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FIRST PEEK
March 9, 2015
I’ve never seen a face go so blank. I quickly laughed and shifted to another topic, as I suddenly remembered that that level of passion for sports uniform aesthetics was something I normally kept to myself. Of course, I’m well aware that most people couldn’t care less about the way athletes dress, but as strange as it may seem, the study of sports logos and jersey design is one of the greatest joys in my life. I first really got into sports aesthetics in my early years of high school, after I discovered online communities of like-minded weirdos. Researching and creating my own jersey ‘concepts’ quickly began to take up a lot of my free time as a teenager. It was definitely an odd obsession, and one I didn’t talk about.
About a year ago, I went out on a blind double date with a friend of mine, his girlfriend, and her friend. It was bound to be an awkward night, and as someone who is often painfully shy, I was especially nervous about making conversation. To my surprise, things actually started off really well. I kept up with discussions on everything from school to movies to philosophy, without saying anything too weird, and I quickly began to loosen up. But then my date noticed the hockey game playing on the TV behind us. “I like those red jerseys,” she remarked innocently, looking at the Calgary Flames uniforms. Now, I can’t recall exactly what I said in response, but I’m pretty sure it went something like this. “Oh, those are their new thirds. They’re definitely a step up from their primaries. I mean, at least they don’t have that horrible piping or those flag shoulder patches. They’d look a lot better with the flaming “C” as the crest instead of that wordmark, though. I also can’t say I love the collar. Obviously they should go back to their ’80s look, without the black, full-time. . .”
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Even though I would frequently spend entire weekends in 11th grade doing nothing but photoshopping together complex uniform ideas, I pretended to spend my time doing something a little more normal instead, like playing basketball, watching TV, or riding my bike. But having a secret passion that was completely my own thing was precisely what I loved about
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being into sports aesthetics. Everything else I did — whether it was schoolwork, creative writing, or playing sports — felt like I did so primarily hoping to seek the approval of others. Sports design was something that no one I knew had even the slightest interest in; it was, and continues to be, an interest based entirely around my own personal passion. Having enthusiasm for something, completely independent of what other people think, is a wonderful and unique feeling. Although university has certainly limited the amount of time I can spend obsessing over and designing sports uniforms, I will never stop loving it. I’ll always be more excited about the chance to see the Pittsburgh Penguins wearing their throwback jerseys with real gold than I ever will about the chance to see Sidney Crosby playing in a game. I know most people won’t understand that, and I really don’t need them to. If I want to relate to people, I still have plenty of knowledge about sports, movies, and Breaking Bad to rely on. My thoughts on how wide the stripes on the Carolina Hurricanes socks should be, on the other hand, is something I know I’ll probably only entertain myself with. And I like it that way. I should probably wait until at least the third date to bring it up, though.
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NEWS
March 9, 2015
news editor email
Leah Bjornson associate news editor news@the-peak.ca
Melissa Roach
school’s colours. Davies chose the original Clan colours — blue, red, and white — and said they represented loyalty, courage, and honesty, respectfully. “Our crest will always be a tribute to Lorne, his values, and his vision,” commented Richards in an official statement. A man of many accomplishments, Davies was perhaps less well-known for his work on athletic scholarship programs. “It’s kind of taken for granted today that if you’re a university athlete, you get some help,” Beck mused. “Fifty years ago, it was quite the opposite.”
Photo courtesy of Vancouver Sun
Fifty years after helping launch SFU Athletics, SFU’s founding athletic director and head football coach, Lorne Davies, has passed away. Davies died on Feb. 27 in St. Paul’s Hospital after suffering from an illness related to his heart and kidneys.
“Lorne meant everything to SFU Athletics — it was his life’s work,” said Milton Richards, SFU’s senior director of athletics and recreation in a statement by SFU Athletics. “We will forever carry his spirit in our hearts every time our student athletes put on the Clan uniform to enter competition,” he said. Chancellor Gordon Shrum chose Davies to head SFU’s athletics program during the school’s inaugural year, a position he held for 30 years until 1995. Jason Beck, the curator and facility director of the BC Sports Hall of Fame, commented on
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the contribution Davies made to BC sports over his lifetime. “The amount of great athletes and coaches [. . .] that have come through SFU, you can’t put a figure on it, it’s probably in the thousands. So [his] impact on Canadian sport is immeasurable,” he said.
Beck got to know Davies over the past few years before his induction into the Hall of Fame in 2010. A former SFU student himself, Beck was struck by Davies’ dignity, positivity, and determination. “He was very modest,” Beck continued, remembering his first interview with Davies in his office in the AQ. Davies
assumed that Beck knew very little about him, and Beck recalls that “he actually gave me a resume, which I thought was kind of cute. I humoured him and looked through it, but a lot of the things on there were well-known.” Beck explained that Davies “raised the standard” of athletics at SFU, and in western Canada in general, by hiring full-time coaches for the first time and marketing SFU as a national training centre. Davies also promoted equal opportunities in sports for female athletes, growing the athletic department from three men’s and women’s programs in 1965 — football, basketball and swimming — to 17 programs. In a more understated way, Davies’ impact can be seen every day at SFU: in the Lorne Davies Complex, which was named after him, and in our
In recent years, Davies championed the Terry Fox Humanitarian Award Program, which aims to honour the spirit of Terry Fox. According to Beck, Davies counselled Fox before and during his Marathon of Hope, and remained involved in the campaign after his passing. During this time, Davies became very close with Stan Stewardson, Fox’s basketball coach at SFU. The two worked together for 10 years, and the impact Davies made on Stewardson’s life is exemplified by the letter of support the latter wrote when Davies was to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. “His support never wavered,” Stewardson wrote. “He gave me freedom to run my program. He was my boss, he was my friend. His inspiration, advice, and confidence was always present. [. . .] Psychologically, he’s a genius. He was never defeated and his mental toughness inspired every coach he came into contact with. He set the standard in all of Canada for athletic leadership. “Lorne Davies is what Simon Fraser Athletics is all about.”
NEWS
As the clock ticked towards the imminent deadline for submitting referendum questions on March 4, the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) board of directors debated which questions should be put to a student vote in the 2015 SFSS elections. These yes or no questions allow active members of the student society — any undergraduate student registered in a course or program for the semester — to vote on resolutions concerning the activities of the society. Referenda are required for the SFSS to make changes to student levies, bylaws, and debentures, among other matters. In total, eight potential referendum questions were discussed; after much deliberation, board approved four questions that will be put to SFU undergraduates for a vote between March 24–26. The future of the Build SFU projects generated extensive discussion among board members. No to Build SFU, a group that has been campaigning against the projects for the past several months, brought two motions to the table to be discussed by board. The first motion proposed the immediate removal of the Build SFU levy. If passed, this would effectively remove any future student funding for the Student Union Building (SUB) and Stadium projects. The second motion called for a bylaw addition to ensure that any project valued at over $5,000,000 and involving student money require a minimum of 10 per cent voter turnout and a 75 per cent majority vote. No to Build SFU presented a petition to add the questions to the referendum, which had garnered 628 of the 1,000 student signatures required to force the questions’ inclusion on the ballot. Several board members acknowledged the student support for the questions, but expressed concerns surrounding the wording of the proposed referenda. “The bylaw addition question doesn’t conform to the conventions of a special resolution, and thus would not have the force of effect on the SFSS bylaws upon an affirmative vote,” said Chardaye Bueckert, SFSS president.
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Do you approve establishing the Health Science Undergraduate Student Union (HSUSU) as the Faculty Student Union (FSU) of the Faculty of Health Science as of 2015-05-01?
“I don’t disagree with its intention, but I have concerns around the wording and the process.” The board felt there was not enough time to reword the questions before the 6:30 p.m. deadline that evening. No to Build SFU members expressed their dissatisfaction with the process, saying they tried to come to the working group for help forming the questions, but received none. At-large representative Rebecca Langmead moved to instead produce a web survey that would poll student opinion on the Build SFU projects. Built into the motion was a clause to withhold board members’ stipends should they fail to do so. In addition to the proposed Build SFU questions, six other potential referendum questions were debated.
society would like to reallocate 25 cents per full-time student and 15 cents per part-time student from the Space Expansion Fund to finance the Food Bank.
Health Sciences Faculty Student Union: Approved
Students will not vote on a question to discontinue the Accessibility Fund levy. The question called for the immediate removal of the levy and the transfer of remaining funds into the unrestricted surplus, on the grounds that the Accessibility Committee does not use a good portion of the money. Without an Accessibility Committee, VP finance Adam Potvin suggested that accessibility issues could be brought to the Space Expansion Committee. Anthony Janolino, representative for Students United for Disability Support (SUDS) and member of the Accessibility Committee, expressed his opposition to the motion on the grounds that reallocating the funds could be seen as lowering the priority of accessibility. He instead suggested that the untouched money be put towards making member participation in
The Health Sciences Faculty Student Union (HSUSU) is seeking to become the official faculty student union for health sciences. In the election period, health sciences students will have the opportunity to vote yes or no to being officially represented by HSUSU.
SFSS Emergency Food Bank Levy: Approved Board members are asking students to vote on increasing funding for the SFU Food Bank, which served 251 students this semester alone. The program currently functions by providing certificates to be redeemed at Nester’s Market and the SFU Dining Hall. The university has offered to match whatever the SFSS contributes, up to $16,000 yearly. In order to monopolize on that offer, the
Space Expansion Fund Levy and the Membership Fee Levy: Approved The board added a question to the ballot that will ask students whether or not they support reallocating over half of the $10 fulltime student Space Expansion Fund (SEF) levy to the society’s general fund. Previous boards have suggested that the general fund is consistently under financial pressure, and since the board sees no pressing need for maintenance, which is the purpose of the SEF, the money could come from there.
Accessibility Fund Levy: Failed
society matters more accessible. “This meeting is barely accessible,” he stated, pointing out that for someone with a vision impairment like himself, it is impossible to read the meeting agenda or to hold up the correct ballot at an SGM without braille.
Schools Building Schools Levy: Approved Students will have the opportunity to decide if they want to continue to fund Schools Building Schools, which currently costs $1 per term per full time student and 50 cents per part time student through an optional levy. Schools Building Schools, which has a club at SFU, gives Canadian university students “the chance to gain practical experience in the development field” building schools in Uganda. Board members argued that, because the club is an external organization and not directly connected to SFU, requiring students to pay a levy may not be appropriate. Members of Schools Building Schools were not present at the meeting, but sent in a letter stating that they were disappointed with the lack of communication from the board, and that they had only received informal notice the night before the meeting.
HiFive Levy: Withdrawn Board also moved to reallocate 10 cents from full-time students and five cents from part-time students from the Accessibility Fund levy to the HiFive movement to address mental health issues. The motion was ultimately withdrawn because of concerns that HiFive is not actually an SFSS club, and the request was not put forward by any of their representatives.
Do you approve of reallocating $0.25 per full time student and $0.13 per part time student to provide targeted funding for the SFSS Emergency Food Bank Program from the existing Space Expansion Fund Levy? Do you approve of re-allocating $4.75 per term for full-time students and $2.37 per term for part-time students from the Space Expansion Fund Levy to the Membership Fee Levy? Do you approve of discontinuing the Schools Building Schools levy?
6 NEWS
An innovative new program in the Downtown Eastside has residents bubbling with excitement. Enactus SFU, a student entrepreneurial group, hopes to make a difference for the residents of the area with their Soap for Hope program. The initiative was founded in early 2013 and focuses on recycling lightly used soap bars from hotels and turning them into liquid soap, which can then be used at local businesses in the community. Revenue generated from this exchange is then used to employ individuals in the Downtown Eastside. “Soap for Hope will impact the Downtown Eastside community as it will provide marginalized individuals with employment opportunities,” said Dorothy Ng, Enactus SFU’s marketing director. “There is
The BC Minister of Advanced Education, Andrew Wilkinson, made controversial comments about student debt on February 23 on CBC Radio’s The Early Edition. The Minister said that “70 per cent of students go through their higher education with no debt whatsoever.” The comments garnered criticism from a number of groups, including the Canadian Federation of Students BC (CFSBC). CFSBC chairperson Zachary Crispin told The Peak that Wilkinson had “misrepresented the fact
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a negative stigma associated with the Downtown Eastside, and we want to work towards reducing this by working with restaurants and individuals from that area.” Enactus SFU currently has a partnership with Mission Possible, an agency dedicated to improving the lives of those who are homeless and living in poverty. The group collects used soap bars from hotels, which they boil and sanitize in order to produce its liquid state. A stipend generated from the revenue is paid to community volunteers who participate in the production of the liquid soap.
“We decided to implement this program because we found a need for jobs for people who do not have the opportunity to find one, and to find a solution to the vast amount of
soap being discarded,” said Hangue Kim, Enactus SFU’s director of external relations. “We found a need for students at SFU to get involved in the community, to develop a program that benefits others and brings students together.” Enactus SFU is a student-led organization that allows students to make an impact in their community through the use of entrepreneurial skills. It was established as a part of Enactus, a worldwide community of over 66,500 students in 36 countries working to address the
social, economic, and environmental needs of their communities. By connecting students with business leaders, the organisation’s projects are designed to create a long-lasting social change in local communities. SFU’s Enactus team currently has over 100 active members. Looking forward, the team is working with SFU’s Chemistry Student Society to make their production process more efficient, and to improve the quality of their final product. They
are also looking for more volunteers in order to develop the project’s production and distribution practices. “Success [for the project is] dependent on the end goal, which is for Soap for Hope to become selfsustainable,” said Madhev Menon, the project’s Program Manager. By bridging the gap between Downtown Eastside residents and students who wish to get involved in the community, Soap for Hope is looking to make a change for years to come.
that we have a student debt crisis in our province.” Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) president Chardaye Bueckert also commented on Wilkinson’s statement: “That statistic isn’t in line with what the government’s own data says, but it also doesn’t necessarily look at all the factors that should be considered when one looks at student debt.” Minister Wilkinson sat down with The Peak to clarify his comments, saying that his statistics referred to the number of people indebted through provincial loans only. He clarified, “We don’t know what student’s credit cards say. We don’t know what their relationship is with their parents financially. We only have the comprehensive datasets for provincial student aid.” The 2013 BC Outcomes Survey indicated that 51 per cent of students leave post-secondary debt-free. In addition, Wilkinson
pinned the median amount of student debt at $20,000 (for university programs). For comparison, the BC Outcomes survey indicated that 37 per cent of students owe more than $30,000. Additionally, aw 2012 SFU survey of 15,000 graduating students found that the average amount of debt totalled $24,600. Substantial increases in international student tuition have been the cause of much anxiety over student debt at SFU. Unlike domestic student tuition, which is capped at two per cent per year increases, there are no such caps for international fees, which have risen by 10 per cent each year since 2013. According to the SFSS website, an international undergraduate student who began studies in 2012/2013 now pays $2,143 more in tuition per term than when they began.
“International students are a large international market in which we compete,” Wilkinson argued. “Universities and colleges have clearly found their niche in the international marketplace and the pricing of the product they are offering is up to them.” Crispin disagreed. “It’s pretty clear in the government’s plan [that] the government sees international students as a revenue source more than students who are here to be educated,” he stated. President Bueckert noted that while there are no further raises planned for international fees, the university has “respectfully declined” a proposal by the SFSS to freeze international undergraduate fees for five years. When asked about methods to address student debt, Minister Wilkinson argued that
interest-free loans and grants form part of a “pretty thorough program of student support.” However, as Bueckert noted, BC has the highest student loan interest rates in the country. She also pointed out “only 39 per cent of assessed need for bursaries is met through the current [SFU] system.” Manoj Bhakthan, director of SFU Financial Aids and Awards, explained, “We’ve looked at providing further opportunities in terms of bursary funding for international students.” He also added that more funding for financial aid could “increase the dollar value” of opportunities like scholarships, awards, and bursaries. Bhakthan urges students to use the financial aid advising office to get more information on opportunities. “The more information a student has, the more they are empowered,” he said.
NEWS
When it comes to marriage, ignorance may indeed be bliss, according to Rebecca Cobb, associate professor in SFU’s Department of Psychology. In her study of 201 couples from Metro Vancouver, Cobb found that couples who participated in relationship-education programs (or premarital counselling) experienced a significant decrease in their marital satisfaction. Couples who did not participate in such programs did not experience the same decline in satisfaction. “The wives in particular have steeper declines in their satisfaction compared to the wives who did not participate [in relationship-education programs],” said Cobb. The couples were engaged at the beginning of the study and transitioned to marriage over the course of the two years that Cobb followed them. They reported back to Cobb on their relationship satisfaction
Cancer cells of the same kind may not look the same for all patients, according to new research coming out of SFU. Steven Jones, an SFU professor of molecular biology and biochemistry, and Marco Marra, an SFU alumnus, are working together at the BC Cancer Agency to understand how an individual’s diseased cells differ from patient to patient. The researchers are currently working on a project to map the human epigenome, a part of cells that allows the genomes — “the recipe books of the DNA,” according to Jones — to be read properly. When epigenomes interpret the genomes within a cell’s
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in a series surveys that took place eight times over two years. Cobb found that a large proportion of the couples participated in programs through their religious organization or their church. Many religious organisations actually require couples to participate in premarital counselling in order to be married through their institution. Cobb’s objective was to compare similar couples solely on their participation in relationshipeducation programs, rather than let pre-existing differences influence the results. “We measured different risk factors [for marital distress].
DNA, they gather a better understanding of what makes a specific cell unique, and what doesn’t. Jones’ recipe book analogy continued on to explain that an epigenome “knows the important parts of a [specific] cell, and [knows] the parts of the recipe it shouldn’t be using.” In simpler terms, the epigenome indicates “a way of organizing the information, and a way for the cell to organize the ways that the information is being used.” When they began the project, some of the technology Marra and Jones are reliant on today wasn’t yet available. They attribute the project’s recent success in part to new rapid DNA sequencing devices that they use to understand the strands of DNA they are analyzing. The main goal of their project is to gain a more in-depth understanding of how human cells work, and how the cells, specifically the epigenomes, change in a diseased cell. To do this, they
Based on those risk factors, we created a matched sample of people who participated in premarital education and those who did not,” she explained. Couples were matched based on family history, relationship dynamics, personality characteristics, commitment level, and baseline satisfaction before they participated in the study. The study found that wives who participated in these programs experienced a decrease in marital satisfaction. Cobb explained why this might be so: “The suspicion that we have is that these programs create an expectation for these wives about what relationships should
look like [. . .] it sets a high bar for these wives to fail to meet.” Husbands did not experience the same decline in satisfaction as their spouses over the two years that Cobb studied them. “The differences in the husbands that did or did not participate may be something that emerges over a period longer than two years,” Cobb speculated. She warned that the results of study suggest that these programs might actually have an adverse effect on couples who participate in them. “We have to be cautious in encouraging people to participate in these programs without evidence of their effectiveness,” she reasoned. This does not mean that couples should avoid counselling completely. Cobb advises couples who want to strengthen their relationship “to seek a program or premarital counselling from a registered psychologist or counsellor.” Cobb explained that their next step is to look further into the kinds of programs that couples participate to differentiate which aspects are helpful. “We need to know more about what [types of relationship-education] they are receiving,” she explained.
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CreativeMornings Vancouver received Martin Jackson, one of Canada’s paramount calligraphers, in their studio last Friday for a short talk on the topic of ink. In a Q&A with CreativeMornings, Jackson spoke about his love for the written word. “Handwriting can be so beautiful, it is part of who we are, it can say so much about our personality,” he said.
Students got all dolled up to walk the red carpet at the Simon Fraser Student Society’s inaugural Hollywood North Gala last Friday, hosted in the brand new Aria Banquet Hall near SFU’s Surrey campus. A formal dinner and dance, the event invited students to dress to impress, or to dress as their favourite Hollywood actor.
On Wednesday Mar. 4, guest speaker Marie Groupy gave a lecture at SFU Harbour Centre titled, “The State of Exception Theory by Carl Schmitt and the Ambivalent Criticism of Liberalism.” The presentation was based on Groupy’s upcoming book, which deals with the emergence of the idea of the state of exception during the interwar period. Similar to a state of emergency, the state of exception is based in the sovereign’s ability to transcend the rule of law.
study both healthy and diseased cells, and meticulously map the similarities and the differences. Gathered from their research, a fact that may mark a new development in how cancers are treated in the future, is that “though two of the same cancers seem very similar, there might be very different ways in which they’ve changed their biology,” said Jones. In other words, two patients with the same type of cancer could
have completely different cancers, ones that should be treated as such. With these answers in hand, Jones says they can begin to develop “personal therapy, where [they] can tailor the drugs [they] give a patient to the chemical makeup or biology of their particular tumour.” Jones and Marra hope their research will contribute to a greater understanding and the eventual treatment not only of cancer, but of other diseases such as Alzheimer’s and Huntington’s.
8 NEWS
A “Picture yourself as an SFU grad” caricature booth and a “Spin the Wheel of Fortune for free tuition” station were just two of over 60 activities presented by the staff, students and faculty during SFU Surrey’s annual Global Community open house. The event featured tours of the campus, cultural performances, ethnic foods, and information sessions on the innovative academic programs offered in Surrey. Throughout the evening, the centre stage was graced by SFU’s Pipe Band, highland dancers, a Chinese dance company, local band Good for Grapes, VanCity Bhangra, and SFU president Andrew Petter, who welcomed the community to the satellite campus. The Peak spoke to some of the student exhibitors about the unique learning experience that the Surrey campus offers.
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Second year molecular biology and biochemistry student Jessica Vanuik was volunteering in the biological sciences teaching laboratory at Podium 2 — a room full of cell models, microscopes, preserved rats, and a live stick insect habitat. She acknowledged the spaces and courses offered at the campus: “I really appreciate the state-of-theart lab spaces, with all the equipment, all the diverse exercises we can do here at SFU Surrey.” Vanuik continued, “SFU Surrey offers some really great, really interesting classes of [molecular biology and biochemistry], introducing this topic to new students.”
She added that due to the smaller class sizes at Surrey, “You can have longer talks [with the professors].” In Galleria 3, a group of computing science and software systems students presented their “Halo
Suit Project” from CMPT 433. The students used electronic hardware, controlled via their cell phones, to dictate the suit’s external lights and water cooling system. Fourth year student Chris Hamilton and his teammates were demonstrating some of the computer-controlled components of the project. As his group members helped the visitors try on the helmet, Hamilton explained that, “Surrey is a little more hands-on [ . . . ] a little more interactive, instead of just theory,” which he noted was the predominant focus of classes in Burnaby. “We’re able to build a cool project like this, there’s a lot of opportunities here. It’s a lot of fun,” he said.
The world literature department hosted a photo booth featuring literary character costumes including Sherlock Holmes, Odysseus and, the Cat in the Hat, along with their associated books. Second year student Elda Hajdarovac commented, “Not a lot of people know what world literature is, so we hope to try and show people that [it] isn’t just about literature, but about analyzing, examining, and immersing yourself in different cultures [and] interactions between different people. “The diversity that SFU Surrey offers makes it the perfect place to do that,” she explained. “We want to show that [world literature] is very engaging — much like SFU is.”
The SFSS board of directors approved a letter in support of the ongoing initiative by the First Nation’s Student Association (FNSA) to permit indigenous catering on SFU campuses. Currently, only specific caterers are permitted to provide food for events taking place at SFU, but the FNSA is concerned that these groups are unable to create indigenous foods desired by SFU’s indigenous community. By issuing this letter of support, the SFSS hopes to make headway on this issue, which students have been discussing over the past year.
U of M gets out in the snow, plays
US university offers Harry Potter sex ed Our neighbours to the south have figured out a way to make learning about safe sex a bit more magical, taking inspiration from J.K. Rowling’s popular Harry Potter series. “At this event, half-bloods, houseelves, and muggles [ sic] alike will learn the proper way to get consent to enter one’s chamber of secrets and how to snog without getting hogwarts,” so said the event description, offered at Boston University. Graduate student and organizer Jamie Klufts explained that the theme was simultaneously a way to tap into a new audience, and to address issues that Klufts feels Rowling did not adequately cover in her novels. With files from Huffington Post
Students in the Faculty of Kinesiology and Recreation Management at University of Manitoba organized an informal winter carnival as part of the Developmental Games and Activities course. The event, called UMWinterFest, was meant to celebrate Manitoban culture. The event included snow-centric traditional indigenous games like snowshoeing, sloosh boarding, a snow snake toss, and snow sculpting. It also featured a high kick competition and a tag game called Métis wheel. “It’s a bit of a break — when you’re playing these games you kind of forget everything going on around you. We live in Winnipeg. It’s a cold place, so let’s get out there and forget about winter and let’s just have some fun,” said U of M student Alex Park. With files from The University of Manitoba News and Events
U of T TAs underpaid and overworked On Monday, 6,000 University of Toronto teaching assistants (TAs) went on strike after having rejected a last-minute deal from administration with proposed wages still below inflation. “Members are tired of living in poverty and precarity,” said Erin Black, CUPE 3902 chair. “The package has not increased since 2008 and, as costs of living have increased, this means a decline in real income.” TA Lama Mourad added, “Under these conditions, where we have to work an excessive amount of hours to be able to live at the poverty line, we won’t be able to teach students well or dedicate time to our research.” With files from The Varsity
OPINIONS
opinions editor email
March 9, 2015
Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca
9
With its enormous popularity, Fifty Shades quickly launched its readers into the world of BDSM — Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism. While there has been controversy over the story’s depictions of BDSM, the reality is that the story is a fiction that, despite its flaws, has brought BDSM out of its previous taboo, and has created a more sexually open and accepting community. I’d like to express clearly that the film and book are works
of fiction. The actions are exaggerated and imagined, and don’t necessarily reflect the real world. Those who critique Fifty Shades for its disregard of values should be expected to hold the same distaste for action films, war films, and most any Hollywood drama. Fifty Shades combines overly dramatic occurrences purely to sell tickets.
But the mystery, intrigue, and extremes in the story have brought about a breakthrough for the BDSM community. Over 100 million copies of the book have been sold worldwide since the publication in 2011. These millions of readers were brought into a world which made them realize that it’s okay to find enjoyment in ‘kink.’ When Hudsy Hawn, a professional BDSM educator was asked
by BuzzFeed what she thought of Fifty Shades, she responded: “What I love is that it has brought the [. . .] BDSM community up close and personal to what we call the ‘vanilla’ general public.” I argue that this couldn’t be more true. As the series’ popularity has grown, BDSM supplies have become common in stores that were previously much more “vanilla.” Whips and bondage material an now be found at La Senza, handcuffs and blindfolds can be found at Target, and a large expansion in the sex and lifestyle section has taken place at Chapters. Not only has this
novel made BDSM more understood and accepted, but it has also increased the accessibility for those who choose to practice it. To have less of a taboo surrounding BDSM means a more sexually accepting community. The book may not the ideal example of consent and respect, but it is a work of fiction based on a real subculture that has captured our imaginations and curiosity. The openness it has inspired has transformed our sex culture for the better. Fifty Shades of Grey has encouraged the world to consider sex as no longer black and white.
While kinky sex can be fun, I do have a problem with how Fifty Shades of Grey distorts its portrayal of this sex, or BDSM. I wonder how little author E.L. James knew about BDSM when writing this story. I’ll admit that I won’t go near the film, when the book is so problematic on its own. Take this quote: “Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?” Crap. “No,” I squeak. “I think you did. What did I say
I’d do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?” “Shit.” This moment occurs just before the main character, Ana Steele, engages in any kind of BDSM. Along with the entire series, this passage parallels many stories about battered women. “What did I say I’d do to you if you. . .” are the words of an abuser threatening a victim. Christian Grey’s behavior is dominant and abusive. The author makes excuses for Grey’s “deviant” sex behavior, and by the end of the story Grey is supposedly “cured” by Ana’s true love, thus portraying
an unrealistic conclusion to these kinds of abusive relationships. Here unconsentual BDSM is portrayed as acceptable sexual abuse — something that Ana submits to even when she’s uncomfortable with it. For these reasons, Fifty Shades upsets so many members of the BDSM community: it portrays men as abusive control freaks, and women as meek and helpless. BDSM is about opening up your vulnerabilities and
trusting your partner; limits and tolerances are discussed before play begins, and you can stop at any time, without fear or repercussion, if you’re uncomfortable. Fifty Shades takes the classic ‘sexy rogue that needs taming’ archetype and includes poorlywritten porn scenes that aren’t even that intense, turning itself into a misrepresentation meant to thrill and titillate. So where does this leave people who want to try BDSM? I’m
worried that Fifty Shades attaches a further stigma to BDSM and only furthers rape culture, and that people who aren’t properly educated on BDSM are going to engage in this activity improperly, and potentially hurt themselves. Go ahead: Be curious about BDSM, talk with your friends or partner about it. Hell, go out and try it with someone you trust. But please do your research first to make sure you understand what this kind of sex actually entails. Kinky sex can be great; just be aware of what’s fact and what’s fiction, because there’s a lot of fiction in Fifty Shades.
10 OPINIONS
March 9, 2015
DEAR PROFESSOR PEAK: Okay so I’m basically fucked. I’m swamped with term papers, midterm exams and other assignments, and for some reason I decided to leave on a five-day vacation to Florida with my parents last week. I just couldn’t pass up a trip to this beautiful, sunny state; Universal Studios and Disney World were amazing. However, upon return I realized that I underestimated just how much school work I have to catch up on. Now I’m crammed with deadlines left, right, and centre, and I don’t see any way I’ll be able to get these in on time to salvage a decent grade. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cope with this situation I’ve stupidly landed myself in? —SWAMPED STUDENT
DEAR SWAMPED: Lfe as a student can often feel like a never ending game of catch-up, but don’t worry: regardless of how overwhelmed you might be at this point, remember that the semester will be over sooner than you realize and you can get back to having spare time. (Remember what that felt like?) I can’t speak for everyone, but when I’m staring down the barrel of multiple papers/ projects due in as many days, it helps to prioritize. Focus on any projects that might be due in the next day and then tackle them as the deadlines come at you. It’s a lot less organized than most people like to operate, but it’ll help you get through everything that’s built up. Just take things one day at a time. After you’ve made it through the slew of immediate deadlines, you can regroup and reprioritize. PS. While you’re at it, stop wasting time writing to your student newspaper about your issues, and get your ass in gear! —PROFESSOR PEAK
If you attend a Canadian university, chances are you’re blissfully ignorant about sexual assaults at your school, and the policies in place to deal with them. This may be because your university has no special policy to deal with these crimes. Last year, a study done by the Toronto Star found that a mere nine out of 78 Canadian universities had any sort of special policy to deal with sexual assault. There isn’t even a law in place for institutions to convey the statistics on their crimes. Clearly, Canadian universities are not doing enough to keep students safe, and further measures must be taken. Unfortunately, campus rape is an epidemic in Canada. In terms of university policies, we differ on this topic from our southern neighbours. The United States adopted the Clery Act in 1990, which legally requires universities to report sexual assaults as well as issue a warning to the campus community when one occurs. Canadian campuses have no such policy, making it disturbingly easy
for sexual assaults to be overlooked and underreported. In 2011, the White House implemented an awareness campaign based on Title IX, a federal amendment meant to prevent sexual discrimination in the education system. The campaign aims to assist sexual violence survivors with anything they need, whether it’s switching classes or leaving residence. The goal is to put pressure on institutions to take responsibility for assaults among students and faculty, and remind them of their lawful obligations.
Such legal measures should encourage Canada to follow suit. Typically, post-secondary establishments are very concerned with their image; no university wants to be seen as ‘dangerous.’ Brushing sexual assault under the rug is commonplace for a university trying to preserve their positive reputation. Not only is this insensitive, but it also defies the morals we expect a university to uphold. When a school is too worried about their image to report an assault, the entire campus community is placed in danger.
Sexual assault has always been a taboo topic. Even progressive institutions like SFU discuss rape with hushed tones. SFU security has a page with advice for victims of assault, but along with warnings on how to avoid it, the page mostly consists of outside resources and advice to call the police. Even our university’s own website on assault states that “it’s difficult to estimate the number of women from the SFU community who are sexually assaulted each year. Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes; official statistics from law enforcement agencies are not an accurate picture of what’s actually happening.” SFU seems to blame law enforcement for its lack of reporting, but it is very unclear what measures the university itself has taken. With this attitude in place, protecting students becomes difficult, as does holding perpetrators accountable. To create a safer campus, Canadian universities need to both change their policies and break the silence. A federal law, similar to that in the United States, should be enacted which requires universities to report their on-campus crimes. Students need to feel safe at school. Without the necessary sexual assault policies in place, we cannot depend on these establishments to make the changes needed to create a safer student environments.
OPINIONS
Adam Van der Zwan Opinions Editor I’ll let you know right off the bat that I’m currently $25,000 in student debt. With another two years of post-secondary education on the horizon, I estimate I’ll be at over $30,000 in debt by the time I finally graduate — a figure that creeps over the average amount of debt Canadian students leave school with. As I edge closer to the prospects of finding work after flinging the mortarboard, an unnerving swarm of anxiety quickly erupts in my gut at the realization that this debt won’t just disappear. I’m not the only student terrified by the notion that I’ll leave university in a far worse financial state than I entered it with, and I’m further frustrated that, in one of the wealthiest countries on the planet, students have to pay for their education in the first place.
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A few months ago, the entire country of Germany scrapped its tuition fees. This may seem surreal to us Canadians; free tuition is like something out of a fantasy. The President of the Hamburg Parliament claimed that these fees “discourage young people who do not have a traditional academic family background from taking up studies,” and that “tuition fees are socially unjust.” And he’s correct in every sense.
Education is our right. To attend and graduate from a post-secondary institution is a value to us as students, and for the whole of society. Our country would not have the ability to govern itself as effectively, nor would services operate as smoothly (if at all), if people did not attend a college or university. As Canadian citizens, we should all be granted the chance to gain the
skills necessary for the job market, without having to bear thousands of dollars of debt upon graduation. I’m flabbergasted that countries with less money and sometimes larger populations than us — Brazil, Norway, France, Sweden, and Finland — can shell out the dough to help their students thrive, while Canada spends billions on war efforts rather than the people of our future. Three words, Harper: ignorance, thoughtlessness, and greed. What further troubles me is that taxpayers already pay for the Canadian Student Loans Program, a system designed to help students pay for their education. Wouldn’t this be better dealt with if these fees were jettisoned altogether? A university degree today is basically equivalent to a high school diploma four decades ago. Thousands of desperate students take the risk and work their asses off for that master’s degree with the hope of finding reliable work, thus spinning them further into a financial hellhole. Point blank, tuition is discriminatory. It perpetuates an economically divided society, and it places barriers on those with low incomes
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With a terrible plot, poor acting, and less-than-savoury graphics, it’s a wonder how Sharknado became as popular as it did. I buried my head in my hands as I watched thousands of monstrous sharks fly through the air like raindrops. Then I almost crapped myself when a few of them roared. I understand that B movies exist, and many are meant
to be satirical. Still, if we’re going to make these movies, filmmakers should at least try to create plots that aren’t so stupid that they go beyond satire and become unenjoyable. To have hoards of sharks pelt themselves down upon Los Angeles was simply cringe-worthy, and just didn’t do it for me.
I thought one film was enough, but apparently others disagree! Sharknado 3 is currently in production, and not without its problems. According to Deadline.com, 40 crew members walked off the set last Monday due to contract issues. Now there’s been an ongoing strike, and the filmmakers say the movie may be pushed back. I say, let’s not even bother with a strike! After watching
the Sharknado 2 trailer, I’ve realized that there’s nothing of value for these films to contribute to our culture. There are only so many groans you can get out of ripping a chainsaw through an oncoming flying shark, and this series has simply become a repetitive mesh of poor filmmaking. To those protesters: find a film to work on that’s actually worth your time and effort.
who truly have the necessary skills and tools to succeed in a post-secondary institution. In light of Germany’s retraction of these fees, it’s time for us to seriously consider whether our country could follow suit. Free tuition is not a fantasy. Our government can easily afford to shift its monetary priorities in our favour through a commitment to increase and sustain financing for universities. In this
way, we can compete with our wealthy European neighbours, and we can create an environment that doesn’t pluck out the well-off while leaving those in a harsh financial state to say ‘adios’ to their career goals. I don’t want our next generation of students to have spend even more borrowed money than they can afford on something they have a human right to obtain. We simply deserve better than that.
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A
FEATURE
few weeks ago, SFU lost one of the most important and beloved people to ever grace our campus. Ted Dobb, the longest-serving head librarian in our school’s history, passed away in Vancouver on February 13th at the age of 79. During his 20-year career (1978–1998), Dobb was responsible for a great deal of innovation at SFU, including overseeing the opening of the Belzberg Library at Harbour Centre and creating an online catalogue for the library that the Georgia Straight praised as “intricate and useful.” He was more than just a brilliant librarian, however — Dobb was also a short story writer, a marathon runner, a gifted rac o n t e u r, a violinist, a generous soul, and a devoted and loving husband, father, and grandfather. He left a great impact wherever he went, and SFU was lucky enough to have been one of his favourite communities. Born in Petrolia, Ontario, in 1935, Dobb moved to Quesnel, BC at the age of 12, where he grew up on a farm and helped run the family’s sawmill business. His early life clearly instilled a strong work ethic in Dobb, and by the
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time he became SFU’s librarian in 1978 he had already held 27 part-time jobs, including everything from amateur wrestler to logger to garbage collector. Despite his hard-working rural upbringing, Dobb had a passion for academia and left Quesnel following his high school graduation to study English at the University of British Columbia. “He was extremely well read,” his daughter Laura Dobb told The Peak. “He’d read all the classics at school at UBC but he also went way farther than that in all directions — science and esoteric reading. He was a Renaissance man, I think.”
By the time he became SFU’s librarian in 1978 he had already held 27 part-time jobs. After graduating from university and completing UBC’s Library Studies Program, Dobb began work for The Union Steamship Company on longboats travelling to and from Bowen Island and was also a lay preacher at the Bowen Island United Church. Although he briefly considered a life in the ministry, Dobb couldn’t stay away from the library world. Following stints with the Vancouver and Victoria Public Libraries, Dobb joined SFU two month prior to the school’s opening in September of 1965. Starting as government publications librarian, he advanced through a number of positions before
finally being named head librarian in 1978, a job to which he gave his heart and soul. “He had ingenuity [and] was future-thinking,” Laura explained, referring to Dobb’s instrumental part in digitizing the library. “He donated lots of his own books to the library, lots of first editions. He was passionate about learning and libraries.” In almost all respects, Dobb’s personality made him the perfect librarian. His daughter described him as not only intellectually superior, but also incredibly organized — key attributes for a man at the helm of a library. “His desk and credenza were just immaculate, he was on top of everything,” she recalled. “He didn’t lose a strand.” Perhaps Dobb’s most amazing trait, however, was his incredible loyalty. Even though SFU was a relatively young school with limited financial resources and the Bennett Library’s collection constantly suffered in comparison with the size of collections at other universities, he never once considered leaving the school. “He was given offers. He’d go to an interview in Boston [for] Harvard. All the Ivy League colleges in the States were after him,” Laura explained. “[His wife] would ask him, ‘where are we going?’ And he’d say ‘no, I’m staying with SFU.’ “She was so pissed off,” she continued with a laugh. “He didn’t have wanderlust. He was really into mastery, really making what you do professional and beautiful and thorough. He was impeccable in his word and his work.” And he certainly was a master. Under his leadership, SFU’s
features editor email
Brad McLeod features@the-peak.ca
library system earned acclaim for its emphasis on providing a high quality collection rendered extraordinarily accessible through innovative technologies and service-oriented staff. Although he was often confronted with difficulties in his position — budget cuts in particular were a constant struggle — Dobb always did what he believed was best for the school. He even fought censorship in 1982 when he refused to pull Playboy from the library’s stands after receiving pressure from certain members of the student body to do so. While this decision may have played into his popularity with a large number of students, Dobb’s demeanor as a whole earned him the respect of the entire SFU community long before he became head librarian.
“He’d go running after work, and then he’d go to the SFU pub and he’d be reading with his half glasses on and his pint, and students would come up to him,” Laura explained. “He’d have great debates with students, he wasn’t fond of going to the faculty club. He was a down-to-earth guy, and he
knew all the people who worked everywhere. “I used to go shopping with him at Woodward’s food farm, and he knew everyone’s name, every shop he went into,” she continued. “He was like the King of Kensington! Everywhere he went, he knew everyone.” This attitude wasn’t limited to the SFU community, either; the incredible range of connections Dobb held across Vancouver is something his daughter is still discovering. “I know there were people he talked to around Robson Street that were homeless,” Laura said. “[Since his passing] I’ve been getting Facebook messages from people around that area [. . .] he had many facets to his personality that way.” While Dobb’s achievements at the SFU library could probably fill an entire book and his amazing list of hobbies could probably fill another one, above all else it was Dobb’s character that made him the man he was. The SFU community is extremely fortunate to have had him as a part of our community. While students on campus today may never have had a chance to meet him, he touched a number of lives at our school and across the Greater Vancouver area. Plus, how could you not love a guy who chose us over Harvard?
ARTS
In Starlight: The Return of Duke McQueen, we follow the story of Duke McQueen, an aging 62-year-old who once saved a distant galaxy from tyranny back in his youth. Across the cosmos, Duke is celebrated in song and lore, and even has a statue built in his likeness. But on Earth, he is the subject of constant ridicule from young children and newspapers alike. With the exception of his late wife, he is hard-pressed to find anyone who believes in his adventures long past. As such, Duke spends most of his days alone reminiscing about his glory days and searching to find significance in the world — that is, until a spaceship lands on his
arts editor email
March 9, 2015
lawn, and he is beckoned to save the universe one last time. Beneath the glitz and fastpaced action, writer Mark Millar weaves an endearing tale of a man trying to rediscover his strength. Duke McQueen is easy to identify with, even in his old age. He is held back by doubts and an aging body, but he retains an overriding sense of justice from his early days. Duke does not care about a medal or a statue with his face on it; all that matters to him is protecting those who cannot protect themselves. He is the glue that holds the story together, and the strength of his character makes the whole experience that much more enjoyable. The art of Goran Parlov helps encapsulate the retro feel of this graphic novel. The artwork at first glance might seem unimpressive, but it really fits with the story being told. While the character designs may leave some wanting more, the architecture of the graphic novel’s spaceships and buildings make up for it tenfold.
Parlov’s real talent lies in making every panel seem three dimensional; every scene feels like it is bursting off the page and straight at the reader. It brings us closer to the action and makes us feel the sentimental moments that much more. Starlight’s main flaw is that it does little to stand out. It pays homage to science fiction stories of old, such as Flash Gordon and Star Wars, but really does not bring anything else to the equation. The story is enjoyable, but familiar. While this never hurts the overall experience of reading the graphic novel, it may keep readers from revisiting the story a second time. Starlight: The Return of Duke McQueen is a callback to a time when science fiction did not take itself so seriously. It lacks the qualities to make itself memorable, but still stands as a fun, accessible sci-fi swashbuckler. It will leave you cheering on Duke McQueen to the very end, and remind you that you’re never too old to kick some intergalactic ass.
Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca
Recessions, terrorism, and 9/11 have left a firm imprint on the kinds of films that have been produced in the last 15 years or so. Superheroes, a once shining beacon of hope, have become morally ambiguous. Many Hollywood films are nihilistic. Even Disney fairy tales that were once happy parables now focus more on tragedy and ambiguity. But Kenneth Branagh’s retelling of Cinderella isn’t one of them. Last year two post-modern twists of old animated stories were released. Maleficent was Sleeping Beauty told from the villain’s point of view, and Into the Woods was a musical that weaved between many updated fairy tales while subverting their formulae, questioning happy endings and including darker subjects like adultery. During a recent debate with a Marxist friend, she explained that she hated the classic heartwarmer, Sullivan’s Travels, just because it was enjoyable and pleasant. “What would Marx think?” she exclaimed. “It’s advocating a distraction for the masses, so they can forget about the oppression of capitalism.” For her, a film is good if and only if it is Marxist, depressing, and preferably experimental. Now there is the antidote to our capitalist ailments! The tremendous irony is that Sullivan’s Travels is speaking against this very attitude. It’s about a wealthy Hollywood filmmaker who wants to make a serious drama about the lower
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class but discovers that accessible comedy is a far better cure for cultural madness than depressing “art.” By my Marxist opponent’s criteria, our film industry should be in a golden age. Sadly, dark subject matter does not necessarily lend itself to profundity or, more simply, good filmmaking. All of this is to say that Karl Marx would hate Kenneth Branagh’s Cinderella — and maybe that’s why I like it. The film is so old-school (pre-15 years ago) that it almost feels inventive and fresh. None of the post-modernity, cynicism, and nihilism common in so many of today’s films is present in this one. Cinderella is poignant, sincere, and uplifting. Cinderella is a virtuous person dealing with extreme hardship in a way that is relatable and worthy of emulating. The story remains predictably close to the original classic, but excels in its polished execution. The visuals create a fantastical but believable world by using sweeping camera movements through crane shots of landscapes and CGI visual effects that don’t feel phony. Sandy Powell’s costume design is eye candy, including the delicate contrast between Cinderella’s vibrant blue dress and the other drab, lifeless ones at the ball. The film comes to life, however, through Lily James’ performance as Cinderella. She sells her inner beauty through genuine reactions to her sisters’ and stepmother’s cruelty, which makes the ending and the evident “happily ever after” that much more uplifting. Distraction or not, the only thing oppressive at the movies today is gratuitous and unnecessary darkness. That’s probably why I responded so strongly to Kenneth Branagh’s glossy but simple Cinderella. Sullivan would be proud. The classic is back and it’s not in black.
16 ARTS
March 9, 2015
No Regrets is an up-and-coming rap duo based out of Vancouver, having opened shows at various venues around the city for artists including Riff Raff and Problem. Made up of Cliché, a First Nations-Vancouverite, and Scoota, an African-American hailing from Alabama, the duo intend to make “quality music with no regrets.” Known for tracks like “She Ready” and “Loyalty,” No Regrets make it look easy to cross cultures, regions, and genres through their music. The Peak: What is the meaning behind the band name, No Regrets? Scoota: Basically, to us, No Regrets means diversity. We have no regrets; we stand behind that. We make music for the world. Cliché: It means do what you want to do in life, look forward in whatever you do.
P: You often describe your music as a movement. What messages can be attributed to this movement? S: It doesn’t matter where you’re from, everyone can relate [to one another]. We all go through the same things, we all can relate in some type of way. C: There’s a big stereotype as to how music is made and
where it originated, but you could be from a different culture, skin colour, religion, race, you can make music however you want to and express yourself. P: How would you describe your sound? C: We make music, we feel music, [and] we listen to music.
For example, when we listen to beats, we don’t really care where it’s coming from or who made it. If we like it, we get on it, and we speak what we feel. When we do our music, we do it for the world. Our music is showing that everybody can come together; it doesn’t matter where you’re from. Some
people would say ‘I like East Coast music’, or Gucci Mane from the South; [we acknowledge] they’re both good music. We don’t have these barriers. P : Both of you work with Isaac Min, a producer with South Korean roots. How does working with a multicultural team affect the musical process? S: It makes it easier; having accepted the differences and being diverse, it’s just embracing that. We start out with that, and we take our knowledge of music, our different backgrounds, and gel all of that together. We try and get the best product that we can, the best sound that we can. P: What was the process like working with James Ferguson, an alternative rock musician, on “Why This Kolaveri Di,” an ethnic track involving Tamil? C: It wasn’t difficult at all. It was really cool mixing alternative rock and hip-hop. It was just cool working with him because he brings in another creative side. I was coming up with stuff, Scoota was coming up with stuff, and James would come up with stuff that we didn’t even think about.
It’s been three years since The Cribs released new material on In the Belly of the Brazen Bull, giving them plenty of time to reflect on their lives, music, and sound. In 2011, the band parted ways with former The Smiths guitarist Johnny Marr, and in 2012 Ryan Jarman (lead vocals) and girlfriend Kate Nash split up. So what has all the heartbreak taught the trio of brothers? According to them, a newfound love and embracement of the poppier side of life. Working alongside ‘80s pop powerhouse Ric Ocasek, frontman of
The Cars, the Jarman brothers sought catchy hooks and a less abrasive sound on their new album, For All My Sisters. Teaming up with musical vets has worked for them in the past: their album Ignore the Ignorant was clearly influenced by Johnny Marr, and the effect was a cohesive and sophisticated sound for the band. With this success in mind, it’s no surprise that they enlisted Ocasek to produce a pop record. For All My Sisters kicks off, guitars blazing, with “Finally Free.” This and the following track, “Different Angle,” provide plenty of woo’s and ooo’s for all those wanting a sing-along. The band’s lyrical style has changed little over their 13-year career, and their distinct voices clamber through the album, expressing a breadth of emotions. On “Burning for No One,” the album’s first single, Gary Jarman expresses his eternal gratitude
for the realisation of his own irrelevance. The self-deprecation continues on tracks “Mr. Wrong” and “Simple Story.” But the album finds its stride after the reprieve of “Simple Story.” The catchy, fast-paced second half of the album powers on, ending on the undulating “Pink Snow,” which shifts between tame verses and highvelocity choruses with added screams for good measure. The Jarman brothers are under the impression that they have some growing up to do: protecting their sisters like any good brothers would, they promise to “try and be brave for you,” but are equally aware that they’re “gonna have to be a man someday.” Maybe it’s this immaturity that keeps leading them to the musicians of an older generation. As for Ric Ocasek’s influence on the band, it comes across diluted, and was maybe not ‘just what they needed.’ Ocasek’s ‘80s
pop influence aside, For All My Sisters is a raucous album full of roar. While not quite the pop album they had hoped for, The
Cribs continue their unique style that needs no outside influence — if only they were man enough to realize it.
ARTS
Several years ago, on a brisk and sunny autumn morning in Montreal, I walked up to the top of Mount Royal. The view of the city and Saint Lawrence River was impressive, but the sight that made the strongest impression in my memory came from inside the Mont Royal Chalet. Hung between the ceiling’s wood beams were paintings by various artists that traced the history of Montreal. What struck me about the paintings was not the images of colonization and genocide of First Nations people — some of which were extremely violent — but that these images lacked any kind of context. It was unclear whether these images were celebrating the conquering of a land and its first peoples or attempting to portray an uncensored account of what actually happened. With no apparent context, the former was implicit. This experience came to mind when looking at the Charles Comfort mural, British Columbia Pageant. Installed in the Academic Quadrangle’s north concourse over 10 years ago, the 64-foot-long painting on canvas was a donation from the Toronto Dominion bank when one of its branches closed on Granville and Pender. It provoked criticism from both students and faculty almost immediately. The mural depicts the settlement and colonization of a land and its First Nations from the point of view of the colonizers. Another similar mural painted by Comfort was rejected by UBC, 40 years before the SFU installation. As written in the Vancouver Sun, this piece was rejected because it showed Captain George Vancouver “being depicted as a conquering hero, with Native people in a demeaning position at his feet.� On the opposite side of the hallway are a series of paintings from 1925 by John Innes that illustrate specific scenes of the “founding� of BC.
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One of these paintings shows Alexander McKenzie’s arrival at the Pacific; the other, James Douglas building the Hudson’s Bay Post in Victoria. In each painting, the First Nations people are shown in what appears to be a compliant role, either assisting the white European explorers or acting as passive onlookers. Although the Comfort mural and remaining Innes paintings still hang in the North Concourse, they are joined by a group of works that represent a conflicting view of history. As part of the Resetting the Cedar Table conference and art contest that took place in response to SFU mounting Comfort’s mural, the three works across from the mural do not actively criticize British Columbia Pageant, which is described in the accompanying information panel for the conference as “a monument to colonization,� so much as offer context. The artist Edgar Heap of Birds donated one of these works, titled Insurgent Messages. This confrontational poster was part of a public intervention that was placed in bus shelters around Vancouver in 2007. It questions the rights of those in power to subjugate the First Nations people by asking: “IMPERIAL CANADA WHERE IS YOUR STATUS CARD?� The other two works — Teen BC, a mask/sculpture by Nate Woodbury, and Civilization is a Crime Scene, a print by A.S. Matta — were winning entries from the Cedar Table art contest. These artworks, along with the Bill Reid sculptures installed with the mural, offer an Indigenous counterpoint to the colonial images of the hallway. The effect is to illustrate conflicting histories, where each must properly understand the other. Careful consideration should be given to artworks associated with colonization. Without the context provided by indigenous works, the display would send the wrong message about the history of intercultural relations in BC. Obviously indigenous artworks do not require a colonial context for interpretation, but a work such as Insurgent Messages becomes even more powerful when it is placed against Comfort’s and Innes’ depiction of history.
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SPORTS
Track and field requires confidence, determination, and athletic ability — and unlike sports such as basketball or hockey, it is an individual sport. Competitors succeed or fail based on their own merit. Lindsey Butterworth, the star of SFU’s track and field team, counts this as one of the reasons she fell in love with the sport.
“I enjoy[ed] the individual level about it,” she says. “It’s really fun, soccer and field hockey and the team sports, but I really liked how [track and field] was all on you. I’m pretty competitive, so I really liked that part of it.” Lindsey has always been active, playing multiple sports
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— field hockey, soccer, volleyball, and baseball — before she started focusing solely on track. “I did [track] in elementary school and high school, but I didn’t actually training until grade 10 when I joined a club. I also played a bunch of other sports, and then I took it seriously starting in grade 11 and 12.” Coming out of high school, going to post-secondary for track wasn’t really on Lindsey’s mind. In fact, SFU wasn’t exactly her first choice: “I really didn’t look in depth into that many other schools. I was kind of waiting for people to talk to me, and I didn’t really take any initiative to research other schools, and [head coach] Brit [Townsend] just contacted me. I actually played soccer up here every Saturday in high school and I was like, ‘I’m never going to go to SFU,’ I hated it, it was so ugly. “But then Brit contacted me and wanted me to come on a tour,” she remembers. “So I went, I really liked Brit, and I really liked it up here. I thought about it for a couple of months, I saw what the training group was like, and how successful all the other girls [were] at the same events as
me, and decided to take advantage of a great program that was right in my backyard. But I’m really happy I came here, it turned out the best it could have possibly turned out.” Adjusting to the academic workload of university was a big challenge. “When I came here I wasn’t really looking into the academic side,” Lindsey says. “I was just kind of like, ‘Oh, I’m just coming here to run.’ I probably wouldn’t have gone to university right after high school if I didn’t have any athletics, I would have taken time off and figure out what I wanted to do. But I’ve definitely figured out what I’m interested in, and that’s helped my grades out a lot.” Lindsey’s events are the 800 and 1,500 metre runs. “I just naturally like the middle distance. Ever since elementary school, I’ve always liked cross country and those middle distances. So I kind of never really tried anything else. I never tried 100 or 200, I’ve just always liked those events.” She’s also achieved a considerable amount of success, winning the Great Northwest Athletic Conference 1,500 m in 2012 and
sports editor email
Austin Cozicar sports@the-peak.ca
finishing runner-up in 2013, as well as being named one of the female performers of the meet this year. Being a fifth year senior, Lindsey’s time here on the mountain is coming to an end, and when asked about her biggest achievement at SFU, she had to pause to reflect.
“I think making Division II nationals two years ago was a big accomplishment, and being allAmerican there. It was a really
competitive field, and there was a lot of depth,” she says. “We were the first ones to ever go to a national championship since we’ve been in the NCAA. That was a huge accomplishment because we also pretty much got to represent Canada because we were the only Canadian school. That was pretty huge.” Once her time at SFU comes to a close, Lindsey’s goals are clear. “I think I want to continue running, and see where that takes me,” she says. “Then I’ll try and focus on a career, maybe more school. I’m interested in working with kids and nutrition, like health promotion. But I think I want to train for the next year and see where that takes me.”
SPORTS
March 9, 2015
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The sixth annual Gathering of the Clan breakfast was held last Tuesday at the Vancouver Convention Centre. The breakfast, which costed $200 a seat and raised $264,000 for SFU athletic scholarships, was hosted by TSN correspondent Farhan Lalji, an SFU graduate and active member of the BC high school football community. The event also honoured Lorne Davies, SFU Athletics founding athletics director and inaugural football head coach, who had passed the weekend before and for whom a moment of silence was held. Lalji recounted how Davies gave him his first job in the sports entertainment business as a sports intern at SFU Athletics, before he eventually became the sports information director from 1991 to 1994. “More than anything else, [Davies] gave us a great love for this university; he bled red and
The men’s basketball team finished with a .500 record in the conference, losing 110–77 to the Western Washington Vikings in their final game, and just missing a chance to compete at the playoffs. On paper, this sounds like a bad ending to a mediocre season. But when you consider that during their time in the NCAA, they’ve never had a winning percentage above .167, and that they’ve never previously won consecutive conference games before — this year they had two winning streaks — it was an outstanding season. With a revamped, high-octane offence, the Clan led the
blue,” Lalji reflected on his former boss and mentor. “He talked a lot having that school spirit, that pride in your institution, and really made us feel good about being members of the Clan.” Davies’ influence, it seems, was not limited to the athletics community. SFU president Andrew Petter explained that the man who ran SFU Athletics for 30 years touched all parts of the school. “Lorne [Davies], as many of you know personally, was the heart and soul of Clan athletics from the beginning of SFU almost 50 years ago, when he became our first athletics director,” Petter told the crowd of nearly 800. “He mentored coaches, athletes, even university presidents — including this one.
“He always understood the importance of athletics to the wellbeing of a university: energizing campus life, embodying school spirit, and exemplifying our commitment to being the best we can be,” he concluded.
entire NCAA Division II in scoring offence with 104.2 points per game — the nearest team in the Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) scored on average 81.9 points per game. The key to the team’s success this season was the fact that SFU either won or almost won nearly every game they played. Sure, there were some blowouts, but for the most part, even in the losses, the Clan kept the game close. The team’s better, more competitive performance this season inspired fans to come out. In the West Gym, there was an emergence of a true college basketball atmosphere — the Clan fans were loud and proud. Even during reading break, a solid contingent of fans came out. “It was a successful season, it was historical,” said head coach James Blake. “The university should be proud, the kids should be proud. They
w Last Tuesday, the SFU softball team split a doubleheader against UBC at Beedie Field, losing the first game 9–2 but coming back to win the second match 6–3. In both games, the team that initially held the lead eventually lost — in the first, SFU held a 3–0 lead before allowing UBC two innings with four runs each. Second baser Taylor Lundrigan led the Clan in runs with three split over the two games.
Two-time NBA MVP Steve Nash was the keynote speaker for the breakfast. He told the crowd about his SFU experience — despite choosing to go to Santa Clara, an NCAA Division I school in the US, he was recruited by and considered SFU as an option. “Simon Fraser is where I would have gone if I hadn’t gone to the States,” Nash said. However, then-SFU head coach and current Portland Trail Blazers assistant coach Jay Triano told him to follow his dream to an American university, a moment that made him respect the Clan program. “[Triano] said to me, ‘If you got the chance to play Division I, I think you should go,’ and that said an incredible amount about him, and his willingness to advise me in a way that was best for me
really put a stamp on SFU basketball, on the men’s side finally. People are talking about SFU men’s basketball. “I’m excited for the kids, I’m excited for the program,” he continued.
The Clan still ran into trouble after Christmas break, losing seven straight once the new year began — it’s probably not a coincidence that before Christmas SFU plays mainly local, non-conference competition,
and not necessarily best for him or his team. I’ll always remember that, and I’ll always be thankful for that, and it definitely spoke highly about Simon Fraser,” said Nash. The Victoria, BC native also talked about the importance of athletic scholarships to student athletes, a key part of Davies’ vision. “It’s an amazing thing getting an athletic scholarship and going to a great institution, to play sports, and have the resources to do it at a high level. It’s incredible. [I’m] proud that I can help, and I’m proud of what SFU has been able to do in our community,” Nash told The Peak after the breakfast. Since the inaugural Gathering of the Clan in 2010, the event has raised a total of $1.5 million for Clan athletic scholarships.
while after the break they face only GNAC competition. Coach Blake acknowledges this as one of the team’s weaknesses — a problem he attributes to the exam break in January, which he noted forced the team to take a nearly three-and-a-half week break. “We haven’t gotten over that hump yet,” Blake told The Peak. “We’ve got to figure out as an institution, and as a program, how we’re going to combat that.” But even after the new year, the Clan put up five wins, which was the best January/February record for the team. Seven out of their 12 previous losses were within 10 points or less. This season, the men’s basketball team was headed in the right direction. Although they will have a challenge replacing seniors Sango Niang, Justin Cole, and Daniel Deflorimonte — key cogs in SFU’s scoring offence — the Clan should only improve next season.
On the road, SFU Lacrosse put up wins against conference rivals Washington State and Idaho before dropping a matchup against the non-conference University of Arizona Wildcats 14–5. Attacker Lyndon Knutilla and midfielder Sam Clare both achieved fivegoal games, spread between the two victories.
Women’s basketball was eliminated from the playoffs Friday after a heartbreaking 59–56 loss to first-placed Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves. Though SFU were leading much of the game, the Seawolves took the lead with just over three minutes left. As the game came down to the wire, the Clan just couldn’t sink a three-pointer to tie the game. Departing senior Erin Chambers led the team in scoring with 20 points.
Seven Clan athletes will travel to Birmingham, AL March 13–14 to compete in the NCAA Division II track and field indoor championships, a new high for SFU. Five women and two men qualified: Lindsey Butterworth, Jennifer Johnson, Rebecca Bassett, Paige Nock, Chantel Desch, Oliver Jorgensen, and Travis Vugteveen.
SFU wrestler Sean Molle fell short of qualifying for the national championship at the NCAA Division II Super Regional tournament in Pueblo, CA on February 28. He ended up placing sixth — the top four wrestlers go to nationals. “It was a disappointing end to a mostly-disappointing season,” coach Justin Abdou told SFU Athletics, as the team had sent wrestlers to nationals in the prior two years but none this year.
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After a two-month search for a replacement for Jacques Chapdelaine, SFU Athletics has announced former BC Lions running backs coach and draft coordinator Kelly Bates as the new head coach for the Clan football team. It was a satisfying end to a shaky situation. Initially, the race was whittled down to three finalists; however, after negotiations broke down with the frontrunner of the three, SFU Athletics had to go back to the drawing board. Already well into February, and with their recruiting process hindered, SFU Athletics went back to two candidates they had initially passed over: Bates and Khari Jones, both members of the 2014 BC Lions coaching staff. Only a week after SFU and its initial frontrunner had parted ways, athletics director Milt Richards officially named Bates as the 10th Clan head coach. What sold Richards so quickly on the former offensive lineman who played on four teams in his 10-year CFL playing career? “Kelly Bates is a fixture in BC football culture. He’s played and coached football at all levels, including the CFL [and] the CIS,” Richards told The Peak shortly after the announcement. “I believe he’s an excellent teacher. He can tell a story about football and what it means, and how it made him a better citizen, and what he’s going to try to do with our student athletes and make them better citizens.” Bates was more than happy to share that story with The Peak. “I come from the middle of nowhere in [. . .] Quill Lake, Saskatchewan. [I] was raised there,
March 9, 2015
most of my family is from there. [It’s] a beautiful town in the prairies, I was very fortunate to have both sets of grandparents, a set of great-grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins — a little town of 500 people, a surrounding farming community that was tightly knit,” he said in his office. “I lost that environment when I was 10, and moved away,” Bates explained. “From there I struggled as a kid, I wasn’t a great student, I didn’t really apply myself very well, I was really on a fast track to nowhere in high school when I had some people come along who really cared. “They took the time to invest in me and show just tremendous patience,” he recalls. “The sport of football, combined with that, they saw a common denominator they could reach me. I had a great coach — Cal
Hobbs — who had just finished his university career, and boy oh boy, he allowed me to grow within his team, and we started to have a little success, and you start to understand that the success you have on the field goes hand-in-hand with the success you have in the classroom.” It took Bates an extra year to finish high school, and he had to come back to improve his grades for university. Eventually he was accepted into the University of Saskatchewan, where he won a Vanier Cup — the CIS trophy — and “everything clicked.” A recurring theme in Bates’ story is that of being surrounded by “a ton of great people,” by caring staff. He admits he is still close to his university coaching staff. “I was able to build those relationships with those coaches. They mentored me, they showed great patience, and helped me grow as a person, and sent me out as a much
better person than when I went in, and as someone who is equipped with everyday life and hopefully have success at it,” he added.
“That’s what I wish to bring here to SFU. These poor kids haven’t had that over the last three years. It’s been a tough turnover for them, the amount of coaches they’ve gone through — not just the head coach, but there’s been 37 different coaches come through
this program,” he explained. “We’re hoping to build a model of consistency. Really, it’s all about the kids, and trying to help them grow and become the people they want to be.” With Spring Training beginning March 12, a coaching staff will be named in the coming days. Current recruiting coordinator Bryan Wyllie and director of football operations Michael Lionello will be retained on staff. Defensive coordinator Abe Elimimian, however, has left the program to join the University of Hawaii as a defensive backs coach. “I like them. They care,” Bates said of the remaining coaching staff. “They love the game of football, and have personal relationships with all these guys. And they’ve done their best to hold it together.” Bates admits that it’s not going to be easy to get SFU football to be competitive, but that it will be a “process.”
SPORTS
Fittingly, after their many years on SFU’s men’s soccer team, former Clan head coach Alan Koch and forward Jovan Blagojevic returned to Burnaby Mountain to play their first professional game on their former home field. With Koch as head coach, the Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2 (WFC2) played a pre-season intrasquad game at SFU Field 4 on Saturday, February 28. The players were split into two teams: one in a blue kit and the other in a grey kit. For the first-time pro-head coach, the step from coaching student athletes to coaching professionals is a big one. “The higher you go in the game, the better the player is. We had great players at SFU, SFU will continue to produce great players, but these are professional players now,” said Koch. “A lot of them come through the college ranks — some are from SFU, some are from other schools, some of them signed as professionals when they were very young.
SFU Hockey opened the BCIHL playoffs last Thursday with a 3–2 win against the Trinity Western (TWU) Spartans. TWU finished the season at first place, while the Clan ended up with the fourth and final playoff spot — a role reversal from last year, when the Spartans upset the secondplaced Clan in three games. SFU entered the game with a slight edge in the season series, going 4–3 and having won their last two games against the Spartans. “The key to the victory [was] emotion,” said head coach
March 9, 2015
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“The guys have the same winning mentality as the group we had at SFU,” he continued. Just over a month into his new role, Koch has a clear vision of the style of play he wants to implement — one similar to the style he employed while at SFU. “At SFU, we had a high tempo, fast paced team, a very attacking team and possessionbased team. I will do the exact same thing here. We’ll possess it, we’ll try and build from the back, look to play as much, possess the ball, and obviously go to goal and hopefully score a lot of goals,” he stated.
Joining Koch on the Whitecaps USL PRO affiliate was Blagojevic, who broke SFU scoring records as a forward on the Clan. When asked whether Koch had changed in his transition to the professional level, Blagojevic responded, “I still think it’s a little early to say. But he seems
Mark Coletta. “We played well, we fought hard, we got timely goaltending, and we got a good effort from 20 guys.” Forward Adam Callegari opened the scoring on an early power play, giving the Clan the early lead 4:42 seconds in. Trinity Western tied up the game in the second period on a roughing penalty to SFU forward Tyler Mah. As if to cement their status as the enemy, the Spartans blared “Chelsea Dagger” as their goal song. Jono Ceci deflected a Jared Eng slapshot from the point 10:27 into the second to give the Clan back the lead. When a pick hit a ref ’s skate, Trinity Western had a breakaway and very nearly tied the game — however, SFU goalie Jordan Liem made a great save and helped the Clan go into the second intermission up by one.
relatively the same. It’s a little bit of a different approach, it’s more professional. I haven’t seen that friendship side of him yet, but it’s still early. We’ll see how it goes, but it’s looking good. I’m really enjoying it. It’s nice to still be under him.” Blagojevic was the first Canadian university athlete drafted into the MLS, and was invited to to the pre-season roster of the Whitecaps FC 2 — which will be cut down to form the final team roster. Former Clan teammate Alexander Kleefeldt was also invited to the pre-season roster; however, while Blagojevic was
signed to a team contract shortly after camp began, Kleefeldt was released from camp. Blagojevic made an immediate impression on his new team; playing on the much stronger grey side that won 5–0, he maintained an excellent pace and was able to create space for himself multiple times on the wing. He also scored his team’s fifth goal, a powerful half volley off a deflection from the centre back. For Blagojevic, the biggest difference between amateur and professional play is that “there’s just no room for error. It’s a lot cleaner play, it’s quicker, faster,
Callegari scored his second of the night to put the Clan up by two in the beginning of the third period.
With 3:21 left, Trinity Western scored to make it 3–2. Despite an initial onslaught after scoring the goal, the Spartans were unable to sustain much pressure with an empty net, and the Clan cruised to win game one of the best of three. “We’ve got to stay disciplined, stay out of the box — we know that — and we’ve got to play good defensive zone coverage,” commented coach Coletta, looking forward to the rest of the series. “We were scrambly at times and we’ve got to keep pucks to the outside. And Fidgett is a threat everytime he touches the puck, so we’ve got to shut him down.”
The Spartans appeared to have decreased their deficit by one goal when TWU forward Cody Fidgett — who led the league in goals scored — scored on a turnover caused by a bad SFU pass. However, the refs waved it off, much to the chagrin of the hometown crowd.
and more intense. It’s a lot more mental [. . .] you’ve got to be perfect right from the start.” Coach Koch waxed nostalgic about coming back to the school he coached for six seasons: “It’s kind of ironic, [to] leave and then come play our first game where we actually come back to SFU. It’s kind of special, actually. I love this mountain. It has a special place in my heart. It’s nice to be here, and I’ll come back a lot over the next few years, that’s for sure.” The WFC2 will return to SFU to face the Clan in a pre-season matchup on Thursday, March 19 at 3 p.m. at the Terry Fox Field.
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March 9, 2015
It was business as usual at the 2015 NHL Trade Deadline. Some teams loaded up on candidates for a cup run while teams on the opposite side of the spectrum were looking to offload players for future assets. A total of 24 trades were made on the day — most of them depth moves — while many of the biggest moves were made in the days leading up to the deadline. Here’s my take on the winners and losers of this year’s trade deadline: The tank is officially on in Arizona. The Coyotes traded their best defenceman, Keith Yandle, to the Rangers for a first-round pick in 2016 and a second-round pick in 2016, as well as John Moore and Anthony Duclair. The real prize for the Coyotes in the trade is Duclair, who showed great chemistry with top prospect Max Domi at the World Juniors. If they manage to get either Connor McDavid or Jack Eichel in the upcoming draft, they will be a force to be reckoned with in future seasons. They also traded their best forward in Antoine Vermette to Chicago for 2015 first-round pick and prospect Klas Dahlbeck in a year with a particularly deep first round.
The Canucks had a quiet trade deadline, with the exception of two new acquisitions: Cory Conacher from the New York Islanders and Sven Baertschi from the Calgary Flames. And that’s good. Though the two players they traded for are primarily filling needs for the Canucks’ AHL affiliate — the Utica Comets — they both have NHL potential.
The Red Wings simply paid too much for Erik Cole and Marek Zidlicky. Detroit gave up a secondrounder in 2015 along with prospects Mattias Janmark and Mattias Backman and a conditional third rounder in 2016. Zidlicky is 38 and Cole is 36, so their best days are definitely behind them. As well, Cole has not scored a playoff goal in his last 23 playoffs games. The Red Wings were better off staying put than giving up assets for two players who aren’t likely to make much of a difference.
did with Thomas Vanek last year, they needed to bring in depth players — and that’s exactly what they did. Jeff Petry is a solid defenceman in terms of possession, and it only cost them a second-round pick and a conditional fifth. They were also able to bring in a Devante Smith-Pelly, Torrey Mitchell, and Brian Flynn, all players who will help contribute to the bottom six.
The Habs didn’t need to bring in a big name like they
Curtis Glencross is not much of an upgrade on any of the Capitals’ forwards, and considering they had to give up a 2015 second- and third-round pick, this
Baertschi was initially a firstround pick by the Flames (13th overall), and many at the time thought he could become the team’s next superstar forward. Instead, his development stalled, and he fell out of favour with the Flames management — particularly with Brian Burke. It’s still quite realistic that Baertschi could turn into a top six winger, which would be jackpot for the Canucks. Though the cost was relatively high — a 2015 second-round pick — he is as likely, if not more likely, than a second-rounder to turn into a key piece for the future Canucks. Conacher, on the other hand, is more likely a career
AHLer. However, it is important to note in his rookie season, he had 11 goals and 29 points in 47 games. Though his point totals were inflated by playing with Steven Stamkos, he still does have NHL potential. Worst-case scenario, the price for the trade was Dustin Jeffries, another likely career AHLer. Low risk, decent reward. If all Conacher does is help the Comets, it’s not that bad. A good AHL team will help the other prospects who are NHL-bound. The Canucks planned for the future, without giving up any of their current team — or more importantly, their playoff chances. There had been rumblings that they would trade Zack
deal is questionable at best. Tim Gleason is also not much of an upgrade, having only one goal and seven points after 55 games with the Carolina Hurricanes. The Washington Capitals will likely be one and done in the playoffs, and if that happens, giving up those picks will have been a tremendous waste. By acquiring James Wisniewski and Simon Despres, the Ducks added to a young blueline that was already pretty solid. Wisniewski is highly underrated, and to not have to give up a first round pick like Nashville did for Franson is a steal. Despres is
Kassian or Shaun Matthias, or that they should trade veterans like Chris Higgins and Jannik Hansen. It’s good to see that GM Jim Benning kept the team together.
While the team may not be a bona fide cup contender, they should still make the playoffs,
also an upgrade on Ben Lovejoy, and Tomas Fleischmann and Jiri Sekac are solid depth moves for a team looking to make a serious run at the cup. The trade for Zbynek Michalek puzzles me, as he has a concussion and there is no guarantee that he will play in the future — he’s been out since Valentine’s Day. Olli Jokinen is done, and Robert Bortuzzo will be spending more time in the pressbox than on the ice. Although the Blues are aiming for a Stanley Cup this season, you couldn’t tell that from their Trade Deadline moves.
where anything can happen. I could see a healthy Canucks team (a big if, I admit), stepping up their game in the playoffs, and winning a few rounds. There are problems with the team, no doubt: a snakebitten second line and an inconsistent blue line even when healthy. But with the Sedins once again looking like elite first-liners, and a hot third and fourth line, they could make a good run. Who knows? Maybe the second line will pick up their game as the team approaches the playoffs. Benning helped build the team for the future, all the while keeping them competitive for this year’s playoffs. Not bad, I’d say.
DIVERSIONS / ETC
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March 9, 2015
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HUMOUR
For years, the action-packed sport of badminton has been without its own iconic featurelength film; a movie that accurately encapsulates the electrifying thrill of the game while balancing dynamic characters with an original, engaging narrative. But that was then, and this is now, and this now is right now. As God and you readers are my witnesses, I’m here to say that I am nearing completion on a first draft of what I will prematurely dub the world’s first critically — and hopefully commercially — successful film about badminton. To be candid, I’m not sure how we made it this far in cinema without producing a film such as this one. It’s hard to even think of a movie that heavily involved badminton in a way like this before. Sure, we’ve had films like 2011’s Bruce Lee Played Badminton Too and Badminton from 1945, but those are just obscure titles that came up when I did an Internet search on “popular badminton movies.” These are dire times for movie buffs that are also devoted badminton fans — but I’m here to pull those folks from out of the dark ages. Picture this: a black background, with introductory credits in white text as the sound of fans builds gradually to a
March 9, 2015
nearly deafening volume. The film’s title flashes on-screen before we cut to a stadium, with thousands of badminton-adoring spectators cheering. Heavy breathing begins to overtake the sounds of the crowd as we have a closeup of the protagonist’s eyes, sweat coming down his forehead. He’s in the match of a lifetime and his opponent is serving. It all comes down to this last round — and then we jump back in time to show how the stakes got to be so high. That’s just a taste of the Oscar-bait lurking in my script. You’ve never seen badminton portrayed like this before. Mostly because no one gives a shit about badminton, and so it’s never even been considered for something as prestigious as this. But after decades of neglect, with the spotlight shining on “better” sports like football or table tennis, badminton’s time has finally come. What the world needs now, perhaps more than ever, is a biographical sports drama centred on badminton. Will the sport of badminton itself act as a conduit for the protagonist’s insecurities to lash out at him? Will his professional rival, someone who’s older and maybe even a cautionary tale, be a metaphorical as well as a literal obstacle for our protagonist to overcome? Will the film include at least 18 minutes of actual adrenalinefuelled badminton gameplay? Yes, yes, and goddamn it, yes. Did I mention the script’s working title? Net Worth . It could be referring to the absurd
financial wealth that top-ranking badminton athletes are prone to; it could also be an allusion to how the protagonist is going to struggle with his own self-worth. You’ll have to wait until 2018 — or sometime around then, depending on how long it takes for Warner Bros. Pictures to respond to my messages — to find out. As with any iconic sports movie, the tricky part will be the film’s casting. Our male protagonist will have to be handsome enough for audiences to
humour editor email
Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca
enjoy looking at, but not handsome enough that people don’t believe him as someone who would actually play badminton. He’ll need a love interest, too. Any actress will do, really. She’ll have some surprisingly strong material to work with, revolving around the protagonist’s struggles, but that’s about it. The overall lack of female characters in the film isn’t about sexism; it’s about there being little room for romance in the high-velocity world of badminton. Hopefully the Academy recognizes her for
the 10 minutes of screen time she does receive. It’s badminton’s time to shine. For too long, jocks have had no choice but to fill their favourite quotes section on Facebook with inspirational lines from football movies. Even horse derbies had their moment in the sun when Seabiscuit came out. Up until now, almost every other sport has gotten a slice of that critic-adored pie, and it’s badminton’s turn to take a bite. If there can be a critically acclaimed film about baseball starring Jonah Hill, then surely anything is possible.
HUMOUR
NUW — There’s a new thing for people to be mad about in the city, thanks to a particularly foal and controversial new proposal being pushed by newly re-elected Vancouver mayor Igor Smobertson: downtown horse lanes. “Last year we did the whole bike lane thing downtown, and it was great. It created a really heated, angry dichotomy between drivers and cyclists, and made it significantly more difficult for motorists to travel in our already-congested city,” explained Smobertson at a press conference on Monday. “So I thought to myself, ‘Hay, there must be more ways that we can split up the roads and stirrup some animosity.’ And then it hit me: horse lanes.” Indeed, in the wake of 2014’s installation of bike lanes in Vancouver’s downtown core, a division between motorists and cyclists ignited heated debate over the fair division of prime roadways in the city. Today, however, people are starting to get used to applying kindergarten principles of sharing during
March 9, 2015
their commutes — which is something that Smobertson will not stand for. “The fact is that I just don’t want anyone to ever get used to stable traffic flow. As a mayor, that’s not on my agenda,” said Smobertson. The proposed Vancouver horse lanes would allow anyone with the money to buy a horse the ability to trot along down a new centre lane on all downtown streets.
“I’m not horsing around here — why should the roads be out there just to make transportation safe and comfortable for the motorists and the cyclists? What about the interests of the very small community of people who want to ride their horses in our urban core?” explained Smobertson. However, many cyclists are up in arms and indignant at the suggestion that they might lose some of the road real estate they’ve grown to love. “The road is ours now,” complained cyclist Dan McManning, 28. “Why should we have to share it with a slower-moving form of traffic?
Besides, isn’t it dangerous to have people just riding horses around cars? They don’t have the protection of a bicycle in the event of an accident. It’s a safety issue!” But would anyone actually use the horse lanes? Thus far, equestrian enthusiasts seem wary of the initiative. “I am a bit surprised at the idea, because it seems like it’s a long-outdated idea to ride horses in the city,” said horse owner Sheila Smeila, 35. “But whatever, I guess so. Who is going to pick up after the horses though? Maybe that’s one positive thing—job creation? Like, would it literally be the transit police’s job to pick up actual horseshit then?” No official conclusions have been reached yet, but it seems that the horse lane idea might be picking up momentum in the court of public opinion: locomotion analysts are noting an upswing in urban horse riding culture, with three new retail clothing stores slated to open this month that will sell overpriced, pretentiously designed outfits that will let everyone know that you are better than them because you rode a horse to work this morning so you’re saving the planet. So what will Smobertson do if his horse lane idea is ultimately rejected? “Hay, you whinny some, you lose some. I’ll just have to rein in some more great ideas!”
Non-humans of SFU
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26 HUMOUR
March 9, 2015
HUMOUR
Shaun, as you’ve probably grown to realize over the span of our relationship, I’m a woman of action and a woman of priorities; someone who’s not afraid of confronting things head-on and dealing with them as effectively as possible. This is why I think it’s imperative that we postpone our conversation about my arguably ‘excessive’ drinking habits in favour of addressing the adult African elephant currently stomping around in our living room. How did a full-grown tusked mammal get to be inside our thirdfloor apartment? I don’t know, Shaun. How did that half a bottle of chardonnay I had left in the fridge last week end up empty in the recycling bin? Did some magical breeze just blow in here, whimsically pull out the cork, consume the wine, and then neatly plop the bottle into the correct bin? Maybe it was the same magical breeze that swept an
March 9, 2015
Okay, here’s what we’re going to do: I’m going to call animal control and tell them what our situation is. Maybe get them to send someone over, like a circus trainer. Shaun, I need you to find a way to get past the elephant without getting stomped to death, make your way into the kitchen, and get the Kraken rum that’s in the freezer. Why do you have to be the one to risk your life? Because of the two people in this room, you’re the one that seems fixated on ignoring any elephants presently inhabiting our apartment.
elephant off its feet and into our living room. No, I’m not using the elephant as an excuse to avoid having an honest conversation with you. I promise. I can understand why you might think that, but I’m genuinely more concerned about dealing with the animal that is currently occupying one of the four rooms in our apartment. It just seems like a more pressing issue than listening to you overreact about how much alcohol I consume on a weekly basis. Sorry, that was a bit defensive. Honestly, I’m worried that at
any moment now, that elephant is going to start getting anxious about being indoors and it’s going to knock something over, like that vase your mother lent me. If I have to give your mother’s vase back to her in little pieces, then we’ll have two trampling elephants to deal with. As soon as I started saying that last part, I immediately regretted it. I’m sorry, Shaun. Again. Your mother’s not an elephant. But you know who is an elephant? That elephant in our living room.
WELL, IT’S REAL SIMPLE: you’ve got two more tacos and that’s it. Now, most of you have been eatin’ at this
Is there someone we could phone who could maybe help us deal with this? What good would a therapist possibly. . . oh goddamn it, for the elephant, Shaun. I’m talking about calling someone to help us with the seven-and-a-half ton Loxodonta africana undoubtedly tracking dirt all over our new carpet and probably destroying any chance we ever had at getting our damage deposit back. Unless you think the elephant has a drinking problem too, in which case maybe we should contact a therapist. Would that make you happy?
Can you live in that moment, as best you can, with clear eyes and tacos in your heart? With joy in your taco? If you can do that, gentlemen, then you’re perfect. I want you to take a moment and I want you to look each other in the eyes. I want you to put tacos in your hearts forever, because forever’s about to happen here in just a few minutes.
OUR DEEPEST FEAR is not that our tacos are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that they are flavourful beyond measure. It is our taste, not our blandness, that most frightens us. GREAT TACOS. . . are born from great opportunity. And that’s what you have here tonight, boys. That’s what you’ve earned here, tonight. One taco. If we ate here ten times, we might get bloated nine times. But not this meal. Not tonight. You were born to be taco aficionados — every one of you. And you were meant to be here tonight. This is your time. Now go out there and take it!
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REMEMBER, KID, there’s heroes and there’s tacos. Heroes get remembered but tacos never die. Follow your heart, kid, and you’ll never go wrong.
TacoTime for ten years. And you’ve got two more tacos and after that, most of you will never eat this food again as long as you live. Now, y’all have known me for a while, and for a long time now, you’ve been hearing me talk about being perfect. Well I want you to understand something. To me, being perfect is not about that menu board out there. It’s not
about eating. It’s about you and your relationship to yourself and your tacos and your friends’ tacos. Being perfect is about being able to look your tacos in the eye and know that you didn’t let them down, because you told them the truth. And that truth is that you did everything that you could. There wasn’t one more thing that you could’ve done.
FORGET ABOUT THE CROWDS, the size of the tortilla shell, their fancy side dips, and remember what got you here. Focus on the fundamentals that we’ve gone over time and time again. And most important, don’t get caught up thinking about soft or hard shell. If you put your effort and concentration into gorging to your potential, to be the fullest that you can be, I don’t care what the receipt
Okay, okay, never mind, forget about the Kraken. It’s fine. I keep a backup mickey of butterscotch Schnapps in the nightstand for emergencies anyways. Now, what were we talking about before all of this elephant business came up?
total says at the end of the meal. In my book, we’re gonna be winners. I JUST WANT TO SAY TO YOU ALL tonight I’m very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I’d never eat Mexican food again and that’s all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you bite the taco at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can lose every food you love, every food that loves you. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, really. Three minutes ‘til the biggest Taco Tuesday of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either we consume as a team or we’re going to crumble, inch by inch, bite by bite, ‘til we’re finished. We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me. And, we can stay here — get the shit kicked out of our stomachs — or we can fight our way back from indigestion. We can eat outta hell one inch at a time.
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features editor email
Brad McLeod features@the-peak.ca
March 9, 2015