May 2016 OutreachNC magazine

COMPLIMENTARY

MAY 2016 | VOL. 7, ISSUE 5

Empty Nesting issue

Serving the Southern Piedmont, Sandhills & Triangle

MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 1

| OUTREACHNC.COM

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features MAY 2016

Empty Nesting Issue

20

Gentleman’s Notebook: Strawberry Pickin’ with Grandkids

by Ray Linville

28

5 Upsides of Being an Empty Nester

by Rachel Stewart

30

A Naturopathic Approach

by Michelle Goetzl

34

That Bird Has Flown: Emotions Surrounding an Empty Nest

by Rachel Stewart

36

Carolina Conversations with Author and Professor Carole Boston Weatherford

by Thad Mumau

40

Building a New Nest

by David Hibbard

46

Family Tradition Sings On: Temple Theatre Hosts EmiSunshine and The Rain

by Carrie Frye

50

Nurturing for Empty Nesters

by Jonathan Scott

54

Empty Nesting with Full Coop 4

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

by Flo Johnston

MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 5

departments May 2016

19

advice & health 10

Ask the Expert

by Amy Natt

12

The beautiful spring came; and when Nature resumes her loveliness, the human soul is apt to revive also. —Harriet Ann Jacobs

62

life

16

16

Cooking Simple

by Rhett Morris

60

Senior Shorts Poetry

by Ruth Moose

Downsizing

by Mark and Karen Caulfield

18

Music & Memory

by Kelly Ray

62

Over My Shoulder

by Ann Robson

14

Planning Ahead

by Beth Donner

19

Belle Weather

by Celia Rivenbark

64

Resource Marketplace Find the resources you need.

22

Caregiving

by Mike Collins

26

Reading for Generations

by Michelle Goetzl

66

Generations

by Carrie Frye

24

Brain Health

by MaryBeth Bailar, PsyD

27

Literary Circle

by Cos Barnes

61

Continuum of Care

by Kathryn Doddridge

56

Game On

by Thad Mumau

63

Law Review

by Jackie Bedard

58

Grey Matter Games Sudoku, Word Search & Crossword

6

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

COMPLIMENTARY

MAY 2016 | VOL. 7, ISSUE 5

Empty Nesting issue

Serving the Southern Piedmont, Sandhills

& Triangle

MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 1

| OUTREACHNC.COM

COVER PHOTOGRAPHY

BY DIANA MATTHEWS

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OutreachNC.com 7

from the editor

M

ay is in full bloom, and this month, we celebrate empty nesting, moms, strawberry pickin’ and some oldtime country music.

We have some informative and fun features covering the many aspects of empty nesting by giving back as a mentor, finding a new nest that fits a changing but active lifestyle, the upsides and coping with the emotions of empty nesting, and an entertaining story of an empty nester and her full coop of chickens and quest for fresh eggs in Laurinburg.

Spring also tends to kick off many a festival and concert.

Temple Theatre hosts EmiSunshine and The Rain on Tuesday, May 31 in Sanford. This 11-year-old rising star plays the guitar, mandolin, ukulele and is learning to play the fiddle, but it is her voice that catches your attention.

Covering old country hits like “Folsom Prison Blues” and “Jolene,” she makes the songs her own. Emi considers her blend of old country, bluegrass, blues, gospel and rock as old-time music, and she is well on her way wherever the music takes her.

Your spring travels may take you to your local farmers market, where fresh spring produce abounds. We take a look at the naturopathic approach and how real lifestyle and diet changes that incorporate plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables are having real and positive effects for some of our neighbors.

Strawberry season is here, too, and we spent an afternoon with three generations—grandmother, mother and two beautiful grandchildren—in the strawberry field at C. V. Pilson Farm in Cameron. To witness the sheer joy of the children running through the rows, partaking in more than they put inside their buckets and the gleam in the eyes of mother and daughter was simply priceless.

Thank you so much Treva McKenzie and Tiffany, Kenzie and little Luke Kramer for sharing the moment and some of the sweet berries with us! May all moms have a very Happy Mother’s Day! It is also the perfect season for cat naps on the porch, in either the Adirondack or rocker, and co-editor Jeeves is on the job. Thanks for turning these pages with us!

Until next month...

—Carrie Frye 8

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

Editor in Chief Carrie Frye | carrief@OutreachNC.com Contributing Graphic Designers Nikki Lienhard, Jonathan Scott Contributing Proofreaders Michelle Goetzl, David Hibbard, Kate Pomplun, Rachel Stewart Contributing Photographers Katherine Clark, Diana Matthews Contributing Writers Cos Barnes, Mark and Karen Caulfield, Mike Collins, Kathryn Doddridge, Beth Donner, Michelle Goetzl, David Hibbard, Ray Linville, Ruth Moose, Rhett Morris, Thad Mumau, Kelly Ray, Celia Rivenbark, Ann Robson, Jonathan Scott, Rachel Stewart, MaryBeth Bailar, Jennifer Webster

Y Publisher Amy Natt | amyn@AgingOutreachServices.com Marketing & Public Relations Director Susan McKenzie | susanm@AgingOutreachServices.com Advertising Sales Executive Shawn Buring | shawnb@OutreachNC.com 910-690-1276 OutreachNC PO Box 2478 | 676 NW Broad Street Southern Pines, NC 28388 910-692-9609 Office | 910-695-0766 Fax info@OutreachNC.com PO Box 2019 | 101-A Brady Court Cary, NC 27512 919-909-2693 Office | 919-535-8719 Fax info@OutreachNC.com

www.OutreachNC.com OutreachNC is a publication of Aging Outreach Services, Inc. The entire contents of OutreachNC are copyrighted by Aging Outreach Services. Reproduction or use without permission of editorial, photographic or graphic content in any manner is prohibited. OutreachNC is published monthly on the first of each month.

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articles

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advice

Our Aging Life CareTM Professionals will answer any aging questions you may have.

Email us your questions!

ASK THE EXPERT

info@OutreachNC.com

Utilizing Care Managers for Extra Support

by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA My sister has had multiple health problems in the last year. Neither of us ever married or had children, and we depend on each other for support. Can you explain in more detail what care managers do, and how they can help in a situation where there is no family support?

Today’s aging population has an increasing number of individuals who either did not have children or have children who live a fair distance away. Families are more spread out. With increased numbers of blended and step-families in the mix, things can get complicated when it comes to family support and facing increased health issues and the need for support as a person reaches retirement years.

Care management is a profession that emerged as the health care system became more specialized, people started living longer and individuals were seeking more consumer-directed support. A care manager is an individual who typically has a social service, mental health or medical background. The individual should have an education, experience and certificate in providing care management services. The care manager works directly for the family, typically in a private practice setting, but at times through a system or healthcare organization. You can access a national database of qualified Aging Life Care™ managers through the Aging Life Care Association at www.AgingLifeCare.org.

Services are typically paid for by the individual, although some grant programs exist and some long-term care policies provide for a “care coordination” benefit. Even some health insurance companies are starting to recognize the benefit of care management for helping to reduce repeat emergency department visits and admissions.

The care manager can help you assess your specific situation, typically looking at core areas such as: support system, medical history, activities of daily living, mental health, financial planning, legal directives, spirituality, household environment and other quality of life issues to be considered in creating a realistic plan for you. Taking all of this information into account, recommendations 10

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

can be made. If you choose to continue a relationship with the care manager, they can become an integral part of your support team. Some things they might help with include: coordinating and attending medical appointments; coordinating resources as you need them; helping to put safety measures in place at home; bill paying; identifying the appropriate level of care; assisting with placement if you choose to move; assisting with any hospitalizations/discharges, being your go-to person to call in a crisis and much more. In a sense, they become a surrogate daughter or son with an education and experience in navigating life as you age.

Care managers tend to be big advocates of creating a plan to stay in control of decisions that impact your life and how you age. If you are caring for your sister, a care manager can help you identify the decisions that need to be made and resources that can be put in place to give you both the support you need to feel secure and in control of the changes you are experiencing. When choosing a person to play such an important role in your lives, make sure they are certified, carry professional liability insurance and have the knowledge and experience needed to become your ongoing advocate.

Being a caregiver is a big commitment. The care manager is there to help you be successful and carry the load when life feels overwhelming. Let them help you build a family of support services to help you and your sister age the way you choose.

Readers may send questions to Natt, an Aging Life CareTM Professional, certified senior advisor and CEO of Aging Outreach Services. She can be reached at amyn@agingoutreachservices.com.

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advice

DOWNSIZING

Preparing Your Home for New Generations of Buyers

by Mark and Karen Caulfield

I

f you’re thinking about putting your home on the market, it’s a good idea to look at who may buy it. Data compiled by the National Association of Realtors shows that Gen Y (ages 34 and younger) comprises the largest share of home buyers at 32 percent, and Generation X (ages 35-49) makes up 27 percent of recent buyers. Compared to older baby boomers, younger boomers and the Silent Generation, those under 49 are currently the primary purchasers of homes.

Selling a home to younger generations can present a few interesting challenges. Younger buyers are looking for modern homes, and many older homes don’t have the updates these buyers are seeking.

If downsizing is on your list of things to do, consider these five tips before you place your home on the market: Declutter. One of the most important steps of getting your home ready to sell is to remove all of the trinkets, knick-knacks and personal items that you’ve accumulated over the years. By removing these items, you give the buyer a better opportunity to imagine living in the home.

1

2

Take Your Walls Back to Basics. Remove the wallpaper, and paint the walls a neutral color other than white.

Leaving wallpaper up is one of the easiest ways to date a home. Painting the walls a neutral color will open up the space, and it allows the buyer to move into a space they don’t have to start painting immediately.

3

Update Fixtures and Lighting. Say goodbye to brass and poor lighting. Fixtures and lighting are fairly easy to replace and they can have a dramatic impact on the age and size of a space. Bright, soft lighting can make a room feel larger. Brass fixtures used to be extremely popular, but now they immediately make a home feel dated.

4

Replace Curtains and Drapes. If you have lace curtains or heavy drapes, consider removing them and allowing the natural light to flood the space. Buyers want rooms that feel open and airy, and certain types of window treatments can have an adverse effect.

5

Clean the Carpets. If you’ve lived in a home for a long time, years of dirt and grime will eventually start to show and can lead to permanent damage. Having your carpets professionally cleaned can brighten them up, which can help the home show better.

While most of these changes are cosmetic, making them will probably help your home sell quicker. Buyers tend to look for homes that are move-in ready, so doing a little extra work up front could pay off in the long run.

The Caulfields, a husband and wife real estate team at Coldwell Banker Advantage in Southern Pines, can be reached at 910-725-0220 or kcaulfield@homescba.com.

12

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

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advice

PLANNING AHEAD

The Reality of Medicare and Medicaid

by Beth Donner, CRPC

O

lder adults and their families are often faced with difficult, life-altering decisions when it comes to their choices about health care, especially when their health status alters to the point that family can no longer manage the care needs of their loved one at home and facility placement is required. The Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS) reports that people turning age 65 have a 70 percent chance of using some form of long-term care during their lives.

In this situation, families frequently do not understand how little Medicare pays for skilled care (registered nurse, physical/occupational/speech therapists), nursing home costs, custodial and dementia care. Under the best of circumstances, Medicare only pays a portion of the first 100 days of long-term skilled or custodial care. Beginning on day 101 and continuously thereafter, there is absolutely no coverage at all to pay for skilled or custodial care, meaning you are 100 percent financially responsible for the nursing home costs.

With North Carolina’s annual nursing home costs averaging $82,000 per year for skilled and dementia care in a facility, and due to the cost of living and healthcare costs increasing, the same care in two decades is projected to double. A person can easily spend their life savings on healthcare-associated costs, which makes planning for a potential long-term care event all the more important.

The most recent 2012 numbers from the National Health Policy Forum report that older adults in the U.S. are spending approximately $50 billion annually out of their own pockets for long-term care costs.

These dollars represent the dwindling life savings now

14

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

being spent on long-term health care.

Without a plan for long-term care, the alternative is Medicaid, which follows the following process: 1. You reach age 65 and enroll in Medicare (the government program for all retirees).

2. As you age, you experience some health concerns, and have a significant healthcare event that results in the inability of your family to handle the demands of your care and thus seek placement in a facility that provides skilled or dementia care. Medicare may pay a portion of the first 100 days of care at the facility.

3. Day 101 of care arrives, and the financial burden is now your responsibility.

4. You have spent down all your assets except the last $2,000 dollars.

5. You can now apply to Medicaid, because your assets have been depleted to $2,000 along with one home and one car.

6. At some point in the future, you pass away.

7. Although your will stated that your adult children would have your home passed down to them, a process called “Estate Recovery� occurs, and Medicaid places a claim on the home and forces it to be sold so your accumulated Medicaid bills can be reimbursed to the Medicaid government program.

These are the realities of how Medicare and Medicaid works. Planning ahead for a long-term care event can protect your life savings and assets.

Donner is a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor and can be reached at 919-601-0501 or Beth@DiversifiedPlanning.com.

Donnell G. (Buck) Adams, Jr. Hurley E. Thompson, Jr. Clark H. Campbell Michael G. Gorenflo

Michael G. Gorenflo

Seven Lakes

105 Seven Lakes Ct. • 910-673-1325

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hurley@sandhillslawgroup.com

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100 Market Square • 910-295-1700

buck@sandhillslawgroup.com

Clark H. Campbell

grumpylaw@sandhillslawgroup.com Areas of Practice Include

Real Estate Closings • Estates • Business Law Family Law • Traffic tickets • Civil Litigation MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 15

life

COOKING SIMPLE

Rhett’s Crab Cakes & Crab Cake Stack

by Rhett Morris Photography by Diana Matthews

Ingredients 1 lb. lump crab meat 1 tablespoon fresh dill, chopped 1 zest of lemon ¼ cup mayo 1 tablespoon mustard ¼ cup diced celery 1 egg beaten 1½ cups panko bread crumbs 1 tablespoon Old Bay seasoning 1 tablespoon light cooking oil

16

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

Directions

In a large bowl mix dill, lemon, mayo, mustard, celery and egg. Mix well.

Add ½ cup of panko and crab meat, and mix gently until mixture comes together. Take mixture and form into 4 patties. Mix remaining panko and Old Bay seasoning in a bowl. Coat crab cakes with panko.

Heat a non-stick pan on medium-high heat.

Cook crab cakes about 4 to 5 minutes per side until golden brown. Serve as a sandwich, salad or as an entrée.

If you want to get creative, try a crab cake stack with a sliced fresh tomato between two crab cakes, then top it off with fresh slaw, avocado slice and lemon wedge.

Morris, owner of Rhett’s Restaurant, Personal Chef & Catering, is an award-winning chef, specializing in Southern gourmet fare with fresh ingredients. He can be reached at 910-6953663 or rhett@ rhettsrpcc.com.

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MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 17

life

MUSIC & MEMORY

Personal Playlist to the Past

by Kelly Ray

A

cry of hope and triumph came from a woman with Alzheimer’s disease as she exclaimed, “The music is mine!”

This resident has lived in a memory care facility for several years. She received an iPod with her own personal playlist of music in her native language of Spanish, something she rarely gets to hear. Slipping the headphones over her ears and clipping the iPod to her shawl, this sweet lady dances in her room and up and down the hallway with her walker as her partner. She is one of the many success stories of a Music & Memory program.

Family and community donations provide the funding for the purchase of iPods and headphones. Through Music & Memory programs, residents in an assisted living community are equipped with digital music devices loaded with personalized playlists.

Some residents may be able to tell us the kind of music that they want to hear; however, the majority of those diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other form of dementia may not be able to clearly communicate what types of music they enjoy.

The task of picking out individualized music playlists is then shared with family members and staff. The positive effects of music as a person connects with a song and experiences joy is also shared. These special moments of clarity may only last a few minutes, but the healing power of music seems to take the toll of dementia away.

Residents may become more aware of their surroundings, relax and be more social.

A certain song may spark a memory and a conversation with someone who may have otherwise been silent.

Music connects us. We can remember thousands of songs in a heartbeat, much like an iPod, but may not recall what we had for breakfast this morning. Music often reaches us where logic cannot, touching our souls and bringing out our true selves.

How often do we turn to music in times of stress, anger, sadness or joy? There is music for falling in love, heartbreak, anger or just to hear a beat. We share our music like we share our stories, and it conveys deep and personal parts of who we are. Music can take us back to specific events, like a first kiss or sitting at your mother’s feet as she sang to you. We listen and remember. That’s the power of music and memory.

Ray, certified in Music & Memory and marketing representative for Open Arms Retirement Center in Raeford, can be reached at 910-875-3949 or kellyray8910@yahoo.com.

YOUR ONE STOP LOCAL NEWS SOURCE

FOR MOORE COUNTY. 18

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

www.AberdeenTimes.com

life

B E L L E W E AT H E R

Adult Coloring Time More Relaxing with Cough Syrup

by Celia Rivenbark

A

friend hooked on those popular adult coloring books says she can relax for hours with her colored pencils.

“I just feel the stress pour out of my body,” she said dreamily.

I told her prescription cough syrup has that effect on me but, well, to each her own.

“You should try it!” she said. “It really takes your mind off your troubles; it’s like meditation.”

“That’s exactly the way I feel about cough syrup,” I said.

But, after leaving me with a lovely picture she had colored just for me, I pondered the intricate shading variations, the attention to detail, the hours it must have taken her to produce something so vibrantly perfect.

She was not the first, or even the fifth person to give me a picture and not-so-subtle suggestion to try coloring.

Which means that I must come across as someone greatly in need of a relaxing hobby. WHY WOULD THAT BE????

Right now, my biggest source of stress is finding refrigerator space for all those mandalas. That’s adult coloring book-speak for mind-bogglingly intricate geometric patterns. A couple of friends gave me lovely, meticulously colored mandalas and now I have to make sure theirs is on the fridge when they visit.

I’m terrified, and quite stressed, that I will guess wrong and there will be hurt feelings. When the Princess was in elementary school, failure to quickly display her art on the fridge could be fixed with a banana Popsicle, but I’m thinking adults won’t fall for that. It will take more than that to placate a huffy 55-year-old who wonders why her snowflake didn’t make the cut.

To be honest, the first time I heard of adult coloring books, I thought it was naughty pictures. “Adult” just isn’t something I normally associate with coloring books. To me, it’s a jarring pairing of words, rather like “adult diaper.”

Time magazine recently reported that sales of adult coloring books rose from 1 million in 2014 to 12 million in 2015. And to think, I’ve spent all these years writing books with words in them like a damn fool. Now that the Princess is away at college, I can go in her room and paw through everything including her “crafts chest,” where I found a book of mandalas and a huge mug of colored pencils.

Wow. Snooping around a teenager’s room isn’t the adventure it was in my day. Anyway, I have now spent a few days now trying to color a fish. Actually catching, cleaning and cooking a fish is more my thing but I’M TRYING TO RELAX HERE. It’s yoga class all over again when, during meditation time, I just made my grocery list in my head instead of Namaste-ing and what not. The fish scales were shaped like lemon slices, which reminded me of lemon pie, which sent me to the fridge, which I could hardly open for all those fluttery mandalas, which reminded me to GET BACK TO RELAXING ADULT COLORING TIME!!! Yeah, this isn’t working.

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Pinelawn Memorial Park

W. Morganton Rd. • Southern Pines

910.692.6801 MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 19

G E N T L E M A N ’ S N OT E B O O K

’

by Ray Linville | Photography by Diana Matthews

I

love May. It’s the month that my family plans an outing with grandchildren to pick strawberries.

Nothing compares to walking among rows of brilliantly ripe berries that are begging to be picked. Just don’t focus on only picking. Much like the advice “to stop and smell the roses,” take time to nibble as you pick. In fact, grandkids always eat more than they save in a bucket.

The best strategy is to plan to go home messy, so wear comfortable clothes that are almost ready to put in the wash.

Children never leave a strawberry field as clean as they enter.

They also won’t pick as fast as you think they should. Relax. It’s an adventure, not a work trip.

If you take more than one grandchild, a competition among them quickly develops on who is picking the most.

Quantity, not quality, is their reward.

Grandkids typically pick any berry in sight, whether it is lusciously ripe or still needs more time in the sun. They will be more than elated with whatever fills their buckets. Even with row markers clearly showing areas to pick, grandkids can venture off on their own at the most unexpected time. “Why can’t we pick over there?” is asked more than once.

Don’t plan on grandkids getting tired of picking at the same time that you are

ready to quit. After all, they are much closer to the ground and won’t wear out from the constant bending.

Even though you feel that you may pop from eating so many berries as you picked, don’t be surprised that the grandkids still have room for strawberry ice cream. Many places have learned that selling homemade ice cream is as important as having fresh berries to pick.

The N.C. Piedmont area has almost 100 you-pick-it strawberry farms, according to the N.C. Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. You really don’t have to drive too far to find one. The N.C. Strawberry Association even makes planning easy with a farm locator and free smart phone app at: www.ncstrawberry.com/growers.cfm.

In addition, friends are great sources of recommendations on where to pick.

Most you-pick-it locations opened last month and have pickable strawberries throughout May. However, to be safe, always check in advance before you go to verify hours and conditions.

Picking strawberries with grandchildren is one of the true joys of springtime. Plus, when you pick your own, you avoid the problem Mark Twain warned about in 1908, “When a man is buying a basket of strawberries, it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.”

Retired from the N.C. Community College System, Linville is a contributing writer for the N.C. Folklife Institute and conducts programs on Southern food, history and culture. He can be reached at linville910@gmail.com.

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Treva McKenzie with her grandchildren, Luke and Kenzie Kramer and daughter, Tiffany Kramer, enjoy a strawberry pickin’ outing at C.V. Pilson Farm, a fifth generation farm located at 108 CVP Lane in Cameron. The C.V. Pilson Farm Stand is open Monday-Saturday, 7:30 a.m.-6 p.m.

For more information, call 910-245-4285 or visit their website, www.cvpilsonfarm.com. To find a strawberry farm close to you, visit www.ncstrawberry.com/growers.cfm.

MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 21

advice

CAREGIVING CAN MAKE LIFE CRAZY!

You Need More People In The Nest

by Mike Collins

I

f you are fortunate, you’ve had an opportunity to have open discussions with your parents about the impact you had on their lives and to tell them—and thank them—for the impact they’ve had on yours.

About a decade ago, I was in my early 50s, and my mother and I were having one of those talks.

Mama confessed that when she and my father took me off to college, she cried all the way home from Chapel Hill. My ego stepped up front and center in my mind, and I thought, “How wonderfully loving that this extraordinary woman would find the fact that I would no longer be in her life on a regular basis to be so deeply sad.”

I wondered if it was my conversations with her, or the fact that she and my father could bask in the glow of my accomplishments in the community, or, maybe, that she wouldn’t be greeted each morning by my smile.

Prepared for any or all of my expectations I asked, “What did you miss the most?”

And she said, “The fact that you could run to the grocery store for me.”

I remember the room being really quiet for a minute or two.

Having children leave the home to move out into life is a well-documented experience which, as usual, we baby boomers have made a big deal and named—the empty nest.

Experiencing an empty nest seems to bring a whole range of emotions from ugly crying to shouts of joy; sometimes within 10 seconds of each other.

However, an empty nest for caregivers can multiply the challenge in unanticipated ways. For children without siblings, responsibilities fall to one set of shoulders. For groups of siblings, it seems there is always one person—usually a sister—who, due to experience, proximity or emotional connection, takes on most of the responsibility. In some situations, there will be siblings who remove themselves completely from the experience for a wide variety of reasons.

If you are a caregiver, you need more people in your nest, not fewer. If you truly are in an empty nest and trying to care for a loved one, you need to reach out. If your loved one has had a hospital stay, simply ask a nurse or hospital discharge planner who handles caregiving connections. Every hospital has someone who fills that position. You may also want to contact your local Council on Aging. They can help point you to resources that provide free and paid support.

If you have siblings, you need to respect everyone’s reality about the experience, their emotions, their strengths and their challenges.

Thanks to Linda Hepler, BSN, RN, whose wonderful article on AgingCare.com, “Getting Your Siblings to Help With Caregiving,” offers six ways you can prepare for your experience:

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1. First, have a meeting. In fact, if you have aging parents you should have already had the meeting to discuss the “What if?” questions: What if Mom or Dad has a health issue?; What if it’s really serious?; What if they need caregiving services?; What if we each need to step up? In the best of all possible worlds, your loved one would be included in the meeting. This can be anything from a conference call to a discussion around the table at a family get-together.

2. Create an agenda, a written list of questions and concerns. The last thing you want is for someone to be on their way home and think, “I wish I’d asked this.” If you are already in the caregiver experience, write down all the things you are now doing, all your out-of-pocket expenses and life issues that show the impact the experience is having on you.

3. Listen as much as you talk. Everyone remembers the old saying, “God gave you two ears and one mouth so you’d listen twice as much as you talk.” Be careful about getting angry as you explain what you may be doing or hearing someone say they don’t want to be involved.

4. Be specific. “We need someone to stay with Mama on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.,” or “We need someone to do the grocery shopping” works better than, “I need for some of you to do more.”

5. Divide up the tasks. Do some siblings have strengths and experiences that make them uniquely qualified to accept certain responsibilities?

6. Don’t expect everyone to step up equally.

People are people, and the more siblings you have in the nest, the more likely someone will ease back instead of stepping forward. Others may offer more in the way of financial assistance rather than hands-on help. The reality of caregiving can turn lives upside down; you’ll see the fear of the unknown in some of their eyes. Fear causes us to hesitate.

Remember, in caregiving, more people in the nest is better. Everyone making a contribution and still having a manageable lifestyle is best. That way, you always have someone to go to the grocery store.

©2016 Mike Collins.

Collins is the producer of the video, “Care for the Caregiver,” winner of a National Caregiver Friendly Award from Today’s Caregiver Magazine. For ways to deal with the craziness of caregiving, visit www.crazycaregiver.com.

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OutreachNC.com 23

health

B R A I N H E A LT H

3 Strategies to Enhance Your Brain

by MaryBeth Bailar, PsyD

C

linical neuropsychologists amass knowledge of the various brain disorders that can develop in the aging brain, such as Alzheimer’s disease and vascular dementia. However, neuropsychologists not only evaluate for and diagnose these conditions, but we are also very interested in how to prevent these conditions and how to maintain brain health throughout the aging process. One topic of particular interest regarding brain health that is popular in neuroscience research and the media is neuroplasticity.

For a long time, it was assumed that as we become older, the connections in the brain become fixed, and then it is just a matter of time until we start “losing” brain cells. However, this assumption is being aggressively challenged by recent studies showing that the brain never stops changing. Specifically, research is showing that the brain has the ability to change itself throughout life by forming new connections among brain cells. This ability to add neural connections, and thereby change the brain’s structure and function over time, is called neuroplasticity. For example, research is now consistently indicating that regular cardiovascular exercise is related to growth of brain cells in the hippocampus, the area of the brain responsible for new memory formation.

As a result of all this research, we can see that we have much more control over our brains than we previously thought. We are learning more about what we can do to change the brain and enhance its 24

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functioning. This means we are not entirely at the mercy of our genetics or the neural connections we brought into this world or formed as a child, which is great news.

These three strategies supported by research can help maintain brain health and enhance neuroplasticity as we age.

1. Exercise. Research has shown that regular aerobic exercise can lead to cell growth in the memory center of the brain and therefore improve memory performance as we age.

Consistent physical exercise, such as walking, will also promote your health status and your emotional well-being.

2. Keep your mind active. Continuing to participate in mentally challenging activities is crucial for keeping up brain cell connections and forming new ones. The key is to engage in novel activities that challenge your brain in new ways, such as learning a new game or participating in a new type of arts and crafts project.

3. Don’t neglect your emotional and social well-being. In addition to being distressing, psychological problems, such as depression and anxiety, can impact brain functioning.

Additionally, stress can reduce brain volume and interfere with neuroplasticity. Therefore, if you think you are experiencing emotional problems or significant stress and not seeking treatment, seek help from a mental health professional.

Dr. Bailar, a clinical neuropsychologist at Pinehurst Neuropsychology, can be reached at 910-420-8041 or www.pinehurstneuropsychology.com.

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OutreachNC.com 25

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R E A D I N G F O R G E N E R AT I O N S

Picture Books Help Children Understand Dementia

E

Book Reviews by Michelle Goetzl

xplaining what is happening when Grandma or Grandpa starts to have memory issues or are acting differently due to Alzheimer’s disease or dementia is challenging. Finding ways to open the conversation with your children and grandchildren can be easier with the multitude of picture books available that try to open the door to understanding.

In Alison Acheson’s touching story, “Grandpa’s Music,” Callie’s grandfather moves in with her family as his memory begins to fade. The family creates a routine so that “grandpa will know what step comes next.” As time passes, his music still remains as connective tissue to his past.

With the same respect for music, Sarah Lynn’s “Tip-Tap Pop” is a sweet story about a little girl who loves to tap dance with her grandfather. As Pop ages, he starts forgetting things, even Emma’s birthday. The story glosses over some of the harder aspects of Alzheimer’s, but is a good place to start for young children.

In Émilie Rivard’s “Really and Truly,” Charlie and his grandfather share a love of a tall tale. His grandfather always told him stories. Now that Charlie is older, his grandfather not only doesn’t tell stories, he has “an awful disease eating up his memory and his words. It has even swallowed up his smile.” Suddenly, Charlie makes up his own story and when he says the magic line, “really and truly,” a spark of recognition appears on his grandfather’s face. While his grandfather doesn’t always recognize him, he continues to be the storyteller with “the power to find the right story to make him smile.”

It can be a frightening experience for kids when their grandparents start to lose their memories. In “Always My Grandpa,” by Linda Scacco, young Daniel looks forward

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to spending his summer vacation with Grandpa, but this year Grandpa starts to change as the summer progresses.

This is a heartwarming tale describing what it is like to be close to a grandparent who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

In a similar vein, “Still My Grandma,” by Véronique Van den Abelee, celebrates the special relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter while showing the challenges as grandma begins to suffer from Alzheimer’s disease. One day, Grandma forgets her granddaughter’s name. Another day, she puts her shoes in the refrigerator.

This is a sensitive way to introduce a young reader to the realities of Alzheimer’s disease and a reminder that love is more powerful than any illness.

Making memory boxes and scrapbooks is an important theme repeated in books dealing with Alzheimer’s disease.

In Maria Shriver’s “What’s Happening to Grandpa,” the main character, Kate, copes with understanding her Grandpa’s condition after he begins repeating the same stories. Together, they sit down with a box of photographs and his still-intact memories and create a scrapbook so that “the important memories of my life will forever be in my heart.”

These books can help a young child find ways to cope and understand what is going on with their beloved grandparents.

Goetzl writes an online blog—”Books My Kids Read.” She loves books and sharing that love of reading with children. She can be reached at booksmykidsread@gmail.com.

life

LITERARY CIRCLE

‘George’s Grand Tour’ and ‘Everything I Never Told You’

I

Book Reviews by Cos Barnes

n “George’s Grand Tour”

by Caroline Vermalle, I could’ve been George. My son recently gave me an iPad which I did not ask for, but he said my grandchildren will text where they will not telephone. Kids love telephones, I thought, but that is evidently no longer true.

Widowed and lonely and suffering from many old-age distresses at 83, the protagonist, George, talks his 70-year-old friend, Charles, into accompanying him on a car trip, the route being the 2009 Tour de France.

They plan to see all the scenery the French landscape provides. Before they leave, George gets a call from London from his 23-year-old granddaughter, whose mother (George’s daughter) is traveling elsewhere and asked her to check in with grandfather periodically. They have not seen each other in 10 years, but a new friendship develops as they communicate electronically.

The story brings out how communications are as important to the younger generation as they are to the older. George even throws in a little pig Latin, which I do occasionally to see if I can remember fourth grade antics.

With undertones of sadness, this is a sweet tale as two generations renew their affection for each other.

There are many dysfunctional aspects to the Lee family in Celeste Ng’s debut novel, “Everything I Never Told You.” There’s daughter, Lydia, who is so unpopular with school associates that she spends her nights pretending she is talking on the phone; a Chinese-American father, James, who has never felt that he belongs; and the mother, Marilyn, who gave up studying to be a doctor when she married but determined that her daughter Lydia will fulfill her dreams. Marilyn also has deep-seated conflicts with her own mother.

At one point, Lydia leaves home and does “her thing.”

While she is away, James permits his other children, Nath and Hannah, to watch television all day and eat whatever they wish. Lydia later dies, either by murder or suicide.

In this novel, Ng explores everything: alienation, race, gender, family identity and rejection of others who are different.

Barnes has been writing for OutreachNC since the first publication in 2010 and currently participates in three book clubs.

She can be reached at info@outreachnc.com.

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The Chapel located on the FirstHealth Hospice & Palliative Care Campus MAY 2016 |

OutreachNC.com 27

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UPSIDES of being an

Empty Nester

by Rachel Stewart

A 1

djusting to a newly empty house and schedule can be a big change— but change can also be a great thing. Look at these upsides to your empty nest:

You’ll have more time to explore passions and hobbies. As a parent, you probably went to sports tournaments, choir concerts, dance recitals and other hobbies when your children expressed interest.

Now is the time to take yours off the back burner. Going back to school, traveling or testing the waters for a new career are examples of ways you can fill your new schedule.

2

There’s less stress—sort of. Parents will always worry about their children on some subconscious level, no matter their age. That feeling of fear comes with the role of parenting. However, as your children mature and build their lives independently of you, you can breathe a tiny bit easier. Your days will no longer be filled with the dramas and woes you found yourself pulled into when your child was a teenager— they are, however, just a phone call away.

3

Take the chance to renew your surroundings. Many children worry their rooms will be turned into an office or guest room when they move out for good, but now is a great time to take stock of home sweet home. Have you been putting off cleaning out the attic or making time for small repairs around the house? Does the outside of your home need more landscaping? Now’s the time to make your home what you’ve always wanted it to be. On the other side, if you’re wanting to start fresh, you can look into downsizing to a cozy condo or townhome with space for entertaining—but not clutter.

4

Find new friends. Just like your group of friends evolved when you brought a brand-new baby home from the hospital, your social circle may change again. Consider this a time to strengthen your friendships with new people who are also going through empty nest syndrome. Plan dinner dates or hit the road for a day trip together and support each other when you’re feeling anxious or are excited about new plans.

5

You’re entering a new stage of your relationship with both your partner and your children. Many couples reconnect during the empty nest phase and enjoy extra freedom in their time together, so enjoy this second honeymoon period to the fullest. After so many years of giving love and support, many parents may be surprised that their relationship with their children strengthens in different ways. It could be a small gesture, like your child picking up the tab at dinner or something monumental like them being a rock of support for you in a tough time.

While your kids may not physically be in your life day in and day out, your emotional bond may flourish in ways you didn’t expect.

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A Naturopathic Approach

W

by Michelle Goetzl Photography by Katherine Clark & Diana Matthews

hen ailments plague our bodies, most of us call our family physician or specialist in search of a prescription or procedure to cure us. What if the solution could be found in you? What if lifestyle changes could truly make a difference?

This is where naturopathic medicine comes in. Naturopathy is founded on the premise that people are naturally healthy, and healing can occur through removing obstacles and by stimulating the body’s natural healing abilities. The foundations of health in natural medicine are diet, nutrition, homeopathy, physical manipulation, stress management and exercise.

While some may write off naturopathic medicine, naturopathic doctors are board-certified physicians trained in primary care, but they tend to have a different philosophy about how to treat a patient that allows a patient to heal themselves with lifestyle changes rather than medication.

Naturopathic medicine can be a great alternative to traditional Western medicine for many, though not all, ailments.

“Naturopathic medicine’s strengths lie in chronic diseases,” says Meaghan Dishman, ND, LAc, MSOM, RYT, a naturopathic doctor and licensed acupuncturist at Bloom Integrative Health in Raleigh. “When you look at the statistics of what this country ails from—obesity, joint pain, diabetes —they are all modifiable with lifestyle changes.”

Among the most common ailments Dr. Dishman treats are allergies, chronic pain, digestive issues, hormonal imbalances, obesity, respiratory conditions, heart disease, fertility problems, menopause, adrenal fatigue, cancer, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.

“The first thing a patient can expect when seeing a naturopathic physician is to be heard as a person, not a symptom,” Dr. Dishman says.

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CONTINUED PAGE 32

Mary Ann and Rick Manning are embracing nutritional changes and seeing the health benefits.

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CONTINUED FROM PAGE 30

After filling out a lengthy questionnaire before your visit, your first appointment with a naturopathic physician is likely to last at least an hour, because these practitioners want to understand what led you to where you are at that precise moment.

John Vann, of Pinehurst, first went to see a naturopathic doctor after years of suffering from gastrointestinal symptoms. He had been put through multiple endoscopies, blood tests, colonoscopies and other invasive and costly tests that ended with a diagnosis of irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). When a dietician recommended that he try a naturopathic physician with a strong knowledge of nutrition, he figured it couldn’t hurt. By making changes to his diet, his stomach problems have all but disappeared.

“What impressed me the most was the focus on the causes to my problems and ways to prevent them,” says Vann, who was taking multiple prescription medications daily.

He suffered not only from digestive issues, but pain, sleep and energy issues as well as an enlarged prostate. He initially saw Dr. Jennifer Kaumeyer in Raleigh, but when she relocated to Kansas, he began seeing Dr. Dishman.

“I am now down to only one medication a day,” he says, “and I feel like a new man.”

Another important aspect of naturopathic medicine is the role of the doctor as a teacher. Naturopaths take their role as teacher, or docere, seriously.

“The more education the patient has about their illness,” Dr. Dishman says, “the more empowered they become to make changes in their lives.”

“Dr. Dishman has always made sure that I fully understand what any test results mean as well as why certain changes make a difference in my life and health,” Vann adds.

Like Vann, Mary Ann Manning, a yoga instructor who lives in Whispering Pines, has also seen the benefit of naturopathic medicine. After years of chronic bladder infections and multiple rounds of antibiotics, she finally decided to try something different.

“It was a leap of faith,” Manning says. “Seeing a naturopathic physician requires a certain amount of trust.

It’s not like you go to the doctor and get a prescription.”

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then Manning started to feel better for the first time in years. When she started having blood pressure and weight issues down the road, another trip to a naturopathic physician made long-term changes that medication alone could not.

Bigger changes came for Manning and her husband, Rick, this past year when they started to see Maggie Thibodeau, ND at Cary Holistic Health. Rick was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA). Since RA is an autoimmune disorder, he was put on an autoimmune diet that they both now follow to help with his symptoms.

“One of the reasons we sought out naturopathic medicine for his symptoms is because the medications for RA are very damaging to the body,” Manning says. “We are trying to focus on healing the body rather than putting a band-aid on the problem.”

Manning admits that following the autoimmune diet is a big change.

“You have to be willing to follow the plan,” she says. “You are not going to go to a naturopath and get a pill. You have to be willing to change.”

While naturopathic medicine often requires a serious look at nutrition, that is not the only thing used to promote the body’s healing properties.

Eighteen years ago, Bonnie Klein and her husband, George, met a naturopathic doctor who was answering questions at Nature’s Own Market in Southern Pines.

“We went to this naturopathic doctor for a total of about six months, and we not only cleaned up our diets as he requested, but he taught us how to meditate and insisted we add yoga or tai chi as exercise,” Klein says.

“Within those six months, I lost weight, my blood pressure became normal, I no longer suffered from IBS, bladder infections, chronic headaches and migraines, and my periods became normal,” she adds. “I also found I had more energy than I had for years. George was weaned of all his meds, and for the past 18 years, neither of us have taken any prescription drugs or even over-the-counter meds.”

The times are definitely changing. Complementary or alternative medicine is rapidly gaining respect and acceptance within physicians’ offices and hospitals across the country as scientific evidence shows its efficacy.

Additionally, more people are realizing that the foods we put into our systems directly impact how we feel.

Bonnie Klein, on a recent outing to the Moore County Farmers Market for fresh produce, eggs and meats.

That may mean a vegan diet that excludes all meat and animal products, a paleo diet that consists of meat, fish, vegetables, and fruit, and excludes dairy or grain products and processed food, or a diet that includes lean proteins but limits gluten or dairy can have greater health benefits.

“For optimal health,” Dr. Dishman says, “nutrition, sleep and exercise are crucial, in that order.”

As Hippocrates, the Father of Medicine, advised, “Let food be thy medicine, and thy medicine be food.”

“It certainly makes sense to try safe things that nature provides for our bodies, before resorting to manmade drugs with side effects, some of which are life threatening,” Klein says. “A healthy diet, exercise, and meditation or some other form of stress relief, are what I think is best to keep me healthy.”

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That Bird Has Flown

by Rachel Stewart

Emotions Surrounding an Empty Nest

I

t’s finally happened—your child is an adult. This could mean they’ve gone away to college, started their first real job after college or gotten married. Whatever the circumstance, there’s an empty spot in your home where your child used to live, and your heart could also feel as hollow as the bare room your son or daughter has left behind.

Empty nest syndrome can manifest as feelings of sadness or depression for many parents. While women are more likely to experience this emotional condition, men may also feel sad or out of sorts when their children become independent adults.

Understanding Your Emotional Highs and Lows One moment you may be joking about how great it feels to have time to yourself and then five minutes later you might be crying because you found a memento or piece of clothing your child left behind when he or she moved out. These emotions are perfectly normal at first—however, if you find yourself or your partner feeling sad all the time, it may be time to seek out help. Speak to your doctor or a counselor if you: • No longer want to spend time with friends and family • Feel like your life is meaningless • Cry constantly off and on Talk therapy is another option to help you work through your feelings as you transition to the next phase of your life. You and your counselor may be able to pinpoint positive goals for you and your partner as you adjust to the empty nest.

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Finding the New Normal After years of schedules built around your child’s school schedule and activities, it may be hard to establish a new routine. Structure can lessen the feelings of loneliness or uncertainty. If you and your partner used to rush around at breakfast time to get the kids out the door, try scheduling a breakfast date out together a couple of times a week at one of your favorite spots. Sooner than later, you’ll be looking forward to your new routine—and you can include your child when they come home to visit.

Many people put off spending money or pigeonhole vacations to spring break or summer time when their child is at home. Embrace the extra time and money you have by planning a long trip across the country or even abroad. Time away can also take your mind off sad feelings and also crystalize how much you have to look forward to as your child begins his or her life.

Whether your nest has been empty for a few months or even years, understand it’s a process and your feelings may change over time as you settle into a new schedule.

The Boomerang Effect Sometimes children may return home after leaving due to the difficult job market, student loans, or even divorce. Called “boomerang kids,” this situation can lead to different kinds of emotional tension for both parents and now-adult children.

Grown children may think they no longer have to abide by their parents’ rules anymore, and parents may have trouble being shut out of their child’s private life even if they are physically in the house. In this case, it is important to set up a fresh set of house rules before your child returns home. Details to be considered include:

• Length of stay. Are they moving back in until they can find steady employment? Do they need

six months to a year to save up a down payment on a school loan or house payment? Set clear goals for what you’re comfortable with—it will help your children stay motivated to get back out into the real world, too.

• Bills. How can your kids pitch in financially until they’re able to be independent again? Small

examples include paying a portion of the utilities, or being responsible for grocery shopping every other week.

• Chores. Much like when your child was in school, establish who should be responsible for taking out the trash or cleaning up after meals to curtail arguments or unneeded stress.

• Curfews. Some parents may be fine with their adult children coming and going as they please as

long as they text their plans; others may want a curfew in place. Be honest about what works in your household. If your children don’t agree, this is all the more reason to push for them to find a way to be completely independent after their temporary setback.

MAY 2016 |

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Carolina Conversations with Author and Professor

Carole Boston Weatherford

C

by Thad Mumau | Photography by Diana Matthews

arole Boston Weatherford is a very busy lady. The Baltimore native is a professor in the English department at Fayetteville State University, where she teaches classes in creative writing and children’s literature, and heads the professional writing program.

Weatherford, 60, is a prolific author. In fact, she is not even sure how many books she has written.

Although poetry is her first love, she writes children’s literature, historical fiction and biographies, even delving into sports. She started early, getting published as a first-grader, and has continued an almost relentless journey in the printed word. Sometimes she addresses issues in her books, sometimes she praises people for their accomplishments and sometimes she teaches.

Weatherford has received the NAACP Award for Outstanding Literary Work and the Children’s Golden Kite Award for Picture Book Text.

ONC: Your writing career really got a very early start. Tell us about that.

CBW: I composed my first poem at age six and recited it for my mother as she drove me home from school. She parked the car, asked me to repeat it and wrote it down.

Who influenced you most to be a writer?

I was encouraged by my teachers, but my parents were my chief influence. They helped me pursue my artistic and literary interests. When I was in second or third grade, my mother asked my father, a high school industrial arts teacher, to print a few of my poems on the letterpress in his classroom. He used my poems as typesetting exercises for his students. As a result, I saw my work in print at a tender age—before the dawn of desktop computers and printers.

What was your first book to actually go into print, and when was that?

“Juneteenth Jamboree,” my first children’s book, and “The Tan Chanteuse,” my poetry chapbook for adults, both debuted in October 1995.

I read that you said, “The Creator called me to be a poet.” Is that why you write?

Yes. Writing is not what I do; it is who I am.

You have, of course, written other kinds of books. Is poetry still what you enjoy writing the most?

I consider poetry my first literary language, and it’s my go-to genre for most of the time. For me, poetry makes music with words. I share that message with students during my school presentations.

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How many books have you written, and what is your favorite?

I’ve written about 40 books. Honestly, I’ve lost count. My favorites are “Becoming Billie Holiday,” because the jazz icon is my muse; “Moses: When Harriet Tubman Led Her People to Freedom,” because it’s my most successful book; and “You Can Fly: The Tuskegee Airmen” because it’s my first collaboration with my son, artist Jeffery Weatherford.

Will you share a little more about Jeffery and your other children?

Jeffery holds a B.A. in art and design from Winston-Salem State University, where he was a Chancellor’s Scholar and an honor graduate. He is now completing his M.F.A. in studio art at Howard University. He is a fine artist, children’s book illustrator and rapper who performs as Jeffery the Artist. He lives in Oxon Hill, Maryland, with his sister, Caresse. She works as an assistant general manager at the Residence Inn Marriott in Springfield, Virginia. She is an honor graduate of Hampton University. She is a strong writer and savvy businesswoman and books appearances for me and Jeffery.

Did you strongly encourage them to read as they were growing up, and are books a big part of their lives?

Both I and my then-husband, Ron, read to Caresse and Jeffery and encouraged them to read books. I also took them to library storytimes when they were preschoolers.

Those trips to the library were a favorite part of our week.

Their bookshelves were full when they were growing up.

Their father was a minister and wrote weekly sermons. So words played a big part of their lives.

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Do you plan to collaborate with Jeffery on more books?

Jeffery and I are working on several book projects together that we hope will be published some day.

What is the most important book you have written?

The most important may be “Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer, Spirit of the Civil Rights Movement.” This poetic biography introduces young readers to a largely forgotten voting rights activist.

I like what you said about “mining the past for family stories.” Does that take on special significance for you?

I mine the past for family stories, fading traditions and forgotten struggles. I take that mission very seriously. Our culture is so busy looking for the next big thing that we fail to ponder the past and to honor the sacrifices of our ancestors. My books bring the past into focus.

You even wrote a book about a NASCAR driver. Tell us about that.

“Wendell Scott: The Story of Stock Car Racing’s African American Champion” pays tribute to a Danville, Virginia, auto mechanic moonshine runner who used his own money and hand-me-down cars to race during the Jim Crow era. The movie “Greased Lightning,” starring Richard Pryor, also told his story.

Is writing fun for you or a chore, or is it both?

Writing is sometimes a chore, but it is as necessary for me as breathing. Sharing my books with children is fun.

How do you teach someone to write?

Sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, page by page. The most important lesson I can teach any writer is to revise over and over.

What do you tell your students is the most important thing about being a writer?

Reading quality literature is the most important thing for writers. Revision and selfediting are close seconds.

Do you love teaching as much as writing?

Writing is my passion.

Teaching is my profession.

Try to describe how reading —how books—can enrich a person’s life at any age.

Books are like medicine for the mind and spirit. There’s a prescription for every interest and mood. The best books can transport the reader—even if only toward deeper selfknowledge. One of my favorite proverbs states, “A book is like a garden carried in a pocket.” I truly believe that.

What kinds of books do you like to read for enjoyment?

Believe it or not, I have very little time for leisure reading.

I am usually reading for work or to research a book project.

I enjoy reading experimental fiction and, of course, poetry.

You have received numerous honors. What is the most meaningful and why?

The Caldecott Honors are most meaningful because they are runners-up to the industry’s top prize. The NAACP Image Awards also mean a lot, since NAACP members voted for those.

Will you always write?

I plan to write as long as I can.

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by David Hibbard | Photography by Katherine Clark OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

ew Jersey natives Bill and Barby Muller have known each other since they were children in the same town, and they’ve been together ever since.

College at the same school in Maine was followed by law school at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, before the couple spent a few years in Washington, D.C. The Mullers, who Bill describes as “East Coast carpetbaggers,” spent the majority of their married life in Portland, Maine, where they raised their daughter, Molly, and practiced law for 30 years.

Molly eventually moved out of the house she grew up in, leaving Bill and Barby as part of the growing legion of “empty nesters.” As the Baby Boom generation approaches and reaches retirement age, ideas about being empty nesters are changing as more folks like the Mullers seek to continue the active lifestyles they’ve always enjoyed.

Bill and Barby were familiar with North Carolina from their law school years at Wake Forest, and with Pinehurst from various golfing trips to the area during their years in Maine. When Molly accepted a job in California, the Mullers began to think about where—and how—they wanted to spend their retirement years.

“Some folks do the snowbird routine, where they live part of the year up north and the other part in a warmer climate,” Bill says. “We knew we just wanted one place that we could call our permanent home.”

During one of his golf outings to the Sandhills, Bill and his friends had the opportunity to play what was then the only course at Forest Creek, a developing community centered around golf off Airport Road, just outside Pinehurst.

“We were captivated by the course,” Bill says.

Later, with daughter Molly about to move to the West Coast, Bill and

Barby started to seriously contemplate retirement locales.

“We thought of all the places empty nesters and retirees think of—Florida, Arizona, California,” says Barby. “But our first trip to check out potential places to retire ended up being our last one, right here to Forest Creek. After that trip, I told Bill we don’t need to go on another trip. I think we both knew we’d found our retirement home.”

Forest Creek Golf Club is just one example of the kind of community today’s empty nesters find appealing.

Offering two Tom Fazio-designed golf courses, which are both ranked in the top 100 of Golfweek’s Best Modern Courses, and a variety of other amenities including a clubhouse with several dining options, Forest Creek also gives residents several styles of homes from which to choose.

The Mullers chose one of Forest Creek’s village homes, clusters of anywhere from five to 35 homes which have proven to be popular, says Chuck Cordell, director of marketing at the club. These pre-approved homes do not have to undergo the architectural review that is required of the custom single-family homes in other sections of the community.

“But they still give the homeowner great flexibility,” says Cordell, who himself lives in a village home.

“We’re able to offer modifications to the interior of the home that suit individual tastes.”

It’s often thought that empty nesters want to downsize from the house they’ve lived and raised children in for years. Barby Muller thought that’s what she and Bill wanted to do, too, but they also liked the idea of having enough space to entertain guests. Their village home gives them a master bedroom downstairs, with guest rooms upstairs, a design Barby says “almost makes it feel like we’ve downsized, but we haven’t.

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“ ” The clustering of homes makes it feel like a community within a community,

—Bob Peele

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“When it’s just us, we can live completely on the ground level, but we have all the space upstairs for our friends and family to stay when they visit.”

What empty nesters want in their living arrangements isn’t confined just to their house, either. For Bob and Kathy Peele, who live in Chicago but spend part of their time in Pinehurst at Forest Creek, the chance to meet other people and enjoy common pursuits was important.

“As we were looking at places where we would ultimately retire someday, Kathy kept saying she wanted to be around truly nice people. We’ve really found that to be the case here,” Bob says.

The Peeles, whose grown son lives in San Francisco, appreciate the communal feel of their Wee Burn Village neighborhood, and enjoy opening their home for informal get-togethers, dinners and parties.

“The clustering of homes makes it feel like a community within a community,” Bob says.

Bob and Kathy plan to retire full-time to their Forest Creek home in the future.

They’re glad the community has almost everything they want without having to go elsewhere.

“Ninety percent of the time I’m here, I never leave the property,” Bob says.

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Mac Bridger was born in nearby Anson County, but spent most of his working career in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He and his wife, Andrea, have three daughters— Katy, Elizabeth and Amanda—and as their girls each went out on their own, the Bridgers turned their attention toward their next move. After buying a village home at Forest Creek in 2001, they moved to the community full-time in 2010.

“I chose a village home, because I didn’t want to worry about building a custom home,” Mac says.

It allowed the flexibility to add an 1,100-foot covered deck to the back of the house, which the Bridgers use often for entertaining guests.

“The culture that permeates this community—the golf and social events— is wonderful,” Mac says. “Not only do we have good people to live near and become friends with, but we have an active social life here.”

Making the transition to an empty nest lifestyle can have its ups-and-downs, and certainly its share of nostalgia.

“I think Molly understood that we would be moving when she moved away,” says Bill Muller. “Still, I think there was an element of sadness—which is probably too strong a word—on her part, in leaving the house she had grown up in, and that she would not be returning there on family get-togethers.”

In the end, the Mullers couldn’t be happier with their move, something Barby Muller attributes to gut instinct.

“I think people need to consider what makes them happy, the things they enjoy.

And then trust yourself. When we were taking our daughter to visit colleges, I told her to pay attention to how she felt at each campus,” Barby says. “I think the same is true for parents, as their kids move on and they begin to look at other living arrangements. If it feels right to you, it probably is.”

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Family Tradition Sings On

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by Carrie Frye

T

he sounds of 11-year-old EmiSunshine’s “old-time music” come from within her heart and family roots that run deep musically back to her late grandmother, Patsy Hamilton, and great-grandmother, Wanda Matthews, who sang on the Tennessee Barn Dance.

“My grandmother Patsy passed away when I was 4, but she had a beautiful voice,” Emi says. “My great-grandmother Wanda is an amazing singer. She’s 84 now and still sings beautifully. I wish I could sing with my great grandmother a lot more.”

All of that musical passion comes full circle in the thunderous vocals of Emilie Sunshine Hamilton—EmiSunshine—and as a family affair with her band aptly named, The Rain, from Madisonville, Tennessee.

“I do love to sing with my dad, too,” she says.

Now, Emi has the opportunity to sing with her dad every time she takes the stage. The Rain is made up of Emi’s father, Randall Hamilton, singing backup vocals and playing bass, her uncle Bobby Hill on drums, her brother Johnathon Letner on mandolin and Robbie Helton on guitar.

Emi’s mom is there to help with her outfits, while her aunt handles her merchandise sales. On Tuesday, May 31, EmiSunshine and The Rain pour out their Americana music to concert-goers at Temple Theatre in Sanford.

Although Emi may be short on life experience, belting out hits like Dolly Parton’s “Jolene” and Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues,” her voice goes the distance.

“The audience can expect a little bit of bluegrass, a little bit of country, a little bit of blues and a really good time,” Emi says. “One of the songs I do really love to perform is one my mom and I wrote called, ‘I am Able.’”

“I Am Able” is her latest single that complements “The Ables,” a young adult, sci-fi-fantasy book written by Jeremy Scott geared for ages 12-18. “‘I Am Able’ is a very powerful song to me,” she says. “It’s a really great story about kids who have disabilities who are superheroes and how they form a group called ‘The Ables.’ When they get to school, they face bullies but become stronger than any of the other kids when they are together.”

That same tenacity is part of Emi’s own character as she balances schoolwork, writing music, learning to play new instruments, traveling and performing.

“I am home schooled so it makes it a little easier,” Emi says.

“Pretty much everybody helps with my home schooling: my mom, my brother, my aunt, my dad and my guitar player, Robbie. My uncle doesn’t help much with that stuff,” she adds, laughing. “My family keeps me grounded, and I’m really thankful for them. They are with me all the time.”

Emi learned to play the ukulele and mandolin first, since they were better suited for her young hands, but since then, she has added the guitar and fiddle to her repertoire.

“The fiddle is a lot harder,” she notes. “Learning the guitar was different and harder since the ukulele has four strings and the guitar has six.”

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photo credit J. Paul Mashburn

EmiSunshine and The Rain perform their oldtime music at the Temple Theatre in Sanford on Tuesday, May 31. For ticket information, call 919-774-4155 or visit www.templeshows.com or www.theemisunshine.com.

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When she’s not doing schoolwork or playing video games, writing songs is something that comes naturally to Emi, a habit she and her mom have cultivated since she was four years old. She hummed harmonies before she could talk and then began singing in church.

“The one thing I enjoy most about music is writing,” she says. “It is one of my favorite things to do. I write with my mom and with my instruments. Sometimes, we can write a song just coming out of my school work or write a song about something I heard on the news or something that people say, but it depends on the song. We just let the songs come to us instead of writing every week, and that’s when I think the best songs come.”

A YouTube video of Emi singing “Blue Yodel No. 6” in 2014 went viral, spurring a performance on the “Today” show and skyrocketing her young career. At such a young age, Emi has already achieved one of her goals by performing at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee, something some musicians only dream about.

“The Opry was a big milestone, and I have always wanted to play there since the first time I watched it on TV,” she says.

“It has always been my favorite. I told my momma when I was five, ‘Momma, I want to play on the Grand Ole Opry.’

And she said, ‘Maybe you will one day.’

“I guess it was one day already,” she adds, laughing. “I hope to one day be a member of the Opry. It is one thing I really want to achieve. That would be special.”

There are country influences in Emi’s music but also gospel, blues, folk and rock.

“My playlist on my iPod has mostly Johnny Cash, June Carter, Grateful Dead and Buddy Miller,” she says. “Johnny Cash and June Carter are some of my favorites to listen to when I am on the road.”

These days, on the road is where Emi is with a packed tour schedule that crisscrosses the U.S. from California, Arizona and Iowa to Georgia, Virginia and South Carolina. Her next North Carolina performance after the Sanford concert is in Maggie Valley at the Hillbilly Jam on July 30. She even travels to Canada and Quebec City for Kipawa Countryfest this August, then to Branson, Missouri in October.

“I see music taking me everywhere,” she says. “There are a lot of places I am looking forward to going to this year.

I get to play in California. I hope to get to meet Loretta Lynn. I met Willie Nelson, and we played in Las Vegas and California with him. I also got to play with Emmylou Harris, and she is one of my favorites.

“I grew up listening to old country. It’s what I like best. Old country music is real and comes from the heart.”

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g n i r u Nu rt e rs t s e N y t p m fo r E n Scott

by Jonatha M at thews a n ia D y b y Photograph

T

he instinct to nurture our young runs deep. Next to survival and reproduction, it's the most important impulse to ensure the survival of the human race.

For some people, the nurturing instinct goes far beyond everyday parenting. Debra Thurlow, 59, of Spring Lake, has a son who suffers from diabetes. When he was attending Anderson Creek Primary School in Bunnlevel, Thurlow volunteered so she could be on campus to help administer his medicine. After a year, she followed him to South Harnett Elementary, where she became a familiar figure as an assistant in the media center.

Her son has long ago moved on in life, but Thurlow stayed an active volunteer. Her job description might only include routine library tasks, but her real work is in interacting with the children. When story hour is over and the kids are ready to check out their books, they flock to Ms. Thurlow's desk. They know they'll be welcomed by an adult who holds unconditional affection for them. It doesn't take a scientific survey to gauge how much affection they have for her in return. The children have a way of making their feelings known in their faces, their body language and their enthusiasm.

It's been nearly six years since South Harnett Elementary lost funding for a paid assistant in the media center. Media Coordinator Janet Rowland is quick to express how valuable Thurlow has become.

“It would be hard to run this library alone,” Rowland says. “It just couldn't function this well without her.”

Thurlow's value goes beyond just knowing the children's reading interests and passing out hugs when needed. She makes a point of teaching some of the more interested students how to perform tasks like checking out books and re-shelving. When 11-year old Kayla Harris is ready to apply for a job, she'll already have had experience acting professionally and responsibly thanks to Thurlow's gentle training.

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Anne Quakenbush tutors Hunter Poole and Makennah Masters at Buies Creek Elementary.

According to Principal Trinity Kelly, for three years in a row, the school won Harnett County School's Award for clocking the highest number of volunteer hours for an elementary school. It was in large part thanks to Thurlow, but she doesn't think to mention it herself. For her, volunteering has different rewards.

“I get up every day with motivation,” Thurlow says.

“I love coming here. I love being around kids and watching their minds grow.”

Anne Quakenbush, of Angier, has two grown children and now dedicates her free time to volunteering.

“Both of my children are products of the Harnett County School System,” says Quakenbush who taught first grade in the same system.

“After I retired, I knew I would come back as a volunteer,” Quakenbush says. “I've just always loved children and interacting with them—figuring out what they need to know and how best to teach them.”

Now that her own children are out of the house and she's no longer an employee of the North Carolina School System, Quakenbush volunteers at

Buies Creek Elementary School. She's glad to tutor all ages and has done so for first to fifth graders and in all subjects.

“When tutoring fourth-grade math,” says Quakenbush, grinning, “I had to reach way back to remember how to add mixed fractions.”

When it comes to math, first-graders Hunter Poole and Makennah Masters are both in need of a little boost. Quakenbush takes them to the media center along with a pile of plastic chips that the trio uses to figure out elementary algebra problems. Science tells us that there can be a variety of our learning styles based on how our brains are hardwired. It's up to Quakenbush to use her skills and experience to help Makennah and Hunter get to the point where their mental neurons make the right connection and the figurative light bulb flashes on.

“That's what makes it challenging and exciting,” Quakenbush says.

However, tutoring, especially with 6-year olds, isn't only about teaching how to solve for a simple variable.

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Debra Thurlow volunteers in the South Harnett Elementary media center.

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“A lot of the time,” Quakenbush says after she's finished praising the kids for their answers, “children are just in need of a grownup to focus attention on them.”

Shaniah Paige is a bright fifth grader from FergusonEasley Elementary School in Fayetteville who knows how much a little focused attention from a grownup can mean. She was identified in school as having challenges at home that were putting her at risk for adjustment issues. The school thought she might benefit from Find-A-Friend.

Find-A-Friend is a mentoring program established by the state in 1982 to match caring adults with atrisk kids. Paula Eubanks, 49, and her husband, Mark, 51, were present for a talk about the program at their church. The younger of their two children had just graduated from college and moved to Greensboro to work for Americorps, and the couple found themselves as empty-nesters with some extra time on their hands.

“We thought this was the perfect opportunity,” Paula says. “Mark had a mentor growing up in Minneapolis, and he's never forgotten how much it meant. Our world is broken, our communities are struggling and kids have to deal with a lot. It seemed like it was time to be part of a solution.”

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“Once you've been through the cycle of parenting,” says Mark, a retired sergeant major who still works for the Army, “there are things you've learned. You come away with experience and tools. Sometimes, these are things that younger parents might not have, because they're still going through the cycle.”

Since the beginning of the year, Mark has been mentoring 11-year old Kahlil Beverly, a student at Warrenwood Elementary School in Fayetteville. Kahlil's mother thought he'd benefit from a positive male role model, so she contacted Find-A-Friend.

Mark and Kahlil spend time doing many of the things a dad and son might do. The two go to the library, to the movies or maybe just watch the playoffs on TV. Once, they went rock climbing and now have plans to do some woodworking.

“I've even taken him with me to the grocery store,” Mark says. “I want him to see how much things cost and why it's important to have a job.

“One thing I can’t stress enough is that color lines don’t matter,” Mark adds. “The mentor I had growing up was white and being mentored was a life changing experience.” He pauses as if the memories are still fresh.

“Life changing,” he repeats.

Paula and Shaniah also spend time together doing things that many people might dismiss as mundane—

Paula Eubanks, right, who mentors Shaniah, examines the handcrafted bird feeder project they worked on together.

shopping, sewing or working on a craft. However, there's more to the interaction than just the activity.

“Ms. Paula gives me ideas,” Shaniah says of her mentor. “She helps me understand things.”

Paula, who worked as a nurse in public schools for 25 years, has earned her own understanding through her life experience. Through the Find-A-Friend program, she's able to pass some of that on to her mentee.

“Remember when we talked about perception?” Paula asks of Shaniah, “and being aware of how people perceive you when you first meet?”

The two exchange the look of confidants who have shared personal experiences.

Shaniah smiles. What she's gained from the conversation can't be quantified or even adequately described, but a smile on a young face that hasn't had many opportunities to smile is overwhelming evidence of its value.

According to the 2011-12 National Survey of Children’s Health, “Children and adolescents who have a formal or informal ‘mentor-like’ relationship with someone outside their home are less likely to have externalizing behavior problems (bullying) and internalizing problems (depression).” These lucky young people are more likely to “complete tasks they start, remain calm in the face of challenges, show interest in learning new things, volunteer in the community, engage in physical activities, participate in out-of-school time activities, and be engaged in school.”

Paula goes to her car to get a handmade bird feeder that Shaniah designed and built with a little help from her mentor.

“Many times, the children don't know they're being tutored,” says Sharon Johnson, principal of Buies Creek Elementary. “All they're aware of is that an adult is giving them personal attention. That helps with building self-confidence. It makes a change in their demeanor. You can see how much good it's done them.”

Most N.C. school systems have a volunteer coordinator. If you’re interested in volunteering, contact your county school administration office. Another good place to start is by visiting your county schools’ website, where you’ll find links to individual schools.

Find-A-Friend is administered by Fayetteville Urban Ministry. Shauna Hopkins, program coordinator, can be reached at 910-483-4661 or by shopkins@ fayurbmin.org.

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Empty Nesting with Full Coop

by Flo Johnston | Photography by Diana Matthews

T

he other empty nest at the homestead of Sandy and Jim McKenzie in Laurinburg is the one in the chicken coop.

In recent years, even folks living in urban settings have been adding chickens to their animal families, not for humane reasons, but for practical ones.

Fresh eggs.

This trend, however, is not without challenges. A few years back, a battle royal ranged in Chapel Hill when the rooster in a family of hens living on Franklin Street kept waking sleeping Tar Heels every morning at six o’clock with his announcement of the new day.

In neighboring Durham, the city council caught wind of the chicken trend, flew into action and passed ordinances controlling where and under what circumstances citizens could raise chickens in their back yards.

The thought of having fresh eggs motivated Sandy to buy six baby chicks.

The peeps she brought home from Scotland Feed did not come with a guarantee that her half dozen would include both male and female, so in the luck of the draw, she ended up with six females.

Nice, she thought. Lots of hens. Lots of eggs.

But when the chicks morphed into hens, Sandy saw no action in the hen house nor any moves on their part to suggest that laying eggs might be on their agenda.

Asking around the neighborhood, she got lots of advice about how to entice her hens to lay. The most common suggestion was to add a rooster to her chicken yard. Nobody said why, just that “contented hens lay eggs,” Sandy recalls.

“We really didn’t want a rooster, because we knew he would be aggravating our girls non-stop,” she says. “I read that roosters mate about 100 times a day so after talking with my six girls, we decided we did not need a rooster.”

Although roosters usually provide leadership in the chicken yard and serve as protectors, crowing when they think danger is near, along with fertilization services, Sandy said her flock was doing fine without one. Dizzy Doris, one of her hens, had taken over as boss and life in the chicken yard was peaceful and quiet.

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Except for one little detail. Nobody was laying. Eight months had gone by and still no eggs.

“I started asking different people what I was doing wrong,” Sandy says. “The same answer was always that my hens were healthy but they needed a rooster. Happy hens lay eggs. Go figure!”

So a neighbor with several roosters came through, giving Sandy a Buff Orpington rooster, the same breed as her hens.

Sandy, who runs the beauty shop at Scotia Village, a retirement community in Laurinburg, says, “The first time I saw him he reminded me of a certain fellow at Scotia Village so I named him R.B. The moment he entered the coop, he started strutting around like he was the king. He was absolutely gorgeous and, of course, most of my girls took right to him and fell for his charms. Henny Penny and Little Lou-Lou followed him everywhere he went.”

But not Dizzy Doris. (All are named after beauty shop patrons.) Dizzy D decided right off that she did not want any part of this R.B. rooster.

Every time he got near her, she would give him a peck and he would peck her right back, Sandy notes.

But Sandy was still wondering what to do about Dizzy.

Putting a picture of fried chicken on the chicken coop door was suggested by Sandy’s husband, Jim. But even with Dizzy Doris still holding out, still no eggs, the story of Sandy and her chickens has a happy

ending. She is now getting five eggs almost every day and is enjoying cooking with them and sharing them with friends.

Roosters do indeed do the crowing, but hens (most of them anyway) deliver the goods.

It turns out that Dizzy D was not just holding out against nature. The vet found she had a mass inside her abdominal cavity that made a normal life impossible for this heroic hen.

She died recently having lived a pleasant life with plenty of food, protection, love and attention from Sandy who made her a virtual pet.

Dizzy followed her around and always talked, chicken talk, cluck cluck, of course. Long after her sister hens had begun to lay eggs, she finally laid only three small infantile eggs.

Dizzy never lost her appetite, Sandy says, even during her last days. She ate grub worms and carrots on the way to the vet for her final visit and sat between Sandy and Jim and cluck-clucked all the way.

Sandy posted a photo of this beautiful and memorable hen with a short obituary on the beauty shop door.

Rest in peace, Dizzy D. Your life and death has been noted.

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GAME ON

Tobacco State League Was All North Carolina

by Thad Mumau | Photography by Diana Matthews

O

ver the years, North Carolina has played a prominent role in minor league baseball, and that was never more true than in the days of the old Tobacco State League.

Although the Carolina League probably comes to mind first when people think of baseball and this state, it was never comprised totally of North Carolina teams. Even in its inaugural season of 1945, two of the Carolina League’s teams were from Virginia.

And the current Carolina League is made up of eight teams, only two of which (Carolina Mudcats and WinstonSalem Dash) are in this state. Five of the teams are outside the Carolinas completely, with the Myrtle Beach Pelicans located in South Carolina.

The Tobacco State League was in operation for only five years, 1946-50. During that time, 15 cities participated, and all were from North Carolina. They included Angier, Clinton, Dunn, Erwin, Fayetteville, Fuquay Springs, Lumberton, Red Springs, Rockingham, Sanford, Smithfield, Selma, Warsaw, Whiteville and Wilmington.

Three teams combined two towns: Angier-Fuquay Springs, Dunn-Erwin and Smithfield-Selma. Five teams were in the league all five years, including Clinton, DunnErwin, Sanford, Smithfield-Selma and Wilmington.

Only a few of the Tobacco State League teams were affiliated with major league franchises, and not all of those connections were year-to-year. The league was Class D, the bottom rung in the minors, and player salaries were extremely low. Men who played did it mainly for their love of baseball, although a handful were able to sign with big league teams after having successful seasons.

One of the interesting players to emerge from the Tobacco State League was Orville Nesselrode, a tall outfielder from West Virginia. He was actually on his way down the ladder when he strung together three outstanding seasons while playing for Sanford.

Nesselrode climbed to the B level early in his career and kicked around a bit before landing in Sanford in 1946 at the age of 30. He batted .354, smacked 30 home runs and

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had 150 RBIs that season as the Spinners won their first of three straight Tobacco State League championships.

Right-handed pitcher Howard Auman (featured in the October 2015, issue of OutreachNC) was a 22-game winner for that ’46 team and has a mural painted on a downtown Sanford building in his honor.

Nesselrode set Tobacco State League records in 1947 when he slugged 32 homers and drove in 166 runs. He played three years for Sanford, helping win league titles each season, and then was out of baseball at the age of 32.

Additional all-time Tobacco State League records were set by Fayetteville’s Joe Roseberry, who hit .409 in 1949; Red Springs’ Joe Mangini, who legged out an astounding 24 triples in 1948; Lumberton’s Pierre Ethier, who scored 146 runs in 1950; and Sanford’s James Wilson, who had 212 hits in 1948.

The names of Sanford players dominate the list of the Tobacco State League’s all-time record holders as well as the league leaders from 1946-48 as the Spinners were also dominating the TSL during that time.

The Sanford Spinners won three of the five league championships and finished second once, while DunnErwin and Lumberton won the other two titles. Lumberton did it as the Auctioneers and also used Cubs as its nickname for a couple years.

Other interesting nicknames among Tobacco State League members were the Tobacconists (Whiteville), Blues (Clinton), Red Robins (Red Springs), Scotties (Fayetteville) and Leafs (Smithfield-Selma). The Pirates monicker was a natural for Wilmington.

The total attendance for the league’s five-year duration was over 1.3 million, with a high of 353,844 in 1948. The largest single-season gate for a city was nearly 78,000 in Wilmington for the 1948 season.

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OutreachNC.com 57

GREY MATTER See Grey Matter Puzzle Answers on Page 60

Acts

Asks

Budget

Drag

Find

Seek

Added

Bakes

Chain

Dyed

Fist

Sick

Also

Bars

Clue

Eights

Glued

Sing

Asia

Belly

Delight

Else

Height

Skunk

Aside

Bruised

Done

Except

Hijack

Slap

Invent

Solo

Jewels

Span

Lent

Spit

Lion

Stew

Misspelled

Straight

Name

Sure

Needs

Talk

Nice

Team

Ninth

Tear

Oars

Tide

Pack

Tied

Pegs

Today

Pole

Tree

Pours

Used

Rats

Vases

Reed

Vessels

Relay

Views

Roar

Vote

Save

Walls

30. Persia, now 31. Complain 34. In perfect condition 35. Encyclopedia, e.g.

(2 wds) 39. The “B” of N.B., Latin 40. Bow 41. “Cast Away” setting 42. Calypso offshoot 43. Certain tribute 48. Attempt 49. Scottish wind instrument 51. Fine-grained sedimentary rock used as fertilizer 52. Cold shower?

55. Length x width, for a rectangle 56. Advocate 57. Science of liquids in motion 59. Caddie’s bagful 60. Upper-story bay windows supported by brackets 61. Deception 62. “B.C.” cartoonist 63. Be a snitch 64. “Absolutely!”

DOWN 16. Coastal raptor 22. Auditory ACROSS 17. One of three equal parts 23. Undetectable 1. Relay mail delivery bomber 4. Quamash (var. spelling) 19. “Darn it all!”

20. “___ on Down the 25. Do, for example 10. Egg on Road” 26. Cantankerous 14. Always, in verse 21. Santa’s reindeer, e.g. 27. “I do,” for one 15. Functional

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1. Can’t stand 2. Freshen 3. Indonesian dagger with a scalloped edge 4. Nod, maybe 5. English race place

6. Sports event in which teams compete to win 7. Not much (2 wds) 8. ___ gin fizz 9. Cast 10. Famous Am. Apache Indian chief 11. Handel bars 12. Designed for defense against armored vehicles 13. Downward slope 18. Accommodate 24. Harp’s cousin 27. Any of various periwinkles 28. “___ bitten, twice shy” 29. Garden intruder 32. “-zoic” things 33. Eat like a bird 35. Stop on the way (2 wds) 36. Equipment that makes a photo bigger 37. Weakest 38. “Lulu” opera composer 39. Atomic number 83 44. Girasol, e.g.

45. In a jaunty manner 46. Coin 47. Come-ons 49. Military wear 50. Ever (2 wds) 52. Attempt 53. Vega’s constellation 54. Cut, maybe 58. “It’s no ___!”

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OutreachNC.com 59

GREY MATTER ANSWERS

SUDOKU

SENIOR SHORTS POETRY

Spit Bath

by Ruth Moose

CROSSWORD

WORD SEARCH

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How could you? My mother would yell. How could you get so dirty between the door of the house and the church front steps? She’d whip a fresh hankie from her purse, wet it between her lips, and while still warm, scrub any crumbs of chocolate from my cheeks while I protested and cried tried to pull away. Caught in the manacle of her left hand I squirmed, twisted like the sinful, dirty rotten snake of a child I was.

The handkerchief was rough and I, one step away from being cat-licked clean, my skin scrubbed away to the bone, my arm torn loose from my chest when the church bells rang and I was forced inside, spotless as the washed lamb I was.

She almost brought blood she rubbed so and wouldn’t have cared if she did. Anything to cleanse me, make me fit for the service, the world that waited for her inspection. Her offering.

I was pulled forth and laid bare. Any speck in sunlight was magnified by the music flooding over me. Down that aisle I rode as if riding a raft and blessed by my mother’s hand sat in damp sanctuary.

CONTINUUM OF CARE

Choosing an Assisted Living Community

by Kathryn Doddridge

T

here are a number of assisted living communities in our area, so folks have a variety of options from which to choose: location, types of care and services, types of property, apartment size, range of rents, and most importantly, the “feel” you experience when you tour the community.

Assisted living was founded on a resident-centered philosophy to enable choice, preserve dignity, encourage independence and promote quality of life. Every day, the staff lives this philosophy. It is reflected in the care and services they offer to each resident.

Assisted living communities serve older adults who require assistance with everyday activities such as meal preparation, medication management, transportation and personal care (dressing, bathing, etc.). These are also appropriate for adults who require specialized assistance for Alzheimer’s disease or related dementia. Those who can no longer live alone or be cared for by an aging spouse or a family member frequently turn to assisted living.

Assisted living has staff available 24/7 to assist with care, safety and support. When you’ve seen one assisted living community, you’ve seen just one.

The most common amenities and services offered in assisted living communities include:

• Dining—three meals and snacks daily • Housekeeping • Transportation • Personal laundry services • Wellness and fitness • Social and recreational activities

The most common assistance with personal care is: • Dressing • Bathing • Grooming

Other services may be available to assist with: • Continence • Medications • Memory loss • Mobility • Outside services specialized in physical therapy (if not offered onsite), hospice or additional personal care/ companions

Medicare does not cover the usual services offered in assisted living.

Some communities do participate in Medicaid waiver programs. Options residents and families have used to pay for assisted living include:

• Income from Social Security and other pensions • The sale of the family home and other investments • Personal retirement savings • Assistance from family • Long-term care insurance • The VA Aid and Attendance Program • The settlement of a life insurance policy that is no longer needed • Medicaid, on a limited basis to income-eligible seniors • Choosing to share your apartment with a roommate

Prices vary with the community apartment size, and types of services and level of care needed. Typically, communities charge: • A monthly rent that includes the residential services and amenities • A monthly care fee based on the assessed level of care required each day • A medication management fee • Bundled rent and care fees together • A one-time entrance fee

Doddridge, sales director at Fox Hollow Senior Living in Pinehurst, may be reached at 910-695-0011 or kdoddridge@5ssl.com.

MAY 2016 |

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life

OVER MY SHOULDER

Honoring All Who Mother

by Ann Robson

T

his is the month we honor mothers—all kinds of mothers: birth mothers, mothers-in-law, grandmothers, stepmothers, godmothers, single mothers, foster mothers, adoptive mothers and those who fill a mother’s role in our lives.

The card industry along with those who sell chocolates and flowers basically have taken the day hostage. Anna Jarvis of West Virginia started the idea of honoring mothers on a given day in her church in 1908. She meant for it to be a day of respect and love. Her simple idea had become a major commercial venture, much to her distress.

Our changing social picture requires that we also give recognition to the many groups of mothers. For most of us, mothers-in-law are the first “other mother” in our lives. Despite the many jokes about these women, they are valuable assets to family life. Who but a mother-in-law understands your spouse? She helped form the person you married. For some, it has been their life’s work, and they may be reluctant to hand their child over to a new person. Even the best of mothers-in-law have traces of wanting her child to still do things the way she has taught.

When a son or daughter decides to marry, two families are joined together. With luck and some work, this may become a lifetime perfect union between two people and at least an amicable bond between the families. Sometimes the bonding doesn’t work so well, but instead of outright hostility, some sort of civil solution can be reached. I was lucky and given a very fine mother-in-law, even though I may not have been her first choice for her son. In time, we learned each other’s strengths and weaknesses and worked

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to complement each other.

If a marriage doesn’t work out, life can become complicated for the former in-laws and the children who may now have a new parent who has parents and perhaps children of his or her own. The issue of who’s called what— Nana, Grandma, etc—can be perplexing. The name to use for the mother in this case is even more awkward. The birth mother will always be the mother. Future stepmothers need to acknowledge this and, together with her new stepchildren, decide on what name to use.

If a third marriage occurs, then the number of people in an extended family multiplies significantly. It would be unrealistic to suggest that everyone in that extended family will be buddies. Who will now be the host for holidays and special events? How can we best take turns? And what about the children who may now have up to six sets of grandparents?

The complexity of relationships formed by the friends and families of those who said “I do” needs a road map.

Not all mothers are perfect (who is?) and so we have need for others to fill in perhaps permanently or on a temporary basis. These women deserve our affection on Mother’s Day. To all the women who have been part of the ‘mothering’ in our lives: Thanks for everything!

Robson is the author of “Over My Shoulder: Tales of Life and Death and Everything In Between.” She can be reached at overmyshoulder@charter.net

advice

L AW R E V I E W

Helping with Medicaid Planning Could Be ‘Unauthorized’

by Jackie Bedard

E

arly last year, the Florida Supreme Court ruled to restrict what non-lawyers can do in assisting clients in planning activities. A financial planner and insurance agent later asked the U.S. Supreme Court to review and overturn that decision, but his petition was denied. And so, Florida’s ruling stands, specifically prohibiting non-attorneys from several acts, including drafting care agreements, drafting qualified income trusts and rendering legal advice.

Similar rulings are expected to continue across the country, state-by-state. View the ruling online at: http:// www.floridasupremecourt.org/decisions/2015/sc14-211.pdf.

Potential Harms The proposal for the Florida ruling came from a bar committee, which worked on the issue for months, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Testimony in a committee document described the potential harms caused by non-attorney Medicaid planners, including denial of eligibility, exploitation, “catastrophic or severe” tax liabilities and buying inappropriate financial products threatening or destroying a client’s life savings.

The committee, known as the Standing Committee on the Unlicensed Practice of Law, addressed non-lawyers drafting qualified income trusts, which are used when a client’s monthly income exceeds Medicaid’s income limit. The excess money must go into trust accounts for clients to qualify for benefits.

The committee cited examples of non-lawyers preparing such trusts and giving incorrect advice, which led to Medicaid coverage being denied.

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The committee also pointed to non-lawyers providing legal advice about how to structure assets to qualify for Medicaid.

“Assessing the facts relevant to a client’s situation, applying those facts to the laws governing Medicaid, developing a plan to structure or spend the client’s assets in compliance with those laws, and drafting legal documents to execute the plan, would constitute the practice of law,” the proposal said.

Costly Care A single room in a private nursing facility can cost thousands of dollars every month. That can quickly wipe out most people’s life savings. The largest threat to the portfolio may be paying for nursing home care. This level of care must be paid for with your qualified assets before you can become eligible for Medicaid. In most cases, a basic irrevocable trust cannot protect these assets from disqualifying your client from receiving Medicaid benefits.

While there are some vehicles to help protect assets (i.e. long-term care insurance and specialized Medicaid asset protection trusts), many people remain unaware they exist. It’s important to work with a qualified attorney with knowledge of elder law issues such as Medicaid planning, long-term care insurance, and veterans aid and attendance benefits.

Bedard, an elder law attorney with Carolina Family Estate Planning, can be reached at 919-443-3035 or www.carolinafep.com.

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OutreachNC.com 63

MAY IS INTERNATIONAL MEDITERRANEAN DIET MONTH • Eat more fresh vegetables.

• Eat smaller amounts of meat.

• Enjoy some dairy products.

• Eat seafood twice a week.

• Cook a vegetarian meal once a week.

• Consume healthy fats in daily meals: extra-virgin olive oil, nuts, peanuts, sunflower seeds, olives and avocados.

• Opt for whole grains, such as barley, farro and brown, black or red rice.

• For dessert, have fresh fruit.

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OutreachNC.com 65

Generations

by Carrie Frye | Photography by Diana Matthews

She was a good person, a good soul. —Sally, 89 She was a pretty stern woman. She was the oldest of nine children, whom she helped raise. She always told the truth, and whatever she said, you could always believe it. —Belva, 87 My mother died when I was 12, but she was a role model the short time she was with us. Her last words to us were, “I will be all right.” —Virgie, 70 She was my mom, and she just loved me. That’s why I’m here. —Sharon, 59 Everything about her. I loved her very much. She gave us our morals and whooped us when we needed it. I never heard her say a curse word. —Talithia, 92 Her kindness, and she believed in hard work. She worked every day with my father in their candy store.

She would go to Hershey, Pennsylvania, to get her chocolate for the store. She couldn’t read or write, but she could make the best candy. —Katherine, 87

What do you love most about your mom?

OutreachNC asked adults and children our May question.

Share your answer on our Facebook page.

My mother had a great sense of humor along with a pretty good temper, but the humor usually won the day. She was a very social being who loved being with people, particularly her family. A nice tradition to follow. —Annie, 77 Her strong will and determination, and her caring heart. She always did a lot for her grandchildren. —Jamie, 52 Her resilence. She’s been on her own for 21 years and still swims six days a week. —Kathryn, 59 When she gave me a good smack, because she wanted me to be better. —Pauline, 90 Her strong work ethic and she was always there for us. She had eight children, four boys and four girls. —Julia, 88 She was always there for me, and I could talk to her about anything, and I mean anything. —Susan, 70 66

OutreachNC.com | MAY 2016

She is nice and helpful. She keeps me safe and helps me with my homework. —Summer, 7 She cares for me. She gives me love. She gives me most of what I need and less of what I want. —Ni Jhae, 8 My mom is very nice to me. She buys me crayons, toys and candy. She makes ice cream. —Antonio, 8 She takes care of me. —Andrew, 8 When I sleep, she cuddles with me. —Dean, 8 She loves me. She cooks my favorite food. She buys me ice cream. —Pamela, 8 She gives me lots of care and love. And I know that she will always be there for me. —Grace, 8 She is a good cooker. She is nice to people. She buys me nice clothes. —Elizabeth, 8 She gives me lots and lots of love. And she takes good care of me and she is kind to me. —Allenche’, 8 My mom is sweet. She’s nice. She’s pretty. She makes me laugh and cry in a nice way. —Annali, 7 She is great, and she colors with me. —Kenzie, 5 Mommy’s hugs. —Luke, 2 Warm laps, hands for petting and bottomless bowls of food. —OutreachNC Co-editor Jeeves, 3

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