Singapore Salah Lah by Panna Chee

Singapore Salah Lah: #Singaboyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Survival Guide To Combating Floods, Train Breakdowns And Other Hullabaloos Copyright ÂŠ Panna Chee Produced in Singapore. All rights reserved. No other part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review. Published by A Singapore Printing House For more information about the designer, visit www.coroflot/ pannachee or www.issuu.com/pannachee Mobile. +65 9839 4827 | Email. su4ply@hotmail.com Nanyang Technological University School Of Art, Design & Media (ADM) Final Year Project AY2011/12 Supervisor: Michael Tan Student/Designer: Panna Chee Copywriter: Piya Chee For Every Singaporean

Guess Who?

Foreword It has been an eventful 2011. Flash flood or now known as “ponding” was (and still is) a constant headline hogger. Two watershed elections took place and set off remarkable discussion blaze on issues ranging from overcrowding of foreign workers to the incredible price of HDB flats. Being Singaporean had never been this ‘empowered’ to speak up for our situations or rights. The magnified debates are in no small way credited to the prevalence of social media – Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and blogs. Retweets and reposting of Internet memes and the multiple salacious stories available on Online Citizen or Temasek Review sites roused a lot of attention and responses. Many of these generated more speculations, mockery and accusations.

While there is good degree of truth in the complaints and concerns, what have we done as citizens to make things better? Do we merely indulge in ‘self-shiok’ having vented our discontent? Aren’t we also part of the problem that we witnessed today? We could right some of the wrongs. By taking some of the words we have put forth to action – through means of not merely complaining but also suggesting solutions, of not flaming but helping to clarify and understand issues, or better yet, of not wasting time trolling sites but joining in civic/social movements to volunteer our effort. This project aims to provide a mirror for readers to take stock of themselves through satirical depiction of our reactions in ‘daily crises’.

It also strives to provide some interesting ideas on what can be done to better our situations without being all too political correct nor self-righteous. #Singaboy

“... to provide a mirror for readers to take stock of themselves through satirical depiction of our reactions in ‘daily crises’.”

Terminology The content of this book is based on recent events that have happened in Singapore. The usage of Singlish is intentional for flavour of expression and emphasis of this book as a Singaporean’s take on events concerning fellow Singaporeans. Singlish is a unique Singaporean lingo. Its vocabulary is made up of words originating from English, Malay, Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese and Tamil.

Look out for footnotes in subsequent pages for explanation of terms that seem quaintly English but not quite.

Disclaimer: Any inappropriate use of the words is not intentional. Any similarities to actual people, events or organisations are purely coincidental. Did I say believing this book is like believing cows can fly?

Meanwhile, here’s a quick list of some commonly used expression in the book.

Terms

Definition

1. Singaboy

Main character of the book

2. Salah; verb

Malay word for Wrong or Incorrect

3. Lah, Leh, Lor, Meh, Hor

Used as a fullstop in a sentence with a punctuation effect

4. SMRT

Singapore Mass Rapid Transit

5. SBS Transit

Singapore Bus Service Provider

6. Ah Tiong

A Terminology for China Chinese in Singapore

7. FT

Foreign Talent

8. MPs

Members of Parliament

9. PAP

People Action Party - The Main Political Party in Singapore

10.WP (Yellow Hammer)

Workers’ Party - Opposition Political Party in Singapore

11. Kiasu (Hokkien)

Afraid Of Losing (Considered To Be The Defining National Trait)

12. Kiasi (Hokkien)

Afraid Of Death; Used to admonish someone for being cowardly

Who Is Singaboy? Hello everyone. I’m Singaboy, the titular character of this book. Alright that’s not really answering the question of who I am. There’s nothing exceptional about me. As a true-blue Singaporean, I live it up by often finding issues in every issue. Honestly, I don’t read the newspapers much - we all know who they work for. I rely heavily on the power of social media for the latest updates, from following Facebook updates to latest tweets of news agencies, celebrities and friends.

Alright this does not make me sound like I have depth, does it? Sorry to disappoint but if you spend some time with me through this book, we can perhaps exchange some views on the state of affair in Singapore. I’m opinionated but that does not mean I am right. We can agree to disagree or you can join me to mock, laugh, reflect and perhaps, start doing something to make a difference in this small city called Singapore.

I also enjoy reading blogs, forums and alternative political sites for... erm...alternative voices, obviously.

5 Defining Traits Of Singaboy Kiasu

PoliticallyApathetic

Opinionated

Street-Smart

No Action, Talk Only

Table Of Content

1 3 5

Flash Flood Ponning The Flood Beat-The-Flood Gear Immediate Action During A Flood

Fix What’s Really Broken Singaboys Waiting For A Lifetime Beat-The-Breakdown Gear Immediate Action When A Train BReakDown

Who Doesn’t Like Curry Why Dont’t Like my Curry Beat-The-Curry Smell Gear 5 Reasons Why Curry Deserves The Respect

Shame Shame ‘The VitruVian’ Man: Why It’s A Bad Idea Now You See It, Now You Don’t The ‘New’ Code Of Ethics

Some Spade Don’t Ace A Day In The Office 5 Bags For Different Occasions How To Become A Member Of Parliament

Foreword Terminology Who Is Singaboy? 5 Defining Traits Of Singaboy

6 8

Quality Of Our Imports The ‘Control’ Centre What Our Foreign Talents Should Learn What We Like About Our Foreign Talents

Cost Of Transport: ‘All Rise’ Transport Heads-Up Cheatcodes To Beat The Hike Be A cab-Fare Saver Pro

The SingaBoy’s Trivia: 1. Knowing Your Singlish 2. Guess Who, Don’t Sue 3. Unofficial Singaporean Acronyms 4. First Step To Becoming A MP 5. The True Blue Singaporean Checklist 6. Now You Know THem, Now YOu Don’t

The Lowdown #1 December 24, 2011 – Customers at the Starbucks outlet in Liat Towers were taken aback by a sudden waterfall on Friday afternoon, in a scene reminiscent of last year’s flash floods. In less than five minutes, water gushed down the steps and into the basement coffee joint, the Wendy’s burger outlet next door, as well as the Massimo Dutti clothing store. Though both automatic and manual flood barriers had been installed, they did not come up

in time to stop the waterworks, leaving shoppers to pick their way across chairs laid out as stepping stones, or wade through the kneedeep water. Read the full report at http://www.straitstimes. com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_748153.html

News Flash #1 Flash Flood Spotted

Flash Flood

So, we found out that flash flood usually occurs if there is a prolonged heavy rain coinciding with high tide. Heavy rainfall refers to rainfall with rates exceeding 50mm in an hour and affecting more than one-fifth of the island. More often than not, long-lasting heavy rainfall will result in a flash flood in low-lying areas with smaller or poorer drainage system.

by the duration of which they last. Flash floods are those that donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t last more than 6 hours. We call an area where water has been accumulated during a heavy rainfall, a flood. Oh, now we know.

News Update Brought to you by The

Ponding Utilities Board

Distinguishing flash floods from a regular flood can be measured 02

COMBATING FLASH FLOOD #1 PONNING The FLOOD 1

Flood Prone HotSpots In Singapore 1. Ponning (Rhymes with ponding): A Singapore lingo which means Avoiding or Skipping

Know It All: Flood Prone Hotspots In Singapore (1/2)

D01. Marina South Underpasses D02. S henton Way Boon Tat Street/ Boon Tat Link D02. C raig Road Tanjong Pagar Road Junction D02. M axwell Road Tanjong Pagar Road Junction D03. Tiong Bahru Road D05. A lexandra Road Pasir Panjang Road Telok Blangah Road junction D09. O rchard Road Scotts Road Junction

D10. Anak Bukit Flyover D10. P IE (Bukit Timah Flyover) Towards Jurong D10. C uscaden Road Tomlinson Road Junction

D10. O rchard Road Claymore Drive Junction D10. N apier Road Tanglin Road Junction D10. Orchard Cuscaden Road Junction D10. Cuscaden Road D10. Harding Road D10. C amp Road Tanglin Road Junction D11. D unearn Road from Wilby Road to Blackmore Drive D11. M erryn Roadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Slip Road towards PIE D11. S ixth Ave Bukit Timah Road junction D11. Stevens Close D11. D unearn Road (near College Green) D11. Coronation Road West D12. Balestier Road near Prome Road

27 25 28

24 23

18 17

11 10 09

05 03 04

Area Map Of Singapore Divided Into 28 Districts E.G. D01. = District 01 = Areas Not Of Concern

12 14

08 07

06 02

15 01

Part B

Know It All: Flood Prone Hotspots In Singapore (2/2)

D12. M andalay Road Minbu Road Junction D14. Jalan Ismail/ Lorong Salleh D14. Lorong Marican D14. Lorong Melayu D14. Kampong Ampat D14. Upper Paya Lebar Road D14. Jalan Turi D16. Bedok North Ave 4 D17. P IE towards Airport after Bedok exit (7.5km) D17. Tanah Merah Besar Rd D17. Aviation Drive D18. T ampines St 81 Tampines Ave 3 Junction D18. Tampines Ave 12 near exit to TPE D19. TPE below Punggol West Flyover

D20. M ayflower Ave Ang Mo Kio Ave 3 Junction D20. Upper Thomson Road/ Jalan Keli D22. Wan Lee Road D22. P IE towards Jurong before Whitley Road near 18.5km D24. Tengah Flyover exit 35 toward KJE D25. M andai Road Woodlands Road Junction D27. M arsiling Drive Admiralty Road Junction D28. Western Avenue D28. Jalan Tari Zapin (near Jalan Kayu) All Information Is Provided By: The National Environmental Agency Of Singapore Visit www.nea.gov.sg for more updated information.

COMBATING FLASH FLOOD #2 Beat-The-Flood Gear #Singaboyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Flood-Proof Kit

Stay Safe Concerned that you may be trapped in a flood? Fear not, use our guide to stay safe.

Ziploc Your Phone Just so you can text-away, without worrying about your phone getting spoilt.

A Rock Solid Umbrella: Rock-solid = those that won’t turn upwards or any other ways when the wind blows hard and rough. A Waterproof Shirt: AKA raincoat or poncho, you know? This stuff should make a fashionable comeback. The Outfit Long Black Pants: Keeps you warm and most importantly, it won’t be too obvious if it’s wet.

Whistle: Let yourself be heard when you are in danger.

An Inflatable Float: Keep afloat, just in case you can’t swim.

Baby Float: For those embarassed to be seen with a big float Striking Yellow Boots: Waterproof, and a real standout. Yes, this is Phua Chu Kang-inspired. 06

COMBATING FLASH FLOOD #3 Immediate Action During A Flood

1. Facebook Update your status immediately in the event of a flood so your 1001 friends and family members can be on a look out.

2. Twitter Post live tweets to update your followers on the latest flood situation.

Social Media

Psst... In the event that your 3G network is not working, do consider the methods in the following page.

3. If All Else Fails No way to beat the flood? Fret not. Just call the PUB 24-hour call centre hotline at 1800284 6600 till you feel ‘shiok’ at being heard. However, we recommend that you start a “Fight Flood Club” to outbeat the PUB expert team in coming up with a faster solution. And where possible, involve the ‘Yellow Hammer’ as a mediator. Stay Clear. Stay Dry

The Lowdown #2 December 16, 2011 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Unfamiliar scenes of chaos and confusion unfolded on Thursday night in train stations across central Singapore after the MRT network suffered what is likely to be the worst breakdown in its 24-year operating history. Just before 7pm, thousands of commuters riding home during the evening rush hour were plunged into total darkness as trains on the North-South Line suddenly lost power and ground to a halt. Many reported waiting for up to an hour in the stifling heat of

windowless carriages, where the air-conditioning had also failed, before eventually being rescued by SMRT staff. Some train windows were smashed to let in air. Commuters then had to walk through the train tunnels to the nearest station in order to exit and find their way home. Read the full report at http://www.straitstimes. com/The-Big-Story/The-Big-Story-3/Story/ STIStory_745589.html

News Flash #2 Train BreakDown

Fix What’s Really Broken

We are hard to please, aren’t we? Having worked tirelessly for more than 2 decades, the SMRT has not received a “Long-Service Award” from Singaporeans despite having a relatively good performance record. And when a major hiccup happened, the whole nation unites in pointing finger at the company. So is this an issue of technical breakdown or is it more of a communication breakdown between the public and the organisation?

The responsibility for proper track maintenance cannot be shirked but commuters need to get the fact right - machines can break down too and perhaps a more pressing concern is to help the SMRT recognise a bigger priority. The priority on better communication with commuters, that is. Period.

At The Scene: Train BreakDown #1 Singaboys Waiting For A Lifetime Thank goodness the “Train Is Coming” jingle was a campaign of the past or the fiasco of SMRT’s breakdown would make the message sound like a bigger irony. Anyway, waiting for a train that never arrived is no fun at all even if we could do thumb-twiddling exercise on our smartphones.

NEXT TRAIN

MINS

Combating Train BreakDown #2 Beat-The-BreakDown Gear #Singaboy’s Train-Breakdown Kit

In the spirit of kiasuism, and in support for our total defence campaign, it pays to be always ready for unexpected emergencies such as being trapped in the MRT train. Here’s what we recommend.

The Ipad This is the best opportunity to justify why you should invest in gadgets as such. It’s not just a vainity want. There is a real need for it. The Bible Or Other Religous Literature Make peace. Stay in touch with your spiritual selves and the world’s myriad problems shall not bother you.

Hand Fan Fan away the annoyance. Didn’t you hear anger stems from hot-headedness?

The Hammer We heard SMRTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hiding away all the hammers after someone stunted the doorbreak act. Fret not, just bring your own!

Deodorant Spray Being caught in stuffiness doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean you have to smell like it.

Singlet: No Sweat

The Outfit Shorts: For flexible movement and airiness

Portable Torchlight See the light through the dark tunnel.

Combating Train BreakDown #2 Immediate Action When a Train BReakdown

Be Equipped - Emergency Hammer

Queen’s “I Want to Break Free” cannot be more apt on the strategy we can take when one gets stuck in the train.

A. Always have a mini hammer on stand-by.

Follow these steps if your train broke down for more than 15-minutes:

C. Earmark a good spot on the MRT door.

B. T ake it out in stifling times.

D. Hit hammer on spot until broken. Make sure hole is big enough for you to climb out.

“I want to break free yeah!” 15

The Lowdown #3 August 08, 2011 – A family, who had just moved here from China, had resorted to mediation because they could not stand the smell of curry that their Singaporean Indian neighbours would often cook. The Indian family, who were mindful of their neighbour’s aversion, had already taken to closing their doors and windows whenever they cooked the dish, but this was not enough. “They said: ‘Can you please do something? Can you don’t cook curry? Can you don’t eat curry?’,”

said Madam Marcellina Giam, a Community Mediation Centre mediator. But the Indian family stood firm. In the end, Mdm Giam got the Indian family to agree to cook curry only when the Chinese family was not home. In return, they wanted their Chinese neighbours to at least give their dish a try Read the full report at http://www.sammyboy. com/showthread.php?98496-PRC-don-t-likecurry-smell-can-complain-to-authority

News Flash #3

No Curry Day Announced?!

Who Doesn’t Like Curry

Fishhead curry, chicken curry and some prata... Oooooh la la! Forget the diet plan and let’s all curry the favour of our favourite Indian neighbours to share their kitchen’s best kept secret. A dish so well-loved yet so taken for granted. Who knows its fame will reach a higher level when someone came along with their lofty high noses that cannot stand a whiff of the rich aroma?

government could not through national education. Ahh...the quirks of the Singaporean life - all in the face against a common enemy to protect one of our unofficial national dishes.

And so we are now united by our love for food, achieving what the 18

At The Scene: The Curry Incident #1 Why Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Like My Curry

Combating The Curry #2 Beat-TheCurry Smell Gear

#Singaboy’s Official Gas Kit

Combating ‘curry odour’ is like covering the pungent smell of durian - tough job! It’s much easier if dissidents learn to appreciate the smell as ‘aroma’. But in case it doesn’t work, a few of these tools may do the trick.

1. Tornado Fan

3. The Gasmask

One of the most powerful fans currently in the market. Blow the smell in the direction of the neighbour you dislike.

For the hardcore unconverted. Proven to work best among the the three listed here.

2. Air Freshener Alright we know how the smell of flowers and the ocean can be more inspiring than spicy curry. 21

Respecting The Curry #3 5 Reasons WHY CURRY Deserves Your Respect 1. Origin Of Curry Even though curry is generally categorised as an Indian dish these days, the earliest known recipe for meat in spicy sauce was discovered near Babylon in Mesopotamia, on a tablet printed in cuneiform text. This was way back in 1700 BC, and the dish was probably used as an offering to the god Marduk. A plausible origin for the name of “curry”, may be from the Tamil word “karil” which means spiced sauces. Britain’s Pat Chapman of Curry Club fame suggested that it may have been derived from the Hindi words “karahi” or “karai”, meaning a wok-shaped cooking dish, or ‘the Tamil word, “kari” which is a seasonal sauce or stew. These indications point back to the idea that curry was first popularised by Indians.

1. Curry Murder* One thing that all the experts seem to agree on is that the word, Curry, originates from India and was adapted and adopted by the British Raj, and was first used in British cuisine, to denote dishes of meat in a Western-style sauce flavored with curry powder. With a history so rich, we have to salute curry for coming a long way. Read more at www.menumagazine.co.uk/book/curryhistory.html

Ayakannu Marithamuthu was supposedly murdered on 12 December 1984 and his body cooked in a pot of curry at the Orchard Road Presbyterian Church where his wife worked. Marithamuthu was described as an abusive father and husband, so much so that his wife Naragatha and her two brothers decided to take action. The curry was said to have been placed in bags and disposed of across the island. Insufficient evidence meant that all three walked away free.The whole idea of cooking human meat in curry (among so many other dishes) is one serious respect for the dish. Don’t play play! *News cuts from www.news.xin.msn.com

3. The Fish-Head Curry Legend 4. Variation & Popularity

5. The World’s Hottest Curry*

An iconic Singapore dish, fish head curry was invented and made popular by an Indian restaurateur named Mr Gomez about 30 years ago.

Curry is arguably one of the most ‘international’ dishes around and can be cooked in wide variety of ways - “wet” or “dry”, cooked with meat, poultry, fish, or shellfish, and even vegetables.

Indian Chef Vivek Singh, from The Cinnamon Club in London, used some of the world’s spiciest ingredients to make the ‘Bollywood Burner’, which set the new world record for the hottest curry.

Throughout the past few centuries, colonisations, migrations, and trades, among other factors have brought curry to the world. Cultural influences infused with the dish helped to create curries unique to particular places.

Diners who are daring enough and interested in tasting the dish, are required to sign a disclaimer saying they are aware of the nature and risks involved with tasting the curry before eating it.

This pure Singapore creation, became a runaway hit that spread across the Causeway to Malaysia. It’s one curry dish that is not found in India. Mama mia...yours truly, Singapore indeed.

Indian curry, Chinese curry, Japanese curry, Malay curry, Thai curry, British curry and so on... you name it, you got it!

One of the ingredients that makes this dish the hottest curry ever includes the Naga pepper and its seeds which, on the Scoville scale that measures the piquancy of peppers, has a figure of 855,000 - over 100 times hotter than the jalapeno pepper. Woah, this is some fiery affair. Beware! *For the full report, visit www.worldrecordsacademy.org/food/hottest_curry-world_record_set_by_Vivek_Singh_80298.htm

The Lowdown #4 September 29, 2011 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The advertisement featuring a topless man that is plastered on the Orchard shopfront of American fashion retailer Abercrombie & Fitch breaches the local advertising code of decency, said a watchdog. The Advertising Standards Authority of Singapore (ASAS), which made the ruling, has called for the ad - put up after April - to be removed. But there is a hitch - ASAS has no legal rights to enforce its decision. The picture of a model

wearing a pair of low-slung jeans, which spans the entire four-level shopfront, remains on display at the Knightsbridge mall in Orchard Road for now. Some people who found the ad to be lewd and inappropriate for the prominent location wrote to The Straits Timesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Forum page last month, urging for it to be taken down. Read the full report at http://www.straitstimes. com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_717645.html

News Flash #4 Half-Naked Man Poster Taken Down

SHAME SHAME

The mantra ‘see no evil’ claims renewed meaning for a group of highbrow Singaporeans who were disgusted at the sight of naked torsos amid Orchard Road.

Now we all appreciate the importance of decency but surely, a PG-rated naughty thought won’t kill?

Oh maybe they are concerned that such distracting sight is a potential road hazard. Or maybe it’s simply embarassing to be caught drooling over hot bods. With a nation so uptight, no wonder we are not making enough babies. And no wonder we ranked top from bottoms-up on that (in)famous Durex survey.

At The Scene: Covering Up The ‘Vitruvian Man’ #1 Why It’s A Bad Idea For those unattuned with artistic history, Leonardo da Vinci’s naked Vitruvian Man have sparked off imagination and thoughts which led to interesting explorations in fields such as medical and art. Now who says exposure is indecent?!

Vitruvian Man The Vitruvian Man, a worldrenowned drawing created by Leonardo da Vinci circa 1487, depicts a male figure in two superimposed positions with his arms and legs apart and simultaneously inscribed in a circle and square. The drawing is based on the correlations of ideal human proportions with geometry,

described by the ancient Roman architect Vitruvius. It represents a corner-stone of Leonardo’s attempts to relate man to nature, a blend of art and science, as he believed the workings of the human body to be an analogy for the workings of the universe. Read more at: www.aiwaz.net/Leonardo/vitruvianman/

Vitruvian Singaboy Science, when fused with art achieves a delicate balance to open eyes and minds.

Applying The Cover-Up #2 Now You See, Now You Don’t The Cover-up Cover-ups are stop-gap measures. See something you don’t like? Just make some noise and hope that someone will take it away or cover-up. But hey, how many times can we do this? Perhaps, it makes better sense to open up our minds to allow our eyes to see ‘more’.

Instructions Cut along the paper model’s dotted line. Place the paper model over the spot you find unsightly or wish to cover over the image seen on the right-hand page. That’s right, now you see it, now you don’t!

The Advertising Industry’s Cover-Up #3 The ‘New’ Code Of Ethics Now really, it is of utmost importance that the Advertising Industry takes the views of Singaporeans seriously. After all, the industry exists because there are consumers to begin with! To uphold the interest of Singapore and its people, all advertising industry practitioners shall hereby swear in the name of their talent to abide by the following:

All advertisements should be decent, honest, and truthful. Models used should be dressed appropriately without any deliberate exposure of their body. Models must look average, like how most of us look like and have slightly rotund figure, like most of us do.

All advertisements should be prepared with a sense of responsibility to the consumer and society. Provocative visuals should be avoided at all times as they risk increasing the rate of accidents and divorces (for couples who have spouses with likelihood to cheat by stealing extra glances at those indecent pictures).

All advertisements shall not subvert the shared values in Singaporeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s society including: (a) Nation before community and society above self; (b) Family as the basic unit of society; (c) Community support and respect for the individual; (d) Consensus, not conflict; (e) Racial & religious harmony.

As provocative visuals in the likes of bare torsos and cleavages may cause unnecessary stirrings within selves (and thus the family, community and nation), they are to be avoided at all cost. Any practitioner who fails to comply with the above will lose their ability to create and generate new ideas. Signed by: ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (

)BDO Singapore )atey )DB )eo Burnett )cCann Erickson )aatchi & Saatchi )gilvy & Mather )BWA 32

The Lowdown #5 March 31, 2011 – Ms Tin Pei Ling’s first foray into the public eye as People’s Action Party’s youngest candidate has seen her at the receiving end of netizens’ criticisms. Shortly after her introduction to the media, bloggers and websites have picked her apart, with the most harsh comments reserved for her young age, and allegations that she was fielded because of her husband’s position as principal private secretary to Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong.

Ms Tin, 27, is a senior associate at Ernst & Young Advisory. She has been serving in the grassroots for seven years and is expected to contest in the MacPherson ward in the Marine Parade group representation constituency (GRC) in the coming General Election. Pictures from her Facebook account have also emerged, and show her posing with a Kate Spade shopping bag or on holiday with her husband. Read the full report at http://www.asiaone.com/ News/AsiaOne%2BNews/Singapore/Story/ A1Story20110331-271039.html

News Flash #5

TPL Posted A New Photo Of Herself & Her Spade bag

Some Spade Don’t Ace

Thanks to a certain Ms Tin, also known as TPL in short, a branded handbag won more media coverage than it could ever bargain for in Singapore. That’s right. We are talking about the IT bag of GE2011, Kate Spade, which gained (unfortunate) limelight through a photo that went viral. Now that the thunderstorm is over, the Lightning Party is still desperately trying its best to prove the worth of its ‘proud’ finds from last year. Just so we get things right, the issue’s nothing

to do with the bag. Singaporeans sure have ways of detracting from what really matters, thus clouding the already waning acuity of our leading party to think it’s us creating useless cacophony. We want new capable voices – and this has to come from not just the politicians but also the average guy on street who gives feedback that has sense.

At The Scene: Mp At Work #1 A Day In The Office

Secretary To The Tin Pei Lin Office

A day at work: clearing emails, answering queries, meeting, checking on Facebook, and checking out the latest collection on Kate Spade.

Mp Preparing For Work #2 5 Bags For Different OCcasions Great bags hold great substance. TPL sure understands this well enough. Learn from the best on using the right bag for the right occasion.

ThE Tin Pei LIngâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Collection

The Work Bag Sturdy with lots of space to hold all the very important documents, and perhaps a make-up pouch.

Bag You Bring To The Parliament

Conservative to convey a sense of groundedness and even astuteness.

Clutch for Meet The People Session A small clutch to convey friendliness, and a deliberate move not to store home all the nittygritty you hear from the grounds.

The Bling-Bling One for Any Social Event Subtly dressy without losing a touch of humility. Spacious to hold niceties exchanged at the social event.

Saturday Back At Work â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Work & Play Relaxed yet serious. The right balance for the new-age working class who see the world as one big playground.

In Case You Might Be Interested: (1) Kate Spade - New York Portfolio| (2) Kate Spade - Lisbon Triangular Duffle | (3) Kate Spade - Washington Mews Maryanne | (4) Kate Spade Bixby Clutch | (5) Kate Spade - Sugar Hill Seraphine

Working Up To Be A MP #3 How To Get Talent-Scouted As Mp We live in a land of meritrocracy. But still, it does not harm to know a few tips on how to get talent-scouted if you are keen in a political career. Don’t worry if you are lacking in some areas. Our nation’s talent-scouting system is not fool-proof, as we have found out. ;)

Five Steps To Get You Spotted 1. Support Thy Party Never bite the hands that feed you they say. Defend the stand of your preferred party in the face of any opposition. Never mind what folks on the grounds may say.

2. Wardrobe Of White It’s the colour of purity and uprightness. And at times, hopeless innocence too. Worthwhile investment indeed since white is an evergreen in the ever changing fashion world.

3. Get ‘Engaged’ With Youth Ability to connect with the youths is absolutely important. They are, after all, the pillars of Singapore in the near future. Gentle reminder though - ‘engaging’ is not merely going to youth forums or being on YouTube.

4. Find An Influential Partner It’s not what you know but who you know that matters. Couldn’t be truer in realistic Singapore.

5. Frequently Post Photos of You & Your Branded Goods Go on, share what you’ve got. That’s how you make it buzz of the town and get people excited.

The Lowdown #6 February 22, 2012 – Singaporeans are up in arms over a foreign scholar’s derogatory comment that “there are more dogs than humans in Singapore”.

His comment has outraged Singaporeans, who questioned MOE policies. Some have even called for Sun’s scholarship to be revoked.

The Ministry of Education (MOE) scholar in question, Sun Xu from China, was referring to his unpleasant experience with Singaporeans as he brushed against them.

Singaporeans like Nanyang Technological University student Choy Chan Yuan feel that Sun’s comment was “unjustified, rude and ignorant”. Said the 24-year-old, “Why is our government paying him [Sun] to study here? How did he pass the selection process?”

A rough translation of his Chinese blog post read: “It’s so annoying to have gangster Singapore uncles stare at you when you bump into them. There are more dogs than humans here in Singapore.”

Read the full report at http://www.sg.news.yahoo. com/blogs/singaporescene/poreans-outraged-overprc-scholar-dog-072146916.html

News Flash #6

Singaporeans outraged over PRC scholar’s ‘dog’ comment

Quality Of Our Imports

Singapore’s obsession with imported branded ranges across varying categories – from fashion to entertainment, and cars to talents. That’s right, we’re talking about a very privileged group called “foreign talents” a.k.a. expatriates and foreign scholars. In comparison to foreign workers who take on blue-collared jobs such as construction workers, the ‘talents’ enjoy a lot more advantages. It’s important we clarify at this point that Singaporeans are really friendly people who welcome friends from other parts of the world though our shyness is often misread as being ‘rude’. The grouses were motivated by how our policy sometimes blindly provides unfair benefits to those who may not be deserving,

and they returned the favour taunting Singaporeans as ‘dogs’. Now that got the Singaporean ‘dogs’ really mad and naturally we reacted with the most befitting response – to bark. Sun Xu, a Ministry of Education scholar who mocked Singaporeans online certainly felt the brunt of the bark, which turned into a bite with part of his scholarship revoked. Oh well, that’s what you need to deal with when many imports today are made in China. But Singaporeans, don’t take this as an endorsement that we have been right all the time. Good manners should be observed universally, no matter who you deal with. 42

At The Scene: The ‘Control’ Centre #1 The Quality Assurance Check

What Our Foreign Talents Should Learn #2 6 Lessons In Integration We know cultural assimilation can be challenging but for those who plan to call Singapore their second home, it makes perfect sense to be more culturally sensitive. We are uniquely Singapore, queer in our own ways but adorable too when we know we have friends in you.

1. A im Your Piss & Sh*t Properly At The Toilet Bowl The toilet bowl is designed for a specific reason - to hold your waste so why aim elsewhere?

3. Do Not Steal Other People’s Husband Some things can’t be shared, and this is one of those.

2. D o Not Use The Tissue Paper Others Use to ‘Chope’ Seats

4. Do Not Speak Loudly In Public

It’s a tough fight for seats in Singapore and it’s an unwritten rule that we’ll respect all ‘chopes’. You should to.

The whole world does not need to know your secrets or the (boring) details of your private life.

5. Do Not Spit A hard habit to shake but got rid of it we did. Now don’t pull us back from civilisation.

6. Do Not Jump Queue We’re pride ourselves in queuing, even if they are for silly things. At least, this is our respect for order.

*令: By Court Order | 禁止: Stop; Prohibited

What We Like About Our Foreign Talents #3 6 Factors Why WE Still Like Them Our foreign talent friends can be an interesting lot. Lest you think Singaporeans are biased, we do coexist well with many of these foreign talent friends. We share some of the reasons we love them too!

1. 华语*, Cool

3. No Stress for Babies

5. Property Boom

The melodious Mandarin (and other native languages they speak) makes us strive to speak better.

We suspect the government would have pushed us to pro-create more without foreign talents.

Our property is worth a lot more, Thanks to them. Keep a look out for your new neighbour.

2. A True Global City

4. The Dirty Jobs

6. Cuisine Melting Pot

They make Singapore a truly globalised city.

We salute them for doing jobs that many Singaporeans shun away from.

They add on to our already very wide variety of cuisines. Enjoy authentic Chinese cuisines at a coffeeshop near you now.

*华语: Mandarin

The Lowdown #7 August 05, 2011 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; The Public Transport Council has approved a 1 per cent increase in bus and train fares. The rise, which translates roughly to two cents more per ride for adults using ezlink card, one cent more for senior citizens with concessionary cards, and 10 cents more for cash payments, will take effect on Oct 8. The increase is timed to coincide with the opening of the rest of the Circle MRT Line, and is expected to affect nearly nine out of 10 commuters.

The quantum of the fare rise is less than half what the transport operators had applied for. Even so, it comes at a time when commuter grouses about overcrowdedness, service disruptions, and unpredictable bus arrivals increase in frequency and intensity. Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew has in recent weeks been trying to placate the public by promising higher service standards, and increased bus capacity. Read the full report at http://www.straitstimes. com/BreakingNews/Singapore/Story/STIStory_698809.html

News Flash #7 Public TransPOrt Fares Hike Again

Cost Of Transport: ‘All Rise’

Let’s face it. No one will ever be happy with rising cost. It doesn’t help that salaries somehow don’t rise as fast as all other things we are paying off. And just when we thought 2011 would pass by relatively unscathed in transport fare hike, commuters were caught with a surprise cab fare adjustment which made it in time for Christmas fanfare. Of course, all fare adjustments were defended in the name of continuous provision of world-class transport. Also, let’s not forget that drivers for the

public transport system deserve salary increment too, which then explains the need for hikes of sorts. That’s not all for transport cost. Singapore’s very own ‘Arc de Triomphe’ collects more money for use of road at particular hours around the island. Nothing wrong with ‘monuments’ charging for visits except that these arcs (or gantries as we call them) pale distinctly in artistic value as compared to the one in Paris. Oh well. 50

At The Scene: Transport Heads-Up #1 Your Most Reliable Transport

Combating Transport Hike #2 Cheatcodes to Beat The Hike Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not a lost cause in cost-saving. You know the usual method work out the best route on www. gothere.sg. Here, we recommend you some cheatcodes. Disclaimer: As with all risky undertakings, using the cheatcodes may expose you to consequences such as penalty. Singaboy do not take any responsibility for any of these repercussions.

1. Tap Early

3. Memory Lost

5. Tag Along

Tap your card secretly 2 stops before your destination.

Claim you forgot to tap when you get off, report that you got off a few stops before the actual destination to claim fare difference.

Tag closely behind a train passenger to avoid paying. (Only do tt when there is no Stationmaster around)

2. Only Coins

4. Pity Points

6. Uniform Day

Pay with lots of coins, so the bus or taxi driver loses count.

Claim you lose your wallet after you have boarded the bus to claim pity points

Wear your school uniform out and pay student fare.

Combating Transport Hike #3 Be a Cab-fare Saver Pro We know the most expensive of all is really our cab fare which is tiered with hundreds other surcharges beyond our grasp at times. Be a smart cab passenger, adopt some smart practices

1. Car Pooling

3. Stop Wisely

5. gothere.sg

Identify someone you can carpool with.

Stop near your destination, not at the destination.

Check your fare at gothere.sg plus work out the best timing to take a cab.

2. Cab Smart

4. Out Of The Zone

6. Skip The Cab

We know the most expensive of all is really our cab fare which is tiered with hundreds other surcharges beyond our grasp at times. Be a smart cab passenger, adopt some smart practices.

Flag for cab after gantry or right at the outskirt of city areas.

Go out earlier, just so you wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to take a cab.

The Singaboy’s Trivia

Singaporeans are really a bunch of talented folks. Just a lil’ whiny perhaps but we certainly deserve the kudos of having a knack for creative political discourse. Before we draw a close on the hullaballoos of living the Singapore life, I leave you with these trivia that certify you as the trueblue Singaporeans Or not. 1. Knowing Your Singlish 2. Guess Who, Don’t Sue 3. Unofficial Singaporean Acronyms 4. First Step To Becoming A MP 5. The True Blue Singaporean Checklist 6. Now You Know Them, Now You Don’t

THE SINGLISH YOU MUST KNOW

Knowing Your Singlish Word

Meaning

When To Use

To fail miserably at affecting a pose; Use with another adjective of your choice.

“I know you did it, so don’t Act Blur!” “That’s disgusting, please don’t Act Cute!”

002. Arbo (Hokkien)

Of course; Duh

John: “ Wear until so nice, going out for a date?” Mary: “Arbo!”

003. Ai Zai (Hokkien)

Exhortation to calm down

“The exam is not counted. Ai Zai!”

004. Alamak (Malay)

Expression of dismay, surprise or alarm

“Alamak! Why you do this sort of stupid thing?”

005. Ah Beng (Hokkien)

The unsophisticated Chinese boy; Street punk; Member of a gang

A Chinese guy or boy who speaks gutter hokkien and behaves in a unruly manner.

006. Ah Lian (Hokkien)

The female equivalent of an Ah Beng - The unsophisticated Chinese girl.

A Chinese woman or girl who speaks gutter hokkien and behaves in a unruly manner.

007. Ah Chek (Hokkien)

Uncle; A generic name used to address an older man

“Ah Chek, one black coffee.”

008. Ah Soh (Hokkien)

Auntie; A Generic name used to address an older (though not necessarily old) lady

“Ah Soh, this packet of kang-kong how much?”

009. Ah Mor (Hokkien)

Red-hair; English; A Pejorative term used to describe Caucasian

“This Ah Mor looks really hot.”

011. Atas (ah-tahs; Malay)

High Class

“Woah, you so Atas, only eat caviar.”

010. Arrow; adjective

To delegate someone to perform a task, that is generally unpleasant or boring.

“Damn! I always got arrow to clean the toilet!”

A 001. Act; adjective

B-C Word

Meaning

Application

B 012. Balik Kampong (Malay)

Return to the village

Used in the sense of “f**k off”, or most accurately, “go back where you came from.”

013. Basket

“Damn It”; An exclamation denoting frustration

“Basket! I got fine for parking here illegally for 5 minutes!”

014. Buay (Hokkien) Tahan (Malay)

Can’t; Cannot Withstand; Tolerate

“He is so long-winder, sometimes I really buay tahan him!”

015. Blur Like Sotong

Very or extremely blur

To describe someone who is extremely blur.

016. Bodoh (Malay)

Stupid; fool

“John is a Bodoh, 1 plus 1 also don’t know.”

017. Boh (Hokkien)

No; Not; Un; When placed before any word, it turns it into the negative Nonchalant; relaxed; phlegmatic Not Free; To convey how busy you are Nothing better to do Can’t do anything about it; No Choice

“He’s very Boh Chup about his work.” ”Go East Coast to swim? Boh Eng!” “This show you also watch, you really Boh Liao” “Boh Bian, too expensive, I am not buying.”

Possible; can

“You follow my intructions, sure boleh one.

Acronym for “Cannot Make it”; An exclamation denoting resignation and despair.

“Is late, CMI, sorry!”

020. Catch No Ball

Means to completely not understand

“His accent is so powderful, I completely catch no ball.”

021. Cheem (Hokkien)

Profound; Intellectual.

“You study philosophy? Damn cheem!”

Boh Chup Boh Eng Boh Liao Boh Bian 018. Boleh (Malay) C 019. C.M.I

THE SINGLISH YOU MUST KNOW

Knowing Your Singlish

C-D

Word

Meaning

Application

022. Chum (Hokkien)

Pitifully disastrous

023. Char Bor (Hokkien)

Woman; Female

“Why are you so cham, every day got scolding from your teacher?”

024. Cheena

A pejorative term used to describe a Chinese national; or to describe something or someone that feels Chinese

“Look at the way she wears, so Cheena.”

025. Chia Lat (Hokkien)

Used to denote being in trouble

“You forgot to file your income tax for 3 years? You damn Chia Lat”

026. Chio (Hokkien) Chio Bu (Hokkien)

Pretty; Nice Pretty Woman

“Both the dress and the salesgirl very chio leh.”

027. Chiong (Hokkien)

1. To denote creating havoc and/or having fun 2. Fake; pirated

“Today after work, go where Chiong?” “Wow LV bag, Chiong one huh?”

028. Chope

To reserve or hold something for somebody

“If we’re not at the theatre by 8, can you chope some seats for us?”

029. Chut Pattern

Hybrid term; Describes either someone revealing himself to be the swine he really is or someone is producing something extraordinary; Chut (Hokkien): “to come out”

“So long never appear, now he wants borrow money, really Chut Pattern.”

Arrogant; haughty; Same meaning as “Ya Ya”

“After he got the scholarship, he became dao.”

To go all out, with no possibility of non-compliance

“I promise die die will pay you back tomorrow.

D 030. Dao 031. Die Die

F-h Word

Meaning

Application

To describe a fat person; Equivalent to the English “fatso”

“Eat so much! You Fatty Bom Bom!”

033. Fly Aeroplane

To describe being stood up

“Tonight’s function is damn important, okay? Don’t Fly Aeroplane okay!”

G 034. Gabra

To panic or be so nervous that things mess up

“She a good athlete, but every track meet, somehow she gabra.”

035. Gahmen

Singlish mispronunciation of “Government”

036. Garang (Malay)

Fierce; Powerful; Impulsive; Courageous; Foolhardy; On the ball

“Why so Garang for? Nothing to fight for also”

037. Go Fly Kite

Piss off; Buzz off

“He knows that I am very busy, still ask me to do things. Ask him go fly kite!”

Contraction of “Could you please repeat that again?”; The equivalent of “What?”

“Har?, what you just said again?”

039. Habis (Malay)

Finished; End

“If your boss see you slacking, you sure Habis.”

040. Half Past Six

To Describe something or someone as being half-baked or incompetent

“Why your company so Half Past Six one, this sort of easy thing also can mess-up.”

041. Ha Na!

Local exclamation meaning “Enough already!”; Often said in exasperation.

“Ha Na!, I got what you mean.”

F 032. Fatty Bom Bom

H 038. Har?

THE SINGLISH YOU MUST KNOW

Knowing Your Singlish

H-K

Word

Meaning

Application

042. Hao Lian (Hokkien)

Arrogant; Cocky; Smug; Can be used as a verb.

“Just because your work got published, no need to Hao Lian around here right?”

043. Heck Care

An expression used to describe someone as nonchalant or cavalier

“This sort of serious thing, how can you be so Heck Care?”

044. Heng (Hokkien)

Lucky; Fortunate; Usually said after having escaped a tight spot, or avoided a near miss

“You damn Heng! How could you escape with such light punishment?”

045. Ho Say (Hokkien)

Denoting satisfaction; Enthusiastic endorsement

“Ho Say, I just got promoted!”

046. Horlan (Hokkien)

Used to denote finding oneself in a far-off place, or unexpected consequence, usually unpleasant

“Horlan already! Now I don’t know where the hell are we at!”

A phrase that’s tagged on to virtually any question; Used on its own to express skepticism

“You got mail, Is It?”

K 047. Kai Kai (Hokkien)

Literally translated as “walk-walk”

“Come, let’s go Orchard Road Kai Kai.”

048. Kan (Hokkien)

Scold; Screw

“Omg, he is so irritating, I gonna Kan him!”

049. Kan Cheong (Hokkien)

Nervous; Harried; Uptight

“Don’t so Kan Cheong, we still have 2 hrs left.”

050. Kana Sai (Hokkien)

Not to be confused with Kena Sai; Like Shit

“Listen to him sing. His voice is Kana Sai.”

051. Ka Po (Hokkien)

Steal; Pilfer

“Next time got freebies, can Ka Po one for me?”

052. Kay Poh (Hokkien)

Busybody; Nosey Parker

“Why you go and kaypoh their business?”

I Is It?

K-L Word

Meaning

Application

053. Kay Kiang (Hokkien)

To act smart

“Eh, this sort of thing better not kay kiang. Later something goes wrong, we die.”

054. Kayu (Malay)

Used to suggest stupidity.

“Referee kayu!”

055. Kelong (Malay)

To describe any form of cheating or corruption in any competition

“5-0 already?! The opposition team Kelong lah!”

056. Kena (Malay)

Denotes that something has happened; Closest English approximation is “to get”.

“He kena scolded by the teacher.”

057. Keng (Hokkien)

To malinger or feign sickness

“Don’t keng leh, You so fit!”

058. Kilat (Hokkien)

Polished; Shining; Used to denote someone or something that is impressively refined.

“That CEO damn kilat one, no wonder he can smoke all the big bosses.”

059. Kio Tio (Hokkien)

To have grabbed it; Stumbling upon good fortune or in some occasions bad fortune.

“I found a $10 note on the garden floor, damn Kio Tio man!”

060. Kope

As in cope; To steal, usually something trifling; Similar in meaning to “stun”

“Woah, where you kope all this stuff from?”

061. Lan Lan (Hokkien)

Literally translated as “penis, penis”; Means to have no choice

“The government say this and that, we Lan Lan also must do.”

062. Leh Ceh (Malay)

Troublesome; Used to describe a laborious or irksome task or action

“This online booking system is damn Leh Ceh!”

063. Lelong

To sell off cheaply in a clearance sale.

“Lelong, Lelong, 5 for one dollar!”

064. Liao (Hokkien)

To mean either “already” or “finished”

“Like that his business sure Liao lah.”

THE SINGLISH YOU MUST KNOW

Knowing Your Singlish

L-O

Word

Meaning

Application

065. Lobang (Malay)

Literally meaning “hole”; Used under the context of “tip” or “opening” or “contacts”

“I’m looking for a job. If you have any lobang, let me know.”

066. Loh Soh (Hokkien)

Longwinded

“You very Loh Soh leh. This sort of simple thing also can talk so much.”

A term of comparison; Equivalent to “like” in English; To add emphasis

“This laksa taste Machiam like shit!”

068. Mai (Hokkien)

Don’t; Don’t want

“Mai like that, I warn you ah!”

069. Makan (Malay)

To Eat; Meal

“Let’s go to Katong for makan.”

070. Malu (Malay)

Shame; Embarrassment; Loss of face

“Malu Leh, why you wear until so funny?”

071. Mata (Malay)

Police

“Mata come already, faster run.”

N 072. N.A.T.O

Acronym for No Action, Talk Only

“Don’t waste time with him, he always NATO.”

073. Na

A short Singlish tag, used when something is given out; similar in sense to, “Here you are”

“Na, here is the money I owe you.”

074. Not Say I Say What

A very common way of prefacing a statement that could be controversial or sensitive.

“Not Say I Say What , but she looks ugly today without make-up”

O 075. Obiang

To be embarrassingly out of fashion

“Check out his shirt! Super Obiang, man!”

076. On (English)

An enthusiastic assent to saying yes; On the ball

“Play football tomorrow? On man!”

M 067. Machiam (Malay)

0-P Word

Meaning

Application

076. On The Ball

Someone who is excessively on top of things or is very hardworking and detail oriented.

“Johnny never leaves the office until 9. He’s damn on the ball, man.”

077. Orh

Okay; “Oh, I see”

“Orh... so it’s behind your house, issit?”

078. O.T.O.T

Acronym for Own Time Own Target; Meaning to perform a task at one’s discretion

“This assignment is not very urgent. You OTOT can already.

Shy; To have a sense of shame; Can be used to express humility or embarrassment.

“This is the third time I’m borrowing money from you. Damn pai seh.”

080. Pak Tor (Hokkien)

Going on a date

“Hurry up, I got to go Pak Tok with my girl.”

081. Pakat (Malay)

To conspire; To gang up against.

“Now all the high-tech companies want to Pakat against Apple.”

082. Panchan (Malay)

To give chance; To forgive

“Poor thing, this time I Panchan you.”

083. Pao Toh (Hokkien)

To snitch; Let the cat out of the bag.

“Which idiot Pao Toh to teacher that I carry handphone to school?

084. Pasal (Malay)

Business - “that’s my business, not yours” rather than anything commercial

“This is my pasal, so don’t come and kay poh.”

085. Pattern More Than Badminton

Phrase describing someone as extraordinarily complicated, or even devious

“Ask him to do something, very difficult. He Pattern More Than Badminton.”

086. Pek Chek (Hokkien)

Denoting exasperation or frustration

“Kena arrow this kind of job, damn Pek Chek!”

P 079. Pai Seh (Hokkien)

THE SINGLISH YOU MUST KNOW

Knowing Your Singlish

P-S

Word

Meaning

Application

087. Pontang

To skive

“There’s school today, but I decided to Pontang.”

088. Por (Hokkien)

To carry; An act of sycophancy. Buttering someone up, or brown-nosing.

“I know you want good marks, but don’t por the teacher until so obvious, can or not?”

089. Pum Chek

Flat Tire; Derived from a Malay mispronunciation of “puncture”; Use to describe very tired

“Pum Chek already, I was running around the office today.”

A salad of mixed vegetables mix with sauce; To describe something as being either eclectic, or just plain messy.

“This sort of multi-cultural event, ah, don’t plan properly will come out all rojak.”

Singlish contraction of “sabotage”. Used to cover instances of practical jokes and tricks to outright betrayal.

“You better don’t Sabo me, I warn you!”

092. Saman (Malay)

Summons; Can be used as a verb, meaning “to be fined”

“You better not litter, later sure kena Saman!”

093. Sayang (Malay)

Love; Used in most Singlish contexts in the same way as “what a pity”

“I see them throw away so much food, I always feel damn sayang like that.”

094. Shiok (Malay)

A universal Singaporean expression denoting extreme pleasure or the highest quality

“This laksa is damn Shiok!”

095. Si Beh (Hokkien)

Very; Extremely

“Professor Lau’s class was Si Beh cheem.”

096. Siam (Hokkien)

Get out of the way; Making oneself scarce or dodging a task.

“I saw the boss coming, so I thought I’d better siam quickly.”

R 090. Rojak (Malay)

S 091. Sabo

S-w Word

Meaning

Application

097. Sian (Hokkien)

Adjective which conveys boredom, weariness, frustration and emptiness

“My job is damn sian, man.”

098. Siao (Hokkien) Siao Liao

Mad; Crazy Used during a situation has gone badly wrong

“Siao, you think I nothing better do?” “Siao Liao, I am late for work!”

099. Si Mi Tai Chi (Hokkien)

Si Mi: What?; Tai Chi: Matter; Business

“Si Mi Tai Chi, you called?”

099. Skali (Malay)

Used to convey a general cautionary sentiment with a hint of foreboding

“You everyday go to work damn late and leave so early. Skali your boss find out, how?”

100. Suan (Chinese)

To ridicule or insult someone.

“Take a look, he kena Suan in today’s paper.”

101. Suay (Hokkien)

Calamity; Catastrophe

“Damn Suay today, kena bird shit on my head”

T 102. Tio (Hokkien)

English approximation is “got it!” or “correct!”

“You damn lucky, this number also can Tio 4D.”

103. Tolong (Malay)

Help; Give me a break

“Tolong lah, can you help me with this?”

U 104. Ulu (Malay)

Used to denote the remoteness of a place

“Where are we now, so ulu?!”

105. Up Lorry

A phrase to describe a very bad outcome

“He never study for the test, sure Up Lorry.”

Loosely translated as “Oh Penis”; Used in much the same way as “oh my goodness” or “damn!” Polite variation of “Wah Lan”

“Wah lan eh! How can you do this sort of thing to me?”

W 106. Wah Lan Wah Lao (Hokkien)

WHO IS SAYING WHAT

Guess Who, DOn’t Sue Match Each Quote (a - f) To The Correct Politician

Lee Hsien Loong Quote (a) “While Singaporeans are fully aware of potential trade-offs in policy, we should also be on guard against viewing tradeoffs only from the Government’s perspective..... It seems to me that more often than not, the policy trade-off was biased against the people, especially those who are adversely affected.”

Lee Kuan Yew Quote (b) “We will help install power saving light bulbs for lower income families so they can save money”

1/2

Vivian Balakrishnan Quote (c) “Sure you can give the goodies or offsets, but why break a man’s leg and then give him clutches to wobble on”

2/2

Tin Pei Ling

Low Thia Khiang

Quote (d) “Right now we have Low Thia Khiang, Chiam See Tong, Steve Chia. We can deal with them. Suppose you had 10, 15, 20 opposition members in Parliament. Instead of spending my time thinking what is the right policy for Singapore, I’m going to spend all my time thinking what’s the right way to fix them, to buy my supporters votes, how can I solve this week’s problem and forget about next year’s challenges?”

Quote (e) “As far as I am concerned, PUB should not have used the word ‘ponding’. I call a spade a spade. A flood is a flood.”

Tan Soo Khoon Quote (f) “If Singapore depends on the talent it can produce out of 3 million people, it’s not going to punch above its weight.... So you’ve got to accept the discomfort which the local citizens feel, that they are competing unequally for jobs. It cannot be helped.”

Answer: (d) Lee Hsien Loong | (f) Lee Kuan Yew | (b) Tin Pei Ling | (e) Vivian Balakrishnan (a) Low Thia Khiang | (c) Tan Soo Khoon

WHAT IT REALLY MEANS

Unofficial Singaporean Acronyms Acronym

Actual Name

Unofficial Definition

DBS CPF COE ERP EDB GST HDB JTC LTA MRT MOE MAS NUH OUB OCBC POSB PUB PSI PSA PWD PAP SGH SDU SBS SAF UOB

Development Bank of Singapore Central Provident Fund Cetificate of Entitlement Electronic Road Pricing Economic Development Board Goods and Services Tax Housing Development Board Jurong Town Council Land Transport Authority Mass Rapid Transit Ministry of Environment Monetary Authority of Singapore National University Hospital Overseas Union Bank Oversea-Chinese Banking Corporation Post Office Savings Bank Public Utilities Board Pollution Safety Index Port of Singapore Authority Public Works Department People’s Action Party Singapore General Hospital Social Development Unit Singapore Bus Service Singapore Armed Forces United Overseas Bank

Damn! Boh(No) Salary Cash Prior to Funeral Si Hor Yi (Die Give You) Everyday Rob People Enough, Don’t Bluff Go Squeeze Them Highly Dangerous Building Jokers Training Centre Long Tio Ah (Crash!) Mad Rush to Train Muggers Only Environment Must Always Suffer Never Use Heart Owe Until Bankrupt Owe Cash, Boh Credit Purposely Owe Some Banks Pay Until Broke Please Stay Indoors Poor Ships Ahead Purposely Want to Dig Pay And Pay Sure Giveup Hope Single, Desperate and Ugly Screwed-up and Bad Service Serve And Forget You Owe Bank Full Credit To www.talkingcock.com

MAKING THE LEAP

First Step To bEComing A Mp If Politics Is What You Want. Call Now To Find Out More. People’s Action Party (PAP)

The leading political party in Singapore and the citystate’s ruling political party since 1959.

Tel: +65 6244 4600 | Fax: +65 6243 0114 Email : paphq@pap.org.sg | Website: www.pap.org.sg

Worker’s Party (WP)

A centre-left opposition political party in Singapore. The party currently has 5 elected seats in Parliament, with 5 members serving as Members of Parliament for the Aljunied Group Representation Constituency.

Email: youthwing@wp.sg | Website: www.wp.sg | aljunied@wp.sg

National Solidarity Party (NSP)

An opposition political party in Singapore, formed in 1987. Joined the Singapore Democratic Alliance (SDA) political grouping in 2001, before withdrawing from the alliance in 2007.

Email: volunteernsp@gmail.com | Website: www.nsp.sg

Singapore Democratic Party (SDP)

An opposition political party in Singapore founded in 1980 by Chiam See Tong, and He was succeeded by Dr Chee Soon Juan in 1995. The party focused more on a liberal human rights agenda but has yet to secure parliamentary representation since 1997.

Email: sdp@yoursdp.org | Website: www.yoursdp.org.sg

Reform Party (RP)

A Singapore political party founded in 2008 by the late Joshua Benjamin Jeyaretnam, and is currently headed by his son Kenneth Jeyaretnam.

Tel: +65 6534 9641 | Fax: +65 6534 9640 Email: enquiries@thereformparty.net | Website: ww.thereformparty.net

Singapore People’s Party (SPP)

A left-centre opposition political party in Singapore, headed by the party’s leader Chiam See Tong.

Email: feedback@spp.org.sg | Website: www.spp.org.sg

Singapore Democratic Alliance (SDA)

An alliance of political parties in Singapore, formed shortly before the 2001 General Election to provide a common grouping under which different opposition parties could stand as a united front in elections against the ruling the PAP. Founded by the leader of the SPP Chiam See Tong.

Tel: +65 6345 5275 | Fax: +65 6345 8724 Email: limba@sinpo.com.sg Website: www.sgda.org.sg

IDENTIFYING

A True Blue Singaporean Checklist My Name: Hereby Declare That I... Have The Innate Ability To Identity My Fellow Compatriot

Know How To Spot A Hawker Stall With The Best Food

Join A Queue Just To See What’s Going On

Never Leave My Lah, Lor, Leh, Har, Hor, Sia Behind

Wished That The Buses And Trains Are Always Empty

Feel Crippled Without Speaking Singlish For A Day

Love My Hawker Food

Feel Proud About Changi Airport

Find That The Best Thing About Singapore Is The Food

F**king Want To Own A Car

Know How To Speak At Least 3 Languages (Including Dialect)

Complain Just About Every Other Thing For About Every Other Day Total Ticks:

1-5 Ticks: You Don’t Like Singapore | 6-12 Ticks: You have your complains for Singapore | 13-15 Ticks: All Blue Singaporean

IDENTIFYING

A True Blue Singaporean Checklist My Name: Hereby Declare That I... Have The Innate Ability To Identity My Fellow Compatriot

Know How To Spot A Hawker Stall With The Best Food

Join A Queue Just To See What’s Going On

Never Leave My Lah, Lor, Leh, Har, Hor, Sia Behind

Wished That The Buses And Trains Are Always Empty

Feel Crippled Without Speaking Singlish For A Day

Love My Hawker Food

Feel Proud About Changi Airport

Find That The Best Thing About Singapore Is The Food

F**king Want To Own A Car

Know How To Speak At Least 3 Languages (Including Dialect)

Complain Just About Every Other Thing For About Every Other Day Total Ticks:

1-5 Ticks: You Don’t Like Singapore | 6-12 Ticks: You have your complains for Singapore | 13-15 Ticks: All Blue Singaporean

IDENTIFYING

A True Blue Singaporean Checklist My Name: Hereby Declare That I... Have The Innate Ability To Identity My Fellow Compatriot

Know How To Spot A Hawker Stall With The Best Food

Join A Queue Just To See What’s Going On

Never Leave My Lah, Lor, Leh, Har, Hor, Sia Behind

Wished That The Buses And Trains Are Always Empty

Feel Crippled Without Speaking Singlish For A Day

Love My Hawker Food

Feel Proud About Changi Airport

Find That The Best Thing About Singapore Is The Food

F**king Want To Own A Car

Know How To Speak At Least 3 Languages (Including Dialect)

Complain Just About Every Other Thing For About Every Other Day Total Ticks:

1-5 Ticks: You Don’t Like Singapore | 6-12 Ticks: You have your complains for Singapore | 13-15 Ticks: All Blue Singaporean

IDENTIFYING

A True Blue Singaporean Checklist My Name: Hereby Declare That I... Have The Innate Ability To Identity My Fellow Compatriot

Know How To Spot A Hawker Stall With The Best Food

Join A Queue Just To See What’s Going On

Never Leave My Lah, Lor, Leh, Har, Hor, Sia Behind

Wished That The Buses And Trains Are Always Empty

Feel Crippled Without Speaking Singlish For A Day

Love My Hawker Food

Feel Proud About Changi Airport

Find That The Best Thing About Singapore Is The Food

F**king Want To Own A Car

Know How To Speak At Least 3 Languages (Including Dialect)

Complain Just About Every Other Thing For About Every Other Day Total Ticks:

1-5 Ticks: You Don’t Like Singapore | 6-12 Ticks: You have your complains for Singapore | 13-15 Ticks: All Blue Singaporean

IDENTIFYING

A True Blue Singaporean Checklist My Name: Hereby Declare That I... Have The Innate Ability To Identity My Fellow Compatriot

Know How To Spot A Hawker Stall With The Best Food

Join A Queue Just To See What’s Going On

Never Leave My Lah, Lor, Leh, Har, Hor, Sia Behind

Wished That The Buses And Trains Are Always Empty

Feel Crippled Without Speaking Singlish For A Day

Love My Hawker Food

Feel Proud About Changi Airport

Find That The Best Thing About Singapore Is The Food

F**king Want To Own A Car

Know How To Speak At Least 3 Languages (Including Dialect)

Complain Just About Every Other Thing For About Every Other Day Total Ticks:

1-5 Ticks: You Don’t Like Singapore | 6-12 Ticks: You have your complains for Singapore | 13-15 Ticks: All Blue Singaporean

LOGO TWISTER

Now You Know Them, Now You Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Be Warned: Not For The Narrow-Minded Re-aquaint yourselves with these familiar logos. Or are they still the same thing? ;)

Disclaimer: Any reading of the symbolization in the following pages is entirely in the imagination of the readers. The author does not bear any responsibility for any (mis)interpretation.

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0 0809196500 1 #sgpricetag “Scan carefully before you buy.”

#lightningrules “You can run but you can’t hide from the lightning.”

#chinesefusion â&#x20AC;&#x153;We may not be neighbours but we are one big family.â&#x20AC;?

#cheenasinga â&#x20AC;&#x153;Singa promotes courtesy and Mandarin speaking.â&#x20AC;?

#designgonewrong â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s better to fly the flag high then to place it downunder.:

#runningoutofspace â&#x20AC;&#x153;Too big for one, too small for a family.â&#x20AC;?

#New_Reservoir â&#x20AC;&#x153;Water-stressed Singapore gets a new reservoir.â&#x20AC;?

#smell_the_curry “People at the mediation centre don’t stir sh*t. they stir curry.”

#Train_Is_Not_Coming “When the MRT breaks down, the world-class transport system breaks apart.”

#Eyes_Wide_Shut “Thou shall see no evil and spout no nonsense.”