OutreachNC February 2020

COMPLIMENTARY

Our 10th Anniversary Issue

FEBRUARY 2020 | VOL. 11, ISSUE 2

Wedding Planning After 50

The Page Mansion: A Loving Restoration

Serving the Sandhills & Southern Piedmont

Thinking Big About Parkinson’s FEBRUARY 2020

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features CONTENTS

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ONC BOOK CLUB 2020: Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

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TURNING THE PAGE: A Labor of Love

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HIDDEN HOMETOWN HERO: Senior Olympian Lean M. McLean

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THINKING BIG ABOUT PARKINSONS: A closer look at the mysterious disease

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10 YEARS OF INSPIRATION: A collection of quotes through the years

52

WEDDING PLANNING AFTER AGE 50: Your time to make it your own!

58

TEAMING UP FOR WELLNESS: Pinehurst Medical Clinic’s Wellness Team

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Talk to a doctor anytime, anywhere you happen to be

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A network of doctors that can treat every member of the family

Prompt treatment, median call back in 15 minutes

Receive quality care via phone, video or mobile app

Prescriptions sent to pharmacy of choice if medically necessary

Less expensive than the ER or urgent care

FEBRUARY 2020

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departments 10 12 14 18 20 22

ASK THE EXPERT: Upgrading Your Calendar Kate Pomplun, LMSW, CMC GENERATIONS QUESTION: What’s the key to your heart?

BRAIN HEALTH: Shades of Love Taeh A. Ward, Ph.D. PHYISCAL THERAPY: Vertigo Dr. Sara S. Morrison VETERANS CORNER: Veterans and the US Census Jim Pedersen

HEART HEALTH: Better Care for Heart Failure FirstHealth of the Carolinas

24 28 30 62 65 66

LAW REVIEW: Which Hat Are You Wearing?

Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Attorney FAITH AFTER 50: Beloved The Rev. Colette Bachand

COOKING SIMPLE: Simple Sweets Simply satisfying recipes to sweeten your day.

GREY MATTER PUZZLES Crossword, Word Search, Sudoku OVER MY SHOULDER: Ready or Not...

Ann Robson OUTREACHNC’S PHOTO OF THE MONTH An image to inspire us all.

RECIPES FEATURED THIS MONTH

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BREAKFAST

DESSERT

Buttermilk Pancakes Page 16

Chocolate Pots de Crème Page 30

Dutch Baby Page 17

Lemon Posset Page 31

OutreachNC.com | FEBRUARY 2020

from the publisher Ten years ago, Aging Outreach Services made the decision to transition a small company newsletter into a full-color print publication. OutreachNC Magazine was born from the desire to share stories, information and resources to the 50 plus population in the communities we serve. It became a true labor of love and testament to the dedication this community has for helping people age with success. My years of experience as a Care Manger taught me that there are some amazing people whose stories deserve to be shared everyday heroes who are just taking life as it comes, caring for others and doing what they are passionate about.

What I have learned is that each person’s journey is very different, and at times we only see what’s on the surface. The magazine has allowed us to dig deeper and share experiences that go beyond the surface.

Aging is one of those things that we push to the side, until it suddenly sneaks up on us in the form of a medical crisis, retirement, a fall, the death of a loved one or the realization OutreachNC.com that daily tasks are becoming more difficult to manage. It is something that happens slowly, one day at a time, but then is seemingly all at once. Through these changes and challenges come resilience, second chances, and perseverance. People step up to the plate, and while there are stories of heartbreak, fraud and struggle, I can tell you that there are many more stories of love, help and caring.

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One of the favorite parts of my career and especially OutreachNC is the people we have met along the way. The determined woman who returned to college at age 75. The toymaker still doing what he loves. The 90-year-old who decided to skydive for her birthday. The couple who found love after loss and married in their 80s. The husband who attends the support group every week so he can be a better caregiver to his wife with Alzheimer’s.

The doctor who volunteers what little time he has to help at the free clinic. The son who took a year off work to travel with his dad. The 5-generation family farm that keeps things old school. The veteran who took a chance and launched a new career. The grandparent raising the grandchild while the mom struggles to overcome addiction. The professional who was so inspired by a grandparent, they dedicated their career to helping others.

Sometimes through the greatest challenges come the best examples of humanity: people of all ages helping others as friends, family, volunteers, professionals and sometimes even strangers. As we celebrate our 10th anniversary of OutreachNC, I am more excited than ever to discover new stories, share valuable resources and shine a light on the amazing things happening as people navigate their second 50!

FEBRUARY 2020

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from the editor

As the final weeks of winter hover, it’s a hopeful thing to think about love. I’m tempted, like anyone would be, to write about romantic love or the love between a mother and her children, but there are so many other shades of love sitting right in front of us, quiet and unassuming. If I stop, lean back and close my eyes, I can picture the tiniest forms of love present in my every day life, much like Anne Sexton’s poem “Welcome Morning,” in which she writes,

There is joy in all: in the hair I brush each morning, in the Cannon towel, newly washed, that I rub my body with each morning So it is with love. There is love in the cup of coffee steaming beside me now, keeping me warm on this bright and chilly morning. There is love in the smell of my children moving down the hallway and even in a sassy retort when said child is, well, grumpy. There is love in the food we eat, the hands we shake and the cars we drive to and from the places we work, relax and rest...and love.

How we manifest love and the ways in which we receive it are as varied and unique as the person experiencing love.

This month, we hear from a man whose love of the game and life in general keeps him active, thriving and joy-filled into his 9th generation (p. 38). We explore wedding planning and celebrating after the age of 50, when many marry for the first time or again, wiser and perhaps more confident than the first time around (p. 52), and we step back in time with a couple in Aberdeen whose love of history and restoration is bringing new life to the old Page Mansion (p. 34).

Jeeves is also cavorting through the pages, so be on the lookout for him as we continue Where is Jeeves? Let us know when you find him on Facebook. He likes to feel special.

We’re also celebrating 10 years of love for this magazine, OutreachNC, which began as a newsletter and has grown and flourished over the last decade. We feel incredible love and gratitude for our community, our readers, and our staff.

We offer up a collection of the best quotes (p. 48) from 10 years of thoughtprovoking, heart-felt interviews.

We hope everyone stops for a moment this month and gives thanks for the love around us. Sexton said it best, in the final words of “Welcome Morning,” The Joy that isn’t shared, I’ve heard dies young.

In love,

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Editor-in-Chief Amy Phariss | Editor@OutreachNC.com Creative Director & Designer Sarah McElroy | Coalfeather Art and Design Ad Designers Stephanie Budd, Cyndi Fifield, Sarah McElroy Proofreaders Abegail Murphy, Margaret Phariss, Kate Pomplun Photography Brady Beck, Diana Matthews, Mollie Tobias Contributors Colette Bachand, Ray Linville, Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Sara Morrison, Amy Natt, Crissy Neville, Jim Pedersen, Amy Phariss, Kate Pomplun, Ann Robson, Jonathan Scott, Taeh Ward, Dinah Welch Publisher Amy Natt AmyN@AgingOutreachServices.com Advertising Sales Executive Kara Umphlett KaraU@OutreachNC.com Marketing & Public Relations Director Susan McKenzie SusanM@AgingOutreachServices.com Circulation 910-692-0683 | info@OutreachNC.com OutreachNC PO Box 2478 | 676 NW Broad Street Southern Pines, NC 28388 910-692-0683 Office | 910-695-0766 Fax info@OutreachNC.com

www.OutreachNC.com OutreachNC is a publication of The entire contents of OutreachNC are copyrighted by Aging Outreach Services.

Reproduction or use without permission of editorial, photographic or graphic content in any manner is prohibited.

OutreachNC is published monthly on the first of each month.

TO the editor I just read your article on Faith After Fifty. WOW, just WOW! I related to all of it and do find myself having these thoughts for the first time ever. Your magazine is definitely a treasure chest of thoughts for my generation.

Bobbie S. I picked up the December issue of OutreachNC the other day and had to write in: it looks fabulous. It really has a ‘feel’ to it, and I love all the watercolor images. Great work.

Anne C. I always enjoy OutreachNC, especially your puzzles, even though I usually miss a few answers.

Dave S. I’ve been keeping up with your series about the opioid epidemic and look forward to the finale.

The most useful part was advice from families who have dealt with this issue. It’s given me a lot to think about in how we attempt to help our loved ones who are afflicted. Thank you for this difficult but necessary series that applies to a large community of Americans.

Allegra, B. Thank you for your article on Preventing and Beating Holiday Blues. It can be a hard time of year for many people. We don’t talk about that enough.

I watched my alcohol intake this year and got plenty of sleep. I think it helped.

S. A.

FaithAFTER FIFTY

by Jonathan Scott

36 OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2019

COMPLIMENTARY

DECEMBER 2019 | VOL. 10, ISSUE 12

Traditions featuring Christmas Tree Farms: Carrying on the Family Tradition

Hidden Hometown Heroes: The Santa Claus of Sanford

Serving the Sandhills & Southern Piedmont

Festive Holiday Cupcakes: Recipes to Celebrate the Season DECEMBER 2019 |

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THE WAY FORWARD: HOPE AND HEALING IN AMERICA'S OPIOID CRISIS

by Amy Phariss

Our spacious, garden-style, ground level apartments allow you to enjoy the independence of your home with the convenience of nearby services, activities, our Clubhouse and access to a full continuum of care.

B R A I N H E A LT H

Happy Holidays:

Preventing and Beating Holiday Blues by: Jenna Renfroe Ph.D, ABPP

The winter holidays are some of the most magical times of the year and are also quite stressful – for more than the obvious reasons of to-dos, gift-buying, and busy schedules. While the holidays can be a time of great joy and excitement, for many they are an annual reminder of painful memories, loss, grief, or triggers of past trauma and difficult relationships. According to a survey conducted by the national alliance on mental illness (NAMI), 64% of people with existing mental health difficulties say that the holiday season makes their symptoms worse. Results of this survey also helped to shed light on what exactly triggers individuals around this time. It was noted that 68% of respondents feel financially strained; 66% experience loneliness; 63% too much pressure; 57% unrealistic expectations; 55% found themselves remembering happier times in the past contrasting with the present; and 50% were unable to be with loved ones. Fact is, if you are privately experiencing any or all of these feelings, you are clearly not alone. In fact, you may actually be the majority.

Mental health professionals know this pattern all too well. While some people look forward to extra time off for the holidays, mental health professionals are often overworked and dealing with some of the most challenging clinical situations of the year due to the rise of general dysphoria and mental health “crises” around this time. Studies have looked at whether or not mental health

care utilization increases around the holidays and actually have found the opposite - overall utilization patterns by psychiatric patients in emergency rooms and inpatient units is lower, as is the prevalence of self-harm behavior and suicide attempts/completions. However, there is a catch. Researchers also found that there is a “rebound” phenomenon where there is an increase in self-harm gestures and suicide attempts following the December holidays in the New Year.

This suggests that, while people generally might grin and bear it during the holidays and maybe there is even a protective factor in all of the future-oriented, holiday events and gatherings, once all is said and done – people can be left in emotional turmoil. Increasing coping strategies for the “holiday blues” and prevention of this “holiday hangover,” if you will, is therefore of paramount importance. Lives might even depend on it.

Step one has to start with prioritizing oneself. Yes, I know, this is the opposite of the holiday spirit of selflessness and giving, but the fact of the matter is that prioritizing one’s own self-care and mental health is not selfish; it is a basic necessity to be able to properly care for and be present with others. At times, this may also mean setting appropriate and healthy boundaries in relationships with family members or friends that have been problematic or triggering for you.

Boundaries don’t have to be the kind with an electric fence; they can even be a nice, white picket fence, perhaps

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QuailHavenVillage.com

Correction: In January’s Photo Essay by Brady Beck, we captioned the photograph on page 59, “A balanced mix of sunlight, soil, fire and rain lead to this beautiful scene from Richmond County.” In fact, the scene is of Roan Mountain.

Our apologies. Go back for another look and enjoy Beck’s incredible work.

Quail Haven Village

Call Lynn to schedule a visit!

910.295.2294

48 OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2019

health

Celebrate Life

Hours: Monday-Friday 9 a.m. - 5 p.m.

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A balanced mix of sunlight, soil, fire and rain lead to this beautiful scene from Richmond County.

JANUARY 2020 | OutreachNC.com 59

A PART OF THE LIBERTY FAMILY OF SERVICES

FEBRUARY 2020

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advice

Our Aging Life Care ProfessionalsTM will answer any aging questions you may have.

ASK THE EXPERT

Email us your questions! info@OutreachNC.com

Upgrading Your Calendar

by Kate Pomplun, LMSW, CMC

&

I usually get a nice wall calendar for my mother each year in December and help transfer over important dates when I’m there to visit. This year, I didn’t because I knew it was too much for her. She will still ask what day it is and what (if anything) she has planned. Is there a better tool I could use?

First of all, it’s commendable for you to notice that your mom’s abilities have changed and that the status quo of keeping track of events, dates, appointments etc. is unsustainable. Having a loved one with declining abilities means a constant flow of assessing and adapting, and it’s great that you realize this.

Even those of us with good memories rely heavily on our calendars, whether on paper or electronically.

But, we remember to check them and remember how to use them. With increased memory impairments this becomes more and more difficult. Sometimes it is less overwhelming when a person can use a calendar day by day or week by week. Even then, (s)he may need prompting to use it. Vision and comprehension issues play a large role and must also be considered.

Let’s look at some calendar tools as well as tips for how to put dates and appointments on them.

Depending on your mom’s abilities and her living situation, you could try some of the following: • If you are local and able to visit often, creating something for just that week might work. There are many nice looking erasable whiteboards

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that can be set up on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Always make sure that what you use is large enough for her to see and uses an easyto-read font.

• Not local? Use a printer with a remote printing option. Set it up in her home and link it so you could create and have printed for her a weekly, daily or monthly calendar there. (Hint, you may have to call her to let her know you’ve sent it to the printer.)

• Some older adults no longer have the ability to keep up with electronically adding new appointments or changing them, but can still read and comprehend one that is set up by someone else whether on a computer, tablet or smart phone. You can use shared calendars such as Google calendars or apps (my favorites are Cozi and Time Tree). This way one or both of you can get reminders.

• Do you have other family members involved to divide and conquer? Maybe you’re the sibling who keeps track of all the appointments, but your brother lives closer and sees your mom more often. A shared family calendar would allow you to make updates/changes that your brother can see and help keep your mom informed of.

• If your loved one is tech savvy enough and comfortable with the privacy factors, utilizing something like the famed Alexa to sync with the calendar could be helpful. She can ask, “Alexa, what’s on my calendar today?” Note: not advised for people with more than mild cognitive impairment, as the voice of “someone in their home” may be extremely frightening…

Whatever method you use, the way things are written on or entered into a calendar can make a big difference. For example, if the doctor’s appointment begins at 9:30 but your mom needs to arrive at 9:15, have the calendar say: Dr. Smith, arrive 9:15. If you or someone else drives your mom to appointments like these it should say: Dr. Smith, Jane will pick up at 9 a.m.

Even things as simple as meeting friends weekly in the dining room of an assisted living facility can be entered every Tuesday like: 6 p.m. Dinner with Smiths. Or weekly bridge game, church services, etc. (Hint, many of the calendar programs and apps have the option for recurring events in categories such as every Tuesday or the 5th of the month etc.) Again, even written this way, she may need a phone call reminder or alert from the calendar app the day of or day before.

I don’t know about yours, but my mom is the best with mailing cards. She’s never late and she sends them for

occasions I might not even think of. If there is a birthday or special occasion that she would normally send a card for, you can enter these tasks on the calendar, too. For example, she may not look a week ahead, see that it’s her sister’s birthday and comprehend that now might be the time to write out the card. So a heads up reminder on her calendar could help ensure that special card gets to the person on time.

There may be a period of trial and error to find the best fit for a loved one, but helping them to maintain a bit of independence, security and to (possibly) keep your sanity with those continuous scheduling questions, it’s well worth it. There may come a time when none of these methods will work and it’s even possible that she’ll just stop asking, but for now try to keep adapting and give her the best tools possible to keep her feeling less frazzled or anxious about what’s on the agenda for the day/week/month ahead.

Kate Pomplun is the owner of Aging Care Solutions in Southern Pines and a contract care manager for Aging Outreach Services.

She may be reached at kate@agingcaresolutionsnc.com.

Paid for by: The Committee To Elect Bob Temme FEBRUARY 2020

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Generations

OutreachNC asked adults and children our January question. Share your answer on our Facebook page.

What’s the key to your heart?

Connection. Those lingering, hours-long conversations, when the rest of the world stands still and you’re completely in that moment. – Amy, 44 Netflix, chocolate and my dog. – Maggie, 14

My goldfish. I think he knows what I’m thinking.

Sometimes, he just floats and looks at me, and that makes me feel like he’s listening. – Sam, 9

Trust. – Sara, 54

My kiddo’s laughter. – Jennifer, 42

Baseball and soccer. Baseball a little more right now. – Jason, 10

The key to my heart is kindness. – Ashley, 71

My late husband. – Glenda, 60 Hugs from all the people I love. – Louisa, 4 Conversation. Meaningful conversations. It’s a huge part of all my relationships and something I want from those closest to me. – Ruth, 65 Sports, of course. – Timmy, 10 The key to my heart is good-natured teasing. I feel loved when I’m teased. – Stephanie, 52

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Physical touch. – Adam, 67

OutreachNC.com | FEBRUARY 2020

Music. – Kate, 8 I’d have to say it would be a good person. – Chuck, 56 After thinking about it, I would have to say the way to my heart is with flowers. That’s the most socially acceptable answer. – Andrea, 50 Feeling calm with someone. It’s more than just being comfortable or secure with someone. It’s peacefulness, really. – Charles, 62

New Orleans estimates around 25 million pounds of beads are thrown in the streets during the holiday each year.

Carnival season celebrations always begin on January 6th of each year and continue through midnight of Fat Tuesday.

If you want beads, you need to yell, “Throw me something, Mister!”

The colors of Mardi Gras are purple, representing justice, gold representing power, and green representing faith.

Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday, also known as Shrove Tuesday.

The masks worn during parades allow people to “escape society and class constraints” and are required for people on floats.

The first place in the United States to host a Mardi Gras celebration was Mobile, Alabama.

“Laissez les bon temps rouler” is the official greeting of Mardi Gras: Let the good times roll!

Over a million people visit New Orleans during the carnival season.

Mardi Gras

Most King Cakes today are made with a rich, brioche-like bread and filled with cream-cheese filling, far different than the much blander cakes originally baked for the holiday.

FEBRUARY 25, 2020

The first Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans was held in 1837.

Mardi Gras is a state holiday in Alabama, Florida and Louisiana.

King Cakes are ubiquitous during Mardi Gras.

Each pastry holds a tiny baby (or a fava bean), and if you find the baby in your slice, you bring An estimated 500,000 the King Cake to the next gathering and King Cakes are sold during will have good luck all year. the carnival season each year.

FEBRUARY 2020 OutreachNC.com 13

health

B R A I N H E A LT H

Shades of Love: The Science of Emotions and the Brain

by Taeh A. Ward, Ph.D.

Valentine’s Day is associated with various traditions including a celebration of affection and love. Although thinking of love does not naturally evoke thoughts of scientific research, there is a growing body of research which suggests that being in a relationship may hold benefits for our health and cognitive performance.

The science of love involves chemicals that send messages to produce changes within the body including hormones and neurotransmitters. While hormones act for longer periods of time, neurotransmitters act and dissipate more quickly. The basic chemicals in the brain associated with falling in love vary over time beginning with lust, during which changes occur in sex hormones including testosterone and estrogen. Research indicates that variations in these hormones can impact cognitive performance and behavior.

During the attraction stage of love, there are increases in the activity of neurotransmitters such as dopamine. Dopamine plays a number of roles in the body involving motor movement, mood, feelings of pleasure and satisfaction, reward seeking, cognitive control, attention, learning, and memory.

Dopamine can contribute to feelings of alertness, focus, motivation, and happiness. During the phase of attraction, norepinephrine is also released. Norepinephrine is involved

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in maintaining alertness and arousal, sleep, dreaming, promoting vigilance, and may enhance the formation of new memories and memory recall. Some research on attentiondeficit/hyperactivity disorder suggests that individuals with low levels of norepinephrine and dopamine may have more difficulty focusing. The love stage of attraction is also associated with release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in mood and memory. Some studies suggest that serotonin is involved in neuroplasticity and may influence rate of learning.

In a lasting relationship, attraction eventually moves into the stage of attachment where a stronger commitment or bond is developed.

During the attachment stage of love, higher levels of oxytocin are released. Research indicates that oxytocin can contribute to positive social behaviors such as trust, relaxation, and psychological stability.

Oxytocin also appears to reduce stress including anxiety, which can in turn enhance cognitive performance. In some animal research studies, monogamous partners when separated demonstrated increases in cardiac stress, anxiety, and depression which improved when oxytocin was increased. During the attachment phase of love, vasopressin is also released, which is linked to behavior that produces long-term relationship bonding. Studies also suggest that

vasopressin may have benefits for short-term memory.

Some research shows that people in marriages which improve over time tend to have healthier weights and lower cholesterol, while people in marriages in decline may have higher rates of hypertension. Studies also suggest that as love blossoms, dopamine levels may stay elevated, helping to maintain benefits for mood and relaxation. Some research indicates that loneliness can negatively impact health by increasing inflammation, anxiety, and cortisol (stress hormone) through triggering the stress response. Chronic exposure to high cortisol levels has been linked to accelerated cognitive decline including suboptimal learning and memory, speed of thinking, language, and other functions. As being in a securely attached relationship can potentially reduce stress levels and lower cortisol, this may help explain why some research shows that married people have greater longevity, lower rates of substance use, and less depression.

These findings also suggest social benefits of relationships such as partners encouraging each other to seek medical care, holding each other accountable for better adherence to exercise and healthy lifestyle, and noticing red flags for potential medical problems.

In addition, some studies show that the benefits of relationships including stress reduction and longer life expectancy are not specific to the marital or romantic relationship and are also linked to relationships with friends and family. From a cognitive standpoint, socialization holds additional benefits including the potential for greater mental stimulation through use of attention, memory, expressive language, and various other cognitive processes. While relationships can also have a downside, seeking and sustaining healthy and supportive relationships of various types may help enhance brain function as well as medical and mental health.

Dr. Taeh Ward, a clinical neuropsychologist at Pinehurst Neuropsychology, can be reached at 910-420-8041 or by visiting pinehurstneuropsychology.com

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It’s Pancake Day! Shrove Tuesday (Pancake Day) falls on February 25 this year, which is Fat Tuesday. We think there’s no better way to celebrate than with a heaping stack of flapjacks or a fresh-from the oven Dutch baby, topped with maple syrup and dusted with confectioner’s sugar. We eat all varieties of pancakes with hot mugs of coffee, with or without cream, and bask in the warmth of good food, good friends and a sure-to-be-good year ahead.

Here are a couple of recipes to inspire a pancake or two of your own this month:

Classic Buttermilk Pancakes

Known as the “American” pancake, these are what most of us think of when we think of a stack of pancakes: thick, fluffy and classic. This recipe is easy enough to commit to memory, which I’ve done, and I refuse to even consider any others (what with their fancy flours and citrus zests). There is something to be said for keeping it simple. This recipe will keep your pancake game strong, particularly when paired with thick-cut bacon and a pot of French press to keep it global.

INGREDIENTS: • 1 cup all-purpose flour • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda • 1/4 teaspoon salt • 1 large egg • 1 cup buttermilk (full fat if you can find it) • 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cooled slightly, plus more for the griddle DIRECTIONS: 1. Whisk to combine flour, baking powder, salt and sugar in a bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together the buttermilk and egg and add in the butter. Add the wet mixture to the dry ingredients and mix to combine. Do not overmix and let the batter rest for twenty minutes or so, if you have that kind of self-discipline or time.

2. Heat griddle, melt extra butter and ladle ¼ cup scoops of batter onto the hot griddle. Flip when bubbles form and continue cooking 1 to 2 minutes more, until the pancakes are cooked through.

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3. Serve with hot, pure maple syrup and slabs of butter.

Dutch Baby

INGREDIENTS: • 1/3 cup flour (all-purpose works best here) • ½ cup whole milk • 2 eggs, beaten • 1 pinch nutmeg • 4 tablespoons unsalted butter • Jam, maple syrup, confectioner’s sugar, fresh fruit, and lemon juice for serving.

DIRECTIONS: 1. Preheat the oven to 425F. Combine flour, milk, eggs and nutmeg and mix until just combined but still lumpy. Do not get into a riveting phone conversation with your sister and overmix.

2. Melt the 4 tablespoons butter in a hot skillet (12-inch works well and cast-iron makes you folksy and legit). When the butter is very hot, pour in the batter and slip it into the oven for 15 to 20 minutes. Remove when the pancake is puffed and golden brown, begging to be eaten.

3. Dust with confectioner’s sugar and serve in the pan on the table for the best presentation. If you have small hands nearby, slip the pancake onto a cutting board and let go of the disappointment as it deflates. Slice it up, drizzle hot maple syrup over each slice and top it with a good amount of assorted berries for fiber and other health benefits. If you prefer jam, go ahead with orange marmalade or raspberry preserves and skip the syrup. A squeeze of fresh lemon juice is a joy if you have it on hand.

4. Eat, enjoy and repeat the next morning with freshly-brewed coffee.

FEBRUARY 2020

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health

PHYSICAL THERAPY

Physical Therapy: Vertigo

by Dr. Sara S. Morrison

Do you or a loved one have vertigo?

Do you want to feel better WITHOUT medicines or surgery?

If you answered “YES” then keep reading!

Like I always say, when you’re dizzy and you don’t know which way the floor is… you’re sure to end up on it!

Dizziness is a horrible condition. Many falls and injuries occur from dizziness or “vertigo.” So what can you do about it?

Physical Therapy of course! (Really? PT for Vertigo?!) When I went to PT school, I remember being shocked that PTs could help treat dizziness. But it’s true and very effective.

There are 4 main causes of vertigo: 1.

2.

3.

4.

The inner ear Vestibular Occular Reflex (VOR) Cardiac issues Medication side effects

The inner ear provides important information on the position of our head and its movement in space. This is how you know you are “tilting” sideways. The inner ear can get overwhelmed, making you feel dizzy or nauseous. The inner ear is made up of 3 canals or tubes. These tubes have tiny microscopic crystals in them. When you turn your head to one side, the crystals on one side vibrate. This tells your body that your head is turning.

These crystals help keep your head in the correct alignment and tell your body where you are.

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If there are too many crystals in your ear, it can trick your brain into thinking that your head is moving when it’s not, hence the dizzy or spinning sensation. We call this Benign Paroxymal Positional Vertigo (BPPV). It usually occurs when you bend forward or look up.

Why does this happen?

In short, we aren’t exactly sure, as there is a lot about the cause of BPPV we don’t yet know.

Here are some fundamentals of BPPV: • It is common after an ear infection • It can occur after you hit your head (i.e., a fall or car accident) • You are more likely to get it as you get older • You are more likely to get it if you’ve had it before The good news is that we know how to treat it! Treatment is fast, easy, and cheap. Best yet, there are no medicines, shots, or surgery involved, and 97% of people are better after only 1-3 treatments!

Are you unsure if you’ve had BPPV? BPPV can cause dizziness when a person: • • • • •

Looks up Gets out of bed Looks into a low shelf/cabinet Turns their head while driving, especially in reverse Lies flat

If you’ve experienced BPPV, your Vestibular Physical Therapist can perform the Epley Maneuver. For this, we move the crystals around your 3 ear canals and help them reabsorb and return to where they are supposed to be. Your PT will have you lie down and they will turn your head in various positions for 15 to 20 minutes. Dizziness medication may only cover up the symptoms of vertigo, but PT can FIX your vertigo. And the PT treatment is quite effective!

Vestibulo Occular Reflex (VOR) The VOR is a reflex that helps your head and eyes coordinate. It tells your head and eyes whether you want them to work together or separately. For example, if you are watching a car drive on a street, your head and eyes move together as you watch it drive by. But if you are climbing up the stairs, your body is moving up while your eyes slowly move down to stabilize your vision. That way you can maintain focus and not get dizzy even though you are moving. Your VOR reflex helps your brain and eyes know what do to.

At times, this VOR gets messed up. It can’t tell whether you want your head and eyes to move together or separately. This can cause dizziness when you move.

VOR Dysfunction can cause dizziness when a person: 1.

2.

3.

4.

Turns their head quickly Reads Watches tv Observes lots of movements or colors in busy places

Your physical therapist can help treat this! When your VOR is not working properly, we can retrain it. Just like any of your body’s reactions, to improve upon it, you need to practice.

Your body works in the same way for balance and dizziness. We help retrain your body to do the things you have trouble with (e.g., turning your head left and right, climbing up stairs, looking down) without getting dizzy. Then the VOR will remember how to do this the next time you want to quickly turn your head.

For more than 40 years,

Your Vision Has Been Our Focus We Look Forward to Serving You in the New Year Cataracts Cornea Retina Diabetic Eye Macular Degeneration Glaucoma Dry Eye LASIK Eyelid & Brow Lifts Cosmetic Botox®

IMPORTANT POINT: Not all PTs perform Balance and Vertigo treatments; they are a specialty of Physical Therapy. Make sure to ask if your PT performs the Epley Maneuver and treats vertigo patients.

Have vertigo? Trying physical therapy is a great option. No doctor referral is needed, and PT may help you avoid medication, shots or surgery in treating vertigo.

Dr. Sara S. Morrison Owner Total Body Therapy & Wellness / PT, DPT, CDT, FCE, CFT, Cert DN, Cert FMT

NORTH CAROLINA: ALBEMARLE • ASHEBORO • DUNN • FAYETTEVILLE GREENSBORO • LAURINBURG • LUMBERTON PINEHURST/SOUTHERN PINES • ROCKINGHAM SANFORD • WADESBORO • WINSTON SALEM SOUTH CAROLINA: CHERAW

(910)295-2100 • (800)733-5357 www.CarolinaEye.com

FEBRUARY 2020

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advice

VETERANS CORNER

Making the Count: Veterans and the US Census

by Jim Pedersen, VSO & Director of Moore County Veterans Service Office

✓ Article 1, Section 2 of the United States Constitution mandates a headcount of the United States every 10 years. ✓ The first census was conducted in 1790 and has continued every 10 years thereafter. ✓ The government first published veteran’s data based on the 1840 census which asked the name, age and place of residence of Revolutionary War pensioners. ✓ The American Community Survey, an in-depth survey of social and economic conditions, is conducted yearly. ✓ The first time the Census asked about military service was in 1890. In 2005 the veteran questions were transferred from the 10-year census to the yearly American Community Survey.

In March, the U.S. Census Bureau will begin the 2020 census. Every person is required to answer this national headcount, which provides an official population count to Congress.

is conducted, and how the data gathered is handled and safeguarded. All personal and private data is stripped from the census before the demographics are collated. As an added safeguard, the law stipulates that any personal information collected through the Census cannot be shared with any person or agency, including law enforcement, the courts and immigration, for 72 years.

U.S. Census workers must swear a binding confidentiality oath. Anyone found guilty of breaking this oath may be fined up to $250,000 and sentenced to up to five years in prison, or both.

The 10 year census focuses on demographics information.

Questions include: • Number living in the home; • Do you rent or own; • Sex, age, race and nationality of each person in the home;

• Relationship of each person in the home; Veterans are among the most undercounted segments of the population. Often veterans are transient, especially The Census is more than just population numbers. The after they are newly separated from service, and miss number of Congressional seats each state gets is determined being counted. Additionally, members of the military are by the census numbers. Home ownership statistics are used taught to guard their personal information very carefully as an important indicator of the economy, both nationally and are therefore hesitant to answer and regionally. And finally, Census because they don’t trust that it will remain statistics are used to determine how $675 confidential. Fears of hacking, fraud and billion in federal funding is distributed to identity theft also deter veterans from UNITED STATES CENSUS federal, state and community programs. completing the census.

Our office is working with Sharon Covington, Census Bureau Partnership Specialist based in Fayetteville, NC, to ensure that all veterans are counted. Sharon stressed that federal regulations govern how the census

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A portion of this federal money is distributed to veteran’s programs and services. Specifically, the data is used to measure veteran needs, evaluate the impact of veteran’s education, employment and healthcare programs, conduct policy analysis and budget for federal veteran’s programs.

By answering the Census, veterans can ensure that adequate VA services are available in their communities.

VA healthcare is an obvious need. But there are others that are less apparent but no less important. Census data about the number of veterans over 65 helps to determine funding for end-of-life options like nursing home and other domiciliary beds in each community. The VA National Cemetery Administration uses census data to plan new cemeteries in order to meet its goal of a VA cemetery available within 75 miles of every veteran’s home.

TEMPLE

THEATRE

120 Carthage Street

Sanford, NC 27330

In conjunction with the 10-year census, some individuals may receive the American Community Survey. This in-depth survey is issued yearly to a smaller group of citizens, and queries social and economic issues, including education, finances, insurance, housing and jobs. This survey also asks several questions about military service.

The 2020 Census will roll out in mid-March with the first response period beginning on March 23. All households will receive invitations to complete the census and information about ways to respond by April 1. Responses may be completed by mail, by phone or online. July 31 is the last day to respond to the survey and results are due on the President’s desk on Dec. 31.

February 6 - 23, 2020

The Moore County Veterans Service Office is working closely with the Regional Census Office in Fayetteville to encourage veterans to respond to the survey. On Feb. 7, from 10 a.m. to noon, the office will host a Census Summit, open to regional Veterans Service offices, veterans organizations like the DAV, American Legion, VVA, and assisted living, senior living and nursing home facilities.

Representatives from the Regional Census Office will give information about the Census and how to encourage veterans to respond.

For more information about the Census Summit, or to learn more about the many benefits available to veterans in Moore County, contact the Moore County Veterans Service Office at 910-947-3257, between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.

VSO Jim Pedersen, right, is the director of the Moore County Veterans Service Office. Experienced nationally-certified VSOs Kelly Greene, and Robert “Bob” Hall, a Vietnam-era veteran who retired from the Army after 30 years of service, assist Moore County veterans with their disability claims.

305 Page Road | Pinehurst, NC 910.295.1010 | frontoffice@wellenerdental.com

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health

H E A R T H E A LT H

Taking Heart: Better Care for Heart Failure

by FirstHealth of the Carolinas

Heart failure impacts the lives of more than 5 million Americans. Many people who have the disease experience various challenges managing it, which increases their likelihood of experiencing a health crisis and potential hospitalization.

Heart failure is a serious condition, and usually there’s no cure. However, many people with heart failure can lead a full, enjoyable life through a healthy lifestyle and proper management of the condition.

This month, FirstHealth of the Carolinas opens the doors to the FirstHealth Heart Failure Clinic located in the Reid Heart Center in Pinehurst that will focus on helping heart failure patients manage this complex disease.

A. Heart failure is the primary diagnosis in more than 1 million hospitalizations annually in the United States, and patients hospitalized for heart failure are at high risk for rehospitalization.

Dinah Welch, a family nurse practitioner who directs the clinic, answers questions about heart failure, the clinic and the benefits for patients in the Sandhills.

Q. What is heart failure?

A. Heart failure means that the heart isn’t pumping as well as it should be. Your body depends on the heart’s pumping action to deliver oxygen and nutrient-rich blood to the body’s cells. When the cells are nourished properly, the body can function normally. With heart failure, the weakened heart can’t supply the cells with enough blood. This results in fatigue and shortness of breath and some people have coughing. Everyday activities such as walking, climbing stairs or carrying groceries can become very difficult.

Q. How will the clinic benefit patients with heart failure?

Studies have shown that heart failure clinics providing specialized care using a multidisciplinary team of experts are successful in reducing mortality and rehospitalizations.

The FirstHealth Heart Failure Clinic provides patients convenient access to expert heart care. Once a patient is referred to the heart failure clinic, they will undergo an extensive evaluation by our care team and receive appropriate therapeutic options and educational needs that will help them better understand and actively manage their heart failure. Our primary goals are to minimize rehospitalization, reduce mortality and improve the quality of life for patients with heart failure.

Q. What is your role in the clinic?

A. I am the nurse practitioner for the clinic. I will see patients in both inpatient and outpatient settings to perform comprehensive examinations, adjust medications and provide counseling as needed to help patients become active participants in managing their heart failure. Heart failure is a chronic illness and requires input from the patient regarding goals of care.

Dinah Welch attended the University of Florida where she received master’s degrees in family nurse practitioner and public health and a Ph.D., in nursing.

Most of her career has been in caring for cardiac patients. According to Welch, she feels called and very privileged to care for this patient population.

To learn more about the FirstHealth Heart Failure clinic, call (910) 715-8691.

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advice

L AW R E V I E W

Power of Attorney, Guardian & Executor: Which Hat Are You Wearing?

by Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Attorney

A few months ago, I received a message from a reader who had a special request. The reader wanted me to explain the differences among a power of attorney, Guardian and Executor. First of all, bravo to you for being so attentive to the terms used. And secondly, shame on me for using the terms so glibly and loosely without adequate explanation. Let’s explore the terms we use as we navigate the estate planning and elder law landscape.

Sometimes it is helpful to imagine that when you are assuming the role of a specific helper, you are wearing a “hat” that calls to mind your role. As an example, when one is cooking in the kitchen, we can imagine a chef ’s hat; when one is constructing a building, we can imagine a hard hat. The idea is that you remain you, but you are performing a certain role requiring specific work in a particular context. So, when a person is undertaking the job of Executor, that person is wearing an Executor hat. I like to imagine that an Executor’s hat is a black top hat – something honorable, respectful and professional.

When you wear an Executor black top hat, you are handling the final affairs of a person who has died. An Executor is nominated in a Last Will and Testament and only acts when the probate court (our local court that handles estates) approves of the nomination. The probate court requires the death certificate of the deceased, the deceased’s ORIGINAL last will and testament that NOMINATES you as Executor, and your promise (under oath) to follow the law in administering the deceased’s estate. Once the probate court approves your application to act as Executor, you begin wearing your Executor hat. As Executor, you are in business to wind up the deceased’s

personal affairs and distribute the deceased’s assets according to their Last Will and Testament.

In order to illustrate the difference between a power of attorney and an Executor, imagine that you are named in your mother’s Last Will and Testament as her Executor. Your mother begins to decline and does not get out easily; your mother asks you to handle her banking. Your mother hands you her Last Will and Testament, and asks you, as her Executor, to go to the bank and handle banking for her. What do you suppose the bank will say, as you approach – with your mother’s Will in hand – to express that you are the Executor of your mother’s estate, and your mother has asked that you assist her in banking? The bank will tell you that an Executor only acts when your mother dies, after the court has approved your nomination. Your mother’s Will has NO power while your mother is alive; therefore, an Executor has NO power while your mother is alive. An Executor hat can only be worn when your mother has died, and the court has approved of your nomination as Executor of your mother’s estate.

In order to help your living mother (who, as an example, is having difficulty getting around) with her banking, you must be wearing your power of attorney hat. I liken a power of attorney hat to that of a football helmet. As a power of attorney, you will undertake a tough job, but your mother will have given you the tools – or helmet – to help her with the least amount of hassle. In doing your job as POA for your mother, you will juggle your mother’s wishes, concerns of other family members, doctors, investment advisors, friends of your mother, and all those involved in your mother’s life. Some days you will feel like you have survived a football game of pushes and pulls, but you will have helped your mother by doing what is best for her.

In sum, you are wearing a football helmet that says “POA” when you are named as a power of attorney in a power of attorney document. You are helping a living person with their business and financial affairs, the management and preservation of their assets, and helping them make decisions regarding medical and daily care.

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Next, imagine a silver, metal knight’s helmet – picture the knights of King Arthur’s round table, all clad in silver metal

and about to do battle. When you are guardian over a person and their estate, you are clad in a metal knight’s helmet and let me tell you why. First, only the king can make you a knight. Likewise, only the court of NC can make you a guardian. Second, the actions and process involved with becoming guardian over a person and their estate is cumbersome and not easy to maneuver. The metal helmet is cumbersome and hard to maneuver. Like a power of attorney, a guardian only acts for a living person; however, only the judge can appoint a guardian. (Recall that a power of attorney is appointed by their principal (mother in our example) in a legal document signed by mother — mother gives you the football helmet). Only a NC court can give you a knight’s helmet/guardianship. When the guardian goes about with his court-granted powers to do for another, his walk is labored and hard; many times, the guardian needs an attorney to make sense of the rules surrounding guardianship.

Additionally, guardianship can involve more expense than power of attorney. It is not cheap hanging out with Kings!

FALL IN LOVE WITH

190 Fox Hollow Road Pinehurst, NC 28374

910-695-0011

A knight trumps a football player – a guardian will revoke a power of attorney. The football helmet is no match for the knight’s steel.

Most of the time, it is preferable to wear a football helmet as opposed to a silver, steel knight’s helmet! That is why most attorneys try to counsel all on the importance of getting a power of attorney document done, so that your trusted agent can help you during times where you may need assistance with the least amount of hassle. When wearing a football helmet, the work is hard, but not as cumbersome as it could be (i.e. if a guardian knight helmet must be donned).

Becoming a knight is not easy and the rules surrounding knighthood (i.e. guardianship) are complicated and many times cause great financial expense.

Come visit us at Fox Hollow Senior Living and fall in love with our exceptional senior living lifestyle.

Tour our beautiful community and discover resort-style amenities to enrich your life.

E N JOY OU R :

Finally, you only wear an Executor top hat when you are acting for a deceased person and the court has approved of your Executor-ship!

• Choice of Apartments in our charming community

Next month, I will answer a reader’s question which involves explaining the difference between all of the above and a Trustee.

• Hundreds of Activity Programs, from wellness to education

Margaret (Mia) Lorenz is an attorney in Southern Pines at Lorenz and Creed Law Firm PLLC, where she helps people with many legal needs such as preparing their wills and/ or trusts, helping when a loved one dies, and helping purchase or sell real estate. She has been assisting people with their legal needs for 26 years.

• Five Star Dining Experience

• Award-winning Bridge to Rediscovery™ Memory Care Call 910-695-0011 to schedule your personal tour. www.FoxHollowSeniorLiving.com ASSISTED LIVING • MEMORY CARE RESPITE/SHORT-TERM STAYS Pet ©2019 Five Star Senior Living

FEBRUARY 2020

Friendly

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life

Beloved

FA I T H A F T E R 5 0

- A Love to Change the World

by The Rev. Colette Bachand

One of the things so complicated about love between us humans is that it can seem so conditional.

We may not say it with words, but our hearts and minds often do …“I love you as long as …”

This conditional love is sometimes self-imposed like: “Maybe someone would fall in love with me if I were thinner… younger… had more money … or fixed my teeth.” We love our best friend until she forgets our birthday; we love our kids until they fail to live up to our dreams; we love our church until they repaint the pews, and we hate the new color so we go somewhere else.

Human love often seems like it has to be earned, and as I reflect on this I find myself drawn to a different shade of love that is God filled. The word that harbors this shade of love is the word “beloved.”

Beloved is how a mother sees her new born baby; beloved is the wrinkled, twisted fingers of an old couple holding hands; beloved is the look between friends when the cancer diagnosis is terminal.

When we are “beloved” there are no conditions, no restrictions, and nothing to prove. It is pure love, which is the type of love God has for us. However we understand God, the trust is we are God’s beloved and there are no exceptions to God’s beloved-ness; no one is left out … no matter our mistakes in life, no matter our faith, or no faith, or whether we are doubters with questions, whether our lives are broken or worn out, or whether we’ve got it all together. Nothing separates us from the love of God, even if we try to hide.

The shade of love that is “beloved” becomes ours to share with each other if we so choose. It spills out into our lives in the form of compassion for each other; understanding rather than defensiveness; generosity rather then fear; justice and equal access to resources that create meaningful lives.

Love that is “beloved” changes human hearts so we can listen and really hear each other; live in unity without needing uniformity; see the face of God in each other and resolve conflicts more peacefully.

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When we hold each other as beloved we are less judgmental, more patient with each other’s imperfections, and more forgiving. We look for healing among race, gender, and socio-economic lines, and beloved works toward a greater good. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. used the term “beloved community” to describe his dream for such a world.

In a church I used to work in, I had a parishioner who was celebrating his eighth year of sobriety. Despite all the healing he had done, the hardest part of his recovery was believing he was still loved by God. He was one of the kindest people I ever met and gave so much of his time and energy in the service of others. Yet he still couldn’t let himself hear that he was God’s beloved. He was still trapped in our human propensity to believe we have to earn love and in his eyes, his drinking years had failed God. Imagine if we all believed we were beloved? How different might we treat ourselves, and each other?

Instead of swearing at the guy who pulled out in front us on 15/501 what if we took a deep breath and thought, “Maybe he just got a call that someone was sick.” Maybe the telemarketer wouldn’t actually look like an annoying person but someone just trying to feed their kids.

As we age, surrounding ourselves with a sense of “beloved” grows even more important as we learn to love ourselves for all we have become and learn to love God’s world around us even though things have changed, and life is different.

So what stops you from believing you are beloved?

You see, I am completely confident nothing separates us from God’s love. After all, the sun came up this morning; my daughter from Boston called just to say hi, and the dogs didn’t destroy anything in the house today … at least not yet.

We are all God’s beloved … a shade of love that can change the world.

Rev. Colette is an Episcopal priest who has the honor of serving as Chaplain at Penick Village in Southern Pines and has worked in geriatric care for 15 years. cwood@penickvillage1964.org

Pictured are attorneys Margaret (Mia) Lorenz and Michelle Stinnett of Lorenz & Creed Law Firm Michelle and Mia practice in the areas of Real Estate Closings, Estate Administration, drafting of Last Wills and Testaments, Revocable Living Trusts, Power of Attorneys, and Advanced Directives.

Mia Lorenz also provides counsel on matters involving elder law, including information on the rules surrounding Adult Medicaid for long term nursing home care. Additionally, Mia Lorenz advises on guardianship and business law.

Mia Lorenz is a graduate of Wake Forest School of Law and has practiced law since 1993.

Michelle Stinnett is a graduate of Notre Dame School of law has practiced law since 2013.

910-695-8688

www.LorenzCreedLaw.com 230 N. Bennett Street, Suite 2, Southern Pines, NC OutreachNC.com 28387 29 FEBRUARY 2020

life

COOKING SIMPLE

Pots de Crème

Few things celebrate love better than dessert. Some might argue diamonds or roses are the gift du jour, but for many of us, a solid sweet treat is the best way to honor the love we share with just about anyone or anything.

When turning to easy, quick, homemade desserts, nothing is as simple or elegant as a pot de crème. With a short ingredient list and minimal instructions, the classic French dessert serves up plenty of flavor with its creamy, light texture, making it a perfect compliment to a roast chicken or perfectlyseared steak.

Enjoy these flavors and don’t be shy about eating it for breakfast. Adding a handful of fresh berries makes anything a health food.

Chocolate Pots de Crème (adapted from the New York Times)

INGREDIENTS • 1 ½ cups heavy cream • ½ cup whole milk • 3 oz. bittersweet chocolate, chopped • 1 oz. unsweetened chocolate, chopped • 4 egg yolks • 3 tablespoons sugar • 1/8 tsp. salt • Freshly whipped cream for serving.

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DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat your oven to 300 degrees. In a heavy saucepan, combine the milk and cream and bring to a boil.

Remove the pan from the heat, whisk in the chocolate until the mixture is glossy and smooth.

2. In another bowl, whisk together the yolks, sugar and salt. While whisking continually, slowly pour the hot chocolate into the yolk mixture. Strain this through a fine mesh sieve.

3. Divide the mixture into 2 to 4 oz. oven safe vessels (like ramekins) and set filled cups in a large roasting pan in the oven. Add hot tap water to the pan, filing enough to mark the sides of each ramekin. Cover the pan with foil, and use a fork to prick holes in the foil.

4. Bake until the edges are lightly set but the center jiggles. You’ll lift the foil to test this. The dessert will set as it cools, which takes approximately 30 minutes.

Transfer the ramekins to a wire rack to cool entirely, and put the pots de creme in the fridge for at least three hours before serving. Top with whipped cream and chocolate shavings and enjoy by a fire, reading Pablo Neruda or sitting in front of your favorite television show with a cat on your lap and a dog at your feet.

Lemon Posset

For an even simpler version of a pots de creme, look no further than the Ye Old English Lemon Posset.

With only three ingredients, it’s an easy day at the stove, and the tartness of the lemon is the perfect complement to all that sugar and cream (not that we have anything against sugar and cream).

Lemon Posset

INGREDIENTS • 2 cups heavy cream • 2/3 cup granulated sugar • 5 tbsp. freshly-squeezed lemon juice DIRECTIONS 1. Combine the cream and sugar in a small sauce pan and bring to a boil. Stir to dissolve the sugar. Continue boiling for 5 minutes, careful not to let the mixture boil over. At a simmer, stir continuously until mixture is thick enough to coat the back of a wooden spoon. Many recipes say this takes 5-10 minutes, but I’ve stood whirling a figure-8 pattern for at least 20 minutes.

2. Remove from the heat and stir in the lemon juice. Let cool for another 20 minutes before pouring even amounts into four ramekins. Refrigerate at least three hours before serving.

3. Serve with fresh berries, whipped cream or a gingersnap cookie.

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OutreachNC’s 2020

Book Club

Our first book of the year proved to be a gem. Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine was an utter surprise to all of us over at the ONC cottage. We didn’t know what to expect other than hearing (from countless sources) that the book is witty, sarcastic and heartfelt. We dug in, and once we did, bathtubs were refilled multiple times as we read, and read some more.

Eleanor Oliphant is a heroine we can all relate to because she is flawed, tragically so, and because she is scared of the world in a way we can understand even if we haven’t necessarily shared the same experiences. Lest we give away more of the story before we actually offer up our thoughts, here are 10 Things About Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine:

1. The goal of any novel is to pull the reader in on the first page, hopefully with the first sentence. Honeyman’s first sentence isn’t a humdinger – “When people ask me what I do – taxi drivers, dental hygienists – I tell them I work in an office.” However, tucked into the second paragraph is the sentence that pulls us in and forces us to care about this book – “...I turned up for the interview with a black eye, a couple of missing teeth and a broken arm.”

2. If you’ve ever driven around town and thought disparaging things about someone else, say a slow driver who refuses to use a turn signal, this book will resonate. Eleanor’s internal thoughts are the best part of this novel.

3. Honeyman’s novels has over 6,000 ratings on Amazon and sits at a solid 4.5 stars.

4. Eleanor’s loneliness may be identifiable to many.

Honeyman writes, “It often feels as if I’m not there, that I’m a figment of my own imagination. There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, spun sugar. A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I’d lift off and blow away, like one of those seeds in a dandelion clock” (p. 5).

5. It would be rare for a heroine to be able to think a thought like that and for that to seem true to the voice of a young woman, but Honeyman’s protagonist feels quite authentic.

She would actually think in words such as gossamer and dandelion clock.

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6. Not everyone loves this book. Many were disturbed by some of the subject matter (childhood trauma) and Eleanor’s mocking thoughts and behaviors, even if they are a coping mechanism for her pain.

7. Jeeves gives this novel 4 stars. He loved the witty dialogue (internal and external) and general tone, but he did think certain parts were... well.... formulaic.

8. Eleanor Oliphant reminds us of the importance of friendship, the power of loneliness and the beauty of being accepted, flaws and all.

9. This is Honeyman’s debut novel, and we’re hoping she writes more. She lives in Glasgow, Scotland, so we’re encouraged that with all that rain, Honeyman will stay indoors and write wildly into the night.

10. If you like Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, you may also like Maria Semple’s novels, Where’d You Go, Bernadette and Today Will be Different. If you have the stomach for this sort of subject matter, Benjamin Ludwig’s Ginny Moon is a true page-turner.

We love sharing books with everyone and anyone who’s got a review, comment, thought, critique or favorite quote to send along. Feel free to write to us at editor@outreachnc.com and let us know your thoughts on Honeyman’s novel and her quirky heroine. Next month we look forward to Marilynne Robinson’s award-winning novel Gilead.

UPCOMING ASSIGNMENT CONTESTS FOR 2020

Pet Pics! Show us y our best!

Over here at OutreachNC, we're dedicating our upcoming June issue to pets, and we want to see yours - dogs, cats, birds, horses, bees and any other animal friend with a special place in your homes and hearts. Winners will receive a PetSmart Gift Card!

Submission deadline: April 1st Visit the following link for more details: https://outreachnc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Assignment_ONC-Pet-Pics-Flyer-2020.pdf

Interview a Veteran!

Open to all students between the ages of 5 and 18.

Interview a Veteran about the lessons learned during his/her military service.

Three Prizes: One winner from each age category (elementary, middle & high school) will receive a $100 gift card.

The winning interviews will be published in the November ONC issue.

2nd and 3rd Place interviews will be published online.

Submission deadline: September 1 Visit the following link for more details:FEBRUARY 2020 OutreachNC.com 33 https://outreachnc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/Assignment_ONC-Veteran-Flyer-2020.pdf

Turning the Page: A Labor of Love

by Ray Linville Photography by Diana Matthews Love captures us in many ways. For a special couple in Aberdeen, rejuvenating an old abandoned mansion on about eight acres that they have chosen as their home has become a labor of love.

They are breathing new life into a massive 6,000-square-foot brick manor long neglected and restoring it with their passion, happiness, and dreams. Married just over six years, Abby and Trey Brothers have jumped all in with a shared goal of revitalizing the 106-yearold, dilapidated property where they will live their idyllic dream life together.

“The ugliest and most beautiful house I’ve ever seen,” she remembers thinking when she first saw photos of it online in 2018.

“I immediately fell in love with the house — although the dining room was falling into the basement,” Abby adds.

When she sent Trey a link to the photos, she should have checked the date. It was April 1.

As he looked at the pictures, Trey wasn’t sure if she was playing an April Fool’s Day joke, so he played along (cautiously) and replied, “Yeah, let’s look at it.” Smart husband — learn more before you commit.

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Although the six-bedroom, three-fireplace house had been vacant for decades, the photos showed possibilities, not problems, to the couple: hardwood floors, spacious bedrooms, old-style fireplaces, classic bathtubs and sinks, high ceilings and a grand staircase

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leading from the large central foyer to the rooms upstairs.

And when they came to Aberdeen to see the house for the first time and saw the central staircase, Trey said, “Oh yeah, this is our home.”

With all that intrinsic beauty, it’s hard to imagine what the Brothers had to ignore, such as how the overgrown landscaping concealed the house. “One window was so bad that it had to be reconstructed. Vines were growing through it into the house, and it was completely destroyed,” Abby says.

More than tender loving care has been needed. Before removing the vines, the initial task was to stop the leaks.

After buying the house in mid-2018, they watched the effects of Hurricane Florence a few weeks later.

When Trey stands in the dining room where the floors once sunk into the basement and the second floor had dropped, he can still see “water pouring in.”

He says, “I was watching geysers of water running down this wall during the hurricane. We had five leaks. In 2018 we had the most rain ever.

It was probably the worst time to buy.”

Ever the optimist, Abby adds, “Although the hardwood on the first floor was soaked, thankfully everything dried out.”

Next was demolition. “We removed 30 tons of slate from the roof and 60 tons of plaster from the walls,” Trey says with a gleam in his eyes that an HGTV aficionado would understand. “We tried to salvage as much slate as possible.”

Historically known at the Page-Wilder House, it was designed by noted American architect J.M. McMichael in the Colonial Revival style. It features a centered entrance with classical columns on a covered porch, side porches on two levels, Palladian windows on the attic level and dentil trim under the eaves.

The Brothers are intent on keeping its historical charm; although they have replaced the original six-over-one multipane, double-hung windows with new energy-efficient, insulated ones. “Otherwise, with all the stories, the house would be a monster to heat and cool,” says Abby.

The house is one of the at least 11 historic homes built for the family of Allison Francis (Frank) Page in an area known as Page Hill above Aberdeen Lake. A prosperous industrialist who found fortune in the Sandhills by logging pine forests and building railroads, Page and his wife Catherine had eight children.

The Page-Wilder house was initially occupied in 1913 by the Pages’ daughter Frances, her husband Thomas Bonner Wilder, and their seven children. It was owned by the Wilder family for about four decades.

“We bought the house fully furnished,” says Abby. Referring to the period furnishings left by the Bishops, the second family to occupy the home, “it looked like a time capsule,” she adds.

The Bishops had purchased some furniture and art at an auction at the Campbell House in Southern Pines when it was being converted into a cultural and arts center. “We even found a couch that dates back to 1873,” says Trey.

“We are the third family to live here,” beams Abby.

As they have kept traditional features such as the original doors with beveled glass, they have also brought in their own personal touches. Off the kitchen is a door that Abby points to as she explains, “This old door is from our home in Maryland and was original to it. We wanted to take a little bit of our first home with us.”

Another personal touch is the head of a taxidermized deer that they brought from the lodge where they were married.

From the wall of a downstairs parlor it quietly watches as Bella, an 11-year-old indoor Maltipoo, scampers by under the observation of the three outside cats peeking in from the front porch.

All fireplaces are operational. On one mantel are more mementoes — handcarved signs that commemorate their engagement and wedding: “Abby, will you marry me?” and “Yes, I will.”

“The perk of buying an old house is that there’s always a project to do. There’ll always be something we want to change,” says Trey.

“To renovate a house this size with so many problems,” Abby begins as Trey injects, “would be so scary for most people,” as she continues, “who probably think we might be a little crazy.”

As their interest in buying the house peaked, she says, “I told Trey: ‘I can see our family here. I see our kids here. I see that for us.’

“Luckily we are a pretty good team.” Yes, they are, and they are obviously in love with each other … and the house.

Editor’s Note: OutreachNC Magazine begins a new bimonthly feature that explores historic buildings in our area, each one with interesting stories to tell.

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Hidden

HOMETOWN HEROES:

SENIOR OLYMPIAN LEON M. McLEAN

by Crissy Neville 38

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What is the quality of your intent? This query by Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall is a bellwether of human behavior. Intentions without motivation and drive are like candles in the wind, flickering flames easily extinguished.

Many intend to make much of their lives but fail to work in earnest, falling short where it counts. You know what they say about best-laid plans.

That is unless your name is Leon M. McLean of Laurinburg — one whose plans come to fruition, and who looks at each day as a new opportunity to learn and to grow, to serve and to give. One who doesn’t yield to challenges, but looks them square in the eye. For McLean — a man of faith and family, a steward of learning and life — circumstance is not a deterrent nor age a drawback. This is just as true now, as he turns 91 and faces cancer of the cecum. With a treatment plan intact, he said of his condition and outlook, “I feel good and am positive I will beat this.”

Whether in his current-day resolve to rack up miles around the track or laps in the pool in senior-game competitions, or in his life-long career as an educator where he touched the lives of thousands, McLean pours himself into the people and pursuits around him. Affectionately called “Neon Leon” at Scotia Village, his retirement community since 2015, the spirited McLean lives life to the fullest, a poster child of intentional living. McLean shared thoughts and reflections of his life with OutreachNC’s Crissy Neville recently in his Laurinburg home.

Crissy Neville: Mr. McLean, you have spent your life and career in this region of southeastern North Carolina. What that your intent?

Leon McLean: That’s right; I have spent my life here, as I wanted. I grew up just 10 miles away in the Midway community and had relatives and the good people of Robeson, Sampson, Scotland counties and Cumberland around me all my life. My granddaddy owned the Gaddis Mill at the damn on Chevelle Creek about 12 miles out, where I went to live when I was 10-years-old. My father died when I was four and when my mother remarried six years later, we moved near my grandparents. And being Scottish, my descendants on both sides were from Robeson and Scotland counties, with the first McLean arriving in the late 1700s. Now, my son and daughter live in Laurinburg.

My late wife, Janice, and I picked Scotia Village for our retirement; unfortunately, she passed away in 2018. This area will always be home.

CN: That is a great lineage, Mr. McLean. Tell me about working here in your home region.

LM: I spent my career working in education. After finishing college at Lees-McCrae junior college and Appalachian State University in 1949, I worked at Massey Hill High School in Fayetteville for three years before leaving for the Korean conflict. In the service, I rose to be the Sergeant noncommissioned officer-in-charge of personnel and spent a year at the Army language school in California.

Afterward, I continued my education at UNC-Chapel Hill in educational administration and subsequently worked as a principal in Lumberton, Garland, and Fairmont. From there, I was named Superintendent of Schools for the Fairmont City Schools for the next 27 years. I did work a few years after retirement at a private school in South Carolina and then fully retired in 1992. I loved it all but especially enjoyed being a principal where I got to work closely with the students. The students are my friends.

CN: I understand some of those friends are responsible for your award of The Governor’s Order of the Long Leaf Pine. True?

LM: Yes, some of my former students got together to nominate me in 2014 for this honor, the highest civilian award in the state. It meant a lot to me. The group is from the Fairmont High School class of 1965, with whom I have kept in touch the closest. We bonded because they reached out more and involved me in their lives. I get letters from all over the country from them, and other classes, too, and because many chose to remain local, they come to visit me every few months, just to chat or to take me out to eat. These were my kids at Fairmont, where I was principal two years but superintendent 26. I knew all of them. We only had 3,000 students. I knew the background of most of the students and teachers and usually their parents and grandparents, too.

CN: That is amazing how they have kept in touch! Has social media helped?

LM: No, not at all. The students have kept up with me through word-of-mouth and asking around. I can tell you what, it is not through social media; I am not into electronics. I drive to First Presbyterian Church in Fairmont FEBRUARY 2020

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once or twice a month, but also attend here in Laurinburg.

I also eat out a lot in Lumberton and the surrounding community and run into former students and colleagues a lot. It is a small and tight-knit community and surrounding few counties.

CN: Let’s turn to talk about the senior games. You are the most decorated and oldest senior competitor in Scotland County, which is amazing. Will you compete this year?

LM: Oh, yes, I intend to be at the North Carolina Senior Games in April. I don’t have any limitations, but I did take it easier in the Presbyterian Homes (PHI) Games series back in October — I skipped the races. I have participated in both events here in Laurinburg since I moved to Scotia Village five years ago. With PHI, we even travel to Greensboro and Raleigh to play. It is a lot of fun; I love to compete and win, you know, but it’s also about staying active and fit. I have won medals every year in the events for swimming, volleyball, running, walking, in the football throw and standing long jump, in both the golf putting and corn hole tournaments, and more. Often, I get first or second place but always participation recognition. We practice several days a week. I will get on the treadmill, use the outdoor track and pool, and put in time on the putting greens. Scotia Village wellness director Ellen Bond keeps us moving, I am telling you. I never turn on that television (pointing across the room) until after 5 p.m.

CN: That is so inspiring and sounds so fun. Have you always been athletic?

LM: Tennis was our family sport, and I played that for years. My daughter Donne, who is 60 now, still plays in tournaments. I have played golf all my life, really, and I still play, but not as often. In college, I played football at LeesMcCrae and wrestled at Appalachian State, where I was 40

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undefeated in 1949 until I lost in the state finals.

CN: And being a life-long learner, I am sure you are practicing mental fitness, too.

LM: I do. I love to read and attend classes. I was just in a life-long learning seminar yesterday and attended a lecture on music history back to the Greek and Roman days offered by a St. Andrews University visiting professor. I try to go to these and to help get the speakers. Scotia also organizes great trips, like the recent trip to the Boone area many of us went on and I helped plan. I try to serve in that way if I can. For years I was involved with the local civic clubs; my service is now here.

Traveling is one of the best learning tools. Janice and I loved to travel. We went all over the U.S. to the national parks and the big cities and took many trips back to California where we lived during the war. We went on a whirlwind trip to Europe once.

Now, I may take a road trip to the mountains myself or go on a family trip. My two children have given me four grandchildren and five greatgrandchildren, and I spend time with them often. Last June, I went to Scotland for the first time with my son Steve and three grandsons; it was the trip of a lifetime.

CN: What is your motivation that keeps you active in so many things?

LM: I enjoy all of the things I do. I solve crossword puzzles at night or play bridge. I like playing and calling bingo. I like to get out and go to the dining room and also go out to eat. I like to walk and talk to the other residents and lift them up. I put my full energy into my life here and to the people here, even though I am 91 years old. My new friend Carol and I like to go and just ride along. I love life and intend on living every day to its fullest.

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Thinking Big

42

About Parkinson’s Disease

OutreachNC.com | FEBRUARY 2020

by Jonathan Scott

L

Larry Michael was trying to remember something and, when it suddenly came back to him, he snapped his fingers.

It doesn’t sound remarkable until you know that Michael was only in his first three weeks of a specific exercise regimen to help him live with a diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease—and that Michael hadn’t been able to snap his fingers for years.

The Parkinson’s Foundation (www.parkinsons.org) feels it’s important for everyone to know a few facts about the disease. First, the image of a stooped old man with trembling hands doesn’t accurately represent the range of people and symptoms of the condition. Although statistically more common in men, it does affect women— and younger people as well. Second, the tremors often associated with Parkinson’s are only one category of symptoms. Although Parkinson’s is called a “movement disorder,” another entire category of effects are called “nonmotor symptoms” and include loss of smell, mood and sleep disorders and many others. Third is that not everyone with a Parkinson’s diagnosis experiences all the possible symptoms, and how the disease progresses is unique to each case. And last, perhaps most important, is that

we now have interventions that can drastically improve the lives of those living with Parkinson’s disease (PD).

The people with PD who attend Chris Pevia’s Parkinson’s Class at the Moore County Senior Enrichment Center talk about the effect of their disease-specific exercise in terms that would convince any skeptic. “It’s immediate gratification,” says Karen Wolf, a 59-year old who has been living with a diagnosis of PD for four years. “As soon as I finish class and walk out the door, I feel better.”

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Dr. Laura Beck can be contacted through MaxMotion Physical Therapy.

910-235-0655 Rock Steady Boxing classes are available through : • Dr. Beck in Aberdeen 910-420-0772 • FirstHealth in Pinehurst 910-715-1839 • Rock Steady Boxing Sanford 919-258-2100 Chris Pevia is the Fitness Director at the Moore County Senior Enrichment Center.

910-947-4184

Living With Parkinson’s School An on-line course for patients and providers by Dr. Laurie K. Mischley, focusing on the nutritional aspects of improving quality of life with PD. New courses will be released twice a month during 2020. pd-school.teachable.com

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“Much better,” adds Ray Taylor, 81, a 15-year veteran of the disease.

Even Pevia himself seems impressed. “Honestly, the difference between how they’re walking before class and after class is dramatic.

And not just over a class period, but over the weeks they attend.”

Right now, no one is sure why there are long-term as well as shortterm benefits from PD-specific exercise. Despite the constellation

of symptoms associated with PD, the underlying cause seems to be the body’s inability to produce enough—or any— dopamine, one of the brain’s most important neurochemicals.

Fortunately there are groups of medicines that can help but, surprisingly, certain types of movement exercises are also remarkably effective. And they have no negative side effects. Only positive ones.

Someone living in the Sandhills area, if he or she receives a diagnosis of PD, would likely be referred to MaxMotion Physical Therapy in Pinehurst. There, they are lucky enough to come under the care of Dr. Laura Beck. Beck is the area’s only Board-certified Neurologic Clinical Specialist. Beck’s title doesn’t begin to do her justice. She is both acutely knowledgeable about Parkinson’s disease and consummately passionate about helping her patients.

“I like to see people as early as possible after they are diagnosed,” she says, “to get them moving and give them the right dosage of exercise.

We teach them about using lifestyle changes to manage Parkinson’s.”

She has infectious optimism. “And we have lots of ways to slow its development.”

Beck refers to a chart developed by Dr. Laurie Mischley of the University of Washington in Seattle. The information shows

a definitive link between factors such as good nutrition, an active social life, regular PD-specific exercise and the improvement of long-term PD symptoms.

The word regular seems to be a critical aspect of the proven positive lifestyle changes. Patients who see Beck after an initial diagnosis are routinely scheduled to return for testing and re-evaluation in six months, but she realized early on that by itself wasn’t going to improve

their quality of life. “Some people are good exercising on their own,” she says. “But many of us aren’t.” It seems as if five times a week is better than four, but six is better than five. And seven is best. That’s why Beck started holding regular classes, small at first, then larger, and finally it was more than she could do on her own. “I began to look for someone to collaborate with,” she says. “Someone caring who was willing to get more training in Parkinson’s-specific exercise.”

That collaborator turned out to be Chris Pevia from the Senior Enrichment Center, and the training came from Dr. Becky Fairley, who teaches through a program she calls PWR! Moves. The acronym stands for Parkinson’s Wellness Recovery, and Fairley describes it as “a PD-specific skill training program to maintain or restore skills that deteriorate and interfere with everyday movements.”

It’s colloquially known as “amplitude training.” The thought behind it is that PD typically restricts a person’s movement—shuffling steps, clenched hands, stiff arms, soft voice. Amplitude training gets them to do everything larger. In fact, Fairley’s PhD thesis was called “Training BIG.” “It’s about recalibrating what the brain perceives as normal-sized movements,” says Beck. “Our brains are amazingly malleable,

so with the right cueing, the right activities, and the right feedback, we can completely change the way someone is moving.”

Between Beck’s classes at MaxMotion and Pevia’s classes at the Senior Center, folks in the area dealing with PD have opportunities for group exercise six days a week and can find those that best correspond to their abilities. One of Beck’s class categories is called Rock Steady Boxing, a non-contact sport that’s proven to be at least as effective as it is novel. The benefits of this activity have become so well known that now there are three facilities in our area offering it.

“The socialization aspect of group exercise is healing in its own right,” Beck says. The group can be a safe space. Everyone there has Parkinson’s. There’s no judgment.

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Statistics

• About 930,000 Americans are living with Parkinson’s disease, which is more than the combined number of people diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy and ALS.

“One of the biggest things I’ve learned about working with my clients with PD is to expect more. I need to keep raising the bar.

• Approximately 60,000 Americans are diagnosed with PD each year.

Mike Gilmer, 74, who takes Pevia’s PD class, has four important take-aways from what he’s learned. “Exercise, exercise, exercise...and think big. Stepping high, reaching high, extending yourself to your full limit.”

• More than 10 million people worldwide are living with PD. • The average cost of Parkinson’s medication is $2,500 per year, and surgery related to PD can cost up to $100,000 per patient.

• Men are 1.5 times more likely to have Parkinson’s than women.

• By 2030, 1.2 million people in the U.S. will be diagnosed with PD.

Personal growth and brain change occur outside someone’s comfort zone. Self-efficacy is huge. We need to believe in our ability to influence what happens to us. We all need to take an active role in our health.”

He’s obviously learned well from his instructor. “In here,” says Pevia, “we do things as big as possible.”

Gilmer’s classmate, Ray Taylor, doesn’t mind thinking big, too. “I used to be a competitive sailor on the Chesapeake,” he says. “When we moved here, I had a boat at our home in Seven Lakes. I no longer had the balance for it, so I had to sell it. But my balance is starting to improve from taking this class.” He gives a devilish smile. “I told my wife I’m almost ready to buy another boat.”

The Faces of Parkinson's Look At Who Has (or Had) Parkinson’s disease

Alan Alda

Rev. Billy Graham

Bob Hoskins

George H.W. Bush

Linda Ronstadt

Muhammad Ali

Neil Diamond

Robin Williams

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Janet Reno

Pope John Paul II

Rev. Jesse Jackson

Michael J. Fox

Other New Treatments for Parkinson’s DEEP BRAIN STIMULATION (DBS) Beginning in 1997, DBS has been used to treat PD tremors, with expanded PD uses since then. Electrodes are inserted into a targeted area of the brain and an impulse generator (IPG) battery (like a pacemaker) is implanted under the collarbone or in the abdomen.

The IPG provides an electrical impulse to a part of the brain involved in motor function. Those who undergo DBS surgery are given a controller to turn the device on or off. Although most people still need to take medication after undergoing DBS surgery, many people experience considerable reduction of their PD symptoms and can greatly reduce their medications.

MEDICAL MARIJUANA Marijuana contains more than 100 neuroactive chemicals that work with two types of receptors in the brain. Researchers are testing it as a treatment for many conditions including Parkinson’s disease. While some results have been positive, the effects of medical marijuana on PD are not completely understood, which is why more studies, especially those with more subjects, are being conducted.

GENE EDITING A recent review study suggested the potential of gene editing technologies to not only help understand the molecular mechanisms behind PD, but also to identify new targets for treatment. The author of the review writes, “It’s hard not to be thrilled and excited when you understand that progress of genome editing technologies can completely change our understanding of treatment of Parkinson’s disease.”

FEBRUARY 2020

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Years of Inspiration Over the 10 years OutreachNC Magazine has been in print, we’ve been honored to interview some fascinating people. From internationally famous performers to local heroes and legends, we’ve sat with, listened to and shared the stories of people who shape our communities through the work they do, the food they cook and the people they love.

We can’t think of a better way to celebrate these 10 amazing years than sharing some of these stories, snippets of interviews that allow us a glimpse into their worlds and a window into what makes them shine.

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“One thing about the African American community is that the church, and faith, is big and that’s where we are. We may be everywhere else, but the church is where we do a whole lot of things. We’re interested in [faith] and I think that’s why it has stayed that long, because we get into that.”

Donna Jackson Anderson, producer of WRAL’s Spiritual Awakening, on the African American community. (2018)

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“I think we look at them and don’t see them. We forget the life they’ve lived and the experiences they’ve had that have led them to where they are. You just see the person in front of you. You think they’re not engaged or with the same drives and desires, but if you sit and talk to them, the 90 year-old has the same desires as younger people; we just don’t acknowledge them anymore.”

Amy Natt on misconceptions society has regarding older adults. (2019)

“There was an English class when I was a sophomore at UNC-Chapel Hill in 1963.

In that class I read a novel, A Farewell To Arms, by Ernest Hemingway. That book started me on the path to becoming a fiction writer. It is ironic, perhaps, that I went through a war, as did Ernest, and one of my deepest wishes after that experience of warfare was that we might someday say a farewell to arms —or at least, as human beings, be less eager, even hungry, to shout war-like cries across the hills and valleys of the world.”

Author Clyde Edgerton on a college course that influenced his perspective and changed him. (2017) “I just think baby boomers with our emphasis on staying young and healthy have more energy, and we want to be involved in our grandchildren’s lives. We’re being drawn in economically and by technology beyond just a physical need to be with our grandchildren. We have the urge to spend time with them and be involved in their lives in some way to raise them. And for a lot of us, we do have the resources, and we want to live near them. If we live near them, inevitably, both parents are going to work today, and they need really good childcare that they can trust. There’s nobody you can trust more than the grandparents, even if you don’t get along with them, you can still trust them as caretakers for the grandchildren, because they love them so much.”

Veteran news reporter Leslie Stahl on the power of grandparents and how baby boomers are changing grandparenthood. (2017) FEBRUARY 2020

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“Over half of my books are set in North Carolina. I moved from San Diego to Northern Virginia and I lived there for 22 years. When I moved to Virginia I started coming down to the Outer Banks and really got hooked. Growing up in New Jersey with the Jersey shore, I’ve always been very drawn to beach areas. The Outer Banks was so beautiful, and I ended up setting four novels there; three of them are part of a trilogy called “The Keeper of the Light” trilogy. And then I started making my way out of the Outer Banks and exploring more of North Carolina and was just fascinated by the history and by the variety of places that there are geographically. North Carolina really celebrates writers.

More than any place I have lived, it really appreciates writers, and I think it attracts writers to it.”

Author Diana Chamberlain on her adopted state and what it’s like to live and write in North Carolina. (2016) “Being a dad is my life. It is the job I put most of myself into, even beyond my writing. Every time I found out I was going to be a dad, from the first time to the fourth time, I was ecstatic and terrified and worried. All I can say is, I can’t imagine my life without any of my four kids. They’ve been my life. I am very fortunate that they get to see a dad who loves his work. I think that it’s a really great thing to be able to model for them, but I think they also know that when the chips are down, they come first, always.”

Singer-songwriter Marc Cohn on fatherhood. (2014)

“You know all the stuff that was going on back in the old days of moonshining... making the stuff and trying to dodge the revenuers, driving in the middle of the night with the headlights off to take the shine to whoever was buying it. All that is exciting to hear about...not nearly as exciting, though, when your still is being busted up or somebody’s shooting at you.”

Broadslab Distillery’s Jeremy Norris on the highs and lows of moonshining.

(2015) | FEBRUARY 2020 50 OutreachNC.com

“Billy Graham. He was one of the hardest interviews I ever had to track down.

Getting the president is actually a little bit easier than getting Billy Graham. I had more tingles interviewing him than I did Barack Obama, believe me.”

ABC11-WTVD Anchor Larry Stogner on his most memorable interview. (2013)

“Cooking barbecue properly is a slow occupation, requiring a lot of patience and a lot of humility since it is dirty, messy, tiring work. The South has always had a slower pace of life and has been made to endure a lot of humility, so the Southern lifestyle and the art of cooking barbecue are a really good match.”

Pitmaster Bob Garner on why the South does barbecue so very well. (2012)

“I called my sisters and asked each of them to write down 10 specific memories of mom and to come over Friday night.

Everybody had to come with 10 memories.

We told mom we were going to go around and tell stories about her. We started with my oldest sister and kept going around.

We opened a couple bottles of wine and we were there for three hours. It was so joyful. We all kissed her and told her goodbye...When the hospice nurse came in the next day, she said mom was actively dying. Mom knew how she was going to be remembered.”

Singer/songwriter Amy Grant on her last hours spent with her mother. (2011)

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“My mother taught my sisters and I these words to live by and I’m so appreciative for all the gifts she has given me, “Keep an open mind and an open heart, they will fill with knowledge and love...and love your family always.”

Executive Director of United Way of Moore County Linda Pearson remembering her mother’s wise and comforting words. (2010)

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OutreachNC.com 51

Winning at Wedding Planning after age 50

By Crissy Neville

It reads like a television fast-food commercial: Have it your way. Sometimes you’ve got to break the rules.

Think outside the bun.

But wait. There are no golden arches or yappy dogs in this script. A quite happy 50-something bride and her tradition-be-darned attitude are the stars of this show. And why not? It is her wedding day, after all.

Wedding planning is a lot easier for those who are a bit older than for their younger and greener counterparts, asserts Fayetteville event planner Jasmine Lyon Ridgway of Lyon Legacy Events. According to Ridgway, the best part of having a wedding over 50 is that “no rules apply” because “the bride and groom are no longer trying to people-please” in these seasoned years of life. And, after waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Right a fair portion of their lives, that only seems fair.

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This is not to say to abandon all traditions, emphasized Lyon, but to let go of the ones that cause undue stress.

Younger couples often make choices based on age-old traditions, parents’ wishes, finances, or in an attempt to accommodate guests they barely know. In trying to create the perfect day, memories sometimes get lost in the hustle and shuffle. Weddings after 50 are no holds barred — invite who you want, drink what you like and wear what you love — even a white dress, said Lyon.

What about a gift registry? That is open for discussion, too. While it may seem like midlifers have everything and the kitchen sink, that is not always the case. Older couples combining households when marrying do often double their number of toasters or blenders, but registering for new items or things can help with ideas for friends and families who wish to give gifts. Honeymoon registries and money trees are new trends for those wishing to gift experiences over things, but traditional household checklists still work for brides and grooms of any age.

Amazon is the country’s most popular wedding registry site, with Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, Crate & Barrel, and Zola close competitors. A bride-to-be in her 50s may not want china or crystal, but new sheets, towels, or small appliance upgrades may be enticing.

When it comes to wedding planning, Lyon said another consideration is of previous marriages. Often the couple over 50 will forgo having a large wedding because they had that in the past, but that’s not to say they can’t still go big if they want to. It is simply just a matter of choice, said Lyon, who has seen bridal parties of later marriages as large as the couple’s entire family, including children, grandchildren, with many guests, and other weddings with much smaller numbers. There is likely to be some blending of families to factor in, too, noted Lyon, and being inclusive, or exclusive, of ex-spouses and previous family members are again about prerogative. Some throw large, lavish parties with many attendees while others choose intimate, smaller events, including destination and beach weddings.

FEBRUARY 2020

OutreachNC.com 53

According to the popular wedding planning website The Knot, 81% of all destination weddings last year took place in the continental U.S. in places like California, Florida, Michigan, and New York. Nineteen percent of the destination weddings were overseas celebrations, with couples choosing places like the Caribbean, Mexico, Hawaii, and Europe. The site surveys couples of all ages in its annual Real Weddings Study. For traditional, non-destination weddings, the study showed breweries as replacing wineries as the trendiest wedding venues. Also popular are barns, lofts, distilleries, ranches, and greenhouses, too.

A self-described non-traditionalist, 53-year-old Suzanne Nagel is engaged to be married to her boyfriend of six years, Tony Harrison, in Fayetteville Feb. 15. Engaged since March 2019, the pair has taken the party-style approach and plans to skip the customary garter toss, cake cutting, and first dance traditions, with one exception: the dress.

“This is my second marriage, and Tony’s, too,” said Nagel.

In the theme of “make it your own” and “do it your way,” wedding cake traditions are going far beyond classic tiers of vanilla and buttercream.

Though there will always be room for traditions, many couples are choosing to forgo the wedding cakes of the past and opt for alternative styles that reflect their particular tastes and time in life.

Here are 5 On-Point Wedding Cake Trends for 2020 and Beyond: 54

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“I had a traditional wedding before, but the last time, my mother picked out the dress for me. It was the only dress I tried on, and it fit, so I got it. But this time, I took my mother, sister, godmother and best friend dress shopping with me. I wanted the feeling you hear about all the time, about finding ‘the’ dress. It is perfect - ivory and champagne, off the shoulder, along with sequins and a train. At 53, I do not want to look too young or spend a fortune.

This dress was just right.”

The other non-negotiable for the couple concerned the music.

Harrison is a guitarist with the popular Fayetteville band Rivermist, as well as a music store owner and instructor. Nagel enjoys singing, and as she did not have live music at her first wedding, she wants it this time.

Envisioning their reception as more of a “jam session of band friends” than a formal affair, the couple booked Catlett Farm, a farm and wedding venue in eastern Cumberland County, for the wedding and reception. The wedding, minus formal invitations, a wedding planner, or bridesmaids and groomsmen, is about “keeping it simple,” she said, “and

Black Cakes A popular trend in recent years, the black wedding cake bucks tradition and is as elegant as it is dramatic.

Paired with a classic design, the black wedding cake can be decorated with flowers, edible gold leaf or other appliques. The black creates a blank canvas from which to work and adds a touch of flair to the special day.

Lace Cakes On trend, lace-decorated cakes are certainly having “a moment.” From lace patterns created using “brush embroidery” to patterns outlined in gold (particularly lovely against a white backdrop), a lace pattern is elegant, sophisticated and classic while adding nuance and detail to any wedding cake.

expressing who we are.” That may include a duet from the music-minded pair or having Harrison hop on the stage with his band brothers for a set.

fun and remember it all. I go against the grain anyway; I am just as likely to have spaghetti for Christmas instead of turkey.”

One way Nagel is simplifying is through technology Facebook, to be exact. Explaining they will likely only send out online wedding invitations, she joked that “anyone with a problem with the lack of formality doesn’t have to come.”

Another motivator, according to Nagel, is experience. “At my age, I feel like I should be able to do what I want. I am old enough to know all the frivolous things are not necessary to have a good day. Plus, I followed all those traditions the first time, and the marriage did not work, so there is something to say for being opposite the second time around.”

She is also cutting back on flowers, incorporating reusable wooden bouquets instead of the usual fussy flora. “The details and handiwork are incredible,” she said, “and my arrangement has hues of pink, burgundy, and blush.

I love it.”

“We thought back on our previous weddings and realized a lot of the traditions we carried out for family reasons or the sake of traditions themselves were not even memorable.

It is easy to get so caught up in the plans that you lose what is important. All the rituals can make your wedding day crazy and stressful, and I want to have

Nagel and Harrison’s out-of-thebox wedding plans are in line with others marrying later or for the second time. The way they first met was, too. While modern-day online dating gets the credit for bringing the two together, the result is a tale as old as time. It goes to show that there is nothing wrong or odd with falling in love and getting married again when you’re a bit older, and there are no right or wrong wedding days, either.

Metallic Cakes For a glamorous twist on the wedding cake, metallic cakes continue to be popular as we ring in a new decade.

Metallic layers can be paired with nearly any color, including white, for drama and decorated with all the usual suspects: flowers, fondant, piping, etc. Metallic also stands alone as its own decor, giving it a timeless yet modern appeal.

Semi-Naked Cakes Semi-naked wedding cakes are the epitome of “less is more.” Rather than layering buttercream on the outside of cakes, bakers are focusing on the filling in between layers. This look is a fresh, modern take on the traditional layered cake and is a welcome addition for many guests who eschew traditional amounts of frosting. However, semi-naked cakes may dry out faster than their fully-frosted cousins. It’s best to have them baked as close to the big day as possible.

Non-Cake “Cakes” Growing in popularity for many couples is the non-cake “cake” – including towers of donuts, macaroons, waffles, pies and even cheese. Layering large wheels of cheese and decorating with grapes and other assorted fresh fruit continues to grow in popularity as do donut towers, multi-level displays of pies or tarts, and cupcake towers.

Even tiered rice krispy treats have FEBRUARY 2020 OutreachNC.com 55 been turned into wedding cakes.

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57

Teaming Up For

Wellness

By Amy Phariss Each year, many of us travel to our doctor’s office for our annual checkup. We expect the usual suspects: blood work, heart exam, lung exam, head & neck exam and assorted screenings to include colonoscopies and mammograms. But what happens after the annual physical exam? What happens if, for example, it turns out we have markers for prediabetes, depression or anxiety?

What do we do if we realize our diet is no longer serving us (no pun intended), and we need to make different choices in the foods we eat or the ways we move?

Where do we go next?

A growing number of medical clinics are embracing a holistic view of medicine and patient health and offering wellness teams: teams of professionals who can assist and guide patients to get and stay healthy. Pinehurst Medical Clinic is one such clinic. Medicare-eligible patients may have an Annual Wellness Visit with one of their health coaches to further explore a patient’s wellness needs, both physical and mental, to ensure the patient is on the best possible path toward health and wellness. Although the 58

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Annual Wellness Visit must meet standard requirements, the Wellness Team explains, each visit is tailored for the individual. This is the opposite of cookie-cutter medicine.

This is individualized support that meets each patient where they are on their own road to feeling their best.

I sat with the entire Wellness Team and spoke with them about what a wellness visit actually means, what they do on an individual basis to help patients thrive and live healthier lives and what a patient might expect when scheduling an appointment and utilizing their services.

I learned a lot that afternoon, listened to each of the women describe her view on health, wellness and patient advocacy.

Here is an overview of what you might expect in seeking out the services offered by the Wellness Team at Pinehurst Medical Clinic. Learn how you might overcome barriers and how your life might be positively impacted when reaching out for help from qualified, specially-trained staff.

What is a Wellness Team?

The Wellness Team consists of team members trained in different disciplines, all of which are focused on enhancing overall health and well-being including registered dieticians, counselors and therapists, registered nurses, social workers and health coaches.

Teams are individualized to meet each person’s needs which might include weight loss, diabetes education and treatment, tobacco cessation, caregiver support, and depression management, to name a few. A Wellness

Team is a lot like a sports team. There are different coaches on a sports team. There is an offensive coach or a defensive coach or a special teams coach. If you need to work on defense, you see the defense coach, for example. The Wellness Team is exactly like this. Whatever you need to work on, the Team has a coach to help you.

What is a Health Coach? Is it like a personal trainer?

A health coach engages patients in behavior change with evidenced-based recommendations. This means they encourage and recommend programs and ideas that have been researched and proven effective. These recommendations help facilitate lifestyle changes for better physical, emotional, environmental, occupational and social wellbeing. Sometimes we know we ‘should’ make a change in our lives, but we don’t know how to make that change, or we need support in order to develop a plan. This is how a Health Coach can help. The Health Coach does not determine what the patient should do or what the patient values; that is up to the patient. The patient sets the goals based on his or her values and needs, and the Health Coach helps the patient brainstorm ideas, develop a plan and supports the patient as he or she moves through the steps necessary to move through that plan. Many patients find that small changes can yield big results, and gradual, small changes tend to ‘stick.’

The Health Coaches look at what the patient can do at that time and go from there. There is no shoulda, coulda, woulda here. There’s just a focus on what is possible right now, right here, with what we’ve got.

What are the biggest barriers to healthy lifestyle changes? What keeps people from coming to see a Health Coach or taking steps to become healthier?

Finances. Schedules. Social Support. Time – if you’re a caregiver, for example, you may not have time to make an appointment for yourself. Distance is another barrier, and transportation can be an issue for some people. Lack of confidence is sometimes a problem, but the Wellness Team likes to remind patients that focus is more about the effort than the outcome.

Another important barrier for many people is plain old guilt and shame.

People feel ashamed of weight gain or blood sugar numbers. Any behavior can induce shame including lack of exercise, over-eating, emotional eating or failing to take medication, and with shame comes guilt. The Wellness Team encourages patients to try to let go of these feelings and continue to reach out and come to appointments, being open and honest about their progress. The Wellness Clinic is a judgement-

free zone, a place of support not criticism.

It’s a safe space where patients can come with their own goals and discuss issues they meet along the way, problems they face and barriers that may have derailed progress.

The Wellness Team helps patients with both physical and mental health issues. What is the day-to-day connection between physical and mental health? How do they depend on each other and interact with each other in ways that may not readily come to mind?

Mental and physical health are often interconnected.

For example, doing something physically good for us (going for a walk, going outside in the sunshine, getting a good night’s sleep) will actually improve our mood, our feelings. Often mental health and emotional health can depend on physical health and vice versa. When we work to improve one area, which might be physical, it will also improve other areas. For example, appropriate weight loss may increase one’s confidence and physical ability to do different activities that were previously a challenge.

Finally, the Wellness Team notes how important it is to remember: feelings are not facts. We may not feel like doing something good for us, but we can do it anyway.

We may feel something, but that doesn’t make it true.

Learning to distinguish between feelings and facts is an important lifestyle skill.

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What are the best and simplest acts we can do to be physically healthier?

• Move more and sit less.

• Eat less processed foods and more whole foods.

• Socialize.

• Get adequate sleep.

• Manage stress.

What are the best and simplest acts we can do to be mentally healthier?

• • • • • •

Get adequate sleep.

Practice gratitude.

Breathe.

Step outside – sunny or not.

Think mindfully.

Take a break from judgment, especially for yourself.

• Have a good support system.

• Name your emotions.

Many patients who utilize the services of the Wellness Clinic are managing chronic illnesses. What are some priorities in managing chronic illness beyond medical intervention?

Education. Learning about and understanding your illness are key in being able to manage it. Support is also a huge component in managing chronic illness. You might need social support to remind yourself to take medication or to go for a walk. You might need social support for socialization and getting to appointments. Priorities are also important, and you will need to set these priorities and goals for yourself. Planning and goal setting are key to developing a path for managing an illness. Finally, resources are incredibly helpful. From medical resources like doctors or wellness teams to social services and even community resources like church families and friends, the more help we can get, the better off we are in taking care of our whole selves. Often, through support,

education and resources, you can meet your personal health goals.

How can behavioral counseling help patients with physical issues or chronic pain/illness?

The first and perhaps most important way is to deal with expectation management. Many patients come in with expectations regarding their pain. They may expect to 60

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have no pain, or they may expect to have life-long pain.

Counselors and coaches can help them explore beliefs and expectations. When their pain is not entirely gone, they are disappointed and upset. The Wellness Team can help them manage those expectations, develop a plan going forward and help them stop comparisons that can be damaging. Behavioral counseling can also help

change emotional responses to pain sensation and help people identify the pain rather than having the pain identify the patient. Pain can be managed with mindfulness therapies as well, which has been proved effective for many people. Finally, adjusting to new realities is important. The Wellness Team helps patients practice acceptance and explore the mind-body connection, which can be healing in and of itself.

Finally, the question so many readers may be asking themselves is: how do we pay for these fabulous services?

All of these services are covered by insurance, some covered at 100%, others with a copay. Annual Wellness Visits are specific to Medicare and Medicare Advantage plans. Once a referral is received, coverage will be verified and communicated with the patient.

Editor’s note: I am grateful to the Wellness Team of Pinehurst Medical Clinic for letting me crash their annual retreat and for their willingness to so openly answer my questions.

Years ago I read the book God’s Hotel: A Doctor, a Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart of Medicine (Victoria Sweet, 2013) about a doctor who worked at the last almshouse in the United States. Of all the messages the book left me with (there were many), the greatest is that there is incredible power in treating the entire person rather than the specific illness or condition.

Pinehurst Medical Clinic’s Wellness Team’s approach takes this idea and makes it a reality.

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GREY MATTER

See Grey Matter Puzzle Answers on Page 64

ACROSS

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30. Hand out cards 31. Distinctive Asian antelope 33. Arabic greeting 37. Of I 38. Hip hop trio 39. Meat roll

41. One’s mother (Brit.)

42. __-GYN 43. Belgian city 44. Plucks 46. Leak slowly 49. Denotes a particular region 50. General’s assistant (abbr.)

51. Divides 55. Kid 58. Inland Empire Expanded Learning Symposium 59. Engaged in conflict 60. Former CBS sportscaster 64. Characterized by unity 65. Working-class 66. Corners 67. __ de plume 68. Influential French artist 69. “Very” in musical terms 70. Financial account

DOWN

1. Long, flat abdominal muscles 2. Small Eurasian willow 3. Justified in terms of profitability 4. Required 5. River that starts in Turkey 6. Disfigure 7. A way of communicating (abbr.)

8. Leaks slowly 9. Shady place under trees 10. Made a speech 11. Long, angry speech 12. Mortar trough 13. Autonomic nervous system 19. Southern India island 21. Grab quickly 24. Ancient Mesopotamian city 25. With three uneven sides 26. Football visionary Hunt 27. Primordial matters 31. Facing towards the flow of a glacier 32. “A Delicate Balance” writer 34. Emits coherent radiation 35. Commercial 36. Groups of foot bones 40. Out of print 41. Partner to cheese 45. German river 47. Concluding speech 48. Spanish dish 52. Prominent California cape Point __ 53. Any high mountain 54. Ethiopian lake 56. Mr. 57. Excessive fluid accumulation in tissues 59. Large, flightless bird 60. Oil industry term (abbr.)

61. Something one can draw 62. Officers in charge 63. Greek island

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OVER MY SHOULDER

Love is Many Things

by Ann Robson Most of us are familiar with the quote “How do I love thee, often hating something today but loving it next week. Life let me count the ways” found in Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s is more uncertain for us in this stage, and we often throw “Sonnet 23”. Few can recite the whole sonnet which details around “love” and “hate” willy-nilly. If we’re lucky we’ll learn how she loves Robert Browning. This opening question is one that love is better than hate before we’re caught in the throes of the most common quotes about love, and one of the most of one or the other. copied by others to make their own list. It’s hard to find a better phrase to start a tabulation of the many ways we can “Hate the sin but love the sinner” is timeless advice from Mahatma Gandhi who knew a thing or two about both love someone or something. feelings. He also told us, “Where there is love, there is life.”

“Love” is hard word to describe in dictionary format. It depends on circumstance – who is doing the loving, who is A glance at any bookstore shelf offering self-help books finds being loved, what is being loved, why love matters, and on the word “love” in almost every title. How to love yourself seems to be the starting point for loving everything from and on. your job to your spouse to your kids to your motherWhen I hear someone say they just “loooovvve” a in-law to your laundry and on and on. If love is the particular food, or a movie, or a music star, or green universal language then why must we have so many eggs and ham, I want to ask “Why?” “Is it like loving guidebooks? Maybe we’re a little fixated on knowing your spouse or your child or your parents?” Tell me exactly what this thing called love is and how to more. Why do you love things so much? Could it be handle it. It seems we don’t handle love, but it handles us.

Just think of what you do for love – many things as you really just like them a lot? The word ‘love’ is simple as making coffee for your non-morning spouse tossed around so frequently that it tends to to feeding the family pet to caring deeply for the welfare of lose much of its real meaning. another.

Each of us has a different concept of love. Mothers (and fathers) love their children but perhaps differently for each Mother Teresa left us with a wonderful observation: God will child; although we tend to say we love them all equally. And, not ask how many good things have you done in your life, yes, we do try to love equally, but each child is an individual rather He will ask how much love did you put into what you with needs and wants unique to each person. Most of us love did. our parents, blindly at first when we are infants depending Ann Robson is the author of on parents for every basic need. As we age we come to realize “Over My Shoulder: Tales of Life that all people in our lives are not created equal and perhaps and Death and Everything In our love for each of them requires different things of us.

Between.” She may be reached at The teenage years find us loving or hating lots of things and

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