Joyless Johnson

OP INIONS

ART S & C ULT UR E

S P O RT S

The SFSS needs to improve their outreach

Roya Pishvaei: “I can spread happiness through movement”

Talking track and field with Aaron Ahl

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NEWS Student organizers speak on walkout against in-person learning

OPINIONS The controversial closure of the SUB

FEATURES Research assistants have gone too long without a contract

February 7, 2022

FRIDGE FOR ALL

STUDENT SOLIDARITY

NEWS

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NEWS

GEARING UP

PROCUREMENT PRACTICES

News Editor Nancy La

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News Writers Karissa Ketter and Yelin Gemma Lee

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news@the-peak.ca

OPINIONS

February 7, 2022

STUDENT MANAGEMENT

A student advocacy group cannot accurately represent its members without the substantial voter turnout needed to keep it relevant

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OPINIONS

Opinions Editor Jacob Mattie

SUB STANDARD

The ongoing discussion by students upset about the building’s closure points to a disconnect with the SFSS’ actions, and the ideals of the student body

A WELL-NEEDED BREAK

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opinions@the-peak.ca

February 7, 2022

ON THE MOVE

SPACE TO CREATE

ARTS & CULTURE

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They constantly use the pandemic as an excuse to delay. Their bargaining team continually proposes rights below the minimum standards of the Employment Standards Act and has even tried to go back on agreed terms.

Amal Vincent, TSSU chief steward

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ARTS & CULTURE

Arts & Culture Editor Sara Wong

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arts@the-peak.ca

SPORTS

February 7, 2022

THE FLASH

I think right now, that’s one of the biggest things that drive me to train, perform well — to be able to have longevity in sport.

AARO N AH L // SFU Track Athlete

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Sports Editor Isabella Urbani | Sports Writer Greg Makarov | sports@the-peak.ca

SPORTS

Who will win the Super Bowl?

Cincinnati Bengals (33%)

Polled: 12

Will the difference in scores between both teams be over or under seven points?

Los Angeles Rams (67%)

Over (44%)

Under (56%)

Polled: 9

Will there be more than three interceptions in the game?

No (25%)

Yes (75%)

Polled: 8

Yes (11%)

Will Bengals kicker Evan McPherson miss his first playoff field goal?

No (89%)

Polled: 9

Who will gain more yards for their team?

Polled: 6

Tee Higgins (Bengals) (33%)

Cooper Kupp (Rams) (67%)

A letter from the back of your ears The mastoids would like a word with you

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LAYOUT: Kitty Cheung

HUMOUR

February 7, 2022

Craig Allan, Peak Associate Dear Rest of Body, We need to talk.

1.

I want you to start washing me. Regularly. You never consider how I can get dirty too and it’s time you start committing an extra 10 seconds in the shower to me. I don’t want a half-assed job like your back and shoulders either. I expect a good effort, with fancy soap, an exfoliant scrub, and a nice towel down after — the whole deal.

2.

Start getting more regular hair cuts. Your hair’s way too long and your nasty split-ends keep itching my crevices. I want to feel the cool breeze caress me again — like when we first were together and you had that bald, baby smelling head. Not that hairy dry conditioner soaked mop you keep on your head now.

3.

Please. Stop putting your gum in me. It’s honestly ridiculous I even have to ask this. I know you like having fresh smelling breath for when you want to get down to the sexy business, but putting your gum in me is irrational, counterintuitive, and wildly disrespectful. The only advantage it serves is that sometimes I get to watch it get stuck in your friggin mop hair but that honestly doesn’t make the experience worth it.

4.

Massages. At least five times per week. Day after day we are consistently burdened with these tight masks that keep pulling us down and it is becoming a real strain. The next time we hear hands coming near us they better be with the intent of relaxation or else.

Go ahead, picture a life without us. Picture all of those grocery stores you won’t get into during the pandemic or headphones that won’t stay on your head, and remember — you need us.

If you don’t meet our demands within one week, we will fight back. Up until this point we have been more than reasonable, but do not attempt to play any games. We are the ears at the back of your head.

Sincerely yours,

The mastoids

COMICS BY SARA BRINKAC

WOOD IMAGE: Joshua Bartell / Unsplash

I’ve decided to outline a list of demands below and would like your complete co-operation if you expect us to continue living in harmony.

It’s time you start thinking about my needs and making an effort in this relationship — consider it a repayment for all the countless things I have done for you over these years . . . Jerk.

PAPER IMAGE: Olga Thelavart / Unsplash

I think you can agree I’ve been pretty good to you over the course of our lifetime. I’ve held up your glasses, kept your mask in place, and have literally kept your ears attached to your head. However, I feel you have not been taking care of me as well as I have been taking care of you. It’s time you hear me out.

ARIES — Mar 21–Apr 19

LIBRA — Sept 23–Oct 22

Change is in your future! Consider ordering a bowl instead of a burrito the next time you’re at Chicotle (formerly Chipotle). Or, follow Chicotle’s suit and switch a consonant in your name out with a “C” because a K-pop artist likes you. But don’t just do it on your social media — fully and legally commit. Variety is the spice of life, and yours has been awfully bland lately.

Unleash your creativity this week. Grab a friend (or a hot stranger from Hinge), some paints, and a bottle of your favourite rosé. It’s time to let your creative side Bob Ross its way to freedom!

TAURUS — Apr 20–May 20

SCORPIO — Oct 23–Nov 21

To unlock your horoscope for this week, please include the following information in the caption of your next Instagram photo dump: the name of your first pet, your mother’s maiden name, and the last four digits of your credit card (ideally the one with the highest limit).

The Duolingo bird is coming to haunt you, Scorpio. It knows about that Spanish lesson you never finished and it’s getting angrier. Finish the lesson quickly or emotionally prepare for a demonic owl to appear in every single one of your dreams this week.

GEMINI — May 21–Jun 20

SAGITTARIUS — Nov 22–Dec 21

You’ve been manifesting money in your bank account, but now it’s time to start manifesting an actual job. You can’t rely on cosmic-based currency forever, Gemini.

Mercury’s in its post-retrograde shadow (whatever that means), and it’s time to hone your communication skills (whatever that means). I suggest picking a random person in class and throwing your worst jokes out there. What do you have to lose?

CANCER — Jun 21–Jul 22

CAPRICORN — Dec 22–Jan 19

Wordle is the only thing holding you together right now.

You can get that 2/6 tomorrow — I believe in you.

You’ve been doing so well recently, Capricorn. It’s almost like you’ve learned what self-care is! Remember how good it feels to have nothing to stress about? Do as Dua Lipa says and “Don’t Start Now!”

LEO — Jul 23–Aug 22

AQUARIUS — Jan 20–Feb 18

You’ve been on yet another “social media cleanse” and now have no idea what is going on. That’s okay, ignorance is the key to bliss babe and you’re doing a great job. Keep it up <3

I hear a lot of whining about the dirty laundry in your room but not a lot of doing the dirty laundry in your room. It’s time to stop eating so much cheese with that whine and start making a to-do list — before I make the Duolingo bird haunt you.

VIRGO — Aug 23–Sept 22

PISCES — Feb 19–Mar 20

We’re a month into the semester and you’re already two months behind. Get it together quick or another emotional breakdown is set to come your way. Nobody wants that. Literally nobody.

Expect the unexpected, Pisces. Pregame all your conversations this week with petty responses ahead of time.

This way you won’t have to replay your conversational regrets in your head while trying to sleep three days later.

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DIVERSIONS

Business Manager Yuri Zhou

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business@the-peak.ca

CROSSWORD

SUDOKU

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