals of a fire I built.” She sits upright. “But at the same time, I’m the woman who will leave your ass behind if you’re making me late to a red-carpet event I’m dressed to kill for.”

She gets up, grabs an open bottle of white from the fridge, and pulls the cork out the rest of the way with her teeth. Flipping open a cabinet, she grabs a Mason jar -- a Southern staple -- for the occasion.

“I should be putting sweet tea in this thing,” she says, but pronounces it ‘swate tay,’ mocking my Southern accent terribly. I tut-tut and shake my head.

“That’s a muscadine jelly jar, boo,” I correct her.

“Well, it’s a wine jar now.” She purses her lips in a display of sass while dumping wine into a

muscadine jelly jar. “What’s the magazine about this issue?” she asks, returning. I tell her it’s an exploration of femininity in people, regardless of one’s sexual assignment.

“It can get confusing,” I admit. “Because what exactly is femininity? Where does it live?”

She folds back up on the couch. “Some people in our community don’t get it, either, so …” she trails. “Some go out of their way to push some kind of … ultra-feminine agenda, but end up going overboard and doing horrifying things that don’t look good on feminine women or men. Being catty, backbiting, shit like that. That’s not what being feminine is about to me. The over-the-top stuff is all wrong,” she says, brows furrowing slightly. “There’s a difference between portraying femininity and being a cartoon. Women are often very covert when they’re catty; it’s hidden in body language and eye contact.” She talks about a popular reality TV show where female impersonators act less-than-cordial with one another. “What’s funny is that you expect women -- especially models -- to act like bitches [toward one another], but we’re very supportive. We constantly compliment and lift each other up, so I don’t understand certain representations of femininity that I see in the media.”

“Are you a feminist?” I implore.

“I’m a feminist, but in the sane sense that I feel women should be paid equally.” She side-eyes me. “Kind of ironic, though, seeing as how I have the only job on the planet where women are paid more than men.”

Check out her latest at JustineJoli.com

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DIRTY BLEED LIKE ME Scott McGlothlen

LITTLE SECRET

T

he moment my HIV test came back reactive, I immediately knew who to call. Jonathan was practically a local poster boy for HIV. He and I had chatted online many times and even met once for coffee. Since he was in a relationship, our conversations always remained on a more platonic level. Now, more than ever, I really needed his friendship.

When I told him what happened, he suggested we meet for lunch ASAP. Hopefully Jonathan could help untwist the knot in my stomach that seemed to be getting tighter. I still couldn’t believe this was happening.

Lunch went surprisingly well. Much like the man who administered the rapid test, Jonathan thought it could very well be a “false-positive” too.

But just in case it wasn’t, he assured me that everything would be ok. He laid out all of the steps I would need to take: choosing a specialist, setting up appointments, dealing with the department of health, going on meds ...

A good gal friend of mine took me to the appointment to discover my final results. When they came back positive, my brain temporarily lost most normal function. She drove me home where another joined us in the need for support. But these women didn’t know anything about HIV. I needed someone who could comfort me with actual knowledge of this disease. I texted Jonathan and he immediately came over.

His vast knowledge helped my friends just as much as it did me. For some reason, in the first couple hours of my diagnosis I convinced myself that this whole thing would eventually lead to a horrific cancer diagnosis.

Jonathan assured us that the meds help keep the immune system normal and that I wouldn’t be at any great cancer risk.

Around 5pm, the girls had to leave and return to their normal lives.

Alone, Jonathan and I sat on the couch and I started to cry again. He leaned in and wiped my face. As I sniffled, he leaned in closer and began to kiss me.

I immediately cringed and started to pull away. This didn’t seem to matter to him. His head followed, licking my lips with his tongue.

Jonathan was an attractive guy, but I didn’t want this. I just found out I had one of the world’s most terrifying STDs. Making out or getting it on was the last thing on my mind, yet for some odd reason, I felt powerless to stop any of this from happening. I felt so vulnerable in that moment that I simply couldn’t tell him no.

He stood up and grabbed my hand, leading me back to my own bedroom.

On my own bed, he unzipped my pants and went down on me. The feeling of Jonathan giving me oral made me cry more. I closed my eyes and thought of the sexiest things I could in hopes that I would ejaculate and end this as soon as possible. Shockingly, it worked. Of course things didn’t really end until he could get off too.

When I looked up at him, the expression on Jonathan’s face changed.

He no longer gave me sweet glances of hope. Instead he looked worried.

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” he said. “No one can know.”

I wasn’t sure if he needed to hide this from his partner or to protect his reputation as an HIV mentor. And I no longer understood why he had even come over. Did he really want to help? Or had he just wanted to bag me in the sack? The day already felt shameful enough with my HIV diagnosis.

Now on top of that, I felt like Jonathan’s dirty little secret.

He left in a hurry which made me feel even more used. I noticed it was 6pm: time for “The Simpsons.” I laid in front of the TV too exhausted to even cry anymore. If life had to feel this horrible, at least I could escape it for an hour with some cartoons. But after that hour ended, I simply didn’t know how much more real life I could take.  Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life as a HIV-positive gay man.

See more of Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

Know your status. For testing sites and resources, visit ofcnow.co/hiv 22

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TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT, THAT IS THE QUESTION. dubbed Table Talk) is a good spot to learn about Well, ok, that’s not quite it — but you get my seasonal food trends in our city and state, chefs point, right? Eating is at the core of what we do, who are shaking things up, and recipes that are who we are, how we spend our evenings, week- too good not to cook. She’s accompanied by Stacey ends, and perhaps even why we Brugeman, among others, so expect land on ratty couches with buckets expertise, a professional voice, and a of Ben & Jerry’s after sucky break-ups top-of-the-town perspective. because f*ck the world and I do what Denveater I want. ruthtobias.com/denveater Also, it wraps our social universe up into one convenient, delicious The incomparable Ruth Tobias, burrito of gastronomy: cooking, whose steady hand and unwavering entertaining, dining, street foodappetite gave us “Food Lovers’ Guide stalking, post bar-binging — you to Denver & Boulder,” dishes even name it. It’s imperative, then, that more on her own blog about what’s we spend some time getting to know good, what sucks, and what’s good the food (and drink) in our world. for a laugh. Prepare your palate for FOOD FOR THOUGHT ratings, stories, a touch of news, and While I would love to spend every Jeff Steen a lot of class. meal with each of you, it’s just not possible. There’s not enough Jeff to go around. As a substitute, I direct you to this round-up of ever- Savoury Table • savourytable.com so-succulent food blogs in our home state. They’ll A homespun touch and an embracing style make keep you on top of edible news, give you ideas for this down-to-earth cooking blog a site for sore simple food-fired gatherings, and offer tips for that eyes. The pictures are rich, the stories quaint, and anxiety-ridden date you’re so dreading/looking the recipes worth a whirl. This is a blog you can forward to. Eat these up, but eat slowly — there’s relish in your weekend pants. a lot to digest.

Denver on a Spit • denveronaspit.com Eater Denver • denver.eater.com With several blog awards under its spit, this This one, while technically a “chain site,” is an original Blogger blog reels in the appetites, then unparalleled resource for foodies anxious for endears with colorful tales of food — cooked, tidbits about openings, closings, events, new dined, and purchased. My favorite part about this menus, new chef haircuts, and that one oyster one is the very personal, family-oriented touch. dish that made Frank pretty sick Sunday. What’s Families eat, too, you know. it all about? Don’t expect in-depth narrative, but relish the at-your-fork accessibility of everything Denver Post’s First Drafts blogs.denverpost.com/beer dining in Denver and beyond.

There’s little question that beer rules our thirst, and for that very reason it’s important we know Westword’s Café Society blogs.westword.com/cafesociety the first and last of what’s happening in our Lori Midson dons the quill as the preeminent blossoming microbrew world. To that end, you food writer of "Westword," and no doubt many of should read up on the latest and greatest at DP’s you read her weekly reviews. The web, however, beer roll — chronicling sudsy developments, legal offers her a different venue for sharing photos, anomalies, and which brewers look the best in newsy updates, and personal thoughts about steak sunglasses. tartare between lengthier narratives in print ... about steak tartare. Sassy, slick, and guided by a Denver Beer Whisperer distinct voice, Café Society is a good place to dock beerwhisperer.wordpress.com with a cappuccino and a sense of humor.

Oh, and if you are really hardcore about that beer thing, get the weekly scoop about beers 5280’s Eat & Drink • 5280.com/eatanddrink a-brewing, new distro for existing varieties, Amanda Faison — the longtime, long-sung food and what breweries are blowing caps with guru at Denver’s own "5280" mag — writes ex- new locations, new business, and, of course, tensively in the blogosphere. Eat & Drink (also new beer. 

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Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Gold!

FUN AFFORDABLE DELICIOUS

Not all green chili is created equal. Come in and get your Benny’s fix.

301 EAST 7TH AVE. • 303 894 0788 BENNYSRESTAURANT.COM

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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ARTS & CULTURE

AT E A S E , S O L D I E R "BURNING BLUE" IS THE LATEST DECONSTRUCTION OF LOVE IN THE TIME OF DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL

Gary M. Kramer

I SECOND CITY'S AMERICAN MIXTAPE June 4 - 29 Champa & 13th • Denver DenverCenter.org

SHREK THE MUSICAL May 7 - Sept, 16 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

ntense, engrossing, “Burning Blue” is a new film about a military investigation that turns up a possible “gay cell” on a Navy Aircraft carrier. Daniel (Trent Ford) and his best friend William (Morgan Spector) are best buddies. When Matthew (Rob Mayes) enters their unit, a love triangle tinged with jealousy develops.

Writer/director DMW Greer has crafted a poignant story about sexuality and the perceptions of masculinity within the culture of the military. He met with Out Front to discuss the movie.

Burning Blue began as a play. What prompted you to tell this story then and now as a film?

It was a need to exorcise very deep grief. It’s a personal story but it’s a work of fiction, one very much inspired by my real life. I was in the military.

I had been in love with a guy for years who was killed flying. I lost a lot of friends in aircraft accidents, but when this guy was killed, his death was the epiphany. It was the seed that was planted for me to tell the story. But the catalyst was my closest friend’s response to my telling him I was in love with this other man. [He] shamed me. We were estranged from each other for almost a year.

Had you been involved with men before?

I had relationships with men prior to this, but not anything that was as deeply profound as this. It was a platonic relationship, but it was very special and intimate.

THE GREAT GATSBY Apr. 25 - May 25 6901 Wadsworth Blvd • Arvada ArvadaCenter.org

THE MUSIC MAN May 16 - June 15 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

THE RUGBY PLAYER May 27 @ 7pm 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

What can you say about the homoerotic tension in the film?

I think that human sexuality — and this is no great revelation from me — is a very, very complex and very nuanced, gray area. I think there is some element of sexual energy, sexual tension in almost every interaction, every relationship.

There is a very macho culture in the military.

What can you say about this hyper-masculine culture?

I think it’s been spun in the media. In America, it’s the greatest exponent of that hyper-masculine imagery and storytelling, and I think it’s inaccurate. What I’ve seen in films, the portrayal of the military always seem a bit cartoonish and broadstroked to me. Me, and all of my contemporaries in

NEW DOC WANTS TO KNOW: DO I SOUND GAY?

MATTH E W B LAC KWO O D (RO B M AYES ) A N D DA N IE L LYN C H (TRE N T FO RD)

the Navy, are — again, clichéd terms here — very multi-dimensional guys, complex individuals that have different interests and are fallible.

Despite the sexual tension in the film, you are extremely discreet in filming the sex scenes.

Can you explain why?

There is so much ambiguity in male sexuality and intimacy, and I think that is really heightened in the military setting. It was really deliberate.

I didn’t want to make this about sex. What this was about was a really powerful, deep, deep love, which transcends sex. Certainly in any long-term relationship it does over time. Love trumps everything. Sex is a great galvanizer.

The guys dancing shirtless is possibly the film’s most erotic moment.

Imagination is a powerful thing. I think if each viewer can fill in the blanks visually and emotionally, it creates a more powerful experience.

Although Dan’s character is based on your experiences, there are differences. How would you have handled what Dan went through?

Probably not with nearly as much integrity and grace as Dan did. My niece was a helicopter pilot who left because of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. She ended up falling in love with her roommate.

Do you think the military is more likely to persecute queer members because of their sexuality?

Probably, yes. I think society and culture in general view it as a form of weakness. That is what we are striving to overcome.

Burning Blue is available on-demand and in select theaters June 6. For more information, visit ofcnow.co/blue

Say the phrase “Make it work” without that famous Tim Gunn lilt and you’re doing it wrong.

Funny thing is, the man himself was the biggest critic of his own vocal intonation when he watched “Project Runway” for the first time.

"I remember thinking, ‘That person sounds like a freak. That's not how other people speak,’" he tells David Thorpe and the production team behind the new documentary “Do I Sound Gay?” With humble roots, “Do I Sound Gay?” launched with a kickstarter.com campaign to crowdsource the funds needed to spread the word, lisping and screaming. If all goes according to plan, and Thorpe reaches his $115,000 goal, the movie will “comprehensively explore the linguistic, cultural, and historical origins” of the gay voice stereotype. Thorpe is hoping for a Spring 2015 release.

Featuring interviews from LGBT notables such as Margaret Cho, Tim Gunn, David Sedaris, Dan Savage, and George Takei, the movie is sure to bring the charm to the indie circuit.

To learn more about "Do I Sound Gay," visit ofcnow.co/sound

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The Coolest room in Town!

Underground at the Clocktower | 16th Street Mall at Arapahoe

www.lannies.com | (303) 293.0075

an evening with

christina crawford off broadway award winner!

friday june 6th 8pm saturday june 7th 6:30pm & 8:45pm OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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CA LEN DAR

B U F FA L O E XC H A N G E

WED

M AY

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4 0 T H A N N I V E RSA RY TO U R

I N T E R G E N E R AT I O N A L SHOW & TELL

M I X TA P E

@ McNICHOLS CIVIC CENTER BUILDING, 144 W. COLFAX AVE 6-8PM Come together to create a musical mix tape exploring and celebrating GLBTQ life in our community. Free. Sponsored

by Warm Cookies of the Revolution.

RSVP online at ofcnow.co/tape

SAT

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n i th e m

So

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FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND

WED

M AY

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WEDNESDAY, MAY 21 • DENVER @ 51 BROADWAY • 11AM-9PM THURSDAY, MAY 22 • BOULDER @ 1813 PEARL ST. • 10AM-8PM Come celebrate 40 years of new & recycled fashion! Shop a special selection of vintage and western apparel in the 40th Anniversary Airstream trailer. Visit ofcnow.co/bex40 for a chance to win a $1,000 Buffalo Exchange Gift Card.

u s o ! l u b a gF @ BLUSH & BLU, 1526 E. COLFAX • 8PM

A new comedy & variety show! The debut show features stand-up comedy from Timmi Lasley, Byron Graham, & Abby Alt, as well as burlesque from Triple D Debauchery! Also drag, music, poetry, + more! Hosted by comedian Jordan Wieleba.

More info online at ofcnow.co/hah

THROUGH

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C HER & CY N DI LAU PER @ PEPSI CENTER

In what can only be described as a “gay-splosion,” Cher and Cyndi Lauper are teaming up and coming to Denver.

For tickets, visit ofcnow.co/cher

SUN

JUN

1

D E N V E R GAY & L ES B I A N F L AG F O OT BA L L L EAGU E

C H A M P I O N S H I P S U N DAY @ CONGRESS PARK

The top teams from the Spring 2014 season battle it out for the championship! More online: ofcnow.co/football

RE5 MIXED TA ST E

SUN

THU

JUN

JUN

1

GA R D E N PA RT Y TO BENEFIT OUT BOULDER 4 - 8PM

SEEN IN PASSING: PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHUCK FORSMAN Featuring photographs from two bodies of work —Western Rider and Walking Magpie — this exhibit offers an eccentric, funny, occasionally ironic view of the world through Forsman’s eyes.

For information, visit ofcnow.co/forsman 28

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More information online at ofcnow.co/grn

TAG TEAM LECTURES ON UNRELATED TOPICS @ MCA DENVER 1485 DELGANY ST • 6PM Dean Sobel & Alexandre Philippe present lectures on artist Barnett Newman and psychic animals.

More info at ofcnow.co/remix

GARDEN PARTY PHOTO: TRACY TOH

@ DENVER ART MUSEUM, 100 W 14TH AVE PKWY

Join us for our Annual Garden Party to benefit Out Boulder.

The theme is Being Green, so wear something green to express yourself.

TRAVEL

FRI

JUN

6

itinerary national LGBT destinations

GO LD E N STR E ET FAIR

Albuquerque Pride May 31 | Albuquerque, NM ofcnow.co/abq

Stroll along Washington Avenue, which closes down for Golden’s beloved Street Fairs, and enjoy a variety of entertainment, live music, specialty foods, a beer garden, and more. Free horse-drawn carriage rides are available.

Disney Gay Days June 3-9 | Orlando, FL ofcnow.co/orlando

@ WASHINGTON AVE, GOLDEN • 5PM

More info online at ofcnow.co/goldensummer

Capitol Pride June 6 | Washington, DC ofcnow.co/dc

JUN

10 – 26

LA Pride June 6-8 | Los Angeles, CA ofcnow.co/la PrideFest Milwaukee June 6-8 | Milwaukee, WI ofcnow.co/milw

JODI'S R AC E

FO R AWA R E N ESS @ CITY PARK - YORK & 17

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As Colorado’s largest 5k run/walk fundraiser for ovarian cancer, Jodi’s Race increases awareness of the signs and symptoms of ovarian cancer, honors those who have battled the disease, and raises funds to benefit the Colorado Ovarian Cancer Alliance (COCA).

More information online at ofcnow.co/jodi5

Pittsburgh Pride June 6-15 | Pittsburgh, PA ofcnow.co/pitt

@ AURORA FOX ARTS CENTER, 9900 E COLFAX

Boston Pride June 6-16 | Boston, MA ofcnow.co/boston

S N OW Q U E E N The Snow Queen places a curse that makes people only see the bad around them. When her cousin falls under the spell, Gerda goes on an adventure to save him. Along the way, she teams up with talking flowers and animals, a princess, and even a band of robbers. Once at the castle, Gerda uses everything she has learned on her journey to release Kay from the evil spell.

Performances vary with 10am and 1pm shows.

Indy Pride Festival June 7 | Indianapolis, IN ofcnow.co/indy

More information online at ofcnow.co/snowqueen

Pride Houston June 20-29 | Houston, TX ofcnow.co/houston

B R I T F LOY D: 12 D I S C O V E R Y THU

JUN

@ RED ROCKS • 9PM Brit Floyd’s Discovery World Tour 2014 is a stunning new three-hour chronological journey spanning the entire recording career of Pink Floyd from 1967 - 1994.

More info online at ofcnow.co/britfloyd

Key West PrideFest June 11-15 | Key West, FL ofcnow.co/key

Pride Toronto June 20-29 | Toronto ofcnow.co/toronto NYC Gay Pride June 27-29 | New York City ofcnow.co/nyc

MORE

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LITTLE FOXES CHILDREN’S T H E AT R E P R E S E N T S :

FIND

JUN

5 TH A N N U A L

MORE EVENTS AT ofcnow.co/cal

SAT

San Diego Pride July 18-20 | San Diego, CA ofcnow.co/sd Southern Decadence Aug 27- Sept 1 | New Orleans, LA ofcnow.co/deca Las Vegas Pride September 5-6 | Las Vegas, NV ofcnow.co/lv Atlanta Pride October 11-12 | Atlanta, GA ofcnow.co/atlanta

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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MILL & C I G IN A ER M F Y O

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THE FABULOUS & FASCINATING HATS OF PAUL MOSCHELL Kristin Ziegler

D

o blood, bones, and (maybe slightly bloodcurdling) baby dolls leave you smiling?

When attached to a Paul Moschell masterpiece, they will.

A painter at heart and a jack of all art trades by practice, Moschell’s style is at once macabre and whimsical. And yet, to define his work as creative as his seems … inappropriate, perhaps. His work transcends labels and descriptors — to him, it’s living and, as such, constantly evolving.

"I like to think that my style as an artist changes ... [and] I can get bored working in just one medium,” Moschell says. “But whether I am painting or doing sculpture and assemblage work, I’d like [people to] recognize it as a Paul Moschell.

When I branch out visually and folks seem to embrace and recognize what I do as an artist, I love that.”

Moschell recently branched out with his new collection of ‘say something’ (or perhaps, shout something) hats. The outlandish pieces feature items and materials sourced from many countries around the world; some of the objects even hail from bygone eras. His Blondie hat (a clever tribute to gay icon Debbie Harry), for instance, was assembled using a 63-year-old helmet from Belgium. Other hats feature African quills, birdcages, and animal teeth.

If creating transnational, transgenerational hats sounds like a pricey task, that’s because they were. The project cost him “thousands and thousands of dollars,” an expense covered in part by an online campaign on the crowdfunding website Indiegogo.com. Many of the hats are now available for purchase. The wearable wonders start at around $325.

“You don’t have to wear these hats. The goal was to create something that could also work as a centerpiece,” Moschell says of the collection. He certainly encourages possible buyers to sport them ... … whilst running errands, even. “[My hats] are made for bold people who like attention. I like the idea that if you were to go to Target with one of my hats on, it would make people smile. They’re little storybooks,” he says.

Moschell has been a vegetarian for more than 23 years, and he draws much of his inspiration from animals.

“Non-human influences and inspiration for me are very important. I raise finches, and I love their beautiful songs and demeanor. I am very much aware of how fragile they are as living creatures, and I feel I understand and connect with that.”

But perhaps his biggest non-human influence and inspiration is his two-pound Chihuahua, Tootie-Lynn. Through Moschell’s social media,

the pup has become a celebrity in her own right.

“Everybody loves Tootie-Lynn,” Moschell gushes. “Honestly though, Tootie is nothing but two pounds of true love and devotion. She has joined me in some silly photos and dance videos, but her preference is to be quite private. She's most happy to spend her time in a warm spot in the sunshine.”

Wearers and their smiling audiences need not lose their good vibes mulling over the use of animal materials in the creation of the hats — Moschell’s feathers and bones are ethically sourced.

“I do the best I can to seek out and research these sources, and in the past have opted to use replica bones or skulls to complete my work when original elements couldn't be found or were not cruelty free,” he explains. “I am celebrating the animal and its life and love through my work.

One day, when I pass, I hope to be made into an exquisite hat, and not be a sad example of road kill that nobody stops to pick up.”  To view or purchase Paul Moschell’s hats or other masterpieces, check out his Etsy store at www.etsy.com/shop/moschell.

Photos by Kevin Alexander Styling by Charlie Price

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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GOV' LOV'

How the governor's friendship with Yours Truly makes him the best candidate

W

hether you like it or not, we are in another election year. The negative TV ads have already begun. Our governor, John Hickenlooper, is up for reelection and at least seven Republicans are trying to get into his pants. Figuratively, of course, but you never know with those GOP types.

But they’ll never be as cool as John. Yes, I call him John. Mr. Waste just hates that, but John and I are on a first name basis. Mr. Waste worked for Hickenlooper when he was mayor of Denver and then, governor of Colorado. Mr. Waste could never get away with calling his boss by his first name.

But I can. And I do.

The first time I met John was at a GLBT fundraiser in Capitol Hill when he was running for mayor. I was in drag and we had our picture taken.

Just days before the results of the mayoral election were announced, the picture was published in this paper.

“How in the world did you get your picture taken so quickly with the new mayor?” everyone asked me. Timing, baby.

When I received an invitation to John’s mayoral

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inaugural gala at the Denver Botanic lighted wings, and a studded collar Gardens, I knew I had to show up of rhinestones. in drag. I whipped up a fashionable “What are you doing here Astroturf dress and hat, studded waiting outside of the ballroom?” at with daisies for the occasion. As I least half a dozen people asked me. was standing in a reception line to “I’m waiting for the governor to greet the new mayor, I overheard the show up.” two women in front of me who were “Yeah, right. You are so funny.” completely appalled.

John came strolling down the hall RADIOACTIVE VISION and I never saw so many jaws hit “I can’t believe this drag queen Nuclia Waste the floor. showed up AND she has the nerve I must give my Nuclia Waste Plutonium Seal of to greet our new mayor!”

As the line crept forward, John caught sight Approval in this year’s gubernatorial election to of me and shouted, “Nuclia! How are you? You Governor John Hickenlooper. Not only is he a good look amazing!” friend to me, he is an ally to the GLBT community.

“Oh my god,” the two women gasped, “He Under his watch, we have passed more pro-gay knows her.” legislation than under any other governor before Recently at the Imperial Court of the Rocky him. He deserves another term. So come this fall, Mountain Empire’s Coronation 41 in April, Mr. check the box marked John.  Waste asked me to escort Gov. Hickenlooper to the ballroom. He was a surprise guest for the corona- Nuclia Waste, the Triple Nipple Drag Queen of tion guests. Of course, I was dressed as a pink fairy, Comedy, can be reached through her website at with six-inch glitter platform boots, fiber-optic NucliaWaste.com.

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D A E R ALL OVER?

a c n a Bi Del Rio Photos by Mathu Andersen 34

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Berlin Sylvestre

“S

orry I’m late!” Bianca apologizes a mere three minutes after her scheduled call time. That’s different. “My last interview just kept rambling, girl. No bad reports!” I couldn’t help but be instantly charmed, but that’s kind of Bianca Del Rio’s thing, isn’t it? Putting aside her hectic schedule (she’s not only in a state of constant travel, but she’s currently writing a one-man/woman show), she spent a solid hour with us, gabbing about life and lash. Read or get read.

This issue is called Fabulous and we’re exploring a few things, femininity in men being one.

When I think back, I see over the years that some of the most bullied of my friends were men who expressed their feminine side and got shit for it. Do you think that some of the fire, that intimidation in drag queens comes from pushing back against femme discrimination?

Everybody does drag for different reasons. Some men have seen tough times, so their self-esteem wasn’t as high as it could’ve been and through drag, they were able to channel it. I understand that.

Then there are people who do it as a business, as actors. I’m an actor.

Right, it’s a job. So is taking off the hair and makeup like turning Bianca’s cell off?

That’s a fun question. I’ve always been told out of drag that I was a hateful queen. When I get dressed it’s: “Oh, you’re hysterical!” The packaging will let you get away with murder. Through the years, I’ve realized it is a business and I’m judged by what I put out there. There are endless videos of me being insulting and joking or whatever. Then when they get to know me, they say, “You’re actually a nice person!” Of course I’m a nice person! How else are you gonna survive out in the world? I like people.

I like conversation and when someone’s funnier than I am. I don’t always want to be the center of attention. I know when to turn it off. I also know you don’t go to a bar with a wig and 20 pounds of makeup on and go, “Leave me alone.”

I never planned to be a drag queen. As far as being intimidating, it’s just my personality. After so many years of doing this, my job can be abrasive for some people, but by no means do I feel that’s how it applies to my everyday life. I take full responsibility for my first impression, but I’m used to dealing with an audience and with a stage, where you’re going up there to deliver. Sometimes in life, and especially with this show, the lines get blurred until things settle. In the beginning, when there are 14 personalities in the room, it can be overwhelming. And it’s a competition. And it’s a reality show. There’s a lot going on and I think people do act intimidating out of fear. In the end, we’re all on a journey. What’s funny is sometimes, when you crack that layer, you realize underneath is a basketcase. People have told me I can be a bit much, but I don’t make excuses for it like, “Oh, something happened to me when I was 20.” We’re here to deliver, so shit or get off the pot! I’m one of those. I think I’m a lesbian.

Is the show over now or are you still in the process of filming?

I don’t know what I can say about that, but there is no winner decided as of yet.

I gave our readers the opportunity to ask some questions, and I know some of these are inside

references, so pardon me if they’re meanspirited. You can just say ‘next!’ if it’s stupid.

No, I like the mean ones!

thinking, “Giiiirl, we were in the setting! That’s what Judge Judy would say.” And they may think I went for her, but no.

“You should ask her about her relationship with Trinity and Adore and how it changed throughout the season, because she started out on a rough note with both of them.”

For obvious reasons! With Adore, I didn’t have an issue, but I thought it was interesting that she was afraid of me after the first meeting. We really don’t have much time together, so first impressions are really strong. I was unaware that she had such a strong opinion of me, but from that we were able to become better friends. I think that’s a typical gay male-slash-drag queen situation. You walk into a room and go, “Mmmph. She’s not my favorite.”

As far as Trinity, we were in the same group and I immediately thought she was extremely well put-together and polished for her age. I did know on a personal level, there seemed to be something going on. I didn’t know her story, didn’t see any of her interviews where she was expressing what was going on. It was interesting how we were paired together and got to know each other. We had a journey. In my situation, I had a[n HIV-positive] friend who passed away that I couldn’t help and here was someone else in the same situation who was helping herself — she just needed some encouragement. It was like payback. For what I couldn’t do for my friend, I could do for her. I put all my petty differences aside once I realized the differences came from her insecurity, her wall. Once I broke through, she was just amazing and I hated for her to leave so quickly. She had just found her moment, she was shining, she was alive.

Judge Judy’s hardcore.

I wouldn’t go on Judge Judy even if I knew I was right! I love her. She needs to be president and Suze Orman needs to be VP. This country would be clean, together, and done.

This has the makings of a lifelong friendship.

Oh, totally. It’s effortless. I can’t imagine what she was going through in her heart. She had the look, but she was really closed off and I thought, “This is one thing I know how to do: to talk to people.

And when we film this stuff, we don’t know what’s going to air and what’s not. I’m seeing this stuff for the first time with everyone else. I’m so grateful that they included [our story], for her and for myself.

P

You really are a lesbian.

Didn’t I tell you? They’d be like, “We ain’t on Grindr; we gettin’ shit done!”

You’d be a good Miranda Priestley for the Snatch game.

Her look is fabulous, but truthfully I don’t think her personality is big enough. Adore was hysterical as Anna Nicole Smith and Ben Delacreme was genius as Maggie Smith, which is funny because I thought, What can you do with Maggie Smith? I was so wrong. I wanted to play Dora the Explorer as a Mexican lesbian, but there were some copyright issues there.

Bring on the controversy! Speaking of which, what’s the word on the ‘tranny’ and ‘she-mail’ dust-up?

I think two things here. On a personal level, I think of the show as a show. This isn’t “Meet the Press” or something on CNN; it’s a drag competition. I have a sense of humor and can see that it’s a play on the word ‘email.’ I don’t think it’s a slight to the trans community. I don’t think it’s that serious, but once again, I didn’t have the same journey they had. Next, you really have to consider the source. This is a fun drag show and it’s not discriminatory in any way. That’s my opinion. And some people have an opinion and they think it’s wrong, but if we start telling people, “You can’t do that, you can’t do this,” what’s next?

Are we taking ten steps back? I’ve had people tell me they don’t like what I do. In a bar! I tell them, “It’s 2 in the morning on a Monday night and you’re in a bar watching me. Go do something

eople have told me I can be a bit much, but I don’t make excuses for it. We’re here to deliver, so shit or get off the pot!

Here’s another reader question: “How many days would the other contestants’ years supply of lashes last you?” *hearty laugh* A week! I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I love a lash. I stack ’em. I like a good spider on my eye. I have to distract from my nose!

Another follower wants to know if you’re releasing an album.

I’ve done a lot of musical theater, but thanks to my nose, I sound like Bea Arthur. I collaborate on special projects, but I’m not going to be yet another person with an album that shouldn’t be singing. I’ll leave that to David Hasselhoff.

Tell me if I’m reading this wrong: Did you not or did you not come for Laganja first? *hearty laugh* We were in a Snatch game and I was playing Judge Judy. She was playing Rachel Zoe and said something foolish, so you know Judge Judy had to respond. Laganja [later on “Untucked”] said, “Did you not or did you not come for me?” and I was

else! Go watch QVC or read a book.” And it’s been six years! Why now? Why all of a sudden? Where did this come from? To think for a moment that Logo or World of Wonder or RuPaul would be against the community, it’s insane. We’ve had transgendered guests; Candis Cayne has been on the show several times. Come on! And I’m sorry people got offended by it, but I do question their intent after six years.

So what’s too taboo for you to joke about?

Me, I’m an equal opportunity hater so I don’t target one group. I’m the biggest joke there is. People may not get it, people might not like it, but they don’t have to sit through my show. I don’t know where the boundaries lie. I go into it and I trust my instincts.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

... Continued on Page 36 | M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | 3 5

Bianca Del Rio Continued from Page 35

ON THE SCENE

HIP CHICKS OUT The Living Room // May 9 Photos by Charles Broshous Hip Chicks Out, a social group for women, held their latest “2nd Friday Happy Hour” at The Living Room on May 9. More than 100 people turned out for Denver’s favorite happy hour for lesbians and their peeps. The monthly event gives local lesbians and their friends an opportunity to socialize, sip a few cocktails, and enjoy the beats of DJ Sinna-G. The “2nd Friday Happy Hour” is hosted at The Living Room on the second Friday of every month from 5–11pm.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/hipchicks

What do you lose sleep over?

Feeling like I’m going to miss an appointment or a flight. That drives me batshit crazy. My brain is constantly going and there just aren’t enough hours in a day.

Six contestants are left. I’m gonna say their names aloud and after each one, and you give me a quick read.

Ok. It might be something I’ve said before ...

That’s fine. Let’s start with Joslyn Fox. I think she’s sweet, lovely, and adorable, but she has the gayest lisp I’ve ever heard in my life. No really. She’s so gay, her asshole has a lisp.

Darienne Lake.

Darienne is a funny, funny bitch! She can dish it but she can also take it. She’s just a ton of fun. Literally.

Courtney Act. Oh. Her. She’s beautiful, talented, and very Australian. I say some things she doesn’t get, and she says some things that I don’t get. What I do know she isn’t going to get is citizenship in our country.

BenDeLaCreme.

She’s lots of fun. She’s consistent with her characterization. I’m fascinated by her, actually, even though she’s her number one fan.

Adore Delano.

THAT thing? She’s a hoot. She’s like that friend you wanted in college, but couldn’t be because she never finished high school.

Bianca Del Rio. Oh, that’s me! She’s my favorite. She’s got a huge nose, but her wigs make up for it.

And her lashes …

And her lashes! I’m surprised you remembered the lashes, you lesbian!  36

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ART FOR LIFE

Abend Gallery // May 9 Photos by Charles Broshous The thirteenth annual Art for Life event was held on May 9 at the Abend Gallery in Denver as a benefit for Project Angel Heart. More than 100 artists donated art for this event in support of their home‑delivered meal program. Several artists painted live models, and auctioned artwork right off their easel. Hundreds of supporters came out for an evening of hors d’oeuvres, cocktails, wine, desserts, good company, and fine art. To learn more about Project Angel Heart, please visit their website, projectangelheart.org.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/artforlife

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | 3 7

BITS & BOBS

G E E KY G RA BBY GADGET

A Puzzlingly Cool Lamp Fellow nerds, rejoice, for I have found the perfect way to woo your lover with mood lighting that won’t offend Mom. One thing that all human beings have in common is a deep-seated loathing/lusting for Tetris, which now comes in lamp form! The pieces are interchangeable, stackable, and irresistible and they only light up when they touch the base or each other. Get it today and have the geekiest room on the block for $39.99.

Check it out at ofcnow.co/tetris

VOFABULARY raccoon (n.) A gay man who sleeps over and raids all your food in the middle of the night.

CARIBOU LOU

S

ummer is in the air, can’t you smell? No? Me neither. Damn allergy season. But I definitely feel it. Skin is getting bronzer, college seniors are getting thrown into adulthood, and runners are doing their thing without shirts on. Is there any better time to mix up a jug of alcoholic sloppiness, blow up a cheap plastic lounge chair, and go tubing down your nearest river? I’m indulging with a bit of help from my good friend, rapper Tech N9ne, who raps the recipe in his song “Caribou Lou.”

CARIBOU LOU “151 rum, pineapple juice, and Malibu,.Caribou, get them all numb.” The directions are included in the song also, but are scaled to an unknown quantity.

Therefore, mix as you please but remember — the 151 will knock your ass out.

1 ½ PARTS 151 PROOF RUM 1 PART COCONUT RUM 5 PARTS PINEAPPLE JUICE SHAKE OR SERVE UP WITH ICE IN A HIGHBALL GLASS, GET NUMB. 

PRIDE PARADE / WALK OF SHAME

In Out Front’s Pride Parade versus Walk of Shame, we analyze the big shakers across the globe and highlight whether they’ve done something positive or negative for the gay community and give them a shout out.

In a unique follow-up from our last Bits n’ Bobs, it turns out that Pasadena College has reoffered gay actor/director Dustin Lance Black the commencement speech. Way to be dramatic about it.

Christopher Meloni embraced objectification of his derriere on Conan, boasting that he has “the best butt on primetime” and can’t the blame men in his gym for looking.

Grandson of Fred Phelps, Zach Phelps-Roper, recently defected from the church and now embraces the ideas of empathy and unconditional love.

Uruguayan actor Federico Diaz recently came out of the closet via Twitter, which won’t help the rumors that he and Ricky Martin were livin’ la vida loca in the closet way back when.

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Confused GOP senator Steve Wiles, who lobbied against marriage equality, used to be drag queen Mona Sinclair. Sashay … away.

Boy Scouts of America policies are making headlines again with twin brothers, one of whom (Liam) will be kicked out for being gay as soon as they turn 18.

A Salvation Army in Dallas refused to house transwoman Jodielynn Wiley because she hadn’t undergone gender reassignment surgery. We need less army and more salvation out of you guys!

PANEL

Is femininity well-represented in modern LGBT media?

Face it: The 2014 media in our country distorts almost every issue. They are focused on ratings, advertising revenue, sensationalism, and more than just occasionally, a political agenda.

There are thousands of beautiful, feminine lesbians George Gramer, Jr. in our world, yet to look at the media, you would think all lesbians are grossly overweight, have tattoos, cropped hair, and ride Harleys. And that is not to say that those women are not feminine or beautiful – they don’t fit the beautiful-feminine stereotype Americans hold. George Clooney is not engaged to a grossly overweight, tattooed, cropped hair, Harleyriding woman.

All of us – regardless of our gender preference – were created by God as beautiful people. All of us – straight, gay, young, old, liberal, conservative, or whatever. We were created by God as beautiful people. I accept that as truth – important truth in my personal life.

Yet the media always seems to focus on the sensational and not the non-sensational. What do you think The Denver Post will use as photos on Pride Fest weekend? They – as all profit-making media – will focus on the fringes and not on the norms. Feminine women (and feminine men) deserve better.

Iowa native George Gramer, Jr. is president of the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans.

The media has a tough time portraying masculinity and femininity in ways that are not cliché. Part of this is due, perhaps, to insecurities around gender expression for all of us, regardless of orientation. Unfortunately, femininity seems to be Pieter Tolsma written off as a bad thing because the media tends to be male-dominated and masculinity-obsessed. Femininity is considered a weakness by both heterosexual and homosexual males and gets parodied as such.

Presentations of femininity in modern media are limited to gay men in drag behaving badly and heterosexual women dressed to the nines only to cut each other down trying to get the last jab. It’s reduced to shows about gay men snapping and “throwing shade” and looking for femininity in model-hunting programs where the winner is validated according her looks with little consideration of her character content. Femininity, when viewed through modern media, seems just an excuse to look fabulous and be a bitch. Glamorizing this notion might be seen as empowering to some, but it only serves to make femininity a dysfunctional stereotype. If this continues, femininity will continue to be maligned and viewed as unnecessary weakness while masculinity will continue to be portrayed as the powerful norm.

Pieter Tolsma is program coordinator of Denver PIQUE, a sexual health and social support program for gay/bi men in Denver.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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Family Centered Medicine

Serving the GLBT community for over 15 years Primary Healthcare

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ON THE SCENE

DGLCC BUSINESS EXPO Convercent // May 13 Photos by Charles Broshous The Denver Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce’s 2014 Business Expo was held at Convercent on May 13. The DGLCC is a statewide, equal-opportunity chamber of commerce comprised of LGBT and LGBT-supportive business owners and professionals. The organization, which believes business is built on relationships, promotes professional development, business diversity, and personal enrichment, advances LGBT and LGBT-supportive business through shared knowledge, leadership, and support and connects businesses in the greater Denver metropolitan area. For more information on the DGLCC, visit their website at denverglc.org.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/expo

Get to know us better outfrontonline.com /OutFrontColorado ofcnow.co/outbox @OutFrontCO

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A Benefit for Out Boulder

Garden Party Sunday,

The

June 1, 2014

LAKEWOOD Lakewood UCC www.lakewooducc.com

4 – 8 p.m.

Food, Drink, and Fun Big Hearts Award • Allies in Action Award Theme: BEING GREEN • Express yourself in GREEN

LONGMONT First Congregational UCC www.ucclongmont.org

For information and location, contact

PARKER Parker UCC www.parkerucc.org

Mardi Moore at Out Boulder mmoore@outboulder.org 303-499-5777

WHEAT RIDGE The Wheatridge Congregation of the UCC www.wheatridgeucc.org

To locate an Open and Affirming church near you, go to: ofcnow.co/ucc

R S V P O P T I O N A L B U T A P P R E C I AT E D M I N I M U M S U G G E S T E D D O N AT I O N : $ 2 5 A L L TA X - D E D U C T I B L E D O N AT I O N S G R AT E F U L LY A C C E P T E D

Save the Date SpringFling Enjoy cooling cocktails and delicious hors d’oeuvres while touring one of Denver’s most historic and prestigious homes Participate in our progressive auction with a vast array of prizes available There will be a special presentation to the foundation that you will not want to miss Delight in being part of a fun-filled evening supporting essential LGBT community programs across the state of Colorado

• We hope to see you there!

Please join us on:

Friday, June 13, 2014 6:00 - 9:00pm Location: 685 Emerson

Denver, CO 80218 RSVP: Price: $85 or $45 (Military, students & young professionals under 30 with identification)

to order tickets, visit TheAlexanderFoundation.org, click on the “Upcoming Events” icon and click on the Spring Fling image.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | 4 1

BACK IN THE DAY FROM THE SEPT. 6, 1995 OUT FRONT ARCHIVES

N

ow heralded as one of the best movies in gay cinema, “To Wong Foo” made waves when it was released by shedding a positive light on drag queens in a nationally released film — Not to mention how adorable the entire cast is. This movie exudes the kind of Fabulous we were hoping to examine in our fabulous issue: bold, unerring enmeshment of both masculine and feminine qualities. (Could they have picked better, more masculine actors to portray these drag queens?!)

Got a story, memory, or reflection to share from way back when? To share yours, email editorial@outfrontonline.com with your query or 250-500 word story using “back in my day” in the subject line.

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| M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | 4 5

MEDIA STREAM

The Distant (Grass)Lands of “Adventure Time” C’mon, grab a friend. And a bong.

Rob Barger HEY POT SMOKERS, HAVE YOU HEARD THE GOOD NEWS? There’s a cartoon streaming on Netflix that will blow your cannabinoid-soaked minds. Imagine a post-apocalyptic world filled with hundreds of kooky kingdoms, a unique princess for each one. Imagine a sociopathic king with magical ice powers and a legion of the most adorable penguins you’ve ever seen. Imagine the last remaining human child with a hero-complex and his shapeshifting dog going on fantastical journeys while singing auto-tuned techno.

My friends, I give you “Adventure Time.” True, it’s a show made for kids, but doubly true: adults love it too. The reason is pretty easy to see — while the storylines are simple and easy to follow, the episodes themselves are punctuated with enough adult-themed jokes that a parent will be just as entertained, making for an ultimate family show. Not sold on the idea just yet, smokers? Don’t worry, I’m getting there.

Most of the episode plotlines revolve around the two main characters: Jake the dog and Finn the human. Raised together as brothers, these two have an unquenchable thirst for adventure and badassery.

Because Finn is the last remaining human, some plotlines revolve around the bonerific feelings he gets around princesses, and Jake (who totally watched the puberty videos we all watched in fourth grade) is wise enough to help him navigate it. Their dynamic is hilarious and adorable without being overbearingly bro-like.

“Adventure Time” shines when the side characters do. Lumpy Space Princess has a voice of a nasally nineyear-old boy or a frog, and it’s hard to tell which. She is a classic teenaged girl and throws tantrums constantly.

She uses “lump,” “lumping,” and variations of “lumps” in lieu of curse words and body part names and her line: “I’m really, really sorry Finn, but I can’t help you because my parents are horrible idiots,” was censored on Australian television. “Lump off, mom!” was just fine.

Another notable and hilarious side character is the Ice King.

Correctly labelled as a sociopath by the Cosmic Owl (don’t ask) the Ice 46

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King’s only goal in life is to kidnap a princess who will love him. His storyline is the deepest by far: he used to be a scientist who was studying an ancient crown, but when he tried to crown on, he turned evil and developed ice powers. That was sort of a spoiler, but there are 600 more Ice King spoilers that you are missing by not watching “Adventure Time” right now.

If you need even more levels of awesome, let’s delve into the world in which “Adventure Time” takes place: The land of Ooo. It takes quite a commitment to the show to realize that Ooo is actually a post-apocalyptic Earth. A nuclear fallout has caused all life to be wiped from the planet, and evolution re-did its thing and repopulated, though with very different results — the world is full of magical creatures, evil beings, and fantastical monster-bellied teddybear rave parties.

One thing about “Adventure Time” that will harsh anyone’s buzz: there is a terrible jackhammer sound at the end of every episode.

So you’re sitting there, enjoying your dumb, hilarious cartoon and BAM! Jackhammer. It’s the worst and everyone should write the producer of “Adventure Time” some letters or something.

There are so many reasons why “Adventure Time” is one of the most entertaining shows on television. How do I condense something so cool into 500 words? I happily share my own passion for alteredmind television with the first state that openly embraces altered-mind vegging in front of the nearest Netflix-streaming device. My best advice? Start with episode one. As far as pilots go, “Adventure Time” captures the spirit of the show that remains evident through every season. 

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | 4 7

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HAPPY HOUR MON–FRI $2.50 wells & domestic bottles from 3–7pm

HAPPY HOUR Mon – Fri: 2–9pm Sat & Sun: 12–9pm $2.25 Wells, $2.00 Domestic Drafts $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers

475 Santa Fe, Denver (303) 778-0545 facebook.com/BarkerLounge DAILY HAPPY HOURS 3–8pm & 11pm–close $3 Well/Wine/Domestic Bottles

BAR RICUDA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 2–4pm. & 10pm–midnight

B LACK CROWN 1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 blackcrownlounge.com

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION NIGHT Mondays at 9pm

C HA R LI E'S ® 900 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 839-8890 charliesdenver.com DAILY BEER SPECIAL $4 for a 32-oz. domestic pitcher and $8 for a premium pitcher THURSDAYS 1/2 price night FRIDAYS: BEER BUST $10 Buddy Beer Bust, 5pm $3 Absolut, 9pm

DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4–6PM

SATURDAYS $5 Beer Bust, 2pm

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MONDAYS 1/2 price select bottles of wine

SUNDAYS Drag show, 9pm

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SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette. $8 Ketel One martinis

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HAPPY HOUR Tuesday through Sunday, 4–8pm: Endless beer & Cocktails $12

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1475 36 th St., Denver (303) 291-0250 theeaglebar.com

17 TH AVE.

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BEER BUSTS Saturdays, 6–10pm, $8.

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DENVER'S HOTTEST MALE REVUE Six nights a week — Never a cover!

Tuesday–Saturday, 10pm–1:45am. 21+.

FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES • NO COVER $3 Well vodka & $5 Svedka

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HAPPY HOUR Mon–Thu: 3–8:30pm & Fri–Sun: noon–8:30pm. $2.50 wells, domestic bottles & drafts.

Check boyztowndenver.com for the latest drink specials!

DAILY HAPPY HOURS 7–10am & 5–8pm $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls

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COLFAX AVE. SANTA FE DR. KALAMATH ST.

117 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7373 boyztowndenver.com

145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com

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DAILY HAPPY HOUR $3 wells, vino, domestics, lattes; $1.50 PBRs; $4 shots of Fireball. 3–7pm

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HAPPY HOURS Drink specials every day 3–6pm & $1 off any drink 6–8pm every day

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1526 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 484-8548 blushblubar.com

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SUNDAYS Molly’s famous $4 Bloodys

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FRIDAYS Karaoke at 9pm

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COLORADO FIREFIGHTER CALENDAR The 2015 Colorado Firefighter Calendar Celebrity Judging Event was held at the EXDO Event Center on May 10. Twenty-four firefighters from across the state competed for one of the coveted spots in next year’s beefcake-style calendar by answering questions in their dress uniforms and then parading across the catwalk in part of their turn-out gear. The selected firefighters volunteer their time to raise funds, attend events, educate children on fire prevention, and increase awareness for burn centers around Colorado. Net proceeds received from the sale of calendars and special events directly benefit the Children’s Hospital Burn Center and other burn centers across the state.

Photos by Charles Broshous 700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/fire14

4501 E Virginia Ave Denver, Colorado 80246 • (303) 388-8889 www.facebook.com/elpotreroclub

EL POT R E RO

T RAC KS

4501 E. Virginia Ave., Denver (303) 388-8889 elpotrerocolorado.com

3500 Walnut St., Denver (303) 863-7326 tracksdenver.com

DRAG WEDNESDAYS 2-for-1 beers, $3 rum, and vodka specials, $2 drafts. No cover.

SUPERSTAR THURSDAYS 18 + dance party Cover: 18–20 $10, 21+ $5 after 10pm

GO-GO FRIDAYS: NO COVER $2 rum & vodka specials, $2 drafts, $5 Jose Cuervo, $15 beer buckets and $5 Jager shots

ELEVATED SATURDAYS 2-for-1 drinks between 9–10pm No cover before 10pm

HAM BU RG E R MA RY'S 700 E. 17 th Ave., Denver (303) 832-1333 hamburgermarys.com/denver OPEN DAILY• VISIT WEBSITE FOR SPECIALS Monday - Wed: 11am to 1am Thur - Saturday 11am to 2am Sunday: 10am to 1am

LANNIE'S CLOCKTOWER CABA RET 16th St. Mall @ Arapahoe St., Denver (303) 293-0075 lannies.com CHECK OUT LANNIES.COM For show information & tickets

LIL' DEVILS 255 South Broadway, Denver (303) 733-1156 lildevilslounge.com WEDNESDAYS $4 22-oz. tanks of your choice.

SUNDAYS: TRIVIA NIGHT Compete for free drinks & bar tabs, starting at 7:30pm. $3 Smirnoff.

P IRAT ES COVE 105 Central Plaza, Pueblo (719) 543-2683 ofcnow.co/cove

U NDERG ROU N D PUB 110 N. Nevada Ave., Colorado Springs (719) 578-7771 undergroundbars.com HAPPY HOURS Mon–Sat, 4 – 7pm: $1 off all drinks Sun–Thu, 11pm – 1am: $5 Long Islands

VI NYL 1082 Broadway, Denver (303) 832-8628 coclubs.com/club-vinyl CLIMAX SUNDAYS Return Memorial Day Weekend!

WRA N G LER 1700 Logan St., Denver (303) 837-1075 denverwrangler.com MONDAY: POKER NIGHT Free Texas Hold-em Poker, 7–8pm $2 House Drinks, $2 PBR Cans TUESDAY: POOL TOURNAMENT $5 buy in Pool Tournament, 7pm $2 House Drinks, $2 Beer Grab WEDNESDAY: TRIVIA NIGHT Free Geeks Who Drink Trivia 8pm $3 Svedka Drinks, $2 PBR Cans.

FRIDAY: $3 HOUSE DRINKS SATURDAY: $3 SVEDKA DRINKS SUNDAY: BEER BUST, 4–8PM $10 Legendary Charity Beer Bust $3 Svedka drinks, 5pm-close.

Open Tues–Sun 6 pm–2am VIP Lounge available: call for details

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HAPPY HOURS Tues–Sun: 6–8pm Tues–Thurs: 11–midnight

629 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 832-2687 xbardenver.com

WEEKLY EVENTS DJ every Saturday Free pool Tuesday & Sunday

MONDAY–SATURDAY BOGO happy hour: 3–6pm

R & R D ENVE R 4958 E. Colfax Ave., Denver (303) 320-9337 facebook.com/randrdenver $3 WELLS & DOMESTICS Mon–Thu: 3–8pm / Fri: 3–7pm Sat–Sun: 11am–7pm

SUNDAY $5 lemonade buckets all day

FOR UPDATES & INTERACTIVE MAP, PLEASE VISIT OFCNOW.CO/BTAB

See more photos at outfrontonline.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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SEXUALITY

ON BEING A WOMAN Jamie Roberts

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hen I was born, I was not assigned the sex of female, but was coercively assigned male. It wasn’t until I reached my mid-20s and gained quite a bit of independence (as well as a modest inheritance) that I began the process to correct that error of attribution one painful, gutwrenching step at a time. Many times I was asked over the years how things are different now that I live my life authentically as a woman. The following are some of the ways.

The clothes, of course, have a lot more style and variety, but are more expensive. Having given myself the permission I secretly craved to create my own unique style, I found that same sizes vary among different retailers. A size 12 in Macy’s is not the same size as a 12 at Banana Republic, or Torrid for that matter. This also goes for shoes.

Speaking of shoes, if men’s shoes are designed to comfort their feet, women’s shoes are meant to destroy them (as well as our knees, long term).

While the fashion industry seems to fall over itself to make men comfortable, at the same time it tells women that “beauty hurts.”

A big lesson was experiencing just how much women are judged by their looks. When people compliment a woman, it’s usually for her beauty or feminine style/presentation and not so much

her skill or intelligence. Despite all the pain and effort I put into my gender presentation, I still get read as Trans occasionally. Some people who don’t like me will misgender me. Others will give me the ‘up and down, reading you’ eyes or the side-eye. People who like me or want something from me will compliment my hair, my most feminine attribute, followed by my eyes. Also, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told to smile, I could buy an overpriced handbag or three.

The women in my family began policing my looks and my body. When my grandmother told me that I needed to lose weight, I felt both mortified and cognizant that I had arrived in my family as a woman. Where my mom used to offer measured advice only occasionally, she began to give me her unvarnished opinion about just about everything that I wear, say, or do. I felt appalled but, at the same time, I understood that she was now socializing me as a woman. Though my mom was somewhat distant in my childhood and all throughout adolescence, we’ve drawn much closer in the years since I transitioned.

Living as a woman brought home to me how much space men take up in a room and how little space women are expected to occupy. I felt for the first time how invisible I become in many spaces simply by being a woman. Men draw attention and

establish territory without even thinking about it, saying whatever’s on their mind wherever they are without any real social consequence. When a man does a great job, other men believe it’s because of their innate talent. When a woman like me does a good job, it gets attributed to some external factor other than her own talent. That is, when her achievements are not being completely appropriated by the men around her.

I also learned how easy it is as a woman to pick up a stalker. Whether it’s former lovers who won’t accept that I don’t want to see them anymore, someone I shared my phone number with that I shouldn’t have, or someone who’s obsessed with me and likes to expose embarrassing details about me on social networks, it’s a special kind of creepiness I’ve only experienced since living full time as a woman. This is why I never answer phone calls from “anonymous” or “unknown” callers. It is similar to being stalked by bullies in the playgrounds of my childhood years and called names referring to my femininity, but played out in more subtle, sophisticated, and menacing ways.

It’s also funny how the same sort of people who used to taunt me for being too effeminate now taunt me for being too masculine in some way.

Seeing this happen to cisgender women as well is cold comfort.

Don’t get me wrong. I love being a woman! Fits me just fine, thanks. Despite all the headaches and heartaches that come with being a woman, the feeling of being at home in my own skin is priceless. 

THE GOLDEN QUESTION Dear Shanna I’ve been hearing some conversations at the local club about water sports. Are water sports safe, and what type of protection should I use if I want to try them? Anything else I need to know before I get involved?

- Wet and Wild in Westminster.

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out there; just because someone likes water sports doesn’t mean he/she wants I’m guessing that when you talk about to be spanked, and someone can enjoy water sports, you’re not referring to peeing on people and also be into licking taking a jet ski out on the Cherry Creek someone else’s boots. One does not lead to Reservoir, or having a chicken fight in another, nor are they mutually exclusive. the hot springs. (If this IS what you’re If you are going to try things out, make talking about, you’ve written to the sure whomever is doing the peeing is wrong columnist!) well-hydrated (you don’t want a big build Water sports, in a sexual sense, is the up leading to a let down), and consider starting in a bathtub or shower for easy act of consensually urinating on someone, ASK THE SEXPERT being urinated on by someone else, or clean up. Puppy pads (sold at the grocery Shanna Katz otherwise engaging in sexual play that or pet store) also can allow for water involves the use of urine. Yes, some people sports adventures in any room of your really enjoy this, others are curious and into exploring it, house or dungeon without staining the carpet or creating a need to mop the tiles. and some folks are just not that into it. Regardless of where And if you try it and don’t like it, that’s okay too. Just you stand on the golden flow, there are some things you should know. check it off of your list of sexual adventures, and start Urine itself, assuming no one has an infection of any focusing on something else interesting and exciting. Who sort, is sterile. As in you can actually drink it in a pinch knows – this could be your new favorite thing! to rehydrate (say you’re on a desert island), and it can, in Best of luck! fact, help neutralize the pain of jellyfish stings. However, Have a question you’d like to ask Shanna (anonymously)? in a sexual context, urine-play is likely to be connected Email ShannaKatz@gmail.com. Shanna Katz, M.Ed, with other genital play, so while it is sterile, you and your ACS is Colorado-born, fierce femme, and board certified partner(s) should have a conversation about what safer sexologist. She believes strongly in open source, accessible sex looks like and how you’ll be practicing it, regardless sexuality education, and loves teaching adults how to of the activity. optimize their sex lives. For more info, please visit Being interested in water sports is no different than www.ShannaKatz.com. being interested in the plethora of other sexual activities Dear Wet and Wild -

| M AY 2 1 , 2 0 1 4 | O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M

EVOLUTION OF THE S E LF T

HEINZESIGHT Brent Heinze

OU R L IV ES DON’T COM E WITH A RESET BU TTON AND STARTING COM PLETELY OVER ISN’T OFT EN POSSIBLE.

here are so many parts of myself that I want to be different. I want to lose weight and change the way my body looks, but I also want to date more often and have more sex. It seems like there are things I can do to make myself more attractive to other people, but I want to feel better about myself inside as well. Sometimes I just want to start over so people can see a new me without all of the preconceived ideas and assumptions they have about me now.

Unfortunately, entering the witness relocation program to assume a new identity probably isn’t an option, and a sci-fi inspired, memory-erasing device hasn’t been developed yet. Many times, a complete makeover is an unrealistic way of looking at how to increase your chances of connecting with others. Change generally happens slowly by working to improve those things that cause us personal strife. Regardless, goals like getting in shape, increasing self-esteem, or becoming better at flirting rarely happen as fast as we want them to.

Often, when change happens quickly, it is not sustained for a long period of time. We see it most frequently in weight loss when the pounds come off after a fad diet, but come back with a vengeance when we return to our “normally scheduled” behaviors. We may also avoid having to accept that hard work, dedication, and sacrifice may be at the core of creating improved outcomes for us. Taking the easy path is not always the best route. In addition, running away from things that challenge us may be a natural response, but it doesn’t help build the confidence that can impact our situations for the better.

Our lives don’t come with a “reset” button and starting completely over isn’t often possible. Heading off to college

may allow some people to feel they can shed the stigma of being the awkward geek with no friends, while moving to a new city can give someone the confidence that people won’t know their sordid past. Regardless, YOU can’t run away from YOU. The person who looks back from the mirror will always be with you.

Be careful about focusing on only making superficial changes that you think will improve how you feel internally. Unfortunately, if only surface changes are made, this new façade needs to be upheld and that can take a lot of energy and focus. Changing in these ways may keep the outside world from perceiving us as a weak and unhappy person, but we will know the truth every time we look at ourselves. This “new and improved” image may seem to look prettier or more socially acceptable, but it is most likely covering up painful, ugly, or embarrassing parts of us that cause negative effects in our lives and the choices we make.

Although sometimes frustrating or uncomfortable, change can also be amazing and beautiful. Sometimes it progresses slowly and relatively unnoticed. Other times, it happens so quickly that we have to put on the brakes and give ourselves a chance to process what is going on.

Darwin’s theory of evolution has been proven over and over, so why not apply it to our lives? Thankfully, personal evolution does not need to happen over thousands of years like it does in the animal kingdom.  Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed professional counselor.

Get more HeinzeSight online at ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his column at PerspectiveShift@ yahoo.com.

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