33/ Tea for Two Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle 42/ How to Move Away From Fear-Based Parenting Three simple ways to counter the urge to overprotect SEPTEMBER 2022 | PARENTMAP.COM HappinessHabits What science tells us about raising happy kids10/ FREE ALL-STARPARENTMAP2022–2023LIVETALKSSEETHELINEUP P. 23 PNW INSIDE + OUT
2 / PARENTMAP.COM Visit morelife-outdoorswdfw.wa.gov/forinformationLFEOUTDOORS Reset MinicourseChild’sYourBrainDidyouknowthat screen time can make your child irritable, unfocused, and defiant? Arm yourself with the truth about how video games and other screenbased activities impact the nervous system. drdunckley.com/videogames Learn why technology overuse can result in symptoms that mimic those of ADHD, anxiety, bipolar disorder or depression. 0922_victoria_dunkley_w logo_1-4.indd 1 8/5/22 1:18 PM PrimaryCare fortheWholeFamily 7SnohomishCountylocations Adult&childwellchecks·Immunizations·Sportsphysicals Developmentalmilestonestracking·Mentalhealthsupport wwmedgroup.com/parent-map Locally Owned Acceptingnewpatientsfor:
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September 2022 Parenting TheWELLNESSAgeof Angst 8 How to spot the difference between everyday worry and anxiety Vaccine Eligibility for Children Younger Than 5 18 When making decisions for your family, consider several important factors BEST BIRTHDAYS 5 Unusual Party Games Your Kids Will Love 16 Awesome activities to make their birthday parties memorable TamingEDUCATIONTesting Anxiety 27 Knowing what strategies to employ can make all the difference 8 Creative Ways to Celebrate and Display Kids’ Artwork 40 Transform those kid master pieces into artful accessories and keepsakes HowVOICESto Move Away From Fear-Based Parenting 42 Simple ways to counter the urge to overprotect AGES + STAGES 10 Ways to Protect Your Child’s Brain From Daily Screen Time 45 Evidence-based strategies to prevent overstimulation Local Resources Birthdays 15 Schools + Preschools 27 Camps + Activities 39 CONTENTS Feature Habituating Happiness 10 Yes, you can dramatically increase your child’s chances of being happy Family Fun OUT + SeptemberABOUT Play List 20 15 still-summery things to do this month Tea for Two 33 Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle “Researchshowsthatpeoplewho are happiest have more people in their lives and deeper thosetionshipsrelawithpeople.” p. 13 PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader 6 Play List 20 As part of your BTS reset, consider these 10 strategies to counteract the overstimulation cause by excessive screen time. 10 454233 16 40 Photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com Photo by Natasha Dillinger PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 5 Cover photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com
Happiness is having a sister. Sharing a sandwich. Getting along.
DEAR READER
In a classic ode to everyday “Happiness,” Charlie reflects upon the simple things that make him joyful, despite a long and challenging day/ week/life that hasn’t gone quite to plan (natch, it’s beloved, belea guered, but eternally optimistic Charlie B. we’re talking about).
Happiness is singing together when day is through,
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CLINICAL PROFESSOR,
Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC Yaffa Maritz, M.A. FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING Ron Rabin EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, KIRLIN CHARITABLE FOUNDATION Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE
Happiness is two kinds of ice cream. Knowing a secret. Climbing a tree.
EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Kari Hanson OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Julie Dodobara COPY Sunny Parsons Heidi Borst, Nancy Chaney, Natasha Dillinger, Victoria Dunckley, M.D., Stacey Feasel, Tiffany Doerr Guerzon, Laura Markham, Ph.D., Vicky McDonald, Kellie Schmitt, Lenore Skenazy Danielson, M.D. UW Joan Duffell RETIRED EXECUTIVE John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON
EDITOR
Now, parentals, as the de facto CHOs (Chief Habit Officers) of your households, this means that you can dramatically boost your child’s happiness quotient (and I mean the sustaining lifelong kind, not the transitory, transactional kind) by cultivating the home-front habits that will set your child’s happiness “set point” for life.
Happiness is finding a pencil. Pizza with sausage. Telling the time. Happiness is learning to whistle. Tying your shoe for the very first time.
While our genetics certainly contribute to our baseline temperamental contentment, the greatest determinant of our reliable storehouse of happiness, Markham asserts, turns out to be our own mental, emo tional and physical habits, which co-coordinate the body chemistry that regulates our ultimate “happiness quotient.”
Happiness is being alone every now and then. And happiness is coming home again. …
By her expert measure, happiness should not be confused with those fleeting moments of celebratory delight when we “get what we want.”
What Charlie Brown can teach us about a habit of happiness
DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER Gina Ryan EMAIL MARKETING SPECIALIST Devon Hammer DIGITAL MARKETING COORDINATOR Taryn Weiner SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST Emily ADVERTISINGFeely SALES + PARTNERSHIPS SENIOR ADVERTISING AND PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER Ida Wicklund ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES MANAGER Jessica Collet ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ASSISTANT Angela Goodwin CLIENT SERVICES PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Mallory EVENTSDehbod EVENT OPERATIONS Brenna McCown ART + PRODUCTION SENIOR DESIGNER Amy ADMINISTRATIONChinn BUSINESS MANAGER Carolyn VOL.SEPTEMBERBrendel2022,19,NO.9 PUBLISHER Alayne Sulkin What is your family’s back-to-schoolfavoritetradition? AdvertisingINFORMATIONCONTACTinformation 206-709-9026 Faxadvertising@parentmap.comor206-709-9031 Calendar submissions calendar@parentmap.com Editorial submissions editor@parentmap.com Distribution distribution@parentmap.com Administration 206-709-9026, parentmap.com Subscriptions subscriptions@parentmap.com Subscription rate 1 year: $12 PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD Benjamin
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EDITOR
After a long day at school and work, I encourage you to take five minutes as a family to gather and be like Charlie. No matter your experiences of ease or struggle, share your uncomplicated answers to this prompt: “Today, happiness, for me, was: .”
— Patty Lindley, managing editor
ParentMap is published monthly. PMB #190, 7683 S.E. 27th St., Mercer Island, WA 98040 All rights reserved; reproduction in whole or part without permission is prohibited. © ParentMap 2022 • printed in Oregon
Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band. And happiness is walking hand in hand.
Our heartening guest feature (p. 10) by Laura Markham, Ph.D., explores the fundamentals of raising happy kids, that holy-grail parenting objective.
And happiness is those who sing with you. *
“Happiness”
For happiness is anyone and anything at all That’s loved by you.
As we head into the annual hurry-scurry return-to-school season, Markham’s advice inspires me to suggest a totally doable happiness habit plucked straight out of my childhood, and it is based on my fam ily’s love of the Peanuts Gang and that heart-squeezing musical for all ages, “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.”
Happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime, too.
Lasting happiness of an emotionally bedrock quality is actually a much more complicated affair — also a much more rewarding one, she says.
The sillier the answers, the better (and bonus points for singing your responses*). Let Charlie and the gang show you how it’s done.
Happiness is five different crayons. Catching a firefly. Setting him free.
Music and lyrics by Clark Gesner
DIRECTOR, COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN
SCHOOL OF MEDICINE PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, UW MEDICINE
withback-to-school“Supermodel”PlaySchultüteRuPaul’swhilethekidsmodeltheirdudsWaffleswithfacesPhotoatfrontdoormydaughterholdingasignshowinghernewgradeGrumpy-facefirst-dayphotoshoot
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2. Thoughts and beliefs: These include scary thoughts, such as I am going to faint, I am having a heart attack, or general thoughts about bad things that could happen in the future.
• Feeling
reality The
Wellness
• Intense
By Heidi Borst
Spotting extreme anxiety and panic attacks
Generalized anxiety disorder
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If anxiety is like being halfway up an escala tor, with panic attacks, you’re all the way at the top, Skoterro explains. A full-blown panic attack is paralyzing. “It’s like the whole sprinkler system gets turned on. You may lose part of your vision. You’re hyperventilat ing, your heart is racing, you’re sweating.”
Since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, the world has seen a 25 percent uptick in rates of anxiety and depression. What’s more, a worsening crisis in child and adolescent mental health has resulted in a declaration of a national youth mental health emergency by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and Children’s Hospital Association. We want to make sure that our kids are okay, and that starts with supporting their mental health. With the increasing preva lence of anxiety, it’s more important than ever to recognize its signs. Here’s what parents need to know about anxiety, plus practical ways to work through it. What ‘everyday’ worry looks like It’s troubling when our kids experience angst, but mild anxiety is normal. In fact, our brains are hardwired to worry, notes Sarah Skoterro, LPCC, LADAC, a practicing therapist and director of business develop ment at THIRA Health (thirahealth.com). To put that into perspective, think about how much time you spend fretting over little things each day, or “micro-assessing,” as Skoterro calls it. For example: Did I pay that bill on time? Am I going to be late for work? Where did I put my phone? The good news? This common form of everyday worry typically doesn’t last long, Skoterro says. It’s specific to a situation, and it’s generally short-lived. How to tell the difference between worry and anxiety When it comes to anxiety, worry persists even after a situation is resolved. Say you thought you left the oven on, so you call a family member at home to check. They tell you it’s off, but you just can’t shake those anxious feelings. “With worry, I can turn it off. With anxiety, it’s not that easy. You just can’t turn off the distress that you’re feeling — emotionally and physically,” Skoterro explains.
Some people may have a lot of anxiety sur rounding one specific thing, such as a fear of being in an elevator. But for people with generalized anxiety disorder, there is no specific precipitating lead-in, says Skoterro. You can be having a pretty decent day, and it just comes on out of the blue, Skoterro says. “There’s no prompting event, like I just saw a spider and now I’m having an anxiety attack. It literally hits you like a ton of bricks. You have a fast heart rate, sweaty palms, flushing of the skin and a racing mindset. It feels like instead of you getting anxious, anxiety got you.”
• Constricting
How
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Anxiety is an active state that is very noticeable. If you’re seeing any of these signs in your child, anxiety is likely at play: Difficulty concentrating Elevated heart rate Inability to complete normal tasks Excessive crying Feelings of being out of control Rocking back and forth Increased perspiration
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1. Physical sensations: Symptoms such as a rapid pulse, nervous stomach, sweating, shaking and restlessness, among others, can last for minutes or even hours.
Parents should look out for a cluster of these symptoms in their children: racing heartbeat Shortness of breath Chest pain or tightness in the chest hands foot or leg throat sweating Feeling light-headed in body temperature (hot or cold) or digestive distress detached from Age of Angst to spot the difference between everyday worry and anxiety; plus, help for struggling kids
• Trembling
• Bouncing
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• Changes
3. Behaviors: These could include pacing, fidgeting or fleeing from an area when the feelings of panic occur.
There are three main components of panic and anxiety:
•
To help kids calm down when they’re feeling this way, Skoterro recommends diaphrag matic breathing, or “belly breathing.” It’s a quick way to reset the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for activating your body’s fight-or-flight response.
• Nausea
• Excessive
• Do a deep breathing exercise
• Get some moderate exercise
Treatment for severe anxiety General anxiety disorder and more severe forms of anxiety are tougher to treat, so if you or your child is struggling, it may be time to reach out to a professional for help. THIRA Health utilizes a research-backed cognitive behavioral therapy called dialectical behavior therapy, or DBT, which focuses on mindfulness, accep tance and emotional regulation skills.
“DBT is a therapy that teaches people how to respond and be effective in all sorts of situations, so they learn how to have their emotions, but not let their emotions have them,” says Skoterro.
EatingDepressionDisordersAnxiety&
The mission of THIRA Health is to support women and girls living with mood disorders by using comprehensive approaches that address the whole self, along with an emphasis on community support. This is made possible by a team of trained, certified experts skilled in using dialectical behavioral therapy, art and movement therapies, nutrition and more.
If you or your child experiences everyday worry or mild anxiety, it’s usually manageable to handle at home. Skoterro recommends the following actions to alleviate mild anxiety when it occurs:
Treating
• Try progressive muscle relaxation
PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 9
• Put something cold on your hands or face
Skoterro also suggests parents should make a habit of taking intentional timeouts. “Unplug every day on purpose and make it obvious. Even if you have a surly 15-year-old who’s like, ‘I am not going to sit on the patio with you. That’s gross,’” you’re still modeling the behavior.
For resources on DBT and what to do when you’re feeling out of control due to fear, anxiety or suicidal thoughts, Skoterro recommends visiting DBTSelfHelp.com (dbtselfhelp.com) and Now Matters Now (nowmattersnow.org). ■ Heidi Borst is an active mom, journalist and nutrition coach with a strong affinity for nature, sarcasm and extra sleep. Sponsored by
• Take a break from social media
How to help kids manage mild anxiety
• Practice mindfulness or meditation
• Talk to friends about your feelings
Anxiety, depression, mood disorders, and thoughts of suicide or self-harm face alone. can guide you and provide support at and understanding.
So, what makes a happy child who grows into a happy adult? The latest research on happiness gives us some surprising answers. Once survival, safety and basic comforts are ensured, external circum stances don’t impact our happiness level much. Our genes certainly contribute to our happiness quotient, but their influence can be ameliorated to ratchet up our happiness set point. The greatest determinant of our happiness turns out to be our own mental, emotional and physical habits, which cre ate the body chemistry that determines our happiness level.
3. Character traits such as self-control, industry, fairness, caring about others, con tribution, courage, leadership and honesty
ForFEATUREmany
By Laura Markham,
In practice, the character traits mentioned above are actually habits, tendencies to act in certain ways when confronted with certain types of situations. And it makes sense that the more we exhibit these traits, the better our lives work, the better we feel about ourselves and the more meaning we find in life — so, the happier we are.
We all know that some of us tend to be more upbeat than others. Part of this is inborn; it’s just the luck of the draw from our family gene pool that gives us a happier mood. But much of our mood is related to Ithabit.may seem odd to have happiness re ferred to as a habit. Yet it’s likely that by the time we’re adults, we have settled into a “happiness set point,” which doesn’t change unless we work at it.
Happiness is closely linked to three kinds of habits: 1. How we think and feel about the world, and therefore perceive our experiences
Some of the habits that create happiness are visible and correlate to the ways Grandma told us we ought to live: work hard, value relationships with other people, keep our bodies healthy, manage our money re sponsibly and contribute to our community.
2. Certain actions, such as regular exercise, eating healthfully, meditating, connecting with other people, savoring “what’s good in life” and even regularly smiling and laughing
Others are more personal habits of self-management that insulate us from unhappiness and create joy in our lives,
What science tells us about raising happy kids
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parents, raising happy children is the holy grail of parenting success. But too often, we think happiness is about those fleeting moments of getting what you want. Lasting happiness is actually much more complicated — and much more rewarding. And yes, you can dramatically increase your child’s chances of being happy just by the way you raise them.
HabituatingPh.D.
Photo by Feasible Photography/feasiblephotography.com Happiness PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 11
1. Teach your child constructive mental habits that create happiness. Managing our moods, using positive self-talk, cultivat ing optimism, celebrating life, practicing gratitude, and appreciating our connectedness to each other and the entire universe are all habits that make us happier. Build these into your life together so you model them regular ly and talk about using them. Over time, your child will follow your lead.
letter
4. Cultivate optimism. Optimism inoculates us against unhappiness. It’s true that some of us are born more optimistic than others, but we can all cultivate optimism.
5. Help your child find joy in everyday things. Studies show that people who notice the small mira cles of daily life and allow themselves to be touched by them are happier. Daily life overflows with joyful occurrences: The show of the setting sun is no less astonishing for its daily repetition; the warmth of con nection with the man at the newsstand who recognizes you and your child; the joy of finding a new book by a favorite author at the library; a from
FEATURE continued from page 10 such as managing our moods and cultivating optimism. But once we make such habits part of our lives, they become automatic and serve a protective function, making us more resilient.
How can you support your child — and yourself — in developing the habits that lead to happiness? These tips will get you started.
2. Teach your child self-management routines that create happiness. Regular exercise, healthy eating and meditation are all highly correlated with happiness levels. But you and your child may have your own, more personal strate gies. For many people, music is an immediate mood lifter; for others, a walk in nature always does the trick.
3. Model a growth mindset and a habit of positive self-talk. We all need a cheerleader to help us over life’s many hurdles. Who says we can’t be our own? In fact, who better? Research shows that happy people give them selves ongoing reassurance, acknowledgment, praise and pep talks. Talk to yourself as someone you love would, aloud so your kids can hear you. Make sure your response to “failure” is “I just haven’t figured this out yet” or “I just haven’t practiced this enough yet.”
Grandma; the REPORTLIBRARYCARDFORYOURCARD LIBRARIES sno-isle.org/get-a-library-card S N O -I S LE LIBRAR I Access online tutors, get your card today! The authors draw on research, clinical experiences, and their 30-year collaboration to offer insights into parenting practices to help children thrive, strive, and survive. Tenacity Available from all booksellers today. TenacityInChildren.com 0821_dr_robert_brooks_1-4.indd 1 7/12/21 10:20 AM 12 / PARENTMAP.COM
Your
Is your child struggling with a mental health condition? You’re not alone. Our expert team is here to help you connect the dots of everything they’re struggling with. From looking at symptoms to their overall life experiences, we’re here as family’s children which is the oppo site of everything (Hint: Think modeling, not
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As Albert Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though every thing is a miracle.”
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7. Help your child develop an attitude of gratitude.
Many people think they can’t be grateful until they’re happy, meaning until they have something to be grateful for. But look closely and you’ll find that the opposite is true: People are happy because they are grateful. People who describe themselves as consciously cultivating gratitude are rated as happier by those who know them, as well as by themselves. Children don’t have a context for life, so they don’t know whether they are lucky or unlucky, only that their friend Brendan has more expensive sneakers than they do. But there are many ways to help children learn to cultivate gratitude, which is the opposite of taking everything for granted. (Hint: Think modeling, not lecturing.) and Treating Child
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” — Friedrich Koenig
6. Support your child in prioritizing relationships. Research shows that people who are happiest have more people in their lives and deeper relationships with those peo ple. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they’re worth it.
as a Whole for Life-Changing Recovery
for granted.
your
behaviors and
lecturing.) PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 13
taking
And the old saying that laughter is the best medicine turns out to be true. The more we laugh, the happier we are! Laughter actually changes our body chemistry. So, the next time you and your child want to shake off the doldrums, how about watching a Marx brothers movie?
■
Laura Markham, Ph.D., is the founder of Aha! Parenting and the author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,” “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” and “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.” This article was originally published on the Aha! Parenting website (ahaparenting.com). Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier, too.
11. Help your child learn the joy of contribution.
continued from page 138.FEATUREAccept all emotions.
How to help your child with their moods? Some day when they’re in a good mood, talk with them about strategies for getting into a better mood: What works for them? Share what works for you. Then, when they are in a bad mood, start by empathizing. After they’ve had some time to feel upset, ask them if they want help to change their mood. Even if they’re able to choose a better mood only one out of 10 times initially, they’ll soon start to notice how much better their life works when they do it.
• Choosing a thought that makes you feel a little better (My child is acting like a child because they are a child. They won’t always be like this.)
• Monitoring your own moods
Research shows that the pride of contributing to the betterment of society makes us happier, and it will make our children happier, too. Our job as parents is to find ways for our children to make a positive difference in the world so that they can enjoy and learn from this experience. So, it’s worth it to give some thought and effort to family volunteering opportunities and ways to lend a helping hand to neighbors. And here’s a wonderful way to shift your own mood to feel bet ter while contributing to others. Try beaming love to the people around you while you and your child are walking down the street. This practice shifts your mood into an uplifted, loving state be cause as you send love, you feel love. We’re always broadcasting what we feel without even intending to. Why not make your “channel” uplifting to those around you?
10. Counteract the message that happiness can be bought.
Life is full of joy, but even for the happiest person, life is also full of loss and pain, and we have daily reasons to grieve, both significant and small. Acknowledging our sad feelings isn’t focusing on the negative; it’s opening ourselves to the full range of being human.
Accepting those uncomfortable sad feelings actually deepens our ability to take joy in our lives. So, choosing to be happy doesn’t mean repressing our feelings. It means acknowledging and honoring all of our feelings, and letting ourselves feel and move through them.
9. Help your child learn how to manage their moods. Most people don’t know that they can choose to let bad moods go and consciously change their moods. Practice in doing this can really make us happier. You can practice this by:
Of course, the hard part is choosing to change a bad mood. While you’re in it, it’s hard to take constructive action to change things. You don’t have to go from desolate to cheer ful. Just find a way to help yourself feel slightly better. Doing so empowers you to actually face what’s upsetting you and try to resolve it. Sometimes just chang ing the way we’re thinking about a situation really shifts things. So, instead of thinking How can they be nasty to me like that, with all I do for them? you might consider thinking of it this way: It’s normal for children to get angry at their parents. They’re struggling right now and they need me to try to understand them.
With your child, simply empathizing when they’re feeling upset will allow them to feel those emotions, and will help those feelings start to evaporate so they can move on. This is not a process that can be rushed, so give your child (or yourself) whatever time you need.
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• Allowing yourself to feel the emotions while you hold yourself with love • Noticing any negative thoughts that are giving rise to the emotions (My child shouldn’t be acting this way! They’ll grow up to be a terrible person if they do this!)
As parents, we need to remember that we are not the only ones teaching our children about life. They are bombarded by the constant media message that the goal of life is more money and acquiring more things. Ultimately, what we model and what we tell them will matter more, but we need to contradict those destruc tive messages directly.
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Pass the parcel Pass the parcel is a perfect party pleaser for preschoolers. You will need to prepare the parcel (gift) in advance.
player who is By Vicky AwesomeMcDonaldactivities to make their birthday parties memorable 5 Unusual Party Games Your Kids Will Love LOCAL RESOURCES / BIRTHDAYS 16 / PARENTMAP.COM
I recently hosted a birthday party and we played pass the parcel, which is a classic birthday party game that’s very popular in the United Kingdom and Ireland. I was surprised to discover that this party game is not so well-known in the United States. Unsurprisingly, the kids all loved this fab ulous party game in which everyone is a winner. Here’s a list of some favorite childhood games from across the pond that will be a hit at your next birthday shindig.
Bonus tip: Use stickers rather than tape to hold the parcel together, as it’s much easier (and fun!) for kids to open.
How to play: Sit the children in a circle and start playing some music. Ask the kids to pass the parcel to the person beside them and keep passing it along. When the music stops, the person left holding the parcel can open one layer of wrapping paper and keep the revealed gift. This continues until the final layer of wrapping paper is re moved and the last child holding the parcel receives the big gift at the end.
What you’ll need: A group of kids, one decent gift (e.g., a small book or toy), some tiny trinkets or candies, wrapping paper, tape and music. Start by wrapping the main gift. Next, add another small gift on top (candy or trinket), wrap again, and so on, adding a small item to each layer of wrapping. Add enough layers so that everyone in the party will get a prize. If this all seems like too much for you, there’s always the option to buy the parcel wrapped and ready to go. (Check Etsy and Amazon.)
This is a classic game of tag with a slight twist — terrific fun for the younger set.
How to play: One child is chosen to be Mr. or Mrs. Wolf, and that child walks about 12 feet away from the other kids and stands with their back to them. The other kids stand side by side in a line, and together they call out, “What’s the time, Mr. Wolf?” Mr. Wolf will respond by saying a number between one and 12. One o’clock means everyone takes one step forward toward the wolf, and 5 o’clock means everyone takes five steps forward toward the wolf. This is repeat ed a few times, resulting in the players getting closer and closer to the wolf. When Mr. Wolf is ready, he can answer “Dinner time!” instead of giving a number. Mr. Wolf then turns quickly around and chases the kids to catch his dinner. The
What’s the time, Mr. Wolf?
What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids and a large playing area.
Musical statues This is a great game to burn off all that fueled energy fromsugar-thepartytreatsandgeteveryonedancingtogether.
Bonus tip: Use face paint to decorate Mr./Mrs. Wolf’s face or give them a Halloween mask to wear.
■ Vicky McDonald is ParentMap’s digital editor. When not working, she can be found running after her two kids or cooking up something tasty in the kitchen.
What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids, a large playing area, some music and a prize. How to play: Play some disco music and get everyone dancing. When the music stops, the kids must freeze. The kids who freeze on time get to continue playing in the next round; the kids who freeze too late are out of the game. The last kid standing wins a prize.
LOCAL RESOURCES / BIRTHDAYS PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 17
Bonus tip: To add some fun, hand out stickers to the kids who bust the most creative freeze poses. Sardines This is a version of hide-and-seek that’s just a little bit different. What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids and a large playing area with multiple places to hide. How to play: Choose one child to be the first “sardine” and ask them to go and hide while the other children count to 20. Then, let the kids split off and go hunting for the sardine. When a child finds the sardine, they must squeeze in beside the sardine in the hiding place as quietly as possible. The last child to find the hiding place becomes the first sardine for the next game.
Bonus tip: Before taking off the blindfold, ask the kid to try to guess the name of the party guest by feeling their face and hair.
Bonus tip: This game is likely to end in a screaming gigglefest or a screaming wrestling match, so parents should stay close by to keep control.
Blind man’s bluff This game was originally known as blind man’s buff, but the name somehow got lost in translation over the years! What you’ll need: To play this game, you will need a group of kids, a large playing area and a blindfold. When we were kids, we used my dad’s tie or a scarf. How to play: Choose one kid to be “it” and blindfold them. Have all of the kids stand in a circle around the blindfolded kid. Turn the kid with the blindfold around a few times to make them a little dizzy and disorient ed. The kid with the blindfold then tries to tag one of the other children. Whoever is tagged will then become “it.”
caught becomes the next Mr. or Mrs. Wolf and the game continues.
When the COVID-19 vaccine got the green light to be administered to the youngest age group this past June, pediatrician Amy Carter, M.D., recalled children coming to vaccine drive-through clinics dressed up in special outfits. She remembers one small child in particular who yelled out the win dow, “Give me the shot!”
As of late July, just 900,000 children ages 6 months–4 years had received at least one vaccine dose, or nearly 5 percent of that population. That’s compared to 37 percent of the 5–11 age group who have complet ed at least one dose, and 30 percent who have completed the two-dose series, according to CDC data. The lower figures might be a side effect of pandemic fatigue, Carter surmises.
Carter encourages all caregivers of her pediatric patients to get the COVID-19 vaccine for their child. Yet, surprisingly, enthusiasm for the vaccine authorization for this age group seems to have waned, compared to the early days of the vaccine rollout when parents eagerly raced to get the first available appointment they could for their child. Now, there seems to be more hesitancy, more nervousness, and more questions.
Open has suggested that figure is closer to 5–10 percent. With so much still unknown, the safest choice is to provide your child with as much protection as possible, Car ter advises. “I am much more scared of the side effects, both short and long term, of the infection than I am of the vaccine,” she says.
By Kellie Schmitt
In her own experience, Carter has also witnessed very mild effects, something she attributes to the lower dosage as compared to the adult dosage.
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“No 3-year-old does that for any other shot,” says Carter, who is chief medical officer of Allegro Pediatrics (allegropediatrics.com). “Really, what they’re saying is, ‘Now I get to go to Forpreschool!’”manyWashington
state families, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s longanticipated authorization of Moderna and Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccinations for kids ages 6 months and older inspired a huge sigh of relief. Families could begin to plan more social engagement activities, knowing that their youngest family mem bers would be protected from severe illness or the risk of death due to a COVID-19 Eveninfection.though many kids among this young est vaccination candidate group may have already experienced a COVID-19 infection, the vaccine is still the best defense against reinfection, Carter notes. Immunity from an earlier omicron infection wanes over time, and there is some evidence that omicron subvariants may be more efficient at infecting — and re-infecting — children. What’s potentially more concerning is that the health impacts of repeated infections are still not fully understood. Each time a child experiences a COVID-19 infection, there is a risk for developing multisystem inflammatory syndrome, a rare but serious condition associated with the disease. Plus, the vaccine reduces the risk of ex periencing long COVID, studies have found.
When making decisions for your family, there are several important factors to consider
“It has changed and evolved from this logical, scientific conversation to this very emotional gut reaction that people are having,” she explains. “I completely
It’s still unclear how many children are impacted by the virus beyond the initial ill ness. A recent report in the journal Nature found that up to 25 percent of children may experience long COVID symptoms, such as mood swings and fatigue, while another report published in JAMA Network
Underestimating risk When Carter looks at the young patients sent by her pediatric practice to Seattle Children’s Hospital for treatment of severe COVID-19 infections, they’re not always the ones people might suspect. Some are im munocompromised or have had an organ transplant, but others have had only mild asthma or were overweight. Still others had no apparent risk factors.
VaccineWellnessEligibility for Children Younger Than 5
Lesser dose, fewer side effects Both the three-dose Pfizer-BioNTech and two-dose Moderna COVID-19 vaccines are now authorized for children ages 6 months and older, and recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. While it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact protec tion from evolving variants and subvari ants, health officials say both vaccines are highly protective against severe illness and Thedeath.vaccines have gone through the most extensive safety monitoring in U.S. history, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Most of the side effects are mild, the most common being soreness and redness at the injection site. Very few children experience a high fever that lasts longer than a day or two.
Sponsored by The Department of Health works to protect and improve the health of all people in Washington state by leading changes in policies, systems and environments to prevent illness and in jury; promoting healthy families and communities; encouraging healthy lifestyles; and focusing on places where people live, learn, work, recreate, seek health care and worship. acknowledge that as humans, we’re all so sick of the Atpandemic.”thesame time, she urges people to consider the facts. Nationwide, 14 million kids have tested positive for the disease, thousands have been hospitalized and nearly 500 children ages 0–4 have died of COVID-19. That’s a dramatically higher figure than the death counts for other childhood illnesses, such as chicken pox, hepatitis A and meningitis, yet parents rarely have concerns about their children receiving those immuni zations, Carter notes.
It’s been through rigorous clinical tests showing the vaccine is safe. Children under 5 get a smaller dose than older kids and adults, Talk to your child’s health care provider or go to VaccinateWA.org/kids to learn more.
WHAT WE KNOW: WHAT IT MEANS: WHAT TO DO: The FDA 6forCOVID-19authorizedhasthevaccinechildrenagesmonthsandup.
“Those numbers aren’t even close,” she says. “Yet parents will say they’re more scared of meningitis than AllCOVID-19.”childhood immunizations are important and prevent complications, disability, hospitalization and potential death from disease, Carter adds. The COVID-19 vac cine should be seen as another mechanism to prevent negative outcomes from a serious illness. Don’t go it alone
“Come in, tell us what you’re thinking — we won’t get angry — and we’ll discuss the options,” says Carter. ■ Kellie Schmitt is an award-winning health and science writer.
Many exhausted parents might not want to evaluate these figures and weigh their child’s personal risk. Instead, it feels safer to rely on personal stories of friends and family members who have had COVID-19 and recovered. Taking action — even doing something that could benefit your child — may seem riskier than choosing to do nothing. That’s why Carter recommends having a conversation with a trusted health-care provider. These conversations can help a family understand the risk to its own mem bers and the factors that might make its choices and decisions different than those of a neighbor or friend.
PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 19
The vaccine is ready to help protect kids from COVID-19. The vaccine is their best protection against serious illness from COVID-19.
15 Septemberthingsstill-summerytodoin Ballard Locks 20 / PARENTMAP.COM
� Quick! Squeeze in some leisurely beach time before school rolls around to mess up all our fun. Hop aboard the ferry for a quick ride to one-ofa-kind Jetty Island, where your kids can play in the sand and splish-splash in the warm(ish) water, through Sunday, Sept. 4. Reserve your ferry time online. parentmap.com/jetty
FAMILYCheckFUNout
� Romping among giant, gor geous sunflower blooms is a September family tradition you don’t want to miss. Pick a farm, pick some flowers and snap picture-perfect photos of your fam. parentmap.com/sunflowers
Sept. 2–6 and 16–19; free. parentmap.com/bicycle � The beloved Washington State Fair is back in full form for 2022! Book a visit to enjoy your favorite carnival rides, By Nancy Chaney When September arrives, there’s one thing at the top of the agenda: school. We transition back to school and attempt to reestablish calming, productive habits. But we also typically (please, weather angels!) enjoy bright blue skies and near-perfect weather. So, what are families to do? Play, that’s what! While getting into those schoolyear routines, you can also get your frolic on at the beach, among the sunflowers, and while oohing and aahing over wee pink piglets at the state fair. These sweet dis tractions and more make our Play List this month.
� Improve those summer pedaling skills on a family bike ride during the last two ses sions of Bicycle Sundays, when a section of Lake Washington Boulevard is closed to most vehicle traffic from Friday evening to Monday morning.
many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.
� Who doesn’t appreciate ul tracool tugboats? No one who matters. (Just kidding.) Turn up at the Olympia Harbor Days Festival to build your own Lego tugboat, cheer on your favor ite vessel in the tug races and watch dancing pirates (what?). This free event takes place Friday–Sunday, Sept. 2–4. parentmap.com/harbor-days
September Play List
� (Re)stock up for cozy fall evenings at home by gathering up puzzles your family has al ready enjoyed and taking them to Blue Highway Games’ monthly puzzle exchange. Bring a puz zle, take a puzzle. Yay! Sunday, Sept. 25, noon–3 p.m.; free to participate. parentmap.com/puzzles ■ Nancy Chaney is ParentMap’s Out + About editor.
Fee-free day at state and national parks Sept. 24 The Italian Festival Sept. 24-25
fair treats and animal exhibits, plus awesome special events, such as “Expedition: Dinosaur” and the rodeo. Do the Puyallup Sept. 2–25 (closed Tuesdays as well as Wednesday, Sept. 7). Gate admission $12–$18 (discount for online purchase); ages 5 and younger free; shows and rides cost extra. parentmap.com/the-fair
� Rainier Beach Urban Farm & Wetlands welcomes the community for a close-up look at local food, city farming and healthy living. Farm Fest features crafts, storytelling, food trucks and more fun for families. Free entry; food for purchase. Saturday, Sept. 17, 10 a.m.–3 p.m. parentmap.com/farm-fest
“Wired and Tired,” which will explore the impact of screen time on children’s brains and behavior. Join us online on Tuesday, Sept. 20, 1–2 p.m. Slid ing-scale fee $0–$15; preregister. parentmap.com/wired � Stretch summertimeyourfun in nature into fall by visiting one of our state’s beautiful wild places on Saturday, Sept. 24, a fee-free day at our state and national parks. Entrance fees to national parks are waived, and you can park in a state park without a Discover Pass. parentmap.com/free-day
� Are you worried your child is addicted to screens? Join ParentMap and Victoria Dunckley, M.D., for a talk titled
PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 21
Sept. 20 | Tuesday Touch-A-Truck Sprinker Recreation Center, Tacoma parentmap.com/truck Sept. 24–25 | Saturday–Sunday The Italian Festival Seattle Center parentmap.com/italian-festival
Sept. 2–25 | select dates Washington State Fair Washington State Fair Events Center, Puyallup parentmap.com/the-fair
Wallingford Wurst Festival
� The annual fun-filled Wallingford Wurst Festival features inflatables for kids, a beer garden for grown-ups, live music and lots of the wurst things to eat … get it? Free entry; pay for food and some activities, Friday–Saturday, Sept. 16–17. parentmap.com/wurst
� Motor on over to a truck lov er’s paradise at Sprinker Rec reation Center in Tacoma. At this free Touch-A-Truck event, kids get to climb on, “drive” and honk the horns of many of the awesome big rigs they see out on the roads. Saturday, Sept. 10, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. (hornfree hour, noon–1 p.m.). parentmap.com/truck
� Reserve your free spot (ASAP) to get out and stretch your legs on the enchant ing trails of IslandWood on Bainbridge Island. Your crew will love the sky-high canopy tower, tree houses and other delights. Sunday, Sept. 11, 1–5 p.m.; preregister. Donations are welcome. parentmap.com/happy-trails
� Bring your appetite and gather with other enthusiasts to partake in the culture, arts and (especially!) food of Italy. Additional features of The Italian Festival include a car show, dog show and the popu lar grape stomp. Saturday–Sunday, Sept. 24–25. Free. parentmap.com/italian-festival
SeptemberEventsHighlightedfor
� Visit Seattle’s famous Ballard Locks to spy salmon swimming through the fish ladder. These finned friends are just begin ning their journey from Puget Sound to their Cedar River spawning grounds. Stop by any day, or learn from a ranger on Saturdays, Sept. 3, 10 and 17, 10:30 a.m.–3:30 p.m. Free. salmon-journeyparentmap.com/
� Celebrate the varied cultural traditions and cuisines of Latin America that are represented in our local community. Sea Mar Fiestas Patrias welcomes all for food demos, kids’ activities, folkloric performances and more. Join the party at Seattle Center, Saturday–Sunday, Sept. 17–18. parentmap.com/fiesta
22 / PARENTMAP.COM ANDCRAFTHibulbCulturalCenter.orgEVENTSMORE! thehistory and culture of the Tulalip Tribes
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Attendees of the Nov. 17 and March 22 events will also be eligible to win a SNOO Smart Sleeper Bassinet (valued at $1,695) or a $300 Happiest Baby gift card, courtesy of Happiest Baby. Attendees will be eligible to win a $100 Amazon gift card at each ParentEd talk.
in
of expert speakers!
Don’t miss out! One quick registration gains you access to the entire lineup. Register now: ParentMap.com/live Presenting Sponsor: Turn the page to see the full lineup of all-star speakers and topics must-watch talks for parents
ParentMap’s ParentEd Talks series returns September with a fresh lineup We see you putting in the work to be an amazing parent and want to help. Talk topics include overcoming trauma and overwhelm, ADHD as a gift, intimacy as you age and much more. Parenting is a trip, but ParentMap is with you every step of the journey.
2022–2023 ParentEd Talks
Tech-savvy kids today are constantly awash in a sea of unfiltered information. Julie Bogart, author of the indispensable book “The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life,” will draw on her more than 20 years of curriculum development experience to share strategies for parents to coach critical digital literacy skills in their kids.
Dr. Victoria Dunckley specializes in the impact of electronic screen time on children’s brains and technology as a trigger of a variety of stubborn youth mental health and development symptoms. Her solution? An intervention that can produce a life-changing shift in brain function, leading to marked improvements in mood, focus, sleep and behavior.
Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., and Robert B. Brooks, Ph.D., co-authors of “Tenacity in Children,” have made a decades-long study of what components and skills contribute to the dynamic development of a resilient mindset, and will share strategies parents can employ to nurture this mindset and resilient behaviors in themselves and in their children.
The Extraordinary Power of a Resilient Mindset | Oct. 12, 2022
Don’t miss this essential talk by Jeffery Robinson and Khalil Gibran Muhammad, two of the nation’s leading scholars on race, democracy, inequality and criminal justice. Their message: Forging a more equitable society now and in the future requires that the history of race and anti-Black racism be honestly represented in our nation’s classrooms.
Past Forward: The Legacy of Racism in Modern-Day America | Jan. 19, 2023 In this ParentEd talk, award-winning psychologist and researcher Lisa Miller, Ph.D., will share the groundbreaking and surprising neuroscience of spirituality and how to engage it in our lives and parenting to enhance grit, optimism and resilience in ourselves and in our children — providing insulation against the ills of addiction, trauma and depression.
Raising Critical Thinkers: Media Literacy for the Digital Age | Dec. 6, 2022
Curious Children, Wise Elders: How Childhood and Elderhood Shape Intelligence and Learning* | Nov. 17, 2022
Drawing on her own cutting-edge scientific research, Alison Gopnik, Ph.D., will reveal fascinating insights into how caregiving relationships in childhood and old age evolve distinctive capacities for cognition. Gopnik will explain how these two developmental life stages are related, and how the relationship between children and grandparents, in particular, is key to human culture.
What the Neuroscience of Spirituality Reveals About Our Capacity for Health, Happiness and Resilience | Nov. 1, 2022
Wired and Tired: Screen Time and Behavior Disturbance in Children | Sept. 20, 2022
The Perils of Permissive Parenting | June 6, 2023
Modeling a Loving, Equal Partnership for Your Kids | Feb. 7, 2023
Register at ParentMap.com/live
The Shifting ADHD/ADD Lens: Moving From Disability to Ability | March 2, 2023
In this fascinating ParentEd talk, cultural researcher and author Jessica Joelle Alexander will reveal the secrets of the Danish style of parenting that will help parents of all walks of life “raise the happiest, most well-adjusted kids in the world,” applying her “PARENT” acronym: Play, Authenticity, Reframing, Empathy, No ultimatums and Togetherness.
*Attendees will be eligible to win prizes, courtesy of Happiest Baby.
The Habits of Highly Effective Adolescents | April 18, 2023
In this interactive talk, trauma exposure pioneer Laura van Dernoot Lipsky will offer practical tools to help us sustain, individually and collectively, in the face of trauma, secondary trauma and overwhelm. She will discuss what the consequences of trauma are as well as strategies for supporting ourselves and each other.
The Danish Way: Insights Into International Parenting* | March 22, 2023
Acclaimed sociologist and leadership coach (and mother of four teenagers!) Christine Carter, Ph.D., will draw on scientific research to outline realistic ways parents and educators can help preteens, teens and college students find focus and fulfillment through the development of effective habit formation, goal-setting and authentic leadership skills.
Dr. Edward Hallowell, New York Times–bestselling co-author of the groundbreaking books “Driven to Distraction” and “Delivered From Distraction,” will share his insights on the latest brain science behind ADHD/ADD and his strengths-based approach to identifying, developing and celebrating the talents embedded in ADHD, dyslexia and other syndromes.
Drawing on more than 40 years of research in the fields of intimacy and sexuality, Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., will speak about how couples can zest up their relationship, sharing the secrets of happy couples and depicting the profound intimacy, mutual respect and deep friendship that can be achieved in a modern egalitarian partnership.
Transforming Trauma and Navigating Overwhelm | May 4, 2023
Behavioral scientist Elizabeth Jordan thinks today’s parents lack the determination required to uphold the appropriately strict values of “traditional parenting” that result in the best outcomes for kids. She’ll expose the common pitfalls of permissiveness that result in traumatized parents and entitled teens — and reveal the power of the most crucial ingredient of effective parenting: humor.
Harper, living cancer-free Hope. Care. Cure.™
26 / PARENTMAP.COM
Harper, with Dr. Kasey Leger
Seven types of rigorous treatment. One kiddo that showed cancer who’s boss.
Harper was diagnosed with leukemia at six months old. She went through various treatments, including a bone marrow transplant, but the cancer kept coming back. Her parents decided to enroll her in an immunotherapy clinical trial, led by Seattle Children’s world-class leukemia experts, and it saved her life. Today, she’s living cancer-free and getting her childhood back. Find your hope at SeattleChildrens.org
INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED FOR IMPROVING CARE AND CURE RATES FOR CHILDHOOD LEUKEMIA
As a result, their worries hijack their memory.
So, for students who have test anxiety, the question becomes: How can we free them from stress and anxiety when they are taking a test so that they can fully utilize their working memory?
What is test anxiety? Test anxiety can manifest in many ways. Depending on how old the student in question is, parents and educators can witness a variety of behaviors, emotions and physical symptoms, such as an absolute refusal to go to school, stomachaches, loss of sleep, heart palpitations, and a haunting sense of dread and failure. Sometimes, says University of Chicago psychology professor and researcher Sian Beilock, students see failure at taking tests as an indictment of who they are as a person, and they don’t feel like they have the ability to succeed. In her research, Beilock has seen kids as young as 6 manifest test anxiety. What really hap pens, says Beilock, is that these worries can have an impact on a person’s ability to hold information in their head via their working “Thememory.keyis to figure out how to help kids manage this anxiety,” she says.
LOCAL RESOURCES / SCHOOLS, PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS
www.sammamishmontessori.com 425-883-3271 The MontessoriSammamishSchool In Redmond Call 425-883-3271 for a tour. Child-centered, joyful atmosphere with strong academic Preschool,focuskindergarten, and STEAM Enrichment Family owned and operated since 1977 Now Enrolling FD20_sammamish_montessori_1-8h.indd 1 7/30/20 5:20 PM PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 27
Deep muscle relaxation and breathing
One successful method is deep muscle relaxation and breathing.
By Rebecca Hill The world tests us. Fortunately for kids who experience classic symptoms of test anxiety — suffering debilitating nerves, drawing a blank, forgetting what they studied in preparation for the test — knowing what strategies to employ can make all the difference.
Psychologist Heidi Larson, a professor at Eastern Illinois University, has conducted studies with students ranging from third-graders to high schoolers on the impact of deep muscle relaxation and breathing to counteract and treat test anxiety. She has found that teaching students to do these exercises has significantly helped to reduce their anxiety.
But work ing memory is Whenlimited:we are stressed and anxious, our worries can coopt the memoryworkingsowehavelessbrainpowertotap.Somekidshavestrong work ing memories; others do not. For instance, with a math word problem, kids must keep the numbers in their memory, figure out how to solve the problem and then write out the solution. Kids with poor working memories might have trouble capturing and keeping those numbers in their head. But for kids with test anxiety, their worries about failure and for getting essentially elbow out what they studied the night before.
Tackling Testing Anxiety
When she added chewing gum to the mix, she found that it also
Working memory is our short-term memory cache, which tempo rarily stores information until we decide to permanently remember it. Consisting of a central executive function that controls and coordinates our auditory and visual spatial abilities, working mem ory can be likened to cognitive “horsepower.” Beilock explains that our working memory is “like a mental scratchpad that helps us keep what we need in mind and other things out. It helps us remember all sorts of things in our daily life, such as our phone number or doing math problems.”
The impact of test anxiety on the working memory
increased students’ focus on their performance in other academic settings, in addition to taking tests. The whole idea, Larson says, is to slow down your sys tem, breathing through the stress so you are able to recall and remember what you have learned.
“Each of us releases tension in differ ent ways. I think that putting it all down on paper can have the same effect [as deep muscle relaxation and breathing]. But what I like about muscle relaxation and deep breathing is that it is a quick and simple tool that we know is effective,” she says. For educators and parents, information about these two methods just might relieve some stress of their own. And while some anxiety is useful — because it can help a student prepare and study — too much anxiety is harmful, Larson says. Learning to employ these methods could improve scores now and help a student later on when they have even bigger life issues to tackle. ■ Rebecca Hill is a freelance writer who writes about education, literacy, libraries, parenting/family and science.
Larson believes that everyone needs to learn to man age their stress, and that teaching students how to relax their muscles and focus on deep breathing is a powerful life skill.
continued from page 27CMYCYMYCMYMCK ai165791596712_ParentMap_7-15.pdf 1 7/15/22 1:12 PM Fun in your inbox Stay up to date with the latest family news, stories and adventures around Puget Sound — straight to your inbox. ParentMap.com/eNews 28 / PARENTMAP.COM
Expressive writing Another method of reducing test anxiety was pio neered by Beilock. Patterning her research on that done with patients who struggled with depression, she found that students who engage in expressive writing can reduce their test anxiety and improve their test grades by nearly a grade point. There is a long line of research in clinical psychology showing that for depressive individuals who tend to have more physical ailments, writing and journaling can be an effective way to reduce doctors’ visits and physical conse quences, says Beilock.
In the case of test anxiety, students can use expres sive writing to communicate the substance of their fears and anxieties. By articulating their worries and stress on the page in written form, they reduced or eliminated their worries and were able to free up their working memory to remember what they had studied in preparation for the test.
Still, one size doesn’t fit all, Beilock notes. Every kid is different.Larsonagrees.
LOCAL RESOURCES / SCHOOLS, PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS
LOCAL RESOURCES / SCHOOLS, PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS Learning Academy OPEN TO EVERYONE. NO MEMBERSHIP REQUIRED. ENROLLINGNOW! Low Ratios & Small Classes Highly Qualified Teachers Integrated Technology Active Play Call (425) 861-6247 for more information. Shuttle pick-up from select Eastside schools offered for added convenience. PRESCHOOL PRE-K AFTER SCHOOL KIDS CLUB Learn more at proclub.com or call (425) 861-6247 Bellevue, WA AGES 3-5 When school’s out for the day, we keep kids entertained and active. Homework Assistance • Sports & Games OPEN TO EVERYONE GRADESK-6 October 22, 2022 | 10:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. www.forestridge.org RES RID E HEA To learn more or join a virtual information session, visit All-Girls, Independent, Catholic Grades 5-12 Join us for an Open House Why all-girls? Because there’s no better way to build competent, confident and courageous young women. PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 29
LOCAL RESOURCES / SCHOOLS, PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS SOUNDVIE W SCHOOL now accepting applications w w w.soundview.org(425)778-8572 a small, independent school in Lynnwood, WA FOUNDATION GRADES 2-8 MIDDLE SCHOOL GRADES 6-9 FULL YEAR & SUMMER info@morningsideacademy.orgSCHOOL 901 Lenora Street. Seattle, WA • 206.709.9500 FREE QUALITY EDUCATION TO ALL WA RESIDENTS 70%+ Global Majority Teachers Focus on Social Emotional Learning Emphasis on Outdoor Education Emphasis on Social Justice, Leadership, & Advocacy Limited seats available for Fall 2022 2023 accepting waitlist applications Accepting applications for next Fall, 2023-2024 Rainier Valley Leadership Academy Serving 6 12th grade APPLY TODAY! A p p l y T o d a y ! M Y R V L A . O R G C a l l 2 0 6 - 2 2 6 - 8 2 8 9 6020 Rainier Ave So , Seattle WA 98118 Learn More & Register at eastsidecatholic.org/visit Coed, Grades 6 - 12 Unlock DiscoverPotential,Community Join Us at an Open House! High School | October 9, 2 - 4 p.m. Middle School | November 6, 2 - 4 p.m. 30 / PARENTMAP.COM
LOCAL RESOURCES / SCHOOLS, PRESCHOOLS + NWAIS Birth through Age 5 Fremont Community School proudly announces the opening of our new fully licensed childcare center. Learn how we cultivate curiosity, friendship, and wonder through play and exploration of the natural world. fremontcommunityschool.org206-547-4054 Age 3-Grade 8 @etonschool.washington @EtonSchoolWA etonschoolwa 2701 Bellevue-Redmond Road Bellevue WA 98008 425-881-4230 Accepting Applications for 2023-2024 Learn more about our program, schedule a tour, and get answers to your www.etonschool.org/admissionsquestions!Age3–Grade8Age3–Grade3 PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 31
32 / PARENTMAP.COM Through our diverse online arts courses, you’ll have the space to learn something new or take your artistic skills to the next level. • Taught by experienced arts educators • Real-time arts instruction in your home • Private lesson packages, group classes, and college audition prep • A program for every experience level Onlineinterlochen.orgArtsProgramsCOLLEGE ADVISING | CREATIVE WRITING | DANCE FILM | MUSIC | THEATRE | VISUAL ARTS Build your child’s confidence with online arts classes. Interlochen Online brings high-caliber arts education to aspiring artists everywhere. Whether your child is developing their artistic skill, preparing for college auditions, or simply wants to learn something new, there is a class for every age and skill level.
Story and photos by Natasha Dillinger
After a long school day, the last thing my daughter wants is to be debriefed about everything that happened. But the cozy, intimate setting of a one-on-one afternoon tea seems to spark conversation, so I try to schedule a regular tea date for us to catch up. If you’re hoping to get your kids to spill the (figurative) tea, read on for a roundup of Puget Sound–area spots where you can partake in this classic pastime (plus, some tips to re-create that perfect teatime ambiance at home).
• Bring some themed entertainment. Whether it’s tea at home or tea out on the town, we like to bring picture books along as they make for relatively quiet distractions while we wait for snacks to arrive.
Cost: Afternoon tea costs $55 per adult and $28 per child, ages 10 and younger ($60 and $30, respectively, on weekends), and includes a tiered tray of savory and sweet goodies. À la carte brunch and lunch entrées range from $20 to $30. Best for: A classic teatime experience in this intimate venue has attracted devotees (devoteas?) since 1988. Both of my baby showers were hosted here, and I have treated both of my kids to special oneon-one teatimes here. The Queen Mary doesn’t have high chairs or booster seats (or changing tables), but ask for a booth if you’re worried about wiggly kids, since the booths give them a bit more room to move. See if you can spot all of the fun decorative touches that make this spot unique (such as the child-size nutcracker in the hallway or the mosaic of broken teacups embed ded in the pavement outside). The rainbow of sorbet palate cleansers and the lavender puff of cotton candy on the children’s tea tray are big crowd-pleasers for my kids. Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available.
Tea for Two Sweet afternoon teatime outings around Seattle
Queen Mary Tea Room’s décor features tea cups in all kinds of places — even embedded in the concrete outside!
Queen Mary Tea Room • queenmarytea.com 2912 N.E. 55th St., Seattle (near University Village)
If you’re headed out for tea, here are some tips to make the outing a success:
• Take the opportunity to dress up if you want. Teatime tends to be a fancier affair (especially at hotel destinations). This is a great occasion to get more wear out of your sparkly holiday duds!
Hours: Wednesday–Saturday, 9 a.m.–4 p.m.; Sundays, 9 a.m.–4:30 p.m.; reservations available through OpenTable or by phone (206-527-2770). Walk-ins are accepted for tea and dessert when space is available.
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Out + About
• Read the rules ahead of time. Some tea services have age limits or etiquette guidelines, while others request that you preorder your tea service. Given the labor required to assemble all of those crustless sandwiches and tiny cookies, a stricter cancellation policy than normal may apply (such as a fee for cancellation with less than 24–72 hours’ notice).
continued from page 33 Purple cotton candy is a highlight of the kid-size tray at Queen Mary TeaMatchaRoom.tea
Cost: $10 per adult and $7 per youth, in addition to garden admission ($8 per adult, $4 per youth); reserve by phone (206-684-4725). The garden requests that attendees be at least 6 years old. Best for: A glimpse at a beautiful Japanese tradition. The art and ritual of chanoyu (tea ceremony) has been practiced for hundreds of years, and an individual tea ceremony can last as long as four hours. Attendees at this much shorter 40-minute presentation sit on stools while a host shares the ceremony’s history and sym bolism. As many as 10 guests then shed their shoes and kneel on tatami mats for a Japanese sweet, which is followed by a bowl of freshly prepared matcha (fine ly ground green tea). What makes this unique experience finally Teahouse,Shoseianthe which is typically offlimits to
OUT + ABOUT
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get to sit inside
garden visitors!
Seattle Japanese Garden tea ceremony • seattlejapanesegarden.org/tea-ceremony
1075 Lake Washington Blvd. E., Seattle Hours: Saturdays, May–October, and select Fridays and Sundays. Tea ceremony is at 1, 2 and 3 p.m.
extra special? You
Cost: $15–$20 for a bottomless pot of tea and a pastry or two Best for: A unique cultural experience that’s informal enough to be toddler-friendly. Order one of the many teas and sweets at the counter (Tokara, tokaragashi.com, delivers gorgeous and tasty Japanese treats on Mon days and Thursdays) and take them downstairs, where you’ll find a small kids’ play area stocked with toys and books. Learn about local Japanese American history by perusing the photos, newspaper clippings and dolls lining the walls. You can even peek through a glass section of the floor to see the basement of this historic hotel, where many Japanese Americans stored their possessions before being interned during World War II. When your visit is over, head across the street to the Danny Woo Community Garden to feed the chickens some dandelion greens. Gluten- and dairy-free treats are available.
Cost: Crumpets cost $3–$7, depending on toppings. Best for: One of the few places in Seattle where you can nosh a freshly made crumpet. (You can even watch them sizzle on the griddle through the windows.) We Enjoy snacks and tea while learning about Japanese American history at the Panama Hotel and Teahouse. org
CMYCYMYCMYMCK BacktoSchool_ParentMapAd_June2022_V2.pdf 1 5/18/22 1:06 AM PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 35
Panama Hotel and Tea House • panamahotelseattle.com
1503 First Ave., Seattle Hours: Thursday–Sunday, 8 a.m.–2 p.m. (8 a.m.–3 p.m. on weekends). No reservations needed.
theSchoolYear@club!SIgn-up www.positiveplace.org www positiveplace
The Crumpet Shop • thecrumpetshop.com
607 South Main St., Seattle Hours: 9 a.m.–4 p.m. daily. No reservations needed.
M/V Lotus’ signature almond cake
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).
Paisley Parlour • paisleyparlour.com
Cost: Pricing ranges from $16 per person for scones with fruit and tea to $40 per person for a heartier selection of sandwiches, soups and sweets.
Little Honey Tea items at Graham’s Royal Tea
Cost: $27–$37 for an adult tea, $22 for a Tween Tea (ages 8–12), $15 for a Wee Tea (7 and younger) Best for: Tea with a view. The McMicken family built this luxurious houseboat in 1909 (it was quite state-of-the-art for its time) to travel in style between Seattle and the family’s gold mines in Alaska. Peek into the rooms (where you can still stay) and imagine yourself as a successful prospector before heading to the covered boat deck to watch seaplanes take off before tea. This spread is more substantial than some others, and we enjoyed quiche and red pepper soup before tucking into a large plate of cookies and the grand finale: a signature almond cake studded with baked apples. Devoted volunteers serve tea, and proceeds benefit the Lotus Foundation, which is dedicated to the boat’s upkeep, so you can feel good about sup porting a historic gem. Some gluten-free and vegan items are avail able upon request. If you need more time on the water, you’ll have plenty of choices in Seattle boat tours departing from the same area parentmap.com/boat-tours
OUT + ABOUT continued from page 35 love crumpets slathered in lemon curd or maple butter, or topped with egg and cheese. The housemade chai might not be a traditional afternoon tea choice, but you’ll be com forted by its gingery spice during a stroll through Pike Place Market on a rainy day. Pick up a to-go bag to enjoy during your at-home tea. Most crumpet toppings are vegetarian and several are vegan, if you specify no butter. MV Lotus • mvlotus.org 860 Terry Ave. N., Seattle (located on the northeast side of the Museum of History & Industry)
10035 Main St., Bothell Hours: Wednesday–Sunday, 10 a.m.–5 p.m. This location hosts a lot of parties, but offers afternoon tea service when an event is not scheduled. Call ahead to make reservations (425-686-7670).
Hours: Second Sunday of every month, May–November, with select holiday teas in December. Tea is at noon and 2:30 p.m. Call 425-243-9641 for reservations. Hats encouraged!
Best for: A tea party, of course! Whether your occasion is a full birthday affair or just a party of two, this spot has beautiful decora tions and is just down the street from Bothell Landing Park (per fect for some after-tea-party playtime). Served with house-made Devonshire cream, Graham’s traditional scone was the surprisingly simple yet delicious highlight of my tea tray, and the Paris tea’s oolong blend, with its notes of vanilla, is now a favorite. Note that this venue has the most rules for decorum, so it’s best for children older than 5 who can stay seated for a while or highly foodmotivated younger children on a weekday morning. Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available. Graham’s also offers a tea-to-go option in the event an afternoon tea picnic is in your future.
Graham’s Royal Tea • grahamsroyaltea.com
317 N.W. Gilman Blvd., No. 49, Issaquah Hours: Open daily, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. No reservations required for a simple scone and tea. Call ahead (425-395-7187) or book online for the full afternoon tea.
Cost: $72 per person. There is no children’s menu or pricing, but call ahead if you’re bringing kids and staff can alter some items to make them more kid-friendly.
MacGregor Arney, Meme García, and Meredith Aleigha Wells in Teenage Dick (2022). Find enrichment $30 per adult, $16–$20 per child (with or with out a scone)
Best for: Kids who prefer hot choc olate to tea. This Gilman Village shop (which also serves ice cream, coffee and other spe cialty treats, such as unicorn sodas) knows its audience — my kids’ eyes grew wide when they saw the large pot of hot chocolate festooned with gobs of whipped cream and sprinkles. The tea sandwiches are basic, but the paisley-shaped cookies are an adorable nod to the shop’s name. Paint your own cup and saucer for at-home tea at Mudhouse Pottery Painting (mudhousepottery.com), located just around the corner.
in the arts this fall! seattlerep.org
The Lodge at St. Edward Park • thelodgeatstedward.com
14477 Juanita Dr. N.E., Kenmore Hours: Thursdays at 2:30 p.m. Make reservations for the St. Edward High Tea online at exploretock.com.
Connect with your teen #irl @seattlerep SEASON SUBSCRIPTIONS START AT $95! NAT T TE WA T TE TERS S
Best for: A foodie stay cation ( saint-edwardparentmap.com/ ). Of all of the teas we’ve attended, this is the most gourmet. Host ed in the lodge’s Cedar + Elm dining room, this tea boasts tea trays piled high with savory offerings, such as beet-marinated deviled eggs and shaved cucumber tea sandwiches with her bed mascarpone, as well as entertainment provided by a
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OUT + ABOUT classical guitarist. Sweet offerings include honey-accented canelés and tapioca tarts with caramelized bananas; my 6-year-old was delighted by multiple flavors of macarons and crumpets with bear ears. This would be the perfect pre-check-in activity before a food-coma-induced nap in one of the lodge’s comfy beds (fol lowed by an energetic session at the amazing wooden playground, of course).
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• Choose a treat of choice. Graham crackers and fruit work well. If you have extra dandelions from a pesticide-free source, turn them into shortbread!
Natasha Dillinger is a Seattle mom who paused a career in accounting and finance to focus on showing her two young children around the Pacific Northwest.
Olive Branch Café and Tea Room • olivebranch-cafe.com 2501 East D St., Tacoma Hours: Café hours are Wednesday–Sunday, 11 a.m.–4 p.m., with tea ser vice available 11:30 a.m.–2:30 p.m. (Sundays are reserved for tea only.)
Cost: $75 per adult, $45 per child ages 12 and younger. Stickershock alert: An individual glass of champagne will set you back a whopping $35.
The adult tea includes items such as Dungeness crab profiteroles and a smoked salmon bite with lemon-caper cream cheese, while kids enjoy croissants slathered with peanut butter, banana and honey, alongside cheesecake pops and chocolate chip scones. Vegetarian and gluten-free options are available.
Cost: $30–$40 per adult, $20 for a child’s tea service Best for: A tea pic nic. You don’t have to take your tea home, but you can’t have it here (just yet). This tea room in a beau tiful Victorian house will expand to include limited outdoor seating later this summer, but for now, the staff will package up your tea in a stunning floral box (complete with lem on-scented fingertip towels to wipe those lifted pinkies!) so you can take it to go. We took our treats to the beach for a low-tide picnic, but Seibenthaler Park is located within walking distance, and Loyalty Park’s impres sive accessible playground is just a few minutes’ drive away. The Devonshire cream added the perfect tang when spread on my scone, and my son loved his blueberry tart and chocolate mousse, nibbled from a tiny spoon.
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Cost: $28–$61 per adult, with options for petite or cream teas start ing at $16; children’s teas start at $20. Make reservations online. Best for: The ambiance! The vibe is Victorian inn, with brocadeupholstered chairs, rich wood paneling and a volunteer pianist tickling the keys of a baby grand piano. Lovers of pink will appre ciate the special “Princess” tea room for hosting children’s teas (available for an additional fee upon request); décor includes rose-colored chairs, tulle curtains and shelves of antique dolls. While some recent critiques suggest inconsistent food quality, the freshly baked scones garner consistently rave reviews.
• Head to your local Goodwill. Grandmother’s china doesn’t hold the heirloom status or value it used to, and luckily for us, that means there are often inexpensive teacups and saucers on offer.
Best for: A fancy downtown Seattle outing. Formerly held in The Georgian Restaurant before it be came The George, the Fairmont’s classic afternoon tea now takes place in the lobby of the Olympic Bar. (See if you can spot the hid den entrance to the new speakeasy-style bar.) This setting makes for excellent people-watching; to entertain ourselves, we some times make up stories about the other people wandering through.
Beautiful floral boxes from the Secret Garden Tea Room hold all the fixings for an afternoon tea picnic.
The Secret Garden Tea Room • sgtea.com
• Gather some backyard flowers or dandelions (we find lots near our local schools) and pop them in a vase for a centerpiece.
Fairmont Olympic Hotel • fairmont.com/seattle 411 University St., Seattle Hours: Saturday–Sunday, 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Reservations are available through OpenTable or by phone (206-621-1700).
Dress up your dining room for a more budget-friendly afternoon tea with these suggestions:
People-watching and tea at the Fairmont Olympic Hotel
1711 Elm St. E., Sumner Hours: Tuesday–Saturday, 11 a.m.–6 p.m. Call to reserve a pickup time (253-826-4479).
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Turn your child’s art-class masterpieces into wearable merch with Akimiro, a Seattle-based create-your-own cloth ing site. Each clothing item is made to order, so your kiddo’s art is center stage on a quality garment. Your pint-size Picasso can also submit their art to be part of the Little Artists Collection, a collab with Akimiro that features joyous creations everyone can purchase.
By Tiffany Doerr Guerzon Transform this school year’s haul of kid masterpieces into artful placemats, totally awesome togs, greeting cards and more!
4/ Create a photographic keepsake • artkiveapp.com
The company will send you a box to fill with up to 400 pieces of your child’s precious artwork; you ship it back and — voilà! — as if by a miracle, a gorgeous book or wall-mountable composition arrives.
Kids’ Artwork
3/ Make it a ‘curtain’ call • allthingsgd.com
If your favorite artist has presented you with an adorable drawing that you just can’t get enough of, consider commemorating it as a super-special stuffie! Simply upload a photo of your kiddo’s whimsical little creation to Budsies, and the company will create a custom 16- or 30-inch plush toy in its likeness. Talk about an utterly unique keepsake to treasure for a lifetime.
8 Creative Ways to Celebrate and Display
If you love the idea of a coffee-table book or framed mosaic that showcases all of your kiddo’s art, but don’t have the time to make one yourself, you’re in luck! Artkive does all of the work for you:
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2/ Print custom greeting cards • shutterfly.com Take a photo of your child’s latest masterwork, then upload it to Shutterfly to have it turned into a set of greeting cards! Use the cards as thank-you notes or to send a fond hello to a relative. Grandparents love to receive a custom card in the mail from their favorite little artists.
1 / Make it wearable • akimiro.com
LOCAL RESOURCES / CAMPS: ARTS + ACTIVITIES
We discovered this brilliant idea for showcasing kid art on the All Things G&D blog. Mount a set of Ikea curtain wires on the wall and use curtain clips to neatly hang and organize your child’s latest creations. What we love about this idea is that it’s simple to swap the art in and out. Also, the clips slide easily along the wire, so you can adjust them to present larger-size works. Mama Dusty, your genius is showing!
5/ Turn their chef d’oeuvre into a stuffed animal • budsies.com
LOCAL RESOURCES / CAMPS: ARTS + ACTIVITIES Music and movement classes for children birth through five and the grown-ups who love them! Chickadee Music Together chickadeemusic.com (206) 334-8002 Join Our Musical Community Indoor and ClassesOutdoor 0922_chickadee_music_together_1-8v.indd 1 8/9/22 10:09 PMFamilyCalendarFun Find your adventure today! Our online calendar is your go-to guide for family activities around Puget Sound. ParentMap.com/calendar 6/ Enjoy art at the dinner table • kidsactivitiesblog.com Not everyone has the wall space to mount a large display, but this idea from the ActivitiesKidsblog is a great way to mostartshowcaserightonyourfamily’screative canvas of all: the kitchen table. The blog’s author produced placemats by laminating her sons’ paper-based art. If you don’t own a laminator, clear contact paper will work just as well to create one-of-a-kind waterproof placemats that will make every mealtime a tasteful affair. 7/ ‘Tote’-ally adorable (and useful!) • snaptotes.com Don’t leave the art at home! With Snaptotes, you can display your mini Monet’s work on the go. Most parents of small children need some kind of a bag to haul their kid’s stuff around anyway. Snaptotes also creates custom wallets, wristlets, diaper bags and many other clever, customizable totables. 8/ Everyone loves a garland • skiptomylou.org A fun way to add a dash of color and celebratory verve to any room is with an upcycled art garland. Because this project from Skip to My Lou requires cutting art work into pieces, it is an especially good use of multiples of similar art projects, sweet scribbles and fanciful finger paint ings. Another bonus is that this project uses materials you probably already have lying about the house. ■ — Tiffany Doerr Guerzon Framed mosaics of kids’ art. Photo courtesy artkiveapp.com PARENTMAP / SEPTEMBER 2022 / 41
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A parent’s need to protect their child from danger is a natural instinct. The problem is that parents these days seem to see dan ger everywhere they look. How can you learn to overcome fear-based parenting and let your kids become strong and inde pendent? I spoke with Barbara Sarnecka, Ph.D., a cognitive sciences professor at the University of California–Irvine, to get some simple tips to help anxious parents learn to let go of the fear. Sarnecka was part of a team of research ers at UC–Irvine that conducted an amazing study a number of years ago. The research ers wondered why people are often so wor ried when they see children on their own. As they point out in the paper’s abstract:
Voices
How to Move Away
“In recent decades, Americans have adopted a parenting norm in which every child is expected to be under constant di rect adult supervision. Parents who violate this norm by allowing their children to be alone, even for short periods of time, often face harsh criticism and even legal action. This is true despite the fact that chil dren are much more likely to be hurt, for example, in car accidents. Why then, do bystanders call 911 when they see children
ParentingFear-BasedFrom
Three simple ways to counter the urge to ByoverprotectLenoreSkenazy
Let’s talk about those benefits. Sarnecka points out that it’s hard to measure the benefits of independence through research.
Consider other tiny risks we ignore every day. Suppose your child asks if they can walk to the neighborhood playground two blocks away with a friend. Your first fearbased thought might be But if they go on their own, they could get kidnapped by a stranger! Sarnecka points out that sta tistically, the risk of this is really low. So, compare it to other low-risk situations and think about how you make decisions in those cases. Here’s an example she uses: “The last time you drove somewhere and parked your car, did you choose your parking space based on the possibility that there could be snipers on the roofs of the buildings around you? Did you say, ‘Well, if I park here, snipers on that building could get me. But if I park over there, the awning will shield me’?”
• Rough-and-tumble play. Wrestling and play fighting help kids learn to negotiate aggression and cooperation.
Parents themselves have to overcome an internal voice that’s constantly telling them, “Don’t leave your kids alone! That makes you a terrible parent! Something awful is going to happen to them!” So I asked Sarnecka how we can counter the idea that any time a child is unsupervised, they’re automatically in danger. These are the tips she offered to overcome fearbased parenting.
playing in parks, but not when they see children riding in cars?”
• Exploring heights. Kids need to get the “bird’s perspective,” going “high enough to evoke the sensation of fear.”
Think about things you were able to do on your own as a kid. This last idea is so simple and so powerful. Think back to your own childhood. What did you do on your own? Climb trees? Ride bikes with your friends? Hike in the woods? Play in creeks? All of these activ ities carried some risk of danger. Maybe you even got hurt. But you’re here today to tell the tale, and that’s what matters. So, forget the most recent episode of “CSI: Sex Trafficking Unit” or whatever you’ve been watching. Draw on your own experiences and give your kids some freedom. ■
Probably not, right? Now, could you really be 100 percent sure that there weren’t snipers on the buildings? No, because it’s not impos sible. But it’s so unlikely that you just don’t worry about it. You would be nuts to plan your parking around such a remote possibility. Here’s another way to look at it: The likeli hood of being involved in a traffic accident is a lot higher than that of your kid being abducted. But we drive in cars with kids all of the time. No one has ever called the police simply because they saw a parent driving with a kid in the car (assuming the parent is following safety guidelines, of course). But if parents let their kids play on their own in a park a few blocks from home, they legitimately run the risk of someone calling the police on them.
• Being near dangerous elements. Playing near vast bodies of water or close to a fire allows kids to be aware that there is danger nearby. Then they can learn to avoid those dangers.
“Those of us who study development need to figure out how to quantify the benefits [of independence] to kids,” says Sarnecka. In the meantime, she recommends listening to expert child psychologists. For instance, Norwegian researcher Ellen Sandseter proposes the following list of things children need in order to develop independence:
Measure those risks against the benefits of developing independence.
• Speed. Let kids experience cycling or other activities at a pace that feels too fast.
Think back to your own childhood. What did you do on your own? Climb trees? Ride bikes with your friends? Hike in the woods? Play in creeks? All of these activities carried some risk of danger. Maybe you even got hurt. But you’re here today to tell the tale, and that’s what matters.
On the other hand, it’s easy to describe possible dangers. If a kid breaks their arm climbing a tree, it’s tempting to assume that means climbing trees is just too dangerous. That’s how fear-based parenting works. But what about the physical and mental bene fits of learning to climb a tree?
• Exploring on their own. Sandseter feels this is the most important of all for de Everyvelopment.itemon this list arouses understand able fear in parents. But if you let fearbased parenting rule, your kids will miss out on important developmental opportunities.
As a parent, Sarnecka says, you have the right to decide that your child benefits from walking to school alone, playing in a park or riding their bike with friends. If you feel the very small risks are worth the ben efits, then proceed with confidence.
Lenore Skenazy is the president of Let Grow (letgrow.org), a nonprofit that promotes childhood independence and resilience, and provides free materials for schools and parents.
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• Handling tools. Let kids use sharp scissors or knives, or heavy hammers. At first, these tools seem unmanageable, but kids learn to master them in time.
The researchers concluded that it came down to a matter of morals. In short, peo ple felt there was something morally wrong about leaving kids on their own. That moral judgment led them to assume that those kids were automatically in danger.
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Ages Stages
Wired and Tired: Screen Time and Behavior Disturbance in Children SEPT. 20 FREE talk
I’ve written elsewhere about how screen time stresses and detunes the body clock, brain chemistry and reward pathways, as well as how tech addiction can actually damage the brain’s frontal lobe (psychologytoday.com). I’ve also shared how an electronic fast can reset and resynchronize the nervous system, improving a child’s mood, sleep, focus and behavior in a matter of weeks.
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The following are 10 evidence-based practices that can act as buffers against some of the changes caused by overstim ulation from screen time. These methods either counteract screen time’s effects directly (such as by helping to synchronize, strengthen or protect the body clock) or indirectly (for example, by facilitating deeper sleep or discharging pent-up energy). While this information was origi nally written with children in mind, it applies to adults, too. 10 strategies to counteract the effects of daily screen time 1/ Increase exposure to greenery, nature and sunlight. A growing body of research suggests that green spaces 10 Ways to Protect Your Child’s Brain From ScreenDailyTime These Byfrompreventstrategiesevidence-basedcanhelpoverstimulationscreentimeVictoriaL.Dunckley,M.D. by child psychiatrist Victoria Dunckley, M.D. parentmap.com/live
REGISTER:
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6/ Bring on the touch, empathybonding: humanandlove.
AGES + STAGES enhance mental health and learning ca pacity, both immediately and over time, by lowering stress levels and restoring at tention. Greenery simultaneously restores attention by drawing the eye while calming the nervous system, creating a state of “calm alertness” — a state considered ideal for learning. (This is in contrast to stressbased alertness associated with screen activities, which deplete attention.)
It is well-documented that children who are held, rocked, soothed and attended to by an “in tune” parent have larger brains than children who are touched less or who are outright neglected. Eye contact, in particular, fosters bonding and stimulates brain development, and children these days receive less eye contact than ever as a result of both kids and parents being locked onto screens. Eye contact, face-toface interaction, touch and observing body language all help children learn to regulate emotion and states of arousal, develop a sense of self and build capacity for inti macy. Furthermore, healthy attachment to caregivers actually protects against addic tions of all kinds, including tech addiction. Other research has shown that feeling and expressing love and compassion help stim ulate the frontal lobe and facilitate execu tive functioning and self-regulation.
Research suggests that meditation is as sociated with increased thickness of the cortex — the exact opposite of an effect found in tech addiction. Another study showed that second- and third-graders who were taught mindfulness techniques exhibited an improvement in executive functioning, particularly in those with pre existing attention problems.
7/ Assign daily chores to the entire family — even the little ones. The Learning Habit Study showed that kids with the highest grade point averages did more chores, had less than 30 minutes of daily screen time and spent more time with their parents. Another study indicat ed that children who started doing chores at age 3 or 4 were more likely to have successful relationships and careers and were more self-sufficient. For adults, daily chores have been shown to boost mood and productivity and to decrease risk of
2/ Incorporate more movement, exercise and free play. While stress and screen time break down brain con nectivity, exercise does the reverse — it builds connections and actually makes the brain bigger! Exercise fights depression, poor focus, insomnia, addiction and anxi ety by raising and balancing the very brain chemicals and hormones that become imbalanced when using electronics. In addition, varied and regular movement throughout the day helps develop core muscle strength, stimulates the vestibular system and discharges pent-up energy — all things that foster learning and mood regulation. And free play is not just for fun: It encourages brain integration, the mastering of new skills, the ability to grasp others’ mental states, cause-and-effect thinking and the management of conflict.
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Similarly, studies show exposure to sunlight can reduce attention deficit symptoms, while abundant bright light first thing in the morning can help restore disrupted circa dian rhythms, improve mood and enhance restorative sleep.
5/ Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness includes activities such as yoga, medi tation and breath work. While it can be tricky to get children to meditate, most will enjoy kids’ yoga once they get started, and the benefits of such practices cannot be overstated. When children start practicing a mindfulness activity, invariably they are calmer, less easily frustrated and better rested. How is that possible? Meditation and yoga quiet the brain, reduce stress and stimulation, improve blood flow and even balance our hormones. As men tioned, electronic stimulation combined with our hectic lifestyles mean that most of us get too much stimulation.
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3/ Practice sleep hygiene and create a “sleep sanctuary.” Numerous studies have shown that higher amounts of daily screen time and screen time in the evenings disrupt sleep. Changes include suppressed REM sleep, less time spent in the deeper stages of sleep and a blunted drop in core body temperature. Conversely, restorative sleep is reparative — it helps the brain “clean house,” reduces inflammation and consolidates learning. You can facilitate more restorative sleep and boost melatonin (the “sleep hor mone”) by establishing a consistent sleep/ wake routine (including on the weekends), keeping all screens out of the bedroom, using a sleep mask and blackout curtains to make the sleep environment as close to pitch-black as possible, avoiding eating heavy meals close to bedtime and keep ing the temperature of the room cool. Research suggests that parent-set bed times are associated with better sleep and improved functioning. To visually send the brain the message that it’s time to sleep, the bedroom should be uncluttered, free of reminders of tasks yet to be done and cozy.
4/ Engage in creative play and activities. Creative activities stimulate the right brain, the hemisphere that is often underactive in our information-over loaded world. But the creative process also activates areas throughout the entire brain, facilitating whole-brain and brain-body integration. Moreover, flexing our creative muscle helps build problem-solving skills. Studies have shown that screen time stunts imaginary play. When the brain is fed a constant stream of stimulating en tertainment that saturates the senses, it deadens the creative drive, as does view ing a two-dimensional screen emitting flat, unnatural light. In contrast, reduced levels of stimulation enhance creativity, and varying fields of depth and the interplay of depth and shadow found in the natural world stimulate the mind to wonder and imagine.
10/ Go wired and give Wi-Fi the boot. Doing so will kill two birds with one stone. First, research suggests that elec tromagnetic fields emitted by Wi-Fi signals may suppress melatonin and increase arousal levels, just as screen light does. Second, using wired-only internet access automatically reduces device use while increasing productivity when you do use it. If you can’t commit to that, at least turn off the Wi-Fi at night to give your nervous system a break. While we can’t get away from screens entirely, incorporating these practices into our daily routine — along with taking regular breaks from screens altogether — can go a long way toward protecting the brain and bolstering its resilience, especially over time.
■ Victoria L. Dunckley, M.D., is an awardwinning integrative child psychiatrist who specializes in treating children with com plex or treatment-resistant mental health conditions. This article was adapted from her book “Reset Your Child’s Brain: A Four-Week Plan to End Meltdowns, Raise Grades, and Boost Social Skills by Reversing the Effects of Electronic Screen-Time” and first appeared on the Psychology Today blog Mental Wealth.
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9/ Tone down the brightness levels on all screens. For televisions, choose the “natural” setting and lower the bright ness and contrast controls to more closely match the surrounding environment. For computers, laptops, tablets and phones, download software such as f.lux to warm and darken the devices’ screens as it gets later in the day. Although this will help block some of the melatonin-suppressing blue light, know that melatonin can still be suppressed by screens even when blue light is blocked — just not as much.
heart disease — a condition closely tied to chronic stress.
8/ Mimic nature’s day/night light cycles as closely as possible. Artificial light at night, such as the light ing in our homes and especially from screens, throws off the body clock as well as hormone and brain chemistry regulation, contributing to depression, impaired daytime functioning, obesity and other health issues. To best counteract this, avoid screen activ ities (especially interactive ones) after sun down. And, as mentioned earlier, increase exposure to natural sunlight during the day. Also, energy-efficient bulbs (both CFLs and LEDs) emit poor light quality and have been shown to raise stress levels and negative ly impact mood. Switch to incandescent bulbs (halogens are closest to the oldstyle incandescent lights) to create a more soothing and natural environment.
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