October 2021 :: Power

OCTOBER 2021

Preserving

queer stories

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TABLE OF CONTENTS VOLUME 45 NUMBER 07 OCTOBER 2021

07 LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

08

A Heartwarming Homecoming

17 OFM HEALTH

All Foods Fit When You Have the Power to Choose Power Outside the Binary

19

30 MACY GRAY

36

OFM CULTURE Matthew Shepard Gala Spectrum Retirement ‘QueerTok’ for Questioning Kids PrideHouseLA

OFM GALLERY Queer Dance Project

42

28

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BIANCA DEL RIO

photo by Cyrus Pamganiban

DAVID ARCHULETA

Disruptive Ink

photo by Matt Crockett

Texas Abortion Ban Does the Queer Community Have a Partner in the White House?

Anti-Trans Bills One Colorado’s Ally Awards

photo courtesy of Macy Gray

OFM BREAKING

SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976

photo courtesy of Wrabel

PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB /OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM FACEBOOK /OUTFRONTCOLORADO TWITTER /OUTFRONTMAGAZNE INSTAGRAM /OUTFRONTMAGAZINE

46

WRABEL

44 OFM ART

The Rainbow at the End of the Storm

50 OFM STYLE

Certified Nose Vince Spinnato The Power of Attention MODS: Cultural Appropriation

55 OFM CANNABIS

56

OFM THOUGHTS

Admitting Powerlessness

54 OFM MARKETPLACE

58 OFM LUST 60 OFM LIT After Hours

The Eulogy

FOUNDER

PHIL PRICE 1954-1993 ADMINISTRATION INFO@OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM CO-PUBLISHER MAGGIE PHILLIPS CO-PUBLISHER ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER PRESIDENT JERRY CUNNINGHAM CHIEF STRATEGISTS JEFF JACKSON SWAIM, LANI LANGTON EDITORIAL EDITORIAL@OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER EXECUTIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR, MUSIC EDITOR VERONICA L. HOLYFIELD COPY EDITOR KEEGAN WILLIAMS CELEBRITY INTERVIEWER DENNY PATTERSON BREAKING NEWS REPORTER, PODCAST EDITOR RAY MANZARI WRITERS AMY PHILLIPS, AMANDA E.K., ANGEL RIVERA, BRIAN BYRDSONG, SARAH

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outfrontmagazine.com 5

FROM THE EDITOR

Power can be a contentious issue.

Grimes sang “We Appreciate Power,” and the queers immediately thought of Elon Musk (and now, probably his space dick). And the past few years have shown us what can happen when problematic people are given power (to put it mildly).

But power doesn’t have to be a negative. The Power Gala–which used to be thrown by ourselves and the Colorado LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce, and is now just presented by the Chamber–celebrates power in queer business and community. And empowering organizations, celebrities, and folks across the city, state, and country help uplift queer folks and bring a sense of wonder and belonging. Gala season is all about celebrating those who are powerful, but often don’t get recognized, and in this issue, we aim to do the same thing.

So, if you’re looking for a peek into the powerful or some inspiration to feel more empowered, look through the pages of this issue and check out all the wonderful people, organizations, and other forces of power available in our community.

Addison Herron-Wheeler

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TEXAS ABORTION BAN

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SENATE BILL 8 Everything You Need to Know

by Ray Manzari

The Texas Abortion Ban, or Senate Bill 8, was signed into law in May 2021. The law puts an outright ban on all abortions as early as six weeks of pregnancy, which is just two weeks after the time that most pregnancies become known.

R

eproductive rights activists have labeled SB8 as the most extreme anti-abortion law nationwide, and the strictest in Texas since the landmark decision, Roe v. Wade.

Abortions that take place after an ultrasound and can detect what lawmakers called a “fetal heartbeat” are banned under SB8. Medical and legal experts claim the term “fetal heartbeat” is misleading, as fetuses do not process hearts.

Rather, an ultrasound can detect “a little flutter in the area that will become the future heart of the baby,” says Dr. Saima Aftab, medical director of the Fetal Care Center at Nicklaus Children’s Hospital in Miami. This flutter comes from a group of cells, that will eventually become the heart, which begin to fire electrical signals as early as six weeks after conception.

The law includes cases when pregnancy is conceived through rape or incest, with an exception for medical emergencies. The bill does not mention abortions in the case of miscarriage.

Similar bills have been struck down by the courts, but Texas lawmakers have found a legal

loophole. Instead of having the government and legal officials enforce the law, the bill encourages private citizens to sue anyone they suspect may have “aided and abetted” someone to have an abortion after six weeks.

This can include medical providers, family members, friends, and even rideshare drivers who drop someone off at a clinic.

The law offers a $10,000 bounty to anyone who reports another person whom they suspect has helped facilitate an abortion after six weeks.

With previous anti-abortion bills, activist organizations like Planned Parenthood or the HRC can sue the state’s attorney general, which will usually get the law removed.

In this case, since no government official is enforcing the law, there is no one to sue, until the law goes into effect and cases begin to get filed.

“It’s a very unique law, and it’s a very clever law,” says Josh Blackman, a constitutional law professor at South Texas College of Law Houston. “Planned Parenthood can’t go to court and sue Attorney General Paxton like they usually would because he has no role in enforcing the statute.”

SUPREME COURT RULING In a midnight order on September 1, the day Senate Bill 8 went into effect, the Supreme Court in a 5-4 ruling gave the green light to the Texas bill.

The court’s majority leader said in a statement that abortion providers who had originally challenged the bill had raised “serious constitutional questions” about the law, but that they hadn’t shown enough evidence that they’d be “irreparably injured” if it were 8 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

allowed to go into effect for now.

The Supreme Court ruling directly contradicts the landmark decision Roe v. Wade, which legalized abortions up to 24 weeks after conception, nationwide.

Nancy Northup, president of the Center for Reproductive Rights, says the ruling will embolden other states and other lower courts to “completely ignore” the Roe v. Wade decision, which she described as already a “dead letter in the state of Texas.”

Many of the Supreme Court justices have made their opinions on the current reproductive health laws known. Conservative Justice Clarence Thomas was quoted in 2019 saying that abortion jurisprudence has “spiraled out of control.”

Technically, the court’s decision is not a determination of whether the six-week ban is constitutional or not, nor is it a reversal of Roe v. Wade. Legal experts refer to this type of decision as a “shadow docket,” in which the court’s action, or inaction, can take big steps without explanation.

If Roe v. Wade were overturned, 22 states have laws to restrict abortion access, and 14 states, plus the District of Columbia, have laws that protect abortion access regardless.

Several activist groups and organizations have made statements saying that they plan to fight the Texas abortion ban, despite the legal loophole.

House Speaker and co-chair of Congress’s pro-choice caucus Nancy Pelosi has said that she plans to bring up legislation which would codify Roe v. Wade, as soon as the house returns from recess this month. Pelosi called the Supreme Court move a “cowardly, dark-of-night decision.”

“Every woman, everywhere has the constitutional right to basic healthcare. SB8 is the most extreme, dangerous abortion ban in half a century, and its purpose is to destroy Roe v. Wade, and even refuses to make exceptions for cases of rape

Abortion Ritual within the first 24 weeks of pregnancy to contact The Satanic Temple so we may help them fight this law directly.”

Uber and Lyft have also both made statements to fight any potential prosecution to their drivers.

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GOING FORWARD

and incest,” Pelosi says. “This ban necessitates codifying Roe v. Wade.”

The Congressional Caucus for Reproductive Rights held an emergency meeting on September 2, to discuss Texas’ new abortion law and what Congress can do to ensure continued access to abortion services for all Americans throughout the U.S.– including those who live in Texas.

Their first priority, according to Press Secretary Jane Fillion, is the need for Congress to act quickly to pass the Women’s Health Protection Act, or WHPA, which would guarantee the right of all Americans to access abortion care.

Another unlikely ally has been found in the Satanic Temple, a religious group that is fighting to protect abortion rights under the religious freedoms act.

“The Satanic Temple stands ready to assist any member that shares its deeply-held religious convictions regarding the right to reproductive freedom,” the group announces.

“Accordingly, we encourage any member who resides in Texas and wishes to undergo the Satanic

However, the Justice Department announced September 9 they were suing the state of Texas over the state law, arguing it was enacting “in open defiance of the Constitution.” The lawsuit asks a federal judge to declare that the law is invalid, “to enjoin its enforcement, and to protect the rights that Texas has violated.”

The lawsuit seeks an immediate injunction to prohibit enforcing the law in Texas. Brigitte Amiri, deputy director of the ACLU Reproductive Freedom Project, says in a statement that the lawsuit is a critical first step to righting this injustice and preventing the same process from playing out in other states. Amiri adds in an interview that she expects the lawsuit to move quickly, possibly reaching the Supreme Court within weeks.

outfrontmagazine.com 9

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Does the Queer Community have “A Partner in the White House?”

Ending the Trans Military Ban Just five days into his presidency, Biden reversed the Trans Military Ban put in place by Trump.

by Amy Phillips When President Biden took office in January 2021, he told queer Americans they deserve to have “a partner in the White House”—but is Joe Biden that person?

When we go back a few decades, Joe doesn’t exactly resemble an LGBTQ ally. He voted for the Defense of Marriage Act (1996) that blocked same-gender marriages, and in 1994, he moved to cut federal funding for schools teaching LGBTQ acceptance.

Cut to 2012, and suddenly Good Ol’ Joe is vocalizing support for marriage equality as the vice president of the United States—even before Obama did.

Now, the Washington Post is saying Biden is “poised to be the nation’s most proequality president in history.”

It certainly sounds impressive; now, let’s see if they’re right.

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Eliminating Queer Youth Homelessness Biden took a very important step in the process of ending queer homelessness by restoring protections for trans individuals seeking shelters.

Ending the HIV Epidemic by 2025 The Biden administration has ordered insurers to cover PrEP, a drug essential to preventing HIV. However, this still doesn’t do much to benefit the communities most heavily impacted by the epidemic: the uninsured and marginalized.

LGBTQ REPRESENTATION There’s one thing that no former president can beat Biden on and that’s cabinet diversity. He has set many firsts with the appointments of gay and trans members to his team.

Reinstating Obama-Era Anti-Discrimination Policies On his first day in office, Biden directed all federal agencies to include gender and sexual orientation in laws preventing discrimination on the basis of sex.

Fighting Against “Religious Exemption” CLaims While Biden stated that the Trump administration “misused” these broad, religious exemptions, he hasn’t done much to combat them himself. One exception is his interpretation of Title IX, which now bars all schools, including religious institutions, from gender and sexual discrimination.

Enacting the Equality Act What Biden once hoped to be a sure fire win for the LGBTQ community has proved to be much more difficult than he imagined.

With the Senate locked 50/50, any attempt by the democrats to pass the bill would inevitably be stopped via filibuster by republicans. Biden and Harris have both promised to continue doing everything they can to push the historic legislation forward.

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Anti-Trans Bills and 2021’s Fight for Trans Inclusion in Sports

THE T OLYMPIC GAMES

Olympic History of Hormone and Sex Regulation

“THEY TREATED ME LIKE A GUINEA PIG.”

by Keegan Williams

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Hubbard from competing as the first openly trans woman, even though she rans people, more specifically ultimately failed her three attempts at the regulations surrounding to what extent 87+ kg snatch and did not press forward. legislators can discriminate against These conversations only compound the them, have been a regular, recurring topic record number of anti-LGBTQ, specifically in 2021. anti-trans, bills introduced this year in This year also featured the rescheduled states across the country, many working 2020 Tokyo Olympics and Paralympics, both specifically to keep trans kids from playing of which boasted new records for openly in sports that match their gender. The LGBTQ athletes, with some of the first laws operate under the same assumption, that testosterone levels equate to superior openly trans and nonbinary athletes and athletic performance, though time and winner. In regard to the Olympics and trans time again, experts have testified that folks, there is a storied history dating back to science does not support this assertion. the 1930s of regulating sex for competition, which in today’s day often feel extremely “The science of whether testosterone in rigid in regard to our current understanding real life is actually providing an advantage in competition is not clearly established,” of sex and gender. says Dr. Eric Vilain, a pediatrician and Ultimately, these regulations of hormones, geneticist who studies sex difference in and barring female athletes who pass a athletes, in an NPR interview from earlier certain threshold, have worked to bar cis, this year. intersex, and trans athletes from competing “But more disturbingly is that all these in the games. rules at the elite level have affected The CNN report “Running As Equals” women—not all women, but women with takes a deep dive into these regulations. a Y chromosome. And often, it’s triggered In 2019, World Athletics ( formerly the by women who look different. So I’m a International Association of Athletics little disturbed to hear that these issues at Federations or IAAF) banned some athletes the elite level are now reaching the middle from competing in international women’s and high schools and colleges.” middle-distance races unless they used medical intervention to lower the naturally With the sudden onset of these bills and occuring testosterone levels in their bodies, GOP outcry that this is actually an issue, targeting athletes competing in women’s this is less about the actual fairness and events and those with differences in sex dynamics of trans people playing in sports development. World Athletes considers that align with their gender and more “acceptable” testosterone levels for female about controlling a narrative surrounding athletes to be no more than 1.68 nanomoles trans people. This rhetoric leaks into the masses, where the majority of people in per liter. the U.S. may not have direct experience Along with a breakdown of how the Olympic with or personally know trans people, regulations came to be, it shares the stories and base their feelings off these arbitrary of two athletes. One of the featured stories assessments. was that of Annet Negesa, an intersex runner whose natural testosterone was The Worst Year for Anti-LGBTQ Bills in the U.S. too high to compete in the London Games, who ultimately underwent surgery (which Anne Lieberman is the director of policy and programs for Athlete Ally, an she believed was a treatment for naturally international nonprofit organization high levels of testosterone and ended up as working to dismantle the structures of a procedure removing her internal testes, oppression that isolate, exclude, and which she says she did not consent to), and endanger LGBTQ people in sports in four was left with ongoing trauma and pain. major ways: LGBTQ education, policy “They treated me like a guinea pig,” Negesa advocacy work, research, and athlete activism. says.

And we saw the regulations, and the Lieberman says the influx of bills didn’t rhetoric they enforce, in full effect this come from nowhere and are essentially year: two cis athletes Christine Mboma bathroom bills reimagined, with the and Beatrice Masilingi for Namibia banned messaging to society that trans women from competition for their naturally high and girls are inherently threatening and testosterone levels, and the rigid ideas do not belong in public spaces. surrounding sex surely affect openly trans athletes, like the outcry of calls to “This strategy, on the part of the opposition, ban qualifying trans weightlifter Laurel was a very creative one because they

to their aims and urging leaders to be they say, “and so, for us, it’s really about, accurate and responsible in how they relay how do we continue to organize these folks, and help them use their platforms information.

Lieberman expands, “That’s also because we to speak out in support of trans kids? And have such a deep knowledge of international, really, again, at the end of the day this is national, and local sport policy, we’re able about kids who want to play sports with to kind of connect the dots, especially the their friends.”

local level and say, ‘Hey, if somebody says anything about this IOC policy,’ like, ‘no, this is actually how it works,’ and to help with some of the kind of nuance of the sports conversation that somebody who wasn’t Lieberman says the opposition is working in sports wouldn’t know.” intentionally equating trans women Lieberman cites the World Cup bidding with men, which comes with dangerous process as another example of how working misgendering and violent rhetoric, internationally connects to these issues alongside the media, which they at a local level. Cities looking to host the say especially targets Black, trans World Cup must submit bids to explain women, adding a deeply racist angle why, but FIFA has a “rigorous framework,” to the inherent sexism, misogyny, and according to Lieberman, embedding human transphobia these red states push with rights into their processes to decide how their anti-trans bills. a city’s environment will be inclusive for

Lieberman asserts, if these powers were truly this concerned about protecting women’s sports, then they would listen to active women athletes—not retired Olympians or players of the past—and the things they are actually asking for: mental health support, sponsorship deals, pay equity, to name a few.

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know how pervasive sports is in all communities,” Liberman says. “And so, you’re taking a very beloved pastime and weaponizing it, also, essentially preying upon people’s common sense understanding of how bodies work, and I say, common sense because there is just a deeply held belief—and it is inherently sexist, but it is what we are working against—that cisgender men will always be bigger, stronger, faster than cisgender women.”

“Nowhere in that list is ‘keep trans athletes out of sports,” Lieberman says.

This is not a baseless claim: Athlete Ally is also working to elevate their work with partners like Women’s Sports Foundation, who have been doing research on gender equity and sports since their inception “That already confuses people, because all spectators, not only in terms of LGBTQ and not a single report mentions trans most of the country hasn’t ever met a people but with an abundance of factors in athletes as some kind of threat to trans person or doesn’t think they’ve mind. women’s sports, according to Lieberman met a trans person, and so it’s much “FIFA has said that they don’t want to Lieberman says they are assured after easier to be sucked into these narratives post World Cup games in cities in the U.S. witnessing the response to their work about ‘big, scary trans people’ because that openly discriminate against anybody, with people consistently looking to learn they have no frame of reference, so including LGBTQ+ people and including more about what they can do in regard to there it’s kind of like the perfect storm,” trans people, so a lot of what we do is that trans inclusion in sports.

Lieberman says, calling this legislative connecting and convening role, and to session “without exaggeration” the worst really translate sports and translate, like “They’re horrified that, you know, kids are the country has seen, in terms of anti- how to leverage some of these mechanisms,” being used as political punching bags and bargaining chips, and people who have LGBTQ bills.

Lieberman says. spent their lives, especially cis women Athlete Advocacy Across Borders They give the example: Equality Texas could athletes, you know, dedicating their lives say to a legislator, “If you want money to to sport, have said, ‘Not in my name. I Lieberman cited information from come into the city for hosting the World Cup, don’t want people saying that this is what Athlete Ally’s collaborator, The Equality you won’t be able to pass this anti-trans law.” women athletes want, because we’ve Federation: as of August 18, there have always been a stronger, more impactful been 374 anti-LGBTQ bills introduced The Fight Presses Forward global sports community when we are in 2021, including 183 anti-trans bills, 93 inclusive and empowering to everyone.’” athlete bans, and 51 medical care bans. These conversations surrounding trans Lieberman says that we all have a role Lierberman and Athlete Ally spent the athletes, and the legislation fighting against to play, and every person’s activism can bulk of this year looking at and directly them, are clearly dense and multifaceted. look different. Someone who may not fighting these attacks on trans people So, how do we move forward and continue be comfortable testifying might instead within our country, but the rhetoric working for a fair system that doesn’t work get a group of friends together to watch extends beyond borders, into these toward exclusion and violence against trans a documentary on the topic, like Hulu’s massive, worldwide playing fields, like people?

Changing The Game, or set up a monthly the Olympic Games.

Lieberman says the movement as a whole is recurring donation to organizations “I think the other way in which we see well-coordinated on this issue specifically fighting these bills. some of these issues being so connected and has been able to draw upon a variety Lieberman urges, “I want everybody to or similar,” they say, “it’s just the of different resources, both at the state and know that we all have a role in fighting conversation on trans inclusion in sport, national level, rallying people from all areas this, and a lot of times it’s calling out a and you know, we do some work with the of life to come out and testify against these transphobic comment, just like I think International Olympic Committee (IOC), bills. more white folks understand now that and even when I was just in Texas ... they need to be calling out casual racism, A specific focus of Athlete Ally is that fourth hearing some of these testimonies from and racism period, and microaggressions. way they work to dismantle these oppressive people who were trying to ban trans kids It’s all of this work is connected, and I from playing sports with their friends, systems: athlete activism. always love to quote one of my favorite people would incorrectly cite Olympic “When you look at the number of pro athletes activists of all time Fannie Lou Hamer, policy.” who are really speaking in opposition to which is, you know, ‘Nobody’s free until Working internationally allows these bills, there are many more people in everybody’s free,’ and until we really have organizations like Athlete Ally to contact opposition to these bills than the people who that mindset, we’re not going to be able to legislators locally, bringing up these are using their desire to protect women’s move forward as quickly and as deeply as testimonies warping Olympic policy sports as a thin veil for the transphobia,” I think many of us want to.” outfrontmagazine.com 13

One Colorado’s

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ALLY AWARDS Honoring Community Members Supporting Colorado LGBTQ Community

Photos provided by One Colorado

by Keegan Williams

A

llyship is crucial in ensuring that underrepresented and underserved communities have their voices heard and power elevated, those with more privilege using it to uplift those without that same power in society. Honoring that sentiment and the important folks in our communities who help to lift each other up is an essential aim of the aptly named Ally Awards, One Colorado’s signature fundraising event, returning to Denver in November.

One Colorado uses its awardees to highlight their priorities and the direction Colorado, and its communities, should work toward. Executive Director Nadine Bridges says that they have begun to turn focus to the abundance of varying, complex issues the many different folks in the LGBTQ community face today.

“We’re not a monolith, right?” Bridges poses. “We are representative of every identity that’s out there, whether it’s religious-based, race-based, ethnicity-based, immigration status, ability/disability. And what you see here, in each one of these areas, are folks who are willing to demonstrate creating spaces where folks can be seen and heard and understand the powers of their voices, and that’s what we need to be successful in each one of these areas.”

Embracing the diversity of the community, and how our different lives and identities can be used to lift one another up, has also helped One Colorado to build upon the idea of what an ally is to begin with. The organization is just over 10 years old, and after highlighting people in the past outside of the community or who serve a limited portion of LGBTQ people, it was time to expand.

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Deputy Director Garrett Royer says, “I think what we want to do with the next phase of the organization is, ‘How do we think about honoring the allies within the LGBTQ community who are being allies to more vulnerable members of that same community?’ And I think that’s part of what these awardees show and highlight the vision that One Colorado has for the next 10 years of our work.”

The event has the option for both the in-person, limitedcapacity event (which will require proof of COVID-19 vaccine with the physical card or photo, verified vaccine passport, or a negative COVID-19 test result within 48 hours to enter), with the alternative option to tune in online. All participants will be able to bid on auction items, make donations, and see the honorees receive their awards.

This model is working in accordance with the ongoing pandemic and Delta variant, though Bridges says it has led to their consideration of how offering virtual options could increase accessibility, open up the event to more Colorado community members, and allow for flexibility in the future.

“You know, this is a way to bring them in,” Bridges says.

“What does this look like, and can it be then, you know, an event somewhere that’s maybe not in Denver? … I think it opens up a lot of possibilities; there’s a silver lining to all of this, which is really thinking about how we can do things virtually and engage a larger swath of folks.”

Of course, the main event is the allies themselves. Here’s a peek at the four awardees this year:

AL L Y Jeff S. Fard

Ignacio Out & Equal Alliance

Ignacio Out & Equal Alliance is a Southwest Colorado, youth-focused-andcentered organization created to include every aspect of the LGBTQ community, aiming specifically to support, empower, educate, and advocare for LGBTQ and Two-Spirit community members, their families, and allies in the Southwest.

Dr. Jerrica Kirkley

“As One Colorado, we really want to be intentional about making sure that we weren’t just honoring folks within the Denver metro area,” Bridges says. “We really wanted to recognize that this group and Trennie Collins, the executive director, has really, really, really worked hard to ensure and uplift LGBTQ voices in Southern Colorado, especially on the reservation, and although some folks would argue, because (Collins) is a part of this community, is that allyship? But I think, when you’re talking about bringing voice to vulnerable communities, to speak and bringing that to the forefront, I think that very much speaks to what allyship is”

Dr. Jerrica Kirkley is board certified in family medicine and works as the co-founder of gender-affirming care organization Plume, which centers the needs of trans individuals seeking hormone therapy. Kirkley helped to create a hormone-prescribing protocol and LGBTQ curriculum for residents, faculty, and staff, also helping to start two Colorado clinics dedicated to the care of trans, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming people and offering gender-affirming training to organizations and practices around the state.

The Interfaith Alliance of Colorado

The Interfaith Alliance of Colorado was founded by a group of faith leaders from multiple backgrounds who were frustrated that their diverse faith voices weren’t represented in the public sphere, especially in media and politics.

They aim to promote justice, religious liberty, and interfaith understanding through relationship-building in order to educate, advocate, and encourage social change, envisioning a society where all people, all faiths, from all traditions and backgrounds, are supported to live their lives authentically and freely.

“(Kirkley’s work) is meeting gaps in the community that the existing healthcare infrastructure is just not satisfying right now,” Royers says. “We know that there are trans folks in Colorado who are just falling through, and through Jerrica’s work, she’s able to ensure that folks are able to get hormone replacement therapy, are able to get in contact with behavioral and health therapists, or other life-saving care that transgender and nonbinary Coloradans need … helping highlight, ‘What is the next state of health equity, and where do we as an organization still need to do advocacy work around healthcare and making sure

One Colorado expands, “They seek to be a force for good in Colorado by standing up for rights and equality for all people. The Interfaith Alliance has continued to be the faith voice standing up for LGBTQ equality and women’s reproductive rights and justice. They’ve also been an outspoken voice for criminal justice reform at the state capitol and work to devise creative solutions to complex problems.”

--The One Colorado Ally Awards will take place November 12, online and in-person at the Four Seasons Hotel. Tickets are available for purchase at one-colorado.org/ ally-awards.

“(Jeff) has been really doing work around equity empowerment, did a lot of work around HIV and AIDS in the African American community,” Bridges says. “I had been impressed with him; he did some conversations last year on his own channel regarding Black, transgender folks and conversations within the community, as well as within other Black, LGBT folks in community, and so I thought that—just once we discussed it, we all agreed that this would make the most sense to stick up with his work and what he’s doing and community.”

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Born and raised in Denver, Fard is a multimedia journalist, historian, and community organizer, focusing on topics like cultural identity and history, diversity, self-empowerment, community building, economic development, health disparities, and the uniting power of art.

He began organizing nationally in 2000 to help reduce the disproportionate HIV and AIDS rates within the Black community.

that existing health infrastructure can be meeting the needs of all Coloradans?”

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OFM breaking

A Heartwarming Homecoming

by Sarah White

It was believed to have been destroyed and tossed away after suffering immense water damage, but it was actually existing inside a storage facility, damaged but still together. A hefty, dog-eared piece of the original rainbow flag—indisputably the singlemost significant insignia of LGBTQ solidarity and queer civil rights movement—was rediscovered. The segment of the original rainbow flag rests in stillness inside a glass display box in the center of the GLBT Historical Society Museum in the Castro District of San Francisco, CA. In June of 2021, San Francisco welcomed back the world’s original Pride flag which was considered lost for almost 40 years. This key, essential piece of LGBTQ and San Francisco history was created and made by Gilbert Baker in 1978.

Baker was stationed in San Francisco as a medic for the Army during the early years of the LGBTQ liberation movement circa 1970-1972. Living openly as a gay man, Baker swiftly became popular, known for his sewing expertise and loud designs, including 1 6 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

vivacious drag queen costumes and bold political banners and signs.

In 1978, Baker made two Pride flags, both including eight stripes: hot pink, red, orange, yellow, green, turquoise, purple, and violet; however, one flag’s colors were reversed with violet at the top, hot pink at the bottom, and detailed with a corner containing tie-dye stars on top of a blue background, believed to be a nod at the United States’ flag.

Baker strategically instituted rainbow colors to purposefully represent the diversity of humanity. Both muslin cotton rainbow flags were hand-dyed and hand-sewn by Baker and 30 other volunteers and activists. Each flag was approximately 30 feet high by 60 feet wide.

The City of San Francisco and the world first saw the rainbow flags soar on June 28, 1978, for Gay Freedom Day, which also celebrated then San Francisco supervisor, Harvey Milk. Immediately following the celebration, the rainbow flag containing the tie-dye stars was stolen, and the other flag, which would be forever known as the Pride flag, was given to the manager at the San Francisco’s Gay Community Center to be stored. Unfortunately the flag was not seen as symbol of Pride, liberation, and freedom for the queer community (yet); it was seen as “last year’s decorations” and suffered a great deal of water damage credited to the building’s leaky roof, along with sun damage.

In 1979, the mucky flag was given back to Baker, where he cut off the destroyed parts and saved the piece of the flag that was still thriving. Baker reportedly had the fragmented flag on display in his home in New York City for a brief moment in the 80s, as an ode to the liberation in San Francisco memories and as basic wall decor. Baker then stored away the rainbow cotton along with his other fabric creations and costumes.

In 2017, Gilbert Baker died in New York City. Two years later, his sister discovered the remaining section of the flag amongst his belongings in storage in New York. This holy grail fabric had been lost and forgotten for nearly 40 years. After realizing the importance of this flag once thought of as “last year’s decoration” which had now transformed into the queer pride symbol of unity, she donated the flag to the Gilbert Baker Foundation, where it was displayed at Stonewall 50.

Now, in 2021, the flag has returned to its original home in San Francisco where it was made by Baker and flown with liberation in 1978. This historical piece of queer history was presented to the GLBT Historical Society in June and now is honorably exhibited inside a glass, sun-protective display case in the middle of the GLBT History Museum.

The original rainbow flag is the centerpiece of the exhibition entitled “Performance, Protest and Politics: The Art of Gilbert Baker.” The surviving fragment of the original Pride flag is entirely constructed of eight pieces of dyed cotton, with an average width of 43 inches.

The sewing and construction are well done; however, they are not professionally assembled. The dyes and hues of the cotton fabric allude to a “do-it-yourself ” appearance throughout. The historical flag is in fair-to-good condition. It shows wear, some soiling, and stains, likely from water damage, sun damage, and least favorable storage conditions.

The flag will be on display at the GLBT Historical Museum at least until the end of the year.

“People all around the world, it’s San Francisco they look to, the birthplace of the flag when they look to find that symbol of hope.

We thought that though it’s only a fragment and can only be in a museum, the original flag should be right here in the Castro, where it was created,” says Charles Beal, an eternal friend of Gilbert Baker.

Indeed the flag has had a heartwarming homecoming which Gilbert Baker surely would have embraced.

OFM health

All Foods Fit When You Have the Power to Choose

by Zachari Breeding, MS, RDN, CSO, LDN, FAND

H

ow often do we demonize foods? So frequently, we look at certain foods as “bad,” others as “good,” and associate those feelings with our own worth. These values are totally made up by us, by a society that pits foods against each other in an effort to promote nutritious eating, all the while just guilting us into temporary diets and flavorless food in the name of “nutrition.”

In a world where food is all around us—how are we supposed to not be distracted by so many sources telling us what is “good” and “bad” for us? Unfortunately, marketing campaigns to promote a food or product are never looking out for our well-being. These firms have but one job—to sell products— even if it means ultimately confusing the public.

The only thing that can free us of the whirlwind of messaging around food and nutrition is ourselves. We have the power to choose what is right for us. As nice as that sounds, though, knowing you have the power to choose is not the same as owning that power and harnessing it to create a healthier relationship with the food environment.

It’s not easy to hit up the fast food joint you haven’t been to in months and simply enjoy the burger without guilt, right? But that is exactly what owning this power means. The benefit of owning your power is to be free of any feeling associated with choosing a certain food. So how do you learn to harness this power to the benefit of your health?

Listening to your body is not the same as trusting it.

Cravings are real. The food environment that we live in is literally designed to make us crave whatever is being presented to us. For me, pizza commercials always have me craving a slice or two, but, that does not mean we should go running to satisfy a craving every single time we have one.

To add further complexity to this, our bodies generally love consistency. Foods that contain sugar and fat tend to trigger pleasure-creating hormonal responses that make the body create cravings in an attempt at consistency. If someone is trying to eat fewer candy bars, for example, doing so is going to take a great deal of effort because the body will crave them more and more as it gets less and less. What is important here is that candy bars are not inherently bad, but eating them regularly doesn’t help drive us toward health.

With that said, if someone is not facing regular cravings, listening to the body’s needs is the best way to create a food environment free of guilt. This does not mean craving salt is a sign of needing sodium in the bloodstream—that is simply a craving. What this does mean is allowing yourself to occasionally enjoy a food that you want—for whatever reason—without feeling any certain way about it.

Food can be a reward, and the best part about rewards is that they are infrequent and so never taken for granted. You find yourself in the airport and wanting a bag of chips, go for it.

And if you are going to “go for it,” you should definitely not feel bad about it. Many call this practice “intuitive eating,” but not everyone has that intuition naturally built in … especially when the food world can throw us completely off balance.

What is moderation, anyway?

As a dietitian, I am really tired of the phrase “eat in moderation.”

This overused aphorism provides no context or tips on how this is achieved or even what it means. For those in the same boat, moderation simply means eating a variety of foods that may include a mixture of fruits, vegetables, processed snack foods, protein, whole grains, and sugary beverages, just to name a few. It means eating the foods that drive us toward health more often and choosing the foods that do not drive us in this direction less frequently.

For some, drinking three sodas per week is excess; for others, it is a significant improvement from what they may drink daily.

We all have our own journey, and the key is acknowledging where you are creating a path to health that works for you.

Drive on your own road.

There is no shame in forging your own path. This frees us of the confines built by the food environment meant to drive us to make specific choices. Each choice we make drives us down one of two paths: health or disease. Making choices that drive us toward health more frequently means an occasional diverting path is no big deal.

If we generally eat foods that we know support our body’s health and wellness, there is really nothing wrong with enjoying a food you enjoy with no nutritional value whatsoever sometimes. More importantly, never feel shame or guilt about making this choice. Ultimately, each person has the power to choose the foods that fit into their life, and all foods fit in one way or another. outfrontmagazine.com 17

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Tales of a Fierce, Fat, Fit, Femme

POWER Outside the Binary

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

When I first started the column, I worried about claiming certain parts of my identity so boldly in the title, an issue I’ve rheuminated on before in the column itself. At what weight is it OK, or not OK, to reclaim “fat” as my descriptor? And how much does the column need to focus on fitness? What if I’m not “fierce” enough, or that’s not conveyed in the column?

But the one thing I never thought I’d have any problem with is the term “femme.” I’ve been comfortably identifying as a cis woman for 31 years now, and I’m a fan of using the term femme and she/her pronouns. So, that was never something I questioned when it came to the terms I was claiming in this column. But now I’m not so sure.

While I’m certainly femme, and I’ve channeled a lot of femme energy in my life, I’ve always had a pretty strong masc side as well. I was a “tomboy” and hung out with boys when I was a kid, even though I still had a lot of more femme interests as well. And many of my interests and tastes are considered more masc, like metal, cannabis, horror, “alternative” culture, video games, science fiction.

Plus, I was raised by my dad, and I’ve never been a fan of dresses, floral prints, skirts, pink clothes, etc. I feel the most euphoric in a button down or a crop top and jeans, or a band shirt and leggings. I prefer to mix my feminine energy with my masculine.

But in my mind, I’ve never been someone who has struggled with my gender identity. Initially, I saw that as something that would only apply if I realized I was not a woman, but a man, and started taking gender-affirming steps to confirm that, which is definitely not the case. So, case closed right?

Wrong. I’ve been inspired by some gorgeous queer folks in Denver who basically just say fuck gender. They go by multiple pronouns, or any pronouns, or the pronouns can be fluid and change. They dress however they feel, be that femme or masc or some fun, queer, gender-bending mixture of those looks.

And they aren’t all a size 0, no boobs, no curves. I used to think androgynous gender was something I couldn’t exude, being that I’m curvy with big boobs. I look femme to the world, whether I feel femme or not. But seeing folks with bodies similar to mine rocking androgynous looks and embracing their nonbinary genders/ identities has completely changed the way I see myself.

So, currently, I still use she/her pronouns, though I’m fine with they/them, and I still identify as a woman. But I’m realizing more and more, in this post-gender society we are moving toward, that matters less and less. If I want to have a more queer haircut and play with gender more in my look—which I do—that’s the awesome thing about our community. No one can stop me, and the wonderful people I’ve met along the way will celebrate my euphoria.

So, whether or not I become less fat, stay fit, always channel being fierce, or even stay femme, I am valid. Our constantly changing, evolving, and shifting identities are valid.

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QD P The

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ueer ance roject

Provides a Space for Folks Shut Out of Dance

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

C

Photos by Julius Garrido

ristina Michaels, MS L.Ac., was born to dance. Brought up outside of Manitou Springs right here in Colorado, she started getting involved with dance at age 15. At the age of 17, she moved to Seattle to enter the Pacific Northwest Ballet School.

From there, she spent a summer at the prestigious Julliard.

Next, it was off to Cornish School of the Arts in Seattle and then into a career in dance, broken up by surgeries and transfers here and there, including time with the National Ballet of Canada, making up a long and fulfilling career in dance.

Sounds like a fairytale story with a storybook ending, right? Almost, except for a few not-so-little problems. For one thing, dancers’ careers are not long because of the wear and tear on their bodies, so she retired at 30. For another, Michaels was assigned male at birth and finally got the courage to come out and transition as an adult. As soon as she did, she was met with radio silence and zero support from the dance world.

“I’ve asked around, and even now, after COVID, I’ve been contacting companies and schools about working with them, and I just don’t get a call back,” she explains. “So I started to realize that if I’m being left out, then my whole community is being left out.

I started doing classes throughout Boulder and in Longmont, and they were such a success. I had people coming in who just wanted to be in a genderaffirming space, where the correct pronouns were used and it felt like a safe space. It started with just small, little classes, and then I started to see there was a bigger picture and more need.”

The world of classical ballet is a very strict, and gendered, space. Built on the ideals of the patriarchy, and, of course, the French, it has not yet caught up with the more progressive ethos of other types of dance. Dancers who are socialized male versus female are taught entirely different styles and techniques, and low-income folks and plus-sized people are kept out of dance due to their perceived physical limitations or lack of access to classes.

All of these things are reasons why Michaels held out for so long without embracing her identity, and then still struggled when she finally did come to terms with it.

“It took me five or six years to accept it, but upon my late father’s suicide, I woke up and realizied that I didn’t want to live this lie,” she said. “I was married, and my ex wouldn’t accept it, and it just became too much to bear. I just kind of poured myself into a bottle of alcohol and just stayed there until I started to accept myself.”

When that process of acceptance did finally begin, it was slow and painful, but ultimately successful, and Michaels has her community to thank for it. outfrontma ga zine.com 19

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“

I had to recognize my four enemies: toxic masculinity, toxic femininity, my own community, and then my own self.

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”

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“I want to literally take my hat off and give a huge bow and curtsey to Out Boulder,” she says. “They had a gender support group, and I went there and realized I wasn’t alone. I had a lot of support, but it was a slow, methodical process. I was nearly homeless about four times, and I was living on pantry food for two-and-a-half years, until someone at Out Boulder told me to contact Boulder County for food assistance. I got $100 to spend, and I was so grateful; I couldn’t believe it.”

Slowly but surely, she began to regain control over her life, but it was still painfully obvious how gendered ballet opportunities are. Most retired dancers become teachers, but Michaels kept hearing “no” or complete silence from studios. So, she switched gears and started working on a license to practice acupuncture, but the lack of inclusion in dance spaces still bothered her.

“It really came down to the fact that I wasn’t being included in dance studios, and I went, ‘Wait a second; there is a huge problem here.’ I would run into people who would be like, ‘Oh, I loved to dance until I got body shamed, or until they didn’t like a certain thing.’ It’s very discriminatory. So I started to think, ‘Wait a second, these people love to dance. And they don’t get to anymore.’ So I liquidated some of my retirement and created Queer Dance Project.”

Created entirely as a passion project born out of the desire for a safe space to dance, Michaels opened her dance studio in the same space as her acupuncture studio, outfitting the waiting room with a dance-ready floor and barre, but no mirror, so that dysphoria and dysmorphia couldn’t ruin the experience for prospective dancers. The space is ADA-compliant, and though it is for everyone, the emphasis is on providing a space where queer folks can dance without judgment.

The process wasn’t easy, but she was determined to make it work.

“First of all, I had to recognize my four enemies. My four enemies were toxic masculinity, toxic femininity, my own community, and then my own self. And once I did that, it all started to come together. This one person introduced me to their wife, who is a Polynesian dancer, and things started to take off. I started to reach out to the queer community that danced, saying, ‘Hey, listen, this studio is going to happen. Would you be interested in teaching?’

Now, the Queer Dance Project provides a space where dancers can be themselves and live out their fantasies. When I first stepped foot inside the studio, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was met with a helpful, uplifting environment. Michaels knows all the rules when it comes to ballet, and therefore she can break them, happily teaching both male and female technique to the queer folks in her class eager to throw out gender roles. And her corrections come with special attention to individual bodies, their injuries and triumphs, and their history in the dance space.

“I’d like to see this project as a model of hope for individuals, and a sign of hope for the community, particularly the trans community. It’s hard to run a small business and be trans, so it would be nice if we’re seen as a beacon of hope for the community.”

Visit queerdanceproject.com for classes and information about getting involved.

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OFM culture

Matthew Shepard Gala Celebrating Compassion, Understanding, Acceptance for All

By Keegan Williams

s a community, we are all-too-familiar with the story of Matthew Shepard, a gay student at the University of Wyoming who was tragically attacked and killed in 1998, prompting a slew of conversations surrounding the role of homophobia and bigotry Matthew’s death.

His parents, Dennis and Judy Shepard, received an outpouring of donations, which they used to start the Matthew Shepard Foundation. The initial focus was to support parents and their LGBTQ children, though the direction has since evolved over more than two decades.

A

“Currently, our main areas of expertise are hate crime policy legislation and training with law enforcement, in addition to providing legacy work programming that helps to keep Matt’s memory and his intentions alive through the foundation,” says Dana Juniel, director of strategy and communication for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.

The foundation hosts their annual gala to support these aims, celebrating individuals and organizations for their leadership 2 2 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

and commitment to replacing hate with understanding, compassion, and acceptance.

This year’s celebration takes place Saturday, October 9, and the support of the gala allows the foundation to continue to amplify Judy and Dennis’s voices in representing what Matthew would want them to be doing.

“Our theme this year is ‘Our Time To Be Heard,’ and we just want to reiterate that your voice is the strongest tool that you have in the fight against hate,” Juniel says. “... We have to use our voices to make change, as hate crimes are actually growing, especially those targeting the LGBTQ community, specifically trans women of color.”

Due to COVID-19, the foundation held their first virtual gala last year, which was not only met with praise from their supporters but also allowed the foundation an opportunity to expand their reach.

The 2021 gala is a hybrid model: the virtual and in-person event will feature the same programming, in addition to some

Schuyler Bailar

The Spirit of Matthew Award recognizes a young person who embodies the spirit of Matthew Shepard: kind, forwardthinking, and advocating for their peers, meant for those committed to social justice, equal rights, and activism.

This year’s awardee is Schuyler Bailar, a 25-year-old swimmer and the first openly transgender NCAA Division 1 swimmer. He is an LGBTQ rights and inclusion activist, also working full-time as a Photo by Robert Erickson public speaker and life coach.

“During COVID, Schuyler, I believe, had expanded his reach on social media, posting a lot of really empathetic and empowering messages for trans youth, and we watched that occur,” Juniel says. “... So when the time came around to talk about the main components of what the Spirit of Matthew means for us and someone who’s doing the kind of work we believe Matt would be doing if he was here, Schuyler was an obvious choice.”

After he first graduated college, Bailar was unsure he wanted to pursue an advocacy career full time. He tried out a job in HR that was aligned with his advocacy work, though he realized it left no room for his other passions.

He quit the job two years ago, and Bailar says he doesn’t think he could have foreseen what followed. Especially once the pandemic hit, he essentially had no work due to COVID restrictions, so he turned his focus to Instagram.

Bailar says, with the events of the last couple of years especially, social media has become more specifically linked to social justice. Bailar had been doing social justice work for about five years, and once the pandemic hit and everything went virtual, he says his Instagram became a place where he began doing more advocacy work.

He says, “Over the past year-and-a-half, I’ve seen a good amount of growth on my account and the sort of community that I’ve built—people who aren’t trans or who are allies, to trans people and just queer people in general—it became a place really easy for me to provide education in short bursts.”

Bailar aims to offer resources both for queer people and their discovery, but also for allies who can use the information to enrich their knowledge and learn about the experiences of their LGBTQ friends.

With his LGBTQ inclusion work, Bailar has a life coaching business and runs support groups for queer and trans people, essentially heading his own community-oriented business.

He just released a new book, Obie Is Man Enough, about a

Korean American, transgender kid and swimmer for middlegrade students and up. “I feel like it also carries that spirit of Matthew, if you will, because it’s about a queer trans kid living his life, you know, and trying to help me through that story,” Bailar says.

Bailar imagines the gala will be an emotional night for him.

While it is a joyous event, the ultimate reason everyone gathers together in that space is to honor Matthew.

“I think there’s a lot of joy in Pride … but there’s also massive danger, and there’s also so much death, that hasn’t ended, that isn’t stuck in the 1970s, right? This is happening now, especially to people of color, so I want to bring that reminder of why we do this work and why this award is important, because there’s a lot more work to be done so that kids like Matthew can be alive and not honored through a foundation.”

Dennis Dougherty Award:

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extra, virtual components during the dinner of the in-person event, “So, you can’t go wrong with either ticket option,” Juniel says. The foundation plans to continue a hybrid model in the future.

A highlight of the gala is the awards: the Spirit of Matthew Award, the Dennis Dougherty Award, and the Making a Difference Award. The decision making process is internal, with the staff and board led by Judy and Dennis.

Take a look at 2021’s awardees: Spirit of Matthew Award:

Craig Hella Johnson

The Dennis Dougherty Award is named in memory of a member of the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s family who helped establish the Foundation’s beginnings and evolution. The award is given to those who have played an essential role in the foundation’s growth and integrity. Craig Hella Johnson, a choral conductor, composer, and arranger, is this year’s Photo provided by MSF awardee.

“Craig was an obvious choice, and we were actually shocked that we hadn’t already honored him, so we’re really excited about that,” Juniel says.

Johnson says the true beginning of his relationship with the Shepards was when he personally learned of Matthew’s death while living in San Francisco in 1998.

“It affected me so deeply, like so many people,” Johnson says, “and I carried that with me for many years, feeling like, ‘I have to express my response to this somehow.’”

Around 2013, he met Dennis and Judy Shepard through his friend Michele Josue, who directed the documentary Matt Shepard is a Friend of Mine. Johnson met the Shepards and shared his idea to compose a huge piece in honor of Matthew. Following a two-hour conversation, which Johnson calls “a very meaningful and powerful time together,” they approved.

“I didn’t have any sense of what would really happen with this piece ... I was eager just to complete it for my own heart and my own sanity. I needed to do this,” Johnson says.

Johnson finished Considering Matthew Shepard in 2016 with the group he founded, Conspirare. He was ready to have that be the end of the line, but the label they recorded with at the time reached out and told him they were interested in recording the composition and bringing it to a larger audience.

Since then, the piece has been published, he and Conspirare have performed it in around 35 cities, and it’s since been performed in even more cities around the world by other groups. outfrontmagazine.com 23

OFM culture

“Through this piece, I feel very connected to the foundation,” Johnson says. “I’ve always been wanting to advocate for their work, certainly. I often refer to them as ‘warriors for love.’ They are just extraordinary, in the way they’re just fearless—so persistent, so brave ... I feel like a real partner in supporting them.”

Johnson says the piece served an additional purpose, asking “In the face of such confounding darkness,” in this story and so many others, “is there anything to be learned, is love to be found at the core of this life?”

He says that performing this piece poses that same question to those witnessing it, inviting them to face the entire story, not avoiding the darkness and sorrow of Matthew’s death but letting it sit beside the abundance of amazing work the Foundation has been able to do to help erase hate and expand our capacity to love in the world.

“I see that happening throughout all the work of the Foundation, you know; lives are changed; hearts are opened; minds are opened, and prejudices are diminished and softened,” Johnson says. “It was a part of telling my own story too—I mean, it’s kind of a coming out for me as a composer.”

Leading up to the Gala, Johnson says that the award is a profound honor, though it could be nearly impossible to articulate fully what it means.

“It’s a living answer, and sort of in a way, it’s a paradox of so much of life,” Johnson says. “... I hope that others will feel grandly inspired to, you know, take a step toward this organization to support it, to engage around the work, and then the gifts that are returned, just being associated with this work, are many.

Making a Difference Award:

Wilson Cruz

The Making a Difference Award recognizes people and organizations committed to replacing hate with understanding, compassion, and acceptance.

Wilson Cruz is this year’s awardee, known for his groundbreaking role on the 90s TV drama, My SoCalled Life, which made Photo provided by MSF him the first openly gay actor to play an openly gay character in a leading role on a U.S. television series.

Juniel says honoring Cruz is a long-time coming, but his work on Star Trek: Discovery presented challenges until this year, especially fitting timing following his Apple TV docuseries Visible: Out on Television, which he executive produced OFM was not able to interview Cruz ahead of the gala due to scheduling conflicts, though we caught up with him in 2020, where he shed some light on the docuseries.

“Visible is about the history of LGBTQ images on television and how those depictions changed our culture, but also how those depictions changed TV and the way TV was used to have a conversation about LGBTQ rights,” Cruz tells OFM. “I could not be prouder of the fact that this is my first executive

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producer credit. I think that says a lot about who I am and the kind of material that I want to put out in the world.”

He continues to help push LGBTQ representation to the next level with the gay Star Trek character Medical Officer Hugh Culber (which has since received praise for setting a precedent in the representation of gay characters, in both that universe and media in general) and reflected on the progress for LGBTQ people in media since his iconic role more than 20 years ago.

“When you have a medium as intimate as television that lives in people’s living rooms, bedrooms, and the most intimate places in their homes, it became this tool in which we could present ourselves, tell our own stories, and tell the truth about who we are,” Cruz says. “... I think television in many ways was the driving force in terms of leading the conversation around LGBTQ rights, especially through the 90s to present day.”

--Juniel says the Foundation is excited to honor the three awardees, but the gala truly is about Matthew, Judy, and Dennis, offering an experience unlike any other.

“When (Judy) does her keynote address, you have to be there to hear it. The driving force to why people continue to come every single year is because you want to hear those powerful words from Judy, because, in the LGBTQ space, I don't think that there's a more authentic person that's representing true allyship, and what that looks like … I'm hoping that that's really the thing that gets people excited about attending every year.”

The Matthew Shepard Gala will take place October 9, and tickets for the virtual event can be purchased up to the day of the event at aesbid. org/ELP/MSF2021/tickets.

PROMOTES

Inclusivity for Seniors

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by Keegan Williams

n conversations surrounding the diversity of the LGBTQ community, we often talk about intersections of race, ethnicity, gender, class, disability status, but these discussions routinely leave out one, crucial population: our senior citizens.

Spectrum Retirement Communities is looking to change that.

Spectrum is headquartered in Denver and is a leading developer, owner, and operator of retirement, assisted living, and memory care communities across the United States. They offer apartment living, working to help their residents across the country to live their best lives and continue growing, learning, and experiencing new things every day, in addition to amenities, offering activities, and hospitality support.

Spectrum is committed to promoting diverse and inclusive communities, celebrating both their team members and residents, shining light on different backgrounds and beliefs, contributing to an enhanced culture and providing great ability to innovate, relate, and engage in the experiences of those in the community.

As part of that aim, Peakview Assisted Living in Centennial—along with other Spectrum locations in New Mexico, Illinois, Texas, Illinois, and Texas—hosted Pride festivals in June, encouraging residents, their friends and family, and community members to join together to celebrate the joyous month together. Though, it was important to the team at Spectrum that they approached the event in a well-rounded and responsible way.

“We all came together collectively on calls, and we talked through it,” says Shauna Shockley, Spectrum’s regional director of sales.

“There was some hesitation from our very first call as to, you know, the ‘why’ behind it, and then, by the time we got through our calls, when we were actually planning it, it was such a different feeling; that hesitation was gone. “ Tirzah Stein, the former director of entertainment and programming at Peakview Assisted Living, explains that this event wasn’t just a one-and-done, but took careful planning and consideration months ahead of time. She says Spectrum as a company was receptive to supporting the individual locations to hold this event, not just to show that they did it, but as a year-long model of LGBTQ inclusion.

“We did progressive programming for two months leading up to Pride, really providing a bunch of education to our residents and having those conversations, and doing documentaries and, you know, ‘We’re going to have a drag performance; well, what is drag? Let’s talk about it. Let’s break this down,’” Stein says. “We did gender one-on-one presentations, and we also did training for staff. I led a training agenda one-on-one on identity for all the staff as well, because we’re all part of this family, and so staff understanding is important as well.”

Specifically, they offered programming to help residents and staff members expand their understanding, exploring topics like the difference between sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, pronouns, and history, to establish a baseline and give everyone space to feel safe.

Stein says it’s important and mutually beneficial to keep these folks engaged in the world around them and current issues, not making the assumption that just because they are of a different generation means they are closed minded or that they don’t want to have these conversations.

Shockley credits the initial idea to integrate authentic inclusion into the company’s business model to Senior Vice President of Sales, Marketing, and Entertainment William Swearingen, with whom she has worked for many years. She says, in her 12-plus years in the industry, she has worked for companies who would imply inclusivity or make the assumption that senior housing was inclusive. It wasn’t until she came to Spectrum when she saw her workplace was willing to actually acknowledge their LGBTQ older adults, inclusivity, and cultural competency as a whole.

Swearingen’s role in sales, marketing, and entertainment (which are often three separate positions), Shockley says, allowed Spectrum a unique opportunity to truly pursue inclusivity as a platform of their mission.

OFM culture

Spectrum Retirement

(continued on page 64)

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OFM culture

I

’m just going to come out and say it: I love social media. Is it toxic? Yes. Distorting?

Bingo. Does it fill me with rage seeing 5-yearolds scrolling through Instagram on an iPad at the dinner table? Don’t get me started.

But let’s forget all those terrible things for a moment, as valid as they are, and think about what social media has given to young, queer people.

I was 12 when I made my first virtual profile.

The site? Tumblr. You probably guessed that from context given I’m now here, writing for a queer magazine, but I’ll say it for the sake of clarification: Tumblr was the hub of nerds, artists, and gays, and it served as the locale for my formative queer education. It was an amazing time, an eclectic collection of kids and young adults unpacking our atypical identities in sweet, secure anonymity.

‘QUEERTOK’ Community for Questioning Kids

By Amy Phillips

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wrist flick, even featured in Lil Nas X’s “Industry Baby” video. The hanky code has expanded AND gone digital.

While TikTok isn’t the only virtual queer hub, I think it’s safe to say it’s one of the best in the game, but no social media site comes without flaws. I cannot rave about TikTok while ignoring its history of censoring queer content in less-LGBTQ friendly countries. And for every thriving queer community, there’s a mass of TERFs, bigots, and queerbaiters standing by try to ruin our fun.

But the important role TikTok has played in helping young, questioning kids cannot be overstated. Schools are still failing us when it comes to educating about gender and sexual identities. Children usually can’t access queer spaces, let alone get involved in gay culture, like bars and clubs. Being young and LGBTQ is profoundly lonely and confusing. Apps like TikTok are providing avenues for these kids to see that their identities are not just valid, but worthy of celebration.

Gen Z is the queerest generation yet. Recent studies have found that one in six Gen Z adults are LGBTQ, with record numbers of queer, bi, pan, and fluid people. As these communities claim their rightful place on popular sites, more people are exposed to queerness and, in turn, feel comfortable exploring the facets of their own identities.

It’s really incredible what a little visibility can do—we’re bearing witness to the benefits everyday.

OFM culture

But while our pseudonyms and secret online personas kept us safe, they deprived us of a key aspect of communitybuilding—visibility.

Enter: TikTok. What began as just another straight-washed social site has blossomed into the up-and-coming queer collective. Thanks to the app’s algorithm, following a single, gay creator will cause the ap to suggest another, then another, and another five after that. Before you know it, you’ve immersed yourself in ‘QueerTok’ and, I promise, it’s the worthiest rabbit hole to fall down.

Welcome to QueerTok! Have a look around. Gender-diverse people are around just about every corner. Your cup runneth over with queer styleguides, makeup tips, and haircuts galore. Is it time for you to brush up on your queer history?

You’re in luck! Thousands of creators of every gender, race, sexuality, size, and ability are here to help you out.

As much as I loved my incognito Tumblr days, and I will always respect my roots, I think TikTok might actually be better.

Visually seeing so many different LGBTQ individuals is exhilarating and validating in the most indescribable way.

They’re not simply living their lives as queer people—they’re confidently queer. Representation is everything for young marginalized people, and the handful of historically white, skinny, gay celebreties just wasn’t cutting it anymore. Now, queer kids can open their phones and see themselves reflected in millions of other every day people.

QueerTok has also given birth to a whole new slate of queer signaling tactics. Everything from music choices (“do you listen to Girl in Red”) to fashion (the “four horsemen on the gaypocalypse” photo, if you know you know) to the iconic

Whether you’re a confident, fully realized gay looking for some good, chaotic content, or a questioning baby queer seeking answers and advice, QueerTok is a place for you.

You’ll feel empowered. You’ll feel comfortable. You’ll feel seen. Welcome home.

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David Archuleta

by Denny Patterson

t 16 years old, David Archuleta became a star after television viewers fell in love with his angelic voice while competing on the seventh season of American Idol. Although he placed runner up, he was still a winner to millions.

A

Since then, Archuleta’s career flourished. Known for his boy next door looks, charming smile, and wholehearted kindness, the artist has released eight studio albums. Who can forget his hit bop, “Crush?”

However, Archuleta received national attention for a different reason back in June. In a lengthy Instagram post, he stated that he is a part of the LGBTQ community. Coming out as gay to his family in 2014, Archuleta then had similar feelings for both genders, suggesting “a spectrum of bisexual.”

Archuleta, who is a devout Mormon, says it was uncomfortable for him to share this personal aspect of his life, but he wanted to bring more awareness to people in a similar situation and thinks people should not have to choose between being LGBTQ and believing in God. He was shocked by the impact his coming out has had and took some time to talk more about it with OFM, as well as his new tour dates and upcoming projects.

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You have several projects in the works, but I would like to begin by asking about your first-ever children’s book, My Little Prayer. Can you tell us more about it?

My Little Prayer is based off a song I heard in a dream. I try to keep close to God in my life every day, so I start and end my day with a prayer. A lot of times, at night, I’ll fall asleep before I can say a prayer. This happened one night, but then I had a dream where I was praying and talking to God. These chords were playing in my dream, and I was singing my prayer over the chords. God told me to get up and write down what I was saying and praying, but I was like, “I’m asleep. I don’t think I know how to get up from a dream.”

He said, “If you don’t get up now, you’re going to forget it in the morning.” I was like, “OK, but I might need help.” I got up and went straight to the piano, recorded the chords, and wrote down everything I had said.

Photo by Cyrus Panganiban & Lisa Paquette

coming out

Photos by Zach Knudson

my system, but shows are just a way to get out of my comfort zone, to be more energetic, and to be more charismatic and use the stage and connect with people. That’s not something that is natural for me, but I have learned to get out of my comfort zone, and I have had a lot of fun doing it. It is great to connect with people and just let them have a fun time as well.

How has the overall response been to your coming out?

It was super clear in my mind, and I didn’t change anything because I felt like it was given to me. I later released it because I just felt like if it was given to me, maybe it was meant to be shared. Now it’s going to be the book. The lyrics of the song are the words in the book, and it’s illustrated

by Sara Ugolotti. She’s Italian, and she has done a great job. It is a beautiful book, and I am excited to just share my dream, and what I’ve learned with people, how prayer has made an impact in my life.

Hopefully, it can help other people know how to talk with God. Know that they can be personable when they talk to him, and we don’t always get what we want and what we ask for.

Sometimes, we’re disappointed, but that’s OK too. You can still be happy, and it ends up being better. That’s what I hope kids can learn when they read it.

You were finally able to reschedule your 2020 North American tour.

What have you missed the most about touring and performing in front of live audiences?

I feel like it’s therapeutic to release all that energy. I am a reserved and introverted person, and I keep to myself a lot, so I would say performing gives me an opportunity to just unleash all this energy that I have built up and haven’t given an aggressive way to get out of me. I have been doing exercises more, so I’ve had more physical activity to get it out of

It has been an overwhelmingly positive response, which I was not expecting, to be honest. I thought, “This is probably going to be a controversial thing and whatnot,” especially because I grew up in a very conservative, religious upbringing, and I am still a part of that. Faith and God is still very central in my life and everything I do, but also the culture behind it, too. I didn’t know how those people were going to take it.

I was like, “Oh my gosh,” and I was kind of having a crisis. Am I going to have to leave this in order to give more space to accept what I go through with who I am attracted to, not knowing what my sexuality is, and not understanding how that works? To have more compassion and not be so judgmental towards myself, to not have hate and anger towards myself, do I have to leave behind this part of my life that is so important to me?

I was like, “I am going to take a chance and try to find a balance between the two.” If I believe in God, and if I believe that he is perfect and loving, and if I’m his child, then he should understand me better than I understand myself and love me more than I love myself. I need to learn how to love me more like he does. If that is who I believe in, then why isn’t there a way to find a better balance between the two?

looks at the LGBTQ community, I feel like we are not where it can be, yet. It is a really awkward place to be, but I feel like it needs to be done.

So, I am just going to go for it. I don’t have the answers; I don’t expect to be able to tell people how to go about this, but if I can at least invite people to come with me on my journey and have the conversations with me, then that’s all that matters to me. Then we will make progress.

Does it feel like a giant weight has now been lifted off your shoulders?

Yeah, it does. It’s hard because I want to understand this better, but if I talk about it, I’m going to scare people. So, I just have to keep it to myself or try to get rid of it, but you can’t. You don’t get rid of it. I’ve tried, tried, and tried, and it is still there (laughs). There is no point in trying to get rid of it when it’s a part of you, and that’s hard until you realize, maybe you need to take a different approach on this.

Would you say coming out has empowered you in ways?

It makes me less afraid of myself, and it makes me feel like I don’t have anything else to hide. I think that was the biggest secret I felt like I had to keep with myself, and I wasn’t even honest with myself about it. So, for a while, it was a secret to me. I just feel like I am a lot more relaxed and a lot less judgmental towards myself.

So, I came out letting people know, like, “Hey, I don’t know what my sexuality is.” This has been my journey so far, and I am just somewhere on the spectrum of bisexual, but I still don’t know. My beliefs are still important to me, but I feel like there needs to be more conversations happening because I feel like where we are currently with how religious culture

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Photo by Giuliano Bakor 3 0 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

collaborating with everyone from Ariana Grande to Galactic, Gray has become a 21st century icon whose voice has consistently resounded throughout pop culture.

The Dinah

MACY GRAY Takes Center Stage

by Denny Patterson

C

lub Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend, the largest all-girl music festival in the world, is back after nearly a year-and-ahalf of no in-person concerts or events.

Also known as The Dinah, this fiveday spectacular not only offers nightly entertainment, pool parties, games, comedy shows, DJ battles, and celebrity meet-and-greets, it provides a safe space for women-identified folks to authentically connect with each other. It is truly more than just a weekend getaway under the sun.

Taking place September 29 through October 3 in Palm Springs, this year marks The Dinah’s 30-year anniversary, so attendees can expect nothing but the best and an epic slate of diverse, eclectic, and multi-genre performers.

Headlining the Dinah Holiday Party on Saturday, October 2 is Grammy-award winner Macy Gray.

Known for her unmistakable rasp, unshakable grasp on soul, and funky spirit, Gray rapidly rose to fame after debuting her 1999 studio album How Life Is, which has gone triple-platinum.

Selling more than 25 million albums globally and

Gray took some time to chat with OFM about her upcoming set, why she thinks The Dinah is a success, and her admiration for the LGBTQ community.

How excited are you to be a headliner this year at the Dinah?

It’s really cool! I think this is my third time performing at the Dinah, so I am very flattered. I know this is an event that is important to a lot of people for a lot of reasons, so I am flattered and honored to be invited to be a part of that. It is always a good time, so I am looking forward to it.

The Dinah is celebrating its 30-year anniversary. What does it mean to you to perform at an event like this?

I think it’s amazing. Number one, anything that lasts 30 years, it must be really good. It must be a good thing, and like I said, the Dinah is very precious to some people. So, to be invited to be a part of that is a big deal for me, as well as any other artist. It’s legendary.

What can audiences expect from your set?

We are going to have fun and party! The Dinah is a big party weekend like most festivals, so we are going to have a lot of dance music and do what we can to get everybody to go buck-wild.

Make them forget about their troubles and just have a really good time. Hopefully, it won’t be too hot. Last time I did it, it was burning up. So, I am glad it’s in October this year. It will be a little bit cooler.

You will be sharing the stage with Yung Baby Tate. What are you looking forward to the most about performing with her?

I have never performed with her before, so it will be awesome. I can’t wait to see that. Maybe we will do something and collaborate on a project in the future. We’ll see.

Do you consider yourself a festivalgoer?

No, I would be the last person at a festival because of porta potties (laughs). I go because I perform at them, but then I get the backstage pass, so we have bathrooms back there. I could never stand in line behind 200 people to use these bathrooms. There’s just no way.

Why do you think the Dinah has been such a success all these years?

I think it celebrates being unique and being brave about who you are, being yourself, and

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being honest about who you are.

That is difficult for a lot of people, especially with social media because you are so available for criticism. It used to be like, “If someone didn’t like you, you may never hear about it.” Now, people can go on your page and say all kinds of crazy stuff. So, to put yourself out there, I think that is the epitome of courage.

This festival celebrates that more than anything, especially for a woman. We get socialized to conform and hide so many things.

The first thing little girls are being told is “close your legs.” Just from the get-go, we are taught to keep things to ourselves and be a certain way. We always get told, “You want to marry a rich man.” We get all these rules from the jumpstart, so to be able to burst through all that, be yourself, and be a woman, I think that is beyond amazing.

Photo provided by Macy Gray

What I’ve learned is that it really just comes down to being good at what you do. Like anything else, I think it is important to master your craft, and once you do that, a lot of things fall into place. It’s cool to be sexy and have 50 million followers, but the ones who stick around and still buy your records 20 years later, it’s You stated in the past that you have always felt a because they know what they are doing. connection with the LGBTQ community. Can you Before we wrap up, are there any other upcoming talk more about that? projects you would like to mention or plug?

I have a great admiration for the LGBTQ community because I really respect being honest about who you are. I know there is so much hate towards that, and I personally never understood why anybody cares who you are having sex with or who you choose to hang out with, but it’s a big deal in this country. It’s a big deal in the world.

I want everyone to go to YouTube. I did a video starring Frankie Grande, and it’s incredible. It’s an epic video. It’s one of the best videos you are going to see, but it’s not getting the attention that it deserves.

So, I would love for everyone to check the video out on YouTube. It’s called ‘Undone,’ Macy Gray and The California Jet Club, starring Frankie Grande.

If you are born Black, that’s that. You don’t get to hide Connect with Gray by following her on Facebook, that. That’s it. If you are gay, you have the option of Twitter, and Instagram. keeping that to yourself. You have the option of living a completely heterosexual lifestyle and no one ever knowing. So, to be honest about it, I think that is a big deal.

Would you say your LGBTQ fans have empowered you in ways?

Absolutely. As far I know, I have a healthy amount of fans in the LGBTQ community. When my career first started, I did a song called “Sexual Revolution.”

It did OK here, but in Europe and the U.K., they went bananas, and that kind of kicked it off for me overseas. I think that kind of spilled over into the U.S., but as far as I know, that is how it started. I am very much in awe of the LGBTQ community. That is definitely goals.

Your music has inspired millions of people. What advice can you offer to those who are following in your footsteps and hope to make it big?

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“

I personally never understood why anybody cares who you are having sex with.

N E W C U S T O M E R S R E C E I V E 3 0 % O F F*

During increasingly digital times,

some things are better in analog

Introspection to the Tattoo Community

by Addison Herron-Wheeler

T

attoos are absolutely a right of passage, not just for queer folks but for millenials, Gen Z, and all who come after us (at least as far in the future as I’m willing to project on a Wednesday afternoon). But despite the fact that we’re all plastered head-to-toe with tattoos that hold meaning for us, so many of us are still slinking into tattoo parlors full of toxic, cis, straight energy to get our ink and get out, without outing ourselves. Disruptive Ink thinks it’s high time to stop all that.

“I’d been tattooing for almost six years, and full time for the last three years,” says shop Founder Sandra Lin, who started the business with her business and life partner Holly Cue. “So it was just me subletting this little space, and then when COVID hit, I had to shut down. Holly and I had wanted to open a tattoo shop for a while, but thought it was a few years down the road. Then we started really looking and decided to just go for it.”

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Photo by Sid Torraca

OFM culture

Disruptive Ink Brings Depth and

Lin and Cue already knew the space would be different, since it would be LGBTQ and women owned, but when they connected with MateoLuis Ruiz-Williams, CRMT, it became clear that reiki healing was the one final touch that was going to make the studio really special. Although she wasn’t completely familiar with reiki when she met Ruiz-Williams, his energy immediately made Lin feel they were both in the right space.

“I’m a certified reiki master teacher and an energy medicine intuitive, and I’ve been doing various types of healing modalities for the past 25 years,” he explains. “As far as reiki itself, I’ve been practicing as a master teacher now for almost eight years. When my mother passed, the first Mother’s Day after I went in and got a tattoo. It was the only way I could deal with that huge loss. Then the second Mother’s Day, I was in India, and I was working and living there. I went in and sat for a tattoo for nine hours and really felt how powerful that was. So when I was approached about working with Disruptive, it felt like a great fit.”

“When we incorporate reiki, you are working with all four bodies, and that is very powerful and empowering.”

A HIGH-STAKES THRILLER PUCCINI’S Established with an inclusive, caring experience in mind, Disruptive Ink opened its doors with the goal of being completely accepting to anyone who walks in the door, regardless of disability, size, gender, orientation, or any other marginalized identities.

“I have had a lot of personal experiences going into tattoo shops and being in the tattoo community, being a female, being gay, and also being a thicker woman,” Lin says. “You feel that energy when you don’t feel as comfortable in those spaces, so I really go out of my way to make sure that everyone who walks in feels completely comfortable in their own skin and has an amazing time from beginning to end.”

In addition to a culture of acceptance, Disruptive Ink aims to make things inclusive for disabled folks. Ruiz-Williams comes from a family of deaf, immigrant parents and offers sign language services to those who need them.

“We’ve had deaf clients come in and say they didn’t even know what kind of conversations were happening in a tattoo parlor, about color, the size of needles, the same things you and I can ask, things that people in mainstream society take for granted, and it means so much to them,” he says.

The team also makes it a point to provide a holistic experience through reiki healing. While reiki is certainly not a requirement for those getting tattooed, it is offered as an option. Ruiz-Williams is great about asking for permission before any physical touch or before bringing up certain pats of spiritual healing.

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ELLI E C A ULK IN S O PER A HO U S E

“When you get a tattoo, you do it for whatever reason, whether it is to commemorate something, whether it is therapy, or to blow off steam,” he explains. “So you have that experience on the physical body during and after, that release. As a reiki practitioner, I know the physical body is only one of four, and healing also needs to take place on the emotional body, the mental body, the spiritual body. When we incorporate reiki, you are working with all four bodies, and that is very powerful and empowering. It allows you to actually step up and fully integrate that experience on all of the bodies. That’s the beauty of reiki and spiritual and healing work; you have something physical to remind you of what you went through.”

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“For the client, it really takes the tattoo experience to a whole new level because now, you’re releasing those emotions,” Lin says. “We do a lot of tattoos for clients who are memorializing a loved one or a dog, or who are covering up self-harm scars.

So that experience, combined with reiki, really helps that healing process and that closure come from the client. It’s just beautiful.”

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Photo by Dean Foreman

OFM culture

The Voice of Your Childhood

E.G.Daily

by Denny Patterson

A

fter 172 successful episodes and three feature films, audiences were overjoyed to hear about the revival of Nickelodeon’s Rugrats on Paramount+.

The series has undergone a makeover through CG animation and received a modernized twist, but core elements of the story remain intact, such as the friendship between the babies and the constant rivalry between Angelica and everyone she meets. The details are catered to millennials, who may be watching this classic show with their kids.

Reprising her iconic role of Tommy Pickles is E.G. Daily, one of the top voice-over actresses in the world.

Finding success in the 80s, Daily has starred in more than 40 films and is an accomplished singersongwriter who co-wrote and co-produced four solo albums. In addition to Tommy, she has lent her voice to other memorable childhood characters including Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls, Babe the Pig, and Mumble in Happy Feet. Whether it’s acting, singing, or animation, Daily’s work will always entail her voice.

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How excited are you to reprise your iconic role of Tommy Pickles in the Rugrats revival?

What can I say? It’s kind of dreamy! This is a show that we love doing, and it was so successful throughout its first run. It didn’t leave because it wasn’t any good—it left because it was done. We did so many years of Rugrats, so to be able to come back to a show that left on such a high note, that is so rare and awesome. It’s amazing.

What are your thoughts on the CG animation makeover?

I love progression. I think in life, we have to be willing to keep growing, and it is so easy to get caught in, ‘but I love that’ or ‘that’s what I was familiar with.’ A lot of the beautiful fans are saying, ‘We like the old animation,’ but once they start watching it, they start to see how expansive it is now, how the rugrats have become so much rounder and the experience is so much more tactile.

As much as it needed to progress to come back, it needed to progress to make the adventures and the stories that much fuller. It needed this new progression of animation. Like, when you go see a movie like Wreck It Ralph, which I did some voices on, it is so incredible. The carpet looks real, the waterfalls, and now to take that and put it into Rugrats, it’s endless how incredible it is.

Can you talk more about how the revival is getting a modernized twist that caters to millennials and younger audiences?

Yes. The baby rugrats are all the original voices, but they did have to replace some of the adults because some have left the planet, God bless them. The decision was made to have these

Is it true that Tommy was the first cartoon you ever auditioned for?

Yes! I was always doing on camera acting and music, everybody knows I am a singer, and that was my first audition for a cartoon character. Even more, here’s some cool trivia, I actually replaced someone. Someone else had already done a season of it, but the creators were not sure about the voice being the right voice, so they went through a recast process. After I booked it, I did not really have any knowledge about voiceover. I was kind of very innocent about the whole thing. That was a pretty awesome god-shot.

Are you currently working on any music projects?

I have so much new music out there! If anybody wants to see it, my new videos are on my YouTube page. During COVID, I felt like I needed to be creative, so I started tracking songs safely and doing videos that I would direct and edit with my partners. I was able to put out three new songs and videos.

Two of them were covers and one was an original, but I am very proud of them. Definitely check them out. One was a Billie Eilish cover, ‘When the Party’s Over,’ but the video is like a piece of art. I shot it in my house with one friend and edited it. Another one is in honor of animals, so all the streaming money goes towards animal causes, and then I did an original called ‘So Pretty (Guitar Version).’

I am also going to be on a Go-Go’s tribute album. I am the first single of that album, and it should be coming out soon. So, keep your eyes out for that. It is going to be really cool. The Go-Go’s are getting inducted into the Hall of Fame, and I just love the song that I did. There is also a little funny video that I have for it as well. So, lots of stuff.

Lots of music.

OFM culture

roles played by some more popular television celebrities and whatnot, and they want to cater to young millennial parents who were most likely watching the show’s original run, and now they can watch it with their children. They also brought in all the different things we have now, like cell phones, dating apps, and blogs.

Rugrats has been brought into today’s time so that the new kids can experience it. They did not want it to be old fashioned; they wanted to make it contemporary, and I think Nickelodeon and Paramount+ were so smart about how they pulled the whole thing together. Their casting choices, they picked people who really gave the essence of the original character. They were very particular. Like, Didi, Ashley Rae Spillers plays her, and she is so fantastic. I think they are going to bring a whole new audience to Rugrats.

I was surprised, yet, not so surprised when it was announced that Betty DeVille would be openly gay. Do you think this was a good choice for the show to make, and will we see more LGBTQ characters?

I think this is 1000 percent important. Rugrats is all about diversity and being authentic. It’s about the real relationships and the real vision seen through the eyes of these babies. It’s about the relationships between these family members, so why shouldn’t there be every kind of person we are all living with? LGBTQ is necessary. It is a part of our life. We have that in our real-life family, as well as different religions, difference experiences. We have to be current and embrace the world, and Rugrats is all about that. The Rugrats are everyone’s family and will not exclude anyone. That is why I have so much respect for the show, and I am so happy to be part of it because we are representing.

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OFM culture

ife may have drastically changed for Marvin Cortes after being named runner-up on Cycle 20 of America’s Next Top Model, but it’s his charm, captivating smile, and overall sexiness that keeps him successfully working.

Since his reality television victory, Cortes has been featured in several of the world’s best fashion magazines, worked with highclass brands like Givenchy and Hugo, walked the runway for GUESS in Malaysia, and created his very own male beauty line.

Even though he has several achievements under his belt, nothing can compare to what he did in early August.

In a heart-felt, 11-minute Instagram video, Cortes announced to the world that he is bisexual.

“I want to let you know that I’m coming out as openly bisexual,” he says. “I’ve been in love with both men and women. I’ve been proud to be a part of the gay community in my personal life, and I just want to share it now publicly online.”

Cortes continued by saying he has “never been happier” and looks forward to “living more of an authentic life.” Born and raised in the rough-and-tumble South Bronx with his parents and six brothers, Cortes describes his coming-out experience as a long time coming, and one he has struggled with more in family life than his day-to-day.

Bisexuality

ANTM’s Marvin Cortes is

Embracing

by Denny Patterson

3 8 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

My dad does not approve of this, and he has not spoken to me since the video came out.

Mentally, I have prepared for this, and that is why I am happy that I got to spend some time with him before the news. I look at these photos of us hanging out, like last year in Honduras, and I’m like, “I was bisexual then, and you were so accepting of me. Now, this one little piece of information has been added to the mix, and it’s this whole thing.”

Even now, I have to cater to my parents’ feelings, and this is my life. I am here dealing with this big thing, and my parents are making it about them. Being like, “I have a gay son; how could I have done this,” my dad blaming my mom for maybe watching too many telenovelas, him blaming himself for not being around, maybe he failed raising me, which is ridiculous. They taught me love, and they taught me love the right way. Now, because you taught me that you have to love everyone, it's like, “No, we meant love women and love your brothers, but don't fall in love with a man.” You are either going to love people or not.

Would you say coming out has empowered you in ways?

I definitely feel way more empowered than I ever have. I feel like I am seen now, and I don’t have to lie to myself every day or have to put up some mask. I can just be myself.

It is something I never thought I would say out loud. I now feel like I can conquer the world and can do anything I want.

Every little win now is a bit more special, just because this is me. I am going out in the world and showing other people that you can accomplish whatever you want to accomplish, whether it’s small or big. Being yourself, you don’t have to be this persona.

Especially if you are in entertainment, you have to put up a front.

What made you audition for the show, and what have you taken away from that experience?

I was working at Zara when this casting director came and insisted that I audition, I did, and that is when Tyra Banks found me to be relatable. She was like, ‘Why do you want to be a top model?’ I was just like, “Honestly, there's going to be girls in the house.” I wasn't taking it seriously, and I knew I wasn't going to get picked just because I saw how many beautiful people were in the room that probably modeled for years.

When I got on the show, that is when things got pretty real for me. It takes much more than just taking photos to be a model. It's the mentality of accepting yourself, and a lot of times, the photos reveal that. A lot of times, people think you're beautiful,

you should be able to take a photo, but beautiful people have a lot of pain.

Some attractive people are just not photogenic because they are afraid of being captured and revealing their authentic self. The camera catches everything, so I was seeing a lot of that for myself on the show. It was really emotional.

In my family, we do not talk about our feelings. We don’t talk about feelings at all, and we are not supposed to have an opinion about things. We are supposed to be men. Men don’t cry. If something did bother you, you suck it up. When the show was encouraging me to talk about my feelings, there was 20 years of pent-up emotion. People were like, you cried so much, and I was like, that’s because this was the first time I was given permission to cry. So, it came out like a dam, and a lot of the times, it wasn’t about anything negative. I would cry because, look at this beautiful house I’m in. Am I worthy of being here? Why would they pick me?

Your season was groundbreaking because it was the first time male contestants were featured. How was that?

It was definitely an honor to be considered, and it felt surreal because, again, I did not think I was worthy. I was never told; you can be a model, or you should model. No one in the South Bronx is thinking that. It’s more like, don’t get beat up, are you wearing gang colors, and be aware of your surroundings. We don’t have time to think, let me take some photos of myself. It is just not something you are thinking about. It’s not the luxury you have.

“

OFM culture

OFM had the opportunity to connect with Cortes and talk more about his decision to come out, embracing bisexuality, the response from his fans and family, and what he would have done if OnlyFans moved forward with banning sexually explicit content.

What made you feel like it was the right time to open up about your bisexuality?

I was seeing a lot of other people that I identify with, like for instance, David Archuleta. He is from Honduras; I am from Honduras as well. I am firstgeneration—I am not sure if he is—but when I saw him come out, and it was all over the media, I was like, “OK, someone who I can finally kind of identify with in terms of the family machismo.” Like, what we deal with in terms of being a Honduran family. Honduras is the murder capitol in the world, and if you go to the country, you can just see how violent it is. It is enough to make you be closeted and feel self-hatred.

When I saw David take that step and use his platform, it meant a lot to me. He is not afraid to show who he finally is, so why am I afraid? It felt like he started a chain reaction. Like, listen, there are more of us out there. Not just in the entertainment industry, but the fashion industry, too. We need to voice that we are here and present.

David said it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Do you feel the same?

It definitely was a weight. I struggled a lot. I could have booked two magazine covers and landed a $20,000 shoot, but at the end of the day, I would still feel like this world is not made for me. It is not really an accepting world, and these people are happy for me because I am doing well, but it’s the version of me that they are accustomed to. The version of me they want me to be.

Since that video came out, I have never been happier. It was definitely the hardest thing for me to do in my entire life, and I want people to know, whatever you do to cope, whether it’s smoking, alcohol, or whatever, at the end of the day when you are by yourself with your thoughts, coming out immediately relieves that. It was not something I planned.

So, the overall response has been great for you?

Overall, yes. The fans have been super supportive, and I have received so many messages from people thanking me for coming out. As for my family, things have been a little bit divided with my parents.

This was the frist time I was given permission to cry.

outfrontmagazine.com 39

Photos by Casie Wendel

OFM culture

LIVE LOUD AND PROUD WITH

PrideHouseLA

J

une may be the most colorful and unapologetic time of the year, but should we stop celebrating our true, authentic selves once Pride Month is over? Absolutely not.

There are several ways to amplify queer voices, but social media apps like TikTok have become an important platform for the LGBTQ community to express themselves.

Gay, transgender, nonbinary, and gender-nonconforming influencers are creating meaningful and safe spaces for queer people and allies.

Such influencers include the members of PrideHouseLA, rainbow emblazoned content house that looks to spread tolerance and acceptance.

Founded by actors/dancers Mollee Gray, her trans husband Jeka Jane, Kent Boyd, and Garrett Clayton when TikTok lacked progressive inclusivity, the house gained notoriety after dancer and social media personality

4 0 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

by Denny Patterson

JoJo Siwa used the platform for her own coming out. PrideHouseLA is a judgmentfree zone and acts as a central hub to show support for LGBTQ artists and fans.

Gray, Boyd, and Clayton are well-known for their roles in Disney’s hit Teen Beach franchise, while Jane is a professional dancer and choreographer. The four of them spoke more about PrideHouseLA with OFM, as well as their hopes for the collective and the significant impact it has made on them.

Can you tell us more about how PrideHouseLA began?

Mollee Gray: We started PrideHouseLA right around when the pandemic hit. We decided to be each other’s quarantine bubble, and we did not even start it with the intention of being a Pride house.

Kent, Garrett, and I did Teen Beach Movie together, and we saw that TikTok had a huge fanbase for that. There are a lot of Teen Beach fans. So, we were like, ‘Let’s go to the beach and make some Teen Beach

content.’ It became very popular; then we were like, ‘We can’t just do Teen Beach content.’ Obviously, Jeka was not in the movie.

The idea of starting one of these houses came about, and we didn’t even really know what a content house was. We were very new to TikTok. Like, what would we be called? We are all gay, so the Gay House? The Queer House?

I was like, ‘The Pride House!’ So, we ended up calling ourselves that, and then we talked about if we were going to do this, we would have to trust one another and feel safe with each other.

We must also make other people feel safe and have a mission.

We do not want to just be pretty people making TikToks in crop tops— we want to have a message. A place where people like us can come to our page and feel included. It is a very inclusive home and more of a mission rather than an actual house. It’s a lot

Kent Boyd: I like consistency. Being freelancers in the entertainment industry, we are all over the place. So, I like that we are building consistency with each other, with our fans, and we want to make a space where people can reach us if they need us. Confide in us. If they need to be boosted up, we are there for them. Social media can be so hard at times, and it can be so consuming, but this idea of a house, of a family supporting you, is wonderful.

MG: I think my favorite part of being part of PrideHouseLA is just hanging out with everyone. We are thinking all the time about what kind of TikToks we can do, but also what else we can do for our community. We have gotten so close with each other; we are a family. I have never had close friends like this. I am a social butterfly, but I am also kind of shy, so I keep my circle very small. I have always wanted a friend group like this, and we are just a family now.

GC: The messages that we have gotten showing how this is affecting other people’s lives for the better have really made a big impact. That has inspired us to work harder and keep going. If we didn’t feel like this was making an impact or doing the right thing, we would not keep going. Really, we are so grateful and so

excited to see the direction this house is going towards. We cannot wait to see what more it can become.

How beneficial do you believe TikTok and other short-form video content has become?

KB: It ebbs and flows, but I just find it so fun. You can be silly; you can be gross; you don’t have to be so presentable. You can just kind of exist, whereas your Instagram and Facebook are a little bit cleaner. I find that I really do connect with TikTok so much because I am a choreographer; I am a dancer, and it is an avenue for normal—I call them muggles—but normal people who do not necessarily dance every day. They can get their eyes on it, and that’s my thing. I am very grateful for the app.

GC: I think short-form video content has become more beneficial to the individual content creator. In the past, you would have to hope to have the opportunity to showcase your work, showcase the abilities that you have, or showcase your support. You would have to kind of ask for that, whereas now, you can create that space for yourself. You can use your voice and (continued on page 63)

OFM culture

of fun, and we believe that we have something that we can share with everyone.

What do you hope viewers take away from the channel’s content?

Garrett Clayton: We hope viewers know that we are trying to spread joy, love, and positivity. We are completely proud of our differences, and we want everyone to feel comfortable. This is a safe space for the online community because there is a lot of aggression, difficult conversations, and predatory behavior out there. We want to be a safe space for young people and allies so they can learn about our community and ask questions. We want everyone to feel like this is an amazing place to go forward as a community.

What have you enjoyed the most about being a part of PrideHouseLA? Jeka Jane: It has been nice having a close friend group, especially over quarantine. We decided we were the only ones we get to hang out with, so it has been nice to be creative in this way. Also, it has been fun to learn new dances and be comedic.

o u t f r o n tm a g a z i n e.co m 41

OFM drag

B io R

ianca

Our Favorite Clown in a GowN

Photo by Deinse Malone

Del

by Denny Patterson

axxed, waxed, and full of attitude, RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Six champion Bianca Del Rio is hitting cities across America harder than COVID-19.

This larger than life drag queen and outrageous comic, who is not afraid to shock or offend, is currently traveling with her brand-new comedy tour, Unsanitized, which made a stop at Denver’s Paramount Theatre September 23. Following her 2019 It’s Jester Joke standup tour, this is Bianca’s fifth show around the globe.

Dubbed as the “Joan Rivers of the Drag World,” and first emerging on the New Orleans nightclub circuit, Bianca is not afraid to say what’s on her mind. She may have snarky frankness, impeccable timing, and politically incorrect humor, but she is always quick to point out that she is the biggest joke of all. In addition to comedy, Bianca’s credits include actress, podcaster, author, designer, and businessperson, but above all else, one hell of a good time.

V

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You are constantly on the go and always involved with some project. How were you doing while locked down in quarantine, and did it feel weird to have all this down time?

I was losing my fucking mind! I would love to tell you that I learned a new language or that I baked bread. No, I was doing cocaine and inviting hookers that would come over with a mask. That's where I was. Trying to get to know my new neighborhood. No, it was very challenging, but it was also, I guess, in many ways, I have two senior dogs that are 16 years old, so it was kind of nice to be home with them.

I moved, which was a perk, but the downside was not connecting, being around people, or being on the go.

So, I had to kind of deal with feelings. Can you imagine?

Dealing with feelings? Dealing with reality?

I think it was good in many ways, and I think like most people, it made me appreciate what I do, what I get to achieve, and what I experienced so much more. You don't realize it till it's gone or stops. After the first two months, which were probably the hardest, I tried to look at the positive of it all and go, ‘Hey, you've got a treadmill. There's outside, you can wear your mask, you can organize that closet you've been waiting on.’

get anything accomplished, but fingers crossed that we can maybe do it sometime soon. Like I said, everything could fall apart, and all of a sudden, I'm filming. I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I am hoping that we can get it made because it is written, and it is quite an interesting, funny scenario. To be honest, I'm just looking forward to working in any capacity at this point.

What more do you hope to accomplish with your platform?

Oh my God, this is a good pageant question! I lived in New York for many years, so I say this–if I’m on the platform, I am just waiting for the train. Wherever it takes me, I am up for it, and I think as long as I’m still enjoying it, that’s important. With this cultural setback, it has definitely made me appreciate it more, and this fire is back in me.

I can only hope that there will be a renaissance of new art and new life, especially the gays. Please put down your phone and interact with people, God damn it! I am hoping that the world is a more fruitful and artful place, and I know there have been several setbacks. So, my fingers are crossed that things do get better, and as long as I’m enjoying the ride, I will keep doing it. That’s the point. I don’t want anyone to escort me out. I’m still drinking. I’m not drunk yet, I’m drinking, and I’m tipsy.

Once I get drunk, then it is time to bow out. It has been an amazing ride. I never dreamt this, I didn’t expect it, and I am beyond grateful that it has happened.

OFM drag

It is hard to believe that the world was introduced to you only seven years ago. How would you say RuPaul’s Drag Race has changed and evolved since your time on the show?

I think it is now a completely different show, and that is no offense. That is not a dig in any way. It's just completely different. I would love to say that I'm a fan and watch every episode, but I don't. Mainly just because, in general, on my off time, the last thing I want to see is drag queens.

I think it's great that drag is in people's living rooms, that a lot of these queens get the exposure, and a lot of their talents are being showcased, but I also think there are downsides.

There's social media, everybody's a critic, everybody knows more than you, and there’s this expectancy that you are supposed to live up to just because you appeared on a drag reality show. It's tricky.

Once again, I try to look at the good side of it. I think the opportunities we had eight years ago when we filmed it do not necessarily exist anymore. It was a different time, and I am grateful I did it when I did it.

How meaningful is it to you to be one of the most successful Drag Race queens?

That’s a lovely sentiment, but I think each one of us is different and we measure success on a different level. Have I been lucky? Yes. Am I grateful? Yes. Am I older than dirt?

Completely, and I think being older is why I am grateful.

Having those years of working in a bar for $50, having to get dressed in a bathroom, having to do bingo for people in the audience that could give two shits definitely made me appreciate this opportunity a lot more. At 46, I go, ‘Thank God I'm working!’ That is how I look at it, but I also know that I have to work harder now than ever. The hustle doesn't change, and I think a lot of contestants come on the show and think, oh, the show is going to make me a star. No. The show is a platform, and it's what you do with it afterwards.

What do you think defines a success career in drag?

You can like who you like, you can think who's successful is successful. For me, it's just about the work. It is not necessarily about the exposure, followers, or having people like me. As an adult, I know everyone's not going to like me, and I am not trying to please anybody. I think that's where a lot of the contestants go wrong now. It's a lose-lose battle when you're online or trying to say something, and then someone disagrees. You are in a catch-22.

You are trying to be an advocate and a role model, but no.

I am a man in a wig who is a comedian who does not take myself seriously, and therefore, I don't need anyone else to take me seriously. It's either for you or not for you. I can only hope that people realize that we are not curing cancer here.

It's entertainment. Let's be real, and very rarely is anything that serious, especially coming from me.

I heard that there is going to be a third installment of Hurricane Bianca. What can you tell us about this?

Yes! It has been lurking for quite some time and that was on the schedule for 2020. We were hoping to at least be in preproduction by the end of 2020, but obviously, that was put on hold. I have not spoken with my friend Matt Kugelman in some time about the project, so I don't know where we stand with it. I think it's a little too risky at the moment to

outfrontma ga zine.com 43

OFM art

Anna Klausmeyer

The Rainbow at the End of the Storm

by Veronica L. Holyfield

S

ometimes, the path to happiness and true acceptance is that of the most resistance, and for artist and owner of The Love Free Shop Anna Klausmeyer, she understands on a cellular level what it means to lose it all and start again.

In 2014, Klausmeyer started a mobile boutique, converting a former FedEx truck into a moving store where she could sell her original artwork and prints, as well as jewelry and clothing items. Over the course of six years, she would drive around Denver

4 4 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

and set up shop, traveling to her customers equally as they would travel to her. However, from the onset of The Love Free Shop, Klausmeyer was met with resistance.

“We actually had some issues along the way with permitting with the city, so it was always a constant struggle,” she explains. “I created something when I was 24 years old and pretty naive; I had no idea how challenging it was going to be. If you take your passion and you make it your business, that’s a

whole thing.”

Klausmeyer describes herself as an introvert, and for her, going out and driving the truck downtown, staying out all night at First Friday art walks and curbside pop-up shops, pushed her far outside her comfort zone. While things have been rocky since the onset—both personally challenging her instinctive, wallflower personality, and professionally, with inconsistent cash flow—Klausmeyer says she learned a lot about herself.

“With the mobile boutique, I almost feel like it was a little bit ahead of its time.

I tried so hard to get the cities of Denver and Aurora to create a permit and to make it something we could be successful at,” she says. “I talked to council members, small business development centers, and they just weren’t ready for that.”

Once the pandemic hit in 2020, and the City of Denver was shut down, Klausmeyer says that was the final nail in the coffin for her business. While she was filled with sadness, she resigned to the fact that she needed to sell the mobile art truck, which in turn became a major turning point for her.

“I came back to a place of peace with my art; I wasn’t making things to sell them—I started making things because it’s what I love to make,” she explains. “So, I think that was a really important lesson, and I’m enjoying my art much more now, after all that.”

Though 2020 was a rough year, Klausmeyer made a promise to herself that she would paint a rainbow on every single piece that she made, to remain colorful and keep her outlook bright. Getting lost again in the thing she loves most, she worked through a lot of the pain and disappointment of a trying, six-year stint as a retail entrepreneur.

“I love working with the bright colors, so I tried to stay true to that even through a rough year; just take what’s inside of you and put it on the canvas,” she says. “I feel

like my art kind of reflects my inner-child, so I really do literally go back to that very root. Bright colors, rainbows, positive messages, all that kind of stuff, so it really feels like it’s full circle at this point.”

OFM art

“If you take your passion and you make it your business, that’s a whole thing.”

Some of the positive messages that The Love Free Shop embodies are things like “trust the process,” “radical self-love and acceptance,” and “become the person you always were anyways;” notes and saying that the LGBTQ community can get behind and hold onto as affirmations, reminders, and matras. Through her abstract, bold, colorful, and unique style of humanlikeness, she says that a lot of queer people are able to see elemetns of themselves embodied through her pieces.

As a queer woman, Klausmeyer understands the delicate balance between being true to oneself and elevating to the next level. As a form of therapy, art has been a way for her to support her mental health and embrace where she’s come from, what she’s been through, and where she’s going. Starting with her grandmother, putting a paintbrush in her hand at 5 years old while on a camping trip, Klausmeyer transitioned from watercolor painting to using acrylic paint on canvases in high school, and is now a graphic designer by trade and a painter by passion.

Standing strong in her own power and self-love, Klausmeyer has arrived at a place of joy and serenity in the art she is making.

Sharing messages of hope, following her evolving dreams, and connecting to the nostalgia of her innerchild, she is building pieces that capture moments in time of growth, resilience, and community.

“It can be challenging to believe in yourself, and it’s been a long journey for me already, so I’m coming back to creating pieces that I love, and I hope other people will love them, too,” Klausmeyer says.

To support her work, visit etsy.com/shop/ thelovefreeshop.

“I Came Back to a place of peace with my art.”

o u t f r o n tm a g a z i n e. co m 45

OFM music

these words are all for you

Photo by Yazz Alali

A Decade in the Making

by Veronica L. Holyfield

On a lazy Monday morning,

Wrabel joins me on a video chat to talk about all things music. Dialing in from Boston, the L.A.-based artist Steven Wrabel, who goes simply by Wrabel, is no stranger to coastal cities, and in fact, he’s written many songs about them. From L.A. to N.Y.C. to London, he has penned songs of love; songs of torment; songs of desire; songs of lovesick, homesick devotion. All stories that pull directly from the fabric of his life, and he is a crafted tailor of music that urges you to get into the feels.

The rising, queer artist is known for his unequivocal way of combining upbeat, borderline dance, pop tracks with hooky melodies that slide into your feet and make them bounce.

He is also known for writing heart-on-his-sleeve lyrics that offer a vulnerable, raw, slice-of-life glimpse into the mind of the music maker. Featuring his signature combination of soulful sound and savvy storytelling, Wrabel is leveling up as he prepares to release his debut, full-length album, these words are all for you.

As we meet for the first time, Wrabel’s energy is optimistic and infectious as he flashes the physical copy of the new record to the camera. Grinning from ear to ear, he admits that he still can’t believe the moment is real, and it appears to hit him all at once. He says that he is filled with both elation and fear as the record hits both digital and physical stands in late September 2021. If there was any kind of silver lining of 2020, Wrabel explains, it was that he has been able to sit with the music, take his time, and stick to a schedule that was of the independent artist’s own making.

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“There’s kind of a lot of pressure, especially this being the debut album, of being like, ‘When is this done?’ Like, I didn’t even believe it was done, and then yesterday, my manager shows up with the album, and I’m like, (gasping) ‘It’s real!’” he says.

As evidence, Wrabel holds a copy of the album up to video chat screen, and with a borderline boisterous excitement, I am realizing that I am getting to know the real Wrabel: defenses down and entirely unrehearsed. The man in my mind who has been shrouded in depth and introspective energy, swirling with mystery, is not the man I get to know over the next hour.

“BACK TO BACK”

lyrics

(CHORUS) What is love, what is love, what is love?

Why do I feel like I’m never enough?

That ain’t love, that ain’t love, that ain’t love We been through too much to just give up [Refrain} Babe, I feel so far away from you When we’re sleepin’ back to back

“That’s the oldest song in the record; it’s the one song that still, to this day, I can’t listen to, I can’t play it, I can’t think about it without really getting emotional.

It was so many firsts: I was in London, alone, working with people I’d always wanted to work with, but also strangers. I had my first big breakup via Skype, and then I walked into AllSaints on Regent Street, and this guy helps me buy a jumper, and I’m like, ‘Do you want to move to L.A.?’” he laughs.

“It’s that kind of thing of finding love again when you never think you’re never gonna find it, and also losing love when you never think you’re gonna lose it, and also making a record that you never thought you’d get to make. Recording that song was a huge task that day; the second verse, you can hear me starting to cry, and I dramatically wanted to keep that because it was really true to that day.”

Whether it be about sharing lost love, found love, insecure love, and uncertain love, or sharing deeply personal things about his religious upbringing and his current sobriety, Wrabel opens more than a window to his soul through his songs. He turns every stone, whittles every wood, and shines every gem; his songs are crafted and shaped works of art, and his long-awaited debut is worth the wait and the while.

While there have been downs, this record is full of ups, and it’s all because of the team that Wrabel surrounds himself with. The music industry is tricky to navigate, and it’s through the hustle and the cherished relationships that these words are all for you has been pristinely primed, prepared, and released.

“I feel so lucky to be able to live the life that I live and do what I do,” he says, “but my favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite part is doing it with people that I genuinely love and genuinely care about. Even looking at the credits, and the thank yous on this album, like, fuck man, I made this with my best friends. How cool is that?” these words are all for you is available on all streaming platforms and physical copies can be purchased at wrabelmusic.com

“I hope to help someone feel like they’re not alone.”

He has levity, humor, and humility, and now I understand a degree of brightness that is woven into the sorrow that comes with many of his songs. That is the juxtaposition: light, life, love, and loss. I feel fortunate that we get to meet him at the precipice of both harrowing heartache and hopeful happiness, for that is the human condition, and it’s beautifully intricate and complex.

Wrabel has been releasing notable singles since 2014; he found a stride with “11 Blocks” in 2016, a song about his head pleading with his heart to let go of a former lover who lived only 11 blocks away from his L.A. apartment. A map between their two places, which was illustrated in the music video and is now tattooed on his arm, was the catalyst for the emotional track.

The following year, Wrabel released the single “The Village,” a song dedicated to the transgender community, and immeditely catapulted him to the top of Pride Playlists everyone. As an out, gay man himself, this elevated Wrabel to the forefront of the queer radar, and he has continued making moves in the right directions.

Pushing boundaries with the track “Back to Back” off these words are all for you, Wrabel features a duet with queer artst Duncan Laurence in which the pair explore the heartache that a couple faces when the relationship is nearing its end.

Something that many of us know too well, but don’t hear reflected through a queer lens often, if ever.

“If I had a mission statement, or something, I hope to help someone feel like they’re not alone. As a foundational thing of my life, I’ve felt very much alone. I know that’s not unique, and I know some people, especially from the queer community, have felt like that,” he says.

Everything from these words are all for you is intentional; a carefully curated list of 11 tracks that have been written over the course of the last 11 years. Wrabel has been working his entire career on this record, and it shows. Opening strong with an a cappella-led, powerful, gospel-inspired “Good,” it takes nearly a minute for the trademark Wrabel piano sound to enter, proving the confidence in both his voice and message.

And he should be confident, for the record is solid, from start to finish, and in no way feels like a debut attempt at a full-length release. Eloquence in songs like “Wish You Well,” “Cars,” and “London” paired with strength in songs like “Good,” “Nothing But the Love,” and “It’s Us (with Madi Diaz)” showcase the earnest range of Wrabel.

“Pale Blue Dot” is an emotional, heart-wrenching banger, though, and Wrabel’s reflection on growth, change, purpose, and new beginnings. He explains the journey in creating the song with co-writer and country singer Tenille Townes, who inspired him to step outside of his comfort zone and write from a different perspective: “It started via texting her the picture of the pale blue dot, like, ‘Just so that you know, this is what we’re living our whole entire existence on,’ and we were half-sarcastic and self-deprecating. Then, I was on one of my Jane Fonda walks, where I would put on ankle weights and walk, like, 10 miles, and we started that song. It’s touching on religion and growing up in that, and still having this corner of my brain that’s like, ‘What’s going on up there, or around there, or down there, or over there?’”

Finally, the closing song, “Love is Not a Simple Thing to Lose,” still brings tears to Wrabel’s eyes, as he explains the story that is connected to that track:

o u t f r o n t m a g a z i n e. co m 47

OFM music

OFM NEW MUSIC This month’s must-catch new releases from the artists you already love and the musicians you need to know.

LBFRmikey

Alice Longyu Gao

Mystery Rose

His most personal release to date, hip-hop artist LBFRmikey takes on addiction, mental health, toxic relationships, and self-worth in the EP Aim & Fire. Diving into the darker side of his psyche, the threetrack EP brings contagious beats that lay as a foundation for the raw and honest storytelling. Serving as a letter of self-help, the aspiring star rapid fires heavy themes with uptempo rhymes and a positive sense of self-preservation.

Releases October 1, 2021.

Chinese-born, multidisciplinary artist, humanitarian, and futurist pop star releases her debut EP, featuring pansexual anthems and bad-girl, messy vibes. The kitschy, club-pop performer has risen above family adversity and is making a name for herself by bringing braggadocious raps and suspenseful hookson the new record. It is full of boisterous and infectious, opulent songs, and the eccentric collection on High Dragon will wriggle into your ear drums and nestle in your memories.

Featuring an array of bedroom-pop ballads and upbeat, straight-forward punk tracks, the debut album from Mystery Rose keeps us guessing. A nostalgic, emo twist on the millennial pop genre, Socially Distant commands the kineticism of youth while bringing a mature, modern arc. Themes of loneliness, isolation, and anger are woven throughout the songs that resonate in a space of acceptance and holding space for growth and moving on. The versatility is exciting and young on this record.

Aim & Fire

Moon Kissed

I’d Like to Tell You Something Important NYC-based, synth-pop trio Moon Kissed are releasing their sophomore album featuring stand-out single “Strange Satisfaction.” The moody ode to the all-consuming feelings of love is a prime example of the tone the album explores with driving synth lines, saturated melodies, and complex drum sequences that infultrate your mind and beg you to look at the complicated and painful moments of reality. The truth of postpandemic life is paralleled to the heartbreak of love lost, all presented in the new music.

Releases October 22, 2021.

4 8 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

High Dragon and Universe

Releases October 14, 2021.

Coco Coco

The anonymous trio known as Coco have revealed their identity and announced the release of a self-titled album. Coming together through varying projects, the group began to collaborate in 2019 and discovered a rich sound all their own. Melding like watercolors, the lush, harmonic melodies compliment the swaying, dreamy, pop tracks. An organic warmth rises from the music with ease as Coco toes the line between subdued and energetic, wistfully walking the listener through a cozy landscape of mystical wonder.

Releases October 29, 2021.

Socially Distant

Releases October 15, 2021.

Sixteen Jackies

Hostile Architecture The queer kids have entered the building and they are holding nothing back: the garage punks Sixteen Jackies are releasing their new EP, Hostile Architecture, and it is full of grit and glamour. The Philadelphia-based quartet deliver an edgy, garage band vibe mixed with a yacht-rock polish and wrap it up in a messy bun of vulnerability. Through the new sixtrack EP, the band talks about the baggage that comes with growing up queer and closeted through eclectic yet approachable textures.

Releases October 29, 2021.

HIGH NOTE

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Oompa

Unbothered

Delving into a personal reflection following a period of personal and global turmoil, Oompa is releasing her third studio album, Unbothered.

The Boston-based rapper is known for consistently creating finely crafted, introspective rhymes inspired by the timeless, hip-hop greats.

Her queer, Black, and orphaned intersections meet as she stands as a representation of turning life experiences into art.

With a fearless approach at healing, Unbothered taps into a variety of moods and feelings, from pure joy and summertime love to frustration with herself and the world. While the self-work never ends, her music provides hope that we may some day learn a bit more as to the reasons why we experience pain, loss, and heartache.

Dirty beats, hard hitting keys, and tight lyrical melodies deliver an album that is well-balanced and exciting, all while begging you to put it on your fall playlists.

Acceptance is at the root of the album, with tracks that explore Melancholy lingers amid uplifting melodies, and battles within ballads showcase the complexities of the human existence.

Mixing genres is nothing new for Oompa and influences of 70s rock, 80s hip hop, and 90s new wave weave throughout the eight-track record.

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o ut fr o ntm a g a z in e.co m 49

OFM style

Beauty Beat CERTIFIED NOSE

Vince Spinnato Spills on What it Takes to Create Fragrance

I

by Angel Rivera

ndustry veteran Vince Spinnato has spent the last 25 years in the beauty industry garnering success for himself and his nose. He is frequently described as a “certified nose” and in his own words, “similar to a sommelier in wine … kind of the same for a nose in perfumery, learning and being educated on all the different notes, top notes, bottom notes, and middle notes that go into a fragrance including all of the essential oils that are needed.”

It’s a process which is quite long and grueling, that takes many years to attain certification for, Spinnato says. Being someone with such an amazing nose, it must be insured. “It’s kind of like how the Rockettes have their legs insured—I have my nose insured, because if anything happens to my nose, I can’t do my job,” Spinnato says.

His process for creating fragrances for clients is involved and very personal.

He explains it’s “finding a balance” when he begins creating fragrances, for clients of any gender, notably celebrity clients.

He explains, “We take a deep dive with them—what they like, what they don’t like.” He goes further, “It’s almost like building a house, we create a foundation or the bottom notes which ground the fragrance.”

Spinnato is quite passionate and knowledgeable in his explanation.

“Then, we go for the middle note, which is the scent that appears on the body around 20 to 30 minutes into wearing the fragrance.”

This part is important, as it speaks to the longevity of the fragrance. Finally, we come to the top note, which is what one would smell when first spraying the bottle, essentially the first impression of the fragrance and possibly the most important part of any fragrance.

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Spinnato says, “It’s a balance of what you want to permeate the air versus what you want to stay on the body.” Spinnato puts his best foot forward when creating fragrances for celebrity clients.

Speaking of celebrities, Spinnato has an upcoming project with Liza Minnelli and the Judy Garland estate. Garland, as a gay icon herself, will soon be part of a new collaboration coming June of 2022 with Spinnato, quite an exciting project for anyone who loves the illustrious actress and might be interested in fragrance. Spinnato’s love for gay iconography reaches back years, even to his adolescence. We may soon see the second coming of young and old queer folk alike gathering to rave and sing praise to Garland.

Spinnato’s love for cosmetics and the beauty industry steam from his grandmother and their shared hobby of watching daytime soap operas.

“I used to come home, and she would be watching the young and the restless,” he says. “It was the 80s, so then Dynasty came out, and it was filled with money and debauchery and glamour, and I was hooked. To this day, I credit William Bell (creator of the Young and the Restless) and Aaron Spelling (producer of Dynasty) for my career.”

Spinnato was inspired by the glamour and affluence in the series, associated with these two men, notably taking inspiration from Jabot Cosmetics, a fictional cosmetics company in the young and the restless.

In college, Spinnato would skip class and make his way from New Jersey to New York City submitting his resume to esteemed companies like Revlon, Estee Lauder, and Chanel. He knew that this is what he was destined to do. Even now, the past 10 years have been a ride for Spinnato, in that he has even created his own luxury skincare brand called VS Vincenzo Caviar & Diamonds.

“The Caviar of course is sourced from a farm in Key West, which is rich in amino acids, vitamins, and all sorts of good stuff,” Spinnato explains. A favorite product of his is the “Morning Dew Drops” which is a 30-day morning ampoule, which is filled with peptide complexes and moisturizers and help with expression lines and wrinkles, making sure that you look young and luminous.

Ultimately, Spinnato chalks up his success to hard work and says he wishes he didn’t spend so much time dwelling on what other people said he should and shouldn’t do. He also explains that being a gay man in the cosmetics industry didn’t garner him any extra help, but it may have got him some acceptance in it as opposed to his heterosexual counterparts.

He does stress that to any young person looking to break into the industry should check out his autobiography, My Pursuit of Beauty: A Cosmetic Chemist Reveals the Glitz, the Glam and the Batsh*t Crazy. Spinnato adds, “It’s really a guide of what not to do in the industry.”

Get the look

The

CAMP PHILOSOPHY

POWER OF ATTENTION

by Angel Rivera

H

ow many times have you read or heard these phrases, or at least the word camp, outside of the context of the woodland activity?

Camp is the act standing out with your fashion choices, and by stand out, I mean in the uncanny and absurd sense.

You see camp permeate popular culture slowly and more vigorously as each new fashion season passes.

You see it in logo-laden dresses and suits, giant, ruffled shirt sleeves, and in asymmetrical dresses saturated in color. Camp is standing out and making a statement with the strange.

Most importantly, camp is tied to queer roots through drag performers, androgynous dressers, and by most people in the LGBTQ community who want to stand out and be who they are.

Queerness and campiness have its origins around the world dating from dating back to the early 17th century from French playwright JeanBaptiste Poquelin, also known as Moliere. “Camp about one leg. Strut

like a comedy king.” It would later be referenced as men who dressed up like women. Some notable examples would be of Chevalier d’Eon, who dressed as a woman to infiltrate the courts of Russian Empress Elizabeth Petrovna.

Camp became more synonymous with French and English queer culture in the Victorian era. During that time, two men, known as “Fanny and Stella,” dressed as women in public, who were later arrested and persecuted for their behavior.

Later Camo was heavily championed

by Oscar Wilde with his “outlandish” fashion choices and mannerisms, despite the persecution of homosexuality in the late-19th century Wilde chose to give into his desires to be preserved outside of his contemporaries. His look at the time and even now described as “dandy” was in fact camp in full force. His elaborate Coates, his stockings, and strutting around with a cane and embroidered overcoat was the definition of camp.

You may wonder why this is so important that I speak about the queer history of camp? That is because even now as a queer person you may unintentionally walk and talk camp.

We choose to be camp even without realizing it. When you decide to do your makeup extravagantly or wear that outfit everyone tells you is a bit too weird, you chose to be camp; you chose queer culture. Even your small choices that may go against the grain, a subconscious choice to draw attention, are a tiny bit of camp.

Champions of our LGBTQ rights Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson also rocked camp fashion from time to time. Those who practice the art of drag are provocateurs of camp. The over-the-top makeup, costumes, wigs, and stage presence is all camp, in its most distilled form. Giving yourself over to camp does not make you a joke or a prop of performative masculinity or femininity, it makes you a pioneer for originality and an advocate for yourself without words.

You can choose and should choose camp in the name of LGBTQ rights.

Camp second to words is the most powerful form of advocating for yourself and should be taken in high regard. Stay bold; stay beautiful, and stay camp.

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outfrontmagazine.com 51

OFM style

CULTURAL APPROPRIATION AND INCLUSION IN THE MODERN WORLD

BODY MODIFICATION

by Keegan Williams I’ve sat on the topic of this specific OFM Mods topic for a few months.

As a heavily modified white person, the conversation around body modification in regard to cultural appropriation and the experience of non-white enthusiasts is clearly not mine to lead.

So, this column is a bit different: I’m not going to talk about my experience or opinion, but rather, center BIPOC voices, using this limited space as an exercise, especially for white folks, to listen and learn, and to continue the conversation, on their own time and with others in their communities.

--A Tumblr post blew up years ago, titled “Cultural Appropriation and Body Modification,” the white author diving into how body modification contributes to cultural appropriation, to which Alicia Cardenas, a Native woman and professional body piercer, responds, via The Point Journal of Body Piercing.

Cardenas recognizes the author for initiating the conversation, but says, by doing so, they continue to center themselves. She references the author’s language, insinuating that certain piercings are Westernized, citing stretched conch piercings in the inner ear cartilage as an example.

They were initially named sadhu piercings, “...because the first people to have large conch piercings were, in fact, sadhus (a Hindu discipline), so that means we stole it, not the other way around.”

She notes at the beginning of her response that, rather than drawing these assumptions about other cultures as white people, it’s more productive to actually ask a person of color and not paint sweeping narratives about appropriation without that consideration.

“Stealing is a word that doesn’t belong in this equation … to steal something means it at some point belonged to someone and was then stolen,” Cardenas says. “Symbols like

5 2 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

the swastika don’t belong to anyone or any one culture, just like the cross … or spiral, or hundreds of other imagery items … if they don’t belong to anyone, you cannot steal them … in fact I would go so far as to say they belong to everyone.”

She mentions Kavadi and Sundance rituals, involving stress on the body to induce euphoric, altered states of consciousness. A modern-day example is suspension, in which the body is pierced by large hooks and a person is suspended in the air. She says blood rituals go back as far as humanity and don’t have names until we name them.

The cited Sundance ritual, “is a mimick of itself, at best, as the ceremony has changed many times… the Druids have a type of Sundance, the Lakota, the Mexicah, Mayas, Dine … about a million visions of the same intention.

Who is to say a backyard suspension hold any less importance?”

She says people should respect these ceremonies, but it’s wrong to say that people don’t belong to them in any capacity because they are white or because they can’t travel to the “original” location where the ceremonies occurred.

She says, directly to the Tumblr post’s author, “What that says to me is you are more comfortable keeping cultures segregated.” She says, if it weren’t for the white men elevating these practices in the 1900s, leading to their publishing in media and increased population, she and many other Indigenous people may not have found body modification and connected to it, those elements of their culture, and the rich cultures of the world in the same way.

Another discussion under this umbrella is the segregation that can occur within shops and artists within the industry, which trickles down to tattoo shop clientele.

Kandace Layne is a Black, Atlantabased tattoo artist. In a 2020 interview with Allure, she talks about her workplace, a Black-owned tattoo

shop, where she started her apprenticeship, and in her observation, white-owned parlors rarely hire anyone who isn’t also white. She sees this as a problem perpetuated by the education system for tattooers: if an artist does their apprenticeship in a predominantly white studio that doesn’t frequently tattoo clients with darker skin tones, that apprentice simply won’t have that experience.

“Tattooing Black skin needs to be something that everyone learns,” she says. “It is strange to me knowing that some people have completed apprenticeships that never even touched on it.”

Layne also says, as an artist, you must acknowledge the content you are tattooing. American traditional was surely born in the West as the name suggests, an “American tradition,” though it often displays racist imagery: Native people wearing religious headdresses, shrunken heads, and clown imagery used to mock Black folks, as a few examples.

“I think sharing cultures is positive … but when people are tattooing designs or elements from other cultures, it’s important to know what you’re tattooing and do it justice, especially when it’s not yours.” She adds that it’s important not to whitewash other cultures or make sure a person getting tattooed is intentional about their work, not just getting it because it’s “cute” or an aesthetic, recognizing some designs are so sacred to other cultures that they may not want people tattooing certain designs without permission or initiation.

Jar, a Dominican American tattoo artist, tells Allure, “I used to tattoo anything on anyone, but as an artist, and a queer POC, it’s my responsibility to protect the community and stop spreading (appropriation).” Instead, she now asks people about the pieces and what it means to them, as a conscious effort to avoid creating appropriative content.

She says it’s partially an artist’s responsibility, not just the person pursuing the modification.

Japanese traditional tattoos are also culturally significant tattoos that have gained wider popularity, notably larger projects like the full-body munewari, historically meant to show commitment to both the tattooer and the person receiving the artwork.

Horitomo—a tattoo artist at State of Grace in San Jose, CA specializing in Japanese tattoo—tells Art & Object that people all over the world getting and doing Japanese-style tattooing is, “a great thing. It keeps the art alive and evolving.”

State of Grace Owner Taki Kitamura says the art of Japanese tattoos has been appreciated worldwide for centuries and, “It all comes down to respect. Japanese tattooers have always tattooed non-Japanese ... I would hope that those who acquire and apply Japanese tattoos do so in a respectful manner and pay attention to what these images symbolize ... when tattooed with respect, I think Japanese tattooing is a wonderful way to share and appreciate Japanese culture.”

--This handful of voices is a miniscule fraction of the many cultural perspectives on this topic and by no means constitutes the beliefs and opinions of all people in these communities.

I hope this column inspires those passionate about body modification to consider the history, the perspectives of cultures who have historically practiced it, and how we can work toward being inclusive, respectful, and allencompassing in these and other conversations.

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OFM

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OFM reviews

Whether you use cannabis to uplift and relax after a long day on the grind, or to enhance creativity when the time is right, here’s your guide to everything herb.

VESSEL ECLIPSE DRY FLOWER VAPE KIT

This vape pen is an absolute must if you love flower but don’t want to smoke and harm your lungs. It couldn’t be easier to load up and hit this bad boy, and it’s discrete and easily portable as well. Unlike some flower vapes that get clogged or messy easily, it is also simple to take apart and clean. If you’re a flower vape person, you need to add this to your collection!

CALIFORNIA CORNER SUNDERSTORM INC. KAHNA BELTS I can now say the last time I had a gummy belt was not in my late teens but as a full-fledged adult, and even better—it was cannabis infused!

Kahna gummies are launching their newest Kahna Belts flavor, sour cherry limeade (currently available in sativa), in the form of two 50mg belts (each with clear marks for an easy tear to obtain a 10mg dose).

It took about an hour for these to fully hit, but when it did, it was fast.

I went on a 10-minute walk feeling entirely sober and by the time I reached my home, I was absolutely feeling the effects. I found the potency very standard, though that was appreciated, as someone who likes to be very cognizant of their dose when using edibles.

The brand is known for their flavor, and it shows. The taste was great— in fact, a couple times I had to stop myself from snacking on more of the belt and getting a little too toasty. However, it absolutely has me curious to try out their other flavors and strains!

22RED’S SUNKISSED, GREENHOUSE-GROWN FLOWER 22Red is introducing Sunkissed: a highquality, greenhouse-grown flower pushing boundaries by using a combination of climate-controlled systems, precision lighting, the natural sun, and organic ingredients to grow their flower.

Sunkissed is available in four strain varieties: 22AM, Kingsley, Red Wedding, and Sundae School.

I got a taste of Kingsley, the indica-dominant strain giving a nice, unique balance of piney and citrus flavors. As a person who usually veers indica anyway, it was the perfect hang-back smoke, though I was never couch-locked or on the verge of sleep. The flower was immense and thick—two hefty buds was enough to fill out the eighth package.

The new line is surely making a flashy debut, and trying one strain will likely have you looking over the others the next time you stop by a California dispo!

CANNDESCENT JUSTICE JOINTS PREROLLS Just in time for its one-year anniversary, Cannabis for Black Lives (CfBL) has teamed up with Justice Joints by Canndescent, hoping to make a greater impact together by elevating those negatively affected by the War on Drugs.

One-hundred percent of its profits go to social equity and expungement efforts in the cannabis community. Justice Joints will donate 50 percent of its profits to support CfBL in their mission, alongside JJ’s continued partnership with Last Prisoner Project.

The joints come in an individual package covered with information surrounding the continued inequality in the cannabis industry, and the lack of justice surrounding folks still incarcerated for nonviolent cannabis-related charges. I received the hybrid Iced Cherry Cookies, which had a sweet and smooth flavor fitting of the name.

The preroll was immaculately packed and burned smooth, and the high hit me hard and fast. Initially, I felt a rush of euphoria, walking around my neighborhood feeling like I was mentally in a completely different reality. About 45 minutes after I smoked, my high shifted to more mellow and relaxed as I turned on a horror movie. I often will smoke a full gram preroll in one go, but I found the potency of this Justice Joint was more than enough to split into two sessions.

I absolutely recommend my fellow Californians try out a Justice Joint as soon as they can, offering a quality product giving to a great cause.

outfrontmagazine.com 55

OFM thoughts

A Queer in Recovery Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.

ADMITTING

POWERLESSNESS IS WHERE THE

HOPE IS

Hi, my name is ________, and I’m an alcoholic.

Eleven months ago, I lay sprawled out on the couch in my living room, one leg planted firmly on the ground. I was told a long time ago that if I drank too much and felt I was going to puke, it’s best practice to keep one foot flat on the ground and to calm the spins. On this day, however, nothing was working.

I had drunk an entire handle of vodka in less than two days, and no amount of grounding techniques were going to take away my misery.

I was like a ragdoll; a crying, drunken mess of despair, and as my indifferent gaze hazily looked around the room, I truly pondered if I had even an ounce of hope left in me. I was drinking all day, every day, and I knew without a doubt that I was completely powerless over alcohol. I knew I needed to quit drinking and get help in order to save my own life, but the trouble was, I didn’t know if I was worth saving.

5 6 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

“When I think about the role that power played in my relationship with alcohol, I must admit on a daily basis that I am powerless over it in order to have any hope at staying sober.”

Powerlessness is a strange thing to admit because it is shrouded in guilt, shame, self-hatred, and disgust. I was like a slow leaking faucet: no matter how hard I tried to stop the drip, every bit of self-dignity was falling out of me. Drinking was no longer a choice for me; it was survival and the mental obsession that every addict faces had completely consumed me. It was as though there was a gravitational pull toward alcohol that I couldn’t understand.

I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was a broken shell of a failed human being, and there was no amount of work, willpower, or bargaining that could change this vicious cycle. What I didn’t realize was that all I had to do was be completely honest with myself, and another person, in order to change.

Vulnerability is scary, and being truthful about the state of my alcoholism was not only mortifying,

it was shocking and vile. No one in my life had suspected that I was in the grips of this disease because I was so “functional.” Sure, they might have wondered why things seemed a bit off, why I would cancel plans or not see through family obligations, or why I was missing small deadlines here and there at work, but no one knew how bad things had gotten. I refused to let on that I was helpless when it came to booze.

A typical day for me in the last year of my active addiction to alcohol was, I would wake up in the morning with my head pounding and hands trembling from withdrawal. I was most likely still a bit drunk from the night before, and it was doubtful that I got more than a couple hours of sleep. I would need “just one shot” of vodka to clear my head and calm the shakes, and I promised myself that it would just be one. However, I was incapable of stopping once I started, and I would find myself drunk

OFM thoughts

again before 9 a.m. This would then lead me into a long day of sneaking drinks, waiting until a break at work to get more, hiding empty bottles in the bottom of trash cans, and sipping just slowly enough to not appear as intoxicated as I was.

On that final night, I was tired of it all—tired of living the life of an addict stuck in the cycle of addiction, and I made a plan to end my life. I didn’t want to waste one more night laying sprawled out on that couch. As I said goodbye to my home, to my life, and to myself, I had the fortunate realization that I wanted to say goodbye to those I loved. That is what inevitably saved me that night as a family member swooped in during my time of crisis and offered me the help I so desperately needed.

When I think about the role that power played in my relationship with alcohol, I must admit on a daily basis that I am powerless over alcohol in order to have any hope at staying sober. In the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, step one is that we admit we are powerless over our drug of choice, and that our lives have become unmanageable.

It’s wild to think that my final night of drinking was only 11 months ago, because it feels like it was both yesterday and a decade ago. My mind still tells me lies that I can control my drinking this time; I’ve taken a long enough break that I could remain the one in power if I drank again. However, every, single day I need to remind myself of how bad it was in order to not believe the deception of my mind. This is where selfhelp, support groups, and honesty with others plays a pivotal role for me.

All it would take is one drink, and I’d be off to the races again, unable to stop, for who knows how long, and there’s no telling what kind of destruction would ensue. I have completely accepted this fact, as shitty as it is sometimes. For I know, if I ever pick up a drink again, it’s because I have given up on myself and believe it better to die in my disease than to keep fighting another day.

“

Every single day I need to

remind myself of how bad it was in order to not believe

the deception of my mind.

”

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DENVER • FORT COLLINS • COLORADO SPRINGS outfrontmagazine.com 57

OFM lust

After Hours

by Amanda E.K.

atalie is an acupuncturist who’s been treating Jaime at her clinic for the past three months.

Jaime—a nonbinary, trans-masculine 30-something—is in the midst of their hormone replacement therapy and sees Natalie every two weeks to help treat hormone regulation and muscle tension caused by this significant life change.

As a pansexual woman, Natalie runs a, LGBTQ-affirming practice and sees several clients who are otherwise dismissed by the traditional medical professions. She takes her work seriously and treats her patients with equal respect and care; however, something about Jaime draws Natalie’s attention more than any of her other clients.

Jaime is self-aware and playfully confident in an endearingly childlike way that brings out a sort of parental affection in Natalie and makes her want to take special interest in Jaime’s wellness. And yet, because of professional boundaries, Natalie isn’t sure how to bring this side of herself to Jaime’s treatment sessions.

With their ever-changing hair color, cosplay-influenced style, and passion for normalizing gender fluidity through the medium of online sex work, Jaime is one of the most creative and inspiring individuals Natalie has ever met. After each session with Jaime, she takes a moment to herself before her next client to scroll through Jaime’s Instagram, or watch one of her favorite porn videos, and cum once or twice while the sensation of Jaime’s skin is still present on her fingertips.

Today, Jaime’s hair is bubblegum pink and they’re lying on the acupuncture

N

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table dressed like a Japanese manga character. During a typical session, Jaime is expressive, detailing one of their latest characters they’ve incorporated into their sex work. But today, Natalie senses a shift in their energy—a passive quietness that seems to be masking some emotional, or possibly physical discomfort.

Natalie wants to respect Jaime’s silence, but she also wants to get to the heart of the matter in order to provide the most effective care. She sits close to Jaime’s prostrate body with her tray of acupuncture needles, tracing her hands along Jaime’s arms and legs, pausing at various pressure points to check their sensitivity.

Jaime gasps when Natalie presses into their left shin.

“Is that too hard?” asks Natalie.

“No, not too hard,” says Jaime. “It was more … surprising.”

“Surprising?”

Jaime’s cheeks flush a soft pink. “I mean, I felt a sharp pain … but it also felt good.”

Natalie raises her eyebrows, her womb churning at the suggestion of pleasurable pain. “If it’s not too uncomfortable,” she says, “there’s a lot of relief you can get from embodying your pain.”

“What do you mean, exactly?”

Natalie starts slow in her response, not wanting to cross any boundaries at her place of business. “I hope I’m not being too direct,” she says, “but you seem to have something on your mind today. I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I’ve noticed with other clients that when there’s something they’re struggling to process internally, a certain level of safe physical pain helps them release any stuck emotions they might be dealing with.”

Jaime wrinkles their eyebrows, considering this. “Can I be honest with you?”

Natalie nods and expertly inserts a series of needles into Jaime’s legs as they talk.

“The more I embrace my masculine self, the more desire I have for risky physical activity. Nothing exactly dangerous, but sometimes I crave the visual markers of

risk—like bruises from an extreme sport, or a fist fight. I don’t consider myself a weak person, but lately, I’ve been fantasizing about giving up control of my body to something transformative.”

“That sounds like a metaphor for HRT.” “Maybe. Or maybe that’s just the inspiration for a more visceral desire.

It’s strange—I used to think that leaning more into my masculine expression would make me feel stronger. And in many ways, it has. But it’s also allowed me to accept and embrace my feminine side in a way I never felt capable of when I had a more female-presenting body.”

Natalie pauses before inserting a set of needles along Jaime’s forehead, her hand resting at Jaime’s throat as she processes what they just said. She gets so lost in thought that she doesn’t realize she’s caressing Jaime’s neckline in a motherly way with her thumb until Jaime clears their throat. Natalie quickly pulls her hand away and apologizes.

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking about what you said,” she says, shaking off her embarrassment. “Most clients don’t open up to me like that.”

“It’s OK,” says Jaime, looking up into Natalie’s eyes. “Your touch is always welcome. Especially in this stage of my life when most people view my body like some sort of alien. I’m still human. I still bleed the same as anyone.”

When Jaime says this, Natalie is filled with immense compassion and immense desire. She battles for a moment about whether to voice a certain erotic suggestion, then decides to go for it.

“It means a lot that you feel comfortable sharing that with me,” says Natalie, adjusting the pillow under Jaime’s head.

“If you’d be interested, there’s another modality I’d like to try with you that I think you’d enjoy. There’s some pain involved, and it will leave marks on you—for a few hours, at least. We’re out of time for me to do it here, but if you’re free tonight, I’d love to have you over to my house for a cupping session. No charge, of course, since it’ll be after my regular business hours.” *** Jaime had had a crush on Natalie since their first acupuncture session but never brought it up for risk of losing

a sympathetic caregiver. Not only was Natalie a driven, intelligent, and kind person, but she also exhibited a profound-yet-understated sexiness— the kind of sexy not immediately obvious in passing. The kind of sexy that makes you feel special for noticing it.

Until their private, after-hours session, Jaime had assumed, but hadn’t been sure, that Natalie was into them. Jaime had seen two different acupuncturists for treatment before finding Natalie, and there was a marked difference in how much longer, and with more intention, Natalie lingered over Jaime’s pressure points as she talked about the benefits of body awareness.

Natalie had small, delicate hands, firm and direct. In the half-dark of her private home studio, by the glow of candlelight and the musk of incense, Natalie had lifted Jaime’s pleated skirt and slid their snug black briefs part-way down their hips—not all the way—and then suckled their flesh with small glass fish bowls, cupping their hips, thighs, and ass with a nurturing, calculated dominance. Filling each bowl with smoke from a skillfully wielded flame to create a vacuum seal that leached onto Jaime’s skin with a swift sting, followed instantly by a satisfying release— Natalie’s hands pinning Jaime down onto the table by their neck, shoulders, chest, knees.

Jaime wished to lie like that for the rest of their life. The heat of flame and pinch of skin left large red welts across their body like some anthropomorphic soundboard, which Jaime now lay savoring, naked in their bed at home.

Jaime touched each welt, one by one, heating up without aid of flame at the memory of Natalie’s topless breasts hanging above them, brushing Jaime’s body with each corresponding hand placement.

The two of them never touched explicitly, but afterward, they both expressed that it was the most erotic experience they’d ever shared. Natalie’s pleasure had been in the power she had over Jaime—the secure, focused power of an openly seductive healer—leaving Jaime to safely relinquish all control, all anxiety and fear, and revel in the release of so much more than could ever be expressed in words. outfrontmagazine.com 59

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his will meant that she had to endure some eigh stood abuse for the greater good. in front of

by Brian Byrdsong the room Leigh had spent the last 15 years estranged preparing from her father. Leigh was what he called to eulogize a “harbinger of doom” on the pulpit. That her father. She discovery he made all those years ago? Well, he stared at the faces realized that certain people have these “abilities.” Better of those who came to attend. Some were described as control of parts of their nervous system. These friendly, but most were there to show their disdain for the were people who had abilities that people from the early man they say ruined their lives.

2050s would talk about in science fiction, and Leigh was one of them.

“Let me just start by saying that my father and I were not close.” Leigh said as she scanned the eyes of the crowd.

Her ability was not so strange to most. She had the ability “Despite that, though,” she continued, “I did love him.” to alter her nerves so that she could change her body temperature at will. She could match her environment so As Leigh uttered these lies, she once again looked out at that she would be comfortable anywhere she was. Because the crowd and saw their faces twist and contort from of this, this made her a prime candidate for the exploration confusion to anger and disappointment. She felt the knot of some of the world’s most dangerous places. in her stomach twist as she continued with her false stories of times spent with her father. She wondered if this was Leigh, throughout her life, had discovered multiple new how her father felt when he peddled his lies on the pulpit. species on Earth, in places that could not previously be accessed, and yet, her father had no respect for her. He “My father, Reverend Dr. Gregory Landon Hapstall III, better called her an abomination. He prayed that they would find known as Reverend Georgie, was adopted by his parents a cure for what “ailed” her, and at times, he even prayed for Alejandro and James Hapstall II in 2096 when he was just the death of all harbingers. Her abilities had not been her a newborn. They loved him and his sisters Joelle, Gaia, and fault, and yet, she paid a price for some imaginary sin she Lewellen, with all their hearts. He grew up and knew he had committed. wanted to be a neurosurgeon. And he accomplished that goal when he was just 30 years old.

Leigh, and people like Leigh, were restricted for a long time.

“But after I was born, and he discovered what would They were unable to vote; they were unable to marry, as her come to be known as the largest discovery in the field father and his followers fought to strip that right. Leigh’s of neuroscience, life led him into a different direction. I girlfriend at the time was particularly upset about that one. won’t stand here and tell you my father was perfect. But I Leigh completely understood why people were reacting the also won’t lie to you and tell you that he didn’t have good way they did to her speech, and in truth, if it hadn’t been for intentions for the world around him” Leigh’s mother and the $2.9 billion, she probably wouldn’t have even shown up to eulogize him.

Leigh continued with her eulogy, and eventually, she ended by telling the world that, despite his flaws, her father was “He’s still your father,” Leigh’s mother had said days before a good man. Her stomach hurt as she uttered the phrase. the funeral. “Please, for me? And frankly for you, too. You As she stepped down from the podium, she walked down and Katherine aren’t doing too well in that tiny New York the aisle amidst a slew of negative comments and vicious apartment.” words being hurled her way.

Leigh had a hard time disputing that; so she agreed to do “Traitor!” One said. the eulogy and speak well of her father. As Leigh left the “How dare you? You’re one of us!” another said. funeral, she took one last look at the hate-filled room and the casket that contained her father and walked out. She The hardest part for Leigh was the fact that they weren’t hoped that the next steps she took in her life would make wrong. But the $2.9 billion inheritance she stood to gain as her proud of herself. a result of his death and the execution of the conditions of

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Spirit of Matthew Award Honoree:

Schuyler Bailar

Dennis Dougherty Award for Community Leadership Honoree:

Craig Hella Johnson

Making a Difference Award Honoree:

Announcement Coming Soon!

PRESENTED BY

outfrontma ga zine.com 61

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outfrontmagazine.com 63

(Spectrum Retirement continued from page 25) While many companies have good intentions, Swearingen says says you might have residents that have certain assumptions or the word “equality” often loses its meaning and doesn’t carry the biases around the LGBTQ community, or family members within power it is supposed to. the community whom they don’t understand, and that can help “It’s something that is too loosely used to make everybody feel them to plant those seeds and open up their minds. comfortable about their personal position, but it doesn’t really “If I’m not willing to engage you in that conversation, we are change anything,” Swearingen argues. “And I think the critical failing,” Swearingen says. “So many of my peers in this industry thing here was, I was able to go to the managing partners of this still stand behind this myth that we don’t have any LGBTQ company and say, ‘Look, we need to do this unapologetically.’ residents. And my response always is, ‘Oh, yes, you do.’ They are Why does an apology have to always come with standing firmly just not valued, respected, or acknowledged in your community, for those issues, and not just those that impact me and, even and they will remain secret in the closet until they feel safe and those that are LGBTQ-aligned, but everybody, from an inclusivity acknowledged, and we need to challenge this industry to do standpoint?” better.”

Spectrum also makes it a point to embrace all background Swearingen also acknowledges that taking this stance taught and identities in these and more conversations, engaging the him and the folks at Spectrum a lesson about some of the company culture in conversations about race, religion, class, people and brands they worked with, citing a specific chat with and other identities. Swearingen intentionally uses the word a videographer around documenting this event who, when “aggressively” in relation to how they needed to bring these learning Swearingen was gay and that the event promoted conversations to the forefront and move past some of the LGBTQ-inclusivity, declined to work for them. industry’s initial discomfort in discussing these very real-world He adds that these conversations also ripple throughout the topics that affect their staff and residents openly and honestly. company, with the president, vice president, and high-profile “I want to know your story because I care about you first as a members of Spectrum taking steps like sharing pronouns, with human, then I find out these other defining characteristics and the intent of continuing to grow and do better. too often, for those of us in the LGBTQ community and those of This also allows Spectrum to aggressively approach the other us in communities that are not considered included, we’re not elements of inclusivity that have to come as well, that the seen first as ‘William.’ I’m defined by those tags you put on me, organization must use that same outward voice in the way and flipping that is important for us.” that they did with Pride, even looking locally to their specific Centennial, with many other cities—even some “very red” locations and what the representation those residents need to locations—embraced this idea and went all in. “But there be seen and included. was something very special about what we saw,” Swearingen It’s not an agenda; it’s a human experience that isn’t just says, emotionally pausing, “You can’t watch that video (of the centering straight, cisgender, white seniors, as this industry Centennial celebration on the Peakview Facebook and Spectrum often does. Instead of just checking a box to say, “We did this,” YouTube pages) and not see true joy, true recognition. There was it’s embracing not just the month but the movement, engaging an embrace of this in a way that even I didn’t expect. And it was in conversations with HR about how this can be part of the powerful.” organization’s everyday culture, and doing the work.

In preparation for the Centennial event, Stein dropped a line “We are intentionally going to be disruptive, and we are going to Ladycat De’Ore, who is on the We Are Family board, which to be argumentative, and we are going to challenge, because if led them to include an additional fundraising aim for the event. somebody doesn’t do it, it’s not going to happen,” Swearingen Swearingen says that is another way Spectrum stands out, in that says. “And it’s got to come from inside our industry. It can’t be they were encouraged to operate within the community, rather pushed from the outside.” than being controlled by the organization and told specifically Moving forward, Spectrum intends to continue enhancing their how to run their events. company culture and programming, incorporating different The Peakview event featured attendees from all around the months and celebrations—like Black History, Women’s History, community, not just residents: family, friends, community and Hispanic Heritage Months, to name a few, along with partners, and even youth community members gathered for celebrating the diverse collection of winter traditions, not just the event. It featured music, dancing, and drag performances, Christmas, as the holiday season approaches—into their regular ranging from the bombastic backflips and death drops you curriculum. might see on a Drag Race elimination lip sync to the raw and emotional performances and moments that worked to draw all They’ve chatted with Ladycat about bringing in a monthly drag of the people, of all generations and backgrounds, in the space bingo into Peakview, and looking at other options, instead of just opting to bring in the “typical” Elvis impersonator or event DJ together. solely spinning 50s hits because it’s what’s expected.

Following the performances, even the staff members were blown away by the long line of residents looking to take pictures with Shockley says, “This is the year-long, progressive program about the drag performers and the all-around excitement over the inclusivity that reaches beyond Pride Month, but we are really being responsible now with how we recognize everyone who event. lives in our communities.”

From a social media standpoint in the events across the country, they were prepared for retaliation, but nationally, over every Swearingen adds, “We’ve got to have that conversation and that event and post, Swearingen says there were just 12 negative has to continue in our communities. It cannot die. It just simply comments, fully overshadowed by the outpouring of love, cannot. So that’s our intent, and we have a lot of work to do.” support, and openness from community and family members.

To learn more about Spectrum, Peakview, and their inclusive Stein recalls one family in particular that reached out, saying how programming, visit spectrumretirement.com, and be sure to keep much this inclusion meant to them and their loved one staying at up with Peakview on Facebook at facebook.com/PeakviewAssisted Peakview, who kept their sexuality private. On the flip side, Stein LivingandMemoryCare.

6 4 OFM O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1

(PrideHouseLA continued from page 41)

find a community of people who you support, and they support you back.

It has really empowered a lot of people. Not just the queer community, but all different communities to find ways to band together, block out that hate, and stand up for each other. I also think the education process has also completely been woken up because of this. I have learned a lot by being in this online community. Not only was I unaware of it, but I do not know if I would have been able to find it.

Mollee and Jeka, as a married couple, how would you say PrideHouseLA has personally helped you and your relationship?

JJ: I feel like it has helped me feel more seen as a trans person and be more comfortable with my story. When I first came out, I was looking for information on top surgeries, testosterone, and even the most important one for me, fertility. When I was looking for information, there were not a lot of people talking about that stuff. So, Mollee and I decided to start a YouTube, and we documented our whole fertility process and we put all that information out there just for the next trans person looking to find that information. I want to be able to help people like that and be a pioneer in some way. This has been helpful for me, too, because I want to learn more about it.

MG: I have gone through so many ups and downs during this pandemic, and I would usually rely on Jeka as my person to vent to. I would vent about this, cry about that, but it is cool to have a group of people and realize that it is not just me feeling this way.

We are each other’s best support system. We protect each other.

What does Pride mean to you?

MG: I love this question. To me, Pride is this sacred feeling that, especially queer people, get to hold. When you come out and someone says they are proud of you, you finally feel proud of yourself. You feel prideful that you are who you are. Even if you have not come out publicly, you are still finding that Pride and that validation of someone saying they are proud of you. Pride is a word to honor yourself and just live authentically you.

KB: It means so many things, but for me, it’s confidence. That was the biggest thing. Feeling confident with whatever choice you want and eliminating the guilt and shame, which should not be in the realm of where we are. We are not doing anything wrong. I want to be that person to be like, ‘Hey, let’s make sure we are not functioning from a place of guilt, hurt, or fear.’

GC: Obviously, it is about acceptance and joy, but it is also about self-love and loving others. Finding ways to support not just the people in your immediate vicinity spectrum. There is a lot of love to give, and I think people are sometimes more focused on creating hateful conversations instead of spreading positive dialogue in helping each other come together in a more productive way. So, Pride to me is that joy of learning and becoming a brighter, more awake human. Finding ways to support people in different communities that you love.

JJ: To me, Pride is just a celebration of life. The Stonewall Riots started with Marsha P. Johnson, and we need to remember her, lift her, and celebrate how Pride even began. It is a celebration of love, visibility, and everything.

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