Simon Fraser vs. Louis Riel — SFU's Most Sensational Showdown

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FIRST PEEK

“Resolution number one: Give up coffee.” The number of times this failed resolution, along with many others, has seen my new year’s list borderlines on hilarity. Honestly, why do I keep scribbling down this resolution year after year?

There’s something about the terribly clichéd “new year, new me” phrase that rings true. As another year full of embarrassments and failed resolutions comes to a close, a new chapter begins — a fresh page, a blank slate that welcomes rejuvenated confidence and motivation.

For me, this usually means jotting down a boatload of brand new failure-bound resolutions, most of them the same ones I so confidently inscribed last year. And as I sit here chugging back the Folgers like there won’t even be a new year, I find myself pondering the reasons for why I can’t seem to stick to the same stupid resolutions. Am I just that unmotivated? Do I have to tattoo this list onto my forehead?

I think the key to transforming your scribbled goals into scripture

January 6, 2015

is to focus not on what you aim for, but on how you aim for it. For example, I find that most of my resolutions are framed by negativity; they focus on what I shouldn’t do rather than what I’d like to do. When one commands oneself to “stop eating past midnight,” the focus is placed on one’s deficiency, which may cause anxiety-ridden defeat.

Promising to “have your last meal at 8 o’clock” would allow for a more positive and motivational outlook on your aims.

Another piece of advice would be to set reasonable goals — focus on the process and not the outcome. For example, I can tell myself to “achieve an A+,” though a goal that tells me I should “work towards achieving an A+” would be far more appropriate. Resolutions focused on process reflect the realities of the work that we’ll have to undertake to successfully meet our objectives. We often underestimate or disregard this work, which leads to failed resolutions year after year.

One idea would be to limit the number of resolutions you make. A list of 25 objectives is, quite frankly, ridiculous, and can become overwhelming.

How can we get through the year anxiety-free with a dauntingly extensive to-do list looming over our heads?

When we don’t meet our goals, we tend to lower our self-worth. But resolutions shouldn’t be burdens. Instead, they should be personal challenges that we look forward to. They’re goals that we set for ourselves to try to live in a healthier, more fulfilling way — for the most part, anyway.

Personally, I think these ideas are fantastic, no matter how many times we fail to achieve our goals.

The fact that we keep picking ourselves back up to give our resolutions another shot shows an underlying confidence in ourselves — a glimmer of hope that one year we just might achieve what we set out to accomplish last year, and the year before, and the year before. . . you get the idea.

So try and re-frame your small list of resolutions to something a little more positive this year. Remember that , should you fail, there will be a new year to collect yourself and give them another chance. With any luck, 2015 just might be the year that I dump coffee down the drain for good.

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NEWS

The SFU administration has officially responded to a letter sent to them by the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) on October 24 regarding the proposed 10 per cent increase in international undergraduate student tuition fees for the 2015/2016 fiscal year.

The letter states that while the administration appreciates the interest the SFSS has taken in the university’s financial situation, they will not institute a ‘grandfather clause’ for current international undergraduates, nor will they freeze the current cost of their fees.

In March 2013, the SFU Board of Governors approved an increase in tuition fees for international students by 10 per cent per year for the following three years.

Two SFU professors are bringing their experiences from the front lines of the Kinder Morgan pipeline protests to the frontiers of the classroom in this spring’s President’s Dream Colloquium, titled “Obedience and Disobedience: Taking Action on Climate Change.”

The colloquium invites leading thinkers to give a series of talks on what the organizers describe as “two intersecting crises”: the ongoing issue of anthropogenic climate change, and the “failure of democracies [. . .] to adequately preserve common goods, especially those that are global.”

The speakers include John Borrows, the Canada Research Chair in Indigenous Law at the University of Victoria law school; Chris Hedges, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist; and Tamo Campos,

January 6, 2015

news editor email / phone

Leah Bjornson associate news editor news@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

In contrast, domestic undergraduate student fees are scheduled to rise by two per cent per year.

In their original letter, the SFSS expressed their concerns about the lack of consultation by the university with the international student community, as well as the lack of sustainability of the fee increases to support the university’s increasing operating costs.

The university responded on December 10 in a letter signed

by VP, Academic and Provost Jon Driver and VP, Finance and Administration Pat Hibbitts.

The letter stated that the SFU administration believes the increases are justified by four factors: the university receives no governing grants for international undergraduate

the founder of the non-profit organization, Beyond Boarding, and David Suzuki’s grandson.

In addition to attending six public lectures by experts in the field, students enrolled in the colloquium will take part in pre-seminars taught by Lynne Quarmby, SFU professor of microbiology and biochemistry, and Stephen Collis, SFU professor of English.

The two have spent the last few months on the front lines of the protests, with Quarmby being arrested at the end of November.

“I am excited to do this course in light of the experience that we’ve just been through,” said Quarmby.

“Burnaby Mountain was a real life version of the course.”

Although its content has become particularly timely following the protests, Quarmby and

students; the fees will allow the university to maintain a balanced budget; the prices are comparable to international undergraduate student fees at other Canadian universities; and international undergraduate student fees will contribute to infrastructure costs, which domestic students otherwise support with their taxes after they graduate.

The letter also stated that the university would not institute a ‘grandfather clause’ that would exempt current international undergraduates from the most recent proposed increase.

Collis began planning the colloquium in 2013 in anticipation of the 2015 federal elections.

“We started talking about it then just in terms of a desire to hold a panel or a discussion around civil disobedience in the context of climate change, and it just snowballed from there,” explained Collis.

Quarmby added, “With the federal election looming and with there being such a large push on [large scale fossil fuel infrastructure] projects both provincially and federally, I think we’re going to see a lot more of this [sort of civil protest.]”

Collis commented that nature of the course has changed in light of the recent protests on Burnaby Mountain in opposition to the proposed Kinder Morgan pipeline expansion.

“I think probably half of our speakers at the colloquium were actually arrested on the mountain,” said Collis. “It certainly makes this intellectual and public discussion we wanted to have that much more real and immediate. It tends to raise the stakes.”

The colloquium seminars are open to the public; however, each colloquium will provide an

In their original letter, the SFSS also requested that the university create a degree completion fund to support international undergraduates, as well as commit to keeping international student fees at current levels for the next five years.

The university stated that they will set aside 25 per cent of the revenues from the eight per cent increase to international tuition for student support, including scholarships and bursaries. However, they explained that they cannot commit to keeping international fees at current levels.

opportunity for approved SFU students to gain course credits. These students will also participate in pre-seminars, and will complete supervised research papers relating to the colloquium’s theme.

When asked what she hopes to achieve by offering this course, Quarmby replied, “We really hope

Melissa Roach

SFSS president Chardaye Bueckert spoke to The Peak about the response.

“We were pretty disappointed that all of our requests, even the one that didn’t entail any monetary contributions or have any monetary consequences, were turned down,” she said, referring to the request to amend the consultation protocol to increase student awareness.

She continued, “We made those requests with the intention of working cooperatively with the university to ensure that, if the fees were increased, that they were the least harmful to students as possible.”

Bueckert explained that the next step for the student society is to approach the Board of Governors before they decide whether or not to approve future increases at their meeting in March.

The SFSS will also make efforts to involve the international student body in the coming months.

“We still have quite some time to get organized and to get students involved in that process,” said Bueckert, “so that hopefully the increases won’t be approved as a part of that budget package.”

that people will get a deeper appreciation for the role of civil disobedience in a democratic society, but also for the situation that we have right now in our country around climate change and Aboriginal rights.”

For Collis, now is a crucial time to engage the community and students in discussion.

“We’re in a moment where the realities of climate change are becoming that much more clear all the time, and [also] the reality that our democratic system is failing to deal with them.

“What I hope for this course to accomplish is to get people better informed about what the complex issues are.”

NEWS

The SFU Faculty of Education is in the process of launching a new initiative to address the needs of English as an Additional Language (EAL) students, in the form of the Centre for English Language Learning, Teaching, and Research (CELLTR).

The centre will be located in the West Mall Centre near the Centre for Online and Distance Education, with plans to launch sometime next year.

The idea for the space came in 2011 after a “report on EAL came through the senate,” explained David Paterson, associate dean of the Faculty of Education and acting director of the centre.

Since then, he said, “There has been a great deal of talk on how you coordinate the services for EAL students and teachers, and how you understand the kind of diverse community we have here at SFU in terms of your pedagogy and practice.”

According to Paterson, the goal of the initiative is “to curate and try to understand and bring together and organize all of the existing services for EAL learners [as well as staff and faculty] on campus, and then to look at designing programs that may complement those existing resources.”

Ena Lee, an SFU professor of education whose research is related to EAL learning and teaching, explained that the CELLTR is unique as it “offers services for students, staff, and faculty.” Not only are EAL students welcome to use the centre, Lee notes, but the programs will also benefit faculty and staff who interact with EAL students on a daily basis.

The centre will address needs that go beyond traditional academic areas, such as language support and language ability, in order to address a broad spectrum of challenges that EAL students face in a post-secondary environment.

Lee explained, “We are looking at overall socio-academic needs [and] how that works for

January 6, 2015

someone who may also be coming from a very diverse language background or a different cultural background.”

She noted that while there are existing services that address such needs — such as health and wellness — “accessing those [services] may be an issue of linguistic access [. . .] or having somebody to assist them and let them know what exists.”

The CELLTR will also be able to connect individuals with services such as Health and Counselling, the Student Learning Commons, and International Student Services, among others.

Although still in its preliminary stages, the centre has already launched several initiatives, including a workshop and seminar series.

The first workshop was called ‘10 Tips for Effective Feedbacking of EAL Students’ Writing.’

The workshop discussed the difference between mistakes and errors, and how to ensure that an instructor is giving feedback when something is actually a linguistic need and not necessarily a simple error.

According to Lee, the need for the workshop arose from the fact that, while faculty members may wish to help EAL students, they may not necessarily have the background to know the most effective approaches to pedagogy.

The centre has also begun a partnership with the Beedie School of Business, the goal of which, as described by Paterson, is to “assess the language and literacy of students who are new to the school and then develop service plans [which could be used] to match students early on with the kind of literacy and communication services they might find useful.”

Paterson added that, in evaluating the success of such programs, “the research component is inextricably woven into all the other goals that we have” and that the centre’s organizers “are looking at [their] key deliverables or performance indicators all the way along through the process.”

While the centre has begun to conduct “preliminary programs that are proof of concept,” the launch date for the physical space will be announced sometime this month and will be scheduled after the spaces’s ongoing renovations are complete.

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By determining the genetic sequence of 16 types of mosquitoes (Anopheles genus), an international research team, including researchers from SFU, has contributed knowledge on how these mosquitoes adapt to humans as the primary host of malaria.

The international research team consisted of over 100 biologists, immunologists, infectious disease specialists, computational mathematicians, and geneticists, and had its findings published in Science Express.

While the presence of malaria in North America and Europe is minimal, it is endemic in several areas around the equator and has high fatality rates in sub-Saharan Africa and Southeast Asia. However, only a few dozen of the almost 500 different Anopheles species of mosquito can carry the disease.

By investigating the differences between these mosquito types and

January 6, 2015

their harmless cousins, the team hoped to pinpoint what leads to the difference in transmission.

The project of sequencing genomes and transcriptomes of the Anopheles species began in September of 2008 and was funded by the National Genome Research Institute and the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease of the US National Institutes of Health. Cedric Chauve, SFU professor of mathematics, and Ashok Rajaraman, SFU graduate student in mathematics, joined the project in 2012.

“The main aspect of the research by our team, whose specialty is evolutionary genomics and not health genomics, was to understand the evolution of a group of 11 Anopheles genomes, whose common ancestor lived roughly 100 million years ago,” explained Chauve. “It will be up to our biologist colleagues

A final project, and a business opportunity to boot!

Ryerson alumna Ivonne Serna has co-created Tycra Wear, which features winter boots with a twist. These boots can be customized using a detachable calf tube, which can be replaced with a bigger or smaller size tube.

“You could have different combinations of styles and colours. You could just change the tube and have a complete boot makeover,” Serna told The Eyeopener .

Tycra Wear started out as Serna’s final year fashion project, and has now turned into an entrepreneurial opportunity for her and her husband. Using Kickstarter to launch their boot campaign, the husbandwife duo has set a goal of $84,000 to be met

by January 23, 2015. If Tycra Wear fails to reach this goal, all the money pledged will be returned to donors.

now to integrate our findings on genome evolution in research on disease transmission.”

Chauve and Rajaraman used computational methods to reconstruct ancestral mosquito genomes and analyze their chromosomal evolution over the past 100 million years. Their goal is to discover potential adaptation mechanisms that may be related to malaria transmission by understanding how the chromosomes of Anopheles have evolved.

Since only the Anopheles genus can transmit human malaria, the

110 million-year-old crab fossil discovered by University of Alberta researcher The fossil of a 110 million-year-old crab was found in the Colombian tropics by University of Alberta PhD student Javier Luque.

The species of higher true crab, Telamonocarcinus antiquus, dates back to the Early Cretaceous period and has challenged the previous notion that crabs were not as diverse or widespread during this era.

This discovery, Luque said, adds muchneeded knowledge about the early evolution of this particular group of crabs and how early branches of the crab family are connected those of the present day.

With files from The Edmonton Sun

international research team is trying to understand what makes Anopheles unique. “[What] seems to be specific to Anopheles genomes is a very high rate of chromosome rearrangement in the sex chromosome X that might be involved in speciation (i.e. the mechanisms by which new Anopheles species appear), and thus might help to explain why Anopheles mosquitoes are so adaptable compared to other insects,” explained Chauve.

Although his and Rajarman’s research uncovers new

opportunities to understand genomic and genetic factors related to malaria transmission, their work is still in a preliminary stage.

“Now that we have been involved with these data, our next goal is to refine the preliminary analysis and to understand in much greater details the evolution of Anopheles genomes, which includes reconstructing very detailed genome maps for extinct ancestral Anopheles species,” said Chauve. “The Science paper was just a first analysis and there is much to do to refine it.”

Brock University professor publishes paper in new autism journal An educational assistant professor at Brock University has become one of the first researchers to publish a paper in an online journal that focuses on developmental disabilities.

In the first issue and volume of the Journal of the Division on Autism and Developmental Disabilities (DAAD) , Kimberly Maich, along with her associate Carmen Hall of Fanshawe College, presented their research on how the use of an iPad by a nine-year-old girl with autism to keep track of her school schedule helped decrease offtask behavior between learning activities.

In her research paper, Maich argues that since autistic people are visual thinkers, an iPad lessens this “latency” by presenting vivid images of scheduled activities for the autistic child to follow.

With files from The Brock News

With files from The Eyeopener

NEWS

Negotiations between the Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) and the university regarding the Guard.me insurance plan will continue in 2015 after both parties failed to reach a settlement in early December.

The TSSU filed a grievance on July 16, 2013, regarding the Guard. me health and dental insurance plan, in which every international student is automatically enrolled.

The Guard.me plan costs $336 per semester, over twice the amount of the previous insurance plan, which costed $126. The coverage is required for the three months of residency in Canada before international students may sign up for the BC Medical Services Plan (MSP).

The TSSU and university administration entered into an arbitration over December 4–5, resulting in no settlement.

Aspects of the plan that were most concerning to the TSSU include automatic re-enrolment, the

SFU professor of biology Gerhard Gries, along with SFU professor of chemistry Robert Britton and PhD student Michael Holmes, this team discovered the power of histamine.

Histamine is a chemical compound produced by our white blood cells in response to bug bites, as part of the human immune defense.

This chemical signals to the bugs that they have found a “safe haven.” Furthermore, once bed bugs come into contact with histamine, they remain there.

However, on its own, histamine did not effectively lure the bugs to the traps. “It could stop them, but it wouldn’t attract

fact that SFU chose the most expensive plan available, the overlap period in services with legally required MSP coverage, and the five per cent returned to SFU out of every fee collected.

TSSU chief steward Reagan Belan told The Peak, “The disclosure that we were given has a lot of truly damning information about the motivation for implementing Guard.me in the way that it was, and the glib attitude International Student Services [ISS] has toward imposing unnecessary fees on the students they are there to serve. It doesn’t paint SFU or ISS in a positive light.”

The university administration was unavailable to comment before press time.

Following the mediation, the TSSU published a post on their website saying that, “Despite TSSU’s best efforts to find a reasonable

them,” explained Britton, who was brought into the team to investigate what alternative chemical compounds might lure the pests. “In the end we needed an additional bouquet of chemicals to lure them to the histamine,” he said.

After months of additional research, the team discovered a set of five volatile chemicals that are effective at luring the bed bugs and, when combined with the histamine, create an effective trap. He explained, “When they smell these volatile chemicals it brings them to what they think is a ‘safe shelter,’ and once in contact with the histamine, they arrest.”

Since then, their trap has been successfully tested in bed bug-infested apartments in Vancouver.

“We’re not sure yet if this will be a tool to rid apartments of [bed bugs], what we’ve come up with is a good way of quickly knowing whether you have them,” said Britton.

Because of the nature of the chemicals the team discovered, the costs of chemicals used in

and affordable solution and avoid a public airing of SFU’s dirty laundry in a hearing, SFU has remained unwilling to find a fair solution to the Guard.me problem.”

“We were disappointed that we didn’t get to a resolution after two days of mediation,” Belan said, frustrated over the results of the arbitration.

“Our dispute over Guard.me has been ongoing for over two years and we want SFU to stop charging our members this illegitimate fee and start refunding our members as soon as possible,” she said.

Belan continued that SFU withheld 1,700 pages worth of internal Guard.me documents — thrice the amount the university claimed to have provided — until a week before the arbitration, leaving “almost no time to sort through a mountain of evidence.”

She pointed to this as an example of how SFU is trying to “bury” the issue: “This is the behaviour of an institution that is trying to hide, not an institution that is willing to settle a dispute.”

Both parties are now awaiting recommendations from a mediator on how to resolve the issue.

If no settlement can be reached at that time, the TSSU intends to

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each trap is less than 10 cents.

“This shouldn’t be an expensive device,” he said.

As such, he imagines that the traps could become widely used by students, tenants, travellers, and more. “Even if you’re going backpacking and you’re worried about bed bugs in the hostel, you could bring a trap with you and see if you have them in the

room,” he said. “If you’re concerned about your apartment, a trap could provide proof to the landlord that there are bed bugs.”

The team is now working to develop the first effective and affordable bait and trap for detecting and monitoring bed bug infestations, which they expect to be available to the public some time next year.

pursue a formal hearing in which each party would make their case and leave it in the hands of a neutral third party arbitrator.

“TSSU is firmly of the position that SFU should avoid inflicting further financial hardship to its

international student population and not renew its contract with Guard.me when it comes to term in August of 2015,” Belan concluded, adding that the university should seek to “properly facilitate [student] enrolment into BC MSP.”

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After enduring 180,000 bed bug bites over eight years of study, an SFU research team has developed the world’s first tangible bed bug bait and trap.

Bed bugs naturally produce a set of chemical attractants, or pheromones, that signal a safe home. A team of SFU scientists has now solved the structure of these attractants and shown that they can be used to lure the bed bugs into the traps — and most importantly, keep them there.

SFU biologist Regine Gries helped discovered the key to bed bug entrapment after letting over 1,000 bed bugs bite her arms each week for five years.

Working with her husband and

January 6, 2015

T H E N O R A A N D T E D ST E R L I N G P R I Z E I N S U P P O RT O F C O N T ROV E R SY was established at Simon Fraser University in 1993 to honour and encourage work that provokes and/or contributes to the understanding of controversy.

The Sterling Prize Committee is looking for work that challenges complacency. The Nora and Ted Sterling Prize in Support of Controversy is awarded annually to a recipient whose work presents new ways of looking at the world, ways that are daring and creative.

Whether a student, a staff member, or an academic at SFU, or a member of the community who has a connection to the University, the prize winner is selected for decidedly unconventional and distinctly untraditional work that provokes a wide audience.

The winner receives a cash award of $5,000 and makes a public presentation at the Morris J Wosk Centre for Dialogue.

C A L L F O R N O M I N AT I O N S The Committee formally calls for nominations for the Sterling Prize, to be submitted to the Sterling Prize Committee, c/o the Vice-President, Academic office, no later than January 31 each year. Nomination forms and submission guidelines can be found at:

www.sfu.ca/sterlingprize

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OPINIONS

opinions editor email / phone

January 6, 2015

RESTORATIVE JUSTICE IS KEY!

Dalhousie University recently announced that they will use restorative justice to address the recent scandal at the Dalhousie Dentistry School in which 13 men in the fourth year of their program posted sexually violent and misogynistic comments about their female classmates on Facebook. The university’s decision has sparked immense outrage from the public, with protesters calling for the students’ expulsion. The fact that these students would be allowed to return to their program only adds fuel to the fire.

While I believe people should be held accountable for what they say, expulsion for inappropriate Facebook comments feels too extreme a solution. This scandal represents only a small part of a much larger issue, namely how deeply entrenched misogynistic attitudes are within the Dalhousie academic setting. There have been frequent complaints throughout the school year about misogyny within the Dalhousie dentistry faculty, with little action being taken. In order to create an academic setting that is friendly to women, critical discussion of misogyny has to start within the community through restorative justice processes.

Elizabeth Elliott, the late founding director of SFU’s Centre for Restorative Justice, writes about the community development potential of restorative justice processes in her book Security with Care. Specifically, she suggests the process provide a safe space for discussion, and present opportunities to broaden the community’s understanding of issues that affect them.

Restorative justice processes address harms done towards both the victim and the community, by allowing the parties involved to discuss how the offender can repair the

PERPETRATORS SHOULD BE EXPELLED!

harm they have caused. Using restorative justice to deal with misogyny can mean encouraging offenders to enroll in extra gender studies classes, make a public apology, perform community service, or even seek counselling services. The key is to have a concrete plan towards change which allows progress to be observed.

Community members are often invited to take part in this process, serving as either mediators or contributors to the overall discussion. In this sense, women are provided a safe space to not only share their experience, but also contribute their thoughts on what needs to be done. Done correctly, restorative justice processes can become a communitybuilding experience that fosters collaborative effort in addressing and understanding issues of misogyny.

It’s sometimes easy to forget, in today’s fast-paced and career-focused culture that the university institution is a place to learn.

I feel much of the misogynistic attitudes and bigotry we find within the academic setting are born out of ignorance. If we intend to address misogyny in academia, we need to shift our approach towards informing and understanding through dialogue on the issue, rather than simply punishing.

The nerds of the world had great cause to rejoice on November 28, when the first teaser trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens debuted. For many, however, that joy was turned to ashes at the sight of the new villain’s lightsaber, which featured a crossguard attached to the hilt.

Despite the online outcry, the crossguard is a great idea.

It gives our new villain extra adaptability; defensively speaking, a crossguard provides protection for the user’s hands,

Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

Some thinkers may consider free speech an apt excuse to write off the actions of the Dalhousie students, as Mark Mercer of the philosophy department at St. Mary’s University argued in a CBC article last December. But freedom does not justify callous behavior.

It is one thing to speak your mind and be heard; it is an entirely different matter to tear down the reputations of innocent people.

The offending students did not commit physical violence towards women, but their actions are no less harmful.

Their victims — the female students they wrote about — have been severely ostracized and objectified, and will have to live with that knowledge for the rest of their lives.

Misogynistic attitudes, even if only spoken, are the first step towards acts of greater impact, and must be properly addressed as such. We cannot expect things to change if we uphold tolerance towards such attitudes, even if that requires expulsion.

The recent case of misogyny involving male members in Dalhousie University’s Dentistry faculty is but a reminder that such attitudes are still very present in universities. Despite the disappointing lack of expulsion in this incident, such a sentence must be considered as a potential punishment for acts of misogyny in academic settings.

Acts of misogyny are not accidental; they are committed willingly and willfully, whether or not the offenders mean for anyone to view their actions. The recent Dalhousie incident is no exception; the students involved posted their words online without regard for their classmates, humiliating the women they targeted.

When a deliberate act of misogyny is committed, especially within an academic setting, the perpetrators should have the experience and knowledge to understand that such acts are inappropriate, and should be subsequently punished.

and may have indeed prevented Luke from losing his own during the duel with his father in The Empire Strikes Back.

Offensively, the crossguard turns a strike with the hilt from a stunning blow to a potentially lethal one, giving our new Sith Lord some added flexibility. Finally, let’s keep in mind that this guy is a master of the dark side, carrying a claymore-sized lightsaber. I think he can handle a couple tiny blades coming out of the sides of the hilt.

We have reached a point where hearing about misogyny in the university environment is unnerving, yet not unexpected, and where we see parents warning their children about safety rather than celebrating the ability for Canadian women to attend university — a privilege not all women across the globe enjoy.

As a nation committed to the protection and security of the individual, we must respond strongly to any acts of discrimination towards women. If we intend to deter and condemn rape culture as a whole, then we must target the issue at the source and set a firm precedent. Otherwise, such actions will only continue to escalate.

Far more concerning to me is Lucasfilm, under the direction of Disney, jettisoning the Star Wars expanded universe — about 35 years of material covering about 50 thousand years of the universe’s history (from 36,453 years before the Battle of Yavin to 138 years after).

As of eight months ago, Lucasfilm announced that the only expanded universe material to be used in the upcoming Star Wars trilogy will consist of the previous films, both The Clone

Wars and Star Wars: Rebels TV shows, and future novels.

Disney’s decision has effectively terminated some of the best Star Wars stories out there, including the Yuuzhan Vong invasion and the liberation of Coruscant. We can also say goodbye to the Chiss grand admiral Thrawn, Darth Revan, Mara Jade Skywalker, and a host of other memorable characters.

Rest in peace, expanded universe. We will always remember you.

OPINIONS

January 6, 2015

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Are you an SFU student or faculty member who needs some relationship, student, or SFU related advice? In 150 words or less, send your issues anonymously by visiting the-peak.ca/professorpeak. Your entry could be published in our next issue, along with some helpful advice from Professor Peak!

Help! SFU residence is ignoring my safety!

DEAR PROFESSOR PEAK: I’m a 21-year-old female and I live with three girls in a townhouse on SFU residence. Since we moved in, our front light has been burnt out. Our front door is not only secluded by trees, but is completely black during the night. This has been a big safety concern for me. I have sent the SFU housing department multiple requests asking for it to be fixed and, an entire semester later, nothing has been done. I even talked to my CA about it multiple times, but to no avail. I personally do not feel safe walking back to my own dorm, and SFU residence apparently doesn’t value protecting its female residents enough to ensure a safe walk back to their homes. It makes me angry that my safety is being ignored.

—ANGRY FEMALE RESIDENT ||| DEAR ANGRY: I suspect the SFU housing department does value their student’s safety; if something happened, it would be a PR nightmare for them. Try to understand the situation from their perspective: a single burntout lamp may not be high on their list considering all the time-sensitive things they have to deal with, like flooded bathrooms, broken beds, and insect infestations.

Your best option is persistence: send the request again and try talking to your CA about why it makes you feel unsafe. Until the light does get fixed you could temporarily put a lamp in the front window or carry a small flashlight with you. If you’re concerned with the safety of women on campus, I would also recommend getting in touch with the SFU Women’s Centre. They work to address the roots of gender issues like this one, and may be able to provide you additional resources and address your concerns further.

— PROFESSOR PEAK

Oh no! I need help but the communications department’s advising is terribly inadequate!

DEAR PROFESSOR PEAK: At the beginning of last semester, I went to the communications department for drop-in advising. There were about 10 people in the queue and only one advisor, who was working for only a few hours each day. As I waited, I realized that the advisor would spend up to 40 minutes with a student. You’d think that a faculty as popular as communications would employ a few more advisors, and for longer hours each day, especially during the start of the semester. I wasn’t able to meet with an advisor that day, and I left feeling very frustrated.

Now that the semester is about to begin, I’m scared that the same advising inadequacies will occur.

I considered writing a letter to the dean, but I feel I’m just a small voice in the crowd and it would be useless. What should I do?

— FRUSTRATED COMMUNICATIONS MAJOR ||| DEAR FRUSTRATED: SFU bureaucracy can be extremely vexing, especially during busy periods.

Unfortunately, students are often pitted against each other to get ahead of the game. This means you’ll have to trawl the communications department advising calendar for open appointments to book online, or angle for drop-in times other students may avoid. Better yet, plan to do your advising at the end of the previous semester to ensure you’re set far in advance.

That said, voicing your concerns about the system to the dean is a solid idea. Just make sure to do your research and reflect on potential solutions carefully. Consider, for example, whether additional advisors have enough work the rest of the semester to make it worth employing them. You could also try contacting the CMNSU to advocate on your behalf, or just to advise you on the best person to respond to your concerns!

— PROFESSOR PEAK

A recent bombshell report released by the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence on the CIA’s Detention and Interrogation Program has shocked the globe with its findings. It was revealed that the CIA engaged in torture which far exceeded their much-maligned ‘enhanced interrogation techniques,’ and that torture ultimately proved ineffective at producing intelligence.

Prime Minister Harper has responded to the report by claiming that it “has nothing to do whatsoever with the government of Canada.” Canada has facilitated torture by handing over prisoners to Afghan forces and the CIA, despite being aware of the possible torture they might undergo.

The Senate Committee Report detailed that the torture went beyond waterboarding. The CIA used stress positions, sleep deprivation, solitary confinement, sexual abuse, rectal feeding, and beatings. These acts are war crimes according to international law. Torture is the epitome of inhumane treatment, and the state has a fundamental obligation to respect human dignity.

To a certain degree, one must divorce the debate on torture from the tangible benefits of such programs.

It is not the government’s mandate

to accomplish its objectives at any cost necessary, nor are people’s human rights abandoned as soon as it seems profitable to do so. An individual’s right to life, personal security, and affordance of the most basic human dignity ought not to be subject to a political debate.

The brutality inherent in torture programs necessitates a shroud of secrecy and deception. Were the public ever allowed insight or the government ever permitted oversight over torture programs, it is unlikely that they would exist. The Senate Committee report found that not only had the torture programs exceeded their mandate, but key CIA officials had misled the government about the nature and efficacy of such programs.

CIA Director Michael Hayden had testified in 2007 to the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence about the interrogation techniques used on Abu Zubaydah, an al-Qaeda operative captured by the CIA in 2002. In Hayden’s testimony, he claimed, “we knew he knew a lot. He would not talk. We were going nowhere with him.” Information gathered from CIA records contradict this characterization, and detail that Zubaydah was cooperative before torture was used. In fact, he provided far more intelligence before he was subject to torture

than during and after the torture was inflicted.

An individual under inordinate amounts of physical and psychological duress cannot be trusted to yield legitimate intelligence. Such an individual will say anything to stop the abuse; the information they provide can in fact compromise intelligence gathering. The report found that seven of the 39 CIA detainees profiled produced no intelligence and “while being subjected to the CIA’s enhanced interrogation techniques [. . .] multiple CIA detainees fabricated information, resulting in faulty intelligence.”

Moreover, the excessive amount of resources devoted towards torture programs diverts resources away from effective counter-terrorist initiatives.

According to Nathan Vardi of Forbes, the CIA’s program cost “well over $300 million in nonpersonnel costs,” which does not take into consideration the “millions of dollars in cash payments to foreign government officials” to shore up their cooperation.

Perhaps most crucially, torture feeds into terrorist narratives about the west and contributes to a radicalized environment.

The Senate report provides damning evidence that torture is ineffective and often compromises intelligence operation. Furthermore, this program is an assault on democratic values and human rights. With brutal terrorist attacks shocking the globe in recent weeks, it is unclear what, if anything, torture programs have done to keep us safe. If anything, we are even more defenceless in an increasingly dangerous world.

10 OPINIONS

January 6, 2015

This “freedom of speech” excuse has pelted my ears so often that I wonder how nobody else realizes this film is the epitome of Hollywood ignorance, and should never have been produced.

In response to promotion for the film, Sony Pictures’ data was hacked in November, resulting in the release of private and often embarrassing information, as well as threats of terrorism against cinemas screening the film. Among other things, the hack has since angered the defensive US — its

relations with North Korea have already nose-dived through a slew of accusations and threats.

I’m left wondering why Seth Rogen, his filmmaking squad, and Sony themselves didn’t bother to conduct a little research into the festering tensions between these two countries in recent years. After North Korea threatened in January 2013 to unleash a nuclear test against the US, “the sworn enemy of the Korean people,” you’d think these filmmakers would adopt a little common sense. When a Korean spokesperson this past June denounced The Interview as an “act

of war” and promised a “merciless countermeasure,” you’d assume Hollywood would stop to think past itself.

Rather, I read disappointingly shallow statements in The New York Times from Rogen and his buddy and costar James Franco, who argued “they don’t have freedom of speech [in North Korea], so they don’t get that people make stuff.” Apart from sounding completely childish, statements like this only confirm that these rich, white celebrities, backed

by Sony, are very much blind to

the world outside the American entertainment industry.

Westerners often feel their democratic freedoms allow them to mock foreign countries’ political regimes as being ‘inferior’ or ‘barbaric’ in comparison, but we must remember that countries ruled by tyrannical autocracies do exist and have real global power.

To flaunt one’s ignorance and create a film that mocks such political regimes and their public figures is antagonistic, arrogant and potentially dangerous.

Many may argue that comedies like The Daily Show poke fun at North Korea on a regular basis.

However, The Interview is an entire creative work that explicitly satirizes the country’s dictatorial nature. With North Korean political colours, missiles, and Kim Jong-un’s head plastered on the film’s theatrical poster, I can understand how this would be taken as a direct insult. The film derides the North Korean government and humanizes its ‘almighty’ leader; any Korean citizen in possession of this film could be subject to brutality.

Kim Jong-un, a man of merely 31 years, still has a lifetime ahead of him before he passes the autocratic torch to the next generation. Those in Hollywood must realize that reality exists outside the ‘land of the free,’ and that the ‘home of the brave’ should really exercise caution when it comes to depictions of evil authoritarian leaders — especially those who are still in power.

In a December 2 post on the official Build SFU Facebook page, students were told that the Student Union Building (SUB) “is being designed to be as sustainable as possible, and will be built to Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Gold standards.”

achieve given the scale and location of this project. With planning already under way, the sustainability of the 2500-capacity stadium “hasn’t [yet] been discussed,” according to Fontaine.

In addition to this evident lack of clarity on the issue of Build SFU’s sustainability, let’s explore what LEED Gold standard actually means. LEED is a point-based rating system for environmentally friendly (or ‘green’) building.

To achieve points, LEED customers select from a range of sustainable features and practices in construction and building usability. While LEED is certainly a step in the right direction, many have raised concerns about LEED as a sufficient answer to environmental degradation.

Often, the points system favours high-tech ‘gizmos’ over practical, tried-and-true considerations

such as selection of construction materials and strategic architectural design. Once construction is completed, the energy efficiency of a LEED-certified building depends entirely on the proper use of technology by unregulated building users; this often results in LEED buildings with energy costs and outputs equal to or worse than conventional buildings. Studies have estimated that LEED buildings have, at best, 25-30 per cent more energy efficiency than traditional buildings, but different methods of data evaluation actually put many LEED buildings at 29 per cent lower efficiency.

It’s also worth noting that, according to UNEP, approximately one-third of greenhouse gas emissions may be attributed to the construction and operation of buildings, and Prism Environment, based out of the UK, states that

construction material constitutes over one-third of landfill waste. We also need to consider the sources of building materials. Even replacing an old building with one built to new standards of sustainability is of questionable value, as it can take decades to offset the environmental impact of construction.

‘Green’ building has arguably become a trend to sell unnecessary construction to environmentally-conscious communities — you may have heard some variation of the phrase “the greenest building is the one that doesn’t get built.”

At the Special General Meeting on January 21, students may decide to proceed with Build SFU; ideally, they will do so with full awareness of the impact of their decision, which in the future we hope the SFSS, Sustainable SFU, and Build SFU will facilitate.

I wonder how the American people would respond if a foreign high-budget film flashed a fiery scene depicting the gruesome death of President Obama.

Allow me to suggest that the country would be beside itself. A direct attack on American pride would have the media reeling with exaggerated messages of terrorist threats and foreign enemies. Relations between the two countries would plummet, and American tension and skepticism toward these foreigners would surely increase.

This is why I find it immensely disconcerting that Hollywood feels it can film such offenses without consequence.

Many Westerners claim that Seth Rogen’s new film The Interview, depicting the fictional assassination of North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un, is a comedic tool for freedom of expression.

At the SFSS Town Hall of November 27, 2014, the board of directors and Build SFU general manager Marc Fontaine were made aware of misconceptions surrounding the environmental responsibility of the two Build SFU construction projects. Many students, including some involved in the SFSS and Sustainable SFU, seem to be under the impression that the buildings would meet the highest standard in sustainability, a falsity which the board resolved to ensure clearer communication about.

However, even within LEED guidelines, Gold is not “as sustainable as possible.” The highest standard is Platinum, which Fontaine stated would be too difficult or too expensive to

ARTS

arts editor email / phone

January 6, 2015

Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

11

CINEPHILIA

Why listen to movie critics when I can offer an equally informed and competent opinion? Aren’t they just talentless hacks bashing other people’s work because they can’t make any of their own?

Why follow a movie critic’s recommendation since most of their choices are artsy snoozers? The truth is, most critics’ reviews lend credence to these objections.

Movies are like George W. Bush: everyone has an opinion about them, but some are far better than others. I’m reminded of my mother who, after every sad conclusion of a film, states “I didn’t like that ending.”

As a rule, film critics ought to use objective analyses that go beyond this kind of subjective response. If I were to only write about my feelings or experiences while viewing a film, what would differentiate my opinion from that of the masses?

The film critic’s competence and craft lie, at the very least, in an analytical approach to assessing film form, storytelling, and how the two fit together.

Film form has to do with the choosing a close-up instead of a long shot or something in between, along with the lighting, set design, and performance of the actor,s among other aspects. Storytelling has to do with the narrative — a film’s theme and plot.

Ideally, there should be a happy balance between subjective experience and objective analysis when evaluating a film. But too many reviewers sway too far to one side.

Recently, I howled with laughter as I watched the

Schmoes Know YouTube review channel, with reviewers Kristian Harloff and Mark Ellis talking about the recent film, Unbroken. Their review focused mainly on their emotional responses, while occasionally attempting to assess the film form with buzzwords.

“It’s just [the] combat that she shows in a different style that I felt was very interesting and very intense,” Harloff says.

Ellis immediately interjects, “I felt like I was inside the plane!”

They did not explain why it was “very interesting and very intense” or why “it felt like [he] was inside the plane.”

Reviewers like Ellis and Harloff are the reason film criticism is perishing. On the Internet, where every schmo has a voice — and sometimes a very loud one — popular criticism has overshadowed good criticism. The film criticism found in popular print publications is often no better, and many reviews are padded with buzzwords meant to be on DVD covers and TV ads.

For instance, in his review of Foxcatcher, film critic Peter Travers of Rolling Stone uses adjectives like “mesmerizing,” “masterwork,” “hypnotic,” “haunting”, “revelatory,” “unique,” and “unforgettable,” without ever explaining why these terms are appropriate.

Before I start to sound too cynical, let me say there are some critics doing tremendous work. One I always enjoy reading is Matt Zoller Seitz, the editor of rogerebert.com. His prose is funny, informative, touching, and sometimes more enjoyable than the films themselves.

His writing may be inaccessible for some, but at least he offers insightful reviews which supply reasons why a film is good or bad that go beyond his emotions.

It is integral that the critic understands storytelling, film form, and the relationship between the two; this is what separates them from those who evaluate films based on their emotions.

Critics should interpret stories for the readers so that when they see a film working on multiple levels, they can understand its artistic value instead of writing it off as a pretentious critic movie.

I dare you to read The Future and Why We Should Avoid It in public.

If you do, prepare to stifle spontaneous giggles, smirks, and bursts of laughter as you try not to draw attention to yourself. Covering topics such as technology, health, leisure, travel, politics, aging, and death, Feschuk has compiled his thoughts into a witty analysis of what is to come based on the current innovations in these fields. He wonders why, when he was promised jetpacks and flying cars as a boy, we instead have things like the Roomba and Wi-Fi enabled fridges.

Feschuk has a distinct sense of humour and a casual, incisive writing style that grabs the reader right from the opening paragraph and holds their attention throughout. It’s easy to see why he is a two-time winner of the Gold Award for Humour at the National Magazine Awards.

While critiquing the state of modern innovations, Feschuk also manages to work in many clever jabs at celebrities including Nicolas Cage, Cher, Ryan Seacrest, Jude Law, Rob Ford, and Kirstie Alley.

When you think about all the brainpower being used to create consumer products, it makes you wonder what could be accomplished if those minds were put to more productive use. For example, as Feschuk points out, Procter and Gamble have recently come out with a breakthrough in razor technology — a handle that pivots. “Gillette’s Fusion ProGlide razor with FlexBallTM Technology is so powerful that it allows capital letters to be placed in the middle of made-up words,” explains Feschuk.

The future of air travel also looks bleak to the author: “Business-class passengers will receive a complimentary bag of nuts. Economy class passengers will receive a complimentary bag of nut. Rest assured that even in these difficult economic times, a majority of our planes continue to feature free coffee and trained pilots.”

Along with Feschuk’s predictions of Canada’s political future if Rob Ford became Prime Minister and his analysis of the 2012 US election campaign, the book features a few sections that I think show

Feschuk at his best. “The Seven Stages of Winter” is written in a seven stages of grief-style list, with three of them being “despair.” I also found his letter of advice to postsecondary students quite useful, including this gem: “Slice of bread, peanut butter, slice of processed cheese, layer of BBQ Fritos, second slice of bread. You’re welcome.”

There are a couple of chapters that read like a collection of ramblings or complaints about society,

and these don’t quite fit in with the rest of the book and its theme of discussing innovations for our future. For instance, I found “Arts and Entertainment” to be the weakest section — unless, of course, you really want to know what Transformers 6: The Hangover would be like.

Inevitably, talk of the future leads to talk of aging and death. Feschuk discusses the many wonderful things we can look forward to in old age, such as memory loss, hair loss, and various other kinds of loss.

On the upside, there may be hope for immortality thanks to Ray Kurzweil and his nanobots.

But would we really want to be immortal? As Feschuk points out, the present was once the future and it’s not that special — so don’t get your hopes up.

14 ARTS

January 6, 2015

FOOD FINDS

to America during the 1920s is an exception. The Immigrant offers up a palette of characters that are battered, broken, and stuck in horrible places while treating their decisions and backgrounds with respect and compassion.

10. Men, Women & Children

4. The Lego Movie

Masterfully written and directed by Jason Reitman, the genius behind Juno, this film perfectly encapsulates our era by examining the effects of social media, texting, and the Internet on the psyche of society.

The best animated film since Wall-E follows an average Lego person as he fulfills an ancient prophecy to help defeat the evil Lord Business who wants to glue the world on Taco Tuesday. The film deserves its popularity for its humour and playfulness, but it’s also worth noting the profundity of its themes and messages.

9. Tusk In all my time spent watching movies, I can’t say that I have ever seen anything quite like this. Kevin Smith’s daring and chilling horror film is about a podcaster who is surgically transformed into a walrus. Part fable, part comedy, all horrifying, Tusk is far better than it has any right to be.

8. Gone Girl This is a twisted and often hilarious satire on western life; it’s also the best thriller of the year. Gone Girl twists and turns, changing perspectives and the audience’s opinions of each character.

Rosamund Pike and Ben Affleck deliver memorable performances in their archetypal roles, as they challenge our perception of the hard-working American white man and his hot, blonde wife.

7. Boyhood Shot over the course of 12 years with the same actors, Boyhood jumps from one year to the next as the actors age on screen from scene to scene. Never has a film reflected reality and time so closely.

6. Ida Ida is an understated and subtly powerful film about not only an orphaned teenager’s identity but also the identity of an entire nation. At first glance, this is a simple story of discovery — but look closer, and it becomes a haunting portrait of Poland in a crisis of identity.

5. The Immigrant I haven’t cried during a movie for a long time, but this story of a Polish immigrant who moves

3. Citizenfour This documentary by Laura Poitras takes place over eight days in the confinement of a hotel room in Hong Kong, where Edward Snowden and other journalists sort out how they are going to release confidential NSA documents.

Poitras has made a thriller out of real life that acts as a wake-up call to those unaware of government intrusions on personal privacy.

2. Enemy Denis Villeneuve is the greatest Canadian director working today. Enemy , starring Jake Gyllenhaal, is his most remarkable achievement to date — a dense and stylish examination of the internal psyche of a man caught in an affair.

This surreal and eerie film gets in your head and refuses to leave.

1. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) The glory of Birdman is that it never ceases to entertain while remaining a profound artistic statement. It’s a movie that demands to be seen by film buffs and popular audiences alike.

Birdman is technically innovative, intellectually challenging, gut-bustingly funny, and entirely dazzling.

Honourable Mentions: The Babadook , Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Foxcatcher , Frank , Hide Your Smiling Faces, Inherent Vice, Noah, Mommy, Top Five, and Two Days, One Night.

One of the great things about living in the Greater Vancouver area is the number of options one has for mealtime. It’s a great area for going on dining adventures or avoiding repetitive trips to ubiquitous chain restaurants. With the advent of services like Groupon, exploring the rich culinary tapestry of the Lower Mainland can be both fun and affordable.

To get you started on escaping the routine and on your way to new and unique dining experiences, Food Finds will showcase a different restaurant every other week, highlighting just what makes them worthy of heading out your door and through theirs.

Without further ado, let’s get started with our first entry: Fresgo Inn Restaurant and Bakery in Surrey.

Fresgo has been serving Surrey residents since 1963, and if you’ve ever been there, its easy to see why. Though it may not look like much, it would be a grave mistake to judge this book by its cover: it’s clear that the folks who work here put everything into the food rather than the decor. Personally I think the atmosphere itself is not bad — but simply dated — which gives Fresgo the feel of a ‘60s or ‘70s diner. The staff love to chat with their customers, and this really gives it a homey feeling.

As mentioned, the staff at Fresgo put everything into their food, and create culinary delights from what many would consider to be standard fare.

Their clam chowder is among the best I’ve ever eaten, as is their fried chicken. If you find yourself there when their prime rib is on the menu, you will find it cooked to perfection. I have never been disappointed with any order I’ve made here,

house ad

and neither has anyone I’ve introduced to the restaurant.

In addition to having excellent food, the portions are huge — as in, so big that my wife and I can order a schnitzel dinner and split it with neither one of us leaving hungry.

As part of their commitment to quality, the onsite bakery supplies their restaurant with every hamburger, sub, hot dog bun, and loaf of bread used in their kitchen, all baked fresh on a daily basis. This bakery also does the same for its incredible selection of desserts, which can be split just as easily as a dinner.

As a bonus for all of the SFU Surrey students who are tired of the mall food court, Fresgo is just across the street. Check it out!

For auld lang syne, my dear, For auld lang syne.

We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet, For auld lang syne.

ARTS

Expanding on the sound of her folksy debut, Angel Olsen’s newest is as exhaustive as a landscape and as specific as a diary entry.

Pairing smart, confessional lyricism with a soulful warble not unlike a female Leonard Cohen, Olsen’s Burn Your Fire for No Witness makes an indelible impression on first listen and reveals new layers each time it’s revisited.

January 6, 2015

Here and Nowhere Else does little to tinker with the careful balance the band struck with 2012’s masterful Attack on Memory — what it does do is break down the band’s exhilarating alterna-rock ethos to a science. Album closer “I’m Not Part of Me” is one of the year’s best and most enduring pop songs, while “Now Hear In” and “Pattern Walks” make quick work of anyone who thought the band might have lost their ability to shred.

British singer-songwriter-producer FKA twigs’ LP1 is less a debut record than a mission statement — a fully realized aesthetic attack on a relatively lacking pop music market. Tightening the songwriting spark of her previous EPs, twigs offers some of the most direct and invigorating pop in recent memory, without pulling back the curtain on her enigmatic persona.

Like most of Aphex Twin’s work, Syro is divisive, a love-it-or-hateit record if there ever was one. It should be fairly obvious by now which side my bread is buttered on; few records in 2014 came with as many expectations as this one, and for me, Syro checked off every box. Borrowing heavily from Richard D. James’ discography, this long-awaited LP manages to make something fresh and surprising out of the warmly familiar.

pom pom (4AD) It’s almost a shame that pom pom is Ariel Pink’s finest and most immaculately imagined batch of songs ever, since he’s made it his mission to alienate as many listeners as possible through a series of recent PR disasters. All trolling aside, the songs on pom pom speak for themselves. Bathed in a distinctly ‘60s psych-rock haze, there’s enough pitch-perfect pop here to instantly overshadow each of the songwriter’s many faux pas.

15

“No family is safe when I sashay.”

So croons Mike Hadreas on Too Bright, the third and best record he’s made under his pseudonym Perfume Genius. Whereas his previous LPs carved out a comfortable space in delicate piano-led art pop, Hadreas’ latest aims for the bleachers, trusting listeners to hang on for moments both more tender and more dissonant than we’ve ever heard from him. The result is the sort of emotional gravitas most musicians can only dream of.

Ruins Improving on just about everything that made their first collaboration successful, underground emcees El-P and Killer Mike bring their A-game to each of RTJ2’s tantalizingly short tracks. El’s skeletal, confrontational production fits the duo’s style perfectly, and their chemistry is stronger and more palpable than ever.

Each song offers a handful of instant quotables, and the LP maintains a sense of pressing urgency throughout that puts the bulk of this year’s hip-hop to shame.

New York foursome Parquet Courts will probably never escape comparisons to Pavement and the Velvet Underground, but that’s only because they’re two of the only bands to have set a precedent for the kind of cerebral, inventive rock at which the band excels. Their debut record Light Up Gold was one hell of a wake-up call, but Sunbathing Animal is smarter, sadder, darker, and just plain better than anything they’ve released so far.

A long-awaited follow-up record that few expected would ever be released, D’Angelo’s newest ended the year not with a bang, but with a bassline. Black Messiah is even better than fans could have hoped for, a record that recreates Voodoo’s effortless grooviness while amping up the production and injecting a distinctly 2014 message of tolerance and equality. No record this year was fresher, funkier, or more of-the-moment.

This is a record that forces you to listen closely, to consider the trickle of rainfall on a window and the beep of a microwave during a power outage as integral a part of the music as anything else. Liz Harris’s music has always commanded singular attention, but Ruins, recorded three years ago during a stint in a small Portuguese town, is her most delicate and self-assured work to date. In a year when countless acts strained to make themselves heard, Harris’ quietude spoke volumes.

16 ARTS

Over the past decade, the PuSh International Performing Arts Festival has become an acknowledged and respected event, both locally and internationally.

For their 11th year, the PuSh Festival begins their next decade by reinforcing their motto, “cross the line.” The festival’s organizers once again bring together a diverse lineup of performing artists from local, national, and international communities. “I think this year is a bit of [a] transition year for us,” artistic director Norman Armour told The Peak. “It’s kind of a fulcrum point between the last 10 years and the next 10 years.”

The PuSh Festival has undergone multiple changes this year, but each new feature contributes to the festival’s growing identity and serves as a development of its vision, values, and priorities.

Connecting with the younger generation is an important aspect of the festival, and one of the organizers’ long-time desires is to collaborate with the Vancouver International Children’s Festival to open new avenues for innovative work developed for a younger audience.

Written in 1956, All That Fall by Irish playwright Samuel Beckett has never been professionally produced in Canada — until now.

Originally broadcast on BBC radio, Beckett never allowed the radio play to be produced on stage in his lifetime. He insisted that it was meant to be heard, as it was better if the audience could imagine the story for themselves. The Beckett estate recently allowed for the play to be produced on stage, but only as a radio play.

Comparing a radio play to a stage play is like comparing a

January 6, 2015

This year the festival welcomes The Adventures of Alvin Sputnik with puppeteer and animator Tim Watts, a piece that is suitable for all ages — “that’s the kind of new thing that we seek to introduce this year, and it puts a new spin on the festival,” Armour explained.

The continuation of the youth pass program further shows the festival’s commitment to younger audiences. The program allows youth aged 16–24 access to rush tickets for $5. The festival also aims to sustain an open and inviting atmosphere where artists can seek opportunities, connections, and experiences.

For instance, local theatre company Theatre Conspiracy commissioned another local company, Hong Kong Exile, who will be presenting their show eatingthegame at Club PuSh. Hong Kong Exile was established in 2011 by three SFU contemporary arts graduates: Milton Lam (theatre), Remy Siu (music), and Natalie Tin Yin Gan (dance). Along with the headlining shows of the festival, Club PuSh offers additional avant-garde performances in the less formal atmosphere of Performance Works on Granville Island.

One of the biggest changes of the year was the relocation of the PuSh main office into the downtown core, where it will occupy a new facility with three other groups. To celebrate the transition is Sequence 8, presented by Montreal’s circus group, Les 7 doigts de

book to a film — one must imagine what everything looks like, and picture the story unfolding in one’s mind. A radio play produced on stage is a bit strange because we are watching actors on stage, but they aren’t really acting anything out so much as reading their lines as if they were the voices for an

la main. After the show there will be an outdoor dance performance in the Queen Elizabeth Theatre Plaza, Sylvain Émard’s Le Grand Continental, which involves 70 local community dancers.

The festival was created as a platform for innovative ideas to converge and develop. In a sense, the festival also provides a glimpse into some of the current trends and interests of performing arts in different parts of the world. As a place where artists can present their work side-by-side, it is an opportunity for relationships or connections to exist between “seemingly discreet and distinct disciplines,” explained Armour.

animated film. For me, watching the actors on stage distracted me from picturing what was happening; it was almost better to close my eyes and just listen.

The play’s title comes from Psalm 145:14 of the King James Bible: “The Lord upholdeth all that fall and raiseth up all those that

The festival presents “a concentrated glimpse into a particular scene” and the opportunity to view how multiple artists from the same art scene create unique and varying pieces. For example, Dutch artists Lotte van den Berg (Cinema Imaginaire) and Dries Verhoeven (Fare Thee Well!) actually knew of each other before becoming involved in the festival.

According to Armour, they share many of the same resources, and there are “lots of parallel in terms of their work.”

Another pair who have preexisting knowledge of each other’s work are Belgian artists Lisbeth Gruwez (It’s going to get worse and

worse and worse, my friend) and Kate McIntosh (Dark Matters).

In order to gain the fullest experience from the festival, Armour encourages people to trust their curiosities and to choose something they wouldn’t normally see.

At its heart, the festival aims to provide a challenge and an inspiration for Vancouverites and visiting artists alike.

be bowed down.” When the main character, Maddy Rooney, says this line, she and her husband roar with incredulous laughter.

Dan’s train is delayed for an unknown reason, and as the Rooneys take the long walk home from the station, Dan refuses to tell Maddy what the holdup was.

Despite very little happening in this play, the grim comic demeanour of Mrs. Rooney holds your attention for over an hour until the surprising conclusion.

Mr. Rooney repeatedly remarks, “if I’m alive tomorrow,” and there are many matter-of-fact references to death and aging that foreshadow the gruesome ending.

Ultimately, the play’s dark humour and Mrs. Rooney’s bleak outlook is what makes this classic both entertaining and profound.

An abstract portrait of Beckett presided over the stage as the actors brought this story to life through dialogue and sound effects. Like Beckett’s Waiting for Godot, this is a play with little plot or action. Maddy Rooney grumbles along to meet her blind husband, Dan, at the train station.

She meets a few interesting characters along the way, including Mr. Slocum, who gives her a lift, and Miss Fit, a religious woman who describes herself as “not all there.”

SPORTS

sports editor email / phone

January 6, 2015

Austin Cozicar sports@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

17

“I’ve just got to teach them that they’re not going to start off playing good, but just keep your head up and be positive,” Sango Niang, now one of the captains of the men’s basketball team, explains what he feels he needs to teach his younger teammates.

Niang is now the bonafide star of the team, and it’s hard to imagine the senior point guard being anything less. However, the advice he offers his teammates comes from having gone through the process himself — perhaps through a harder road than most — in a true underdog story.

Sango was born in Paris, France, the son of an Olympian track and field runner. He moved to California with his family when he was six. “It was a hard adjustment because I didn’t speak English at all,” he explains.

Although he was athletic, running track and field himself, he didn’t even begin playing basketball until his freshman year in high school. Needless to say, he did not receive much playing time at first — in his sophomore year, he didn’t even make the team.

Despite missing the cut, he pursued the game with dogged determination: “I usually went to 24 Hour Fitness and just practice[d] by myself, and my parents would have to tell me to go home, do my homework, ‘you did enough for today.’ But I used to go outside in the rain, walk to the gym 10 miles away and just get my work in.”

However, despite his hard work, he had few chances to actually play the game. Sango ended up making the junior and senior varsity teams at Summit High, but would have to wait for college to get his chance to shine.

“After high school, I went to junior college next to my house and I tried out [for the basketball team],” he says. “The coach told me I was going to redshirt because I wasn’t good enough yet.”

However, it would be here that he would finally get his chance: “[The coach] let me play in one of

their tournaments preseason and I had 27 points. He told me, ‘You’re going to be my starting point guard.’

“I always kept the doubters at the back of my mind and always worked hard to prove everybody wrong,” he explains.

One of the challenges that remains for Sango is the distance from his family, who still live in California. “That’s the hardest part, being away from home.

“We’ll talk on the phone a lot,” he adds. “Before and after every game, I talk to my dad.”

His passion for basketball becomes apparent when he explains his cure for the homesick blues: “Basketball gets me through it.

When I get homesick, I just go to the gym and get some shots up.”

Now, he is an integral part of a new high-scoring offence for the Clan, with the team scoring about 130 points per game so far. “It’s a more fun playing style,” he says.

A good part of the reason he came to SFU was head coach James Blake. “[Blake] believed in me first, and he gave me opportunities so I signed with SFU. We’re going to change the team, me and him together.”

However, Sango’s leadership role means he has to do more than focus on his own game — he also has to make the players around him better.

“I push them by being an asshole at practice, just talking smack to them, making sure everyone is practicing at game speed,” he explains. “If you aren’t practicing at game speed, it’s going to be difficult when you play the game. So I try to make practice intense and make it a real in-game situation.”

He explains that in order for the team to win, he can’t just be focused on individual achievements.

“I know other teams [have] me on the scouting report and

they’re going to try and block me, so I try and get everyone involved. So when the time is right, I just get my points and try not to take bad shots,” he explains.

“I just play hard. If you play hard, you’re going to play good. It’s not just about scoring, it’s about winning. You’ve got to make everyone around you better.”

Sango enters 2015 with the knowledge that he will be playing his last games of college basketball, and that he’ll have to make an impression this year if he wants to play professionally.

To get to the next level, he says, “I’ve just got to work harder, be a good leader, have a good season — a winning season.”

With the team ending 2014 at 6–3, and Sango averaging over 20 points per game, it appears that he is well on his way towards his dreams.

18 SPORTS

On December 17, SFU announced that Clan football head coach Jacques Chapdelaine had resigned “to pursue other career options.”

Two days later, the Saskatchewan Roughriders announced that they had hired Chapdelaine as their next offensive coordinator.

Chapdelaine, a Clan alumnus himself, was brought in this past February to replace former head coach Dave Johnson, who was dismissed in November last year. Prior to coaching at SFU, Chapdelaine was an offensive coordinator with the BC Lions and spent time on various coaching staffs in the Canadian Football League.

SFU now finds itself in a similar situation to last year when they dismissed Johnson: they have to find a new head coach, and will yet again have to move forward recruiting without the eyes of the person who will coach the team.

January 6, 2015

However, athletics director Milt Richards stated that Chapdelaine left the team in good shape before his departure.

“Jacques Chapdelaine and staff have put the program in excellent shape to succeed,” Richards told The Peak a day after Chapdelaine’s resignation. “We’re disappointed that he’s decided to move on, but we’ll be fine. We’ll be naming an interim head coach in the next few weeks, and we’re going to start a national search, and we’ll recruit a great coach like we did before.”

The interim head coach will lead recruitment efforts while SFU begins its search for a new coach — one which has already drummed up significant interest. As of Friday, January 2, an interim head coach has not yet been named.

“It’s only been a day, and I’ve already had about 15 people

“It was a good team effort, and everybody was clicking at different moments of the game,” explained Erin Chambers, who once again led the charge offensively for SFU with 22 points. “It was a good start to the new year.”

SFU’s women’s basketball team kicked off the new year with some fireworks as they put up 74 points and defeated Montana State University Billings (MSUB) by a single point in a home game.

Although the Clan had a comfortable lead heading into the second half, the Yellowjackets were resilient, overtaking them to grab a five point lead with less than four minutes to go.

SFU fought back hard and managed to regain their lead with only 1.7 seconds left on the clock, thanks to a Samantha Beauchamp layup off a superb dish from sophomore point guard Ellen Kett.

Chambers, who is averaging a GNAC-leading 24.7 points per outing this season, was a big part of the Clan’s comeback, as she converted on a crucial three-point play when the team was down 71–67 to bring them within one. “[MSUB] is always a hard team,” Chambers told The Peak, adding that she was not surprised

inquire about the position,” said Richards last month.

For reference, Richards noted that it took less than 90 days to hire Chapdelaine earlier this year.

As well, preference will be given to Canadians or “those authorised to work in Canada,” which would speed up the process.

“I’m happy with the process, and it worked before,” said Richards. “It worked with Gina Schmidt, our volleyball coach, it worked when we hired Annie Hamel, our women’s soccer coach, and it worked when we

hired coach Chapdelaine. And it’s going to work again.”

When asked about possible concerns regarding recruiting without a head coach in place, Richards said he was not worried.

“I think the head coach makes a tremendous difference, but I also think think a great university that plays in the NCAA [and] that’s located in Vancouver is very attractive to a lot of recruits,” he noted.

“We’ve been talking to some good kids, I think we’re going to continue to do that, and hopefully we’ll win some of those prospects.”

the game ended up coming down to the wire. “I knew it was going to be a battle from the get-go.”

The matchup certainly was not without firepower, as Chambers was joined by both the number two and number three scorers in the conference, MSUB’s Kayleen Goggins, who led her team with 25 points, and Alisha Breen, who had a disappointing performance with only 9 points.

For the Clan, senior guard Katie Lowen impressed early with four three-pointers in the first half before cooling down in the second and ending the game 4–9 from deep. Beauchamp, on the other hand, was 5–5 from the field and also dominated defensively with a team-best four blocks.

The win moved SFU to a perfect 2–0 record in GNAC play and 6–4 overall. Chambers noted that the their performance was definitely a good sign for the year to come.

“We always want to be the hardest working team,” Chambers

explained of any ‘resolutions’ for 2015. “We just want to keep pushing through as our season is starting off.”

Although he admits that Chapdelaine’s departures creates some new “challenges,” he refuses to call this a setback for the team. Richards is confident that the Clan are trending in the right direction, and will continue to do so under the next head coach.

“I think we’re going to continue to get better,” he stated.

“Even though our record was 2–9 this year, I thought we had a good team. We played hard, I thought we were in a lot of games, and I hope to improve on that. And I think we will.”

Chambers did it all offensively for the Clan, leading the team in both points and assists.

Surprisingly, it was her lowestscoring game since the season opener, but that’s only because she has been so consistently above her class. Whether she’s shooting or distributing, with the way she been playing, Chambers is poised to have one hell of a 2015.

SPORTS

January 6, 2015

a team of track athletes running cross country so the course really slowed us down.”

Runner Jennifer Johnson achieved all-American status cracking the top 40 at 30th, while Rebecca Bassett — who led the team at the GNAC and regionals — just missed the honour at 43rd.

Meanwhile, the men’s team, coming into the tournament unranked, placed 20th out of 32 teams. Sophomore Oliver Jorgensen led the team placing 88th, while runners Marc AntoineRouleau and Cameron Proceviat finished 128th and 129th.

In November, for the first time in the NCAA, the women’s cross country team finished first place in both the Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) championship and the west regionals.

The men also broke new ground, qualifying for their first ever national championship.

While winning both the conference and regional titles guaranteed the women a spot at the national championship, the men just made the cut, placing sixth at regionals, as the top six teams qualified for the national championship.

Last year, even when winning all but one game against non-conference rivals, they only scored in the triple digits three times: twice non-conference and once in the GNAC. Their highest single game score was 112 points and averaged 78.4 points per game.

This season, they have not scored less than 90 points in any game, including the Division I exhibition matchups which did not count towards their record. In 11 games (including the exhibition games), the team has managed to reach 160 points twice.

Although the game was much tighter than much of their non-conference contests, in their one GNAC matchup in December they still managed to score 123 points.

Point guard Sango Niang leads the GNAC in scoring with 21.8 points per game while Roderick Evans-Taylor and Justin Cole are third and ninth in the conference, respectively.

Niang ranks 19th in the NCAA. Though it is usually the second half of the season that turns the record negative for the men’s basketball team, it appears that this year they might be able to keep it going.

Photo courtesy of Ron Hole

The Clan men’s basketball have jumped out of the gate ending 2014 with a 6–3 record, winning their only Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) contest so far.

At nationals, however, the women placed seventh, matching their previous year’s performance. They did beat their fellow regional competitors and GNAC rivals, Alaska Anchorage and Western Washington.

“We can’t be disappointed finishing seventh because we were the number one team in the region,” head coach Brit Townsend told SFU Athletics.

“The course was slow, wet and muddy so it was tailor-made for the tough mudders. We are

Although the Clan usually dominate this time of the year — having gone 6–3 to wrap up 2013 before finishing the 2013– 14 season 10–16, struggling in the GNAC — it’s their offence that has been drawing attention.

On the weekend of November 21–23, SFU’s swim teams hosted the 18th annual Clan Cup International. Both the men’s and women’s put up dominant showings, ending the swim

meet first in total points with 1591 — with second placers Oregon State at 959.

Freshman Adrian VanderHelm became the the first member of the men’s swim team ever to qualify for an NCAA national championship, having qualified in men’s 200m freestyle as a result of beating the NCAA Division II ‘A’ standard which guarantees qualification. His time, 1:36.29, was the fastest time this season.

Now, SFU faces four more swim meets — four more opportunities for swimmers to qualify for the national championship — before heading to the national championship held in Indianapolis, IN on March 11.

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Clan men’s basketball lost 108–86 to the Alaska Anchorage Seawolves last Thursday.

SFU played a closer game than the score indicated, with much of the game neck and neck between the teams.

However, a stretch in which they allowed the Seawolves to score 11 points in the first half created a gap which proved too large to overcome. This game marks the first time that the Clan scored less than 90 points this season (including exhibition). Freshman Patrick Simon led the team in scoring with 19 points.

On December 2, SFU men’s soccer head coach Alan Koch announced that former Whitecaps midfielder/ defender Kevin Harmse will join the Clan as an assistant coach. Harmse had played with the Whitecaps as recently as 2011 before retiring in 2013 due to injury.

20 DIVERSIONS / ETC

Across 1- Not fem.

5- ___ Romeo 9- Movie critic Roger 14- Sea east of the Caspian 15- Sphere 16- Word with panel or energy 17- So long!

18- Closed 19- Ragu competitor 20- Hearing distance 22- Person who rows 24- Strange and mysterious 26- Rocker Ocasek 27- District adjacent to a city 30- Northward movement 35- Blow one’s top 36Poet ___ St. Vincent Millay 37- Implement 38- Proverb ending?

39- Devoted 42- Code-breaking org.

43- WWII battle site 45- Affirm 46- Bendable twig, usually of a willow tree 48- Gauges 50- Area with coin-operated games LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

January 6, 2015

ISTER NOW for the Third annual 2015 TOXTALKS SYMPOSIUM happening on February 7, 2015 at IRMACS Centre. The event aims at Are you Gay, Bi-sexual or just not engaging discussions among stusure? Need a safe place to talk? dents, other academia, and indusHOMINUM is an informal discus- try reps. Grad students are strongly sion and support group to help gay, encouraged to present their rebi-sexual and questioning men search at this fun event! To attend/ with the challenges of being mar- present please visit: http://www.sfu. ried, separated or single. We meet ca/conferences/toxtalks.html/ f5 every Monday Evening in locations CJSF Radio is seeking a MEMBER around the Metro-Vancouver Area. EXPERIENCE COORDINATOR to For information and meeting loca- research and develop new and imtion, call Don: 604-329-9760 or Art proved volunteer processes. Part604-462-9813. time, 10 months, 18/hour. More MATH GOT YOU SCARED? WOR- Info: http://www.cjsf.ca/volunteer/ RIED ABOUT THAT UPCOMING work.php FINAL? Contact Scott Cowan for all CJSF Radio is seeking a PUBLIC your Math/MACM tutoring needs. RELATIONS COORDINATOR. A Competitive rates, extensive ex- great opportunity to gain career reperience and great past reviews! lated experience. This a is a volunscottc@alumni.sfu.ca f13 teer position that includes a monthly EDUCATE AND BE INSPIRED! honorarium. More Info: http://www. **CALL FOR ABSTRACTS** REG- cjsf.ca/volunteer/work.php

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PEAK SUBSCRIPTION 51- MSNBC rival 52- Pan-fry 54- Sudden inclination to act 58- Fur hunter 62- Bobby of the Black Panthers 63- Author ___ Stanley Gardner 65- Ripped 66- Hand woven wall hanging 67- Hawaiian outdoor feast 68- Dash 69- A long time 70- Cong. meeting 71- Take five Down 1- Clublike weapon 2- Met highlight 3- River to the Moselle

4- Photo of a raindrop on a rose petal, e.g.

5- Soak up 6- Christine of “Chicago Hope” 7- Stomach, Asian, or Hong Kong 8- Choir member 9- ___ de corps 10- Soup made with beets 11- K-6 12- Hindu music 13- 1982 Disney film 21- Unit of frequency 23- Chilean pianist Claudio 25- Incessant 27- Earthquake 28- Liquid waste component 29- Papal seal 31- ___ about (approximately)

32- Ancient Greek colony 33- Snooped (around) 34- Stare angrily 36- Gutter locale 40- Makes 41- A bit, colloquially 44- Like the tiny mouth of a sponge 47- King’s staff 49- Except if 50- Gold coin of ancient Rome 53- Book of maps 54- Brit’s exclamation 55- Trifling 56- Graph prefix 57- Slippery swimmers 59- Tent stick 60- Historical chapters 61- 1996 Tony-winning musical 64- Regret

As an SFU student, you pay a subscription fee to the Peak Publications Society. For paying, you get access to a weekly copy of The Peak filled with news and views of interest to you, and are eligible to become a member of the Peak Publications Society. Benefits of membership include the opportunity to run and vote for the Peak Publications Society Board of Directors, to place free classified ads, to publish your work and opinions in The Peak, to become eligible to be paid for your contributions, and to apply to become an editor or staff member.

Your contribution also helps provide jobs and experience for other SFU students, maintain an archive of SFU history through the eyes of students, maintain a computer lab and web site, and support student journalism across Canada.

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EVENT LISTINGS ARE FREE FOR SFU STUDENTS AND STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS. SEND THE DATE, TIME, LOCATION, NAME, AND A 15 WORD DESCRIPTION TO CLASSIFIEDS@THE-PEAK.CA

HUMOUR

Jacey Gibb Humour Editor After spending the last decade in development hell, the fourth installment of the Jurassic Park franchise is ready to be extracted from amber and resurrected in theatres June this year. While some of the earlier scripts contained hilariously bad plots — including one draft about dinosaurs who could use military weapons — these were nothing compared to the ones Universal Studios tried to bury. For the first time ever, here are four abandoned plot pitches once considered for Jurassic Park 4.

1) : Set in the year 120,000 AD, the world’s first human theme park is about to start welcoming visitors. However,

humour editor email / phone

January 6, 2015

after some of the park’s investors (who are dinosaurs!) express a concern over the attraction’s safety, a pair of paleontologists (dinosaur paleontologists), a lawyer (he’s a dinosaur), and a chaos theorist (he’s a human. . . kidding!) assess if the park is ready for visitors. At the film’s climax, a giant Jeff Goldblum will become the movie’s unlikely hero and save the day — and our protagonists — by facing off against three ferocious Laura Derns.

2) : Tim and Lexi Murphy, now adults and co-managers of the Isla Nublar youth centre, discover a nefarious plot by InGen to buy the centre and convert it into a frozen yogurt emporium — unless they can raise the $50,000 needed to cover the centre’s operating costs. With their backs against the wall, the siblings set out with their trusted dog Spot to find the one thing that can help save the Isla Nublar rec centre: the fabled, but never captured, breakdancing Tyrannosaurus rex.

3) : Ian Malcolm, griefstricken from the loss of his wife Sarah Harding, invents the world’s first time machine and attempts to go back in time to prevent her death. However, a slight glitch in his equation accidentally transports Malcolm and Nick Van Owen back to the Cretaceous period, where they struggle to blend in until Malcolm fixes his time machine — all while trying to avoid changing the past!

4) : After losing a high-stakes poker match against the Chinese mafia, the only way a now-retired Dr. Alan Grant can convince them not to cut off his arms is if he takes them to the mysterious island of Isla Nublar. Upon his return, Grant discovers that his former girlfriend Ellie Sattler has become a deity of sorts for a local tribe, who were revived by DNA found in amber. With Sattler arranged to marry to warrior chief, Grant has to figure out a way to remind Sattler of what they once shared.

Photo courtesy of Tristan Kittl (Flickr)

by Jacey Gibb

Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

A new study from Burnaby Mountain’s Rural Animal Welfare Report (RAWR) is warning that, unless the university takes action against their existing Zero Waste program, snacking habitats for raccoons may soon disappear completely.

The Zero Waste Initiative, which was implemented at Simon Fraser in 2011, is a program dedicated towards reducing the amount of SFU’s garbage being sent to the landfill.

Instead, Zero Waste employs four separate bins to help divide trash into either “mixed paper,” “recyclables,” “food scraps and compostables,” and “landfill garbage,” deterring part of the university’s waste output. According to the SFU Sustainability Strategic Plan, the objective “is to divert 70 per cent of our waste from the landfill by the end of 2015.”

Data from 2013 shows SFU is over halfway towards its goal, sitting at a comfortable 37 per cent, but RAWR is convinced that these eco-friendly initiatives are having a negative impact on the snacking habits of SFU’s raccoon population.

“Everyone automatically associates recycling with success and glamour,” RAWR researcher Monica Wells told The Peak. “Well, now the raccoons on Burnaby Mountain are paying the price.”

By compiling raccoon behavioural snack patterns from six years ago and comparing them with patterns since the waste efficiency program came into effect,

21

RAWR claims that raccoons are having to travel further and further just to find some delicious trash to mow down on while watching infomercials at one a.m.

The study also claims that some raccoons become confused when faced with four different multicoloured bins — unable to determine if the most delicious trash can cuisine would be found in “food scraps and compostables” or “landfill garbage” — and eventually giving up in frustration.

“Frankly, I’m surprised that the university would push through such an irresponsible program without first conducting research to see if any of the campus’ wildlife would be impacted,” said Wells. “Proper waste management and progressive greenthinking has essentially wiped out any source of late-night munchies that the raccoon population is reliant on.”

In addition to the changed behavioural patterns, RAWR researchers say that more raccoons are binge eating whenever a discarded meal is found, along with a sharp spike in recorded raccoon tummy rumbles. The overall consensus is that SFU’s animal population is in a crisis, with raccoons especially becoming “hangry” on a regular basis.

“Hangry raccoons — who are angry because they’re hungry — are similar to regular raccoons except they’re more passive-aggressive and more likely to lash out at friend racoons for something petty, like talking too much,” explained Wells. “If you encounter a raccoon and you suspect it might be hangry, try to appear as large as possible while slowly backing away from the animal.” If you’re going around on the trails at Burnaby campus, you can also avoid these encounters in the first place by not smacking your lips too loud when eating something delicious.”

22 HUMOUR

January 6, 2015

The defector further revealed that Kim’s wife, Ri Sol-ju, was so unimpressed with the size of his penis that she was forced to marry him at gunpoint. Other sources confirm this information, adding that a state holiday is prepared in case Kim is ever able to successfully bring her to orgasm.

The secret is out: a North Korean defector now living in Seoul, South Korea, is claiming that the size of Kim Jong-un’s threats is connected to his small genitalia.

With North Korean hostilities escalating in recent years — from repeated threats of invading neighbouring countries to suspicion from the recent Sony Pictures hackings in response to the Seth Rogen/ James Franco film The Interview — actions against the United States and its allies have become increasingly ambitious. Despite speculations over why Kim’s reign as Supreme Leader of North Korea has been so volatile, analysts have been left without definite reason — until now.

An interview with the highlevel North Korean defector is

Awards season has arrived at your friendly neighbourhood 12-theatre Cineplex Odeon.

After trudging through months of cash-grab sequels and movies Adam Sandler probably conceived while sitting on the toilet, there’s finally something out there worth pirating. Have you ever dreamed about writing your own Oscar-buzz-tastic screenplay? Well, now you can. Just follow the next eight steps, and by this time next year, you’ll have the academy salivating like Pavlov’s dog in July.

First off, who’s directing your Academy Award-winning film?

A. Wes Anderson, except he’s mad at Bill Murray and the Wilson brothers so none of them are coming along B. Quentin Tarantino, in a creative direction that makes Django Unchained look like Grown Ups

Anonymous North Korean defector

shedding light on why Kim Jongun has been acting in such a threatening manner.

“He has a really small penis,” the defector stated very bluntly, “and that is what it all boils down to.”

When asked if there was any other explanation for the young dictator’s hostile behaviour, the defector simply shook her head. She then proceeded to describe rumours within North Korea of how the once-adequately endowed Kim had

C. Christopher Nolan, overcompensating in hopes that people might forget about the last act of Interstellar D. Martin Scorsese, directing more flesh and nudity than an unrated cut of The Wolf of Wall Street E. James Cameron, because he’s going to outlive us all F. Ben Affleck, seemingly proving to everyone (and himself) that his latest streak isn’t a fluke Playing against his/her usual typecast, your lead will be A. David Bowie, without tights on B. Michael Cera, playing someone who isn’t trying to lose his virginity C. Cate Blanchett, though the audience only ever sees the lower half of her face D. Jon Heder, who gained 30 pounds of muscle for the role E. Quentin Tarantino, playing a character that doesn’t continuously sling racial slurs F. Will Smith, in a dramatic role as a father mourning the death of his son’s film career G. Amy Adams, playing someone remotely interesting

his size reduced in an accident involving a prototype shrink ray at an experimental weapons factory. During a test run, the shrink ray became unstable and exploded; the blast killed everyone on site except Kim, who miraculously survived.

Unfortunately, his joy was short-lived, as it was quickly overshadowed by the horrifying revelation that the blast had left him with a micropenis.

However, critics will agree that the film’s standout star is supporting actor A. Ellen Page, who plays a washed up child actor in her 20s potentially eyeing a comeback B. Drew Carey, playing a corrupt Wall Street banker who’s in the pocket of some mobster C. Jared Leto, playing another transgender person with HIV D. Helen Mirren, as a woman with multiple personalities — all of which are roles Mirren has played E. A hologram of Philip Seymour Hoffman, playing the main character’s best friend F. Jennifer Lawrence, who could honestly get away with just being a background extra at this point The film’s plot revolves around A. Mankind’s first colony on Mars, including the years of training leading up to it B. A ragtag group of marketing cronies who have until the end of the day to discover the next big thing C. Women’s rights activists in the 1960s D. An expedition into a coma patient’s subconscious to uncover where it is that dreams come from

“He cursed the world for what had happened to him,” the defector described the Supreme Leader’s radical change in personality.

“After days of sulking in his palace suite while listening to early-era Coldplay songs, he decided to enact vengeance on the world that cursed him with such a tiny penis.

“The more ambitious he gets with his threats, the more we know about his nether regions.”

E. The seedy underbelly of the car window repair industry F. A modern retelling of George Orwell’s Animal Farm

When asked how she knew all these details so well, the defector stated that she had been a former mid-level government worker in North Korea when she was propositioned for sex by the Supreme Leader. However, the defector made the faux pas of laughing at the Supreme Leader’s micropenis and was immediately terminated from her position.

“I knew laughing was a mistake,” the defector said at the end of her interview, “but like Rogen, I couldn’t help it. I’m surprised anyone takes him seriously at all.”

But little does the audience know that A. The film’s antagonists never existed; they were psychological manifestations of the protagonist B. The opening scene is chronologically the last scene of the film C. The main character will be brutally killed off halfway through D. James Franco was behind everything the whole time E. The film’s plot will lack closure, ending with a character in mid-sentence

riots in France during 1968 Is there comedic relief?

A. The phrase “dark comedy” has never rung truer B. Kathy Griffin will provide occasional witty one-liners that add surprising subtext to the film C. There’s a smoking child who’s unbearably cynical D. During a moment of mental fragility, a character will tell a ham sandwich to “Shut up!”

E. Everything an artificially intelligent robot says will lack any empathy, resulting in dry humour F. No comedic relief. Just sombre moments involving sombre characters

Is it an original idea, a remake, based on a novel, or inspired by a true story?

A. The film is 100 per cent an original idea B. It’s a remake of a lesser-known French film named Petite licorne (Little Unicorn) C. It’s based on a supposedly lost novel by Jane Austen D. It’s based on the next “it” trilogy of young-adult fiction novels E. It’s inspired by the true story of a family from Michigan F. It’s inspired by the student

What makes your film unique?

A. The film is completely silent except for a single doorbell ring around the 70 minute mark B. For any character that died in the film, the director insisted on killing the actor who portrayed him/her to establish a real sense of loss C. It’s only 42 minutes long D. Everything, down to what catering company was hired for onset, came to the director in a dream

HUMOUR

January 6, 2015

23

24 LAST WORD

features editor email / phone

Brad McLeod features@the-peak.ca / 778.782.4560

January 6, 2015