HEART MATTERS I am OFFENDED! I am OFFENDED! 3 proven ways to deal with offense in life

Let’s face it if you are a human being, chances are, you’ve been offended multiple times, whether you are born-again, water-baptized, speaking-in-tongues believer or not.

The offense is not partial to those ‘of the world’, it is something that affects the hearts and lives of many.

But as a born-again believers, we must recognize that though this is somewhat humane, it isn’t a matter to take lightly as it is right up there with other sins such as backbiting, malice, etc. In fact, there are over 91 verses in the bible that in some way point to offense.

What is the offense? This is ‘annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself’ (Oxford Dictionary). So, if you are offended you harbor resentment.

This resentment is brought about solely by someone’s perception that is challenged in some way. People can literally be offended by anything based on their perception of that thing. That is why offense is so common and the cause of many heart issues.

The offense has broken up countless friendships, and relationships, caused many to lose opportunities and rise up in anger, bitterness, and maliciousness, sometimes over minute things that may not matter once the smoke clears.

These are some effects of Offense: Opens a door to the Devil:

Believe it or not, fornication is not the only sin that opens a door to the devil. Offense and other heart-related sins are subtle doorways for enemy entry, manipulation, and destruction of your life.

Offense can cause serious ramifications not only for your spiritual life but your physical and mental well-being. This is a matter of the heart that the enemy has used countless times to destroy believers and nonbelievers alike. But before you know how to overcome it, you must learn the extremity of it.

Saul was offended by the chants that the women made in the book of 1 Samuel. Because of this, an evil spirit entered Saul and his offense morphed into anger that transitioned into attempted murder.

Saul’s life was destroyed and David had nothing to do with it personally.

This is the effect of offense on the life of someone.

It can destroy your life at your own hand and oftentimes, the alleged perpetrators had nothing to do with it.

It was the scenario or violation based on YOUR perspective, not necessarily reality. One match can burn a building down.

Affects you physically:

How did this matter of the heart that has to do with your emotions affect your physical health? Is it possible? -YES.

Offense can cause stress and anxiety, which weighs down on your physical body and can cause hernias, goiter, high blood pressure, and other physical ailments, not to mention the mental effects such as anxiety, depression, etc.

Holding on to offense can cause your life to go on a downward spiral, really quick and the enemy knows this.

Affects your relationally:

Obviously if you allow the offense to consume you, it will affect your relationships.

1.He doesn’t see the act of kindness; he only remembers his hurt. Those who struggle with offense also struggle with bitterness and this can lead to unforgiveness. Have you ever tasted something bitter? Not appealing right? Imagine this taste in human behavior-still not appealing. Offense can cause others not to want to be around you because it’s a negative destructive environment.

Now that we see the ramifications, what are some ways that we can tackle this matter of offense? I tell you, it’s not easy. It is almost impossible not to offend someone or be offended. The point is to not allow the offense to fester and become something the enemy can manipulate and use against you and others.

Being offended can cause you to bleed on others, lash out on those closest to you and become suspicious of others’ motives and intentions, no matter how pure it may be. It is like having a wounded dog and trying to feed him.

Be Slow to Anger

In order to keep your heart in a place where God will be pleased, you must learn to be slow to anger. When we say anger here it’s mainly, not being reactive.

It’s easy to hear something you don’t like and open your mouth at the moment or use your fist etc. because it touches a part of you that you didn’t like, but you can condition your heart and mind, not be a slave to the flesh and what it wants.

If the person is one who is mature enough to hear it, express your feelings, ‘Hey, that comment really offended me, it’s not sitting well with me’ or ‘Hey, can I get more clarity on that comment, not sure I understood it fully’ are ways we can avoid conflict and salvage relationships. If it is a case of confrontation, then you know nothing can be salvaged there so you can walk away.

Separate

You have to be able to apply wisdom at the moment and choose a peaceful path. This isn’t something you learn overnight but through continual conditioning.

When something is said that offends you, take a deep breath, think of a response that is suitable and peaceful, ask questions for clarity of what was said if you can, and start a conversation if possible. Sometimes offense comes from a place of poor communication. What is said might not be what is meant and sadly so far, human beings can’t read each other’s thoughts so all we have is communication.

For those dealing with someone who may be offended by something you said and you had no intention of doing so. Don’t let the offense be contagious. Sometimes people are offended that people are offended and so the cycle continues.

If this is your situation, learn to separate the reality from the situation, meaning, don’t take it personally. Sometimes these things have nothing to do with you but rather the trauma, hurt, and season of the other person and the only thing you can control is YOUR actions. Open a line of communication if it is safe (if they are not in a space to listen then wait), and clear the air. Always try to defuse a situation, not escalate it, fire against fire only burns the world down.

Pray

Prayer brings about peace of mind. It is a good thing to do when you are battling offense. Meditate and ask God for some help in dealing with this situation. Sometimes we can’t speak the offense aloud or confide in anyone about it, especially if it’s fresh and severe and the best thing to do is to take it to God in prayer.

Pray for peace of mind, pray for wisdom in how to deal with the situation, pray to close any doors that might have been opened to the enemy.

Please know though that it’s also ok to get help if it bares a burden on your mental health, seek a professional and get to the root of it.

CANDICIA ASHMAN, Columnist

A lot of offenses are caused by past traumas and people don’t understand the outbursts because they don’t know the story. If it is something that is beyond a simple counseling session, seek out others that are trained to help you heal.

The Heart Matters.