COVID-19 is Still Here (Digital)

VOL. 171 ISSUE 3 MAY 24, 2022

NEWS

FEAT URE S

ART S & C U LTU R E

H U MO U R

Say goodbye to the SFSS presidents

Problems with governmentfacilitated death

rEvolver Festival: innovative and interconnected

Warm up your mental health

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COVID-19 is still here Learning to live with COVID-19 doesn't mean just going back to “normal”

OPINIONS P.05

Volume 171, Issue 3 Checking timestamps since 1965

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Maggie Benston Centre 2900 Simon Fraser University 8888 University Drive Burnaby, BC, Canada V5A 1S6 (778) 782-5110

NEWS A look into the informational warfare in Ukraine

COVER Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson

OPINIONS

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Michelle Young eic@the-peak.ca

Access to abortion still isn't guaranteed in Canada

COPY EDITOR Nancy La copy@the-peak.ca

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FACT CHECKER Gurleen Aujla factchecker@the-peak.ca BUSINESS & ADVERTISING MANAGER Yuri Zhou business@the-peak.ca 778.782.3598

FEATURES

PROMOTIONS COORDINATOR Jaymee Salisi promotions@the-peak.ca

At the crossroads of Islam and queerness

NEWS EDITOR Karissa Ketter news@the-peak.ca

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NEWS WRITER Chloë Arneson OPINIONS EDITOR Luke Faulks opinions@the-peak.ca

ARTS & CULTURE

FEATURES EDITOR Meera Eragoda features@the-peak.ca

Mauvey masters the Vancouver stage

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR Gem Yelin Lee arts@the-peak.ca HUMOUR EDITOR Kelly Chia humour@the-peak.ca

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STAFF WRITERS Nercya Kalino, Yasmin Simsek, Isabella Urbani, and Olivia Visser PRODUCTION AND DESIGN EDITOR Josh Ralla production@the-peak.ca

HUMOUR

ASSISTANT PRODUCTION EDITORS Megan Yung and Yining Zhou

I'm SFUNET-insecure over here

PHOTO EDITOR Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson photos@the-peak.ca

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CONTRIBUTORS Amy Guo, Michael Le, Stella Nguyen, and Jocelyn Stevens PEAK ASSOCIATES Serena Bains and Clarence Ndabahwerize

NEWS

May 24, 2022

FINAL FAREWELL

INFORMATIONAL WARFARE

With propaganda on both sides, Mylovanov calls this “informational warfare.”

P H OTO: Kriti Monga / The Peak

Liosis stepped down during his term, leaving Gildersleve as acting president.

Gabe Liosis and Corbett Gildersleve reflect on their year as SFSS president Liosis and Gildersleve have helped establish beneficial change within SFSS moving forward

Liosis resigned during his presidency due to mental health challenges. “I don’t regret for one second stepping down,” he explained. “After I stepped down I had an opportunity to rest and to engage in self care, and put up personal boundaries,” said Liosis. Gildersleve fulfilled the role of acting president until the end of the term.

During their time on the SFSS executive team, they took action to change the form of advocacy and decision making on behalf of the student body. Before the change made in May 2021, the primary governing body was the Board of Directors consisting of 16 people and Council operated separately from the Board.

Liosis shared with The Peak it was important to shift the dynamic of decision-making between Council and the executive Board members. He noted this was done in order to create more participation in the SFSS’ decision-making.

explained the executives had to change their plans in order to maintain safety of the working members in the SUB. Gildersleve’s first experience with the SFSS was as vicepresident of finance. His initial drive to participate in the SFSS came from believing the executive members of the SFSS could benefit from increased administration and financial training to better apply themselves to the SFSS. Gildersleve worked “with SFU to finally get a system in place for SFSS executives to have the option of declaring their time as a co-op for up to three terms.” He explained this meant “they would no longer have to take full-time classes [which] would definitely help international students.

When it came to the governance changes over the year I was president, it gave people the opportunity to be involved with their student society

He explained that by changing the systems of governance, power shifted from 16 people in the Board of Directors to the Council consisting of 60 people representing all programs at SFU.

GABE LI OS I S FO R M E R S FS S P R ES ID E N T

The by-law changes were made so “Council, in a legal sense, was our Board of Directors and is now responsible for making decisions on behalf of the SFSS’ 26,000 members,” said Liosis.

“It would help students that were in honours programs or special scenarios like scholarships. They would go on co-op and not have to try to be a full time executive and full-time student,” said Gildersleve.

“When it came to the governance changes over the year I was president, it gave people the opportunity to be involved with their student society,” Liosis explained. “Because not only was there increased representation on the Board of Directors — which is now Council — but each of those Councils represents a student union.”

Similarly, Gildersleve said he realized whilst serving as vicepresident of finance that the pay for these members was under the minimum wage — the amount of compensation had not increased for 13 years. He knew changing the stipend would likely motivate students to take the chance of becoming a member of SFSS Board and inspired them to be responsible in how they tackled issues pertaining to the student body.

When asked about the important initiatives that inspired Liosis to run for presidency, he elaborated on the task of officially opening the Student Union Building (SUB). Liosis explained the logistics of providing access to the SUB for the student body was challenging due to new COVID-19 variants delta and omicron.

“It completely shifted our advocacy capacity because once again we were trying to call on SFU to implement a bunch of safety measures that were not coming from the province, such as vaccine mandates for all community members, students, faculty, and staff. We were calling for access to high quality masks, social distancing in lecture halls, hybrid learning,” Liosis

PHOTO: Karollyne Hubuert / Unsplash

Tymofiy Mylovanov discusses the war in Ukraine

The Zelensky administration advisor focuses on how to approach information about the war

O L I VI A VI S S ER / / STA FF WR I TER

On May 10, the SFU Economics Research Seminar series hosted Tymofiy Mylovanov for the seminar titled, Military and Economic Aspects of the War in Ukraine. Mylovanov is president of the Kyiv School of Economics, associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh, and advisor to the Zelensky administration.

NE RCYA KALI N O // STAF F W RI TE R

The SFSS has elected their new executive Board, revealing the new SFSS president, Helen Sofia Pahou. The Peak interviewed former SFSS president Gabe Liosis and former acting president and vice-president internal & organisational development Corbett Gildersleve to discuss the end of their terms.

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Gildersleve felt there is still much more work ahead, especially now that the system within SFSS has shifted. He noted he would be returning after his break to continue mentoring members of the SFSS in order to progress the foundational work of the restructured by-laws.

He mentioned one of the achievements was the new collective agreement with the CUPE union which increased student employees’ wage to a living wage. However, it is still important for these new policies to be set for the future members. “There are still a lot of little things that I think need fundamental improvement,” Gildersleve said.

Much of the conversation revolved around information and its validity. Mylovanov described the current situation in Ukraine as a “wars of symbols” that are “won by communication as much as kinetic warfare.” He shared that from personal experience, “there are aspects [of war] you cannot study.

“It’s really difficult to explain what the war is unless you wake up and there is a missile next to you,” he said.

Mylovanov pointed to three forms of evidence to contextualize information that he trusts: “Eyewitness accounts, video evidence, and media coverage.”

On the other hand, he suggested data is something to be aware of. “I don’t trust data, and it’s really strange for me as an academic that I don’t trust data,” Mylovanov said.

When asked how to discern truthful information while living abroad, he said data can be okay to use — when combined with the appropriate context.

According to Mylovanov, the important factor is connections to the source of information. “So, the key is to find a friend or someone who is in Ukraine, or has been in Ukraine, or knows someone from Ukraine” who can help add context to your understanding of events. Mylovanov added, “I cannot trust anything I know in war, and the only thing I can trust is what I have experienced personally or what someone who has experience told me.”

In terms of propaganda, he described the situation as informational warfare. “It’s important to be clear on the questions you want to know answers to. If you really discipline yourself about the questions you want to get the answers to, then the propaganda approach is not very effective.” He suggested asking specific questions helps tackle propaganda because their answers are harder to skew. For example, the questions, “Who started the war?” and “Are there atrocities in Bucha?” are easier to answer than “Can Russia win?”

Mylovanov concluded his seminar by speaking to Russia’s dwindling international support. “Russia in the longer run has lost a lot of agency, unfortunately for the Russian people, and Ukraine has gained a lot of agency but the price is huge. But I guess this is the price if you want to be an independent nation from a vast imperialistic neighbor.”

This seminar was originally planned for May 3, but Mylovanov was forced to reschedule due to an airstrike warning in Kyiv.

A recording of the seminar can be viewed on the SFU economics’ event page for further information.

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NEWS

News Editor Karissa Ketter

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News Writer Chloë Arneson

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news@the-peak.ca

ENVIRONMENTALISM FOR ALL

SFU350 hosts The Intersectional Environmentalist book tour

Author Leah Thomas discusses systems of oppression and environmentalism CHLOË ARN E S ON // NE WS W RI TE R

On May 11, 2022, SFU350 hosted a virtual book tour to promote Leah Thomas’ new book, The Intersectional Environmentalist: How to Dismantle Systems of Oppression to Protect People + Planet.

Thomas is the founder of Intersectional Environmentalist, an organisation that seeks to highlight the often overlooked overlap of racism and climate change. Thomas, a writer based in California, describes herself as an eco-communicator.

Her book highlights the racism and privilege present in mainstream environmentalism and the interconnected systems that harm both minorities and the planet. Thomas discusses how aspects such as age, race, ability, spirituality, and sexuality often compound and influence how one experiences the world around them.

Thomas first coined the term “intersectional environmentalism” when she created a pledge that reached over 1 million people.

Her website explains “social and environmental justice are intertwined and environmental advocacy that disregards this connection is harmful and incomplete. Thomas coined the term intersectional environmentalist based on Kimberlé Crenshaw’s framework of “intersectionality.”

“I decided to take a stand because there was a real disconnect in the mainstream environmental movement, where only some people were given a microphone,” said Thomas. She noted a majority of the activism she saw was centered around the future of white children. “There wasn’t also a focus on the urgency of the present for people of colour.”

Black Americans are 75% more likely to live in areas with facilities that expose them to toxic waste. In Canada, Indigenous peoples are also exposed to hazardous waste at disproportionate rates. “People of colour globally are facing the brunt of the environmental crisis,” said Thomas.

She described how the Black Lives Matter movement impacted her as she was studying environmental science.

“I felt a sense of guilt being so far away in California, and beautiful Orange County, meanwhile back home there was suffering,” she said. Thomas is originally from Florissant, Missouri, close to where protests broke out in 2014 over the police shooting of Michael Brown.

“I felt really cynical because I was learning about these significant pieces of environmental legislation, but as one of the few students of colour in my classroom, realising that these same laws were not being equally enforced for all people in the United States and across the world.”

Thomas expressed the need for institutions to include environmental justice as part of their curriculae. “I knew that people of colour, even if they weren’t reflected in the textbooks I had, I knew that my culture practices sustainability in our own way,” she said. “I want all the world’s people to see themselves reflected in environmental education and movements.”

You can follow Leah Thomas for more information about her new book via her website, Instagram, or the Intersectional Environmentalist website.

Thomas notes the BLM movement changed her understanding of the environmental movement.

PHOTO: Sanetra Longno

PREVENTING PATRIARCHY

Un-learning Islamophobia with Dr. Anver Emon Seminar discusses understanding and countering harmful Muslim sterotypes

KA R ISSA KET T ER // NE WS E D I TO R

The second installment of SFU’s Onstage Speaker 2022 series was hosted on May 14. Dr. Anver Emon, law and history professor at the University of Toronto, looked at some harmful Muslim sterotypes in Canada and spoke about Islamic law in his discussion. The conversation was led by SFU professor of International Studies Dr. Amyn Sajoo.

SFU’s vice-president academic and provost, Catherine Dauvergne opened the event by noting, “The conversation around Islamophobia is one of the most important conversations for western societies to enter into.

“The inability or unwillingness of western decision makers and law makers to begin to deeply understand Islam — and therefore be able to confront and truly address Islamophobia — is one of the most serious and important issues we face in the law.”

According to Emon, in Canada, Islamic law — sharia — is “treated as a foreign, as threatening, as an ‘other.’ Not unlike an immigrant from the Global South, sharia as a legal system is treated as an existential threat.

“Every state regulates religion — it’s just an issue of degree,” said Emon. He explained it’s difficult to know what states do in the name of religion. For example, in Saudi Arabia, life insurance is not considered halal — or compatible with sharia law. Emon explained this is because insurance is “payments now for an eventuality down the road,” falling into the definition of gambling or speculation.

Dr. Emon is a professor of law and history at the University of Toronto.

However, the central bank in Saudi Arabia does sell commercial insurance to corporations. This means the state is not regulating the sales of insurance despite its violation of sharia.

Every state regulates religion — it’s just an issue of degree D R . ANV E R E M O N U N IV E R S IT Y O F TO R O N TO LAW A N D H ISTO RY P R O F ES S O R

Sajoo asked Emon about the western narratives of dhimmi rules. Sajoo noted the western interpretation of dhimmi rules is that there is “inherent inferiority” of non-Muslims, which “makes them permanent outsiders.” He suggested this is a misconception.

Emon added, “We’re not really talking about religion or religious freedom. What we’re talking about is the

PHOTO: Nabila Hussein

management and regulation of a permanent ‘other’ in our domestic sphere.”

Similarily to the discussion of minorities is the understanding and status of women in Islam. Sajoo said, “The dominant portrayal of women is that women are second class citizens, and they are oppressed.

“The Quran has an entire chapter dedicated to the status of women. It proclaims the moral equality of women very explicitly,” said Sajoo. He addedt the gender divide cannot be directly attributed to Islamic theology, but rather social practice.

Emon pointed to a common link between laws around the world. “When we think about the historical tradition of Islamic law, we have to recognize it’s got a lot of patriarchy in it,” he said. “But, we can also say a lot of legal traditions around the world are super patriarchal.

“Patriarchy, like racism and bigotry, are embedded in our legal systems.”

The event was co-hosted by SFU Morris J. Wosk Centre for Dialogue and Ismaili Centres Canada.

OPINIONS

May 24, 2022

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MASKING THE DATA

Why are we playing chicken with the next wave by not masking up?

PHOTO: Zydeaosika / Pexels

Whether people like it or not, we’re still in a pandemic No, the last three years have not been a fever dream

ISA BE L LA URBAN I // STAF F W RI TE R

It may seem like we’re far removed from the nationwide lockdown in March 2020, which sequestered people to their homes (minus the occasional run to the store for the bare essentials), but we’re not out of the pandemic yet. Even though we’re still in the thick of COVID-19, it’s becoming harder to grasp given the recently lifted mask requirements and vaccine cards.

British Columbians became hopeful last year when a vaccine was introduced. At the time of writing, 86% of British Columbians have received their first dose, with similar numbers for their second. The booster, on the other hand, was largely disregarded by many. At present, only 52% of people in BC have had three shots.

It’s as though people believed they’d done their fair share by receiving two shots to fill out their vaccine card that was put in effect last summer. They’re wrong, according to Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, general-director of the World Health Organization.

“We are concerned that a narrative has taken hold in some countries that because of vaccines — and because of Omicron’s high transmissibility and lower severity — preventing transmission is no longer possible and no longer necessary,” said Ghebreyesus in February.

There’s this false belief that, after vaccination, COVID-19 will either just walk out of our lives — or if it doesn’t, it’s simply too hard to reduce transmission. Other ongoing measures, like mask-wearing, have sometimes been argued as detrimental to a person’s way of living.

However, since the very beginning of this pandemic, the idea of masking was sold to British Columbians as being a temporary measure. It’s only natural that some might be confused by pandemic precautions being reinstated after continually patting ourselves on the back about BC’s “high vaccination rates.”

Baiting people, whether intentional or not, with a sense of normalcy after two years of uncertainty is sure to have them biting. Whether it’s those that haven’t been conscious of COVID-19 procedures since the very beginning or those who’ve been doing their best, citizens are taking the bait and relaxing despite our having been in the midst of the sixth wave.

Dr. Bonnie Henry already has said to expect a COVID-19 surge in the fall. With how quickly COVID-19 can mutate and spread, and given that a substantial amount of mild cases result in long-term health consequences, why are we still taking chances?

What might contribute to that relaxation is that BC stopped reporting daily COVID-19 data just last month. It makes predicting the impact of the sixth wave that much more difficult ahead of the busy summer months. How can people begin to get a fair assessment of what they need to do to remain safe when they have limited information?

In April, unvaccinated individuals accounted for over half of the hospitalizations and deaths in Canada. From March– April 2022, vaccinated individuals were four times less likely to die from COVID-19 than their unvaccinated counterparts.

Add in a booster shot and that figure increases to seven.

Dr. Bonnie Henry already has said to expect a COVID-19

surge in the fall. With how quickly COVID-19 can mutate and spread, and given that a substantial amount of mild cases result in long-term health consequences, why are we still taking chances?

Masks shouldn’t be something we put on just to deal with a pandemic. Time and time again, Henry put the ball in peoples’ courts to wear a mask. It wasn’t until November 2020 that masks were required amongst retail workers. It’s no surprise that many people are opting to be maskless in close quarters with it now being “a matter of personal choice” — despite masks being the most effective when widely-used. I’m not sure why my potential exposure to a rapidly mutating virus should be up to others.

Masks should be an everyday item people carry on themselves and wear when they start to feel under the weather. We also need to normalize prioritizing health. If you’re sick, stay home. It’s what’s best for your recovery, and it’s what’s best for the people around you. Workplaces are struggling with a sick workforce. Whether it’s workers with mild enough symptoms to come into work, or workers taking sick days, businesses are struggling under an incoherent pandemic approach.

A world of “learning to live with COVID-19” should include precautions to make it safe for everyone to participate in society. This would include masks, upgrades to ventilation, and social distancing. Wouldn’t this be better than letting a quickly changing virus rip through our society and stopping and starting precautions when hospitals become overwhelmed?

People may not want to go back to living with COVID-19 precautions, but by not taking necessary precautions and jumping directly into the deep end, we’re just setting ourselves for an endless loop of re-instituted pandemic protocols.

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editor Luke Faulks

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opinions@the-peak.ca

POLITICAL CORNER

The Bright-er Side There’s a boatload of free parking at Burnaby Mountain Park for classes at the Burnaby campus I’ll take the 20-minute walk over hundreds of dollars for an on-campus parking pass, please

Written by Nercya Kalino It’s time we stop respecting the saying “they’re all the same.”

PHOTO: Tetyana Kovyrina / Pexels

Hold your nose and vote Let’s stop denying important distinctions between party platforms

LU K E FAU LKS / / O P IN IO N S E D ITO R SC R E E N SH OT: Google Maps

We all have that friend. The one who, come election day, will sit it out. Whether it’s a federal, provincial, municipal, or schoolbased election, you hear the same rationale for abstention.

Listen, fellow impoverished students: you already pay plenty for your car, from the cost of gas to the cost of insurance, to the time spent in traffic. Why not do your best to avoid parking fees this semester? Fortunately, Burnaby Mountain Park has the parking you need!

“They’re all the same.”

From 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., students can take advantage of a wealth of free parking just a little ways away from the Burnaby campus. It’s well-traveled, well-kept, and — I cannot stress this enough — free!

Let’s get this out of the way at the top: Not every citizen who sits out an election does so purely out of an inability to distinguish between party platforms. There are other ways that political engagement is undermined in Canada, from a voting system that disenfranchises large swaths of the country to a prohibitive voting schedule. Those are important issues that deserve and require legislative amelioration.

No one is going to walk up the mountain. Nor should you. It’s long and strenuous. But you can get in a 20-minute walk in by parking over on the other side of the mountain top.

The walk from the parking lot to campus definitely qualifies as “getting in your steps in” if you’re looking to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle.

But not everyone likes a refreshing walk. That’s okay. There’s still a big incentive to park over the hill. If you have class later in the afternoon and you park at Burnaby Mountain Park, you’ll find a fantastic view as you come back to your car through the gravel path. With the sunset coming a bit later these days, who knows? You might just be lucky to watch one.

The park’s parking lot is usually empty of students. But we can park there, in a free, beautiful, and safe environment, rather than choosing to pay exorbitant fees to park in the depths of a concrete future prison.

Choose better, my friends. Choose free parking.

Except they’re not. And it’s time we start calling out the expression for careless and false cynicism it represents.

Fortunately, using this tactic, everyone, from the politically inclined to the idle cynics among us, can find solace.

The “they’re all the same” fallacy, however, doesn’t require the same amount of legislative firepower. Mostly because it’s an issue that voters can address themselves through a simple act of investigation.

Let’s take climate change as an example. During the 2021 federal election, only 76% of Canadians turned out to vote.

The number shrinks to 66% for young people. A tragedy considering what’s at stake for younger generations.

Looking at each party’s climate platform helps rebuke the fallacy this piece raises.

Here’s the easy part: the platforms of the furthest left (Green) and furthest right (People’s) parties that have polled higher than five percent. The 2021 Greens pledged to exceed Canada’s Nationally Determined Contribution under the Paris Accords for 2030 by 15 to 20%. They also planned to “cancel pipeline projects, ban fracking, and slap tariffs on imports from countries with weak climate policies,” in addition to halting fossil fuel subsidies. On the other hand, The regressive People’s Party, in its official platform, denied that a “scientific consensus” on climate had been met. Between both parties, a gulf. On one side, a party that offered Canada the best chance to contribute to a global effort on climate change, on the other, a party that condemns Canadians and the rest of the world to an unlivable future.

Neither party was ever going to earn more than 10% of the vote, however. So let’s look at the big guns.

The Liberal party pledged to extend its price on carbon — a program that had earned global acclaim — by increasing the price for polluters to $170/tonne of CO 2 by 2030 — which is on the high end of what climate economists recommend. The party had just come off passing Bill C-12, which codified a net-zero by 2050 target for Canada. Under a Conservative leadership, the pricing model goes away. The long-dead Northern Gateway pipeline would be inexplicably revived. The net-zero by 2050 law would be called into question.

On climate, degrees of difference represents a real difference of degrees.

But climate change isn’t the only area where distinctions shouldn’t be denied. With the benefit of hindsight, we can see the long-term slow-motion train wreck that is the overturning of Roe v. Wade. While the plot to overturn Roe dates back decades, we can turn back just a few years to the 2016 election to see what made it possible.

Clinton’s 2016 loss directly led to the appointment of three Supreme Court justices — one filling a stolen seat, one an ill-tempered credibly-accused rapist, and another a part of a religious sect that treats women as chattel. Those three critical votes in the recent elimination of a woman’s right to choose, could have been Democratic judges ruling on everything from contraception to workplace discrimination to, yes, challenges to Roe. But no, the demographics Clinton counted on stayed home.

Here, though, we can find some hope. There are meaningful differences between candidates’ platforms. Challenging people who claim “they’re all the same” is the start of meaningful political participation. Getting politicians with decent platforms elected is the first of several necessary stepping stones. Elect them, then call, write, and protest.

The first step is to cast the ballot.

If you live in BC, you’ve got an election this October!

Municipal elections might not get high-profile coverage, but they’re important, and worth taking the time to research. Or, run for office yourself!

OPINIONS

May 24, 2022

7

ABORTION ACCESSIBILITY

The quieter, systemic ways Canada puts up barriers to abortion In light of Roe v. Wade, we must continue to advocate for abortion equity in Canada

K E LLY C HI A // HUMO UR E D I TO R

On May 2, POLITICO released a leaked draft majority opinion revealing the US Supreme Court had provisionally voted in favour of overturning Roe v. Wade. By striking down the landmark case, the Court will delegate abortion rights — and restrictions — to the states. It is no exaggeration to say that this decision will have immediate and devastating consequences for people who can get pregnant. The Guttmacher Institute, a pro-choice research group, notes that 23 states already have laws either banning or challenging the legal status of abortion. In fact, 13 states have laws in place that ban most abortions if Roe v. Wade is overturned.

Scary doesn’t even begin to cover the inhumanity of a decision that undermines the autonomy of people seeking abortions. It also draws our attention to the state of abortion in Canada.

In Canada, abortion is legal, and there are no laws restricting abortions, but it isn’t a constitutionally guaranteed right, either. R. v. Morgentaler decriminalized abortion in 1988. The ruling found that criminalizing abortion would violate the Charter of Rights and Freedoms for people who could get pregnant.

But by not having federal legislation that ensures accessibility to abortion, provinces can still refuse to fund the services because abortion is managed under provincial regulations. Lack of funding becomes more likely because abortion isn’t always considered a “medically necessary” service, as opposed to an elective procedure, by federal lawmakers. This means that abortion services and accessibility are disparate in Canada.

In New Brunswick, there are only three hospitals performing abortions, restricting a large portion of the province from accessing safe abortions. In fact, up until 2016, Prince Edward Island did not offer any legal abortion services. A report on abortion services in Canada from Action Canada for Sexual Health and Rights suggests there are numerous barriers to abortion accessibility across the country: lack of abortion providers, hospitals needing referrals from other doctors (despite abortion being a time-sensitive issue), and individual discrimination based on a patient’s race, sex, gender, age, and more. Lack of clinics means people face long wait times, which only adds to an already-stressful situation for a pregnant person seeking an abortion.

Other compounding issues, like systemic racism towards Indigenous women in healthcare, mean patients may assume that it would be risky for them to visit a hospital.

There is no abortion clinic in Canada providing abortion care beyond 24 weeks.

Lack of abortion access in Canada may mean patients seeking an abortion would need to travel to the US to get services. If Roe v. Wade is overturned, this would further limit the bodily autonomy of pregnant Canadians because it will become much more difficult for them to access the services they need.

We shouldn’t face barriers to a medically necessary service.

Unfortunately, we don’t have any guarantee that our leaders consider it essential. CBC notes that the Liberal party campaigned on passing regulations under the Canada Health Act to fund and protect abortion as a necessary medical service. They’ve yet to follow through.

Canadians still aren’t guaranteed hassle-free access to abortion.

PHOTO: Duané Viiljoen / Pexels

We need to be vigilant to protect and advocate for our rights to abortion at all stages, because while R. v. Morgentaler is active, it has been challenged before. This means voting for parties who campaign on protecting sexual and reproductive rights and education, and advocating for open access to abortion care. We as Canadians need to strike while the iron is hot and insist, upon pain of electoral defeat, that our leaders live up to their word and codify abortion into Canadian law. It’s the only way to make sure that Canada becomes safer and healthier for people who can be pregnant.

FEATURES

STORIES FROM THE INTERSECTIONS

The Invisible Muslim Growing up Muslim in a white community

Written by Aicha Habib

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ifferent characteristics to o we are: “I’m a mom” or “I’m find it fascinating which focus on when introducing he list of what I am is long: I’m white, I’m a daughter, I’m ern, I’m creative, I’m queer, I’m a grad student, I’m Muslim, h more. I pride myself on ve so I often lead with that. eativity is a skill that can be Being half Scandinavian and Eastern, on the other hand, g that cannot change and most other people are not.

a predominantly white d despite my Middle Eastern ame, nothing really screams t me. My family on my father’s rely from the Middle East but the thick, dark, luscious hair sins have. When looking at it is easy to see that there ifferent color palette in me to er blonde hair, blue eyes, and ion. But when I walk down the yself, no one would think twice eritage. This has obviously

granted me a privilege that my brown family members do not have, and no one would ever guess that we are related. My heritage is a huge part of who I am and how I became me, but navigating it has not always been easy.

When I was born, my family was surprised to see a blonde baby enter the world. This, along with the fact that I lived in a very white, affluent neighborhood, whereas my Muslim family members lived in a poorer, more diverse neighbourhood, made me feel like an outsider in my own family.

Being the only Muslim in my small-town “community” ensured I would not feel like I belonged there either. I was repeatedly told that if I did not eat pork, I could not be part of the community — I don’t think the bigots realized that would alienate vegetarians and vegans too. In high school, I went to a friend’s house for dinner. She told her parents her new friend doesn’t eat pork because she’s Muslim.

When I turned up, they laughed and said they expected me to wear a hijab and have a unibrow. As if all Muslims looked the same and that there was a problem with having body hair. They added I wasn’t at all like the other Muslims, as if it was a compliment. Islamophobia is real, and the Islamophobes of the world seem to think I’m on their side because of my fair skin and lack of a hijab.

sort of different background, as settlers in Canada — at least in my community.

I feel more comfortable about being multinational here, but I still put a lot of emphasis on my multicultural upbringing, because the child in me will always long for belonging — and just being Scandinavian doesn’t properly explain who I am. When people talk about how close their Muslim family is, I want to join in, because so is mine. When they talk about how their Middle Eastern aunts always gossip and will tell any secret to the whole community, I want to join in, because so do mine.

When I learned that you can’t really be half Muslim, I started going by just Muslim. Like many others in their 20s, I ended up with a religious identity crisis.

Is there really a God? If so, where is she when I need her? When I was a teenager, I became aware of LGBTQIA+ issues (the 2S came even later, when I moved here).

When I moved to the UK, I realized I also belonged in that community but found it seemed to clash with many organized religions, including Islam. I didn’t want to be associated with people who held outdated beliefs and, therefore, not with any organized religion. But is it possible to have the faith without the organization behind it?

But things also got complicated when I would go to my dad’s home country every summer. People would stare at me and yell at my father for not teaching me the language properly. I was so confused about what I was that, until the age of 10, I would tell people I was half Muslim. Everywhere I went, I was never whole, just half.

As I was trying to juggle my conflicting cultures, I spent a few years not identifying as Muslim because it seemed like such an all-or-nothing kind of situation to me. When I became old enough to feel more confident in who I was, I realized most of my beliefs matched the core of Islam: be good to each other, respect your family, and give to people in need.

This all led me to seek a place of belonging outside of my home. I moved to the UK and found a chosen family, where no one cared what I was, just who I was.

I’ve found the same thing in Vancouver, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how many people are like me here. I imagine it’s because most people here have some

So why wasn’t I Muslim? Because I like to have a drink every once in a while?

Because I don’t wear a hijab? Because I’m queer? I’m pretty sure Allah has bigger fish to fry and couldn’t care less that I have a frozen margarita or who I one day choose to love. And the Allah I believe in does not preach sexism or homophobia.

I am an invisible minority and I will never try to compare that to a visible one. I will never stop trying to learn how my white privilege sets me apart from my family and how I am responsible for using that to make a difference. I will also never stop trying to find the things that unite me and my family: wanting to do good, relying on each other, and loving each other. And I will never stop teaching people that being Muslim is about your values, not your looks.

10

FEATURES 10

The future of MAiD has the disability community worried An expansion of Bill C-7 would further the government’s history of eugenics SE R E NA BAI NS // PEAK ASSO CI ATE

Disability community advocates for systemic change over facilitation of death.

Content warning: discussions of medical assistance in dying (MAiD), suicidality, ableism, eugenics, antiIndigenous racism, and self-harm.

As the COVID-19 pandemic continues, disabled people are not only experiencing an increased prevalence in ableism, but are also facing the increasing threat of Bill C-7. Bill C-7 is an act which amends the criminal code, specifically the section that addresses medical assistance in dying (MAiD).

MAiD is where a person “seeks and obtains medical help to end their life.” Bill C-7 has generally been widely criticized for its impacts on disabled and low-income people.

Currently, Bill C-7 contains a clause which prevents mental illness from being the sole qualifier when accessing MAiD. This is set to end in March 2023 unless the bill is amended.

Disability advocates are concerned about the options this will lead the government to take: 1.

They let the clause expire which would mean people could access MAiD with only a mental illness,

2.

They amend the bill to include “mature minors” (also known as children), among other changes, or

3.

A combination of the above.

Additionally, any of these changes could take effect as early as March 2023.

Initial expansion The concern for the upcoming expansion comes from seeing MAiD be expanded once before on March 17, 2021. This removed the “reasonable foreseeability of natural death” clause amongst other changes that expanded the availability of MAiD to Canadians. The removal of the foreseeable death clause means that one’s natural death no longer has to be expected in the near future to be approved for MAiD. The 2021 expansion also created two tracks for MAiD requests: •

Track one for people who do have a foreseeable death, where the previous 10 day “reflection period” (gap between approval and procedure) was removed, and

•

Track two for people who do not have a foreseeable death who have a 90 day waiting period between initial approval and procedure.

I’ve been waiting close to a year to see a psychiatrist in Surrey. If I were to seek MAiD, once I was approved, I would only have to wait 90 days to access it if my death is not foreseeable. If my death is foreseeable, I wouldn’t have to wait any period of time. The government will fund our death, but will not fund our being and healing.

Consequences of another expansion Any of these expansions in isolation would already be concerning. But if another expansion passes with the inclusion of “mature minors” and mental illness as a sole qualifier, it makes it possible for a scenario where a child whose only condition is major depressive disorder and who does not have a foreseeable death is eligible for MAiD. This would be beyond negligence, it would be eugenics in action.

As someone with psychiatric disabilities who will be eligible for MAiD under the proposed expansion, I am fearful that the government is lowering my life expectancy in front of my eyes. I experience recurrent suicidal ideation, selfharming behaviour, and feelings of hopelessness (amongst other symptoms) as a result of my conditions. It’s more than possible that I may request MAiD in the future because of my suicidal ideation.

With previous expansions, the government showed their prioritization of capital over the ability of disabled people to live. In fact, a 2020 report by the Parliamentary Budget Office stated that the 6,465 medically assisted deaths scheduled for 2021 would save the government a net $86.9 million in healthcare costs. Expanding the criteria again for who is eligible for MAiD would save the government an additional $62 million. Thus, not only does the government get to enact eugenics, it’s also a great way to save money.

If you happen to be disabled, these expansions to MAiD not only feel like a threat, but a promise. A promise that the government is coming to kill us and that they’ll make it happen by any means necessary. They will deny us accessible housing so the only option left is MAiD. They will force us to live below the poverty line so the only option left is MAiD. And if we do not give into their coercion, they will make our lives unlivable.

The government will cover the costs of the medications needed for MAiD, but they won’t cover the cost of medications needed to live. They’ll make MAiD available in every health authority but if you need specialized care, you’ll have to commute to a large city like Vancouver. They’ll provide an email that will connect First Nations communities to a MAiD coordination team but won’t address the suicide crisis in these same communities.

PHOTO: Michelle Leman / Pexels

healing, or even existence. None of these “choices” are accessible to us except MAiD. Therefore, in practice, many of us only have one choice: MAiD. The state of so-called Canada pushing a bill based in eugenics is not surprising given its history. The Sexual Sterilization Act of the 1900s aimed to prevent the transmission of disability from childbearer to child. There’s also the ongoing practice of forced sterilization of Indigenous women, among countless other examples of Canada’s long and ongoing eugenic practices and legislation. Not to mention, the government has re-opened non-essential services and removed pandemic precautions, such as mask mandates despite the disability community’s objections. It has become clear that Canadians largely do not care about disabled people and the government is capitalizing on this. The incentives from the government perspective seem numerous: reduced healthcare costs, less people registering for disability assistance, and no longer having to address systemic inequalities in housing.

Creating an accessible world Medical professionals admit that people who seek MAiD for mental illness might want to live sometime in the future. It is clear that attempting to determine who is incurable will result in premature deaths to those who may have otherwise improved if provided the opportunity. Even if medical professionals believe they can determine who is suicidal and deny them MAiD, it is incredibly naive to believe that folks who experience suicidality haven’t determined what questions to say “yes” or “no” to when we’re asked the exact same series of questions to determine risk.

Not to mention, even my diagnoses have been debated by healthcare professionals. BIPOC, folks of marginalized gender identities, poor people, people who use substances, etc. all have different experiences of diagnosis, disability, and treatment according to their intersectionality. Some groups are over or underdiagnosed dependent on their identity. If a diagnosis can change depending on the medical professional, using this as a tool to decide MAiD eligibility becomes fallible and problematic. Another expansion of MAiD will disproportionately impact marginalized communities who have less access to resources and thus are more prone to coercion from the state.

The government will fund our death, but will not fund our being and healing

I am wholeheartedly fearful of what the future holds if these further expansions are implemented. The MAiD contagion has already begun. We continue to witness and mourn the deaths of disabled community members during the pandemic. I don’t know how we will be able to cope with the inevitable increase in loss we will be forced to experience if this expansion is successful. The loss of our friends, family, our community members, and ourselves. I’m scared for all of us.

The government claims MAiD is an issue of autonomy and that it’s unconstitutional to not provide all disabled Canadians the choice of MAiD. But disabled folks are not being provided any choice in the matter. We don’t have the ability to choose housing, living above the poverty line, employment, marriage, having a family, living in community, healthcare, rehabilitation,

To help fight this expansion, readers can support the Disability Filibuster which creates awareness about why the disabled community is against Bill C-7, keep up to date on opportunities to speak at or send in statements to the Special Joint Committee on MAiD, and call and email your local MP to let them know your opinion on Bill C-7.

ARTS & CULTURE

May 24, 2022

11

SHIFTING THE STAGE

rEvolver festival features inclusive and innovative performances by Canadian artists.

PHOTO: Mike Tan

Upintheair Theatre presents rEvolver Festival 2022: six must-see productions rEvolver Festival 2022 returns in-person, gives emerging and evolving artists a platform to show their most eclectic and heartfelt productions

JO CE LY N ST EVEN S / / SF U STUD E NT

Upintheair Theatre will be hosting its highly anticipated annual rEvolver Festival at The Cultch in East Vancouver. The 12-day festival returns in-person this year from May 25–June 5. In regards to COVID-19, masks are recommended or mandatory depending on the show, and are provided upon request. The festival presents various performances and events produced by “a new generation of Canadian interdisciplinary artists.”

Tickets are priced between the following options: $30, $22, or $15. They also offer ticket packages, with the all-access pass being $120.

This year’s programming focuses on the theme of interconnectivity and ranges from theatrical performances and stage readings to intimate interactive digital and audio experiences. With such an impressive and inclusive roster this year, the festival is not one to miss.

To learn more about rEvolver Festival 2022 and to purchase tickets, check out their website and Instagram.

Holy Moly by Jarin Schexnider Gender? I Hardly Know Them by Elena Belyea & Syd Campbell

PHOTO: Jarin Schexnider

Gender? I Hardly Know Them is created and performed by comedians Elena Belyea and Syd Campbell from Tiny Bear Jaws in Edmonton. This sketch show is “out to queer the world” through comedy in a fun yet provocative approach. What really interests me about this piece besides it being a comedy — which I’m a big fan of — is that the show is based on the Alberta Prairies. It makes me wonder: “What is it like to be queer in the prairies?”

Go find a pair of corded headphones for this next show performed and created by Jarin Schexnider. It is a unique, interactive, “choose your own adventure” production that gives the viewer control on how it plays out. If you attend, you will be given a random audio track from Schexnider’s personal cassette tapes. These cassette tapes are mixed with “jazzercise, cooking shows, and Schexnider’s own childhood field recordings to recover a feeling of holiness.”

I’ve never been a part of an interactive performance where the audience decides how the plot plays out, so I’m really excited for this one.

You can view this sketch from May 26–29.

You can view this performance from May 25–29.

PHOTO: Elena Eli Belyea

Harvesting Ancestral “Tea-Chings” by Siobhan Barker FR (Friendship Ritual) by Calvin Peterson

PHOTO: Siobhan Barker This is another interactive performance that includes stories and traditional African cooking from writer, producer, and performer Siobhan Barker. Those who attend will partake in humorous storytelling and cook-along while “exploring known and unknown mixed-racial identity and intersectionality in living with disability.” The goal of this interactive performance is collectiveness and reconnecting with cultural roots. As a Métis person, this piece interests me because it talks about ancestral teachings, displaced and colonized people, and how the “Black/African diaspora carry the land” with them in every form; experiences which are familiar to the Indigenous peoples of Turtle Island (Canada) as well.

Built Different by Connor Runnings

PHOTO: Calvin Peterson

PHOTO: Tamara McCarthy

This one I found not only cool, but super cute in the sense that it’s something you can do with your loved ones, whether they are your closest friend, family member, or your partner. Here, you and one other person go through an intimate and interactive 45– 60 minute audio experience. The fun audio programme guides you through friendship with art, dancing, and deep reflections.

I personally want to give FR a try as its concept centers around encouraging you to appreciate the people in your life that have been with you through thick and thin.

This performance is available May 26–June 5, with an inperson viewing (masks mandatory) available on May 26.

This performance will be held from June 2–5, with the relaxed viewing held on June 4.

Couch Dwellers Productions presents a play that follows four autistic young adults who bond by reflecting on difficult truths after the passing of their behaviour consultant. This dramedy about “love, loss, and solidarity” will be one that stays with the viewer. This production gives perspective on what dealing with these types of scenarios can be like for an individual with autism. There is a “relaxed performance” viewing where lights will remain partially dimmed and doors will be left open.

Another cool note is that this event is free (who doesn’t love free stuff?) and remote, so it’s very accessible and available throughout the entire festival.

12

ARTS & CULTURE

Arts & Culture Editor Yelin Gemma Lee

·

arts@the-peak.ca

Food for Thought: Bánh Mì The reclamation origin story of your favourite Vietnamese sandwich W RITTEN BY MI CHAE L L E

Being Vietnamese, I grew up eating bánh mì. I still have very fond memories of visiting Ba Le with my mom as a child. My favourite sandwich was the cold cut which included pâté, head cheese (which doesn’t actually have any cheese at all despite the name), chả lụa (boiled pork meatloaf), and assorted sliced ham. It just so happens that this is also the most classic recipe and style of bánh mì.

Being that they are flavourful, filling, and cheaper than a Subway footlong, I would argue they are the perfect food — especially for students. But did you ever stop to think about where this perfect sandwich came from?

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the bánh mì is the baguette. In fact, the Vietnamese word bánh mì literally translates to “bread” and sure enough, the “bread,” or baguette, is not native to Vietnam. The baguette was brought to Vietnam during 19th century French colonization. However, the Vietnamese locals didn’t have access to baguettes: transporting them was expensive and thus this bread was reserved for the French. They were treated as luxury goods. Over time, bread became increasingly accessible to the general public as more staple ingredients like flour were imported to Vietnam to cater to European needs.

PHOTO: AMY TRAN / UNSPLASH

Yelin Gemma Lee

ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR

In the same spirit of catering to the French, charcuterie, which we now know now as the cold cuts, was added to the sandwich. Still regarded as a luxury item even after the French left Vietnam in 1954, the Vietnamese population continued to have cravings for the cold cuts bánh mì.

Because many of the French traditional cured meats were not available in Vietnam, the locals improvised with what they had — mostly pork and pork scraps — to make cold cuts, pâté (also originated from France), and head cheese.

Having learned about the sandwich’s history from my mom and being exposed to so many bánh mì places here in Vancouver, the sandwich always reminds me that there are history lessons behind food. Reflecting on bánh mì’s history makes me think of how far ours has gone — it wasn’t supposed to be Vietnamese, we made it so. It was brought over to Vietnam only to appease and satisfy the colonizers, but now, the bánh mì fillings we know are inexpensive and available to the masses. Albeit being a bittersweet journey to this savoury food, I realized that claiming our version of a sandwich meant exclusively for the colonizers is synonymous with the claiming of our independence. In my eyes, this simple reclaiming of food was essential to the renouncement of the colonizers’ power.

The struggles from the French colonization of Vietnam helped this classic recipe evolve into, arguably, the perfect sandwich. If you’re in the mood for one, I recommend checking out Pho 99 at Cornerstone Mews on Burnaby Campus, or my personal favourite spot, Lucky Supermarket Deli right beside the Surrey Campus — trust me, you won’t regret it.

I’ll take mine with extra cilantro, Maggi sauce, and đồ chua (pickled carrot and radish), please.

MONDAY MUSIC: CRYSTAL CLEAR KOREAN VOCALISTS

“0310”

By Yerin Baek IMAGE: Blue Vinyl, under license to POCLANOS

So, you’re at your desk late at night again working away at an article for The Peak (this could be you!). You’ve overplayed your Lo-Fi playlists and frankly, they make you a little bit sleepy. I have a roster of Korean vocalists, whose voices are so clear they will tickle your brain — in a good way. Their voices will help you feel like you can breathe easier when you’re racing against the clock and your increasing fatigue.

Yerin Baek is one of my favourite artists and not just because of my bias towards an artist with the same Korean name as me. She has a powerful yet gentle voice and the engaging production on her songs is sure to stop you in your tracks. Accompanied by beautiful instrumentals, Baek croons about a passionate but unsustainable love that needs to come to an inevitable end.

“안녕 Goodbye”

By DIA

“Snow 눈”

By SURL IMAGE: SURL

IMAGE: Broadway

This song has been on repeat since I found it this month and is an absolute jam. I was shocked to find DIA is still a fairly unknown artist with only about 36,000 monthly listeners on Spotify. The production on this track is refreshing and her voice is like a clear night sky full of stars so stubborn you can see them through the city smog. The Korean phrase “안녕” (Annyeong) means both hello and goodbye. The song uses this duality to talk about bittersweet feelings associated with the past: how to remember and honour the past, but also let go and live in the present. Some of my favorite lines translate to, “Hello (goodbye) my childhood memories / I have so many words I couldn’t say / I would go back in time just so I can say them / Our beautiful past days are hanging in the sky.”

“Dandelion”

“Everest (with Sam Kim)”

By BOL4

By AKMU

IMAGE: 쇼파르뮤직, under license to NHN Bugs

IMAGE: YG Entertainment

AKMU is a sibling duo that surfaced into the music scene and was signed after winning SBS’ K-POP Star 2, a music competition show in Korea in 2013. This cheerful duet only features one of the siblings (Lee Su-Hyun) who has the voice of an angel. The electric guitar accompanied chorus has me taking mini air-guitar breaks at my desk. This track is literally a love letter to Mount Everest which I think is super cute. Symbolically, it’s also an encouraging song about perseverance and courage. The AKMU siblings, Lee Chan-hyuk and Lee Su-hyun, harmonize flawlessly and it is sure to put your mind at ease. Another one of my favourite tracks by them is “Happening.”

SURL’s androgynous and unique voice paired with the industrial indie instrumentals is my go-to for any mood, especially when I need to de-stress and stay awake. His voice engages the listener tenderly in “Snow 눈,” and his lyrics are so poetic that English translations always fall short of capturing it. This song is about navigating loneliness, melancholy, and depression during winter holidays. SURL’s collaboration song titled “Don’t Say No (feat.

Jay Park)” is another beloved track by this artist, and a little bit more upbeat if that suits your fancy.

I’ve loved everything BOL4 released so far. Anh Ji-Young’s voice is clear yet quite distinctive and she’s known to produce some of the most beautiful ballads. This beautiful track is one that I always come back to, with its simple lyrics flexible to interpretation. Rather than a break up, I believe it is about remembering a loved one that passed away. The chorus translates to, “You are the yellow dandelions / You visit my heart and then disappear again / After venturing the sky for a long time / I hope you come back and stay here.” BOL4’s voice reaches the high notes so easily as though she’s simply breathing. While the lyrics are melancholic, this song is a dose of endorphins for me.

May 24, 2022

ARTS & CULTURE

13

MAUVEY MUSIC

Colouring the world Mauvey More notable than this up-and-comer’s signature colour are his sound and stage presence ME E RA ERAGODA // F EATURES E D I TO R

With his notable mauve hair and a pink and blue trench coat, Mauvey was hard to miss at the Commodore Ballroom on May 6. Combine his dreamy intergalactic aesthetic with his open exuberance and you get an incredible performance. Mauvey is a Ghanaian-born UK artist who opened for Snotty Nose Rez Kids, a truly phenomenal Haisla trap/hip hop duo.

Represented by Vancouver-based label, 604 Records, Mauvey currently spends his time between Vancouver and the UK, though he also spent a short period of his high school years in Agassiz, BC. Additionally, he has collaborated with other BC artists like Fionn.

Similar to a shooting star, Mauvey’s performance was vibrant and all too brief. Creating a hazy purple mirage, he vibrated around the stage everywhere at once, his zest infectious. I was new to Mauvey’s music but the single he closed with, his latest release “THE KING,” made me eager to listen to more ahead of his next album release sometime this fall.

Though mainly defined as alternative pop, Mauvey introduces a myriad of styles into his music. There are synth beats, Afro influences, and rap and punk elements, just to name a few.

With influences from Childish Gambino to Prince to Oumou Sangaré, Mauvey seamlessly integrates all of these into his music, creating a unique sound.

With “THE KING,” Mauvey explains he wanted to subvert the idea of celebrating men all throughout history. He states, “I wanted to write a song tearing that apart. “THE KING” is a redistribution of power and respect to everyone, especially the immensely powerful women we have in our world.” Before launching into the song, Mauvey pointed to the audience, disregarding gender and telling each individual, “you’re a king” and “you’re important.”

These messages are consistent with his aim to spread a message of love through his music. His last album, The Florist, makes this clear with songs about all aspects of love, including its beauty and its complications. While some of the lyrics are serious, there are others that are quirky and cute. “Bought you flowers but the pollen say achoo,” from the song “9” is one of my favourite examples of playfulness in his music, also reflected in its music video.

Mauvey is gaining steam and making his way into more than one list of new Canadian artists to follow. Though he has wrapped up his Vancouver tour dates, he’ll be back in BC soon, playing festivals in Cowichan and Squamish this summer. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him back in Vancouver in the near future and highly recommend catching his genre-bending tunes and fiery performance.

Mauvey burst onto the Commodore Ballroom stage, energy level at 100.

P H OTOS: Meera Eragoda and Gudrun Wai-Gunnarsson / The Peak

14

HUMOUR

SFU

SFU presents new mental health companion: the puppy microwave

WRITTEN BY Olivia Visser The microwave will be a nuanced approach to self-care, without your typical canine downsides

Dear SFU students, You know what time of year it is. Your two weeks of freedom after the Spring semester have somehow trickled away. Piles of reading and homework seem to have unfortunately made their way into your agenda once again. Not to worry, the pages will be blank in a week’s time, though, because does anyone really keep up with agendas once things get busy? Yup, you’re burnt out.

I mean, you already were last semester. And the one before. Finding time to relax and take care of yourself is difficult as a student, which is why SFU is proud to offer their new installment of animal therapy: a microwave !

That’s right, these puppies (heh) will be rolling down the campus near you.

Erm, not just any microwave. It got wheels, a bushy golden tail, and two floppy ears that almost resemble TV antennae.

Yes, a real golden retriever would certainly have gotten the job done, but we’re a bit . . . over our budget this semester.

We promise you won’t be disappointed in this innovative new approach to mental health days.

Yes, we know SFU’s mental health resources are already pretty state of the art. Short-term solutions galore, some might say. Student insurance has got you covered for about six therapy sessions a year! And we’re sure this is news to you, but we even have an APP! It’s not just myssp, it’s yourssp. We’re clearly overspending in this avenue, which is why we must scale back, but we couldn’t turn down this opportunity to show we’re still engaged with our students.

And besides, microwaves can check off all the boxes that a dog normally would! First off, they’re incredibly loyal. This thing has wheels, but you won’t catch it escaping unless you’re terrible (and we mean terrible) at keeping track of your things. They’re also much warmer than your average dog. So much so, you can heat up meals in your new furry friend, slobber not included!

When was the last time you put a pizza pop in your dog’s mouth and got it back? It feels like WEEKLY we must learn this lesson. He barely gets it beyond lukewarm, and by that point our cat has already finished warming our dessert.

Appetite gone. Years of training down the drain.

We can only imagine this problem is a shared experience for many students, and not a highly specific example only relevant to us. Dogs are expensive, hard to care for, and clearly hard to train. This could be the start of something wonderful. Please, just listen to us. This will work. Just pretend it’s a dog. Pretend they’re all dogs.

Sincerely, SFU’s Student Wellness Initiative

Humour Editor Kelly Chia

·

humour@the-peak.ca

Forget owning a house, just build your own!

“Teach them how to fish . . . er, build!” announces the government to young Canadians W R I T TE N BY C LAR E NCE N DA BA HWERI ZE

Victoria, BC — In light of the housing affordability crisis, policymakers from the Government of Canada pulled a bit of a Marie Antoinette by coming up with a subsidised chainsaw training program for young Canadians. The program was unveiled by officials from Ottawa on the steps of the BC Parliament Buildings, from which the provincial government had just been renovicted!

This program will teach youth how to log, complete with an instruction manual for building their own house. A source was quoted saying, “It’s our best work! It outlines which trees are good for the exterior, and which trees do the drywall bits!”

Unfortunately, in a shocking turn of events, the program didn’t gather as much steam as policymakers hoped!

Instead, youth turned out in droves, protesting such an abhorrent activities for the environment and wondered why housing prices simply couldn’t be brought down. The officials had no response to this but reiterated that their choice of chainsaw for the program was 100% ethically sourced and created many well-paying Canadian jobs! The protesting youth then asked why they couldn’t afford to live today if jobs were “well-paying.” The officials responded by barricading themselves in the Parliament buildings to convene a conclave which would yield an appropriate answer. Other concerns from the youth included whether the whole program and announcement was insensitive since the government is already cutting down old-growth forests.

When the officials returned from their conclave a few days later, they were shocked to find the youth still outside protesting. The officials wondered how they had the time for such shenanigans, and the youth responded, “Haven’t you heard of working from home? Duh!” To their dismay, the protesting youth had set up camp with a dedicated Local Area Network, garbage sorting station, and avocado toast trucks! No Emergencies Act could sort this out, they’d have to consult William Lyon Mackenzie King’s crystal ball to reach an entity that could appropriately advise against such organisation! This consultation led to lawmakers tabling a motion to abolish remote work.

No one quite has the heart to tell the youth that the chainsaw company is responsible for driving up real estate prices through its shady investment practices or the government about what might happen when they find out. Will the party in power be voted out? Will they form an alliance with another minority party to cement their hold to power? Or will Parliament be politely raided? Only William Lyon Mackenzie King knows! He’s the only one who saw this whole thing coming!

Download attached file

ILLUSTRATION: STELLA NGUYEN / THE PEAK ILLUSTRATION: AMY GUO / THE PEAK BACKGROUND: EKATERINA_MIKHAYLOVA / SHUTTERSTOCK

May 24, 2022

HUMOUR HUMOUR

15

SFU servers beg to be understood Just one server against 30,000 students, asking to be loved

> WRITTEN BY Kelly Chia

> Dear SFU student body, We’re not bad servers. Really. But I understand that for a healthy student-server relationship (like the one we don’t have), you need an apology. Or at the very least, an explanation. You cry and blame me for your data breaches, even claiming psychological distress in a lawsuit! Everyone complains about fragile SFU servers and they never stop to think, “Say, maybe these fragile networks just need a conversation!” No one asks how I feel about all this! So let me tell you the truth: all these data breaches — they’re really for your good, you just have to see it.

See, this is all happening for an endearingly human reason: I’m lonely. I don’t meet a lot of other people in this field as a server, and those hackers just seemed so kind. I mean, they wanted personal information. Doesn’t that mean they want to know me for who I am? They wanted to know everyone’s personal addresses so we could all go on a nice group date.

Unfortunately, none of them have followed up on this date, but it doesn’t mean we should give up on the opportunity to be social. You’re always complaining about this school being a commuter campus. So what if I’m extra vulnerable? It just means I have a lot of love to give. You know what they say, girlboss, gaslight (my favourite), and get hacked! I’m a girlboss!

Speaking of lots of love to give, you are not grateful enough for everything I do for you. You know how tiring it is to see students use everything I give — Wi-Fi, SFU Snap, their precious personal information — and complain that I’m not doing it well enough?! Okay, you try hoisting information across a mountain. I’d love to see you try. I’m SFUNET-insecure over here, and you’re texting your friend that you’re late for a tutorial because you can’t navigate the maps on SFU Snap. I’m not to blame for your messiness. From the moment of your enrollment, you should have accepted me for who I am. My ups and downs. I’m only a server hosting about 30,000 undergrad students, after all.

Ugh, sorry. I know I shouldn’t be aggressive in an apology. I just find it really hard to connect with you these days. SFU is even encouraging people to use their hoity-toity VPN, but I think we’re a bit more old fashioned than that. I mean, you appreciate the give and take of our relationship, don’t you? I offer you shabby internet service and protection, and in return, you offer me your bank information. That’s our deal. Don’t run away into the arms of some VPN (which secretly stands for virtually petty narcissist) that doesn’t understand you. I admit I’ve done some wrong, but is that worth throwing three years of data breaches away over?

Just . . . think about it.

Think about me.

Plea—

This message has been (lovingly) intercepted by Hackers Anonymous. For whereabouts on the SFU servers, we are escorting this body of work to the date of their life. Buh-bye!

Photo: Arget / Unsplash

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DIVERSIONS

Business Manager Yuri Zhou

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business@the-peak.ca

CROSSWORD Across 1. "Star Wars" character 5. Weighing instrument 10. Marina sight 14. Pub potables 15. Yarns 16. Competent 17. Steak, e.g.

18. Rent again 19. Viewed 20. Musical works 22. Performed 23. Des Moines natives 26. Endures 27. Not dull

30. Bookworm 32. Truthful 34. Menu term (3 wds.)

38. Absent 39. Inn 41. Gotcha!

42. High blood ____ 45. Delights 48. Firstborn 50. Opponent 51. Indian boat 54. Narrow waterway 56. Change 57. Perfume

61. Fragrant flower 62. Actress ____ Winfrey 65. Cranny 66. Fine ____ 67. Box 68. Snout 69. Exam 70. Stage awards 71. Picnic visitors

24. Most orderly 25. Mall event 27. Store 28. Time period 29. Poker word 31. Glen 33. Thump 35. Fee 36. Those people 37. Not hard 40. Native minerals 43. Earliest 44. Snow toy 46. Maui garlands 47. Ant's feeler

49. Part of NATO 51. Diamond weight 52. Love, in Florence 53. Homes for birds 55. Fire remains 58. Lunchtime 59. Charge 60. Makes do 62. Sept. follower 63. ____ and con 64. Hurried

Down 1. Sweet potatoes 2. Bread topping 3. College official 4. Dancer Fred ____ 5. Drinking tube 6. ____ Salad 7. "____ Night Long" 8. Grant's enemy 9. NJ time zone 10. Eyelash makeup 11. Assists a crook 12. Winter forecast 13. Cares for 21. Blouses 22. Actor ____ Guinness

SUDOKU

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