Dear DAVID Q A

Dear DAVID Q A

I’m seeing this guy, but our sex life is starting to get a little challenged. He is the top in the relationship, and he has always been very clear that he wants everything to be squeaky clean ‘down there.’ He can’t deal with any kind of mess to the point of gagging, and if even the smallest mess occurs, he needs days before he will even approach me again. He is also giving me advice on what to eat, and he will question my choices if we are out to dinner if he thinks that may end up upsetting my stomach. I really like him, but this whole keeping-it-clean-at-all- times scheme is taking over my life. What should I do?

It sounds like you are taking a lot of steps to be a good bottom, but your boyfriend isn’t taking any steps towards being a good top! If you have anal sex, you are bound to get messy at some point regardless of how much you prepare. Yes, you can eat sensibly, and high-fiber, and douching and other cleaning remedies are great to alleviate the worst, but you can’t be that squeaky clean the whole time. You have to eat, and your body needs to function. And the fact that he will borderline shame you for not being all clean is just no not cool- clearly, he has some issues there. Talk to him about how all this makes you feel, and that his expectations are simply too high at the moment. If he’s that afraid of getting shit on his dick or if he can’t take even the slightest smell or sight of poop then maybe he shouldn’t be doing anal in the first place!