OutWrite Newsmagazine (Winter 2018)

Let Go and Choose Yourself written by Jessica Humphrey illustration by Carmen Ngo, layout by Shay Suban It has been four years since I stopped talking me when I’m older!” to my mother, and this decision has increased Panda Webb, a twenty-two-year-old who works my health, confidence, and success. Though my at FedEx, moved out of his parent’s house to mother had her suspicions, I was closeted when escape abuse and the policing of his queerness: I cut her off from my life. However, for years “Since I left, I have been forming more positive beforehand, her drug addictions had amplified patterns, have not actively self-harmed and am her homophobia, and I internalized much of it. The working towards piecing a life together. Honestly, abuse was almost always directed at me rather I’m genuinely happy for the first time in longer than at my father and sister. than I can remember.”

Before joining queer spaces online and in While it is amazing to recognize the selfperson, I never knew just how common it was improvement that comes with ending harmful to excommunicate a phobic family member or relationships, it is also critical to address the friend for the sake of one’s happiness and safety. self-doubt and difficulties that inevitably follow.

To escape prejudiced judgment, non-acceptance, Feelings of regret, anger, and resentment must be and/or abuse, a valid way of dealing with toxic battled. Cutting a person off can also turn into a relationships is by ending them. repeated action of self-advocacy Even though the action is often if the other person does not Even though the criticized as selfish, it should be accept the decision, continues to action is often celebrated as a courageous act find ways to be abusive, and is criticized as selfish, it supported by other people who of self-protection and self-love.

Because it helped me (and still should be celebrated feel they have the right to judge helps me) to hear from others and offer their opinions. as a courageous act who have gone through similar Jasper says cutting off their experiences, I asked fellow queer of self-protection and friend resulted in “feeling socially people about their decisions to isolated,” because withdrawing self-love. cut people off. from shared social groups became Jasper M., a UCLA freshman a necessity. and fellow OutWrite writer, shares their experience Michael feels pressure from other relatives, with a close friend: “I ended my friendship with saying, “sometimes I feel guilty, like my choice to someone because ever since I became more cut [my father] from my life has contributed to his open about my queerness several years into self-destruction.” Personally, I can relate because our relationship, he shunned, mocked, and I frequently feel responsible for my mother’s disrespected me repeatedly…Instead of allowing relapses. him to continue to hurt me with his transphobia, Dahn mentions how his best friend criticized him I stopped speaking to him and found myself far for “caring more about myself than my parents” better off.” and notes, “I don’t think I’ve met anyone who walks Michael Moffatt, another OutWrite writer and away from that decision unscathed.”

UCLA sophomore, ended his relationship with his Panda deals with “disconnectedness and father: “Halting communication with my dad has loneliness from ‘no longer having parents,’” been overall better for my mental health. I don’t especially “during holidays or when people ask feel obligated to answer drunk phone calls in the about them.” Haunted by a sense of regret, Panda middle of the night or respond to cryptic guiltis also burdened with feeling that he should just ridden texts at 2 a.m.” endure abuse, so that he’d still have a family.

Dahn Zafar, an OutWrite photographer, Discontinuing relationships with abusive and distanced himself from his family for years: “Well, phobic people can be a brave prioritization of selfmy mom expressed one day five years ago that love, but it is often wrongly judged as giving up she really was not down with the transgender or being heartless. People who make this decision cause and supported the death penalty on face considerable backlash and ignorance, homosexuals, so I was like, okay, well guess I gotta which proves the unfortunate reality that it takes sever this relationship so that leaving is easier on considerable strength to stand up for oneself in | 10 OutWrite, 2018