15 minute read
MEET THE JONES FAMILY
F A M I L Y F E A T U R E
Meet the Jones Family: Lynn, Duwana and five beautiful children, ages 17, 14, 10, 5 and 3. They sat down with us to talk about their faith in God, celebrating 20 years of marriage, how to get through tough times, and being a couple on assignment.
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Outpour Magazine: Tell us a little bit about your family: Who are the Joneses?
Duwana Jones: The Jones Family is a family that love s God and loves one another. The things that we learn from being in relationship with God, we implement in our relationship with each other and with the kids. We also help the kids understand how to apply the Word of God in their relationship with each other, their friends, and with the outside world. And we show them how we can live what we know to be true.
Lynn Jones: I agree and you know how kids do what you do and not what you say? Duwana has a lot of relationships and when things go good or they go bad in those relationships, she doesn’t shy away from telling the older kids “hey, this is what’s going on” so they can actually see that mom is dealing with stuff too and how she’s dealing with it. Even though we are telling them, this is the verse of scripture, this is what the Word says, they get a chance to really watch what she’s doing in those relationships. They get to see how the Word works in relationships - with family and friends - firsthand.
OM: What have been some of your best memories a s a family?
DJ: Family Dinner. The kids have noticed that as the y are getting older, it is not always easy to have family dinner. So my middle girl will ask “so when are we going to have family dinner; what night this week is family dinner?” So this is probably one of the kids’ favorites.
LJ: When I grew up, we had family dinner every S unday. Throughout the week, my mom worked late sometimes so we didn’t have family dinner every night. Duwana, because of how she was raised, brought that priority of having family dinner together. And the kids love it. They start telling jokes and they ask me how my day was. Then we eat and they start dancing and playing music… DJ: and it turns into a party. The girls have had years o f dance and we even forced Pierre, our oldest son, to take dance - for body awareness and athleticism since he was playing basketball. They can do all forms of dance - hip hop, tap, ballroom...you name it, they can do it all.
LJ: It’s a beautiful time. Sometimes it’s hard to get e veryone there at the same time, and you have seven diff erent attitudes coming to the table. But at the end of the day, it’s like a party...and the kids have such a good time dancing together. When the kids are gone, that is something we are really going to miss.
OM: Nice! And the kids are going to remember that, just like you remember having Sunday dinners growing up. So y’all are making memories for the kids. That’s awesome!
LJ: Another great memory was when we went on a f amily cruise. They could eat what they wanted and we didn’t have to clean up after them. For the oldest two kids, it was great to see their independence. And we took someone with us to take care of the babies so Duwana and I got to have some time together. My favorite time on the cruise was when there was a white party and I took Duwana and my oldest daughter to that party. We danced and had a great time. Plus Duwana’s family was on the cruise so it was like a reunion. It was fun. It was the best vacation that I can remember having.
OM: How do you both balance putting each ot her first - your spouse’s needs - and making sure the kids and the family as a whole are taken care of?
DJ: The number one thing has been God, especially with home schooling. Every year I make it a point to take some time to give it all back to God. To say, ok God this is for you, this is not about me. What do you want - as I am planning for their curriculum, for the year? I have to then trust God to know that He’s there and He’s inspiring whatever the plan is. And then I work the plan. Even when the day doesn’t happen the way you planned it, you have to trust God - that however He orchestrated this day to go, is the way it’s going to go. And what they are getting, is what He wanted them to get. It’s funny because my husband would say, there is no balance. And there isn’t. There is no
balance for me and for him. We have to trust God and rest. He gets a little uptight and worried about his ability to be there for everybody, even on a dayto-day basis. My number one goal is to do one thing, and that is to stop and listen. Because we get busy and we get caught up. First I have to stop and listen to God. Then I have to stop and listen to my husband - because typically he has something in the morning that he is telling me for the day. And lastly I have to stop and listen to my children. They don’t always want us so when they come and talk to me, it’s something that they want from me and I have to stop and listen to each of them. Sometimes they have to wait and I have to help them learn how to speak in turn. But the importance of the priority, of the time you are giving them comes when you listen.
OM: You both have a heart for Christian m arriages, from premarital counseling and marriage retreats, to helping others restore their relationship. You even did me and my husband’s premarital counseling - 13 years ago, so you all have been doing this a long time! Talk about your love for married couples, being a couple on assignment, and God’s purpose for marriage.
DJ: We were invited to do a session [on marriage] at our family reunion and it was interesting because we had only been married for one year at the time - but we just had fun! We had fun doing the research, studying for it and teaching the class. That was really the beginning. We even went back to our pastor after the class and from there it just took off . Just knowing that the foundation of family is marriage and that the purpose of why God created marriage was for family. So we were like wow, I think God is doing something with us and our ability to share with others about His heart for marriage and its purpose being family. And that has been a driving force throughout our marriage.
OM: How long have you guys been married?
DJ: We are actually in the midst of celebrating our 2 0th Anniversary! We canceled our 10-day trip to Jamaica in order to complete a couple’s “bucket list.” So each month in this year we have activities that we’ve set aside that as a couple we’ve always said “oh, that would be nice; we should do that one day.” We just took all those ideas and wrote them down. It’s been wonderful!
LJ: What’s so cool about this is that normally when you get t o an anniversary, you plan one big thing - you have all this energy and excitement building up to that one thing. Then after you do that one thing, you are coming down for the rest of the year. So now w e are building up our excitement every month.
OM: That is wonderful! What a great way to celebr ate with each other!
LJ: We have a whole spreadsheet of activities (laughs).
DJ: Lynn has even received an invitation to marry a couple this year . We’ve been behind the scenes for years, encouraging couples; so to do this on the front side, during our 20th Anniversary is special. It’s all God.
OM: How can couples make marriage “fun?”
DJ: Laughter. And you have to plan things that are fun together. Paying bills is not fun; cleaning up is not fun. Doing laundry, changing dirty diapers, watching the kids, is not “fun.” We find things that are fun, like comedy shows, theatre shows, etc. But you have to plan it.
LJ: I go to work all day and then I come home and still h ave to do yard work. The yard is not going to take care of itself. But a few weeks ago, Duwana came outside and worked with me in the yard and still looked good in her dress doing it. To me that made it fun because it was new and exciting because it wasn’t something that we normally do together. So little stuff like that, that is sprinkled throughout our days, months and years that reminds us that [marriage] could actually be fun. Duwana brings the fun more than I do but we have a good balance. What couples must realize is that even the one that is more serious in the relationship needs to give in at times to having fun with their spouse. It does take practice and eff ort to learn how to relax and enjoy one another.
And this leads up to being a couple on assignment. Take Michael Jordan for example. He approached the game of basketball as if he were on an assignment. His number one assignment was to get that championship ring and he wouldn’t let anyone distract him from that goal. Same goes for couples. Stuff may happen at work, with the kids, or personally and emotionally - but I cannot forget my assignment. Because my assignment from God is to be a husband to this woman. And as far as marriage, the world needs to see the relationship between Christ and the church. When Duwana and I go out with other couples or to the grocery store, people are watching because they know who I am. My assignment is to know my role and my place all the time. A lot of couples might know what to do but they are not in the right atmosphere - the atmosphere is not set for them to excel at their assignment. Additionally, what type of skills are men bringing to their marriage that they can do for their wives? And I’m not talking about outside their marriage or making money. What can they do one-on-one with their wives in order to impress them? This helps to make sure that the woman of my dreams and this man of her dreams are loving each other well.
OM: This is great and definitely helps couples maintain the “good” in their marriage. But what about when times get hard - when you can no longer look at that person you are in covenant with as the “man or woman of your dreams?”
DJ: You’re talking about the times when you want t o “pack your bags?”
OM: Yes, those times (laughs).
DJ: The number one thing is to realize that you are going to get to that point. I think that people get there and they are surprised, like I’m not supposed to feel this way. Everyone gets to that point. You are living with another person - day in and day out; even if it were your mom, your sister, your friend, etc., you would get to this point. So the number one thing is to expect it. And when you expect it, you can prepare for it. Preparation is key. It’s one thing to expect the storm and not be prepared. It’s another thing to be prepared so when the storm comes you can bounce right back. Preparation for the tough times is first staying in the Word of God. We have about 30 books on marriage and we don’t read those in the tough times; we read those when things are going well. Because in the tough times there’s no sex, there’s no talking, none of that is happening; so you have to be prepared. And you need a support group - somebody in your life who first loves God and then loves marriage and understands the purpose of marriage. Often, tough times come because of unforgiveness - we just can’t let things go. It’s just so hurtful. The hurt can be blinding; I know because I’ve been there. The number one hurt is betrayal - on whatever level that you feel has been done to you. But Jesus gave us hope. Divorce was not God’s intent. If we can move towards a place of forgiveness, God can resurrect something even better, just like He did with Job. But you have to be walking in the Word and have faith in God so when you get to that blinding, deafening point of marriage - that God will penetrate [your heart] and you will have that agreement with the spirit of God about where do I go from here. And an even bigger revelation is that [my husband] is God’s son. When you can remember that you are married to one of God’s sons, it changes the way you treat him.
LJ: I agree with all of that (laughs). One of the things with men - I always refer to the scripture about Jesus making himself of no reputation (Phil. 2:7-9). Men may be like “how in the world can she do that to me - does she not know who I am?” But it also goes back to what Duwana said, do you not know who she is [as a child of God] and that you are one, you are married. We forget that stuff .
DJ: Right, because I am the gift that God gave. Are you treating the gift right (jokingly)?
LJ: The bible says “he that finds a wife finds a good thing” (Prov. 18:22). As men we look at the way that we have been off ended and it changes our focus. The more we are focused on how much we are hurt, that is where our energy is going. Our energy is not going towards healing, towards love. Our energy is selfish, self centered and we get inside our head. We turn something like her stepping on my toe to the same thing as her cutting off my leg. Nobody’s dead, I’m not missing a limb, the house is not burned down - but I don’t want to talk to you for a week. No, we can’t do that. Paul talks about “when I was a child, I did childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). We have to get to a point where we can be off ended but still operate as if we know our purpose, as if we are on assignment. I can’t control what she does, but I can control my perception of what she did and stay on assignment.
DJ: The enemy is very crafty. He’s studied me, he’s studied Lynn - he knows our weaknesses. And not to give him too much credit, but we need to expect some foolishness. The devil lies to us and we may even hear it from our friends or statistics - about choices and lifestyles; expectations and where you should be now; how many kids makes sense - some of the lies you are faced with in marriage, and it goes on and on. Another big lie is “if my spouse ever did this…” then what? That’s another one that the enemy uses. Also, we made a commitment to not watch anything on TV that came against marriages - things about aff airs or cheating. There are parts of us that can be torn down when we sit and watch something like that, as if we are in agreement with it. There are some choices you have to make to keep your marriages clean, just like you would with your bodies by not eating certain foods. We decided never to use the D-word: Divorce. We knew that was not an option in our lives, so let’s not use it.
LJ: Another comment, that came from a Christian brother is “she better not mess with my money, or and death in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21). So we must watch some of the things that we say.
Because not only is your spouse listening or your kids, but the enemy. The enemy could say “oh you just gave me something, to mess with you.” Even if your wife is not [messing with you in certain areas], the devil can make you think she is. Little stuff like that, even language, that we don’t use.
OM: There’s definitely an attack on the institution of m arriage and family. People are waiting longer to get married, have to have this many things checked off their list to get married - and we’re talking about Christians here - not really looking to the Word about what marriage is designed to be. It’s great to hear this from you both, the things you do and pray about concerning the covenant of marriage, that three-cord strand between you both and God.
LJ: Yes, exactly. And Philippians 4:8 tells us exactly w hat to think about. It’s so easy not to think about these things when you are upset with your spouse for not meeting your expectations; it’s so easy not to focus on what’s good, kind and praiseworthy about this individual that you are living with. But that is what God has called us to do, even when it’s tough, so we can have the life He has called us to.
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