The Executive Director’s Corner Dear Friends, Celebrating 25 Years of Building a Community Without Domestic Violence
A Women’s Write Summer 2011: Volume 13, Issue 2
In This Issue: A Story of Survival Executive Director’s Corner 25 Forces of Change 25th Anniversary Outreach Activities
A Story of Survival
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Reuniting Alumni Board Members Bubble Ball: A Big Success! Teens Teaching Teens Together We Can Make a Difference two degrees, fourteen years of teaching as an adjunct and the courageous women I counseled at Friends to tell my ex-husband to leave.
Lorie Cohen Rowley is a former board member of Between Friends and an inspiration to us all. Please read her story of survival. Twenty-some years ago, I went through a 40-hour volunteer training program to counsel battered women, later serving on the board of Friends of Battered Women and Their Children. At the time, stalking laws were non-existent and most considered “domestic violence” limited to uneducated, inner-city women on welfare and urban, blue-collar areas with bars on every corner.
In truth, without Friends and those I met who helped me heal and gave me the impetus to move on, I might be like so many women I know who continue to stay. Without the commitment of men and women working at nominal wages to give victims of domestic violence a safe place to vent, find comfort, build confidence and persevere, countless numbers of women and children will continue to suffer the indignities of abuse. Hopefully if the mantra of Between Friends is repeated enough, namely that domestic violence in any form is unacceptable and cannot be tolerated, it will become a reality.
In truth, domestic violence resides in affluent suburban homes as well, but shame and fear prevent many women from seeking help. Counseling women confirmed what I had known for years: I too was a victim of domestic violence, but my scars were not visible. Power and success stirred in with anger, guilt and shame are lethal ingredients for disaster. Who better to take out one’s frustrations on than a young, idealistic, overly anxious wife nurtured on fairy tales of happily ever after. Wanting only to please, I made excuses for every expletive fired at me. With three children under ten, no profession and a dozen fears holding me back, I stayed. Although never physically harmed, I suffered emotional abuse, the kind that chips away at your self-esteem. Luckily my foremothers were strong, self-sufficient women who instilled their strength in me. It took going back to school,
Staff for the Relationship Education: A Choice for Hope (REACH) program collected data showing the pervasiveness of teen dating violence among our students and how important it is to reach them before the 7th grade! We found that 82% of the 7th graders we worked with have had a boyfriend or girlfriend. 14% had been abused by a dating partner and 9% had been physically hurt. In comparison, by the time our students reach 11th grade, 95% of them have had a dating experience. 52% have been abused by a dating partner; 29% have been physically hurt; and 81% know someone personally who has been in an abusive relationship! This fall, we conducted a REACH Sustainability and Expansion Planning Group comprised of Between Friends’ board and staff, school social workers, and our partners - Communities in Schools of Chicago and the Stakeholders Collaboration to Improve Student Health. For FY12, this group prioritized rebuilding the program to its former capacity through the addition of a second team of staff to reach more youth. We have targeted FY13, for the development of a Train-the-Trainer model so we can equip schools and other organizations to implement our evidence-based prevention programs with less dependence on REACH facilitators. To help us achieve these goals, we have a commitment from a long-standing individual donor to match new funding we receive up to $100,000. Our results show that the REACH Program has proven to be an excellent return on your investment and we have already leveraged this commitment to garner both new support as well as increased funding from current foundations. Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.” Join with us to enable more prevention programming - creating a future without domestic violence!
Kathy Doherty, Executive Director of Between Friends’, was invited to the Governor’s Inauguration in Springfield. She’s pictured here with Vicki Smith, the Executive Director of the Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and Attorney General Lisa Madigan.
Kathleen A. Doherty Executive Director
A Woman’s Write | Summer 2011: Volume 13, Issue 2