ParentMap October 2021 Issue

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Exploring Native Seattle Discover Indigenous sites and stories that define the Northwest’s past, present and future

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To Market! To Market!

Family-friendly fall events celebrate the birthday — and survival — of iconic Pike Place Market

O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1 | PA R E N T M A P. C O M

PNW INSIDE + OUT

SEATTLE CHILDREN’S Good Growing Newsletter P. 23

Autumn, Oh My! Pick a peck of pumpkins, spot salmon, peep fall leaves and more

Hopelink’s 26th Annual

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HOPELINK’S CEO, DR. CATHERINE CUSHINBERRY & SPECIAL GUEST HASAN MINHAJ Reaching Out Luncheon

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Monday, October 18, 2021

hopelink.org/luncheon. For questions, please email

11:45 a.m. – 1:00 p.m.

RSVP@hopelink.org or reach out to 425.897.3703.

A LIVE VIRTUAL EVENT.

There is no charge to attend, but guests will be asked to donate during the event.

Why Tenacity Matters in Raising Successful Kids

PRESENTING SPONSORS

Oct. 27 Featuring authors FREE! Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., and Robert B. Brooks

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OCTOBER 2021

TACOMA ARTS MONTH TacomaArtsMonth.org

CELEBRATING 20 YEARS!

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C ONTENTS

October

2021

PARENTMAP.COM In Every Issue Dear Reader Play List

6 28

Local Resources Camps: Arts + Activities 33 Schools + Preschools 38

Parenting

Feature

HOME, SWEET HOME

EVERY CHILD

Warming Autumn Meal Ideas for Busy Families Hot lunches and dinners that celebrate fall flavors IT STARTS WITH YOU(TH)

Meet Rhea Kulkarni This youth ‘artivist’ is an imagemaker working for social change

8

Anxiety Erasers 35 solutions to soothe a worried child

16

Family Fun 10

CRIB NOTES

Understanding the Risks of PFAS 13 What new moms need to know about toxins in breast milk COMMUNITY + CULTURE

Exploring Native Seattle 20 Discover Indigenous sites and stories that define the PNW’s past, present and future

October Play List: The Harvest + Halloween Edition 28 A bushelful of fantastic fall fests and celebrations for families

28

OUT + ABOUT

To Market! To Market!

35 Family-friendly fall events mark the birthday — and survival — of iconic Pike Place Market SEATTLE CHILDREN’S

Good Growing Newsletter

23

16

35

Art for the Community 46 Coast Salish artist’s striking work integrates virtues of her Lushootseed culture

Explore our starter list of sites and experiences that serve as a launching point for learning about the Northwest’s Indigenous past, present and future.

EVERY CHILD

Help Your Neurodiverse Child Have a Happier Halloween 30 Expert-recommended tips for making harvesttime celebrations a little easier EDUCATION

8 Cool Competitions for Young Artists 33 Encourage your little Picasso to enter one of these artful contests

Guiding

Inspiring

Advancing

20

2021/2022

Guide to Participating

NWAIS SCHOOLS of Western Washington

ADVERTISEMENT

Homework SOS! 38 7 study tips from a teacher in the know for kids on the go AGES + STAGES

INSIDE: 2021 LEARNING ISSUE + 2021/22 NWAIS SCHOOLS GUIDE

30

Beyond Yelling 41 Positive guidance for fostering responsibility and self-discipline in your preteen PA R E N T M A P / O C T O B E R 2 0 2 1 / 5

DE AR R E ADER

Iconic fall outings for family fun and learning Hopefully your crew has settled back into a comforting and productive fall routine. We know this school year will no doubt occasionally be a bumpy ride, but luckily, October in the Pacific Northwest dazzles with its bounty of harvest and Halloween distractions. We’re pros at recreating safely by now, so we encourage you to get out with the kids to enjoy the signature seasonal attractions that abound around the sound, from pumpkin patch prowls and haunted houses to farm festivals and unique holiday events (October Play List: The Harvest + Halloween Edition, p. 28).

This year marks the 114th birthday of beloved Pike Place Market — and the 50th anniversary of the successful community-driven effort to save it from the wrecking ball in 1971. The pandemic has galvanized the community to once again pull together through hard times to keep our iconic public market going. This fall, Pike Place Market vendors, business owners and workers have plenty of fun planned to welcome Seattle-area families back to the market in celebration of survival (To Market! To Market! p. 35).

We expand further on the theme of community and iconic Pacific Northwest culture in our feature Exploring Native Seattle (p. 20), which poses a key question: How much does the average Washingtonian know about its native histories and about the thousands of Indigenous people who live, work and create in urban centers and reservations around Washington state today?

There is a multitude of opportunities for the nonnatives of this land to explore Indigenous cultures, and our starter list of Puget Sound–area sites and experiences can serve as a starting point for your family to learn more about the native stories that are woven everywhere through the Northwest’s past, present and future.

We also introduce you to the stunning talent of Coast Salish visual artist Paige Pettibon (p. 46), whose murals adorn the walls at the newly opened Kraken Community Iceplex and feature hallmark virtues of her Lushootseed culture and timely themes designed to convey the protection and endurance of our youth.

You’ll also find tucked inside this month’s issue our annual Learning guide and 2021/2022 Guide to Participating NWAIS Schools of Western Washington.

OCTOBER 2021, VOL. 18, NO. 10

What is your favorite fall outing or tradition?

PUBLISHER

Alayne Sulkin EDITORIAL MANAGING EDITOR Patty Lindley OUT + ABOUT EDITOR Nancy Chaney

A day out at Oxbow Farm

DIGITAL CONTENT EDITOR Vicky McDonald DIGITAL CONTENT PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Nicole Persun OUT + ABOUT EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Devon Hammer COPY EDITOR Sunny Parsons CONTRIBUTORS Gemma Alexander, Sarah Bradley, Natasha Dillinger, Tiffany Doerr Guerzon, Devon Hammer, Laura Markham, Ph.D., Elisa Murray, Sanya Pelini, Ph.D., Nicole Persun, Jenna Vandenberg

Fall color walks at Ravenna and Carkeek parks

DIGITAL MARKETING DIGITAL MARKETING MANAGER Lindsey Carter EMAIL + SOCIAL MEDIA SPECIALIST Angelica Lai DIGITAL MARKETING COORDINATOR Taryn Weiner

Taking walks after dark, even in the rain

ADVERTISING SALES + PARTNERSHIPS SENIOR ADVERTISING AND PARTNERSHIPS MANAGER Ida Wicklund ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES MANAGER Jessica Collet ADVERTISING CLIENT SERVICES ASSISTANT Angela Goodwin CLIENT SERVICES PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Mallory Dehbod

Pumpkin picking at Pattersons Farm Market

SALES + OPERATIONS ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT Rachel Howard

EVENTS EVENT OPERATIONS Brenna McCown

ART + PRODUCTION SENIOR DESIGNER Amy Chinn

ADMINISTRATION BUSINESS MANAGER Carolyn Brendel

Picking apples and eating applecinnamon doughnuts at Swans Trail Farms

PARENTMAP EDITORIAL ADVISORY BOARD

CONTACT INFORMATION

Benjamin Danielson, M.D. CLINICAL PROFESSOR, UW SCHOOL OF MEDICINE PRACTICING PHYSICIAN, UW MEDICINE

Advertising information 206-709-9026 or advertising@parentmap.com Fax 206-709-9031

Joan Duffell RETIRED EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, COMMITTEE FOR CHILDREN

Calendar submissions calendar@parentmap.com

John Gottman, Ph.D. THE GOTTMAN INSTITUTE PROFESSOR EMERITUS, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Laura Kastner, Ph.D. PSYCHIATRY + BEHAVIORAL SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON Bea Kelleigh VICE PRESIDENT, DOVETAILING, LLC

Here’s wishing your family a fruitful season of learning and fun.

Yaffa Maritz, M.A. FOUNDER, LISTENING MOTHERS + COMMUNITY OF MINDFUL PARENTING

— Patty Lindley, managing editor

Ron Rabin EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, KIRLIN CHARITABLE FOUNDATION

Editorial submissions editor@parentmap.com Distribution distribution@parentmap.com Subscriptions subscriptions@parentmap.com Administration 206-709-9026, parentmap.com Subscription rates 1 year: $12

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, MINDSIGHT INSTITUTE

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ParentMap is published monthly. PMB #190, 7683 S.E. 27th St., Mercer Island, WA 98040 | All rights reserved; reproduction in whole or part without permission is prohibited. © ParentMap 2021 • printed in Oregon

THE SQUASH HUNT IS BACK! Each October, we display hundreds of squash and pumpkins all around the Bloedel grounds. These colorful gourds are grown by our horticultural team especially for this family-friendly event.

Pick up a “scavenger hunt” worksheet at the Gatehouse and see how many different varieties you can spot.

Join us at Bloedel Reserve on Bainbridge Island.

We’re open rain or shine, Tuesday–Sunday, from 10 AM to 4 PM. Timed tickets are required for entry. bloedelreserve.org/tickets

Take the Challenge Robinson Center Early Entrance and Enrichment Programs • Engaging K-12 students in an intellectual community through early entrance and enrichment programs • Providing Accelerated Learning Opportunities for Young Scholars

OPEN TUES–SUN. | 206–842–7631 | bloedelreserve.org

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Home, Sweet Home 10 Warming Autumn Meal Ideas for Busy Families Hot lunches and dinners that celebrate fall flavors

By Nicole Persun

Courtesy makethebestofeverything.com

Afraid you’re about to get stuck in a PB&J rut? We don’t blame you.

With back-to-school season in full swing, it’s easy to let meal planning fall by the wayside in the flurry of new habits and schedules. That’s why we’ve rounded up some of our favorite simple school-lunch and dinner recipes for busy families. Each one of these recipes is specifically designed to celebrate fall in all its healthy, flavorful glory. From apples to butternut squash to sweet potatoes, your family is in for a treat.

Orchard quesadillas Do you have a few apples left over from a weekend apple-picking excursion? We recommend the apple and bacon quesadilla recipe by Baked by Rachel as a falltastic option for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Need more ideas for your apple harvest? Be sure to check out our full list at parentmap.com/apple-recipes.

Courtesy bakedbyrachel.com

Grilled cheese dippers Who doesn’t love a hot lunch on a chilly fall day? Your kids are sure to enjoy Momables’ tomato soup and grilled cheese dippers recipe. Just make sure you let the sandwich strips cool (or wrap them in a paper towel) before packing them into the lunch container; this will keep them from getting soggy. parentmap.com/dippers Mac and veggies Momables is back with another great thermos lunch recipe: healthy mac and cheese. By adding frozen fall veggies, such as broccoli and carrots, you can turn this family dinner favorite into a hearty midday meal — with minimal effort. parentmap.com/veggie-mac

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Vegetarian zucchini nuggets News flash: The trick to getting kids to eat their veggies is to hide them in “nugget” form. Made with zucchini, corn and eggs, the vegetarian nuggets from Make the Best of Everything are a simple and filling option for lunches and dinners alike. Find the recipe at parentmap.com/nuggets.

Meatloaf muffins School lunches made ahead of time are the key to keeping it simple. Protein-packed mini meatloaf muffins from The Spruce Eats’ recipe are sure to keep your kids full and energized through the end of their school day. Want to sneak in some veggies? We recommend grating carrots or sweet potatoes into the patties. parentmap.com/meatloaf Butternut squash soup Around our house, it’s not autumn until we’ve made butternut squash soup.

This recipe from Two Peas and Their Pod uses a slow cooker for maximum ease.

Apples sweeten up the soup itself, and the maple-roasted chickpea garnish adds a protein-packed crunch.

Dinner doesn’t get more “fall” than this! parentmap.com/squash Kale and chickpea stew Need something both hearty and easy? Naturally Ella’s kale and chickpea stew is made almost entirely from pantry staples, including canned tomatoes, broth, garlic and thyme. The kale adds freshness and color, while the whole wheat couscous guarantees full bellies. Find this recipe and nine other “pantry for the win!” dinner ideas at parentmap.com/pantry.

One-pan chicken with fall veg From cooking to cleanup, nothing says “ease” like a sheet-pan dinner. In this recipe, Cooking Classy pairs chicken with sweet and savory autumn flavors, including sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts and apples, for a tasty seasonal meal. parentmap.com/easy

Homebuying made simple.

Stop bidding. Start living.

Broccoli and potato soup Rich, creamy and comforting? Yes, please! We can’t help but drool over this classic fall recipe from Foodie Crush. Between the cheddar and the potatoes, your kids probably won’t even notice that this soup also contains broccoli. parentmap.com/soup Sweet potato hash Breakfast for dinner is the unsung hero of busy weeknight cooking, and this recipe from Dinner at the Zoo is a super way to celebrate fall flavors.

Since it’s made with sweet potatoes, it’s a healthier option than your average breakfast hash. parentmap.com/hash Need more ideas for hectic fall evenings?

Courtesy dinneratthezoo.com Head online to view our list of great soups and stews (parentmap.com/ stews), warming lunches (parentmap.com/hot-lunch), dinners that use pantry staples (parentmap.com/staples) and more time-saving recipes (parentmap.com/ save-time).

■

Nicole Persun is an award-winning novelist, a writing instructor and the digital content production coordinator at ParentMap.

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It Starts With You(th) Meet Rhea Kulkarni This youth ‘artivist’ is an imagemaker working for social change

By Patty Lindley

The adage “a picture is worth a thousand words” is not just a dusty old saying to Rhea Kulkarni. A senior in the international baccalaureate diploma program at Skyline High School in Sammamish, Kulkarni founded The Photo 4 Good (thephoto4good.com), a nonprofit launched in spring of 2020 that focuses her talent for photography on helping foster a safer environment for the homeless youth in our community. All of the profits from The Photo 4 Good go to Teen Feed (teenfeed.org), a Seattle-based shelter that provides homeless teens with basic needs, such as healthy meals and access to health care.

ParentMap caught up with Kulkarni to learn more about her work and views on how art has the capacity to unite people and ignite powerful social change.

How did you first become involved with youth activism?

My mom found out about the Youth Ambassador Program [at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation Discovery Center; discovergates.org] through ParentMap, when I was in ninth grade. I did a few summer programs with them, and at the end, they give you an opportunity to apply to the Youth Ambassador Program if you’d like to continue the work for the next year.

So, I applied and got in! I spent my junior year — so that was last year — working with the foundation on some insanely cool projects. I think the biggest thing that I got out of the ambassador program is the family I made with the other YAP members — they are just incredible people.

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Tell us more about the founding of your nonprofit.

I’ve always been into photography, even as a young kid. When you’re in high school, so many things come at you and you’re just so busy, with schoolwork and all of that.

There’s a lot of things you have to compromise on and let go of. But photography was always this relaxing passion for me rather than work I had to do. And so, over the summer before my junior year, I participated in a cool online program offered by the International Center of Photography [icp.org] in New York City.

It was called The Image and Social Change, and we worked with the intersectionality between activism and photography, and how we can use images in the real world to drive social change. One of our segments was about taking pictures and representing a storytelling theme. Mine was basically about the isolation that people have felt during the pandemic and the mental health stigma. I was able to take pictures of different areas around my house, my community, my city, Seattle — everywhere — and create a story of what people felt during COVID. Mental health has definitely been an issue during this time, and I really, really wanted to highlight that through my photography. The program taught me how a simple photograph can really [communicate] a lot about social activism and different issues that are happening in the world. I was inspired by that, and so I started taking more and more photographs. But I also wanted my photography to have some sort of benefit for the people in my area. One of

Photo by Shweta Kulkarni

my friends [was looking at my photography and] said, “I would totally buy that photo you just took.”

I thought, maybe more people will buy my photos! So, I started a website, The Photo 4 Good. The money from the sale of my photography goes to Teen Feed, which is a local organization supporting homeless youths in Seattle.

How did you choose Teen Feed as the beneficiary?

I was a Teen Feed volunteer, and I have always been inclined to the homeless issue.

That is something that just hits the heart.

[The homeless situation] makes me reflect on the type of privilege I have. It is a great organization, doing such important work.

Do you foresee photography being a course of study in college or an eventual career path?

I definitely have thought a lot about this whole “art and activism” thing. One of the things that I reiterated when I was apply-

ing to the Youth Ambassador Program at the Gates Foundation was the concept of an “artivist,” something that I didn’t really know much about until I was part of the YAP organization. I think art speaks a lot to activism and to social issues [in a way] that other things can’t, connecting with not only the physical part of you, but also the emotional part. I want to be able one day to create those connections through my photography, because I think that’s what really creates positive social change.

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How would you advise other youths to become changemakers in their own unique way?

Teens are often encouraged, “Find your passion, follow it and then do something about it.” While that is completely valid and normal advice, it’s hard at this time of life to find this huge passion. We just have so much on our plates.

But you do need to take a step out — you can’t sit back and expect that a passion is just going to come at you.

I also think something that is really underrated — and this might sound a little weird — is that teenagers often have a lot of emotion. This is not a bad thing. It actually can help a lot. For me, when I found out about Teen Feed and the issues that these teens were dealing with, I felt this anger in my body. And anger is a really undervalued emotion that can actually push you in the right direction. How can I help these people? How can I stop this?

Any advice for parents on how to support their child in the pursuit of their passion?

I think for parents, it’s important to take a step back and notice what their kid is genuinely having a good time with that can be channeled into something meaningful.

Even something as simple as video games or playing basketball all day. You can do something with basketball, you can do something with your passions and your talents. Just notice what your kid really likes: That’s the first step. And then, support them in finding a way to use their talents and interests to positively impact the lives of more people in the future. That’s probably the most helpful thing a parent can do for their kid.

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Crib Notes

Understanding the Risks of PFAS What new moms need to know about toxins in breast milk

By Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

If you’ve heard or read about the recent Seattle-area study on toxins in breast milk, you might be worried about nursing your baby. Although it is alarming to learn that chemicals called perfluoroalkyl and polyfluoroalkyl substances (PFAS) were found in the breast milk samples tested, experts say that breastfeeding is still the healthiest option for both babies and moms. Here is what new moms need to know.

What are these toxins?

PFAS are chemicals that have been used for decades in fast-food wrappers, nonstick pans, firefighting foam, rain gear, cosmetics, and stain-proofed textiles used on couches and carpeting.

These substances are nicknamed “forever chemicals” because of the strong bonds between their atoms that keep them from breaking down. PFAS persist in the environment and accumulate in our bodies. Studies have shown that these chemicals are linked to cancers, a weakened immune system, increased cholesterol and thyroid problems.

What did the study find?

This is the first study conducted in 15 years to see if PFAS are present in breast milk.

Breast milk samples from 50 women in the Seattle area were tested for 39 different PFAS and were found to contain 16 of these chemicals. One hundred percent of the samples contained some level of PFAS.

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C RI B N OT ES

continued from page 13

KEEP YOUR KEEP YOUR KID SAFE. KID SAFE. AND YOUR AND YOUR SCHOOL OPEN. SCHOOL OPEN.

ParentMap spoke with Sheela Sathyanarayana, M.D., associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Research Institute, to learn more about the study’s findings.

What should parents take away from this study?

Should moms be afraid to breastfeed?

I don’t think that moms should be afraid to breastfeed.

It is good to generally be aware of the environmental contaminants that can be out there, both from a public health perspective and from an individual perspective, in terms of thinking about your own life and how you can reduce exposures overall.

We know that PFAS can affect immune function, specifically antibodies. What we know about breast milk is that it contains antibodies, but it also has a lot of other immune factors as well. While these chemicals could potentially reduce the baby’s immune function, they certainly won’t take away the protective effects of breast milk altogether. Breast milk contains [immune factors such as] cytokines and interleukins that protect against respiratory infections and other infections.

SIGN UP WITH YOUR SCHOOL FOR TESTING SIGN UPCOVID-19 WITH YOUR SCHOOL FOR COVID-19 TESTING

If these chemicals build up in our bodies over a lifetime, does it help to reduce exposure now?

I think so. As you said, these build up over your lifetime, so a brand-new baby has their whole life ahead of them, too, and a lifetime of exposures as well. I do think that reducing exposures around the household as much as possible will help improve the future health of anyone’s child.

Overall, we live in an industrialized society, so there are going to be chemical exposures. There’s no way to get to zero exposure. But what we can do is try to reduce the exposures as much as possible — in your own home, lifestyle and daily life.

There are simple things we talk about [to help avoid exposure to chemicals] that aren’t specific to PFAS, like removing your shoes when you enter the household, cleaning windowsills, keeping your carpets well vacuumed, eating fresh foods and vegetables when possible, and trying to avoid processed foods as much as possible.

What are some of the benefits of breastfeeding?

It’s been estimated that you could reduce respiratory infections in children by 50 percent if you can breastfeed for four months and [the percentage is] even higher for six months. And there is evidence for reduced gastrointestinal infections as well. There are also benefits in neurodevelopment and bonding.

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Latch onto this According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, babies who are breastfed have a lower risk of asthma, Type 1 diabetes, ear infections, obesity, severe lower respiratory tract infections and gastrointestinal diseases. Moms who breastfeed have a lower risk of developing high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, and breast and ovarian cancers.

Tips for reducing exposure to PFAS • Reduce your consumption of foods that might be packaged in wrapping or containers that contain PFAS, such as oily foods, takeout foods and microwave popcorn.

• When cooking, don’t use nonstick cookware; if you do, throw out the pan when the coating gets chipped or scratched. (The chemicals don’t leach out from the coating when it is intact.)

• If you are purchasing new carpets or furniture, ask the manufacturer not to apply stainproof coatings on the items.

• Check the listed ingredients or components of your personal care products for the words “fluoro” or “perfluoros,” and avoid products that contain these chemicals. Some products, such as certain makeup and dental floss brands, contain PFAS. A bit of good news Since 2018, states and companies have been working to prevent PFAS pollution. Some companies, such as Whole Foods and McDonalds, are moving away from using PFAS in food packaging, and many U.S. companies that manufacture the chemicals are voluntarily phasing them out as a component of food packaging by 2024. Many states have also banned PFAS in firefighting foam, because it is a major contributor to water contamination.

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Tiffany Doerr Guerzon is a freelance writer and mother of three.

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EVERY CHILD FE ATURE

Anxiety Erasers

By Sanya Pelini, Ph.D.

35 solutions to soothe a worried child 1 6 / PA R E N T M A P. C O M

We all know that employing age-appropriate resources to help a child learn to manage their big emotions on their own is the most effective path toward developing emotional intelligence. But the truth is that this is often a long process. Having multiple strategies at hand to help calm an anxious or nervous child can make it easier for everyone.

Not every child will respond to such techniques in the same way, and keep in mind that what works today may not work tomorrow. Proposing multiple options for calming down to your child helps strengthen their emotion-regulation skills, because it equips them with the tools and agency to deal with anxious feelings on their own.

2) Chew it out.

Several studies have found that oral sensory activities, such as chewing gum, can relieve stress and help reduce anger. If you decide to go with this option, try sugar-free chewing gum, apples or a “chewy” necklace. The advantage of chewy necklaces is that they reduce the dependence on food as an anxiety-reducing mechanism, and therefore help diminish associated health issues such as obesity.

8) Play the silence game.

The silence game involves saying and doing … nothing. Sit close to your child (you can take them into your arms or on your lap) and give them the opportunity to quietly calm themselves down.

3) Jump it out.

Jumping on a trampoline helps distract your child while also releasing stress and anxiety.

10) Color a mandala.

According to the available research, drawing and coloring are great ways to combat stress. (Witness the flooded market of coloring books for grown-ups!) Coloring a mandala is excellent art therapy for anxious children. The evenly distributed patterns of these abstract designs restore a feeling of balance and harmony.

4) Blow a feather across a table.

Visual breathing exercises are known to help calm anxiety in both children and adults. Let your child pick a brightly colored feather of their choice and place it on a flat surface (for example, a table). When they breathe out, the feather should move across the table. Encourage your child to push it as far as possible using just their breath.

5) Breathe using a pinwheel.

Like feathers, blowing on a pinwheel can calm your child down by helping them to focus their breathing. When your child exhales, their breath should turn the pinwheel.

6) Create a ‘calm-down jar.’

Calm-down jars or bottles are particularly effective because they enable children to block out all but one of the senses and focus on only that one.

Here are 35 surefire tips to help your anxious child get to calm.

1) Hug it out.

Let’s start with a no-brainer: There is ample scientific evidence that hugs help release hormones that can restore calm and boost your child’s overall well-being.

Calm-down jars are very easy to make: Simply fill an empty container (jar, bottle) with liquid (baby oil, vegetable oil, corn syrup and water are all good options) and objects, such as beads, glitter or seashells.

7) Run around the house (or park or playground).

Running is a great activity for distracting your child from worry and can free them from anxious feelings.

9) Ride a bike.

Much like running, riding a bike helps distract your child and thereby dispels anxious feelings.

11) Model with playdough.

Kneading is a great activity for reducing stress. Homemade playdough is easy to make and a good alternative to store-bought brands. (Find five foolproof, kid-tested playdough recipes at parentmap.com/playdough.)

12) Sort Legos.

Sorting Legos into different colors and sizes is not only helpful for developing your child’s cognitive skills, it is a surprisingly effective way to distract from feelings of anxiety.

13) Assemble an anxiety tool kit.

An anxiety tool kit is a container (for example, a clear storage bin) in which you place objects that can help your child calm down. Anytime they feel anxious, they can go to the tool kit and select an object.

An anxiety kit is very simple to make and could include items such as favorite toys, or objects to hold, squeeze or manipulate (such as stress balls, playdough, worry dolls or stones, or a Rubik’s Cube).

14) Squish and squash a sensory bag.

Squishy sensory bags are a great resource to help children explore their sense of

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buttons, animal figures, beads or natural materials, such as seashells, acorns, etc.) and scoopers (measuring cups, spoons), and then let your child experiment with excavating — or burying — the different items in the bin.

22) X marks the calm-down spot.

A calm-down spot is a specific space (it can be a corner in your house or in your child’s room) where your kiddo has assembled a collection of things they enjoy (books, games, toys, stuffies) and where they can retreat if they need the time and space to calm down.

23) Make a bracelet.

Making a bracelet requires repetitive threading or beading motions that can help distract your child from anxious feelings or thoughts.

24) Try a matching activity.

Matching activities are not only great for developing your child’s cognitive and executive function skills, they can also help alleviate a case of the worries. continued from page 17

touch and direct attention away from anxiety. The best thing about the bags is that they’re easy to make! Find a great “recipe” for making your own at learning4kids.net.

15) Play with your food.

Playing with different uncooked grains keeps your child’s hands busy and can also help develop cognitive and executive functioning skills. Provide containers (bottles, jars) of different sizes, cups of different sizes and spoons (or something else to scoop with). Your child can sit on a blanket on the floor (makes tidying up easier) and transfer the grains from one bottle to another.

16) Blow bubbles!

Blowing bubbles calms a child’s anxiety by helping them focus on their breathing.

Bubbles delight and distract everyone from their concerns, no matter their age.

17) Listen to music.

Listening to their favorite music is a sure-

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fire way to divert your child from worries.

18) Head out on a scavenger hunt.

A scavenger hunt is a super-fun way to get a child to focus on something other than their worried thoughts.

19) Cut fabric.

Give your child safety scissors and pieces of fabric they can cut and manipulate. This repetitive activity is surprisingly effective in quelling anxiety.

20) Shred old newspapers or magazines.

Similarly, shredding that messy pile of journals and newspapers is a satisfying way to release stress. Let your child cut or rip the paper any way they want and then have them group images according to colors or themes (e.g., animals, foods, people).

21) Create a sensory bin.

A sensory bin is a container in which you place a sensory base (e.g., lentils, rice, pasta or Kinetic Sand), objects (Legos,

25) Walk the line.

Walking along a line is calming because the simple act of focusing on how the right and the left foot alternate can help your child enter into a meditative state. Walking meditation helps develop kids’ executive functions and teaches mindfulness. Use colorful painter’s tape or masking tape to make different line patterns on the floor for your child to navigate.

26) Kick a ball.

Kicking a ball releases anxiety by helping your child focus on something other than their worries. Whammo!

27) Push against a wall.

Activities that involve “heavy work,” such as pushing against a wall, have been proven to be effective in focusing kids’ attention and reducing anxiety.

28) Assemble a puzzle.

Puzzles are a great way to quickly shift attention and also help develop executive function skills.

29) Try a Montessori meditation.

Coach your child through this walking meditation, practiced in some Montessori schools:

• Give your child a bell.

• If you would like to participate alongside your child, grab a bell as well.

(Every participant should have one.)

• Walk around the room in circles while ensuring that no bell makes a sound.

• Repeat the exercise for as long as it takes for your child to enter a calm, meditative state.

30) Have a toothsome snack.

Just like chewing gum, eating crunchy or chewy snacks has been found to help reduce anxiety and anger. Good options include dried fruits, dates, celery and cheese.

31) Watch fish.

A recent study undertaken by researchers from Plymouth University and the University of Exeter suggests that watching fish

in an aquarium is deeply soothing. The researchers also found that the more fish there are, the more calming it is to watch them! If you can afford it, getting your child a reasonably sized aquarium populated with a school of fish might just do wonders to alleviate their (and your!) anxiety.

34) Draw or paint.

Drawing is an effective way to help a stressed-out kid deal with their anxiety.

Your child can either draw what they are feeling or draw whatever comes to mind.

Finger painting is also an awesome sensory activity to channel big emotions creatively.

32) Look at an indoor fountain.

Just like watching fish, gazing at an indoor fountain can help your child calm down.

Watching an hourglass run out of sand can also be relaxing, helping your child focus on something else for a set period of time.

35) Skip rope.

Jumping rope is an excellent physical activity that helps reduce anxious feelings.

33) Employ the 5-4-3-2-1 coping technique.

The 5-4-3-2-1 coping technique is a strategy that works like magic to restore tranquility in an anxious child. Like all the strategies mentioned here, it works best before your child gets “out of control.” It involves naming 5 things your child can see, 4 things they can hear, 3 things they can feel, 2 things they can smell and 1 thing they can taste.

It’s always easier to deal with your child’s stress before they go into complete meltdown mode, so it’s important to help them learn to identify different emotions, work on understanding what activates those emotions and then identify a stockpile of ready solutions to deal with those emotions in a socially appropriate manner.

■

Sanya Pelini, Ph.D., transforms educational research into practical tools and resources on her blog Raising Independent Kids (raising-independent-kids.com).

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Exploring Native Seattle

By Elisa Murray

As historian Coll Thrush pointed out in his book “Native Seattle,” Seattle, more than any other American city, pays homage to its Indigenous roots. It was named for a Duwamish and Suquamish chief, and that chief’s profile is on the city’s seal. From the names of its ferries to the Native American–inspired Seahawks logo, Indigenous designs and place-names are everywhere — Snohomish, Skykomish, Tacoma, Puyallup, Skagit, Elwha, Snoqualmie and others.

: Intellectual House •

But it’s also a city that was built on stolen Indian land, a city that once banned Indigenous people from entering.

How much does the average Washingtonian know about its native histories, about the many tribes that lived in complex societies around Puget Sound for thousands of years before Europeans arrived? How much do they know about the thousands of Indigenous people who live, work and create in urban centers and reservations around Washington state today?

In Seattle, Indigenous peoples have fought for decades to have their tribes recognized, their arts and culture supported, their languages taught, their rights respected and their stories told.

With 29 federally recognized tribes in Washington state, and several more that are not yet recognized, opportunities abound for the nonnatives of this land to learn about Indigenous cultures. Many tribes have cultural centers that are open to the public or host annual events or festivals.

Here’s a starter list of Puget Sound–area sites and experiences that serve as a launching point for learning about the native stories that are woven everywhere through the Northwest’s past, present and future.

washington.edu In 2015, the University of Washington completed a project, decades in the making, to build a Coast Salish–style longhouse that serves as a gathering space for Native American and Alaska Native students, faculty and staff. Designed by native architect Johnpaul Jones, the 8,400-square-foot complex includes a kitchen with teaching space for food preparation, and a circular outdoor gathering space. It is called , a Lushootseed term that loosely translates to “Intellectual House.”

A planned second phase (fundraising to complete the project is underway) includes a building that will have meeting rooms, an arts lab and an elders lounge.

Intellectual House hosts numerous events every year and is used for practical functions as well. For the students, it’s a home away from home, serving as a place to practice drumming, create regalia, screen movies and hold cooking classes.

Suquamish Museum •

suquamishmuseum.org Relocated in 2012, the Suquamish Museum now sits on Hood Canal in the town of Suquamish, in a spot known as “the place

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of clear salt water” by the Suquamish people. Situated among cedar, hemlock and fir trees, the LEED gold-certified building was designed to suggest a nurse log in the forest. The longhouse-style building includes a craft workspace, with an ethnobotanic garden just outside. While its mission of preserving cultural objects related to the Suquamish people is critical, the museum is also dedicated to “placing the culture that is part of this landscape on our ancestral territory, bringing it to the modern time,” notes museum director Janet Smoak.

Within walking distance is Chief Seattle’s gravesite and the village site known as Old Man House, which included the largest known longhouse in Washington state (burned by U.S. troops in the 1800s).

Another attraction? A new and fantastic playground located across the street from the gravesite, Suquamish Shores Natural Play Area, which opened to the public earlier in 2021.

(Find a complete kid-friendly itinerary for visiting Suquamish at parentmap.com/ suquamish.)

Duwamish Longhouse & Cultural Center • duwamishtribe.org The Duwamish Tribe, the original residents of Seattle, has been battling for the restoration of its federal recognition for decades. In 2011, the tribe opened its cultural center. Overlooking the Duwamish River and two ancient village sites, the Salish-style longhouse can hold as many as 200 people; the center includes a tribal kitchen. After you visit the longhouse, walk across the street to Herring House Park, an Elliott Bay village site dating back to the sixth century. It once held eight longhouses and a large potlatch house.

Eighth Generation • eighthgeneration.com In 2008, Louie Gong (of the Nooksack Indian Tribe) began customizing shoes with a Coast Salish design from his living room. In 2016, he opened a beautiful flagship store in Pike Place Market (just above

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Eighth Generation store in Pike Place Market

the Gum Wall), working with a wide range of Indigenous artists to not only sell their products, ranging from phone cases to jewelry, but to support them as artists. He also markets his own line of beautiful, native-designed wool blankets — unbelievably, the first Indigenous-owned company to do so. By stopping at the beautiful, clean-lined Eighth Generation gallery, the millions of visitors who go through Pike Place Market

each year are discovering a different narrative about Indigenous people.

Daybreak Star Cultural Center •

unitedindians.org/daybreak-star-center Located on 20 acres in Discovery Park, the Daybreak Star center was founded after Native Americans occupied Fort Lawton in the 1970s. (Discovery Park formerly was a military base.) Managed by United Indians of All Tribes Foundation, the center hosts art exhibits, markets and important cultural events, such as powwows.

The Burke Museum • burkemuseum.org

The Burke, which moved to its new building in 2019, has always been involved in archaeological and anthropological investigations relating to Indigenous cultures throughout the Pacific Northwest. Its Northwest Native Art Gallery houses rotating exhibitions of works by Native American artists and is anchored by permanent displays of monumental objects, including a 35-foot canoe, a welcome figure, totem poles and house posts.

Cheshiahud Lake Union Loop •

parentmap.com/cheshiahud Next time you’re circling Lake Union on foot or by bike, pay attention to the blue signs continued on page 27

A Seattle Children’s Publication | Fall 2021

Anxiety Disorders Are Common and Treatable Anxiety is a normal emotion. However, for some kids, it’s a too-big, too-frequent feeling that affects their overall happiness — and sometimes, even their ability to function. Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorders among children and teens.

The symptoms vary from child to child.

One common symptom is fear centered around parents or caregivers, such as being away from them, or fearing they’ll die. Kids may fear being embarrassed or making mistakes in social situations. They may worry a lot about everyday events like tests or sports contests, or huge events like global warming.

Sometimes, they fixate on dirt or germs, or develop a specific phobia. These are just some of many possible symptoms.

We feel anxiety in our bodies in the form of headaches, stomachaches, racing heart,

dizziness, and quick breathing. When they happen frequently, these feelings can interfere with our lives and disrupt our sleep and appetite — and may even be mistaken as symptoms of a physical illness.

Understandably, excess anxiety can lead a child to avoid situations like school, social

Safely Dispose of Unwanted and Expired Medicines One way to prevent unintentional ingestion of medicine and medicine misuse is by safely disposing of medicines that you no longer need as soon as possible. Drop-boxes are located throughout Washington at participating retail pharmacies, hospital and clinic pharmacies and law enforcement offices.

Most prescription and over-the-counter medicines are accepted. to learn more:

Visit takebackyourmeds.org to find a drop-box near you.

events, and activities they once enjoyed. If untreated, this can cause them to become withdrawn and depressed.

There is no single cause of anxiety disorders.

Some children seem to have an anxious nature from birth. Often, kids with anxiety disorders have parents or other family members who also have excess anxiety. In any case, it’s nobody’s fault.

Sometimes, in trying to help their child cope, parents and caregivers unknowingly model fearful behavior that can amp up their child’s symptoms rather than ease them. So, if you suspect your child has an anxiety disorder, seek expert help right away. Research shows that the treatment that helps the most is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on exposures or facing one’s fears.

Ideally, caregivers are active participants in this treatment; for young children, the medical expert may work just with the parents.

Your child’s doctor may be able to help you find resources or providers that specialize in this treatment. And in addition to CBT, there are many free resources available online or via apps to help get you started.

Let your child know that together, you’ll do whatever’s needed to overcome this challenge.

Anxiety disorders are not lifetime disorders — this problem is changeable. With some help, anxiety won’t be calling the shots in their life anymore! to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/pdf/pe1492.pdf.

Beware of Dangerous Infant Sleep Products The Consumer Product Safety Commission has said it will stop companies from selling infant sleep products that do not meet sleep-safety standards.

These unsafe products include infant hammocks, in-bed sleepers, and inclined sleepers. Tragically, these types of products have been linked to more than 100 infant deaths. Unfortunately, this mandate does not go into effect until next year, and some companies that produce these unsafe products may take advantage of

a loophole by removing the word ‘sleep’ from their product names — and then continue to market them.

To see whether a product has been recalled or is linked to injuries, go to www.SaferProducts.gov.

To learn more, watch the ‘Safe Sleep for Your Baby’ video using the link below. to learn more:

Visit tinyurl.com/uzedzkbs.

Pinkeye: Causes, Symptoms, Prevention and Treatment Conjunctivitis, better known as pinkeye, is a common eye infection. It can be caused by the same viruses and bacteria that result in colds and other infections. Pinkeye can spread through coughing and sneezing, by touching an infected person, or by touching something an infected person has touched.

Not surprisingly, it can sweep through daycares and schools. Besides the red or pink color, eye discomfort is also a symptom — including itchiness and a gritty feeling under the eyelids. There may also be a goopy discharge, along with swollen eyelids and sensitivity to bright light. Handwashing and covering coughs

and sneezes help prevent the spread of pinkeye. If you think your child has it, see their healthcare provider to determine if treatment is needed. Viral pinkeye usually goes away without any treatment, while the bacterial type is treated with antibiotic eye drops or ointment. Pinkeye that’s caused by allergies or by irritants (like chlorine or smoke) is not contagious, but treatment can ease the symptoms. to learn more:

Visit seattlechildrens.org/conditions/a-z/eye-redwithout-pus.

Preventing Flu and COVID-19 COVID has dominated news headlines for many months, but it’s not the only health threat out there. The seasonal flu is also heading our way.

We must all take action to prevent getting sick from these contagious — and potentially dangerous — viruses.

To prevent the seasonal flu, everyone 6 months and older should get the flu vaccine every year. It’s reformulated each year to protect against the flu viruses that science predicts will be most common that flu season. It takes about two weeks for the flu vaccine to protect us from the flu, so aim for you and family to get the vaccine by the end of October.

To prevent COVID-19, everyone who is eligible should get the COVID vaccine, which is now available for ages 12 and older. (At the time

this newsletter was published, a vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 was expected in early to midwinter — possibly sooner. For those under 5, it’s expected sometime in 2022.)

People are fully vaccinated two weeks after their second shot of the two-dose Pfizer or Moderna vaccines, and two weeks after the single-shot Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

It’s safe to get both vaccines at the same time. If you have questions about any vaccine, ask your doctor.

The super-contagious COVID delta variant is surging and is causing severe illness for some unvaccinated children and adults. To protect our kids and ourselves, even fully vaccinated people should mask up, avoid crowds, and practice social distancing.

And to help prevent both the seasonal flu and COVID, we should always practice the basics: wash hands frequently, stay home when sick, and avoid others who are sick. to learn more:

Visit cdc.gov/flu/symptoms/flu-vs-covid19. htm.

Kid Bits

Growth-Plate Injuries

Picky Eaters

Pedestrian Safety for Kids

Children and teens have patches of growing tissue near the ends of their long bones. These areas are called growth plates, and they determine how long a child’s bones will be once they are fully grown. When kids break bones, they may also damage their growth plates. This can cause the bone to stop growing or to grow unevenly. Most growth-plate fractures occur in the long bones of the fingers, forearms, and lower legs. Since growth plates can’t be seen on an X-ray, a child may need an MRI or other scan to check for growth-plate damage. To avoid long-term problems, it’s important to see a doctor who specializes in growth-plate injuries in children and teens.

It’s common for toddlers to become picky eaters, or to have less of an appetite than when they were younger. It’s also common for parents to worry that their child isn’t getting the nutrition they need — and pediatricians do a lot of reassuring on this topic! Indeed, these changes in eating habits and appetite are normal. Keep offering your toddler healthy choices and keep introducing new foods — bearing in mind that they may need to be offered a new food as many as 10 to 15 times before they will eat it. Don’t force or pressure your child to eat, and don’t keep them in their highchair if they’re clearly not interested in eating. If you’re worried or have specific concerns, talk with your child’s doctor.

to learn more:

to learn more:

As pedestrians, children are more apt to be injured than adults and older teens — mostly because of their smaller size and lack of brain development. As you go about your daily activities, talk with your child about how to be safe around traffic. Point out the sounds and sights of moving vehicles and help your child tune in to them. Be sure they understand that drivers often can’t see them — especially when their vehicle is backing up. Since young kids can’t judge the distance and speed of vehicles, don’t let children younger than 10 cross the street alone or go into it to retrieve a ball. Be a strong role model by removing earbuds, using crosswalks, and always looking left, right, and left again before crossing.

Visit seattlechildrens.org/conditions/

Visit zerotothree.org/resources/1072-how-

to learn more:

fractures.

to-handle-picky-eaters.

Visit safekids.org/walkingsafelytips.

Quick Tip Check that you have a working smoke alarm inside each bedroom, outside each sleeping area and on every level of your home, including the basement.

Change batteries once a year.

facebook.com/seattlechildrens instagram.com/seattlechildrens

twitter.com/seattlechildren youtube.com/seattlechildrens

Regional Clinic Locations

Online Resources

• Bellevue • Everett • Federal Way

Visit seattlechildrens.org for the following: • Child Health Advice • my Good Growing email newsletter • Doctor Finder • On The Pulse and Autism blogs • Medical condition information • Health & safety information • Ways to help Seattle Children’s • Research Institute information

• Olympia • Tri-Cities • Wenatchee

Primary Care Clinic • Odessa Brown Children’s Clinic

Main Hospital Numbers 206-987-2000 866-987-2000 (Toll-free)

Heather Cooper is the Editor of Good Growing, which is produced four times a year by the Marketing Communications Department of Seattle Children’s. You can find Good Growing in the January, April, July and October issues of ParentMap and on our website seattlechildrens.org. For permission to reprint articles for noncommercial purposes or to receive Good Growing in an alternate format, call 206-987-5323. The inclusion of any resource or website does not imply endorsement. Your child’s needs are unique. Before you act or rely upon information, please talk with your child’s healthcare provider. © 2021 Seattle Children’s, Seattle, Washington.

Classes and Events As the COVID-19 situation changes, we continue to adjust or postpone our classes and events to follow public health recommendations. We now offer some classes online while some are on pause. Please check our website for the latest information. Scholarships are available. If you would like to ask about a scholarship, use the contact information for the class you’re interested in to connect with the registrar.

PARENTING CLASSES Autism 101

CHILD, PRETEEN AND TEEN CLASSES Better Babysitters

This free 90-minute lecture is designed to provide information and support to parents and families of children recently diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. A portion of each session is dedicated to answering questions from the attendees.

For youth, ages 11 to 14. Students learn about responsible babysitting, basic child development, infant and child care, safety, handling emergencies, age-appropriate toys, business tips and parent expectations.

View dates, learn how to join the live stream or view a past lecture at seattlechildrens.org/ autism101. Email Autism101@seattlechildrens.org if you have questions.

Autism 200 Series Autism 200 is a series of free 90-minute classes for parents and caregivers of children with autism who wish to better understand autism spectrum disorder. Each class features a different topic.

Classes are on pause, but you can view past Autism 200 lectures at seattlechildrens.org/ autism200. Email Autism200@seattlechildrens. org if you have questions.

Babysafe Babysafe is a 4-hour class for new and expectant parents and others who care for babies. Topics include infant development, baby safety, injury prevention and care of common injuries for infants from birth through 12 months of age. Infant CPR is demonstrated and practiced, but this is not a certification class.

This class is currently available virtually via Zoom.

The fee is $85 and each registration is good for two people from the same family. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/ classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

Youth Mental Health First Aid This free class is for adults who regularly interact with adolescents ages 12 to 18. Youth Mental Health First Aid will improve your knowledge of mental health and substance use problems and will teach you how to connect youth with care when needed.

Youth Mental Health First Aid is now available as a two-part virtual series. The series includes a self-guided course and a live instructor-led course. The date you register for is the date of the live instructor-led course. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

This is currently a two-part class, with sessions taking place via Zoom on two consecutive weekend dates. Each session is two hours long.

The fee is $50. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

Body Talk: Building Body Wisdom For all preteens, ages 9 to 12 and a grownup.

This is no ordinary class on nutrition and fitness.

Body Talk is about learning new tools together that help us understand how our bodies and minds work as we eat and move. Topics include how to build a healthy relationship with food and trust yourself as an eater, and how to build a healthy relationship with exercise and trust yourself as a mover.

This class is offered as a two-part online workshop series. The fee is $45. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/ classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions.

CPR and First Aid for Babysitters For youth, ages 11 to 15. Topics include pediatric CPR, treatment for choking, and first-aid skills.

Students receive an American Heart Association Heartsaver Pediatric First Aid, CPR, AED completion card, which is valid for two years.

This class is offered as a two-part series. The series includes a virtual session as well as a short in-person skills check. The fee is $75. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/ classes or call 206-987-9878 if you have questions.

The Chat The Chat is a new online workshop series on puberty and sex that reflects the content from the in-person classes, For Boys and For Girls.

Offered via Zoom, each 45-minute workshop is for preteens 10 to 12 years old, plus a parent or trusted adult.

You may take any individual workshop or all five. If you register for all five events, we recommend starting with BO, Pimples and Hair — Oh My! and ending with Being Connected: Sex, Love and Everything In Between. While families can choose to attend any combination of workshops, the information in earlier sessions provides a foundation for understanding later sessions.

The fee is $25 per workshop or the series of five for $100. Learn more, view dates and register at seattlechildrens.org/classes or call 206-789-2306 if you have questions. See a trailer for The Chat at greatconversations.com.

EVENTS Free Car-Seat Checks by Appointment Only WHEN: Saturday, Oct. 23 WHERE: Seattle Children’s REGISTER: seattlechildrens.org/carseatchecks Register for an appointment and come learn how to safely secure your child in the car. Child passenger safety experts will check your child in a car seat, booster seat or the seat belt and answer any questions you may have. The car-seat check will follow COVID-19 safety protocols.

Free Virtual Car-Seat Checks King County Certified Child Passenger Safety Technicians are offering free virtual car-seat check appointments via video-chat platforms. For more information, email Laura Miccile at laura.miccile@ kingcounty.gov or call 206-477-8664.

South County Fire and Safe Kids Snohomish County are offering free virtual car-seat classes.

Registration is required. Visit southsnofire.org/ education/child-passenger-safety.

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Community connection continued from page 22

indicating that you are on the Cheshiahud Lake Union Loop. Dedicated in 2008, the loop is a 6-mile, multiuse loop around the lake that connects parks, pocket parks, street ends and waterways. Named for a Duwamish man who once lived on the lake’s shoreline, the loop features signs that share histories of the lake and how it sustained local tribes.

Vi Hilbert Ethnobotanical Garden • seattleu.edu

As a child, Upper Skagit elder Vi Hilbert was punished for speaking her native Coast Salish language of Lushootseed. As an adult, she spent decades working with linguists to document and preserve the language. This Seattle University garden honors her work, as well as the relationship between Native American peoples, their land and their languages.

Makah Museum • makahmuseum.com

At the western tip of Neah Bay on the Olympic Peninsula is the ancestral home of the Makah people, famous for their whaling rituals and practice. The renowned Makah Museum exhibits whaling and fishing gear, as well as many artifacts from the archaeological site at Lake Ozette, a Makah village that was destroyed by a mudslide in 1750.

(The Makah Indian Reservation and museum remain closed to nonresidents due to the COVID-19 pandemic.)

Hibulb Cultural Center •

hibulbculturalcenter.org “So we can remember,” explains the Hibulb Cultural Center’s website of its mission.

Located just off I-5 on a 50-acre natural history preserve, this Tulalip center opened in 2011. Exhibits are labeled in both

Launching a new NHL team has given Seattle Kraken leadership a unique opportunity to engage with local Coast Salish Tribes. Visitors to the Kraken Community Iceplex can enjoy stunning murals highlighting the connection to the sea and its Indigenous stewards by Paige Pettibon, a Salish, Black and white artist. Learn more about Pettibon’s work on p. 46.

English and Lushootseed, and the complex includes the grand Canoe Hall, temporary exhibits, a research library and more.

Billy Frank Jr. Nisqually National Wildlife Refuge • fws.gov

Located on the ancestral grounds of the Nisqually Indian Tribe, the wildlife refuge was also the site of the first signed Indian treaty, in 1854. Now, the refuge is one of Washington’s most intact estuaries, where saltwater meets the freshwater of the Nisqually River. In 2016, it was posthumously named after Nisqually tribal leader Billy Frank Jr., in honor of his advocacy for tribal fishing rights.

Families will enjoy strolling the boardwalks through the tangled wetlands, observing ducks and geese, and listening for songbirds and frogs. Children will also enjoy the nature displays in the visitor center (the center is currently closed due to the COVID-19 pandemic), the Nature Explore Area and the Junior Refuge Manager program.

■

Elisa Murray is a Seattle-based editor, writer and communications specialist.

Boardwalk at Billy Frank Jr. Nisqually National Wildlife Refuge

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FAM I LY F UN

October Play List The harvest and Halloween edition

By Devon Hammer

Check out many more happenings online at parentmap.com/calendar.

Pumpkins and costumes and apple cider — oh my!

It’s all here this October to help make your family’s fall fantastic. Plus, a bushelful of annual fests and celebrations are back this year, which is the whipped cream on top of this apple pie of an October.

So, pick out your costume, get your sweet tooth primed and enjoy that crisp fall air with our top picks for family fun this month.

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� Visit Seattle’s oldest orchard — inside what is now Carkeek Park — to taste apple varieties, press apples into cider or have your homegrown apples identified at Piper’s Orchard Festival of Fruit. Also learn about mason bees, go for a guided tour and listen to live music. Saturday, Oct. 2, 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/fruit-fest � Kelsey Creek Farm in Bellevue is once again hosting its free Farm Fair. Come out to the big white barn and celebrate the season with barnyard animals, wagon rides, pumpkins and more. Saturday, Oct. 2, 11 a.m.–4 p.m. Free; fee for some activities. parentmap.com/farm-fair

� Celebrate the grand opening of the U District Light Rail Station. Brooklyn Avenue and University Way will be closed to traffic so the community can gather to enjoy live music, activities and games for kids, plus a $3 food walk featuring fare from neighborhood restaurants. Saturday, Oct. 2, 10 a.m.–8 p.m. Free; food for purchase. parentmap.com/grand-opening � Gather with other Lego fans to marvel at creations from around the world at BrickCon 2021. With COVID-19 precautions in place, the convention is back in person at the Seattle Center Exhibition Hall.

Saturday–Sunday, Oct. 2–3, 10 a.m.–3:30 p.m. $25 per person; preregister. parentmap.com/brickcon

� Does your child possibly have some catching up to do after last year’s remote learning? We hear you. Join us online for a ParentEd Talk by experts who will discuss how to raise an independent learner and help remedy learning loss. Thursday, Oct. 7, noon. $0–$15; preregister. parentmap.com/live � Check out a fall edition of Maple Valley Days, usually held in June. Join in the merriment with yummy food, fun booths, live entertainment, kids’ activities, inflatables and more.

Saturday–Sunday, Oct. 9–10.

Free; items for purchase. parentmap.com/MVD

Highlighted Events for October

Oct. 2

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Saturday

Farm Fair Kelsey Creek Farm, Bellevue parentmap.com/farm-fair

� See what Northwest Trek Wildlife Park’s animals are up to at night during the park’s annual Hoot ’n’ Howl celebration. Wear your costume to trick-or-treat, play spooky games and meet some nocturnal critters as they start their “day.” Friday–Saturday, Oct. 15–16 and 22–23, 5–9 p.m. $12–$16; ages 2 and younger free. parentmap.com/hoot � Enjoy another Halloween-inspired event with animals at Point Defiance Zoo’s Zoo Boo. Wear your costume and watch the zoo’s animal residents devour their pumpkin treats.

Saturday–Sunday, Oct. 16–17, 9:30 a.m.–4 p.m. $15–$20; ages 2 and younger free. parentmap.com/zoo-boo � Celebrate all things autumn at the lovely Rhododendron Species Botanical Garden’s Fall Foliage Festival. Take in the beauty of fall colors while enjoying treats, gardening workshops, a photo station and activities for the whole fam. Saturday–Sunday, Oct. 16–17, 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/foliage � Take in the view of changing autumn colors in the Snoqualmie Valley on the Northwest Railway Museum’s Halloween Train. Dress in your costume and enjoy the fall décor on a vintage train ride.

Saturday–Sunday, Oct. 16–17, 23–24, 30–31. $12–$24; ages 2 and younger free. parentmap.com/halloween-train � Learn the exciting science behind Seattle’s newest sports craze, hockey! Monday, Oct. 18 is opening day of Pacific Science Center’s new interactive exhibit, “Hockey: Faster Than Ever.”

Oct. 7

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Thursday

Oct. 15–16 and 22–23

Raising an Independent Learner: Strategies to Help Kids Help Themselves Online parentmap.com/live

(The rest of the science center remains closed due to COVID-19 precautions.) Open daily through Feb. 27, 2022. $17.50–$24.95; 2 and younger free; preregister. parentmap.com/hockey

Northwest Trek Wildlife Park, Eatonville parentmap.com/hoot

S P O N S O R ED EVENTS

16 | Save Our Orcas

Orca Recovery Day Act to help save our orca whale neighbors living in Puget Sound. Plan your own day of service by checking out one of the many community events hosted by varius organizations at betterground.org.

27 | School Culture

Raising A+ Human Beings: A Webinar for Parents The drive for academic excellence is undermining compassion. To raise A+ human beings, it’s time to rethink school culture. raisingahumans. eventbrite.com

� Learn what tenacity looks like when it comes to raising kids and how it can help them become successful adults. Join ParentMap for an online ParentEd Talk on the topic. Wednesday, Oct. 27, 1 p.m. $0–$15; preregister. parentmap.com/live

30 | Live Music!

�

� Come in costume to enjoy trick-or-treating, animal encounters, carnival games and more at Si View Park’s Harvest Festival in North Bend. Saturday, Oct. 30, noon–4 p.m. $10 entry includes unlimited game access; preregister. parentmap.com/harvest-fest

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Devon Hammer is ParentMap’s Out + About editorial assistant and a mother of two.

Friday–Saturday

Hoot ’n’ Howl

� If you are one for horror thrills, brave the Nile Nightmares scream fest of a haunted house.

Friday–Sunday through Oct. 31; less scary kids’ day is Oct. 23. $25 regular entry; kids’ day is $10 per child; free for accompanying adults. Daring 13-year-olds and older recommended for regular haunted house. parentmap.com/nile

Discover a pumpkin patch at Marina Park, along with trickor-treating, carnival games, a doggie costume party and more Halloween fun at Kirkland’s annual Pumpkins in the Park celebration. Saturday, Oct. 30, 10 a.m.–1 p.m. Free. parentmap.com/pumpkin-park

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Every Child

Help Your Neurodiverse Child Have a Happier Halloween Expert-approved tips for making Halloween celebrations a little easier

By Sarah Bradley

It’s October, which means the bloodthirsty vampires, cackling witches and brain-eating zombies are out in full force, haunting all the seasonal hayrides and corn mazes. ’Tis the season for being scared silly — or just plain scared, depending on your threshold for all things wicked.

Although many kids love the ghostly, ghastly fun that comes with Halloween, it can pose a unique set of challenges for neurodiverse children.

The typical thrills and chills associated with

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the holiday may seem overly intense or unpredictable.

There are lots of social demands involved with trickor-treating, such as making eye contact and expressing appropriate greetings. Plus, donning a costume — and keeping it on for more than five minutes — can set off several sensory-related triggers.

Here are a few expert-approved tips for making Halloween celebrations a little easier. But remember that plenty of kids, including neurotypical ones, are just not fans of the spook-tacular fun that happens on Oct. 31.

(And that’s okay!)

Get crafty with costumes Itchy or uncomfortable fabrics, vision-restricting masks, claustrophobic capes and heavy headpieces — the possibilities for costume-related pitfalls are endless, but you can avoid many of them by steering clear of store-bought options and taking the DIY route.

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“You can make just about any costume starting with a sweat suit as a base,” says Wendela Whitcomb Marsh, M.A., RSD, an autism specialist and board-certified behavior analyst. “One with a hood is a great idea for kids who like to hide by pulling the hood down.”

Once you have these basic separates, you can attach simple craft materials (felt, ribbons, feathers, belts or backpacks, insect wings, etc.) and offer lightweight or easy-to-carry accessories. This approach allows you to customize your child’s costume while maximizing their comfort, and that can lead to fewer sensory-related meltdowns.

“When comfort is up, stress can go down,” says Marsh.

Plan ahead for social events Unpredictability can be intensely upsetting for any kid, and especially neurodiverse ones, so social events like Halloween parties — where it seems like literally anything could happen — are often stressful. These events are also usually loud and crowded, two major sensory triggers.

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To help your child prepare for the overwhelming nature of a Halloween party, take some time to go over what they might encounter. Talk about where the party will be held, what kind of people they should expect to be there, and what kinds of things they might see or hear (such as loud music, creepy decorations, painted or masked faces).

“You could [also] create a social story or find one online about Halloween parties to help your child get

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M A K I NG H A LLOW EEN C EL EB RAT IO N S A L I T T L E E A SIER

be a quiet and private place for them to retreat to, should they need time alone to regroup.

Practice, practice, practice Neurodiverse kids are often more successful navigating social situations when they’ve had a chance to practice or roleplay before the big day.

“Read stories, watch videos and use pretend play [with] puppets or dolls to practice the social demands of the holiday,” says Selznick.

Some kids may just need a simple overview about the do’s and don’ts of trickor-treating (e.g., do say “thank you” when candy is given, but don’t go inside someone’s house when they open the door). For other kids, more elaborate practice may be needed.

continued from page 31

used to the idea, and show pictures of the place you’ll be going and the people you’ll see, if possible,” advises Marsh.

Pediatric occupational therapist Sarah Selznick agrees, offering advice specific to children on the autism spectrum.

“Children with autism often benefit from having a visual schedule of activities so they can prepare,” she says. “Writing down a list of the events of the night or using pictures to illustrate what’s expected can be very helpful.”

Build in breaks No matter how well you prep your child, they’re still likely to need to take a break at some point to avoid becoming overstimulated or agitated. This is totally normal, so try to anticipate it rather than fight it.

“Taking a break is essential,” says Selznick. “Create a plan for how, when and

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where your child can take a break away from the festivities.”

Marsh agrees, suggesting that caregivers contact the hosts of the party in advance

“Writing down a list of the events of the night or using pictures to illustrate what’s expected can be very helpful.” to inform them that your child has neuro differences and may have some sensory issues during the event. Ask if there will

“Enlist family and friends to come over for a practice trick-or-treat session at your home,” explains Marsh. “Have each person stationed behind the door of a different room, with a healthy snack or small toy, then go with your child from door to door around the house practicing knocking and saying, ‘Trick-or-treat!’ and ‘Thank you,’ with prompting from you.”

Have an exit strategy Unfortunately, the best-laid plans don’t always go smoothly, and it helps to have a backup plan in case your child becomes too stressed and needs to leave a party or trick-or-treat session early.

“Let your hosts know that you might have to leave suddenly, so they won’t be surprised, and if you have other children, arrange for a parent or family member to stay and let them enjoy the festivities,” says Marsh. “It’s better to show up for five minutes of the party than to overstay your child’s tolerance level.”

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Sarah Bradley is a freelance writer and creative writing teacher from Connecticut, where she lives with her husband and three sons.

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8 Cool Competitions for Young Artists

ParentMap.com/eNews

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By Gemma Alexander Contests are a great way to motivate young creatives to produce their best work and give them the recognition they deserve for their efforts. Plus, a chance at getting cash prizes and bragging rights doesn’t sound too bad either! Encourage your little artist to enter one of these great competitions and contests for youths.

Holocaust Center for Humanity’s Writing, Art and Film Contest • holocaustcenterseattle.org This contest challenges students to use writing, art or film to explore the history and stories of the Holocaust and to consider the impact of individual actions. The contest opens with two prompts published in December. Students in grades 5–12 from Washington, Idaho, Montana and Alaska are eligible.

Winning entries are displayed by the center throughout the year, and winners receive cash prizes of as much as $200.

Get to Know • gettoknow.ca The Get to Know contest promotes environmental

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LO CAL R ES O UR CES / CAM P S , ARTS + ACT I V I T ES

continued from page 33

learning by encouraging young people to connect with and interpret the natural world around them through art and photography. Competition in place-based and artform categories is open to anyone ages 19 and younger. Entries must be submitted

by June 1 each year. Prizes include items such as binoculars and art supplies.

Doodle for Google • doodles.google.com/d4g You know those cool little cartoons at the top of the Google search page? Once a year, that doodle is the prizewinning entry from a K–12 student, judged in five grade groups. Entries are due by March 5 in the United States (other countries have their own contests) using Google’s entry form.

Entries must include the Google logo but can use any medium. Judges will select 54 state and territory winners for Googley swag. The public then votes to determine the five national finalists from among the 54. One winner will receive a $30,000 scholarship and a $50,000 technology package for their school. Entry is free but limited to one per student.

Ned Smith Center Youth Art Contest • nedsmithcenter.org The Pennsylvania-based Ned Smith Center holds an annual international wildlife art contest, with a different theme each year. The contest is open to students in grades 1–12, with four winners in each of four age categories, plus a Best in Show winner. (There is also an all-ages photography contest, but at least for its inaugural 2021 theme, photos must be taken on the premises.) Entries are due at the beginning of June, with winners announced in July. Cost to enter is $10.

U.S. Kids Cover Contest • uskidsmags.com/artcontest U.S. Kids holds an annual themed magazine-cover design contest. The contest is open to ages 2–12, with entries grouped into two age categories. The winners’ art is used for the front covers of Jack and Jill (age 6–12 category) and Humpty Dumpty

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(ages 2–6) magazines, with second-place, third-place and Readers’ Choice winners’ art showcased inside the same issue; cash prizes are awarded to the art departments of the winners’ schools. Entries are due in early February. There is no cost to enter, but only one entry per child is accepted.

WorldWide Kids Drawings • worldwidekidsdrawings.com For those who dislike structure, the WorldWide Kids Drawings contest has no theme, deadline or age limits. Entries are submitted on a rolling basis, and winners are announced whenever the website updates.

Prizes range from $250 to $1,000. Cost to enter is $20.

Teen Ink • teenink.com Teen Ink is a national magazine that showcases creative works by young

people ages 13–19. Teens can submit their work for inclusion inside the magazine or enter the monthly cover image contest.

There are no deadlines or fees to enter.

Artists will receive a $25 gift card if their image is used on the cover.

Congressional Art Competition • house.gov Since 1982, the United States House of Representatives has sponsored a nationwide visual art competition. High school students submit their framed, two-dimensional art to their district’s representative (deadlines may vary by district). Ironically, subject matter cannot be political in nature. There is no entry fee, but participation may incur framing and shipping costs.

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­­­― Gemma Alexander

Out + About

To Market!

To Market!

Family-friendly fall events celebrate the birthday — and survival — of iconic Pike Place Market

By Gemma Alexander

Today it’s almost impossible to imagine downtown Seattle without the 114-year-old Pike Place Market. But 50 years ago, we almost lost it to urban renewal. Last year, the market faced and survived its biggest threat since a citizens’ initiative saved it from the wrecking ball back in 1971. With the world in lockdown, visitors to the market dropped from 15 million in 2019 to less than half that number in 2020.

While vendors, business owners and employees worked to stay open safely, the market community pulled together in myriad ways, from hosting educational workshops sharing online business strategies to essential vendors selling products on behalf of their shuttered counterparts.

Throughout it all, just as they did in 1971, local supporters helped keep the market going. Now that the summer tourists have all gone home, Seattle families have the market to themselves once again, and Pike Place Market is ready to celebrate.

Birthday parties and seasonal celebrations This fall, Pike Place Market has special events planned to entertain the whole family. On Oct. 23, celebrate the 50th anniversary of the citizens’ initiative to Busker at Pike Place Market

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O UT + AB O UT

Eclipse Hat Shop continued from page 35

Keep the Market (pikeplacemarket.org/ keep-market) with purchases of commemorative gifts, craft demonstrations, scavenger hunts, live music and, of course, shopping.

On Nov. 27, the annual Magic in the Market event will kick off the holidays with festive entertainment, a visit from Santa Claus, seasonal craft vendors and a ceremony to brighten the market with holiday lights. Santa will be back at the market on Dec. 4 and 11 for free photos with the kiddos.

Family fun You don’t have to wait for a special event to visit the market (especially if you’re still leery of crowds). ParentMap developed an age-by-age guide to Pike Place Market a few years ago (parentmap.com/market).

Nearly everything we loved back then can still be found at the market, and lots of

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new family-friendly shops and food spots have opened since then.

Visit Eclipse Hat Shop (eclipsehatshop.com) on Western Avenue, where your fashion-conscious offspring can find stylish chapeaux or even design their own.

Pick up a Pastry Pet at Marnin Saylor (marninsaylor.com), the DownUnder shop famous for its handmade Donut Cat and Éclair Bear plush toys. Check out the animal-themed art at Gradient Art Gallery (gradientartgallery.com) and La Ru’s quirky creations at Robot vs Sloth (robotvsloth.com). In the craft market, look for tiny fairy houses (tinyfairyhouses.com) and Kate Endle Illustration and Fine Art’s children’s books and art (kateendle.com).

Worried about creating a spendthrift child with all this shopping? Encourage saving with a handmade ceramic piggy bank from Pike Place Pigs (pikeplacepigs.com).

The market has always been a great place

to eat, and its restaurants are still open.

But if you’re not comfortable eating inside, you don’t have to limit yourself to snacking.

Many of the market’s full-service restaurants offer outdoor dining or takeout. There are lots of little spots for a picnic hidden throughout the market, but if they are occupied, head through the MarketFront

Find piggy banks in different sizes and colors at Pike Place Pigs

for room to spread out on the public plaza, where you can enjoy an expansive view of Puget Sound. Don’t forget to say hi to Billie (Rachel the Pig’s lesser-known twin) and pick up some Indi Chocolate (indichocolate.com) on the way there.

Safety first In some ways, with its underground warren of shops and intense crowds, Pike Place Market is a pandemic nightmare, but you can avoid the throngs by visiting on a rainy weekday. (Take advantage of Seattle Public Schools’ early-release Wednesdays.) And don’t forget that much of the market is outdoors. Next to being in your own home, the open air is the safest place to be in a pandemic, and much more interesting.

Pike Place Market is doing everything possible to keep its workers and visitors safe.

Employees and shoppers are required to wear a mask indoors and out. Six-foot markers have been installed throughout the market’s 9 acres, and three public handwashing stations have been added in high-traffic areas. The market facilities department has also adopted an enhanced cleaning regimen and installed antimicrobial film to prevent germ transfer in elevators.

Normally, environmentally friendly public transportation is the most convenient way to reach Pike Place Market. But if you

feel safer in your car, Pike Place Market’s parking garage is a surprisingly affordable option.

Pike Place Market at home If you can’t even consider having fun in a busy public place until your kiddos are old enough to be vaccinated (and who can blame you?), you can enjoy a multitude of market resources from the comfort of home.

The educator resources section on the market’s website (pikeplacemarket.org) includes two interactive games that kids will love to play: Now & Then matches new photos with old ones, and What Do You Hear in the Market? plays audio clips for you to identify. A new digital book, “Inside Pike Place Market,” explores the unique characteristics and history of the market, and KOMO-TV will debut a 50th-anniversary documentary, “Pike Place Market: A Love Story,” in mid-October.

You can provide general support to Pike Place Market by donating to the Market Foundation (pikeplacemarketfoundation.org) to help ensure it’s still there when you’re ready to return. And you can support your favorite shops and artisans directly: Nearly all of the market’s vendors now offer online shopping.

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Seattle-based freelance writer Gemma Alexander focuses on the intersection of parenting and the arts. When she’s not writing for ParentMap, she blogs at gemmadeealexander.com and tweets @gemmadeetweet.

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LO CAL R ES O UR CES / S CH O O L S , PR ES CH O O L S + N WA IS

Homework SOS! 7 study tips for busy families

By Jenna Vandenberg

Homework doesn’t have to be hectic! From using school resources to setting realistic expectations, here are seven great tips from a teacher in the know for creating a study routine for kids on the go.

1. Make studying on the go easier.

While it’s great to have a desk and homework space everywhere your child resides or spends time, prepare them for doing homework anywhere. All necessary supplies and completed work should stay permanently in a backpack that’s organized with folders and pencil cases. Many schools give students access to online textbooks or even additional books. (If you aren’t sure of what’s available, ask.) If your child has a smartphone, they should get into the habit of taking pictures of relevant textbook pages so they are always available.

rest of the night. Email teachers to find out who is available and plan a standing homework date with a specific teacher once a week. For accountability’s sake, give your child a call on the specified day and ask to talk to the teacher.

Also, contact the school counselor and ask about resources. Often, homework clubs, peer tutors and volunteer groups are sitting around after school just waiting to help students tackle their homework.

2. Use technology to your advantage.

3. Enlist teachers and other school resources.

Most teachers are available before and after school to help students. Not only do we teachers know the specific assignments needed to raise that grade, but we can nag and lecture our students without having to deal with them as sullen teenagers for the

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When schedules are hectic, it can be challenging to monitor your student’s progress closely. But don’t let this fall through the cracks. Utilize the school’s online assignment site to check in regularly. If you are feeling confused, try asking the teacher to update you briefly every week by email about your student’s progress. If you still see low test scores and missing assignments, call a meeting that includes the child and all parents and teachers. Consider requesting a communication sheet that your child brings to each teacher to sign every day.

6. Study with your child once a week.

Although you might not have time to help with homework every day, try to plan a study evening at least once a week. Do this at home, or try it at a local coffee shop or restaurant, where you can do homework over lattes or pizza. Bring along your laptop and catch up on emails, pay bills or peruse Facebook while your kid annotates that speech or labels the anatomy of a cell.

Hungry kids have a hard time focusing on homework. If your child is going to be in transit a lot, make sure they have access to enough healthy snacks and meals.

Older kids might be alone in the hours after school. How do you supervise them from afar? One high school English teacher of my acquaintance has her students take pictures of completed work and text it to parents as proof of completion. Another way for working parents to keep tabs is to change the family Wi-Fi password daily; send your child the new password as soon as they send you a text message showing that their homework has been finished.

5. Monitor grades online and in person.

4. Babysitters can help.

Consider hiring a babysitter for an hour after school if your child needs the stability of being in one place, supervised, and you need to run around or keep working. Do not hire an expensive tutor! This should simply be a babysitter whose key responsibility is to supervise and ensure that homework gets done. Some older elementary and middle school students will be mortified at being babysat, so if that’s the case, try creating an incentive for them to prove they are capable of studying on their own. You can even pass the childcare cost along to your kid in the form of allowance.

7. Set an expectation.

Younger students might not have homework every day, or they might receive all homework at once in a packet, due back once a week. Whatever the case, set the expectation of doing some work every day, even if it’s just reading or reviewing, to set good habits early on.

Expect a student in middle school or high school to study every single day, not just “when they have homework.” Don’t accept claims of not having any homework. Even if nothing was specifically assigned, there is always a textbook to read, class notes to review and math problems to double-check. Only when studying is done daily does it become a routine.

■

Jenna Vandenberg is a Seattle-based teacher, writer, runner and mom of two girls.

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Ages + Stages

Beyond Yelling How to provide positive guidance to foster responsibility and self-discipline in your preteen

By Laura Markham, Ph.D.

The preteen transition is a tough one for most parents. Kids start to be heavily influenced by a desire to be respected by their peer group and that often conflicts with the standards we set at home.

Meanwhile, we lose the automatic respect that most young children feel for their parents and we have to start earning it. Parents who rely on punishment to control their kids (including timeouts and consequences) realize in the

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preteen years that it no longer works. In fact, we learn that it’s actually impossible to control them when they’re out of our sight, which they often are.

Many parents worry that they have to raise their voice constantly, yet their influence is still waning. Unfortunately, if we’ve relied on punishment, we’ve neglected to lay the

By contrast, kids who aren’t punished, but are instead lovingly guided to make reparations and solve problems, develop internal discipline and a strong moral sense earlier. groundwork that will ensure that a preteen “acts right.” That groundwork includes a strong parent-child relationship so the child really wants to cooperate and doesn’t want to disappoint the parent. It also includes empathizing with feelings so the child gains the ability to regulate their emotions, which lets them regulate their behavior.

Unfortunately, conventional parenting, which includes punishment, actually erodes the parent-child relationship so the child is less motivated to cooperate. And punishment doesn’t help children learn to regulate their emotions, so they have less self-discipline.

By contrast, kids who aren’t punished, but are instead lovingly guided to make reparations and solve problems, develop internal discipline and a strong moral sense earlier.

So, it works a lot better to just begin with respectful, positive guidance right from the beginning. That approach results in preteens who are respectful, considerate, responsible, self-disciplined and delightful right through the teen years.

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LO CAL R ES O UR C ES / S C H O OL S + PRES C HO OL S

But what if you’ve been using punishment (such as consequences) and your child is now 10 and acting disrespectful? It isn’t too late, but you have some catching up to do. Here’s how.

Start by committing to model a respectful tone.

If you’re yelling, stop. Really. Kids lose respect for parents who yell, so you have less influence. They also learn that yelling is how to express emotions and solve problems, so they yell, too. If you have a good relationship, it’s not necessary to yell to get your child’s attention.

Self-discipline develops when the child chooses to give up what they want for something they want more. What do they want more? To follow your lead and have a good relationship with you. So, focus on the relationship instead of punishment.

Focus on strengthening the relationship … ... so that when you set a limit (“Homework before screen time!”) or express an expectation (“We speak civilly in this house”), your child wants to cooperate.

Make sure you have one-on-one time with each child every day, during which you mostly listen. If your child is “too busy” to connect, give foot massages and connect through their passions; for instance, by listening to their music with them. You can’t hope to have any influence if your kid doesn’t enjoy being with you.

Help your child develop good judgment by learning to reflect on their actions.

Questions work infinitely better than lectures.

• “What were you wanting to have happen when you did this?”

• “Was there some part of you that said, ‘Don’t do this’?”

• “What got into the way of you listening to that part of you?”

• “How did that work out for you?”

• “How did it work out for other people involved?”

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• “What else could you have done?”

• “Right, you could have done _____.

How do you think that would have worked out? What would have happened then?”

Resist resorting to threats and punishment.

Self-discipline develops when the child chooses to give up what they want for something they want more. What do they want more? To follow your lead and have a good relationship with you. So, focus on the relationship instead of punishment.

What about “giving” consequences? That’s punishment.

“You should have done your homework last night. Next time I see you doing a rush job in the morning like this, you lose your screen time that day.”

This parent is concerned, naturally, about their child. But this approach has some unintended consequences. First, the child

Assume your child will test you to see if you’re serious. Stay cheerful while you keep enforcing the limits. feels controlled, so they’re more likely to rebel. Second, they don’t end up taking responsibility for their behavior — they just get mad at how unfair their parent is being and blames them.

What if, instead, the parent empathized, asked their child questions and “wondered” to help them reflect on the effects of their actions?

“I see you’re trying hard to get that math homework done this morning. Not much fun to have to rush like that, is it? It also means it’s harder to do your best work and catch your mistakes. Let’s figure out a way for you to finish your homework at night so

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you don’t feel so stressed in the morning.”

The natural result of not getting their homework done the night before is having to rush to do it in the morning. If you can help your child notice that impact themselves — instead of using threats and control, which will just make them rebel — they’re more likely to take responsibility to act on that knowledge.

What if your child doesn’t step up and handle themselves responsibly? This is very common, especially when screen usage is involved. You’ll probably need to make rules to limit screen time so homework can get done.

Come to an agreement with your child on nonnegotiable family rules.

Discuss your family rules and make a written agreement. Stick to the important stuff, such as respectful tone, homework, family dinners and screen-time limits. At the same time, discuss what will happen if rules are broken. How will your child repair their mistake and restore your trust?

You’ll find that when you discuss this in advance, kids often volunteer heftier penalties, and thereafter are usually more motivated to follow the rules. One of the keys to getting preteens to cooperate is letting them have some say in their lives.

Focus on teaching your child to repair their mistakes.

Worried that your child isn’t being “held accountable”?

Introduce the concept of reparations. This isn’t a consequence (punishment) that you impose. This is when you ask your child what they can do to make the situation better now.

For instance, if they say something mean to their sister, they’ll need to do some repair work on that relationship. If they break something, they’ll need to help pay for a replacement. But remember that if you think up the reparation and force it down their throat, it only makes sense that they’ll reject it. Instead, let this be an empowering opportunity for them to learn that we all make mistakes — and we have the responsibility to act to make things better.

It’s like spilling the milk. We don’t cry over it, and there’s no blame or shame — but we do have to clean it up when we spill it.

Stop protecting your child from natural consequences.

When we worry about our child, we often intervene to protect them from natural consequences. So, if your child can’t seem to remember to turn in the permission slip for the class trip, you might want to help them brainstorm about how they can remember when they get to school the next day. But if they forget, they’ll learn an invaluable lesson. Don’t rescue them.

Be kind but firm.

Assume your child will test you to see if you’re serious. Stay cheerful while you keep enforcing the limits.

For instance, be present during homework time and be sure your child stays on track with it instead of spending the time playing computer games with friends. If you have relied on punishment rather than helping your child develop inner discipline, this could take some time (weeks or even months). But after enforcing your rule for a while, it will become a habit, your child will reap the benefits of it, and they will begin to do it on their own.

This transition takes time and patience. But you’ll end up with a more cooperative, respectful and responsible kid, and enjoy a sweeter, stronger relationship with your child. That’s a true gift at any time, but especially before the teen years start.

■

Laura Markham, Ph.D., is the founder of Aha! Parenting and the author of “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,” “Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings” and “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook.” This article was originally published on ahaparenting.com.

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Community + Culture You create art in a variety of mediums — acrylic painting, beadwork, fiber art, murals, among them. What are you concentrating your time on right now?

In the beginning of the pandemic, I was getting some recognition in the art industry and had this big exhibition. I got the whole gallery to myself, and I curated it with work by my family and myself. We had two parties for the opening, and then nobody could see the exhibition because we went into lockdown.

Photo courtesy Paige Pettibon

Art for the Community Visual artist Paige Pettibon’s striking work integrates virtues of her Lushootseed culture

By Natasha Dillinger

Paige Pettibon (paigepettibon.com) is a Tacoma-based artist whose heritage is Salish (from the Confederated Salish and Kootenai Tribes), Black and white. She shares her multicultural background with the community through art mediums that include acrylic painting, fiber art, beadwork, mural design and more. As a student and teacher of the Coast Salish Lushootseed language, Pettibon incorporates three virtues of Lushootseed culture into her art: being kind, being helpful and sharing. Murals she designed are on proud display at the new Kraken Community Iceplex (krakencommunityiceplex.com) and North Seattle Community College (northseattle.edu), and her beadwork is available for purchase through her Plain to Sea Instagram account (@plain_to_sea).

We caught up with Pettibon to talk about her recent projects and the importance of

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art in bringing communities together.

How did you get your start as an artist?

Art is one of the most accessible forms of expression and communication for kids. My parents really facilitated art in our household. There were always books around as well as colored pencils, paper and markers. In middle school and high school, art was a really good way for me to express my feelings and emotions. A lot of us don’t have the words to articulate how we feel — or exercise tools like meditation to balance our lives — so art was something that was in my tool belt that I felt confident in; it made me feel really good. I am a visual artist, but I do poetry and creative writing to express how I feel. [Art has] always been an outlet for me to express myself creatively and give myself balance.

After that, I shifted my focus to digital art.

I got myself an iPad and I started working with the Procreate [graphics editor] app.

It’s pretty user-friendly compared to other digital programs, and I watched a lot of YouTube videos. My partner self-studies in a lot of digital art, photography and 3D modeling, and he taught me how to use Adobe Illustrator. It’s really helpful in creating murals and designs quickly, where you want people to see what you can do. It’s been a good way for me to create art at home — I don’t have to wait for paint to dry or order supplies that are in high demand.

I don’t want to say I get bored, but I have this desire to not do one thing for a very long period of time. I have to get my hands dirty. I make jewelry all of the time. I try to be innovaSeed-beaded circle earrings tive with that,

by Paige Pettibon too. I use a lot of natural materials, such as shells or stones. I try to keep it current and fresh, and I push myself a little bit further.

Your murals at the Kraken Community Iceplex are beautiful, bold and striking!

What was the inspiration for your designs and what do they represent?

Because it’s an iceplex, it will get chilly! [I wanted to convey] a warm-blanket feeling

using some abstract, geometric shapes that are used for wool weaving. I was thinking about a spindle whorl, which is used to make wool. Coast Salish folks will decorate their spindle whorls with carving reliefs in forms: the crescent, trigon and animal shapes. Traditionally, we weave our regalia, robe or blanket, but weaving is often used throughout many cultures. You don’t have to be Coast Salish to have that relationship with wool weaving. It’s specific to here but something we can all share.

I was thinking about the relationship of Coast Salish masks and hockey masks, along with our youth and athleticism and how sometimes we can be really competitive. We want to be competitive in a healthy way that strengthens our athleticism, team skills and personal character, rather than “us against them” and isolating ourselves. I have a guardian mask to help us protect ourselves when we come to the space. We’ll be learning and making mistakes, and that’s what this place is for.

I also have an endurance mask, because we need endurance to move forward, do this work and proceed in a good way. In one of the spindle whorls, I have four tentacles wrapped around an egg, [representing the protection of] our youth.

The woman holding her paddle up is one of my favorite parts — she could represent a lot

of things, like Mother Earth, welcoming and maternal nurturing. She’s wearing a woven robe as well, [which] connects these abstract figures of wool weaving that are very angular and big so people can see the relationships.

I also like people to have their own interpretation — and have it change and be something they can have as part of their upbringing. I really think of the youth in these pieces: It’s important to have good images that make them feel welcome.

You’ve worked with kids, teaching art as a paraeducator at Chief Leschi Schools. How do you engage and inspire creativity in children?

I saw [how] public schools aren’t really set up to have kids be okay with failure, or not having the correct answer in a certain amount of time. That can harm a kid’s endurance — or their desire to solve problems.

I think art was the best way for me to have them face those difficulties, but also feel a sense of pride in the work they put in. It’s visible and something they can touch and feel. Sometimes our emotions are hard to express, because they’re inside.

Socially, your sense of worth is how hard you work or what you produce and make: “Getting an A.” Art is subjective: It’s in the eye of the beholder. I can see the effort a child puts into the stripes they make with

their markers. A lot of people have this idea about what art is, such as a perfect portrait. But if we take a step back and look at fine art, we have cubism and abstract art that’s highly regarded in the industry. Art can be anything; just taking the time to practice it daily can be really healing for our youth.

A lot of kids and Indigenous communities are really struggling, especially with COVID-19. [I want] to facilitate the desire to learn, to grow and to fail — because you’re trying something new.

You have an upcoming exhibit at the National Museum of the American Indian — can you tell us a little more about that?

It’s been a long process. The government in general takes a long time, because there are so many people who have to say yes — and they’re also adapting to a virtual exhibition. They’ll be showing two pieces of my art. The theme is “Ancestors Know Who We Are,” highlighting Afro-Indigenous artists.

I’m really looking forward to showing my pieces there and having it be done. We’ve been talking about it since spring 2020!

If you like my work, I would suggest connecting with the Indigenous artist collective and just seeing things people in the community are doing. is a Lushootseed word that means “to proceed and to do the work.” [The collective] originally started with the idea of having a large collection at the new King Street Station.

They kept applying for grants, and it evolved to be an ongoing thing. They’ve already had workshops to support their artists, and they have mentorships and cohorts where teams work together. It does take longer when you can’t meet up as often, when you’re living on Zoom, but there will be an Afro-Indigenous exhibition and a broader exhibition, [at least] digitally, I believe.

■

Natasha Dillinger is a Seattle mom who paused a career in accounting and finance to focus on showing her two young children around the Pacific Northwest.

Follow their adventures near and far at suitcasesinseattle.wordpress.com.

Murals by artist Paige Pettibon adorn the walls at the new Kraken Community Iceplex.

Photo by Natasha Dillinger

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