OutreachNC November 2019 by OutreachNC

COMPLIMENTARY

NOVEMBER 2019 | VOL. 10, ISSUE 11

e d u t i t a r G featuring Carolina Conversations: Sensory Performance with Gary Taylor Dance

Assignment ONC Interview a Veteran Winning Entry

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The Power of Positive Thinking NOVEMBER 2019 |

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features CONTENTS

40 ONC BOOK CLUB: The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath

CRAFT AND CHRISTIE: 3 Actors in JTC's Witness for the Prosecution

ASSIGNMENT ONC WINNERS : Interview a Veteran

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

CAROLINA CONVERSATIONS: Sensory Performance with Gary Taylor Dance THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING: Mental and physical health go hand in hand. THE OPIOID EPIDEMIC - SAFE HAVENS: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Lung Cancer Screening Could Save Your Life Take a 2-minute quiz to see if you are a candidate for screening. Lung cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths among both men and women. Smokers are up to 30 times more likely than non-smokers to develop lung cancer. With early detection, there is a greater opportunity for survival.

Take the quiz at www.firsthealth.org/lungcancerscreening NOVEMBER 2019 | OutreachNC.com 5 1336-55-19

departments 20

10 12 14 16 18 20

ASK THE EXPERT: Different Dementia Types Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA BRAIN HEALTH: Behind the Gift of Thanksgiving Jenna Renfroe CAREGIVER SUPPORT: Grandparents Latorius Adams, MS VETERANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CORNER: Veterans Day Jim Pedersen

MENTAL WELLNESS: A Healthy Mindset Cara Herring. LCSW

CAROLINA CURIOSITIES: Searching for Sasquatch Ray Linville

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22 24 26 62 65 66

LAW REVIEW: Guardianship - Part 2 Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Attorney GRATITUDE: A Little Dose Goes a Long Way Rachel Stewart COOKING SIMPLE: Pecan Pie Tart A twist on a well-known classic! GREY MATTER PUZZLES Crossword, Word Search, Sudoku OVER MY SHOULDER: Yes! You Can Ann Robson GENERATIONS QUESTION: What is old?

The

Harvest Moon

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 1807-1882

It is the Harvest Moon! On gilded vanes And roofs of villages, on woodland crests And their aerial neighborhoods of nests Deserted, on the curtained window-panes Of rooms where children sleep, on country lanes And harvest-fields, its mystic splendor rests! Gone are the birds that were our summer guests, With the last sheaves return the laboring wains! All things are symbols: the external shows Of Nature have their image in the mind, As flowers and fruits and falling of the leaves; The song-birds leave us at the summer's close, Only the empty nests are left behind, And pipings of the quail among the sheaves. OutreachNC.com 7 NOVEMBER 2019 |

from the editor I’ve been thinking all month about this letter. There is much to be thankful for, much gratitude in my heart. I could list the usual suspects (and I don’t mean that in a disparaging way): family, friends, coffee and chocolate. I could wax poetic about the people who have shown up for me this year, personally and professionally, and the ways in which we all sometimes fail to appreciate or even see the beauty around us. It’s all true. But right now, as I sit at my desk, the sky outside my window a dove gray, I am most grateful for stories. As I’ve spent 2019 as the editor of OutreachNC Magazine, I’ve heard many stories. I’ve sat with people from all over these counties, in their home, in their offices, in coffee shops and on park benches. I’ve heard about heartache, loss, love and hope. I’ve heard stories they’ve never before shared and stories they’ve told, and retold a hundred times, and each time, it’s a new story altogether. I’m so grateful for each story, for each person’s willingness to sit with me or with any of our writers, to allow a photographer to take a picture, to put a name with a face, to give me the details of a moment in their life, cracking open a window to let in the air of their world. I am truly grateful, and as I reflect on this year, I consider how much I’ve learned in all of

these moments. When I add up all the conversations, I’m humbled and nothing short of awestruck by what we endure and what we’re capable of achieving and overcoming as human beings, particularly when we come together as a community, even if it’s simply a community of two. This month, we hear the story of a boy who finds his place with Gary Taylor Dance (p. 40), discover the path to positive thinking (p. 44) and explore how families are impacted by the opioid epidemic in our continued coverage of the crisis (p. 48). We are also excited to announce and print our First Place Winner of our Assignment OutreachNC: Interview a Veteran (p. 34). We had so many well-written, fascinating, creative interviews it was downright painful to choose. What a lovely problem to have! When I think of stories, I’m often reminded of C.S. Lewis’ famous words:

“Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.”

Thank you all for giving us a glimpse into your worlds.

(from left) Amy Phariss, Linda Sunderman, Denise Coffey-Joseph & Latorius Adams. I am honored to be pictured with these strong women at the Harnett County Government Complex, where I learned first-hand how the opioid crisis affects families and how we can better support the people who are supporting the epidemic's smallest victims. My thanks to everyone who shared with me, in person and on the phone, and helped me better understand this important issue.

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

Stories that Inspire... Read. Advertise. Subscribe.

Editor-in-Chief Amy Phariss | Editor@OutreachNC.com Creative Director & Designer Sarah McElroy | Coalfeather Art and Design Ad Designers Stephanie Budd, Cyndi Fifield, Sarah McElroy Proofreaders Abegail Murphy, Margaret Phariss, Kate Pomplun Photography Diana Matthews Contributors Latorius Adams, Eddie Carmichael, Denise Coffey-Joseph Cara Herring, Ray Linville, Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Amy Natt, Crissy Neville, Jim Pedersen, Amy Phariss, Jenna Renfroe, Ann Robson, Rachel Stewart

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss out on getting your monthly copy of

Publisher Amy Natt | AmyN@AgingOutreachServices.com Advertising Sales Executive Kara Umphlett | KaraU@OutreachNC.com Marketing & Public Relations Director Susan McKenzie | SusanM@AgingOutreachServices.com Circulation 910-692-0683 | info@OutreachNC.com OutreachNC PO Box 2478 | 676 NW Broad Street Southern Pines, NC 28388 910-692-0683 Office | 910-695-0766 Fax info@OutreachNC.com | www.OutreachNC.com OutreachNC is a publication of The entire contents of OutreachNC are copyrighted by Aging Outreach Services. Reproduction or use without permission of editorial, photographic or graphic content in any manner is prohibited. OutreachNC is published monthly on the first of each month.

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advice

Our Aging Life Care ProfessionalsTM will answer any aging questions you may have.

Email us your questions! info@OutreachNC.com

ASK THE EXPERT

Different Dementia Types by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA

Can you explain the different types of dementia diagnosis? My doctor said I have “mild cognitive impairment.” Is that the same as Alzheimer’s Disease?

There is a lot of information out there regarding dementia and the different diagnoses that might fall under that umbrella. When you are researching or reading to gain more insight, make sure it is coming from a credible source. There are national and state Alzheimer’s Associations that offer good information. Your doctor should also be able to recommend some literature that will help you better understand your diagnosis. It is okay to ask questions; just make sure to make notes and ask for answers in writing, so that you can refer back to them. Also, consider how the diagnosis was made; did you go to a doctor or clinic specializing in memory disorders? What type of testing was done? If you want a second opinion or feel more testing would be helpful, ask for it. Generally, dementia refers to some type of disruption to mental processes, often a decline in mental ability caused by injury or disease. However, some types of reversible dementia can also be caused by deficiencies, medication side effects, infections etc. This is why it is very important to get a full evaluation. According to the Mayo Clinic, the types of progressive dementias include:

Alzheimer’s Disease

Other linked disorders include:

Vascular dementia

Huntington’s disease

Lewy body dementia

Traumatic brain injury

Frontotemporal dementia

Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease

Mixed dementia

Parkinson’s disease

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

And Dementia-like conditions that could be reversible include: ·

Infections and immune disorders

Metabolic problems

Nutritional deficiencies

Medication side effects

Subdural hematomas

· Poisoning ·

Brain tumors

Normal-pressure hydrocephalus

Be Delighted. Be Engaged. Be You.

Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) is the stage between expected cognitive decline and normal aging. It can involve changes in memory, language, thinking and judgment. So, it would be a possible precursor to developing Alzheimer’s Disease, but not a certainty. Now that you have been diagnosed with MCI, it is important to monitor. Maintain open communication with your doctor. Keep a journal and note any symptoms you might be experiencing. Together you can determine the best course of treatment. There are books and support groups for those experiencing memory impairment. Connecting with others who share a similar diagnosis may be very helpful to build the support you need and develop coping techniques. You are not alone in this journey. Continue to ask questions and seek solutions that make each day the best it can be.

Readers may send questions to Amy Natt, an Aging Life Care ProfessionalTM, certified senior advisor and CEO of Aging Outreach Services. She can be reached at amyn@ agingoutreachservices.com .

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NOVEMBER 2019 |

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health

B R A I N H E A LT H

Gratitude: The Science Behind the Gift of Thanksgiving by: Jenna Renfroe

“Count your blessings.” This is an age-old adage, and yet perhaps more relevant than ever in an era of instant gratification where the next best thing is constantly at one’s fingertips – quite literally, with the development of online shopping and mobile devices. And yet, gratitude continues to be extremely important on an emotional, philosophical, and moral level – so much so, that “practicing” gratitude or thanksgiving is an integral part of most religions and spiritual practices.

Gratitude can be conceptualized as the antithesis of the hedonic treadmill. It is the opposite of the constant searching, wanting, desiring, that our pesky little brains can fall prey to so easily.

grateful thankful blessed

When we forget to slow down and appreciate the special moments and people filling up our lives, we can get caught in the trap of “the next best thing.” We are constantly looking towards the future, another achievement, relationship, object or prize that is going to bring us some form of self-satisfaction and inherent feeling of pleasure or reward. Some researchers and psychologists have coined this tendency as the “hedonic treadmill” – hedonic, referring to the pursuit of pleasure, and treadmill – referring to the constant cycle of walking, moving forward and searching, without ever reaching a destination. 12

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We have a whole neurocircuit devoted to wanting, desiring, and reward, involving the dopamine pathways of the brain. Gratitude is the antidote to the hedonic treadmill because it is all about focusing on what is here, right now, that brings us joy, fulfillment, and thankfulness – when there could be endless alternatives.

We celebrate Thanksgiving once a year, which is in this exact spirit of gratitude and giving thanks, but what about the other 364 days of the year? Is the practice of slowing down to give thanks so rare and difficult to do on a routine basis, amidst the hustle and bustle, that we need holiday just to remind us?

Likely the reason that the expression “count your blessings” has stood the test of time and is inherent to so many spiritual practices is because of the very real psychological and social benefits that come along with it. Gratitude can be conceptualized in a variety of ways – a discrete emotional experience, an individual trait, a response to another’s actions or gift-giving, or even an action.

There seems to be a relationship between age and the experience of gratitude. In fact, older adults report that gratitude is among the top three positive emotions that they experience. Individuals who are more grateful seem to have higher subjective sense of wellbeing, less depressed mood, and more resilience. Resilience refers to a person’s ability to endure hardship with less of a psychological toll, modern day “grit” if you will. While it is true that some people seem to be inherently more “grateful” than others, gratitude is also a skill that can be practiced. The effect of practicing gratitude has been studied scientifically. An experiment compared the difference between when people “count their blessings” or “count their hassles.” Individuals who practiced regular gratitude felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic. Interestingly, they also reported fewer health complaints and spent more time exercising than the other groups. The act of being grateful, it seems, could have positive effect on one’s physical health. Even spouses of individuals practicing gratitude described their partners as having higher subjective well-being than when their spouses were not practicing gratitude. Practicing gratitude actually seems to foster “prosocial” behavior. Researchers described gratitude as a potential “moral motivator.” The art of gratitude seems to strengthen social ties and foster relationships. One study showed that giftgiving and the subsequent gratitude experienced by the receiver predicted the future quality and longevity of the relationship. As we gather around tables nationwide for Thanksgiving this year, may we keep in mind the very real, concrete effects that gratitude and thanksgiving can have on well-being, positive affect, and interpersonal relationships. Consider expressing your gratitude towards a loved one or family member at this year’s gathering, or even showing your appreciation for the relationship with a small gift or gesture. It may create a lasting effect in strengthening the relationship you have with that person. Implement a regular gratitude practice to optimize well-being and social motivation. Write down 5 things you are grateful for every day. It can be as specific or broad as you like – but also keep track of little daily occurrences that illicit feelings of gratitude. This will not only make you more mindful and appreciative in the day-to-day moments, but can have positive effects on your well-being, mood, and relationships in the long-run.

Dr. Jenna Renfroe is the newest neuropsychologist to join Pinehurst Neuropsychology. She is taking new patients. 910-420-8041. www.pinehurstneuropsychology.com

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advice

CAREGIVER SUPPORT

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: 5 Tips for Help & Support by Latorius Adams, MS

Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide childcare, financial assistance and emotional support. Occasionally, they are called upon to provide much more, including temporary or full-time care and responsibility for their grandchildren. The numbers of grandparents in this role continue to climb as the opioid crisis and other factors disrupt families. An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent. This trend is due to: • increasing numbers of single parent families • the high rate of divorce • teenage pregnancies • incarcerations of parents • substance abuse by parents • illness, disability or death of parents • parental abuse or neglect

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

New research being presented at the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) 2018 National Conference & Exhibition shows that caregivers who step up to raise their grandchildren are overcoming unique challenges to manage just as well as biological and adoptive parent caregivers. In many of these homes, neither of the child’s biological parents is present. In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandparents are a diverse group, ranging in age from thirties to seventies. Many grandparents are ready to simplify their lives and slow down. Giving that up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary caregiver again can stir up many feelings, including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt. The transition can be very stressful, and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant.

5 Tips to Help Grandparents Raising Grandchildren 1. Educate yourself about raising grandchildren - For grandparents raising grandchildren after being out of the “parenting game” for a long while, it is important to learn what resources and supports your local community can offer you. The landscape of what is offered now likely looks very different from when you were raising your kids. Work with your grandchildren’s caseworker or school counselor to learn as much as you can about the hurdles that the kids might be facing because they cannot live with Mom or Dad. 2. Find a support group - You likely were not planning to be raising your grandchildren at this stage of life. Working through your new reality means that you need a safe person or support group with whom to process those feelings. In-person and online support groups are both valuable tools in building your village. They serve different purposes but the value of gathering with others is that you are with folks who “get it.” It staves off isolation that comes from being back in the childrearing season of life when other friends have moved on.

mental and emotional health as it is to your grandchildren’s health. When interacting with your grandchildren’s parent(s), be open, honest and clear. 5. Have fun raising your grandkids - One of the most important things to remember is that these kids need the joy and simplicity of childhood restored. Find the things that make you laugh together. Take time to relax and unwind together. Take up hobbies or activities that will help you forge attachments. There will be tremendous healing for you all in being able to revel in child-like joy and wonder again. The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group is a great resource in the community for both the grandparents and grandchildren. Harnett County residents age 55 or older raising a grandchild or great grandchild from birth to 18 years of age may receive more information on the support group meeting dates and times by calling Latorius Adams at 910814-6075 or log onto the Harnett County Division on Aging website at www.harnett.org/aging.

3. Take care of yourself while raising grandchildren - Engaging in self-care is crucial to maintaining a healthy environment for your grandkids to heal and thrive. Find what feeds your spirit, separate from your parenting, and do it. Make sure you keep yourself at the top of the list, prioritizing your health to be sure that you can be at your best for these precious grandkids who need you. 4. Keep communication open and honest - This tip might be harder to implement, especially if your grandkids’ birth parent(s) is your own child. However, it is as vital to your

Latorius Adams, MS Family Caregiver Support Program Specialist / Medicare Counselor Harnett County Government Complex 309 W. Cornelius Harnett Blvd. Lillington, NC 27546 910-814-6075 Research and support provided by Denise Coffey-Joseph, a military Veteran and graduate student at Fayetteville State University.

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advice

VETERANS CORNER

The Meaning of Veterans Day

by Jim Pedersen, VSO & Director of Moore County Veterans Service Office “To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nations…” President Woodrow Wilson’s proclamation establishing Nov. 11 as the first commemoration of Armistice Day, Nov. 1919. Armistice Day later became Veterans Day. One of the most gratifying parts of my job at the Moore County Veterans Service Office is talking with veterans from all walks of life who have selflessly served their country. It’s an honor to meet them, listen to their stories, and help them access the benefits and services that they earned and deserve. Moore County Veterans Service Office staff members have the opportunity every day to thank someone for their military service. On Nov. 11, Veterans Day, we all have an opportunity to express our gratitude to our nation’s veterans, both living and deceased. The Veterans Day observance dates back to 1919, when Woodrow Wilson designated Nov. 11 as Armistice Day to honor and acknowledge veterans following World War I. The date set for the observance was not coincidental. World War I officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles on June 28, 1919 although combat ceased 16

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when an armistice between Germany and the Allied nations went into effect on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918. Thus Nov. 11, 1918 is generally regarded as the end of WWI. In 1938, an Act of Congress officially set aside Nov. 11 as a legal holiday known as Armistice Day, primarily to honor WWI veterans. Following WWII and the Korean Conflict, the 83rd Congress officially changed the name of the holiday from Armistice Day to Veterans Day. President Dwight Eisenhower signed the Congressional act into law on June 1, 1954, and Veterans Day became a day to honor Americans who served in all wars. Here in Moore County, the Moore County Veterans Memorial Committee dedicated a permanent memorial to honor the county’s veterans on Nov. 11, 2006. Raymond Doby, a county resident whose brother was killed in action in Italy during WWI, presented the idea to the county commissioners, and today, the memorial he envisioned sits in a quiet, wooded area on 15/501 near the intersection of Highway 24/27 in Carthage. Holding place of honor at the front of the memorial are two black granite slabs inscribed with the names of county residents who were killed in action over the last 100 years. Behind are nearly 30 granite slabs bearing the names of 10,000 county veterans.

The names carved into the granite slabs are tangible reminders of the members of our own community who served, some of whom gave their lives in service. Ruby Hendrick, secretary/treasurer of the Veterans Memorial Committee, was a member of the planning committee for the memorial. She noted there were very few families in Moore County who did not lose someone in World War II. Many of those names are memorialized on the granite stones. Visitors to the memorial will often place coins atop the stone bearing the name of their fallen comrade or loved one to show that they are not forgotten.

to answer questions, provide information and schedule appointments. The public is invited and encouraged to attend. For more information, contact the Moore County Veterans Service Office at 910-947-3257.

“My husband, brother, brother-in-law were veterans,” Ruby said. “It has truly been one of my greatest blessings to be able to work with this. I have been up there many times to help someone find a name. It is a joy to do something for them.”

The cost to have a name added is $30. Names of veterans who were killed in action are placed on the memorial free of charge.

This Veterans Day, I urge you to embrace the spirit of Woodrow Wilson’s proclamation by taking the opportunity to thank and honor the veterans in your family and in your community. Activities celebrating veterans are planned throughout the month of November. Moore County kicks off its Veterans Day activities with a memorial service on Saturday, Nov. 2 at 11 a.m. at the Veterans Memorial in Carthage. The ceremony is being held a week early this year in an effort to allow people to attend and participate in the Veterans Day parades and celebrations in other parts of the county. A barbecue lunch and drinks will be available. On Friday, Nov. 15, The Moore County Veterans Service Office will host an open house from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the Agricultural Building, 707 Pinehurst Ave., Carthage. Veterans organizations, businesses, Moore County services and government agencies and social service groups will be on hand with information and assistance. Moore County Veterans Service Officers and staff members will be available

Once a year, the Moore County Veterans Memorial Committee updates the Veterans Memorial in Carthage by adding names to the granite slabs. Veterans do not have to be deceased to have their name placed on the memorial.

Veterans must have been born in Moore County or have lived in Moore County at one time to be eligible. DD-214 or separation papers are necessary to verify military service. If the official documentation is not available, a photo of a government grave marker is acceptable verification. The Moore County Veterans Service Office has application forms for inscriptions on the Veterans Memorial. To get an application, call the office at 910-947-3257 or stop in at 707 Pinehurst Ave., Carthage. No appointments are necessary to pick up an application form.

VSO Jim Pedersen, right, is the director of the Moore County Veterans Service Office. Experienced nationally-certified VSOs Kelly Greene, and Robert “Bob” Hall, a Vietnam-era veteran who retired from the Army after 30 years of service, assist Moore County veterans with their disability claims.

NOVEMBER 2019 |

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health

M E N TA L W E L L N E S S

A Healthy Mindset: Modify Your Mind to Modify Your Mood

by Cara Herring, LCSW Have you ever spent time really paying attention to your First we have to become aware of our thoughts. What thoughts? There is a connection between what we spend things do we think about the most? To help make this time thinking about and how it makes us feel. easier, imagine a stream in autumn with many leaves floating down. Imagine that these leaves represent our Think about this: what is your first thought when thoughts. In your imagination, pick one up. You notice someone mentions the main traffic circle? Just one this one is brown and missing pieces, maybe half eaten mention of the traffic circle can lead our thoughts by a bug. You think, “Gross, this one is ugly!” This spiraling down a negative road. The circling negative leaf represents the negative thoughts that make us feel thoughts cause an overestimation of the time spent uncomfortable in some way. You can (and we often do) waiting in line at the traffic circle because we are spend more time holding onto that leaf which is going anticipating being late for an appointment or yelling to to create ongoing negative thoughts. For instance; “This the person behind us who speeds off to the side only leaf is ugly, there are so many ugly leaves here, it wasn’t to jump in line right at the last minute. I have been like this where I used to live, there weren’t as many bugs, there too! I challenged myself and timed how long it the people were nicer, the traffic wasn’t as bad and I took from a couple different directions at peak hours. wish I had never moved here.” This is an example of how My experiment proved that it took no more than seven one small thought can snowball into something much minutes from where I came to a stop at the back of the larger, shifting the mood. Something now triggers you line to when it was my turn to pull onto the circle. This to throw the brown leaf back into the stream and watch blew my mind. This whole time I had not been paying it float away. You then bend down and pick up another attention to the present moment because I was too busy leaf that’s coming by. Wow! This one is so colorful; letting my thoughts run all over the place. My goodness, orange, yellow and some red. It’s full and is a classic only seven minutes! Think how much worse it is in a picture of autumn. It makes your thoughts go further bigger city, where traffic is often backed up for miles. in a different direction, thinking of crisp air, a nice cup of coffee or tea, and sitting by the fire with family and So what do we do with this information? friends. This leaf represents positive thoughts we have. The longer we spend with the brown, crumbly leaf, the more uncomfortable we will feel and the longer we spend with the colorful leaf, the more positive we will feel. By nonjudgmental observation, we can develop the awareness of our thoughts. Second, we practice spending more time being with our thoughts in a kind manner. It’s not a fight. For example, if I asked you to stop thinking of your favorite dessert, it’s going to be quite difficult. In fact, all you’re thinking about now is your favorite dessert. Mine is cheesecake with raspberries and dark chocolate drizzle. Yum! We want to gently refocus that thought 18

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by stepping outside, taking a few focused breaths, picking up a book, walking to a different room in the house or anything else that may help refocus. This is exercise for your mind. Just like running a race, completing a sewing project, painting a picture or baking a cake, there are steps involved and most likely, your first attempt will not yield your best work. All of these tasks take practice, including mental exercises. What’s interesting about a thought is that just because it crosses your mind, doesn’t make it factual. We all have so many thoughts that cross our mind daily. It’s up to you to choose to believe or act on the thought. Did you know that our eating habits and patterns are affected by our thoughts? Mindful eating is a hip term, but what does it actually mean? Having a mindful mindset means being aware of the present moment, including the thoughts and emotions that are occurring at the time, without judgment. In terms of eating, we need to pay attention to what we are eating by using all of our senses. What does the food look like? How does it taste? What textures are present? What does it feel like? What does it sound like when chewing? What does it smell like? Many times we are in too much of a hurry to take the few minutes to figure out the answers to these questions. We take a bite of the food, figure out if we like it or not and if we do, we eat without thinking any more about what’s on the fork. While eating, we can get distracted with conversation, the TV or our smart phone, a book or our thoughts. Refocus by bringing your attention back to the food every so often, asking yourself some of these questions: Am I still enjoying it? Have I noticed a change in temperature? How much have I consumed? Does this bite taste any sweeter or saltier than the first? This also is relevant for the cravings we get. A craving is our brain telling us to do something (eat, drink, smoke, look at the phone) because the activity will result in some type of pleasure. Think of cravings as the wind and the person as a sailboat. The wind is a guide that we can’t control but the person can adjust the sails on the boat to move in a different direction. Again, practicing the refocus and awareness that builds a mindful mindset will allow for a better understanding behind the specific cravings. If a person receives a phone call from a family member that makes them upset or anxious they may develop a sudden craving for ice cream. Or a person has had a very stressful day at work, nothing has gone their way and they can’t wait to get home to have a cocktail. A person may feel bored so they turn on the TV and grab a salty snack, eating more than they intended. It doesn’t all have to be uncomfortable

emotions either; a birthday or a celebration can lead to overconsumption of cake and ice cream. These are cravings, triggered by emotion, which result in a cyclical pattern. Over time these patterns will negatively affect overall health. Now, be honest with yourself, how many times did you have to reread a sentence or paragraph in this article because your thoughts distracted you from comprehending what you read? Did you refocus and finish the article? If so, you are already practicing a positive mindful mindset. Keep up the good work and discover how you can apply a healthy mindful mindset to other areas of your life!

Cara Herring, LCSW, is a Health Coach and Counselor at Pinehurst Medical Clinic, Inc in Pinehurst. She can be reached at 910-235-3347 or cherring@ pinehurstmedical.com.

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life

CAROLINA CURIOSITIES

Searching for Sasquatch by Ray Linville

Now that Halloween has come and gone, maybe you won’t be too spooked by the story of Sasquatch. You decide if it’s the truth or a legend, but either way you will be curious and want to know more. Regardless, the story is told and retold in our area, particularly on hiking adventures and camping trips with people of all ages. Ground zero for finding Sasquatch is Montgomery County. More sightings of this mysterious, mythical creature have occurred here than many of us want to count. However, a group — known as the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization — does just that, and a scientific pursuit — known as cryptozoology (a serious inquiry for believers) — documents these experiences. (The nickname “Bigfoot” incidentally comes from footprints reportedly up to 24 inches in length.) The Uwharrie National Forest is just the ideal location that Sasquatch would want to call home. (Confusing Uwharrie with U. R. Harry is a diversionary tactic by skeptics to poke fun at believers convinced that Sasquatch is real.) With abundant game animals such as deer, turkey, rabbit and squirrel in the forest, Sasquatch has many choices for a meal when taking a break from snacking on the abundant fish. After such a rich diet, Sasquatch can obviously travel quite a distance before returning home. In the same month, he was observed in both Montgomery and Richmond counties. Now that you’re 20

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aware that Sasquatch can be seen locally, make sure you use the handy form on the BFRO’s website to report when you see this creature. (The form is easy to find online — just search for “BFRO report form” — filing a report adds you to the list of contributors. I always have a form ready just in case.) Because Montgomery has the overwhelming number of the 94 sightings of Sasquatch in our state (as recorded by BFRO), this county is the obvious place to begin a search. (Harnett, Moore and Scotland are the only counties in OutreachNC’s distribution area without any sightings.) If you’re curious, the most promising way to find Sasquatch is to venture into the Uwharrie. When you do, the best advice is to remain calm. A police warning in 2017 advised, “Please do not shoot at him/her.” (However, this public safety advisory was intended to avoid harming “a fun-loving and well-intentioned person wearing a gorilla costume.” Obviously, some officers aren’t convinced about the seriousness of such sightings.) That Sasquatch is more than a legend is confirmed by how seriously our neighbors believe this story. A fall festival in honor of the creature is held at Deep River Park, a 40-acre park near the community of Cumnock in northern Lee County. For look-alikes, contests are held for the hairiest man, best beard and, of course, the biggest foot.

The park’s association believes so much in the sightings that it quotes Sasquatch, “Believe in yourself, even if no one else will.” Even the Lee County Co-op Extension Center last year held a series of lectures about this truly awesome creature.

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Sponsoring an aerobic search, the nearby town of Troy has held Chasing Bigfoot, a five-kilometer trail run in a nature preserve. Although the run was successful, no credible sightings were reported. Troy has also included Sasquatch in the logo for TroyFest, its annual summer festival. The network Animal Planet even sent a crew to Montgomery County to film part of its series “Finding Bigfoot.” Perhaps it was influenced by the Class A sightings (the most reliable category) from there since 1990. Souvenirs abound along NC 24/27 in the area of the forest for explorers and researchers looking for Sasquatch and needing to take home something tangible. Camping outfitters and outposts have statues, t-shirts as well as bumper stickers that help in telling the story if the pictures taken aren’t in focus. With such credible evidence, it’s surprising that only 16 percent of Americans believe that Sasquatch exists. If you do miss seeing Sasquatch, at least take a photo of its statue in Troy (at the intersection of North Main and Chestnut streets). For me, I’m content to find Sasquatch on the menu at Crawford’s Diner in Troy. There you can munch on the biggest sandwich — the Sasquatch Burger — with three huge patties and three slices of cheese. Finding Sasquatch in the forest is easier than finishing the burger. Soon I’ll need a longer hike in the Uwharrie. Editor’s Note: OutreachNC Magazine continues a bimonthly feature to explore places in our area that would peak our curiosity if we knew more about them.

Ray Linville writes about local connections to Southern food, history and culture. He can be reached at linville910@gmail.com.

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NOVEMBER 2019 |

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advice

L AW R E V I E W

Part 2: Guardianship: A Remedy of Last Resort by Margaret (Mia) Lorenz, Attorney

Last month, we explored the circumstances that may cause an incompetency and guardianship lawsuit to be initiated against a Senior. The “stage had been set” for the culmination of the process, which involves a hearing at the courthouse where all interested parties and next of kin are summoned. Recall that the Guardianship lawsuit is initiated by a family member, an interested party, or the state of North Carolina (Petitioner), when a Senior is incapacitated and there is no enforceable power of attorney in place. Alternatively, it is initiated if the Senior is incapacitated and even though there is an enforceable power of attorney in place, the Senior is conducting him or herself in a manner that is causing harm to the Senior. The Senior is uncooperative in taking action that the medical profession deems necessary to ensure their continued good health or the Senior is taking action that is jeopardizing their financial security. In such event, a lawsuit is filed by the Petitioner and all culminates in a hearing at the courthouse. Most of the time, the Senior appears at the court hearing with their attorney guardian ad litem, and they stand “opposite” the Petitioner and hear the case that details their incompetency. The Senior has an opportunity to speak at the hearing in testimony that may be offered by the Senior’s attorney guardian ad litem. Family and interested parties may also testify. Sometimes medical opinions are offered as testimony. At the end of the hearing, the Clerk of Superior Court – our judge of probate – makes a determination of whether or not the Senior is incompetent and whether a guardianship or “limited” guardianship should be in place. If a Senior is adjudicated incompetent without any limits, then all rights and liberty of the Senior are stripped from the Senior. The appointed Guardian will totally control the Senior’s financial and personal affairs. If a limited guardianship is determined, then the Senior may maintain some rights. For example, in a limited Guardianship, the court may decide that the Senior may maintain the right to vote in elections. The next phase 22

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of the hearing (after adjudication of incompetency) is to determine “who” should be the guardian of the Senior. If a Senior is viewed as NOT incompetent, then the matter is dismissed and all parties go home. The court listens to all testimony of interested persons and makes as informed a decision as possible. Guardianship: the terminology and cost. In North Carolina, “guardianship of the person” applies to probate court appointment of a fiduciary to make decisions in regard to the protected person’s personal care. The Senior is now called a “ward” in North Carolina. I prefer to use the term “protected person,” but technically, the Senior is a “ward.” A Guardian of the Person generally does not have control of the protected person’s finances. “Guardianship of the estate” refers to probate court appointment of a fiduciary to administer the finances and assets of the protected person. If the Guardian of the Estate is the same as the Guardian of the Person, the Guardian is called a General Guardian, in North Carolina. Guardianship of the estate is much like trusteeship and/or obtaining power of attorney over the protected person (but the protected person has no rights to make financial decisions for themselves anymore). However, the powers of, and restrictions on, the Guardian of the Estate are defined by statute, rather than a trust declaration or power of attorney document, and are much less flexible than the powers authorized for a trustee and power of attorney. Also, one of the key differences between guardianships, trusts and durable powers of attorney is that guardianships are strictly courtsupervised. The Guardian is an extension of the court, and therefore many decisions of the Guardian require the court’s permission. For example, for a Guardian of the Estate to sell land of a protected person, the Guardian must petition for Clerk of Superior Court approval as well as Superior Court Judge approval. This process is time consuming and can be costly.

Once a Guardian of the Estate is appointed, accountings of the protected person’s “living estate” must be annually reported to the probate court. Such accounting needs to be accurate to the penny. Therefore, full disclosure of all of the protected person’s assets are required, and so the full extent of the protected person’s assets are published at the courthouse pursuant to the audit required by statute. Moreover, the court is paid fees (from the protected person’s “living estate”) for its services in auditing the accounting.

Conclusion. Laws are not perfect, and our court system does its best, within the parameters of the law, to respect an individual’s rights, while protecting the individual and society. Our court system is respectful and follows the letter of the law; but all of the persons involved in guardianship – from the judge to the guardian ad litem attorney etc. – are very aware of the consequences and treat guardianship matters with due care. I have seen guardianships rip families apart. Conversely, I have seen a Guardianship appointment be a happy day for all involved. Very often in estate planning, I discuss guardianship as something to be avoided. Now that you have more knowledge on Guardianship, you are in a better position to make an informed decision regarding whether you should seek to avoid it too.

Margaret (Mia) Lorenz is an attorney in Southern Pines at Lorenz and Creed Law Firm PLLC, where she helps people with many legal needs such as preparing their wills and/ or trusts, helping when a loved one dies, and helping purchase or sell real estate. She has been assisting people with their legal needs for 26 years.

Photo by Gary Taylor Photography

NUTCRACKER

THE

Guardian of the Estate work is also similar to a decedent’s probate estate administration. Like a probate Executor (except where a decedent’s will waives bond), a Guardian is required by law to obtain a probate bond through an insurance company to insure his or her fidelity to proper administration of the protected person’s assets and income. The costs of the probate bond and of the administration come out of the assets of the protected person. The amount of coverage of the bond is set by the court to cover the assets under the conservator’s administration, and may cost anywhere from just under $1,000 per year to considerably more.

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OutreachNC.com 23

A Little Dose of Gratitude Goes a Long Way by Rachel Stewart

So much of being and staying healthy is directly tied to tangible concepts, such as walking 10,000 steps or drinking eight glasses of water a day. This means that more subtle advice may get lost in the shuffle of day-to-day living. Everyone has moments of being agitated or unhappy, but studies are continuing to dig deeper to better understand how having a positive outlook on life can actually have a deeper impact on one’s overall health. A Journal of Positive Psychology study conducted by a team of Portland State University researchers and a Clemson University professor found that when people act positively toward their colleagues that both their physical and mental health improves. These findings build on other studies that have tried to pinpoint how being grateful can make people happier and healthier. Not sold on the power of positive thinking? Here are four ways that gratitude could help you, too. 1. Have fewer aches and pains. A 2003 study found that people who wrote their gratitude down in a journal felt less pain than their counterparts. These journalers were also more physically active, which helps keep pain at bay. Try keeping track on your own time and see if you notice a difference. Thank your barista for your morning cup of coffee after a walk, or send a thank you note to someone who recently helped you through a trying time. 2. Get better Zzzzs. Having trouble falling asleep? Numerous studies have found those that take time to give thanks for all they have experience a better night’s sleep, and fall asleep faster to boot. What better way to wind down than meditate on what went well and how you might tackle the next day’s challenges? It beats counting sheep.

3. Build stronger relationships. Saying thank you isn’t just good manners - it’s a form of positive communication that has a ripple effect on all those in your life. You never know whose day you might make with a kind word or smile - or who might return the favor when you need a pick me up, too. Go the extra mile, whether you’re wrapping up a quick phone call or sending a text to a loved one. 4. Bring the (blood) pressure down. Life is full of stressors, and it’s easy to act out in anger. A 2016 study found that women who practiced gratitude for two weeks were able to lower their blood pressure. No time to write down your feelings? Take five minutes to pray or meditate on things you’re thankful for right now.

What’s your favorite way to express your gratitude to a loved one? Tell us at editor@outreachnc.com. Serving residents of Scotland, Robeson, Richmond and Hoke counties in North Carolina, as well as Marlboro, Dillon and Chesterfield counties in South Carolina.

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

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Tart

COOKING SIMPLE

PECAN PIE This twist on the traditional pecan pie that everyone is familiar with features a flaky homemade crust and is made using a tart pan. There's also a touch of bourbon in there because, hey, it's a Southern thing! INGREDIENTS FOR THE CRUST: 2 C All-purpose Flour 1 t Sugar 1 t Salt 3/4 C Cold Unsalted Butter (Cut Into Pieces) 4 T Ice Water 1 T Vanilla Bean Paste

PREP TIME: 1 Hour COOK TIME: 50 Minutes SERVINGS: 8 Servings

FOR THE FILLING: 4 T Unsalted Butter, Melted 2 Large Eggs 1 C Karo® Light Corn Syrup 1 C Loosely Packed Brown Sugar 1 T Bourbon 2 t Vanilla Extract 1 C Coarsely Chopped Pecans 1 C Pecan Halves

INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE CRUST: Place flour, sugar and salt in the bowl of your food processor and pulse to blend. Add cold butter and blend until coarse crumbs remain; you want the butter in little pieces. Stream in ice water and vanilla bean paste, blending until dough starts to come together. Use your hands to remove the dough and form it into a ball. Press it down slightly into a disk and wrap in plastic wrap. Chill for 30 minutes. FOR THE FILLING: While dough is chilling, whisk together butter, eggs, corn syrup, sugar, bourbon and vanilla extract until smooth. Stir in chopped pecans. Preheat oven to 350ºF. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Take the dough out of the fridge and roll it into a large circle, about 1/4-inch thick. Press the dough into the tart pan, remove and reserve excess edges. Pour pecan filling into the tart. Place pecan halves on top of filling as desired. (Optional: cut shapes from the excess dough and place around the edges of tart.) Place tart pan on the baking sheet. Bake for 45–55 minutes, or until filling is set. Remove the tart from the oven and let cool completely. You can definitely make this a day ahead of time. Slice into wedges when you’re ready to serve! 26

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Adapted from: thepioneerwoman.com/food-and-friends/thanksgiving-dinner-pecan-pie-tart/

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OutreachNC’s 2019

Book Club

This month, we delve into the subject of “intoxication and addiction” with Leslie Jamison’s highly-praised memoir The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath. I was excited to read this book, particularly in light of the work I’ve been doing on the opioid epidemic. Through my research and the interviews I’ve conducted, my desire to learn more about this subject has increased dramatically, and I’d hoped Jamison’s book might shed light on addiction and offer new perspective. For me, however, Jamison’s book was a disappointment. In fact, I will fess up and tell it like it is: I couldn’t even finish it. It sat on my bedside table, coffee table, desk and in the front seat of my car for months, and though my initial excitement was palpable, it waned early on and died shortly thereafter. I did read most of Jamison’s book, however, and I do have points to make, so with that in mind, here are

5 Thoughts on The Recovering: Intoxication and Its Aftermath 1. Jamison attended the Iowa Writers Workshop. I feel like there are two kinds of people in this world: those who appreciate graduates of the IWW and those who do not. You can take your guess into which camp I fall. Seriously, though, the opening of this book had to do more with the whole Iowa Writers Workshop and the myth/persona of that experience than it did, I felt, with Jamison’s issues. In fact, I’d say the IWW is the main character of this book; although I’m not sure if I’d say it’s the protagonist or antagonist. 2. Jamison now directs the non-fiction concentration in writing at Columbia University’s School of the Arts, so I should probably watch my mouth. 3. If you are looking for an exploration of addiction that combines memoir with fiction writing, this might just be the book for you. Rather than straight-up nonfiction, Jamison shows her creative writing side throughout the work. On page 41, she writes, “We sat in the Sanctum, otherwise known as the second floor, which had perpetually sticky hardwood and a cluster of ratty velvet couches with stuffing and springs thrusting up through rips in their fabric. There was a bar in one corner stocked with lukewarm gin. Before I spoke, I ran every possible comment through a wash cycle in my mind – scrubbing its fabric and wringing it dry, getting rid of its dirt – trying to make it good enough to say out loud.” I found this style of writing to be cumbersome to the overall message, however, and I could never quite relate to Jamison or her mental gymnastics. 4. I did love Jamison’s exploration of the differences between female and male addiction, or at least her perception of these differences, which she uses history (myth and otherwise) to highlight. Jamison notes that men (using writers as her examples) are seen as intelligent, brooding drunks who are brilliant but tortured. Women, however, are miserable failures in large part because their addictions render them unable to do what they are supposed to do best: be doting and responsible care givers. The book is worth a read simply to explore this perspective, whether one agrees with Jamison’s point of view or not. 5. Jamison gets to the heart of what I think a lot of people feel about a lot of life, and what so many of us develop addictions as a result of (eating, shopping, gambling, drugs, etc.): “My problem was simple but insoluble. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling.” (p. 50). That’s it for us this month. We’re looking forward to Mark Sullivan’s Beneath a Scarlett Sky for next month, ending 2019 on a decidedly romantic and possibly tragic note. 28

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We love sharing books with everyone and anyone who’s got a review, comment, thought, critique or favorite quote to send along. Feel free to write to us at editor@outreachnc.com and let us know your thoughts Jamison’s memoir/essay.

- OCTOBE R3 1

It is a celebration not of darkness and fear but of love and respect for deceased family members. The most prominent symbols of the Day of the Dead are calacas (skeletons) and calaveras (skulls). In 2008, UNESCO added The Day of the Dead to its list of Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity.

-N

BER 2 EM OV

Día de Muertos (The Day of the Dead) originated thousands of years ago with the Aztec, Toltec and other Nahua people, who thought mourning the dead was disrespectful. Instead, the dead were to be kept alive in memory and spirit.

One of the strongest and most recognizable symbols of the celebrations is the tall female skeleton wearing a hat with feathers. Her name is La Catrina and the essence of her story goes deep into Mexican traditions and roots but has been restyled in the last century.

Catrina was first drawn in the early 1900s by artist Jose Guadalupe Posada. Catrina was later immortalized by famous artist Diego Rivera, in the mural “Dreams of a Sunday Afternoon in Alameda Park,” painted in the 1940s. The largest gathering of women dressed as Catrina occurred in 2014 in Mexico City when 500 women dressed up as the iconic skeleton with the hat.

As part of the celebration, ofrendas (altars) are created in homes and cemeteries as away to welcome back spirits. The altar is a complex creation filled with symbolism as each element carries specific meaning. Here are the most important elements and what they mean. LEVELS FIRE

Ofrendas can be made up of 2, 3, or 7 layers. 2 Levels represent the division between the earth and sky. 3 Levels represent the sky, the earth, and the underworld. 7 Levels relate to the the 7 levels that a soul must traverse before reaching heaven (or hell). It also relates to the Seven Deadly Sins

BANQUET

To celebrate the arrival of your deceased loved ones, a banquet of their favorite food and drink items is placed as an offering.

WATER

A glass of water is often placed on the altar to quench the thirst of the deceased and strengthen them for their return journey.

CALAVERAS

Calaveras (skulls) are representations of deceased relatives. Made of sugar or chocolate and often consumed by children after the celebration, they are an example of the Mexican ability to celebrate, mock and play with death.

PAPER

Ofrendas usually have papel picado (tissue paper), typically in yellow and purple, made into intricate designs. They are representations of the union between life and death.

Fire in the form of candles and torches are symbols of love for deceased relatives and guiding lights for their spirits.

TYPICAL FOOD

As well as the deceased’s favorite food items, altars usually contain traditional food items such as Pan de Muerto (Bread of the Dead - sweet bread often featuring anise seeds and decorated with dough bones/skulls), rice, molé, pumpkin, sugar cane, jicama and oranges - the fruits of the season.

INCENSE

A chalice with incense or copal (aromatic tree resin used in indigenous ceremonies) is placed on the altar. It is a way to purify the souls of the dead and ward off evil spirits.

FLOWERS

Flowers are not just a beautiful visual addition to the altar. Cempazuchitl (a type of yellow Marigold) are a guide for the spirits into the mortal world. White flowers represent the sky, while purple flowers are the traditional color of mourning in Mexico.

SALT

Salt is usually placed on a plate WHITE CROSS and stops the souls of the deceased A cross made of slaked lime is drawn on the ground under the altar. NOVEMBER 2019 | OutreachNC.com 29 from being corrupted by It originally represented the four cardinal points correspoding earthly temptations. to the four elements. Now it is also a representation of the Christian cross.

e i t t f d s a i n r a r C Ch 3 Actors “navigating their second 50” talk about taking the stand and taking the stage as they rehearse Judson Theatre Company’s production of Agatha Christie’s masterpiece courtroom mystery, WITNESS FOR THE PROSECUTION 30

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by Eddie Carmichael

“Christie’s novels have sold roughly 2 billion copies! I guess she was doing something right,” says actor Rick McDermott, who plays Lord Justice Wainwright in Judson Theatre Company’s production of Witness for the Prosecution, the spine-tingling whodunit Christie considered her theatrical masterpiece. Among her more than two dozen works for stage, Christie's list includes The Mousetrap, the world’s longest-running play, And Then There Were None, a big hit for JTC in 2017. “Sometimes people are startled to learn Agatha Christie remains the world’s most successful female playwright, but I always say, ‘of course she is!’” says JTC Artistic Director Daniel Haley. “She’s a whiz at everything a playwright needs to master: plotting, characterization, dialogue—and the secret ingredient that makes her plays timeless: the insight into human nature.” Witness for the Prosecution premiered in London in 1953 and on Broadway the following year. Recently it has re-emerged in the cultural conversation, with a successful 2016 BBC remake starring Toby Jones and Kim Cattrall and the currently running site-specific London revival in an actual historic courtroom. Christie’s classic “wrong man” story tells the story of young Leonard Vole, who is facing murder charges in the death of a rich older woman, Emily French, whom he has befriended. But he couldn’t have killed her if his alibi, that he was home with his wife at the time of the murder, is true. Renowned barrister Sir Wilfrid Robarts takes Vole’s case and tries to determine what really happened and who is telling the truth. Christie’s criminally delicious drama of death and deceit keeps the audience guessing till the shocking quadruple-twist ending.

Christie was 63 when she adapted her 1925 short story for the stage, and the play’s dramatis personae includes characters at all stages of life. “Judson Theatre Company has always celebrated the experienced actor,” says Executive Producer Morgan Sills. “We regularly tell stories where mature characters are at the center of the action: The Sunshine Boys, Tuesdays With Morrie, and On Golden Pond, to name just a few. A large portion of our audience is ‘Navigating Their Second 50’ and I think it’s inspiring—for them and for us all—to see someone like our Tony Award nominated star Alan Campbell in a tour-de-force role like Sir Wilfrid Robarts where he rarely leaves the stage.” The 62-year-old star of Broadway’s Sunset Boulevard and TV’s Jake and the Fatman is a Christie fan. “I’ve always enjoyed a good mystery, a whodunit with twists. I love the use of the language. She weaves the story in such a literate way.” Campbell elaborates, “Also, Witness for the Prosecution in a legal sense, because it’s a courtroom piece. I was surprised to see how good it is as a guide to courtroom procedure: developing evidence, cross examining…it’s used in law schools, [for law students to] watch how Christie’s characters develop witnesses and allow them to reveal the information, and also her sense of humor and character. It’s easy for an audience to follow, even with the twists and turns.” Other actors in the production share Campbell’s enthusiasm. Lisa Burton, who plays police surgeon Dr. Wyatt, says, “As a fan of mystery writing, I appreciate Agatha Christie’s ability to weave a complex tale that keeps me guessing. And her prolific works appeal to every age range.”

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Of sustaining a career across the decades in what can often be a difficult business, Campbell opines, “Being versatile is really important; being willing to stretch and try new things. It’s so easy to say ‘I’ve had success in sitcoms, so that’s what I’m going to be.’ Because my career has been so varied and I’ve done so many different things, I never thought of pigeonholing myself. Sustaining a long career is: do the work, be prepared, be pleasant. You spent 5% of your time onstage and 95% [with the cast and crew] in an ensemble situation. It’s a huge collaboration, and if you don’t enjoy the process, you’re going to be miserable and make it miserable for everybody else.” Acting continues to be an enjoyable challenge for Moore County actors Burton and McDermott as well. “Acting is much more cerebral as an adult. I love it and the challenges different roles present,” says Burton. McDermott adds, “Acting as a young man was so often learn the lines, listen for your cue, and say your lines. Although the memorization of lines might not come as quickly today as back then, the understanding and subtexts seem to. Nowadays, using life experiences and listening are invaluable keys in the process of bringing my character to the stage.” Onstage or off, the actors all say they look forward to what the future holds. Burton states,“Having spent 25 years raising 5 children, I am thrilled to be at a place in life where I can focus on some of my passions, chiefly acting. I am definitely physically active, and I look forward to traveling and becoming more involved in my community.” McDermott echoes, “I’m well into my ‘second 50’ and my beautiful wife and I really enjoying spending time here in NC when not up north! I have been so very fortunate to work with so many wonderful and talented actors at Judson Theatre Company and my goal is to continue to work with JTC whenever possible.” Campbell concludes, “I want to do good work, I want to challenge myself and enjoy the process. Life is a bell curve. There’ve been incredibly ambitious periods…and now my choices are quality of life choices: living in the moment, enjoying the work, appreciating the opportunity.” This month, one thing all three actors are looking forward to is the audience’s reaction to Witness for the Prosecution. McDermott sums it up: “an Agatha Christie play makes for such satisfying work for an actor, but more importantly--it’s great entertainment for the audience.” Catch Campbell, Burton, and McDermott in Judson Theatre Company’s production of Witness for the Prosecution at the newly renovated Owens Auditorium at BPAC (on the campus of Sandhills Community College) in Pinehurst, November 21-24. Tickets are available online at JudsonTheatre.com. Limited quantities of tickets are available to buy in person at local outlets. Discounts are available for groups, students, and military (see website for details). 32

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

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OutreachNC.com 33

ASSIGNMENT

Interview a Veteran!

In celebration of Veterans Day (November 11) this year, we thought it would be a nice touch to host an Assignment OutreachNC essay/interview contest. We asked students between the ages of 5 and 18 to submit interviews of veterans within their families and/or communities. Readers, they delivered! The editor’s inbox was flooded with fascinating, witty, clever, heart-breaking and ultimately incredibly human essays, stories, taglines, titles, and questions, all bundled together into interviews that tell the stories of the people who have served our country through times of war and peace alike. The hardest part of this assignment, and the aspect I grossly underestimated, was choosing a winner. I agonized. I set essays out on tables, in the office kitchen, and at coffee shops. I asked all of my co-workers and our editorial committee to read and re-read essays and to write down first, second and third choices. We all sat and laughed together, nodding in recognition of brilliant questions and fascinating answers and agreed on one thing: this whole decision process was hard! We’d like to thank (hands to our hearts) everyone who submitted an interview. We had interviews come in traditional question-and-answer format, in story format and in essay format. We had writers of all ages submit interviews, and we heard stories that will stay with us forever. Thank you all. And now (drumroll, please).....we are pleased to announce the First, Second and Third Place Winners of Assignment OutreachNC: Interview A Veteran! First Place: Sarah Massey Sarah’s interview, published alongside this announcement, is with her father, Michael Massey, a 27-year veteran. Sarah asks intriguing questions including “What made you stay in the military for 27 years,” and “Can you think of the most boring moment?” What we love about Sarah’s interview is how her questions flow from one to another, following the stream of the interview and conversation in such a natural way. We especially appreciate her father’s reminder to his daughter 34

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

before she leaves the house each morning, which you’ll have to read to appreciate. It says a lot about her father, his experience and how he chooses to pass along his wisdom and knowledge to his daughter. Thank you, Sarah, for an excellent submission. Second Place: Lily Peters Lily’s interview with Mr. Butch Culbreth, an Air Force veteran, is creative, imaginative and includes a list of “fun facts” about Mr. Culbreth that made the interview unique. Lily was able to provide an interview without questions but which somehow enables readers to know which questions she’s asked Mr. Culbreth even if we aren’t privy to them, a signature of solid interviewing and writing skills. Great work, Lily! We’ll be looking for Mr. Culbreth among the puffins. Third Place: Kayden Thompson Seven-year-old Kayden interviewed fellow churchgoer Mr. Don Bentley (along with his wife Donna) and asked such questions as “Did you see combat?” and “Were you awarded any medals?” She also asks Mr. Bentley, “What was the food like?” We like where Kayden’s mind is at, and we have to agree that Mr. Bentley sounds like (as Kayden writes) “...the nicest non-family member I’ve ever met.” Wonderful job, Kayden. Congratulations to all of our winners! Readers can find both Lily Peters’ and Kayden Thompson’s interviews online at outreachnc.com. Finally, I can’t sign off without acknowledging an honorable mention in the form of best title. The interview came to me, and I immediately stopped what I was doing and clicked on the email. Honorable Mention - Best Title: Jonathan Marroquin “There’s a Snake in his Shirt! A Glimpse Into One Man’s Experiences in the U.S. Army” We look forward to next year’s submissions, so be on the lookout for more interviews and assignments as we barrel into 2020!

NOVEMBER 2019 |

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My name is Sarah Massey and I’ve lived alongside a veteran for 17 years, on and off due to deployment. This interview is of my father. His name is Michael Massey, and he was a part of the U.S. Military for 27 years. He’s 52 this year with an untamed beard that he couldn’t be more proud of--since he earned it after retiring. This is his proud story:

I was going nowhere fast, so I decided that I wanted to be a Frogman. I signed up on a contract called the DiveFarer Contract. Basically, it guaranteed you would take a direct path to Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL school or BUD/S. This meant the candidate would go through Navy Basic Training, then “A” School, and finally to BUD/S.

Sarah Massey: Could you tell me about yourself and what was going on in your life at the time you joined the military?

SM: What made you stay in the military for 27 years?

Michael Massey: I grew up mostly in Louisiana, with one year each in Arkansas (5th grade) and Mississippi (10th grade) in the middle. I once did the math and realized that I lived in 10 different homes in 12 years of school. We weren’t a military family, I just think my dad had some nomad in his blood. When I graduated West Monroe High School, I had a promissory note from Louisiana Tech University to be their place kicker starting in 1986. I was interested in Forestry and wanted that degree. SM: So why did you ultimately join the military? MM: Well, within a year, I realized I wasn’t ready for college. That and finding out La Tech decided to go with a different kicker rather than me was enough to nudge me toward something else. I didn’t know what that something else was, but I did remember many conversations my dad and I had on military service so that was on my mind. A friend of mine, Chris Burns, had signed up for the U.S. Navy nuclear program and talked to me about joining. Then, my best friend’s dad started talking to me about his service as a Navy UDT, called “Frogmen” (precursor of today’s SEALs).

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

MM: After a short time in the Navy, I decided I wanted to move over to the Army. I never have enjoyed beaches much (though I still love the water) and I wasn’t keen on the idea of traveling around on a ship for months on end. So, I joined the Army and immediately started looking for the way to Special Forces. After one year in the Army, I went to the U.S. Army Special Forces Assessment and Selection course and was selected for service as a Special Forces Communications Sergeant. Once I graduated the Special Forces Qualification Course and was awarded my Green Beret, my wife and I moved to Germany where I would join my first Operational Detachment-Alpha (ODA). It didn’t take long until I knew I was doing what I was meant to do...and doing it in some pretty awesome places. So, I did that for the next 23 years. SM: What were some of the most memorable moments for you? Starting with the best. MM: My most memorable moments? Wow! The best will have to be in a grouping of sorts. The best were when we deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq. I don’t mean to sound weird or coarse, but when you’ve gone

through all that training and learned so many things for years, you want to know if you can do it for real. The only way a combat soldier can find the answer to that question is to be in combat.

I WAS SO PROUD TO DEPLOY WITH A GROUP OF MEN THAT I CONSIDER, AND IN FACT ARE KNOWN AROUND THE WORLD, TO BE THE VERY BEST AT WHAT THEY DO. I never thought I was the best, but I loved being around the best. Still do. SM: What about the worst moments? MM: The worst moments are when a friend has been killed. Unfortunately, they are also in a group. We lost some incredibly good men who were incredibly good friends.

IT’S NOT THAT IT’S ALL THAT SHOCKING FOR A SOLDIER TO BE KILLED IN COMBAT, IT’S THAT I ALWAYS CONSIDERED THOSE MEN TO BE JUST ONE SUPERPOWER AWAY FROM BEING SUPERMAN. SO, WHEN THEY WERE KILLED, IT WAS HARD TO IMAGINE THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE. BUT IT WAS AND IS.

SM: And the most exciting? MM: The most exciting will also need to be grouped. Every time you step into the unknown you get an adrenaline rush. From jumping out of an aircraft at 25,000 ft to flying into a combat operation, the excitement was almost overwhelming for me. I had a healthy bit of trepidation mixed with probably unhealthy excitement. I was a little scared and a little happy at the same time. Again, I never considered myself one of the best, but I was always excited to be with the best. SM: Okay, so last question, looking back on your career, how would you describe your feelings about serving your country and what it meant to you? MM: The idea of serving my country didn’t cross my mind very much in those 27 years. The idea of serving the men I worked for and with, traveled with, sucked up the bad with, celebrated happy moments with, and generally love as brothers was on my mind always. I lived, and in fact still do to some degree, to serve those men. I was in a constant state of amazement at how good they are at what they do. Even thinking about them now, I am still amazed. This country, and the huge majority of people in it, will never know how well they were and are protected by these incredibly tough, intelligent, and talented warriors.

SM: Yeah. Can you think of the most boring moment?

SO, FOR ME, IT WAS 27 YEARS OF WATCHING THE GREATEST MOVIE THAT COULD EVER BE MADE WITH THE GREATEST CAST OF CHARACTERS EVER CONCEIVED.

MM: Most boring. Ha! The most boring was no different for me than I imagine everyone else… waiting. Riding an Air Force aircraft, for hours. Sitting in a hangar in the worst places on earth waiting to go somewhere, for hours. Having strange layovers in the most remote locations (Pirinçlik, Turkey) because weather won’t let your helicopter fly, for days.

How does one follow such a beautiful line? To conclude this interview and essay, I would like to use a quote of Mr. Massey’s I believe sums up his experiences and thoughts from in and out of the military, and one he reminds me of before I head off to school every morning: “You are ALWAYS being assessed.”

So that’s the worst.

NOVEMBER 2019 |

OutreachNC.com 37

NAVIGATING VETERANS BENEFITS

Q&A

GATHERING AT GIVEN November 14, 2019 | 3:30 PM GIVEN MEMORIAL LIBRARY 150 Cherokee Rd | Pinehurst

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For many Veterans and their families, obtaining service-related benefits can be a daunting, confusing process. The Moore County Veterans Service Office helps Moore County residents obtain benefits from the Department of Veterans Affairs and the State of North Carolina. Bring your questions and learn more about services available to both Veterans and families.

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OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

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Sensory Performance with Gary Taylor Dance by Crissy Neville

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

Everyone likes to have a place to belong: Athletes play on sports teams; children go to playgroups; college students convene for coffee. Adults join churches, clubs and civic groups. We have friends on Facebook and followers on Twitter. And during the holidays, where else do we go, but home, to where we belong. Persons with exceptionalities are no different; they want to belong, too. Beyond their diagnoses, symptoms and behavior, adults and children with special needs have the same basic needs as the rest of us, including that of interaction with others and for love and belonging. For those with an autism spectrum disorder, finding the right niche outside of one’s family can be hard due to the individual’s marked difficulties in behavior, social interactions, communication, and sensory sensitivities — all traits of the developmental disorder. But sometimes, situations fall right into place, whether intentional or not, and bonds form, dots connect. No matter the avenue, the sentiments are the same: belonging to something, or to someone, is simply the best. Ditto that for the Mays family of Pinehurst, who found belonging and a second family in Gary Taylor Dance. Syncing with something that could capture the interest and attention of their middle child, Brooks, was important to parents Katie and Brooks Mays. It was equally important that Brooks, and the whole family, feel accepted in the activity, too. Fifteen-year-old Brooks has autism and according to his mother, has not always felt welcome in every setting, and in accompanying him places, nor has she. Not true at this Pinehurst dance studio, whose signature holiday performance is a family affair for the Mays and has become a true place for “little” Brooks to belong. OutreachNC’s Crissy Neville chatted with Katie May recently about how very this positive story came to be. Crissy Neville: You have a talented family, Katie. Can you tell me about them and how your family came to all be involved with Gary Taylor Dance? Katie May: My husband Brooks and I moved to Pinehurst 12 years ago with his job. He is an endocrinologist with Pinehurst Medical Clinic. At the time, our daughter, Caroline, was 5 years old and wanted to dance. We heard great things about Gary Taylor Dance and so, we enrolled her there. It was 2010, GTD’s first year of performing Tchaikovsky’s “Nutcracker Suite” at Pinecrest High School in Southern Pines. The executive director, Rita Taylor, invited me and my husband to have parts, too. So, the three of us were onstage for the first two years of the show and then the third year, Caroline played the role of Clara and I became a backstage helper to be of more assistance to her and others. That same year, my husband was cast in the role of the Grandfather for the first act. We have been in those same roles ever since, but of course, Caroline is what got us all into dance and her roles have changed through the years. My sons were too young then and could only sit and watch, but in time, they joined in, too. CN: Your son Brooks has autism, and it sounds like you were especially glad for him to find this new passion. Please tell me more about him and how the dance and theater involvement has been a positive force in his life. KM: Yes, Brooks has classic autism, diagnosed at age 2. I would say he is in the middle range of the spectrum. He has always been a fairly social kid; he likes being around energy and things going on, but his behaviors in those situations are not ageNOVEMBER 2019 |

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appropriate. He is in 10th grade but his actual academic level is more that of a fifth or sixth-grader. So, he is intellectually behind but he has strengths in visual ability, memory and music, so those are areas we try to build off. His preference is for technology, though, primarily video games and computers. Being in the Nutcracker has helped him spend time away from a screen. The performance gives him more to do and more time around people. The show has been so positive for him; it has helped him learn to behave in more appropriate ways and has helped a lot with his social and communication skills. He is a good kid and just needed a chance to help. I am so glad that the opportunity finally occurred. CN: That is such an inspiration! What does do Brooks do backstage to help and how did he become a part of the crew, too? KM: About 2014, my younger son Robbie, at age 8, started performing, along with Caroline. So then, we all had a role or job, except Brooks who then was still sitting and watching as he had for the last five years. Then one of the stagehands noticed his keen interest in the props and stage setup and asked Brooks if he wanted to help and he certainly did. From that point on, the stage crew let him take part. Brooks is an honorary backstage person; he helps set up for the beginning of the show. He probably knows the cues for the show better than the director; he is great with visual memory like that. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a helper now for the last five years. CN: You mentioned Brooksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ability in music, memorization and visual acuity. Did you feel he had a propensity for the arts even before he became a volunteer? KM: Yes, he has always liked the arts. We communicated a lot through music when he was younger because we could not understand what he was saying. He knew very few words but was very good at repeating back music. His memory skills help; he knows the Nutcracker music through and through. He also has the show set memorized and knows exactly where each prop goes, when the curtains move and which songs cue a change. Another artistic strength is in visual recreations; he likes to draw and is a visual learner. He recreates the scenes at home for fun and plays the musical score all year; I would say he has useful skills for the theater. CN: Would you define this experience as something very positive in your sonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life and in the life of your family? KM: Yes, we are a dance and theater family, for sure. Brooks looks forward to the show and likes that we do it together. 42

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

It gives him a lot of pride to be part of something and to have something to do; he has a role now. He is not just the extra person hanging out anymore. He has even been involved in a few productions over at North Moore High School thanks to another dance mom, Kimberly Fielder Jones, who directs the shows there. It has been very motivating for Brooks and encouraging for all of us as we consider the future. It is very positive for Brooks to have theater in his life, but the rest of us love it, too. It is a tradition for us; my husband’s entire family comes at Thanksgiving to see us all perform. As a senior, this is Caroline’s last year in the Nutcracker. Robbie, in eighth grade, has this season and four more. Having siblings in the production has helped each one stay in longer and come into it earlier. As for Brooks, we hope this could be something that he will be able to do for a long time to come, as he continues to mature and gain independence. CN: To spread more positivity, I understand GTD is holding a special performance this year of the Nutcracker so more youth like Brooks can enjoy the show. Can you tell me more about this unique performance? KM: Yes! GTD is offering this unique performance for students and adults with autism and other sensory sensitivities Wednesday, Nov. 27, at 10:30 a.m., just before the official show opening. The show, now held at Sandhills Community College, will feature reduced lighting and sound, a reduced price for admission, and an atmosphere conducive for audience members to move around as needed. It will be a shortened show, too. We will have trained volunteers to help with children who may need to take a break from the show in a special area with bean bags set us for this purpose — close enough so they can still hear the music and return when ready. Nationally-recognized TDF Accessibility Programs, which specializes in sensory-friendly shows, is providing us with guidance and resources. As senior dancers, my daughter Caroline and another student, Juliette Neveu, are assisting by securing volunteers and making visual materials. It is a group effort. This will be a great time for adults and students with special needs to experience the arts without judgment from others for their behaviors, perhaps opening up new doors as it did for my family. We want them to have a place they feel welcome, a place to belong. All are welcome! Go to https://taylordance. org/ to find out more.

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Power

THE OF POSITIVE THINKING By: Crissy Neville

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

A litmus test for a person’s perspective is a rhetorical question “Is the glass half full or half empty?” Juxtaposed to the pessimist’s half empty, negative, I don’t have nearly enough, mug is the optimist’s half full, positive, I have my portion and room for more when available, cup. The first is a vessel of despair, the second one of hope. Which do you have, or better yet, which do you want? To further explain, such habits of mind are both born and made. In childhood, Positive Pollys are happy the sun is peeking out on the playground while Negative Neds worry about the coming rain. In adulting, Cheerful Charlies see the cost of living raise as a godsend, but Gloomy Gladys is barely getting by. Disposition is something you may be born with, but it also something you can change. It is obvious why change is necessary. Negative people bring others down with them and live under a shroud of constant worry and fret. The energy they expel does not motivate people or conditions; in contrast, it exacerbates and exasperates both. Their down vibe repels people who don’t care to hear all the negativity and they, without realizing it, may let depression and poor health in the front door. Alena Barosa, a board-certified behavior therapist in the Fayetteville area, says negative thinking never does one any good.

“Negativity does not help our mental nor physical health. It affects our brain chemistry as well as our general view of the world around us,” she said. “Mental and physical health go hand in hand.” This worldview may happen, she continued, because negative situations are more noticeable, as the viewer is not the only one who notices them. Explaining, she said, “Society puts pressure on people to

be the best they can be. When someone does something great, it is regarded as a given, something the person should or must always do. It is as simple as leaving a review for business. How many people go out of their way to leave a good review? On the other hand, people are quick to leave a bad one. Such punishment procedures are referred to as “default technologies” in my field, because punishments are relied on too quickly and reinforcement strategies are significantly overlooked.” One group, however, is not currently overlooking reinforcement strategies; in fact, they are laser-focused on it. The reinforcers are educators; the receivers? Students. Positive behavioral interventions and supports (PBIS) is a way for schools to encourage good behavior. With PBIS, schools teach students about behavior, just as they would teach about other subjects like reading or math. The focus of PBIS is prevention, not punishment. Initiated in 1997 by the Office of Special Education Programs, US. Department of education, PBIS came into use in North Carolina public schools about 2007, and has made a great impact on students and teachers alike. Donna Woods, an instructional assistant in Fayetteville, is a fan of PBIS. She commented, “Reframing our thinking to the positive took some practice but as an educator, I enjoy rewarding students for good behavior and letting them know exactly why they are being complimented or rewarded. Times have changed from punishing children that happen to have an off day.” One primary change with PBIS is the way teachers and assistants communicate. Woods continued, “After so many years, changing from a focus on negative behavior to positive was hard work. Instead of saying, ‘You’re not making good choices, please go move your clip down’ to ‘thank you for making a good choice; here’s a reward’ took practice, but it is much better for us and them. The students know that tomorrow is a new day and new chance for positive outcomes.”

NOVEMBER 2019 |

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Barosa agrees with the PBIS approach. She noted that researchers suggest that smiling more often creates happier moods and that acknowledging happy events, no matter how small, may provide a more positive outlook overall for all involved. This interpretation gives credence to the old adage,” smiles are contagious... be a carrier.” Ready to spread your own positive aura? It is more of a cure than a condition, according to Greogory L. Jentz, Ph.D., author of Hope for Relationships. He has identified six ways to become more positive. To infuse positive thinking in your mind for a happier you and yours, he recommends these steps:

1. Practice being grateful. Try listing all the things for which you are thankful. You can make this list in a journal or record it electronically. Another idea is to find a friend with whom you share your gratitude and progress toward more positivity. Can you find three things a day to tell, text or call your friend about for which you are thankful? If you have children, teach them to do this each night to kick off their positive thinking early in life.

2. Keep track of what you say and think and for every negative thought, counter that with two positive thoughts, comments or action. This helps to form a new habit and is what Jentz calls the “one step forward rule.”

3. Hold your body in a positive posture by showing confidence with your body language and stance. Jentz says to move your body first and then your mind will follow; this means demonstrating positivity with the way you walk, talk, move and hold yourself. Stand up straight, put your shoulders back, hold your chin up high and stretch your arms alongside your body as you walk. Doesn’t this sound better than a hunched back, droopy, head down and arms folded approach?

4. Smile. This act can trick your mind and instantly change the way you feel. Try smiling at others and see how they react.

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

5. Listen to the old saying, “birds of a feather flock together.” Who are you hanging out with? Other Negative Nancys who will pull you down further into their way of thinking? If so, according to Jentz, make some more positive friends and place yourself in uplifting circumstances. If you are trapped talking to a complainer or nagger, try to gently change the subject off the negative subject he or she keeps harping on.

6. Show kindness to someone. This is the best way to get the focus off whatever is making you feel negative and get your focus on the needs of others. Jentz recommends doing one kind thing for at least one person each day. This gives you the perspective you need. The “payit-forward” campaign is the notion of paying for someone’s food or drink ahead of their turn so that when they get to the counter their bill has already been paid. Tag. You’re it. Pay it forward and be the person who does that for someone else next time.

Barosa concurs with Jentz but adds to “love yourself, acknowledging your successes, discovering new places and participating in experiences of humility” such as missions work, charitable service, teaching, health care, volunteerism, and the like are all ways to “step out of your comfort zone,” she said. So, look on the bright side of things, for, like food, where you are what you eat, think positively for you are what you think, too.

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OutreachNC.com 47

by th e

The Opioid Epidemic

b e r m s u n

GRANDPARENTS States with higher opioid prescribing rates also have higher rates of adults over 30 raising grandchildren with Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana and Mississippi among the highest rates.

The opioid epidemic is one of the most common reasons grandparents are raising grandchildren across the nation. In communities hit hard by the opioid epidemic, more children are dependent on relatives for care. The number of grandparents raising grandchildren is up 7% since 2009, OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019 and experts link this to the opioid crisis.

20% Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren living below the poverty line.

25% Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren who have a disability.

>3 For the majority of grandparents, caretaking lasts three years or more.

80K 20

More than 80,000 children in North Carolina live with a relative with no parent present.

The number of children being raised by grandparents or other relatives outside the foster care system to every 1 being raised by a relative within the foster care system.

30%

170 THOUSAND Over 170,000 children in North Carolina live with grandparents.

60%

50%

Percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren in North Carolina Percentage of grandparents Percentage of grandparents raising who are under the age of 60. raising grandchildren in North Carolina grandchildren in North Carolina who are white, who are unmarried. while 35% are African American. NOVEMBER 2019 |

OutreachNC.com 49

SAFE HAVENS: GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN IN AMERICAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S OPIOID CRISIS by Amy Phariss

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

The impact of the opioid crisis extends far beyond the individuals who use opioids and, often times, other drugs. The crisis includes what can be considered collateral damage, impacting community resources including health care, public safety and educational systems. Closer to home, however, the opioid epidemic takes a toll on families, on the people who love and support drug users as they struggle with addiction and the inevitable destruction in its wake. Spouses and parents are among the most affected, often taking on more responsibility in their own lives as the effects of opioid use and addiction disable users and wreak havoc in the homes and relationships surrounding this epidemic.

NOVEMBER 2019 |

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SPOUSE SPOTLIGHT

Bruce, 48

As a young man and newly-divorced father, Bruce found himself in a new town with a fresh start. Having kicked his own demons of addiction with alcohol, he met a girl who was “pretty, smart and motivated. She was a CNA working on her RN and liked my dumb jokes.” She liked having a good time, including smoking pot, which was fine with him. Alcohol had always been Bruce’s ‘problem of choice.’ But within a few years, with a baby of their own, the signs that something was wrong began to appear. Bruce shares with ONC what it was like for him, as a significant other, to navigate the murky waters of addiction. Amy Phariss: So, you met her. How long before you married? B: We never got married, but we had a baby a year-and-a-half into it. It started out that she’d work late. She wouldn’t come home until midnight.

Because you want to give someone their space, you don’t ask questions right away. You don’t accuse them of using drugs. But she’d get paid and her money would be gone. She always had excuses. By the time the baby was two, there were some nights she didn’t come home. AP: Did you know at that point? B: I guess that’s the crazy thing. I felt like I was a man of the world, so I thought I would be able to see something like that happening in front of me. I thought maybe she was seeing someone else. Maybe she didn’t’ want to be with me. It was crazy, like a bi-polar thing. She was one person one hour and then another hour she was another person. Once it really

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

I spent several hours with a group of grandparents in Harnett County, all of whom are raising grandchildren as a result of their children’s opioid use. This means grandparents face not the retirement they planned (with cross-country vacations and trips to Disneyland) but one of financial, emotional and legal strain, a retirement of constant work, worry, stress and, ultimately, love. In North Carolina, the Sandhills region (Bladen, Columbus, Cumberland, Hoke, Montgomery, Moore, Richmond, Robeson, Sampson, and Scotland Counties) has the highest rates of grandparents as primary caregivers as well as the highest rates of opioid prescriptions written. During my time with the grandparents in Harnett County, I learned exactly what that caregiving looks like and what life means for the people who have become safe havens for the littlest victims of this epidemic.

Safe Havens: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren in America’s Opioid Crisis Sixty-one year old Linda Sunderman leans over and settles her granddaughter with an iPad and headphones before turning to say, “I think it’s worse for the family than it is for the drug addict.” Sunderman has been raising her granddaughter since the baby’s birth and has had legal custody since she turned 2-years-old. She explains, “I had to get custody. I went the route of CPA and all that kind of stuff, and then my son – he has some mental issues and he’s the father of the child – he got mad at something the mother of the child did and cut his wrists. He sent the pictures to the other mother and he tried to come get the baby. The mother was living in a hotel with different people at the time. She was bad on drugs then. So I had to get custody.” It’s a story I hear, in various detail, from each of the grandparents willing to be interviewed, most of whom are members of a family caregiver support group run through the Department of Aging in Harnett County.

started manifesting, I got scared. I realized I couldn’t see it. Maybe it was because I was so close to it I couldn’t see it. Sunderman describes the toll addiction takes on the families, not only in terms of grandparents raising (often unexpectedly and overnight) their grandchildren but also the intensity of circumstances surrounding this particular caregiving situation. “When she [the mother] left for Iowa, she’d stolen her drug dealer’s meth. The drug dealer was threatening us, threatening to hurt M. [granddaughter] to get back at the mom for stealing from them. We had to have the police drive by the house every day. We had to stay in the house, not even go in the yard. That’s why it’s

harder on the family. The mom – she could get on a bus and leave.” Several of the grandparents nod in acknowledgment of Sunderman’s story. Ms. T., a fifty-five year old grandmother raising her grandson, says, “I woke up with a nightmare this morning that he was abducted this morning. You go to the schools. You don’t blink. You don’t take your eyes off them.” The worry of safety and security aren’t the only concerns grandparents face when caring for their grandchildren as a result of the opioid epidemic and addiction. Linda Sunderman worries about money, which she says is often in short supply. “When I went to get food stamps [after receiving custody of her grandchild] I was getting $912 in disability, so I didn’t qualify for food stamps. I only qualified for $16 a month.” Grandparents

AP: You were her partner, her spouse. How did you not know? B: First of all, they (drug users) develop a secondary fiction, a story that’s taking place, and they even start to believe it, but it’s like you sit there and you wonder...and again, I should have known...and maybe if she wasn’t my significant other, I could have seen it. But she was a nurse and had access to meds. She jeopardized herself, our relationship, the welfare of the baby....and none of that mattered as much as catching a buzz. Realizing that and accepting that was the hardest thing. I wanted to help her. I wanted to figure it out. I really cared about her. I really do believe shame consumed her. I think that’s why she could never get back up. Shame is such a volatile part of that recipe of addiction, getting sucked into that. Once you’re in, I don’t know. I’m certainly not an expert, but I imagine if you can slay

the dragon of shame, you can repair the rest of the person.

AP: What would you say to someone in your shoes, to someone with a spouse struggling with addiction? B: That’s a tough one. There’s a part of me that says: Run! Run away. It’s okay to give up. Then there’s another part of me that says: hang on until you can’t hang on. Give them a reason to quit. Give them a reason to do better.

In the end, that’s all we can do, right? Give them a reason to do better.

NOVEMBER 2019 |

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SPOUSE SPOTLIGHT

A my, 24

Two years ago, Amy made the call no young wife wants to make. She called 911 because her husband, who had a history of drug use and overdose, was not responding to her text messages and was home alone with their infant daughter. By the time Amy was on her way to the couple’s home, the police called to inform her that her husband, Alex, was dead. We first heard Alex’s story back in September when we published an interview with Alex’s mother, Stephanie. Amy reached out to OutreachNC to clarify details and sat down with ONC’s editor in chief Amy Phariss for an honest, tough, heart-wrenching discussion about her experience as the wife of a man she remembers as shy and quiet but also goofy, a man who harbored insecurities and sadness but also sang to her in the car, danced with his daughter and wanted nothing more than to make his family proud. From the view of a spouse who not only lived alongside addiction but visits the grave of the husband it took, Amy offers us insight into how it feels to battle addiction alongside a loved one, as a mother and wife. Amy Phariss: What would you say to someone in your situation, a spouse whose partner is struggling with addiction?

Amy: Leave. I can’t really give that advice because I didn’t do it, but I constantly tell people: leave and support them from

a distance. That’s the healthiest way to do it. You can still have contact, but let them figure out what they want to do on their own. You can’t choose that for them. They have to do that on their own.

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

talk about struggling to provide school supplies, clothing, food and other necessities let alone extravagances. Even the cost of counseling, which is provided for the children through Medicaid, can be too much. In Sunderman’s case, there were no counselors in her family’s city, and the drive to reach a counselor would have meant more in gas than her family could afford. “When I was only getting $900 a month, the gas money was too much.” Add to this the cost of legal fees for custody issues, which can be sizeable, and

many of the grandparents are struggling to get by during a time they planned to enjoy their golden years and retirement funds.

Even beyond the financial cost and constant worry, however, there are still more burdens grandparents must face while raising their grandchildren, particularly those who come to them as a result of addiction and the issues often linked with drug use. Many of the children have witnessed or been victims of violence and abuse. Laura Blackwell, 57, says, “Mine [her grandson’s parents] were physically fighting in front of M. [grandson]. It’s by the grace of God that M. never got hit. When you’re using, anything could happen. Mom and Dad would fight, and I was so afraid M. would get hit. He witnessed so much ugliness and violence. When we got him, he had such a hitting problem.” Ms. T. says, “C. [grandson] had to move 15 times before he was three. He was in flop houses...you name it.” These experiences mean the children often come to their grandparents with trauma, which can be difficult in terms of behavior issues and extra needs on the part of the children. One grandparent, who asked to remain anonymous, said her biggest fear is “...that we will be enough to make up for the pain and trauma and they [the grandchildren] will know they are safe and loved.” Another fear many grandparents face is the issue of what might happen to their grandchildren if they, the grandparent and caregiver, become ill or even die. Latorius Adams, Family Caregiver Support Program Specialist and Medicare Counselor with Harnett County, says, “In my support group, I have a few

grandparents who are sick or who die. What is the plan if the grandparents die?” Ms. T. agrees. “That is my biggest fear. What happens if I die? Where will he [my grandson] go? One grandparent is dead. The rest are on pills. Where will he go?” Adams continues, “Some of these people in my program are greatgrandparents. That’s it for some of these families. And a lot of these people are sick.” This is another aspect of grandparents raising grandchildren that

is often overlooked: grandparents themselves are sick,

dealing with chronic health issues or needing care themselves.

Ms. T. lives with diabetes, and for her grandson, she’s the end of the line in terms of support. She says, “That’s it for him. I’m it. He helps me with my diabetes. When my sugar gets low, he knows what to do.” Laura Blackwell says, “One of the hardest things for us is that we can’t physically do the things I want to do with my 8-year-old. We can’t get out and play with them like a young parent can. I hate that.”

People asked me why didn’t I force him to go to rehab. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handcuff him and make him go. AP: What would you say to a parent of a child struggling with addiction?

A: Don’t give up. I think that’s a lot of parents' problems – they give up on their child or push them away. Pushing them away only makes it worse. I saw that from Alex’s side. Nothing I would say would make him feel better. Just be there. You don’t have to enable it. You don’t have to make it okay. But be there and let them know you love them. They aren’t any different than anyone else.

They’re still people. He was a father and a son and a brother. He was still that person. AP: What is the line between enabling and loving?

A: I feel like enabling is almost what I was doing – knowing what they’re doing and acting like they aren’t. That’s a form of enabling. Loving is knowing they’re doing it. They know you know. They know you’re not okay with it. But you are still there, still love them. AP: Why didn’t you reach out for help? I was embarrassed. When people hear you’re dating a drug addict, they don’t want to be around you. They think you’re just like him. I didn’t share his story. I said it was an accident for a long time. But the Dunn Police Department asked me to come and speak before they came to do raids. A lot of the officers were in tears to hear about it from the family side, to hear how it affects us.

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AP: Why do you think people start using drugs? Why did Alex begin using drugs?

A: I think people get so depressed. Alex

felt like he finally fit in somewhere, with these drug users and dealers. They talked to him. Even if it was just to sell him drugs or use with him, they talked to him, kept up with him. He finally felt welcome.

The drugs got him out of his depression for however long the drugs stayed in his system. If he had a low day, he’d use. It made him feel better. I feel like he finally found his place…. with the wrong people. AP: What do you think is the biggest misconception about drug users? That they’re any different than you and I. I feel like, when people see drug addicts, they think of them as some junkie, worthless person. They’re not. It can happen to anybody. People fail to realize that. I’ve lost friends because of Alex’s addiction, when everything came out, and what I tell them is to not judge so quick. It could be you or your kid or husband….one day. They don’t choose to die. They use the drug first, yes. But after that, there is a chemical imbalance in their brain. I don’t think they choose to continue to get high. AP: What is the biggest misconception about a drug user’s spouse? A: That we’re bad people. When Alex died, I was questioned as if I was on drugs too. I even told the police to drug test me. I have not used in my life. We’re treated like drug addicts too. I don’t like the way people treat drug addicts themselves. So many people in my group talk about how their families have almost disowned them because they’re in a relationship with a drug addict. What I tell people is: I can’t help who I fell in love with.

OutreachNC.com | NOVEMBER 2019

Sundernman agrees. “I had a knee replacement. I wish I could win the lottery and be able to do a little more. Anyway, you gotta play the lottery to win it.” The room breaks into laughter, a moment of muchneeded lightheartedness before I ask the group: As a community, we often focus on helping people with the disease of addiction. Are we doing enough to help the families? Sunderman is quick to speak. “No. It’s a big no. You can capitalize that one. People don’t know the impact it’s having. People think you should be able to just put them in rehab and recovery.” Ms. T. agrees. “My daughter-in-law was in recovery and dealing [drugs] in the parking lot. She just goes right back to it.” I ask if this is how any of them envisioned their retirement years, and there is laughter again but this time it is tinged with sadness and a touch of bitterness. Ms. T. tells me she was supposed to be on the road during retirement, seeing the country for free. She was supposed to leave for her big cross-country trip in August, but in July of that year, her daughter-in-law left her grandson in a car on a hot summer day. “All our plans stopped. Definitely not how I thought. We should be taking them to Disneyland.

We don’t get to be grandparents, not really. We have to discipline them. We have to be mom, dad, grandma. All of it.” Finally, with great trepidation, I tell the group that I’ll be publishing this article for the November issue, the theme of which is gratitude. I ask: What are you most grateful for in this situation? The answers, like all of the women, are strong, resilient, loving and true. Ms. T. says, “That I was financially able to step in and do what I was able to do because without money, I couldn’t have done it.”

Blackwell says, “For me, it is that I was able to, with my background [of addiction], that I was able to be the parent I should have been but couldn’t for my kids, that I can be that for my grandson.” Sunderman says, “Like Ms. T...if I hadn’t been hard at work, if I hadn’t had a little money, that I’m able to be at home, that I have the time that I do with her.

We live on love, but we are happy.” Ms. T. puts in a final note. “We’re all probably grateful that our grandchildren were strong enough to survive until we could get them. They had to be strong to survive what they went through.”

NOVEMBER 2019 |

OutreachNC.com 57

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turkey from the National Turkey Federation – and he had it for dinner. John F. Kennedy was the first to let a Thanksgiving turkey go, followed by Richard Nixon who sent his turkey to a petting zoo. George H.W. Bush is the president who formalized the turkey pardoning tradition in 1989. 5. There are four towns in the United States named “Turkey.” They can be found in Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, and North Carolina. 6. The average number of calories consumed on Thanksgiving is 4,500. 7. Butterball answers more than 100,000 turkey-cooking questions via their Butterball Turkey Hotline each November and December. 8. The tradition of football on Thanksgiving began in 1876 with a game between Yale and Princeton. The first NFL games were played on Thanksgiving in 1920. 9. More than 54 million Americans are expected to travel during the Thanksgiving holiday this year. That’s up 4.8% from last year. ASSISTANCE AUTUMN BASTE BLESSINGS CARVE CASSEROLE COLONISTS CORNBREAD CORNUCOPIA CRANBERRIES DINNER DRESSING FEAST FOWL FRIENDS GIBLETS GRAVY HARVEST INDIGENOUS NEW WORLD NOVEMBER OVEN PARADE PILGRIMS PLATE PUMPKIN PIE RELATIVES ROLLS SEATING SQUASH STUFFING NOVEMBER 2019 | OutreachNC.com 63 SWEET POTATO TABLE

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life

OVER MY SHOULDER

Yes! You Can by Ann Robson

The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was first published in 1960. It’s one of those great ideas that provide a strong undercurrent for life. It seems that this power, while always with us, ebbs and flows depending on what’s going on in our personal life and what’s going on around us and in the world at large. Currently there’s a resurgence in believing that if you want to be in a good place you can be greatly helped by thinking positive thoughts. This is not just a Pollyanna view but has even been related to quantum physics theory that like frequencies are attracted to each other. Translated that means if you think you can, you undoubtedly can be positive. The tense state of today’s world has made the need for positivity very important to our survival, both physical and mental. By choosing to put a positive thought into a positive deed, you are helping yourself get to a positive place. Depending on the circumstances, it may take several positive thoughts to get you into a regular routine of looking at the good side of things. Realistically, there are some events in life that can’t be helped by being positive. Death comes to mind. Where positivity comes to play is allowing the normal grieving process, recognizing the good life that happened and being grateful for it. This process takes time and will vary from person to person. The important next step of “moving on” allows you to honor the deceased by continuing to live a positive life. Self-pity isn’t pretty. It may be necessary for some people but we can’t continue to wallow in the past. I’ve found that often a few simple words either to myself or to help someone else can help me over a current speedbump. Sometimes I need profound thoughts and other times more down-to-earth ones. Some examples:

“Our greatest glory is not in never trying but in rising every time we fall,” from Confucius. He also said “the man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” If ever there was a perfect mantra to bring positive thoughts, Confucius likely said it. “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat,” according to F. Scott Fitzgerald who definitely knew and thing or two about defeat and success. Buddha stated “Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” How true! It’s akin to not crying over spilled milk. “Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible, and suddenly you are doing what’s impossible,” is attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. If you think you just can’t do something, taking it step-by-step seems not only logical but productive. One of Einstein’s many theories was “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” This is by far more important than his theory of relativity, yet the two theories are compatible. Positivity, in its simplest form, is like learning to ride a bicycle. First there are training wheels and timidness, then no training wheels and a seed of confidence which blossoms into a fearless rider. We won’t all become Tour de France cyclists but only those who have hope will even try. “She thought she could, so she did.” These commendable words are engraved on a bracelet given to our daughter. So can we do whatever as long as we keep thinking we can.

Ann Robson is the author of “Over My Shoulder: Tales of Life and Death and Everything In Between.” She may be reached at overmyshoulder@charter.net .

NOVEMBER 2019 |

OutreachNC.com 65

Generations

OutreachNC asked adults and children our November question. Share your answer on our Facebook page.

What is old?

only . She’s ke g o d li My that’s t u b , og ten n in d 7 o i l l i , am Jason – . s r a ye

My kn e They’r es. e part o the only f me t ha 76. Th e rest t’s of me is a – Jud bout 35. ith, 76

My soul. – Meredith, 17 , rd old o w e up th like oked omething so I’d o l I When nition is s the past, in fi to d the de ng chiefly is year (an ld i o g th belon hink that ear will be ears f t y ) o like t rs to come o previous e t a th the ye belonging self. I like ing , r e e ark for m my young y emb m A and to t of a wiser my, 44 A h thoug 44th year. – r on he

.– Our house ,7 Sarah Gray

Old is a stat You can’t e of mind. give it a number. You kno w? more ab out the w It’s ay you think th an else. – Ji anything m, 67

Rotisserie chicken for dinner. That’s getting pretty old. – Gavin, 13

g in your I guess bein s like eem 90s. That s . getting old maybe it’s – Terry, 74

Well, I suppose my children would say I’m old, but I’ve go t plenty of sass yet! – Ethel, 80

, Aged, wise d. experience y, 23 – Courtne

a. My grandm ,7 – Cameron I’m going with 96. – Deb, 60

My wedd in great-gra g ring. It was my nd has gone mother’s first an d to every woman o mother’s n my side sinc e. grandda ughter w I hope my ill it one da y, too. I d want to wear idn’t hav daughter ea m tradition yself, so I hope t he continue s. – Grac e, 73

e. Betty Whit 6 – Dustin, 2

Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. Somerset Maugham

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