ParentMap April 2022 Issue by ParentMap

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Make It a Market Day A perfect itinerary for spring family fun at Pike Place Market

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15 Tips to Raise a Responsible Child Everyday strategies guaranteed to increase your kids’ ‘response-ability’

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PNW INSIDE + OUT

SEATTLE CHILDREN’S Good Growing Newsletter P. 23

Everyone a Superhero Outstanding individuals and orgs that will inspire your family to give back

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C ONTENTS

April

2022

PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader On ParentMap.com Play List

4 6 20

Local Resources Pediatric Dentistry Schools + Preschools Camps + Activities

22 27 32

Parenting

Feature

IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Tenacious Teens 16 These local young changemakers give us hope for the future

The Power of Kindness 8 Youth-led organization promotes positivity through everyday acts of selflessness

Reasons Parents Avoid Braces for Their Children 22 And why those reasons are unwarranted GIVING TOGETHER

Understanding the Crisis in Ukraine 12 How your family can aid children and families in need EDUCATION

Voices in Education Why school libraries need LGBTQ books

Lessons learned from inspirational youths ParentMap has profiled in recent years may spur your family to action.

Family Fun

WELLNESS

Suicide Rates Spike in the Spring Here’s what parents need to know

36 You’re Doing Good, Kid 5 orgs that offer meaningful service opportunities for youths AGES + STAGES

15 Tips to Raise a Responsible Child 44 Everyday strategies guaranteed to increase your kids’ ‘response-ability’

OUT + ABOUT

April Play List April is a good month to celebrate flower power!

Make It a Market Day 39 A perfect itinerary for spring family fun at Pike Place Market

SEATTLE CHILDREN’S

Good Growing Newsletter

“Never label your child as ‘irresponsible,’ because the way we see our kids is always a self-fulfilling prophecy.” p. 44

Expert tips for talking to your children about the war in Ukraine — and ways your family can help.

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DE AR R E ADER

How to raise an everyday hero As a parent of two, with more than two decades of parenting under my belt, I have actually given a fair amount of consideration to this question: What makes a hero? While most of us don’t wish that our kids will grow up to be heroes in any Hollywood-actioner, burning-building/dodging-bullets sense of the term, we universally hope that they will succeed in life. And if you ask parents to put a priority on what qualities of character they expect might guarantee long-term happiness and success, many would put kindness at the top of the list. We want our kids to grow up to be adults who contribute meaningfully to the creation of a more humanitarian, just world — not by an occasional demonstration of bravery, but through everyday upstander choices to act with compassion, selflessness and honor. We want them to understand what the “greater good” is and how they can uniquely contribute to it. We distill our individual concept of heroism from an amalgam of sources, ranging from the myths and comic-book legends of our childhood, to the teachings of our faith traditions, to witnessing how individuals respond with courage to address inequities, injustices and catastrophes … from the schoolyard to the sociopolitical world stage. But as is the case with most formative, character-building experiences, our understanding of how we can contribute to the greater good starts with our family of origin. Moms and dads tend the roots of compassion, empathy and altruism that will bear fruit in lifelong responsible service to others. So, yeah, it turns out you can raise your own hero at the dinner table! Researchers have found that there are a number of skills you can build in yourself — and coach in your child over time — that greatly boost hero characteristics and capabilities. Here are six key attributes to intentionally cultivate in your homegrown hero, according to those who study the psychology of everyday (and extraordinary!) heroism: 1. Concern for the well-being of others 2. Understanding other perspectives

APRIL 2022, VOL. 19, NO. 4

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5. Demonstrating competence and confidence 6. An ability to face fear One thing is for sure: There is no shortage of fearful problems in the world. The current gut-wrenching state of aggression in Ukraine is just the latest humanitarian crisis to ignite our imperative global response. We hope the inspiring organizations and young change-makers featured within the pages of our April issue will give you ideas for how to bolster your family’s everyday heroism in exponential service to the greater good. — Patty Lindley, managing editor

John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC Yaffa Maritz, M.A. FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING

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Jude, living with sickle cell disease

Some said sickle cell disease would steal Jude’s joy. Tell that to this glowing girl. TREATING THE MOST KIDS WITH SICKLE CELL DISEASE IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST Jude’s pain started at just four days old. Her family was scared and heartbroken, so they went looking for answers—and found Seattle Children’s, together with the Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic. They moved from Nebraska to Seattle for pediatric expert care, and today, Jude is growing into who she wants to be. Find your hope at SeattleChildrens.org/sicklecell

Hope. Care. Cure.™

Alix Dassler, Jude’s Nurse Practitioner, Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic

On ParentMap.com Find more good stuff this month on ParentMap.com! Springtime craftapalooza Peep! We have a garden variety of seasonal crafts that kids of all ages will enjoy. Whip up some egg-carton baby chicks, recycled paper poppies, upcycled floral crafts, embroidered baby sock bunnies and lots more cute, fun projects. Get all the deets at parentmap.com/easter-crafts and parentmap.com/spring-crafts.

Think out of the (farm) box Options to sign up to receive a weekly box of farm-fresh veggies, fruits and herbs from local producers who offer community-supported agriculture memberships (CSAs) are growing every year — but how to pick? Check out our guide to kid-friendly CSAs at parentmap.com/CSA.

Hip, hop, hooray … … Easter’s on its way! Up your egg-decorating game with our depot of colorful, sparkly, all-natural ideas at parentmap.com/easter-eggs, and don’t miss our grand list of Easter egg hunts and bunny visits to dye for at parentmap.com/easter-events.

Tiptoe through the ... Calling all campers! It’s not too late, we swear. Dozens and dozens of Puget Sound–area camps still have spots left for your happy campers. Click through our roundups of specialized camps, plus pop your requirements into our searchable camps database at parentmap.com/camps to find a perfect fit.

EARTH DAY IS APRIL 22 Celebrate Earth Day by trying one of our DIY recycling games and activities. Highlights include making homemade bubbles and birdwatching binocs. Get your green on at parentmap.com/earth-day. 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Yes, it’s tulip season, and — darn it — you will get that perfect family photo, with everyone smiling, in the Skagit tulip fields this year. Our insider’s guide shares the when, where and why. parentmap.com/tulips

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It Starts With You(th) The Power of Kindness Local youth-led organization promotes positivity through everyday acts of selflessness By Gemma Alexander In a bit of serendipity that borders on the poetic, Greater Seattle Acts of Random Kindness (@greaterseattleark) owes its existence to a coincidence and an act of kindness. Two years ago, Arthi Venkatesh and a friend stumbled upon social media recruitment for a club that practices acts of random kindness. Inspired by the idea, they applied to what they thought was the national chapter and discovered it was actually a small group of students who had organized a club in Northern California. Surprised and pleased that someone outside of their community was interested in the project, the original ARK leaders kindly taught the two Newport High School sophomores everything they needed to know to start their own ARK chapter in the Pacific Northwest. “It was so fun to see the impact of acts of kindness in our community, so I got involved on a larger scale,” says Venkatesh. Now a senior, Venkatesh is the copresident of the Greater Seattle Acts of Random Kindness council. Like the original group in California, Greater Seattle ARK helps students launch ARK clubs in more schools. Greater Seattle ARK also acts as a local council to unite ARK leaders from the five (and counting) participating high schools in the Puget Sound region. “The council provides structures and ideas, and each club does their own thing in their community,” explains co–media chair Ayla Karmali, another Newport High senior. Though they may choose different activities, each group shares the same lofty mission: to spread joy in the community through kindness. But the activities themselves are usually simple. “You don’t have to do a big act,” says ARK editor Catie Liu, also a senior at Newport. “It’s the little things that count. You can see how even the smallest things impact other people.” Karmali says she could see the immediate impact of small things when the Newport club distributed stress-busting lollipops. “When we were giving out lollipops during finals, it was cool to see the smiles when people received one. It brightened their day.” Even during remote learning, when the number of personal interactions went way down and people were stressed as if every week was finals week, ARK found ways to brighten days by focusing on events and activities that foster community. For one

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ARK members welcome the community to chalk it up to kindness.

campaign, its members brought sidewalk chalk out to the parks. In that safe, outdoor environment, they invited their schools’ art clubs — and random passersby — to use the chalk to draw pictures and share positive messages. Liu adds that several schools also organized campaigns to send cards and letters of encouragement to first responders and other essential workers on the frontlines of the pandemic. Other pandemic-safe activities have included virtual movie nights and food drives as well as “giving tree” message boards (physical and virtual) that encourage community members to share compliments and inspiration. While individual schools have their own requirements for forming clubs, which may include charters, regular meetings or other specific commitments, ARK itself takes a softer approach. Once an ARK has met its school’s requirements, all it takes to join Greater Seattle ARK’s coalition is filling out a form on the organization’s website. There is no requirement for participation in specific activities or minimum hours. “It’s self-driven. You get out of it what you put into it,” says Karmali. The ARK leaders know from experience that kindness is its own reward, and a demanding, structured approach would be counter-

productive to their mission. Karmali explains, “Kindness is not just for other people. It’s also being kind to yourself, being vulnerable and allowing yourself to enjoy what you enjoy.” If that means doing something besides ARK, that’s okay, too. Growing the membership is part of the council’s job, but it’s not the most important goal. The ARK council wants to inspire everyone to think about making kindness a regular part of their life. “It doesn’t have to be difficult,” says Venkatesh. “Compliments cost nothing and give everything. Or you can just be helpful to someone when they need it. Being helpful is kindness, too.” Opening a door for someone whose hands are full, working through a tough math problem with a classmate and granting a favor when asked don’t seem like much. But kindness doesn’t require a grand gesture. Every day, the impact of hundreds of small interactions between people accumulates and can turn into either a vicious cycle or a virtuous one. Acting with kindness helps ensure that the direction turns toward making everyone’s day better. So far, there is no adult auxiliary ARK, but adults (and teens who don’t want to take on organizing a new club to find opportunities for kindness) can follow ARK on Instagram (@greaterseattleark) for prompts and ideas. “If you’re not a risk-taker, just start small and dip your toes in enough to get out of your comfort zone,” Venkatesh advises. Teens who try out these activities may be inspired by the results to get involved on a bigger scale, as Venkatesh was. For teens who are thinking about starting an ARK club — or any new club — at their school, Karmali has one piece of advice.

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“Don’t be scared. Just let go of your fears and whatever is holding you back.” Even if it’s scary, building your own ARK is worth it. Because, as Venkatesh says, “Improving someone else’s day can only improve your own life.”

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Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

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Giving Together

Understanding the Crisis in Ukraine How your family can aid children and families now By Kellie Schmitt

After chatting with a coworker about her Ukrainian relatives, Edmonds mom Shasta Perry knew she wanted to help. Her colleague shared the story of a relative with four young children who was sheltering in a basement as the Russian invasion ravaged their country. “As a mom, hearing that really tore me up,” says Perry. “I cannot imagine how she must be feeling right now and how her kids might be feeling.”

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Perry’s 8-year-old child wanted to help as well, so they gathered items such as first aid kits and sleeping bags to donate to a Ukrainian church. Donating to help Ukraine — or explaining that our country is supporting relief efforts — is one way to help children process these tragic events, psychologists say. As heartbreaking stories fill the news and filter into schoolyard conversations, children will likely pick up on these world events

and want to know more. That’s why it’s important to have honest conversations about the war at a developmentally appropriate level, experts say. Parents can also tell their kids that President Biden and other world leaders are united in stating that the attack is not okay and that they are taking steps to try to change the situation, says Shannon Dorsey, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and mom of an 8-year-old boy who has lots of his own questions about Ukraine and Russia. Talking to your kids Before engaging in what could be a tough conversation, parents should first reflect on their own feelings and emotional state, according to a guide to explaining war from the University of Pennsylvania’s Graduate School of Education. This moment to pause and reflect is especially important since parents are models for their child’s emotional regulation.

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When you’re ready to talk with your child, consider the timing of the discussion, Dorsey suggests. For example, it’s probably best to avoid potentially worrisome conversations before bedtime. Begin by asking what they have already heard and what questions they may have — some of their questions may surprise you, Dorsey notes. “Young children may not understand the distance between where they live and Ukraine,” says Dorsey. “They also may have heard inaccurate information from peers who themselves are trying to make sense of what they’ve heard or seen.” The depth of these discussions will vary depending on the child’s developmental stage and capacity for understanding, says Edmonds psychologist Kate Lund, Psy.D. Use simple language to share basic facts and reassure them that they’re safe right now. Validating their feelings is important, too. “Acknowledge that this is really scary and that we don’t have all the answers,” says Lund. Parents can also find ways to help children manage their stress response, whether it’s through deep breathing or imagining themselves in their favorite happy place. These are skills that can be effective in other anxiety-provoking situations, too. “Whenever we’re facing a stressor, we want to help folks develop the capacity to quiet their minds,” says Lund.

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Finding a way to help Kids of families that want to personally donate might feel more of a connection to helping if they concretely understand whom they might help and how, experts say. Here are a few organizations and opportunities that specifically assist Ukrainian children and families: Ukrainian Association of Washington: This Renton-based nonprofit focuses on preserving Ukrainian heritage locally. The organization is presently collecting donations such as medical supplies to send to Ukraine, according to its Facebook page. uaws.org Ukrainian Community Center of Washington: This local organization, which offers programs and support services for Eastern European refugees and immigrants, is accepting donations via its website. “We are grateful to everyone who

makes a donation, to those who understand the situation in Ukraine and support us,” a member wrote in an email to ParentMap. uccwa.org UNICEF: This humanitarian organization works to help children throughout the world. One can designate donations to help Ukraine’s children access “safe water, nutrition, health care, education and protection.” “Children are the least responsible for armed conflict in Ukraine, but they suffer most from its consequence,” the nonprofit notes on its website. unicefusa.org CARE: This international humanitarian organization’s Ukraine Crisis Fund is prioritizing women and girls, families and the elderly, according to its website. Emergency gifts to the fund will provide millions with food, water, hygiene kits, psychological support and cash assistance. care.org

Save the Children: This organization, which was founded more than 100 years ago, focuses on humanitarian aid around the world. The organization recently issued an emergency alert on its website that states, “We are gravely concerned for children in Ukraine … who might be caught in the middle of armed conflict, forced to flee their homes, and exposed to injury, hunger and sub-zero temperatures.” Donations to the group’s Ukraine Crisis Relief Fund provide children and families with food, water, hygiene kits, psychosocial support and cash assistance. savethechildren.org Sunflower of Peace: This small Bostonbased nonprofit organizes support for Ukrainian orphans and internally displaced people. During the current situation, it’s focusing on providing medical assistance and other necessities. A statement on its website reads: “We are acquiring and distributing first-aid backpacks, medicine,

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medical instruments and other means of survival that are saving hundreds of lives.” There is a form on the website for people interested in volunteering, including remote volunteering opportunities. sunflowerofpeace.com Voices of Children: This Ukraine-based charitable foundation focuses on the psychological needs of children affected by war, using strategies such as art therapy and individual support. Its mission statement: “Our objective is that every child who has suffered from the war in Ukraine must get psychological help in time.” voices.org.ua Nova Ukraine: Based in Donetsk, this organization is mobilizing the humanitarian aid coming to it to assemble supply packages for families and orphans, including diapers, baby food, hospital supplies and food. novaukraine.org

More organizations where you can give: GlobalGiving Ukraine Crisis Relief Fund • globalgiving.org

• worldhelp.net Operation USA • opusa.org World Help

International Rescue Committee help.rescue.org Project HOPE

•

With the guidance of a trained facilitator, we will co-create and explore your connection to:

• projecthope.org • donate.unhcr.org

UN Refugee Agency

International Committee of the Red Cross icrc.org Doctors Without Borders • doctorswithoutborders.org

INCREASE YOUR SENSE OF SELF-COMPASSION, RESILIENCE AND WELL-BEING - Online classes are all 6 weeks -

•

- Mindful Practice and Self-Regulation - Self-Compassion - Attachment and Attunement with your child(ren) - Inner wisdom -

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Kellie Schmitt is an award-winning health and science writer.

Strengthening Bonds Through The Path Of Self-Kindness

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love and compassion…starting with ourselves... inspired by Mother Teresa

www.communityofmindfulparenting.com

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FE ATUR E

Lessons in Heroism

From Tenacious Teens Local young change-makers inspire us in the present — and give us hope for the future By Patty Lindley

Over the past four years, ParentMap has partnered with the Gates Foundation Discovery Center (discovergates.org) to spotlight the stories of young changemakers from the Greater Seattle area. I have had the good fortune to interview many of these fine young people myself, and have consistently been energized and moved by their tireless efforts to work for change and justice in a world continually beset by too many societal and existential ills to count. The stories of these tenacious teens remind us that we all have the capacity to make a difference. Here are a few key lessons I have learned from some of the inspirational young superheroes ParentMap has interviewed for the series over the years.

1. Never underestimate the power of the individual.

Avi Schiffmann • parentmap.com/avi When Mercer Island teenager Avi Schiffmann was honored as the 2020 Webby Awards Person of the Year for creating nCoV2019.live, an interactive dashboard website that updates in real time to provide accurate global data on coronavirus cases, deaths, testing and vaccinations, he shared a five-word acceptance speech that is the matterof-fact motto of his life: “You can learn anything online.” When Dr. Anthony Fauci presented Schiffman with the award, he called the wunderkind developer’s scrappy achievement “an invaluable resource

that sounded the alarm on the virus and its spread, notably calling attention to its severity long before it was broadly recognized.” Schiffmann, who is now studying at Harvard, popped back into the headlines last month when he responded to the latest humanitarian crisis — the war in Ukraine — with a new website he developed with a classmate. Ukraine Take Shelter (ukrainetakeshelter.com) helps match Ukrainian refugees with potential housing and hosts in neighboring countries. “I definitely would say the biggest thing is that I’ve learned there’s so much an individual can do. You doomscroll through social media and just see all these things that are so terrible, and it feels like there’s really nothing you can do about it. But working on these websites really has given me the naive confidence that I actually can do a lot of things as an individual to solve the problems we face.”

2. But that said, no one has to go it alone.

Chayton Remle • parentmap.com/chayton Chayton Remle (Hunkpapa Lakota) has been active in efforts to protect the environment and steward Indigenous rights, treaty rights and ancestral lands for most of his life. He has engaged in these efforts in various ways, such as attending rallies and marches, creating petitions and

speaking out about issues in public forums. Through his involvement with Clear Sky, a unique volunteer- and youth-centered program of the Urban Native Education Alliance (urbannativeeducation.org), he has participated in projects and advocacy work that directly benefit urban Indigenous learners, educators, families and the wider community. “Every single person has a gigantic change for the world. I think it’s important, because otherwise there would be no change, things would just stay the way they are. So, you should step up, try to find some people who will support you — and then do it, get it done and make a change.”

3. Turns out, we parents do matter!

Cameron Davis • parentmap.com/cameron Lakeside School graduate Cameron Davis, a longtime volunteer and youth board member with Water1st International (water1st.org), hardly remembers a time when he wasn’t involved in service activities, and he has credited his mother for cultivating and supporting his work in and for the community. From raising funds with a brother-sister pop-up shop at a dog park to benefit PAWS (paws.org) to selling lemonade to provide safe water and toilets to children in countries thousands of miles away, Davis, now a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania, maintained

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a strong commitment to volunteering activities throughout his childhood. The secret? His mother deftly helped him align his volunteerism with his personal interests and the understanding of shared human experience that connects us to others in our imperfect world. “As I reflect on my service, I realize how much planning and thought my mom put into developing our service-mindedness. I always felt like I was making choices — there wasn’t a choice about whether or not we would be involved in community service, as this was a requirement in our house, but I did get to choose what kind of service I would get involved in. I am grateful that she led me to so many different and important opportunities.”

4. You have to meet people where they are.

Sophia Moser • parentmap.com/sophia Sophia Moser was introduced to Teen Feed (teenfeed.org), a local nonprofit that works to meet the most basic needs of homeless youths in Seattle, through the Gates Foundation’s Take Action Summer Workshops a number of years ago. She interned at Teen Feed during her senior year of high school and continued to volunteer for another year after that. Moser eventually returned to Teen Feed as a staff member, recruiting and training new employees. Now a graduate of the University of Washington with a degree in international relations, Moser is teaching English in Brazil on a Fulbright grant. “A lot of times with nonprofits, there is an imbalance between the giver of help and the receiver. It’s a really important thing for youths to learn that giving back to the community is about the community, not about being a savior or fixing people. Teen Feed taught me that I

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can help, but I’m also learning and growing, building something together with the people I serve.”

5. Make it personal.

Daniela Cortez • parentmap.com/daniela Since she was 13, Daniela Cortez has been a part of the Duwamish Valley Youth Corps, a vibrant youth advocacy program of the Duwamish River Cleanup Coalition (DRCC; duwamishcleanup.org). The DRCC exists to advocate for a clean, healthy and equitable environment for the people and wildlife impacted by the pollution of the Duwamish River, and to act as a technical and stakeholder advisory group to monitor the EPA-mandated cleanup of the valley. Through its programmatic emphasis on environmental health and social and climate justice, the organization and its youth corps prioritize community action through education and empowerment. “This work can be heavy and sometimes even frightening, but I stick to it because I have five siblings. I want for them to be able to grow up in a world where they don’t have to worry whether their planet is doomed or not. … It’s so easy to give up — but it’s so much more empowering to be able to keep going and to be able to be that person for someone else. I’ve always wanted to be a person who makes sure that no one gets left behind.”

6. Don’t lose hope, especially when the world seems at its most intolerant.

Maya Milton • parentmap.com/maya South Seattle native Maya Milton is a working artist with a very succinct mission: “I’m just making art. I make art all the time for whoever wants or needs it in their life.” Her artwork centers and empowers people of color — Black women, particularly — to celebrate themselves. Her paintings have been showcased in local galleries, during art walks, and at multimedia events for performing and visual artists of all types. “A Hip-Hop Revolution,” one of her acrylic murals, is presently featured just outside

the entrance to the MoPOP exhibition “Contact High: A Visual History of Hip-Hop.” “When I feel concern that we’re going backwards in society, I remind myself that marches are happening and protests are happening everywhere. I think that those are huge signs of hope, to know there are people out there who are continuously fighting for what’s right and fighting for what they believe in.”

7. Remember that you can’t eat an elephant in one bite.

Anya Shukla and Kathryn Lau • parentmap.com/colorization Anya Shukla and Kathryn Lau are founding members of The Colorization Collective (colorizationcollective.org), a youth-run organization that aims to promote diversity in the arts by supporting teen artists of color through mentorship programs and original content production. The organization exists to address a pipeline problem: If teen artists of color lack role models or peers who look like them, they drop out of the arts; consequently, a new generation of diverse artists fails to enter the workforce. I asked them to offer advice for how youths can take actions to realize their ideals and aspirations. Anya: “Break things down into small goals. … Then slowly expand from setting those small goals, reaching them and continuing from there to achieve a larger mission.” Kathryn: “I think it’s really important to take time to just step back and feel accomplished, and to have the same level of pride in smaller things as you do in the big milestones. Be self-aware throughout the process of creating change or doing things — and savor it, because time flies.”

8. Let discomfort be your guide — and a goad to action.

LaShaiah Dickerson • parentmap.com/lashaiah I spoke with LaShaiah Dickerson in 2019, well before the coronavirus upended our lives and one year prior to the brutal murder of George Floyd, which ignited the largest racial justice protests in the United States since the civil rights movement and sparked a global reckoning with racism. At the time, she was a senior at Edmonds-Woodway High School, catalyzing her own local reckoning with racism. She noticed that the casual use of the N word was normalized at the school — and nobody was saying or doing anything about it. Dickerson overcame an initial reluctance to get involved and joined the school’s Black Student Union. Her active involvement on the BSU leadership council helped revitalize and galvanize the group to dramatically alter the climate of the school through organized cultural events and presentations. The group also led a successful petition process to augment the curriculum with the addition of an ethnic studies course. Dickerson is now attending Western Washington University and is active in the university’s Black Student Union.

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“A big mistake that I made when I got into high school was that I waited until I felt comfortable enough before I got involved. But I feel like once you dive in, when you’re the most uncomfortable, that’s when you can start navigating your way through.”

It starts with you(th) … As parents, we can be some of the first and best models of heroism to our children. We can teach them that inaction is not an option, that courage starts as a small spark that can grow exponentially, that empathy for and service to others are nonnegotiable aspects of family and community life. Discover more tenacious teens, amazing organizations and dozens of ways your family can give back at parentmap.com/volunteer.

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Patty Lindley is the managing editor of ParentMap. Gemma Alexander contributed to this article.

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April Play List April is a good month to celebrate flower power! By Nancy Chaney Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

Forget April showers — we’re moving right into April flowers. Longer days and blooming blossoms have put a spring in our step. Family-favorite activities are returning, and we are bringing you helpful tips and tools to wrangle the chaos of #parentlife. And did we mention all the flowers? Go forth in spring splendor, friends! Important note: Some events now require proof of vaccination or a negative COVID-19 test result to attend.

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� Speaking of April flowers, scoot north to the Skagit Valley to marvel at the gorgeous fields of tulips alive in color. Book a visit to one of the tulip-growing farms for a sweet day trip with the kids. Mother Nature determines the blooming schedule; the festival runs April 1–30. parentmap.com/tulip-festival � Can you have too many flowers surrounding you? The answer is decidedly no. Wander among the cherry blossoms on the University of Washington’s Seattle campus. Head to the Quad, and perhaps a gust of spring wind will create a snowfall of pale pink petals around you — early April is your best

bet. parentmap.com/cherryblossoms

� After two long years, the kid favorite Seattle Children’s Museum reopens Saturday, April 2! Bring your fam for the opening-day festivities or plan what will likely be a quieter visit on a future date. The museum has new exhibits to unveil and will be open Wednesday–Sunday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Admission costs $12; babies younger than 1 enter for free. parentmap.com/SCM � Save an hour to join ParentMap for help in finding calm in the chaos. In an illumi-

Seattle Children’s Museum

nating talk, renowned psychiatrist and author Dr. Dan Siegel will share ways to jump off life’s hectic treadmill and take a breath. Register and then join us Monday, April 4 at 1 p.m. parentmap.com/live

Highlighted Events for April

April 1–30

April 4 | Monday

April 14–16, 20–24

Skagit Valley Tulip Festival

ParentMap Live with Dr. Dan Siegel – Becoming Aware: Reducing Anxiety and Cultivating Calm

Washington State Spring Fair

Skagit Valley parentmap.com/ tulip-festival

Online parentmap.com/live

beach — or perhaps to some late-season snow! On Saturday, April 16, enjoy free entry to Washington’s national parks to mark the first day of National Parks Week. On Friday, April 22, visit one of our amazing state parks to celebrate Earth Day. parentmap.com/free-day

� Pigeon! You cannot drive the bus! Hop aboard as Seattle Children’s Theatre presents a live-on-stage musical version of Mo Willem’s beloved story. This show promises to get your toes tapping and wings flapping along with this favorite children’s book character. The show runs April 5–May 22. parentmap.com/pigeon �

Seattle Center’s Festál series welcomes back the Seattle Cherry Blossom & Japanese Cultural Festival, planned for in-person attendance at press time. Partake of food, and watch demos and performances that highlight Japanese and Japanese-American cultural traditions. Friday–Sunday, April 8–10, at the Seattle Center Armory. parentmap.com/cherry-fest

� An enchanting, seldom-open wildlife preserve is the perfect place to celebrate our Earth by strolling through and appreciating all its natural bounty. Save the date to visit the Morse Wildlife Preserve on its first open day of the season, Sunday, April 10. Free; no dogs allowed. parentmap.com/morse

Puyallup parentmap.com/spring-fair

Passover-themed sweet treats at Trophy Cupcakes

� We are really going with the flower theme, right? Pierce County’s Daffodil Festival is back. Wave at the floats, marching bands and Daffodil Princesses in four city parades, all on Saturday, April 9: Watch at 10:15 a.m. in Tacoma; 12:45 p.m. in Puyallup; 2:30 p.m. in Sumner; and 5 p.m. in Orting. parentmap.com/daffodils � A sweet treat to celebrate Passover sounds positively delightful! Gobble up a pack of adorable Passover-themed cupcakes from the local cupcake whizzes at Trophy Cupcakes. Order online for pickup April 14–23. (Note that cupcakes are Passoverfriendly but not officially kosher.) parentmap.com/ passover-cupcakes � The Washington State Spring Fair is a springtime family favorite and it is back for eight fun-filled days of tasty fair food, farm animals, rides and entertainment, including

Monster Mayhem. Mark your calendar for April 14–16 and 20– 24; tickets $10–$15 per person; ages 5 and younger enter free. parentmap.com/spring-fair

� Join ParentMap and “Modern Mommy Doc” Whitney Casares, M.D., for a talk on ways to tame the never-ending juggle of parenting and work obligations. Casares will share tips and strategies that parents can start practicing ASAP. Register and join Tuesday, April 19 at 1 p.m. parentmap.com/live

� For a bunny good time, follow Auburn’s Peter Cotton Trail! Search local Auburn parks to spot bunnies lurking in the brush; find at least 10 and enter your scorecard for a chance to win fun prizes. Watch for bunny locales to be announced April 14, and search Saturday– Monday, April 15–18. Free. parentmap.com/peter-cotton Head to Tacoma’s STAR Center with your crew for Spring Fling! It’s a community Earth Day fest where kids can dig into crafts and games that celebrate our planet. Join in the free fun Saturday, April 16, 11 a.m.–1 p.m. parentmap.com/spring-fling

� Visit fantastic Kelsey Creek Farm, right in the middle of Bellevue, to watch the resident sheep get their annual spring haircut at this sheep-shearing event, a family favorite. Stop by Saturday, April 30, 11 a.m.– 4 p.m. Free; no registration required. parentmap.com/shearing

�

Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.

�

Free parks should entice you to head for the hills or the

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4 Reasons Parents Avoid Braces for Their Children Advances in orthodontic appliances and the benefits parents see from their children wearing braces — a nicer smile, better dental health, a boost to self-esteem and confidence — have been factors convincing parents to fit their kids with braces. Yet some parents still have reservations, which often start with the cost of orthodontics. Michael McCarthy, DMD, notes four reasons parents typically avoid seeking orthodontic treatment for their children and explains why those reasons are unwarranted:

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Cost. According to the American Dental Association, orthodontic treatment ranges from just under $5,000 to $7,000 for young patients. “Parents justify enormous costs for their kids’ college [because they] understand that it’s about the benefits for 40–50 years after college. It’s the same with braces,” says McCarthy.

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Pain. Pain in the teeth and jaw can occur in the first few weeks of wearing braces. “Most modern technology has brought a pain-free experience,” says McCarthy. “And your mouth eventually adjusts to the braces and becomes more accustomed to the strain of adjustments.” Time. “Regardless of the type of orthodontic procedure your child needs, time is of the essence,” says McCarthy. “Modern technology and ease of access allows orthodontists to work around your child’s school schedule with minimal absences and short appointments.” No urgency. “Parents may put off orthodontics for their child or not grasp the reasons — from emotional to dental and social — that straightened teeth are important,” says McCarthy. “Your child’s smile and overall dental health are too important to ignore out of questions of pain, convenience or even price.” “The formative years are the most sensitive time for them and their teeth, thus the best time for braces and the positive impact on their lives,” says McCarthy.

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Michael McCarthy, DMD, is a board-certified orthodontist with more than 25 years of experience and is the author of the book “The Smile of Your Dreams.”

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A Seattle Children’s Publication | Spring 2022

For All Parents, It’s Normal to Feel Frustrated If you’re a parent, you know what frustration feels like. Regardless of your situation — partnered or single, working or stay-at-home — frustration can be a familiar and frequent sensation. Many parents find themselves getting frustrated more easily and more often than compared to a few years ago. That’s not surprising, as some longterm effects of the pandemic are now hitting home. Parents may be stressed about big issues like jobs, money and housing. Plus, they’re worried about their kids’ emotional wellbeing, social skills and learning milestones. Self-care is crucial for everyone, and especially for stressed-out parents. It doesn’t have to be indulgent or expensive — not everyone can swing a spa day or a yoga retreat. Basic self-care means eating healthy foods,

exercising regularly, enjoying favorite hobbies, spending time alone and connecting with close friends. It also means reaching out for help and support, like trading childcare duties with another parent so you get some time to yourself, confiding in a trusted friend,

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to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/obcc.

attending a workshop or webinar, or talking with your doctor or counselor. Parenting offers plenty of frustration triggers, including crying infants, willful toddlers, surly teens and the extra attention a child with special needs can require. In any case, it’s important to recognize frustration as soon as you feel it creeping up. Then, take action to prevent it from growing so you don’t say or do anything unkind. One powerful technique is the ‘Take 5’ method, which you can teach your child, too! Here’s the five-step method: 1. Stop. Step away. Give yourself space. 2. Take a short break to breathe. Allow your heart rate to return to normal. 3. Remind yourself I can do this or It’s important to stay calm. 4. Ask yourself How can I handle this situation in a way that I will feel good about? 5. If possible, ask for support from a partner or family member, or call or text a friend or neighbor. Another great resource especially for parents of children with special needs is Parent-to-Parent (P2P), whose services include free, one-on-one support from volunteer peer mentors — parents who’ve been through similar trials. To learn more about P2P in Washington state, visit arcwa.org/ parent-to-parent or call 1-800-821-5927. Peaceful parenting is about keeping a calm spirit and an open, loving heart: you’ve got this! to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/positiveparenting.

Car Seats for Children with Behavior Challenges When a child has conditions that make it hard for them to stay buckled in their car seat, some specialty equipment may be needed to keep them safe. Resources are available. With help from medical professionals, you may be able to get a specially designed car seat or safety vest that is comfortable and prevents escape. These items can be purchased directly or ordered through some insurance plans.

Start by sharing with your child’s doctor that you’re having a car safety issue so they can refer you to a behavioral or occupational therapist (OT). Some OTs can complete a car seat evaluation and help you get the best equipment for your child. to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/pe3123.pdf.

When Should My Child Wear a Life Jacket? When a child between the ages of 1 and 14 dies from an unintentional injury, drowning is very often the cause. Only motor-vehicle crashes claim more young lives. Wearing a life jacket is the simplest, surest way to stay safe in and near the water. All children and teens should wear a life jacket any time they are on a boat, raft or other floating device. They should also wear one when swimming in open water such as lakes, rivers or the ocean. Children ages 6 to 11, in addition to the previous rules for all children and teens, should also wear a life

jacket while on docks and river banks, in case they fall in. Children from birth to age 5 should wear a life jacket anytime they are in, on or even near water, including on a beach or dock. Many of those who die from drowning never even mean to get wet — they accidentally fall in. Life jackets save lives, but they only work when they’re worn and fit well. Be sure your child is protected! to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/CE143.pdf.

Family Meals Are Fulfilling in Many Ways Family meals are about much more than eating together. Beyond sharing food, they’re a time to catch up and connect — to share stories, ideas, emotions, struggles and victories. Family meals also offer a natural way to practice life skills like responsibility and teamwork — from helping with meal planning, grocery shopping and preparation to setting the table and cleaning up afterwards. And speaking of life skills, the family table is an ideal place to teach the value of a grateful and optimistic attitude, simply by having everyone share something for which they’re thankful or glad. On top of all these benefits, studies show that families who regularly eat together tend to have more nourishing meals, and their children are less likely to engage in risky behaviors.

To ensure that you’re fully focused on one another, be sure that your table is completely screen-free for adults as well as kids. And while family meals are a time to model and teach table manners, they don’t have to be

fancy or fussy. They can be casual and fun — no tablecloth required. Better yet, why not make a tablecloth of plain butcher paper and offer colored pencils so everyone can create some art while you enjoy your meal and conversation? Kids’ activities and parents’ work schedules can make family meals challenging to plan, but it’s worth keeping them a top priority. At times, you’ll need to be flexible and creative — everyone loves a weekend brunch or a backyard picnic lunch, or even a tailgate pizza dinner after the big game. As long as you’re gathered together, that’s what counts! to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/pe232.pdf.

Kid Bits

Start the Helmet Habit Early

Little League Shoulder

Lawnmower and Yard Safety

Helmets that fit properly protect against head and brain injuries. Although it may be hard to imagine that a child could get a brain injury while on a tricycle or a mini scooter, it’s best to get into the helmet habit early. Children have an easier time developing healthy habits from a young age. Since kids respond to what they see and hear their parents do, be a faithful role model and always wear a helmet when you ride — and use praise and positive reinforcement when your child wears theirs. Be sure your child’s other caregivers enforce helmet use, too. Learn how to choose a safe helmet that fits well at the link below.

When the growth plate in a child’s upper arm gets irritated, it’s known as Little League Shoulder. It can be caused by throwing too much or with poor form — or by muscle weakness around the shoulder and upper back. Pitchers and catchers are at higher risk because they throw faster and more often than other positions. Symptoms include shoulder or arm pain, trouble moving the arm in all directions, and decreased speed or control while throwing. To prevent injury, it’s important that kids throw using proper form. Also, before age 13, they should not throw curveballs, knuckleballs, sliders or screwballs. Parents can help by ensuring the coach sticks to pitch-count limits for their child’s age.

Spring has arrived, and it’s fun for the whole family to be outside as much as possible — as long as everyone stays safe. When the lawn is being mowed, keep children under 5 inside or far away. Even after the mowing is done, keep them away from mowers: hot or sharp parts can cause injuries. Never allow kids to ride along on lawnmowers or in carts towed behind them. To operate a push mower, children should be age 12 or older. Riding mowers should be operated only by those age 16 or older. For any lawnmowing, heavy boots are a must. It’s best to avoid using insect or weed killers; if you do, keep children out of the yard for at least 48 hours.

to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/CE222.pdf.

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/pe2270.pdf.

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/CE135.pdf.

Quick Tip Encourage your child to

Regional Clinic Locations

Online Resources

• Bellevue • Everett • Federal Way

Visit seattlechildrens.org for the following: • Child Health Advice • my Good Growing email newsletter • Doctor Finder • On The Pulse and Autism blogs • Medical condition information • Health & safety information • Ways to help Seattle Children’s • Research Institute information

• Olympia • Tri-Cities • Wenatchee

Primary Care Clinic

learn about, name and

• Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic

accept their emotions.

206-987-2000 866-987-2000 (Toll-free)

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Main Hospital Numbers

Heather Cooper is the Editor of Good Growing, which is produced four times a year by the Marketing Communications Department of Seattle Children’s. You can find Good Growing in the January, April, July and October issues of ParentMap and on our website seattlechildrens.org. For permission to reprint articles for noncommercial purposes or to receive Good Growing in an alternate format, call 206-987-5323. The inclusion of any resource or website does not imply endorsement. Your child’s needs are unique. Before you act or rely upon information, please talk with your child’s healthcare provider. © 2022 Seattle Children’s, Seattle, Washington.

Classes and Events As the COVID-19 situation changes, we continue to adjust or postpone our classes and events to follow public health recommendations. We are offering some classes online while some are on pause. Please check our website for the latest information. Scholarships are available. If you would like to ask about a scholarship, use the contact information for the class you’re interested in to connect with the registrar. PARENTING CLASSES Autism 101

CHILD, PRETEEN AND TEEN CLASSES Better Babysitters

This free, 90-minute, on-demand session provides information and support to parents and families of children recently diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Topics include up-to-date, evidence-based information about ASD, behaviors associated with autism, autism prevalence, treatments available and resources for families.

For youth, ages 11 to 14. Students learn about responsible babysitting, basic child development, infant and child care, safety, handling emergencies, age-appropriate toys, business tips and parent expectations.

View a past lecture, in English or Spanish, at seattlechildrens.org/autism101. Email Autism101@ seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Conversations About Autism Conversations About Autism is a series of free 60-minute classes for parents and caregivers of children with autism who wish to better understand autism spectrum disorder. In these sessions, experts and advocates share their knowledge and perspectives on autism as well as helpful tips for supporting a child, adolescent or young adult with autism. Each class features a different topic, such as early intervention, transition to adulthood, feeding support and more. View dates and topics, learn how to join the live stream or view past sessions at seattlechildrens. org/conversationsaboutautism. Email Autism200 @seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Babysafe Babysafe is a 4-hour class for new and expectant parents and others who care for babies. Topics include infant development, baby safety, injury prevention and care of common injuries for infants from birth through 12 months of age. Infant CPR is demonstrated and practiced, but this is not a certification class. This class is currently available virtually via Zoom. The fee is $90 and each registration is good for two people from the same family. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

Youth Mental Health First Aid This free class is for adults who live or work in King County and regularly interact with adolescents ages 12 to 18. Youth Mental Health First Aid will improve your knowledge of mental health and substance use problems and will teach you how to connect youth with care when needed. Youth Mental Health First Aid is now available as a two-part virtual series. The series includes a self-guided course and a live instructor-led course. The date you register for is the date of the live instructor-led course. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

This is currently a two-part class, with sessions taking place via Zoom on two consecutive weekend dates. Each session is two hours long. The fee is $50. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

CPR and First Aid for Babysitters For youth, ages 11 to 15. Topics include pediatric CPR, treatment for choking, and first-aid skills. Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver Pediatric First Aid, CPR, AED completion card, which is valid for two years. This class is offered as a two-part series. The series includes a virtual session as well as a short in-person skills check. The fee is $75. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/ classes or call 206-987-2304 if you have questions.

The Chat The Chat is a new online workshop series on puberty and sex that reflects the content from the in-person classes, For Boys and For Girls. Offered via Zoom, each 45-minute workshop is for preteens 10 to 12 years old, plus a parent or trusted adult. You may take any individual workshop or all five. If you register for all five events, we recommend starting with BO, Pimples and Hair — Oh My! and ending with Being Connected: Sex, Love and Everything In Between. While families can choose to attend any combination of workshops, the information in earlier sessions provides a foundation for understanding later sessions. The fee is $25 per workshop or the series of five for $100. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions. See a trailer for The Chat at greatconversations.com.

EVENTS Free Online Mindfulness Groups for Parents and Caregivers Join a culturally relevant mindfulness and compassion session by phone or with Zoom. Sessions are offered for Black parents, parents of a child with special needs, Spanish-speaking parents, as well as any other parents or caregivers. Take part in activities and mindfulness practices led by parents for parents, and share strategies to cope with challenges. Learn more and view dates and times at seattlechildrens.org/clinics/odessa-brown/ community-programs/mindfulness-program.

Free Car-Seat Checks, June 25 in Seattle Learn how to safely secure your child in the car. Child passenger safety experts will check your child in a car seat, booster seat or the seat belt and answer any questions you may have. Car-seat checks are by appointment only and will follow COVID-19 safety protocols. Learn more and register for an appointment at seattlechildrens.org/carseatchecks.

Free Virtual Car-Seat Checks King County Certified Child Passenger Safety Technicians are offering free virtual car-seat check appointments via video-chat platforms. For more information, email Laura Miccile at laura.miccile@kingcounty.gov or call 206-477-8664. South County Fire and Safe Kids Snohomish County are offering free virtual car-seat classes. Registration is required. Visit southsnofire.org/ education/child-passenger-safety.

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Why School Libraries Need LGBTQ Books It’s about the children By Gemma Alexander

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If you feel like you’re seeing more news stories lately about censorship and book bans, you’re not wrong. From the all-out assault on school libraries in Texas to the Wyoming prosecutor who considered pressing charges against librarians over sex ed books, the American Library Association reported 330 book challenges last fall alone. That’s more than the entire year of 2020. Social-media-fueled conservative parents’ groups are driving the rise in book challenges, but it’s not just happening in red states. In February, the Walla Walla school board faced a challenge against four books. And right here in Puget Sound, a middle school librarian in Kent made news for resisting his principal’s efforts to pull the YA novel “Jack of Hearts (and Other Parts)” from the shelves.

Censorship defined “We would define censorship as the exclusion of materials based on a specific characteristic, such as books that have to do with race or books that have to do with LGBTQ youth,” says Amanda Klecan, policy coordinator with GLSEN Washington State (glsenwashington.org), a nonprofit that works to make schools safe and affirming places for all students. The rise in attempted book bans parallels changes in publishing that have led to more books for young people addressing topics that make some adults uncomfortable. “A book ban is when a book would be removed from a library,” says Rebecca Wynkoop, a teacher-librarian at Robert Eagle Staff Middle School in Seattle. But censorship can be more than book bans. “Censorship for a school library would mean creating barriers to access,” Wynkoop continues. The Mukilteo School Board’s recent decision to remove “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee from the required reading list is often cited as an example of censorship. But Wynkoop says it doesn’t qualify, because the book is still available in the school library and teachers can still choose to teach it. On the other hand, eliminating the library’s materials budget; vague definitions of “inappropriate” in school board policies; and administrators who discourage educators from using particular books constitute

Photo courtesy of We Need Diverse Books

what many people have started to call “soft” or “silent” censorship. “It’s the passive-aggressive approach to the broader idea of removing books from school libraries,” says Wynkoop. But all forms of censorship have one thing in common: “At the core is making choices for other people and restricting access.”

Appropriate versus relevant Books are banned from school libraries for all sorts of reasons. The most common argument is that a book is not ageappropriate. But people who make this

argument are missing the point. The school librarian in Kent told The Seattle Times that “Jack of Hearts” is definitely not appropriate for some middle schoolers. Libraries are not supposed to be — indeed cannot be — universally appropriate for their patrons. A book that is perfect for one child will be too mature for another, while a third will have already outgrown it. “The books in our library need to be relevant to the experiences that the students are living. Our students are still children, but that doesn’t mean they haven’t had

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adult experiences in their lives,” says Wynkoop. “The library is supposed to be a reflection of the students that we serve.” Those students come from a variety of racial and economic backgrounds, with widely variable home situations. “In particular for a student who is LGBTQIA+, this whole conversation based on the fact that somebody somewhere thinks their being is inappropriate, is why we need to provide more opportunities for them. Books can be really important places for students to find the language they need to express anything that they might be dealing with,” says Wynkoop. Klecan identifies additional benefits of queer representation in children’s books. “It’s important for students to be able to see themselves in books. It helps validate their existence and their experiences, and reinforces their self-worth. If students are not able to identify with any of the characters in the books they read, it’s hard for them to feel like their experiences are worthwhile.”

Safe spaces to benefit everyone People who challenge library books are usually motivated by the desire to keep kids safe. But removing relevant literature does just the opposite. “Nobody wants to do any harm. The biggest thing that we want for our students when they walk into the building is to feel that they have a place here, that the school is part of their community,” says

Photo courtesy of Northern Onondaga Public Library

Wynkoop. When students can’t find books that reflect their identity and experience in their school library, “We are denying those students that sense of belonging that we know is not just socially, but developmentally, appropriate and necessary for students to thrive and learn in the school environment.” GLSEN’s most recent School Climate Survey found that librarians are at the forefront of making Washington’s schools

more inclusive. Although only 25 percent of LGBTQ students saw themselves represented in the curriculum and even fewer in sex ed materials, 62 percent found inclusive materials in libraries. That makes books such as the contested “Jack of Hearts,” which wraps factual information into a fictional story, particularly important for young people. Wynkoop has received feedback from her school’s Queer Straight Alliance club that

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they appreciate the library’s LGBTQ book displays and supportive swag such as pronoun pins. The alliance knows what many adults have yet to figure out: Everyone benefits from reading LGBTQ stories.

given the agency and the encouragement to explore and to put something down if it’s not their jam, they become stronger, more confident readers,” she says. Content warnings are a useful tool to help readers make the best book choices for themselves.

“Reading these books can provide other students a better understanding of LGBTQ people, encourage them to question stereotypes, and expose them to more inclusive and accurate accounts of history and the world around them,” Klecan explains. “That’s incredibly important when we’re trying to build a community of learners from diverse backgrounds,” Wynkoop adds.

Guided reading “Not everybody is going to be ready for everything they might find in the library,” says Wynkoop. She encourages kids to pick up the books they enjoy and put down the ones they don’t. “Research shows that kids are motivated to read by choice. If

“I tell my students, ‘You are the only one who can choose what’s right for you,’” says Wynkoop. As a recent Washington Post editorial points out, “You can reread a passage you don’t understand and close a book that upsets you.” School librarians try to build relationships with students so that they feel comfortable talking about their feelings and reactions when a book upsets them. Those conversations can be both comforting and educational for the student. Wynkoop recalls one student who came in after trying to read “Speak,” Laurie Halse Anderson’s

much-challenged book that deals with sexual assault. Two years after that tearful conversation, the student recalled “Speak” as the most important book they read in middle school. Supporting your library School librarians are educated professionals who carefully consider the books they choose. But when anyone in the community gets upset about a book, librarians almost always become the direct target of that anger. “Soft censorship happens when librarians don’t have support structures,” says Wynkoop. It’s not hard to be part of your librarian’s protective support structure. Even if you can’t volunteer, you can drop by and say hello. Knowing your school librarian and how they build your school’s library collection makes it easier to trust their

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Find Your Adventure. continued from page 31

decisions. Let your librarian know that you support their efforts to make the library an inclusive space. And if you really can’t abide a particular book on the shelves, Wynkoop advises, “Being able to have a conversation with somebody you already know makes a tough moment more productive.”

When a book’s gotta go

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Not every book deserves a space on the shelves. Librarians regularly weed their collections of inaccurate science books and stories that perpetuate stereotypes. And parents have a right to challenge books they believe to be harmful. “There are plenty of materials that we are still using that we’ve been using for far too long. There has to be a process in place for reevaluating those materials,” says Wynkoop. A good system should be transparent; rely on a team so that the decision doesn’t depend on one person’s sensibilities; and should examine the whole book rather than highlighted passages. “There can be a moment in any book where something makes us uncomfortable or that contradicts our own personal value system. But one moment — one page in a book — doesn’t define the relevance and importance of that material for the students,” says Wynkoop. The most important question is whether the book’s merits outweigh its flaws. “It’s about giving students the opportunity and agency to choose,” she says. Because even if it’s not the right book for your child, it might be a lifesaver for someone else’s.

July 11-29

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Reading recommendations Following are resources for parents and kids who want to expand their own LGBTQ reading:

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GLSEN Rainbow Library provides links to free eBooks you can download from your public library. rainbowlibrary.org/ebooks Project LIT is a student-led grassroots movement to end book deserts and develop a new, inclusive literary canon. You can sign up to lead a book club online, follow the group on Twitter @ProjectLITComm and see their most recent book selections on vocabulary.com. We Need Diverse Books (diversebooks.org) is more than just a hashtag. This nonprofit advocates for greater diversity in children’s literature and provides educational resources and tips for finding diverse books. The American Psychological Association’s Rainbow Collection (go.maginationpress.org) publishes books for kids and teens that uplift LGBTQ voices and promote inclusive school and family values. The 2021 Lammy Awards (lambdaliterary.org) and Stonewall Book Awards winners (ala.org) include books for both kids and parents.

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You’re Doing Good, Kid 5 organizations that offer meaningful service opportunities for kids By Bryony Angell Service — it’s an ethic we, as parents, hope to instill in our kids as they grow up. But how can we cultivate an authentic spirit and habit of giving back in today’s cultural climate, where actions are so often motivated by expected rewards of external validation? Luckily, there is a way to instill the true spirit of service while also giving recognition. Several national organizations with vital local chapters foster youth volunteering over the long term, affording kids a community of peers and mentors, a path to making a meaningful impact in the community — and kudos for their work and dedication. The best reward? A young person involved in volunteering as a part of his or her routine has a greater chance of maintaining that civic-minded habit into adulthood. YMCA • seattleymca.org The YMCA maintains a respected lineup of youth summer camps, but did you know that the organization offers year-round programs to build on that love for camp while instilling leadership skills and values to boot? YMCA leadership development and counselors in training programs set the pathway to becoming a paid staff counselor. Students apply to the counselor intern program as they would a job, then spend two summers training before possibly being hired as a staff member. Programming during the school year keeps the community of interns and counselors-in-training working together on service projects locally and via maintenance projects at the Camp Orkila campsite; participants earn as many as 100 service hours in the process. Camp Fire • campfire.org Another camp-based program with year-round activities for kids in grades 9–12 is Camp Fire. Camp Fire’s highest honor for high school students, the Wohelo Award (“Wohelo” stands for Work, Health and Love, the core values of the organization since its founding in 1910), is bestowed on youth participants who, over the course of two years, complete an intensive and highly individualized project that develops leadership, service and advocacy skills. A youth might organize and promote an activity at their school or give back to Camp Fire through planning an event, such as a You & Me Camp at Camp Fire’s Camp Sealth on Vashon Island. Girl Scouts of America • girlscoutsww.org Girls involved in Girl Scouts can begin earning merit badges for service as early as kindergarten. In fourth grade, participants can begin work to achieve the organization’s highest honors, the Bronze, Silver and Gold awards, which are organized by age group as girls progress through school and are then awarded to a troop

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Photo courtesy of National Wildlife Federation

as a whole. The troop chooses a problem to solve, researches a sustainable solution and then gets the word out. Boy Scouts of America (Scouts BSA) • scouting.org The Boy Scouts of America (which now welcomes girls, too) is a long-standing service-based organization for kids. Like Girl Scouts, Scouts BSA participants earn merit badges through service, the highest merit being the Eagle Scout badge, an award that is the result of many hours of service, not just a single project. Scouts work with adult mentors and local agencies to steward their projects, which may involve efforts to raise money, procure donations and organize other volunteers. National Wildlife Federation (NWF) • nwf.org For tweens and younger kids looking to start a sustainable service project, the National Wildlife Federation offers a nationally recognized NWF Wildlife Habitat certificate through its Kids Garden for Wildlife program. Children as young as toddlers can initiate (with help from a parent, caregiver or teacher) the planting and maintenance of a small habitat garden to attract wildlife to an urban setting. Not only does a certified space join the national registry of such critical corridors of urban habitat, but the child earns a plaque to display and credit for service hours, either through their school or NWF.

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Bryony Angell loves nature, art and mid-century architecture, and can find a way to connect all three to parenting.

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Owner Darryl Beckmann demonstrates a magic wand trick at Market Magic. Photo by Natasha Dillinger

Make It a Market Day A perfect itinerary for family fun at Pike Place Market By Natasha Dillinger

City dwellers are well-known for avoiding iconic local landmarks. It’s rare for a New Yorker to visit the Empire State Building, for instance. In the case of my family, we have yet to visit the Space Needle. But there’s one “touristy” spot we can’t stop returning to: Pike Place Market (pikeplacemarket.org). Founded in 1907 and lovingly preserved over the years, this historic destination is always at the top of our downtown itinerary.

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Many of the most famous amusements, such as a photo op with Rachel the Pig or watching the fishmongers toss salmon, are front and center at the market’s Pike Street entrance, but other gems take a bit more wandering to discover. Even repeat visitors might find it a bit overwhelming to weave through the sprawling 9-acre public market, so we’ve rounded up 10 of our family’s favorite stops to make your next visit fun for everyone. Note: The approximately 500 small businesses that operate at the market generally set their own hours and some even close seasonally (although most are open on weekends), so you’ll want to check that your top picks are open before arriving, and be flexible about your plan. 1. Start with the most important meal of the day. One of the biggest obstacles to visiting the market is navigating the crowds (especially during cruise season). Starting your day with a market breakfast means you’ll dodge the busiest hours. While many restaurants offer morning fare, our favorite stop is

Photo courtesy of The Crumpet Shop

The Crumpet Shop (thecrumpetshop.com). We order a house-made chai and watch the team flip fresh crumpets on the griddle through the large interior window before settling in at a sidewalk patio table to eat. (Note that the shop faces a Deja Vu Showgirls strip club

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location, so if you have inquisitive kids and aren’t ready for that particular sex talk just yet, you might want to take your treats to go.) 2. Find magic at the land DownUnder. Many of our market trips stay above ground, but a trip to the market’s underbelly (appropriately called DownUnder) is full of fun. Bring quarters to peek through stereoscope-style lenses at the enormous footwear on display at the world-famous Giant Shoe Museum, which is located just outside Old Seattle Paperworks (oldseattlepaperworks.com), purveyor of unique vintage posters and advertising art. Look above the Market Magic Shop for the magician poster with eyes that move, before venturing inside to try out the vintage fortune-telling machines. A polite Photo by Natasha Dillinger “please” and genuine interest will win you a trick demonstration from owner Darryl Beckmann, who founded this magic shop in 1973, which makes it the longest-running magic shop in the Pacific Northwest. If you feel compelled to leave your mark on the famous Gum Wall (unexpectedproductions.org/gumwall), make like a kid in a candy store and visit Sweetie’s Candy for your chewable art medium of choice (or just stick to the rainbow of other candy options available). 3. How does your garden grow? Pike Place Market’s worst-kept secret might be its secret urban garden, which you’ll find by heading past the fish throwers and the Maximilien restaurant’s patio. Feast your eyes but not your fingers — volunteers lovingly tend the garden and donate produce to the Pike Market Senior Center & Food Bank (pmsc-fb.org). While the garden is at its lushest during the summer, even our winter visits are brightened by thriving hearty greens and a scribble on the chalkboard pig. A few benches are scattered about, making this a good spot to pause for an outdoor snack.

course — to one of the outdoor tables and watch the Great Wheel light up as it turns. The urban garden mentioned above and Victor Steinbrueck Park are also excellent scenic spots.

4. Admire the views. The market’s hillside location makes it one of the best places to appreciate views of Puget Sound. My kids have a minor obsession with boats and love watching ferries, container ships and tugboats make their way in and out of the docks.

5. Coffee is life. A busy day at the market calls for a caffeinated recharge. We like to sneak upstairs to Storyville Coffee (storyville.com) for a latte and to tuck ourselves into one of its cozy armchairs with a view (look for the pigs atop the market roof). On a drizzly cold day, we might also stop in at Indi Chocolate (indichocolate.com) for a cup of thick and decadent drinking chocolate.

The easiest viewing spot to access is through the relatively new MarketFront Pavilion. We bring a picnic lunch from Beecher’s Handmade Cheese (beechershandmadecheese.com) — after watching the cheese being made through the shop’s window, of

6. Enjoy abundant walkabout snacks and samples. Let’s be clear: The real reason we frequent the market so often is for the snacks. My kids could probably lead their own food tours at this point. Whether it’s the fluffy mini doughnuts at Daily Dozen

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8. Support local farmers. It’s worth remembering that the market’s original purpose was to help connect Seattleites directly to their local farmers. Picking up fresh produce and beautifully arranged flowers from the market stalls saves us money and helps preserve the market’s core mission.

Photos by Natasha Dillinger

Doughnut Company, a perfectly sized “walkabout” cup of yogurt from Ellenos (ellenos.com) or a savory pork bun from Mee Sum Pastry (meesum.com), a sampling of handheld delights is the perfect way to keep little legs fueled on a market day. For a unique option, try the charcuterie cone from DeLaurenti Food & Wine (delaurenti.com). Filled with cheese, green olives (with pits) and your choice of either speck or salami, these ingenious portable charcuterie boards turn my gourmet kids into bloodhounds — they ask for one whenever we’re nearby. The cones aren’t always advertised, so just ask for one at the deli counter. Samples are on hold at many of the market vendors, but Ellenos, Beecher’s Handmade Cheese and several fruit vendors will still let you savor a taste before buying. 7. Spice up your life. When we’re ready to bring the food fest home, we take advantage of the market’s bevy of spice shops. You’ll find South Asian and Middle Eastern spices at The Souk, Latin American favorites at El Mercado Latino (thelatinmerchant.com), hot sauce and herbs at Herbanfarm (herbanfarmonline.com), and a pinch of everything at MarketSpice (marketspice.com). A sampler of fun spices is one of my favorite gifts for hosts or housewarmings.

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9. Souvenirs aren’t just for tourists. When it fits our family’s budget, I like to treat my kids with a bit of spending money so they can choose a small item to take home. I keep my fingers crossed for clutter-free consumables, such as bath goodies from The Soap Box (seattlesoapbox.com), but you’ll also find figurines for your home fairy garden at Tiny Fairy Houses (tinyfairyhouse.com), quirky plush Pastry Pets from MarninSaylor (marninsaylor.com) or adorable board books from Kate Endle Illustration & Fine Art (kateendle.com; Endle is the wife of Caspar Babypants … I mean Chris Ballew, and has illustrated his album covers). Our holiday splurge a few years ago was a cozy blanket from Eighth Generation (eighthgeneration.com), a store owned by the Snoqualmie Tribe that features gorgeous Indigenous-designed products. 10. Savor the season. It wouldn’t be a farm-focused destination without celebrating seasonality! The market puts on a variety of signature events and programs (pikeplacemarket.org/market-programs-event) throughout the year, and I try to sync up our calendars. Whether it’s the springtime Daffodil Day and Flower Festival (usually timed to coincide with Mother’s Day), the Fall Festival or the holiday Magic in the Market, we love visiting Pike Place Market year around.

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Natasha Dillinger is a Seattle mom who paused a career in accounting and finance to focus on showing her two young children around the Pacific Northwest. Follow their adventures near and far at suitcasesinseattle.wordpress.com.

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Ages + Stages 15 Tips to Raise a Responsible Child How to rear a helpful and thoughtful kid By Laura Markham, Ph.D. We all want to raise responsible children. And we all want to live in a world where others have been raised to be responsible, a world in which adults don’t shrug off their responsibilities as citizens. As my son once said, surveying the littered park when he was 3, “Don’t grown-ups know they have to clean up their own messes?” So, how do we raise our kids to take responsibility for their choices and their impact on the world?

about it, and remember not to worry about spilled milk. Encourage them to help by handing them a sponge as you pick one up yourself, even when it’s easier to do it yourself. (And it’s almost always easier to do it yourself!) As long as you aren’t judgmental about it — so they don’t become defensive — they’ll want to help clean up and make things better.

The bottom line is that kids will be responsible to the degree that we support them in being so. Here are 15 everyday strategies guaranteed to increase your kids’ “response-ability” quotient.

1. Raise your child with the expectation

that we always clean up our own messes. Begin by helping your child to be responsible until they learn how. They’ll learn how faster if you can be cheerful and kind

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2. Kids need an opportunity to contribute to the common good. All children contribute to the rest of us in some way, regularly. Find those ways and comment on them, even if it is just noticing when they are kind to their sibling or that you enjoy how they are always singing. Whatever behaviors you acknowledge will grow. As your children get older, their contributions can increase appropriately, both within and outside of the household. Kids need to develop two kinds of responsibilities: their own self-care and contributing to the family’s welfare. Research indicates that kids who help around the house are also more likely to offer help in other situations than kids who simply participate in their own self-care.

You begin by seeing responsibility as something joyful for your child, instead of a burden. All children want to see themselves as “response-able” — powerful and able to respond to what needs to be done. They need this for their self-esteem and for their lives to have meaning. Children don’t want just to be doted on. They need, like the rest of us, to feel like they matter to the world, that their lives make a positive contribution. You don’t really need to teach kids to handle themselves responsibly in the world; you just need to teach them that they have the power to contribute in a positive way, and to relate to them so that they want to do so.

messes, they become both easier to live with and better citizens of the world.

When your toddler spills her milk, say, “Oops, the milk spilled! That’s okay. We can clean it up,” as you hand her a paper towel and pick one up yourself. When your preschooler leaves her shoes scattered in your path, hand them to her and ask her to put them away, saying kindly, “We always pick up our own stuff.” You will have to do this, in one form or another, until your child leaves home. But if your approach is positive and lighthearted, your child won’t get defensive and whine that you should do the cleaning up. And when kids hear the constant, friendly reminder that we must all clean up our

Of course, you can’t expect them to develop a helpful attitude overnight. It helps to steadily increase responsibility in age-appropriate ways. Invite toddlers to put napkins on the table and ask 3-yearolds to set places. Your 4-year-old can match socks, and your 5-year-old can help groom the dog. A 6-year-old is ready to clear the table, a 7-year-old to water plants, and 8-year-olds can fold laundry. Again, notice that you’re inviting and empowering your child, not guilting and burdening them.

3. Remember that no kid in his right mind wants to do “chores.” Unless you want your children to think of contributing to the family as drudgery, don’t “make” them do chores without you

until those tasks are a regular part of your family routine and ones that they do not resist. Your goal isn’t getting this specific job done — it’s shaping a child who will take pleasure in contributing and taking responsibility. Make the job fun. Give as much structure, support and hands-on help as your child requires, including sitting with them and helping for the first 30 times they do the task, if necessary. Know that it will be much harder than doing it yourself. Remind yourself that there’s joy in these tasks, so communicate that, along with the satisfaction of a job well done. Eventually, they will be doing these tasks by themselves. That day will come much faster if they enjoy them.

4. Always let a child “do it myself” and “help,” even when it’s more work for you. And it will always be more work for you. But toddlers want desperately to master their physical worlds, and when we support them in doing so, they step into the responsibility of being “response-able.” So, instead of rushing through your list, reframe your goal. You’re working with your child to help them discover the satisfaction of contribution. That’s more important than having the job done quickly or perfectly. Notice that you’re also bonding, which is what motivates kids to keep contributing. 5. Rather than simply giving orders, try asking your child to do the thinking. For instance, to the dallying child in the morning, instead of barking, “Brush your teeth! Is your backpack packed? Don’t forget your lunch!” you could ask, “What’s the next thing you need to do to get ready for school?” The goal is to keep them focused on their list of tasks, morning after morning, until they internalize it and begin managing their own morning routine. 6. Provide routines and structure.

Routine and structure are crucial in children’s lives for many reasons, not the least of which is that it gives them repeated opportunities to manage themselves through

a series of not especially inviting tasks. First, they master prepping for bedtime, putting away toys and getting ready in the morning. Then they develop successful study habits and grooming habits. Finally, they learn basic life skills through the repetition of household routines, such as doing laundry or making simple meals.

makes it feel good. And that makes her more likely to repeat it.

7. Teach your children to be responsible

pair process because she feels like her actions were warranted — if not by what happened in this incident, then certainly by past grievances. That’s a bigger healing project that you’ll need to be involved in, so start today by building trust, listening to your child’s upsets and acknowledging those old feelings. This shows your child that you care, that they aren’t alone, and that they can feel those old emotions and move beyond them. At the same time that you’re supporting your child to heal their past unhappiness, insist that they repair current interactions.

for their interactions with others by using repair instead of punishment. When your daughter hurts her little brother’s feelings, don’t force her to apologize. She won’t mean it, and it won’t help him. First, listen to her feelings to help her work out those tangled emotions that made her snarl at him. Then, once she feels better, ask her what she can do to make things better between them. Maybe she’ll be ready to apologize. But maybe that will feel like losing face, and she would rather repair things with him by reading him a story, helping him with his chore of setting the table or giving him a big hug. This teaches children that their treatment of others has a cost, and that they’re always responsible for repairs when they do damage. But because you aren’t forcing the repair, she’s able to choose to make it herself, which

What if your child resists repair? That comes from resentment, or what we might call “a chip on the shoulder.” Your child feels like the one who has been hurt or offended and thus won’t start the re-

8. Support your child to help pay for

damaged goods. If kids help pay from their own allowance for lost library books and cell phones, windows broken by their baseball or tools they’ve left out to rust, the chances of a repeat infraction are slim.

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9. Don’t rush to bail your children out of a

difficult situation. Be available to your children for problem-solving, helping them work through their feelings and fears, and to ensure that they don’t just sidestep the difficulty. But let them handle the problem themselves, whether it requires offering an apology or making amends in a more concrete way.

10. Model responsibility and accountability. Be explicit about the responsible choices you’re making: “It’s a pain to carry this trash until we get to the car, but I don’t see a trash can, and we never litter.” “This sign says parking is reserved for people with physical challenges, so of course we can’t take that spot.” Keep your promises to your child and don’t

make excuses. If you don’t follow through when you promise to pick up that notebook they need for school or play that game with them on Saturday, why should they be responsible about keeping promises and agreements with you?

11. Never label your child as “irresponsible.”

Never label your child as “irresponsible,” because the way we see our kids is always a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, teach them the skills they need to be responsible. If they always lose things, for instance, teach them to stop anytime they leave somewhere — a friend’s house, school, soccer practice — and check that they have everything they need to take home.

12. Teach your child to make a written schedule. It may seem like overkill, but in our busy 21st-century lives, all kids need to master this skill by the time they enter high school

or they simply won’t get everything done. Begin on weekends during middle school, or earlier, if their schedule is busy. Just take a piece of paper, list the hours of the day on the left and ask your child what needs to get done. Write in baseball game, piano practice, an upcoming birthday party and all the steps of their science project: shop for materials, build the volcano, write and print out the description. Be sure to block out downtime: go for ice cream with Dad, chill and listen to music. Most kids find this keeps their stress level down, since they know when everything will get done. Most important, writing out a

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schedule teaches them to manage their time and be responsible about their commitments.

13. All kids need the experience of working for pay. All kids need the experience of working for pay, which teaches them real responsibility in the real world. Begin by paying your 8-year-old to do tasks you wouldn’t normally expect of them (washing the car, weeding the garden), then encourage them to expand to odd jobs in the neighborhood (walk the neighbor’s dog or offer snow-shoveling services in the winter). Have them move on to mother’s helper/babysitting jobs when it’s age-appropriate, and finally, to take on after-school or summer jobs. Few settings teach as much about responsibility as the world of working for pay. 14. Create a no-blame household.

We all automatically want to blame someone when things go wrong. It’s as if fixing blame on someone might prevent a recurrence of the problem or absolve us of responsibility. In reality, blaming makes everyone defensive, more inclined to watch their back — and to attack — than to make amends. It’s the No. 1 reason kids lie to their parents. Worse yet, when we blame them, kids find all kinds of reasons it wasn’t really their fault — at least in their own minds — so they’re less likely to take responsibility, and the problem is more likely to be repeated. Blame is the opposite of unconditional love. So, why do we do it? We do it to help us feel less out of control, and because we can’t bear the suspicion that we also played some role, however small, in creating the situation. Next time you find yourself automatically beginning to blame someone, stop. Instead, accept any responsibility you can — it’s good practice to overstate your responsibility — without beating yourself up. (You’re modeling, remember?) Then, just accept the situation. You can always come up with better solutions from a state of acceptance than a state of blame.

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15. Teach your kids that, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, they not only have the right to be an individual, they have an obligation to be one. Studies show that people who take responsibility in any given situation are people who see themselves as willing to be different and stand out. That’s the kind of kid you want to raise.

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Laura Markham, Ph.D., is the founder of Aha! Parenting and the author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,” “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” and “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.” This article was originally published on ahaparenting.com.

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