May 7 :: Marriage Equality

S U N S H I N E , V I E W S , & B R E W S : O U T F R O N T ' S PAT I O G U I D E I S H E R E !

e g a i r ra M uality q E M AY 7, 2 0 1 4 | F R E E | O U T F R O N T O N L I N E . C O M

The

Issue

C I V I L U N I O N S : O N E Y E A R L AT E R O R A L A R G U M E N T S I N T H E 1 0 TH C I R C U I T CIVIL UNIONS VS. MARRIAGE: W H AT ' S T H E D I F F E R E N C E ? + E N T E R F O R A C H A N C E T O W I N T H E B E S T P R I D E E V E R ! S E E PA G E 6

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CO NT ENTS

VOLUME 38

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ISSUE 3

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M AY 7, 2 0 1 4

OUT FRONT PATIO GUIDE

“As much as I’m thrilled that we got to have a formal, legal ceremony that was meaningful in the eyes of the state of Colorado, it still feels like there’s a little bit missing.”

COVER STORY | PAGE 16

20 TRANS* DATING ADVICE

52 Dating at DIA 25

6 L E T T E R F RO M T H E E D I TO R 7 I N CAS E YO U M I S S E D I T: P O P U L A R STO R I ES 10 A N N OU N C E M E N TS & N E WS 1 4 PA N E L 16 C O V E R S T O R Y : C I V I L U N I O N S O N E Y E A R L AT E R 19 LEGAL 20 O U T F R O N T PAT I O G U I D E 24 O N E CO LO RA D O ’S T H I E L E & F O RT M I L L E R 25 B L E E D L I K E M E : D AT I N G AT D I A 26 CUISINE 28 CALENDAR A R T S & C U LT U R E 30 32 B A R TA B 34 RADIOACTIVE VISION: BLOODY MARYS & BOOTYSHAKES 35 CO M M U N I T Y P H OTOS 37 JARED ALLMAN & RODINEY SANTIAGO 39 BITS & BOBS 41 W H AT W E ’ R E W E A R I N G 42 O N E ST Y L E F I TS A L L USA PROPHYLACTIC & ODDD 43 45 U R B A N I S M : D E N V E R ’ S U N I O N S TAT I O N 48 FLAME 2014 49 B A C K I N T H E D AY : A M E N D M E N T 2 B E AU T Y: R U B B I N G I T O U T 50 52 A N O P E N L E T T E R TO CA L P E R N I A A D DA M S S E X P E R T : T R A N S * D AT I N G T I P S 52 53 H E I N Z E S I G H T : W H AT I S C O M M I T M E N T ?

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“ C A S E I N P O I N T — A S I M P LY DRESSED, LEMONY BUNDLE OF ARUGULA ASIDE THE S AV O R Y L A M B C O L L A R , PA I R E D W I T H C R E A M Y GNUDI (A COUSIN OF THE U B I Q U I T O U S G N O C C H I ) .”

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“Now that gay marriage bans are dropping like a pair of underwear at the Denver Eagle, it’s time to take a look at what should be next on our ‘gay agenda.’”

RADIOACTIVE VISION | PAGE 34

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FROM THE EDITOR

Good Morrow, Colorado!

I CAN’T WAIT TO BE A GUEST IN YOUR CITY. Planning this issue from the pollen-caked streets of the Atlanta ‘burbs, I got a remote taste of the warm, receptive spirit of my peers in Denver, all of whom responded faithfully to every little inquiry I battered their inbox with. I mean, it’s not lost on me that my mostly quiet town BERLIN SYLVESTRE, INTERIM EDITOR is full of nice people who won’t “bless my heart” too bad for raining a hellfire of questions on them, but even Southern hospitality has its limits. Because of everyone’s willingness to educate me on how it’s done in Denver, then chip in and help me adjust, I already feel welcome in your supremely friendly city.

The editor before me, Matt Pizzuti, left some big shoes to fill. An eloquent and driven young man, he made sure that everyone fighting the good fight for equality in Colorado was given the platform to say their piece in our pages. In good form, he was never too busy to listen to story pitches and would get down in the dirt and write a good one if no

one else could. I admire his gumption. I know I’ve got to bring some big ideas to the table that not only keep the Out Front community spirit alive, but open new avenues that bring something nice to warm everyone’s cockles.

In these pages, and going forward, you’ll find a hodgepodge of information that not only informs our community of the latest, but entertains us in the process. From hard news to movie reviews, sports talk and drink recipes, we aim to leave something interesting rolling around the heads of anyone who picks up a copy — LGBT or otherwise.

So as you ride the RTD with a fresh copy, or dive into a column while you sip an IPA at The Tavern, know that every single page slipping through your fingers has taken hours of work by people who might be sitting right next to you wondering how we did. Know that we’ve held your interests in high regard as we held meetings and wondered: “Can we cover more ground?”

By the time you read this editor’s note, I’ll most likely be out there. With the backing of all the incredible folks I have yet to meet in person, I know in my heart of hearts that we’re about to take the publication to the next level and we want you right here with us.

I can’t wait to be a guest in your city and, maybe one day, become one of her citizens. Until then, I appreciate yall’s friendly ways and hope I can return the favor sooner rather than later.

Warm Regards from Atlanta, Berlin.

BEST PRIDE EVER!

About the Contributors

For Mike Yost, there’s no such thing as being too loud. He interviews clamorous activists and clangorous nonprofits, uncovering the stories of those who aren’t afraid to stand up for change. Mike also listens to deafening metal. His fondness for vociferation comes from serving in silence in the Air Force under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, his experience becoming the basis for his novel, Remnants of Light.

See his articles starting on pages 12 and 16.

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Contest information will be announced Friday, May 9th on Out Front’s Facebook Page.

Make sure to “like” our page in order to stay up to date with contest announcements and more giveaways! x www.facebook.com/OutFrontColorado 6

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Jeff Steen writes Out Front’s food column “Food for Thought” as well as cover stories and other features. He’s a regular churchgoer and passionate about places where food, culture, and spirituality intersect.

When he’s not writing, find him cycling, cooking or tasting wines of every stripe. See his article in Cuisine on page 26.

In case you missed it…

POPULAR STORIES HAPPENING AROUND THE GLOBE FASHION DESIGNER TOM FORD AND MAGAZINE EDITOR RICHARD BUCKLEY have tied the knot in a stateside ceremony. The couple met at a fashion show in 1986 and have been together ever since. The pathologically shy Ford, then 25, took an instant shine to 38-year-old Buckley. “I went to a fashion show and this silverhaired guy was staring at me with these piercing water-blue eyes,” he told Women’s Wear Daily. “It scared me because I absolutely saw and knew my entire future.”

Buckley reciprocated with a chase, but it didn’t last long.

After being set up by a mutual friend in the fashion industry, it took little more than an elevator ride to set the wheels in motion.

“He ticked every box ... by the time we got to the floor, I was like, ‘OK, sold,’” Tom confessed. “He seemed so together. He was so handsome, he was so grown-up. I decided in that elevator that I was going to marry him.”

The couple announced the birth of their son, Alexander John Buckley Ford, in 2012, and hope their home country (Italy) will follow the U.K.’s lead and show recognition of same-sex rights. 

ACTRESS JODIE FOSTER AND PHOTOGRAPHER ALEXANDRA HEDISON quietly tied the knot sometime during the weekend of April 18. The notoriously press-shy Foster has yet to release details to the media about the ceremony (and we aren’t holding our breath).

“I already did my coming out about a thousand years ago, back in the stone age,” Foster said in her 2013 Golden Globes speech. “If you had been a public figure from the time you were a toddler, if you had to fight for a life that felt real and honest and normal against all odds, then maybe then you too might value privacy above all else.”

Hedison, who played Dylan on Showtime’s “The L Word,” also famously dated Ellen Degeneres. It’s reported that the couple have been together for nearly a year before making it official. 

MOVING FORWARD

LGBT Latino leaders look to the future FROM THE APRIL16 ISSUE: The idea of moving forward is what resonates in the Latino community and the phrase “Adelante, siempre adelante.”

Online at ofcnow.co/rQ2

STAY UPDATED WITH THE LATEST NEWS & FEATURES FROM OUT FRONT! OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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ANNOUNCEMENTS

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Colorado's Premier Gay-Owned & Operated Caterer serving the AR N O L D - CANTORNA Community A since 1995! mber Nikole Arnold and Clara Cauton Cantorna of Denver, Colorado proudly announce their marriage ceremony, exchange of vows, and reception for Saturday, June 28 in Lakewood, Colorado.

The wedding will be officiated by the couple’s friend, former pastor Brian Conner.

Arnold, a Montana native, grew up in Colorado Springs to David and Janna Arnold. She graduated from high school at 16 and received her associate’s degree in sign language interpreting from Pikes Peak Community College. She has worked more than 10 years in the field and has obtained both an educational interpreter license and a national interpreter certification. She currently freelances for different agencies in the Denver Metro and surrounding areas, and mentors other interpreters in the field.

Cantorna, born in the Philippines and raised in Hawaii, is the daughter of Julius and Sally Cantorna. She obtained her bachelor’s degree in economics and accounting from Scripps College and acquired her master’s in information systems from University of Colorado at Denver. She has more than 15 years of experience in the IT field as a senior system administrator and has served in the Army for more than 20 years.

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Arnold and Cantorna were engaged on Veteran’s Day of 2013.

They have one adorable, furry child named Half-Pint. Clara enjoys Bikram Yoga and hopes to someday become a licensed yoga instructor with her own studio. Amber sings with the Denver Women’s Chorus and her passion is to someday use both her music and speaking skills to help bridge the gap between faithbased and LGBT communities. In their free time, Amber and Clara enjoy camping, drive-in movies, leisurely evening walks, trying new restaurants around town, and attending Highlands Church where they can openly express both their love for each other and their faith in Christ. They enjoy vacationing in the Rocky Mountains but look forward to their beachside ceremony and honeymoon in Hawaii.

Amber will be taking Clara’s last name.

The couple hopes their life-long commitment to each other will be an example of love between two Christcentered women in a society where faith and sexual preference are often in conflict. Their friends, family of choice, and community rally in support of their inspiring love for one another and look forward to celebrating with them on their wedding day. 

NATION

REPORT: Marriage equality will add $60 million to Virginia economy over 3 years NORFOLK, VA. — As a federal appeals court considers a ruling that overturned Virgina’s ban on same-sex marriage, a new report finds that marriage equality would add $60 million to the state’s economy.

Researchers at the Williams Institute, an independent think tank at UCLA’s School of Law, estimates that — based on 2010 U.S. Census data — 50 percent of the state’s 14,244 same-sex couples, would marry in the first three years in which same-sex marriage is legal.

Nearly 5,000 marriages would occur in the first year alone, and bring up to $38 million in revenue to the state of Virginia that year, according to the study.

“This report clearly shows that allowing lesbian and gay couples to marry in Virginia is not only the right thing to do, but would also have a positive impact on our economy,” said James Parrish, executive director of Equality Virginia. “This report shows that all Virginians would benefit from marriage equality.”

In February, a federal judge in Norfolk struck down the state’s ban on same-sex marriages. The decision has been stayed pending an appeal, and a three-judge panel of the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals will hear arguments in Richmond on May 13. 

Judge denies NOM’s request to postpone hearing in Ore. gay marriage challenge EUGENE, ORE. — A federal judge in Oregon said than 48 hours prior to the hearing, which has been Tuesday he would not postpone a long-scheduled scheduled since January.

McShane said he would not rule on constituhearing challenging the state’s same-sex marriage ban to accommodate an eleventh hour request tionality of the ban until at least May 14, when by the National Organization for he considers NOM’s motion to Marriage (NOM) to intervene in intervene. the suit and defend the ban.

If McShane allows the NOM U.S. District Judge Michael to intervene, he would schedule a second briefing on whether to McShane said he would hear oral arguments on May 14 to consider issue a summary judgement or NOM’s motion to intervene, but set the matter for trial. Currently, would proceed with Wednesday’s both plaintiffs and defendants hearing on whether Oregon’s conin the case are asking the court to rule based solely on the legal stitutional ban violates federal equal-rights protections for gay issues presented in the complaint and lesbian couples, according and their briefs. to The Oregonian.

Eastman said his group has The NOM is seeking legal standnot decided yet whether to ask ing in the case because Attorney McShane to recuse himself from hearing the case.

General Ellen Rosenblum has U.S. District Judge Michael McShane declined to defend the ban, saying Eastman has argued that it “cannot withstand a federal conMcShane has a potential conflict stitutional challenge under any standard of review.” of interest because he is in a same-sex relationship NOM chairman John Eastman said it is wrong with another man and is raising a child with him. that a challenge to Oregon’s marriage law would McShane is one of just nine openly gay go forward without a meaningful defense. His members of the federal judiciary, according to group filed a motion to intervene on Monday, less the Human Rights Campaign.  Reports from LGBTQNation.com • Stay current with the latest at outfrontonline.com

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MAY 24–26 MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND ®

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ATHLETICS

Good Sports … where Out Front salutes gay athletes and wonders: Does their home state make the marriage equality cut?

ROBBIE ROGERS College: University of Maryland - College Park, Md. Professional: LA Galaxy - California California-born beauty Robbie Rogers spent only one season playing soccer at the University of Maryland before he was recruited by the top-level Dutch soccer club Heerenveen. He continued club play in Ohio and England and came out publicly in February 2013. He was signed with his home state team, the LA Galaxy, the following May. So can he marry in Cali?

Yep! Besides his years in Holland, the Galaxy marks Rogers’ first team in a marriage equality state. Anyone following his career knows he played for the Maryland Terrapins eight years before marriage equality became the law of the land, and he was on the Columbus Crew before Ohio had any success undoing its 2004 constitutional ban on same-sex marriage. His coming out and joining Galaxy came only months before last summer’s landmark Supreme Court rulings that gave Rogers’ fellow gay Californians the right to wed (again). Good job, Golden State.

BRITTNEY GRINER College: Baylor University - Waco, Texas Professional: Phoenix Mercury - Arizona

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At 6’8, Brittney Griner couldn’t help but be noticed at her Houston, Texas high school, where she admits to feeling alienated because of her height and her sexuality. In college, she got the kind of attention she desired when she smashed basketball records held not only by Baylor U, but by the WNBA. She began touring Europe with the U.S. National Team and making headway. At 22, Griner was the only player still in college on the 2012 U.S. Olympic women’s basketball team. She came out in 2013 and was signed to the Phoenix Mercury as a 1st overall pick. So if she found a sweetheart in the desert, could they marry in Phoenix? Nix. Arizona imposed a state law banning same-sex marriage in 1996.

MICHAEL SAM High School: Hitchcock High School Hitchcock, Texas College: University of Missouri - Columbia, Mo. Defensive end Michael Sam hails from a state where everything is bigger, perhaps including the level of homophobia among the natives.

For the state’s heapin’ helpin’ of institutionalized discrimination, Texas offers no state-level protections for LGBT workers and no same-sex marriage rights. (Same-sex sexual “activity” wasn’t even legal until 2003, when Sam would have been in middle school.) Sam spent his impressive college career in Missouri, a state with a similar lack of protections or rights for LGBT residents. So for our friend Michael Sam, the answer is nope — you cannot marry in the state you play for. But with college ball now behind him, football-loving homophiles in every state are just waiting to see who he’ll represent in the NFL as the first out active player. Watch out for this guy. He could be wearing the orange and blue jersey next season. 

OUT IN COLORADO

W H AT ’ S T H E B I G D I F F ?

CIVIL UNIONS VS MARRIAGE Berlin Sylvestre & Rob Barger “WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO BE A PART OF THE HETERONORMATIVE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE?” I (Berlin) have been asked, mostly by teeth-gnashing counterparts who are (between us, pretty radical about social issues sometimes) never radical about social issues ever. “I’ll just have a civil union, thank-you-very-muccccch.”

(You totally have that friend, too.)

“Well, they’re not the same thing,” I begin, but I don’t think that’s ever their point anyway. So let’s break it down right quick, so the next time someone asks, I can pull up OutFrontOnline.com (gorgeous plug, I know) and shut them up long enough for me to mix another cocktail.

CIVIL UNIONS DO: • Create a legally recognizable union between two people in states where they’re legal.

• Guarantee you’ll be able to make medical decisions for your partner if he or she is unconscious even if you are unable to show the hospital staff an executed power of attorney.

• Create a second class citizenship for same-sex couples.

If legalized, same-sex marriage — heretofore referred to as marriage — would behave as follows:

CIVIL UNIONS DON’T: • Create a legally recognizable relationship outside the state your union took place.

• Allow for federal protections such as social security benefits, the right to file joint federal tax returns, the federal exemption from inheritance tax, and many other federal protections.

MARRIAGE WILL NOT: • Be recognized in states without same-sex marriage ability.

• Be available to same-sex couples until the rights have been won in legal battles or voting.

MARRIAGE WILL: • Allow for all federal protections and rights.

• Be recognizable in any state that allows same-sex marriage.

• Be more difficult to dissolve than civil unions.

But why stop there? Get the lowdown from the equality titans fighting our good fight in the 10th Circuit Court at RestoreOurHumanity.org. After you get pumped and ready to help, head over to One-Colorado.org and join the movement. 

H I V R E T R E AT AT

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The weekend’s agenda includes educational workshops, interactive seminars, body therapies (massage, chiropractic, reflexology, and more), discussion groups and social activities.

For more information, visit OnTheTen.org, email retreat.shadowcliff@gmail. com or call Michael Dorosh at 303-777-7208.

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NEWS

Oral arguments for two landmark cases clash over constitutionality of same-sex marriage On April 10, three judges with the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver heard arguments from a Utah lawsuit challenging the state’s authority to prohibit gay marriage, followed by arguments a week later in a similar Oklahoma lawsuit.

1967 case in which the U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that it is unconstitutional for a state to prohibit marriages between people of dif“This issue is really one of authority,” Gene Schaerr told the three-judge ferent races. panel as the attorney representing Utah in defense of the state’s same-sex “Holmes asked over and over why this is any different,” said Leong. marriage ban. “That is, whether under the federal constitution, the state’s “You’re singling out a group of people based on a suspect classification. definitional authority over marriage allows them to not only redefine marThere, it was race. Here, it’s sex.” riage in genderless terms ... but also to retain the traditional man-woman The attorney representing the state of Oklahoma, Jim Campbell, opened definition and to do so through democratic means.” his arguments with the assertion that same-sex couples are not discriminated In 2004, Utah voters approved Amendment 3, defining marriage between based on sex, but are characterized from other couples based on the possibility of procreation. one man and one woman.

“From Oklahoma’s inception, marriage has been a man-woman union,” Schaerr went on to reject the argument that same-sex couples have a right to marry. “The Supreme Court has never recognized such a broad said Campbell, adding that “the natural procreative potential of opposite-sex fundamental right to marriage despite being urged by the United States in couples distinguishes that group from same-sex couples, and that difference the Windsor case to adopt that very position.” is relevant to the procreative and child-rearing interest in marriage that the Because Utah’s vision of marriage consists of a man and a woman state has the authority to implement.” In 2004, Oklahoma voters passed their rearing children, argued Schaerr, own constitutional amendment banning same-sex couples fall outside of that same-sex marriage.

What is certain is that the losing side will definition and are therefore not losing But Lucero pressed Campbell on how appeal the decision, but it’s unclear if the any fundamental rights. allowing gays to marry will harm the U.S. Supreme Court will take up the cases or The three-judge panel consisted of child-rearing interest of opposite-sex defer to the 10th Circuit’s final ruling.

Judge Paul Kelly (appointed by President couples. “I don’t understand the nexus, George H. W. Bush), Judge Carlos Lucero the connection that you’re making that if (appointed by President Bill Clinton), and Judge Jerome Holmes (appointed gay marriage is allowed, somehow that’s going to be a poison pill to marriage

by President George W. Bush). by heterosexual couples.”

“No one knows what the long term effects of redefining marriage will Lucero asked Schaerr how same-sex couples raising families are impacted

by Amendment 3. be,” replied Campbell, “but people on both sides of the marriage debate “How will the state treat the children of those couples given Amendment acknowledge that it will have real-world consequences, and it’s the plaintiffs’ 3 and its statutory scheme, and how can that treatment be squared with your burden to show that there is no risk that any of those consequences will be adverse.” argument of the marriage institution being a child-centric institution?”

Judge Holmes pointed out that the American Psychological Association Schaerr conceded that children of same-sex couples would be better off if their parents were allowed to marry. “There is no question there are (APA) disagrees with Oklahoma’s assertion of possible injurious consetradeoffs in policies like this, so the real question is, what are the state’s quences. “[The APA] emphasized that the two key components in determining interests? And are those interests sufficient to justify Utah’s decision to retain good outcomes for children were stability and family resources — parental resources — and both of those have nothing to do with gender, right?” the traditional man-woman definition of marriage?”

Campbell replied that the findings of the APA were not without dispute.

Peggy Tomsic, attorney for the plaintiffs suing Utah, opened her arguments with the statement that Amendment 3 infringes on constitutional Leong stated that perhaps the most notable moment out of both cases came rights: “Utah’s marriage discrimination laws violate plaintiffs’, and other when Judge Holmes questioned Campbell about the limits of Oklahoma’s same-sex couples’ living in Utah, equal protection rights and due process power. “The state cannot define marriage in any way that it wants and rights guaranteed by the 14th amendment.” trample constitutional rights, right?”

Tomsic added that children of same-sex parents are not somehow disadCampbell agreed, but added that the Loving case involved racial disvantaged compared to their peers reared by opposite-sex couples. “There crimination. “In contrast, the sex of the spouses is directly relevant to the is no study presented to this court that in fact measures the only issue that government’s interests in procreation and child rearing.”

“I thought that was an amazing moment in the arguments,” said Leong. existed as one the of the state’s primary arguments, which was that same-sex “Judge Holmes drew a line from the Supreme Court decision in Windsor to parenting is not as good as what they called the man-woman marriage.” this idea that the state can’t trample people’s constitutional rights by the Two of the judges appeared to agree with Tomsic on that point. “Judge definition of marriage.”

Holmes and Judge Lucero were very skeptical of the argument that same-sex It will be months before a final ruling, and though Leong stated she was parenting is any worse for kids than traditional parenting arrangements,” optimistic that the panel will rule in favor of the plaintiffs in both lawsuits, said Nancy Leong, assistant professor at the University of Denver’s Strum a prediction of the 10th Circuit’s final decision is problematic.

College of Law. “And one of the things that was really notable about Judge What is certain is that the losing side will appeal the decision, but it’s Holmes’ line of questioning,” added Leong, “is that he repeatedly asked unclear if the U.S. Supreme Court will take up the cases or defer to the 10th questions about bans on interracial marriage.”

Both the Utah and Oklahoma cases cited Loving v. Virginia, a landmark Circuit’s final ruling.  Mike Yost

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“Because homosexuals are rarely monogamous, children in those polyamorous situations will typically be caught in a perpetual coming and going, [which] is devastating to kids.” - James Dobson, in his book Marriage Under Fire. • “Same-sex marriage, by any name, civil union or otherwise, is the ultimate smashedPANEL mouth, in-your-face insult to God Almighty.” - Fred Phelps, outspoken founder and figurehead of the Westboro Baptist Church. • “[Gay marriage advocates] hope to use the law to reshape the culture in exactly the same way that the law was used to reshape the culture of the old racist south.” - Maggie Gallagher, co-founder of the National Organization of Marriage. • “ ... you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military.” - Texas governor Rick Perry • “Because homosexuals are rarely monogamous, children in those polyamorous situations will typically be caught in a perpetual coming and going, [which] is devastating to kids.” - James Dobson, in his book Marriage Under Fire. • “Same-sex marriage, by any name, civil union or otherwise, is the ultimate smashed-mouth, in-your-face insult to God Almighty.” - Fred Phelps, outspoken he Baptist 1st amendhat to is use thethe law to reshape the culture in exactly robablythe very founder and figurehead of the Westboro Church. • “[Gay marriage advocates] hope same way ment gives us difference few people that the law was used to reshape the culture of the old racist south.”

Maggie Gallagher, co-founder of the National Organization of Marriage.

• “ ... you don’t between hate in the Out Front the right to say what need to be in the pew every Sunday know there’s something wrong in this country gays can serve openly in the military.”

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Per U.S. Court A former Republican congressman protests.

In doing so, we demonstrated that precedent, we can only be accountable for ly said, “Freedom of speech is fine as long as - Maggie Gallagher, co-founder of the National Organization of Marriage. • “ ... you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something our community is capable of overcoming our own actions.

Our detractors have the no one is offended by it.”

Some people today wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military.” - Texas governor Rick Perry • “Because homosexuals are rarely monogamous, children in hate through peace. Pointing fingers and right to their opinions and us queer folk just are too easily offended by a smidgen of words those polyamorous typicallyignorance be caught in a perpetual coming andlaugh going, devastating to kids.”

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Your – either ignoregovernor them munications professional working for a Tom Rockman is a card-carrying Yooper,will typically or firmly state your back to their hate.and  going, Perry • “Because homosexuals are rarely monogamous, children in those Jr. polyamorous situations be caught in atruth perpetual coming major telecom. former flyboy, queer DragNation Under Fire.journalist, • “Same-sex marriage, by any name, civil union or otherwise, is the ultimate [which] is devastating to kids.” - James Dobson, in his book Marriage fanatic, comedy/horror/sci-fi addict, aspirIowa native George Gramer, Jr. is the presismashed-mouth, in-your-face insult to God Almighty.” - Fred Phelps, outspoken founder and figurehead ofdent theofWestboro Baptist Church. • “[Gay marriage ing policy wiz, and online provocateur. the Colorado Log Cabin Republicans. advocates] hope to use the law to reshape the culture in exactly the same way that the law was used to reshape the culture of the old racist south.” - Maggie Gallagher, co-founder of the National Organization of Marriage. • “ ... you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military.” - Texas governor Rick Perry • “Because homosexuals are rarely monogamous, children in those polyamorous

Q: What’s the best way to deal with hate speech?

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Want to become a panelist or columnist?

Email editorial@outfrontonline!

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COVER STORY

Civil Unions ONE YEAR LATER

Two couples reflect on the impact of the Civil Union Act, passed by the Colorado House of Representatives on March 12, 2013, ending a three-year struggle to establish relationship recognition for committed same-sex couples in Colorado.

“I

cried and cried. It was incredible,” says Christopher Adkins, who watched the legislative proceedings from home, unable to witness the historic moment in person due to his chemotherapy treatment. “I called my partner immediately at his work screaming that we had won. It had passed.”

Gov. Hickenlooper signed the legislation into law at the Colorado History Museum on March 21 of last year, and the law went into effect on May 1, 2013. Since then, there have been almost 800 civil union licenses issued in Denver County alone.

“I will never forget it,” says Dana Wilks, who works as a manager at the Colorado state court administrator’s office. “I work a half-block from the Colorado History Museum, and I remember walking in and looking up, and the balconies were just covered with people looking down watching Hickenlooper sign the bill. It was an incredibly moving experience.”

Legislation to establish civil unions in Colorado had been defeated twice before. In 2011, after the bill was introduced by State Sen. Pat Steadman and then State Rep. Mark Ferrandino, the legislation was killed by a Republican-controlled House Judiciary Committee.

In 2012, the bill made it all the way to the Colorado House where it was ready to pass with bipartisan support, but in a dramatic procedural maneuver, Republican Speaker of the House Frank McNulty blocked the civil union bill from coming to the floor for debate. The night before the final day of the 2012 legislative session, McNulty declared an impasse, effectively killing civil unions along with 30 other bills. A short-lived emergency session was implemented by Gov. Hickenlooper, but civil unions was quickly shot down by the State Affairs Committee.

In 2013, Democrats took control of the Colorado House, and Ferrandino — the first openly gay lawmaker to preside over the Colorado House of Representatives — became speaker. In addition, the Colorado General

Assembly consisted of an unprecedented eight openly gay and lesbian legislators who worked with local LGBT advocacy groups such as One Colorado to finally pave the way for civil unions in the Centennial State.

F

or Adkins and his partner Chris Karash, witnessing the three-year struggle for civil unions was agonizing. The couple has been together for 14 years, and for nine of those years, Adkins has battled blood clots in his chest, a tumor in his leg, and lung cancer.

“Considering my health issues,” Adkins says, “Chris and I made the decision that if civil unions passed in the legislature in 2013, we would go forward with a civil union in Colorado. Had it not passed — not knowing what my health was going to do — we had decided to go to another state to get married.”

Adkins moved to Denver from Atlanta in 2000 when he met Karash who, at the time, was living in Cheyenne, WY. They met online, and Karash asked to drive down to Denver and take Adkins out to dinner.

“I was starting a job that would be very fast paced. Lots of pressure,” says Adkins. “I didn’t want to get into a relationship.

Then I open the door, and literally the first thought that went through my head when I laid eyes on him was, Oh my God, I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man.”

Karash added he felt the same way on that memorable first date 14 years ago. “I was nervous meeting him, but when he opened the door, I knew ... this was it.”

The date ended with the couple standing in front of Adkins’ front door talking for two hours. “He’s very much a gentleman,” Adkins reminisces.

“He asked me if he could kiss me goodnight, and I told him yes.”

They spent almost every weekend together, Karash even driving down on weekdays and waking up early in the morning to drive back to Cheyenne

S tory by

Mike Yost

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| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

I was going to have the right to stand in front of my parents, and my siblings, and other family and friends, and join this relationship together with Chris, and it will be legal in the state of Colorado. To be able to do that was monumental. for work. “He took me to my first concert down here [in Denver], the Dixie Chicks,” Karash recalls.

“I had never been to any concert.”

“We are definitely a prime example of opposites attract,” says Adkins. “We’re so different from each other, and I think that’s part of the reason it works.”

They moved into their first home in 2004, but the strength of their relationship would be tested a year later when Adkins was diagnosed with a sarcoma tumor in his right leg. The football-sized mass, which was sending blood clots into Adkins’ lungs, had to be surgically removed.

“I tried to return to work five different times,” says Adkins. “It was a complete failure. I lost energy and stamina through the surgery, and I couldn’t keep up with the pace.”

Adkins went on disability while Karash worked to pay the mortgage and the bills. Because they could not marry, Karash was unable to add Adkins to his medical insurance. For three years, the couple paid out of pocket for doctor’s visits, treatments, and the required medications following Adkins’ surgery.

But with the mass removed, Adkins thought he was in the clear. Then in 2012, he went to the hospital for pain in his leg. The doctor happened to run a chest X-ray, and the image came back with several spots on his lungs. “I knew when I saw the spots the first time what it was,” says Adkins.

In September of 2012, Adkins was diagnosed with terminal, stage IV lung cancer and told he had 24 months to live. “I felt like I had been punched in the stomach,” says Adkins.

Since then, he has been on targeted chemotherapy which, although it doesn’t kill the cancer cells, it stops them from metastasizing. “The cancer

CHRIS KARASH AND CHRISTOPHER ADKINS is dormant right now,” says Adkins, “but we don’t know what will bring it back.”

At one point, Adkins told Karash that if he decided to leave, he would support that decision.

“I told Chris, ‘You did not sign up for this. If you want to go, I would not blame you.’ And he told me, ‘I don’t want to ever hear that come out of your mouth again, because I’m not going anywhere.’”

“There have been hard times,” says Karash, “but you do what you have to do. We just manage one step at a time.”

Even on the day of their civil union ceremony, Adkins struggled with his health. “I got sick and somewhat dehydrated, and they were debating calling an ambulance. I said don’t do it because I will sign refusal for care. I have waited 42 years for this, and this is happening right now!”

On Sept. 6, 2013, Adkins and Karash had their civil union ceremony in the Denver City and County Building near the state capitol. “To our knowledge, we are the only gay couple that has been allowed to hold their ceremony in that building,” says Adkins. The enormity of the passage of civil unions in Colorado hit Adkins only moments before.

“I was going to have the right to stand in front of my parents, and my siblings, and other family and friends, and join this relationship together with Chris, and it will be legal in the state of Colorado. To be able to do that was monumental.

Absolutely incredible.”

Karash, who was living in Wyoming when Matthew Shepard was murdered in 1998, commented on how surreal that day felt: “From my background, I never dreamed that anything like this would ever happen in my lifetime.”

But even with a civil union license, the couple must take additional legal steps to establish a durable medical power of attorney for Karash in case Adkins is unable to make medical decisions for himself — something they would not have to do if they were married.

“I would strongly urge any couple, as they decide to join under a civil union,” says Adkins, “that they need to have those durable medical power of attorneys, DNR [do not resuscitate] paperwork, and a will for each of them. They shouldn’t wait until someone is sick, because you don’t know what could happen tomorrow.”

The lung cancer could return at any moment, as the doctors are unsure what triggers it out of dormancy. The couple values each day they have together, and it’s the small things that carry the most meaning. “We watch movies together,” says Adkins, “and we spend a lot of time with the dogs — our children — Jitterbug and Sprocket, and our cat, Gizmo.”

F

or Dana Wilks and Kim Kreimeyer, it’s the small protections established by the Colorado Civil Union Act that have had the largest impact on their lives.

“We just purchased a vehicle a couple of weeks ago,” says Wilks, “and I know this sounds trite for the average person, but it was the first time that we made a purchase and I knew it was OK for Kim alone to be on the title.”

For the past 17 years, Wilks and Kreimeyer have had to fill out additional documentation, spending time and money to build a strong, legal infrastructure should something happen to one of them.

Continued on Page 18

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 17

My hope is that I live long enough to see marriage equality in all 50 states. As long as I can move, as long as I can continue to breathe, that’s what I will fight for.

KIM KREIMEYER AND DANA WILKS Civil Unions Continued from Page 17

Now that they have a civil union license, not having to take those extra precautions seems abnormal.

“It just really struck me,” says Wilks, “that this must be the way that it feels for people who are married, that they’re not constantly concerned about their own well-being in a partnership.”

Wilks and Kreimeyer met in Fort Collins while both attending Colorado State University. “I was looking for a roommate, and Kim’s lease was up where she was living,” says Wilks, who was already friends with Kreimeyer for several years.

“I thought that we would have dated before moving in together,” jokes Kreimeyer. As they began to spend almost every day together, Wilks and Kreimeyer began to fall in love.

“You don’t know someone until you’ve lived with them,” says Wilks. “And what might have been a quirky kind of personality thing that Kim had became very endearing as I lived with her.

She is such a gracious, kind person, and I really got to see that every day.”

“Dana was going through a really difficult period in her life at that time,” adds Kreimeyer, “and what I saw in her was this integrity. She has this light, and that was a real draw for me.”

In 2004, they decided to get married in California and were scheduled with the San Francisco county courthouse on March 12, but just one day prior — on March 11 — the California Supreme Court ordered the city of San Francisco to stop issuing marriage licenses. A month later the couple successfully married in the state of Oregon, but their legal recognition was short lived.

“They sent us a letter about six months later that said sorry, but the courts decided that you’re not married,” says Wilks. Because government entities refused to acknowledge their marriage, the couple decided to have a Lakota wedding ceremony in Colorado. “In the Native American tradition, it was recognized by a Native American medicine man,” says Wilks.

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| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

It wasn’t until June 8 of last year — nine years after their first attempt to marry — that the relationship between Wilks and Kreimeyer was finally recognized as legal in the state of Colorado. Their ceremony took place in front of a small group of friends and family at the Carr Judicial Building in downtown Denver.

“It wasn’t really like a marriage or a civil union, because we’ve been together for so long,” says Kreimeyer, adding that they took the opportunity to renew their vows during the ceremony. “Being able to stand in front of family and some friends and do that was very moving.”

With the exception of applying for a domestic partnership in 2006 in Denver, the civil union ceremony was their fourth attempt to have their relationship legally recognized.

“I lose track of all the anniversaries we have,” jokes Kreimeyer. “We get to celebrate four more times a year than the average person.”

Kreimeyer is a Colorado native, and Wilks moved to the state when she was five years old.

They have both witnessed the struggle for LGBT rights, dating back to 1992 when Amendment 2 was passed, barring local governments from establishing discrimination protections for the Colorado LGBT community. The amendment was eventually overturned by the US Supreme Court in 1996.

“In 1992, if somebody would have asked me if it would have been possible that I’d get married in my lifetime, I would have said no,” says Wilks.

“On the other hand, it feels like it’s been pretty fast to see in my lifetime just from Amendment 2 to today.”

But despite the protections civil unions offer, the couple still faces numerous legal challenges.

“If I were to pass away, Dana would not be eligible for my social security because we’re not married,” says Kreimeyer.

“If Kim and I leave the state of Colorado, our civil union is meaningless,” adds Wilks. “We don’t have any rights unless we get married in another state.”

The couple keeps a close eye on lawsuits challenging same-sex marriage bans around the nation, hoping the Supreme Court will eventually step in.

“For me, a civil union is a big deal, but it’s not the biggest deal,” says Wilks. “As much as I’m thrilled that we got to have a formal, legal ceremony that was meaningful in the eyes of the state of Colorado, it still feels like there’s a little bit missing.” Kreimeyer added they want to marry in the same state in which they have built a life together. “I’m looking forward to being able to stand up there in a wedding dress with my wife to get married.”

Adkins and Karash yearn to do the same. “My hope is that I live long enough to see marriage equality in all 50 states,” says Adkins. “As long as I can move, as long as I can continue to breathe, that’s what I will fight for.”

There are currently 65 cases in 31 states across the country fighting to establish marriage equality, with eight of those lawsuits now at the federal appellate level. Two of those lawsuits — in Utah and Oklahoma — were recently heard at the Denverbased 10th Circuit Court of Appeals.

“The civil unions law extended several key protections to gay and lesbian couples and our families, and it was an important first step,” says Dave Montez, executive director of One Colorado.

“But the reality is that it wouldn’t have even been necessary if everyone in Colorado had the freedom to marry.”

One Colorado recently launched Why Marriage Matters Colorado, an initiative to establish full marriage equality in the state. There are currently two lawsuits fighting to overturn Colorado’s Amendment 43 which prohibits same-sex marriage.

“There is no substitute for marriage, which guarantees that all loving couples can be there for each other during times of greatest need,” says Montez. “These couples simply want to be able to make a lifetime commitment to the person they love and be responsible for one another, and that is why marriage matters to all of us.” 

LEGAL

Know your rights in Colorado

Although more legal rights and protections are needed to give LGBT Coloradoans true equality, being aware of laws that exist right now can help you protect yourself and your family, and help you know what to bring to an attorney to find out what options or recourse you have.

CIVIL UNIONS The most well-known benefit Colorado provided lesbian and gay couples is the ability to join in a civil union, passed into law in 2013.

Unmarried individuals who are of age can form a civil union with a same-sex partner to gain access to the same state-level rights and benefits enjoyed by a married couple.

WORKPLACE DISCRIMINATION PROTECTIONS Colorado’s Employment Nondiscrimination Act of 2007 bans employers from firing you, refusing to hire you, or making employment-related decisions based on your lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender identity.

ABILITY TO ADOPT Single LGBT people can adopt children in Colorado, and since 2007 Colorado makes it possible for a second parent in a same-sex relationship to legally adopt a partner’s child as co-parents.

PUBLIC ACCOMODATIONS & HOUSING PROTECTIONS Colorado law prohibits open-to-the-public establishments such as stores or restaurants from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender expression, whether it is your real identity or what they perceive you to be. The protections also apply in hotels, medical establishments, museums, public libraries and more, and also to housing. ¢ The opinions expressed in this article are general in nature. For specific legal advice about your particular situation, please contact an attorney.

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Ignite

2124 LARIMER ST. • Must try: Man Candy, an appetizer of maple-glazed bacon topped with spices and pepper.

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• Brunch is now served on Saturdays and Sundays with $11 bottomless mimosas.

• The eatery is quickly establishing itself as the authority on all things bourbon.

• Happy hour takes place from 3pm - 6pm every day.

700 E. 17

TH

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• Easily the most colorful patio on the list, Mary’s is the place for all things flamboyant.

• Must Try: Spinach and Artichoke Dip. The homemade blend of spinach, cheese, and artichokes is prepared with roasted garlic and served with pita bread.

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| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Hamburger Mary’s

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Bistro Vendôme

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1400 LARIMER ST. • Boasting upscale Mexican taste, the must try on this menu is the Sandia Tajin, a margarita that infuses agavales blanco, watermelon, tajin simple, and citrus.

Tomayo

Tavern Uptown 538 E. 17 TH AVE. • Sister bar to Tavern Downtown, this place offers a similar menu at a different venue. It’s also located in a quieter part of the city.

• Happy hour is from 2 - 7pm daily.

• Patios both on street and upper levels with gorgeous views of the mountains.

• T.U. has a ground floor patio that’s wellequipped with TVs, a lush courtyard, and a full bar.

• While the dining area downstairs remains posh, there is a laid-back quality to Tamayo’s outdoor space that makes this spot a gem.

• Must try: the Dark & Stormy. Think Myer’s Dark Rum, lime, and ginger beer.

• Located on Larimer Square, a perfect place for a classy day of shopping.

• The location is perfect for bar-hopping around the 17th St. area.

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x O U T F R O N T PAT I O G U I D E • C O N T I N U E D F R O M PA G E 2 1

Rock Bottom

500 16 TH ST. # 322 • Lime has one of the only rooftop bars in the 16th Street Mall.

Lime

An American Cantina

• This joint is known for its tequila and lime-green deco.

• Daily specials include Dollar Taco Tuesday and Magical Mojito and Burrito Thursday.

• Must try: Chocolate chimichangas.

Chocolate filled flour tortillas are served with dulce de leche. (We’re breathing heavy.)

1001 16 TH ST. MALL #100 • Rock Bottom’s patio is in the midst of the 16th Street Mall, perfect for a break from the hustle and bustle (and pushy solicitors) of the shopping district.

Tony P’s Uptown

777 E. 17 TH AVE. • Previously the raucous good-time gay bar JR’s, Tony P’s continues to be an awesome place for anyone to go for a good time.

• It’s hard to miss this bright pink and purple floral gem.

• The outdoor firepit adds warmth and spirit to the red-railed patio.

• Every Rock Bottom comes with its own brewmaster, and John McClure is sure to satisfy all your brew needs.

• Specialty pizzas and calzones along with buttery, flaky desserts adorn the menu of this authentic Italian bar & restaurant.

• Must try: The hand-crafted beer. All their recipes are clean, classic, and brewed in-house.

• Must Try: Tony P’s Patio Pounders Menu, specifically made for the 2014 summer season.

Tavern Downtown

The Melting Pot

2707 W. MAIN ST., LITTLETON • Nothing beats dusk on this fabulous patio. Perfect for a date or an intimate gathering with friends.

• Must Try: The Classic 4-Course Experience allows you to try the best of the Melting Pot. • One word: ghosts. May 16 & 23, join Colorado Shadow Investigations for a paranormal investigation of this historic building after a late-night dinner.

1949 MARKET ST. • A high-end sports bar established in an old warehouse near Coors Field, The Tavern has a very large patio on the second floor.

• Must try: the Bloody Mary bar. You’re given a pint glass with a shot of Denver’s own Downslope Pepper Vodka and access to more than 30 spices & fixings.

• The patio is installed with a stage, perfect for live music venues.

• Alcoholic smoothie machines offer a perfect way to cool down in the hot summer sun.

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| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Yard House

1555 COURT PLACE • Another beer emporium of the 16th Street Mall, Yard House offers a huge selection of hard-to-find brews.

• Must try: Abita Strawberry Harvest, a refreshing strawberry lager brewed with wheat malts.

• Yard House is definitely more of an upscale place to kick it classy.

HOT EVENTS

BREAKING

NEWS

BAR SPECIALS EXCLUSIVE

CONTENT

IS OUT FRONT’S NEWS & EVENTS UPDATE FOR LGBT COLORADO. E-MAILED EVERY WEDNESDAY. SUBSCRIBE FOR FREE AT OFCNOW.CO/ OUTBOX

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 23

A Most Civil Union

ONE COLORADO’S PAMELA THIELE AND LAUREN FORTMILLER Lauren Archuletta PAMELA THIELE AND LAUREN FORTMILLER ARE TWO NAMES that are very well-known in the LGBT community of Colorado. ‘Civilly unionized’ in May of 2013, the couple has been champions of LGBT rights — specifically marriage equality and end-of-life care for senior citizens — for decades now.

Thiele and Fortmiller have consistently been on the frontlines for marriage equality. As spokespersons for One Colorado, they participated in the entire evolution of the Colorado Civil Union Act. “We received our civil union at 12:08 on May 1,” Thiele tells Out Front.

Since receiving their civil union, Fortmiller and Thiele agreed that the most positive changes have been the increase in protections and rights, especially when it comes to end-of-life care and family rights in the state where they live.

“It’s better to have some rights than no rights,” says Fortmiller.

Thiele and Fortmiller have received immense support from their church congregation since both their civil union and their holy union, one of the first to be performed in the Methodist sanctuary. “I have to say that our congregation has overwhelmingly supported us,” Thiele admits. “They voted to support equal rights.”

Fortmiller and Thiele now have civil and spiritual unions in Colorado, a civil union recognized in Vermont from 2002, and the two were married in Los Angeles in 2008. Although their relationship is legally recognized in some places, Fortmiller said there’s still an important piece missing. “Until we have marriage equality in all states, we are not living in one nation,” says Fortmiller. “We don’t have freedom when we’re speaking about gay rights.”

Thiele and Fortmiller are both extremely passionate about their activism, and though they are enjoying retirement and working on publishing books, they agree they will continue to “show up” and fight for gay rights wherever they are needed.

“We just show up,” Thiele says. “We’ve done a number of TV interviews, testified in front of state legislature, participated in rallies, you name it.

We are specifically advocating for seniors and second LGBT parents.”

Another rights battle the couple has been fighting for some time involves the joint filing of taxes. Thanks to the Supreme Court’s ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act, their California marriage is now recognized, and the new IRS rule applies to them. While they are now able to file jointly, they cannot receive the same benefits in Colorado. As Fortmiller said, they will continue to fight and advocate for causes they believe in until they have equal rights across the border.

For now, Fortmiller and Thiele are spending a lot of time advocating on behalf of their pastor, Rev. Eric Stader at the Christ Church United Methodist, who believes that civil unions deserve the same sanctity of marriage in the Methodist church.

The couple will undoubtedly continue to be center stage in Colorado’s LGBT community, pushing for gay rights throughout the state and on a national level.  24

| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

DATING

AT D I A WHEN AN UNPLANNED AND UNWANTED

BLEED LIKE ME Scott McGlothlen

LOCKDOWN GOES UNINTENTIONALLY RIGHT

Read the previous chapter of Scott’s DIA adventure on our website at ofcnow.co/trap

I

was getting restless during my three-day stay in the Denver International Airport back in 2006. The blizzard had trapped everyone inside without a single flight taking off anytime soon. Smartphones and tablets hadn’t been invented yet, and we were running out of ways to entertain ourselves.

More than anything, I just wanted to get laid. It wasn’t that I had some sort of raging libido. I was just the kind of guy who utilized sex as a means to get lemonade out of lemons. This wouldn’t be easy, though. We didn’t have the benefit of apps like Grindr or Scruff to GPS ourselves over to the nearest available homo. Thus, I would have to do things the old fashioned way: face-to-face.

I stationed myself in various spots to scout guys, but nobody seemed all that interesting to me ... much less interested in me. There had to have been at least a couple thousand of us stranded there, so it seemed preposterous that there wouldn’t be other guys doing the same.

Finally, when I was about to give up, I noticed a guy checking me out from across the railing. We played the game of occasionally locking eyes to show the two-way street of interest. Although I would have liked to consider myself some kind of flirting pro, I was honestly too scared to make the first move. But it didn’t take him long to walk over to me.

He introduced himself as Mike and he looked just as good up close as he did far away. He was tall and had a unique combination of baby face and rugged handsomeness. We broke the ice with typical chit chat. I really just wanted to suggest that we immediately go find a space where we could drop trou, but I was far too shy to be so blatant.

“So I need to go check in with some friends for a bit,” Mike started to wrap up our meeting. “But would you like to meet up for dinner tonight?”

“What? Like a date?” I asked him.

“Yeah,” he grinned, showing off an impressive pair of dimples.

Luckily, some of the restaurants in the airport remained open during the DIA shutdown and, although it wasn’t quite what I had in mind, I liked this idea. Dinner actually felt like an authentic date. Mike and I got so engrossed in our conversations that we closed the restaurant — something that rarely happens in real life. We took it upon ourselves to keep the night going by walking around the airport and riding the tram just for the hell of it.

As the other trapped travelers began to retire for the night, we weren’t quite ready for that. We found a cozy spot in front of a giant glass wall where we could watch the falling snow. Even though the snow had been responsible for this mess, it still looked beautiful. Our conversation started to fade into a comfortable silence.

“So,” I began. “Now that everyone else is asleep, I bet we would have a lot of privacy if we went over into that bathroom together.” This was as obvious as I could get about wanting to get it on.

Mike just smiled. He leaned in and kissed me. Instead of taking me up on my sexy offer, he just curled in closer and laid his head on my shoulder.

We continued to watch the snow in silence and I realized that, for the first time, a guy wasn’t treating me like the total whore I was desperately trying to be. Rather, he treated me like a special person. Something about that felt incredibly romantic.

The next day, our flights were cleared for takeoff and Mike and I went our separate ways. It wasn’t long before we found each other online, but oddly enough, neither of us pursued dating outside of the airport. The memory of it all was just too beautiful to spoil.  Scott McGlothlen is a cultural columnist on life as a HIV-positive gay man.

See more of Scott’s columns online at ofcnow.co/scott or contact him at scott@outfrontonline.com.

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| MAY 7, 2014 | 25

CUISINE

THE MELTING POT 2707 W. Main St. Littleton • (303)-794-5666 MeltingPot.com

Class is in Session

Lamb collars & cronuts in South Pearl’s Session Kitchen

W HAMBURGER MARY’S 700 East 17th Avenue Denver • 303-832-1333 HamburgerMarys.com/denver

hen I think of “session,” I Second example: a pull-apart think of a session beer. When Lamb Collar (yes, you can eat such things) akin to a gamey osso buco, I think of a session beer, I think of a pint of Stiegl in a back alley bar but with less clichéd richness. Part of in London. Something like what what Parker does so well is balance flavors and textures. This is a pheyou’d see in Green Street Hooligans.

Shouting, much ado about football, nomenal case in point — a simply and pint after pint of that pale, dressed, lemony bundle of arugula effervescent draft. aside the savory lamb collar, paired But then, we’re not in London, with creamy gnudi (a cousin of the ubiquitous gnocchi). are we? And I don’t even like pale ales, let alone the warm kind that And for the finish: the triple FOOD FOR THOUGHT salchow of the culinary world, a flows out of taps in British pubs (no Jeff Steen offense, mates). Still, when I caught transport from the east coast done wind of a stop on South Pearl called with Pastry Chef Levi Kuettel’s flourSession Kitchen, it made me wonder: ish: Cream Cheese and Chocolate Do you go there to drink beer and talk Cronuts. ‘Nuff said. about soccer?

What about drinks, you ask?

1518 S. Pearl St. Anything sessionable? Here, it No. Well, I suppose you can, but Denver that’s not really its design. It’s got a seems, you can make a session out funny history, this Kitchen. Once upon of anything — from herbaceous (720) 763-3387 a time, it housed a toy shop — the Negroni with big personalities, to vision of one of Sushi Den’s renowned beers that do a bit more damage than Stiegl pints (Tank 7, mmmm), to wines owners, Toshi Kizaki. And the idea fits current design, what with soaring ceilings, a comic bookthat ferry the seasons one to the next. There’s a esque face eyeing the dining room from the back colorful selection whatever your pleasure, and Denver being the spirited metropolis that it is, wall, neon glowstick chandeliers, and dangling the carefully-curated beverage program fits the fixtures akin to grown-up mobiles. But as time concept quite nicely. went on and sushi took more of Toshi’s attention, the space converted to Izakaya Den and, through a If you’re wondering about pre-noon indulfew keen real estate swaps, Session Kitchen. gences, Session offers a warming brunch, best But you’re not coming for dazzling light disenjoyed when the weather is breezy and bright, and the doors are opened to renowned Denver plays are you? That’s only part of why you’re summer mornings. If you want to come with a coming. You’re after the culinary prowess of the bandit or a horde a bit later, the dining room is singular Scott Parker, Grand Toque of the kitchen.

If the name rings a bell, it’s because you’ve likely lined with community tables perfect for drinking, enjoyed his delicious artistry at Table 6. And while chatting, and carousing. we all loved the creative energy that surged in But if you’re wondering about that Rapids that Cap Hill bistro-bar, it’s multiplied at Session. game, well, Session Kitchen might not be the best First example: a buttery, whipped Chicken place for draft and football follies. It’s a different Liver Mousse smeared with relish atop a crisp kind of “session” here, one with gourmet gusto and an adventurous batch of brew; with playful Belgian-style waffle, dolloped with apricot preambience and a distinct sense of fun; one that serves. Grimace all you want at the thought of might just become the star of Denver’s beloved “chicken liver,” but if you don’t try this delectable South Pearl.  feature you will forever regret it.

SESSION KITCHEN

PARALLEL SEVENTEEN 1600 East 17th Ave. Denver • 303-399-0988 ParallelSeventeen.com

DJ’s 9th Avenue Cafe DJ’S 9TH AVENUE CAFE 865 Lincoln St. Denver • 303-386-3375 DjsCafe.biz

SOU T H PEA RL EXCU RS I O NS COOHILLS 1400 Wewatta Street Denver • (303)-623-5700 Coohills.com 26

| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

Before or after your adventures at Session Kitchen, consider exploring the many features and faces of the booming South Pearl neighborhood. In addition to boutiques, galleries, salons, and cafés, an active summer schedule is sure to delight. Opening Day for their weekly Sunday Farmers Market is May 11, and their popular BrewGrass festival is June 14. If the weather is tops, you can amble over to Wash Park to stroll, linger, jog, and tan. Check out more about this dynamic neighborhood at southpearlstreet.com. 

Dont forget Tuesday is $15.00 Liters of House Margarita Gold!

FUN AFFORDABLE DELICIOUS

Not all green chili is created equal. Come in and get your Benny’s fix.

301 EAST 7TH AVE. • 303 894 0788 BENNYSRESTAURANT.COM

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 27

CA LEN DAR

FABULOUS EVENTS FOR LGBT COLORADO & BEYOND

T H U R S D AY, M AY 8

S AT U R D AY, M AY 1 0

OFF CENTER: CULT FOLLOWING

ONE WORLD, MANY SONGS @ THE STUDIO LOFT, ELLIE CAULKINS OPERA HOUSE, DCPA • 7 P.M. The Mile High Freedom Band kicks off its 30th anniversary season by inviting you to take a journey around the world! Come celebrate musical diversity as we bring the folk songs of Korea, Japan, Tanzania, England, America, and Haiti to life. In addition to these musical travels, Freedom Swing will perform a jazz prelude during our annual silent auction, a great opportunity to support the band!

@ THE JONES THEATER, DCPA SPEER & ARAPAHOE • 8 P.M. It’s Off-Center’s monthly live movie in real 3D! Six recurring actors will improv their way through a plot that intertwines memorable movie moments. Each month, they change it, add to it, and do it all over again. So whether you want to see Forest run, an Exorcist head spin, or just want to walk the red carpet and eat popcorn, this show is for you. But don’t just watch it … help them create it!

For information and to purchase tickets, visit ofcnow.co/cult

F R I D AY, M AY 9 ART FOR LIFE S E E PA G E 3 0 F O R D E TA I L S

S AT U R D AY, M AY 1 0

MOMMIE DEAREST BRUNCH @ SIE FILMCENTER 2510 E COLFAX AVE • NOON

Enjoy an afternoon with film and stage actress, Rutanya Alda, who played the long suffering maid, Carol Ann, to Faye Dunaway’s Joan Crawford in the camp, cult classic Mommie Dearest. Whole Foods Market will be serving up Mom’s Day realness with a brunch fit for Hollywood royalty, and stay after the screening of Mommie Dearest for the most tasty scoop: Ms. Alda will be dishing up stories about the film that Faye won’t talk about!

For information and to purchase tickets, visit ofcnow.co/mommie

S AT U R D AY, M AY 1 7

BOOTS N’ BOXERS 007 @CASSELMAN’S 2620 WALNUT STREET VIP RECEPTION: 6 P.M. AUCTION: 8 P.M. Boots ‘n Boxer’s annual underwear auction is now in its seventh year. Created and run by the Krewe of Chaos, it features some of the hottest underwear modeled live by Denver guys. The auction benefits Rainbow Alley, Rocky Mountain Cares, and the Krewe.

More online at ofcnow.co/bnb 28

For information and to purchase tickets, visit ofcnow.co/songs

| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

D E N V E R G AY & L E S B I A N

FLAG FOOTBALL LEAGUE P L AY O F F S : S U N D AY, M AY 1 1 TH & S U N D AY, M AY 1 8 TH C H A M P I O N S H I P S U N D AY : S U N D AY, J U N E 1 ST ALL 2014 GAMES PLAYED AT CONGRESS PARK. SCAN CODE FOR TEAM SCHEDULE OR VISIT ofcnow.co/football

T U E S D AY, M AY 1 3

F R I D AY, M AY 1 6

DGLCC BUSINESS EXPO @ 929 BROADWAY, DENVER 5:30–8:30 P.M.

GLBT COMMUNITY CENTER

Come by and check out what’s new with your local gay and lesbian businesses. Admission is free and open to the public. Stop by and see what the Chamber businesses are all about!

For information, visit ofcnow.co/chamber

H A P PY H O U R

@ 1301 E. COLFAX AVE. • 6 – 9 P.M. 1301 Happy Hour takes place on the 3rd Friday of May, July, August & September from 6-9 p.m. at The Center. Tickets are $10 at the door and provides you with three drink tickets or, for $15, our rooftop becomes your own hosted bar.

More information at ofcnow.co/1301

M AY 1 7 & 1 8

COLFAX MARATHON The Colfax Marathon has a distance for everyone with seven races over two days in the Mile High City. Races include a 26.2 marathon, a 13.1 half marathon, and a Saturday 5K. One big after party at City Park, featuring Chris Daniels & The Kings.

t For a full event schedule and registration information (or to volunteer), visit ofcnow.co/cm14

TRAVEL

W E D N E S D AY, M AY 2 1 I N T E R G E N E R AT I O N A L SHOW & TELL

M I X TA P E

itinerary national LGBT destinations Arizona Gay Days May 8-12 | Phoenix, AZ ofcnow.co/az

@ McNICHOLS CIVIC CENTER BUILDING, 144 W. COLFAX AVE 6–8 P.M. Come together to create a musical mix tape exploring and celebrating GLBTQ life in our community. Free. Sponsored

by Warm Cookies of the Revolution.

RSVP online at ofcnow.co/tape

Albuquerque Pride May 31 | Albuquerque, NM ofcnow.co/abq

B U F FA LO E XC H A N G E 4 0 T H A N N I V E RSA RY TO U R MAY 21 • DENVER @ 51 BROADWAY • 11 A.M. – 9 P.M.

MAY 22 • BOULDER @ 1813 PEARL ST. • 10 A.M. – 8 P.M.

Come celebrate 40 years of new & recycled fashion! Shop a special selection of vintage and western apparel in the 40th Anniversary Airstream trailer. Visit ofcnow. co/bex40 for a chance to win a $1,000 Buffalo Exchange Gift Card.

T H R O U G H M AY 2 5

W E D N E S D AY, M AY 2 8

Disney Gay Days June 3-9 | Orlando, FL ofcnow.co/orlando Capitol Pride June 6 | Washington, DC ofcnow.co/dc LA Pride June 6-8 | Los Angeles, CA ofcnow.co/la PrideFest Milwaukee June 6-8 | Milwaukee, WI ofcnow.co/milw Pittsburgh Pride June 6-15 | Pittsburgh, PA ofcnow.co/pitt Boston Pride June 6-16 | Boston, MA ofcnow.co/boston Indy Pride Festival June 7 | Indianapolis, IN ofcnow.co/indy Key West PrideFest June 11-15 | Key West, FL ofcnow.co/key

SEEN IN PASSING: PHOTOGRAPHS BY CHUCK FORSMAN

Pride Houston June 20-29 | Houston, TX ofcnow.co/houston

CHER & CYNDI LAUPER

@ PEPSI CENTER

Featuring photographs from two bodies of work Western Rider and Walking Magpie this exhibit offers an eccentric, funny, occasionally ironic view of the world through Forsman’s eyes.

In what can only be described as a “gay-splosion,” Cher and Cyndi Lauper are teaming up and coming to denver.

NYC Gay Pride June 27-29 | New York City ofcnow.co/nyc

For information, visit ofcnow.co/forsman

For tickets, visit ofcnow.co/cher

San Diego Pride July 18-20 | San Diego, CA ofcnow.co/sd

JUNE 21 & 22

@ DENVER ART MUSEUM, 100 W 14TH AVE PKWY

Pride Toronto June 20-29 | Toronto ofcnow.co/toronto

DENVER PRIDEFEST IS COMING! You can win a perfect Pride weekend with our Best Pride Ever Giveaway. Contest information will be announced Friday, May 9th on Out Front’s Facebook Page. Make sure to “like” our page in order to stay up to date with contest announcements and more giveaways! t facebook.com/OutFrontColorado

Southern Decadence Aug 27- Sept 1 | New Orleans, LA ofcnow.co/deca Las Vegas Pride September 5-6 | Las Vegas, NV ofcnow.co/lv

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 29

ARTS & CULTURE

A “ribbeting” murder mystery Author Emma Donoghue takes us on a journey through an 1876 unsolved slaying Terri Schlichenmeyer

once May 6 - 18 Champa & 13th • Denver DenverCenter.org

SHREK THE MUSICAL May 7 - Sept, 16 5501 Arapahoe Ave. • Boulder BouldersDinnerTheatre.com

THE GREAT GATSBY Apr. 25 - May 25 6901 Wadsworth Blvd • Arvada ArvadaCenter.org

THE MUSIC MAN May 16 - June 15 2450 W Main St. • Littleton TownHallArtsCenter.com

ONCE, IT WAS THE MOST NATURAL QUESTION IN THE WORLD: WHY? With a child’s usual curiosity, you asked it incessantly. Why are dogs black? Why’s the sun hot? Why do birds fly away? Why? You drove your mother nuts.

But as you aged, answers came easier and “Why?” grew faint. You didn’t need to ask “why” so much — except, as in the new novel Frog Music

by Emma Donoghue, you needed the reason for a tragedy.

Long after Jenny Bonnet was dead, Blanche Beunon wondered if it was truly an accident that Jenny ran her over with a penny farthing. Jenny said she hadn’t meant it, but she’d known fully well who Blanche was; Jenny had seen her dance at the House of Mirrors, which made Blanche oddly embarrassed. So was it really an accident that a wandering woman in men’s clothing became acquainted with a burlesque dancer?

That was just one of the things Blanche pondered as she ran. Though she’d only known Jenny for a few days, they’d become fast friends. Even Arthur, Blanche’s amour since she was just fifteen, seemed amused by Jenny’s devil-may-care attitude and by the gun she casually carried in the pocket of her trousers. Arthur’s friend, Ernest wasn’t quite as taken with Jenny — but Blanche wondered if that was because Jenny’s presence seemed to affect their ménage a trios.

Then again, Ernest was an odd duck, ever since their circus days. He’d been Arthur’s protégé, his

F R I D AY, M AY 9

best friend. Once Blanche became part of the Le Cirque d’Hiver, it was just the three of them and Ernest never seemed to mind. Until P’tit was born.

Until Jenny entered the picture.

Those were the things Blanche considered as she wandered the streets of Chinatown, nearly melting from the heat, avoiding buildings quarantined for smallpox. Were things falling apart before she brought P’tit home? Or was it, as Ernest claimed, all because of Jenny and her strange life?

How much did Blanche really know about Jenny Bonnet? Or Arthur, for that matter? She wondered, as she tried to find ways to get money to live, and as she remembered the sight of Jenny’s bloody body lying on a bed …

With its bounce-around, “Pulp Fiction”- esque format, Frog Music begins with a spectacularly bloody murder and proceeds with our heroine looking for the man she’s sure killed her friend.

But did he? Author Emma Donoghue keeps her readers guessing, but we’re not merely caught up in a murder mystery.

No, Blanche herself is just as much an enigma as the crime she’s trying to solve. I briefly even wondered if the character was imagining her surroundings, so dream-surreal is Donoghue’s writing at times.

And that brings me to the best part: It’s not entirely imagined. This tale is wound around the real unsolved murder of Jenny Bonnet, killed near San Francisco in 1876. That authenticity, a Donoghue signature, lends definite richness to Frog Music, making it a book I don’t think you should miss. Why would you? 

A RT F O R L I F E BENEFITING PROJECT ANGEL HEART

@ ABEND GALLERY 2260 E. COLFAX AVE. • 6:30 P.M. MOMMIE DEAREST BRUNCH May 10 @ noon 2510 East Colfax www.denverfilm.org

Hundreds of supporters will join us for an evening of hors d’oeuvres, cocktails, wine, desserts, good company, and fine art. Bid on art from local & national artists and watch artists create live paintings and drawings throughout the evening.

For more information, please visit ofcnow.co/art4life 30

| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 31

BAR TAB

W E E K LY S P E C I A L S F R O M O U T F R O N T ' S L G B T- I N C LU S I V E B A R PA R T N E R S

AQUA LOUNGE

B ROA DWAYS

1417 Krameria, Denver (720) 287-0584 ofcnow.co/aqua

1027 Broadway, Denver (303) 623-0700 broadwaysdenver.com

HAPPY HOUR MON–FRI $2.50 wells & domestic bottles from 3–7 p.m.

HAPPY HOUR Mon – Fri: 2 p.m. – 9 p.m.

Sat & Sun: 12 p.m. – 9 p.m. $2.25 Wells, $2.00 Domestic Drafts $3.75 Svedka Flavors & Domestic Mini Pitchers

475 Santa Fe, Denver (303) 778-0545 facebook.com/BarkerLounge DAILY HAPPY HOURS 3–8 p.m. & 11 p.m.–close $3 Well/Wine/Domestic Bottles

BAR RICUDA'S 1076 Ogden St., Denver (303) 860-8353 barricudasdenver.com DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 2–4 p.m. & 10 p.m.–midnight

B LACK CROWN 1446 S. Broadway, Denver (720) 353-4701 blackcrownlounge.com DAILY HAPPY HOUR 4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

MONDAYS 1/2 price select bottles of wine SUNDAYS Martinis & Misbehavin’ with Cora Vette. $8 Ketel One martinis

A

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C LU B Q

145 Broadway, Denver (303) 722-7977 compounddenver.com

DENVER E AG L E 1475 36 th St., Denver (303) 291-0250 theeaglebar.com HAPPY HOUR Tuesday through Sunday, 4-8 p.m: Endless beer & Cocktails $12

| MAY 7, 2014 | OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

17 TH AVE.

WRA NG L ER X BA R

COLFAX AVE.

HA M B U RG E R MARYS CHAR LI E ’S B LUS H & B LU

B ROA DWAYS

11 TH AVE. V I N YL 8 TH AVE.

6 TH AVE. BA RKE R LOU N GE COM P OUND B OYZ TOWN 1 ST AVE. L I ’ L D EV I LS

BA R R I CU DA’S

ALAMEDA AVE. ARKANSAS AVE.

COLFAX AVE. AQUA LOU N G E

R &R

COLORADO BLVD.

BEER BUSTS Saturdays, 6 – 10 p.m., $8.

L

T

OGDEN ST.

FRIDAY & SATURDAY DANCE PARTIES • NO COVER $3 Well vodka & $5 Svedka

AL

ES

CLARKSON ST.

DAILY HAPPY HOURS 7 - 10 a.m. & 5 - 8 p.m. $2.50 wells, $3 domestic longnecks, $2 off calls

ST .M

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for interactive map

ELM ST.

COMPOU N D BAS I X

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ofcnow.co/barmap

KRAMERIA ST.

16 T

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ST

COLORADO BLVD.

L A N N I E ’S

HAPPY HOURS Drink specials every day 3–6 p.m. & $1 off any drink 6–8 p.m. every day

PA R

AH AP

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BEARS GONE WILD! Wildlife experts are preparing for the summer season by updating bear-warning signs and stepping up grizzly-awareness education as the big burly men and those who admire them come out of hibernation. UnderBEAR, a new Thursday night underwear party kicked off at the Wrangler on April 10th. One dollar house drinks and PBR cans were available to participants dressed in underwear, singlets, jockstraps, and other hot gear. The Wrangler will host UnderBEAR on the second Thursday of the month from 10pm until close. Photos by Charles Broshous 700 E 17th Ave Denver, CO 80203 (303) 832-1333

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See more photos at outfrontonline.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 33

B LO O DY

M A RYS & RADIOACTIVE VISION Nuclia Waste

BOOTYSHAKE

The final frontiers of the LGBT revolution

N

ow that gay marriage bans are dropping like a pair of underwear at the Denver Eagle, it’s time to take a look at what should be next on our “gay agenda.” We’ve made progress in the areas of workplace discrimination, gay adoption, and laws forbidding butt sex (it’s not just a gay thing, you know).

As we’ve made progress on the really big issues, I feel it’s time to concentrate on the minutiae of our oh-so-fabulous culture. Here are my three suggestions for the rights we need to focus on next to make the world a better place.

Fashion Equality Why should women get 80% of the real estate in the department stores? And why do all the major fashion shows feature women’s apparel on the runway? It’s time we demand fashion equality.

Clothes should know no gender. There should just be one large Human section in our department stores. You should be able to wear anything you want.

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There should also be universal sizing to everything. Banish different shoe sizes for men and women. Just make shoes in one Human size. Why should I have to keep track that I wear a Men’s 10 but a Women’s 12? It’s maddening. Let’s split the difference and call it Human size 11. This same fashion philosophy should be applied to all articles of clothing.

“What do we want? Fashion equality! When do we want it? Now! We’re here, we’re queer, and we wear fabulous gear!”

Brunch Equality It’s time to do away with this breakfast and lunch nonsense. There should be two meals a day, brunch and dinner. We eat too much as it is and we all want to keep our girlish figure, right? It’s time to spread the gayness that is brunch across the planet. One combined meal that cherry picks the deliciousness of breakfast and the scrumptiousness of lunch. It must be served late in the morning, to allow time for

our beauty sleep and dance club recovery.

“What do we want? Brunch equality! When do we want it? Now! We’re here, we’re queers, and we want fruit on spears!”

Dance Equality It’s time every bar and restaurant have a space devoted to dancing, along with a DJ — sports bars included. Dancing frees the GLBT soul and we should not be denied the right to express our inner dancing divas. Bars without dancing are a travesty and we can longer allow this to continue.

Bust out the disco balls. Hang the spinning lights.

Crank up the volume.

“What do we want? Dance equality! When do we want it? Now! We’re here, we’re queers, and we dance without fear!”

Nuclia Waste, the Triple Nipple Drag Queen of Comedy, can be reached through her website at www.NucliaWaste.com.

Denver Gay & Lesbian Flag Football League CONGRESS PARK // April 20

photos by Charles Broshous The DGLFFL 2014 Spring Season is well under way. Out Front took in some of the action on Easter Sunday at Congress Park. This season, the DGLFFL has 20 coed teams with approximately 300 players. To learn more about the DGLFFl, please visit their website at denvergayflagfootball.com.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/flag

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 35

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BYRON WHITE UNITED STATES COURTHOUSE // APR 9

photos by Charles Broshous Support Marriage Equality in Colorado hosted a “Marriage Equality Rally” on April 9 in front of the Byron White United States Courthouse in downtown Denver. Colorado State Senator Pat Steadman, GLBT activist Mike Biselli, Restore Our Humanity Communications Director Matt Spencer, and One Colorado Executive Director Dave Montez were among the speakers.

See more photos online at ofcnow.co/april9

INTERVIEW

O N - S E T W I T H J A R E D A L L M A N A N D R O D I N E Y SA N T I AG O Gary M. Kramer

about how that show affected you positively and negatively?

What I can say is that it wasn’t fun doing it, but it was good for me after. What sells in the show was drama. I had no idea there would be so much!

The forthcoming queer film, “More Scenes from a Gay Marriage,” by writer/director/star Matt Riddlehoover, continues the story of Darren (Riddlehoover) and Joe (Jared Allman) and how their relationship changes while a film about their coupledom is made. Allman and co-star Rodiney Santiago (who plays a sexy masseur in the film) chatted with Out Front about making the new movie, as well as their bodies and their boyfriends.

Can you talk about making the transition from reality TV to acting?

On the show everything was true; the storyline was real. The guys were mean, and that’s why it’s reality. People ask if it was scripted, but it wasn’t. Sometimes, the producers would [suggest that] if we had problems, we should talk about it. I wasn’t acting on the show. With “More Scenes from a Gay Marriage,” it was totally different. I got the script and Matt asked if I would like to do it. I liked the story. When you know what you’re going to do, it’s much easier.

Jared helped me rehearse and it was easy.

Jared, you’ve reprised your role of Joe. What appealed to you about playing this character?

Joe is such a relatable character. I grew up on a farm; it wasn’t a huge stretch. Who hasn’t fixed something for Grandmother or the sexy boy next door?

Was the part written for you?

Yes. I had seen some of Matt’s films, reached out, and said I loved his work. We got to know each other over coffee, shooting the shit, and our stories were very similar. We’re passionate people who love with all our heart and have been heartbroken. People asked us at festival how long we’d been together. We never dated, we just are good at playing boyfriends.

Can you talk about making the transition from reality TV to acting?

For me, it’s easier to create drama in a [film], than it is in real life. On a reality show, there’s alcohol and people you don’t like, so you’re going to get a reaction because those emotions are real. It’s fun, but I prefer creating an emotion when it’s not yours in real life.

Do you want to only work in queer projects?

I won’t only take gay roles. If it’s a challenge, I want to do it. I don’t have a problem with it, [but] I want to play different roles. I don’t like labels.

The trailer shows you have several shirtless and/or nude scenes. How do you feel about being objectified on film?

I don’t have a problem being naked in the film — I’m full frontal for a bit. I used to shave my [body] hair; I thought it was dirty. I never let it grow, but now I’m comfortable in my own skin. It’s all about growing as a person and loving yourself and not thinking about what other people think. I’m a hairy naked beast. I was showing my ass too, but the cameraman never got a shot of it.

What can you say about the massage scene with Rodiney? Did he rub you off the right way?

He did! Rodiney’s a sweetheart. Someone asked, ‘How did you not get hard [during the massage scene]?’ I was comfortable. It was work for me — a

J A R E D A L L M A N A N D RO D I N E Y SA N T I AG O great day of work, don’t get me wrong! Anytime you get a back rub and you don’t have to pay for it, it’s great, right?

What is your relationship status these days?

I’m dating for the first time in a while and it’s good to have some fresh air in my life after some toxic relationships. I had to take some time to figure me out. There’s a fine line between jaded and educated.

What is something people might be surprised to learn about you?

I’m a big nerd. I like “Star Trek” a lot. I love Taylor Swift and country music. I’m pretty boring in real life. I don’t like clubs so much. I’d rather stay home and watch TV and read. I’ve been reading crazy books about the French Revolution. I go to Goodwill and buy all kinds of books for $20.

What is next on your agenda?

To get out there and do more mainstream roles.

I’ve been working and travelling a lot, so I want to do different roles and not play a version of myself. I want to keep working and chase that neon rainbow and live that acting dream, before I get all these gray hairs.

The interview shifts to Rodiney Santiago Rodiney, you came to prominence on “The A-List: New York.” What can you say

Did you expect to have all this success?

I came to the United States six years ago with a dream to work for myself. Everything I wanted to do, I [could] do here. I have done a lot in the six years I’ve been here.

This makes me proud and gives me more energy to do it.

How do you feel about being objectified for your body?

My ass pays my rent when I’m modeling. I have to take care of my body, and not be too hard on myself. I do work out. I’m 32, and I’m very happy with my body.

What research did you do to play the role of a masseur?

None. They told me what I was going to do and that I am free to work on [Jared’s] muscles. I had to do the scene in small underwear, but I’m Brazilian, and we’re very comfortable with our bodies. It was not difficult for me to do this.

What is your favorite body part to rub?

If I am getting a massage, my neck and feet. That makes me feel so good. If I am giving a massage, the guy’s back and his butt.

What is your relationship status these days?

I am single and happy! It doesn’t mean “poor Rodiney.” After Reichen [Lehmkuhl], I didn’t have a real relationship for a while. For me to date, I have to be in love. That’s very Brazilian. I need more from a guy than for him to just be hot. I don’t want to date just to date. Breakups hurt, and I don’t want that.

Keep up with Jared, Rodiney, and the rest of the cast by visiting ScenesFromAGayMarriage.com.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 37

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BITS & BOBS

IN THE MA IL

Lesbian Sex Positions 100 PASSIONATE POSITIONS FROM INTIMATE AND SENSUAL TO WILD AND NAUGHTY

Written by our very own Sexpert, Shanna Katz, we were lucky enough to be mailed a copy of Lesbian Sex Positions, and may we just say how hot this book is? Not only are there 100 lesbian sex positions (and some have more twists than a pretzel) but there are full-page color pictures and lengthy how-tos that will surely spice up anyone’s sex life.

Get your copy at ofcnow.co/positions

VOFABULARY fish n’ chips (n.) The wife and kids of a closeted gay man.

“Greg can’t make it to brunch. He promised to take his fish and chips to the matinee.”

W

ell everyone, we’re fast approaching Pride season which means we’re knee deep in the midst of diet season. The problem with diet season is that it doesn’t coincide with the abolishment of cake. For those who also feel the sharp sting of temptation, we are proud to present you with a drink that is still bad for you, but slightly better for you than cake: The Still-Bad-For-YouBut-Better-Than-Chocolate-Cake Martini 3 oz vanilla vodka ½ oz Frangelico hazelnut liqueur 3 oz creme de cacao 1 tbsp sweetened cocoa powder 2 lemon twists Fill two cocktail glasses with ice water, set aside. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, add vanilla vodka, creme de cacao, and Frangelico hazelnut liqueur. Shake vigorously. Empty glasses of ice water, and dip edges into a flat dish filled with sweetened cocoa powder. Strain the contents of the cocktail shaker into the two cocktail glasses, and add a twist of lemon to each before serving.

PRIDE PARADE / WALK OF SHAME

In Out Front’s Pride Parade versus Walk of Shame, we analyze the big shakers across the globe and highlight whether they’ve done something positive or negative for the gay community and give them a shout out.

The school board in Lumberton, Texas stood by trans teacher Laura Jane Klug and allowed for her to resume her teaching duties after receiving complaints from parents.

Charles Cooper, the lawyer who defended Prop 8, has had a recent change of heart, stating that his lesbian daughter seeking marriage helped him open his eyes.

An Indian court ruling recognizes trans* as a third gender.

Richard Land, a former Southern Baptist Convention leader: “I know that the dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about is that a high percentage of adult male homosexuals in America were sexually molested when they were children … anybody who’s a counselor … will tell you that.”

Debuting alongside new Christmas-themed and famous art, new homoerotic stamps are being released and distributed among the population of Finland. Snail mail has never been so fun.

Pasadena City College rescinded their invitation to have Dustin Lance Black give the student commencement speech citing the naughty pictures of Black that leaked years ago.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 39

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FASHION

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W H AT W E ’ R E W E A R I N G

N E V E R L E AV E S T H E H O U S E W I T H O U T: I usually always wear a beanie.

WHERE HE SHOPS: I usually shop at Urban Outfitters, Buffalo Exchange or Wilderness Exchange.

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ou may have noticed a lot of women in Hollywood wearing menswear or menswear-inspired outfits lately. These looks came directly from the 2014 spring/summer runways. Although women wearing men’s clothes is nothing new to the queer community, there seems to be a bigger push from every style direction toward more middle-of-the-road dressing.

As I dashed about New York City, striving to catch as many of the 200+ fashion shows taking place during New York Fashion Week, I kept my eyes peeled for looks to bring home for my LGBT family.

The first eye-catcher was Phillip Lim, who has that “boys who look like girls” edge down to a science, even matching bags to their outfits. Billy Reid had boys rocking those long tresses, a la Jared Leto.

Even the more traditional designers are showing how gender lines in dressing don’t need to exist. Michael Kors, billionaire design darling of the Ladies Who Lunch, had boys and girls sharing trousers and belts, while Ralph Lauren (still) loves a woman in a beautifully tailored tuxedo.

Burberry and Kenneth Cole are bringing us outfits that some of my favorite bois might sport for Sunday brunch. Emporio Armani gave us handsome men carrying fabulously stylish totes tailored for a fun weekend ... together.

Tracy Reese, FLOTUS’ favorite dress designer, offered us a stylish couple and it looks like Zac Posen has some competition dressing some of our favorite lesbian power couples!

All Saints offered us a woman who takes all of her favorite men’s pieces, changes the fabrics and proportions a bit and voila! Basketball shorts in silk suddenly look as chic as any women’s trousers.

Androgyny is here to stay, my friends. Time to go shopping! 

You Down with ODDD?

A Denver diva’s seamless transition from fashion to charity Charles Broshous

T

wenty years ago, in an effort to save money and look good, a fledgling 18-year-old drag queen taught herself how to sew. After years of patience and self-teaching, her passion blossomed into a labor of love and a profitable local business venture that does its part to give back to the community. Local drag diva and former Denver Cycle Slut Usa Prophylactic is the brains and the brawn behind Denver ODDD. Usa learned early on that drag was not only pricey, but that a lot of items didn’t even fit. Apart from sewing, she learned to make alterations, and create entire garments. “I was an oddly shaped woman and had to start learning how to make clothes for myself,” she tells Out Front. “Then other people started asking me to make clothes for them.”

Her passion for fashion helped start Denver ODDD in 2002 where she makes clothing from scratch, tailored to fit the individual regardless of size, body, and shape. Usa strives to create one-of-a-kind fashions for individuals who want to feel their best.

Helping local charities is another of her outlets. Over the years, Usa has donated pieces to numerous charity events, including the Red Ball and Boots n’ Boxers. “My father was a religious man who ingrained charity in my family,” she says.

Denver ODDD will be hosting “A Night of Fashion, Music and Art” at the Compound on Friday, May 10. The fashion show, which will feature a new line of intimate men’s apparel, starts at 7:30 pm. Proceeds benefit the UP Foundation.  To learn more about Usa’s organization, visit denveroddd.com or stop by Needz at 135 Broadway to check out what’s in stock.

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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DENVER Berkeley Community UCC www.berkchurchucc.org DENVER Christ Congregational UCC www.visitchristchurch.org DENVER Park Hill Congregational UCC www.parkhillchurch.org DENVER Sixth Avenue UCC www.sixthavenueucc.org DENVER Washington Park UCC www.washparkucc.org To locate an Open and Affirming church near you, go to: ofcnow.co/ucc

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URBANISM

Introducing...

Bill Logan, Advance Planning Advisor

D ENV ER’S UN I O N STAT I O N PROJECT GRA N D O P E N I N G UP DATE !

Ken Schroeppel Denver’s big Union Station project (part of RTD’s FasTracks program) has been under construction since Spring 2010. Back then, the light rail station was located right behind the historic train station next to the Amtrak platforms. The station building itself was ghostly quiet day and night, and was long overdue for a makeover. The rest of the land next to and behind Union Station consisted mostly of weedy, vacant parcels or surface parking lots. Fast forward to 2014 and so much has changed!

Here’s what has happened in the past four years and the schedule of upcoming openings: • RTD’s Union Station light rail station was moved two blocks to the northwest next to the Millennium Bridge and now services the Southwest, Southeast, and West lines and includes Light Rail Plaza.

• The free 16th Street MallRide was extended and now ends at the new light rail station.

• All the streets around Union Station have been rebuilt in concrete and nicely streetscaped.

• The landscaped 17 th Street Promenade between Chestnut and Wewatta is finished and now open to the public.

• The eight-platform RTD commuter rail station (including Amtrak) is finished, which features a soaring white canopy that has become a new downtown icon (check out how it glows at night!).

Amtrak has been using the new station since March. Opening for service in 2016, RTD’s East, Gold, and Northwest lines will arrive at the new station, followed by the North line in 2018.

• Work on RTD’s new 1,000-foot long, 22-gate, underground Union Station Bus Concourse (plus the Chestnut and Wewatta Pavilions) is complete. These new facilities will open for public viewing on

Friday, May 9, 2014 with a big street party starting at 11 a.m.

RTD buses will begin using the new Union Station Bus Concourse on Sunday, May 11, at which time Market Street Station will close permanently.

• Wynkoop Plaza, which will feature a huge fountain and is destined to become downtown’s next great public space, is almost finished. It will open in June 2014.

• Restoration of the historic Union Station is nearly complete.

Opening on July 12, 2014 with a huge public celebration, it will feature not only a beautifully appointed public waiting area in the Great Hall, but also twelve restaurant and retail spaces and a 112-room boutique hotel.

• Nearby, the 13-story Cadence apartment building and the five-story IMA Financial Center have just opened, and the new One Union Station office building at 16th and Wynkoop will be opening in May. All three feature ground-floor restaurant and retail spaces. Within just a few blocks of Union Station, about a dozen more residential, office, and hotel projects are either currently underway or will be breaking ground soon. The construction activity in the area is incredible!

After decades of planning and years of construction, Denver Union Station is about to become the city’s new gateway. For more information, please check out RTD’s Union Station website at ofcnow.co/union.

Ken Schroeppel is a faculty member of the College of Architecture and Planning at the University of Colorado Denver. He teaches in the Master of Urban and Regional Planning program. Ken is also the founder of the DenverInfill and DenverUrbanism website and blogs, which offer aspects of sustainable design and urbanism in the Mile High City. Find them at DenverInfill.com & DenverUrbanism.com

It is with great joy that I return to Horan & McConaty as an Advance Planning Advisor. My many years of helping families as a funeral director have certainly reinforced my belief in the value of Advance Planning. Whether it is a traditional service with casket and burial or cremation and a gathering, it is important that your wishes are known.

I’ve learned that most people in our community believe it makes sense to plan for the inevitable in advance. Those who are left are grateful pre-arrangements and last wishes are in place giving clear and concise direction.

I would be privileged to guide you through every step of the process. Please feel free to call me at 303.743.8804 or you may contact me directly at 303.945.1613 so that I may answer any of your questions or schedule a free consultation.

O 303.743.8804 C 303.945.1613 blogan@HoranCares.com

www.HoranCares.com OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

| MAY 7, 2014 | 45

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ON THE SCENE

Flame 2014 Flame 2014 – A Colorado Queer Music and Art Festival was held at Tracks on April 27. Flame 2014 celebrated the diversity and creativity of Colorado’s LGBTQ community and featured live music, DJs, artists, designers, vendors, food, and other performances. This event was a fundraiser for non-profit organizations providing services and advocacy to LGBTQ and homeless youth, including Urban Peak, Rainbow Alley, Denver PIQUE, Gender Identity Center, & Inside Out Youth Services.

Photos by Charles Broshous

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MEDIA STREAM

Uptown Girls.

Not Even Once.

Rob Barger There’s something to be said for terrible movies — their abundant plot holes, unlikable characters, and horrid costumes start to feel more like an adventure rather than a complete waste of time. Think about Teen Witch. By all rights, it’s a terrible film. But that doesn’t stop it from being a cult classic. Uptown Girls is no Teen Witch.

The movie launches with the least relatable protagonist named Molly, played by Brittany Murphy. Molly is a daughter of a famous (and dead) rock star who left her a fortune, a swanky New York apartment, and virtually no life skills. (She doesn’t know what an electricity bill is.) She goes out with a few friends on her birthday and meets a recovering addict/struggling musician named Neil, who she then proceeds to seduce with a Pez dispenser.

The morning after their tryst, Molly realizes she doesn’t like Neil so much, sparking the following dialogue: [Molly to her friend on the phone:] “I don’t know how to get rid of this guy without breaking his poor heart.”

[Neil to Molly shortly after:] “I’ve got to go.”

[Molly to Neil:] “GO? Where go?

Why can’t you make music here?”

Classic. The story of girl only wants what she can’t have and a team of movie writers who thought this would be a subtle way of saying so.

Mental illness is another theme of the movie, and everyone but Molly has one. The easiest to spot manifests itself in the small child of neglect, Ray, played by Dakota Fanning. Ray practically raised herself (Ray’s neglectful mom is played by Heather Locklear who was probably playing herself) and is so tightly wound that a diagnosis of OCD and anxiety disorder is all any watcher would be able to think about. Don’t worry — the movie makes up for it with the ol’ coping mechanism of riding the teacups ride until vomiting.

One positive aspect of the movie was the costume design. A costume designer has never been so inclusive of quintessential fashion of that year since Clueless. Watching Uptown Girls is like looking into a time portal to 2003. Flower print overalls? Check. Black Doc Martens

You’ll hate them together as much as they hate being together. for the uptight child? Double check.

The world’s ugliest purple and furlined jacket for Neil? Home run.

Uptown Girls probably misses the largest mark by not including one likeable character. The watcher isn’t sure whom to root for because frankly, there isn’t anyone they should root for. Molly slowly learns what real life responsibilities are, Ray attempts to loosen up, and Neil gets famous for taking Molly’s advice and including a hook in his song.

None of these people are heroes.

Even worse, these terrible characters are cemented into each other’s lives.

It’s enough to invoke the viewer to kidnap both Molly and Neil and shake them horribly screaming, “You had a one night stand and it’s over now! Run away, you’re horrible for each other!”

Uptown Girls does become unintentionally hilarious. The best example is a cameo by the lead singer of Sugar Ray who asks Molly to make him a jacket similar to Neil’s hideous purple fur monstrosity (OMG YES) followed swiftly by a cameo by Dave Navarro who requests pants (OMG DOUBLE YES.) This inspires Molly to go to fashion school and presumably live happily ever after.

If you’re looking for a movie to watch while you’re hungover and passing in and out of consciousness, then you should consider Uptown Girls. If you’re looking for a movie for any other reason… hard pass.

Uptown Girls is currently streaming on Netflix. Rob Barger is the Production Coordinator for Out Front, has questionable taste, and has more writing at ofcnow.co/rob.

BACK IN THE DAY: FROM THE 1996 OUT FRONT ARCHIVES

It’s amazing to think that Out Front is publishing a marriage equality issue when just 18 years ago we were publishing an issue dedicated to the fall of Amendment 2: the legalization of treating LGBT people as second class citizens. It is so interesting to think that in another 20 years, we may look back at this issue and think how archaic and silly it was that we had to fight so hard for the same rights that straight people don’t even know they have. Gay rights are on a roll in the present day, but it never hurts to take a look back at the footsteps made before us and prepare for the trail of tomorrow. 

OUTFRONTONLINE.COM

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BEAUTY

GET PA I D TO PAI N T TH E TOW N R ED

Hit the hottest clubs and the best parties while getting paid!

Out Front has openings for our Street Team Marketing Program and we may be looking for you. Inquire about the position by contacting marketing@outfrontonline.com

Rubbing It Out Kelsey Lindsey You’re naked, the lights are dim, and someone with lubricant enters the room. It’s your first time — first time getting a massage, that is. This very moment is an important rite of passage leading you up to feelings and bodily joy you’ve never experienced before, but it can also be scary. Take the edge off of your first rub-down with our comprehensive guide to your first massage.

First, you need to find the proper business for your first time. This might be the most important factor for a good experience, so ask around for references and read online reviews to find a massage facility and treatment that will suit your needs. Some recommend a Swedish massage for massage novices, as they tend to be more gentle but still therapeutic. Other types include deep tissue massages that target the deep layers of muscles, or Thai massages where therapists move and stretch your limbs throughout the treatment. There are also massages catered to people with a more athletic lifestyle, focusing on injury prevention and performance enhancement. Each style comes with its own set of benefits, so it’s important to do your research to find the right one for you.

Now, you have to find the right therapist. A good fit is crucial, but especially in the beginning — any discomfort during the session will counteract the relaxing benefits. Be sure to speak up about your gender preference when scheduling, and mention that it’s your first massage.

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Disclose any medical conditions you may have, as the massage may need to be altered to suit your current situation. Lastly, reschedule if you have any skin irritations or rashes, and be kind enough to stay home if you’re ill.

Now for the good part: the stuff that happens behind closed doors.

After showing you the treatment room, your therapist will exit and have you remove all your clothes (don’t be shy) and get under the sheet on the table. You can leave your underwear on if you wish, but rest assured that the therapist will only expose and work on only one body part at a time during treatment. No matter the segment, you will never be completely exposed.

The therapist will apply a light amount of oil and get down to business. As your body adapts to the soothing surroundings and melts into the massage table, take a moment to reflect upon this state of bliss. Between bouts of nearly falling asleep, you might feel a bit more pressure as the therapist works out the knots and kinks — this is where it’s at. Feel free to ask for more or less lube, if you wish. In fact, ask for any modification to the massage (music, temperature, pressure, etc.). They’re more than happy to accommodate.

This is your moment, so relax, let go, and enjoy the pampering.  Kelsey Lindsey is Out Front’s beauty columnist writing from an affirming perspective on being your best you. See more beauty columns at ofcnow.co/beauty or contact Kelsey at kelsey.a.lindsey@gmail.com.

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AN OPEN LET T ER TO CA LPERN I A A D DA M S Actress, author, and trans rights spokeswoman Calpernia Addams recently penned an article for The Advocate in which she, among other things, defended Jared Leto’s performance of an HIV+ trans woman in “Dallas Buyers Club.” Some members of the trans community and beyond felt the role was hackneyed and insulting, and didn’t appreciate a cis man portraying a trans woman. Calpernia also implored people to put down their torches and recognize the harmlessness of RuPaul’s use of the words ‘tranny’ and ‘she-mail’ on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” She insists: “It’s one thing to decide what you wish to be called. It’s another to seek to scrub words and identities from the lexicon, to snatch them from the hands of the people who created or claimed them before you were even born.” Trouble is, not everyone agrees. The article sent a shockwave of controversy throughout the community, but the subsequent media hush has many feeling their opinion on the matter isn’t as esteemed as Calpernia’s. At Out Front, we take pride in providing a platform to those with something to say, so without further ado ...

Dear Calpernia, You don’t know me, but I transitioned in the late 90s and learned of your struggles and triumphs through the mainstream and TLBG press at the time. Your story and your work were and are a big inspiration to me. That’s why I’m a little puzzled at the way you’ve been speaking to other Trans women lately. I’m just going to skip all the academic jargon and speak plainly. Like you, I’m also a daughter of the south, so I can appreciate how very smart people often speak humbly (and with a thick drawl so as to be underestimated to everyone else’s detriment but their own).

I’ve followed the whole controversy regarding the casting of Jared Leto in “Dallas Buyers Club” and your involvement in preparing him for the part. I read your piece in The Advocate following his Oscar win. I understand why you felt compelled to speak out considering the criticism directed at Leto and the writers and directors of the film. You were involved in this production so you had a personal stake in its success. Indeed, if you had not penned that op-ed, you would probably have been criticized for your silence.

The Advocate is a powerful platform for addressing the mainstream LGBT community, especially gay men and lesbians, many of whom live in L.A. It speaks to your accomplishments in your 11 years in Hollywood to get the kind of platform that many Trans journalists dream of. I think I get how its best not to be seen as “difficult” by those in Hollywood who wield influence. What a burden it must be to constantly meet the approval of people who hold the

keys to opportunities Trans women have been denied in the entertainment industry for so long. To feel added pressure to look, act, and speak a certain way to maintain credibility, so as not to be seen as an angry or crazy Trans woman; to seek just the right exposure to just the right people, to give you your next break; to put your heart and soul, into audition after audition, just to be met with rejection.

In your most recent op-ed on April 17, you accuse Trans activists critical of RuPaul and the Drag community of being, among other things, “conservative” for wanting to discourage the use of the word tranny and she-mail at all costs. I find that remarkable, where terms to describe us were coercively assigned by gatekeepers and oppressors alike, the new, more radical generation is creating a feminist discourse centered on our own experiences as Trans women to define ourselves, and that’s really exciting. You find them at fault for saying ‘die cis scum!’ Well, I remember when I was in my late teens and early 20s it was great fun to say “die yuppie scum.” It was a way of separating our young, idealistic selves from older, more materialistic peers who scammed their way through the 80s in conspicuous consumption, driving their “beemers,” working at Savings & Loans that crashed and left the young taxpayers like ourselves on the hook for their losses and which led to a recession the year I graduated high school. It was disenfranchisement talking up to power and privilege. No one seriously believed it would lead to the death of a single yuppie.

Perhaps instead talking down to other Trans women and speaking to them the rhetorical equivalent of ‘get off my

lawn,’ you could think critically about the assumptions that helped you cope before but are losing their relevance, now.

Many Trans women of our generation, myself included, were eager to assimilate and keep our rhetoric accommodating so as not to spook the gays, lesbians, and nice heterosexual people who could become the allies we desperately needed to recognize our humanity. We accepted people as “allies” who, in hindsight, did not in fact have our best interests at heart (rewind to HRC and Barney Frank’s stance on ENDA in 2007). And maybe, just maybe, the newer generation is right to call out these so-called allies on ways they’re not helping us, but are just furthering our marginalization.

I still love and respect the Calpernia I used to know, but I can hardly recognize the Calpernia I’ve seen lately. Your recent silly YouTube ditty is clearly a thinly veiled attack on those who disagree with you as (internet) trolls who act out because they’re unhappy. It’s a far cry from the video for “Stunning,” or the one about how to talk to Trans women that was such snarky fun. (Hey! you’re policing the language of cis people!)

It’s great for you to put your ideas out there. However, telling a newer generation of Trans women feminists that they’re doing it wrong only serves a status quo that is still intolerable. Who knows, maybe the joke is on us, and tearing down other Trans women is great entertainment? I certainly hope we haven’t become that cynical.

Sincerely, Jamie Roberts.

TRANS* DATING TIPS Dear Shanna, I’m older and grew up surrounded by 1950s sensibilities.

I’m a cisgender heterosexual male. I have been seeing a trans woman. I’m attracted to her, but … nervous, perhaps ... unsure and not quite able to express my uncertainties about stepping further into physical intimacy with her. I sense that it’s MY stuff that’s in the way. Any ideas?

Stop for a moment and think about what your fears are; are they just that this is a whole new situation, and you don’t want to do anything “wrong?”

If so, maybe chatting with her about your concerns, and your intentions, and coming up with a “What If ” plan is exactly what you two need in order to move forward.

Is it something deeper and ASK THE SEXPERT more socialized around fear Shanna Katz of “otherness” or “difference” — Needing to Unpack Some that is frequently bandied Baggage. about when we talk about trans* folks in sexual manner, especially those individuals who are imply by calling out the fact that you have trans* feminine? If that is the case, you need to some stuff to work through, you have already do some internal work (perhaps with a therapist? taken a step forward on figuring out a solution to Or an educator? Or even just some good, honest your challenge. Way to recognize that each and friends?) to check your fear and/or privilege every individual comes to a relationship with before you bring that further into your partner’s their own “stuff,” and that it is not up to the other life. No one should have to feel as though they need to convince their partner that they aren’t person (or persons!) in that relationship to educate scary, or different, or other. As you said, that’s them and help them through that process, unless your own stuff, and working through it before they so choose.

S

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you take the relationship further is the most respectful thing you can do.

And if it’s something else? Marinate on it. What things can you do first to be the best partner you can be? It could involve educating yourself more about the transgender community. It could be attending SOFFA or other support groups to be able to process your stuff in a safe space. It could be working with a counselor or therapist to get to the point where you need to be. Regardless, it sounds like you’re already on the path to self awareness, and are ready to put in the time and effort to work through your existing “issues.” Hopefully, once you do, you’ll be able to really be a fabulous partner, and continue open communication throughout your relationship.

Best of luck! ¢ Shanna Katz, M.Ed, ACS is a board-certified sexologist, sexuality educator and author who believes in open source, accessible sexuality education. Visit ofcnow.co/sexpert to read past columns, or for more info on teaching adults to optimize their sex lives. visit ShannaKatz.com. Send Shanna a question for her column at ShannaKatz@gmail.com.

W H AT I S C O M M I T M E N T A N D W H O G E TS TO D E F I N E I T ?

A

s gay marriage and civil unions become more of a possible reality for many in our community, it begs the question for some of us about how we want to live within the context of having a committed relationship, including how it may be perceived and valued by others. There is nothing in the rule book that says any of us have to conform to any set of predetermined structures or expectations. It doesn’t have to mirror stereotypical “straight” versions that many of us grew up with seeing. Ward and June Cleaver weren’t necessarily the picture of a perfect marriage, especially by today’s standards.

As increasingly diverse types of relationships become more common in our community, the definitions of particular words may also need to evolve. The terminology to describe commitment, fidelity, or faithfulness in a relationship today may differ from what was considered appropriate in the past. Although not all types of relationships are tantalizing for all people, it is important to remember that each person in the arrangement should feel comfortable with the dynamics and confident in their ability to play by their agreed rules.

What one couple may consider “cheating” could be a perfectly acceptable practice for others.

Every relationship has its own set of expectations.

Fidelity is all about sticking to your agreements and being honest. These relationship rules may include how you interact with others in physically or emotionally intimate ways. Infidelity in

a relationship can be something as direct as importance. It involves doing the right thing when screwing someone else or simply having an inapno one else is looking. Additionally, both partners propriate exchange with someone. It is truly up should feel validated, supported, and excited about to the individuals involved to decide. the agreements. We are all adults and can make decisions that are right for us. We can have our Keep in mind that everything in a partnership is potentially open to discussion wants and needs fulfilled without and can also be subject to change. cheating, lying, or manipulatIf a trial experiment fails, hopeing. Every relationship has the fully the core of any relationship potential to be meaningful and beautiful, but can be destroyed is a deep-rooted trust, love, and loyalty that can get you through. by assumptions, poor communiThis will hopefully translate cation, insecurities, and being a into having the confidence to low-down, sneaky bastard that discuss desires and concerns breaks the rules to selfishly with your partner without fear get their own needs met at the of a Chernobyl-esque disaster expense of their partner’s wellthat ends the relationships. being and eventual demise of the HEINZESIGHT Activities are only considered relationship.

Brent Heinze cheating or inappropriate if they In a world of increasing acbreak the rules between people. ceptance for a wide variety of This is why it is so important to take the time to relationships, the only rules that truly matter are figure out what each person wants in a relationship those developed by those involved within it. As and be honest, thoughtful, and authentic when it long as your relationship is strong, it shouldn’t comes to expressing it. Relationship agreements matter how it is composed or what the terms of engagement are. It is important to show our love need to be shared, discussed, and understood and commitment to each other. ¢ between the people involved. Unfortunately, many times individuals feel uncomfortable or insecure Brent Heinze, LPC, is a licensed profesabout expressing what they really desire within sional counselor. Get more HeinzeSight online at the arrangement and choose to just do what they ofcnow.co/brent or send him a question for his want to do behind their partner’s back. column at PerspectiveShift@yahoo.com.

Each participant’s integrity is of extremely high

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