February 2019 by ParentMap

’cause

parenting is a trip!

BEYOND TOLERANCE: PAGE 14

Rejecting the Hate We See

Simple and convenient ways to create a baby book for your child 10

YOU NEED TO HAVE A FAMILY ART ATTACK!

17 spectacular shows to put a little spring in your spring 23

YOUNG LOVE: TALKING TO KIDS ABOUT DATING

Top tips for having the “dating talk” with your tween or teen 35

FEBRUARY 2019

COMBAT BLANK BABY BOOK SYNDROME

2019 Camp Fairs

Find the best local summer camps Eastside

South Sound

Northshore

SAT, FEB 2

SAT, FEB 9

SUN, FEB 17

St. Thomas School, Medina

Charles Wright Academy, Tacoma

McMenamins Anderson School, Bothell

Seattle

North Sound

SAT, FEB 23

SAT, MAR 16

Magnuson Park Hangar 30, Seattle

Shoreline Community College, Shoreline

ParentMap.com/campfair

CLASSICAL KING FM CONCERTS FEBRUARY 23

PETER AND THE WOLF

Farkhad Khudyev, conductor Magic Circle Mime Co.

Without upsetting the maestro, three musicians and a conductor’s assistant must outwit a fearsome wolf that threatens orchestra and audience alike. The musicians become the characters as Prokoﬁev’s exhilarating musical tale springs to life, putting kids (and adults!) on the edge of their seats. Sponsored by:

MAY 4

CARNIVAL OF THE ANIMALS

Pablo Rus Broseta, conductor Kristy Park, cello Jessica Choe, piano Elizabeth Morgan, piano

From Saint-Saëns’ enchanting Carnival of the Animals to Rossini’s galloping William Tell Overture, you’ll want to swim like a swan, hop like a kangaroo ngaroo and strut like a lion after experiencing xperiencing p g this wild menagerie off music! Sponsored by:

TICKETS: $15 Students/Seniors; $20 Adults | SEATTLESYMPHONY.ORG

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 3

The Holocaust Center for Humanity is proud to announce their new exhibit:

LIGHT Dream big. Plan ahead. Washington College Savings Plans can help you start saving towards a brighter future. Learn more at wastate529.wa.gov

Plan your visit at HolocaustCenterSeattle.org

Enroll by May 31

Learn on.

Start saving today

GET and DreamAhead are qualified tuition programs sponsored and distributed by the State of Washington. The Committee on Advanced Tuition Payment and College Savings administers and the Washington Student Achievement Council supports the plans. DreamAhead investment returns are not guaranteed and you could lose money by investing in the plan. If in-state tuition decreases in the future, GET tuition units may lose value.

When dinosaurs roamed her mind

0219_wa_college_savings_br_1-4.indd 1

INFANTS • TODDLERS • PRESCHOOL • PRE-K • SUMMER CAMP

4 • February 2019 • parentmap.com 0219_kiddie_academy_1-2h.indd 1

1/15/19 3:35 PM

Children take in information in great, big, giant strides. That learning doesn’t stop in the classroom. It’s reinforced and amplified with every observation and interaction. At Kiddie Academy®, we recognize it’s never too early to nurture every learning opportunity.

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COMING SOON Kiddie Academy of Bellevue (425) 800-4242 info@KAbellevue.com

To learn more, schedule a tour and enroll visit kiddieacademy.com/greaterseattle

1/15/19 3:12 PM

inside

, cause parenting is a trip!

FEBRUARY 2019

BEYOND

TOLERANCE: Rejecting the Hate We See

Parenting

6 DEAR READER

Moving our community from inertia to greater inclusivity

8 NEWS AROUND TOWN 10 CRIB NOTES

Ultra-convenient ways to finally create that baby book

12 IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH) This Seattle student believes ‘change begins with me’

Out + About

23 S PRING ARTS PREVIEW

Make the arts a part of your family’s itinerary this spring

RACHEL NEVILLE

PAGE 14

31 P lus: 9 Ways to Make Family Movie Night Outta Sight

20 F EBRUARY CALENDAR

Advertising Sections

24–29 C amps + Activities 32–39 S chools + Preschools

35 AGES + STAGES: 10–18 Navigating the landscape of tween and teen dating

38 PARENT DAY JOBS

Meet Ben Wahl, cofounder of a gaming conference for the neurodiverse community

38 WILL AUSTIN

35 parentmap.com • February 2019 • 5

note Challenging K-12 students in an intellectual community through early entrance, and outreach learning programs.

ton Seattle campus: aturday Enrichment l Development

Challenging K-12 students

Do It for Love

in an intellectual community

through early entrance, and outreach learning programs.

COURTESY ALAN BERNER/SEATTLETIMES.COM

efore I had children, I thought I knew what love was. I felt it for dear family and close friends gathered around the table at Shabbat dinner. I felt it when I married my husband Bobby 36 years ago. But when I had each of my three children, I felt a new depth of love like I had never known We offer on the UniversityChallenging of Washington Seattle campus: students before.K-12 And when my first grandson, Levi, was born this past fall, well, I felt it in an intellectual community • Transition School • UW Academy Saturday through early entrance, and strongest yet. • There’s nothing I Enrichment wouldn’t do for that precious boy. outreach learning programs. I know you knowDevelopment what I mean. Every parent does. • Summer Programs • Professional It’s the kind of love that led my grandparents and Bobby’s to flee Russia and We offer on the University of Washington Seattle campus: Poland over 80 years ago seeking safety for their families amid the slaughter • Transition School • UW Academy • Saturday Enrichment We offer on the University of Washington Seattle campus: of over six million Jews during the Holocaust. It’s the kind of love my school• Summer Programs • Professional Development Transition School • UW Academy • Saturday Enrichment teacher parents showed with every sacrifice made to provide for my siblings and For more information, me. And it’s the kind of love that inspires me now to take action against the rise Summer Programs • Professional Development • RC Online visit our website: For more information, of hate in our community and world today. visit our website: www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu Watch or read the news on any given day and it’s not hard to see that hate Challenging K-12 students in an intellectualPhone: community 206-543-4160 206-543-4160 on the rise. When young people think it’s acceptable to vandalize property Email: rcys@uw.edu Phone: is through early entrance and outreach learning programs. symbols of hate, raise the Nazi salute, taunt students of color or harass Email: with rcys@uw.edu indigenous elders, the message is clear: Our children are watching us. What SATURDAY ENRICHMENT Current Grades K-8 we teach them has farSpring Session: April 7 – June 2 (Registration is now open!) reaching consequences The Saturday Enrichment classes provide intellectually ambitious students with for the future of our challenge, inspiration, and fun, in a collaborative, supportive learning environworld and for the safety ment. Classes meet for one or two hours per week on Saturdays at the UW of our communities and Seattle Campus to explore topics not usually covered in the K-8 curriculum. families. SUMMER CHALLENGE Current Grades 5-6 Meanwhile, a July 9 – July 27 (Registration is now open!) startling number of Summer Challenge is an academically advanced summer camp for motivated young people today aren’t children seeking an intensive, hands-on, fun educational experience. The even aware so many Jews program runs for three weeks, five days a week from 9:00am – 2:20pm, on the UW Seattle campus. There is also an After-Class program available for an were murdered during additional charge from 2:20 – 4:30pm. Classes are small, and instructors are the Holocaust, aren’t all specialists in their field. Application criteria can be found on our website. taught the full scope of Anti-Semitic, Holocaust-denying graffiti was slavery and Jim Crow SUMMER STRETCH Current Grades 7-10 spray-painted on the facade of Temple De Hirsch June 25 – July 26 (Registration is now open!) laws, and don’t know Sinai on Capitol Hill in 2017. Summer Stretch offers in-depth, intensive learning experiences as accelerthe devastating legacy ated courses and enrichment courses. Summer Stretch runs 3 days a week of genocides that happened on American soil; despite the fact that there are (9:00am – 2:30pm) for five weeks beginning June 25 on the UW Seattle people alive today who survived these tragedies. We owe it to those who suffered campus.Classes are taught by specialists in their field with a high adult:child through these shameful parts of our history to do better. ratio. There is a substantial homework load; courses are graded and final transcripts are provided. Application criteria can be found on our website. At ParentMap, we uphold a business value to build an inclusive community that informs, engages and inspires Puget Sound parents and families. This year, RC ONLINE Current Grades 9-12 (Registration is now open!) we’re dedicating consistent thoughtful coverage to teaching tolerance. In this RC Online is a new accelerated learning opportunity, bringing advanced issue, our dynamic cover and our feature Beyond Tolerance: Rejecting the Hate college-prep curriculum to an online platform for high school students. RC Online provides an inspiring, expansive educational experience as a We See (p.14) are part of that effort. window into what college-level work will be like; to move students rapidly But beyond any one magazine article or issue, I’m inviting you to join us in from novice to advanced writers, readers and thinkers via specific skills, committing to causes that work practices and tools. These courses provide challenging curriculum without for peace in our community all the logistical, economic and other barriers that come between a student and educational opportunity. Additional information can be found on our website. year long — whether that means crossing oceans or social divides — for love.

www.RobinsonCenter.uw.edu Phone: 206-543-4160 Email: rcys@uw.edu

6 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

ParentMap

February 2019, Vol. 17, No. 2 PUBLISHER/EDITOR Alayne Sulkin

EDITORIAL

INTERIM MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald PUBLISHING ASSISTANT Nicole Persun

Co-Op Preschool Fair!

Sing-alongs, bake sale, information and registration for all sites

March 2, 9:30-11:30 am northseattlecoops.org

OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

Programs for children Birth to 5 years

Dora Heideman

COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons CONTRIBUTORS

Gemma Alexander, Nancy Schatz Alton, Will Austin, Sarah Bradley, Fiona Cohen, Allison Holm, JiaYing Grygiel, Malia Jacobson

DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER

Lindsey Carter

SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGIST + TRENDING EDITOR

Diana Cherry

MARKETING AND OPERATIONS ASSISTANT

Maureen Taasin

ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS

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1/14/19 4:59 PM

MANAGER, ADVERTISING SALES AND PARTNERSHIPS

Discover the History and Culture of the Tulalip Tribes The Hibulb Cultural Center and Natural History Preserve mission is to revive,

Ben Demar, Ida Wicklund

AD OPERATIONS MANAGER Elisa Taylor ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES SPECIALIST

restore, protect, interpret, collect and

Jessica Collet

ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ADMINISTRATION

Angela Goodwin

MARKETING/EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS Brenna McCowen EVENT + MARKETING COORDINATOR

Mallory Dehbod

Connecting parents to build a loving community of families of color

MARKETING + EVENTS ASSISTANT

Taryn Weiner

JOIN our FOCS Parent Groups, monthly events and resource sharing

ART + PRODUCTION

enh enhance the history, traditional cultural values and spiritual beliefs of the Tulalip Tribes.

DESIGN + PRODUCTION

Amy Chinn

ADMINISTRATION FINANCE MANAGER Sonja Hanson BUSINESS ANALYST Carolyn Brendel

PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

2019 Camp Fairs

0418_foc_1-16.indd 1

3/15/18 8:53 PM

Benjamin Danielson, M.D.

ODESSA BROWN CHILDREN’S CLINIC

Joan Duffell COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN John Gottman, Ph.D.

THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

VI S IT US

Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Get a jump on summer planning!

Bea Kelleigh

Free regional events for Puget Sound families.

VICE PRESIDENT AT DOVETAILING, LLC

Yaffa Maritz, M.A.

LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTS

Ron Rabin THE KIRLIN FOUNDATION Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.

ParentMap.com/campfair

MON TUE–FRI (PSWIH ȦȉAMƳȍPM

SAT–SUN ȦȶPMƳȍPM

HibulbCulturalCenter.org

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE ADVERTISING INFORMATION

206-709-9026 or advertising@parentmap.com Fax 206-709-9031 CALENDAR SUBMISSIONS

calendar@parentmap.com EDITORIAL SUBMISSIONS

editor@parentmap.com DISTRIBUTION distribution@parentmap.com SUBSCRIPTIONS subscriptions@parentmap.com

ParentMap is published monthly PMB #190, 7683 SE 27th St. Mercer Island, WA 98040 ADMINISTRATION 206-709-9026, parentmap.com SUBSCRIPTION RATES 1 year: $24; 2 years: $40

ȴȰȉ ȮȦȰ ȶȰȉȉ Located less than a mile west of Fěă )ƻĜƋ ŏŀŀ ȰȏȦȉ ȶȴVH &ZI 3* 8YPEPMT ;& ȟȁȶȮȦ ȴȰȉ ȮȦȰ ȶȰȉȉ parentmap.com • February 2019 • 7

news

News Around Town

Making mindfulness stick for teens The Center for Child and Family Well-Being is presenting a free, registration-required public lecture by internationally recognized psychologist, author and educational consultant Dr. Christopher Willard, who will highlight strategies for parents and teachers to help kids manage the stresses of the modern world and develop resilience with mindfulness practices. Feb. 22, 7–8:30 p.m. at University of Washington, Kane Hall. depts.washington.edu/ccfwb/events

Giving Together 2019

Please join us each month as we promote, support and learn about an extraordinary local organization. We will highlight the good works of organizations that strive to improve the lives of families and invite

Committee for Children turns 40

Celebrating big in the Year of the Pig

ParentMap congratulates the Committee for

Lion dances, firecrackers and food — oh, my!

Children for its four decades of incredible

Ring in the Year of the Pig by consulting our

work in alignment with its mission to support

2019 insider’s guide to all of the fantastic Lunar

safe children thriving in a peaceful world. The

New Year festivities happening around the

organization today reaches more than 14

Sound this month (parentmap.com/lunar).

million children annually around the world

Find the festival that’s right for your family and

with its research-based social-emotional

have a happy new year! Expecting a bundle of

learning and child safety programs, and the

joy in 2019? Read up on what to expect as a

team has set an audacious anniversary goal to

parent of a child born in the sign of the kindly,

positively transform the well-being of 100 million

cheery, big-hearted Pig (parentmap.com/

children annually by 2028. cfchildren.org

zodiac).

THE ORGANIZATION Holocaust Center for Humanity

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Established in 1989, the center supports Pacific Northwest teachers in public and private schools to introduce Holocaust studies into their curricula.

THE GOAL To inspire students of all ages to confront bigotry and indifference, promote human dignity, and take action.

you to join us in giving

SUPPORT

precious time or money.

Learn more at holocaustcenterseattle.org

8 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

Scholarships available

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•

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parentmap.com • February 2019 • 9

all about baby Find Your Village Being a new parent can be really isolating, but baby, we’ve got your back. ALLI ARNOLD

Notes

parentmap.com/enews

From Recent Research to Gaga Gear

Marking Memories 6 easy ideas for creating a baby book By Allison Holm

ost new mamas dream big, and ranking high among the wistful visions (the oh-so-adorable nursery!), great expectations (blissful, uninterrupted sleep!) and

good intentions (homemade baby food!) of new mothers is the creation of a gorgeous DIY baby book, brimming with photos and lovingly documented details of every

Qeepsake • qeepsake.co Created by the parents of five kids, Qeepsake solves the near impossible task of remembering to record milestones and sort photos with a text-message-based parenting journal. Text prompts nudge parents to jot down memories and developments as quickly as they can text “Buy bread on the way home.”

milestone moment, from first smile

Edit, import and sort posts from

to first tooth to first haircut and

social media and order beautiful

beyond.

soft or hardcover books.

Tinybeans • tinybeans.com

But when the reality of the early days of parenting inevitably — and unremittingly

Another much loved online

— swoops in, bearing baby

journal app, Tinybeans makes

along with all-night feedings,

it simple to upload photos

messy blowouts and total

and videos, jot down notes and

exhaustion, you may find yourself

record memories. DIY-ers who

wading through a week’s worth of laundry in search of that still pristine baby book, along with the coffee cup you were sure you just set down. Thankfully, there are some simple and convenient options for busy parents to create lasting mementos of these sweet and all too fleeting times. From apps and photo books to a couple of basic go-to tools, we’ve rounded up some ideas for capturing and recording those “here today, gone forever” moments. 10 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

love the look of a scrapbook will appreciate editing features such as stickers, frames, filters and other effects to customize their cuties. Share if you’re social, or privately connect with family and friends via the app. Want a tangible baby book? Tinybeans has an online print shop, which you can access to create photo books to share (or keep for yourself).

Lifecake • lifecake.com Parents who want to focus on sharing photos privately with friends and

private place for families,” Lifecake places all photos and stories in

BIG B M I L C Seattle

chronological order, creating a virtual and shareable visual timeline

JOIN THE STAIR CLIMB THAT HELPS END CANCER.

2019 family can rest assured of that privacy with Lifecake. Touted as “the

of your baby’s life. Simply scroll back to any age to relive the precious moments. The service offers 10 GB of free storage and the option to create stunning high-definition photo books. (Big plus: Lifecake is owned by Canon, so you know you’re going to get high-quality pics and printing.)

Moment Garden • momentgarden.com Another private photo-sharing app, Moment Garden allows you to take, upload, edit and share moments as they occur using a timeline

Climb up to take cancer down! Supporting the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society not only helps ﬁnd cures for blood cancers, but also enables pioneering new treatments for other cancers. Join the ﬁght by signing up to climb and help LLS raise money for research and patients!

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and be a part of one of the top 5 events in Seattle!

interface (which looks, fittingly, like an adorable garden). Parents also have the ability to harvest their garden into a beautifully printed Moment Book.

Good old email If you’re okay with sharing photos on social media and would rather

MORE INFORMATION AT BIGCLIMB.ORG

not download another app, step back into the early 2000s and call it good with email. Create an email account in your baby’s name and whenever you’re at your computer, send him or her a quick message. Maybe a note about how sweet they looked in their new romper (before the puréed prunes incident), or jot down a recap of their first playdate. When the craziness of those first years has mellowed, take some time to read through those remembered moments. You’ll be glad to have them all in one place, and who knows, maybe by then you’ll have the time to finally craft that perfect scrapbook.

Jot-down jar or blurb box This is as no-frills as it gets: Grab a large Mason jar or empty shoebox, decorate it as you see fit (or not!) and find a home for it someplace where you’ll make eye contact with it daily. Every time you see it, take a minute to jot down something that happened that day on a piece of scrap paper. Fold it up and plop it into the jar or box. Giving ourselves permission to be imperfect is just the thing some of us need to start the process. Your scribbled notes may not be worthy of Pinterest, but by the end of the year, you’ll be ahead of where you would have been had you waited for the “perfect time” to start that baby book.

NATURAL & ORGANIC MATTRESSES, BEDDING, RUGS, AND FURNITURE FOR YOUR FAMILY.

Find more unique ideas for capturing baby’s sweet memories at parentmap.com/babybook. Allison Holm is a freelance writer who loves to get out and explore her city, especially through the eyes of her kids.

300 NE 45th St, Seattle, WA 98105 bedroomsandmore.com | (206) 633-4494

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 11

it starts with you(th)

Meet Mario Falit-Baiamonte

This Seattle student believes ‘change begins with me’ By Patty Lindley

athan Hale High School sophomore Mario Falit-Baiamonte is half Jewish, but growing up, he didn’t know much about the Holocaust; it wasn’t really discussed all that often in his family, he says. But that changed in the seventh grade when he took a Holocaust studies class at Licton Springs K–8 School in North Seattle. As part of the class, his history teacher took the students on a field trip to tour the Holocaust Center for Humanity. “I am having trouble remembering what exactly I knew about the Holocaust before then and what I didn’t, but if I knew anything, it wasn’t much, and I was really interested by the whole thing,” he says. A couple of weeks after the tour, Falit-Baiamonte learned that the center was starting a student leadership board, and his teacher encouraged him to apply. He was selected to join the inaugural board and remains an active member. Ilana Cone Kennedy, director of education at the Holocaust Center for Humanity, recalls, “Mario was full of passion and eager to ask questions and learn more. He is now in his fourth year on our board, and it has been incredible to see him channel this same passion into social justice issues both in and out of school.” Falit-Baiamonte’s middle school experience of studying the historical lessons of the Holocaust and tracing its intergenerational impact and relevance to what is going on in the world today is perhaps a rarer exposure to the subject matter than many parents might imagine. Young Americans are disturbingly ignorant about the Holocaust because a majority of schools aren’t teaching them about it. “At my school, there’s no Holocaust education even included in the history department. The only thing is in the language arts department in ninth-grade year, when you read the book ‘Night’ by Elie Wiesel. … I guess I do think that I had a Sponsored by:

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Explore interactive exhibits and find ways you can take action at the Gates Foundation Discovery Center, discovergates.org

bit of a unique experience getting that course, and that’s what got me involved [at the Holocaust Center for Humanity],” says Falit-Baiamonte. Through its education programs and community events, the Holocaust Center for Humanity is dedicated to its mission to ensure that as many classrooms as possible across the state can receive high-quality Holocaust education. In his capacity as a member of its student leadership board, Falit-Baiamonte is one of about 20 members who operate as youth ambassadors and advisers for the center, helping to plan and support its projects, events and initiatives. The 16-year-old is enthusiastic about getting to play a part in bringing awareness about the realities of the Holocaust to his school and the wider community. He fervently believes that Holocaust education has a potent and essential application in teaching today’s students about the degree to which unchecked bigotry, intolerance and indifference in our schools and communities could potentially escalate. “Obviously, it’s the Holocaust Center, but we also spend a lot of time talking about other genocides and horrible atrocities that go on nowadays,” he says. Falit-Baiamonte traces his interest in social justice issues and politics back to age 6 when he watched the inauguration of President Barack Obama, and he has been actively involved in student government since middle school. Last year, he played a key role in organizing his Nathan Hale classmates to join the nationwide student walkout protesting gun violence in the wake of the Parkland, Florida, school shooting. He had the distinction of introducing Mayor Jenny Durkan at the culminating rally that converged on the University of Washington’s Red Square that day. Falit-Baiamonte’s avid dedication to school politics prompts me to ask him an annoying-adult question: Do you see a career in politics in your future? He charms me with his answer. “Definitely. I think it’s the best way for me to make a difference, and … I think it is important to get your message out early, even if you can’t win at the beginning.” What does he mean by this? Well, he started a crowdfunding page last year to raise money for his potential campaign in the 2021 Seattle mayoral race — not necessarily with the intention of winning, he says, but “with the intention of getting a good message out and trying to bring some change.” n Patty Lindley is interim managing editor at ParentMap.

Improving Lives Around the World

ON VIEW NOW Always Free | #DesignWithThe90 Explore Human-Centered Design For All Ages Near Seattle Center at 5th Ave N & Republican

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Image: Floating Community Lifeboats, Abir Abdullah © Shidhulai Swanirvar Sangstha

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 13

feature

BEYOND

14 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

tol•er•ance / 'täl(ǝ)rǝns/

noun noun: tolerance; plural noun: tolerances

1. the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with. Building cultures of peace, understanding and inclusion By Malia Jacobson

hen some West Seattle residents woke to discover anti-Semitic graffiti spraypainted across the side of their garage last November, many neighbors were shaken and sad. But they weren’t particularly shocked. According to a recent FBI report, Washington’s rate of hate crimes is nearly twice the national average, increasing 32 percent from 2016 to 2017. Over the same time period, Seattle’s reported hate crimes doubled, from 118 to 234. Nationwide, the Evergreen State ranks third for the number of per-capita hate crimes — from threats and acts of violence to rapes and homicides — behind

Washington, D.C., and Kentucky. And it means that scrawled ethnic slurs and other displays of hate are increasingly common in a corner of the country that many associate with pristine natural scenery, an undaunted spirit that prioritizes perpetual innovation and progressive human potential, and a casual, liveand-let-live culture of tolerance. For local parents, educators and youth advocates, scrambling to soothe fear, affirm safety and advocate for change in the wake of each hate-driven incident is daunting. So is working to shift a local culture that’s hardly isolated — what’s boiling over in Seattle is

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 15

feature Calm Parenting: Ending Power Struggles

BEYOND TOLERANCE continued from page 15

simmering nearly everywhere else across the United States, thanks to longstanding tensions around race, gender and religion. Anti-Semitic vandalism is a troubling symbol of a broader intolerance that extends beyond religion, says Ilana Cone Kennedy, director of education for Seattle’s Holocaust Center for Humanity. “Anti-Semitism doesn’t exist in a bubble — it’s a red flag for a climate of intolerance and racism,” she notes. “I’ve worked [at the center] since 2003, and I don’t remember ever getting the number of calls about these types of acts that we’re getting now.”

Apathy and injustice in Seattle

A ParentMap lecture plus Q&A with

Dr. Laura Kastner

Author of "Ge�ng to Calm: The Toddler Years" March 7 at 7 p.m. The Jewish Day School, Bellevue Learn real life tricks to manage: • Clinginess • Tantrums • Lying • Whining • Sleepless nights • Deﬁance

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16 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

Rising intolerance in the laid-back, progressive Northwest isn’t as puzzling as it might seem when viewed through the lens of the region’s history of racial injustice, says Tacoma-based youth coach and advocate Lisa J. Keating, founder and CEO of antibullying and LGBTQ advocacy organization My Purple Umbrella. “In the Pacific Northwest, we may be tolerant, but we’re not accepting. We want to appear inclusive, but we haven’t really healed from our history of oppressing indigenous people. We haven’t done restorative justice. It’s all intertwined. And the assumption is, if it doesn’t affect me, it’s not a problem,” says Keating. The resulting apathy feeds bystander culture: the perception that we can skirt personal responsibility for wrongs committed by and against others so long as we don’t actively take part in perpetrating them. This creates a breeding ground for hateful acts in seemingly peaceful neighborhoods populated by people who are quick to denounce hate but slow to examine their own prejudices. “We’re passive-aggressive about our cultural biases, and still not really working to address them,” says Keating. The Pacific Northwest is still one of the whitest regions in the United States, with local neo-Nazi groups working to attract white supremacists to Washington, Oregon and Idaho. “The Northwest has always been a home for white supremacist groups, which feeds into our culture,” says Kennedy. “But Seattle likes to see itself as extremely liberal, so we’ve fooled ourselves into thinking we don’t have these kinds of issues, and we’re caught off guard when we do.”

Talking about tolerance Addressing problems created by systemic racial oppression, emboldened hate groups and apathetic bystanders starts with rethinking the term “tolerance.” The term implies passivity instead of inclusion, acceptance or understanding, says Keating. “I think ‘tolerance’ is too narrow in its scope. We’re evolved beyond that language. Beyond tolerance is acceptance and inclusion.” “While ‘tolerance’ is passive, terms like ‘ally’ and ‘upstander’ are about standing up to the aggressor and standing with victims,” says Kennedy. Building cultures that affirm and include marginalized groups means fostering understanding of the barriers faced by others, says Jeremiah J. Allen, strategic adviser for Transform Washington at Seattle’s Pride Foundation. Celebrating differences is important, but the real work begins as celebrations end and brightly colored decorations are put away. “It’s great to celebrate, but understanding is what makes people feel accepted,” says Allen. “We need to build understanding at the intersections of race and gender and how these intersecting identities add up to and affect someone’s ability to access services or support.”

Rays of hope An area in which Seattle’s progressive reputation may ring true is in its policy making. “While we’re not necessarily different from any other area in terms of safety or inclusion of marginalized groups, we do have nondiscrimination protections for LGBTQ people and students,” says Keating. More such laws are on the horizon. Last year, Keating testified on behalf of legislation preventing harassment, intimidation and bullying of transgender students. Sponsored by Sen. Marko Liias, SB 5766 passed in the Senate in 2018. Importantly, the bill states a requirement for “training of school district employees on policies and procedures related to nondiscrimination; transgender students; and antiharassment, intimidation and bullying.” Building capacity within each school is critical, because educators have their own biases to address and unlearn, says Keating.

“The Northwest has always been a home

for white supremacist groups, which feeds into our culture . . . But Seattle likes to see itself as extremely liberal, so we’ve fooled oursleves into thinking we don’t have these

”

kinds of issues . . .

Another recent win: Washington’s new law restricting the practice of conversion therapy on patients under age 18. [The bill report defines conversion therapy as any therapeutic regimen “that seeks to change an individual’s sexual orientation or gender identity, including efforts to change behaviors or gender expressions, or to eliminate or reduce sexual or romantic attractions or feelings toward individuals of the same sex.”] “It’s something that took years, but it sends a message of hope to a lot of people,” says Keating. Seattle citizens are affecting federal change, too. Prompted by recent threats against religious sites, including synagogues, Mercer Island resident Joseph Schocken and U.S. Rep. Derek Kilmer introduced bill S.994, establishing a criminal penalty for hate crimes that damage spaces or structures owned or leased by religious organizations. The bill passed in the U.S. House of Representatives and in the U.S. Senate in 2018. There’s more hope on the horizon, too. “The Holocaust Center for Humanity is working with state legislators across party lines to ensure that the lessons of the Holocaust are standardized across all districts in Washington state,” says Holocaust Center for Humanity Executive Director Dee Simon. “As we speak, we’re working with legislators to develop a bill to bring Holocaust education to our schools.” While laws aren’t an immediate fix for intolerance, they’re an important step, says Keating. “A law sets the bar of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. It creates a standard to uphold.”

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BEYOND TOLERANCE continued from page 17

because they confront issues related to intolerance and hate every day — and more and more often these days — in their classrooms. One of the central missions of the Holocaust Center for Humanity is to provide antibias education and resources for teachers to use in their everyday work, says Kennedy. “One of the things that has really struck me is how many new teachers really want these resources in their classrooms. They see issues with intolerance, anti-Semitism and bias coming from their students. They’re looking for lessons about the Holocaust that they can use in an effective way.” Teachers looking for this type of training can find it through the center’s in-person workshops for educators. In live sessions, as many as 30 teachers at a time learn about topics such as the American resistance to the Holocaust, “Holocaust 101” and how to address these pervasive issues in their classrooms. During one weeklong summer workshop, which is now entering its fourth year, visiting scholars give presentations on topics such as the U.S. incarceration of JapaneseAmericans during WWII and provide in-depth training on complex issues facing today’s teachers. Through these types of in-person trainings and resources (such as the popular Teaching Trunks free lending library of curated, age-specific Holocaust education materials), the center reaches 6,000 teachers each year, Kennedy says. Teachers are interested in this type of training because it works, echoes Simon.

“ . . . acceptance of neo-Nazi beliefs is nearly

seven times higher among people without awareness of the Holocaust than among those with even a passing knowledge of Holocaust history.

”

“A number of studies show the importance of Holocaust education and its ability to increase empathy and self-awareness, as well as reduce bias and promote global citizenship,” she says. One study shows that acceptance of neo-Nazi beliefs is nearly seven times higher among people without awareness of the Holocaust than among those with even a passing knowledge of Holocaust history.

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than we think, Kennedy notes. “Often, parents come with more baggage and information than kids want or need, when what kids are really looking for are answers to their questions, such as ‘What’s happening?’ and ‘Do I need to be afraid?’ When we listen to their questions, we can guide our children without letting our own fears rub off on them.” Where can parents start? Children’s books like “A Princess of Great Daring!” by Seattle author and activist Tobi Hill-Meyer, other titles published by Flamingo Rampant and titles by multicultural author Maya Gonzalez are disarming, accessible tools for introducing these topics to kids, says Keating. “With my own daughter Stella, these books let us look at these themes in age-appropriate ways. I just find children’s books to be amazing social justice tools.” Independent bookstores such as Seattle’s Elliott Bay Book Company and Tacoma’s King’s Books give kids and families access to nearly endless conversational tools to help build understanding, inspire inclusion and encourage acceptance. King’s Books is home to My Purple Umbrella’s Queerest Book Club Ever, the region’s only book club for queer youth. And what if parents have graver or more immediate cause for concern? Families with questions about their student’s civil rights can contact the Office

of Superintendent of Public Instruction’s (OSPI) Office of Equity and Civil Rights. “The OSPI has clearly stated guidelines and best practices, which lay out protections for students,” says Keating. “As a parent, if you have to go and have that scary conversation with your school principal and you find that you’re also having to do the educating, that’s overwhelming.” Building cultures of understanding and acceptance doesn’t mean starting from scratch or working alone, says Allen. “We recommend collaborating with a community already doing this type of work. It’s okay to be afraid, and also okay to not know. We’re really interested in providing tools and opportunities for folks to learn.” What’s encouraging is that grassroots efforts of just one teacher, one student or one family can make a meaningful difference, says Kennedy. “We’re finding that this type of education is working. We’re hearing from teachers and students that the climate in their classroom is changing, that the student culture is changing, that there’s a positive impact. For us, that’s the best evidence that [what we’re doing is] making a difference.” n Malia Jacobson is an award-winning journalist and mom of three.

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february

SUNDAY

PICKS

MONDAY ParentMap Northshore Camp, Preschool and Family Resource Fair, Feb. 17

SANDRINE RONGERE/PIXABAY

ParentMap South Sound Preschool Preview, Feb. 9

Octopus Week at Seattle Aquarium, Feb. 16–24

READING WITH ROVER

Museum Fun Day: Love Notes, Feb. 12

Reading With Rover, Feb. 24

ParentMap Camp Fairs, Feb. 2 and 23

20 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

TUESDAY

World Whale Day, Feb. 16

Toddler Time at the Aquarium. Last month this season for fishy fun for tykes. Sunday–Tuesday, Feb. 3–5 and 10–12; 9:30 a.m.–noon. Included with admission. Ages 0–5 with caregiver. Seattle Aquarium, Seattle. seattleaquarium.org Gordon and Paddy. Part of the Children’s Film Festival Seattle, this Swedish animated film tells the story of a unique friendship between a toad and a mouse. 11 a.m. $9– $12. Ages 5 and up. Northwest Film Forum, Seattle. childrensfilmfestivalseattle.org

Norpoint 25th Anniversary Celebration. Celebrate this quarter-century anniversary with free fitness fun, giveaways and more! 11 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE. Center at Norpoint, Tacoma. metroparkstacoma.org/norpoint Light Princess. A new, uplifting musical about a princess who is afflicted with a constant weightlessness, both physical and emotional. Jan. 25–Feb. 10. Ages 5 and up. $15–$25. The Slate Theater, Seattle. dachatheatre.com

Volunteer Park Conservatory. A generous donor made it possible for inquisitive minds to visit the beauty and peace of the conservatory for FREE through Feb. 28. Seattle. volunteerparkconservatory.org Crown Jewel Wilderness Presentation. Author Lauren Danner presents on the history of the breathtaking North Cascades National Park. 6–8 p.m. FREE; preregister. Ages 12 and up. The Royal Room, Seattle. sewardpark.audubon.org

Love at the Zoo. Feel the love in the air and watch the animals enjoy their Valentine’s-themed enrichments. Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 9–10, 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Included with admission. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org Once on This Island. Bring the whole fam to enjoy this Tony-Award-winning musical. Feb. 1–16. $12–$18. Snohomish PUD Theater, Everett. ludusperformingarts.org

Magic Monday. Local magicians perform in the cozy quarters of the bookstore the second Monday of every month, 7–8 p.m. FREE. Third Place Books – Ravenna, Seattle. thirdplacebooks.com Community Center Toddler Gym. Seattle’s neighborhood community centers offer free indoor play for tots and caregivers. Monday–Saturday, various times. FREE. Ages 5 and under with caregiver. Seattle. seattle.gov/parks

ParentMap’s Northshore Camp, Preschool and Family Resource Fair. Explore early learning and summer camp options in your community. 10:30 a.m.–1:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. McMenamins Anderson School, Bothell. parentmap.com/preschoolpreview Sparkle Fairy’s School for Formerly Vile Villains. Storybook villains graduate to redemption? Saturday–Sunday, Feb. 16–March 9. $12. Ages 5–12 with families. SecondStory Repertory, Redmond. secondstoryrep.org

Kids ‘n’ Critters. Bring your crew to visit awesome Northwest Trek; up to four children (ages 12 and under) admitted free per paying adult. Saturday–Monday, Feb. 16–18, 9:30 a.m.–3 p.m. Eatonville. nwtrek.org Octopus Week. Admire amazing octopi and learn loads about them with special activities and talks all week. Feb. 16–24. Included with admission. Seattle Aquarium. seattleaquarium.org

Indoor Playground. Tots play with push buggies, climbers, trikes and more. Tuesdays, Thursdays, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. $3. Ages 9 months–5 years with caregiver. North Kirkland Community Center. kirklandwa.gov Animal Viewing at Kelsey Creek Farm. Stop by Bellevue’s city-owned farm park to see pigs, ponies, sheep, chickens, rabbits and goats, play at the playground or wander the trails. Daily 9:30 a.m.–3:30 p.m. FREE. Bellevue. farmerjayne.com

Tacoma Resident Free Day. City of Tacoma dwellers enjoy free admission to the zoo and aquarium. FREE with proper I.D. Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium, Tacoma. pdza.org Reading with Rover. Young readers gain confidence reading aloud to trained therapy dogs. 11 a.m.–noon. FREE. Ages 5–10 with adult. Third Place Books – Seward Park, Seattle. readingwithrover.org

Preschool Discovery Lab. Bring your toddlers to practice preschool readiness skills at their own pace with STREAM activities. Mondays, 2–3 p.m. FREE. Ages 2–5 with adults. Skyway Library, Seattle. kcls.org Pajamarama! Evening Story Time. Cozy up in your jammies and bring those stuffies to enjoy stories, songs and rhymes before bed. Mondays, 6:45–7:30 p.m. Ages 3–6 with families. FREE. Shoreline Library. kcls.org

Museum Fun Day: Love Notes. Use a plethora of supplies to create cards and crafts for loved ones. Pay-as-you-will admission. Ages 1–6 with families. Children’s Museum of Tacoma. playtacoma.org Classical Tuesdays in Old Town. Last Tuesday of the season to hear a free concert; tonight it’s an enchanting string quartet. 7 p.m. FREE. Slavonian Hall, Tacoma. classicaltuesdays.blogspot.com

Hoppy Hour. Bounce time for energetic kids to get the rainy-day (or any-day) wiggles out. Monday–Friday, 10 a.m.–12:30 p.m. $7–$12. Ages 1–8. Elevated Sportz Trampoline Park, Bothell. elevatedsportz.com Pokémon League Night. Learn and practice your battle and playing skills; all skill levels welcome. Tuesdays, 5–7 p.m. FREE. Top Ten Toys, Seattle. toptentoys.com

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

Lunar New Year Fair at the Wing, Feb. 2

Loads more family fun activities at parentmap.com/ calendar

SATURDAY

Lewis Creek Story Time. Learn about the important role of the kapok tree and make a craft. 11 a.m. or 1:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. Ages 3–7 with adult. Lewis Creek Park Visitor Center, Bellevue. parksreg. bellevuewa.gov Frozen Fountain Ice Rink. Enjoy the last few days of winter skating at Point Ruston. Daily through Feb. 2. $12.50–$14. Point Ruston, Tacoma. pointruston.com

St. Thomas School CampFair. Meet dozens of local camp providers, from soccer to equestrian to overnight adventure and more. 10 a.m.–2 p.m. FREE; preregister. St. Thomas School, Medina. parentmap.com/campfair Lunar New Year Fair. Celebrate the Year of the Pig with a thrilling lion dance (10 a.m.) and more family fun. 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Outdoor performance FREE; other activities included with museum admission. Wing Luke Museum, Seattle. wingluke.org

Let’s Play: Hansel & Gretel. Short, sweet live theater shows designed for the preschool crowd. Feb. 6–10, 10 a.m. $5. Ages 0–5 with caregiver. Olympia Family Theater, Olympia. olyft.org Play With Paint. Let the kids get messy with paint, away from home. First and third Wednesdays, 2–3 p.m. Included with admission. Ages 0–12 with adult. KidsQuest Children’s Museum, Bellevue. kidsquestmuseum.org

Late Play Date. Hurry and finish homework, then head to the museum for winter crafts and fun. First Thursdays, 6–8 p.m. FREE. Ages 3–12 with families. White River Valley Museum, Auburn. wrvmuseum.org CulturalFest International Expo. Travel the globe in a day as international students from the University of Washington showcase their cultures. 10:30 a.m.–3 p.m. FREE. All ages. Husky Union Building, Seattle. fiuts.org

Won’t You Be My Valentine. Music, games, crafts, treats and a live theater show for the preschool set. 10 a.m.–noon. FREE. Ages 5 and under with caregiver. Bitter Lake Community Center, Seattle. seattle.gov Conservatory Story Hour. Sit among the lovely flowers for stories and a hands-on project. 11 a.m.–noon. Suggested donation $3. Ages 3–8 with caregiver. W.W. Seymour Botanical Conservatory, Tacoma. seymourconservatory.org

Ballard Playspace. Neighborhood church opens its doors for families with tots to play indoors. Tuesday–Thursday, 10:30 a.m.–1:30 p.m. FREE. Ages 0–8 with adult. Ballard Church, Seattle. ballardchurch.com Flora & Ulysses. It’s the last weekend to catch this heartwarming show about a squirrel who has a profound impact on the family who finds it. Feb. 1–17. $15–$20. Ages 6 and up. Olympia Family Theater. olyft.org

Oly Old-Time Festival. Enjoy foot-stompin’ fiddle music and dancing, plus participate in free workshops. Thursday–Sunday, Feb. 14–17. Many events free; some with fee; ages 12 and under free. Olympia. olyoldtime.weebly.com Great Backyard Bird Count. Participate in important citizen science! Tally the birds you see in at least one 15-minute time span from anywhere in the world. Friday–Monday, Feb. 15–18. FREE; register online. gbbc.birdcount.org

World Whale Day. Walk inside and explore the inner and outer anatomy of the life-size blow-up whale, Big Mama, while learning about the importance of humpback whales in Washington waters. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. FREE. WET Science Center, Olympia. wetsciencecenter.org Story Time and Crafts. Listen to “When Rain Falls” and get crafty. Saturdays through March 30, 1:30–3:30 p.m. FREE; preregister. Cedar River Watershed Education Center, North Bend. seattle.gov/util/crwec

Guided Night Walk. Learn all the nocturnal animals that call this wetland home on a ranger-led hike. 7–9 p.m. $15. Ages 6 and up with families. Mercer Slough Environmental Education Center, Bellevue. pacificsciencecenter.org Theater for Young Children. Two classic folk tales from Native Northwest Peoples brought to life. 10:30 a.m. FREE. Ages 2.5–10 with adult. Green Lake Community Center, Seattle. seattle.gov/parks

South Sound Preschool Preview. Discover and engage with dozens of area preschools at ParentMap’s Preschool Preview event. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. FREE; RSVP. Charles Wright Academy, Tacoma. parentmap.com/preschoolpreview Seize the Day. A collection of animated short films from around the world, part of the Children’s Film Festival Seattle. 11 a.m. (also Feb. 2). $9–$12. Ages 2 and up. Northwest Film Forum, Seattle. childrensfilmfestivalseattle.org

Northwest Flower and Garden Show. Peruse the colorful displays and garden-related wares while the kids do a treasure hunt. Wednesday–Sunday, Feb. 20–24. $10–$24; ages 12 and under free. Washington State Convention Center, Seattle. gardenshow.com Movin’ Around the World: Winter. Northwest Folklife presents performances and all-comers lessons on dances and customs from around the world. Saturday–Friday, Feb. 16–22, 11 a.m.–2:30 p.m. FREE. Seattle Center. nwfolklife.org

Sounds and Smells of the Forest. Explore sensory learning stations and a trail walk. Feb. 21 or 23, 9:30–11:30 a.m. $19 per adult/child pair; preregister. Ages 2–5 with caregiver. Washington Park Arboretum, Seattle. botanicgardens.uw.edu Lil’ Diggers Playtime. This giant indoor sandbox is perfect for rainy-day play. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 9:30–11 a.m. or 11:30 a.m.–1 p.m. $8. Ages 5 and under with adult. Sandbox Sports, Seattle. sandboxsports.net

An Evergreen Evening. Bundle up and bring a flashlight for this ranger-led evening hike. 7–8 p.m. FREE; preregister. Lake Hills Greenbelt Ranger Station, Bellevue. parks.bellevuewa.gov Family Adventures in Candle Making. Experiment with melting materials to create unique candles for your home. 6–7:30 p.m. $20/child; adults free (preregistration required for all). Ages 5 and up with families. KidsQuest Children’s Museum, Bellevue. kidsquestmuseum.org

ParentMap Seattle Camp Fair. Browse a huge array of summer camp options and ask questions of camp providers. 10 a.m.–1 p.m. FREE; RSVP requested. Magnuson Park Hangar 30, Seattle. parentmap.com/campfair Peter and the Wolf. Seattle Symphony presents its children’s concert featuring Prokofiev’s beloved instruments-as-characters; instrument petting zoo before the show. 11 a.m. show (doors at 10 a.m.). $15–$20. Ages 6–12 with families. Benaroya Hall, Seattle. seattlesymphony.org

Dr. Seuss Day. “Today you are you, that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is you-er than you!” Celebrate with like-minded friends. 1:30–3 p.m. FREE. Hiawatha Community Center, Seattle. Young Readers Society. Kids-only book club with pizza, no parents allowed! Check online for book selection. Last Wednesday of the month, 6–7 p.m. FREE. Ages 8–12. Secret Garden Books, Seattle. secretgardenbooks.com

Bold As Love: Jimi Hendrix at Home. Explore personal elements of a music legend’s Seattle upbringing. Wednesday–Sunday, 11 a.m.–5 p.m. Included with admission. Northwest African American Museum, Seattle. naamnw.org Play.Perx. Bring your tot to this sensory play experience and watch as they explore all their senses with a variety of materials. 9:30–10:15 a.m. $15. Ages 1–3 with caregiver. Jewish Day School, Bellevue. jds.org

ERINN HALE

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Kids ‘n’ Critters at Northwest Trek, Feb. 16–18

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 21

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1/9/19 2:04 PM

out + about RACHEL NEVILLE

SPRING ARTS PREVIEW

Dance Theatre of Harlem dancers Stephanie Rae Williams and Da’ Von Doane

Make the arts a part of your family’s itinerary this spring By Gemma Alexander

F EBR U ARY ‘Flora & Ulysses’ Based on the book about a 10-year-old girl who rescues a squirrel from a vacuum cleaner, “Flora & Ulysses” is a perfect example of the whimsical plotlines grounded by powerful emotional themes for which author Kate DiCamillo is known. Feb.

1–17. $15–$20. Ages 6+. Olympia Family Theater, Olympia.

‘The Sleeping Beauty’ SPLURGE: Pacific Northwest Ballet has a particularly family-friendly season this year, but few ballets are as perfectly designed to spark children’s imaginations as this classic tale. This full-length ballet dazzles with opulent sets, lavish costumes and fairies who really fly, plus the celebrated PNB Flora & Ulysses Orchestra performing Tchaikovsky’s familiar score. Feb. 1–10. $37–$189. Ages 4+. McCaw Hall, Seattle.

‘Sparkle Fairy’s School for Formerly Vile Villains’ STEAL: What happens to fairy-tale villains after everyone else gets their “happily ever after”? They go to reform school, of course. This year at Sparkle Fairy’s School parentmap.com • February 2019 • 23

COURTESY OLYMPIA FAMILY THEATER

ecades of research confirm the academic and social developmental benefits to kids from exposure to the arts. But despite our best intentions, it’s not always easy to schedule that museum visit or theater outing. If summer days outside gave way to back-to-school hubbub —and then to the holiday season rush — with nary a single art attack, take heart: Inspiring performances and exhibits are perfect for chasing away the post-holiday doldrums on the cloudy days of spring. ParentMap’s annual preview of spring arts helps families know where to go and when. From theater performances to upcoming concerts, our 2019 arts preview helps kids around the Sound enjoy learning about art and culture. Note: Shows with regular adult ticket prices of $15 or less are marked STEAL.

out + about SPRING ARTS GUIDE continued from page 23 for Formerly Vile Villains, we’ll find out if Captain Hook, Cinderella’s stepsisters, the Big Bad Wolf and Snow White’s queen are ready to mend their evil ways and graduate to pursue their own “happily ever afters.” Feb. 16–March 9. $12. Ages 5+ (all ages on Sundays). SecondStory Repertory, Redmond.

librarians are still heroes. March 9–16. $24–$39. Ages 9+. Kirkland Performance Center, Kirkland. South Sound families can see the Auburn Community Players perform “The Music Man” March 1–10 at Auburn Avenue Theater, $17–$22.

‘Chop Shop: Bodies of Work’

‘Balloonacy’

This year, this contemporary dance festival takes a bow for its 12th year, presenting extraordinary dance from all over the United States and a series of free all-ages and allabilities dance classes and lectures/demonstrations. Feb. 16–17. $28 general admission (discounts available for military, TeenTix passholders, students and seniors — check website). All ages. Meydenbauer Center Theatre, Bellevue.

Only 40 minutes long and completely free of dialogue, this situational comedy celebrates the joy of play when Red Balloon interrupts The Old Man’s solitary birthday. Through spectacular physical comedy in the tradition of Charlie Chaplin, the two enjoy surprising adventures. March 14–July 7. $20–$40. Ages 3+. Seattle Children’s Theatre, Seattle.

‘Jeffrey Gibson: Like a Hammer’

‘You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown’

Blending traditional elements of Native American art with contemporary art and pop culture references, this collection of paintings, beaded punching bags, sculpture, wall hangings and multimedia installations by artist Jeffrey Gibson is sure to capture kids’ imaginations. If your kids think art museums are like those shown in the movies — galleries full of dour portraits of medieval nobles — this is the exhibition to set them straight. Feb. 28–May 12. $25, kids younger than 12 free. All ages. Seattle Art Museum, Seattle.

Charles Schulz’s beloved comic comes to life in Clark Gesner’s classic musical, “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.” Follow Lucy, Schroeder, Linus, Snoopy and Charlie Brown from Valentine’s Day to “Beethoven Day” in a series of vignettes and musical numbers. March 22–April 14. $12–$34. All ages. CenterStage Theatre, Federal Way.

‘Pinocchio’

MAR C H Studio East and Kirkland Performance Center present the long-anticipated return of the Kirkland Community Musical, joining forces to present Meredith Wilson’s classic “The Music Man.” Many of the social conventions of midcentury River City may seem foreign to kids today, but

PETER MAUNEY

‘The Music Man’

Sculpture by Jeffrey Gibson at SAM

SPLURGE: With a short runtime, live narration, lower-priced tickets and an audience full of youngsters, the annual matinee performance of the Pacific Northwest Ballet School is a perfect introduction to classical ballet for kids. This is not your average dance recital, though — many of these students have already performed in regular-season productions on the PNB stage, and some will go on to dance professionally next year. March 17 and 23. $23–$60. All ages. McCaw Hall, Seattle. South Sound families can also see Tacoma City Ballet’s more traditional “Pinocchio” at the Federal Way Performing Arts and Events Center, March 22–24, $20–$70. ►

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Summer Day Camps

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Make art and new friends at SAM Camp. Led by local arts educators and inspired by art at SAM, each week is a new adventure. Sign up for one week, or all three! Early registration discounts and scholarships are available. Week One: July 8–12 Global Voyagers Create a mixed media map, weave a story in cloth, and construct a tale in clay. Week Two: July 15–19 Earth Guardians Explore the natural world, create masterpieces with recycled materials, and paint the landscape en plein air.

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Week Three: July 22–26 Inventive Builders Create a city of the future, engineer a masterpiece inspired by past artistic inventions, and tell a story using graphics and designs. visitsam.org/samcamp SAMkids Media Sponsor

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Happy Camper 101:

Top tips for a transformative sleepaway camp experience When are kids ready for an overnight camp experience? (When are you?) Well, as with everything, it depends on the child, says Camp Sealth Director Carrie Lawson. “I think kids who are ready to camp will exhibit independence in other areas,” Lawson says. If they manage events such as sleepovers well, that’s a sign they might enjoy overnight camp. And of course, they should want to go. If you’re confident your child is ready and willing, make sure you involve them in the decision about where they are going. Here are some additional steps you can take to make sure they are confident and prepared once the decision is made: 1. Decisions, decisions. Just because you enjoyed archery, capture the flag and cabin-cleaning contests as a youth camper doesn’t mean your child will be thrilled by the same experience. Consider their temperament and interests, first and foremost, when choosing a camp. 2. Uh, where am I going, again? Show your child photos and videos of the camp and tell them what activities they will be doing. 3. Final prep. Keep the enthusiasm level high in the months, weeks and critical days leading up to camp. An undermining fear can set in during the days prior to departure. It is also very important to communicate with the camp staff ahead of time if your child has particular quirks and needs, whether their challenges have diagnosable names or not. One thing is certain: The kids who come back after camp are not quite the same as the kids who left a week earlier. They will have gained new confidence, skills and far-flung friends. — Fiona Cohen

26 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

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out + about The Princess & the Pea

APRIL

‘The Princess & the Pea’

‘School’ STEAL: This exhibition by artist Joseph Rossano casts light on the diminished state of global salmon and steelhead populations — species that are so important to Northwest culture and economics. The installation features a life-size school of mirrored salmon, sculpted from molten glass by concerned glassmakers from around the world, as well as firsthand video accounts from renowned scientists, artists and tribal members that provide context for the artwork. April 12–Aug. 11. $15, children younger than 6 free. All ages. Bellevue Arts Museum, Bellevue.

‘Dvoák Untuxed’ In his Symphony No. 9, “From the New World,” Dvoák celebrated the bountiful and optimistic United States that welcomed him with open arms. “Untuxed” is a familyfriendly series of short, no-intermission concerts. They provide an informal introduction to classical music during which the conductor addresses the audience and even the orchestra is casually dressed. April 12, 7 p.m. $13–$55. Ages 5+. Seattle Symphony, Seattle.

COURTESY STORYBOOK THEATER

SPRING ARTS GUIDE continued from page 24

STEAL: In this not so traditional, but oh so delightful story about big beds, pining princesses, and petite peas, kids get an introduction to theater and encouragement to follow their hearts. Performed in multiple venues around Puget Sound, StoryBook Theater shows are 55-minute musicals filled with music, laughter, whimsical costumes and quirky characters, guaranteed to delight the entire family, but specially designed for kids. April 13–May 19. $15. Ages 3+. StoryBook Theater, Renton, Shoreline, Seattle, Everett and Kirkland. ►

C A M P S , A RT S + A C T I V I T I E S

Early bird discount ends March 8

SJCC.org Everyone is welcome.

Give Your Child an Education in Innovation at ProjectFUN! Explore ProjectFUN’s K-12 Summer Workshops in video game development, fine arts and animation, engineering, and music and sound design by registering for an upcoming ProjectFUN Preview Day: February 2, March 2, and March 30. LEARN MORE

Early Childhood School enrollment for new families opens February 11 Reggio Emilia-inspired preschool A community for your whole family.

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3 months - 6 years parentmap.com • February 2019 • 29

out + about SPRING ARTS GUIDE continued from page 29

Dance Theatre of Harlem SPLURGE: In this tour celebrating its 50th anniversary, globally acclaimed Dance Theatre of Harlem is continuing its legacy of diversifying classical ballet training. Its racially diverse, 16-member professional ensemble brings together artists from various dance styles and disciplines to create new works that influence and enhance the ballet art form. April 27–28. All ages. Paramount Theatre, Seattle.

M AY ‘Peter Pan’ STEAL: With choreography by Jerome Robbins, this musical adaptation of J.M. Barrie’s original play is performed primarily by young actors. This is a perfect chance to revisit a favorite or to introduce a new generation to the adventures of Peter, Tinkerbell, the Darling children and a ticking crocodile. May 24–June 9. $15–$17. Ages 5+. Studio East Mainstage Theater, Kirkland.

‘The Phantom Tollbooth’

Play ga solve pr mes, explore, oblems, m think, im ake art, a ROCK ou gine, & t with us !

STEAL: It’s almost impossible to go wrong with Norton Juster’s beloved classic, “The Phantom Tollbooth,” in which a bored little boy discovers joy through imagination. The playful literalism of Juster’s eccentric portal fantasy is a story that generations of children have returned to throughout their lives when they find themselves, like Milo, in a hurry to get to places they don’t want to go. May 25–June 15. $12. Ages 5+ (all ages on Sundays). SecondStory Repertory, Redmond.

Seattle International Film Festival STEAL: With more than 400 films from 80 countries screened over 25 days, SIFF is the largest film festival in the United States. Themed film series help you navigate the options. Films4Families presents family-friendly matinees on weekends, while FutureWave focuses on stories for teens, and Face the Music features true stories from the music world. The 2019 program won’t be announced until much closer to the festival date, but you can count on an international selection of animated and live-action shorts and feature-length films quite unlike your standard Disney fare. May 16–June 9. $12 single tickets. All ages. Multiple venues, Seattle.

‘Kim’s Convenience’ Enter Kim’s Convenience store and meet the Kims, a loving, if imperfect, Korean family making its way in Toronto. As family members face an uncertain future, they learn to see each other in a new light. Due to some language and innuendo, this show may not be appropriate 30 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

for younger kids, but it’s a perfect reminder for teens that even if family isn’t always convenient, it might be the best deal out there. May 15–June 22. $20–$52. Ages 14+. Taproot Theatre, Seattle. ■ Gemma Alexander is a Seattle-based freelance writer with two daughters. She blogs about books and travel and spends too much time on Twitter (@gemmadeetweet).

9 Ways to Make Family Movie Night Outta Sight Ultra-creative ideas for planning a blockbuster movie night at home By JiaYing Grygiel Remind me, getting dressed up in fancy clothes to sit through a show is whose idea of fun? Too often, it’s not the squirming kid, nor the parent who shelled out a premium for those seats only to tick down the minutes until intermission.

Nurture your child’s curiosity for science by signing up for our hands-on summer camps for kids in grades PreK-8.

PacSci summer camps offer endless opportunities to explore science, technology, engineering, art, and math in eight different locations throughout King County! Inspire the inner scientist in your child and register online today. pacsci.org/summer-camps

Been there, and here’s what I suggest: How about trying a cozy family movie night instead? It’s way cheaper and super fun for everyone. Here are nine easy hacks for a show-stealing and memorable family flick night.

Set the stage Roll out the red carpet (or your red scarf or blanket) to welcome guests to your film premiere. Buy a roll of raffle tickets ($3.99, Party Warehouse) or print out homemade admission tickets (search “free printable movie ticket” online). One kid with a hole punch gets to be in charge of ticket sales. Your regular TV is fine for everyday watching, but consider upping your game with a big screen. All you need is a white wall or bed sheet and an inexpensive smartphone projector. The small but mighty DBPower mini projector ($59.99, Amazon) gets the job done.

Add tabletop games to your family traditions!

20 an

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df or

Games to play in-house, games to take home, great food, beverages and fun for all ages

Choose your movie wisely Err on the side of the lowest common denominator. Something that might seem innocuous could wind up terrorizing the youngers. (And I am speaking as a mom who once had to leave a theater with a sobbing child. The movie was about butterflies.) Not sure whether something is appropriate? Check out ratings from Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org).

If you’ve exhausted your in-house collection of kid flicks, sign up for a free one-month trial of Netflix or Hulu. Or check out a Red Box kiosk, from which you can rent new releases for $1.75. Even better, use ►

3727 California Ave SW #2B • West Seattle • 206.535.7896 www.meeplesgames.com parentmap.com • February 2019 • 31

SCHOOLS & PRESCHOOLS

out + about SPRING ARTS GUIDE continued from page 31

your Seattle Public Library card to stream or download feature films and TV shows for free.

Pair the movie with a hands-on activity You’ll feel less guilt about plunking the kids down for screen time if you can finagle some educational component out of it. Learn about real-life creatures by visiting the zoo or aquarium before watching “The Lion King” or “Finding Nemo.” Remember, you can check out free passes to Woodland Park Zoo and the Seattle Aquarium through the Seattle Public Library’s Museum Pass program. Other ideas for hands-on activities that go with movies: Watch “Moana” and go kayaking; watch “Frozen” and drive up to the mountains and play in the snow; or watch “Coco” and play with musical instruments (read: bang on pots and pans). Our favorite? Watch “Up” and blow up tons of balloons using a helium tank ($20.99, Target).

Up your concession offerings Kick those basic movie concession offerings — popcorn and soda — up a notch with these simple recipes. The amounts are flexible and don’t require any measuring cups.

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For caramel corn: Put basic popped corn in a big bowl and drizzle jarred caramel sauce over it. Mix it up to give it an even coating, then spread the popcorn on a sheet pan. Bake at 350 degrees for five minutes, stir, and then bake for an additional three minutes. Add bubbles to juice for a showstopping fruity spritzer: Start with your juice (a single juice or any combination): pineapple juice, orange juice and orange-mango sparkling water. Add some additional fizz factor with ginger ale, 7 Up or pineapple soda. Garnish with citrus slices to make it fancy.

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32 • February 2019 • parentmap.com

Shoreline, WA

For a huge sugar rush, host an interactive screening of “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory,” a delicious idea plucked from Seattle International Film Festival’s “Smell-O-Vision.” Prep snacks so your tummies can experience the movie sensorially along with Charlie. Items to have at the ready: chocolate syrup (i.e., a river of chocolate), chewing gum, blueberries, fizzy drinks and, of course, chocolate bars.

Get the show on the road You’ve seen “Cars” before, but never like this: Make an indoor drive-in movie theater! This activity is a huge draw at the Olympic Sculpture Park’s winter family Saturdays, and it’s an easy idea to replicate at home. Round up some cardboard boxes, each one big enough for a kid to sit in comfortably. Add paper plates for wheels and a steering wheel. Let the kids decorate their rides with racing stripes and numbers. Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines!

SCHOOLS & PRESCHOOLS

Rock a theme night Plan your movie around your kids’ current favorite bedtime read; “A Wrinkle in Time,” “Harry Potter” and “Charlotte’s Web” are great options. A book-inspired movie night makes a terrific reward (or bribe) for finishing a book. Cementing your kids’ love of reading is an idea we can all totally get on board with. Host a costume night and invite everyone to show up as their favorite character. Pick something out of the dress-up bin, or recycle last year’s Halloween costume. Be creative!

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How about a sing-along karaoke night? Try the classic “Sound of Music” or crowd favorite “Frozen.” If you know the words to “Let It Go” (come on, you know you do), join in the fun and belt it out along with the kids.

< Co-op Preschools < Parent-Child Center

Plan a Disney-shorts film festival Most Disney shorts are less than 10 minutes long, which is the perfect duration for short attention spans. Invite friends over for a self-curated mini film festival, and let the kids vote for their favorites in goofy categories like “smelliest character in a movie” or “movie that makes you the hungriest.” Hand out star placards and let the kids give each short a rating. You can also tie the film shorts to a fun family activity. Watch “Bao” and make some of your own pork buns out of playdough. Watch “Inner Workings” and cook a stack of pancakes. Or, watch “Geri’s Game” and start to learn to play chess.

Preschool, Camp and Family Resource Fairs

Try something new Encourage your kids to watch something they haven’t already seen a zillion times. Maybe a different genre, a new documentary or even a black-and-white classic (Whaaauut?). Sell the idea by letting the kids be the judges. Give each movie 15 minutes, then vote to see if everyone wants to continue watching or to ditch it. It’s an easy movie night to pull off when you’re signed up for a free Netflix or Hulu movie trial. Lots of choices, no additional cost.

Choose your own ending School-age kids can make up their own alternate endings to movies. Describe it, write it down or, better yet, act it out and film it using your phone. A movie starring the kids is sure to become a household classic! JiaYing Grygiel is a mama of two boys and a freelance photographer and writer. Read her work at photoj.net.

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Young Love: Talking to Kids About Dating

Top tips for having the “dating talk” with your tween or teen By Nancy Schatz Alton

emember your own fifth-grade rumor mill? The buzz surrounding classmates who were going out? Decades later, I still wonder about this gossip. Did this mean my friends were kissing during recess, riding bikes together after school, or just liking each other from a comfortable and benign distance? If I am musing upon this now, imagine how quizzical I am about my own two daughters and their landscape of dating. When children ask permission to date, parents need to seek the truth underlying their request, says sexuality educator Amy Johnson. “If you asked 50 people the definition of dating, you’d receive 50 different answers. Ask [kids] what they mean by dating and why they want to date. Conversations help us understand what our kids are seeking through dating,” says Johnson. These initial talks bloom into critical discussions about intimacy as our kids grow into young adults. Of course, the notion of discussing intimacy with a fifth-grader is why parents wonder how young is too young to date. Cue sexuality educator Jo Langford’s three definitions of dating, which coincide with developmental, and sometimes overlapping, stages. “Stage one [fifth–seventh grades] is pre-

dating, with kids playing at interaction with minimal hanging out. Little ‘d’ dating [seventh– ninth grades] is going on proper dates. Big ‘D’ dating [10th grade and up] is getting into more committed relationship territory,” says Langford, who notes there are always outliers who start stages earlier or later. Presented below is a deeper dive into tween and teenage dating, including information on how parents can guide their children.

First stage — pre-dating It’s natural for parents to panic when their 10-yearold child announces they want to date, says sexuality educator Greg Smallidge. “Every young person is exploring what healthy relationships feel like, whether or not they are dating. Within their friendships, they are beginning to understand what it means to be close to someone outside of their families,” he says. Dating at this age is an extension of that exploration. Friends of Smallidge shared with him that their fifth-grader asked to have a date. Through talking with their son, they realized a date for him meant having a picnic at a greenbelt next to their house.

“Rather than overreact, they realized their kid was ready to begin dating. They provided bumpers and gentle guidance for that level of dating to go well. Their kid got to experience what he said he was ready for, in a positive way,” says Smallidge. If we think of dating as an opportunity to see what it’s like for our kid to settle into being with someone, adds Smallidge, we can provide guidance through the stories we tell about our own experiences in this arena. Getting comfortable with someone takes some time. Compare your own awkward, curious, scary and exciting early forays into dating to the shiny and bright media representations that our kids see every day. Do they know first kisses aren’t always “I Love Simon”–like moments with a Ferris wheel ride and cheering friends? Or that your brother witnessed your not-so-stellar and very unexpected first kiss after your first group date?

Second stage — little ‘d’ dating This sharing of stories preps our kids for little-d dating, which happens in the late middle school and early high school years. These are actual dates — perhaps dinner and a movie — that occur either in groups or one-on-one. ► parentmap.com • February 2019 • 35

SCHOOLS & PRESCHOOLS The Sammamish Montessori School

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PicturePerfect: Books to Strengthen Social Skills In our house, books are the no. 1 way we teach our kids important skills. Children are more receptive to new ideas when we read about them first; this is especially true for developing social skills, which are a tricky concept for many children to grasp. (Witness how many adults have not mastered them!) Picture books in particular are a great medium for introducing social skills, thanks to their colorful illustrations and engaging prose; kids often don’t even realize they’re learning while they’re reading! If your child is struggling to master some of the complexities involved with growing into a functional, polite and pleasant human being, refer to this list of recommended picture books that might help with common aspects of character development, such as communication, manners, understanding personal space and boundaries, tattling, and managing anger and frustration: parentmap.com/preschool-books. — Sarah Bradley

36 • FEbruary 2019 • parentmap.com

Now’s the time to up your game when it comes to talking about relationships, and that includes all types of relationships: family, friends and romantic partnerships. Langford is a huge fan of families watching media together (from “Veronica Mars” reruns to your kid’s favorite YouTubers) and talking about the books our kids are reading. “Using media can help kids a lot. They find fictional or real role models that help them figure out things like how they want to dress and how to stand up for themselves, too. When we see or read about someone else’s journey, it helps us navigate similar journeys,” says Langford. The brain is better prepared for situations if it’s already rehearsed similar situations through media exposure and conversations with parents. There’s an actual phrase for how caregivers walk kids through future situations: anticipatory guidance. Johnson seconds this idea, while adding in some Instagram homework. “Youth often make a decision based on what they think someone else thinks they should be doing. Provoke your kids to really ponder what everybody else is really thinking and doing, and how that’s different from what they see on social media,” says Johnson. She asks the students she teaches: What in your life is not on Instagram? What are you not seeing online because no one ever posts a picture of it? Relationship modeling starts from the moment we become parents, says Johnson, as we show affection, have disagreements, set boundaries and communicate with our children. “It’s important to think out loud. Say, ‘I’m setting this boundary about your cell phone because you need to be sleeping instead of texting at [midnight]. This isn’t easy for me because I care about you, and it’s hard to take something from you,’” says Johnson. Then we take it a step further and ask them if someone they care about has done something that made them uncomfortable, explains Johnson. And don’t forget to ask them their solution to this uncomfortable situation. “Now more than ever, it’s important to be intentional about talking about relationships. If we don’t, they are getting messages about these topics from somewhere else,” says Johnson.

Stage three — big ‘D’ dating All that conversation — during brief interludes in the car, while watching media or at the dinner table — sets our kids up for age 16. That’s the age Langford feels most teens are ready for, gulp, big-D dating: one-on-one relationships that involve intimacy. “By age 16, many kids have enough brain development, experience, self-awareness and insight needed to make informed choices when it comes to intimacy and relationship development, maintenance and repair,” says Langford. “I like to say you’re ready when your head, heart and crotch are all in sync. Sometimes people aren’t ready for this until age 26.” Of course, some kids experience this type of dating at a younger age. But all the relationship building leading up to this age serves your children as they begin big-D dating. “If you can talk about what dating means when they’re younger, it makes it easier to talk about ‘what I do and don’t want to do with my body’ when that time arrives,” says Johnson. If you’re worried about making sure these conversations around intimacy are perfect, Johnson counters with the fact that these talks, by their very

SCHOOLS & PRESCHOOLS

nature, stimulate critical thinking skills and brain scaffolding. “It’s more important to have conversations about relationships than to get to the right answers. Leave room for kids to offer their own ideas, too,” counsels Johnson. And if your kid has no interest in talking with you about this stuff? Smallidge offers up a tactic that worked for his family. In exchange for giving his oldest son permission to date, he handwrote question prompts about creating close relationships and asked his son to answer them. “He blew me away with how thoughtful his responses were. What I wish I understood sooner was the degree of privacy and independence he wanted,” says Smallidge. “I learned a lesson in honoring [some of] his desire to not share with me, and he came to understand that part of my job as his dad was to help make sure his dating relationships stayed healthy. He wasn’t on his own — quite yet.” ■

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Nancy Schatz Alton is a writer, teacher and poet. Read her work at withinthewords.com. A Coeducational Independent Day School in Tacoma Preschool - Grade 12 // Bus Service

Required Reading for Parents and Teens Books can be a great way to bolster an ongoing family dialogue about sexual and social health topics and provide kids navigating the dating landscape with readily accessible (and trusted) expert information. Recommended titles for parents: “The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls” by Lynn Ponton, M.D. “Beyond Birds and Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids About Sex, Love, and Equality” by Bonnie J. Rough “Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids’ ‘Go-To’ Person About Sex” by Deborah Roffman “Powerful . . . discusses sex and relationships in language boys will understand. This is an invaluable book!” —Michael Gurian, author of The Wonder of Boys

Recommended titles for young adults: “Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Date, Relate or Wait” by Amy Lang, M.A. “Spare Me ‘The Talk’! A Guy’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Growing Up” by Jo Langford, M.A. “Spare Me ‘The Talk’! A Girl’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Growing Up” by Jo Langford, M.A.

Spare Me

‘The Talk’! A Guy’s Guide to Sex, g Up Relationships, and Growin

JO LANGFORD, M.A. and responsibility, “Emphasizing kindness information for Langford provides comprehensive realms.” riskiest teen boys about one of life’s author of —Laura Kastner, Ph.D., Parenting Getting to Calm and Wise-Minded

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“The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth” by Jo Langford, M.A. Scarleteen: A grassroots education and support organization and website that presents inclusive, comprehensive and supportive sexuality and relationship information for teens and emerging adults. (It also has a parenting section!)

parentmap.com • February 2019 • 37

parent day jobs

Ben Wahl

Meet a local program director who is cofounding a gaming and media convention for the neurodiverse community

Meet more heroes: parentmap.com /day-jobs

By Nancy Schatz Alton • Photograph by Will Austin

lthough Ben Wahl, MSW, is a cofounder of QRKCON, a unique gaming and media convention for the neurodiverse community, he is quick to deflect ownership of the initial concept. (The inaugural QRKCON is set to take place on the weekend of May 4–5 at Washington Hall, near Seattle University.) “The idea came from some awesome teens and young adults that I work with at Ryther [ryther.org]. All of the best ideas come from the community. My job is just to listen,” says Wahl, who founded Ryther’s Aspiring Youth program (aspiringyouth.net), which serves children, teens and young adults with autism, ADHD, learning disabilities and similar traits. The core of his work has been focused on providing social skills groups, summer camps and young adult transition services. But he has long believed that teaching skills is only the first step; these young people also need engaging activities through which they can practice those skills and build confidence by connecting with their tribe. When his clients shared their desire for a community-wide event, he was more than ready to listen. How can parents build a more inclusive parenting community? As inclusive as Seattle is, we still have some big blind spots. These blind spots can look like disparaging glances at the playground and an assumption a kid’s behavior is tied to parenting. A lot of the families I work with tell me that the birthday party invitations stop coming after third or fourth grade. It’s usually not the case that the parents are actively trying to exclude. They might say things like, “Well, I let my daughter make the birthday party list.” But there’s a lot of missed opportunities when we’re homogenizing our social situations to avoid “different” behavior or social styles. I’ve had the most incredible, insightful conversations with 10-year-olds with autism, and I am sad that some people will miss out on that experience. How has your work affected your role as a parent? I’ve learned parents deserve to be easier on themselves and each other. Parenting

Ben and Lilah Wahl

Presented by Ryther, QRKCON will feature video game and tabletop game exhibits, a Magic the Gathering draw tournament, panels, an art expo, food trucks and more. “The entire QRKCON event will be a sensory- and family-friendly experience designed to meet the needs of those from autism, ADHD and other disability communities,” says Wahl, who is creating this first QRKCON convention with the help of cofounder Ajay Pellegrini and other colleagues. “The big conventions can be overwhelming for my clients. They’re not walking out of them with friendships. We know that video, RPG [role-playing games] and tabletop gaming can be a positive way for kids to connect to each other and to their families.” In anticipation of QRKCON, we talked with Wahl about how he thinks true community inclusion works. At ParentMap, we’ve also been pondering how work and home life complement each other, so we also asked Wahl about how his professional and parenting spheres overlap.

strategies are a starting point, but we often take them as a manual to follow. Then, if our kids are not doing well, we think we are not doing it right. Through work, I’ve seen incredible parents persist and adjust as their kids grow and change. I’ve been struck by the joy they bring to parenting — that it’s not all about hard work. I try to remember to move forward with joy as I work to impart values and create a healthy future for my child. I also always try to remember that it’s not the job of parents of kids with disability to teach me life and parenting lessons. The parents I work with don’t want to be treated differently than other parents or be cast into a role of martyr; they just want to help their kids have a good life and enjoy those wonderful moments of parenting that make the hard moments worth it. How has becoming a parent affected your work? Now I know how important the parent community is for parents. Before I was a parent, I also didn’t fully understand the degree to which the parents I worked with felt isolated from the broader parent community. I’m more aware of my blind spots. When I hear a parent do

the humble brag of “My Johnny only got a B+ on the test,” I cringe a little. I know that comment can be hurtful to a parent with a kid with autism who struggles in school. What do you want your daughter to learn about your work? My daughter sees that I am proud to work with people with disability, and that’s very important to me. Talk to just about any parent at an inclusion-focused preschool and they will literally glow about their kid’s experience. Once you get to spend time with people from the disability community, you just can’t imagine confining yourself to a neuro-typical social milieu. Inclusion is just the start. From there, we can either have assimilation or integration. Assimilation requires the person to conform to social norms, blend in and leave their quirks at the door — meaning the person is simply tolerated by their mainstream peers. Integration means that the community seeks to learn from the person and constantly looks for ways to have the inclusion of that person help improve the overall community. I want my daughter to have not only empathy but an excitement about interacting with people who are different from her. ■ Nancy Schatz Alton is a writer, teacher and poet. Read her work at withinthewords.com.

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