January 2022 OutreachNC by OutreachNC

JANUARY 2022 - 1

J A N U A R Y 2 0 2 2

Feature Intro: The Mindful Year: Kicking Off 2022 in the Present Moment As we ring in 2022, many of us do so on the heels of a stressful and anxiety-inducing past twelve months. The 2021 calendar year was, for many of us, a whirlwind of vaccines, booster shots, economic worry and political uncertainty. In many ways, 2021 was like any other year (COVID notwithstanding). We had our worries and woes. We struggled with family issues, health issues and financial issues. But…we also celebrated birthdays, took trips, had meaningful conversations, purchased homes, retired and started new careers. Life, as we know, has its ups and downs. The challenge isn’t so much in how we exist and survive the ebb and flow of life. Rather, we are challenged to thrive despite the losses. We are sometimes so busy we forget to celebrate the wins and embrace the moments when all is good, when we are content, when our bellies are full, our beds are comfortable and our cars are running just fine. Mindfulness can help. Tuning in to ourselves can help us slow down, breathe, appreciate the moment and take stock of all the feelings we experience each day, many of them unnoticed. But what exactly is mindfulness? How can we develop it in our daily lives, and what benefits can we expect to see by cultivating an awareness of the present moment?

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CONTENTS ASK THE EXPERT: WHERE IS HOME? FEATURE: THE MINDFUL YEAR RECIPE: MATZOH SOUP

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Amy Phariss, Editor-in-Chief, OutreachNC | editor@outreachnc.com

JANUARY 2022 - 2 January is here. The firecrackers have died down, and we begin writing 2022 at the top of our correspondence. We are done with 2021, all the highs and lows, and another 12 months present themselves like a newborn child.

Aging Outreach Services’ Aaron Dannenberg gives readers his family recipe for Matzoh Soup, so comforting before the warm weather hits for good and spring blooms. A good bowl of soup can get us through so much of life, cold weather and grey skies included.

What will we do in the days, weeks and months ahead? This month’s feature, The Mindful Year, offers some suggestions for understanding and beginning a mindfulness practice. Mindfulness can help us tune in and stay present in lives that feel increasingly busy and sometimes overwhelming. In Ask the Expert, Amy Natt helps a reader navigate the tricky situation of visiting a loved one placed in a care facility and struggling with dementia. Natt offers suggestions, experience and words of wisdom.

And so, another year begins, hopefully ushering in more love, laughter, connection and purpose for each of us. In the words of Charles Dickens:

“A new heart for a New Year, always.” Always,

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ASK THE EXPERT: WHERE IS HOME?

Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA | amyn@agingoutreachservices.com

JANUARY 2022 - 4 My mom was recently placed in a facility, and my dad is struggling with how often he should visit her. She has advanced dementia and often does not realize where she is. When he goes to visit, she begs him to take her home. It’s very hard on both of them. What do you suggest? Placing a loved one is a very difficult but sometimes a necessary decision. People will ask, how will we know when it’s time? That answer is different for each person but often it comes down to safety and the care that can be provided in the home. The stress placed on the spouse (caregiver) can jeopardize their own health. Placement may be necessary to ensure they are both getting the care they need. When you make the decision to place a loved one in a care facility, it is important to acknowledge that there will be an adjustment period for everyone involved. Once your loved one is placed, it is common to second guess yourself. Suddenly the burden seems less, and it feels more manageable but in reality, it is the change in situation that has helped. Mom or dad get a break and feel ready to be caregiver again. Know that this is normal and try to stay the course and work through the challenges and emotions involved. Give both mom and dad time to settle into a new routine. The facility is getting used to your mom and her routines, just as your mom is adjusting to new surroundings, and your dad to his new role. One of the big shifts for your dad is going from primary caregiver to part of the care team. This may cause guilt and create a sense of loss for

him. The facility staff are now primary care providers, but certainly your dad remains her number one advocate. He must navigate how often to visit, what to do during visits and how to leave without upsetting your mom. These are all difficult and new to him, as well as very unique to each situation. There are times the facility will request time to let your mom settle into her new home. They may ask him to stay away for a few days or a week, to help her adjust. Other times, he is key to her adjustment, and they may want him there routinely. Talk to the staff and ask what they recommend based on how she is doing. If your dad needs a break, give him permission to take it, and let the staff know he will not be coming for a few days. There is no wrong answer. Sometimes it’s trial and error. There are good days and bad days. That’s okay. Individuals with dementia often ask to go “home” and may or may not recognize what home they are looking for. It could be a childhood home, or she could just feel unsettled and not be able to express why.

Try to surround her with familiar items and continue to reassure her that this is home. Continue to point them out to her, “this is your favorite throw”, “here is our family picture.” You might also try walking her around the building and then going back “home” to her room. If the transition continues to be difficult, try leaving during an activity, snack or mealtime, so your mom has something else to focus on. Ask a staff member to help redirect her just before your dad leaves. He can also choose his words when

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JANUARY 2022 - 5 departing from the visit and say something that might be more reassuring, like “I’ll see you very soon” or “I have some work to do, and I’ll see you a little later”, “I’m going to run some errands, but I will come back later.” It may be the word “goodbye” that is the trigger for her. This is something that can be monitored. If behavioral interventions don’t seem to be easing her distress, talk to her physician about reviewing her medications. Could she be experiencing depression or some other medical condition. Is she eating, sleeping, or experiencing any other changes that should be addressed? All of this can impact her ability to transition into her new environment. My last piece of advice is to pay attention to the good days, the good visits. What made it good? Did they do something together? Time of day? Length of visit?

If you can help him focus on what’s going right, it will be easier to try to develop a routine that provides them with the best opportunity for a good visit. Some days will just be off but try to find her best time of day and set a time limit to the visit. An hour is a good starting point. As he has some success, he can determine how many days a week to visit. Again, this is different for everyone. Some families insist on daily visits, while for others a couple times a week works better. Offer to go in his place to give him a break. There is no magical answer. Dementia is hard. So, just provide him with the reassurance that he is doing his best.

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Kicking Off 2022 in the Present Moment by Amy Phariss

MINDFULNESS: WHAT IS IT? According to researchers at the Daphne Davis and Jeffrey Hayes (2011) of Pennsylvania State University, “The word mindfulness originally comes from the Pali word sati, which means having awareness, attention, and remembering.” Along with a sense of awareness, mindfulness also encompasses a sense of detachment or lack of judgement about the sensations we pay attention to. Mindfulness is witnessing a feeling, moment or experience without necessarily judging that moment to be good or bad. Mindfulness in this sense becomes more of a state than a trait. Mindfulness and meditation teacher Key Burns says, “Mindfulness has two wings, like a bird. One wing is compassion and kindness. One wing is awareness and clarity.” We experience mindfulness much like we experience contentedness or excitement. It comes and goes. We are not necessarily mindful all the time, but we can exist in states of mindfulness. In understanding what mindfulness is, it is sometimes helpful to explore what mindfulness is not. Mindfulness is not meditation, although it can certainly be paired with meditation. When we meditate, we are engaging in a mindful action, but meditation itself does not define mindfulness. Mindfulness is not stillness.

One doesn’t need to be quiet, still, silent or immobile to be mindful. We can move along throughout our days in mindful states while still walking, speaking, acting and engaging in all the ways we normally engage. In fact, when we do each of these things mindfully, with awareness, we often have better results and experience more depth than when we move through life unaware, harried and rushed.

JANUARY 2022 - 7 According to Mayo Clinic: Many think of mindfulness meditation as “sitting on a pillow, being still, with eyes closed.” Instead, there are many ways to practice mindfulness meditation. Walking meditation consists of walking slowly and purposefully, focusing on the motions of walking. Breathing meditation focuses on our breath and the motions of breathing. Tai chi is a form of movement meditation focusing our awareness on slow, relaxed and purposeful movement. Mindfulness is also not a religion. While mindfulness was popularized in the East and included in many religious practices including Buddhism and Hinduism, mindfulness has also been part of other religions throughout history including Judaism, Christianity and Islam (Trousselard et al., 2014). Mindful practices are often part of religious practices (such as when monks meditate or when someone prays) but these practices aren’t necessarily religious in nature. Mindfulness is also not yoga. Yoga encompasses mindfulness, but one can be mindful without practicing yoga or even being interested in yoga. So, perhaps the easiest way to understand mindfulness is to open the dictionary and seek out the exact definition (at least in our English terms).

The Oxford Dictionary defines mindfulness as “a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.” We don’t have to sit in the lotus position, chant or wear a robe to be mindful. We can do it in our Levi’s and Birkenstocks, in our cars, with our legs uncrossed and even in the midst of a traffic jam.

MINDFULNESS: HOW DO WE PRACTICE IT? If we now understand mindfulness as a state of awareness without judgement, what does that actually look like in everyday life? How do we practice mindfulness if we can’t get to a mountaintop or book ourselves a trip to Bali? Mindfulness can be practiced as part of a formal ritual or experience, such as yoga or meditation. In these cases, becoming aware of one’s thoughts and focusing on the present moment are part of the larger experience. For many people new to mindfulness, yoga can be a great introduction to mindfulness because yoga often includes focus on the breathing, engaging the body in slow, intentional movement and paying attention to how the body and mind engage with one another. Mindfulness is also part of many meditation practices such as observing-thought meditation, loving-kindness meditation and breathing meditation. For many who experience the benefit of meditation, mindfulness is a key ingredient in what makes meditation so powerful. Becoming aware, in the present moment, of thoughts, feelings, beliefs and sensations can bring to light and unearth issues from our past, present and even our future.

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Mindfulness: Recommended Reading Key Burns offers these book suggestions to learn more about mindfulness and how to begin a mindfulness practice.

Walking Meditation Thich Nhat Hanh We pay attention to what is going on when we sit still and listen to our bodies and minds.

Radical Acceptance Tara Brach

A Path With Heart Jack Kornfield

Aware Dan Siegal

Don’t Bite the Hook Pema Chodrin

But a mindful practice can also happen outside of formal experiences. Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh’s article entitled “Washing Dishes” is a wonderful example of finding mindfulness in an everyday task. Hanh writes, “I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, and each movement of my hands.” In what we often think of as a mundane chore, Hanh is able to use mindfulness to see beauty and a “miracle.”

“If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert or a cup of tea, I will be equally incapable of enjoying my dessert or my tea when I finally have them.” Thich Nhat Hanh (plumvillage.org) We can practice this form of mindfulness throughout the day. Instead of rushing to your next appointment, actually pay attention to the feeling of your foot pressing the gas pedal in the car. What does the steering wheel feel like? Is it cold? Hot? How fast are you driving? What does it feel like to slow the car down or speed it up? How about the weather? If you lower the window, what does the air feel like? Is it sunny? Gloomy? Are leaves falling from the trees?

JANUARY 2022 - 9 When you are with your family at the dinner table, what does the fork feel like in your hand? What does the food taste like on your tongue? Is it hot? Cold? Spicy? Bland? When you lie down in bed at the end of the day, what does your body feel like? Do your legs ache? Is your back stiff? Does your neck crane to one side? When you are speaking with your spouse, what is your tone of voice? Burns says, “You want to notice where you are and be here now, right? So, if you notice you’re in a neutral mood, filling out some paperwork, and suddenly you feel tense, you can see where your mind wandered. You might be involved in a story in your head. You can also make a To-Be list, not a To-Do list. If you want to be a good listener, your to-do list has to fall in line with the to-be list. So, as a good listener, you won’t overbook your schedule.” Often, when we pay attention, we slow down. We move with purpose and intention and are less reactive and defensive. We can identify how we feel, in the present moment, which can affect how we feel (and act) in the next moment.

Burns says, “I try, during each walk, to notice three things I haven’t seen before. If I just walk, I won’t remember the walk. But if I notice some leaves have dropped or a new flower has bloomed, I’m noticing, and I remember.” Mindfulness allows for an awareness, and with this awareness we often discover things about ourselves, our environments and our connections that help us understand our worlds better.

Mindfulness: The Best Apps

Insight Timer

Headspace

Calm

Breethe

Inscape

Happy Not Perfect (millennials)

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5 Simple Mindfulness Activities Body Scan Take a moment to sit still and scan your entire body from your toes to your head. You can find several narrated body scans on YouTube or Spotify. Walking Meditation Take time during your walk to slow down and pay attention to each step you take. What is the ground like underneath your shoe? Are your feet bare? How does your leg feel as it lifts and lowers? You can engage in this during any activity, but walking is a great start. Mindful Eating Take one piece of food and focus on the entire experience of that food. An orange is a great example. What does the orange feel like before you peel it? What is the texture? What does it smell like? How does that change when you begin to peel the orange? As you eat it, do so slice by slice. Pay attention to the tastes, textures and smell of the orange slice. 5 Senses Rather than blowing through your day on autopilot, pause and pay attention to your senses. What do you smell? Taste? Hear? Feel? See? If you’re in the car, answer each of these questions. You’ll be shocked how much you’re not paying attention to and how grounding this exercise can be! Box Breathing Sit in a quiet place, in a comfortable, upright position. Breathe in counting to four slowly. Feel the air enter your lungs. Hold your breath for 4 seconds. Try to avoid inhaling or exhaling for 4 seconds. Slowly exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds. Repeat steps 1 to 3 until you feel re-centered.

MINDFULNESS: WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS? Some of the benefits of mindfulness, which have been studied and are clinically significant, include: Emotional Regulation Mindfulness supports emotional regulation in several ways including decreasing rumination (or the tendency to go down a rabbit hole of negative thought about a situation), enhancing attention through gains in working memory and promoting metacognitive awareness. Also, research has found that after periods of mindful meditation, people experience fewer depressive symptoms and have greater capacity for focusing attention on specific tasks for longer periods of time. Emotional regulation also helps people be less reactive and have increased cognitive flexibility. This level of regulation can have positive effects in personal relationships, at work and in social interaction. Physical Health Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), first introduced by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn at Massachusetts Medical School, has been linked with physical health benefits including pain management, sleep, improved cardiovascular health, lower blood pressure, improved immune response and help controlling migraines, to name a few. Research is ongoing and regularly updated, and we’re just beginning to learn how mindfulness practices affect specific parts of the brain. According to Mayo Clinic’s research on mindfulness, the practice helps increase and support positive interactions within the brain and body (memory, cognitive flexibility, better sleep, relaxation, compassion, self-esteem) and helps decrease negative interactions (anxiety, depression, symptoms of PTSD, insomnia, addictive behaviors). These benefits help us in all areas of life. We have better relationships, feel physically stronger, experience less pain, are less stressed and make better decisions. By tuning in, becoming aware of the moment and avoiding judgement, we allow our minds and bodies to become more balanced, which feels good in every part of our lives. As we open a new chapter with a new year, practicing mindfulness can help us slow down, tune in and increase wellness in all areas of our lives.

JANUARY 2022 - 11 As January brings brisk weather and grey skies, nothing is more soothing than soup, as we bundle up and begin a new year.

Matzoh Soup Recipe Aaron Dannenberg Ingredients 5lb whole chicken

2 tbsp vegetable oil

2 onions cubed

2 eggs beaten

3 carrots sliced

1 cup matzoh meal

2 stalks celery sliced

1 tsp salt

1 cup fresh dill

½ cup broth from soup

2 tbsp chicken fat

Directions Trim the fat from the chicken and save for later. Cut chicken into quarters and place in a stock pot with the onions and cover with 4 quarts of water, bring to a boil and let simmer for 2 hours. Add carrots, celery and salt to taste then simmer for an additional hour. Remove the chicken and set aside to cool and shred. Dice reserved fat and fry over med heat making sure the fat does not smoke, remove and set aside to cool. To make the matzoh balls blend oil and eggs with matzoh meal, add salt to taste. Add ½ cup of the soup stock and mix until uniform, then mix in the 2 tbsp of cooled, fried, chopped chicken fat pieces, set in fridge to cool 20 mins. Form into 1.5 in balls. Bring soup back to boil, add in the shredded chicken, formed matzoh balls and dill, cover the pot and cook for an additional 45 minutes. Enjoy with your loved ones!

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GRAY MATTER GAMES

ACROSS 1. Pan, e.g. 4. Baked, in Bologna 9. Poison plant 14. Prefix with acetylene 15. Architectural projection 16. Be bombastic 17. Sound familiar 19. Lowest female singing†voices 20. Involving two 21. “At Seventeen” singer Janis 23. Dash lengths 24. Rent payer 26. Older 28. Act of sending†a†message 32. Verse in which certain letters such as the first in each line form a word or message 35. “La BohËme,” e.g. 36. Anguish 37. Bender 40. Grassland 41. Shine 44. Available 47. Resort town in northeast

Florida on the Atlantic coast 50. Appetizer consisting of a thin slice of bread spread with caviar or cheese 51. Beneficial 55. “Is that ___?” 57. “Gosh!” 58. Add up 59. Tearful 61. Shad-like North†American marine fishes 65. Confidence game 66. Decorative jugs 67. Ed.’s request 68. Club publication 69. Prone to friendly informal communication 70. “For ___ a jolly ...” DOWN 1. Small goat†antelope with small conical horns 2. Heavy water, for one 3. Force units 4. People who

try to persuade by blandishment 5. Sun, e.g. 6. 20-20, e.g. 7. ___ el Amarna, Egypt 8. Large genus of perennial and biennial pungent bulbous†plants 9. No-goodnik 10. www.yahoo. com, e.g. 11. Military equipment and supplies 12. Bit 13. British tax 18. Enthusiasm 22. “Aladdin” prince 25. Beanery sign 26. Attribute 27. Clairvoyance, e.g. 29. Barely beat 30. Sundae topper, perhaps 31. Indian bread 32. Blown away

33. Ball-andsocket joint between the head of the femur and the acetabulum 34. Using again after processing 38. Charlotte-toRaleigh dir. 39. Biblical birthright seller 42. In-flight info, for short 43. British unit of weight equivalent to 2240 pounds 45. Bliss 46. Up, in a way 48. Dundee denial 49. Cave dwellers 52. Soft tissue of the body 53. Arm bones 54. Recuperation in which the symptoms of an acute disease gradually subside

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55. Early pulpit 56. Set lower 60. Calypso offshoot 62. “Concentration” pronoun 63. “What’s ___?” 64. “48___”

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Gray Matter Games Solutions

JANUARY 2022 - 15

Best Wishes for a Happy, Healthy New Year from Dr. Wellener & Her Team!

Visit our blog at

AGINGOUTREACHSERVICES.COM to read Mia Lorenz’s

New Year Checklist!

nization:

Intentional Orga

ECKLIST

A NEW YEAR’S CH

rney the ending of as we celebrate in with a bang gh. Family may January comes month to live throu celebrations of to You! Although be a challenging of the Happy New Year new year, it can The anticipation a . tmas of again ning spirit. The Chris are miles away a year and begin gone from your is you, but now they thrill the bills for visit to the bring ed ories, but have travel The mail may holiday/ ed with good mem is not as pretty. the season is replac ved and the travel around town st without as many makes resumes in earne remo which are Work ise, s fun. exerc ation ay and t decor ent for all the holid vows to lose weigh r and duller – especially the inevitable paym monthly calendar. Some make colde weather can be your whose loved of all of this, the vacation days on (helping people ically the ry people. On top involving estate administration January is histor for grumpy, hung lights. In my work the busiest month of the year. without Christmas ionally tradit is ry , Janua died ones have died) people pass away. 1, 2011, my father most ry which Janua in On stopped. nally, for me. month of the year Pines. His heart meaning, perso ern of lot South a in has that restaurant e for survival would January 1 is a date brunch at a local n. CPR, his only chanc ly while eating that did not happe and helped with very unexpected short order, and in the restaurant n were withi r rs illato docto Even though electrical defibr r in his retirement nistration of an . His second caree he was a person have been the admi se in the early 1990s in the fire becau his first career irons from many d of had lot retire a My father had en desk. The desk lot of us, he had varied. Like a a very large wood personal computer on his years was full and a home office with had a basics My father had by file. He also proficient at the neatly organized who was not idle. ge to become fairly My father had a Last s that appeared Community Colle drawers full of paper online. classes at Sandhills result handled some business order. a as desk; he had taken and in that were good world wide web ing documents plann of exploring the estate and other Will and Testament ) Lorenz, Atto

by Margaret (Mia

FrontOffice@WellenerDental.com

om | OutreachNC.c

JANUARY 2020

You will definitely want to keep this checklist handy for years to come.

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