Intimacy

Now when I say intimacy, I know your brain most likely thinks about sex, kissing, massages or holding hands. But no, physical intimacy is only a subsection of intimacy as a whole. I wouldn’t consider it foundational not even to a romantic relationship.

When I say intimacy, I mean to know and be fully known. To achieve true intimacy is to be always open, honest and transparent with your partner about your past and present.

This means both of you need to tell each other everything even the bad and ugly things. Even the things we know are going to hurt the other person emotionally.

However, intimacy must be built slowly and in stages. This is because we all come into our relationships with our own prejudices. Without knowing the hang ups of your partner, you can over share.

If they are not mentally prepared to process and accept your truth especially the ugly parts, this can do more harm than good. The first thing to establish when seeking to build intimacy is a zone of zero judgement.

It is important to most people that the person who is closest to them maintains a good perception of them, trusting that even behind the mistakes and the ugly traits there is a good heart that yearns to love and be loved.

I will surely go deeper into intimacy in future articles.

Friendship

Growing up I used the word ‘friend’ very loosely. Once someone was in the same group, class, team or club as me I considered them a friend. Adulthood taught me quickly that just because you happen to be near someone else that doesn’t mean they are your friend.

They may just be your classmate or teammate, co-worker or acquaintance. A friend isn’t there by default or happenstance, they are there by choice.

A classmate or acquaintance may become a friend. But there is distinctive behaviour that will help you promote such persons to the friend role in your mind.

Characteristics of a friend include:

1) A person you can share your inner most thoughts with without the fear of judgement or rejection.

2) A person you can lean on when you aren’t at your strongest or when you are going through a hard time.

3) A person who shares common interests with you.

4) A person who supports your endeavours both tangibly and emotionally

5) A person who fights for you and honours you.

6) The person you do all the above for in return.

Friendship blossoms out of intimacy and is seen in two people laughing together at their inside jokes, enjoying movies together, working on projects together, playing games together, being sad or angry together, looking after each other when the other is not well, lending the other money when their financial management falls off or investing in the others vision. Genuine friendship between man and woman is a direct attack on gender roles and almost always renders them null and void. This is a good thing depending on how you look at it.

At least who should cook the meals vs who should make the most money won’t be a huge debate because the nature of friendship is collaborative regardless of gender. More on friendship to come in future articles.