CO LO R A D O'S LG B TQ M AGA ZINE | F R E E
PRIDE is ageless
Learn more at aarp.org/co
OUR PRIDE KNOWS NO BOUNDS Like everyone else, people in the LGBT community want to live longer, healthier and more fulfilling lives. AARP is committed to creating a new vision for aging—one complete with diverse stories and innovative ways for everyone to pursue their passions—equally, openly and proudly. Generations: Self-Worth and the Future Celebrate Generations, an evening of entertainment with a touch of history! AARP Colorado and Christi Layne Production present a tribute to drag entertainment and its impact in the LGBTQ community. Performers include: Scotti Carlyle, Lala J Shearz, Nina Montaldo, Nichol Summers, Tiffany Tapring Todd, Janelle St. Christopher, Brandi Roberts, Brittany Michaels, RC Michales, Jessica L’ Whor, Sue Anne Michaels Tuesday, October 22, 2019 7 – 8:30 p.m. | Doors open 6:30 p.m. Bug Theater | 3654 Navajo Street | Denver, CO 80211 Tickets can be purchased for $5 per person by calling 1-877-926-8300 or online at aarp.cvent.com/generations.
CONTENTS OCTOBER 16, 2019 VOL43 NO14
7 SHAME IS A MONSTER 11 TRUMP’S IMPEACHMENT: WILL IT HAPPEN, AND WHAT WILL IT MEAN? 14 POEM: THE JERSEY IN ME 16 THE SCARY TRUTH ABOUT DATING APPS: NOT 'WOKE' JUST AN ASSHOLE 18 QUEER AND LOATHING AT THE STANLEY 30 THE QUEER ALLURE OF THE GYPSY HOUSE CAFE 32 AMERICAN QUEER LIFE: EVERYDAY COURAGE IN THE FACE OF EVERYDAY HORRORS 34 HEINZESIGHT: ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL 36 YOUR SPOOKY, SCARY HALLOWEEN ZODIAC 38 THE WACKY, LOVEABLE BRUCE VILANCH 42 FALL CONCERT PHOTOS
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SERVING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS SINCE 1976 PHONE 303-477-4000 FAX 303-325-2642 WEB OutFrontMagazine.com FACEBOOK /OutFrontColorado TWITTER @OutFrontCO INSTAGRAM /OutFrontColorado FOUNDER PHIL PRICE 1954-1993
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ADMINISTRATION info@outfrontmagazine.com JERRY CUNNINGHAM Publisher J.C. MCDONALD Vice President MAGGIE PHILLIPS Operations Manager JEFF JACKSON SWAIM Chief Strategist EDITORIAL editorial@outfrontmagazine.com ADDISON HERRON-WHEELER Editor VERONICA L. HOLYFIELD Creative Director BRENT HEINZE Senior Columnist CHARLES BROSHOUS Senior Photographer DENNY PATTERSON Celebrity Interviewer INTERNS: Apollo Blue, Arianna Balderrama WRITER: Brandon K. Kemp, Joshua Lionlight, Kate Dooley, Keegan Williams, Rick Kitzman, Sam Albala ART art@outfrontmagazine.com DESIGN2PRO Graphic Designer COVER DESIGN Veronica L. Holyfield COVER PHOTO Veronica L. Holyfield MODELS: Lexi Leigh, Tequila Mockingbird, Victoria Paige Matthews MARKETING + SALES marketing@outfrontmagazine.com BENJAMIN YOUNG Director of Sales & Marketing QUINCEY ROISUM Marketing Executive KELSEY ELGIE DOMIER Marketing Executive MADELINE ESPINOZA Marketing Executive
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Shame is a Monster W
hen I finally recognized and embraced its presence, I was plagued by it. It leeched off of me like a parasite, wrapped around my waist and sucking at the back of my neck. I’m always the only one who can see it. I could have told people about it, but I usually didn’t. This made it grip me tighter. It crawled into my ears at night and weaved in and out of my dreams. Though, in the beginning, it wasn’t that it was scary. It was more the weight of carrying it around. It
By Keegan Williams tugged at my mind and body all the time. It was a sopping-wet serpent, jet black and radiating with dread. A couple months later, I sort of got used to its presence. I figured out how to work around it, and sometimes I forgot about it being there entirely. Its grip loosened, until finally, its hold broke, and it resigned to gingerly trail behind me. I would look back to see it following me, or sitting at the foot of my bed as I slept. After it let go of me, it looked different. It oozed with a slight,
odorless, grey smoke as it moved. It had eyes now. They looked like my eyes, and when I looked behind me at it following me, it locked eyes with me instantly. It had a challenge in its glare, as if it could latch back on to me at any point, but it was waiting for an invitation. It was present, but without it latched firmly across my torso, I forgot about it even sooner. Several months passed, and I realized I hadn’t seen it in a while. A couple weeks? Maybe four? I hadn’t even really thought about it. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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My encounters with it dwindled as more months passed. Sometimes, the thought of it crossed my mind, but I absentmindedly shifted my attention. Sometimes, I would look behind me, see it following me, and watch it stop as I kept moving forward. It would just stare at me. Sometimes, I would turn around, and it would be gone. Life went on. Things were actually going really well. I was busy. My days were full. The time when it dominated my everyday life was past, though it hadn’t completely dissipated, either. I would see it in weird spots. I’m at work, and it’s perched up across the room. I’m home alone on a Saturday night watching TV, and it quietly appears on top of my fridge. This time it has my face. The features are exaggerated—the face is bloated and saggy; it has blotchy skin; its eyes are bloodshot; it’s kind of smirking, and some of its teeth are broken or missing. It gives off a similar, benign energy as when it followed me around and stared, but with an aggressive slant. This time, the appearances are fleeting. It taunts me with a cameo and disappears five seconds later as I blink my eyes. It is hyperpresent in a dream that I immediately push out of my brain as I wake up, wash my face, and leave for work. Sometimes, I still see it in out in public or in my apartment as the jet black serpent, neutrally staring at me from across the room with my eyes with a sort of humor, a challenge. Still, I haven’t had it leech back onto my body, dragging down my spirit and legs as I walk. I examine its expression, its demeanor, the few jarring appearances with its drooping, daunting half-grin, knowing that given my permission, it might find a home in my body again. We’ve figured out how to exist with one another. It will be with me, will grow and change with me, as it already has. I see it less often. Some appearances feel off-putting, others I welcome warmly. I had a dream, maybe three weeks ago, that it was wrapped around my neck and waist again, but I was an older person. 8 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
I had a frail body, and I didn’t have the strength I once did to work past its grip. I woke up, heart pounding, and saw it staring at me in the corner across from my bed. I shuffled over to it, careful to control my breathing, and stared into its eyes. The bloodshot eyes and sunken face staring back at me had gone from the aggressive, light smirk to a small, openmouthed frown. We stared at each other, and the look in its eyes had changed. I pitied it. I empathized with it, wanted to console it.
I brought my hand beside its head, and a clump of hair fell out. It looked at me with the same, melancholic expression. I got up and turned around, chugged a glass of water, used the bathroom, and laid back down. I took the clump of hair in my hand and put it in a metal tin laying in the headboard of my mattress frame. When I looked back, it wasn’t sitting in the corner anymore. I haven’t seen it since, but I know I’ll see it again.
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resident Donald Trump’s time in the office was met with criticism from the start. Since his 2016 election, there have been a lot of questionable moves that brought up the concept of impeachment. Up until recently, however, it was mostly just talk. The reason for the inquiry is due to to Trump’s communications with the Ukraine over former Vice President Joe Biden and his son, Hunter Biden. Hunter had dealings with a Ukraine natural gas company, Burisma, and the company was investigated for accusations of money laundering. Trump’s impeachment inquiry began October 2. While it’s impossible to keep up with the live reporting in a print format, and by the time you read this, the information out when I wrote this will be outdated, there are a few questions we can answer.
How would Trump being impeached impact us?
By Arianna Balderrama
Will it Happen, and What will it Mean?
More Americans are supporting the impeachment of Trump and his removal from office. At the time of this writing, a 45 percent to 38 percent plurality now shows more people are backing the House’s action to remove him from office. According to USA Today, 74 percent of democrats and 17 percent of republicans are in favor of the impeachment of Trump. With the issues surrounding Joe and Hunter Biden, at the time of this writing, 30 percent of republicans say Trump using China and the Ukraine to investigate into the Bidens is an abuse of his power. Eighty percent say he is not above any laws. This percentage surpasses that of the democrats and independents. President Trump’s reputation is hurting more than ever after the impeachment inquiry, and a big reason is the way he is handling it. The difference between Bill Clinton’s and Trump’s impeachment inquries is the way Clinton held himself. Though a lie later became an iconic line, his calm demeanor kept the criticism in check. Trump’s inquiry, however, displays his frustrations with the situation. He isn't doing a good job of keeping his cool. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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How likely is Trump to be impeached?
holds six of those keys, they win. So far, the democrats only have four keys against the republicans. However, this inquiry could trigger the turning of more keys in their favor.
The three presidents who have received impeachment inquiries did not run for reelection. Trump is already running again for the 2020 presidential election. With percentages growing against his favor, however, it’s possible that even if he does run, his campaign will be drastically affected.
How would Impeachment Impact Us?
A president cannot pardon themself to avoid conviction. When the requirements were written for impeachment, they limited the consequences down to two: removal of office, and to be dis-entittled from the office. However, keep in mind, a president who is removed is not disqualified from reelection. But that doesn’t mean we should despair. A successful impeachment, especially considering how Trump is handling it, is sure to hurt his chances. Professor Allan Lichtman has predicted presidential elections accurately since the 80s, when Ronald Regan was elected. Lichtman’s theory behind his predictions eliminates the candidate itself and focuses on the party. Lichtman states there are 13 keys that can assist in election. If either party 1 2 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
Through the history of U.S. impeachments, not one person has been convicted. Still, this scandal of impeachment can assist the democratic party by giving them a major advantage. Still, despite all odds, Trump still has the possibility of being elected for his second term. Now, for another question on queer folks’ minds. If Trump is removed from office, will his allowances of discrimination be thrown out, too? The way Trump runs the country paved way for loose ends to unravel when it comes down to morality. We all felt the tension and have seen more examples of unjust actions towards humans through his term. The fact remains that some laws and rulings can be overturned, but the movement of hate he has mobilized will remain.
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The Jersey in Me
By Sam Albala
The Jersey in me solidified an attitude in my trachea always an invisible knife to my throat don’t ! look me up or down I will not swallow the
s
h
a
r
p
words
you throw moving slick over my tongue comeback ready elbow boney enough to break a nose keep threatening I dare you
middle fingers are a wave hello on the highway back home
I was born with my feet in a fighting stance breaking my glass lining will only cause me to
g l o w go ahead and test my Last Dragon
these fists have held enough attacks to swing heavy and hard to redeem the pristine polite girl everyone said I was bound for
forgetting that binding strengthens the resolve for freedom
watch me I will show you
what survival
really means
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VOTE NOVEMBER 5TH! Aurora is the city of culture and our diversity is what makes this city so special. People are calling for an honest leader who will work to bring the community together; not to further divide us. As your Mayor I promise to work for opportunity for all, leaving no one behind. Together, let’s do this.
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The Scary Truth About Dating Apps Not, 'Woke' Just an Asshole I
By Kate Dooley
t’s 2019, and apparently, we’re all more likely to meet our partner through a dating app than we are to meet them in real life. This is what our culture has come to. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. So, here you are: re-downloading Tinder, Grindr, or whatever platform you prefer, for the fifth time this month. We have all been there. For the queer community, these spaces can sometimes feel like the only way to meet individuals and avoid negative stigmas or potentially harmful situations. But, it’s time we ask: do these dating apps always feel as safe or inclusive as they should? Not only can it be intimidating putting yourself on these apps, but meeting someone in person can feel even scarier. The person may have disclosed themselves online as being queer, or an ally, although this could be far from the truth when they show up for the date. Today, Tinder alone racks up nearly a couple billion right swipes per day. And, as millions of people flock to these apps 1 6 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
to create their profiles and meet potential partners, they’re all thinking the same thing: How should I present myself to this online community? And, more importantly, how can I get those ego-boosting right swipes, which I’m really here for? So, here you are, late-night scrolling instead of getting a decent six hours of sleep. That means you may have encountered the self-proclaimed “woke,” “feminist,” or “LGBT+ friendly!” profile. Maybe these identifiers feel arbitrary, and maybe they feel necessary. But, at the end of the day, this is just a label someone has placed in their bio. Sometimes, it can be difficult to see a person’s true intentions when they hide behind a phone screen. Who is really sociallyconscious and inclusive, and who thinks putting “woke” in their profile will simply get them more dates? It’s time to weed out the allies from the online daters who simply use the queer community and our labels to make themselves seem virtuous.
For queer individuals, navigating dating apps can feel like a mess. Privacy is important, and safety is important, but these factors can feel secondary to the nature of dating platforms, where the only currency is right-swipes and hookups. Such concerns are especially relevant for one self-identifying bisexual woman (who preferred to remain anonymous, but whom I will refer to as Gina). “Usually, those differences arise in person. They’ll assure me they’re a feminist on our first date, but still exhibit all kinds of manipulative behavior. I dated one guy who used to get really jealous—and then would apologize later for ‘gaslighting me,’ as if him knowing the word ‘gaslighting’ excused him from the practice of gaslighting,” Gina explained. A major complication arises from situations like this wherein individuals think they’re excused from their own toxic behavior. Just because someone is aware of the labels or terms they use does not mean they put these into safe practice. Because these apps allow individuals to market themselves in whatever way they see fit, this can mean applying haphazard labels without fully understanding what they mean to the community that created them. “Reading ‘woke feminist’ in somone’s bio can be a bit of a red flag. I often feel that, if they self-identify by these labels, they will turn out to be ‘woke’ in a competitive sense—which involves talking over me, explaining things to me, and undermining my experiences. Ironically, they think being
‘woke’ (code for a ‘nice guy’) entitles them to more sex and dates,” said Gina. So, who are these labels really for? If some people are not using them to avoid homophobes and as necessary self-preservation, than these tactics just aim to boost that individual’s ‘self-worth.’ And this comes at the expense of the queer people they are exploiting. On the other hand, there’s a reason these labels are so important to the people they represent. They help to foster understanding, alliance, and provide community where there used to be none. Placing such identifiers on one’s profile can be an announcement to the homophobes on these dating platforms that we’re here—and we’re unapologetic about it. “For women, for queer men, or for men of color, using these labels can be a way of estbalishing who shares your fundamental values,” Gina added. So, the issue at hand may reach beyond dating apps and comment on issues rooted in people’s sincerity to represent themselves. But, as online platforms are becoming a more and more popular way to meet new people, we all must be wary of labels that should signal safety but really may just be dividing us further. We should all be woke, feminists, and queer-friendly. While these are all necessary traits we need in the people we see as well, whether it be intimately or plationically, we should all set the bar so much higher.
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Queer and Loathing at The Photos by Veronica L. Holyfield
N
ot to sound cliché, but I needed to get the hell out of Denver for a little while. The pressures of putting out a bi-weekly magazine, combined with the pressures of the impending Trump impeachment and upcoming election, were a bit much. The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park is the perfect place to get away from the pressures of being a queer person in 2019, because it feels like you’ve entered another world. All the classic old architecture and decor is still up, and there’s the general vibe that you’ve stepped into another world. Especially during the fall, there’s something in the air about The Stanley. The multiple ghost stories that surround
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the spot, the same stories that made it the inspiration for Stephen King’s The Shining, seem to hang thick in the air. From room 217 to the haunted halls and the underground passageways, there’s a definite spooky aura. But is the hotel really haunted? According to Jill Schladweiler, director of activities at The Stanley, it’s all about what you want to believe. Guests come in and show her photos with light in the corner, and she just nods and smiles. What harm is it doing anyone if they believe they had an awesome ghost experience? Live and let live, unless, of course, the ghosts are violent. In The Shining, we see the worst possible case scenario with a ghost. Much like the Trump
administration, we see Jack Nicholson possessed by the lure of wealth and opulence, charging through walls with an ax and attempting to destroy all in his path. Times like that are when we need to take action, and The Stanley acts as a perfect reminder of that, even if it is a getaway. Walking through its storied hallways, standing outside of door 217, you can feel the hair on your arms standing up. But unfortunately, as much fun as Halloween and haunted hotels are, queer people in 2019 are all-to-used to being scared. Much like Danny and his mom in The Shining, sometimes it feels like all we can do is sit there and wait for the man with the ax to charge through the door.
Stanley But, it’s fall, the season of change, and it does look like the tides could be changing. As I sat in the coffee shop at The Stanley after our photo shoot watching the Trump impeachment updates on TV and feeling the cool, fall breeze still on my clothes, I couldn’t help but hope. Even if things get a little scary, we can all hang on to hope that good things are coming. So, this fall, enjoy yourself and feel free to escape, to get away. Lose yourself in the fun of a haunted house or a crowded bar. But don’t forget about the true horror that stalks the queer community, and the positive steps we can take to stop it. -Addison Herron-Wheeler
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All Work
and No Play
Victoria Paige Matthews 2 0 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
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Tequila Mockingbird
Lexi Leigh
Come Play With Us 2 2 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
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The newest building at The Stanley may have a modern rooftop, but even that can't stop the spooky.
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When you check in, you may not check out again ...
... And you may not want to. 2 6 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
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For Ever and Ever
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By Brandon J. Kemp
The Queer Allure
of
The Gypsy House cafe
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T
he Gypsy House Café has been a well-known staple in Denver for years. It has housed many local artists, creative minds, and tarot card readers alike. Not to mention, they serve some of the best coffee within the Denver Metro Area. The Gypsy House Café is notorious for attracting an eclectic, open, and socially responsible crowd that welcomes all walks of life and celebrates every person that walks through their doors. Those who know the place love it. I mean, what’s not to love? Fresh coffee, amazing food variety, love, and much laughter. However, it all came crashing down a few years ago when the economy boomed and many of the local companies were forced out. Twin sisters Doniece and Dena Derani, who were the owners of Gypsy House Café, had no other option but to say goodbye to their beloved establishment. At the time, The Gypsy House Café’ was located in Capitol Hill, off of 13th and Marion. The patrons of the café were left devastated, and to be honest, we didn’t have a safe haven for queer, poetic performers. Denver had grown up, and we had to grow up with it. A couple of months ago, I received a buzz that Gypsy House Café would possibly resume business. This meant that our once-beloved spot would open its doors to all of us queer folk, and I was delighted. So, I contacted the Derani sisters directly. I reached them, and they were happy to share the journey they’d taken to reclaim their space and the infectious, vivacious energy they elicited in Denver. After several attempts of trying to lay down roots in multiple cities, the sisters felt dispassionate about many of their options. As the years passed them and The Gypsy House café became nothing more than a distant memory, they started to realize there was still nothing quite like it.
poetry series, “The Return of Speech.” The series will take place every second Friday of month from 7 to 9 p.m. Lady Speech, a known and celebrated member of the LGBTQ community, believes that all people should have a safe space to heal and share their truth with the village. She has always made it known that we’re all a part of a bigger family, and no one should be left out. “We’ve always had our doors open to the LGBT community, which is why we chose the capital hill location for our first location,” she added. “We’ve had many queer people tell us that they feel safe here, and more importantly, they feel a true sense of community and home.” It’s vital that all queer people feel included and safe, especially in spaces that aren’t specifically for LGBTQ individuals. It’s important to keep in mind that our creativity is no longer meant to be confined. Our lives matter. Our truth matters, and our stories matter. The Gypsy House Café is a living, breathing model of community and unity for all. For more information on poetry nights, go to the event calendar on Facebook and come participate in steamy, earth-shattering, honest, heartbreaking stories. Who knows; you may garner the courage to get on stage and share your story.
One Community. One Family.
“When Gypsy House closed, we were devastated, and it was our entire life,” Dena explained. “We didn’t realize we were going to reopen again. We searched for three years; we felt that it wasn’t going to happen. We searched in Louisiana, Miami, and Georgia for a new beginning, but our hearts are in Denver.” Eventually, the sisters would accept the massive changes in Denver and return. That led them to accept their new, perfect Broadway location. Since then, they have officially announced they are back in business and back to hosting poetry nights. The Gypsy House café’ is urging all queer people to come and share their stories and experiences through the art of poetry and story telling. Activist, Denver socialite, tarot card priestess, poet and writer Lady Speech will conduct the hosting of the
Please Drink Responsibly. 2187186
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American
Queer Life Everyday Courage in the Face of Everyday Horrors By Rick Kitzman
Bran thought about it. “Can a man still be brave if he is afraid?” “That is the only time a man can be brave,” his father told him. George R.R. Martin—Game of Thrones
I
was born in Colorado, I’m as gay as a box of birds, and alive. So, I guess that qualifies me to write my new column, American Queer Life, and this is my first article under this banner. Others also qualify, but I have the privilege of writing for this magazine, a privilege not taken lightly. Some days, being human requires courage just to get out of bed. But being LGBTQ—or another minority—requires daring every day. We can be threatened by a landlord, boss, priest, evangelist, coach, policeman, judge, politician, president, the fanatic stranger. Queers combat opposition, danger, and hardship. Resistance is constant, regular, and prevalent. Little acknowledgment—even from ourselves—is received, sought, or expected. We just get on with life. I call our moral strength—ironic, since our critics use morality to shame us—everyday courage: common, routine, unrecognized. I’ve witnessed the power of everyday courage from the average Joes and Jolenes of my community: a lesbian friend who described caring for her partner of decades diagnosed with Alzheimer’s; a young, trans man who awaited turning 18 so he could begin his physical transformation; ex-Mormons who
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chronicled being excommunicated, losing their church, children and homes, yet remaining spiritual, kind and loving. That’s a recent, incomplete list of thousands of examples over decades. My heroes don’t know they’re heroes and would probably be shocked and embarrassed if called that. I think we’re unaware of our courage. In retrospect, I see how I made courageous decisions: auditioning for Boys in the Band in the 70s, when I published a book declaring my HIV status in 1997, or in 2003, when I came out to my parents. Those three examples represent landmarks of innumerable declarations over the the last 50 years of my life. (I’m 65.) But, I didn’t wake up those mornings and proclaim, “Today, I shall be courageous! Hurrah!” I woke up, maybe threw up, and then gave up a life of lies, shame, and misery. As excruciatingly painful as those decisions were, they were less painful than living a closeted life. I gave birth to a truer version of myself. Being human is a mystery, never ending and never entirely solvable. Except for maybe on some cosmic level, no one deliberately decides to be queer. We are born with a queer story to tell, a quality intrinsic to our core. We may fight those urges with all our might,
scared to death of their consequences. Simultaneously frightening and freeing, courage appears when fear drives us kicking and screaming to be bold. The price of queer freedom can be high: loss of home, family, children, friends, employment, income, social standing, entry to heaven, even loss of life. But the rewards are equally high: a life lived with love, honesty, happiness, purpose, integrity, and, frankly, fun. What our stories boil down to—what everyone’s story boils down to, really—is a search for love: from relatives, friends, a partner, and ultimately, for oneself. But life demands authentic expression and provides daily opportunities. With perseverance and resilience, when we let go of fear, we are reborn. We live authentically not just to survive, but to thrive confidently, passionately. Indeed, we are reborn every day with eventually, I hope, joy and light gracing us all. Of course, queers don’t have a monopoly on courage. Those who loved us or denied long-held beliefs and prejudices to right wrongs may have done so at great personal risk. Let’s acknowledge the bravery our allies embraced. And, of course, the American queer community has made great strides. In Denver, we can dance at Tracks, dine at Racine’s, and hold hands in Cheesman Park without being arrested. We can have sex at the Swim Club, watch porn, and buy our toys at Needz courtesy of the U.S. Supreme Court. We can get a marriage license at the Denver County Clerk and Recorder’s Office and purchase a wedding cake at Azucar Bakery, much like our parents did. We can sign up for the military on the Auraria Campus— well, most of us. All over America, some in the queer community can be rejected for military service. We can be denied employment and housing. We can be subjected to forced conversion therapies. We can be bullied into suicide, like 9-year-old Jamel Myles last year in Denver. We can be barred from entry to heaven by hypocritical religions. We can be raped and murdered. We can watch a dark cloud of loneliness and hopelessness loom over the futures
of the childless elderly and homeless, queer youth. We can still become HIV infected. In 2017, people of color accounted for 75 percent of new HIV infections (24,026). Youth aged 13-24 accounted for 21 percent (8,264) of 38,739 new diagnoses. We can still die from HIV: 15,807 individuals passed away in 2015, nearly half in the South. Solving these problems may feel like extinguishing a forest fire with an eyedropper. But, I have faith my community and our allies will be part of their solutions, and flooding the flames, to paraphrase the Bible, justice will roll down like an ever-lasting stream. That America is divided, is riddled with real and systemic violence—political, racial, economic, gender, sexual, environmental—is not new news, not fake news. Queer existence is itself a divisive issue, and living a queer life means you have a target on your back. As Lady Macbeth goaded her waffling husband, we “screw [our] courage to the sticking post.” But it’s whom we screw that sickens our enemies worldwide. We are much more than our sexual preference or gender identity. Governments and religions, politicians and zealots, obsess about these traits, condemned as our curse and damnation. Our nature is only a part of our humanity, embraced as our blessing and salvation. I think they’re jealous. The power of our everyday courage sets us free, and the power of their unyielding hate shackles them to misery. I love my country and want to feel good about it, but I grit my teeth when I think of the erosion of queer rights since November 2016, and brace myself for future attempts at more egregious perversions of justice in America. For the moment, I celebrate LGBTQ persons worldwide for the pluckiness they display walking out the door. Queers and the power of their everyday courage energizes the foundation of society, benefitting the very world nipping at our heels—we have for millennia. Maybe that’s a grandiloquent and simplistic statement. I don’t care. Because it’s true. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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HEINZESIGHT: ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL I
By Brent Heinze
don’t understand why I have so many problems working to make my life better. I honestly want to be happy, but I get so frustrated that it takes a long time and it's hard to break out of old, negative ways of thinking. I’ve been told that I don’t let my guard down so people can get close to me. Why is it hard to allow myself to make changes to bring myself more happiness and learn how to trust other people? There are so many ways that we might choose to guard ourselves against those things that we feel threaten us. There can be situations that bring up feelings of dread, fear, anger, terror, insecurity, or a zillion other uncomfortable emotions we would rather not feel. Especially in our early development, we create ways of protecting ourselves from things that hurt. Sometimes, it is emotional distress from our home life, the ways that other kids can be cruel to us, or internal feelings that tear us down. It is normal for someone to develop ways to avoid feeling discomfort or pain. Unfortunately, these methods to protect us can also serve to keep us from getting close to others or cause other forms of negativity to be developed in our lives. Developing trust in others can be a huge challenge, especially for those who have experienced instability, betrayal, inconsistency, or abuse in their lives. Some learn through their experiences that not only is the world an unfair place, but it can be quite dangerous, as well. There can be lessons learned regarding the unhappy reality that putting your faith and safety in the hands of others may cause concerning things to happen in your life. These experiences can cause some to want to close themselves off from those threatening people, but the reality is that, often, these ways of protecting ourselves from hurtful people also have the strong potential to close us off from good ones as well. Throughout our lives, we may choose to build a metaphorical, defensive wall to protect us. It may not seem like we have a choice due to our circumstances, especially when it is created out of a sense that our survival depends on it. Without building this type of emotional barrier, we may be overtaken by armies 3 4 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
that intend to injure us. Our early development could have negatively impacted us with traumatic situations, dramatic people, or this could be because of our emotions. For every tough moment, we risk cementing another brick in this wall. Depending on the frequency of distressing experiences or difficult people that enter our lives, our wall may be constructed quickly or with extremely strong reinforcement. We may be relatively unaware that it is even being constructed until the formidable structure stands before us. There are some barriers we create that are more like shorter retaining walls to keep a few things from spilling out. Think of these more like planters at your home that keep in dirt and your pretty perennials. There are a few items that may cause us to want to actively protect ourselves, but generally, we don’t feel that a huge defensive structure is necessary to feel safe. Others may create more significantly sized walls in the hopes of protecting themselves from a variety of villains and threats, while some protect themselves without constructing a huge, defensive barrier. Other people’s walls may rival The Great Wall of China. It may appear to go on for a very long distance, be extremely high, and seem to be impenetrable. Sometimes, these are quite obvious to others, while other times, people may not realize they exist until they run into them. There are many types of materials that can be used to create these types of emotional barricades. For some where people can easily penetrate the emotional barrier, it may be created from soft materials like marshmallows or tissue paper. Other times, defenses need to be strengthened, and materials such as concrete, rebar, and metal spikes may be utilized to help ensure that entry will be extremely difficult and unlikely. Sometimes, the selected material may be somewhat transparent so others can see what issues are being protected, while other times, it is opaque, and issues are rarely viewed. Not all of these protective barriers are impenetrable. Some people have made the effort to design a few doors and windows so the occasional, select people can enter beyond the barrier.
The trust level must be high to allow these few individuals into someone’s life. In the real world, these types of emotional walls may come in a variety of forms and exist for several different reasons. Some work hard to create an amazingly strong outside appearance to hide the fact that they are feeling inadequate, unhappy, scared, threatened, or insecure. Others create a personality that might be considered off-putting, aggressive, or suspicious to keep people from getting close to them. Regardless of the style that someone shows to the world, these techniques are developed so they don’t have to let people get to know those parts of them which they perceive to be weak, undesirable, or unattractive. Unfortunately, these actions can be considered unhealthy and rarely help someone make friends or develop deeper relationships. They often also stop a person from working on their issues to heal from past distress. Most of the time, these behaviors only support feelings of distrust and paranoia while reinforcing the belief that hiding these insecurities is necessary for survival. Some may go as far as to believe that people would not like them if they knew what was being held behind those walls. Breaking down these barriers can take a lifetime of effort, but it doesn’t necessarily have to take that long. There are techniques that can be helpful and effective in reducing the negative impact of building these barriers. Sometimes, the equivalent of a little hammer and chisel can chip away slowly at a wall, while other times, a sledgehammer, wrecking ball, or dynamite can be a quicker solution. The first step is to determine what issues are keeping you from trusting others. Take time to think about the people and situations that lead you to lose faith in the goodness of people in general or to think that the world is a perilous place. Prioritize which of these beliefs may be either the easiest to work on or the most negatively impactful in your life. Beginning this process can feel daunting, but it is important to start working on it. Think about who you currently have around you that you might trust with knowing some of your protected secrets. These special individuals can help you get used to sharing those parts of your life that have been trapped behind a wall and likely hidden from others. Over time, you may feel more comfortable with others or realize that trustworthy people exist in your life who are not out to hurt or take advantage of you. Healing can happen slowly or quickly, so be careful not to give up too quickly or without a fight. Challenge yourself to not be so concerned that you will get hurt. Often, the fear of experiencing pain keeps us from working on ways to move forward. Also, realize that hopefully, you have developed more effective and healthier ways of dealing with difficult people and situations than you had when you were younger. It is time to start tearing down these walls so others can see you in all your splendor, including the things you felt like hiding from the world. These experiences make up who we are and should be embraced instead of locked away. OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Your Spooky, Scary Halloween Zodiac By Joshua Lionlight
ARIES: You will find that there are two paths or options, not
October 2019
just one, especially concerning the task that you’re currently working on. You may feel yourself “hanging in the balance,” but if you can have the courage to be patient, you will see admirers and followers gather around. Sow, a creature of earth and abundance, is your animal spirit guide this month.
3 – Pluto moves direct 13 – Full moon in Aries 23 – Sun enters Scorpio 27 – New moon in Scorpio 31 – Mercury moves retrograde.
TAURUS: A big idea and solution to your creative endeavors will be discovered! Many of you are seeing the practical result of energy work and of your imagination. An extraordinary truth is manifesting, especially when consulting with a psychic. Your spirit guide is the crane in October, representing longevity and intuition.
GEMINI: The realization of a power struggle and the efforts involved in becoming a strong leader are dawning upon you. There is a heavy task unfolding. You’re discovering your personal power at its peak! If something feels burdensome, share it. The Owl will be your spirit guide, symbolizing change, wisdom, and psychic awareness.
Happy Samhain/Halloween! Happy birthday Libra and Scorpio!
SCORPIO: A discovery surrounding financial independence is coming to you! There is much work to be done, and it may feel overwhelming, but I sense the price for this freedom is worth it. Touch base with what’s burdening you, then remember the bigger picture. Signifying twilight, your spirit guide is the blackbird, also representing enchantment and inner awareness.
SAGITTARIUS:
a profound joy! Something that excited you in your childhood is resurfacing, and you are being encouraged to fight to keep it. Let your friends and enemies see you for who you are now! You are worthy. Your animal spirit guide this month is the Adder, representing rebrith, shedding, and sexual magnetism.
You’ll be encouraged to know that a discovery of your skill and how it is portrayed to the public is at hand. Be more conscious of what you’re doing, because people are watching you, almost microscopically! Someone from the past may show up to forewarn you of the future. Your spirit guide is the raven this month, signifying protection, hauntings, and prophecy.
LEO:
CAPRICORN: There is a key discovery within your dreams
CANCER: Through music and some tiny detail, you will discover
A prophecy surrounding companionship and family is coming out. Some special bond is being formed and protected. An expression of truth is set to liberate any concerns around relationships and family matters. You’re finding some fulfillment! Swan, a creature of love, beauty, and transformation, will be your spirit guide this month.
VIRGO:
You’re discovering exactly where you’ve been tied up. Be careful not to sacrifice to a fault. Have no fear if taken advantage of! A young and free rebel is rushing in to help. Training yourself to be calm and grounded in adversity will be most valuable. Your spirit guide is the Earth Dragon in October, reflecting inner and outer treasure, seclusion, and groundedness.
LIBRA:
When you separate from outdated traditions, you will discover harmony, balance, and ultimate fulfillment! Sharpening your mind now will open up massive opportunities. Your respect in the world, in your community, is growing. Accept the wisdom of the moment. Wolf shall be your spirit guide this month, symbolizing instinct, learning, and lone faith. 3 6 \\ O C T O B E R 1 6 , 2 0 1 9
you’ll want to make practical use of! Visions of real-life opportunities are flooding your conscious mind. Writing or speaking about these things will make you feel confident and inspired. Calling to you from the sea is your spirit guide, seal, who represents longing, opening, and a colorful imagination.
AQUARIUS:
A person who offers pleasure and material temptation is around you. You will discover through this person your new lustful appetites and where you’ve been limiting yourself. Where you’ve felt mentally imprisoned will clear, especially as you relent. Cow is your spirit guide in October, signifying indulgences, nourishment, and mother earth.
PISCES: You’re making a big discovery with your legacy and the kind of wealth or stamp you want to make. An influential breakthrough is strong! Now is a good time to build a team or join a rebel group. There’s a strong, older male influence in your space. Heed your spirit guide this month, Air Dragon, representing the element of surprise, sharp insight, and visitation.
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Photo by Rick Stockwell Wonderful, thank you. I love Denver. I like to go out there and just breathe.
So, tell me, what’s new in the world of Bruce Vilanch? I don’t have much to plug right now. I finished doing The Drowsy Chaperone a couple months ago in Sacramento. It was wonderful to come out on stage for an hour-and-a-half while a show unfolds around me. I had a great time. Now, I am back at my Hollywood mancave writing and carrying on.
Will you be appearing in any upcoming shows soon? I have a couple benefits and shows lined up, but I don’t want to give away too much just yet. In Denver, I remember being in a cabaret, and it was great fun, because I got to hang out backstage with all the burlesque people, and I did Hairspray in Denver. It’s hysterical to go backstage at a Denver theatre. It looks like an ER. They have all this emergency equipment because people evidently pass out constantly, and ballerinas do faceplants from the altitude. I finished a gig in Denver, and I think we were there for three weeks. The next stop on the tour was Phoenix, which of course is below sea level. Everybody was holding every note 16 bars too long, because they all had the air. Thank you, Denver.
The Wacky, Loveable
Bruce Vilanch T
By Denny Patterson
here is no doubt that Bruce Vilanch has lived a colorful life. In addition to being a queer icon, he is one of the most recognizable figures within the entertainment industry. Known for his eclectic eyewear and collection of unique T-shirts, Bruce is an Emmy Award-winning comedic writer and actor whose career began when he was an entertainment writer for The Chicago Tribune.
If you could reprise your role of Edna in Hairspray, would you? Sure! Absolutely. It’s a great part, and it’s so much fun. It involves a lot of physical labor, but it’s worth it.
What is your opinion on Trump’s attacks on the media and the whole fake news hysteria?
It’s a typical fascist move. The moment you get into power, you say that the media is against you, and your followers want to believe that, because your followers are basically unhappy people, and that’s why they voted for you, because you are going to bring back what they think is great. It’s a classic fascist ploy, and it’s horsesh*t.
Mingling with celebrities would lead him to writing material for legendary comics including Lily Tomlin, Rosie O’Donnell, Billy Crystal, and Robin Williams. Later, he would become head writer for the Academy Awards and Hollywood Squares, as well as be a celebrity participant. As far as acting, Bruce has appeared in films, television shows, and even graced Broadway with his presence. One of his favorite roles was playing Edna Turnblad in Hairspray’s first national stage tour.
Also, the media is complicit in the creation of Trump. No question about it, and the proof of that is when Michelle Wolf hosted the White House Correspondents' Dinner. She spoke truth to power, and it pissed them off, because she was the first person to say to them, 'You are a part of this. You have facilitated him.'I have been saying, if the New York Times would stop putting him on the front page and wait until at least page three, we could have nipped it in the bud, but they said in some weird idea of fair and balance that we have to cover him like he’s for real. Therefore, they made him for real.
Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me today, Bruce. We look forward to featuring you.
Throughout your career, you have collaborated and provided material for several comedians. What makes a great comic?
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Well, they must be funny! People forget that’s a major component! They must be funny, and a great comic serves several different degrees. They are speaking to a certain truth that people recognize. It’s a thing of beauty.
Is there a celebrity you would like to work with whom you haven't gotten to collaborate with so far in your career? Yeah, there are some funny people out there. Tiffany Haddish had some funny stuff; I’ve never worked with her. There are some friends that I know I’d love to collaborate with.
This year was the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. How did you first hear about the riots, and what were your thoughts on them? Well, first off, I am impressed by how Stonewall has become essentially the Mayflower of the community. I mean, we all know there were people here before the pilgrims. Same with Stonewall; the year before, there was a Black Cat riot in Los Angeles which doesn’t get the publicity like Stonewall gets, and there was also a thing in San Francisco a couple years before with a small but active community of gay activists. Stonewall was another one of those things at the time. It was part of a growing trend that was happening. Then it coincided with Judy Garland’s death and got put in the media, because obviously Judy was associated with gay people, her hysterical,
gay fan base. So, the media had some fun and ran with it. I was in Detroit at the time writing for the Detroit Free Press. I was a summer intern, so I was out of the fray, but it was inspiring. It was an inspiring thing to see people say enough; we’re not going to be bullied; we’re not going to be taken advantage of by the cops and mob.
Were you out at the time of the riots? There was no such thing. I mean, there was no concept of being out. That didn’t start until after Stonewall. That idea was created. Everybody was in; it was an outlaw society. I was known to my family and everybody, and I was also in a complicated bisexual situation where I had girlfriends, so it was not black or white. I never came out, because I didn’t have to. By the time that was in fashion, everybody knew. It would look kind of stupid for me to say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m out.’
What does the LGBTQ community need to do in order to continue progress? We just have to keep everybody’s feet to the fire, which is an ugly metaphor unless you’re a foot fetishist. Unfortunately, when we thought we were finally ahead, we get dragged back in by the right wing, and it’s all fueled by bigotry. I used to say trumps everything, but that was before I started using trump as a verb. We must stick together. When we decide to work together for something; we’re unstoppable.
OUTFRONTMAGAZINE.COM
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Fall Concert P hotos
Photos by Veronica L. Holyfield
Brandi Carlile
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