September 2022 :: Masc & Femme by OUT FRONT Magazine

VOLUME 46 NUMBER 6 SEPTEMBER 2022 TABLE OF CONTENTS From The Editor OFM Breaking • 2022 Monkeypox Outbreak • Respect for Marriage Act OFM Health • Bringing Queer Food to the Front of the Table OFM ART • DYSTRA • Queering the Masculine and Feminine OFM Thoughts • Shamy Lee: A Hairy Choice • The Toxicity in Queer Dating • Cord Cutting • Don't Fence Me In • Beyond the Binary • Ask a Coach • Queer Girl Q&A Gallery • 'Raise Hell Praise Dolly' Photoshoot OFM Community Page OFM Style • Mina Gerges • Beauty Beat • Minimalism to Maximalism 07081012 54 OFM Reviews • Cannabis Reviews OFM Music • Indie Artist Bekka Jean • British Mustard • September's New, Must-Catch Music • Metal Meltdown OFM Astrology • September Horoscopes OFM Lust • Here's to Not Following Stereotypes 4017 566234 66 48 4 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

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RESERVATION OF RIGHTS

6 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

And we often have tenuous relationships with older folks in our biological family. We aren’t all blessed enough to have supportive parents, and even people like me who are so lucky still deal with a more bigoted extended family. That fact, quite simply, has led me to balk a little at the mention of family, immediately picturing my racist uncle and shuddering.

In 2022, we often scoff a little at the term “family.” Most of us millennial and Gen Z folks don’t want kids, either due to internalized traumas, the state of the world, or, frankly, having enough resources to make it a reality.

That is why this issue is even more important. In this day and age, family and identity are everything. We should all have the right to choose when and how to show up and have a family—whether that means giving birth, terminating a pregnancy, giving someone a second chance, cutting someone off, or making our own family among our friends and lovers.

Or, at the very least, know we have you covered for coping mechanisms when it comes to that racist uncle, or ideas of how to pull off the ultimate masc or femme look.

Even worse, sometimes the people in our lives who should be family don’t show up for us like we need because of how we present. Trans folks and those who either present outside of the binary or in ways that don’t align with our assigned birth gender often face backlash from folks who don’t get it and want us to fit in with what they think family, and “men and women,” should look like.

In community, outfront magazine.com

Masc, Femme, and Family

So, I invite you to comb through these pages and ask yourself: What does family mean to you, and what space, if any, do the roles of “masc” and “femme” hold in your world? And, if we all work together, would it be possible to rebuild the world in out own, queer image and make these things anew?

EDITORTHEFROM -Addison Herron-Wheeler

T hough you’ve probably nev er heard of it before this year, monkeypox (MPV) is not a new disease. It was first found in mon keys in 1958, and the first reported case in a human was in 1970. For al most five decades, the MPV was rare ly seen outside of Africa. Infections usually originated from contact with wildlife, particularly rodents, and human-to-human transmission was deemed a non-issue.

It should be noted that anyone is susceptible to contraction. The virus can spread through any contact with lesions or large respiratory drop lets from an infected person. This means that it can spread in households through any close personal contact with an infected person—not just as a result of sexual intimacy.

• Have been identified as a close con tact of someone who has monkey pox (suspected or confirmed)

• Are sex workers of any sexual orien tation/gender

A recent study published by the New England Journal of Medicine found that 98% of those infected by MPV were gay, bisexual, or other MSM (men who have sex with men). The study looked at 528 cases, from 16 different coun tries. Transmission was suspected to have occurred during sexual activity in 95% of the cases looked at, though MPV isn’t classified as an STI. We know now that the virus is trans mitted through close physical contact with an infected person. Typically this means skin-to-skin contact, especial ly contact with the rashes and skin lesions caused by the disease, but it can also be spread through large re spiratory droplets, such as coughing and sneezing. It has also been found You Need to Know that secondary contact with fabrics (clothes, bed sheets, towels) that have been touched by an infected person could also cause transmission.

Though there have been reports of MPV in both women and children, the fact that a majority of infections have been in MSM means that, with the right protec tions and more targeted public health messaging, the course of the outbreak could still be changed.

• Have received a notification from a venue or event of potential exposure to someone who has monkeypox (suspected or confirmed)

By Ray Manzari

•ments:Are gay, bisexual, other MSM, and trans people who have sex with men and have had multiple (more than one) sexual partners in the past 14 days

2022 Monkeypox Outbreak: What

8 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

vaccines are being limited to those who meet the following require

However, since May 2022, there have been 23,000 cases of MPV reported across 78 countries, leading the World Health Organization (WHO) to de clare the virus an “evolving threat of moderate public health concern” on June 23, 2022. There is also a movement to refer to monkeypox as MPV due to the harm ful stigma surrounding the term. Black folks and queer people have been disproportionately impacted by the name, and WHO is currently mov ing to rename the virus.

“Stigma and discrimination can be as dangerous as any virus,” says WHO Director-General Tedros Adhanom

“InGhebreyesus.additionto our recommendations to countries, I am also calling on civil society organizations, including those with experience in working with peo ple living with HIV, to work with us on fighting stigma and discrimination.”

MPV is a disease caused by infection with the human monkeypox virus, which comes from the same virus family as smallpox. In fact, symptoms are quite similar to smallpox and in clude fever, headache, muscle aches, chills, and cold symptoms such as a cough or sore throat. Those infected have also reported a painful, blis ter-like rash. For most, the disease usually resolves in two to three weeks with proper medical attention.

The same study that found monkey pox to be disproportionately affecting MSM found the virus in more than 90% of semen samples taken, though whether or not the virus is infectious in semen is still unknown. In response to this study, WHO is sued a warning for MSM to limit their number of sexual partners for the time being. It also warned of the harm stigmatization can have on an already marginalized community.

Since MPV is a known disease, there is already a vaccination available. Many countries have begun offering it as a means of stopping the spread. Used pri or to exposure, research suggests the vaccine can provide around 85% protec tion from infection. If given between four and 14 days after exposure to MPV, the vaccine may potentially reduce symp toms of the disease. In addition, experts have recommended that at-risk groups limit the number of sexual partners they have and take other precautions to limit Currently,contact.

is a fundamental foundation for family, commu nity, and society. It is not asking for ‘special’ rights when we ask that our LGBTQ+ loved ones be allowed to meet, love, marry, and create a family with another person. It is the same thing that every parent wants and hopes for their child if that is what their child chooses,” says Brian K. Bond, exec utive director of PFLAG National.

Although the Respect for Marriage Act would require states to legally recognize same-gender marriages that occurred in other states, there is still no mechanism to allow couples to marry in a state that didn’t want to issue them a marriage

Although the bill offers protections at both the federal and state level should Obergefell v. Hodges (the Supreme Court case that federally guaranteed marriage equality) be over turned, states would be allowed to deny same-gender cou ples marriage licenses within their state. The stakes of the court overturning Obergefell are high: 35 states still have laws banning marriage equality on the books, though not all of those states would necessarily ban it should Obergefell be reversed.

outfront magazine.com 9

"Repealing DOMA with the passage of the bipartisan and bicameral Respect for Marriage Act is important and will help protect our families. PFLAGers everywhere urge its passage, and will continue leading with love so that every one can expect, access, and enjoy the same benefits in this Ascountry."thebill reaches the Senate and awaits further voting, advocacy groups such as the Human Rights Campaign mobilize businesses, and voters to call on their represen tatives to protect marriage equality.

“For the first time in our nation’s history, we are so close to codifying marriage equality as the law of our land—so close to ensuring that every family will have the freedom to love whom they love,” says Joni Madison, Human Rights Campaign interim president.

In response to growing concerns, members of congress drafted a bill that would codify marriage equality into fed eral law. The bill, titled the Respect for Marriage Act, was passed in the House of Representatives with large bipartisan support. It now awaits further voting in the Senate. If successful, it would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), which kept the federal government from recogniz ing LGBTQ marriages and require federal law to recognize LGBTQ marriages performed in states where it is legal or was legal at the time of the marriage.

"Marriagelicense.

J ustice Clarence Thomas’ concurring opinion in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization (the Supreme Court’s Mississippi abortion decision that overturned Roe v. Wade)—in which he suggests the court also overturn pro tections for birth control, same-gender marriage, and the right to form intimate sexual relationships with other con senting adults—left many concerned for the future of mar riage equality.

To contact your senator, and ensure marriage remains equal for all, call the United States Capitol switchboard at (202) 224-3121. A switchboard operator will then connect you directly with the Senate office you request.

By Ray Manzari

F or so long, the ideal of liv ing as a gay person meant matching the ideals of my heterosexual counterparts: living freely in the same environment, being able to have the same things (marriage, kids), and having spaces where everyone was welcome regard less of sexual orientation. The more I learned about LGBTQ history, the inherent culture undeniably “queer,” and the continued political polariza tion impacting our community, the more I realized that my new ideal of living as a queer person is in celebrat ing and protecting inherently queer spaces that acknowledge the strug gles and culture of our community while promoting a future in which we rejoice in our differences as a com Formunity.myself and many others, identi fying as queer means more than just within the confines of sexual orien tation—It is political; it is radically expressive; it is outside of the status quo. And yet, we never look at food as something that could be considered Foodqueer.is representative of culture so of course it can be queer—not so much in what is literally eaten or the folks who are present at the table but in the make of the entire experience surrounding the diner. Like so much of queer culture, queer food is ev erywhere and yet underrecognized. Think less about rainbow-colored foods and more about the radical ex pression of art through food that puts a head-tilting spin on the expecta tions of what is possible culinarily. It’s the nod of fellow queer person serv ing you at the table. Perhaps the vibe is a wink to queer culture, despite heterosexual patrons dining in blissful ignorance. May be the music celebrates queer icons as a backdrop to the presentation of spicy fusion foods on a colorful platter hand-crafted by a local queer artist. Queer food is more than just one identifiable factor; it’s the culmi nation of many things that are joyful and magical and perhaps even a little (or a lot) radically political. Take the queer, vegan, and melanat ed (QVM) food movement based out of Washington, D.C. QVM exists to create a space for Black and Brown individuals to discuss their food jour ney and self-acceptance. It’s a com munity that dines together; discuss es shared issues and experiences; volunteers; and fosters conversation about wellness of the mind, body, and soul. Events are held nation wide with the intent to celebrate the journeys of melanated folks through communal dining and togetherness.

By Zach Breeding

Bringing Queer Food to the Front of the Table

10 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Thetrum.food, of course, doesn’t take a back seat—It is the expression of the art of queer folks that builds a foun dation for the space to prosper at all. It is the creativity of the food that is served—a creative expression of fla vors in a style that is inherently queer. The universal language of food speaks to all, so surely it can speak to our community. The need for these spac es extends far beyond simply having a space where we are welcome, but in the celebration of what makes us different and uniquely us. The ques tion to ask ourselves is, "Where does queer food exist in our lives?"

"Queer food is everywhere and yet underrecognized. Think less about rainbow-colored foods and more about the radical expression of art through food."

The queerness of food is in no one ac tion. The freedom to be queer is still very much under development in our culture, and so the concept of queer food can be difficult to recognize. The queerness of food can be found in characteristically political spaces which combat racial exclusivity and promote ideals such as fair trade and equal pay. It’s the welcoming of drag queen dance-offs, bisexual brunch gatherings, and spaces that draw from throughout the gender spec

As a space self-proclaimed to be one of “glamour and gastronomy,” how can this be anything but queer?

Stock Image outfront magazine.com 11

Lil Deb’s Oasis in New York is a queer owned-and-operated restaurant serv ing up their version of “tropical comfort food” on colorful plates in a delightfully queer space meant to attract folks within the LGBTQ com munity. On top of the vibe, Lil Deb’s regularly hosts the Queer Night of Performance, which brings queer artists of all kinds to showcase their music, comedy, spoken word, and dance. The owners of this space cel ebrate racial inclusivity, equal pay, and grassroots sustainability in their restaurant structure as well as through collaborative relationships.

Julius Garrido, the Filipino digital collage art ist, caught up with OFM to discuss his art, endeavors as DYSTRA, nonbinary idenitity, and what inspires their artistic visions. (While Garrido uses he/him pronouns, DYSTRA uses they/them.)

DYSTRA

Gender Fluidity, Ambiguity, Rebelliousness, and Freedom

By Rachel Galstad

Embraces

D YSTRA was manifested in a dream with the intention to create genderfluid magic.

12 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

What inspired you to start creat ing digital collages? Back when I was living in Singa pore, I came across this exhibit of Baroque-era paintings from Liech tenstein. The name of the exhibit is Princely Treasures from the House of Liechtenstein. One of the works that intrigued me a lot was this painting by this 16th century Italian artist named Giuseppe Arcimboldo. It was this portrait of a person. It was painted in a collage-like man ner; you can see a face, but each element of the face was composed of different animals, including an el ephant and a deer. I thought it was brilliant, and it has inspired me to make art of my own. The problem is, I'm not good at drawing or painting, but I think I'm good at Photoshop. I started collecting graphic resources, and I went to this Japanese bookstore in Singapore called Kinokuniya. I came across this book of graphic resources of Victorian-era engrav ings, and it was a book specifically for graphic artists that they can use for whatever; the licensing is all free commercially. So, I started to play around with these collages around 2013. And then I ended up creating my first series of digital collages called Beautiful Nightmares. In 2014, I showcased them in an art market in Singapore called The Substation Gallery. All my artwork sold out, and that was my first art market art exhibit experience showcasing my work. How did you come up with your artist name? The name DYSTRA, it just mani fested in a dream. I just grabbed it and had this identity, DYSTRA, and I can't explain it, but I was neither a he nor she. When I woke up, I remember feeling really good, em powered, and just connected to my creative side. So I thought, “This is a powerful name,” and it connected with me, so I use it. Why did you choose to present DYSTRA as a nonbinary artist? Outside of DYSTRA, I identify a cis male. I chose to present DYSTRA as nonbinary because it feels more true to myself to represent a range rather than stick to masculine and feminine expressions as an artist. So when I create, I always straddle the broad spectrum, tapping into masculine and feminine energies and a whole lot of it. Artistically, how does it feel to change things up from photogra phy? Digital collage and photography are two separate disciplines that in volve different tools and processes. It doesn't necessarily mean chang ing from one thing to another. I try to keep my photography separated from my digital art as much as pos sible, since they are two products created by two different individuals. Who or what would you say your main influences are? I grew up as a closeted, Catholic, gay boy in the Philippines. I watched a lot of Japanese anime in the 90s. I also played a lot of video games that were very Western and high fantasy. That played a great role in forming my aesthetic choices. I also easily get inspired by the works of other artists. There are two artists that I really admire: Àsìkò, who’s a London-based, Nigerian photog rapher and artist; the other one is Aya Kato, a Japanese artist. They are two individual artists whom I really regard highly. And I want to mention Benjamin Clementine and Laura Mvula's music; they really get me into a good mental place to do creative work. Why do you think it's important to showcase gender fluidity in your art? Embracing gender fluidity means to embrace ambiguity, rebelliousness, and freedom. Those are the con cepts that run parallel to my work. And I like being ambiguous and not having to provide any answers to my art as well as questions to my gender. It's irrelevant to my art. So to me, being visibly nonbinary, it's important to acknowledge that my gender expression matters, and it deserves respect. Tell us a little more about your collage art. I started doing digital collage be cause it is the medium that I am most comfortable with. I am not comfortable with my freehand drawing skills, and I do not have the patience to do a long process like painting. Digital collage is perfect for me because I like working in intense sprints. My process starts with gathering all the elements with no end goal in sight. The uncertain ty is both challenging and exciting. I piece all the elements together, some of which I produced and some I didn’t. Some elements are from my photography, and some I take from the commercial, free-license, graphic resources. There's a lot of trials involved. Using digital versus analog collages has more room to experiment, express my intention, and this allows me to create faster. The work then unravels itself until I feel it's finished. What kind of future goals or ac complishments do you have in mind for DYSTRA? Creating digital collage isn't an end in itself, but I would love to do more ambitious, larger scale projects in the future that go beyond, and to build images. My immediate goal is to get an art agent interested to represent me and work on projects. Anything else you would like to add? You can find me on Instagram at @dystra.art. Give me a follow, and embrace the ambiguity.

"I always straddle the broad spectrum, tapping into masculine and feminine energies" outfront magazine.com

14 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

LilyAimesbyArtArtbyAimesLily

“Myphotography.goalisto capture people in a way that represents them well and makes them feel like their strongest, most au thentic, and vulnerable selves,” Cheney

By Teague McDaniel

M eet Grace Cheney (they/them) and Aimes Lily (they/them).

Eachsays. artist has a unique approach and noteworthy differences as well.

PhotographyPortraitureThroughandtheQueeringMasculineFeminine

Cheney and Lily have set out to rede fine portraiture photography through their lens as queer, nonbinary artists. What stands out about their portrai ture photography? They collaborate with queer, transgender, and gen der-expansive people to create por traits that capture the personalities of the people they photograph. Their artwork depicts LGBTQ people in au thentic ways. These artists are two ex amples of many who are working to fill the gaping holes in representation of queer Imagesculture.ofqueer and trans people in media are often either nonexistant or oversexualized. Cheney and Lily are both immersed in queer culture, tak ing note of disparities between depic tions of queer culture and actual lived experiences and expressions of queer Whilepeople.Cheney and Lily were not aware of one another’s practices until this ar ticle, their processes have striking sim ilarities. Both artists view their process as a collaboration with the people they photograph. They also each seek to understand and accurately repre sent people they photograph and are mindful of each model’s goals. This ap proach is revolutionary and stands in stark contrast to the process of objecti fication commonly seen in portraiture

Cheney is in the process of obtaining art therapy licensure and brings their “Art serves as communication—a tool for sharing our thoughts, ideas, and emotions. It has the power to change individuals, similarly to the influence of nature.”

- Grace Cheney

“I am a photographer and mixed media artist,” Cheney says. “I will often use my photography as a base for large-scale, mixed-media work. I will start with a photograph that I took and treat it some Cheneyway.”grew up in St. Louis, Missouri and now resides in Portland, Oregon.

Lily’s work holds space and seeks to fill a gap in nu anced representation of queer people.

Lily grew up and still resides in the Denver metro area. They spent their youth immersed in creativity and started drawing comics at a young age.

“When I was a kid, I found an old Pentax camera in my dad’s attic. I loved the clicking sound that the cam era made and began collecting cameras–even broken ones” Lily says. They remember wanting to be a pho tographer from a young age, viewing photography as an interesting way for people to see what you see.

“What is interesting about this project, and queerness in general, is that you can really challenge typical no tions of what femininity and masulinity look like,” Lily says. They photograph people of many genders and identities to portray diverse expressions of queerness.

most recent series, Worthy, Cheney works with models to come up with empowering affirmations that serve as titles for the work. The artwork titled "I deserve to care for myself" came out of a conversation between a transgender model, named Eddie, and Cheney.

“When Eddie came in to model, we talked about what taking up space individually and in community looks like for Eddie as a queer, trans person,” Cheney says. Worthy, as a series, pushes back on the oversexualization of queer bodies.

“I am concerned that oversexualization of queer bodies is dis ruptive to queer people holding and sharing space,” Cheney says. The imagery in this series serves as an empowering re minder for the model, audience, and artist that holding space, taking space, and sharing space is a part of the human expe rience and is something everyone deserves. Cheney and Lily both actively hold space for people through their portraiture practices.

I deserve to care for myself

Art by Grace Cheney outfront magazine.com

In Lily’s current series, The Queer Shadow Project, Lily casts colored lights onto the model and background of each portrait. Each model is photographed with colored lights that correspond to a gender or sexuality flag that they associate with.

lens as a mental health professional into their artwork prac Intice.Cheney’s

W A V E S Art by Grace

16 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Like Cheney, Lily views their portrai ture practice as a collaborative effort.

“My name is Kani (they/them), your resident aromantic, pansexual, trans, nonbinary thembo who's totally poly+ partnered and will still enter tain thirsty DMs. I am happy to be a part of Queer Shadow Project because queer identities in Asian cultures of ten go unnoticed. This photoshoot aims to bring forth the presence of queer trans BIPOC in the local Den ver community,” Kani says.

“I hope that the audience will also be able to see themselves reflected in this series. When we see gender represented in the media, especially for nonbinary folks, it is very andro gonous, versus in The Queer Shadow Project, you can see all the different ways it can it exist and how it actually exists,” Lily adds. Queer Shadow Project has captured individuals, families, and couples.

Lily’s favorite part about this series is having the chance to make art with other people. They take many photo graphs in each session and then flip through them with the model.

“I love the moment when a person pauses at a photo from their session and realizes others can see them in the way they see themselves,” Lily says. One goal they have for this se ries is to expand representation of gender-expansive people.

Lily would like to expand the project to include more people of the global majority (PoGM), neurodiverse folks, and disabled people. Lily is actively accepting new models at the time of this article’s publication. If you are interested in being photographed for The Queer Shadow Project, you can reach out to them through their Instagram @lowkeylilyart. You can also see more work by Grace Cheney through their Instagram @gracecheneyphotography. You can find Kani on Instagram @kani.dang. Cheney

Lily photographed Kani in the light of the agender flag to highlight one of their multiple intersectionalities.

Photo by Julius Garrido outfront magazine.com

Iremember that day like it was yes terday, the day I realized that the hair on my head just wasn’t growing in as fast as it was falling out. I wor ried that something was wrong. I wor ried that I was sick and dying. I quietly stayed in my room, watching the doc umentary Bridegroom, hoping for the day that I would be able to come out and hopefully not suffer the same fate as the subjects of the film: separated from the love of their life by a fami ly that they’d wished would support and treat them like family in the time where it mattered the most. It took me weeks before the actual reality began to set in. My father was bald. My grandfather was bald. My uncles were balding. I was beginning the same fate: male pattern baldness. As far back as I can remember, I have always been obsessed with hair and the things that people could make it do. A mohawk? How cool! Locs that hung low and swayed in the wind? Fan-freaking-tastic. So, imagine my disappointment when I realized I no longer had the option of having these styles due to the curse in my genes. I made the decision to just shave it all off. I did it. I went bald. And I hated it. Sure, I looked fine, but I didn’t feel fine. This wasn’t how I wanted to look. As if it was kismet, though, the “lum bersexual” movement had just be gun, and a plethora of information on beard care and looks flooded the in ternet. Naturally, this made its way to me, and I said… “Well, If I can’t have the hair on my head, I’m going to en joy the hair on my face,” and thus, my attachment to my facial hair began. I started to shave it in different ways; I tried out the ‘stache, the goatee, chin straps, and even tried (and failed) to make the soul patch work. (I know, big mistake.) This is how I spent the next two years of my life, oscillating between going clean shaven and donning some new facial hair style. One day, I decided that I wasn’t go ing to shave anymore. I loved my facial hair. I loved the process of tending to it. I loved how involved I needed to be in tak ing care of it, especially since these kinds of instructions aren’t just taught by family like shaving is; it was something I had to seek out, and at that point, I felt like I just couldn’t let that knowledge go to waste. Fast forward a few years. I’ve come out, and I wear my beard like a badge of honor. I moisturize daily; I wash and condition at least once a week; I brush and comb daily to keep the tangles out and my beard. My beard is THRIVING. Then, fast forward a few more years. At that point, I never had any interest in watching or following Drag Race. Then I met my now husband. He. Was. Obsessed with it. He’d been watch ing since its inception and wanted to share a piece of him with me. I watched, and, being ever the compet itor, I said to him that I’d love to learn how to do it. So, I shaved my beard, my two-anda-half-year-old beard! Then, I per formed in my first-ever show. I had fun performing, but I hated the day af ter. I hated feeling naked on my face. I hated not having something that had been a part of me for so long. I whined; I complained. I stressed. Then, my good friend Jesica said something to me that’s stuck with me to this day.

Shamy Lee A Hairy Choice

By Brian A.S. Byrdsong

“You know, drag is about you, about who you are. You don’t have to fit into whatever the majority of people do; you know there’s bearded queens out Thatthere.”got me searching. Up until that day, I had never thought to even look for bearded queens. Then my hori zons broadened. I went down a You Tube wormhole; I followed bearded queens online and learned so much from them. My beard was now an as set and not a liability. This moment eventually led up to me fully embracing who I am. I am a drag performer. I am a rocker queen. I am a drag queen not afraid to embrace gen der fluidity. I am Shamy Lee.

The reality is, even if we find someone attractive, and they’re not into us, that doesn’t mean we’re unattractive. That just means we’re not their type. It’s a waste of our time to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with us.

By Quincey Roisum

DatinginTheandMascFemme:ToxicityQueer

T here are many different ways I could go about this topic, the toxic elements of dating as an LGBTQ person: I could do a poll of the community, or I could even ask my friends about what they experienced. With both of those methods, I’d have to analyze the info, resulting in a multiple-page feature. I feel the best idea is to keep it simple and talk about the experiences I’ve come across over the years.

Like most, dating hasn’t been easy for me. I’ve encountered different types of guys, all of whom have caused me to question dating at all. Over the years, I’ve met guys on websites like Gay.com or Yahoo Chat. People can still go online to meet some one; it’s just easier now with apps on our phones instead of dial-up. The one thing I noticed that hasn’t changed is the toxic attitude we often bring to each encounter.

We all love the feeling of being desired, and sometimes that can blind us to some major red flags. Things we’d normally warn others about, we somehow miss. I ig nored warnings from others about a guy I liked who drank too much and was men tally abusive. I kept telling myself, “Maybe it was something I did,” or I’d make excus es for them. I’d say, “He didn’t really mean it,” and I’d even feel the need to point out the nice things he did to prove they were a good person. I was able to finally notice that I needed to get out of that relationship (and not everyone has that chance).

When it comes to dating apps today, we like to say, “Oh, they’re just silly apps,” but these “silly apps” body shame like crazy and can sometimes make us feel like we’re not good enough, simply because the person doesn’t respond. This can fuel our anx iety, self-doubt, and even depression. I hate when I message someone I feel is hot, and they check out my profile and don’t reply. I end up feeling maybe they didn’t reply because I’m not as attractive as they are, or they’re simply out of my league.

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When it comes to “having a type,” some people confuse the idea with being cruel or just plain mean. I met a guy one time in person I’ve seen on the apps and thought, “He’s cuter in per son and fun to talk to.” As he and I talked more, I decided to get up the nerve to suggest we grab a drink or dinner some night. His reply definitely was something I didn’t see coming. He told me if I were to lose weight and shave my beard, then he’d find me attractive. My jaw dropped, and I said, “Excuse me?” He looked surprised and asked, “What? We all have a type.”

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I needed to tell him and brought drag up in general in hopes of testing the waters. He ended up asking me why I brought up drag and then asked if I did drag or some thing. I answered yes, and after a long pause, I asked if some thing was wrong. He told me he can’t be with someone who did drag. He said he wants to be with someone who’s a man and not someone who dresses up as a woman.

Regardless, never give up on dating if you’re looking for love (or lust) because you end up taking away the chance for some one to see just how wonderful you are. magazine.com

Yeah, we all have types, but not at the expense of someone’s Ifeelings.haveseen

When you’re on your back with your legs in the air, you’re no more masculine than someone doing it in heels. I met a guy once whom I thought was sweet and romantic, who made me laugh. The more we got to know each other, the more worried I got about bringing up the fact I’m a drag queen

what you experience in dating, just know you should always be true to yourself and never compromise who or what you are for someone else. Just because you happen to not meet someone's standards doesn’t mean their standards are any better than yours. It just means it wasn’t meant to be. That, or it just means they’re a horrible person.

a slight improvement from people saying what they are into instead of what they're not. Even though this is a small change, it’s a start. It’s hard for those in the community who don’t fit the expected image of other community mem bers. There are still guys who feel the need to say “masc for masc” in their bio; in 2022, that takes on a whole new meaning than what they probably intended.

Dating can be really scary sometimes. When we have feelings for someone, we often give them way more power than they deserve over our feelings. During a date, you wonder what things you should say, or if you’ve said too much, or maybe not Noenough.matter

Oneentertainer.day,Idecided

Considering how much drag is in queer history, it’s a bit shock ing there are people out there who look down on drag perfo mers because it might mean they’re “less of a guy.”

That’s why doing an emotional ly charged action can help you release blockages. These actions symbolically bring that feeling into our three-dimensional world. This gives you the opportunity to con front your attachment and banish it with the power of your will.

Accordingsituations. to Scott Cunningham in his book Earth Power, “Magic isn't the empty parroting of words and actions; it is an involved, emotion ally charged experience in which the words and actions are used as focal points or keys to unlock the power that we all possess.”

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Here's a simple cord cutting spell to try if you’re having problems with toxic attachments.

by Alanna L.P. H ave you ever felt that you had an un healthy attachment to someone? Maybe you’re having a hard time letting an ex go, or someone in your family hurt you deeply. You might even have an addiction you need to overcome, or a challenge like depression or anxiety that you can’t kick. Cord cutting can help with all of these

ToolsCutting.Cord

Step 1: Tidy up the space you are planning to use for your ritu al. Make sure everything is nice and neat. Step 2: Light your herbs or incense in a fire-safe area free of clutter and away from pets. Never leave anything burning un attended!

Step 4: Cut the black cord to the desired length. Pick a num ber of knots to tie while you are selecting your length. Make sure the number of knots you choose is an odd number. Each knot should represent something that you need to release in order to let go of your toxic attachment. Step 5: Sit down with the cord and imagine yourself detach ing. Feel your pain and your grief as you transmit your feelings into the cord. Imagine the cord becoming infused with your feelings. Your challenge is now attached to the cord, not you. It’s OK to cry or scream into a pillow while you do this step. You want to put as much emotional energy into the cord as you can safely. If you do not feel ready to let this feeling go, your spell will do noth ing. The intention must be there first. If the feelings are too much, end the ritual immediately and reach out for support. magazine.com

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6. Scissors

Step 3: You may choose to create a playlist to use during your ritual that represents your struggle. Play the music as you jour nal, and get clear about what the main challenges you face. This will help you name what you want to release in the next steps.

1. A quiet, tidy, peaceful place where you will not be disturbed A journal A playlist that represents your struggle (optional) Sage, sandalwood, rose, or myrrh to cleanse the room A piece of black cord made from natural, organic materials

Step 8: Sit with the cord, and feel all the tension bound in the knots. Imagine the cord feeling heavy because it holds your toxic attachment. Next, untie the knots, one by one. As you untie the knots, imagine yourself feeling lighter and lighter. Each time you untie a knot, imag ine the hurt being released. This pain and suffering is no longer knotted up inside you. Feel space opening in your heart. Welcome in a new future free of toxic at tachments.

Step 10: Burn the cord in a fire-safe container like a fire pit or a cauldron away from flammable objects, pets, and children. Follow fire safety rules. If you can’t safe ly burn the cord, bury it somewhere where it won’t be disturbed. If you don’t have a yard, and you can’t get to a place in nature; you could even bury it in a flower pot. Your work is done. So mote it be. Step 11: Forget doing the spell and return to the mun dane world. Note: This ritual, of course, works best in conjunction with regular therapy.

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Step 6: Tie a knot in the cord as tight as you can to rep resent what you need to release. Again, imagine all your anger, hurt, and fear surrounding your chosen memory or challenge going into the knot. Let the memory go, and move on to the next knot.

Step 7: Once you have knotted the cord your chosen number of times, leave the cord in a safe place where it will be undisturbed, and no one can see it. When you do this, you are symbolically leaving behind everything that you envisioned during your ritual. Then give yourself space and the permission to recen ter. You may want to have a snack, meditate, listen to your favorite song, take a short walk, or take a cleans ing shower. When you are finished recentering, return to your cord.

Step 9: Sit for a moment with the cord in your hand. Be still and be present. You may want to write a chant to say to affirm your intention to heal. (Person, addiction, situation), you no longer bind me. I am free. So mote it be! Then take the scissors, and cut the cord.

reader of this magazine might recog nize little me as a queer kid icon, loving rainbow and glitter but also wanting to destroy gender roles and the binary. But remember, this was the early 90s, so the best I got instead was name calling and confusion. outfront magazine.com

Despite my mom’s protests, though, I still loved Barbies, pink, and glitter. But at the same time, I wanted to play with the boys, and I didn’t understand why there were seemingly arbitrary rules like girls can’t pee standing up (apparently no one poops standing up, learned that the hard way) and girls can’t run around shirtless, but boys

A Nonbinary Woman’s Tale

I'm free from a shackle, I'm free from a chain My body's just a body and my name's just a name -Amly and the Sniffers, “Don’t Fence Me in” My entire life, being a woman has both been an im portant part of my identity and something I dislike. I don’t really know a better way to explain it than that. I was raised by a feminist mom who made sure I knew that Barbies weren’t realistic examples of female bodies and Cinderella, my favorite princess, should have done a better job of standing up for herself. She also intro duced me to She-Ra, my favorite superhero, and estab lished my love for unconventional women.

By Addison-Herron-Wheeler

Thecan.sophisticated

FenceDon’tMe In

Photos by Julius Garrido 24 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

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Plus, as I got older, things got more confusing, not less. I was interested in feminism in college and enrolled in women’s studies, only to be told upon class starting that they were changing the name to gender studies. This opened up my world to a whole new host of ideas and concepts that had before been unfamiliar to me, and like a lot of other millennials in college, I began to understand things like gender, queerness, pronoun use, and fluidity in addition to romantic and sexual orientation. But still, I was hesitant to apply these ideas to myself. Someone else now uses “they” or “he” instead of “she?”

*Cue the dramatic music* Or am I? Much like when I came out as bisexual, my nonbinary identity is something I tried to push off for as long as pos sible. I tried to write off being bi as hormones and puber ty, then experimentation and being a stereotypical college kid, until it just got impossible to deny that my attraction to women romantically and sexually is any different than my attraction to men. With my gender identity, I was con stantly faced by a system of thoughts that felt, frankly, cy clical and a little frustrating: As a person with a vagina in 2022, and a person who has lived almost 33 years that way, it is incredibly important to me to advocate for the rights of other folks with va ginas, as we do not currently have the same rights and protections under the U.S. government that folks without vaginas have. And as someone who was socialized female, there is a lot of that socialization that will be with me for ever. And a lot of it I like. I’m a Libra, and I live for aesthet ics. I like music, TV, and other media that is super femme. And I don’t suffer from gender dysphoria: I like my breasts, my vagina, and for the most, part, aside from internalized fatphobia, my body. I like being a femme-bodied person.

Awesome, what name do they go by? Between my love for seeing others happy and my academic embrace of gender theory, there was never an issue there. But little old me? I may be poor, but I’m a cis, white woman, damn it, and I need to just chill.

But then there are the things I can no longer ig nore. I don’t like being called “female” or “a girl.” I like playing aggressive metal music and dat ing women, which I don’t necessarily think are things that automatically make someone masc, but society may beg to differ. And I feel most comfy with a queer hairstyle, wearing a band t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers. I don’t like when things are separated into “men’s” and “women’s,” even bathrooms. I nearly had a breakdown and started sobbing when I thought the tour I was going on was going to end up with segregated sleeping arrangements. I have friendships with men that feel like stereo typical “gal pals” type friendships, and friend ships with women that feel like I’m their guy friend. Both “she” and “they” feel equally fitting, and sometimes I want to be ultra-femme, other times not so much. But despite all that, or maybe because of it, I still couldn’t really reconcile what I was feeling or how I should be fitting into the world. I didn’t want to give up my “she/her” label, but I also didn’t want to be tied to it forever like a cross to bear until I die. That’s when, once again, after a lifetime-long love affair, punk rock saved the day. Punk songs have a very beautiful way of stripping away all metaphor and pretension and just saying what they mean, and Amyl and the Sniffers are one of my favorite queer, contemporary, feminist punk bands. In their song “Don’t Fence Me In,” quot ed at the beginning of this article, vocalist Amy Taylor has a line I couldn’t get out of my head for the longest time: My body's just a body and my name's just a name. Leave it to the punks to make it so simple. On the same record, Taylor sings about being a person with a vagina, having to carry a knife when she walks home at night, and about not being taken seriously by men at shows. But despite that lived experience, she also doesn’t want to be a slave to the binary. She wants to be perceived as simply human. From then on, that became my mantra. I didn’t owe anyone an explanation—I can have a non binary name, a femme sense of fashion, and present any way I please. It’s completely valid to embrace the experience of being a woman and wanting to exist outside of that and be more than that, and that goes for anyone else who finds themselves between binaries.

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It’s important to note that I by no means have it all figured out, and that’s OK: I don’t have to. Life is a journey, and it’s all about figuring out where we fit in when it comes to whom we love and are attracted to, how we show that love, what to do with our lives, and how we express ourselves, so it makes sense for our gender expression to be part of that journey as And,well.for those who don’t like that, go ahead and take the other indispensable piece of ad vice from Amly and the Sniffers, in the song “Freaks to the Front”: If they don't like you as you are Just ignore the cunt! outfront magazine.com

BinarytheBeyond Expanding the Scope By Keegan Williams 28 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

ou’ll notice that this month’s Beyond the Binary looks a lit tle different than usual. As the author of this column, I’ve ob viously held the mic over the last eight months, exploring topics around (and, of course, beyond) the gender binary, transness, and gender-nonconformity as a whole.

I’ve also referenced more times than I can recall, in talking about my own experience as a nonbinary person, that my scope is severely limited. I’m only one person, and my journey as a nonbinary person can and will never begin to cover the the multitude of lived experiences within the greater community. So, I took a step back to chat with four nonbinary folks from around the country about being their gender and how it has influenced or interacted with other elements of themselves and their lives. I left these conversations with the sense of warmth that routinely comes alongside chatting with fellow nonbinary people. No matter your gender, I hope you leave with the same feeling. outfront magazine.com

As a musician, a bisexual person, and a biracial person, Cody says they already knew what it felt like to fit outside of a single category.

Reflecting on those initial days, Cody recognizes the pressure they faced to conform to more androgy nous expression. Over time, they say finding comfort in their nonbinary gender made it easier to find com fort in being femme, which wasn’t the case when they were first starting these conversations.

“It's another level of, like, people want you to be on one side,” they say. “And I think when you realize, you know, that you're not really going to ever accom modate to either side, you stop trying so hard to put yourself in that box, and you can kind of just be free to be any thing.”

Cody believes it’s important for people to recognize that there will always be people different from them, no matter their background. Just because folks may have their own experiences they need to fight for, Cody says, it doesn’t mean they can’t also be fighting for ev eryone else, and that sentiment applies within the LGBTQ community and be “Iyond.think that when you advocate for ev eryone that you're advocating for your self,” Cody says. “That's the only true way to create any change in the world… This is not just for you or not just for someone else—This is for all of us.”

Being a human is complex, and Cody says sexuality, gender, and identity as a whole can often be extremely fluid. In that, they view being nonbinary as a safe benchmark, referencing that “non binary” never felt like a permanent des tination, rather a way to exist and con tinue exploring who they are.

Photo courtesy of Cody

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“For me, gender was always kind of a funny thing,” Cody begins. “I think having my name be ‘Cody’ already gave me that gender-neutral experi ence growing up, just because peo ple would be like, ‘What, are you a boy? Are you a girl?’ because people couldn’t figure it out based off my name or even based on how I looked. I was always kind of a tomboy.”

Fluidity Through Song: Cody Seattle, Washington

“I realized, well, that's kind of like playing into the binary, even as a nonbinary per son, to think you have to look a certain way or sound a certain way,” they say. In building a larger nonbinary community, Cody says it was easier to lean into their feminine energy without clashing with their gender.

“I just really like how safe being nonbi nary is to kind of be like, ‘I don't want to have to make up my mind.’ Maybe I never will. You know, sometimes things might change. And then sometimes they go back, and I kind of like that free dom.”

By middle school, they recall feel ing more aligned with masculinity, though in finding community with girls their age, Cody also felt comfort able exploring their feminine side.

“At one point, the whole band was non binary,” Cody says, in reference to their musical career. “And that was really fun because we were like, ‘Oh, we're just fluid and squiggly.’ And I think just ex periencing joy, as a nonbinary person with other nonbinary people, has been really, really good.”

“Then I realized, clothes and all that stuff doesn’t have to actually define my gender,” they say. As they began to more openly approach their gender in a public capacity, they also learned about the word “nonbinary.” “I was like, ‘Oh wait, that’s kind of perfect, because then I don’t really have to pick a side. I can be kind of anything.’”

Looking at their experience as a disabled, trans adult, they say folks tend to focus on their disability and don’t see their transness as easily.

Beauty in Difference: Juniper Mankato, Minnesota

Looking back at their experience with gender, Juniper references their early diagnosis with autism—namely that they never felt confined to a cis, straight box as a kid.

By senior year, they were medically transitioning, though it was around that time they also started using a cane because of their migraine and vertigo issues.

“A lot of people don't realize that disabled people are the largest minority group,” Juniper says. “One in four people (in the United States) are disabled, and a lot of people think, ‘I'm young and healthy; nothing can happen to me,’ and they may think, ‘I may have some issues when I'm older,’ but anyone can become disabled at any time in their life, even if you aren't born with a disability.”

Photo courtesy of Juniper outfront magazine.com

“That was the most emotionally taxing thing I’ve ever done in my whole life,” they say. “It was a really big challenge. My parents, at first, were not unsupportive but didn’t really know what was going on. They’d say some hurtful things for me, just personally in my journey, because they just didn’t quite under stand. They’re really accepting now. I’m very thankful for that.”

Looking at the LGBTQ community and society as a whole, Juniper says people should try to be more aware that disabled people exist and that they deserve spaces. Today, Juniper says that they don’t believe they would have been as comfortable in their disability expression if they didn’t feel so comfortable with their gender.

“Even in queer spaces, a lot of people have a really hard time recognizing my queerness and my transness because the only thing that they can look at and see is my disability.” They reference the LGBTQ center on their campus, namely its lack of accessibility. As a community that deals with hardships and discrimination, they reference the “amount of discomfort that even LGBT people can have when they see someone who’s disabled.”

“I'm both physically and developmentally disabled, and I've been dealing with a brain injury. So there's a lot that's happening with all of those things. Just like, there isn't a set binary for gender or disability, and I think that is kind of wonderful.”

“I didn’t think it was weird; my parents didn’t make it seem like those things were weird,” they say. As a child, they played sports and hung around with boys, though they also had “super long, down-to-my-back” hair, loved wearing dresses, and did ballet. A lot of their outward expression was very girly, though a lot of their interests veered more Junipermasculine.grewupin conservative Wisconsin, though they never really felt that effect.

“I was never a popular kid,” Juniper says. “But I definitely felt the weirdest mixture of, 'I completely don't exist because I am the trans and disabled kid', but also, 'everyone is looking at me because I'm the trans and disabled kid.'

“I kind of always just presented and went with and was inter ested in whatever I was interested in,” Juniper says. They didn’t know anything about LGBTQ identities when they were grow ing up—”The most exposure I had was I watched Glee as a kid,” they Whensay.they reached their freshman year of high school, Juniper first heard the term “nonbinary” and adopted it for themself. As they continued their education, they publicly came out as nonbinary and trans and started socially transitioning as a ju nior, changing their name and pronouns.

“If I woke up tomorrow and felt like I was a different version of my gender, or if I wanted to use different pronouns, I’d go to work and ask them to use those pronouns. I’d come out to my friends, my humans here in Chicago, and luckily I have a good circle around me, so I’d be able to.”

Working front and center in abortion healthcare as a trans person, Leo admits, “Just because I’ve clocked out, doesn’t mean it’s not on my brain.”

Photo courtesy of Leo

Access for All: Leo Chicago, Illinois

“The healthcare that I’m in, if someone jokes about their re ally bad periods, I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I know, right? I don’t miss that.’ And they’re like—” Leo pauses to make a confused face, “because they assume I’m AMAB but I’m like, ‘LOL! Oh, no, no, seriously, I was on birth control for years,’ and they’re just like, ‘What?’ like, their gears are turning.”

Inlabor.”their line of work, they also find a bit of joy in confusing cis people—which often acts as a teaching moment for cis folks to consider the experiences of their trans siblings.

When Leo went off to college six hours away from home in 2013, they had a nonbinary roommate with trans man as a partner. The couple gave Leo a “queer, trans 101,” after which they realized that some of the conversations and exeperiences personally resonat Ited.was a challenge, in that Leo was approaching their place in the trans community, and broader LGBTQ community, from a limited perspective, educating others as they were still educating themselves.

“So my story is kind of ‘not fun,’ but kind of interesting because I actually grew up in Texas, and I grew up with a very religious family,” Leo starts. Throughout their childhood and adolescence, they didn’t have the language, or access to it, to explain how they felt about their gender.

Leo was disowned after coming out to their family. Though, they highlight the new friend ships and relationships that have filled their life since. Today, they see their journey as very fluid and flexible.

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“It's really interesting to go from one section of work, where (gender inclusion was) still very important to me and have it kind of be swept under the rug, to go to the same kind of work in the Midwest and have it way more respected.”

In their current role, Leo says their voice has value. They’ve approached colleagues with suggestions to make trans and nonbinary patients feel more welcome, like an inclusive language update among literature, though they note, “You

“I ended up coming out as a trans man at first; I did that for a couple years,” they say. “And then I was like, ‘You know what? That label doesn’t 100% fit me.’ So I ended up coming out as genderqueer around 2016, when I moved to Colorado, and it’s fit a little bit bet ter ever since then. So it’s been, genuinely, a gender Unfortunately,journey.”

As the fight for abortion rights continues, and as trans folks continue navigating the sea of anti-trans legislation and rhetoric in the U.S., Leo says, “Don’t forget about us. Kind of basic, like think about what you say and see how it could hurt people who don’t fit into your box. Put the effort there. That’s kind of all we ask. The bar is very low.”

Working in abortion healthcare as a genderqueer person, Leo references the plentiful conversations around repro ductive healthcare solely mentioning cis women, leaving out trans and nonbinary folks like them who could get preg nant and need an abortion. When they lived in Colorado, they also worked for an abortion provider, though Leo calls that experience “not so good.”

While “nonbinary” in itself is a label, Avery says they appre ciate the flexiblity that comes with it. “It gives me the room to act and feel the way that I want to.”

“It scared me a little bit, because I didn’t have anybody to tell about it,” Avery says. “I couldn’t tell my family because of the consequences of being gay. Those are already very present and very upsetting—I couldn’t even imagine what the consequences of being trans would be.”

Growth and Expansion:

Avery

“And he is cool with it. He treated it like it was just a normal situation, which it is,” they say. “So there’s definitely been a lot of growth, and I think me leaving needed to happen in order for that growth to happen.” outfront

Initially, Avery wanted to be viewed as a masculine person, with no association with femininity. Though, once they got more comfortable with themself and began some self work, Photo courtesy of Avery they found they were able to embrace their feminine attributes. Avery also nods to their experience as a drag performer, where they present more femme.

“I know who I am now, and I have a more solid sense of what I want to do, so that’s the only reason I allowed myself to come back and feel happy about coming back,” they say.

Austin, Texas Avery recalls question ing their gender pretty early on in their child hood. Growing up in South Texas, conver sations around queer ness and transness were not only hard to come by—They were often ignored com pletely. “So, I never really looked into it,” Avery Lookingsays.at their care givers and family, who were all “very homophobic” during their upbringing, Av ery realized during their senior year of high school that the conversations they were having inside were “much deeper” than just their sexuality.

Being Hispanic, Avery says they were taught a lot of expec tations around how women should act, “that the woman always has to do a certain thing, and my dad would tell me that no man was ever going to love me if I didn’t know how to cook and clean—which I’m thankful for, because I don’t want a man to love me!” Avery laughs.

Coincidentally, at the time of this interview, Avery had freshly moved back to Texas from Colorado, having only been back a week. They reference that the community they built in Colorado gave them the confidence and comfort to return to Texas.

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They moved to Colorado and began attending CSU at 18, though, “I used college as an excuse, honestly. I didn’t go for more than a semester at CSU, but I met a lot of great people that first semester.”

Being back in Texas has been “eye opening,” Avery says, ref erencing that their grandmother started using their cho sen name, “which, my entire existence in Colorado, she never did that once. I worked up the courage to tell her that it really hurts my feelings when she does it, and she was receptive to that.” Similarly, their father recently met their partner, who Avery recently got engaged to.

Reflecting on their upbringing in a Catholic, Hispanic household, Avery describes it as “patriarchal.” While they are a spiritual person, they found it difficult to let go of the religious elements of themself, especially those that got in the way of their gender journey.

“I know that I like to per form and I like to be funny and quirky in front of peo ple, but I never thought that it would be as a fem inine character persona,” they say. “That's kind of how it's evolved, from real ly keeping myself in a box of masculinity, and toxic mas culinity, to sort of crawling out of that box slowly and becoming who I am now, just having a feminine per sona, that I present in drag, and then also just existing as I am, however I want, and informing the people around me of how to respect that if I need to.”

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"RaiseHell,PraiseDolly" outfront magazine.com 35

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Josh

Maggie

Quincey Roisum 38 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Danna

OFM took over the Black Monarch Hotel and The Best Little Boarding House in Victor, Colorado for a superqueer weekend of debauchery, pulling looks, and spreading queer love. Of course, we couldn’t just take a break and unwind during our retreat: We had to show you our Western side! If you’re looking for a queer-friendly staycation in Colorado, look no further than these iconic spots in Victor.

Photographer: Julius Garrido Models: Phillips, Scarabosio, Lewis, Phillips,

Jay

-Jolene, I'll STeal Your Man outfront magazine.com 39

Grown and Sexy Ball Host: Amore Bee Carter Flora Venue: Blush and Blu Community Photos 40 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Photos by Julius Garrido outfront magazine.com 41

Denver PrideFest 2022 Photos by Milo Gladstein Community Photos 42 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

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- Raegan G. To easily make friends in your workplace even when there is an age gap or when people are different from you, the secret is to find common ground. Find common interests that you share. Check out the photographs on the person’s desk. Do you both own dogs? Or cats? Do you both like the same sports team? Perhaps there is a poster or a program from your favorite recording artist. Is there a picture of a grandchild in a soccer uniform, and you played soccer as a kid, or still do?

An important aspect of being true to one’sself is finding the right job and workplace. There are a couple factors to consider when deciding, “Do I stay, or do I leave?” During the first 90 days, if you realize a company is not right for you, that is the best time to leave. The first 90 days is the courtship period before you get engaged.

How (do I) make friends at my workplace when there is an age gap, or when my colleagues are so very different from me?

- Coach Jen Nash Here at Ingomu, we uplift humankind by making a positive difference in the lives of many. Via the Ingomu app, we provide holistic and equitable coaching in the areas of life, work, wellness, and soul to your subscribers. Coaching for everyone because everyone matters. Learn more at OFM.Ingomu.com.

by Ingomu

- Coach Steve Reinhart

Welcome to Ask a Coach, where Ingomu coaches answer your questions about life, work, wellness, or matters of the soul. Share your question with us at coaches@ingomu.com, and we’ll answer them here.

Another idea is to suggest that you have lunch or coffee. Breaking bread or sharing some downtime provides a relaxed atmosphere in which you can get to know each other.

While there is something to be said for not giving up too easily, there is more to be said for not wasting your most precious resource: your time. This is really about clarity... not clarity about this job or company, but the clarity about your life. That’s the root of the decision. List out your top three to five priorities (family, building wealth, leaving a legacy, health etc.), then ask yourself if this job or company is moving you toward your desires in these priority areas or farther away from them.

If you really need the money, a reference, or experience, then set a goal to stay one or two years. Revisit your decision quarterly and annually, and be open to changing your mind.

Ask a Coach

What is it the wise people say? Decide what you want, and say no to everything that isn’t that! I am not suggesting that you suddenly quit your job without a well-thought-out transition plan to something that does move you in the direction of your goals. Just don’t belabor or delay the process out of fear of the unknown, lack of confidence, or being too settled into your comfort zone. Buffer your transition with a solid emergency fund so you have room for things to go wrong.

- Coach Joyce Gioia, CMC, CSP, FIMC

- Joelle N.

Staying a while, even when the job isn’t perfect, can prove beneficial. First of all, learning to navigate difficulties and get your needs met is best practiced when you have nothing to lose. And, many times, we get singularly focused on the negative and miss opportunities to water the grass where we are because we think it will be greener somewhere else. So, while you are waiting for the leave, lock in the learning of what will make you happier so you make better decisions next time.

Coach Kim Bettie

If there’s new technology being introduced and for you, learning it is simple; for older team members, it might not be that stress free. Your offering to help can go a long way toward creating a foundation for a friendship.

I speak from personal experience here. I was 65 when a high-tech math startup software firm hired me to be their national sales trainer. Forty-plus employees, mostly Gen X and millennials. I was a stranger in a strange land, a fish out of water. I didn’t speak their language, know their music, wear similar clothes, or use technology the way they did. I went to bed when they were just starting to get revved up. They didn’t cook and spent their high salaries on eating out or getting meals delivered, fast cars, and expensive vacations. But as a seasoned professional sales trainer, I knew the secret to influencing people, winning them over, and making friends: Don’t talk about yourself, ever, unless asked a pointed question, and even then, keep it brief and turn the conversation back to them. This is relationship building at its best. It worked. I became highly sought after for meals, gatherings, and everyone wanted to be in my group for focus meetings. Why? Because I always made the conversation and interaction about them. And yes, they eventually came to know the real me. I made many friends, some I still keep in touch with.

How long should you stay at a company before deciding it is not right for you?

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The fact that women are conditioned to attract more than to pursue, I believe, can result in significant inaction between two women, especially when they are both femmes.AsSoleil

It took almost five months after meeting for my college girlfriend and I to begin dating, too. I probably never would have made a move had it not been for our mutual gay guy friend—to whom I eventually disclosed my interest over latenight burgers and milkshakes at In-N-Out (prompting him to play matchmaker and verify that the attraction was mutual).

Either that, or if you really like the woman, accept that “forward” isn’t who she is or where she’s at right now, and that until she becomes more acclimated, she may need you to take the reins. Women on your same wavelength are most definitely out there. It’s just a matter of keeping your eyes open so that the two of you will eventually find each other (somewhere close to the middle).

Q: I’m a soft butch who’s attracted to more feminine women, but I’m somewhat shy. It seems like the women I like always expect me to be the pursuer or the one to approach them. In the beginning stages of dating, I struggle to tell the difference between whether they’re interested and just passive or mostly uninterested and stringing me along for validation. What’s your experience been with roles, expectations, and gendered dynamics in queer courting? I want to find a woman who can meet me in the middle, not looking to constantly have me take the reins and set the tone.

A: I so feel you here! I’ve dealt with a similar frustration in my years of dating women. Back when I was around 20, I remember writing in my journal, of a girl I’d gone on three dates with (and had been messaging with lengthily in between): “We can talk for hours. We make each other laugh. I feel like we have so much in common. Still, things are moving soooo slowly. Almost two months have passed, and we still haven’t even kissed yet.”

Within heterosexual relationships, historically, men have been taught (and provided a template) to take on the work of initiating. Often, if a cis, straight man is interested in a woman, he will make it known and pursue her (exceptions always exist, of course). This heteronormative template removes some of the ambiguity. And yes, ideas are modernizing and becoming less binary, but the messages we absorb when we’re younger have a way of lodging themselves inside us pretty stubbornly— even despite our conscious minds’ attempts to override them with newer knowledge and updated thinking.

Ho facetiously referred to it in the SF Chronicle, “lesbian sheep syndrome” is a term that refers to “a common situation where two women are attracted to each other but, due to a combination of overthinking things and, at times, internalized homophobia, neither acts on that attraction.”

Many I’ve dated hadn’t spent enough time in the LGBTQ dating world for “switch” behavior to become natural. Their status as “woman” and the message that they are to wait to be pursued had been reinforced throughout their lives, perhaps accounting for their seeming passiveness.

Follow Eleni on Instagram @eleni_steph_writer

46 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

ueer Girl Q& A

Jill Gutowitz described the phenomenon as “numerous circumstances where you and another woman want to kiss but both fall victim to fear of admitting desire.”

I wonder, reader, if the women you tend to pursue are fairly new to the queer dating world as well. Maybe they aren’t used to acting on their attractions. It’s possible they still carry heteronormative ideas of what a relationship looks and feels like, in part because theirs have primarily been with cis men. You might want to consider pursuing people who have spent more time exploring their queerness. These individuals are more likely to question systems and their own role within them, gender roles included.

Q by Eleni Stephanides

As a result of this, a natural attraction toward women more on the femininepresenting side of the spectrum has spurred me to take on a pursuer role over the years— even though I wouldn’t say I am especially dominant. I’ve behaved as what queer people in the 50s referred to as “kiki’ (the term, often used derisively, for lesbians who switched between the butch and femme role).

It’s possible that you are going for women with avoidant attachment styles. Or, gender socialization could also be contributing to this hesitance.

Photos Courtesy of Ayla RM Photographer Queer Word Search by Kerry Shatzer outfront magazine.com 47

Mina by Denny Patterson Redefining Masculinity and Advocating for Body Positivity 48 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Gerges GaudetColinofcourtesyPhotos outfront magazine.com 49

Do you believe things would be different for you if you had this kind of representation growing up? Absolutely. When I see other queer, plus-size models booking campaigns in the industry, even now as a 27-year-old, as soon as I see that, there’s something about it that makes me feel seen and more accepted. If that’s having an impact on me as a 27-year-old, just imagine how it would have changed my life when I was a teenager or younger. Scrolling through your Instagram and TikTok, I love that you model clothes that may be considered feminine or generally geared toward people who are more thin or fit. Do you have a favorite style? My favorite style is honestly whatever makes me feel good! Love things that are colorful. Being bigger basically my entire life, I would have people telling me, “Oh, you shouldn’t wear that. That’s unflattering. That makes your belly look big,” or whatever. I think it’s just very empowering to me to actually wear these things that people once told me I shouldn’t wear because I’m fat. I’m going to wear them, look good in them, and feel good in them. What do you wish the LGBTQ community would understand about body positivity? I wish they would understand how important it is to stop fatphobia whenever you see it. Like, the very subtle forms that we see on Grindr every single day. People putting things on their profiles like "fit, prefer the same," "muscular only"—little things like that. Gay men maybe don’t really think twice about it, but just the impact of putting something like that on your profile, I wish they understood that it’s not OK. If you have a friend who does something like that or you see it around you, call it out. The smallest thing can help make our community a bit more accepting. Men are often lost in the conversation when it comes to the body positive movement. How do you respond when people say it's only geared toward women? That was definitely something I struggled with in the beginning. When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I went to get help, and I was told, “Oh, men don’t get eating disorders. Only women do,” and that’s such a harmful thing to say. If I were to say something to someone, I would say, how many guys do you know who maybe feel insecure about taking their shirt off in the summer? How many guys do you know who don’t feel good about their bodies? It’s definitely not just a women thing. Men are just shamed from being honest and talking about these things, and that’s the only reason why you may think it doesn’t affect us. It certainly does.

50 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Building a vibrant career for himself, Mina Gerges is no longer listening to the haters and is advocating for inclusivity, self-confidence, and unapologetic self-expression.

Yeah, it’s sad to see how our society has refused to change and accept that. Since we were kids, it has been ingrained in all of us that being athletic is good and being fat is bad. Those messages are ingrained into us from a young age, and even now, as adults, it’s hard to work against that and unlearn it. That’s why it makes the work that much more important as adults because we are impacting the younger generation of people. That’s where change begins. Have you always been confident being a plus-size person? Definitely not. Even now, I have a lot of moments, especially during Pride season. I was at a couple Pride events by the pool, and everyone else was either muscular or on these socalled Pride diets. So I’m definitely not confident all the time, but then I remember that there are other people who have body types just like mine. It reminds me that my body is beautiful, just like that other person’s body is beautiful. That’s what kind of keeps me going.

How do you move past the negativity and into a place where you're comfortable with yourself?

The Canadian-Egyptian model and influencer first came to prominence in 2015 after Buzzfeed picked up on his recreations of iconic celebrity photos on Instagram. Featuring everyone from Kim Kardashian and Rhianna to Megan Fox and Nicki Minaj, they were a humorous way to appreciate his favorite divas while highlighting the extremes to which they took their own Gerges’images.newfound fame may have caused him to suffer bullying, but he decided to focus his work on body positivity and put his platform to good use. As an out and curvy Middle Eastern man, Gerges knew all too well how intense beauty standards and body dysmorphia can be within the gay community. Today, he is fearless and dynamic, inspiring his global audience to be their authentic selves. Growing up in Egypt, a country where it’s illegal to be gay, his activism aims to elevate marginalized voices, celebrate individuality, and advance global LGBTQ rights.

Growing up and not seeing people like you, it makes you struggle to accept yourself. When you’re gay, it adds another layer to that because we see in the gay community that the thinner and more muscular you are, the more attractive you’re considered. You have a higher social standing, and I never thought that was fair. I think every single one of us can change the world and make it a little bit better, so I’ve used my platform to think about my younger queer self and make the world better for him. Even more, why do you believe this is still an ongoing issue?

The best thing that I've done is finding other people with bodies just like mine. If you're on social media, I think the best thing you can do is to follow people who have bodies like yours. That way, you're not comparing yourself to another version that is basically setting you up to hate yourself. I’ve surrounded myself with friends in real life that don't perpetuate these negative body stereotypes. It seems like such a small thing, but when you are around people that look like you, I think it changes your perspective a lot.

OFM caught up with Gerges to talk more about his activism, launching his first menswear capsule collection, appearing in international campaigns, the body-positive movement, and being the first plussize member of the Pit Crew in any Drag Race franchise. As a model and actor, why have you made it your mission to break down the toxic narratives in media and pop culture that dictates what men's bodies should look like?

Later, you became part of the Pit Crew on Canada's Drag Race. I remember how everyone went wild over seeing a plus-size member. How did it feel to be representing the bigger boys? That was such an incredible experience! I remember watching Drag Race years ago, and again, it’s such a small thing, but the fact that every Pit Crew member was thin and muscular really sent the wrong message, especially given how young the Drag Race audience is. I remember thinking how amazing it would be to see a bigger boy on the Pit Crew. Not necessarily be him, but just to see him. It’s just crazy how life happened because that then became me, but since being a Pit Crew member, nothing has changed on the show. All the other versions of the show that have come out essentially have the same type of guys, which is very sad. I just hope more doors will open for more representation.

Stay up-to-date and connect with Gerges by following him on Instagram and TikTok @itminagerges.

In 2019, you posed completely naked for the first time for a spread in Toronto’s NOW Magazine. What did you learn from that experience? Oh, wow. I have not been asked this question before. Doing something that's so intimate and sharing it with the world can be very scary but also liberating. Being with a team of people who are looking at you in a way you wouldn’t expect, it taught me to overcome those fears and realize that just because I don’t have a six pack, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be in a magazine.

How did you end up being picked as a Pit Crew member? They had auditions. I remember going in, and I was definitely the only bigger person. In the audition room, everyone was backstage doing pushups, sit ups, all sorts of things like that, and I was the only one not doing so. I’m really proud of myself for auditioning because I think when you walk into a room, and there’s 30 other guys who all have the same body type, you clearly stand out like a sore thumb. It can be a very scary, intimidating thing, but I am proud of myself for pushing through that and eventually landing the gig. What can you tell us about your debut menswear capsule collection that you launched earlier this year?

Shopping as a big boy can be very difficult, and I've always struggled to find things that are in my size. Especially things that are stylish, fun, and look different. It's almost impossible to find these things in existing brands that come in a bigger size. I would feel really good about myself and go to the mall, but I would find absolutely nothing.

I just started doing it, and it was such an incredible experience because you're making clothes that fit you and other guys that look like you. You are no longer constrained by whatever the fashion industry is creating. You're creating that change yourself. How would you like to see the fashion industry improve to be more representative in the future? I think extending your size offerings is the simplest thing that any brand can do. The fact that a lot of brands still stop at a size large or extra large in 2022 is simply unacceptable. On a deeper level, they need to start offering bigger sizes, and then on a more surface level, casting models with different body types. Casting someone who is maybe a size 36, as opposed to someone who's a size 28 or 30. Showcasing bodies that are more normal and slowly working away from those unattainable body types that we're used to seeing. Those two things can make a huge difference.

Challenge yourself to get one piece of clothing that is maybe pushing you out of your comfort zone; put that on, and see how you feel in that. That'll slowly help you get to a place where you're feeling more confident and where you're loving yourself, for sure.

What are some future goals you hope to achieve with your career and platform?

I would love to create a bigger clothing line and launch more collections that are size inclusive and fun for everyone to wear. I am also working towards more gigs in television, and a personal thing for me, I was in this year’s Abercrombie & Fitch Pride campaign, so I would love to work with more brands and do more campaigns that are changing our fashion industry. Before we wrap up, are there any other upcoming projects or anything else you'd like to mention or plug? Definitely be on the lookout for some more drag from me. I have been exploring the feeling of being a confident, juicy drag queen, and I love it. So, be on the lookout for some more fun drag projects!

KhodsLunabyPhoto outfront magazine.com 51

Something as simple as that can completely shoot your confidence, and I got sick and tired of that disappointing feeling that came with shopping, which led to that cycle of self-hatred and hating my body. I thought, “Why don't I just teach myself how to make clothes and do it myself?” Like, what if I invested that time into creating these clothes that I've always wanted to wear?

And what advice would you give to somebody who is unhappy with the way they look?

When someone thinks of a full glam look, what may come to mind? Is it a full-cut crease with falsies, contour, highlight, and the works, maybe even drag makeup? Well, you would be correct for the most part, but drag is both feminine and masculine, and contour and highlight can be used for natural looks. In reality, full glam is any sort of makeup look that encompasses the entire face and eyes to accentuate the eyes, lips, and “feminine” aspects of the face.

Many makeup artists are trained or dabble in color theory and understand the importance all colors hold in all aspects of artistry. Be it nudes or bold hues, a good makeup artist can incorporate color when needed.

When someone isn’t too familiar with color, or makeup in general, they can be misled by it. Someone who sees a neutral skin-hued halo eye or cut crease may feel that the look is natural, as the colors are blended seamlessly, when In reality, the look may have taken upwards of an hour and a half depending on face shape and products. You could end up asking for a natural look and find out it may be a grueling process, or ask for a soft glam and get an elevated natural look on your face. Makeup is meant to be fun and expressive. However, it is those blurred lines that can create a bit of confusion in the community. by Angel Omar Rivera Stock Images

52 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Beauty Beat

Many makeup artists, including myself, are eager and ready to get people back out there, looking and feeling bomb. However, time management makes it imperative that we as artists budget our time in an effective manner. With that being said, the difference between a natural look and full glam is key when speaking to an artist and when conveying how the look should be.

The eyes are a key point to a full glam look and are often enveloped in many shadows with techniques that take time such as cut creases or smokey and halo eyes. Just the eyes require upwards of four brushes depending on the techniques used. All this to say that a full glam look is really a time-consuming process and can eat at both the artist’s and the client’s time.

Natural looks and Full Glam

What many people don’t know is that the “natural” makeup, “no makeup” look is tedious but can be achieved in half the time a “full” glam session can take. Mind you, this in no way is meant to chastise anyone who doesn’t know what natural or full glam is, but it is meant to clarify taste and hopefully enlighten a few people.

A natural look, in many cases, is a full serving of enhanced skin! Think Victoria's Secret angels and foundation with strategically placed highlights to brighten the face while enticing the audience, or the clean makeup with a pop of color that Zendaya, Drew Barrymore, and Ariana Grande are known for. Yes, they can be glam, but the emphasis is on the skin and natural beauty of the person. With a focus on lips and facial features, the natural look can take just as much makeup as the full glam look, but instead of shadows, we focus on skin that looks and feels high definition as opposed to a sultry glam that glows, and we don’t skimp on lashes or sparkle. So where does the confusion come from?

On the other hand, the loud—and strange to some—sister of minimalism is maximalism. The mixing of colors and textures is one way to describe it, and it can also involve lots of jewelry. The silhouette of maximalism can vary between giant, bustling coats and shirts to form-fitting ski wear with cargo pants and chunky jewelry, allowing for more playtime while getting dressed.

A maximalist takes great care to ensure that their own unique, personal style is on full display for all to see, creating a link between maximalism and camp. However, camp is a strange and flamboyant expression, which can be both minimal and maximal, while maximalism in itself can be uniform and seemingly subdued. Like minimalism, it’s the attention to details and how the outfit is presented to the world matters.

For many years, the fashion mainstream itself has tilted back and forth between a minimal and maximal look. The fierce and wonky style that dominated the early 2000s club scene included bright colors; beads; and Ed Hardy prints on matching hats, shirts, and pants to make a full statement. The 2010s, for some reason, combined business casual attire with club clothes. Ties, clean hemlines, vests, and tailored button-ups ushered in the proto-minimalism movement which we see getting popular today.

I n a turbulent time, in which everyone is still unsure whether to be out on the town or cooped up inside of their home, the ways people express themselves has become more important than ever before. Minimalist fashion can be summed up as clean-cut and functional wear, while also taking cues from athleisure and casual uses of streetwear, all formed into a homogenous look.

While maximalism is a complete expression of one's own personal taste… to the max, leaning more toward camp in most instances. Whether you utilize the clean lines and uniform silhouettes of minimalists or bold colors or an eclectic host of accessories for maximalists, these two styles are vying for space in the fashion front.

The appeal of it all is that, unlike most casual wear, minimalism is elevated casual. Maximalism gives one the chance to really be creative and introspective with how they perceive themselves and how they want others to perceive them. Whether the allure of effortless elevation or the invitation of creative personal wear appeals to you more, both minimalism and maximalism thrive hand in hand and should be seen as two sides of the same reversible jacket. outfront magazine.com

by Angel Omar Rivera

First and foremost, many people abide by the rule of “less is more,” even remembering to “take off one thing” before departing for the day. Even unconsciously, many people want to look good and be functional. Minimalism allows this, as it is the easiest of all the fashion trends to fall into due to its nature. However, successfully pulling it off is much more difficult, due to the attention needed for a look that is brought together by clean, parallel lines, a close-to-perfect fit, and mutable colors. Making the minimal into a look is not easy, but it is accessible in that it's easy to imitate nature. Whites, beiges, blacks, and even monochromatic pieces are essential in the minimal look while also steering clear of prints and marks. Minimalism may not take much of an imagination to behold, but it is no slouch in its effortless mastery of contemporary style.

Minimalism to Maximalism Stock Image

Cannabis

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Leave it to California to keep it classy! This tasty solventless vape even comes with its own little brown leather pouch, and it packs a nice little puch for how small it is. My only gripe is that it’s disposable and not reusable—I want to keep using the cute little battery part and the pouch! But when it comes to aesthetics, flavor, and high, no complaints here!

Olio Live Edibles

California Corner

Masc, femme, in between, or entirely beyond, we all have one thing in common: love for bud, and we have some tasty treats below! Check them out, and get elevated.

You probably know Olio as that amazing concentrate company, but now, they also have edibles! This new product is the first-ever cannabis gummy infused through protein encapsulation. They partnered with Day Three Labs, a cannabinoid CPG ingredient manufacturer, to come up with these tasty and potent 10mg edibles. Thanks to Olio’s fresh-frozen hash rosin, these tasty treats are just the thing for a night in or out on the town. Incredibles: Mile High Mint

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Valhalla Dark Chocolate Valhalla Dark Chocolate bars are made with local dark chocolate (54%) and are silky smooth. They are infused with premiumgrade cannabis and are a cinch to parse into smaller doses. This chocolate is relaxing, yet induces a pleasant lift—perfect as an after-dinner dessert or addition to coffee or ice cream! As an added bonus, they’re also vegan.

Reviews: Femme Flowers, Joint Decisions

54 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Stock Image outfront magazine.com 55

Introducing Colorado Indie Artist Bekka Jean by Denny Patterson Photo courtesy of Bekka Jean 56 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

Stay up-to-date and connect with Jean by following her on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube @bekkajeanmusic. Her music is available on Spotify and all other digital streaming platforms. outfront magazine.com

In terms of Jean’s musical style and aesthetic, she says she doesn’t want to put herself into a specific box because she is experimenting.

“Working with Robert is so meaningful,” she says. “He doesn’t contribute a lot lyrically, but that is something we’re working on. Being raised Catholic and being the firstborn, he had a lot of expectations from his parents, so he never vocalized a lot growing up. It was like, ‘This path is set for you.’ He is learning to use his words more, and he did contribute some lyrics to our song ‘Carnival Ride,’ which hasn’t been released yet. He’s also been teaching me to play guitar more.”

No matter what, Jean promises to stay true and authentic through her craft.

my music, I’ve always been about trying to let people know they’re not alone in their shit,” she says. “I definitely want to reach people with mental health issues because I have depression, and I want to be a positive influence in that regard. We’re not alone in what we're going through, and it's so easy to convince ourselves that we are. I hope my listeners feel the message I’m trying to send out, and I think they have because of the messages I receive. You’re not alone in this, and it’s OK to not be OK.”

“I just want to keep writing stuff that comforts people,” she says. “I’m going to stay strong and stick to my guns.”

“Again, growing up in a Christian home, we weren’t taught to have boundaries,” she says. “We weren’t taught to say no to people and stick up for ourselves. In my adulthood, I’m learning these lessons that I should have learned as a child. This song is about letting some people go that aren’t good for you. If people don’t believe in what you’re doing, that’s OK, but they can be over there. I’ll be over here shining and doing what I believe is right for me without the influence of others.”

“There is a beauty in somebody walking with God and displaying it in a loving, compassionate way, but my entire childhood was surrounded with, ‘You’re going to go to church; you’re going to believe in God, and you’re going to share his word,’” she says. “I was all about it at the time, but it was more for the social aspect than what I was feeling in the pit of my chest. It doesn’t resonate with me at this time in my life, and I would never try to take someone’s faith away from them. If it brings them joy, and they’re not being like, ‘You’re going to Hell’ all the time, cool. In my mind, if there is a God, he doesn’t need us to go and tell everybody about him. He’s going to display himself in his own way.”

Jean says she was shocked to learn where some of her listeners are based.

Another purposeful part of Jean’s music career has been collaborating with her husband, Robert.

B orn in San Diego and now based in Greeley, Colorado, Bekka Jean is a queer indie musician who is working hard to create a platform and connect with her listeners.

Currently, Jean is working on a new single called “Little Do They Know,” which is about letting go of toxic and negative people from her life.

Jean hopes to release a full-length album soon. In the future, the up-and-coming musician hopes to expand her horizons and experience tour life. So far, Jean has only performed locally.

“I have quite a few listeners in London and Africa,” she exclaims. “Like, how is my music reaching you? I’ll get DMs all the time from people all over the world, and I’m amazed at how music has the potential to reach the world.”

In July 2021, Jean officially released her debut single “///Shutdown/// Mode///.” It came into shape when she was at her loneliest and felt no sense of belonging with friends or struck a chord with many, and according to Jean, she felt like she was finally doing what she was meant to “Withdo.

“Imagine if someone’s listening to something that made you cry,” Jean continues. “They will hopefully feel the same way. With my music, I want to make people feel something great. We passively listen to music all the time, and we’re sometimes more interested in the beat and rhythm than the story. Music is escapism for some people, but for me, it’s laying it all out on the table. Like, this is my shit, and I’m going to talk about it. I want to tell stories that matter and that are going to stick with people.”

“I do want to have a more acoustic feel in my music, like raw vocals, guitar, piano, and strings,” she says. “I love orchestral stuff, and I would love to write for film one day. No lyrics, just symphony stuff. I’ll sometimes watch movies and shows on mute and try to feel the emotion of what I’m seeing. The kind of music that would go to this scene. I want big emotions to be felt, and I love listening to music that makes me cry.

The rising artist was first introduced to the idea of writing music when she was a teenager.

“My mom was a poet, so I was writing a lot of poetry just like her,” Jean explains. “She wrote a book of poetry mostly surrounding her faith and her walk with God, but I didn’t share the same faith as my mom. I wrote more about the teenage angst that we feel. Crushes and things like that. My older sister Heather moved back home with us when she was 22, and she brought this upright piano with her. She later joined the Navy, and after she left, I just stared at it. Like, maybe I should play it or something. So, I taught myself piano. I don’t read music; I play by ear, and I wrote a lot of songs from ages 15 to 23.” Jean grew up in a deeply religious household, which she says made a significant impact on her upbringing.

“I’ve always had this hermit personality, but I’m trying to break that habit,” she laughs. “A lot of independent musicians think they’re going to post something, go viral, and then the world will know their name. I’m not trying to be like that anymore. I’m going to reach who I am meant to reach, and I want to be more involved in my community. I'm still navigating through what it is to be an indie artist, but I would love to go to other states and meet the people that are listening to my music.”

Thefamily.track

British Mustard strives to create a sustainable brand, as well as a brand that’s accessible to all. Through the collective’s Loan Store program, customers can use and wear pieces from their clothing line with less of an impact on the environment. It also allows their fashion line to be accessible to low-income customers, thus eliminating some of the elitism and classism that is inherent in most high-end fashion.

OFM sat down with Kai Cornwall to talk about his vision for this unique project and where it’s going in the future.

UK Music and Arts Collective British Mustard

You describe yourself as punk, but your music is a combination of hip-hop, electronic, and trap music. How do you define that as punk? How do you define punk in relation to what you do?

British Mustard is not a condiment you put on your bangers and mash but rather a unique, U.K.-based artistic collective that combines music and fashion. Founded by Kai Cornwall in 2020, Cornwall partnered with fashion designer and visual artist Ellen Critchley to produce a project that produces both music and a line of clothing.

To be honest, it was something that naturally happened. I have always made music since I was very young and would cut up clothing and hand-sew patches on and things like that. And when I met the other half of British Mustard (Ellen Critchley), we began making clothing mainly for me to wear on stage. And from there, British Mustard was born, where the music and clothing reflect each other, influence each other and kind of correlate and feed off one another. How do your fashion and music compliment each other? I would say they are both out of the norm. Neither fits into a particular box or can be compared to any existing brands or music. They create their own boxes and subcategories, which can make them hard to explain to people without them seeing and hearing the art!

Queering the Hip-Hop and EDM World

By Julie Byrne-Smith

MustardBritishofcourtesyPhoto 58 OFM SEPTEMBER 2022

On the music end, British Mustard recently released the album Apunkalypse which combines hip-hop and electronic music with a punk ethos. On the fashion side, the collective released their first clothing line with London Fashion Week Digital LABS.

What inspired you to create a combination music and fashion collective?

I think for me, punk is anything that is antiestablishment, forward-thinking, and out of the norm. A lot of people associate the word “punk” with the Sex Pistols and ripped t-shirts, but is that really punk nowadays? It is accepted and normalized. Punk should make people think, “Wow what the fuck did I just experience?” It’s not shock factor exactly, but it should be refreshing and new and different. This is also a big thing with my music as coming from a drill background. The music I use with my rap is not what people would expect.

I think it’s hard to say who my influences are, but some would definitely be Black Marble, Tiger Jaw, and COUCOU CHLOE. As for fashion influences, I would say we are influenced by the early work of Vivienne Westwood and Jean Paul Gaultier, as both designers have never been afraid to push the norm. Viv was once laughed off a TV show because people didn’t understand her clothing, purely because she was before her time and viewed the world differently from other people.

Therefore, we wanted to create a loan store for upcoming designers to loan out clothing for a small daily fee giving them security and guaranteed crediting for their work. This is also an amazing way for people to borrow and wear designer clothing without buying it, which makes clothing more accessible for people as well as reducing waste of garments. What’s next for British Mustard?

Lots of live shows! I am currently working on a new album, and we are also underway with making our new collection which will debut with a show in February 2023, so watch this Apunkalypsespace! is now available on all streaming platforms, and as well as their new singles, “Don’t Panik” and “Sad Society.”

Who are your influences, both musically and fashion-wise?

Talk to me about your clothing loan program. Why was that important to you? The loan program is important, as we feel it is really important that designers benefit from press pulls. Everyone else gets paid for shoots (make up artists, hair stylists, photographers, and stylists), whereas designers are not paid and don’t even always get credited!

Keep up with the project at britishmustard.co.uk. outfront magazine.com

You describe your fashion as being focused on a queer, femme, and POC gaze. What do you mean by that? I think a big part of the things you create come from your own experience and identity. Me being an effeminate, queer, Black man and Ellen being a queer female, the way we design, the lyrics I make, and our lived experiences ooze into our designs and music. Why was it important to you to make a sustainable brand? We are a slow-fashion brand. We aim to source fabric sustainably and use organic, recycled, and deadstock fabric where possible. We produce all of our clothing ourselves, and all our fabric is printed in the U.K. Local sourcing and production is a huge part of our brand identity. In our latest collection, we are looking at more ways to repurpose existing clothing. For example, we are creating a jumper and embroidering it using yarn sourced from unraveling secondhand jumpers.

Releases September 16

The Hu Rumble of Thunder

This Mongolian metal band combines the best elements of heavy rock (think Isis, Old Man Gloom, and Metallica) with a simmering sense of spirituality (think GOAT). On songs like “Black Thunder” and “This is Mongol,” the band delivers wicked riffage and sophisticated drum patterns to provide listeners with an injection of metal while also showcasing the unique textures and melodicism of their culture. If you’ve been bored with scene offerings as of late, but have a soft spot for bands that are students of the genre, give this a listen, preferably after some you’ve filled the room with one kind of smoke, and are in the process of lighting candles.

Releases September 23

Yeah Yeah Yeahs Cool It Down

Releases September 9 by Eric Farwell

Michelle Branch The Trouble with Fever

Releases September 23

The Egyptian singer-songwriter’s debut is choc-a-bloc with swoon-worthy songs that will transport any listener back to the heyday of balladeer pop. Imagine a world where Snow Patrol, The Calling, and Five For Fighting weren’t white guys you couldn’t tell apart if your life depended on it, but one very charismatic singer dripping with sincerity. It’s genuinely refreshing to hear this sound return in a world where every singer sounds like they’re living through the Dust Bowl or trying to blend in. Do yourselves a favor, and nod along to the jangly guitar work, before raising your voices to sing along with the moody, spectral, oddly jubilant melodies of songs like “Fascination” and “The First Disciple.”

OFM NEW MUSIC

The eternally exciting pop icon returns with another album that imaginatively blends world-beat, afro-beat, punk, hip-hop, and pop into a sound all her own. “High Priestess” is an M.I.A-esque hypnotic bop that expands as the song goes on, while “Nothing” plays with a muscular beat while Santigold sings sweet R&B patterns over it. As always, the sound is idiosyncratic, ambitious, and experimental in the best way possible. If you’ve never heard Santigold’s music, the only two questions you need to ask are, “Do I like the idea of Coachella in its heyday,” and, “Do I often wish my life were more cinematic?” If you answered yes to both, throw this on as fast as you can.

The alternative rock band whose posters your coolest art friend had are back after a long hiatus. As always, Karen O is timeless in her approach to the music she wants to make, and this release sees the band update its glitchy, angular rock to be more in step with the chilled out, heroin-chic sounds of now. On the moody, intimate “Spitting Off the Edge of the World,” O teams up with Perfume Genius to prepare us for an album of shimmering songs about the darkest of times. If you’re a fan of the thoughtful (if retro) sound of O and Danger Mouse’s collaboration, this is another iteration of the singer's growth and is not to be missed.

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The reigning pop-rock icon returns with another departure from the bouncy sound that made her famous, doubling down on the bluesy, swampy Gibson guitar tone that made her previous album stand out. Songs like “I’m a Man” and “Fever Forever” offer a fun, rockoriented iteration of what we always loved about Branch: a platonic ideal of the genre or type of song being filtered through her sensibilities. If you’re burnt out from the summer and need a way to wind down without losing the anthemic power the season can have, give this a spin.

Releases September 2

This month’s must-catch, new releases from the artists you already love and the musicians you need to know.

Tamino Sahar

Christine and the Queens Redcar les adorables étoiles If you’ve been dancing along with “Je te vois enfin” all summer, prepare yourselves for the glorious dance rock that Christine embarks on with her third release. Here, the queer icon is in rare form, with ambitious tracks like “Ma bien aimee bye bye” and “My birdman” utilzing language and euro-rhythms in fascinating ways that expand the sound the artist has become known for. In so many ways, this album is a step forward, not just for the artist but the genre as a whole, with much of the album being sung in French. As an artist that is typically ahead of the curve, expect to see more non-English-speaking pop albums in the near future.

Releases September 30

Santigold Spirituals

While I’m lucky enough to live in a state that protects my right to terminate a pregnancy, the U.S. no longer protects those rights. My bandmates have bodily autonomy, while I do not. And this is just one example: Being queer and Black in metal carries just as heavy a weight. So the biggest answer to that question is, our experience is inherently different than that of a cis, straight white man. It is going to inform our lyrics, how we think, what we dream about, the way in which we show up in the world, so of course it is going to impact our art, and it should be considered beyond just who checks what boxes in which Notband. to mention, navigating the world as a person with marginalization makes lived experience completely different. I have to consider my femmeness, my queerness, my place in this world, every time I show up at a venue, talk to a new person online, reach out ot a promoter, agree to work with a band or PR person as a metal writer. Is it safe to talk to this person as a woman? Can I let them know I’m queer? Will there be confusion, or even worse, anger and frustration, when a metalhead named Addison shows up in person and is not, in fact, a cis, straight man? This is an experience folks who lack marginalization simply do not have. So, with all this in mind, my answer to those who wish we could move past pointing out marginalization in metal is this: We can do that when the marginalization ceases to be an issue. Until then, it is still a massive part of our lived experience, and as such, a massive part of our lives as metalheads and musical creators.

Why we Still Recognize Diversity in Metal by Addison Herron-Wheeler

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I’ve heard a few folks posing this line of questioning over the years in the metal community: "Why is it necessary to point out 'women in metal' or 'queerness in metal' or 'Blackness in metal?' Isn't it better to invite everyone in, move past tokenizing and minority counting, and just celebrate good music?"

Metal Meltdown

Even if you’re not familiar with the metal subgenre, this line of thinking is by no means new. It is well-intentioned, for sure, but often spoken by those in more places of privilege who miss the nuance behind what they’re actually saying. This is where we are in 2022: I, a uterus-having nonbinary woman, do not have the same rights as my two bandmates, who are cis men.

Mantra: I don’t need others; I choose others. Leo Happy birthday, September Virgos! You’re always there for your friends and family, and everyone is ready to show you how much they appreciate you. Love, luck, and money are yours, and you deserve it.

Mantra: “I am not the version of me that you created in your mind.” – Unknown Aries

Mantra: Everything I want is already mine. Virgo Happy birthday to all my September Libras! We love your even-keel and easy-going attitude. Working out the challenges in relationships is worth it, but do it behind closed doors this month, bae. It’s no one else’s business, after all. Letting go of grudges leads to much-needed healing. If you have a financial shakeup, this event will show you that you truly are supported.

Mantra: I am one and present in the here and now. Cancer If you’re not stacking cash, you should be, dear Leo. You can never save too much. You’ll be happy you planned ahead later. If you’re looking for love, it may be easier than you think to meet someone to snuggle up and get cozy with as the summer turns to fall.

Mantra: “Three things to keep private: my income, my love life, and my next move.” – Unknown Libra by Alanna L.P.

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You are so on it this month, dear Taurus. People are admiring you wherever you go. Fun is in the air. You’ll have many wonderful, relaxing late summer days with new and old friends and loved ones. This wonderful energy will influence your overall demeanors. You have the power to make big changes now, especially at work. Be cautious about getting involved with a coworker because the relationship could become codependent.

Horoscopes September 2022

This month, dear Aries, you are being called to define yourself! There are some people who are jealous of your confidence. Let these individuals know that you are not who they think you are. It may shake the foundation of some of your relationships, but the ones that survive are the ones that deserve to stay.

Welcome to Alanna L.P.’s Uplifting Horoscopes. These are very general readings that will resonate with many but not all of you. That’s OK! Take away what makes sense, and leave what doesn’t behind. If you want a deeper understanding of what to expect this month, read your sun sign, your rising sign, and your moon sign. You can find what these are by going to cafeastrology.com to get a free birth chart reading.

Mantra: “Your success will be determined by your confidence and fortitude.” – Michelle Obama Taurus Gemini Curiosity and good communication solve problems this month, dear Cancer. Home is where the heart is. Especially if you feel like your life is a trip to Grand Central Station! If you find yourself longing for a time when things were simpler, consider your place in the present world and how to make the best out of the way things are now. A mental health professional could help with this.

Mantra:“Can I trust you?” Scorpio

Mantra: There would be no light without darkness, and no darkness without light.

Aquarius

Mantra: If anyone asks where I am, tell them I’m outstanding. Sagittarius

Give everything a once-over this month, dear Capricorn. This is the second chance you’re been waiting for. You’ve got this! That leadership role is yours; show them how you shine. Don’t forget, play time is important, too. Have an adventure, and find new ways to fall in love with life. You may just meet someone with the same lust for life as you.

You may have to think on your feet this month, dear Aquarius. Even if things may feel urgent, take time to consider all options before making a decision. You’ll need to check in with your shadow side to get clarity on any misunderstandings you may have had about someone’s intentions. A professional could help with this. Even though it may be uncomfortable, you’ll find yourself connecting in a more intimate way with unexpected people. Just remember to keep an open mind.

You may be feeling a little philosophical or even esoteric this month, dear Pisces. Even if you’re feeling a little woo woo, your intuition may not be what it usually is. Rely on your logic instead. It is Mercury Retrograde after all, so make sure your communication with others is crystal clear to avoid messy misunderstandings.

Mantra: Successful communication is hearing and comprehending what the other people are saying. Pisces outfront magazine.com

Some secrets are meant to be shared, dear Scorpio, especially with a Virgo. Creative solutions to problems appear when you are vulnerable to others. Within a year’s time, you’re going to have exactly what you’re after, but you need to work on trusting others. No need to be afraid to speak up! Your words have power, and you will be heard.

Mantra: Creating my own reality starts with giving an idea dimension. Capricorn

Your infinite optimism inspires those around you, dear Sagittarius. If you’re having health problems, you might be working too hard. A doctor can help you figure out if this work stress is hurting your body. Aim for the stars and shoot because they are so much closer than they appear. This could lead to discovering a surprising, hidden talent.

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by Alex Burnel M y phone went off, and I saw that I was messaged on one of the few apps I have. It’s almost impossible to not download one of the apps nowadays. My phone went off again, and it was the same guy. I opened the app and was shocked to see the guy who messaged me was sexy as hell! I thought, “Why not?” and messaged back. I’m actually shocked that this guy is carrying on a conversation with me, which doesn’t always happen. I suggested we could split a bottle of wine, if he was interested in coming over. He also informed me that he lived in the same building as me and wouldn’t take long to get here. I didn’t know if this could really be happening, but when I heard his knock, I knew it was. I opened the door and paused as I looked him up and down. His jeans showed every curve of each muscle— not to mention his massive package. He asked if he could come in, and I said, “Of course.” As he walked past me, I could see his rear was as nice as the front if not better. He turned to see me staring at his ass and walked up to me and gently pushed me against my door, giving me an intense kiss. He stood back a little and said, “Now that we got the first kiss out of the way, how about that glass of wine?" I got my bearings back and brought the bottle of wine and two glasses over to the couch and sat down next to him. As I poured us some wine, I said I’d love to know his name because I doubted “Parking_in_my_ rear84” was it. He laughed. “Aaron,” he said, before asking for mine. I told him my name was Matt and brought my glass up to cheers.

After we finished about half the bottle, I told him I was a little shocked he agreed to come over. I said most guys think I wear too much makeup and are not a fan of my androgynous appearance. Aaron told me he just thought I was attractive, and he loved how I wasn’t afraid to be myself. He also said most guys on the app assume that because he comes off as a “butch jock,” that makes him a top. I told him I was really happy to hear that he’s a big ol’

Webottom!finished our glasses of wine and set them down. He came in close, and we started to make out passionately. While we were making out, he started to remove my shirt, and I removed his. I reached my arms around him and grabbed his ass and pulled him closer. He quickly grabbed my hands off his rear and held them on the couch above my head. He leaned in and whispered, “Not yet.” He told me I’d be enjoying his cake soon enough. He got down onto his knees in front of the couch and took the entirety of my shaft down his throat with ease. The more he worked my shaft with his talented mouth, I got close to cumming, and he noticed and would keep pausing. He told me that I would cum when he wanted me to. He straddled me and began to lightly suck on my ear and my neck, and my eyes rolled back, and I grabbed a hold of the sofa cushion with all my might. He asked if I wanted him to keep going, and I said I did, very much so! He reached into the pocket of his pants next to us and took out a condom. He tore open the condom pack with his teeth and slid it slowly onto my cock. He grabbed a container of lube from his other pocket and applied the lube to my cock and his hole. He slid his hole onto my rock hard shaft and told me I wasn’t allowed to touch myself. He started riding me and slowly picked up his pace. We started sweating more and more. His moaning got louder and louder, and I could tell I was hitting his spot and hitting it well! I wasn’t sure if my girth would be too much, but it definitely wasn’t. I could feel Aaron’s hole grip with each pause between trusts. He leaned down and kissed me as he let out a passionate moan. I gently sucked on his ear, and that made him even louder. Aaron thrusted even faster on my cock, and his head moved back as he braced himself on my thighs. I told him to not stop, and I was getting close. I reached my hands around him and grabbed his ass and gave it a smack. He said “Oh my… !” I told him I was about to cum, and he said he was too. I pulled him close and told him to get on his back. We repositioned ourselves, and I threw his legs over my shoulders. I reentered his hole, and he arched his back and said “Fuuuuuuuuck!” I smacked his ass and thrusted faster and deeper. With each thrust, we both started to shake. Aaron pulled me in closer with one hand and he started to stroke his cock with his other. We started shaking more, and we both couldn’t hold back any longer. He started cumming all over his chest and I pulled my cock out. I fiercely started to stroke my cock and asked where he’d like me to cum, and he told me his chest. I fell onto the couch next to him, and we both started to catch our breaths. I told him I was so glad he messaged me. He said, “Here’s to defying stereotypes!” I replied, “That’s the damn truth.”

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Here's to Not Following Stereotypes