OutreachNC December 2018

COMPLIMENTARY

DECEMBER 2018 | VOL. 9, ISSUE 12

Trading Traditions Serving the Sandhills & Southern Piedmont

DECEMBER 2018 |

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features DECEMBER 2018

The Trading Traditions Issue

24

Holiday Reading Lists

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5 Ways to Give Back This Holiday Season

by Rachel Stewart & Corbie Hill

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42

Coming Full Circle: Even the Lone Ranger had a best friend: Carolina Conversations with UNC-Pembroke Chancellor Robin Gary Cummings Men, Socializing & Connection

by Amy Phariss

by Corbie Hill

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48

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Birding in NC: Wilson Botanical Gardens Sips of the Season - Cocktails & Mocktails by Ray Linville because everyone deserves a great drink

Fifth of December

by LuEllen Huntley

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Warren Keyes on being Raleigh's Black Santa

by Art Menius

Tied up during the day?

Convenient Care When You Need It Open 7 Days a Week • No Appointment Needed

Hamlet | 1021 W. Hamlet Avenue | (910) 417-4100 (Located across from Richmond Community College)

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pineHurst | 150 Ivey Lane | (910) 215-5200 (Located in the Harris Teeter Shopping Center)

WHispering pines | 7473 – C Highway 22 | (910) 215-5100 (Located next to Food Lion)

raeFord | 4565 Fayetteville Road | (910) 878-5100 (Located in the Walmart Shopping Center) sanFord | 1602 Westover Drive | (919) 897-2250 (Located near Davison’s Steaks) DECEMBER 2018 | OutreachNC.com 5 www.FirstHealthConvenientCare.org

departments December 2018

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray." - RUMI

10 Ask the Expert

14 Tapping into Creativity

12 Brain Health

17 Eat Right

16 Home staging

18 Aging Thoughtfully

19 Eye Health

41 Resource Marketplace

20 Planning Ahead

62 Grey Matter Games

by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA

by Maryanne Edmundson, PhD

by Kasia McDaniel

by Tarra W. Millender, MD

by Tim Hicks, RICP, APMA

22 Triumphant Elder

by Tim Keim, EYT500, Yoga Therapist

66 Generations

by Barbara Hengstenburg

by Barbara Hengstenberg & AOS staff

by Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN

by Dr. Mardy Grothe

Find the resources you need.

Sudoku, Word Search & Crossword Puzzles

63 Over My Shoulder

by Ann Robson

64 In Verse

by Barbara Stoughton

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from the publisher

December is a month filled with reflection and anticipation, along with many expectations for the fast-approaching new year. Some of us will gather with friends and family and others will celebrate the season while missing loved ones who are no longer with us. While memories of past holiday traditions warm our hearts, embracing new traditions and adjusting to the changing needs of those we love is equally as important. As we enter the hustle and bustle of December, we hope each of you take some time to reflect on the many blessings 2018 has offered.

As we look toward 2019, we are excited by the many creative ideas, stories and resources to share with our readers. Planning content for the new year allows us to take a fresh look at the many ways the Second 50 can be rejuvenating, rewarding and sometimes challenging. We plan to keep your favorites like the wide variety of educational columns, recipes and puzzles while introducing new entertaining features and amazing photography.

Our 2019 focus includes The Second 50, Love & Marriage, New Frontiers, The New Face of Aging, House Calls, Pets, Adventure & the Outdoors, Advocacy & Volunteering, The Fountain of Youth, History & Genealogy, TV & Film, and a look back at the Summer of ’69. Reader feedback guides our path. We welcome your continued emails, letters, questions and comments.

A special thank you to all our advertisers who support the magazine. Advertisers allow us to be a free community resource to help older adults, families and professionals successfully navigate life after 50.

OutreachNC wishes each of you a wonderful holiday and bright new year!

- Amy Natt

L E T T E R S TO T H E E D I TO R Hi Corbie, I hope you’re enjoying fall.

The article about the Arts Council in your October issue stated that entrance to the Campbell House was by donation, which isn’t the case. Entrance to the Campbell House is free and almost everything we offer is free. (Campbell House is a public building belonging to the Town of Southern Pines).

We love your magazine and really appreciate your interest in our organization!

Many, many thanks, Ray Owen - Arts Council of Moore County

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Editor-in-Chief Corbie Hill | Editor@OutreachNC.com Creative Director Kim Gilley | The Village Printers

Monthly Musings from the Meowing Maestro

Creative & Graphic Designer Sarah McElroy | The Village Printers Ad Designers Stephanie Budd, Cyndi Fifield, Sarah McElroy Proofreader Kate Pomplun Photography Brady Beck, S. Braxton Enterprises, Diana Matthews, McKenzie Photography Contributors Laura Buxenbaum, Maryanne Edmundson, Mardy Grothe, Barbara Hengstenberg, Tim Hicks, Corbie Hill, LuEllen Huntley, Tim Keim, Ray Linville, Kasia McDaniel, Art Menius, Tarra Millinder, Amy Natt, Amy Phariss, Leslie Philip, Ann Robson, Barbara Stoughton, Rachel Stewart

“I was told these would help with my cataracts”

Spiritual Advisor Jeeves

Y Publisher Amy Natt | AmyN@AgingOutreachServices.com Marketing & Public Relations Director Susan McKenzie | SusanM@AgingOutreachServices.com Advertising Courtney Bunker | CourtneyB@OutreachNC.com 910-692-0683 ext. 141

Jeeves three hours after quitting coffee.

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The entire contents of OutreachNC are copyrighted by Aging Outreach Services. Reproduction or use without permission of editorial, photographic or graphic content in any manner is prohibited.

OutreachNC is published monthly on the first of each month.

DECEMBER 2018 |

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advice

Our Aging Life Care ProfessionalsTM will answer any aging questions you may have.

Email us your questions! info@OutreachNC.com

ASK THE EXPERT

Over the River and Through the Woods – To Grandma’s apartment?

by Amy Natt, MS, CMC, CSA

&

Our family has always gathered at my grandmother’s house for the holidays. Last year my grandmother moved into a care facility and my mom does not have the extra room to host me and my siblings. We have discussed renting space to have our family gathering, but it just doesn’t seem the same. How can we capture the spirit of the holiday my grandmother worked so hard to establish when so much seems to be changing?

Grandparents are often the gatekeepers of tradition. They create that sense of nostalgia that we all long for at the holidays. Many of us have memories of a favorite meal, dessert, book, movie or tradition that reminds us of just how special time with family and friends can be. Time together with different personalities may not always be easy for families, but somehow it grounds us and renews our spirit. These memories are often the glue that holds families together and keeps them coming back to gather year after year.

As family members age and dynamics change, we often find that we miss these experiences the most. It becomes important to find new ways to incorporate traditions of the past with traditions

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

of the future. Now that your grandmother is in a facility, you can no longer gather at her house, but that doesn’t mean you can’t recreate some of the togetherness that made it special. Make a list of things that you remember the most.

Were there things she made, stories she told or games you played, or was it just spending time together? If you look over your list, chances are there are some things you can incorporate into your new traditions. It is very important to record information while you can. Ask for family recipes, record family stories, look through old photos and make notes about people and places. Many of these things can become an activity or project you do with your mother and grandmother. Write down the memories that mean the most to you.

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When considering where to have your holiday get-together, think about someplace convenient to those who will be coming.

It might be that your mom can’t house everyone, but she can host a meal and you all can look for hotels or housing close by.

The care facility may also offer space that your family could use, and this would allow your grandmother to fully participate.

Another option is to rent someplace that has gathering space, like a cabin in the mountains or a house at the beach. This would help establish a new tradition and you could still incorporate those favorite cookies, games, music, movies and books that made it special in the first place. Have each family member bring one thing they remember and, before you know it, it will all feel familiar.

Keep in mind that the physical space is just one component. It is the togetherness that you will remember. It may take a little more effort to establish new routines, but time marches on and you and your family can embrace the change and pass the torch of gatekeeper to the next generation. The traditions established can be passed through the generations and they will transcend the changes life is sure to bring.

Readers may send questions to Amy Natt, an Aging Life Care ProfessionalTM, certified senior advisor and CEO of Aging Outreach Services.

She can be reached at amyn@agingoutreachservices.com .

Stop by for a tour.

We’d love to show you around!

205 Rattlesnake Trail | Pinehurst www.thegreensatpinehurst.com | 910.295.1781

Personalized Treatment Recommendations that Emphasize Brain Health, Independence and Quality of Life Schedule an appointment

910-420-8041

45 Aviemore Drive | Pinehurst PinehurstNeuropsychology.com

20-0232968

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Give the gift of an Education!

The Patriot Foundation Taking care of those left behind.

Providing scholarships for families of soldiers who have been killed, wounded, injured or ill will defending our country in the Global War on Terrorism.

Donate: PatriotFoundation.com CFC #68101

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health

B R A I N H E A LT H

How to Navigate Holidays When Your Loved One Has Dementia

By Maryanne Edmundson, Ph.D., L.P.

Holidays can be stressful for anyone. When a loved one has dementia, families are often faced with new challenges for the holiday season. You may want to hold on to traditions, yet find it daunting to schedule family festivities while balancing your caregiver role. Here are several points to consider for holiday planning when your loved one has dementia.

Caregivers, be sure to care for yourselves. One person can only do so much. If you usually make all the holiday plans, ask family and friends to help out. You might ask them to plan or host get-togethers, visit with your loved one while you pick up gifts, or have potluck holiday meals. Focus on the joy of the season and let go of any overwhelming planning and activities. Consider arranging temporary in-home care to ensure you have post-festivities relaxation time.

Include the person with dementia in the planning process. With dementia, people lose their ability to complete tasks without help. As a result, they can feel helpless and left out, especially during the holiday season. Talk through holiday planning together – this can help you know what events are most important to your loved one and, thus, which should get the most attention and energy. Find ways your loved one can safely and enjoyably help with the preparations. Even if they can no longer shop for gifts, they may be able to wrap presents.

If they used to make the holiday meal, perhaps plan an event where the family prepares a simple meal together.

There may be in-home decorating they can safely do. Be creative!

Communicate with family and friends. Let anyone sharing your holiday know ahead of time about your loved one’s dementia and how it may affect holiday planning and your loved one’s behavior. Family and friends can help just by understanding that you may need to alter plans at short notice. Prepare them for your loved one’s behavior changes (such as repeating themselves, sometimes not recognizing family or tending to become easily upset in certain circumstances) and what to do when these behaviors come up. Although it is important to inform others of your loved one’s changes, it is equally important for them to treat your loved one like the person they were. It can be tempting to talk only about the dementia, but this can make a person feel as though the dementia is all they are.

Change traditional gatherings as needed. This can be especially difficult, because following traditions can 12

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make you feel comfortable and connected to your family, religious community and the past. At the same time, dementia can make it hard for a person to participate in all traditional events. Consider changing aspects of traditions in little ways while trying to preserve what makes the custom important. For example, some people with dementia experience “sundowning,” where they become more confused or upset near the end of the day, which could make it hard to enjoy a traditional holiday dinner. Instead, you could have a family brunch.

Plan festivities with your loved one’s specific needs in mind. People with dementia may become confused or upset when there are dramatic changes to their surroundings or routine, so centering family gatherings around their home or local area and keeping their usual routine as consistent as possible can improve their ability to participate. Some people with dementia have a hard time being around crowds for long stretches, so consider having several small gatherings on different days rather than one large event. Many tire easily and need rest breaks or a quiet space where they can have time away from the crowd. Some have trouble with judgment and controlling impulses, so consider having gatherings that are alcohol-free without gifts that may be dangerous (like power tools) or artificial food decorations that could be mistakenly eaten. Some have difficulty remembering recent events yet clearly recall the long ago past. In this case, holiday events could involve sharing old stories and singing well-known carols.

If you have further questions about how to navigate holiday events with your loved one who has dementia, consult with your primary doctor, home health agency or local neuropsychologist.

Dr. Maryanne Edmundson, a clinical neuropsychologist at Pinehurst Neuropsychology, can be reached at 910-420-8041, or by visiting www.pinehurstneuropsychology.com .

Christmas Celebrations December 19th | 2:30 - 4 P.M. Christmas Gift Ideas for those with Alzheimer’s, activities, gifts and a visit from Santa.

Wh

a

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155 Hall Ave. Southern Pines

o W E Do T

Questions?

Join us for monthly FREE programs.

Memory Cafe is a welcoming place for individuals with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, brain disorders and mild cognitive impairment and their family member or friend.

910.585.6757 info@aosfcare.org

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DECEMBER 2018 |

AOS & Friends Care is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization

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life

TA P P I N G I N T O C R E AT I V I T Y

Creating Through Gratitude

by Barbara Hengstenberg

“Gratitude wells up from your soul, spills out of your heart, fills your eyes with tears and breathes ‘thank you’ from your lips.” - Author Linda Yiannakis Thank you. These are two simple words that I try to say throughout the day. Sometimes they’re mindlessly spoken in response to someone’s kindness. After all, I was taught that the mantra of good manners is to always say please and thank you.

When giving thanks becomes more contemplative, however, it embraces me in gratitude. Operating in gratitude mode, the world becomes clearer to me. There is a clarity in thought, leading to my paying closer attention and becoming more present. I notice more and become more reflective when I’m in gratitude mode.

Some describe gratitude as a physical sensation, felt between the heart and the gut, and between the heart and the soul. It’s sometimes described as breathtaking, saturating one’s thoughts, vision and feelings, and providing unconditional warmth.

Once we reach this mental, physiological and emotional realm, what better place from which to create? Gratitude nourishes happiness which, in turn, nourishes creativity.

According to Kate Harrison’s 2016 Inc.com article, How Gratitude Can Make You More Creative and Innovative, “By using gratitude as a way to relax and reset your mind, you open up the possibility of new creativity and innovation.”

In order to capture this spark, I keep a gratitude journal.

Others prefer to jot a random list of all for which they are grateful, while my friend Amy Rauber-Patton prefers to keep a gratitude jar. She adds slips of paper into her jar, upon which are written notes of special moments such as, “spending a day with my kids, a rainbow, game night with friends. Sometimes it’s simply finding a parking space near the door.”

The benefits of being in gratitude mode are immense.

Using a journal, list or jar helps to capture feelings of thankfulness with the added benefit of providing a keeping place for future creative projects.

To get started, decide how to best keep track of the things for which you are grateful. I jot mine weekly, sometimes daily, in a journal. (Be cautioned, though, that this doesn’t become a mundane routine task, as can happen with a daily list.) Sometimes I’ll illustrate certain entries with a simple sketch.

Barbara Hengstenberg is an artist, writer and educator who always encourages creativity.

She is the founder of WildesArt, an online gathering place for creatives. Barbara can be reached at Barbara@WildesArt.com or by visiting www.WildesArt.com.

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Find a quiet spot and ponder: · What surprised you today? · What unexpected event occurred? · Did you notice anything or anyone that you might otherwise take for granted? · Who did something special today? · What made you feel good?

Later on, when I’m looking for writing or art inspiration, my gratitude journal becomes a treasure trove of ideas. As I reflect upon an entry, it can turn into a writing or art prompt if I think deeply about the details of what I’ve jotted. It can be especially poignant and inspiring to read bygone notations.

Once an entry is chosen, reflect. Then elaborate on the event by adding details and descriptions. Ask yourself: · What was I feeling during this specific event? · Where was I? · Was someone else involved? · Was there discussion or other action?

NEW YEAR’S EVE

Vienna with a Twist MON, DEC 31 | 8PM

MEYMANDI CONCERT HALL, RALEIGH

Wesley Schulz, conductor North Carolina Jazz Repertory Orchestra

Welcome the New Year with an evening of unforgettable Viennese waltzes, selections from The Nutcracker, and Big Band classics.

STATEWIDE MEDIA PARTNER

· What other senses and emotions does this event evoke?

Elaboration can lead to poetry, prose or provide visual prompts for a painting or drawing. I hope you’ll find that your memories come with many creative possibilities.

Tchaikovsky Serenade THUR, JAN 31 | 8PM

LEE AUDITORIUM, SOUTHERN PINES

Grant Llewellyn, conductor

Soaring melodies stir the soul in Tchaikovsky’s tender Serenade for Strings, written as an homage to Mozart. Respighi’s Ancient Airs and Dances and Grieg’s “Holberg” Suite also find inspiration from the past, bringing freshness and flair to elegant dance forms.

Don’t miss out—buy now! ncsymphony.org | 877.627.6724 DECEMBER 2018 |

OutreachNC.com 15

advice

H O M E S TA G I N G

How to Stage a Home During the Holidays

by Kasia McDaniel I love celebrating the holidays and I have tons of storage bins with Halloween and Christmas décor. However, when it is time to sell your home, consider paring down the holiday décor. Many buyers who are looking for a home during this time are more serious about buying one, so you will have fewer “tire kickers.” They will also be looking to get into a home before the holidays so they can enjoy their new space.

When we put our home on the market in October, I had some outside fall décor that would last a few months versus the Halloween graveyard that I normally put up. I didn’t want to scare away any potential buyers and it worked! My house sold in four days at above asking price. Consider how you want to portray your home during the winter season, and let’s go over some dos and don’ts of selling your home during the holidays.

Dos

Rearrange or remove furniture, de-clutter and clean your home as if it weren’t the holidays. Then think about adding some winter-related pieces as accessories to your home. A warm red color helps make it feel warm and cozy.

If you can get pictures taken before you bring out the holiday décor, do it. You can still add some holiday decorations after the pictures are done, but keep in mind that buyers will eventually be coming into your house. Don’t clutter it up. Here are some items that are ok to have out during the holidays: One decorated Christmas tree.

Don’ts

Don’t have the Griswold Effect. When it comes time to take pictures for your online listing, any holiday décor will automatically date the picture. You should not have a lot of holiday décor everywhere. Some lights are fine, but not throughout the whole yard.

Don’t show holiday clutter. If you have multiple nutcrackers, Christmas village houses or Christmas trees in every room, that is too much. The house should still be clutterfree. If you have a few in the background or in a corner of the room, that is fine but don’t go overboard. This includes removing any Christmas cards you may collect on your fridge or hang on a wall or door.

Throw pillows in winter colors are a great way to keep it neutral yet be festive.

Electric candles in the windows.

Holiday wreath on the door.

Fireplace mantle décor with snowmen and other winter-related items.

In the end, you want to show off the best features of your home. Show them the perfect place for a Christmas tree but also show them the great entertaining space. Think minimal holiday décor when your home is on the market. If your home is still for sale after the holidays, remember the pictures with holiday décor will still be posted online.

Kasia McDaniel, a Home Stager and Certified Interior Decorator at Blue Diamond Staging can be reached at 910-745-0608 or by visiting www.bluediamondstaging.com

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E AT R I G H T

Healthy Holiday Gift Guide

life

by Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN The holidays are almost here, which means it’s time to start thinking about your gift list. For a fresh, new take on the perfect present this season, consider giving the gift of health to your loved ones. Wrap up thoughtful gifts and set your family and friends on the path to wellness and vitality in the New Year.

GOURMET FARE. Food is a gift that everyone can appreciate, and culinary themed baskets make a beautiful presentation. For a gift that’s both delicious and healthy, create a custom cheese basket. Cheese is a good source of protein. In fact, just one ounce of cheese such as cheddar, Colby or Swiss, has as much protein as an egg. Build a basket with cheeses from local artisans. You can also include dried fruits, whole-grain crackers and nuts so the recipient will be well-stocked with the ultimate entertainment selections.

For those with a sweet tooth, choose dark chocolate. Studies show the monounsaturated fatty acids found in dark chocolate boost metabolism and stimulate the body to burn fat. Additionally, research shows dark chocolate aids in blood flow, promoting heart health. Make sure to select chocolates with at least 70 percent cocoa. During the long chilly months, dark hot chocolate mix also makes a wonderful winter companion. Paired with protein-packed milk, it’s a nutrient-rich beverage delivered in a cozy cup of comfort.

GO-TO GADGETS. According to research, when people cook most of their meals at home they consume fewer carbohydrates, less sugar and less fat than those who cook less or not at all. Gift your loved ones with go-to kitchen gadgets that make meal prep easier. · Micro Plane Grater: This tool is a handy kitchen present that can be used to add flavor to dishes without many calories. It can zest citrus, grate ginger or garlic and even shave parmesan to top dishes. And if you’re really feeling adventurous, you can use it to dust chocolate atop a dessert or hot chocolate. The small grates allow for maximum taste without having to use much of any one ingredient.

· Blender: For those that have trouble eating the recommended fruits and veggies during the day, consider a blender. Perhaps a green smoothie or a healthy homemade soup will entice them to add more fruits and vegetables to their meals. · Cast Iron Skillet: Make sure your loved one has this ultimate Southern kitchen staple. Not only is it non-stick, but it also fortifies the foods you are cooking in the skillet with iron, an essential nutrient for health.

GYM GEAR. Exercise can can help relieve stress, regulate appetite, build muscle and burn extra calories. Make sure your friends and family aren’t missing out on these important health benefits by gifting them the gear they need.

Help them stay in shape at home by wrapping up free weights, strength bands, a yoga mat or a pedometer.

Consider providing them with an online membership for a workout program.

For gym-goers, paid-for memberships and class passes are another great option. Consider some new workout gear to help them look great while working out. Accessories such as reusable water bottles, headphones and gym bags may also help motivate them not to skip exercise.

Whether you are shopping for your favorite foodie, the conscientious cook or the exercise enthusiast, these gift ideas will help them get a jumpstart on their New Year’s resolutions. For more healthy holiday gift ideas, as well as nourishing recipes to prepare this holiday season, visit foodandnutrition.org.

Laura Buxenbaum, MPH, RD, LDN is the Assistant Director of Food and Nutrition Outreach for The Dairy Alliance. She received her Master of Public Health at UNC Chapel Hill and has been working in dietetics for over 15 years. She can be reached at lbuxenbaum@thedairyalliance.com.

DECEMBER 2018 |

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life

A G I N G T H O U G H T F U L LY

Lifelong Learning.

by Dr. Mardy Grothe When Michelangelo was in his seventies, he drew a sketch of an old man—some say it was a rendering of Father Time, others say it was an image of himself—riding in a cart and looking at an hourglass. Just above the drawing, he wrote Ancora Imparo, a Latin phrase generally translated as “Yet I Learn” or “I am still learning.” The saying is regarded as the great Renaissance artist’s personal motto.

For centuries, many tales have circulated about Michelangelo’s commitment to a lifetime of learning. In 1564, several years before his death at age 88, he was walking by the Roman Colosseum during a rare winter snowstorm when he came upon a church cardinal driving by in his carriage. “What are you doing out in a snowstorm?” asked the churchman. According to legend, Michelangelo said he was bound for the local academy. “Why?” inquired the Cardinal, to which the aging artist replied: “To learn something.”

The idea of people vigorously pursuing knowledge into old age goes back to ancient times. In the 5th century B.C., Aeschylus wrote in Agamemnon: “It is always in season for old men to learn” (conveniently forgetting, I might add, that his observation applied equally well to old women). In modern times, the practice has been given a popular name—Lifelong Learning— and it is now commonplace to see elders committing themselves to audacious learning goals that would intimidate people decades younger. In his autobiography The Summing Up (1938), W. Somerset Maugham expressed it well: When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch’s statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek.

I am amazed no longer.

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.

In 1977, American philosopher Mortimer Adler was 75 when he came out with his autobiography, Philosopher-at-Large.

Fifteen years later, at age 90, however, he confessed: “I wrote my autobiography prematurely.” As it turned out, he learned and experienced so much in those intervening years that he felt impelled to write a second autobiography, A Second Look in the Rearview Mirror (1992). In that book, he wrote: Our minds, unlike our bodies, are able to grow and develop until death overtakes us.

This month, give some thought to how much of a lifelong learner you’ve been. As you do, let your thinking be stimulated by these additional observations on the theme: The day you stop learning is the day you begin decaying. — Isaac Asimov One’s work may be finished someday, but one’s education never! — Alexander Dumas Anyone who stops learning is old, whether he halts at twenty or eighty. — Henry Ford I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma. — Eartha Kitt The path of spiritual growth is a path of lifelong learning. — M. Scott Peck The excitement of learning separates youth from old age.

As long as you’re learning you’re not old. — Dr. Rosalyn Yalow

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Dr. Mardy Grothe is a retired psychologist who lives in Southern Pines. The author of seven quotation anthologies (all available at The Country Bookshop), he is also the creator of | “Dr. DECEMBER Mardy’s 2018 Dictionary of Metaphorical Quotations (DMDMQ), the world’s largest online database of metaphorical quotations: www.drmardy.com/dmdmq/

E Y E H E A LT H

health

Learn Your Family History of Eye Disease

by Tarra W. Millender, M.D. We get our eye color from our parents, but did you know eye health can be hereditary, too? Over the holidays, take the time to talk to your family members – including parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles – about their eye health history. It’s important to know if anyone has been diagnosed with an eye disease, since many are hereditary.

This will help to determine if you are at higher risk for developing an eye disease yourself.

Glaucoma, age-related macular degeneration, cataracts and other eye diseases can be genetic. For example, having a family member with glaucoma makes you four to nine times more likely to be struck with the disease. Glaucoma can cause blindness if left untreated. It’s important to know your family history and share that information with your eye doctor.

Most take vision for granted, with much of our daily lives based on visual stimulation. Unfortunately, the majority of us don’t think about actual eye care until something goes wrong. If you do have a family history of eye disease, it’s a good idea to schedule an eye exam. And as you age, it’s especially important to have your eyes checked regularly. If you are 65 or older, you should have your eyes checked every year or two for signs of age-related eye diseases such as cataracts, agerelated macular degeneration and glaucoma.

In addition, the following tips can also help maintain good vision: Wear sunglasses that block UV light. This harmful light is what causes skin cancer around the eyelids and is a major contributor to the development of macular degeneration.

Many who use computers for long stretches of time tend to complain about symptoms like dry eyes, blurry vision and eye strain. Give your eyes a break at regular intervals. Allow the eyes to look away from the screen.

If your grandkids play sports they should wear protective lenses while playing.

Eating a heart-healthy diet? What’s good for the heart is also good for the eyes. A diet low in fat and rich in fruits, vegetables and whole grains can benefit not only your heart but your eyes. Getting a good night’s sleep is also important in preserving the health of your eyes.

Seeing your eye doctor each year promotes overall health and wellness in addition to correcting vision problems.

Having an annual eye exam can help prevent and even detect sight-threatening, and in some cases even lifethreatening conditions

Tarra W. Millinder, M.D. is a glaucoma and cataract specialist. For more information, call Carolina Eye at (910) 295-2100 or tollfree at (800) 733-5357 or visit www.carolinaeye.com.

Serving residents of Scotland, Robeson, Richmond and Hoke counties in North Carolina, as well as Marlboro, Dillon and Chesterfield counties in South Carolina.

www.ScotlandHospice.org

DECEMBER 2018 |

OutreachNC.com 19

advice

PLANNNING AHEAD

Investing for Retirement Income: Straw, Sticks or Bricks?

Part III: Total-Return Investing for Solid Construction

by Tim Hicks, CFP®

As we’ve discussed in the first two parts of this three-part series, we do not recommend turning to dividend-yielding stocks or high-yield (“junk”) bonds to buttress your retirement income, even in low-yield environments. So what do we recommend? Today we’ll answer that question by describing total-return investing.

investing looks for the best balance among all three, as they apply to your unique financial circumstances. Which strategy is expected to give you the highest total return for the amount of market risk you’re willing to bear? Which is expected to deliver the most bang for your buck, in whatever form it may come?

Part III: Total-Return Investing for Solid Construction

If you’re thinking this seems like nothing but common sense, you’re on the right track. Last we checked, money is money. In the end, who wouldn’t want to choose the outcome that is expected to yield the biggest pot given the necessary risks involved? Why would it matter whether that pot gets filled by dividends, interest, increased share value or cost savings from tax-wise tactics?

If you think it through, there are three essential variables that determine the total return on nearly any given investment: 1. Interest or dividends paid out or reinvested along the way.

2. The increase or decrease in underlying share value: how much you paid per share versus how much those shares are now worth.

3. The damage done by taxes and other expenses.

Total-Return Investing, Defined Instead of seeking to isolate and maximize interest or dividend income – i.e., only one of three possible sources for strengthening your retirement income – total-return

Powering Your Home Despite Old Man Winter 20

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We’re not saying you should entirely avoid dividend-yielding stocks or modestly higher-yielding bonds. With total-return investing, these securities often still play an important role.

But they do so in the appropriate context of your wider portfolio management. Let’s take a look at that next.

The Related Role of Portfolio Management The tool for implementing total-return investing is portfolio-wide investment management. Decades of evidence-based inquiry informs us that there are three ways

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ower

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to manage your portfolio (the sum of your investment parts) to pursue higher expected returns; more stable preservation of existing assets; or, usually, a bit of both. The most powerful strategies in this pursuit include: 1. Asset allocation – Tilting your investments toward or away from asset classes that are expected to deliver higher returns... but with higher risk to your wealth as the tradeoff.

2. Diversification – Managing for market risks by spreading your holdings across multiple asset classes in domestic and international markets alike.

3. Asset location – Minimizing taxes by placing taxinefficient holdings in tax-favored accounts, and taxefficient holdings in taxable accounts.

By focusing on these key strategies as the horses that drive the proverbial cart, we can best manage a portfolio’s expected returns. This, in turn, helps us best position the portfolio to generate an efficient cash flow when the time comes.

Your Essential Take-Home Bottom line, there is no such thing as a crystal ball that will guarantee financial success or a happily-ever-after retirement. But we believe that total-return investing offers the best odds for achieving your retirement-spending goals – more so than pursuing isolated tactics such as chasing dividends or high-yielding bonds without considering their portfolio-wide role.

With that in mind, the next time the market is huffing and puffing and threatening to blow your retirement down, we suggest you throw another log on the fire that fuels your total return investment strategy, shore up your solidly built portfolio and depend on the structured strength to keep that wolf at bay. Better yet, be in touch with your advisor to develop a long-term plan.

Investment advisor representative of and investment advisory services offered through Garrett Investment Advisors, LLC, a fee-only SEC registered investment advisor. Tel: (910) FEE-ONLY. Hicks Financial Partners may offer investment advisory services in the State of North Carolina and in other jurisdictions where exempted. This communication has been provided by a third-party, is being passed to you for informational purposes only, and is not intended as an offer or solicitation for the purchase or sale of a security. Although information in this presentation has been obtained from and is based upon sources that Garrett Investment Advisors, LLC believes to be reliable, Garrett Investment Advisors, LLC does not guarantee its accuracy and it may be incomplete or condensed. This information is not a complete summary or statement of all available data necessary for making an investment decision and does not constitute a recommendation. Investing involves substantial risk and has the potential for partial or complete loss of funds invested.

Investments mentioned may not be suitable for all investors.

Before investing in any investment product, potential investors should consult their financial or tax advisor, accountant, or attorney with regard to their specific situation.

About Tim Hicks, CFP®. Investment advisor representative of and investment advisory services offered through Garrett Investment Advisors, LLC, a fee-only SEC registered investment advisor. Tel: (910) FEE-ONLY. Hicks Financial Partners may offer investment advisory services in the State of North Carolina and in other jurisdictions where exempted. Investing involves substantial risk and has the potential for partial or complete loss of funds invested. Investments mentioned may not be suitable for all investors. Before investing in any investment product, potential investors should consult their financial or tax advisor, accountant, or attorney with regard to their specific situation.

DECEMBER 2018 |

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health

TRIUMPHANT ELDER

Health for the Holidays

by Tim Keim, EYT500, Yoga Therapist

Cold and flu season are not just a function of cooler weather, rain and snow. It’s also what we do before and during the holidays that creates the physical terrain for disease to take root. The holidays engender a relaxation of our attitudes about food and drink, particularly alcohol, sugar, caffeine and white flour. We’re celebrating, right?!

I confess I’m also prone to excess during the holidays. Not this year! I can do without the hammering headache, nausea, fever, body aches, vomiting and diarrhea that viruses inflict upon us. How about you?

I propose a celebration of harmonious bodily balance and gustatory pleasure. “How’s that work,” you may ask? Here’s my strategy.

Stress is the seed bed of disease. A simple walk among the trees, beside the brook, under the birdsong is a good place to begin. Once you’re there, breathe long, attentive breaths into your belly. Massage your guts with the force that keeps you alive, your divine inspiration of breath. Follow your breath with your mind, in and out. Watch every measure of breath slowly untie the knots of stress in your belly. Sit and breathe as long as you like; make a habit of it.

Choose three simple recipes made with organic, vegetable ingredients. Eat these recipes often as the holidays approach.

Cook them with intention and love. You’re worth it, aren’t you? Season them with things like dill, cumin, coriander, fennel, cardamom, cinnamon and ginger. These spices provide strong cleansing action of the blood and lymphatic fluid and create the optimum environment for complete digestion. Eat quietly, without distraction, and talk calmly about the goodness of life.

Allow nothing to stand in your way of a good night’s sleep.

Sleep is a central pillar of good health and there is no substitute.

Rest is repair; it’s when the body does its housecleaning. Lack of sleep leaves the body mired in unprocessed toxins that provide the fertilizer for disease. If you need a little help, try a half-teaspoon of nutmeg in a cup of warm milk and some valerian root capsules.

If someone gives you cookies, take home two for every member of your family and give away the rest. Refined sugar is perhaps the most powerful way to undermine health any time of year. Disease-causing microbes thrive on it!

Let’s think about the second paragraph in this piece when we’re about to have that second alcoholic drink. Alcohol is a toxin. Actually, it’s the waste product of yeast (think fecal matter). An overloaded liver, already doing hundreds of jobs, can only do so much.

Let’s try to eat until we’re 75 percent full. Use the spices mentioned above. Overburdened digestive systems fail to digest food thoroughly, creating persistent waste in the body.

We can eat again in three to four hours, no reason to gorge in the land of plenty.

Rest after eating. Hug and kiss your loved ones. The holidays are about renewing the bonds that keep us close.

Tim Keim is an IAYT certified yoga therapist, and has been teaching yoga for 15 years.

Keim can be heard Saturday and Sunday mornings from 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. on 91.5-FM, WUNC. He can be reached at timkeim811@ yahoo.com.

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Holiday Reading Lists

There's nothing like a great book.

Here are some suggestions for the Perfect Read!

Best Books to Give

2.

1.

5.

3.

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4.

1. The Dairy of a Young Girl by Anne Frank 2. The Harry Potter Series by J. K . Rowling 3. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee 4. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak 5. The Princess Bride by William Goldman OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

Best Books to Share with grandchildren 1.

5.

3.

4.

2.

1. The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg 2. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens 3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss 4. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson 5. The Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore

Best Books to Savor by the fireplace 1.

2.

5.

3.

4.

1. Winter Solstice by Elin Hilderbrand 2. Last Christmas in Paris by Hazel Gaynor & Heather Webb 3. The Deal of a Lifetime by Fredrick Backman 4. Hiddensee by Gregory McGuire 5. A Lot Like Christmas by Connie Willis DECEMBER 2018 | OutreachNC.com

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5 Easy Ways

to Give Back This Holiday Season

by Rachel Stewart

Tis the season to celebrate and reconnect with loved ones, but it’s also the perfect time to give to causes close to your heart. Giving back won’t just impact your community, but it has a direct correlation to your health.

University of Exeter researchers found that people who volunteered increased their longevity by 20 percent, compared to those that didn’t.

And if you’re giving back along with other family members, you’re teaching one of the most important life lessons: kindness. Here are five ways you can serve your community and help others in big ways at little to no cost.

1. Give your time. Wrapping presents, serving a meal or building something — these are all examples of activities you can do during the holidays to help others. Your time is valuable to many volunteer organizations this time of year, so look for places that may need help in the winter months, including soup kitchens, homeless shelters or Habitat for Humanity. Keep an eye on events or calls for help on the news or your local newspaper.

2. Encourage others to give online. Fundraising is easy as logging into Facebook, especially if you’re wanting to support a national nonprofit organization. Just click the “Fundraisers” link under the “Explore” sidebar menu and then you can choose from a large selection of causes, including supporting arts and culture, education, international concerns, community and social action or animals. Once you’ve decided what you want to support, you can set how much you want to raise and how long you want the fundraiser to run. Then you can invite friends to donate. At the end of the fundraiser, all the funds are automatically donated to the charity.

3. Make a food donation box. Food banks typically take a hit during the winter months, so consider keeping a box on your counter for canned food or shelf stable food donations, such as dried pasta, rice, beans, or lentils. You could challenge family members to help you fill your donation box by a specific date or have them make their own. Once it’s full, deliver it to your local food bank or other public drop off point. Looking for another way to assist your local food bank? Other non-food donation ideas could include coats, gloves, and hats to keep people warm during the colder months.

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4. Raise your voice. Whether you love singing in your church choir or in the shower, there’s no better way to bring that holiday cheer to all than by singing carols.

Consider having a few friends go from door to door in your neighborhood to sing a few of the season’s favorite songs. Weather frightful? Invite friends, family or next door neighbors over to sing instead. This has a whole host of health benefits, including boosting the immune system and lowering stress levels.

5. Roll up your sleeve. The American Red Cross estimates that one blood donation can save up to three lives.

Consider dropping into a blood drive with your loved ones and give the gift of life. If you’re a regular donor, you could encourage others to go with you the next time you make an appointment. If you have health concerns, discuss with your physician before donating blood.

Giving locally

by Corbie Hill

Want to give locally, whether to a nonprofit within North Carolina or to one within your county? Here are a handful of ideas, though they are only a smattering of the many worthwhile nonprofits within North Carolina.

Food Bank of Central and Eastern North Carolina Fights hunger in 34 North Carolina counties, with branches in Durham, Greenville, New Bern, Raleigh, Southern Pines and Wilmington. foodbankcenc.org 919-875-0707

Statewide..

North Carolina Symphony Our state’s symphony orchestra offers programming, concerts and education statewide. ncsymphony.com 919-733-2750

By county..

Weymouth Center for the Arts & Humanities (Moore) This nexus of arts and the humanities nurtures burgeoning talent and is also the home of the North Carolina Literary Hall of Fame. weymouthcenter.org

Arts Richmond (Richmond) Since 1979, Arts Richmond has promoted and advocated for arts and culture in its county. artsrichmond.net 910-997-6008

Southeastern Health Foundation (Robeson) The nonprofit arm of Southeastern Health, which aims to grow and develop quality health care provided by that medical center. srmc.org/foundation 910-671-5583

Temple Theatre (Lee) Sanford’s own performing arts center, which is housed in an attractively refurbished theater that was built in 1925. templeshows.com 919-774-4155

Scotland Regional Hospice (Scotland) Provides compassionate, personalized end-of-life care in the Scotland County community. scotlandregionalhospice.dudaone.com 910-276-7176

North Carolina Disaster Relief Fund In particular, this fund currently supports victims of Hurricane Florence. governor.nc.gov/donate-florence-recovery or mail your contribution to North Carolina Disaster Relief Fund 20312 Mail Service Center Raleigh, NC 27669

Carolina Horse Park (Hoke) A not-for-profit equine competition venue dedicated to the preservation of open spaces for equestrian and recreational purposes. carolinahorsepark.com 910-875-2074

Montgomery Community College Foundation (Montgomery) This organization supports Montgomery Community College students and educational programs by bolstering existing funds. montgomery.edu/foundation 910-898-9602

Fayetteville Animal Protection Society (Cumberland) No-euthanasia animal shelter serving Fayetteville. fapspet.org 910-864-9040

Beacon Rescue Mission (Harnett) Christian organization that provides temporary housing, food, clothing and other assistance to the homeless.

Also operates several thrift stores in Harnett County. beaconmission.com 910-892-5772

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Even the Lone Ranger had a best friend: Men, Socializing & Connection

by Amy Phariss Last week, I ended a conversation with a friend struggling through a difficult time in his life. He’d divorced amicably with his wife of many years, after the kids had gone off to college and the empty nest left them facing hard questions about their marriage, their life in retirement and their future. He was sad about the divorce but confident it was the best choice for them both, but his voice quieted when he said, “I guess I didn’t expect it would be this lonely.”

neglected yard into shape, the days get longer, the television is turned on earlier and suddenly an afternoon nap extends into two hours, maybe three. While wives might be off at yoga classes, volunteer gigs or meeting friends for coffee, men are often left out of socializing that was once part of a job or career and is now dormant in a life that no longer includes working lunches, afternoon meetings or client dinners.

What my friend learned in the aftermath of his divorce was that his wife had been the CRO: Chief Relationship Officer.

She’d scheduled the dinners, hosted the guests, remembered the birthdays, and generally managed the relationships they had as a couple with the outside world. He worked, provided for the family and engaged in their healthy social life without thinking too much about the details. Now that he was on his own, he’d managed to create a solid repertoire of meals-for-one, still kept in touch with the kids and actually enjoyed quiet evenings with the stack of historical biographies he’d let collect dust over the years. But he couldn’t help feeling that something was missing, and it didn’t take a therapist or doctor to tell him what it was. He was missing connection with other people, something he’d always benefited from but never had to foster himself outside of his job.

Finally, moving can also play a large part in why many people struggle to establish new adult relationships. This is difficult for both men and women, but men in particular may face challenges in finding their social spot in a new place, having left old jobs, friends and family behind to pursue a better job, a more amenable climate, or a retirement dream of a slower pace of life.

Suddenly, after the furniture has been arranged and a few favorite restaurants have been established, both men and women find themselves looking for community, connection and relationships in the world around them. While this can be challenging for anyone, society often seems geared toward female connection more so than for male connection. There are book clubs at the library, the bulk of which are female.

Exercise classes are often filled with women; just pop into any Jazzercise, Zumba or yoga class any morning of the week, and you’re bound to find the majority of downwardfacing dogs held by women.

Divorce isn’t the only situation leaving some men feeling left out of a once-thriving social life. Retirement can also create feelings of restlessness or isolation when the reality of filling each day shifts from relaxation to boredom, feelings of solitude giving way to isolation. It first seems like a dream: wake up, realize you don’t have to get up and shave, go back to sleep and then linger, a few hours later, over coffee and the news. Linger. But for some men, after a few months catching up on| current events and whipping the 28 OutreachNC.com DECEMBER 2018

So what can men do in the search for a social life? Aside from the golf course, the boardroom or the dinner table, where do men go to seek out friendships, community and connection?

Here are three avenues to consider for men looking to up their social game:

1. TEAM SPORTS Team sports are a great option for men for several reasons.

First, the act of playing the sport takes the edge off the pressure for socializing, which can be uncomfortable and awkward at times. Rather than standing around trying to consider topics of conversation, team sports offer structure to the interaction, physical movement (which has all sorts of positive mental and physical perks) and still offers the sense of camaraderie and community so many of us seek. Often, team sports lead to a post-game dinner or celebratory drink. A weekend-pick up game of basketball led to daily midafternoon games for a friend of mine who struggled to find friends post-divorce. He told me, “I felt creepy as a newly divorced guy going around trying to make friends. It seemed kind of desperate or pathetic. But going to the gym to play basketball seemed normal.

The more we all played together, the more we started to talk. It felt natural instead of fake.” Team sports don’t need to be physically demanding, either. I have friends who bowl together weekly, walk 5k races for causes they support or play tennis for a few hours a week, all levels welcome. The point isn’t to compete physically as much as it is to work as a team and connect with each other.

2. CHURCH For many people, church is a foundational aspect of life no matter our age. As we move into mid-life and have more time, our church lives can actually deepen and provide more meaning and connection. Without heavy travel schedules from work, and once the kids are gone and we’re no longer feeding them Cheerios in the pew, many people find a sense of comfort and nuance in our faith that enables us to dig deeper into church communities. And this isn’t just a role for women. Men have vital roles in worship centers, as volunteers, as part-time clergy, as mentors and as members who engage in the social heartbeat of every congregation. My husband’s former boss, a retired two-star Army general, found a new life for himself post-retirement as a deacon in the Catholic Church. His new role allowed him to continue doing what he did in the military, serving and mentoring others, in a different, equally vital role. Rather than viewing his talents and skills as only applicable to his professional life, he is able to transfer his extensive knowledge, skills and experience into a role he finds equally enriching and connective. From delving into Bible study groups to heading the committee to build a new chapel, church work is often a natural extension of the depth and quality many men find in their professional careers.

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3. VOLUNTEERISM Volunteering is often overlooked as a resource for the person volunteering rather than simply the person (or community) benefiting from the help. Volunteerism has been scientifically shown to benefit both our mental and physical health.

According to Stephanie Watson’s 2013 article in the Harvard Health Blog, “Studies have shown that volunteering helps people who donate their time feel more socially connected, thus warding off loneliness and depression.” Additionally, Watson cites a 2013 research study from Carnegie Mellon University, published in the journal Psychology and Aging, indicating volunteering is also good for our physical health, actually lowering blood pressure.

Aside from all of these good vibes, volunteering is a great way to meet new people while engaging in meaningful work. And if the idea of volunteering conjures up images that don’t seem necessarily appealing to some men (the nursery at church, homework assistance at a local school, sitting on a finance committee arguing over budgets), think outside the box when it comes to donating your time. Volunteer with an organization like Habitat for Humanity, which builds homes for families in need. Volunteers actually wield the hammers, paint the walls and do a variety of other handson, in-the-sunshine work that gets the blood and the brain pumping. Volunteers for the Red Cross can be trained in disaster response and sent out as part of crisis response teams, traveling the country (and sometimes the world) to aid those who are in need. Not only can you use existing skills to make a difference, you can learn new ones and, in the process, connect with new people who offer friendship, community and shared experience.

As we all move into the second phase of life, men and women alike, our worlds will naturally shift. We’ll move, retire, begin new jobs, end old friendships and look forward toward developing new connections and relationships. For some men, many of whom relied on work or spouses for social connection, this can be challenging. It may take time, effort and a shift in perspective, but there are opportunities for rich connection, socializing and shared experience for men who are shifting careers, transitioning into and out of old relationships or simply arriving at the next stage (and place) of life. Though it may seem awkward at first, and there will be inevitable stops and starts, pursuing new relationships and building solid connections are sure-fire ways to grow, thrive and build a support system unique to who you are today, in this moment, in this place.

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Finding Birds in the Winter

Birding in N.C.

Wilson Botanical Gardens

by Ray Linville

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At only 11 acres, the Wilson Botanical Gardens are one of the smallest locations on the North Carolina Birding Trail.

However, this location offers a very high probability of seeing noteworthy birds in the winter, particularly those that choose the Northwestern Coastal Plain as a habitat.

Started in 1997, the gardens have since been expanded to showcase an extensive tree collection and more than 235 plant species. The Fence and Bird Garden in the complex includes plants that are habitat or food plants for native birds. It is one of 18 sections that offer something for any visitor interested in a specialty plot such as culinary herbs, hostas, ornamental grasses, daylilies and native plants.

For example, the STEM (science, technology, engineering, math) garden illustrates the connections of technical subjects with plants and nature. Also popular for the young and young at heart is the Children’s Secret Garden, which combines playful areas with lush plants and delightful flowers.

The gardens are an important part of the N.C. Birding Trail, which links educational and historical attractions with communities and businesses across the state. Their oak forest with mixed hardwoods and pines attract a variety of resident and migrating bird species, including the northern mockingbird, brown thrasher and red-tailed hawk.

Wilson Botanical Gardens In addition to daytime visits for birding, other special times after Thanksgiving are Fridays through Sundays until Dec. 9 (with rain dates on Mondays after the two weekends) when the annual winter lights are aglow from 6 to 9 p.m. Tickets ($5 for adults and $3 for children 12 and under) are required to enjoy thousands of dazzling lights, themed holiday gardens and a synchronized show of lights and music.

Otherwise, there is no admission charge, and the complex is open daily from dawn to dusk; however, the restrooms are closed on weekends and holidays. In addition, pets are not permitted.

Pathways are suitable for wheelchairs, and the parking area at 1806 Goldsboro St. off US 301 North in Wilson is handicapped accessible. Call in advance (252-237-0113) to schedule a tour of the gardens, which are located on the grounds of the Wilson County Agricultural Building.

If you have extra time while in the area, visit the Whirligig Park at 310 Goldsboro St. S. only a few blocks away and the Wilson Rose Garden at 1800 Herring Ave. E. (about four miles away). Both are enjoyable attractions.

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Northern Mockingbird

Photo Credit: Brady Beck

The only mockingbird – its mimicking ability is the reason for its name – commonly found in our area is the northern mockingbird. The adult is a medium-sized slender songbird with a long tail, long legs and a small head. Its upperparts are gray to brown, and the breast and belly are a pale whitish-gray color. White patches on the tail and wing are visible in flight.

A year-round resident, the mockingbird frequents forest edges and open areas but forages in grassy plots where it dines on both insects and fruits. It is often seen walking or running on the ground as it tries to catch insects. Sometimes it flies up and hovers to grab at hanging fruit and also perches in trees and shrubs as it eats berries.

The bird is popularized in culture such as in the first lines of a Southern lullaby: “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird. And if that bird don’t sing, Mama’s gonna buy you a diamond ring.” Portrayed as innocent in the celebrated novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, mockingbirds “don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.” Sing they do, almost endlessly and sometimes at night, although nighttime singing is more common during a full moon. They continue to add new songs to their repertoires, and males can learn up to 200 songs, which can consist of a long series of phrases and last as long as 20 seconds. Males also alter song selections by season.

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Brown Thrasher The brown thrasher’s song is similar to the mockingbird’s, but its phrases are less varied and usually delivered only two or three times, unlike the mockingbird’s pattern of up to six times. The thrasher is similarly an exuberant singer and has the largest repertoire of a North American songbird, often more than 1,000 song types, and some sources have given it credit for more than 3,000 song phrases.

A slender songbird with long proportions (long legs, long tail and long bill), the thrasher is slightly larger than a mockingbird. Also a year-round resident at the gardens, it has bright reddish-brown upperparts and white underparts with dark streaks. It is hard to spot in dense vegetation, its favorite place to be, where it searches through leaf litter for insects, nuts, seeds and fruits.

The thrasher spends most of its time on or near the ground as it walks, runs and hops. However, like the mockingbird, it also eats fruit directly off bushes and seeds from weed stems. It rarely ventures far from thick undergrowth where it can easily retreat. A slow, short-distance flyer, its flight style is a distinctive jerky, fluttering pattern.

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OutreachNC.com 35

Red-tailed Hawk Unlike the brown thrasher, the red-tailed hawk loves open spaces and is often found in terrain that provides both open ground for hunting and high perches. It is the largest and most familiar hawk in North America. Also a year-round resident, the hawk is more numerous in the winter when it shares the gardens with others arriving from the far north.

The hawk, one of the largest birds in this area, puts on an aerial display when it soars in wide circles at great heights. The red tail is obvious when viewed from above; otherwise, the flight feathers appear all brown with light barring. From below, the hawk appears mostly pale with dark wing edges, edges of flight feathers and belly band.

Mammals such as mice, squirrels and rabbits make up most of the hawk’s diet. It also eats snakes and other birds. Its meal selections can vary from less than an ounce to more than five pounds. Two hawks often hunt together and can occasionally be seen guarding opposite sides of a tree to catch a squirrel. Mated pairs typically stay together until one dies.

With this issue, OutreachNC concludes a yearlong series that highlights regional sites of the N.C. Birding Trail.

We hope you have enjoyed the series as contributor Ray Linville explored beautiful landscapes and birds of our 36 OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018 home state. He can be reached at linville910@gmail.com.

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OutreachNC.com 37

Fifth of December

by LuEllen Huntley

To explain personal holiday inclinations two artist friends come to mind. One lives across the hall from my mother in an assisted care facility. I learn we share commonalities the day she tells me of living on Cape Cod for many years in Provincetown, Massachusetts. From there we talk about the poetry of Mary Oliver, as my friend would often cross paths with the poet who adopted this seaside vista in the 1960s.

My friend and I talk frequently about other poets, artistic projects, and life. She possesses wisdom and curiosity, and she – like me – remains single and never had children.

When I ask her about personal customs she observes during and leading up to Christmas, she exclaims, “Church.” She then tells how each year she creates cards, each by hand – either block print or paintings – for her two nieces, three great nieces, one nephew and four great nephews. About her card designs she says, “This is what a person does for people who have everything.” She says her family members often ask, “How did you do that?” She laughs. She gives to those she holds dear gifts of her own making. I marvel because I know this individual’s talent for the abstract, depth of her observations and passion to create and let others in on zest for life. I aspire to create as well; however, four years pass since I design a card for the holidays. I relish the thought to reignite this personal tradition, and this friend reminds me to do just that. Her exclamation about church connecting to personal ways of observing Christmas registers with me also as I understand and follow the Christian liturgical calendar.

As a child I may have had a slight understanding of Advent as we performed Christmas pageants,

R E B M E DEC

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

sang hymns, and experienced careful placings of the Nativity.

Advent holds more meaning to me now, whether I attend formal church services or not, as I take comfort in a Protestant upbringing. Quite often, though, a single faith feels limiting.

This brings another friend to mind, also an accomplished artist. She is an excellent cook and baker, and more than once she has invited me to dinner. This individual embraces Jewish holy days as sacred and prepares with love amazing feasts for family and others. I remember saying when she invites me to dinner, “Do not go to any trouble.” Only later do I realize how much this friend delights in all phases of preparing and serving meals. She gifts others through well orchestrated repasts. My statement telling this friend not to go to any trouble demonstrates how unthinking I can be when it comes to food preparation. Just because I detest grocery shopping and cooking and have never given a dinner party in my life, does not mean to minimize the efforts of others who do.

Some years ago I recall shopping at a Harris Teeter in Wilmington, North Carolina; I become distraught because the dairy section offers only eggs by the dozen, no half dozens. While checking out I ask the clerk to split the dozen eggs for me as I prefer six, not 12 eggs. She says she could not do this, but adds, “Why not use the extra eggs to bake a cake?” Taken aback by such a thought I remember being peeved buying more of any commodity than I feel I will use in my household. I confess I am less staunch these days about declaring that our culture accommodate more appropriately those of us who choose to be single, those widowed, or those who by nature are lone wolves.

But everyone knows in the wild the lone wolf fares less well without its pack, which brings me to this: holiday seasons present challenges to everyone as expectations become heightened. A countdown starts with a march toward December 25. The closer to this date, often come questions like, “Are you ready?” “Have you finished?” “Are you done?”

I ignore all that as my solo holiday preparation involves no decorating, gift buying, party planning, wrapping or the like.

For those of us who navigate solo for whatever reason, the holidays might trigger sadness. Not for me as my childhood Christmas memories endure, as do tender family traditions growing up – stories for later, perhaps. My tale here returns me to one day in third grade.

Our teacher Mary Lynn Ratliff distributes a mimeograph worksheet of math problems. On the page, instructions require counting, subtracting and multiplying with focus on the number of Santa Clauses. We color the Santas as part of

the lesson. I feel surprise, thinking why Santa Claus now? I look to the front of the classroom and see the date on the large, blue Presidential calendar.

Prominent on the top half of the calendar is John Fitzgerald Kennedy’s picture and beneath are squares where daily Mrs. Ratliff affixes the date. The calendar shows this day as December 5.

Ever since, the fifth of December marks for me the beginning of Christmas season in my world as I navigate life as a single female with no children. This date onward allows more than enough time to delight in seasonal traditions, and I mostly love when people decorate with white lights and use natural greenery trimmings.

At times I may gather foliage to create a wreath or centerpiece. More often these days I do not, similar to my ceasing of designing cards. It’s likely that my temporary termination of creating with greenery or designing holiday cards traces to the death of my father five years ago, and the now interminable experience of observing my mother struck by Alzheimer’s disease. That said, to recall Christmas as it was growing up with three siblings who I love thrills me year round, yet none of them know the realm of private quiet knowing I celebrate from the fifth of December onward. I continue to learn how to receive and give with grace during holidays or otherwise.

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LuEllen Huntley, a native North Carolinian from Anson County, currently lives in Southern Pines and teaches at Sandhills Community College.

An Associate English Professor Emerita, Dr. Huntley taught at UNCWilmington in the English Department for 26 years.

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This Holiday Season, Treat to some much-needed pampering

yourself

The daily grind sometimes is exhausting. In fact, a poll from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health found that 49 percent of Americans reported having a major stressful event or experience in the past year, and 26 percent of people said they had a “great deal” of stress.

In small amounts, stress can push a person to act and grow. But constant stress can become debilitating and has been linked to a compromised immune system and other unhealthy side effects. This is why a number of people resolve to reduce stress.

In addition to taking on fewer responsibilities, engaging in some activities to promote a relaxed mind and body can help alleviate stress and tension. Though the term “pampering” may not appeal to everyone, a day of pampering might be just what you need to relieve stress and unwind.

• Get a full-body massage. Licensed massage therapists have the training and knowledge to work the kinks out of your muscles and ease aches and pains. Massage therapy works tension out of the body and can help release feel-good endorphins. A massage can improve circulation and help reduce blood pressure. It’s difficult to walk out of a spa without feeling relaxed.

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• Schedule a manicure and pedicure appointment. If you do not have time for a full massage, having your hands and feet pampered can be a good substitute. Manicures and pedicures are not just for ladies, either. Men can indulge and opt for no nail polish. Many salons offer different types of manicures and pedicures, depending on personal preference.

Spa treatments may include warm paraffin wax or hot stones to further ease pain and enhance the pleasure of the experience.

• Take a retreat. Schedule a trip to a resort or even a small hotel that is away from the hustle and bustle of where you live.

Such a respite can provide a welcome change. New scenery and a chance to escape the daily grind can effectively relieve stress.

Consider low-tech accommodations and turn your phone or tablet off for a few days.

• Try relaxing aromatherapy. Aromatherapy is the use of aromatic plant extracts and essential oils to elicit mental and physical responses. Lavender is a relaxing scent that can be used during a massage or in baths to induce a sense of calm. Experiment with other scents and oils to achieve the desired result.

• Laugh with friends. Plan a friends’ night where you can go out for drinks and conversation or huddle around the television and watch your favorite comedy. Laughter is often a great medicine for stress, as is the company of other people who can provide some comic relief.

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

Coming Full Circle

Carolina Conversations with UNC-Pembroke Chancellor Robin Gary Cummings

By Corbie Hill “To me, this job is personal,” says Robin Cummings.

“It’s not about money,” he continues. “It’s not about prestige.”

The UNC-Pembroke chancellor sits in his fourth-floor office overlooking campus. In his 62 years he has been a heart surgeon and a Medicaid administrator – even on their own, these two careers represent a high level of achievement. Yet Cummings’ impressive arc continues with his UNCP chancellorship – a relatively recent career move that he approaches with trademark humility and humor.

“Once you’ve held a heart in your hand and you’ve operated on a person, if your ego is not fulfilled at that point, then you really have a problem,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

Between fall break and Hurricane Michael (which blew through North Carolina the day before our interview), UNCP is quiet, a dormant engine awaiting ignition. New buildings contrast with old structures that Cummings knew as a child, when the school bus would wend through campus en route from the farm where he was raised to Pembroke Elementary. Cummings was a bright student, valedictorian of his high school class, and his education at UNC-Chapel Hill and then Duke prepared him for a career in heart surgery. He loved this career, but a medical issue in 2004 cut his operating days short. From there, he pivoted to medical administration, eventually overseeing Medicaid statewide. Then, in 2015, he became chancellor of the university he had known since childhood.

And now he has a bold vision. He thinks UNCP could be the next East Carolina University.

The two schools could have similar arcs, Cummings says. Until the ‘70s, ECU was a small regional college of a few thousand students. ECU became a university in 1967 and then a member of the UNC system in 1972, all under chancellor and president Leo Jenkins’ leadership. And then the school grew, and kept growing.

Today it enrolls about 30,000 students; Today there is a medical school and a dental school; Today there is a high-speed four-lane highway connecting Greenville to Raleigh. When the university grew, so did the city of Greenville – and so did the rest of eastern North Carolina.

Cummings, UNCP’s chancellor, thinks his humble school of 7,000 (which is nestled in a town less than half that size) can be the same engine for positive change in southeast North Carolina. All the pieces are already in place: Robeson County is bisected by two interstates; it has a university, a community college and a 450bed hospital. The county should be an economic powerhouse, Cummings says, and he believes UNCP could be the essential catalyst, just like ECU was for its region.

“There's still a lot of poor counties in eastern North Carolina, but there are fewer of them and fewer poor cities because East Carolina has had an impact,” Cummings says. “I think people are buying into the idea that UNC-Pembroke could be an engine, could be a driver, could be a tool that could have a lot of positive impact in this area.”

As someone who grew up in the area, Cummings is personally invested in making this happen.

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The son of a Methodist minister, second-youngest of nine children, Cummings grew up on a small farm three miles from UNCP. At the time, ministers were expected to work a job during the week on top of their ministry, but Cummings’ father went against the grain.

He decided that he would be a minister full-time, so he found a way to make that work.

UNCP was a strong presence in Cummings’ early life, from passing it daily on the bus to having studentteachers from the college come to his school. Many of these students were Caucasian, which was different for Cummings, as most of his peers at school were, like him, American Indians. As he got older, he kept coming to the university, though his reasons changed.

As a teenager, Cummings would go to Mary Livermore Library to study, and often his future wife, Pinehurst realtor Rebecca Godwin Cummings, would be studying on the same evenings.

On the advice of his high school guidance counselor, Cummings applied to UNC-Chapel Hill. “We never talked about UNC-Pembroke, which I think was Pembroke State University at the time,” says Cummings.

He was accepted, but almost could not afford to go.

In the 11th hour a scholarship materialized, so he left Pembroke for Chapel Hill.

“It was the first time I had ever been away from home,” Cummings says. Yet he felt at ease immediately. The towering dorm buildings, the crowds of students – none of that bothered him. Having grown up a scant three miles from a university, even a small one, had made Cummings completely at ease in that setting. “It didn’t frighten me like I think it did some other kids who were coming from small towns,” he says. “So I just fit right in and felt comfortable.” He may hold degrees from both Carolina and Duke, but Cummings maintains that UNCP influenced him the most. It gave him the courage to pursue his education.

After UNC, Cummings started at Duke University School of Medicine. Initially he thought he wanted to be a pediatrician, but a rotation through surgery changed his mind. “The first time I looked into a chest and saw that heart beating and I saw who I thought was the coolest guy in the whole world operating on it, I thought ‘That’s what I want to be!’” Cummings says.

“When I saw it, it was like ‘Can I get in there? Can I

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be a part of that?’ I didn’t see the blood. I just saw this organ beating and the function of it and the beauty of it and how this person, through his knowledge, could do something with it,” Cummings says. “You could make that kind of a difference in someone’s life, to go from the point of death to having life.”

After nine years of schooling, Cummings considered his options: he could go to Texas, to Ohio, to California, but he wanted to come home and help Robeson County.

So he took a position at Moore Regional Hospital (now FirstHealth Moore Regional Hospital) and began his busy career. “When you’re a surgeon, you get up in the morning, you go, you do your thing, you come home at 10:00 at night and you go to bed; you get up in the morning, you go and do your thing – that was my life, pretty much seven days a week,” Cummings says.

He loved surgery. In the operating room, problems are solved on the fly; Actions are precise, decisions are made in seconds. You hold out your hand, somebody puts the proper tool in it. Cummings took pride in his work.

Only the best tools, only the best people and only his best efforts were good enough. The stakes were too high to give any less.

“I have a friend, Kelvin Sampson, who’s a basketball coach, and he says ‘I remember every loss I’ve had,’” Cummings says soberly. “'I’ve had a lot more wins, but every single loss.’”

Cummings had a good record, he says, and he’s proud that he didn’t lose many patients. Still, he remembers every single one. It’s traumatic to lose a patient, Cummings says, and it’s not something you get over. He had to learn how to let himself grieve, but then move on; he had to be human, but he also had to be a surgeon.

As a surgeon, he could do good, and regular reminders approached him on Moore County streets when people – men and women – would walk up, unbuttoning their shirts. See this, they would say, see this scar? You gave me this scar. You operated on me 20 years ago, and I’m still here. You operated on my mother, and she lived another 10 years. Thank you.

Cummings had no intention of quitting, but circumstances left him no choice. In 2004, he had an acoustic neuroma – an inner ear tumor that can cause dizziness, unsteadiness and hearing loss – removed.

Even though surgery went well, he realized that he was

no longer at 110 percent, and he could not justify returning to heart surgery – with each operation, there was simply too much on the line for him to return in anything less than peak condition. So Cummings, who was in his early 40s at the time, retired from surgery. And then his life shifted to an unexpected gear.

“As a surgeon, the last thing you can think of yourself is being an administrator – as a surgeon, you got a problem, I’m going to operate,” Cummings says. Yet against his own reservations, he accepted a friend’s invitation to be the medical director of Community Care of the Sandhills. And against his own preconceptions of administrative work, Cummings loved it.

“That got me into healthcare administration,” he says. “It was over seven counties, so there’s a statewide office that oversees that whole system. I was given the opportunity of, ‘Why don’t you come to Raleigh and run this office?’ I did that for six months. Then the person I was working for said, ‘Why don’t you be my deputy secretary for Health and Human Services?’ I did that for two months and then they said, ‘Well, we really need to you to run Medicaid.’ All of the sudden, I found myself taking care of 1.8 million patients, $14 billion budget, and I’m thinking, ‘How did this happen?’”

learned in Raleigh back to Pembroke.

“I learned the value of communication. I learned the value of collaboration,” Cummings says. “You’ve gotta have integrity. You can’t sell for anything. The minute you start selling yourself or selling a part of you, you lose.

“I learned how to multitask lots of people coming at you with different agendas, wanting different things,” he continues. “You’ve got to get to the root and always remember I’m here to take care of that patient. When I came here, ultimately it’s about that student. That student is my patient, in a way.”

And if the surgeon in him still sees the individual student as his responsibility, the administrator in him looks at Robeson County as a whole – and southeast North Carolina – and thinks, what can I do? How can this university elevate the region?

After several years in that world Cummings came full circle, and the local kid who grew up three miles from campus became chancellor of UNCP in July of 2015. He’d already made the shift from surgery to medical administration, so the move from that to academia wasn’t all that jarring. And he was able to take the things he’d

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“You’ve gotta have integrity. You can’t sell for anything. The minute you start selling yourself or selling a part of you, you lose." - Dr. Robin G. Cummings

“I have seen this county as a child. I experienced it growing up. I experienced it going away and looking at it from a distance,” Cummings says.

He’s seen Robeson and neighboring Hoke, Columbus and Bladen Counties struck by the one-two punch of hurricanes Matthew and Florence in the span of 23 months, with many homes flooded twice and numerous families displaced. Young kids are missing school, families that already had very little are left with even less and the conditions that enabled these catastrophic floods remain. The next hurricane is coming, Cummings says 46

OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

– that much is for sure. He wants his region prepared, and he knows there is a lot of work to be done. But the man who has saved lives through heart surgery, who has overseen Medicaid statewide and who is now the chancellor of his hometown’s university believes solutions are possible. He doesn’t guarantee they’re easy, but he believes that through collaboration and communication that they are possible.

“I have a lot of faith in man's ingenuity and our ability to figure things out,” Cummings says. “Once we put our minds to something we can figure out ways.”

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OutreachNC.com 47

Sipsof the Season

Lime Cranberry Mocktail & Frost Bit Mocktail Photo Credit: Diana Matthews

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Cocktails & Mocktails because everyone deserves a great drink.

The first cocktail was served in 1806: By definition it is a libation of spirits of any kind, sugar, water and bitters. Over the years the term cocktail refers to all mixed alcoholic drinks. A mocktail is a fun and fancy way to refer to the same drink ‘sans the booze.’

LIME CRANBERRY MOCKTAIL

FROST BIT MOCKTAIL

Ice 1 1/2 c water 1 c sugar 1/2 c cranberries, plus more if making sugared cranberries lime seltzer lime and sugared cranberries for garnish

Ice 1 oz lime juice 1 oz pineapple juice 2 oz white grape juice Fresh mint leaves Fresh blueberries 3 oz lemon lime soda

Ingredients: Makes 2 servings

Directions:

Ingredients: Makes 1 serving

Bring the water and sugar to a boil, stirring to mix in sugar and creating a syrup.

Directions:

Cook until berries burst and start to turn water pink

Add white grape juice, mint and blueberries.

Turn heat down to simmer and add cranberries.

(don’t overcook or it will thicken too much) — approximately 5 minutes.

Strain cranberries and mash to release any last juices/color.

Refrigerate.

For the drink:

Add approximately 2 oz. of syrup to glass.

Add ice.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice, lime juice and pineapple juice. Mix.

Shake all ingredients well and strain into a large glass filled with ice.

Top with lemon lime soda and garnish with a few fresh blueberries.

Note: To make a cocktail, substitute the lime juice for 1 oz of coconut vodka and the blueberries in the second step with 1 oz of blue curacao.

Add seltzer and stir; adjust the syrup depending on how sweet you like your mocktails.

Garnish with lime and sugared cranberries. To sugar cranberries, roll them in the syrup, let them dry for about 10 minutes on a plate, roll in sugar.

Note: To make a cocktail, add 1 oz of vodka or gin.

Leslie Philip, chief egg breaker and owner of Thyme & Place Cafe in Southern Pines, can be reached at leslie@thymeandplacecafe.com or 910-684-8758.

DECEMBER 2018 |

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MIMOSA Skip the fake Champagne, ginger ale is the key ingredient that makes these alcohol-free mimosas taste like the real deal.

Ingredients:

Equal PartsOrange juice, well chilled Ginger ale, well chilled Directions:

Gently stir together the orange juice and ginger ale.

Pour into chilled champagne glasses.

Serve immediately.

POINSETTIA

The classic - and best - poinsettia.

Ingredients: Makes one serving 2 oz Cranberry Juice 4 oz Champagne ½ oz Orange Liqueur Directions:

Pour the cranberry juice into a champagne flute before adding in the champagne.

Float on top your orange liqueur.

Serve with a garnish of orange peel.

Non-alcoholic - poinsettia.

Ingredients: Makes one serving 2 oz Cranberry Juice 4 oz White Grape Juice ½ oz Orange Juice Directions:

Pour the cranberry juice into a champagne flute before adding in the white grape juice.

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Float on top your orange juice.

Serve with a garnish of orange peel.

HOT TODDY Something to soothe your throat, and your soul.

With its warming blend of spices and sweet honey aroma, the hot toddy is the perfect comforter.

With natural anti-inflammatory, antibacterial and thermogenic properties to support healing, it will soothe any aches, pains or winter sniffles.

Ingredients: Makes 2 servings

4 cups Boiling Water 2 Lemons, juiced 1 Lemon, sliced 2 Tbsp Honey 1.5 oz Whiskey (or more depending on preference) 3 tsp Ginger root, grated 1/8 tsp Dry red chili flakes, optional 4 star anise 2 Cinnamon sticks

Directions:

Bring 4 cups of water to a gentle boil.

Place grated ginger, chili flakes and 2 star anise into a tea infuser set in a tea pot.

Pour boiling water over infuser and allow the mixture to infuse for at least 7 minutes.

Remove infuser from tea pot.

Divide lemon juice and whiskey between two mugs and add about 1 Tbsp of honey to each mug.

Divide hot toddy mixture from tea pot between the two glasses/ mugs and stir to combine.

Place a couple slices of lemon into each mug.

Garnish with star anise and a cinnamon stick.

Note: To make a mocktail, omit the whiskey.

DECEMBER 2018 |

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FOR THOSE WHO PREFER THEIR WHISKEY IN

cookie form

TEXAS LIZZIES "Texas Lizzies” are Christmas cookies, although they can be served at any season. The cookies are sometimes called “Lizzies,” “Georgia Lizzies” (when made with peach brandy) or “Christmas Lizzies.”

“Lizzies” resemble “fruitcake cookies” and are made with ingredients such as raisins, candied pineapple, candied orange, candied cherries, broken pecans and some whiskey, brandy, bourbon or grape juice. The origin of “Lizzies” is not known, but the recipe has appeared in Texas cookbooks since at least 1952.

Ingredients: Makes 120 1/4 cup butter 1/2 cup light brown sugar 2 eggs 1 1/2 cups sifted flour 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda *1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon *1/2 teaspoon nutmeg *1/2 teaspoon cloves 1 pound golden raisins 1/2 cup bourbon 1 pound pecan halves 1/2 pound citron, diced (optional) 1 pound candied cherries (optional) * Substitute 3 1/2 teaspoons of pumpkin pie spice 52

OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

Directions:

Soak raisins in bourbon at least 1 hour to plump Cream margarine; gradually beat in sugar.

Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Sift flour with soda and spices; add to butter mixture.

Add to butter mixture along with nuts and fruit.

Drop from teaspoon on buttered cookie sheets.

Bake in a 325° F oven about 15 minutes.

Store in airtight container. Can be frozen.

NOTE: These cookies are especially good with holiday eggnog.

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018 Photo credit: S Braxton Enterprises

Warren Keyes on being

Raleigh’s Black Santa

By Art Menius Photography by S. Braxton Enterprises

With his frequent laughs, Warren Keyes’ deep voice exudes warmth even through a telephone from his Raleigh home. That is appropriate since Keyes is a Santa. Not just any Santa, but the Triangle’s Black Santa whose annual residency at the Hayti Heritage Center in Durham already is a holiday tradition.

Keyes has had this residency and holiday career for six years, and business has grown – demonstrating that he does a good job at something people want. “It’s been great,” his manager, Raleigh photographer Stafford Braxton, reported. “The first couple of years of this were kind of flat. The third year it exploded. We’ve been doubling in business every year since.”

Keyes had no plans to become a Santa, even though he and his wife had noticed kids watching him after his beard turned gray. The New Bern native, NC State alumnus and long-time Wake County resident had worked in the restaurant industry, radio and computer support.

He currently does some voice-over work and acting, mostly at the Raleigh Little Theatre.

How he became a Santa, he says, “is an interesting and twisting story.”

Keyes’ Black Santa career wasn’t even his idea, but Braxton’s. He recalled, “I had been doing the conventional Santa in the [Crabtree Valley] mall for about two or three years. And the guests in the mall would keep asking [whether] we were going to ever have a black Santa. I approached management at the mall to see if that would be something that they could do. ... They said it’s a good idea, but that’s as far as it went.”

Braxton decided, therefore, to find a black Santa on his own, but had little idea where to find one. The places turned out to be the mall itself and a wedding. While working with a white Santa at Crabtree Valley, a co-worker with whom he had shared his idea said, “’Stafford, just have a look. That guy looks like a black Santa.’ Warren Keyes was just walking through the mall doing his Christmas shopping. I ran up to him, handed him a business card, and I told who I was. I said if you’re interested ... in being a Santa next year call me in January and we can talk about it.”

Having heard nothing, Braxton advertised on Craigslist for an African-American with a natural beard who could be Santa but had no luck there. “That May I did a wedding, and there was a guy at the wedding that looked like a black Santa. So, I talked to my groom a couple of weeks later. I said, ‘Hey, that black guy at the wedding, do you know him?’ He said, ‘Yeah for over 20 years,’ and I told him what I wanted to do.” The groom then called his friend and gave him Braxton’s contact information.

Again, time passed with no response. Braxton told the groom that the potential Santa must not be interested, but the groom told him otherwise. After another call, they had an appointment to meet.

DECEMBER 2018 |

OutreachNC.com 55

As Braxton tells it, “While I’m talking to the guy sharing my vision he goes into his wallet, pulls out my business card and puts it on the table. It was the same guy that I had seen the previous December, and I hadn’t recognized him. I think there was some divine intervention in this thing.”

Keyes also suggests inevitability: “I have a friend who had been doing Santa Claus for many years. He also told me he thought I would make a good Santa Claus. And as it turns out he offered me the use of one of his extra suits so that just came about. So, it feels like it was meant to be.”

Being a Santa Claus is a beautiful thing, Keyes says, and he meets a lot of racially mixed couples and blended families. And then there’s the kids. “They all either are truly into Santa, afraid of Santa or they are still wondering if this is really real. It doesn’t matter what color or gender they are. Of course, being a black Santa to some people is quite new and maybe something that was long desired, and now it finally has happened. The surprise and delight that I see in the kids’ eyes and a lots of the parents’ eyes,” gives him the greatest satisfaction.

“The stereotype of Santa is an old white man, so having a Santa that looks like our kids is much appreciated,” observes The Hayti Heritage Center’s Marc Lee, also a blues DJ on WCOM in Carrboro. “The kids love it. While there may not be that much color in North Pole, it’s just good having fair representation. Folks, particularly kids, like to identify with folks that look like them.”

Black Santas are hardly common. NewsOne’s “Where is Black Santa” map shows less than 40 opportunities nationwide for kids to ask an African-American Santa for presents this month.

Keyes provides three of those opportunities. The Hayti appearance is the most prominent, serving a historically African-American community. On the advice of a community leader he knew, Braxton contacted the Hayti Heritage Center in southeastern Durham in 2013. It became the anchor for Keyes as Black Santa. “It is our base of operations,” says Keyes.

“He’s been well received by everybody who’s come. He was the guy for the job. He has a personality. He has a love for kids. He’s used to being around kids and just loves what he does,” exclaims Braxton.

Nonetheless, at the beginning Keyes had to learn about playing Santa. “Stafford has been connected with Santas in the mall through photography for many years. He gave me lots of strong advice about how to approach kids or let them approach me really. Certainly, the proper positioning of hands to make sure that they’re visible at all times. Slowing the speed of one’s speech down a bit. And don’t talk down to the kids. Talk to them like you are at the same level ... But it all felt natural to me.”

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Photo credit: S Braxton Enterprises

With six years of experience, Keyes has clear ideas about being a good Santa. He is “a good listening Santa, and a Santa that holds his attention directly on the child who is in his area.

I like to ask kids what they want to be when they grow up or what their favorite subject in school is just to let them know that Santa thinks those are important things to think about,” Keyes says. “And of course, whenever a child cites any favorite subject, even if it’s recess, I’ll tell them that’s great. Keep doing a good job at it.”

“He’s very patient with the children because sometimes kids are very tentative about Santa Claus. He coaxes them and works with them. We do stuff like he’ll get up and hide behind the chair, so kids don’t get upset,” Braxton explains. “We do all kinds of things just to make the visit as comfortable for kids as possible, because the parents are determined to get that photograph.”

That determination, rather than anything the children do, generates the most challenging part of the job for Keyes. “When a child doesn’t cooperate, doesn’t strike the pose or give a smile that the parent really wants and they start sort of using Santa to threaten them like, ‘Oh if you don’t do this, Santa is not going to bring you anything.’ That just hurts my feelings and for the kid’s sake too. Some kids are really afraid of Santa or people in costumes.”

According to Braxton the future looks bright for the Triangle’s Black Santa, who anchored the 2017 Durham Christmas Parade. “We got started in Durham. Now this year we’ll be there and Greensboro. Hewants to come to Charlotte. Johnston County just called us. You know so this has really taken on a life of its own.”

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018 Photo credit: S Braxton Enterprises

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OutreachNC.com 59

THE LEGEND OF THE

Christmas Cactus Legend has it the Christmas Cactus dates back many years to the land now known as Bolivia and a Jesuit missionary, Father Jose, who labored endlessly to convert the natives there. He had come across the Andes Mountains from the city of Lima nearly a year before. But he felt the people of this village on the edge of the great jungle were still suspicious. He had cared for the sick and shown the natives how to improve their simple dwellings, which leaked dismally in the rainy season.

Most important, he had attempted to teach them the story of the Bible, especially the life of Jesus, though much seemed to be beyond their comprehension. He had told them about the beautifully decorated altars in cities during holidays, yet here it was Christmas Eve and he was on his knees alone in front of his rude altar. Then he heard voices singing a familiar hymn he had taught his flock. He turned to see a procession of the village children carrying armfuls of blooming green branches (which we now know as the Christmas Cactus) that they had gathered in the jungle for the Christ Child.

Father Jose joyfully gave thanks for this hopeful budding of Christianity.

Today the Christmas cactus still blooms each winter with its message of faith and hope.

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OutreachNC.com 61 910-692-0683 | www.AOSNC.com DECEMBER 2018 |

GREY MATTER See Grey Matter Puzzle Answers on Page 65

Puzzle 12 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.59)

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

1. Puts in stitches 2. Mouth, in slang 3. Baptism, for one 20. Broad range of related 4. Polar covers ideas forming a sequence 5. Working less than 8 hours (pl.)

21. Hole drilled for petroleum (hyphenated) 6. Back problem (2 wds) 7. Pandowdy, e.g.

23. Heirloom location

Losers Medal Naval Needles Nines Opera Planet Reply Reports Rested Robots Seats Seems Smelt Smooth Soviet Spots Stall Steps Stormy Swallow Thermometer Thorn Tickled Views Wages Waters Yacht

8. “Not to mention ...”

9. Abode 10. Garden handtool 11. Pink, as a steak 12. Elliptical 13. Farmer’s place, in song 18. Computer monitor, for short 22. Chop (off) 24. Paint the town red 26. “Who ___?”

27. Cancel 28. Actress Winona 30. Fold, spindle or mutilate 31. About 1% of the atmosphere 32. Bait 33. “Snowy” bird 35. Laughed disrespectfully 40. “Them” 41. Outer surface 46. ___ non grata 48. Angioplasty target 49. Cashew, e.g.

50. Giants in Greek mythology 54. “Can’t Help Lovin’ ___ Man” 55. Increase, with “up” 56. Hood 57. Length x width, for a rectangle 58. Character in a play 60. Cuckoos 61. Shoestring 62. Coaster 65. “The Joy Luck Club” author

OVER MY SHOULDER

Traditions are meant to be cherished

life

by Ann Robson

Christmas fruitcakes get a bad rap.

Johnny Carson once said there is only one fruitcake that people send around the world to each other. Other less kind comments include using it for a doorstop. There seems to be a general lack of appreciation for this Christmas custom.

Making a fruitcake for the holiday season has been part of my family’s ritual for as long as I can remember. My mother made her fruitcake in three pans ranging from small to medium to large. Her mother made the same cake in the same pans. Now I have the recipe, the pans and the duty to continue tradition.

Several years ago my mother handed me her recipe and watched over me as I made the fruitcake. She was recovering from foot surgery and staying with us. It seemed the logical year to hand off the custom.

I dutifully took the recipe, made a grocery list and prepared to follow in her footsteps. She watched me closely. My first error was not having a wooden spoon with which to mix all the ingredients. My second error was not lining the pans carefully with aluminum foil. (Since my husband worked in the aluminum industry that seemed unforgivable.) I did use the foil, just not the way she had done it.

I did not make a third error as I proceeded in silence to put the ingredients together. I went about following her recipe.

As I used my “modern” tools of an electric mixer to beat the eggs and to combine wet and dry ingredients I realized how much harder it must have been for her to do all that is required. Nuts have to be chopped so I used a food processor to do that, while she would have had to chop them by hand.

The eggs had to be separated. I used a gadget that does that for me; she had to carefully do it by hand. It took me some

time combining the dry ingredients with the wet ones with my mixer. The batter is quite stiff and there is a lot of it; she would have done it by hand with her wooden spoon.

The major difference was probably the baking time. I tested mine at one hour then two hours and they were done. Hers used to take several hours in an unreliable woodstove oven.

One major omission on my part was the family ritual of each member of the family stirring the cake at some point.

Allegedly that brought luck to us all. Have I mentioned that I come from a long line of Irish who have more superstitions than I can count?

The finished product is delicious. It contains several kinds of fruit, beautiful dark base with butter and eggs and lots of good stuff we shouldn’t be eating. I added a touch to my mother’s recipe by pouring some rum over the top of each cake while it was still warm, thus allowing it to permeate the cakes and help keep them moist. I did get a raised eyebrow look when I did this but, eventually a comment that doing that was a good idea.

When I make the annual fruitcake I sense my mother’s presence watching to see that it is done right. That’s a tradition I cherish.

Warm wishes to all for a Christmas rich in traditions, new or old.

Ann Robson is the author of “Over My Shoulder: Tales of Life and Death and Everything In Between.” She may be reached at overmyshoulder@charter.net .

DECEMBER 2018 |

OutreachNC.com 63

IN VERSE

White on white showing in dashes and darts of winter where snow had fallen.

In tall still pine tree a swish of black and white wings active quietness In the stillness of day held close before the storm's sway one yellow leaf falls.

Barbara Stoughton is a resident of Penick Village in Southern Pines who processes the experiences of aging and of living in a retirement home through verse.

Gift certificates are perfect for the holidays—or any day!

Email JudsonTheatre@gmail.com to give the gift of live theatre SALLY STRUTHERS KIM COLES JOYCE REEHLING

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The Miracle Worker ROBERT WUHL DON MOST 2-time Emmy winner “Happy Days” The SUNSHINE BOYS Television icon ALISON ARNGRIM

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OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

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Love Letters

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DECEMBER 2018 |

OutreachNC.com 65

Generations

By Barbara Hengstenberg and AOS staff

OutreachNC asked adults and children our December question. Share your answer on our Facebook page.

What is your all-time favorite holiday gift ?

A ring with two diamonds from my husband – one for being his true love, and one for being his best friend. - Donna, 65 Our first daughter, born a week before Christmas, so we named her Christine.

- Mary Ann, 71 Polar Express! (train ride tickets) – Kasjen, 4; Arie, 3 Handmade Christmas ornaments made by my mother, using old shirts once worn by her mom and dad. - Joanie, 35 My best present I ever opened was a GekkoMobile. – Ryan, 5 When I was 10, I received a radio-controlled R2-D2 – exactly what I wanted. – Mark, 50 A microscope was the most exciting present I ever received. – Claire, 9 A Chatty Cathy when I was 5. - Patricia, 62

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The best holiday gift I ever got were some Hatchimals surprise eggs. – Sarah Gray, 6 When my son was in 4th grade, we gave his teacher (a nun) a cassette player and tape of “The Macarena,” which she loved. The class did “The Macarena” multiple times a day, every day that year. – Janet, 57 The most exciting present I have ever opened was a Bible to read. – Evan, 8 When I was 11, I was only allowed to pick one gift. I wanted a camera, but needed new shoes, so I chose the shoes. I was surprised to open both the shoes and the camera, which my neighbors bought me once they heard my story. – Nancy, 69 My laptop. – Sarah, 8 My favorite gift at Christmas is snow. There is nothing as festive and magical as a snowy Christmas day, like a real-life snow globe.

- Ellen, 57

When I was 17, I built my girlfriend (now my wife) a roll-top desk from a kit. The look on her face was worth all the hours it took to complete it. – David, 61

My huge stuffies, but this year I want the arctic Lego set with the saber-toothed tiger.

– Lucy, 6

A small plastic snow globe that Dad gave to each of us girls. I collect them to this day.

- Barbara, 57

A Schwinn bike, candy-apple red, complete with a banana seat and slick racing tires.

- Mick, 58

OutreachNC.com | DECEMBER 2018

TO OUR READERS AND ADVERTISERS

MAY YOUR DAYS BE

DURING THE HOLIDAYS AND INTO THE NEW YEAR

COMING IN 2019

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