ParentMap October 2020 Issue by ParentMap

24/

Fast Brains and Big Feelings

Remote learning strategies to support kids with ADHD 38/

Just What the Doctor Ordered 20 ways to keep your cool during times of heightened distress

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C ONTENTS

October

2020

PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader Calendar

6 28

Local Resources Schools + Preschools 17 Camps: Arts + Activities 31 Independent Schools 32

Parenting

Feature

IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Cultivating Resilience in Children With Special Needs 12 Resources to support families during ‘the most complicated school year in American history’

Meet Sophia Lin This local youth has a passion for helping people with situational disabilities

NEWS AROUND TOWN

Community Lifelines How four small businesses have navigated the COVID-19 pandemic

FAMILY MEDIA

Books for Tough Transitions 18 Great stories to help young kids cope and thrive in uncertain times

Families of students with disabilities are navigating a particularly murky path this school year, but increased resilience is a potential upside.

Family Fun The October Play List Pumpkins, spawning salmon, apple picking, fall leaves: not canceled!

SEATTLE CHILDREN’S

Good Growing newsletter

EVERY CHILD

Fast Brains and Big Feelings 24 Remote learning strategies to support kids with ADHD HEALTH + DEVELOPMENT

The Burnout We Don’t Talk About 5 things that contribute to parental burnout — and tips for coping Navigating Your Child’s Speech Delays Don’t assume you’ve got all the answers

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Safer, Smarter Strategies to Help Teens Cope Featuring sociologist and author Christine Carter, Ph.D. Oct. 13

PARENTMAP.COM/LIVE

Learning in Survival Mode Your guide to proactive preparation for the pandemic school year

Inside!

WELLNESS

The Goal Is ‘Good Enough’ 20 ways to get back to calm during periods of elevated distress

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Minimize the Misery 5 ways to help your kids embrace the challenges of remote learning

PNW INSIDE + OUT

EDUCATION

Pointers From a Homeschooling Veteran Remote learning survival strategies from a savvy home educator

The Search Is On A fear-free primer to starting the college search

Pumpkins and salmon and color hikes — oh, my! We’ve rounded up 15 ways to enjoy all that fall has to offer.

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EDI TO R ’S NOTE

OCTOBER 2020, VOL. 17, NO. 9

Pandemic life in six words “Most complicated school year in history.” Since 2006, Larry Smith of The New York Times has been challenging readers to distill their lives down into six words, a one-liner he calls the six-word memoir (sixwordmemoirs.com). The most memorable of these, he says, bubble forth from our toughest and most joyous experiences. If nothing else, this pandemic has given rise to some of our toughest moments — as individuals, as families, as communities both small and global. With no shortage of fodder to inspire the exercise, I invited six-word observations from fellow ParentMap editors and contributors. I am guessing you will relate. “The ultramarathon we never trained for.” Each October, ParentMap produces an “Every Child”-themed magazine issue and resource fair event (parentmap.com/everychild) to embrace and support the developmental and educational journeys of children of all abilities. While the pandemic makes this year exceedingly challenging for every family navigating through circumstances well beyond their control, those with children who have special needs or learning differences are challenged significantly to replace inperson services and therapies for their children — not to mention the familiarity, comfort and respite those learning supports provide. This month’s feature story by Malia Jacobson (p. 12) notes one upside to this struggle: the opportunity to build a wellspring of resilience that will benefit all families and learners well beyond the pandemic. “No joke: Expectations are premeditated resentments.” As I edited the stories for this month’s issue, a through-line theme stood out: To be present for our children, no matter our circumstances, we must not fail to prioritize self-care. But don’t take my word for it — rely instead on the trusted authority of Laura Kastner, Ph.D., (“20 Ways to Keep Your Cool in the Chaos,” p. 38), Sayna Pelini, Ph.D., (“The Burnout We Don’t Talk About,” p. 27), and homeschooling mom Tera Schreiber (“Pointers From a Homeschooling Veteran,” p. 33). “Song of 2020: ‘You’re on mute.’” As you read this month’s issue, I hope you hearten to this message from our wise contributors: While this may not be the time to aim for exceptional goals, that doesn’t mean that we can’t support our kids (and ourselves!) in patching together a memorable and meaningful school year. Just remember to unmute. As for me? This about sums up my mundane memoir these days (well, the PG version at least): “Plaid pajama bottoms, you get me.” — Patty Lindley, managing editor

PUBLISHER

Alayne Sulkin

What’s your go-to tip for surviving remote learning?

EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Nicole Persun OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Devon Hammer

Baking/cooking = math Visiting a park = PE Reading = English

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It Starts With You(th) Meet Sophia Lin This local youth has a passion for helping people with disabilities By Patty Lindley

Sophia Lin, a 15-year-old junior at Newport High School in Bellevue, is an inspiring example of someone who is committed to paying back by paying forward. Her experience of growing up with a disability that required her to wear hearing aids and utilize assistive devices in order to participate in school has fueled in her a passion for coding seamless solutions to improve accessibility to technology, products and services by people with disabilities. “Having access to a support system and to [assistive] resources made me want to be able to improve the accessibility of devices for other students like myself in my community,” says Lin. She’s off to an impressive start. This past summer, she collaborated with her older twin sisters, Elizabeth and Christin, to start a summer immersion training platform, STEM League Developer Program (stemleague.github.io/website), designed to teach kids to code solutions to support the needs of their communities. We caught up with Lin to learn more about STEM League and her plans for the future. What is the mission of STEM League? We want to educate and inspire the next generation of creators. The program is designed specifically for sixth- to tenth-graders — we want to equip them with the technical and interpersonal skills to build their own personal projects and pursue their own interests. Our developer program offers two tracks: data programming with Python and web development with HTML, CSS and JavaScript.

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to code for data programming and web development. What sort of coding projects did students tackle as they progressed through the curriculum? Some students decided to build a website that promoted a business that their family member was involved with. Some students really liked games, so they created games of their own. Some did projects to raise awareness about current global issues, such as climate change.

We spent countless hours planning and crafting our program curriculum. We took into consideration the interests of middle-schoolers and high-schoolers and collected feedback to adjust the curriculum when necessary to provide a more suitable and effective learning schedule for the students. We were able to teach over 300 young students how to code from late June through late August. Throughout this pandemic time, it’s been difficult to find a stable learning platform to learn computer science, which is a very crucial and essential skill. Personally, I guess I wanted to give back to my community and become a mentor to younger students who needed to find more support in their educational journey. How did you get the support you needed to develop coding skills? I took a Python class in middle school. And I also developed on my foundational skills with my sisters, who taught me how

Do you feel like this experience points you in a direction for your future education or career path? I’m very interested in artificial intelligence, data science and wearable technology. So, yes, I think it is very connected to my future aspirations. I am planning to pursue computer science in college. Do you have any advice for a young person who wants to take action on their ideals and ideas? Many young students dream a lot and they always have an imagination for the ideas they want to implement. I would say that to implement your ideas and take them into action, start with what your mission is. And then take a first step to reach out to others — maybe to a friend or maybe there’s an organization that correlates to your goal. Then, guide a group to discuss your ideas and plan out what you want to accomplish. What would you say is a parent’s job in supporting their child’s aspirations? I think that parents play a major role in their children’s education. Ask your child

about what they’re interested in and let them experience different programs and community support groups that relate to that idea. That will make them more comfortable in reaching out to talk about what they’re interested in doing or studying. How have you weathered the pandemic over the past few months? I have found that virtual learning can be difficult — as everyone has experienced — but I have been able to find more resources online that I can utilize and learn from. This summer, I also participated in the AI4ALL summer program [ai4all.cs.washington.edu] at the University of Washington, where I gained exposure to fundamentals of machine learning, artificial intelligence and data science. We engaged in conversations on access for technology, which is what I am really interested in. Tell us about one of your pet coding projects? This summer I worked on developing an educational iOS mobile application. What inspired me to create it was that I recognized the need for producing a platform that addresses different learning styles. I realized that many high school students, including myself, struggle to find a study method that they can utilize to retain information from their classes. I learned that there are four main types of learning styles: reading/ writing, visual, kinesthetic and auditory. I wanted to bring to light this essential topic by providing educational study resources and guidance, tailored to different learning styles. I’m still working on it! Who do you consider to be your most important mentors? I would say that my oldest twin sisters have helped me a lot as mentors — they are both role models I look to for advice. Elizabeth studies computer science and Christin studies electrical computer engineering, both at the University of Washington, so they always tell me how I can improve my skills and be more involved in contributing to the community.

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Cultivating Resilience in Children With Special Needs By Malia Jacobson

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Resources to support families during ‘the most complicated school year in American history’ As families settle into what Washington state Superintendent of Public Instruction Chris Reykdal has called “perhaps the most complicated school year in American history,” the families of students with disabilities are navigating a particularly murky path. From the pandemic’s impact on student rights to coping strategies for behavioral challenges to finding time for self-care, most days offer more questions than answers — and little respite or relief. Thankfully, caregivers don’t need to have all the answers in order to support their student or to patch together a memorable and meaningful school year. More important than having an answer to every question is building resilience, or the ability to bounce back from setbacks. According to Jerri Clark, a parent resource coordinator for the PAVE (Partnerships for Action, Voices for Empowerment; wapave.org) Parent Training and Information program, working through the unique challenges of this school year can set families on a path of learning, discovery and growth that follows just what and how their student wants and needs to learn.

A bridge year

been so disrupted,” notes Clark.

The upcoming school year will be complicated for everyone involved, because the most fundamental aspects of teaching and learning — how instruction will be delivered

As a result, children with behavior challenges may have meltdowns and act out more often than normal at a time when families have fewer outlets for relief or

and measured — are very much in flux. Educators are still figuring out how to teach in this new environment, prompting the Washington State Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI) to commit a portion of federal emergency funds available through the Coronavirus Aid, Relief and Economic Security Act to professional development and training in 2020–2021.

sources of support. As precious respite care and other forms of support become scarcer, families are stretched, stressed and simply worn out.

Which means that as of fall 2020, teachers and school staff are still figuring things out — with a long road ahead. For many, 2020–2021 will be a bridge year spanning the gap between the early crisis of spring 2020 and a new version of normalcy.

“Real-world resilience is an important and underappreciated learning goal for students with disabilities.”

All of this change is especially hard on students with special needs, including those with disabilities, learning differences or behavioral challenges, says Clark. Students who need therapies previously carried out in person, such as speech or occupational therapies, or children who relied on paraeducators, aides or special education classes were suddenly cut off from important learning supports, along with the familiarity and comfort they provided. Even children who did not access these services, including homeschoolers or those without an official diagnosis qualifying them for in-school special education support, are heavily impacted by changes to their routines. “Children with a lot of behavior challenges are impacted disproportionately, because their routines have

“Respite services that were already hard to access have gotten harder, and even things like a parents’ night out that might have provided a break have been cut off

due to COVID. Because of medical fragility, some families can’t support one another the way they normally do. And helping a child use the technology for a telehealth medical visit or therapy session requires a lot of support from parents, so these things that used to provide brief breaks for parents now take a lot of their attention,” says Clark. “All the pathways for relief are impacted.” It’s a lot. But there’s an upside to this

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continued from page 13

struggle: the opportunity to build a wellspring of resilience that can make next year, and the year after, go more smoothly. Repeatedly adapting to stressful circumstances isn’t fun, but it does offer the chance to practice flexibility, patience and resourcefulness, skills that will serve children well inside and outside the (virtual) classroom. Real-world resilience is an important and underappreciated learning goal for students with disabilities, says Jessica Soper

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of University Place. Her 9-year-old twins were homeschooled before COVID, so working with their learning differences at home isn’t new. But COVID’s closures have meant finding ways to adapt to life without the visits to libraries, museums and parks that used to fill their days. Adapting to COVID has meant becoming more selfreliant, more tech-savvy and more organized than they used to be — all positive changes, Soper notes. Shifting plans, asking questions and finding new ways to communicate with others via technology help prepare students for a fulfilling life beyond school, she notes. “Ultimately, I want to empower my kids to function in real life.” Resilience reboot The first step to building resilience is getting organized, says Clark. Adapting to

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a rapidly changing learning environment is easier when you know and understand your child’s daily schedule and learning expectations. “Having children participate in creating the schedule is very calming to the central nervous system,” says Clark. A visible, tangible plan for each day helps Soper’s twins learn at their own pace throughout each day. As homeschoolers who “unschool,” they don’t follow a traditional school-day schedule; instead, Soper plans lessons around the kids’ interests, such as cooking and math. But Soper recently started a new job and knew the family needed more structure. “Personally, I’m terrible with schedules, but this isn’t for me, this is for my kids,” she says. More structure didn’t mean a strict hourly schedule, however. Instead, each twin has a laminated checklist of tasks to complete each day. The list includes activities of daily living (ADLs), such as brushing their teeth, along with chores and learning activities. “When they get up, they know exactly what they need to do for the day. We find that the more questions we can take away, the less stress they have. It’s a task-based list, not a time-based schedule; it takes one twin a lot longer to go through it, but it works for us,” Soper says. No need to go it alone Adapting to change is also easier when you know where to go for help: “Families need to understand that it’s not all on them to get organized,” says Clark. “Their child’s school can help; parents can call the school and ask for support.” Parents can also ask for training to help them learn more about managing behavior challenges, using online learning programs, and incorporating other resources and ways to support their student. “Parent training can be part of the ‘related services’ in an IEP, or individualized education program, so parents with an IEP in place can request training from their school,” says Clark.

Through her work with PAVE’s Parent Training and Information program, Clark helps parents of students with disabilities understand their legal rights. “What I primarily do is teach parents about student rights within special education … no rights have been waived during the pandemic.” How do parents exercise those rights? Even in a pandemic environment, students with special needs still have a federally protected right to a free appropriate public education (FAPE) that’s accessible and inclusive in the least restrictive environment (LRE). Translation: Parents of students with learning differences and disabilities should still expect equitable access to education during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Whether students learn on a screen, in the kitchen or in their backyard, schooling at home helps weave learning into a student’s daily routine. Since parents often don’t know how to start those conversations with their school or which questions to ask, PAVE maintains a list of questions, Key Information and Creative Questions for Families to Consider During COVID-19 Closures (wapave.org), to start the dialogue. Simply asking questions helps build resilience by opening important pathways for communication between schools and families. “Parents can ask questions like ‘What is LRE, or least restrictive environment, in the context of COVID? What are other students accessing and how is that equitable for all students?’” Other queries might center on ways to help children with special needs understand social distancing, or how to make sure continuous learning objectives match a child’s natural curiosities. Learning the language used by school staff and administrators can also make asking questions and getting answers easier. Terms like asynchronous learning, universal design for learning (UDL) and learning management system (LMS) can be unfamiliar to parents at first, so the National Center for Learning Disabilities (ncld.org) includes definitions for these and other 2020–2021 education buzzwords in its

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continued from page 15

list of COVID-19 parent resources (ncld.org/covid-19-parent-resources). Feel big feelings and breathe Emotional intelligence plays a central role in resilience, says Clark. “Feeling big feelings is one of the most important things for families right now, and parents can ask their schools for support with social-emotional learning to help when the family is at home together all day.” “Families that are afraid of their big feelings are having a hard time finding resilience, because those feelings don’t go away when we don’t acknowledge them,” says Clark. “Emotional intelligence requires noticing what is being experienced.” She often points parents to a strategy called “Name It to Tame It,” outlined in “The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Proven Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind” by Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., and Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Clark drew on her background as a yoga

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instructor to create PAVE’s video tutorials, providing simple mindfulness and breathing exercises to help families feel calmer, more centered and resilient. These practices include “Breathe to Keep from Flipping Your Lid” and “Stop and Settle with Five-Fingers Breath,” and each one takes from two to three minutes. “Breathing practices are absolutely imperative to keep everyone in their front brain,” she says. Whether students learn on a screen, in the kitchen or in their backyard, schooling at home helps weave learning into a student’s daily routine. This transforms learning from something that happens mainly at school or in therapy to something that can happen anywhere, anytime. “When we can make learning part of the daily routine so that it’s engaging for the student and there are opportunities for mastery, the student can feel connected and valued,” says Clark. “That can be critical to engagement with learning right now, and that has the opportunity to be quite a silver lining.”

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Malia Jacobson is a health and family journalist.

PAVE Parent Training and Information • Facebook, “Parent Training and Information of Washington” PAVE Fall 2020: Ready or Not (resource list) • wapave.org/fall-2020-ready-or-not PAVE Mindfulness Videos • wapave.org/mindfulness-videos PAVE Key Information and Creative Questions for Families During COVID-19 Closures • wapave.org

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Books for Tough Transitions Great stories to help young kids cope and thrive in uncertain times By Gemma Alexander As parents, we try to create stability and security for our kids. But in a year like 2020, the best we can do is teach our kids to cope with change and uncertainty. Fortunately, we don’t have to do it on our own. There are lots of great books that help kids understand some of the circumstances we’re facing this year, as well as books to help kids cope with the anxiety those circumstances produce. We’ve worked with the Seattle Public Library’s children’s librarians to come up with a few recommendations.

Picture-book picks “Isn’t It Scary?” by Vernon Hamilton “Isn’t It Scary?” features an African American family exploring the natural environment. When a rabbit dives down a scary-looking hole, the mother helps her two children connect the natural habitats of animals with the comfort and security of their own home and family. “After the Fall (How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again)” by Dan Santat Dan Santat, author and illustrator of the beloved picture book “The Adventures of Beekle: The Unimaginary Friend,” gives the Humpty Dumpty tale a new twist. In “After the Fall,” the famous egg has to get back up again to face his recently acquired fear of heights in order to return to his favorite pastime of bird-watching.

“Why Is Everyone Wearing a Mask?” by Debbie Qiu, translated by Eduardo Ochoa This bilingual (English/Spanish) picture book playfully explains why masks are helpful instead of scary, and encourages kids to become mask-wearing superheroes themselves. “Germs Are Not for Sharing” by Elizabeth Verdick, illustrated by Marieka Heinlen This pre-pandemic picture book introduces little kids to the basic how-tos of hygiene that are instrumental in stopping the spread of germs. It covers healthy precautions such as coughing into an elbow, handwashing and the proper disposal of tissues. “The Don’t Worry Book” by Todd Parr Even when this picture book’s illustrations depict frightened faces, its bright colors create a cheery, uplifting impression in this book about dealing with things that make kids worry. “The Don’t Worry Book” doesn’t actually admonish kids for worrying about scary news or first days of school, but rather, it suggests ways to find comfort and joy despite one’s fears.

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For book recommendations for older kids, go to parentmap.com/coping-with-change. Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

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A Seattle Children’s Publication | Fall 2020

Parenting Tips for Trying Times Parenting is a source of joy that also requires a whole lot of work. That’s truer than ever now, as the COVID-19 pandemic wears on. Parents are taking on extra responsibilities, including more hands-on involvement with their kids’ schooling. During these stressful times, our own emotions may sometimes feel oversized. It’s no wonder we’re seeing changes in our kids’ emotions and behaviors. Parents and kids alike need to breathe deeply, practice self-care, hold on to our humor and optimism, and take things one day (and sometimes one moment!) at a time. As we strive to create peace and stability for our families, here are some guideposts to keep in mind. Be a role model. Our kids watch us closely, and our actions speak volumes. Let them see you

making smart, healthy choices relating to diet, exercise, screen time, hygiene and sleep. Be kind and respectful with your words and actions. Offer compassion and comfort. Encourage your child to share all their feelings. In return,

Supporting Mental Wellness and Family Life During COVID-19

Since the pandemic began, almost everything about daily life looks different. Our experts are here to support your family as you cope, live and learn during COVID-19. We’ve pulled resources together in one place at seattlechildrens.org/copingandcovid. You’ll find ways to attend to your and your child’s mental wellness, tips for supporting learning in your home, videos on parenting teens during COVID-19 and recordings of our Facebook events that feature experts from Psychiatry, The Autism Center and Educational Services.

be an active, empathetic listener. Respond to their fears with consistent, reassuring messages. Give them lots of opportunities to be physically near you. If your child loves cuddling, offer plenty of it. Stay faithful to comforting routines that help you connect, like shared family meals and soothing bedtime rituals. Be generous with praise and positive attention. Recommit to a positive, nurturing approach to parenting — including positive discipline techniques like setting clear expectations and rewarding desired behaviors. The link below has detailed information on the Seattle Children’s Positive Parenting program. Carve out time for play every day. Whether it’s a family game night, a quick round of knock-knock jokes or an outdoor scavenger hunt, make time to play and laugh together. The simplest things have the power to delight — like building a cozy blanket fort or designing a fun hopscotch course with chalk. Take a break when you feel overwhelmed. Treat yourself to a timeout when you need one. Take a quick walk, soak in a hot bath, sip a cup of tea or call a trusted friend for a heart-to-heart talk. Consider that someday (hopefully soon!) the pandemic will be over. Yet for the rest of their lives, our kids will reflect back on this experience and know that they can always count on their families. to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/positiveparenting.

Seasonal Flu Vaccines Are Extra Important this Year Preventing the flu during the 2020-2021 influenza season will be more important than ever. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, we all need to stay as healthy as possible and not overload our healthcare system. The flu vaccine reduces hospitalizations and deaths. Everyone 6 months and older should be vaccinated. Healthy children over 2 may get either a flu shot or a nasal-spray vaccine. Aim for you and your family

to get the flu vaccine by the end of October. If you have questions or doubts about vaccines, ask your child’s doctor. It’s always best to get health information from a medical professional. to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/health-safety/ keeping-kids-healthy/prevention/aboutthe-flu.

Encouraging Healthy Gender Development On the day babies are born, they are assigned a sex. This concept refers to doctors observing physical characteristics and choosing male or female for the birth certificate. However, gender identity is much more complex. It describes how you express yourself and the way you feel on the inside. Upholding a child’s assigned sex without giving them space to explore their gender identity and express themselves can cause problems. Instead, parents and caregivers can intentionally encourage gender exploration, so that their children feel loved and supported and develop good self-esteem. Here are some ways that you can encourage healthy gender development:

Allow children to choose things, like clothing, toys and activities, for themselves. Giving them space to choose what they like supports healthy gender identity. Be conscious of how you talk about gender. Avoid reinforcing gender stereotypes. Use genderneutral language as much as possible. Read and talk about gender with your child. There are many children’s books that explore diverse gender identities. to learn more:

Visit healthychildren.org and search ‘developing gender identity.’

Drop, Cover and Hold On! Earthquakes have been rumbling all over in 2020. The Pacific Northwest is an earthquake-prone area, and experts warn that we are overdue for a big one. It’s essential to have a disaster supply kit ready and that you and your child know what to do when the earth starts to shake. In most situations, the chances of injury are reduced if you DROP onto your hands and knees, COVER your head and neck with one arm and hand, and HOLD ON until the shaking stops. Being on hands and knees protects you from being knocked over and allows you to crawl to nearby shelter — like a sturdy table or desk — if it’s available. If you are

under shelter, hold on to it with one hand and be ready to move with it if it shifts. If no shelter is available, crawl away from outside windows and hold on to your head and neck with both arms and hands. If you are in bed, stay there and lie face down. Cover your head and neck with a pillow and keep your arms as close to your head as

possible. Hold on to your head and neck with both hands until the shaking stops. If you are outdoors, move to a clear area if you can safely do so — avoiding power lines, trees, signs, buildings and vehicles — then drop, cover and hold on. If you are driving, pull over to the side of the road, stop and set the parking brake. Stay inside the vehicle until the shaking stops. The source below has more specific actions for other locations, plus details on preparing a disaster supply kit. to learn more:

Visit doh.wa.gov/emergencies.

Kid Bits

Get Moving!

When the pandemic closed schools and forced us to stay at home, many families understandably lost their focus on exercise. If your family needs to get back to healthy habits, take some simple steps to get your bodies moving again. It might start with taking a walk before the school day starts or as soon as it ends. Or try a new exercise routine — like yoga with online instruction or targeted workouts guided by a smartphone app. Older kids may enjoy a regular walking or running routine that gives them some time to themselves each day. And be sure to get outside as a family! You can shoot hoops in the driveway, enjoy a family bike ride or take the dog for a romp in the park.

Weighted Blankets Not Safe for Infants and Young Children

Choosing Hand Sanitizer

Weighted blankets have recently become widely available, claiming to provide a sounder sleep. As tempting as that promise sounds, weighted blankets should never be used with young children and certainly never with infants. For infants, a safe sleep environment is the three B’s: boring, bare and basic. To reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), infants must always be placed on their backs to sleep. Crib mattresses should be firm and fit tightly in the crib. Other than a snug fitted sheet, the crib should have no blankets, pillows, stuffed animals or other items. If your baby or child is having problems with sleep, talk with your doctor.

COVID-19 has brought handwashing to the forefront of our minds. While washing hands with soap and water is the most effective way to reduce the spread of germs, they are not always readily available. Hand sanitizer is the next best option. Keep the following tips in mind when selecting a hand sanitizer to ensure that you are choosing a product that is safe and effective. • Choose a hand sanitizer with 60 to 95% alcohol content. • Avoid hand sanitizers that contain methanol. • Be aware of hand sanitizers that make false or misleading claims. Avoid products that claim to protect against germs for extended periods of time.

to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/health-safety/

Visit youtube.com/watch?v=UWKS71jaea4.

Visit cdc.gov/handwashing/show-me-the-

keeping-kids-healthy/development/exercise.

Quick Tip In Washington state, it is the law for children to ride in a booster seat until they are 4 feet, 9 inches tall (57 inches). Most kids will need a booster seat until they are 10 to 12.

facebook.com/seattlechildrens instagram.com/seattlechildrens

twitter.com/seattlechildren youtube.com/seattlechildrens

science-hand-sanitizer.html.

Regional Clinic Locations

Online Resources

• Bellevue • Everett • Federal Way

Visit seattlechildrens.org for the following: • Child Health Advice • my Good Growing email newsletter • Doctor Finder • On The Pulse and Autism blogs • Medical condition information • Health & safety information • Ways to help Seattle Children’s • Research Institute information

• Olympia • Tri-Cities • Wenatchee

Primary Care Clinic • Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic

Main Hospital Numbers 206-987-2000 866-987-2000 (Toll-free)

Heather Cooper is the Editor of Good Growing, which is produced four times a year by the Marketing Communications Department of Seattle Children’s. You can find Good Growing in the January, April, July and October issues of ParentMap and on our website seattlechildrens.org. For permission to reprint articles for noncommercial purposes or to receive Good Growing in an alternate format, call 206-987-5323. The inclusion of any resource or website does not imply endorsement. Your child’s needs are unique. Before you act or rely upon information, please talk with your child’s healthcare provider. © 2020 Seattle Children’s, Seattle, Washington.

Classes and Events As the COVID-19 situation changes, we continue to adjust or postpone our classes and events to follow public health recommendations. We now offer some classes online while some are on pause. Please check our website for the latest information. Scholarships are available. If you would like to ask about a scholarship, use the contact information for the class you’re interested in to connect with the registrar. PARENTING CLASSES Autism 101 This free 90-minute lecture is designed to provide information and support to parents and families of children recently diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. A portion of each session is dedicated to answering questions from the attendees. View dates and locations, sign up for live streaming or view a past lecture at seattlechildrens.org/ autism101. Email Autism101@seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Autism 200 Series Autism 200 is a series of free 90-minute classes for parents and caregivers of children with autism who wish to better understand autism spectrum disorder. Each class features a different topic. Classes are usually offered on the third Thursday of the month, 7 to 8:30 p.m., via live streaming. View dates and topics, sign up for live streaming or view past Autism 200 lectures at seattlechildrens.org/autism200. Email Autism200@seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Heartsaver First Aid, CPR and AED

CPR and First Aid for Babysitters

This video-based class for parents and caregivers covers how to treat bleeding, sprains, broken bones, shock and other first-aid emergencies. Also includes infant, child and adult CPR and AED use. Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver First Aid, CPR, AED course completion card that is valid for 2 years.

For youth, ages 11 to 15. Topics include pediatric CPR, treatment for choking, and first-aid skills. Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver Pediatric First Aid, CPR, AED completion card, which is valid for 2 years.

This class is offered in Seattle. In-person classes are on pause at this time. Please check the website for the most current information at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

Mothers of Sons — A Parent Talk A parent talk just for mothers of sons facilitated by Julie Metzger, founder of Great Conversations. This parent talk gives moms a unique opportunity to explore their relationship with their son while answering some of the questions around their son’s physical, emotional and social development. This class will be facilitated online via Zoom on Thursday, October 8 at 7 p.m. Register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

Babysafe

Youth Mental Health First Aid

Babysafe is a 4-hour class for new and expectant parents and others who care for babies. Topics include infant development, baby safety, injury prevention and care of common injuries for infants from birth through 12 months of age. Infant CPR is demonstrated and practiced, but this is not a certification class.

This 8-hour class is for adults who regularly interact with adolescents ages 12 to 18. Youth Mental Health First Aid will improve your knowledge of mental health and substance use problems and will teach you how to connect youth with care when needed.

This class is currently available virtually via Zoom. The fee is $85 and each registration is good for 2 people from the same family. View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

Dads of Daughters — A Parent Talk Dads! There is nothing quite like being a dad of a daughter. Becoming more aware of what your preteen/teen daughter is experiencing physically, socially, emotionally, and cognitively will give you tools to support and communicate more confidently. Julie Metzger, founder of Great Conversations, will share the latest research and parenting ideas. This class will be facilitated online via Zoom on Wednesday, October 7 at 7 p.m. Register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

A virtual version of Youth Mental Health First Aid is now available for free. The date you register for is the date of the live instructor-led course. View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

CHILD, PRETEEN AND TEEN CLASSES Better Babysitters For youth, ages 11 to 14. Students learn about responsible babysitting, basic child development, infant and child care, safety, handling emergencies, age-appropriate toys, business tips and parent expectations. This class is offered in Seattle, Bellevue, Everett, and Federal Way. In-person classes are on pause at this time. Please check the website for the most current information at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

The Chat The Chat is a new online workshop series on puberty and sex that reflects the content from the in-person classes, For Boys and For Girls. Offered via Zoom, each 45-minute workshop is for preteens 10 to 12 years old, plus a parent or trusted adult. You may take any individual workshop or all 5. If you register for all 5 events, we recommend starting with BO, Pimples and Hair — Oh My! and ending with Being Connected: Sex, Love and Everything In Between. While families can choose to attend any combination of workshops, the information in earlier sessions provides a foundation for understanding later sessions. The Chat workshop titles are: BO, Pimples and Hair — Oh My!; Girl Bodies and Beyond; Boy Bodies and Beyond; Being Together: Feelings, Friendships and Families; and Being Connected: Sex, Love and Everything In Between. The cost is $25 per workshop or the series of 5 for $100. View dates at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions. See a trailer for The Chat at greatconversations.com.

EVENTS Free Virtual Car Seat Checks King County Certified Child Passenger Safety Technicians are offering free virtual car seat check appointments via video chat platforms. For more information, email Laura Miccile at laura.miccile@ kingcounty.gov or call 206-477-8664. South County Fire and Safe Kids Snohomish County are offering free virtual car seat classes. Registration is required. Visit southsnofire.org/ education/child-passenger-safety. Note: If King County is in Phase 3 of Washington State’s Safe Start plan in time, Seattle Children’s will hold an in-person car seat check in Seattle on October 17. Registration will be required and checks will be by appointment only. Visit seattlechildrens.org/health-safety/keeping-kidshealthy/prevention/car-seat-checks to learn more.

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WHOLE EARTH MONTESSORI

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September 2020

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Every Child

Fast Brains and Big Feelings Remote learning strategies for kids with ADHD By Heidi Lynn Borst

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Riding out the coronavirus pandemic on lockdown, we as parents are navigating uncharted waters, and our children are paying the heftiest price. Not only are kids missing out on the essential social outlet that school provides, but the quality of their education is taking a major hit. Leading their childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s learning is a daunting undertaking for parents in general, but when a child has special needs, it can feel downright impos-

sible. Under the confines of remote learning, the delivery of much-needed services to students with disabilities is convoluted at best. While educators agree on the importance of providing continuity of learning at home, the logistics can be tricky. In the classroom setting, children who have an individualized education program (IEP) or a 504 plan receive customized accommo-

dations to support their unique differences, be they academic, social, emotional and/or behavioral. My rising second-grader, who has ADHD, receives plenty of hands-on, one-on-one interaction with his teacher, along with many other supports outlined in his IEP. With the current amalgam of daily video-conferencing meetings, recorded lessons and instructional worksheets, most of my son’s IEP supports are missing from the picture. I’m left to fill in the blanks — a job for which I don’t feel the least bit qualified.

“My favorite go-to is running, because it gets the whole body involved. Get your kid to run a lap around the block, so they get their energy out, their blood flowing, their heart pumping and their brain moving.” Even so, there are solid measures we can take as parents to foster a supportive learning experience for our kiddos. Read on for expert strategies to make remote learning a success. Create a routine to add structure at home. For busy parents already juggling their own workloads, it’s simply not possible to supervise every minute of their child’s learning. What we can do is provide our children with structure. “Chaotic and unpredictable isn’t a good setup for learning. Use pictures to create a visual schedule that is really concrete and predictable. We want the schedule to prompt our kids, so we don’t have to be the one reminding them,” says Shanna Alvarez, Ph.D., a psychologist and codirector of the Incredible Years program at The Seattle Clinic (theseattleclinic.com/ the-incredible-years-program).

For kids with ADHD who need help staying focused in the classroom, it’s important to eliminate household distractions that make remote learning harder. “Kids with ADHD have more difficulty with self-control, impulsivity and motivation, so it’s important to be proactive from day one. Have a structure and physical plan for each day,” says Mark Stein, Ph.D., ABPP, director of the Program to Enhance Attention, Regulation and Learning (PEARL) for ADHD and related disorders at Seattle Children’s Hospital (seattlechildrens.org). Moving from one task to another is difficult, so be sure to plan for transition time between activities, using scheduled breaks and external prompts such as timers, Stein says. Predictability might be boring, but it provides kids with stability. “Kids need the comfort and regularity of a structured routine. Routine is the most important part of the school day. At the beginning of the year, we spend every minute we can on learning the routine until everyone in the class has it memorized. It’s easier to run through the day when everyone knows what to expect,” says Michael Wojcio, a special education teacher at Marshall Elementary School in South Orange, New Jersey. “At home, find a room and make it school, so your child knows this is where they go to learn.” Once you’ve designated a learning space for your child and established a routine, adhere to it as much as possible, making changes whenever something isn’t working. Take a ‘brain break’ and get moving. Studies show engaging in physical activity improves behavior, increases focus and attention, and reduces stress. Instead of expecting your child to sit glued to their lessons all day, allow plenty of opportunities for movement. “I don’t think movement breaks should be as routine as most things, because kids don’t necessarily need a break at say, 10:15 a.m. every day — they need it when

they need it,” says Wojcio. Find fun ways to sprinkle movement into your child’s day, such as putting on a “Just Dance” video, doing a series of pushups or jumping jacks, or heading out for a family walk or bike ride. “My favorite go-to is running, because it gets the whole body involved. Get your kid to run a lap around the block, so they get their energy out, their blood flowing, their heart pumping and their brain moving. It’s probably the best thing you can do for them, physically,” says Wojcio. Get in on the action and get moving with your child — modeling an active lifestyle makes kids more likely to follow our lead. Work with your child’s team to implement accommodations at home. Reach out to your child’s teacher for help putting IEP accommodations into practice

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at home. “Kids with ADHD often have associated problems with learning, speech, fine motor skills or social difficulties. They should be getting the same accommodations at home that they were getting in school. How does the learning environment need to be adapted and what is the most appropriate educational plan for them? Communicate a lot with teachers and schools and the IEP team,” says Stein. Take the initiative when collaborating with your child’s team, advises Alvarez. “Show the school what you’re doing on your end to increase predictability and add structure to your child’s routine. Ask them what else you can do to embed your child’s academic work into the structures already in place at home, so that when difficulties arise, you have the tools in place to support them.” Be sure to factor in the effect of any medication your child has been prescribed, notes Stein. “Meet with your child’s pediatrician or provider to make sure their medication is appropriate for home learning. Long-acting stimulants may not be appropriate for a three- to four-hour learning period. Side effects occur at different times. Some medications take longer to take effect, some are associated with being sleepy; that’s not something you want in a child during an active part of learning.” Equip kids with a toolbox for emotional regulation. Children with ADHD experience intense emotions that hit hard and fast, causing mood swings and reactive behavior. With the right tools, kids are better able to reset and calm down before those big emotions take over. “First, make an honest assessment of how your child’s behavior and emotional regulation were before school started. Can your child self-regulate and calm down when they have big emotions? How often is physical or verbal aggression happening? We need to increase the peace and wellness of our kids before we

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worry about academic success,” says Alvarez. Our instinct may be to protect our kids from adversity, but it’s an inevitable part of life. By framing stress in a positive way,

“We don’t realize it: We put so many expectations on ourselves and on our child and it’s not possible. Expectations are premeditated resentments. We have to do what is achievable in our own home.” we help our kids develop the life skills they need, says Alvarez. “Parents need to teach frustration tolerance and balance,

giving our kids tools that increase connection and a positive inner script by making more deposits than withdrawals. For a kid with ADHD, every command and question [represents] a withdrawal. Even if we make deposits through child-led play and connection, our children require more. Allocate time at the end of each day to play [oneon-one] with your child, allowing them to lead without doing any teaching. Just be an appreciative audience.” By helping our kids experience gratitude, pride and compassion, we teach them to harness their abilities into positive ends. “Kids with fast brains and big feelings have superpowers. Intensity is a gift that can help them pursue their goals,” says Alvarez. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish. We can’t look after our kids if we aren’t looking after ourselves, says Sinéad Quinn, a Seattle-based wellness and empowerment coach (sineadquinn.com)

and self-proclaimed “emotionally stable hot mess mom.” “As difficult as this situation has been for everyone, it’s been worse for families with kids who need support. It’s very easy to get caught up in the anger and frustration of our situation. We’re already carrying extra weight, so it’s very challenging to keep calm and keep steady.” Quinn recommends that parents double-down on self-care through sleep, breath work, meditation, hydration and gratitude — all of which serve to support their own mental health. Certainly, none of us signed up for this, and the additional pressure on parents to pilot their children’s education is overwhelming. “Most parents don’t have degrees in elementary or special education, and it’s really challenging. They have a lot on their plate already and they need to make sure they’re in a good state and prepared for taking this on, having realistic expectations. Parents have to balance their job with their overall wellbeing, not just their child’s learning,” says Stein. Quinn says she’s had to shift her perspective of what is attainable. “We don’t realize it: We put so many expectations on ourselves and on our child and it’s not possible. Expectations are premeditated resentments. We have to do what is achievable in our own home.” While the road ahead holds many unknowns, one thing is certain: We deserve to give ourselves a break. Our kids need us now more than ever, and we owe it to them to show up being at our best.

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Heidi Borst is an active mom, journalist and nutrition coach with a strong affinity for nature, sarcasm and extra sleep.

Science Says These 5 Things Raise Your Chances of Parental Burnout Parental burnout is still a somewhat taboo subject. Overwhelmed parents struggling with exhaustion, fear, shame, stress, anxiety and low energy levels are often unwilling to speak out for fear of being judged as incapable, incompetent or “not good enough” parents. Yet in these pandemic times more and more parents are suffering from parental burnout. Here are five things that raise your chances of burnout — and tips to combat overwhelming feelings:

1. Always being there When you are too available to your children, you not only get worn out more quickly, you also prevent them from learning important skills such as autonomy, critical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving and decision-making skills. What to do: Let go. Your child is not helpless. Choose what you know they are capable of doing and let them to do it by themselves. Identify household chores they can help you with — this shows them that you believe they are capable of success.

2. Believing harmful myths Being a parent is wonderful, but it is also tiring, demanding, and emotionally and physically overwhelming. The problem is that parents — especially mothers — have always been taught to believe that they must be all things to their children. What to do: The truth about parenting is that there are terrific highs and incredibly low lows. Instead of striving to be a “perfect parent” who never tires and is always happy, let go of harmful myths and define your own idea of parenting.

3. Not making time for yourself When you are tired, stressed or preoccupied by the things happening in your life, and have to deal with your child when you are in such a state, you are more likely to react in ways that you would rather avoid. The truth is, you cannot take care of others when you are running on empty. What to do: Prioritizing time for yourself to recharge your batteries will make your parenting journey easier. Start by blocking off a specific time every day, for even 10 minutes, during which you do something special by yourself.

4. Lack of support Parenting is hard work, and it is even harder when you have to do it alone or when your child has special needs. Lack of support is one of the main reasons that explains why so many parents are exhausted. What to do: Talk to your partner and family about your need for support. Remember that support can be in the form of finding a babysitter or taking your child to a child-care center, which can give you a few hours to breathe. You can only get help if you ask for it. Talking to a professional can also provide the support you need.

5. Quest for perfection Parental burnout is usually a sign that you are doing way too much. Honestly go over everything you do in a given week and ask yourself what you can let go of to lighten your load. What can you say no to? Remember that parenting is hard work for everyone and do whatever you need to get back on track. Take a deep breath — things will be better tomorrow. — Sanya Pelini, Ph.D.

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FAM I LY F UN

October Play List Best bets for safe family fun this fall By Devon Hammer

Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

Pumpkins, spawning salmon, apple cider, fall leaves: not canceled! Fall has arrived, and we are here for it. Thankfully, a lot of the autumn activities we love most take place outside and are still permissible during the pandemic (with a few modifications). So, let’s soak up everything the season has to offer while we can: crisp air, trees aglow with vibrant colors, pumpkin-spice-flavored everything, and plenty of safe and fun ways to get out and about this month.

1. Tromp through the fields to find your family’s great pumpkin. Most patches in the area are open this season and are still hosting fall festival activities (with pandemic precautions in place). parentmap.com/pumpkins

2. Got a Minecraft maniac in

the house? The Museum of Pop Culture (MoPOP) has reopened and is hosting a free virtual family program all about Minecraft! Sign up ASAP for one

of two available sessions: 11 a.m. or 1 p.m. on Oct. 3. Advance registration is required. Fans should definitely check out MoPOP’s awesome Minecraft exhibit. parentmap.com/minecraft

3. Get a taste of fall with some freshly pressed cider and other apple treats at Steilacoom Historical Museum’s Tasting the Squeeze event, Oct. 4. This is a socially distanced alternative to the annual Apple Squeeze. parentmap.com/squeeze

Watch the drama of nature unfold at numerous salmon-viewing spots around the sound. While a few sites are closed, there are still plenty of places to see these awe-inspiring creatures battle their way upstream to spawn. Challenge yourself to spot each species by the end of the season. parentmap.com/salmon

Cheer on the resident animals attacking their special pumpkin treats at Northwest

Editor’s note: Please remember to wear a mask when coming within 6 feet of anyone outside of your immediate household and follow all advisories related to safe recreating outdoors (parentmap.com/stay-safe).

2 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Highlighted Events for October

| Wed.–Sun.

| Sat.–Sun.

All month long

It’s Salmon SEEson!

Free Rowboat Rentals

Pumpkin Chomp ’n’ Stomp

Various viewing sites around the sound parentmap.com/salmon

The Center for Wooden Boats, Seattle parentmap.com/rowboat

Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, Eatonville parentmap.com/chomp

11. Put a challenging and

in Buckley on a Friday or Saturday through Oct. 31 to attempt the flashlight maze. Book online. parentmap.com/maris

Oct. 10–11

Trek Wildlife Park’s Pumpkin Chomp ’n’ Stomp event, Oct. 10–11. Included with regular admission. parentmap.com/chomp

Enjoy a less-crowded visit to Remlinger Farms for its Fall Harvest Pumpkin Festival. Ride the rides again and again, then swing by the patch to pick a picture-worthy pumpkin. Open every weekend in October. parentmap.com/remlinger

7. Immerse yourself in a fall

wonderland on one of these fall-color walks, perfect for even the littlest leaf peepers. parentmap.com/color-hikes

Wait for a rain-free day to get the kids out to one of these awesome local pump tracks. They’re like a roller-coaster ride on a bike! parentmap.com/pump-tracks

Enjoy an autumn view of the city from the middle of Lake Union. Get out on the water by booking a free hour in a peapod rowboat (great for

The Center for Wooden Boats

beginners) from The Center for Wooden Boats. parentmap.com/rowboat

10.

spooky twist on a traditional corn maze — by exploring it in the dark! Head to Maris Farms

Lattin’s Country Cider Mill and Farm can’t host its full Apple Festival this year, but you can still visit the farm store to taste its legendary cider, buy fruit and snack on delicious baked goods (think of its legendary apple fritters and doughnuts). You may even spot some resident farm animals, too! parentmap.com/lattin

12. Tour Oxbow Farm &

Conservation Center on a private family field trip to see the ins and outs of a working farm. The tour makes a great outdoor complement to indoor remote school. Book online. parentmap.com/oxbow

Bring the Tooth Fairy Experience home!

Get our educational worksheets, coloring pages, storybook videos & more!

Download for your kids at TheToothFairyExperience.com/Classroom

PA R E N T M A P / O C T O B E R 2 0 2 0 / 2 9

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13. Reserve a private bonfire spot located in the

cornfields at Bob’s Corn & Pumpkin Patch in Snohomish. Adults can enjoy a toasty outdoor gathering spot while the kids explore all that the farm has to offer. bobscorn.com/activities

14. Check out Fox Hollow Farm’s one-way adventure trail during this year’s Fall Festival. Visit animals and sights along the 30- to 45-minute loop that ends at the pumpkin patch. Book tickets online. parentmap.com/fox-hollow

Deadlines, to-do lists, online school, meetings on Zoom. Stress and more stress. Where do you let it all go? Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island—150 acres of gardens, meadows, forests, water, wildlife, and walking trails designed for slowing down and breathing deep. Discover what a walk in the woods can do. OPEN YEAR-ROUND | bloedelreserve.org | 206-842-7631

15.

Show off your costumes aboard the ChehalisCentralia Pumpkin Train. Ride this harvest-themed train on an outing that includes treats and the chance to pick out your perfect pumpkin! Oct. 24–25, 30–31. Book your tickets in advance. parentmap.com/pumpkin-train

■

Devon Hammer is ParentMap’s Out + About editorial assistant and a mother of two.

S P O N S O R ED EVEN TS

23 Oc t . 1 9 -

FA L L F E S T I VA L

5 d ay s o f v i r t u a l r y ! fun & discove

Come play with us! Classroom Takeover: Explore NW biology Fall Playbook: Activity guide Spooky Kooky Lab: Weird & wacky fun Fall Festival Concert: Dance & sing with Eric Ode Silent Auction: Educational toys, games & trips Adults can play too! For full festival schedule and registration, please visit kidsquestmuseum.org

3 0 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Oct. 3 & 7 Wing Luke Museum Reopening

Oct. 3: Special Member Opening Oct. 7: Open to the public Learn about our safety procedures in compliance with state, local and federal guidelines. wingluke.org

Oct. 22 Youth Eastside Services

Join us for a conversation about suicide awareness and prevention with special guest Kevin Hines. Free online event. 6–7 p.m. RSVP at youtheastsideservices.org/ preventsuicide.

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Remote Learning Tips From a Savvy Homeschooling Mom By Tera Schreiber

Schooling at home during a pandemic is not the same as homeschooling, which is full of field trips, co-op learning and adventures. This is a whole new thing that we have never done before. But as an experienced homeschooling parent for the past 12 years who recently had my first pupil graduate, I offer these homeschooling tips, which just might ease your discomfort in your new role as accidental teacher.

activities or virtually. Treat this precious time as an essential educational item in your schedule.

1. Take a deep breath. Realize that even though you feel isolated, you are not alone. We’re weathering a pandemic. Your child is in the same boat as millions of other kids, and he will not be left behind in the same way he would if they were all happily going about life as usual and he was stuck at home. Leverage the many resources that homeschooling families have been using for decades, including peer support. Start with the Seattle Homeschool Group (seattlehomeschoolgroup.org) or one of the many homeschooling groups on Facebook.

4. Family connection is even more important. With the task of schooling your kids during this pandemic, it can be tempting to fret overmuch about meeting academic and household needs to the point that you forget to have fun together. Take time to relax and enjoy time with your family.

2. Prioritize. With the kids at home most of the time, it will be difficult to meet academic needs, keep a tidy house, pull off perfectly balanced meals, enjoy sparkling dinner conversation every night, and be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed every morning. Days will feel more akin to a triage situation. Did everyone learn something new or practice something they already know? Is everyone safe and fed? Affirmatives to these questions spell a successful day, even if the dishes piled up and you were grouchy before your morning coffee. Sometimes we just need to count the good moments on the tough days and remember that they are victories, too. 3. Peers are important. Kids need connection with their friends for their social-emotional health. By now, you have found creative ways for them to connect in socially distanced, mask-wearing outdoor

Just as they are for the kids, peers are important for you, too! You need to vent, connect and seek support. Find that outlet through your existing social networks or through one of the many homeschooling groups in the area.

5. Don’t compare and despair. Social media can be a lifesaver for a homeschooling parent. Through it, you can find connections and learn about useful resources. But you can also get the impression that everyone else is doing the job better than you are! Don’t buy it. Remember that social media is a cultivated virtual garden that people want you to see. Most people are not showing that sink full of dirty dishes or documenting the morning bickerfest between the kids. 6. Choose a structure … and then be flexible about it. Unless your school specifically requires it, your kids don’t need to be sitting in a seat working for six hours a day. Make sure that your weekly schedule includes time for focused work, free time, chores and socializing. Feel free to be creative in envisioning what that looks like for your family. 7. Follow their interests. Homeschooling offers kids time to learn about things that inspire them. Pandemic schooling won’t allow you to have quite as many tools at your disposal, but it will allow your family

to explore interests with the extra time afforded by “normal” life being in suspension. Exploring something interesting is always the easiest and most fun way to learn. 8. Include life skills. If ever there was a time to teach everyone to pitch in with the household chores and cooking, this is that time! Maybe the kids can do their own laundry or sweep the kitchen floor. Are they old enough to take out the trash? Your kids will learn a lot, including how much work the adults in their lives have always done to take care of them! 9. Require recess. Outdoor time should be part of every child’s day. You can enjoy outside time together by going on a walk or a bike ride. If your child has more energy than you do, consider timing her as she runs around the block or completes an obstacle course at the park. Recess also can simply be time spent outside in the yard, with no structure at all. Your kids will learn things just by interacting with the natural world. 10. Remember that it’s okay to be bored. Despite your best efforts, you may hear that shop-worn whine of childhood: “I’m bored!” Some solutions to boredom include offering extra chores or an extracurricular academic project! “Would you like to clean the bathroom?” “This would be a great time for you to read ‘The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.’” You don’t have to have the answer to every question your child asks or to make sure they’re entertained at every moment. When you hear the “B” word, feel free to validate that experience: “It’s okay to be bored.” Some of the most creative work emerges when boredom gives us time to think.

■

Tera Schreiber is a Seattle-based freelance writer and the mother of three children.

PA R E N T M A P / O C T O B E R 2 0 2 0 / 3 3

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PARENT ING

Health + Development

Navigating Your Child’s Speech Delays Don’t assume you’ve got all the answers By Kate Hagan Gallup

When your child misses a milestone, it feels like your star player has been sidelined for the season and all your plans are on hold. But there’s no need to stop in your tracks — you’ve simply turned on to a different path. The adventure is only beginning. Delayed speech is a common issue that can cause a diverging developmental path. Up to 10 percent of preschool-age children will experience some form of speech impairment. The causes of these communication difficulties are as diverse as the expected outcomes. The misconceptions about speech delays seem to share much common ground, however. As a parent of an amazing human with an expressivereceptive language delay, I’d like to correct some of these assumptions.

PA R E N T M A P / O C T O B E R 2 0 2 0 / 3 5

PARENT ING

HE A LTH + D E VELO PMENT

continued from page 35

ASSUMPTION NO. 1: A speech delay means something really big is wrong. Speech refers to the formed and spoken sounds we make, and language is the code for how we apply meaning and patterns to those sounds. There are many reasons why a child may have difficulty speaking or listening. Speech delays are caused by a combination of nature- and nurture-based determinants, and familial history or genetics are often contributing factors. Delving further into the underlying factors of speech delays may reveal that just one communication domain is impacted, while other areas remain unaffected or even demonstrate strength. For example, it is common to have higher receptive language skills than expressive language skills. A professional evaluation is required to understand if a speech delay is indicative of other conditions. ASSUMPTION NO. 2: Your parenting choices have caused this delay. Understanding the exact cause of a developmental delay is still an objective of ongoing research. Because of this ambiguity, it’s easy for parents to blame themselves. But the root causes are likely not that cold-cut sandwich you ate during pregnancy or that extra movie your child watched last week. As you work to treat a delay, you’ll find that many strategies are employed: play-based therapy, speech therapy and even simple interactions. If resolving a delay were as simple as turning off the TV or eliminating sugar, speech therapists would not need to be so creative, have specialized degrees or work so hard to help our kids. (And I thank them for it. *) ASSUMPTION NO. 3: If I register my child as delayed, they’ll be labeled.

for receiving far worse labels: troublemaker, dumb, slow or lazy.

Okay, this assumption is technically true. You may get a diagnostic label, and you may get some additional tags in therapy, such as “needs visual cues to support spoken instructions.” But without early diagnosis and treatment, your child is at risk

ASSUMPTION NO. 4: They’ll grow out of it on their own.

3 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

Untreated speech disorders can have significant and lifelong impacts, including behavioral challenges, mental health prob-

lems, reading difficulties and the potential for other academic struggles. Even mild disorders can engender an aversion to reading and academics, as well as lead to habits that are scholastically detrimental early on. If there is a concern about a speech delay, an evaluation by a skilled and professional speech-language pathologist (SLP) is needed.

Assumption no. 5: Delayed kids aren’t normal and can’t join in activities with others. My child enjoys preschool with many typically developing peers as well as other children with delays. Sometimes he struggles with specific tasks, yet so do other preschoolers. Speech and language delays are not necessarily tied to intelligence or physical ability; in my son’s case, both are

Speech and language are not the only sounds in our lives. Though we are lacking words, we are not lacking noise, laughter or delighted screams at our house. normal or higher. In fact, children with language-only delays can struggle to qualify for assistive services if they do not present with additional cognitive or occupational issues. Assumption no. 6: Your kid looks normal — they should have better manners. Physical appearance does not reflect communication, adaptation, social-emotional skills or health. Observers may not be seeing the whole story. One day at a restaurant play space (before the pandemic), a younger child kept throwing toy trains and tracks while my child quietly dodged them and the other child’s mom

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chatted away with her friends. After the sixth time of having a track thrown at him, my much taller child grabbed the projectile away. My son knows not to throw things that could hurt people, but not how to explain that with words, so he tried his best. All the other child’s mom saw was him grabbing the track away and she yelled at him. ASSUMPTION NO. 7: Bribery is an excuse used by lazy parents. Complex and abstract concepts are difficult to bridge without the right language. So, yes, I’ve been known to resort to screen time or chocolates to avoid a public meltdown. The same people who would judge me for this are also the ones who would judge me for the meltdowns. ASSUMPTION NO. 8: Speech delays create quiet children. Speech and language are not the only sounds in our lives. Though we are lacking words, we are not lacking noise, laughter or delighted screams at our house. Add that to music, videos, banging blocks, clanging trains and scary “monsters.” It’s not quiet around here! ASSUMPTION NO. 9: Without words, my kid won’t be understood by anyone. First, most delayed children will develop at least some speech, and many children will develop full capability in speech and language over time. Second, communication is not limited to words, but includes gestures, facial expressions, actions and more. Third, there are assistive devices and practices

for children who need them, such as the Picture Exchange Communication System (PECS). Furthermore, in a child’s process of developing language, American Sign Language can be a great communication tool that will not hinder the development of verbal language acquisition. ASSUMPTION NO. 10: A developmental delay makes everything tougher. Normally developing children can be trying, too. The terms “terrible twos,” “threenager” and “fournado” exist for a reason. Varying from the norm can cause difficulties, but these troubles are not the sum of our experience. There are benefits, too. My kid is becoming a master at charades; he could fully act the entire Teka and Moana fight scene from “Moana” before he was 2. In the wise words of another ParentMap author, “We’re not victims of our children’s diagnoses, just as they aren’t a sum of them.” If your child’s development takes you down a different path, get the supplies and support you need to enjoy the adventure. There are upsides and downsides to every developmental journey, but understanding, not assuming, is the key.

■

*A special thanks for the editorial support from Anne Reeve, M.S., CCC-SLP and Trisha McGough, M.S., CCC-SLP. Kate Hagan Gallup is a freelance writer who uses her digital information skills to help share her passion for parenting, eco-consciousness and healthy living with a larger audience.

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PARENT ING

Wellness 20 Ways to Keep Your Cool in the Chaos By Laura Kastner, Ph.D. Parents with children at home are experiencing elevated levels of daily psychological distress. Although no one keeps their cool all the time, parents who have a toolbox of coping strategies to lower their stress levels, reduce the bank account of negative interactions and soothe their wounded spirit will fare the best. Here are some ways to keep your cool in pandemic school. 1. “Good enough” is the goal. This is just not the year to aim for exceptional goals. As with other disaster-related stressors that make home a pressure cooker, maintaining realistic expectations can enhance your mental health and that of your family. 2. Find your peeps. Find friends who both support you in achieving “good enough” and validate your amazing efforts to hold down the family fort. Weed and feed — step away from friends who bring you down and cultivate the friendships that make you feel good. 3. Nurture your marriage. Parents who are overly focused on their children often neglect their partners. During this long year, a partnership that’s “failing to thrive” may tax the psychological health of your children more than the other obvious harms of the pandemic. 4. Try for a 5:1 positive-to-negative message ratio. It can be really hard to make sure you express five positive things to your kids (spouse?) for every negative one. The “catch ’em when they’re good” advice is a true polestar for motivating desirable behavior. A more positive home environment helps everyone to keep their cool.

3 8 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

5. Prioritize “special time.” Whether you ask about your partner’s interests (which may not interest you) or you play London Bridge with your toddler in the wet grass (which you hate as much as he loves it), or you learn to play Fortnite to bond with your teen, engaging in what your loved ones adore builds relationships like nothing else. 6. But first, arrange “me time.” You can’t give quality time to others until you give it to yourself. Even if it is hiding in the bathroom with trashy social media, whatever helps you feel refreshed and less like a victim will help you dial down your distress level. 7. Balance adhering to routine with chucking it. Take advantage of the automatic pilot mode of daily habits, which creates natural cooperation through maintaining a regular schedule. On the other hand, real life can really bust up a routine, so know when to let it go gracefully. 8. Pursue laughter. Get silly. Maybe you’ll dance to your teen’s favorite rap song while he does his dishwashing chore. (He will cringe, but isn’t that part of the point?) Laughter provides a “reset, reboot” when the distress and irritability level is high and you are craving an injection of positive energy. 9. Learn “Getting to Calm” skills. While practicing mindfulness has solid science behind it, establishing any calming method for your acute distress is critical. Need some ideas? Try the ice dunk or the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which I describe in my book “Getting to Calm” (parentmap.com/parentmap-books).

10. Be aware of your bodily cues. The first sign of stress and physiological arousal is your accelerated heart rate. That’s just about when the thinking brain goes off-line and those regrettable, messy behaviors occur. Keeping your cool requires self-awareness so that you can intervene when you register your mounting distress. 11. Forgive yourself. One of my favorite mantras is “Guilt is only helpful if it lasts five minutes and results in behavior change.” What to do? Recommit to self-awareness, self-calming and selfcare. 12. Recognize your thought triggers. What are the thought triggers that jettison you into despair or rage? Pandemic classics are: “I’m a terrible mother” and “The world is collapsing, and my kids’ lives will be ruined.” While valid feelings of resentment, grief and fear are attached to these thoughts, remember that feelings aren’t facts. 13. Validate your own feelings and those of others. When you feel hopeless, helpless, unloved and terrified by visions of worst-case scenarios, put the “I feel” in front of your

thoughts and honor them. Dr. Dan Siegel coined the phrase “Name it to tame it” to describe this healthy response when strong emotions hijack you. 14. Get physical. Sing, dance or do a downward doggie to help shake off nervous energy and change up the dynamic of grousing and arguing. Your kids may think you are weird when you suddenly do a lunge, but it’s an improvement over yelling. 15. Be affectionate. The benefits of the cuddle hormone oxytocin are well documented. While teens will probably eschew the kisses on the cheek enjoyed by the young ones, they rarely turn down a good foot massage. 16. Eat well. Good nutrition is another obvious way to promote feeling good and therefore moderating your stress level. Some have found the joy of cooking to be a secret perk of

our homebound state. Consider Zoom dates with family and friends, both for the communal cooking and the eating.

nature and absorb the beauty and awe of the planet. Hug some trees, stare into the sky and dig in the dirt.

17. Sleep well. In addition to sleep’s physical benefits to health, such as a higher resistance to illness, increased sleep time during the pandemic has proven to be a silver lining for the mental health of some kids. Good sleep is an elixir that boosts coping and positive moods.

20. Play games. Some families have rediscovered the fun of board games, and social video games are all the rage. Geocaching and scavenger hunts are good fun for little ones, too. The goal is enjoying one another when you’re together.

18. Think carefully about your media intake. Media can really torque your distress levels in subliminal ways. Mindless scrolling, social comparison and excessive intake of dire world news can be super bad. Have regular check-ins with yourself and make a plan (and expect do-overs). 19. Get outside. The research on exposure to nature and its benefits to your health is clear. Yes — mask and distance and all that — but get out in

The challenges of this pandemic disaster will be with us for a long time. My advice: Control what you can control, and when you start to lose it, pluck a few of these ideas out of your toolbox and give them a try.

■

Laura Kastner, Ph.D., is an author of a number of parenting books, including “Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens + Teens,” and is a clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington.

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INFORMATION

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Job Number

084-15980

Trim

7.75 x 4.8 in

Modification Date

September 9, 2020 3:31 PM

Client

CHI Franciscan

Bleed

7.75 x 4.8 in

Output Date

09/09/20

Description

CHIF-VM BirthCntr Print-Open [7.75 x 4.8]

Live

7.75 x 4.8 in

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CCO

Chris Preston

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Melissa Tresidder

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Aylâ Larsen

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Erin Burk

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Beth Elmore

• Natural Dentistry uses the least invasive procedures and least Mike Fritz PA [ ] toxic materials • NO mercury, fluoride, nickel, latex or fragrances are ever used • 100% digital X-rays, 2D and 3D (ultra-low radiation) • Easy and comfortable orthodontics, expanders and invisalign certified in 2001 • ART- Atraumatic Restorative Technique! Avoid sedation/general anesthesia for most children • Individualized treatment for every patient according to their needs and abilities • Parents, you may always stay in the room with your child • We are ‘out of network’ for all insurance

naturaldentist.com •

appointments@naturaldentist.com 206-257-4921 • 7513 SE 27th Street, Suite B, Mercer Island 98040

ParentMap October 2020 Issue

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