07.31.08 Outlook Weekly - Nina Wins EOY + Online Dating/Hookup Etiquette by Outlook Weekly

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2 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY OWNERS AND PUBLISHERS Michael Daniels & Chris Hayes EDITOR-IN-CHIEF / ART DIRECTOR Chris Hayes hayes@outlookmedia.com

SNAPSHOT

July 25-27: Nina West won National Entertainer of the Year in Louisville. Congrats girl! We’ll have much more on this next week. Below are some photos by Briggs (including cover) till then. Here in town other wins were sashed. A&F and glitter were exchanged for harnesses and Nasty Pig this past weekend as the Ohio Leather Alliance hosted its contests at Axis, with before- and after-parties at Exile. Photos courtesy of Heather Rush.

ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR / PHOTOS Robert Trautman traut@outlookmedia.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Mette Bach, Danielle Buckius, Wayne R Besen, Chris Crain, Jennifer Vanasco, Tom Moon, Regina Sewell, Leslie Robinson, Gregg Shapiro, Mick Weems, Julianne French, TF Barton, Romeo San Vicente, Jeff Fertig, Simon Sheppard, Tristan Taormino, Dennis Vanke, Mario Pinardi, Rick Kramer, Aaron Drake, Jennie Keplar, Scott Varner, Derrik Chinn, Dan Savage, Felice Newman, Tim Curran, Chris Hughes, Stephen J Fallon, Felice Newman, J. Eric Peters, Crystal Hawkins, Brent Wilder, Matthew Burlingame, Jacob Anderson-Minshall, Matthew Veritas Tsien, Cheri Meyers

BUSINESS & ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Michael Daniels mdaniels@outlookmedia.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media - 212.242.6863 ADVERTISING DEADLINE Each Wednesday 8 days prior to publication. Call us at 614.268.8525. HOW TO REACH US Outlook Media, Inc. 815 N High St, Suite ii Columbus, OH 43215 614.268.8525 phone 614.261.8200 fax www.outlookweekly.net web www.outlookmedia.com business www.myspace.com/outlookweekly friends www.flickr.com/outlookweekly photos SUBSCRIPTIONS Call 614.268.8525

READERSHIP: 210,000 PEOPLE / MONTH Outlook Weekly is published and distributed by Outlook Media, Inc. every Thursday throughout Ohio. Outlook Weekly is a free publication provided solely for the use of our readers. Any person who willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over copies of Outlook Weekly with the intent to prevent other individuals from reading it shall be considered guilty of the crime of theft. Violators will be prosecuted. The views expressed in Outlook Weekly are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or personal, business, or professional practices of Outlook Media, Inc. or its staff, ownership, or management. Outlook Weekly does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness or reliability of any interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented. Outlook Media, Inc. does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. Outlook Media, Inc. assumes no responsibility for claims arising in connection with products and services advertised herein, nor for the content of, or reply to, any advertisement. All material is copyrighted ©2008 by Outlook Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008 VOLUME 13 NUMBER 05

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

SNAPSHOT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........2 ABOUT TOWN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........3 LETTERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........4 STRAIGHT UP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........6 GENERAL GAYETY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........6 TRANSNATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........8 SPORTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .........8 PET TALK . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......11 OUT BUSINESS NEWS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......13 INSIGHT OUT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......15 FEATURE: INTERNET LOVE/HOOKUP. . . . . . . . . . 16-20 DEEP INSIDE HOLLYWOOD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......22 ARTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......22 GALLERY HOP . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......24 INTERVIEW : THE FAB JOHNSON BROTHERS . . . .......26 CLASSIFIEDS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......27 SEX TALK . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......28 SAVAGE LOVE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......29 SPOTLIGHT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......30 THE LAST WORD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......31 SCOPES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......31 NEXT WEEK: ELECTION PREVIEW!

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 3

ABOUT TOWN by Chris Hayes THURSDAY, JULY 31 WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE, DAVE? Stanley Kubrick Retrospective @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 N. High St, 614.292.3535, wexarts.org: The retrospective continues. Tonight yo get a double feature! Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb and The Killing. 7p Dr Strange, 8:45 Killing; $7, $5 mem, student, senior. EAT GREEN Farmers Market @ Columbus Public Health’s Near East Side Campus, 240 Parsons Ave, www.publichealth.columbus.gov: More than 20 central Ohio growers will offer a colorful variety of fresh fruits and vegetables at Columbus Public Health’s Fourth Annual Farmers Markets. The markets will be held Jul 31, Aug 7 and 14. 10a-1p, free. See pg 30 for info. TRICKLE DOWN MUSIC THEORY Downtown Live Summer Concert Series @ the corner of State and Third Streets in the plaza in front of the Hyatt on Capitol Square, www.downtowncolumbus.com: Continuing with the tradition to keep downtown music-filled during the summer for downtown residents and employees, Capital Crossroads Special Improvement District continues the summer line up for Downtown Live (previously called Party on State). This free summer concert series held on Thursdays through Aug 28. Tonight hear the Reaganomics. San Francisco Oven and Darby’s, restaurants located off of the plaza, will remain open and sell food and beverages to concert attendees. 5:30p; free FRIDAY, AUGUST 1 NO FREE LUNCH…WHATEVER! Summer Fridays Free Lunch Concerts @ The Ohio Statehouse, High St (btw State & Broad), www.ohiostatehouse.org: It’s Opera Columbus time! Come hear the glass breaking at this FREE lunchtime outdoor performing arts series taking place on the West Plaza (High Street) of the historic Statehouse each Friday throughout the summer. Summer Fridays provide an opportunity for the public and downtown community to gather on Capitol Square to experience Columbus’ diverse arts groups and to visit the beautiful Capitol building. 12p; free. PLAY BALL Softball World Series Fundraiser @ Union Bar+Food, 782 N High St, 614.421.CAFE (2233), columbusnightlife.com:The committee bidding to host the NAGAAA 2010 Gay Softball World Series invites you to a Happy Hour. Stop by and support our efforts to bring the GSWS to Columbus in 2010. Eat, drink and hang out with your friends. Purchase a raffle ticket for $5 and enter your name to win a scooter. See you there! 5p; free. CONGRATS JAMES! 1 Year Anniversary Celebration Weekend @ James’ Club 88, 55 W Long St, 614.223.1213, www.jamesclub88.com: Tonight’s the pre anniversary party. There will be several performers each night. In order to get everybody in, everyone is doing short sets. Oh yeah, and giveaways all night (raffle). Some prizes valued at $300.00! 9p; free. WINO Ryan Waugh of Waugh Cellars @ The Twisted Vine, 1816 W 5th Ave, 614.488.6113, www.myspace.com/twistedvine: It’s been said that there are two ingredients in making of wine, grapes and the winemaker. Waugh Cellars, producing only 3000 cases of award winning wine annually, surely has both. At just 30, Ryan Waugh is one of the youngest producers in Napa, yet he has six vintages

already behind him. Come join us! Taste the Waugh Cellars line up, meet this charming winemaker and hear him describe how with passion he creates excellent wines that exhibit unique flavors with great structural depth. Limited Seating so make reservations now! 6p-8p; $40 plus tax & gratuity includes Heavy Hors D’oeuvres. WATCH THAT CLIFF Mame @ Axis, 775 N High St, 614.291.4008, www.centerstageplayers.com: Center Stage Players present MAME the musical live on stage. Everyone wishes they have an Auntie Mame, don’t they? I do. That’s why I’m going to this show to bask in the fantasy of traveling the world with my eccentric Aunt. Show runs Aug 1, 2, 8,-10. Fri & Sat 8p, Sun 4p; $15. SATURDAY, AUGUST 2 AT THE HOP Gallery Hop @ The Short North, www.shortnorth.org: Wine, art, fun! See page 24 for highlights. CONGRATS JAMES! 1 Year Anniversary Celebration Weekend @ James’ Club 88, 55 W Long St, 614.223.1213, www.jamesclub88.com: Tonight’s the big party. There will be several performers, each doing short sets. They may do one set, they may do two. They‘ll probably mix it up and jam a little with each other also. Although, a couple regulars can’t make it, some, however, are coming both nights. It’s pretty much all the regulars, including representatives from “Open Mic Night,” “Tuesday Night Jams,” and “Showtune Singalong.” Performers will include me, Tamra Ellis, “AJ and Aaron,” Jazz Mary, Dane Terry, Cheridy Keller, Norwin Mergler, Debe Wenig, Bobby Hamlin and others. Oh yeah, and giveaways all night (raffle). Some prizes valued at $300.00! 9p; $2. HOME COMING Keepin’ Comin’ Home Unity Day Festival @ Mt Vernon Ave: The Keepin’ Comin’ Home AdHoc Committee would like to announce the new life on Mt. Vernon Avenue. The festival will feature local and national Artists in Jazz, R&B, Gospel, Rap, Dance and local and national guest Speakers. The special event feature will honor our Black Pioneers in Business, Education, Social, Political, Religion and Activism. Tonight and tomorrow. 10a-9p; free. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE BIRD? Bird Bash at Large featuring The Fabulous Johnson Brothers @ Frog Bear & Wild Boar, 343 N Front St, 614.621.9453, www.frogbearbar.com: Jay Bird’s 11th Annual incarnation of the infamous party moves from his back yard to a big bar. Free pizza from 9p11p, $2 midnight drink madness (including martinis) a special suprise at 1a and of course your favorite rock stars TFJB. See page 26 for interview. Head downtown for this crazy night! 10p; $5. SUNDAY, AUGUST 3 I’M A HANDSOME ACTOR Audition Notice: Raconteur Theatre Company Columbus Metropolitan Library’s Main Branch Auditorium, 96 S Grant Ave, www.rtheatre.org or email info@raconteurtheatre.com: Raconteur Theatre Company will hold auditions for its October production of Ghosts by Henrik Ibsen, translated by Lanford Wilson today and tomorrow. They are in need of 2 females and 3 males in ages ranging from 20’s to 40’s. Bring headshot and resume if available; auditions will consist of readings from the script. Rehearsals begin August 18. Ghosts runs October 2 – 18 at 105 North Grant Ave. (MadLab’s performance space). Sun 3p, Mon 7p; free. JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

4 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

LETTERS John McCain Should Talk to the Real Expert on My Family-Me To the Editor: As someone who was adopted by two lesbian moms, I was certainly disappointed to find out that John McCain, a candidate for President of the United States, doesn’t “believe in gay adoption.” What’s not to believe in? Many gays and lesbians adopt children and create wonderful, loving families. My moms adopted me out of foster care when I was eleven years old. I’m seventeen now. I love my family. My moms provide for me in all the ways that other parents provide for their children. We have our problems just like everybody else, but in the end we take care of each other. We believe in each other. What we don’t believe in is John McCain and any other politician who is out of touch with the reality of American families. Not all families are married moms and dads with their biological children. Many children are raised by single parents, unmarried parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and more. What makes these families real is the love and care they have for each other, their commitment to seeing each other through good times and bad. John McCain says he supports a quicker route to adoption so kids who need homes can get them faster, but he clearly has a bias against my kind of family and all the ones I listed above. If John McCain had his way, my family would not exist. I’m not giving up my family just because John McCain is confused about what really makes a family. If John McCain really cared about families, he would trust the professionals who have agreed that sexual orientation doesn’t affect someone’s ability to be a good parent. He would listen to my voice and the voice of many other kids being raised by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents. It’s not that our families are better, just that we’re basically the same, except in most places the laws don’t protect our families very well. If John McCain really cared about families like mine, he would let LGBT people marry the person they love so that all families can be treated equally to others. My two moms, my little brother and me, we’re doing just fine. We could do a little better if we had the support of people like John McCain, who as President or even as a senator has so much power over how other people live their lives. Without his support, we’ll keep doing what we’ve always donelove each other, care for each other, argue like all families, make up like all families, and continue to work for a country that really respects all of its people and families. We’d rather have our next president support us. Wouldn’t you?

The Reader Poll

Last week we asked:

Which of the following Which of the following websites do you use websites do you use for dating? for hooking up? adam4adam.com Bear411 chemistry.com Gay.com GayGuysChat.com gay.date.com gaywired.com gay411.com onegoodlove.com outincolumbus.com Manhunt.net pridedating.com qdates.com Recon.com silverdaddies.com other none

19.4% 6.5% 6.5% 19.4% 0.0% 0.0% 3.2% 0.0% 3.2% 16.1% 9.7% 0.0% 0.0% 3.2% 6.5% 12.9% 58.1%

adam4adam.com Bear411 chemistry.com Gay.com GayGuysChat.com gay.date.com gaywired.com gay411.com onegoodlove.com outincolumbus.com Manhunt.net pridedating.com qdates.com Recon.com silverdaddies.com other none

35.5% 6.5% 0.0% 12.9% 0.0% 0.0% 0.0% 0.0% 0.0% 3.2% 38.7% 0.0% 0.0% 6.5% 0.0% 12.9% 38.7%

Alan O’Brien-Myers Alan O’Brien-Myers is a rising senior at Holyoke High School in Holyoke, MA, where he lives with his two moms and younger brother.

Got something to say?

NEXT WEEK’S QUESTION:

• What is the number one issue you’ll have in mind when you vote this November?

Well then fill our inbox. We want to hear from you! Email us at editor@outlookmedia.com or logon to www.outlookweekly.net.

Log on to: www.outlookweekly.net to take this week’s poll.

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

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JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

10 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 11

PET TALK by Dean Vickers

“TAKE ME HOME, I CAN BE TRAINED” Selecting the right pet is about the same as selecting the right mate, or at least it should be. Like the rest of you, I have met or went out with my share of users and game players, but as a general rule, everyone I met has had good qualities and more often than not, it was nothing more than bad timing or odd connection. Whatever the reason, it just didn’t ‘click.’ The same holds true when it comes to pets. Some fit nicely into your lives and become a trusted companion, some…not so much. This is why it is so important to do some research before adding a pet into your life. Dogs, cats, rabbits, rodents and even birds require lots of time, money and commitment. Pet ownership is rewarding on so many levels, but you need to think it through before you adopt a companion for life. There are some excellent websites that help you pick the right pet. As a general rule, consider your time restrictions, financial capabilities, allergies, energy levels and the like and see what fits you best. If you are looking for a specific breed of dog, look at a breed specific rescue group. They will be able to give you some background information on the characteristics of that breed. If you are considering a mixed breed dog, look at the combined breeds and make an educated guess from there. The same holds true for cats. Are you looking for a Persian, or is a domestic short hair more to your liking. They are all unique and have very different personalities. THINGS TO CONSIDER Do you have time to care for a pet? This is a major consideration. Many of us work long hours or travel for our jobs. Dogs, cats and other companion animals require food, water, exercise, care and companionship. These needs are there and can not be ignored regardless of what kind of day you had. Animals are dropped off to the shelters daily because the owners didn’t consider the time that is involved in their care. Are you financially able to afford a pet? Depending on the pet, the costs of being a pet owner can be high. The basics include: licenses, veterinary care, grooming, toys, good quality food, treats, litter, training classes and unexpected costs that may arise. I did not include the cost of spay or neuter because if you adopt from a shelter or rescue, this is typically included in the adoption fee. If not, I strongly urge you to do so. Thousands of unwanted animals are euthanized everyday, this could change with responsible pet ownership, which included spay or neuter. Is the potential pet appropriate for your living space? Although it’s true, size matters,

this is not just about size, many smaller breed dogs, such as terriers and herding breeds, are extremely active and require a great deal of exercise to expend that energy. Some bigger dogs are very content to lie around all day, sleep on the sofa and go for a leisurely walk when you get home. It is very important to do research on the type of animal you are considering adopting. If you are looking at a purebred from a rescue, what are the characteristics of the specific breed? If you are looking at a mixed breed dog, look at the breeds that make up the dog. It will give you a good indicator of the temperament. Who will take care of your pets when you travel? You will either need a reliable friend who is willing to watch your pets when you vacation or travel for work or you may consider a boarding kennel or an in home pet-sitting service. I struggle with this more than anything else. Because I am a First Responder in disasters and work on raids, as well as, give lectures across the region, I travel more than I would like. I remember being at a July 4th party this year and being told by an acquaintance that I shouldn’t even have pets since I travel. I explained that I have a friend come over three times a day when I am gone, but that wasn’t good enough for him and he even suggested that euthanizing them would be better then leaving them when I travel. As you may guess, the conversation spiraled downward from there. It is because I do love my pets that I feel a stronger commitment to help rescue and reunite displaced pets with their owners. I would like to believe that if my pets were stranded in a disaster that someone would do the same for them. Why do you want a pet? This may be the most important question for you to consider. Did you watch Martha and suddenly decide you had to have a French Bulldog or a Chow? Did you watch 101 Dalmatians, Must Love Dogs or Cats and suddenly realize that you needed a pet? Adopting a pet shouldn’t be done on a whim. This living, feeling companion will be a part of your family for years or even decades. Dogs may be with you for more the 10 years, last year I lost one of my dogs who was almost 19 years old, cats easily live 15 years and some birds can live for over 75 years. They are not disposable and should not be treated as such. Once again, the parallel to dating is obvious: Why do you want to be in a relationship? It really does matter. Are you looking to fill a void or are you looking for someone to share your life with. Much like a pet, partners are not interchangeable and sometimes having time between relationships is a good thing. It gives you time to get to know who you are and what your needs are. If your ultimate goal is a life

partner, it is important to know who you are so you don’t get lost in someone else’s life. Now that you have decided that you are ready for a new addition, there are just a couple more considerations. Should you get a young animal or an older one? This comes back to a few of the previous questions, namely time. A young puppy or kitten will require a lot more training then an older one. With a puppy comes the crate training – yes I am an avid supporter of this – leash training, what not to chew. Puppies are not able to hold their bladder for more then a few hours, so this could make the training more problematic. Adopting an adult dog or cat may be the best choice for you. With an adult animal you already know the personality and the shelters are filled with adult animals looking for a second chance. Puppies and kittens are wonderful…in someone else’s home. I don’t have the time or patience to raise them correctly. Do I even need to make the parallel to dating someone younger or older? The final consideration is: Where should you go to find your perfect companion? Each year an estimated 9.6 million animals are euthanized in the United States. Over half of the dogs and roughly 75% of the cats that enter shelters are euthanized. More cats are euthanized because most states, including Ohio, do not require licensing and therefore owners cannot be identified. I will always recommend adopting from a shelter or reputable rescue group. Columbus has numerous breed specific rescue groups, as well as, Capital Area Humane Society and the Franklin County Animal Shelter. Both of these facilities are wonderful and will assist you in selecting the right pet. In addition, Franklin County has an event called “Mingle with the Mutts.” It is held twice a month and they not only have their dogs but they also invite many other rescue groups to participate in the event. It is an excellent way to see a variety of dogs. Capital Area Humane Society will have a larger selection of cats and other animals. You can also go to Petfinder.com and type in what you are looking for and how far you are willing to travel to visit with the potential pet. Both of my dogs are rescue dogs. J’Maul, the Ridgeback Mix was found in a dumpster by a Dayton, Ohio police officer. Annikka, my Chow, was found chained to a guardrail off I75 South. She was then taken to the local Humane Society and chained to a bench with a note identifying where she had been picked up. I have a great deal of respect for shelters and the work they do on behalf of unwanted animals. I encourage you all to do what you are able to do to assist your local shelters, including adopting your pets from them.

As far as where to go to meet a partner, there are many avenues and only you know where you are comfortable. Of course there are Internet dating sites. These are fine, but just accept them for what they are and remember that people online lie. I know, I know, shock of all shocks, but it’s true. If you choose to post a personal online, remember that whenever you put yourself out in the public eye, you open yourself up for scrutiny and ridicule. It is an unfortunate reality, but a reality none the less. We probably all do this to some degree and not always with malice. Who among us has not looked at a profile and critiqued the home furnishings, wondered why they didn’t clean the bathroom mirror before taking the picture or attempted to guess which decade the ‘recent’ photo was taken. It is what it is. I still prefer meeting people through friends and through political or social groups. You meet the person and have an opportunity to interact with them face to face. In addition, if you meet them through a group, you most likely share a common interest. There are numerous organizations that afford this opportunity: Network Columbus, Stonewall, CATF, HRC, GOHI, just to name a few. The benefit here is that not only will you be giving back to the community, but you will also meet new people. You never know what may happen when you put yourself ‘out there.’ Who knows, you may end up with the partner of a lifetime, a perfect soul mate. Whether they are on two legs or four legs, you may find a companion who will share in your daily routine and enrich your life. What could be a better reward? Dean Vickers is the Ohio State Director for the Humane Society of the United States. He can be reached at 614.607.7139 or by emailing dvickers@hsus.org.

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

12 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 13

OUT BUSINESS NEWS

Trimming the Bush Lush Scapes gives vibrancy to small landscape areas by Michael Daniels Continuing with our decision to paint, re-roof, and stay in our house in this tough market, we contacted Kevin Smith and Sarah Meyer from Lush Scapes to help us turn our boring, empty front into a spectacular curb appeal sparkler! Network Columbus members, Kevin and Sarah were the logical choice, not only because they specialize in small spaces, but because their attention to customer service, their work ethic, and their genuine caring were exactly what we were looking for – and the results are amazing! After the work was done, I sat down with Kevin to ask him a few basic questions and to let our readers know more about Lush Scapes. Michael Daniels: How did you get involved in landscaping? What made you decide to start your own business? Kevin Smith: You mean besides the fact that I hated working for other people... (laughs). I have always liked to be outside and work with my hands. My first job was working for a couple with lots of land and gardens, and that sparked my interest. I decided to go to college for landscape horticulture and study the technical and artistic aspects of working with plants and landscapes. I wanted to start my own

business so that I could do what I love. Through owning the business I have the flexibility to do what I feel passionately about. I am much more apt and able to be creative by working for myself. MD: What makes Lush Scapes different from other landscape contractors? KS: We are able to offer creative, personalized garden services. Lush Scapes is a small company. We initially meet with you and are the ones working with you throughout the entire project; therefore, insuring complete satisfaction. We have the personal touch that big companies lack. It’s just the two of us. We don’t show up with a truckload of guys to work in your yard who don’t really care about you or what you like/want. Sarah and I make the time to make sure you are completely satisfied from start to finish. Quality and satisfaction are number one. There are also no projects that are too small, which is a common problem when dealing with large landscape companies. MD: What are the challenges of small landscaping projects vs. larger ones? KS: Often times the challenge is for the client, finding a company who will work with them on a small project. Small projects can be more difficult because it can be hard to fit all of a client’s

needs/wants into a small space. We as a small company specialize in working directly with the client and best fitting their needs. MD: What should a homeowner look for in a landscaper? KS: Well, Sarah would say it’s someone who’s willing to take off their shirt and work in a sports bra (laughs). Seriously, it’s someone who’s a good listener and takes the time to understand exactly what the customer wants. Someone who seems interested in their needs and is excited to fulfill those needs. Someone who is knowledgeable and has good references. MD: How does being members of the GLBT community impact your business model, if it even does? How is it to work with members of the GLBT community? KS: Lush Scapes is an equal-opportunity company, so we’re happy to work for straight folks too (laughs), but we really enjoy working in the GLBT community – our clients there really care about their property, it’s value, and it’s beauty. And it’s nice to work with and for ‘family.’ MD: What are the biggest mistakes homeowners make with their landscaping projects?

KS: Thinking that having a good looking landscape will take up all their free time. In reality a good landscape can be very easy to maintain and add thousands or dollars to the value of a property. Many people would love to have a great garden; however, most people do not know where to start, or how to properly execute a plan that will work for both their space and their lifestyle. This is where professional ideas and experience make the difference. At Lush Scapes we take the time to work directly with the client and determine exactly what they want and how to make their space work for them! MD: Is landscaping a good investment in terms of real estate value? How much? KS: Absolutely! Although an initial investment may be somewhat costly, as plants mature property values increase. Good landscaping can be relatively maintenance free and add beauty and value to any home. From welcoming containers near the front door to flowering perennials around a patio, landscaping is a great investment, both for the value of the property and for the calming feeling it creates for the homeowner! Contact Kevin Smith and Sarah Meyer of Lush Scapes at 614.312.LUSH, or email kevinsmith@lushscapesonline.com. Tell them Outlook sent you!

Wireless Video Surveillance Helps Revitalize Ohio Neighborhoods New video network improves public safety in Columbus by involving community activists and local businesses Near downtown redevelopment efforts in Columbus have received a boost thanks to a newly installed wireless video surveillance system. Funded by local private non-profit Columbus Compact Corporation and deployed along East Main Street by systems integrator E-One Companies, the installation uses wireless mesh technology from Firetide to network surveillance cameras that deter crime while improving the area’s image as an inviting place to do business and shop. East Main Street, in the Near East neighborhood of Columbus, is an older city business corridor that declined in recent decades but is now on the upswing. In recent years, the public, nonprofit and private sectors have invested more than $9.7 million in new retail and residential developments. Revitalization efforts require public safety systems to keep pace; hence the choice to deploy wireless video surveillance. “The camera doesn’t blink. Whether you’re a merchant or a resident, we all have a stake in the success of Main Street when we turn off the lights and go home,” said Columbus Compact Corp. President and CEO Jonathan Beard. “The technology works

and it is affordable. People are calling in criminal activity, and mobilizing around the visible concerns in the area. They feel they can actually do something to address the problems.” High-resolution, IP-based pan/tilt/zoom cameras are installed on six buildings between 17th Street and Wilson Avenue. Each can record video of activities hundreds of feet away, with enough detail to identify faces and automobile license plate numbers. The cameras focus on public risk areas that are commonly troubled by incidents such as panhandling, drug sales, prostitution, public drinking and loitering. Los Gatos, Calif.-based Firetide’s wireless mesh technology delivers simultaneous live feeds from the cameras to a digital video recorder. Real-time feeds can also be monitored online by trained members of community watch groups, who identify suspicious incidents and immediately notify the authorities. Ordinarily, networking along city streets poses costly technical challenges, such as the availability of network connections and power. Firetide wireless mesh technology, however, provides all the benefits of a high-performance network, includ-

ing the capability to manage multiple evidencegrade live video streams, without the need for costly cable. “With the Firetide network, we are able to connect cameras along the street, while sidestepping sticky issues of running cable building-to-building,” said Curtis Davis, President of E-One Companies. “Going wireless means dramatic savings in time and costs for Columbus over wired networks, which often require trenching ground and create traffic disruptions.” Although the surveillance system is new, the testing period delivered a number of anecdotal successes. Local community activists recruited to help test the network called in tips to police about openair drug dealing, public drinking and a domestic violence situation. Those experiences led to quick acceptance of the system among residents, and helped people feel they will contribute to creating a better community. The system gained rapid acceptance from the local merchants, too. The Old National Road Business Association is partnering with the Compact and area businesses have been inquiring about how

they can become a partner. “Businesses that aren’t covered by the surveillance system are calling to ask how they can participate. We were quite surprised by the level of interest,” said Beard. The Columbus Compact Corporation is impressed with the early results and already has plans to extend the system to other neighborhoods. The organization hopes to fund a new deployment from I71 to Nelson Road. The Compact is encouraged that the City of Columbus is considering allocating $1.5M for neighborhood cameras, and hopes for an expansion of the Main Street program to serve a larger area that may qualify for funding. “This new deployment in Columbus is a success on several fronts,” said Bo Larsson, CEO of Firetide. “This is a great example of how wireless technology can empower a community not only to ensure safety of its people and businesses, but also to come together for a common cause. Moreover, Firetide’s cost-effective technology allows communities to easily expand their networks over time and puts the latest in IP video surveillance tools within financial reach of every municipality across the country.” JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

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OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 15

INSIGHTOUT by Regina Sewell

Coming Home Most people come to counseling because they are struggling with an emotional issue that they need help resolving. The general perception is that they are having a mental problem – that something’s not quite right in the head. Colloquial descriptions of mental illness such as: “He’s out of his mind!” “She’s not quite right in the head.” and “He’s a few loops short of a full box of fruitloops.” reinforces this perception of the root of emotional issues. And given this perception, clients often imagine that they will talk and the therapist or counselor will listen, and perhaps offer feedback and suggestions that will help them sort out and move through the problem. And many cases, this is what happens and very often, it helps greatly. The problem with the image of the “standard cure” is that talking alone only involves the cerebral cortex – the part of the mind that deals with ration and reason. The emotions are rooted in the limbic brain and in the body. While emotions are generally considered to be triggered by our thoughts, talking about our thoughts and our feelings is a slow way to heal. The other limitation of relying only on talking is that the “standard cure” generally takes place from the neck up. The body is ignored. This is significant because science has now documented the fact that emotion information travels through our bodies on neuropeptides and bind to neuropeptide receptor cells that are scattered through out the body. This is a dry way of saying that emotions are stored in our bodies. And at some level, most of us already knew this experientially. When we

get angry or nervous, we feel our stomach churning, get painful knots in our shoulders, pains in the neck, backaches, headaches, and/or find it difficult to breathe. Some savvy readers may be saying, “Wait a minute, what about prescription medication like Prozac or Wellbutrin? Don’t they fix the problem?” The answer is tricky. First, the research suggests that such drugs work much better in conjunction with counseling than they do on their own. And they do not do anything to change the emotional information that’s stored throughout the body, so that information hangs out in the body waiting to get triggered until the original issue gets resolved. Medication can, however, help get people into a stable place where they can address and release the pain. It’s just that popping a pill isn’t enough. It’s sort of like taking a dexatrim (80’s over the counter weightloss drug) and then eating a whole pan of brownies every night and wondering why you aren’t losing weight. In addition, while many people experience positive results with prescription medication, in some cases the side-effects are more painful than the original problem. Some research, for example, suggests that Prozac may trigger suicide in some people. It makes sense then, that if the emotions are stored in the body, the way to heal them must involve the body. For a lot of us, this is scary. Our culture teaches us to ignore the body early on. We learn to eat when other people put food on the table and stuff ourselves with “food products,” often processed with lots of sugar and/or fat, (think chocolate, sour

cherry balls, potato chips, and all that other crap they sell in the vending machines) when we’re not hungry. In school, we learn to sit still even though our bodies want nothing more than to be in motion. And in athletics, many of us learn to ignore pain to “get ‘r done.” The saving grace in all of this is that our limbic systems are open feedback systems and, especially in the context of healing relationships, we can repattern our limbic systems. The wide body of research suggests, for example, that the core therapeutic agent of counseling, whatever the approach, lies in the client/therapist relationship. In other words, there is something very healing about entering into a relationship with a counselor or therapist wherein you feel fully seen, heard, and validated. And many counselors include some body oriented aspects to their practice – breathing and meditation exercises, art, music and possibly movement. And, approaching the body more consciously and directly adds to the healing process. The good news is that there are some gentle ways to begin to access the body and release emotions. The first step is to become aware of the body. You can do this by taking a moment to sit quietly, breathing in a focused, gentle way and slowly scan your body as you continue to breathe. First, bring your awareness to your feet. Just notice how they feel. Do they feel achy? Tense? Soft and relaxed? Spacious? Warm? Cold? Anything else? When you’ve really scanned your feet continue scanning up your ankles, calves and shins, knees, thighs, glutes, abdominal region and lower back, solar plexus area and mid-back,

chest and shoulder blade area, shoulders, upper arms, lower arms, hands and fingers, neck, jaw, face and scalp, taking a few moments at each body region to breath and really let yourself feel what’s going on. Another way to access the body is by bringing your awareness to your hands and noticing the subtle energy that’s flowing there. Once you get a sense of this in your hands, bring your awareness to your feet and notice the subtle energy that’s flowing through them. It’s important to keep breathing as you do this. Simple meditation can also help by helping us bring our bodies into a state of relaxation. Many forms of mediation also provide skills and tools to help the practitioner learn to watch their thoughts and emotions as they move through and out of the body. If standard meditation feels too overwhelming, you can also try yoga, tai chi, chi gong and other awareness oriented movement arts. It’s especially helpful to practice these in groups, for example in a class. The bottom line is that the more you come home and fully inhabit your body, the more able you are to compassionately watch the emotions flash through you and to observe your reactions to their signals. And, the more able you are to release the painful emotional files that are stored on those neuropeptide receptor cells into the past where they belong. Regina Sewell is a mental health counselor with a private practice in Worthington, OH. To ask a question, propose a column topic, read about her approach to counseling, or check out her books and other writing, go to: www.ReginaSewell.com.

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FEATURE STORY by Chris Hayes

on the Internet: Hooking up or Husband/Wife Hunting - Where do you find it? The Internet has been championed with helping bring gay people out of the closet and find each other across the country. Social networking sites are everywhere. But is looking for love online looking in the wrong place? There are horror stories and fairytales on both sides of the argument. Like a lot of people I know, I’m online. I probably spend too much time there. I sign on and leave it run in the back ground while I work. I’m of the mindset that you just never know who you might meet. It may be the one, it may just be the one for right now. Either way, connecting with new people is always fun. Ultimately, what I think everyone who is online is trying to find, is a special (or possibly any) connection to another person. That quest may explain why, in my research for this article, I found that many of these sites have the same people on them. People extending their net to find that connection. There are a ton of gay dating or hookup sites out there these days. Some are more targeted in their scope of service like Bear411 or SilverDaddies.com, while others like OutinColumbus.com embrace the whole community and have a much wider range of services. No matter what or who you are looking for, there is a site out there aimed to help you find it. Here is a breakdown of ten of the most popular sites out there servicing the GLBT community. If you didn’t catch page 4, check out our poll and see where Columbus spends most of its time. Try these out and then let us know your online experiences. We always love a good story. Good luck and happy hunting! JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

One of the most used sites according to our poll. adam4adam is both a hookup and dating site for men. A search for Columbus brought up 26 pages of profiles (about 302 people) in Columbus. I had heard rumor that this site skewed a bit older, but I didn’t know if it was any different than manhunt. Most people fell into the late 20s to 40s range. Unique features include the ability to post professional profiles/ads if you’re a massage therapist or escort, as well as, for parties or events. You can upload 3 pictures – 2 public, one private. Membership is free but they will take a donation to help further development of the site at a rate of $10 for 30 days or $25 for 90.

OutinColumbus.com / OutinAmerica.com Our very own home time site brought to you by the guys at Ethan Interactive. Chat, messaging, news, entertainment gossip, community resources and more. This site was one of our top used by our readers. For both men and women, this site is part of the bigger OutinAmerica umbrella, giving members a direct link to just about every city in the US. A local search showed 80 people online in town when I was in the morning. Sign up is free and easy, but yahoo and hotmail users will have to find a different email to confirm your membership – they don’t work with this site. Plus membership runs $9.95 a month and gets you more options like full size adult and private photos, unlimited quickmail, auto-searching blocking, and more.

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FEATURE STORY

Pridedating.com Gay Dating For Gay Singles is their tagline. It sounds great, but the site immediately looses credit when on the home page there is a “testimonial” from two guys that are the same two guys that appear on Out in Columbus’s ad every week in our paper. A search for Columbus guys in a 20 miles radius brought 11 pages of results, females 3 pages, transgendered 1 profile . The site itself has a lot going on visually and takes a bit to get accustomed to the busyness. You can ad videos, get cell phone alerts, webchat and track who’s viewed you, which is nice and right now they are Beta testing so sending messages are completely free.

onegoodlove.com Since this site just came out this year, I find it hard to believe that their home page claim that Millions have already benefitted from our FREE Scientifically-based personality test! This site is aimed at finding you a husband or wife. You complete a personality test to help match you up with likely candidates, which takes about 15 minutes. The computer the computer then sends you matches and you can begin the process of getting to know each other. I have 7 matches, waiting in my cue, but before I can access them I need to sign up for a subscription which ranges in price from $14.98-$29.95 per month.

QDates.com A dating site for men and women. QDates claims that by joining, you automatically become a member of the world’s largest and most trusted network of integrated online dating sites. “Good people, fun, and romance” is what we’re they tout they are all about! Fill out an easy one-page registration, and you’re a member on this free site that’s part of the TangoWire group of sites. Add up to five photos to your profile. Search feature is somewhat limited in age ranges and locations. A search for men between 30-40 in Ohio yielded some 500 profiles from across the state. Becoming a premium member allows you to initiate e-mail to other members to your heart’s content! A premium membership is not required to reply to e-mails sent from any premium member. Premium membership runs $16.65/month for 3-month membership to $8.33/month for 1year.

Chemistry.com Taking on the powerhouse hetro dating sites match.com and eHarmony, this website for guys and gals came out with commercial specifically targeting our community. Like eHarmony and OneGoodLove, you take a personality profile, this one designed by Dr Helen Fisher. They will then give you 5 free personality profiles a day that match up with you. From there you can start flirting with your possibility and move toward your first date, which they help facilitate. You can post up to 26 photos, but nothing too racy. Prices are a little more steep here; one month is $49.95 and 6 months is $26.65/month, which you need to subscribe too in order to tell someone you are interested.

Manhunt.net Strictly for men. Known more as a hookup site than a husband finder, this site’s tag line is Get On, Get Off. Signing on at 8:30p on a Tuesday had some 300+ people cruising for love or lust. The site itself is easy to use and fairly minimal. The IM feature has been know to be unfriendly to some computers, but it’s a feature you can turn on and off. You can add up to 12 pictures to your profile and make them public or private. Manhunt has members worldwide, so it makes it great to meet people when you travel. Members can create a profile with pictures and use the site free, but get limited amount of profile views and emails. Full access memberships run from $7 for 7 days -$30 for 90 days and allows you unlimited messaging and picture views.

Bear411.com Bearlicousness is what this site is all about. Find the perfect Bear, Cub or chaser to meet your needs. The sites a little crazy and has spawned an anti –Bear411 blog. People can sign your guest book, send you messages or chat. Multiple pictures are encouraged and can by X-rated. When traveling you can add a second locations to find bears in other woods. A Wednesday morning search for bears online in town brought up 48 profiles. A general CBus search showed over 1044. As with the Bear Community, guys are friendly and personable and tend to be 30+. VIP Priority Access runs $78/year or $48 for six months.

SilverDaddies.com This site is a meeting place for mature men and other men (both daddies and younger), who are interested in keeping their daddy happy and/or sexually satisfied. The site offers the possibility of having a personal ad and also features galleries (changed daily) and a chat - and it’s free! Plenty of older men to date or sleep with. You can add video to your profile. Search for Columbus daddies found 540 of them out there. If you are a Site Supporter you get more features including limiting who can contact you, access to videos, favorite profiles, notes and more. Supporting costs $15 for 3 months to $50 for a year.

Gay.com The site that not only allows you to chat, but gives you news, travel and everything else gay. For boys and girls a like, Columbus showed 80 people actively on when I was there. I still find it one of the most annoying sites to navigate for chatting and updating your profile… They do have built in video chat, but the video chat only seems to works sometimes, and the live chat has been known to freeze a computer or two. You can have up to 10 photos on your profile. It is a world-wide site, so traveling buddies are easy to find. Probably the most diverse site in terms of type or people on it, so you’re bound to find at least one person you can connect to either romantically or sexually. Premium packages run from $8 $19.95/month.

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FEATURE STORY by Mickey Weems

ORDERING ONLINE: WHEN SEX IS LIKE PIZZA Options for sexual encounters have multiplied. There are sites dedicated to helping you find just the right body and fetish from among hundreds of thousands of people. Out of those vast numbers, a few may be living nearby. If one of them is willing to come over to your place, ordering sex is like ordering pizza. And just about as impersonal. But ordering sexual pizza still has rules governed by that most powerful human force: vanity. Some of you may assume that this article is about Gay men and not Gay women. If half of what I’ve seen on The L Word is true, then Lesbians have a contingency within their ranks that is every bit as whorish as their Gay brethren. Therefore, I assume that sexual pizza is a delight shared by L,G,B,T,Q and Str8 people. So, if you prefer sardines over pepperoni, whether you like your pizza with Italian sausage, Canadian bacon and/or chicken, ordering online is available for anyone with a taste for sexual junk food. Don’t think. however, sexual pizza comes without a price. WHEN PIZZAS EAT EACH OTHER Thanks to the Internet, we are now in a brave new world of instant gratification. Those of us who are visually aroused can access millions of pictures and videos. Our options appear infinite, as there are sites for all kinds of people doing all kinds of things and in all kinds of dress/undress. We can turn each other on textually by rapidly send messages back and forth. Online text-chatting, pictures and video voyeurism have the advantage of instant connection without the need for preparation. When we send out text (which is often accompanied by pictures), we can sit at home, bed unmade, teeth unbrushed, hair undisciplined. We can be whoever we want to be in the words we send, and the pictures we forward could have been us 10 years ago. Or they could be Photoshopped. Or they could be somebody else. Nobody is the wiser. Except, of course, us. If we are turned on by voice as well as vision, we can go online and cam each other. This requires a bit more preparation and fewer options for faking. We might want to clean up the room a bit, as to not look like total slobs. But we only have to straighten up the immediate area within view of the camera. We can still be unwashed. If we have a cute face but our bodies are not up to what we want them to be (or if we have a hot body and an echhh face), we can artfully direct the camera to accent our better features. Wrinkles and acne are softened by the lens. All kinds of deficiencies, from missing limbs to spare tires to lack of length, girth or cup size can be subtly deflected. But when we order sexual pizza that comes to our door, our dwelling becomes a restaurant where JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

we are on the menu. This means we have to brush our teeth, possibly shave all kinds of body parts and make ourselves (and our place) halfway presentable. It also means we had better appear to be who we said we were online. WWJD? My friend John is a sexual pizza junkie, big meat lover, chicken hawk and dedicated bottom. He has ordered online so often that he has it mastered down to a science. John is a perfect consultant for sexual pizza. Let us ask: What Would John Do? Rule #1: If you don’t like the topping, don’t even open the door. John orders out probably 3 times a week. But he has learned not to get his hopes up before he actually sees the person before him, or at least gets a glimpse of his prospective pizza through the peephole of his front door. “If my online hook-up is ugly, I have no problem pretending like I’m not home,” said John. Of course, “ugly” could mean any number of things that might be disagreeable to John at that moment, including the possibility that John has met somebody even more attractive online while waiting for his pizza to arrive. Rule #2: Play the numbers game. Many are called but few are chosen. “U r hot! Sup?” is a message John can send at once to 10 different local guys from his 4 different email accounts (with different names, of course) on 2 different men-on-men sites. Out of that 10, maybe 3 will be up for trying John’s deep dish. He will invite 2 of them over, knowing the odds are good that one of them will be unacceptable, and neither will arrive at exactly the same time. Rule #3: If you live in a condo, townhouse or apartment, utilize your neighbors’ addresses. Once in a while, John gets daring and orders 3 pizzas at the same time, virtually guaranteeing success but inviting embarrassment if his pizzas detect each other’s presence. What to do if more than one delivery shows up simultaneously? “I give at least one of them my neighbor’s address,” said John. This is, of course, a neighbor whose front door is within easy view. Should said pizza be desirable, John needs only to call: “Oops! I accidentally told you the wrong address! Come on over!” John knows that this third option should be used sparingly. Neighbors who are awakened by chicken at 4 am Thursday morning may suspect fowl play. BEAUTIFYING THE VAJANUS The other thing to worry about is the insane level of personal hygiene and grooming demanded of the pizza-lover these days. If you are not playing the role of a hard-core grrrl, growling cougar, fuzzy bear

or “You think I give a shit?” leather daddy, attention to detail in the genital/anal regions can reach absurd proportions (the aforementioned groups are likewise not necessarily immune). Women of any orientation are now subtly pressured into thinking the natural vagina is in need of surgery for it to be desirable. It is not enough for a grown woman to have a pubis that resembles that of a 10-year-old girl in its complete (or near-complete) lack of hair. Several businesses have opened to give women the opportunity to undergo vaginal rejuvenation, which includes surgery on major and minor labias to ensure they appear aesthetically pleasing. It also includes reducing the vaginal diameters and building up the perineal body (between the vagina and anus). I am extremely skeptical of such services. But after I went to a website of some surgeons in Southern California, I saw how alluring the procedure might be. I was ready to get my own vaginal rejuvenation! It all comes down to feeling attractive. Using quasi-medical jargon, these vaginal architects convincingly argued that they could tighten my love tunnel, help my lips drape gracefully over my clitoris, take away unsightly discoloration, and make my pizza the best in town. Reality set in. First, I don’t have a vagina. If I did, I surely would not undergo surgery to guarantee my treasure-box could pass intense visual inspection. This part of me (if I had one) should only be visible to myself, my OB-GYN and (if she requested it) my permanent partner. I don’t believe in interrogation-level lighting while love-making. BLEACHA MI CULO Used to be that Gay men were only properly groomed if they trimmed their pubic hair, shaved their scrotum and their asses. Not any more. The same insanity that has gripped the fashionobsessed LA woman about her vagina has extended around to her sphincter and spread all over WeHo. It is not enough to be hairless. The anus must be bleached. Otherwise, whoever samples the pizza might consider it unsavory because of brown around the brown eye (if we happen to be darkskinned in the first place, I would imagine this

would not be an issue; but people constantly surprise me). As fashionista insanity tends to do, analbleaching-mania has made its way to the highlymanicured portions of the Gay male community across the nation and beyond. This should not come as a surprise. When sex becomes pizza, people want to see what they eat. More and more, we are subjecting each other to intrusive standards of personal hygiene that border on being harmful, and cross the cognitive border from self-respect to paranoia and profoundly dysfunctional body-image. At most, and even among the biggest body fascists of any orientation, there are only a few years in which any of us can approach the ideal of physical perfection that constantly bombards us in advertisements, TV and movies. I fear that the obsession with presenting the perfect pizza, even when our bodies are past their aesthetic prime, is just another source of anxiety in an already anxietyfilled world. So, to those of us who have rejuvenated vaginas, lipo-enhanced penises, buttocks and labias, and bleached assholes, good for you. I hope your keen sense of genital correctness gives you greater confidence, aids you through life’s trials and affords you many satisfied customers when they sample your pie. But please do not pour your ardor concerning your body all over me or anyone else. It’s bad enough that I feel social pressure to trim my pubic hair and shave my balls - and I’m not even on the menu. THE TIP Although ordering sex online for home delivery seems to be as easy and convenient as pizza, it’s really not. It can have a wallet-busting delivery fee that you pay in self-esteem. As for me, I prefer good home cooking from my live-in chef.

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DEEP INSIDE HOLLYWOOD by Romeo San Vicente

IAN MCKELLEN GOES TO PRISON Too young to remember the groundbreaking 1960s cult TV drama The Prisoner? You’re not alone. And you’re lucky that the visionary folks at AMC do remember it, because an updated version, starring Ian McKellen and Passion of the Christ‘s Jim Caviezel (as “Number Two” and “Number Six,” respectively), is coming back to that network in 2009. The original series was a tense, paranoid take on ‘60s Cold War politics, incorporating elements of the sci-fi, thriller, and spy genres. Since the world is even more freaked-out and anxiety-ridden 40 years later, what better time to revive the show? In a nice quality-control move, the final product is scheduled to be a six-part miniseries. It’s always smarter to leave them wanting more.

GALE HAROLD GETS DESPERATE You think you’re just doing a guest spot on a highly rated nighttime soap, but then it turns out your scene is a flash-forward. Score! You’re now a recurring character in future episodes. That’s the happy outcome for former Queer as Folk star Gale Harold, who, in this past season of Desperate Housewives, played Ken, the mystery man last seen kissing Teri Hatcher. It was a Lost-like “this hasn’t happened yet” scene, and now Harold will join the cast next season to follow through on getting back to the future for that smooch. He’s one of two men moving to Wisteria Lane; the other is Neal McDonough (Tin Man), who will become romantically involved with one of the other housewives. Which begs the question: with all these hot men around, just how desperate are these gals, really?

EVERYBODY’S FINE WITH KATHERINE MOENNIG The 2009 family drama Everybody’s Fine has quite the A-list cast: Robert DeNiro, Drew Barrymore, Kate Beckinsale, and Sam Rockwell. The story involves a widower coming to the realization that his late wife was the conduit through which he connected to his family. Solution? Road trip of togetherness, of course. It all sounds adorable and probably somewhat weepy, and it’s directed by Kirk Jones, the man behind Nanny McPhee and Waking Ned Devine. But Romeo plans to see it because of The L Word’s coolest “L,” Katherine Moennig, who co-stars in a role of - for now - unknown size. It would probably be too much to ask for her to play Drew’s girlfriend, but we can all hope. Either way, a little Shane is better than no Shane at all.

THE MYSTERY OF WILL FERRELL AND SACHA BARON COHEN First, Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen kissed in Talladega Nights. Then they made out like wild animals on stage at the MTV Movie Awards. And while that might not make them gay, it does make them awesome. So it’s good news that the comic actors have decided to team up again for a big-screen relaunch of the characters Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Watson. Cohen will play the famed detective, and Ferrell will handle Watson’s duties. And so far those are all the clues we have. No title, no other cast, no production start or release date and, most anxiously, no word on whether or not the two will anger purists with major homosexual subtext. Here’s hoping.

Romeo San Vicente can detect the gay in just about anything. He can be reached care of this publication or at DeepInsideHollywood@qsyndicate.com.

ARTS THE COLUMBUS MUSEUM OF ART PRESENTS OBJECTS OF WONDER FROM THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY Have you ever wondered what kinds of treasures are hidden in your neighbor’s attic? Now imagine that neighbor has more than 300 libraries and collections housing everything from Thomas Moran paintings to unpublished Marilyn Monroe photos, Richard Petty’s sunglasses to John Glenn’s flight manual. These are just a few of the items Columbus Museum of Art curators discovered when they began combing the archives and collections housed at The Ohio State University. This fall, the Columbus Museum of Art invites you to discover the myriad treasures kept in OSU’s vast collections. Objects of Wonder from The Ohio State University is on view September 26, 2008 – January 11, 2009. From the scientific to the artistic, pigeons to paintings, and cartoons to costumes, each artifact has a story to tell. Experienced together the objects reveal unexpected connections. Objects of Wonder explores rich and diverse objects. It will bring together artifacts that otherwise live in very separate spheres, inspiring dialogue between entirely different realms of study - geography, literature, visual art, music, and science. What might birds and shells from the Museum of Biological Diversity, historic hats from the Costume Institute, and minimalist sculpture from the Wexner Center for the Arts have in common? Objects of Wonder includes a surprising array of renowned masterpieces that spend their days at OSU, such as a painting of the petrified forest by the famous nineteenth-century artist Thomas Moran held in the Orton Geology Library, and the iconic Farm Security JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

Administration photograph Migrant Mother by Dorothea Lange in the Cartoon Research Library. “This is a wonderfully exciting partnership for the Museum,” said Nannette V. Maciejunes, CMA executive director. “The opportunity to explore the incredible collections entrusted to OSU and then share those treasures with the community, has been a remarkable experience for us. Working with the university on this exhibition has only enhanced our ongoing relationship.” Visitors to Objects of Wonder can explore obscure objects and vote on their purpose, function, and value. They can also personalize their visit with interactive touch screens that will allow them to select video clips of information and stories about various objects in the exhibition and listen to cell phone tours featuring “voices from OSU” including Dr. E. Gordon Gee, Archie Griffin, and Senator John Glenn, telling their personal stories. The community is also invited to share their personal collections. The Community Collections space will display photos of collections, from first edition novels to Pez dispensers, owned by OSU Alumni. Submissions for the Community Collections space may be sent to education@cmaohio.org In conjunction with Objects of Wonder, OSU will present the 2008 Department of Art Faculty Exhibition, guest curated by Joe Houston, Associate Curator of Contemporary Art at Columbus Museum of Art. The exhibition will open at the new OSU Urban Arts Space on October 21 and will allow the entire faculty to be presented - for the first time since

1990 - in one space, at one time, together again. “We are delighted to share with the community the work of our talented faculty, past and present. Their pieces in the exhibition will span all areas of visual arts, from photography and painting to sculpture and installation work,” says Karen Bell, former Dean of the College of the Arts and newly named Associate Vice President for Arts Outreach. “Their creative contributions and the Columbus Museum of Art’s brilliant exhibition of OSU’s many treasures will provide Columbus with a rare glimpse into the rich culture and history of Ohio State.” Support for Objects of Wonder is provided by lead sponsor Nationwide, major sponsor WOSU’s ArtZine, Time Warner and media sponsors The Dispatch

Media Group and Ohio Magazine. Admission for Objects of Wonder is $10 for adults; $8 for seniors and students 18 and above with a valid student ID; $5 for children 6 -17, and free for members and children 5 and under. The Columbus Museum of Art creates great experiences with great art for everyone. The Columbus Foundation, and the Greater Columbus Arts Council provide ongoing support. The Ohio Arts Council helped fund this exhibition with state tax dollars to encourage economic growth, educational excellence and cultural enrichment for all Ohioans. The Museum and the Museum Shop are open Tuesday through Sunday from 10a to 5:30p, and until 8:30p every Thursday. The Palette Café is open for lunch Tuesday through Sunday from 11:30 to 1:30p. For additional information, call 614.221.4848 or visit www.columbusmuseum.org.

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ARTS

Gallery Hop: Saturday, Aug 2nd

ZenGenius LLC Edward Jones 850 N High St / 614.297.1190 edwardjones.com Exhibit Title: Malcolm J Art Mix V2 Artist(s): Kevin Jones (Malcom J) Art Media: Charcoal, Chalk, Pencil’s, Pastels, ink, Acrylic etc. About the Exhibit: Original Drawing’s and painting’s of the Short North and abroad. Also, limited print’s. Elements of Art / Art Space 507 N. High St. / 614.324.9030 www.elementsofart.net Exhibit Title: Human Forms Artist(s): Roman Czech Art Media: Mixed Media About the Exhibit: Collation of original work and international artists.

Marcia Evans Gallery

Kathryn Gallery 642 N. High Street / 614.222.6801 kathryngallery.com Exhibit Title: Jurgen Gorg and Ron Johnson Artist(s): Jurgen Gorg and Ron Johnson Art Media: Mixed Media on Canvas, etchings and Oil on Canvas About the Exhibit: The oils of Johnson vary in composition including Short North scene. Gorg’s figurative etchings and original works on canvas feature the female form. Lemongrass & Max the Salon - Short North 641 N. High St / 614.224.1414 640 N High St / 614.418.5350 Exhibit Title: I’m Not the Architect Artist(s): Robert Trautman Art Media: Paintings About the Exhibit: Architectural based paintings from collaged photographs of a variety of architectural elements.

Elements of Art JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

Mahan Gallery 717 N. High Street / 614.294.3278 Exhibit Title: Pre Fab and Fortified! Artist(s): Andrew Schell and Rollin Beamish Art Media: installation of collaborative paintings, video, and wall sculpture

The first Saturday of every month, thousands of visitors converge on the strip, the epicenter of the High Street Experience. They come to celebrate art and partake in an evening of sights, sounds, food, shopping, and cosmopolitan fun. Though many shops are open earlier, the Gallery Hop officially starts at 4p-10p with restaurants and bars staying open considerably later. In the shops...

Mahan Gallery Artist Reception: Sat, Aug 2 About the Exhibit: Highly technically developed collaborative work reacting to a series of pragmatic questions about function, value, and truth Marcia Evans Gallery 8 East Lincoln St. / 614.298.8847 Exhibit Title: Glass & Canvas Artist(s): Dawson Kellogg & BJR Brian Reaume Art Media: Blown glass & Abstract paintings Artist Reception: Friday, Aug 1 About the Exhibit: Soft abstract blown glass with soft forms and a subtle blending of color alongside a bold fresh approach to abstract paintings. Ohio Art League 954 N High St / 614.299.8225 Exhibit Title: Cataloging and Collection Artist(s): Molly Jo Burke and Bethany Haeseler Art Media: Mixed media Artist Reception: Sat, Aug 2 About the Exhibit: The exhibition is a documention of the cataloging and preservation of both scientific and personal artifacts. Burke investigates and explores the growth of natural forms, while Haeseler documents personal experiences through her work. Both artists share a stylistic aesthetic that is not only distinct but also complementary towards one another. pm gallery 726 N High St / 614.299.0860 pmgallery.com Exhibit Title: Cake! Artist(s): Susan Sturgill Art Media: prismacolor pencils on paper About the Exhibit: Bodacious cakes imagined by Columbus artist Susan Sturgill. Fantasy confections, guaranteed non-fattening and aesthetically pleasing.

Lemongrass Rivet 1200 N High St / 614.294.8697 Exhibit Title: An Explanation of Sheetghosts Artist(s): Mark Bodnar, Trevor Zammit Art Media: Paintings, Sculptures Artist Reception: Sat, Aug 2 About the Exhibit: An Explanation of Sheetghosts by Mark Bodnar and Trevor Zammit. Sherrie Gallerie 694 N High St / 614.221.8580 www.sherriegallerie.com Exhibit Title: Summer Show Artist(s): Jim Connell, Edward Jekot and Andy Nassise Art Media: ceramics and paintings About the Exhibit: Andy Nasisse’s figurative ceramic teapots, platters and jars; Jim Connell’s carved ceramic vessels and teapots; Edward Jekot’s birds, amphibians, lagomorphs—acrylic and gouache paintings; Terra Gallery 8 E Poplar Ave / 614.228.4188 www.terra-gallery.com Exhibit Title: Abstract Works by Susan Scherett-King Artist(s): Susan Scherett-King and other Ohio Artists Art Media: Abstract mixed media works About the Exhibit: On the 3rd Friday of August join Terra Gallery for “Art Jam at Poplar Park.” There will be live music in front of the gallery and several artists painting pleinair paintings outdoors. ZenGenius LLC 243 N 5th St - Suite 400 / 614.220.9040 www.zengenius.com Exhibit Title: One Man’s Junk is Another Man’s Treasure Artist(s): Gina Christoffersen Art Media: Photography Artist Reception: Sat, Aug 2 About the Exhibit: New works by Gina Christoffersen

Art Al Fresco Saturday, Aug 16: Use Your Imagination by Morgan Baughman The first annual Short North Public Art Day will take place Saturday, August 16 from 3p until midnight. Under the larger umbrella that is Public Art Day will be several mini events that will make High Street (from Goodale Ave to Fifth Ave) buzz with excitement. Unexpected Guests: One of these mini events is Unexpected Guests. Artists will install unexpected art in unexpected places along High Street. You might see a brick tree stump growing out of a rooftop or a resin figure of a man melting into the side of a building. During the night, the streets will glow with LED, light, and projection installations. You might even become directly involved, interacting with strangers to create Lite-Brite art or contributing to the running story wall of refrigerator magnets. The installations will remain up for one to thirty days depending on their individual durability. PeeP Show: Merchant windows in the Short North will come alive with Performance Art. Models will freeze to re-create famous paintings. Actors will dress in vintage garb. Potters will throw clay on a wheel. Street Performers: Musicians, stilt-walkers, jugglers, and more will charm the crowd all along High Street. Summer Games: Another component of this event features what we're summarizing as adult recess. Groups will converge in closed off alleys during specified times to play one massive game of freeze tag or kickball or red rover. Anyone can join in the fun. We can’t give away all our secrets. These are only some of the things that will be going on. Remember to expect the unexpected.

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 25

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

26 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

INTERVIEW by Chris Hayes

Get ‘Bashed’ in a Good Way by Aaron Pickering and the Fabulous Johnson Brothers Aaron Pickering is the singer and one of the principal songwriters for The Fabulous Johnson Brothers. With a powerful, energetic and magnetic stage presence, Aaron and his band of brothers (and sister!) know how to rock the party, and they will be rocking Jay Bird’s infamous party (Bird Bash at Large) this Saturday at Frog, Bear and Wild Boar. A musically and personally diverse, 7-piece soul-rock-pop band, with influences from Prince and Michael Jackson to The Red Hot Chili Peppers and The B52’s, TFJB will definitely delight and entertain. Started as teenage friends, over the years the band has developed a loyal grassroots following, a crowd as diverse as the band itself. Last summer the band was one of the top 20 finalists on FOX Television’s Next Great American Band. They continue to write, perform and produce original music, as well as, guilty pleasure cover songs” that everyone can enjoy. I caught up with Lead Singer Aaron Pickering to find out more about the band, its queer makeup and what to expect this Saturday. CH: I know you guys started playing together back in High School, but about how long ago is that? AP: A lady never reveals her age. CH: How did the band come together? AP: Curtis Roberts (Bass), Doug Beale (Guitar) and myself all grew up in a small town (Bellefontaine, Ohio) and just sort of gravitated toward each other. I suppose we were sort of outcast or artsy fartsy types in our town. I loved to sing and perform and wanted to put together a band with my 2 best friends. We used to dress up all crazy and lip synch to cassette tapes in my basement. One day my mom came downstairs and “very passionately” encouraged us to lean how to play the instruments. She is a wonderful mom, but I’m sure she was totally sick of hearing Purple Rain. We eventually moved here to Columbus and have created quite a little history for ourselves in the music scene. CH: Has it always been the same members? Have you added or lost members along the way? AP: The 3 of us have remained the core members along with our drummer Matt Fielding, whom we met here through fellow musicians. Our horn sections have varied over the years, but this current line up (Nicole Sherburne/Sax, Brian Yarbrough/Trumpet, James Mayr/Sax) has Been tickling our fancies for over 4 years now. We’ve dubbed them The Hot Lips horn section. They are JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

tons of fun and I love them to death! CH: Where did your name come from? AP: A very scandalous game of truth or dare. It’s all very sketchy and blurry. A story best told over cocktails. CH: Great I got the first round! You guys are a high energy, fun band that does covers but also writes your own music. How do you decide on what you play? How much original stuff do you play per set? AP: Our priority and heart is in our own original music, but we are always looking for some fun covers that people aren’t expecting. As long as it’s something we can put our own stamp on. A sort of “guilty pleasure”, like “Toxic” by Britney Spears or “I Want Your Sex” by George Michael. I love watching faces when we kick into those songs. People can’t help but sing and dance along. One show a few years back, we even covered the Purple Rain album by Prince & The Revolution, in it’s entirety. CH: What some of your favorite songs to play? What are the biggest crowd pleasers? AP: Our original songs like “We Come Together,” “Party All Over Me”, “Music + Mind.” People really seem to respond and connect to what we do. Of course “Toxic,” “I Want Your Sex,” “Grease,” “9-5” and anything by Prince always seem to get the love juices flowing. CH: If people have never seen or heard your band before, how would you describe yourself? What can people expect from your show this weekend? AP: The super soul power of kinky funk jams, the wild swagger of rock and roll and a lot of pop heart. Lots of dancing and sweating, with tongue planted firmly in cheek. Ya know… People can expect us to rock the party. CH: The make up of the band is really diverse. How many queer members are in the band? Are the queer members “out”? AP: I am numero uno homo. Nicole (Sax) is Trans/Bi-Sexual…And we are both an open book. Doug (Guitar) will totally red-line your gaydar, but I suppose he’s what you would call metro sexual or whatever. Curtis (Bass) is a beautiful, bi-racial butterfly. He’s definitely straight but everyone, straight and gay, is all totally crushed out over him anyway. The rest of those boys are straight, but definitely not narrow… They’re a bunch of fun lovin’ freaks.

CH: You guys play tons of different venues, from Pride to ComFest to like this weekend your at Frog Bear and Wild Boar; are members sexual orientation or gender identity ever an issue when you play the more “straight” venues or does your showmanship and music transcend all that? Is it ever an issue in the reverse? AP: I think we do transcend all of that, but it’s never really been an issue for us. It’s kind of our thing. We are who we are and we do what we do. You can either stick around and have fun with us or be a big snoozer and move along. Our audience is incredibly diverse to begin with and that’s what makes us special. You can get all these different people together and get your freak on or whatever and everybody’s right there with you doing the same thing. I think our fans reflect the diversity in our band. They are people who, just like us, don’t want to be marginalized or put into to little boxes or marketing categories. I also think a lot of attitudes have changed over the years and there are a lot more people co-mingling. It’s really not a big deal at all, and that’s beautiful. CH: Last summer the band was one of the top 20 finalists on FOX Television’s Next Great American Band, how was that experience? What did that exposure do for the band? AP: It was ridiculous and incredibly fun! We learned so much about really working together as a band. In spring 2007, we submitted a 5 minute bio/video with a live performance (which you can view on our Myspace page). We got a call from producers in July and were invited to a resort in Las Vegas for a week, to perform and film footage. We actually got to skip round one of the competition in LA and move straight to the semi finals in Las Vegas, which was a positive sign. They were very adamant about wanting us to be on the show. We performed 2 songs in the middle of the desert for the judges, Nigel Lythgoe, Sheila E. and Ian “Dicko” Dickinson. They were impressed by our original song “Party All Over Me” and requested an encore performance of the song. They gave us high praises and moved us onto the final round. There was point when we were one of the last bands still standing and they were doing background checks and psychological tests and I thought to myself, well, we’ve done well enough that they are testing us to see if we’re crazy. I’m happy. I thought for sure we would be one of the final contestants. Unfortunately, in the end, I think we may have been the victim of nervous producers and uncertain marketing execs. They really couldn’t categorize us. Whatever the case, we definitely left Las Vegas with a fire under our butts, a

clear vision of ourselves and a recommitment to pursuing music full time, together. CH: Any other reality show in your near future? What’s next for the band? AP: We are open to anything. We have actually tossed around the idea of filming an online myspace/you tube reality show of our own. We are such a colorful, dynamic bunch, definitely full of surprises. The drama that goes on between us sometimes is reality show gold! Right now we are focusing all of our energy into our online presence and reaching out to people not only locally, but regionally and internationally as well. The internet has completely changed what it means to be an independent artist in so many positive ways. Anyone can write and record a song, post it somewhere online and find an audience, that will support you. We actually recently met Jimmy Jam from WNCI who is a big fan of the band. He would love to play our music on his station, but his hands are tied by corporate politics. We need to create the demand and he can push through all of that. We are encouraging all of our friends and fans to call WNCI and request our single “Party All Over Me”. Live shows continue to be a priority for us as well. In town our out of town, our reputation as a great live band continues to grow. CH: Where can people find out more about the band? Where can they get some of your music? AP: You can go to our website www.thejbros.com and find everything you needed to know about us Johnson’s. Including a sign up for our mailing list that will send you information about all of our upcoming shows. Our music is always available at our shows, as well a online at iTunes, Amazon, Rhapsody, Napster, eMusic.com and GroupieTunes.com You can also find a link on the site that will take you to our Myspace site, myspace.com/thefabulousjohnsonbrothers At our Myspace page you’ll find unreleased recordings from our live shows, rehearsals, and even some rare studio outtakes. Plus, you’ll find tons of exclusive photos, cool interviews and much more. It’s our way of bringing you backstage with us. The Fabulous Johnson Brothers will be performing at Frog. Bear and Wild Boar (343 N Front St at Nationwide BLVD, 614.621.9453) as part of the Bird Bash party. They take the stage at 10p. Admission is $5. There is free pizza from 9p11p. Chris Hayes is Editor-in-Chief of Outlook Weekly and big fan of TFJB. He also loves him some corn.--

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 27

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JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

28 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

SEX TALK by Simon Sheppard

SPEAKING OF

Seductive Massage

“When I was younger,” says one middleaged man, “I used the ‘Want a back rub?’ ploy as a way to get into ostensibly straight men’s pants. It worked then. And you know what? It still does.” Is that sort of rubbing unprincipled? Not at all, our masseur asserts. “It’s not about doing something against a guy’s will,” he says. “It’s just a matter of getting him to loosen up.” And it’s not just het-identified fellows who can be persuaded by a bit of bodywork. Says an online cruiser, “Sometimes when I make dates on the Internet, especially with less-experienced men, there’s a bit of nervousness when the guy shows up. Often, just a simple, relaxing backrub will do the trick.” Erotic massages blur the line between “sensual” and “sexual.” A soft but firm, caring touch can be horny-making as hell, even if it gets nowhere near the Good Parts. Our online cruiser continues, “It’s really all about making a man feel good - which is the aim of sex, too, right? Only instead of just going straight for his cock, I’ll get his whole body involved.” Sensual massage, with or without “full release,” is a standard offering of sex workers, but even the financially challenged can often get stroked for free. One low-income layseeker says, “There are plenty of men out there who offer no-cost massages - I find them through website ads. After a hard day, it’s great to lie back and have someone take care of my body. And if I get a hard-on...well, Mr. Masseur is only too happy to take care of that.” So, why would a fellow offer a free massage, particularly when the touching is nonreciprocal? Our middle-aged massager explains, “For me, it’s a pretty stress-free situation. I don’t have to worry about staying hard. Though I’m not unattractive, offering massages enables me to make contact with men who might otherwise not want to have sex with me. And though it might seem like I’m being submissive to another man’s pleasure, let’s face it - there’s real power in having a guy come in, take his clothes off, lie down, and let me touch him all over.” Would you like to be a body-rubber, too? Bone up. Not all massages are created equal; JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

there’s good technique and not so good, and it helps to know what you’re doing. There are massage classes out there, and if nothing else, getting some advice from a good book will help. While a massage table isn’t a prerequisite, there should at least be a comfy mattress on hand. There’s no need to buy special massage oils and lotions, nice as they are, since gently heated olive oil or baby oil adds a touch of lascivious luxury. And though using oil can get messy, using a plastic pad or the like helps keep things stain free. Negotiate clearly before the clothes come off. If a scene is supposed to be nonsexual, keep it that way. If you’ve promised an orgasm, you owe it to your subject to do your best to get him off. If sexual contact is possible but not assured, though, you might start off with a deep backrub, move down to stroke the butt, massage the inner thighs, work your way to the perineum, maybe play with the guy’s nuts, then reach under to see whether...well, you get the idea. If, on the other hand, you’re lucky enough to be the guy who’s getting rubbed, then lie back, relax, breathe deeply, and let your masseur go to work. Keep your limits in mind, of course, but let your body do the talking. Be appreciative and gracious, even if the guy’s not the greatest. You can always make suggestions like “A little harder, please.” In most cases, feel free to touch back, but keep in mind that some men prefer nonreciprocal scenes. And should the experience cross the line from stimulation to erection, remember that hard dicks don’t lie. A good touch can work magic. One straight-identified guy recalls, “I was kinda bored and curious, so I went over to this older man’s place and let him give me a massage. It was amazing - he kept me on the brink of orgasm for what seemed like hours. Yeah, I’m still straight. But I’ve discovered that a man really knows how to touch another man’s body. And yes, I’ve gone over there again.” The guy smiles broadly. “More than once.” Simon Sheppard is the editor of Homosex: Sixty Years of Gay Erotica, and the author of Sex Parties 101, Kinkorama, and In Deep: Erotic Stories, and can be reached at SexTalk@qsyndicate.com. Visit Simon at www.simonsheppard.com.

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 29

SAVAGE LOVE by Dan Savage

I am a 23-year-old woman living with my 25-year-old boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a year, and for the majority of that time we had a great sex life. Unfortunately, when we decided to move in together we also decided to stop having intercourse until we decide to get married. We made this choice with a couple factors in mind: (1) lots of pressure from religious parents who urged us not to engage in premarital sex, and (2) we aren’t ready to risk having a kid. We are not engaged yet because we want to live together for a while to make sure we both want a lifelong commitment. Our relationship is still thriving, and if we do get married we already know that we are sexually compatible. The problem is that every time he instigates a session of fooling around in nonintercourse ways (which we still do) I am not turned on. I know whatever we do is not going to end in sex. He has no idea I’m not interested because I focus all my attention on getting him off. I enjoy that, but I know he would love to pleasure me as well. What do you suggest? No Sex For Us I’ve written columns stoned, I’ve written columns hammered, and I’ve written columns on prescription medications - not necessarily prescribed to me - that impaired my ability to operate heavy machinery and, you know, my laptop is so old that it probably qualifies as heavy machinery. But I’ve never written a column after three straight nights of brain-killing insomnia. So welcome to a very special, sleep-deprived episode of Savage Love, and I apologize in advance if the advice you’re about to receive is suckier than the stoned, hammered, heavilymedicated crap that made this column great. Okay, NSFU, I’ve got a few suggestions. First, grow the fuck up. You guys are 23 and 25, not 13 and 15, which means you get to

make up your own minds about premarital sex. Seeing as you two were engaging in premarital sex before you moved in together, it’s a whole lot of ridiculous to cave to the delicate sensibilities of your religious parents now. After all, kids, the same vengeful, sex-obsessed, entirely fictitious God who disapproves of premarital sex also disapproves of any and all “nonintercourse ways” of getting your boyfriend off. Spilling his seed is a sin, too, NSFU, whether you’re helping him spill on the ground or on your tonsils. Second, birth control works. If you’re not willing to assume the teeny, tiny risk of getting pregnant now that you’re living together, NSFU, why were you willing to risk it when you hardly knew each other? Take the pill, use condoms, and if you really want to be paranoid about it, have the boyfriend pull his condom-wrapped cock out of your nonovulating twat after you’ve come but before he does, which will reduce your risk of an unplanned pregnancy to so close to zero that zero will feel like it’s being stalked. Or something. Finally, open your mouth. This arrangement - no vaginal intercourse for discontented you, plenty of oral and handjobs for thoroughly contented him - works for the boyfriend, NSFU, but it’s making you miserable. Tell him you want to renegotiate terms. You stop worrying about what your parents think and stop inflating your fear of pregnancy and get back to your old intercoursin’ ways - which you don’t have to tell the parents about - or he’s going to have to buy a strap-on dildo and fuck you with that before you’ll even think about touching his dick again. I’m a 19-year-old gay boy, and while I have tried dating guys my own age, I realized a long time ago that I am far more interested (romantically and sexually) in older men. I understand, though, that many older men out there looking for a guy my age may not have the best of intentions. Do you have any tips

for someone in my situation? Timid Whelp In Needa Knowledge Gay men in their 30s and 40s who will date teenage boys are almost always scum, TWINK, as you’ve surmised. But gay guys in their 30s and 40s who will date 23-year-olds? Some are scum, of course, because some of everyone is scum, but the scum makes up a far smaller percentage of the total. And these nonscummy older men are much more likely to be interested in a 23-year-old who has his shit together. So I would advise you to skip the older guys who’ll date you now and go and get your shit together. Get your ass into a decent college, fuck the odd TA (and they’re all odd) to earn a little dating-and-mating wisdom, and then, after you graduate, take your gathered figurative shit to a big city where you’ll meet plenty of attractive, older men interested in, um, packing your literal shit. Oh, and all the angry middle-aged gay men out there who “date” teenage boys and don’t regard themselves as scum: Spare me the angry e-mails, fellas. I didn’t say that you’re all scum, guys, I wrote that you’re “almost always scum.” Unfortunately, scum never thinks it’s scum, which can make it difficult to tell the scummy ones and nonscummy ones apart, particularly for young and inexperienced guys. My boyfriend and I met nearly three years ago when I was a call girl and he was a guy who wanted to be pegged (a big, big part of my business). We became friends, then partners, and now we’ve been together for three years. We share a home and we’re bringing up my 7-year-old son together. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in - he’s loving, communicative, patient, supportive, and WAY fun sexually. His dad told me recently that he’s never seen his son so happy. He’s got a good job, and in addition to being a stay-at-

home mom, I occasionally see my old regulars. In fact, we’ve done a few calls together, for trusted clients who wanted to experience a threesome. My question is, how common is it for prostitutes and clients to end up together? Of course the business is full of pitfalls, and is not for the timid or directionless, but human beings in proximity do tend to fall in love given the chance… or are we just an anomaly? Lucky In Love Sex workers and clients do occasionally fall in love (check out the wonderful memoir Concertina by Susan Winemaker), so it does happen, LIL. But it happens so rarely that I was reluctant to print your letter, as it will give countless johns false hope. But I’m sleep deprived, so here it is. Congrats on finding the love of (fingers crossed) your life, LIL. Here’s an ultravanilla one for you: It’s been about eight months since I was dumped, and every day I still think about the girl who broke my heart. I don’t speak to her and don’t want to. How do you get over a breakup? Tired Of Her Sometimes a cliché is all I’ve got: Time heals all wounds - time and, of course, fucking other people. Did you know that every ounce of another woman’s saliva that you swallow, TOH, shaves a week off the healing process? It’s a true and totally scientific fact. I distinctly remember reading it in the Science section of the New York Times this morning. Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage. mail@savagelove.net

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

30 • OUTLOOK WEEKLY

ABOUT TOWN by Chris Hayes

Columbus Public Health to Hold Three North Market To Host Fabulous Farm Farmers Markets on the Near East Side Fresh Festival! Markets Bring Fresh Fruits and Vegetables to Central City Neighborhoods More than 20 central Ohio growers will offer a colorful variety of fresh fruits and vegetables at Columbus Public Health’s Fourth Annual Farmers Markets. The markets will be held from 10 a to 1p, July 31, August 7 and August 14 on the front lawn of Columbus Public Health’s Near East Side campus at 240 Parsons Ave. The markets are open to the general public. In addition, Women, Infants and Children (WIC) Program participants are eligible for a $15 coupon booklet on site for free market produce. (Clients must have their WIC I.D. card with them the days of the events.) Also for the first time this year, growers will accept the Ohio Direction Card to give food stamp recipients access to the markets’ fresh foods. The Farmers Markets will officially open with a brief ceremony at 9:30 a.m. on July 31. Mayor Michael B. Coleman will join Assistant Health Commissioners Dr. Mysheika LeMaile-Williams and Debbie Coleman, community members and local farmers for brief comments and a ribbon cutting. “My public health partners and I care about building healthier and safer neighborhoods. Farmers Markets like this one are a win-win for everyone because more residents gain access to fresh fruits and vegetables, and local growers sell more produce all in a community setting,” said Mayor Coleman. “Farmers Markets help remove some of the barriers of accessing healthy foods by bringing fresh fruits and vegetables directly to our residents,” said Columbus Public Health Commissioner Dr. Teresa C. Long. “It is one way Columbus Public Health is working to help people live healthier and safer lives because good nutrition is a critical factor in preventing chronic diseases such as diabetes, and overweight and obesity.” The Farmers Markets are expected to draw thousands of community members and participants. Last year, more than 5,000 people attended. The markets are funded in part by The Ohio State University College of Public Health. For more information, visit the Columbus Public Health Web site at www.publichealth.columbus.gov.

Come to the North Market for a Saturday of farm-fabulous activity with the 17th Annual Farmers’ Festival on Saturday, August 16th. The North Market Farmers’ Festival will highlight bushels of fresh produce for picking and pickling, a homemade jam and jelly contest, children’s activities, cooking demonstrations, live music and a host of family fun! The North Market Farmers’ Market is one of the largest in central Ohio, featuring more than 20 farmers offering an array of locally-grown fruits, vegetables, flowers, plants and herbs. Farms scheduled to participate this year include Anderson Orchard, Bridgman Farm, Combs Fresh Herbs, Ehmann and Sons Greenhouse, Elizabeth Telling Farm, Hinkle Farm, Honey Run Farm, Just This Farm, K & R Garden Fresh Produce, Misty Mountain Estates, Oakvale Farmstead Cheese, The Orchard of Bill and Vicki Thomas, Persinger Farm, Quiverfull Farm, Rhoads Farm, Somerset Herbs, Stevens Bakery and Orchard, Summer Thyme Farm, A Tasteful Garden, Toad hill Organic, Toby Run Growers, Wayward Seed Farm and Wishwell Farm. “The Farmers’ Festival represents our biggest weekend of fresh, local produce grown by our entrepreneurial farmers right here in Ohio.” says David Wible, Executive Director of the North Market. “It celebrates our commitment to be central Ohio’s premier purveyor of local foods, farm produce and family fun!” Saturday Farmers’ Festival activities and attractions include: North Market Merchants & Farmers’ Market opens at 8a. Amateur Jelly/Jam making contest for North Market customers at 9a Musical entertainment by Slate Ridge, 10a – 12p Joy Unspeakable, The Living Statue, as “Old Country Boy,” 10a – 12p Mark Wood Cowboy Fun show, 10a – 1p Fantasy Faces full-face painting, 10a – 3p Cooking demonstrations and tastings by local chefs, hourly, 10:30a – 1:30p Columbus Dog Connection, 11a – 1p “You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to”, Iron Chef style cooking contest with chefs, 12:30p Musical entertainment by Cowboy Hillbilly Hippy Folk, 12p – 2p Musical entertainment by Loosely Strung, 2p – 4p The Farmers’ Festival runs on Saturday, August 16 from 8a – 4p and is a free event. For more information about the Farmers’ Festival or to signup for the Amateur Jelly and Jam contest, please call Mary at the North Market at 614.463.9664 or visit www.northmarket.com.

COLUMBUS NEXT MEETING: AUG 13, 6P-8P; LOCATION: WALL STREET NIGHTCLUB (144 N WALL) SPEAKER: STACIE BOORD OF SHADOWBOX • WWW.NETWORKCOLUMBUS.COM

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008

OUTLOOK WEEKLY • 31

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THE LAST WORD by Jennifer Vanasco

To Date a Philanderer or Not Date a Philanderer I was at a friend’s book party the other night, when I met a beautiful, sparkly woman in the bathroom line. Carrie was funny, smart and flirtatious, and when she mentioned she was single, I winked. “What a coincidence!’ I said. “I am, too!” And for a minute I was hopeful. Then she looked at me sideways. “I was in a serious relationship until March,” she said. “So I’m just looking to philander.” Philander. A great word from a great woman. But not the woman for me. For one thing, I have a “Do not date anyone within one year of a serious relationship” rule. I know from experience that it takes time to grieve a relationship. For a while, your heart is so full of loss, that it can only make room for a thin, squashed kind of love. Been there, done that. I also knew she wasn’t for me because I have no interest in philandering. None. I suspect this will surprise the friends who knew me back when I was a champion philanderer. The stories I have from that time seem to belong to quite a different person. I had just

had my heart broken by two women in quick succession, and my insides were bleeding. Something in me snapped, or at least became attenuated. And for the first time in my life, I started collecting what I now call Tales of the Dark Times. There was the morning I chased a one-night stand out of bed, because a date was coming to my apartment for breakfast. The time I slept with a straight girl because I could. The time I walked into a bar with the mission of collecting 10 phone numbers and came out with almost 20. The time I slept with a woman because I was stranded in Washington, DC, and needed a bed for the night. Right. I was THAT girl. At the time, I was self-aware enough to try to warn people away. I was drunk on grief, and knew that the way I was behaving wasn’t at all indicative of who I actually was. I started smoking. I got a tattoo – when I was drunk. (Yes, I know that giving a tattoo to someone who can barely stand is illegal, but I have the ink to prove it.) I gave lap dances. I was dangerous, and women liked that. I broke the

hearts of a few of them unintentionally, consoling myself with the thin comfort that I had told them when I met them that they shouldn’t trust me, and there was no way I could fall in love. Part of me thought that I was blindsided by heartbreak because I didn’t have enough experience. Maybe if I slept with a lot of women, I would understand them. I would know who could be trusted, and who couldn’t, who was all talk and who showed up when they said they would. I would never get hurt again. But heartbreak doesn’t work this way, of course. You can’t fend it off by doing advance research. And you certainly can’t ward it away by breaking other hearts. It was fun to be a different person for a while – and a little scary – but I knew that at some point, the grief would recede, and I would be the less-fun-but-more-reliable woman you have before you today. So when I met Carrie, and she said she was a philanderer, I knew I should take her at her word. It’s easy to disregard what people say about themselves, because you hope you will

be the exception to their rule. But what they say is almost invariably so. If you meet a woman and she tells you that she cheats, or only wants to marry another Catholic, or never wants children; or if she says that her last few relationships broke up because of her domineering mother, or her trouble with money, or because her job always comes first, than she’s probably telling the truth. And if this is not what you’re looking for, than she’s probably not for you. I wish Carrie was in a different place because I like her, and maybe some day she will be. But in the meantime, I am happy with being friends. Were going to dinner next week. She can share her philandering stories and I can tell her a few sadder-but-wiser chestnuts of mine. Jennifer Vanasco is an award-winning, syndicated columnist. Email her at jennifer.vanasco@gmail.com.

HOROSCOPES by Jack Fertig

LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22): Any real relationship demands some sacrifice. Call it a trade-off, and it can look like a bargain. At least it will appear a much better deal in retrospect. In the meantime, think about what’s really important, and what you’re really better off losing!

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21): Try to balance social and domestic urges by inviting a few close friends for a home-cooked dinner. OK, you can order in or make it a potluck. Conversation will turn critical, so decide ahead of time on agreeable targets.

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb18): Honing sexual techniques is not the route to true satisfaction, but if you do it right, it will help you find the way. Focusing on your partner’s pleasure is important. Knowing and healing yourself is even more so.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20): Skills that you’ve developed for your own pleasure and entertainment have broader applications that can help you get ahead. Don’t be shy! Your vision and adaptability will earn you great respect.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22): Exercise and diet are especially important now. Think carefully about your routines and your long-term goals vis-a-vis your health. Make appropriate adjustments. Dramatic shifts are probably not called for, but small important changes can be just as challenging.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 20): The faults of anyone in a position of authority will be painfully obvious to you. You need to tell someone - but preferably not the subjects of your critique, who may want to retaliate. Choose your confidante carefully!

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 19): Your need for time alone can make your partner edgy. Can your baby be included in the retreat? Sharing a task, preferably in some charitable service, can help you resolve the problem.

GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 20): You need some new energy in your life, and the best way to get it is to clean house. Be ruthless in clearing out the old, the stale, and anything unused. Does that include your roommate? Maybe!

LIBRA (Sep 23 - Oct 22): Peevishness and anxiety can be turned to your favor. Find an artistic outlet to let it all out, and spare others the aggravation of your temper. You may even find this a key to untapped talents! If your bugaboo is more social or political, try your hand at satire.

CAPRICORN (Dec 21 - Jan 19): New experiences or philosophies challenge you to reassess your priorities. The more outrageous the challenge, the more you should consider it - not for a radical conversion, but for some new insight & clearer understanding of what you value most.

ARIES (Mar 20 - Apr 19): Watch your mouth and your temper! Getting ticked off is a mood-wrecking distraction that invites accidents, and the deliberate damage you wreak is already bad enough! Focus on solving your own problems before you save the world.

CANCER (Jun 21 - Jul 22): Stop waving that cigarette, Bette! Efforts at clever bitchery can come off as more bitchy than clever. There’s always room for selfimprovement. Focusing your wit in that direction will make you all the more attractive.

Jack Fertig, a professional astrologer since 1977, is a founding member of the Association for Astrological Networking. He can be reached for consultations at 415.864.8302, www.starjack.com, and by e-mail at QScopes@qsyndicate.com.

JUL 31 - AUG 06 2008