ParentMap August 2022 Issue by ParentMap

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Is Gentle Parenting Just a Fad? The debate rages on, so we asked local parent educators to weigh in

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A ‘Recharge, Reboot’ Agenda for Fall Everyone wants a DIY pandemic recovery plan — try this one for your teen

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PNW INSIDE + OUT

Savoring Summer Plus, calming cues for your back-to-school mindset reset

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C ONTENTS

August

2022

PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader Play List

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Words of Mouth Expert tips for brushing up on oral health habits during summer

Need to Know: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 33 Suicide prevention and mental health crisis response just got a whole lot stronger PARENT TOOLBOX

Is Gentle Parenting Just a Fad? 10 The debate rages on, so we asked local parent educators to weigh in EDUCATION

After-School Special Local centers where kids can learn, play and feel a sense of belonging

7 12 24

Feature

Parenting WELLNESS

Local Resources Pediatric Dentistry Camps + Activities Schools + Preschools

A ‘Recharge, Reboot’ Agenda for Fall 14 Everyone wants a DIY pandemic recovery plan — try this one for your teen

Family Fun OUT + ABOUT

August Play List 20 Shut off the back-to-school commercials, put on your shorts and go play! Bucket Listicle 25 25 free summer outings and activities for your best August ever

Just the Ticket Local org TeenTix makes arts and culture more accessible to youths

Fuel your summertime adventures without breaking the bank with our tidy list of outings that cost nothing (or next to nothing).

Back-to-School Cool 30 Keep it chill with our family cheat sheet for a successful return to school IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

AGES + STAGES

When Helping Hurts 37 How do you know what actually helps or hurts your anxious child?

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BTS mindset reset Gah! How can it possibly already be time to start the back-to-school hustle!? I don’t know about you, but despite these beguiling days of summer, a queasy apprehension about this year’s return to school lurks beneath the surface for me. And, weirdly, it has nothing to do with the pandemic. Interestingly, a recent New York Times poll revealed that fewer than 1 percent of the Americans surveyed identified the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic as the country’s most important problem — this in the midst of a conspicuous new surge of cases due to the BA.5 variant. I have two reactions to this surprising (and not!) datapoint. The first hmm: Our collective “meh” response to this latest wave of the pandemic may reflect a perhaps naive, but dare I say healthy, generalized adaptation of Americans to This Pandemic Life — what my colleague Jess calls our growing “COVID-ability.” Despite the particularly contagious characteristic of BA.5, it’s possible that the small flicker of concern about it (as recorded in the survey) reveals this herd adaptability — which is neither delusional or cavalier, nor the byproduct of mass denial — at work. We’re smarter and we’re not so easy to scare as we were. Hence, this 1 percent score on the fear-o-meter, which plunges COVID-19, rightly or wrongly, into bottom contention with some of our nation’s lesser, yet perennially persistent, concerns: clowns and embarrassing Zoom gaffes. The second hmm: We live in a culture of fear, so it’s more impossible than ever to crown a winner in any contest for “America’s most important problem.” So many aspects of our lives seem under threat, back up for Thunderdome-style debate, steeped in struggle, devastated by tragedy. All of this begs the question: How can a parent blithely shop for graph paper with visions of Uvalde death-dancing in their head, or summon sentimental associations with “going back to school” when our schools are no longer reliably safe havens for our kids? Well, of course we must purchase the graph paper. But the far more important mission in front of us this time every year is to galvanize our own calm and purposeful back-to-school mindset so that we can model the kind of optimism and coping skills our kids will need to confidently move forward themselves. To that end, our August issue is stacked with encouraging pointers for rocking the transition (p. 30), brushing up on our social-emotional calisthenics (p. 34), helping our children — and ourselves! — manage anxiety (p. 37), setting a “get active” agenda that will recharge our kids’ mental health (p. 14) and more. As for the fun-o-meter, we’ve got you more than covered this August with our indispensable Play List (p. 22) and an ultimate bucket list of 25 free and totally fabulous PNW adventures (p. 25). What are you waiting for? Get out there! — Patty Lindley, managing editor

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AUGUST 2022, VOL. 19, NO. 8

My personal parenting theme song is ...

PUBLISHER

Alayne Sulkin EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney

“In My Life” by The Beatles

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Wellness Words of Mouth Expert tips for brushing up on oral health habits during summer By Kellie Schmitt

Most parents have heard of the summer slide when it comes to academics, but children can also lose ground on important dental habits. “The routine gets disrupted when summer happens,” says Kim Trieu, DDS, an Everett family dentist who also teaches at the University of Washington School of Dentistry and is a member dentist of Delta Dental of Washington (deltadentalwa.com). “And when we get out of routines, we get out of habits.” Tricks of the tooth trade That interruption can lead to delayed or forgotten dental hygiene routines. At the same time, summer brings additional dental challenges, from extra snacking to the heightened risk of mouth injuries. As a dentist and mom, Trieu has developed some strategies caregivers can employ to help keep children’s teeth and gums healthy and safe throughout the year. For one, reminders of twice-daily brushing and flossing might be necessary, even for kids who were used to handling dental routines on their own. The American Dental Association recommends this twice-daily regime to remove food and plaque, which reduces one’s risk for developing cavities. “Whenever you can control it, you are emphasizing and reminding them: ‘Did you brush yet?’” says Trieu. Consider posting a visual reminder on a bathroom mirror or setting a daily phone alarm. Checklists are also great when it comes to boosting accountability. For younger kids, sticker or coloring charts can lead to a bigger reward, such as special time with a parent.

For visual learners, parents can purchase plaque-disclosing tablets, which color lingering plaque. These could also spur a fun, friendly family competition: Who brushed best? Smart summer snacking Another summer dental challenge comes in the form of frequent snacking. Overindulgence can put kids at risk for plaque buildup, which can lead to inflammation, gum disease and even cavities.

By age 10 or 11, children tend to have enough manual dexterity to brush and floss their teeth by themselves. But it’s like riding a bike just after removing the training wheels: Some assistance may be necessary. After a child finishes the job, pull back their lip to check for plaque. You might find a chunk of plaque at the gum line, a telltale sign that they’re missing a spot.

Trieu recommends offering high-protein snacks that are less likely to stick to teeth, such as cheese, yogurt, whole milk, smoothies, meats and oatmeal. Fruits and vegetables are always a safe bet. Limit snacks that tend to linger in tooth crevices, such as potato chips, crackers, dried fruits, gummies and sticky candies. Sugary drinks, such as soda and sports drinks, should also be minimized.

“Give them feedback: ‘Oh hey, did you see all that stuff?’” says Trieu. “‘Aim a little higher at the gum.’”

There are some popular misconceptions that salty snacks are better because they’re not as sweet. That’s not the case, though,

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Trieu says. Those starches convert to sugars. “Crackers and chips stick in the pits and grooves,” says Trieu. “If you’re not swishing with water or milk, they will stay there on the teeth.” In fact, some sweet treats — for instance, ice cream — are better for dental hygiene because they easily slough off the tooth surface, Trieu notes. Be ready for dental emergencies With kids being more physically active during the summer, there’s also a greater likelihood of a dental emergency. Before an incident happens, familiarize yourself with your dentist’s after-hours or emergency contact information. If a child’s permanent teeth are affected, caregivers need to act quickly — within an hour, if possible. Trieu most commonly sees damage to the front upper teeth. That’s why she recommends that kids wear a soft plastic mouthguard when participating in high-contact sports such as hockey or football. When a permanent tooth comes out, it’s important to call a dentist immediately. If the roots are intact, an adult can hold the tooth by the crown and attempt to reinsert it into the tooth socket. It’s possible the fibers may help it adhere. If the adult is too scared or parts are missing, put the tooth in Hanks’ Balanced Salt Solution before heading to the dentist, Trieu advises. The goal is to save all of the fibers so that the tooth can be successfully re-implanted. (If you don’t have this solution on hand, the American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry also suggests putting the tooth in a glass of milk and taking your child and the tooth immediately to your pediatric dentist.) While losing a baby tooth isn’t as time-sensitive an emergency, it’s still important to visit a dentist to have the soft tissue checked. Even if a child’s teeth appear fine after a fall, make a note of any serious impacts to their head and share it with the dentist. Sometimes an impact can lead to the development of joint dysfunctions years later. Of course, prevention is always the best strategy. Trieu advises parents to closely monitor their kids when they are riding on two-wheeled scooters or when more than one child is jumping on a trampoline. She also recommends that kids wear a mouthguard along with a helmet when participating in any high-risk activities.

Bring The Tooth Fairy Experience Home! The Tooth Fairy is on a mission to teach children about the importance of healthy smiles! That’s why she is offering FREE downloadable educational resources to parents and teachers, including: Fun dental health worksheets & coloring sheets Engaging educational & storybook reading videos Easy-to-follow lesson plans for home use Materials are dentist- and teacher-reviewed, kid-tested and endorsed by the School Nurse Organization of Washington. Visit TheToothFairyExperience.com

Do your kids love hearing from the Tooth Fairy? Receive fun content by subscribing to our quarterly Grin & Grow e-newsletter at TheToothFairyExperience.com. Follow the Tooth Fairy’s adventures on Facebook and Instagram @ToothFairyWA PA R E N T M A P / A U G U S T 2 0 2 2 / 7

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For parents looking for fun ways to teach kids about caring for their smiles, The Tooth Fairy Experience website (thetoothfairyexperience.com) provides helpful year-round resources, including a dental tips blog, child dental health activity sheets for home use, a quarterly Grin & Grow e-newsletter, Tooth Fairy letters for children, a Tooth Fairy hotline with prerecorded messages, and links to other Delta Dental of Washington resources, such as help in finding a dentist. In addition, families can follow the Tooth Fairy team on its Facebook and Instagram channels (@ToothFairyWA).

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Take advantage of summer schedules While summer’s open schedules might disrupt dental routines, less busy days present a good opportunity to book a visit to the dentist. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends a visit by age 1 or within six months after your child’s first tooth erupts. While this visit is mostly for parent education, it’s also important in establishing a trusted relationship with a dentist. Early and regular dental visits normalize oral health care as a priority.

Healthy Smiles are Happy Smiles!

“You want to start developing a relationship with a dentist early,” says Trieu.

At Redmond Kids’ Dentistry, we treat each family like our extended family. We help each child achieve optimal oral health in a caring and safe environment. From age 1 to 18, our team helps guide you and your child through their developmental stages, starting from your baby’s first tooth.

Rather than emphasizing a fear of cavities, Trieu suggests focusing on the relationship and trust you can create with your family’s dentist. That connection will go a long way in helping children maintain healthy dental habits — even in the summer.

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Kellie Schmitt is an award-winning health and science writer. Top Dentists Sponsored by

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Parent Toolbox Ask a Parent Educator: Is Gentle Parenting Just a Fad? By Annie Garrett, M.Ed. Have you ever found yourself comforting a toddler through a tantrum? Labeling your child’s emotions? Using a “time-in” rather than a “timeout”? If yes, “gentle parenting” may have its (not so gentle?) grips on you. Coined by Sarah Ockwell-Smith (sarahockwell-smith.com) and popularized by influencers such as Becky Kennedy, Ph.D. (goodinside.com), the term has gone viral among millennial moms who have turned to social media for pandemic-era parenting survival tips. Gentle parenting is founded on the idea that misbehaviors in children are a stress response best addressed by understanding, joint problem-solving and setting consistent limits. Rewards, punishments and praise are seen as flimsy external motivators that undermine the development of intrinsic motivation. When children are raised with gentle parenting, the theory holds, they become adults who are prepared to face life’s challenges from a place of healthy calm, instead of one characterized by destructive fear and anxiety. Who wouldn’t want to be a gentle parent? “I aspire to bribe and penalize my children,” said no parent ever. But recently, gentle parenting has been called into question. If an exposé could ever be written on a parenting technique, well, The New Yorker, The Guardian and The New York Times did exactly that in 2022, plopping “gentle parenting” in the hot seat.

Jen, do you see gentle parenting as a problem and something else for parents to worry about? This is still a counterculture way to parent. When something is new and different, it can feel fake and hard, and we can easily get discouraged when it doesn’t work as quickly as we’d hoped.

Critics contend that gentle parenting methods overemphasize the emotions of the child, rendering the emotions of everyone else — especially the parent — either invisible or irrelevant. The fear? A generation of narcissists will one day blame their parents for overindulging their feelings. Parents, meanwhile, are set up for failure when asked not only to provide for their children and keep them safe and engaged in the world, but also to be their personal psychotherapists.

We are fortunate in this generation to have a much better understanding of how the brain grows and works than generations before us had. Human brains develop most successfully when they perceive they are safe, they are in relationships with other caring brains, and they feel like they matter in some way. Children, with their young growing brains, learn how to do everything through imitation first. Brains do what they see. To the extent that we, as adults, can regulate our own emotions and responses to the environment in a healthy, helpful way, we help the young, growing brains within our influence to do the same.

At present, little conclusive research exists on the long-term effects of gentle parenting and its associated techniques. Data may be lacking, but debate is not. So, where do local thinkers stand on the matter? Here, we will share insights from Beth Goss (bethgoss.com) and Jen Giomi (sounddiscipline.org), both highly respected leaders within the Seattle area’s professional parent educator community.

The point of teaching children to understand and express feelings is not so that they grow up with the expectation that their feelings are the most important thing, or that anyone else even really cares. The point of teaching this is so that as they grow, they can understand their own emotions and then make good decisions about their own actions and lives based on the information. I think this is the piece that frequently gets lost in parenting “sound bites.”

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As a culture, we collectively have a belief that punishments and rewards are an effective way to teach. When we employ any strategy other than those, it feels weird, perhaps less effective. Yet, we’ve been employing these other strategies for centuries with very limited success. There are many ways to hold firmness that don’t land in the reward or punishment categories, but collectively, we are not practiced in them, and so we don’t give them a chance or believe they can work. Ultimately, we are always in the process of learning. It’s not about doing it “right.” The value is in being aware, trying, making mistakes and role-modeling the learning process for our children. There is immense value in that alone. Beth, do you think that people are committed to this trend of “gentle parenting” and believe that it is a parenting style that is here to stay? I see gentle parenting as an offshoot of the positive discipline method combined with Dr. John Gottman’s emotion coaching. These methods have been around for a long time and emphasize validation within clearly defined behavioral boundaries. So, my answer would be that it’s not a new trend at all. Some of us grew up in homes where it wasn’t safe or acceptable to express “negative” emotions. When we become parents ourselves, we don’t have the tools to deal with our kids having big feelings. Tantrums can make us uncomfortable, and our goal is often to make them stop. Gentle parenting holds space for the child’s feelings. When parents realize they don’t have to stop the meltdown, it takes the pressure off. Children’s feelings aren’t more important than the adult’s, but they are important. When adults deal with the child’s feelings first, and the “problem” second, they are strengthening their relationship. So many parents get caught up in current unwanted behaviors that they forget they’re planting the seeds of ongoing connection that will benefit them when those kids grow into teens. Jen, how about you? Is gentle parenting here to stay? I hope that some strategies of gentle parenting are here to stay, as I believe they are rooted in science. The strategies will lead to a more emotionally literate community, which could lead to better communicators, collaborators and problem-solvers.

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Annie Garrett is a faculty member in parent education and manager of the Early Childhood Education Bachelor of Applied Science Degree program at Seattle Colleges. She also volunteers as a PEPS (Program for Early Parent Support) presenter. She holds a master’s degree in education from the University of Washington.

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After-School Special Local centers where kids can learn and play Before- and after-school care programs don’t just bridge the gap between the last school bell and the time parents get off from work: They can improve academic performance as well as foster a sense of nurturing community for kids. Eastside-area programs The Stroum Jewish Community Center (Mercer Island) • sjcc.org The J’s Kidstown program provides a safe space where kids can get homework help, make arts and crafts or swim in the indoor pool. Grades: K–5 Samena Swim & Recreation Club (Bellevue) • samena.com This member-based family club offers state-licensed before- and after-school care options for kids in elementary school, including swimming, of course! Ages: 5–12 The ArtSci Company (Bellevue, Kirkland) • theartsci.com Following a philosophy that those who study the arts are more likely to excel in academics and life, staff offer homework support in conjunction with performing arts instruction. Grades: Elementary and middle school Boys & Girls Clubs of King County (multiple locations) • positiveplace.org Programming incorporates STEM, arts, leadership training and recreation. Teens have their own club space, where they can participate in sports, arts, volunteering and connecting with mentors. (Explore programs available through the Boys & Girls Clubs of South Puget Sound at bgcsps.org.) Grades: Preschool to high school PRO Club (Seattle and Bellevue) • proclub.com PRO Club’s Kids Club serves kids from several area elementary schools. Students get homework assistance, enjoy sports and games, dabble in art and crafts, and make new friends. Grades: K–6

Seattle-area programs The YMCA of Greater Seattle (Seattle) • seattleymca.org The YMCA’s Before- and After-School Enrichment (BASE) program provides enrichment opportunities and care for Seattle school district students. Kids hone social-emotional skills and experiment with many activities. Grades: K–5 Outer Space Seattle (Seattle) • outerspaceseattle.com This popular West Seattle play space offers after-school programming that elevates care to a galactic level! Kids socialize, explore, imagine and create through a variety of STEM activities. Ages: 5–10 City of Seattle Parks and Recreation (Seattle) • seattle.gov Out-of-School Time programs are coordinated by Seattle Parks and Recreation community center staff in collaboration with school administrations to meet student needs. Grades: Elementary to middle school South Sound–area programs YMCA of Pierce and Kitsap Counties • ymcapkc.org Before- and after-school enrichment care helps hone socialemotional skills and introduces kids to many sports, arts and STEM opportunities. Grades: K–5 South Sound YMCA (multiple locations) • southsoundymca.org Y Care’s enriching programs are research-based and aim to support social-emotional growth and development, based on children’s talents and interests. Ages: 5–12 Childtime (multiple locations) • childtime.com Childtime’s programming for school-age students focuses on setting goals and self-reflection, complemented by homework support, team-building opportunities and physical activity. Ages: Check the club in your area for ages served. Black Diamond Adventures/Enumclaw Adventures • enumclawadventures.com Group outdoor adventure activities emphasize teamwork and building skills. Indoors, kids can access homework help, read, craft and play board games. Ages: 5–12

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— Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

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The ‘Get Active’ Agenda A ‘recharge, reboot’ mental health solution for our teens By Laura Kastner, Ph.D.

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Pandemic burnout prevails. Excessive screen-use habits persist. Kids are suffering from slumping grades, social lags and emotional doldrums (and so are parents). Should you see a family therapist (good luck), hire a tutor (cha-ching, cha-ching!) or get a(nother) rescue puppy? Everyone wants to be handed a DIY pandemic recovery plan. Contemplating fixes can feel overwhelming, whether your stress inventory relates to your family or the future of our nation. Surveys of parents and teens alike reveal ever-increasing levels of stress related to everything from family well-being to mass shootings, the economy, civil unrest, polarized politics and climate emergencies.

Adding to your worries is the flurry of reports on increased rates of depression, anxiety, self-harming and suicide among teens. Prolonged sheltering at home accentuated feelings of isolation, loss and despair. And the kicker: While teens needed online access to participate in school, constant screen use resulted in amplified concern about the negative impact of social media. Although the return to school improved well-being for many teens, I hear a lot about pandemic “hangovers.” Typical teen moodiness and parent-child conflict over rules and expectations have been magnified by cabin fever, and grief about losing ground on developmental milestones haunts us. There is no one-size-fits-all way to prevent mental health problems among teens. Of course, the most important thing parents can do is to maintain a supportive and loving relationship with their teens while practicing positive and effective parenting approaches. But beyond the home front, for adolescents to thrive psychologically requires that they feel a sense of belonging, peer acceptance and social competence. The ‘get active’ agenda I propose an agenda for all middle and high school students that is referred to as “positive youth engagement” in academic circles and “extracurricular activities” in the parenting world. Extensive research has proven the advantages of participating in sports, volunteering, focusing on artistic development, and joining other clubs for optimal well-being and healthy identity development. Youths who become involved in collaborative, structured activities exhibit lower levels of depression, anxiety and problematic risk-taking behavior. They also register higher levels of optimism and hopefulness. Among the many families I talked with during the pandemic in consultations and via webinars, I perceived a distinct difference between families with inactive teens and those with teens who participated in some outside activities, continued sports involvement or “got active” through activism. We know that exercise, exposure to nature and enjoying peers are all activities that promote good health, but feeling part of something important generates its own unique positive emotions and benefits. Whether it is volunteering at the food bank or participating in a political march or a religiously affiliated youth group, when the theme involves empathy and caring about others, the experience is good medicine. Parents who both promoted the use of COVID-19 safety measures (e.g., masking, social distancing, ventilation) and tolerated some risk to allow their teen to participate in organized activities seemed to give their kids an edge in preserving mental health. Having experienced the harms of extreme isolation, many parents are rethinking their policy of zero tolerance for risk when it comes to making parenting decisions. Dips in mental health can be tangible — and sometimes terrible.

Teen mental health on a continuum Flourishing teens who are at the thriving end of the mental health continuum are motivated to get involved with volunteering, clubs and talent development. A tiny minority might be stressed out by an overly packed schedule, but they are not suffering as much as the majority of American teens who do not participate in organized activities at all. Troubled teens at the other end of the mental health continuum may experience mental illness, incarceration and/or a multitude of psychosocial problems. The Violence Project (theviolenceproject.org) has documented that one of the top three predictors of mass shootings is isolation. Alienation and disconnection from people, institutions and positive influences are linked with depression and falling prey to extremist ideologies online. Teens in the middle range of functioning, those who have the “blahs” and the “I duwannas,” might be getting by, but who among us is satisfied with our child’s rudderless floundering? A languishing teen’s apathy and disengagement place them at risk for a slide into depression. You can skip dental cleaning for a while, but you usually pay for neglect down the line. I advise parents to prioritize this “get active” parenting plan as vigilantly as dental care, curfews and nightly sitdown family dinners (okay, okay — that last one is aspirational). I have shared my “I have a dream” speech for decades in academic conferences and parent lectures. All kids — not just the privileged ones — should have the opportunity to participate in after-school activities. The benefits are massive. Teen resistance to the plan can be gargantuan. But it’s worth the struggle. Obstacles, teen resistance and problem-solving As much as a clear case can be made for positive youth engagement, the obstacles to access can be enormous. Access requires that parents have enough resources to afford fees, arrange for transportation, and coordinate participation around work, school and family obligations. To state the obvious: Economic inequality makes life (and this agenda) much harder for those who have less. Another obstacle is teen resistance. Parents of reluctant teens may experience fierce protest and blowback. They may want their teens to get involved with extracurricular activities, but they wonder whether it is worth the effort and obstacles. My exchanges during consultations with parents of resistant teens tend to go something like this: Me: Think of the benefits! Whether the activity is volleyball, robotics club or yearbook, your children will gain access to positive peers, structured and supervised activities, and adult mentors who promote the values of responsibility, engagement and empathy. Furthermore, if kids are busy with extracurricular activities, they aren’t home isolating and vegging out with gaming and social media.

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Parent: Yeah. That sounds great, but my kids don’t want to do any of the activities I suggest. My daughter pitches a fit about needing downtime, but she wastes her time scrolling through social media crap that makes her hate her body and feel left out. Me: Parents are in a terrible bind. Dealing with teen opposition can be dreadful, but if their avoidance is rewarded, they both miss out on opportunities to build competencies and tend to resist new endeavors even more over time. For reluctant teens, it’s a lot easier to avoid in-person conversation in their scrolling cave than deal with people directly and practice new skills. Parent: She ends up in bed with her phone for hours. That phone is an addiction for her, and yet it often makes her miserable. Me: Merging with media provides a near-constant and often powerful release of dopamine, the pleasure neurochemical in the brain. However, despite the huge attraction to social media — due to its entertainment value, intrigue and sensationalism — sometimes teens also suffer peer exclusion, social envy, body shame and plummeting self-esteem. Parent: I know. It’s awful. We fight about screens all the time. My kids say they are going to do their homework, but they lie and violate our screen rules. We point out how bad screen addiction is and how we need more restrictions on it, but then then we end up in a screaming match. Me: Internet access and social media have their upsides — learning, connecting with good friends and joining interest groups. But you are not alone in your despair about the downsides. Parent: They seem like zombies with their eyeballs glued to the screen. I try to tell them how much it softens the mind to dumb-scroll through that crap. Me: You might be right, but is it effective? Parent: Never. Me: Rarely are facts and reasoning enough to inspire habit change among children or adults! Let’s talk about your wins. How do you get your kids to go to school? Or wear nice clothes to Grandma’s birthday dinner? Or comply with other things they don’t want to do? Parent: Well, we insist on the basics. But I thought par-

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ents were supposed to give teenagers more independence and choices. Me: You are absolutely right! Often, the hardest part of parenting is picking your battles. Given the advantages associated with extracurricular activities, you might want to consider extracurricular activity as a “basic” and give your teens the choice of which activity, not whether they choose one. Parent: Last year, I caved when my ninth-grade son refused to play basketball like he did in sixth grade before the pandemic, but he convinced me that he’d just get exercise by working out on his own. It didn’t happen. I was really upset, because I knew he felt lonely and alienated starting in a new high school. I think he’s even less likely to sign up for anything next fall, so how do I motivate him? Me: Motivating reluctant kids comes down to the carrot or the stick — and I favor the carrot. While some parents withhold cell phones or social freedoms — the stick — a better approach is to add a goody — that is, a carrot — such as more screen time, a later curfew or access to something they crave and that you approve of.

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Parent: I dread the showdown we’ll have about this. I realize I might be avoiding this confrontation as much as they are avoiding their fears about joining up. They say extracurricular stuff is boring or stupid, but I know it’s more about social awkwardness and feelings of inadequacy. Doing new things is hard. You might be clumsy initially and fear judgment. Me: You are right. Making this agenda a priority requires your courage to deal with your teen’s emotional flooding in the same way that they have to cope with their own! When they show up for a new activity, it can produce a lot of anxiety. It’s best for parents to model confidence, conviction and optimism about committing to this vital agenda, even though the journey might have some bumps and swerves before kids find activities they really like. But gaining new friends and competencies is a big payoff! Parent: So, the bottom line is that those benefits should motivate me to tolerate what might be a tsunami of protest. Yikes! No wonder I’ve avoided it. But I get it — organized activities get them off the couch, away from the cell phones and involved with good influences. Making organized activities a “basic” requirement may take a lot of energy on the parent’s part, but it can yield

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a huge return on the investment — peer acceptance, new personal interests, and social and emotional skills. Negotiation is a must. But given the risks of mental health decline associated with isolation and inactivity, it’s worth the outlay of incentives and effort. A public health mission Gaining acceptance from peers and heeding the drive to belong, to be seen and to be important are developmentally critical tasks of adolescence. The pandemic exposed the mental health risks for teens who isolate, become inactive and ruminate on problems. Too many teens suffer from these problems — even without a pandemic. Making organized activities available to all should be public health policy. Participating in such activities may enhance (and even dramatically transform) your own teen’s life or rescue another from doldrums or crisis, but what’s good for one is truly good for all. Loneliness and a lack of sense of belonging can be such despairing conditions that youths will seek out whatever tribe will admit them. Whether the dangerous tribe is a gang, a group of drug users or a QAnon website, teens are vulnerable to worst-case scenarios in which they connect with others who feel similarly rejected, inadequate and miserable.

Given the developmental need for positive youth engagement among all teens, why not promote universal access to free after-school activities? It may be a “pie in the sky” mission, but with all of the hand-wringing in Congress about teen mental health, mass shootings and the dangers of excessive social media use, this is clearly one solution. In the meantime, pick up a megaphone and spread the word so that engaging youths in activities outside the home can become the norm. Reluctant teens may benefit from this “everybody is doing it” nudge, especially if it comes from other adults and classmates, not just parents. All children and teenagers possess strengths that they deserve to have developed, nurtured and cultivated. Organized activities provide these opportunities and build affirming connections with others. I bet you had your own experience with an organized activity during your youth, one that supported your positive trajectory in life. Let that memory inspire you to take action with your own kids and your community.

■

Laura Kastner, Ph.D., is a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington.

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It Starts With You(th)

Just the Ticket Local org makes arts and culture more accessible to youths By Gemma Alexander

Gavin Bradler’s interest in theater began early. By the time he reached high school, he was already coveting tickets to sellout shows like Seattle Rep’s “In the Heights.” Thanks to his membership in TeenTix (teentix.org), he scored a $5 standing-room ticket to the show’s closing performance. “I went on my own; it felt so adult, and I felt so responsible and rewarded. It was great,” says Bradler, who is now 19 and working as the communications specialist at TeenTix. TeenTix is a nonprofit that works to make

arts and culture more accessible to youths ages 13–19. For only $5, its flagship program furnishes members with tickets to arts events all over the Puget Sound region. The organization also helps young people get more deeply involved in the arts community through leadership and communications opportunities. Participation in all TeenTix programs is free, and the organization works with individuals to overcome any barriers to accessibility. Formed in 2004, TeenTix was originally a project designed by the city of Seattle to introduce teens to the handful of arts organizations based at Seattle Center. But

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help teens find events in their own neighborhoods.

the project was so successful that soon other Seattle venues wanted to take part. Now, TeenTix is an independent nonprofit with more than 70 partners across King, Pierce and Snohomish counties. The organization recently launched a sister program in Los Angeles that provides reciprocal benefits for members in both cities. TeenTix issues more than 7,000 new passes each year; local teens have used them to attend more than 130,000 plays, concerts, museum programs and more. “People can begin to engage with the arts at any time,” says Monique Courcy, executive director of TeenTix. “But the reason we focus on teenagers specifically is that we saw that art opportunities were missing for teens. We want to empower teens at that age where they are practicing autonomy to develop positive interactions with art experiences, such as buying a ticket, figuring out transportation and watching a show — and doing so in a way that places ownership in the hands of the teen.” That ethos is what drew Bradler into the organization. “I wholeheartedly believe that art should be accessible to as many people as possible,” he says. But Bradler points to cost, transportation, and even knowledge — of both what’s available and how to access it — as barriers to young people just beginning to explore the arts. “My job in communications has been sharing that knowledge. I want to make sure people can experience the arts that we all need. Especially now, my generation is facing so many challenges. There’s no better time for artists to speak up and for young people to have those experiences and learn from them.” TeenTix pass program Joining TeenTix is easy and free. Anyone ages 13–19 can visit the TeenTix website and fill out the membership form — no documentation or parental signature is required. A digital pass is issued immediately, but teens can also request a physical pass, which fits on a keychain. Bradler recommends signing up for the newsletter at the same time to start receiving a weekly email announcing interesting arts opportunities. Members can also find events on the TeenTix website using the calendar, the list of partners or a map to

For first-timers, it can be scary to walk up to the box office and buy a ticket. “Using that pass can be intimidating. But the TeenTix pass is your welcome letter. It is an invitation, not just a thing that our partners reluctantly sign on to. Our partners really want to see you there,” says Bradler. “The pass program is about having the freedom to explore. It’s cool, because I can pick what I want to see, rather than having to see what I can afford.” To use the pass, the pass holder shows it (along with a school ID or other photo ID) at the box office on the day of the event and pays $5 for their ticket. It’s a good idea to call the box office on the day you want to attend, just to make sure that tickets haven’t sold out. On certain days, pass holders can bring a guest and buy two tickets for $10. (Once, my daughter took me to the opera on a two-for-$10 day and was extremely proud of getting better seats than I usually buy.) Deeper engagement “We think it’s successful if a teen uses their TeenTix pass even one time,” says Courcy. But for many teens, that introduction to arts engagement is only the beginning. Since that first play five years ago, Bradler became involved with the arts org, first as an intern and now an employee — and he still uses his pass. “Just last week I went to MoPOP with my friend, who signed up that day, to see the opening of the Ruth E. Carter costume design exhibit,” he says. The New Guard For teens who want to be more deeply involved in the arts community, TeenTix provides youth development programs. The New Guard program trains teens to become leaders in the arts community. “It kind of pulls back the curtain on what jobs are there beyond being on a stage or practicing an art form,” Courcy explains. The

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New Guard participants learn communications, marketing and fundraising skills. Members attend regular arts outings, work with TeenTix Arts Partners to inform and develop their teen-centric programming and communication, and act as ambassadors for the program in their community. They also plan the annual Teeny Awards program. Attending his first Teeny Awards night is one of Bradler’s favorite TeenTix memories. “We got to celebrate the things we saw in the last year and meet a bunch of people. I learned about different art forms that I didn’t know existed before that. The energy in that room was fun and youthful and supportive and loving,” he says. In addition to hiring a handful of interns each year (and spreading the word about other arts-related internships), TeenTix collaborates with The Colorization Collective (colorizationcollective.org) to promote diversity in the arts through a one-on-one professional mentorship program for teen artists of color. Press Corps The TeenTix Press Corps produces arts reviews and profiles on the TeenTix blog and for other publications. It is currently developing a monthly podcast that will feature recommendations of local arts events. The organization hosts workshops at schools and partner organizations throughout the year. During these workshops, participants learn from professional arts journalists and receive one-on-one feedback on their work. “The Press Corps really focuses on teaching youth how to value their own voice [and understand] that, regardless of their level of experience with a particular art form, their opinion is valid,” says Courcy. Applications for the 2022–2023 Press Corps are currently open, with an Aug. 12 deadline.

■

Welcome back to the Discovery Center!

Arrive curious. Leave inspired.

Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

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FAM I LY F UN

August Play List It’s time to savor our Pacific Northwest summer By Nancy Chaney Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

For August, we’re ordering up a triple scoop of family fun. It’s peak summertime, which means we’re ready to pack in all of the wild and wonderful experiences we can. Fill your days with free concerts, outdoor story times, county and state fairs, the roaring Blue Angels overhead — and so much more. Don’t listen to the back-to-school commercials; shut your ears, put on your shorts and go play!

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up; select dates Aug. 1–30. parentmap.com/story-times

� Enchanting Kitsap Forest Theater invites families for a supremely kid-friendly outdoor theater experience. This summer’s second show, “Bend in the Road,” is a new musical based on the beloved character Anne of Green Gables. Performances take place Saturday– Sunday, July 30–Aug. 21, at 2 p.m. Tickets $10–$18; ages 5 and younger free. parentmap.com/anne

� Relish our Northwest summer days while enjoying free live music in parks across the region. Find a day or evening concert almost any day of the week. Concerts are free and take place in various parks on select dates, Aug. 1–31. parentmap.com/ summer-concerts

� Library story times are back! And in a genius summer move, they’re outdoors. Join King County Library System librarians and other families for engaging outdoor story times in a bounty of Seattle- and Eastside-area parks. Free, just check the schedule and show

� Book your passage on the ultrafast ferry to unique Jetty Island. This human-made, sandy-beach paradise is the perfect place to experience a true summer beach day. The ferry runs from Everett’s waterfront Wednesday–Sunday through Sept. 5. Cost is $3 per per-

son; ages 2 and younger free; book your tickets in advance. parentmap.com/jetty-island

� Inspect the marine life that lives in the shallow waters of Padilla Bay. Turn up — no RSVP needed — at Bay View State Park to meet up with a naturalist and other curious families to pull a net of sea creatures ashore for a look. And don’t worry, critters are returned to the water right away. Join in Wednesday, Aug. 3 at 2:30 p.m. or Monday, Aug. 22 at 11 a.m. You’ll need a daily or annual Discover Pass to park at the state park. parentmap.com/padilla � Love it or hate it, the Blue Angels air show is a hallmark

Highlighted Events for August

Aug. 5–7

Aug. 20–21

Seafair Weekend Festival

Umoja Fest & Parade

Chambers Creek Family Campout

Lake Washington, Seattle parentmap.com/seafair

Judkins Park, Seattle parentmap.com/umoja

Chambers Creek Regional Park, University Place parentmap.com/campout

of Seattle summer spectacles — and the culmination of a multitude of Seafair events. Turn your eyes to sky to spot the blazing-fast planes or head to Lake Washington for the hydro races during Seafair Weekend Festival, Friday–Sunday, Aug. 5–7. parentmap.com/seafair

� Head to Seattle’s Judkins Park to honor and celebrate the longevity and future of our African American community. Umoja Fest features a parade, music, culture, yummy food and kids’ fun. The festival takes place Friday–Sunday, Aug. 5–7, and admission is free. parentmap.com/umoja � Green Lake once again hosts Seattle’s moving From Hiroshima to Hope event on Saturday, Aug. 6. This lantern-floating ceremony commemorates victims of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings together with victims of war and violence everywhere. Events take place 6–9 p.m., free. parentmap.com/hiroshima � Saddle up for old-fashioned county fair fun at the Pierce County Fair in Graham. This fair showcases local kids and

safe. Free; select dates Aug. 11–28 at various beaches. parentmap.com/beach-walk

Matt Henry’s BIG BUBBLE SHOW! at the Pierce County Fair in Graham

families and their animals, the present and future of Pierce County’s agricultural community. Thursday–Sunday, Aug. 11–14. Gate admission is $5 with advance purchase; ages 5 and younger free; $1 admission for kids ages 6–15 on Thursday. parentmap.com/county-fair

� Join in a Puget Sound beach day, when you visit the beach during an extra-low tide and spot all kinds of fascinating critters. Naturalists will be on hand at area beaches to answer questions about your finds and show you how to keep our marine neighbors

� Bring your crew’s bikes to the Marymoor Velodrome for thrilling Marymoor Grand Prix action. Kids can ride the Kiddie Kilo on the velodrome track, then fasten your seatbelts to watch ultratactical, ultrafast velodrome bike racing by the pros. Friday–Saturday, Aug. 12–13; $5 to spectate, and kids ages 15 and younger watch and ride for free. parentmap.com/grand-prix � Canceled last summer at the last minute, the awesomely fun and tasty CHOMP! festival is really, truly back for 2022! Families will enjoy live music (Drive-By Truckers, The Not-Its!), tree climbing and more family fun at Marymoor Park. Free admission; food for purchase. Fest takes place Saturday, Aug. 20, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. parentmap.com/chomp � Try a lower-hassle version of camping at Chambers Creek Regional Park’s supported overnight family campout. Your ticket includes meals, kid-friendly activities and an outdoor movie

screening. Bring your own tent and gear. Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 20–21. $25 per adult; $20 per child; younger than 1 free. Preregister. parentmap.com/ campout

� Frolic among the towering sunflower blooms at Thomas Family Farm’s fourth annual Sunflowers in Snohomish event. Admission includes one bloom, kids’ activities around the farm and snapping gorgeous photos of your kids in the fields. Admission price TBA; book online, in advance. Festival takes place Saturday–Sunday, Aug. 20–21 and 27–28. parentmap.com/sunflowers � The Evergreen State Fair is the peak last-hurrah summer event for many families. Buy tix in advance to save a little on admission, then go wild riding carnival rides (extra cost), admiring livestock exhibits and munching on fair food. Fair runs Aug. 25–Sept. 5 (closed Wednesday, Aug. 31) in Monroe. Gate admission is $10–$18; ages 5 and younger free. parentmap.com/state-fair

■

Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.

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25 free summer outings and activities for your best August ever By Nancy Chaney

bike paths around Seattle and the Eastside (parentmap.com/bike-seattle), or on bike paths around the South Sound area (parentmap.com/bike-south-sound).

8/ Let your kids take their bicycling skills to Sound beach to meet up with a naturalist and learn more about your finds (parentmap.com/beach-walk).

the next level on awesome pump tracks in local parks (parentmap.com/pump-tracks). They’re like riding a roller coaster on a bike!

4/ Tiptoe quietly through the woods to

9/ Now that’s entertaining! Enjoy a free

1/ Take a hike! Kids often need enticements

spot sweet gnomes along a gnome trail (parentmap.com/gnomes) or find fanciful fairies along a fairy trail (parentmap.com/fairy-trail).

to get out for a nature stroll. Pack the good snacks and hike to a ghost town (parentmap.com/ghost-towns), trek to a “prize” (parentmap.com/prize), or bring your pooch and explore a nearby island’s trails (parentmap.com/bainbridge).

5/ All aboard! Catch a ride with Kitsap Live Steamers in Port Orchard (parentmap.com/ kitsap-live) or hop aboard the Great Northern Cascade Railway in Skykomish (parentmap.com/cascade).

2/ On the next toasty day, gather up your

6/ A hassle-free backyard campout

10/ Slip into an air-conditioned museum on a hot afternoon. The super kid-friendly Harbor History Museum and White River Valley Museum are always free. For other options, check out our guide to visiting favorite Seattle-area museums for free (parentmap.com/free-museums).

To fuel your summertime adventures without breaking the bank, we’ve rounded up a tidy list of activities and outings around Seattle and Puget Sound that cost nothing or next to nothing. Make the most of our last few glorious weeks of summer and get out of the house before school starts.

crew for a frolic at a spray park or fountain (parentmap.com/spray-parks). They’re free, fun and all over town.

3/ Consult our low-tide scavenger hunt list (parentmap.com/low-tide) for what marine critters to look for, then head to a Puget

(parentmap.com/backyard-camping) incorporates many of the best aspects of camping (um, s’mores) and skips a few of the not-so-fun ones (packing, driving, remembering to make a reservation nine months ago).

outdoor concert or show in almost every town around Puget Sound. parentmap.com/summer-concerts

11/ Pick berries! Of course, you have to pay at U-pick berry farms (which are also fun; parentmap.com/berries), but you can also forage for wild berries, such as tart, tiny red huckleberries and fat, juicy (and invasive, ack!) Himalayan blackberries. parentmap.com/forage

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12/ Popular Owen Beach got a makeover and recently reopened. Dip your toes into Commencement Bay, climb on the whale sculpture and slide down the giant epic slides nearby! parentmap.com/owen

13/ Free theater in the park perfectly accommodates

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wiggly kids. Try StoryBook Theater’s great shows for the littles (storybooktheater.org/park), or, for an intro to Shakespeare, turn up for Backyard Bard (parentmap.com/bard; through Aug. 6).

14/ Visit the phenomenal Seattle Children’s PlayGarden (parentmap.com/ playgarden), an innovative public playground designed to let kids of all abilities take risks and explore.

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Fun in your inbox Stay up to date with the latest family news, stories and adventures around Puget Sound — straight to your inbox.

15/ Plan a beach day at one of Puget Sound’s Seattle Children’s PlayGarden. best beaches, Jetty Photo by JiaYing Grygiel Island, open July 5–Sept. 5. This 2-mile oasis features sand and mudflats, driftwood and marshland grasses, and — best of all — shallow, warm water. parentmap.com/jetty 16/ Lighthouses are magical for kids. Try the Browns Point Lighthouse in Tacoma, with free tours on Saturdays. Play around Point Robinson Lighthouse, in a 10-acre shoreline park on Maury Island or at Mukilteo Lighthouse Park, near the Mukilteo-Clinton ferry landing. Over on the Kitsap Peninsula, visit the delightfully named Point No Point Lighthouse, the oldest lighthouse on Puget Sound. parentmap.com/lighthouses 17/ Take your critter-loving kids

to Kelsey Creek Farm Park (parentmap.com/kelsey) in Bellevue or Farrel-McWhirter Farm Park (parentmap.com/ farrel) in Redmond for free up-close time with farm animals. These parks also have playgrounds and trails for all-day fun.

18/ Tacoma Nature Center (tacomanaturecenter.org) is a 70-acre wetland habitat right in the heart of the city. It has a great play area and trails, and offers free

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The Sammamish Montessori School In Redmond

continued from page 26

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22/ For reluctant hikers, try a different landscape. An epic family hike in Tacoma offers sky-high views and thrills (parentmap.com/bridge-hike), and a hike around an urban lake (parentmap.com/lake-union) offers a new view of the heart of Seattle.

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23/ A unique Seattle garden park promises a feeling of zen for grown-up visitors, while kids will probably go nuts for the cool bridges, hidden pathways, ponds and enchanting Fera Fera Forest (parentmap.com/kubota). If you like it, we’ve got lots more secret gardens to explore (parentmap.com/secret-gardens). 24/ Play your cards right and you and your crew will be tootling around Lake Union in a rowboat, borrowed for free, from The Center for Wooden Boats (cwb.org). 25/ Of all the new playgrounds we’ve covered, one ultra-awesome playground has elicited the biggest reactions, from gasps of delight to heavy-duty bribes to finally go home. parentmap.com/fenwick

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Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.

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LO CAL R ES O UR CES / S CH O O L S , PR ES CH O O L S + N WA IS

Back-to-School Cool

kids the fuel they need to survive until lunchtime. parentmap.com/school-breakfast

Keep it chill with our family cheat sheet for a successful return to school

• Lunch: Find fresh ideas for the (sad-)sack lunch at

By Kari Hanson

parentmap.com/school-lunch. Pro tip: Get your kids involved in the process! They will be far more likely to gobble up food that they helped prepare (parentmap.com/lunch-helper).

• The third (and possibly most important) meal of the day: The art Our kiddos return to school every year in the fall. So, why does it seem like this annual scramble never gets any easier? From scarfing three (four?) squares a day to punching the (circadian) clock, forthwith are some of ParentMap’s best tried-and-true tips for getting off on the right foot. Ready, set, breathe. Managing mealtime madness: Short-order cooking for busy weekdays • Breakfast: Make that first meal of the day quick and toothsome with easy, protein-packed recipes that will be sure to give your

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of the after-school snack should be an Olympic-medaling event. We gotchoo! Round out pick-me-ups for your peckish posse with can’t-miss ideas for easy twists on classics (parentmap.com/twists) and kid-approved homemade takes on healthy after-school snacks (parentmap.com/tasty).

• Dinner (of the desperate): After a long day of school and work, preparing a crew-pleasing dinner is sometimes the last thing we want to tackle. Dazzle your fam with one of the foolproof picks from our roundup of decidedly delicious sheet-pan dinner recipes (parentmap.com/sheet-pan) — everything bakes in just one pan!

LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / S C HO OL S , P RES C HO OL S + N WA IS

What time is it? All of our routines have to change when it’s time for the kids to go back to school. Let’s consult the experts. Wrangling the morning routine: If you don’t get them up and going, who will? We’ve got expert tips for how to turn a bad morning around (parentmap.com/bad-morning) as well as game-changing strategies from an organizing and productivity expert for making a routine of your school-day deployments (parentmap.com/organization). Remind me, what is bedtime? Getting kids to bed at a reasonable hour (argh, why does it have to stay light so late?) can be tough after a lawless summer break. To help your family get enough z’s, find excellent tips and tricks for establishing consistent bedtime routines (parentmap.com/bedtime-routine) as well as sleep hygiene how-tos (from sleep medicine docs at Seattle Children’s Hospital, no less) at parentmap.com/sleep-strategies. Social studies No matter your kid’s age, a return to school dumps a certain amount of emotional weight on your doorstep.

with the proper pomp and circumstance. Sharpen up a fragrant bouquet of new Ticonderoga pencils (that smell …) and commemorate your kid’s fab first day with a unique first-day-of-school portrait (we’ve got ideas: parentmap.com/first-day). Need more inspiration? Find 50 more expert tips for rocking the BTS transition at parentmap.com/50-ways.

August is a great month to …

Wring out as much fun as you can from this month of bonniest Pacific Northwest weather! (For dozens of other ideas, peep our August Play List on p. 22 and our kid-tested bucket list o’ summer fun on p. 25.) 1. Catch a meteor shower. Don’t miss the spectacular Perseids meteor shower, which peaks Aug. 11–12 this year. Join a viewing party or simply plop down on a blanket and look up. It’s sure to be a night your family will remember. parentmap.com/perseids

2. Depart on a day trip. Enjoy these last few weeks of summer vacation by getting away for the day — while you still can! Fun awaits, no hotel reservations required. parentmap.com/day-trip

Dealing with anxiety: New school? New teacher? Many kids experience anxiety and fear in response to all of the unknowns of a dawning school year. Luckily, ParentMap is always your best source for great advice from our region’s top docs (parentmap.com/ anxiety-help) when it comes to helping kids and teens — and their parents — deal with profound situational anxiety (parentmap.com/ school-anxiety). The (IRL) social network: Forging new friendships can be the most rewarding developmental aspect of school, but many children find navigating social interactions with peers to be extremely overwhelming. Discover strategies to support your kids as they learn to make — and keep — friends, at parentmap.com/friends. Oh, snap! Back-to-school rituals and traditions are calming and important, especially in these anxious times. Mark the occasion

3. Take a dip. If you are still looking for a chance to brave the Puget Sound area’s chilly waters, August is a great time to take the plunge. parentmap.com/lakes 4. Enjoy an outdoor concert. Rock out with your kids while enjoying the warm weather! parentmap.com/outdoor-concert 5. Recharge. Summer is fun, but scheduling the camps, weekend adventures and constant playdates can be exhausting. Time to head to a local spa to congratulate yourself on a job well done. Take a deep breath before diving into the school year. parentmap.com/spas

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Kari Hanson is a mom of two and ParentMap’s digital content production coordinator.

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Wellness What Parents Need to Know About the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Suicide prevention and mental health crisis response services just got a whole lot stronger By Kari Hanson

On July 16, the new 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (988lifeline.org) went into effect, providing a shorter number to access the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline service. Now, anyone who is seeking support or resources to address a suicidal or mental-health-related crisis — of their own or that of a loved one — can dial 988 to access prevention and crisis response resources. The helpline is reachable by phone call or text, and it is free, confidential and available 24/7/365. What is 988? The 988 line is an expansion of the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (NSPL), 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). The NSPL will remain active, but calls will now be routed to 988. The goal of this hotline is to provide support and services to people who are experiencing a mental health or substance use crisis, or who are worried about a loved one in crisis. Think of it as 911 for mental health. Services offered through 988 are communicated in English and Spanish, with interpretation services available for more than 250 other languages.

Why do we need 988? The hotline was created as part of a substantial federal investment of $400 million to improve and increase response services for people experiencing a mental-health-related crisis. By comparison, last year, states received $32 million to operate the NSPL’s national network of crisis centers. This unprecedented funding increase is partly in response to a significant surge in the need for mental health services and the inability of crisis centers to adequately meet that need. At the beginning of 2022, centers were so lacking in resources that they could only answer 25 percent of the volume of calls and texts they received.

Thanks to this funding infusion and the additional staff and contracts it has made possible, the number of answered calls has risen to 90 percent. And the number of calls keeps increasing. When the NSPL launched in 2005, it received about 50,000 calls in its first year of operation. In 2020, that number had risen to 3.3 million calls, chats and texts. The 988 line is anticipated to receive at least double that number of calls and texts within its first year. Nearly every state is currently in the process of recruiting volunteers and employees to help meet this increased call volume. (Crisis counselors for 988 are currently being recruited in the Seattle, Everett and Spokane areas.)

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WELLNES S

continued from page 33

Suicide is a leading cause of death for people ages 10–34. While talking to your children about suicide is absolutely vital, sometimes they (or you) need more support. The hope is that the shorter 988 number will be easy to remember and dial when that help is most critically needed. It’s important to know that people can call 988 for support and resources even if they are not having an active crisis. Counselors will listen and talk to callers about what they are experiencing and provide them with referrals to the local and national support resources they need. When should I contact 988? You can call or text 988 at any time if you are experiencing:

• Thoughts of suicide • A mental health crisis • A substance use crisis • Any other kind of emotional distress You should also call or text if you are worried about a loved one who is having a mental health or substance use crisis. What happens after I call or text 988? When you connect with 988, you will speak with a crisis counselor who will listen and provide services and referrals. Unless the caller is in imminent danger that requires immediate medical assistance (such as a suicide attempt in progress), 911 will not be contacted. If the mental health crisis requires additional services, a mobile mental health unit may be sent. One of the goals of implementing 988 is to avoid a potentially tragic confrontation with police that can occur when someone experiencing a mental health crisis contacts 911. Mental health distress can feel frightening and overwhelming. The 988 line exists to mobilize help. Please do not hesitate to reach out today if you or someone you know needs help. Learn more by visiting the official 988 website at 988lifeline.org and reading the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s 988 information at samhsa.gov/find-help/988.

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Kari Hanson is a mother of two and ParentMap’s digital content production coordinator.

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A Back-to-School Pep Talk for Anxious Times It is hard to imagine that parents could be even more worried about sending their kids back to school this fall than they have been over the past couple of years. But with ongoing concerns about COVID-19 transmission and gut-wrenching tragedies like the mass shooting in Uvalde, Texas, our already high state of alarm about our children’s safety just keeps ratcheting up. ParentMap reached out to Tia Kim, Ph.D., vice president of education, research and impact at Seattle-based Committee for Children, to learn her top tips for supporting our children, our school communities and ourselves in a calm and resilient return to our fall routine. How can parents best support their children in developing coping strengths in anxious times, particularly when they themselves are processing their own grief and worry? There’s a term in psychology that we like to use: “Name it to tame it.” Whenever we have anxiety or stress about something, we need to be able to name our emotions to be able to then deal with them in an appropriate manner. Naming it to tame it — literally doing this out loud with your kids — is also good role modeling. These are the important social-emotional skills we’re trying to teach young kids. Parents also need to give themselves some grace: You can’t be perfect all of the time, or do all of the right things or say the right things all of the time. Just acknowledge your emotions and try to manage through them in the moment in front of your kid. It’s okay to show some vulnerability — doing so opens up a way to have really honest dialogue with your kids. How can families begin to dissolve their fear of being unsafe in our schools? I’m a firm believer in building really strong school-home connections. That’s about having conversations with your schools, learning and working together — it really takes a community coming together to ensure that kids feel safe and supported, not just at home, but also at school. And ask yourself what you can do to take your fears or anxiety and channel them into some positive actions. Foundationally, I also think you should be having these types of conversations [about safety] with your kids. It shouldn’t take any sort of tragic event to be the impetus to have these conversations. It’s really important for families to talk openly and regularly about all kinds of safety issues. About Committee for Children Since 1979, Committee for Children has advocated and developed educational programs for the safety and well-being of children through social-emotional learning. Learn more at cfchildren.org.

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Ages + Stages When Helping Hurts Managing anxiety in children By Sanya Pelini, Ph.D.

Most parents are willing to try anything to stop anxiety from ruining their child’s life. But sometimes, the strategies we employ do more harm than good. So, how do you know what actually helps or hurts your anxious child? How do you avoid making their anxiety worse? Here are five things to stop doing if you have an anxious child.

1/ Do not empower your child’s fears. If you fear dogs but are planning to go to an event where there will be lots of dogs present, spending days researching the event will only increase your anxiety. The same is true for kids. If your child fears dentists, spending hours talking about their dental visit will amplify their anxiety.

Remember that more than the words you speak, your body language and even the tone you use can convey your true feelings. That doesn’t mean that you should not talk about anxiety-provoking situations they may be facing. It simply means that dwelling on situations that stoke your child’s fears will only make their anxiety worse. Your reactions can also empower your child’s fears. For instance, if going to the dentist makes you anxious, you are likely to increase your

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AGES + STAGES

continued from page 37

child’s fears because of your own anxiety and the mixed signals that result. Remember that more than the words you speak, your body language and even the tone you use can convey your true feelings.

2/ Do not try to eliminate your child’s anxiety. Anxiety is a common emotion that helps us function. It helps us avoid — or react to — dangerous situations; pushes us to prepare for challenging situations, such as interviews; and can even help keep us motivated. Anxiety is a normal emotion that everyone experiences. Helping your child to manage their anxiety is not about eliminating anxious feelings; it is about teaching them that everyone feels anxious at some point and helping them understand that they will be okay in spite of their anxiety. Do not forget that making unrealistic promises (“I promise that nothing will happen!”) or invalidating your child’s feelings (“That’s not something to be scared about!”) increases their anxiety.

3/ Do not prevent your child from facing their fears.

If your daughter is afraid of water, enrolling her in anything but water sports can appear like a much easier option for everyone. But avoiding anxiety-inducing situations is not the answer if you want to help her cope with her anxiety. Research indicates that it can actually worsen that anxiety. Gradually exposing your child to difficult situations and helping them develop appropriate coping skills will make it easier for them to deal with those situations in the future. While it is important to push a child out of their comfort zone to help them address their anxiety, pushing too hard can intensify anxiety. Start with small, regular steps and remember that things will not change overnight.

4/ Do not pass your anxiety on to your child.

Researchers who have attempted to understand anxiety in children all say that parenting styles can either reinforce or minimize children’s anxiety. But here’s the thing: The problem is more about how parents react to anxiety-provoking situations than about whether or not parents are anxious themselves. The scientific evidence suggests that anxious parents tend to raise anxious children, because they display anxious behavior and transmit anxious reactions. This makes sense if you think about it: If you are afraid of bees, you are likely to react in ways that will demonstrate to your child that they, too, should be anxious around bees. This is true even if you do your best to reassure them, because there’s a good chance that your actions will not match your words.

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Remember that your child will learn to deal with their anxiety by watching how you react to anxiety-provoking situations — again, it’s not a question of hiding your anxiety; it is about showing your child that you, too, get anxious, but that anxiety can be managed effectively.

5/ Do not put too much pressure on your child.

The reasons behind children’s anxiety do not always “make sense,” so such episodes of angst can be difficult for many parents to understand. These incidents can appear irrational, provoke feelings of frustration and lead you to push your child to “get over their anxiety.” But putting too much pressure on your child can make their anxiety worse. Or it can cause them to repress their emotions, and repressed emotions often lead to negative physical and psychological effects.

Do not ask your child to do something you know they cannot handle. Now that we’ve looked at five things you should avoid, here are five things you can do to support your anxious child. How to help anxious children cope with their anxiety 1) Help your child understand that overcoming anxiety requires practice. The more they face anxiety-inducing situations, the better the chances of developing effective coping mechanisms to respond capably to their stressors. 2) Help them put their fears into words. Encouraging your child to talk about their fears provides an opportunity to talk about stressful situations. Doing so can equip them with strategies to better manage their anxiety by exploring possible ways they can react in the “worst-case scenario.” By putting their fears into words, they can learn to focus on solutions and options. That said, it is important to avoid putting words into your child’s mouth; instead, encourage them to name the reasons behind their anxieties.

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3) Help your child understand that it is normal to feel anxious, but that they can still succeed despite their anxiety. 4) Show your child that you know they are going to be okay. It is important for an anxious child to think of managing anxiety-provoking situations as something that is learned; that while they may not have the skills to deal with such situations appropriately, they will succeed in doing so if they keep practicing. 5) Model effective ways of coping with anxiety. Show your child that you also become anxious and then demonstrate positive ways of dealing with your anxious feelings. Helping your child develop coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety-provoking situations is the most effective way to help them learn to manage their anxiety over the long term. This means teaching them to identify their emotions and how those emotions feel in the body, then allowing them to choose the coping skills that work best for them to deal with different situations.

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Sanya Pelini is a parent and researcher in education. She is passionate about child development issues and holds a Ph.D. in educational research.

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ParentMap August 2022 Issue

Articles inside

Back-to-School Cool

Pediatric Dentistry

August Play List

Just the Ticket

Is Gentle Parenting Just a Fad?

Dear Reader