S M A R T H E A LT H By DARYL SHORTER, MD
Uncoupling After COVID How the pandemic is impacting intimate partner relationships.
Every time you turn around, someone is talking about another relationship that became a COVID casualty. Perhaps it’s a couple who began dating shortly before the pandemic, quarantined together, but then broke up as restrictions eased. Or a long-term couple that seemed to have it all together, but ultimately decided to split once the world reopened. Although these stories may feel commonplace, it has actually been quite difficult for researchers to measure the degree to which COVID has impacted intimate partner relationships. And finding out how LGBTQ relationships have been affected remains especially challenging. Studies suggest that divorce rates have increased as much as 30 to 50 percent since COVID began. Newer relationships, and particularly marriages of less than one year, seem to have been especially hard-hit by the pandemic. All of this raises an important question: if intimate partner relationships are supposed to be a source of strength and support, what does it say about relationships—and perhaps our expectations for them—that so many couples have been driven apart by the stress of COVID, rather than turning toward each other? As it turns out, the overall stats on samesex marriage are pretty good. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, in 2019 there were roughly 980,000 households with same-sex couples in the United States, and most of those were married (58 percent, compared to 42 percent unmarried). And when it comes to splitting up, the 22
FEBRUARY 2022 |
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divorce rate for same-sex couples is about half of that for heterosexual married couples. These numbers challenge the stereotype that LGBTQ relationships are unstable. Yes, queer people are partnering up and getting married. And yes, those marriages can be successful. In fact, it’s possible that a unique type of mutual understanding lies at the core of queer relationships, creating a bond that is difficult to erode. This may be the result of LGBTQ couples having to overcome so much—including family, work, coming-out, and health issues—in order to be together. Relationship Challenges So how, exactly, has COVID contributed to the demise of so many relationships? Certainly, the annoyances of everyday life were magnified during the most intense days of quarantine restrictions. Without the usual
outlets for relief, couples were forced to spend inordinate amounts of time together, resulting in areas of minor friction deepening the preexisting cracks. Beyond the usual relationship dynamics, LGBTQ couples can be disproportionately impacted by employment stress, financial strains, and mental-health or substance-abuse disorders. These additional stressors can contribute to relationship demise by weakening the resolve of one or both partners. And as always, bringing the best version of yourself to an intimate relationship is often impossible when you’re still struggling internally to become the best version of yourself. Back to Basics Starting and maintaining relationships can be tough. It requires you to negotiate a way to create time and space in your life for another ➝
