It Starts With Teeth BY ANONYMOUS
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he week before you grad- trip for a few weeks. uate high school, you get your wisdom teeth re- At 116 lbs, you decide you are much too heavy and that you’re moved. going to lose 20 lbs by the time You vomit out your first dose of you see Mama again. medicine, and Mama decides it’s You start running every day— up best you didn’t take them again. to six miles. All you eat is a packSo you spend the better part of age of Belvita crackers. two months gargling salt water and eating nothing but clear When your brother offers you a broths and gravy— and naturally, bite of his taco, you yell at him. you lose about 10 pounds from it. And when you fall off the treadWell at least one good thing came mill at the gym, you tell the paof this, Mama says, now you just tron that makes you drink chocolate milk that you’re just out of need to keep it off. shape. The next summer, you do a twoweek juice cleanse. One of those You go to California the next week cleanses you get from an Insta- and gorge yourself on food. gram post that requires a $40 book, but guarantees you’ll lose When you see Mama the week after that, she says you’ve gained 16 lbs in 14 days. weight— you already weigh so For two weeks, you made smooth- much more than she ever did— ies that made you shit constantly— and are getting too old to not but all that comes out is water, watch your figure— at your age, because those smoothies are your she was already working out twice a day and eating once. only source of food. You have so much discipline. Mama smiles at you proudly as your head grows light. A few days before winter break, you get a stomach bug. You spend two days vomiting and another two not eating. When you get home, Auntie gets a pizza from Costco, and it’s the best pizza you’ve ever tasted.
After Christmas, Mama says she’s worried about you. That you’re discarding your health and will soon become fat. Healthy girls attract good men and get good jobs. And if you keep gaining weight, you won’t have either. She doesn’t think you find value in yourself. She starts to cry because she just wants you to have an easy life, and you start to cry too. Mama calls you gaunt when you return home from a brief trip. She looks at you with concern in her eyes as she bombards you with questions: Did your friends not feed you? They did, you ate any and everything in sight.
Did you feel sick? Not even a little. You go upstairs and look at yourself in the mirror; your waist has turned inward and your stomach has flattened— age has done what You stare at a box of pink pills— no amount of starvation ever your roommate has already picked could. up on your hesitance to eat breakfast and dinner, you can’t have her She fusses over you like you’re a fragile doll— pushes food your pick up on this too. way constantly and watches you For the most part, you’ve stopped eat with nervousness instead of obsessing over quick fixes because resentment. of her. But you’re going home for You know she’s scared for you, but Thanksgiving soon. for the first time in a long time, it Every day for a week, you pop a feels like she’s calling you beautiful. laxative.
You eat four greasy slices before When nobody shows concern Mama shouts at you— over your weight loss, you do the Stop! You’ve had enough! same before winter break. That summer, Mama goes on a
OM.
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