50 Years of SFU

September 8, 2015 • 151/1 • FREE one per person

Maggie Benston Centre 2900 Simon Fraser University 8888 University Drive Burnaby, B, Canada V5A 1S6

The Peak office is located on the second floor of the Maggie Benston Centre, underneath Higher Grounds coffee shop.

FIRST PEEK

When I told my friends at UBC Okanagan three years ago that I would be attending SFU to study communication, I was met with distaste.

“You know that SFU has the highest suicide rate in the whole country, right?”

“It’s foggy, dreary and everything is made of concrete. Everyone’s apparently really sad.”

I was surprised to learn that this institution is often defamed as one without a sense of community, especially given its ‘radical’ history, proudly embellished with rallies, protests, and gatherings of like-minded individuals who’ve defended what they believe in.

By this history, I was intrigued.

My interest piqued. I craved a change in atmosphere; a taste of diversity; a place to express my (what I thought were odd) values in unique ways. Maybe SFU brought me this, maybe Vancouver lent its helping hand, but the experience here has been far from dreary walks down depressing, concrete halls.

The sunny Thursday morning I took a place in Residence, I felt as though SFU had been unfairly labelled. SFU isn’t a single community, it’s a vast collection of them. To be more specific, the multi-day student orientation program I was thrown into was wonderfully

jam-packed with vibrant people and activities — so much that it was a little overwhelming; SFU rightfully boasts one of the best orientation programs in the country.

I feel that many people on this campus are so quick to take to heart this visage of a helpless, solitary, fog-ridden SFU lacking any substantial community, that they don’t bother to put their foot forward and actually explore their options. In reality, there are endless club, job, research, community space, and campaign options.

It was difficult, and still is, for me to fall into the sheep-herd of false beliefs regarding SFU as a sad hollow for the dead. I quickly learned that people need to stop criticizing the cracks in the concrete and realize this university for what it really is: an institution with no fewer components to creating community atmosphere than any other place.

Just to be clear, I’m not approaching this idea from the usual ‘get involved’ and ‘make connections’ standpoint, but rather a place that’s more meaningful to us as people. SFU communities are about gathering experiences which will help you sculpt the kind of individual you are.

While I’ve certainly developed qualms about some of the bureaucratic processes at this school, I’ll say that any

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advertisements you see about vibrant student life actually have merit, and that the various opportunities I’ve cautiously stepped into over the past few years have not only exposed me to new perspectives, but encouraged me to be more open and upstanding with the personal values I’d developed before I began studying here.

University is a valuable time and place to shape yourself; it’s the limbo you float in, the conflicts you face, as you discover the person whose feet will finally touch that daunting yet exciting new ground.

Beyond textbooks and iClickers, it’s an environment for us to embrace honesty, sincerity, work-ethic, passion — traits that will hopefully propel us into our future as the confident, genuine people we strive to be.

I understand that not everyone will hold the same beliefs about SFU’s community, and that you might smirk and shake your head at all this dramatic nonsense, but I encourage you to be open-minded. All cheese aside, SFU’s rainy mountain is a pedestal of pride and accomplishment, of challenges to the status quo, of individuality, creativity and bravery that make it stand out.

In light of SFU’s 50th birthday, I’m glad you chose this radical, concrete campus and I hope you strive to find your niche here, especially if you feel this unique institution aligns with your values and beliefs. You have one lucky life; make the most of SFU’s true sense of community in whichever way you see fit.

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NEWS

September 8, 2015

news editor email

Melissa Roach associate news editor news@the-peak.ca

Jamal Dumas

SFU Surrey’s Week of Welcome takes place from September 8 to 11. This entire week promises a line-up of free food, campus club booths, and lots of activities to take part in, like jumbo board games and miniature golf.

The Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has decided to set up picket lines on SFU’s Burnaby campus on the first day of school, following an unsuccessful round of bargaining between the union and the university last week.

The parties completed two of three scheduled days of mediated bargaining this past week, on Wednesday and Thursday, in the hopes of reaching a collective agreement, the first bargaining they had done in six weeks. The mediation was overseen by the Labour Relations Board.

In a statement sent out to union members and posted on their website on Wednesday evening, the TSSU expressed that “SFU Administration is still stalling and is still unprepared to negotiate,” leading them to believe that “even more pressure is required to reach a fair Collective Agreement.” The mediation was cut short after two days, with the parties not returning to the table on Friday.

“On the first day of mediation, SFU Administration did not bring a single proposal to the table,” stated George Temple, TSSU spokesperson. “After six weeks to prepare for mediation, SFU Administration brought excuses instead of proposals. In light of that, TSSU announced that picket lines would begin next week.”

Kurt Heinrich, director of University Communications, stated that the university tabled five new proposals during last week’s mediation, two of which the TSSU replied to in a manner that suggest that they are “unwilling to work towards consensus.”

Heinrich emphasized the difference between advocacy and disruption in his response to the TSSU’s decision to picket.

“We are disappointed that the TSSU is targeting students, and even impacting the livelihood of their own members, in an attempt to influence their own negotiating position,” he stated.

Heinrich also emphasized the university’s commitment

Check out one of many Philosopher’s Cafes, a discussion series where you can chat about any number of topics. This session, “Other Minds,” is hosted

by Michael Picard and promises an interesting look into the minds of others, and our own!

Drop in at 12 p.m. on Friday, Sept. 11 in room 220.

to coming to a mutual agreement with the TSSU, pointing to the fact that SFU has recently agreed on a tentative Collective Agreement with CUPE 3338 and have made “significant progress” in bargaining with the SFU Faculty Association.

“The University is hopeful that the TSSU will ultimately decide not to disrupt the first week of school.”

The targeted picket lines are scheduled to be set up around the Applied Sciences Building from 7:30 a.m. until noon on Sept. 8. The TSSU is asking all its members to respect and participate in the picketing, which may cause class cancellations for classes taking place within the Applied Sciences Building, dependent on individual faculty members, teaching assistants, and other class facilitators.

The union had originally announced they would be picketing on Wednesday, Sept. 9 as well, intending to disrupt SFU’s

50th anniversary “Celebrate and Savour” event, an evening of entertainment and dining to be held in the AQ Gardens well into the night.

On Friday night, the TSSU released an announcement stating that they had scheduled more mediation days with the university for the first week of the semester, with VP Academic Jon Driver taking over as chief spokesperson for SFU administration.

In exchange for SFU’s “willingness to change course in its bargaining,” the TSSU agreed to not picket the 50th anniversary celebration. The union had previously called for Driver to join mediation, pointing to the fact that the 2012 strike was concluded within 48 hours of the VP academic coming to the bargaining table.

The university and the union are now scheduled for recommence mediation on Tuesday afternoon, and will be joined on Friday by independent mediator Vince Ready, who has previously settled the BC teachers’ strike and was involved in the TSSU mediation in 2012.

The strike escalation builds on the withholding of grades, which began in late July. The union stated that grades will

“remain sealed and will not be released until an agreement is reached.”

Students were invited by the TSSU to apply for their grades to be released if special circumstances existed. In a letter sent out by the TSSU to aspiring graduates, the union outlined that the university does have measures in place to allow students to be considered for graduation without their transcripts being completed, and therefore won’t be releasing the grades of those students.

A grade appeal process for those cases of students who are facing immediate deportation — within the next 30 days — is now in effect, though the union warns that it may no longer be possible to process grade requests as all the withheld grades are currently sealed within the SFU Archives.

“We feel that ending the grade appeal process will force SFU Administration to deal with the problem now,” said Temple.

“We don’t want to drag out this disruptive job action for another semester.”

Heinrich also stated that “The University is committed to protecting the interests and experience of SFU students, and will do all [they] can to minimize disruption and impact on SFU students.”

He concluded, “We’re hopeful that we will be able to get a fair and respectful deal soon with the TSSU.”

NEWS

September 8, 2015

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The smart card project launch is now two years behind its original timeline, and $24 million over budget.

During August, the old ticket machines were phased out as users were able to purchase

single tickets from the new Compass Vending Machines. By November, Compass Cards will be available for purchase at all Compass vending machines, various retail locations, and online.

Another change brought by this new phase is the “Bus Anywhere with a One-Zone Fare” campaign, which will allow users to travel through any number of zones by bus while only paying the standard one-zone fare.

The fare zone system, however, will remain intact for the SkyTrain, SeaBus, and West Coast Express, and there’s a chance it may return to the bus system sometime in the future. The fare gates at these stations will remain open for the time being, and TransLink has assured that they will provide ample notice before shutting them.

SFSS VP Student Services Darwin Binesh spoke to the challenges and successes of the U-Pass transition.

Binesh explained that since the launch of the Compass Card for U-Pass, the SFSS have met with students to discuss their experiences with the new system. So far, the society has consulted with about 250 to 300 students who are currently using the system.

He identified some initial difficulties students expressed during meetings in mid-to-late June with TransLink’s digital card reading system. Students noted that when transferring between buses and the SkyTrain the card readers would often display a red screen, indicating that the card had been rejected.

More recent consultations have revealed that rejected cards are no longer a major issue. Binesh explained that these sessions are about giving students access and information for a service for which they are already paying, and have so far been well received.

However, Binesh identified tapping in and out as one of the main concerns students have raised: “Because they have unlimited ridership, no one wants to tap in or out.”

Translink responded to these concerns in a media release, saying that, “starting October 5, busonly passengers with Compass

Cards and Compass Tickets will tap in but will no longer have to tap out when exiting the bus.”

Binesh explained, “The whole point is to tap in and out so that we can get a better sense of ridership — what it looks like, the use — so that we can use that data to improve service.”

He further elaborated that the one-zone bus fare element of the new phase “creates conditions where people won’t be overcharged in the instance where they forget to tap out, or there is an error.”

GSS Director of Graduate Services Adam Rinne explained that it’s important “for old students to not throw away their pass that they got during the summer, and to continue using it even when they have graduated from SFU.” This eliminates the need to pay the $6 deposit for a new card.

Furthermore, the electronic system that links each card to a

student ID makes it much more difficult for students to sell and buy their U-Pass. Binesh noted that the electronic system makes it easy to deactivate any lost or stolen cards online, and then replace them by paying the $6 deposit.

Even though the Compass Cards have been available from SFU’s U-Pass kiosks since May, there will be a large influx of new students and students who were away for the summer in need of their transit passes.

The SFU U-Pass Office plans to have volunteers standing at the kiosks during peak hours, encouraging students to pick up informational brochures as they collect their Compass Cards.

“The university is really well prepared, all the cards have been ordered, we’re all set to go with the distribution. The promotional materials are ready so people know what to expect,” said Binesh.

The worst windstorm in recent memory blustered winds of up to 90 km/h through Metro Vancouver on the last weekend of August, uprooting small trees and throwing branches onto power lines, vehicles, and houses.

The storm was also accompanied by heavy rainfall. More rain fell on Friday, August 28 through Monday, August 31 than had fallen in the area all summer.

Traffic was thrown into disarray, as BC drivers seemed to disagree on how to handle the four way stop procedure when a traffic light is without power. Finally, making a bad situation worse, BC Hydro’s website was down for most of the weekend.

BC Hydro reported that nearly 50 per cent of its customers on Vancouver Island and Metro Vancouver lost power due to the storm — the worst power failure in their history. Workers were called in from across the province, even as far as Williams Lake and Fort St. John. BC Hydro’s Twitter reported that there were still just over 100 customers without power on the morning of Wednesday, Sept. 3, and several minor power failures have occurred since then. As of

Thursday, the repairs had cost up to $15.4 million.

Washington state was also badly affected by the storm, with half a million people without power at the height of the storm and two associated deaths.

SFU Burnaby was without electricity for about half a day, running on backup generators until late Sunday afternoon. Phone services were also badly affected, continuing to experience technical issues until Monday afternoon. UniverCity and Discovery 1 and 2 were without power until 11 p.m. Monday.

Kurt Heinrich, Director of University Communications, explained that SFU staff “weren’t aware of ever having a complete power of this duration, so it’s quite a unique event.”

Many of SFU’s buildings are covered by the 23 emergency generators on campus. These generators are tested monthly and “can run indefinitely as long as they are refueled, and we generally expect to provide four hours [of power] without refueling them.” Heinrich said. The cleanup of the debris and damage on campus is ongoing, but the cost is estimated to be around $20,000.

Heinrich, who was on campus during the power failure, said that SFU staff were surprised to find a wedding occurring on campus during the storm.

Despite the dangerous nature of the storm, Courteney and Michael Rushworth were married in the Diamond Alumni Centre during the power failure, having

made the decision to carry on despite the storm. SFU facilities and catering staff put on a candle lit reception, reheating food on barbecues and using a gas generator to power the sound equipment for the first dance.

Although the windstorm is now over, the freshly battered Metro Vancouver’s situation has been suggested to be a sign of worse weather to come. Climate change scientists have been asserting that more extreme weather like this will become commonplace if global warming continues without sufficient regulation.

Whether it was due to harsh weather, or an unlucky summer, this storm reminded BC residents what it is like when mother nature cuts loose.

TransLink’s Compass Card, which was released to students through the U-Pass BC program in May, will soon be available to all transit users.

The Compass Card has been introduced in phases up until this point, and TransLink estimated that by this month there would be approximately 220,000 customers using the new system.

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he ‘big day’ has arrived at last!

After spending half a century resting just on top of one, SFU is finally over the hill.

SFU welcomed its very first students on September 9, 1965. Though it was once coined the “instant university,” looking around today, you see an establishment with history behind it and a future ahead.

The university is more than ready to share its joy with its students, staff, faculty,

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the greater community, and the world at large. This September 9 will be a day of food, music, speeches, and celebration across SFU’s three campuses. There will be free welcome back events at SFU Surrey and Vancouver that will be live streamed on Burnaby Campus to include everyone in the excitement.

Here is a handy dandy guide to help you enjoy the Burnaby Kickoff celebrations to the fullest.

After months of anticipation, the winner of the SFU Legacy Song Contest will finally be announced. Will it be “Make a Simon Fraser U,” “WE ARE SFU,” or “Engage the World”? The entire SFU community is on the edge of their proverbial seats! The winner will perform after being announced at approximately 12:30 p.m..

PEAK MEMBERSHIP As an SFU student, you are a member of the Peak Publications Society. As a member, you get access to a weekly copy of The Peak filled with news and views of interest to you. Additional privileges of membership include the opportunity to run and vote for the Peak Publications Society Board of Directors, to place free classified ads, to publish your work and opinions in The Peak, to become eligible to be paid for your contributions, and to nominate yourself to become an editor or staff member.

Full disclosure, there probably will not be people chanting “speech,” waiting for the first speaker to pick up the mic. Find some sweet standing room and listen to a few speeches, starting at 12:05 p.m..

Standing around listening to all of those speeches must have made you hungry. By the time they’re over, it will be right around lunchtime.

(Though, if you’re a traditionalist who believes lunchtime is at noon sharp, it will definitely be past your lunchtime.) There will be a variety of food vendors on site until 1:30 p.m., when the event wraps up.

Your contribution also helps provide jobs and experience for other SFU students, maintain an archive of SFU history through the eyes of students, maintain a computer lab and web site, and support student journalism across Canada.

Students who have paid their tuition fees and do not wish to support their student newspaper may request a membership fee refund from the Business Manger, but MUST provide a copy of their REGISTRATION SUMMARY, RECEIPT, and STUDENT ID between Tuesday, September 8 and Monday, September 21 at 5:00 p.m. No refunds will be issued outside of this time frame.

Students claiming refunds will lose all privileges of membership for the semester, but membership will resume upon payment of student fees next semester.

Questions? Call 778-782-3598.

The event kicks off at 11:30 a.m. in Freedom Square. You could use this time to settle in, mingle, and find somewhere with a great view for the programmed festivities.

Scottish highland dancing and bhangra do not seem like two things that go together, but we have been promised by President Andrew Petter that they really do: “You’d be amazed at how well the two fit together!” The SFU Pipe Band will be featured in this multicultural performance, starting around 11:45 a.m..

Make your mark! Sign the giant birthday card. Wish SFU the happiest 50th birthday in the world, with a gentle reminder that 50 is the new 40, 60 is when you really get to know yourself, etc.

There will also be a giant birthday cake to match. If you like things that are chocolate and fair trade, you are going to love this cake.

Follow along with the official hashtag (#SFU50) and your social media posts could be projected for all attendees to see.

There will be chalk provided for guests to decorate SFU’s iconic concrete campus with messages and artwork.

NEWS

September 8, 2015

Currently on offer are a 32piece KitchenPack that includes items such as cutlery, plates, and cookware, and a five-piece BedPack that includes bedding essentials. Said Wong, “Our sets are built primarily on the thinking of, ‘what exactly will students need once they arrive on campus?’”

The first week on campus can be a dizzying experience for incoming students, from the relentless sign-up sheets for various clubs to the frenetic pace of welcome events.

Three SFU students have engineered an innovative business that aims to make for an easier transition to university life, and for many students, life away from home for the first time.

Started by SFU students Erik Sagmoen, Cyrus Wong, and Jeffrey Wu, CampusPack aims to provide a low-cost alternative to students for basic housewares by offering packages with a predetermined set of items.

Wong explained the logic behind this business model: “By simplifying it down to the necessities, we can avoid charging a higher cost to the students while conveniently providing them this service.”

The inspiration behind CampusPack came from a desire to help out students. “All of us are involved at SFU through student organizations, and we wanted to go one step further to help students save money and time while getting value for the products they buy,” Wong said. “We decided to do this together because we have similar interests in entrepreneurship and to help improve student life.”

The business launched last July, and this will be its first year welcoming incoming students on SFU and UBC campuses.

Currently, products are offered through an e-commerce store and through pop-up stores on university campuses.

Wong described some of the challenges of “bootstrapping” a business — that is, funding it by oneself with the profits.

“The hardest thing was starting our company with our minuscule amounts of capital, which was used to order our products from manufacturers,” he said.

“Every step we took was restricted by how much we could spend, so it really taught us how to properly budget while strategically planning for the future.”

In Wong’s opinion another major problem is competition from “big-box retailers” such as Bed Bath and Beyond and Home Hardware. He explained that because universities receive profit sharing from these retailers, “they are more inclined to work with [them] despite their prices being overly expensive.”

CampusPack has been developed by utilizing input from students. Wong elaborated,

“To determine the items in the kitchen set, we conducted a survey asking students what they considered to be most important. We took this information and directly shaped our kitchen set around it.”

Sagmoen, Wong, and Wu hope to use data from a survey from current users to determine what items will be included in the next set. Wong remarked that, so far, the feedback has been positive. He noted, “Many people like our BedPacks because of its high quality build and its simple designs.”

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The entrepreneurs behind CampusPack hope to expand and upgrade their product line for next year, in addition to creating a system whereby products can be easily moved from the storage space where they assemble the packs to universities.

The three students want to maintain a simplicity-centered approach to Campus Pack. Said Wong, “We would like to maintain the CampusPack model because, essentially, helping students is our priority.”

University of Toronto under fire for antivaccination course UBC Board of Governor’s chair steps down amid national controversy [VANCOUVER] – John Montalbano, formerly the chair of UBC’s Board of Governors, resigned from his position on August 25 amid controversy over Montalbano’s response to a blog post published

by Jennifer Berdahl, a professor in the Sauder School of Business.

The blog post, entitled “Did President Arvind Gupta lose the masculinity contest?” was written in reference to Gupta’s resignation as UBC’s President earlier that month. According to Berdahl, Montalbano responded by calling her at her home to discuss his concern that the post, in his words, “had the potential to damage UBC based on its assertions.”

Berdahl then published a second blog post detailing her conversation with Montalbano, which has led to a debate over whether his actions constituted a threat to Berdahl’s academic freedom.

This has included several calls for Montalbano’s resignation, including open letters from the Canadian Association of University Teachers (CAUT) and UBC’s own Faculty Association.

Montalbano has publicly ceded his position to Vice-Chair Alice Laberge pending an investigation from the university’s Fact Finding Process. He will remain on the Board in the interim.

With files from The Ubyssey

[TORONTO] – A course at the University of Toronto Scarborough has attracted controversy for allegedly including anti-vaccination material.

According to several students interviewed

by The Varsity, “Alternative Health: Practice and Theory,” taught by homeopath Beth LandauHalpern, includes anti-vaccination content in its syllabus without sufficient counter-arguments.

CEO of Public Health Ontario and U of T’s vicepresident Dr. Vivek Goel has countered claims that the course is academically “unbalanced,” arguing that students are already familiar with arguments surrounding the study of vaccinations from previous courses.

Landau-Halpern claims that the reaction from the scientific community towards the course constitutes bullying, and argues “the assertion that science is objective and impartial is erroneous.”

With files from The Varsity

International students to require new travel authorization [FREDERICTON] – A student at St. Thomas university is calling for the university to reexamine its policies on accessibility after a professor rejected her doctor’s note.

Katherine Cleven, who suffers from focal segmental glomerulosclerosis (FSGS) and pituitary Cushing’s disease, says she received a failing grade after her professor neglected to accept a note from her doctor excusing her from class.

This was in preparation for Cleven to receive brain surgery to remove a tumour. “I was essentially told [by the professor] I was lying, I wasn’t actually sick,” Cleven told The Aquinian.

Though the university’s Student Services department was unable to comment on the specific case, director Shannon Wright noted that the university is limited in its ability to accommodate special cases. “All students do still need to meet the academic requirements of their classes,” she said.

With files from The Aquinian

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OPINIONS

Whether it’s directed towards your friends, family, or community, doesn’t the act of giving back make you feel all warm and happy? Appbased transport company Uber utilizes an innovative means of giving back to users — although what’s being given has elicited mixed feelings from recipients.

Like many other companies, Uber lends clients an ear by requesting that they rate their experience on a five-star scale. However, this ridesharing service bears two proverbial ears, and it offers the second

September 8, 2015

to its partner drivers, who rate passengers in the same manner.

Yes, that’s right: Lady Karma has acquired a taste for ritzy smartphones and riding shotgun, and she’s quickly laid down the law. While courtesy will net five stars and your drivers’ blessings, cringeworthy conduct might lead to retribution.

Drivers see your average rating, and if it’s low, they’re less inclined to accept pickup requests.

Low averages can even lead to suspension from the app, just as low-rated partners risk dismissal. While the concept (and consequences) of drivers rating passengers are off-putting for some, I’d say turnabout is longoverdue fair play.

Now, I’m sure many clients have legitimate complaints; God forbid you be denied the aux cord.

But to allow users to make or break their drivers with a few taps on a screen is only fair if the reverse holds true as well — after all, the former party is equally capable of atrocious

close-knit community. And while there is impacted stress on many of the students who relocate to one of the provinces for school, there is also added stress placed on the communities that they came from.

We are lucky to live in the southern portion of Canada, as we have relatively decent weather, closely spaced communities, and easy access to postsecondary education.

However, this is not the case for the majority of Canadians living in the North. While there isn’t a lot that can be done about the weather or community-spacing, to establish an accredited research university is a very achievable task.

For years the only option open for any Northerner wishing to complete a bachelor’s degree has been to travel south for this type of schooling. Communities in the North are small and isolated; their strength and survival comes from the bonds forged by having a

The need to maintain a strong community to be able to survive the harsh winters could be one of the major issues surrounding the poor graduation rates of those from the North. This is one of the major concerns that any northern Canadian university would have to deal with — how should a school be structured to not only meet educational goals, but the goals of communities that these students come from?

I feel the most feasible option would be one that combines

opinions editor email

Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca

behaviour and should be equally accountable.

Considering how passengers treat drivers sometimes, I’m surprised that letting the former speak out isn’t the norm. Many clients take advantage of ‘always being right’ to bully and harass employees over the smallest things — heck, there are online communities and discussion forums dedicated to relating horror stories of unreasonable passengers. Surely protecting your associates is just as important as protecting your customers?

Besides, even some well-meaning passengers need a wakeup call regarding etiquette. Learning to refrain from being late to meet your driver, leaving your trash in their car, et cetera, isn’t just great for expediting travel and staying in Uber’s good books; it’s also, well, common courtesy that people in general will appreciate. Paying someone for service in this case doesn’t negate their right to be shown basic manners.

Of course, many have criticized the system, particularly

taxicab associations. The Florida Taxicab Association labels it “discriminatory,” with board member Roger Chapin questioning how drivers rate “poor tippers, an elderly person who requires more assistance, someone who regularly needs a short trip to the doctor,” or “someone whom the driver may just not like the way they look?’’

Frankly, that’s a risk no matter who’s awarding stars. Should passengers stop rating drivers too? For that matter, what makes Uber’s ratings more problematic than other entities? Shall we outlaw literary critics as well?

If we condemn Uber on that basis, then forget the next election; we need to pour taxpayer dollars into a countrywide revolution, outlawing Yelp and burning issues of Rolling Stone.

The future is now.

Personally? I vote we skip that crusade. All Uber seems to aim for is a kinder atmosphere between driver and passenger. I genuinely doubt minding your manners for a half hour is too much to handle, and if you can do that, you should have nothing to fear from a simple rating.

traditional learning models that any student from the south would recognize, with satellite campuses and distance learning methods supplementing the traditional university structure. The satellite campuses could also serve multiple purposes in the communities in which they are located. They could house small libraries, community centres, health centres, or any other services that might be lacking within a particular community.

The goal would not be seen as a service catering to only the student population, but to the community as a whole.

Moreover, given that the Arctic has a very small population, it would not make sense for the Yukon, the Northwest Territories, and Nunavut to all have their own individual institutions, but one that is centrally located — probably in Yellowknife, as it’s the largest city among the territories. While the

centrality of the university could pose some relocation problems for students, the key to retention would not be in the location but in the local knowledge and community collaboration used to structure the yearly school calendar.

Local knowledge could be preserved and utilized as a resource for gaining a deeper understanding of the ecological and geographical concerns in the region. Community collaboration would mean the students would not have to make a choice between school and the survival of their communities and families. The university could

count community learning as an elective and grant credits based on that, or structure the year so that breaks coincide with peak hunting and fishing seasons.

A university in the Canadian Arctic would be unfeasible using the structure that higher education takes in the Canadian provinces. To establish a model that takes into account the needs of communities could rectify the problem of poor post-secondary education in the North, along with recognition that the university system is just as unique as the area in which it is located.

OPINIONS

Within the past year, I’ve read a fair share of prompt words by ‘letter grade reformists’ online, preaching change from our grading system that dates back to the 1800s, to one that better reflects a student’s academic performance in the 21st century, and would, to sum up their argument, ‘actually teach us something.’

To my understanding, the letter grade system has been labelled as a game of stifled creativity, fostering a negative environment riddled with anxiety, plagiarism, and extensive competition. Elyse Watkins in The Globe and Mail , suggests the alternative focus be placed on feedback, “team-teaching” and “interdisciplinary classes” designed to promote a “lifelong learning process” — which sounds like the kind

Gay, straight, bisexual: as a university student in British Columbia, I am fairly confident that you know what these words mean, and you have more than likely identified yourself as one of these three options at some point.

These are words we hear thrown around often as concrete, unnegotiable labels that tend to feel inescapable. This is nothing new. When it comes to a human’s sexual orientation, being put into an inflexible box is all too common — most of us have come to expect and even occupy fixed sexual identities.

There have always been those who argue that sexuality is far more fluid than mainstream society would have us believe, but until recently it was considered more of a fringe idea than an

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of exhausted rhetoric my high school principal would fart out during a schoolwide assembly.

First of all, I’ll agree that the grading system is a game. But guess what: so is everything else!

In fact, life is just a big game called “How well can you do to match the standards set by our society?” Letter grades are simply an arbitrary standard of academic measurement that plays the more tangible counterpart to the adult world, where we pull up our big kid pants and work our darndest to get the job done efficiently, satisfy societal desires, and try to make ourselves look good in the process.

You think a system of letters creates undesired competition?

Welcome to the life we must face outside SFU’s walls.

Without a printed letter to symbolize the ‘level’ of our academic achievements (or lack thereof!), how will we concretely measure

accepted reality. You see, things have been changing. As a society we have gone from discussing Lesbians and Gays, to LGB, then to LGBTQ+; it’s been over a decade-long process.

However, with celebrities like Caitlyn Jenner publicly transitioning, these discussions have not just hit the mainstream but have become part of celebrity culture. While some are still adamantly heteronormative, many of us have expanded our views to include and accept all orientations (as we should).

how well we’ve done? What would we truly have? Ambiguity, scholarly distrust, false or bloated accomplishments, and, if anything, a hazy educational system, that’s what.

To those who feel that the letter grade system inhibits actual learning by promoting simple memorization and regurgitation, I’ll say this: one’s motivation to learn and to take away something meaningful from their degree is entirely dependent upon the student. We aren’t spoon-fed at this institution; the initiative lies with students to put the effort into actually learning something. As our mothers once told us, attitude is everything — sorry folks, but the statement rings true.

Where I will criticize the system is in its failure to snapshot the exact measurement of a student’s performance. At SFU, each grade is assigned a certain GPA point ranging from 0 to 4.33, so if a student receives a mark that’s 0.1 below the range of GPA points associated with an ‘A,’ that student’s GPA is pretty much shit out of luck and will

Our generation has had a front row seat for witnessing this cultural shift. But while we generally accept homosexuality, Western society still places shackles on the idea of gender fluidity, rejecting any movement outside of the three fixed sexual identities we are ‘allowed’ to occupy. Even bisexuality, I feel, is still placed outside most mainstream discourses, so the idea of a fluid continuum is the next frontier.

Is it truly realistic that amongst the 7.125 billion people that live on this planet, we are only capable of craving love and intimacy from one

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be bumped down to the minimum number associated with a ‘B plus.’ In other words, these marks are unrepresentative and simply unfair.

So, rather than to throw out the grading system entirely, perhaps SFU should switch to a percentage system that would more responsibly reflect a student’s achievements.

In any case, grades are essential in providing order and stability to the system, while a process focussed on plain feedback would introduce chaos and confusion. Maybe you endured an unfortunate year;

maybe you ran into personal difficulties that put a mental barricade on your school life.

I’m cringing as I write this, but tough luck. It might be in your best interest to retake the class and aim for that higher grade.

A big person job won’t simply allow you to provide poorer quality work because of your personal life.

In our constantly evolving standardized world, if we want to be better students, then it’s our job to do so, and the university must provide that template for us.

specific gender? Even considering the boundless complexities of the human mind? The reality is that our sexualities fall on a spectrum from heterosexuality to homosexuality, which could also be referred to as the Kinsey scale, developed by sexologist Alfred Kinsey in 1953.

Of course, one can be completely straight, gay, or bisexual, as these all fall on to the spectrum.

But many other people’s sexuality will not be as definitive, and this, too, is completely normal. Some people may be attracted a little more to men than to women, or may feel physical attractions to women but more emotional attractions to men. The balances are infinite, and they are real.

deeper chemistry, on an individual case-by-case basis; not from preconceived notions and conditioning of our own (and other’s) sexual orientations.

This change in thinking opens all kinds of sex-positive doors; a rejection of a simplistic label defining the single most complex and intimate part of us. And for those not so sure who they like, or those sure they do not belong with only one gender, they could find their point on the continuum — which, in itself, is not entirely fixed, as people could slide back and forth on the scale at any point.

We cannot deny the existence of the sexuality spectrum, one that may force us to reconsider our sexuality, and fosters a positive and realistic perspective on a topic that has generated so much needlessly negative controversy. Without gender and sexuality labels we would all feel more free to be who we really are; a shift in thinking that will help make this world a better place.

Even scientific research has shown that many people possess the capability to love anyone, regardless of their sex or gender identification. Attraction stems from a

10 OPINIONS

September 8, 2015

Hey SFU, I have seen the photos, and I can honestly say you have not aged one bit.

You’re just as youthful as you were back in September, 1965, when you came into this world. For a university hitting its bicentennial, you’re hitting it in stride. I tip my hat

and raise my glass to you. Here’s to aging like a fine wine and making 50 the new 20.

Keep this up and you will be looking fabulous by the time you hit triple digits!

Turning 15 sucks ass, and there is no amount of sugar that can coat this unsavory truth. Prepare yourself for a brutal curb stop from your good friend, Puberty.

Braces, acne and awkward voice changes await you and let me tell you, your school

photo is going to look terrible no matter what you do. Get ready for hormonal flux comparable to bag of feral cats in a burlap sack. But rejoice, my friend, as you look on the bright side: in just 365 long days, it will all be over. Except not really.

McFogg the Dog has endured as the face of SFU Athletics for over a decade, and shows no signs of retiring anytime soon. This Scottish terrier is the toast of his generation and the most prolific of all the mascots in SFU history. More than being the figurehead to SFU’s varsity sports teams, this pooch is a testament to rising above adversity.

According to SFU athletes, after facing a harsh breakup in 2003 with his

chihuahua girlfriend and bumping into debilitating confidence issues, he travelled the globe to find himself.

McFogg went through some hefty soulsearching in the Scottish highlands, he returned to the mountain re-energized with purpose.

These days McFogg is in better shape than ever and continues his mascot duties as the heart of the university.

Fun fact about UBC’s Thunderbird: when the name was established, hardly any UBC students wanted “Thunderbirds” as their team name. Back in 1933, students voted through the student newspaper, The Ubyssey, for a sports team name. Of the choices considered, Seagulls was voted the most popular (beating out the highly regarded Peewits and Sea Slugs).

The Pep Club and Ubyssey staff then controversially ignored the decision,

held another election, and chose the name Thunderbirds instead. As many today still attest, the only place the Thunderbird belongs is on a box of cereal with his drunk uncle, Toucan Sam. While Thunderbird wears his blue and gold, SFU can boast having a mascot that can leave him black and blue any day of the week.

Putting aside the quips about SFU Burnaby looking like a correctional facility for British Columbia’s finest, SFU might just be one of the best places to go to school.

One can choose to study on a mountain, on the beautiful streets of Vancouver, or in Surrey on a boat-shaped campus above a shopping mall.

And let me ask you: where else can you see a statue of Terry Fox and a giant

avocado within five meters from one another? Also, SFU has a cornucopia of illustrious alumni such as Riaz Meghji, and more Miss Hong Kong and China Vancouver winners than you can shake a stick at. So kick it with BC’s finest undergraduate elite. You know you want to.

If you don’t attend SFU, you probably wish you did. Sure, you could go to the University of the Fraser Valley, but who wants to attend school in the middle of nowhere? And UBC, do I really need to say anything? These guys overcompensate more than someone with a small penis driving Ford F-150. SFU has a colourful history, personality, and gusto to fully match its top notch roster of

studious professors and mindful students. Besides, our hats and hoodies are totally boss.

OPINIONS

Have you ever held a crisp new bill straight from the ATM and asked yourself, what would I have to do to get myself on one of these?

The answer is really quite simple: if you come from a background of privilege and have influence or power, chances are you will be labeled a grade ‘A’ Canadian hero no matter what your moral compass and accomplishments may be.

John A. MacDonald, long regarded as a hero, brought the leaders of the colonies together in Charlottetown to rally support for a unified Canadian confederation. But that is not a holistic overview of who this man was.

What is often left out from our history books is that this Canadian ‘hero’ — whom we recognize through an established national day of celebration and whom we showcase on our 10 dollar bills — wasn’t actually an honourable man by modern Canadian standards.

While he may have played an integral role in establishing

September 8, 2015

unity amongst Canada’s colonies, that doesn’t change the fact that he was a racist who consistently expressed prejudice against Aboriginal people, spoke in front of the House of Commons suggesting measures needed to be taken to control the “mongrel” Chinese race moving into British Columbia, and openly sympathized with the pro-slavery confederate South in the USA.

With a track record like that, why do we continue to praise and honour this man? Because as long as you have clout, like MacDonald did as a high profile politician, then you’re guaranteed to be recognized as a hero.

Because of this, Canadians must ask themselves: who deserves to be recognized as an outstanding individual? Rather than idealising power and status, we should choose to remember those who have truly helped shaped our country for the better, such as historical BC governor James Douglas, who

was culturally and linguistically diverse, had public respect for Aboriginals, and established provincial order during the gold rush. He is a figure who would better fit the ‘hero’ label, yet he goes unsung.

When deciding who is worthy of national praise, we must take into account the moral background of said hero. No Canadian is perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean we should include historical leaders like MacDonald who were openly prejudiced. There have been many men and women who have fought to make the great North a better place to call home and who never engaged in hate speech.

Simply put, it is not hard to find Canadians who have stood up for our great nation, and who have preached equality and acceptance. In recognizing people like MacDonald, we are letting down those who lived by the Canadian virtues we wish to be upheld today. Without a doubt, the next time we create a national day of celebration or redesign our currency, we should strive to include only those who, on a moral level, Canadians can be proud of.

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Sep 9, 2015

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COMMUNITY PHOTOS June 29, 2015

photo editor email

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Alex Morrison Phantoms of a Utopian Will / Like Most Follies, More Than a Joke and More Than a Whim SEP 5 – DEC 11 2015 SFU Gallery SEP 3 – NOV 8 2015 Burnaby Art Gallery

MFA Graduating Exhibition SEP 11 – 26 2015 Audain Gallery

Lili Reynaud-Dewar My Epidemic (Teaching Bjarne Melgaard’s Class) OCT 22 – DEC 12 2015 Audain Gallery

Sabine Bitter and Helmut Weber 7KH 7HPSOHWRQ )LYH $ŕ ĄDLU March 1967 Ongoing until APR 2016 Teck Gallery

SFU GALLERY SFU Burnaby Campus Academic Quadrangle 3004 8888 University Drive Burnaby BC, V5A 1S6 TUE - FRI / 12 – 5PM 778.782.4266

AUDAIN GALLERY SFU Goldcorp Centre for the Arts 149 West Hastings Street Vancouver BC, V6B 1H4 TUE – SAT / 12 – 5PM 778.782.9102

TECK GALLERY SFU Harbour Centre 515 West Hastings Street Vancouver BC, V6B 5K3 Open during campus hours 778.782.4266

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Written by Brad McLeod, Nick Bondi, Austin Cozicar 1997

1987 (March): Clan hoopster Bob Hieltjes is honoured for the third straight year as an NAIA District I All-Star after the team’s thenwinningest season, in which they went 24–11 overall.

(February 1): At the University of Victoria’s annual “Beat the Beast” rowing ergometer competition, SFU fields two National Champions in the men’s and women’s Novice Heavyweight categories.

(September): SFU’s field lacrosse team ends their second season by defeating the Whitman College Missionaries in an overtime thriller to win the Pacific Northwest Collegiate Lacrosse League championship. It was their first of five straight titles, and the team has since added victories in ‘03, ‘08, ‘09 and ‘14 as well.

2000 (February 24): SFU agrees to a partial move to Canada’s university athletic association: the CIAU. The NAIA was rapidly losing teams, at the time, and SFU was unable to join the NCAA. The Clan therefore made a gradual switch to Canada with the majority of their teams leaving the NAIA to compete in the CIAU by 2002.

(November 2): The women’s volleyball team made the playoffs for the first time in their history by defeating Northwest Nazarene to advance to the regional championships.

2001 1988 (March 5): The men’s wrestling team win their first ever NAIA national championship in Tacoma, Washington 11 years after they began at the competition. The unlikely victors upset four-time defending champion and number one ranked Central State Oklahoma.

1998 (October 27): Despite being accepted as provisional members to the PacWest conference for 97/98 season, the SFU Clan are denied membership into the NCAA Division II. Considering that much of SFU’s NAIA competition had moved to that league, this is trouble. . .

(June 12): SFU wins its fifth consecutive Sears Directors’ Cup, the annual award presented to the best overall athletics institution in the NAIA. This year they were spurred to victory by three national championships, including women’s soccer and men’s and women’s swimming and diving.

2002 (March 10): The women’s basketball team cap off a 35–0 perfect season by winning their first CIS national championship in a 66–51 defeat of Laval. Their time in the Canadian league was quite fruitful, winning five championships in 10 years.

(November 18): SFU runner Leah Pells wins the NAIA Cross Country title winning the race in 16 minutes 59 seconds, a full 33 seconds ahead of the runner-up.

1999

1989 (February 27): Women’s basketball freshman Michelle Hendry is named NAIA District I Player of the Year after the Clan secure their first ever playoff berth. She would repeat the feat in every season of her collegiate career.

1990 (May 16): SFU’s Varsity Golf team qualify for the NAIA national championship for the first time ever after dramatically winning District I by a single point (914 to 915) over St. Martin’s College of Lacey, Washington.

1993

(March 20): The women’s basketball team advance to the finals at the NAIA tournament for the first time following a decade as an elite squad under coach Allison McNeill. The Clan unfortunately lost to South Nazarene in the finals that year, and again in 2000.

2003

(May 28): The softball team win the NAIA championship with a 7–3 win over Oklahoma City in a game held in Jupiter, Florida. They would secure three more titles in 2003, 2005, and 2010.

(November 8): In only their second season playing Canadian football, the football team win the Hardy Cup as the champions of the league’s Western conference. It would be their highest achievement in that league.

2005 (March 13): The women’s basketball team win their second Bronze Baby as CIS champs in an undefeated 38–0 season. Dani Langford was named tournament MVP and her father, coach Bruce Langford, was later honoured as the CIS Coach of the Year.

2010

(March 10): The women’s wrestling team win the CIS championship in their inaugural year. With follow-up victories in 2004, 2005, 2006, 2008, and 2010, and men’s title in 2009 and 2010, 2007 was the only CIS year without a Clan wrestling title.

2009 (July 10): SFU is approved as the first non-American school in the NCAA Division II and return to their roots playing primarily American schools and American rules football. After two seasons they became a full NCAA member in September 2012.

2011

2012

(November 29): The men’s soccer Clan fall 3–1 to Michigan’s Saginaw Valley State College in their first trip to the NCAA Division 2 Final Four semifinals. They came back the next year, but were once again unable to advance to the championship match.

1996

(November 30): The women’s soccer team win their first NAIA championship in what was at the time the longest ever national title game. The Clan beat the University of Mobile Alaska 3–2, scoring the winning goal in the 160th minute of play.

(November 6): The men’s soccer team become the first Canadian team to win an NCAA title after defeating St. Martin’s University 2–0 for their first GNAC conference championship. It was their first of 4 straight GNAC titles.

2015

(March 3): Women’s basketball star Erin Chambers is named GNAC player of the year shortly after breaking the conference’s all-time record for career points.

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ARTS

5) Earl Sweatshirt — I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside Earl Sweatshirt has always displayed a dazzling mastery of the english language through his exceptional lyricism, and I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside is no exception. At a modest length of just under 30 minutes, Earl has made a dense album with many focuses relating back to the theme of maturity.

The album kicks off with “Huey,” which finds Earl flexing his lyrical prowess over a smooth organ while painting a picture of what his life is like at the moment.

On “Mantra,” a track which sees Earl pick apart his collapsing relationship and accept responsibility, we see a type of obscure honesty that is rarely prevalent in the music industry of today.

“Grief” shows Earl rhyming over a low-fi beat while tackling the subject of chasing highs, which never seem to be attainable. The album closes with “Wool” featuring Vince Staples, a fiery track with emcees trading razor-sharp lines over a grimy beat.

4) King Krule — 6 Feet Beneath The Moon King Krule is a Londonbased artist who is nothing short of exceptional on the guitar; his ability to seamlessly blend jazz, rock, and punk elements into his music is

phenomenal. King Krule’s voice is distinctly his own, and when he’s crooning over tracks his presence can be felt like that of a thunderstorm — booming and in your face.

His unique vocal ability is best displayed on standout tracks “Easy Easy, Has it Hit?” and “Out Getting Ribs.” King Krule also has several smooth tracks on 6 Feet Beneath The Moon which showcase his skill on the guitar, as well as his ability to use his unique voice to gracefully glide over instrumentals.

6 Feet Beneath the Moon is a great commuting album because Krule makes it so easy to forget about what’s going on around you and he draws you in with his masterful guitar chords and vocal melodies.

3) Kendrick Lamar — good kid, m.A.A.d city Kendrick Lamar is the best rapper alive, and his album good kid, m.A.A.d city proves it again and again. good kid, m.A.A.d city is based on a narrative that takes the story’s protagonist, Kendrick, through a journey of finding himself in one of the world’s most chaotic cities: Compton, CA. The album begins with “Sherane a.k.a. Master Splinter’s Daughter” where we are introduced to his profound storytelling ability. “Backseat Freestyle” is another standout track in which Kendrick roars over a ferocious beat made by Hit-Boy. good kid, produced by Pharrell Williams, depicts the constant adversity Kendrick faces in his attempt to stay away from the street life.

provide lots of action, giving moviegoers something to enjoy during the cold nights and constant rain.

Everest

This summer has presented its share of outstanding blockbuster films such as Jurassic World and Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation . The upcoming fall film season is sure to

arts editor email

September 8, 2015

Everest tells the story of a group of mountain climbers who perished from a storm while still atop Mount Everest, featuring the great Josh Brolin and Jake Gyllenhaal. However cold and windy it gets during the upcoming season, we can take comfort in the fact that it won’t be nearly as cold as on Mount Everest.

2) Mac DeMarco — Salad Days Mac DeMarco is a talented Canadian singer and songwriter.

“Salad days” is a term coined by Shakespeare historically referring to the period when one is young and inexperienced, and now meaning when one is at their peak. Salad Days is a double entendre in this context, because on one hand DeMarco’s days of being young and inexperienced are coming to an end whereas on the other, Mac is at a peak.

The subject matter found on Salad Days is beautifully angsty, and focuses a lot on maturity.

The standout title track shows DeMarco floating over beautiful guitar chords as he embraces the challenges of growing up

The Martian When his team is forced to abandon him during a storm, a lone astronaut struggles to survive after he’s left stranded on the barren surface of Mars. Having already seen Matt Damon in Interstellar, I’m certain that he’ll give a great performance on this distant planet. Let’s daydream about other worlds, fuel our imagination, and get distracted us from our school work for a while.

Spectre The film tells of James Bond’s attempt to thwart the secret

Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca

and taking a path that is rather unconventional.

What’s beautiful about this record is that whether DeMarco is criticizing working a nine to five job or talking about letting go of a girl you’re not sure you love, he is never settling for anything less than exactly what he wants, as we all should.

1) Kanye West — The College Dropout Whether you love or hate Kanye West, you love Kanye West. The College Dropout is the most important album to ease you back into school.

First of all, the music is nothing short of spectacular. The album kicks off with a bang with “We Don’t Care” and “All Falls Down,” the latter dealing with the subject of self esteem or lack thereof.

Kanye wears a second hat on this album: producing it entirely, which is no easy feat. Throughout the album there are several spectacular guest appearances. Jay-Z provides two braggadocio verses over one of the most powerful songs on the album, “Never Let Me Down.”

Talib Kweli and Common shine on “Get Em High” which is an energetic tune that will have you storming around with all the confidence in the world.

The College Dropout is definitely anti-establishment, and this can be blatantly heard on the “School Spirit” skits where Kanye takes shots at people who only focus on school and believe that it’s the only route to success.

organization simply known as Spectre. Daniel Craig’s Bond is fantastic, and he’s sure to succeed again in this instalment.

This spy flick will provide adventure and impress with Bond’s use of gadgetry and wit.

trilogy, I can’t wait to see the franchise’s ending.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part Two This final film of the trilogy presents Katniss Everdeen’s final confrontation with President Snow as he tries to eradicate her and the rebellion that she aligned herself with. Having already read the Hunger Games

Star Wars: The Force Awakens This new addition to the popular series will revolve around new characters and encounters, while a new enemy from the Dark Side prepares to make his mark on the galaxy. I never thought that a seventh Star Wars film would be made, since the other six films brought everything full circle.

This one promises the kind of adventure you can only find in the Star Wars universe.

ARTS

September 8, 2015

Feet are risqué. Ankles are sexy.

Legs are too sinful. Can you imagine a conservative audience’s reaction to a Michael Bay movie in the ‘60s? “No Jessabelle, that’s not your boyfriend’s hand in his pocket; he’s just never seen a computer-edited image of his fantasies projected in 4k.”

A lot of things have happened in the 50 years since SFU’s inception. Revisiting Russ Meyer’s Faster, Pussycat! Kill!

Kill! (released in 1965) is ridiculously entertaining and, if I dare say it, outright fascinating.

This ‘60s “skin flick,” with very little skin by today’s standards, is groundbreaking in its portrayal of women and gender politics, but it’s also a film with cars, murder, “sex” (no nudity, it’s all suggested), and dialogue that could have been written by Raymond Chandler if he was doing a porn-parody of one of his noirs.

SC HOOL OF C OMMUNICAT ION

In roles you might see Arnold Schwarzenegger playing twenty years later in films like Conan, Varla, Rosie, and Billie are half busty, amazon princesses, half femme-fatales and wholly a feminist fantasy: powerful, fearless, and merciless. When women lacked agency or prowess in mainstream cinema, these three go-go dancers turned killers on-therun drove a narrative with pulpy traits and political intents. They embody the frustrations that spawned the second wave of feminism.

The clash between the archetypally passive female characters and the domineering male ones permeate almost every scene. The trio is trying to steal from a rich, misogynistic farmer who desires the women to submit to his sexual fantasies. In a way that’s what makes Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! profoundly subversive — the big-breasted, sexy women are clearly objectified by many of Meyer’s compositions, but their agency and violent manipulation of their sexual power are a direct threat to this attitude.

Perhaps even more fascinating is the presence of Linda, the trio’s bikini-wearing kidnap victim that was taken after Varla killed her subtly oppressive boyfriend. Linda is not a feminist figure; she is the kind of weak eyecandy you could see in a typical

Hollywood flick during the time of this film’s release.

As the war between genders brews, she gains more and more agency before a final sequence that reunites her with another male figure; but this time, instead of being passive like in her previous relationship, she is influential and brave without Varla’s extremism.

The original audience may have been right at home with the current Michael Bay misogyny, showing the limited progress we have made in the last 50 years, but the depictions of the female body in Bay’s films would probably give Faster Pussycat’s original audience as much control as a teenage boy whose parents have put a parental lock on his internet access.

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Except, back then, there was no internet: they had Russ Meyer — a man who cleverly had his scantily clad women and ate them too. The internet has made a lot of things obsolete, including many of Meyer’s films, but as a time capsule, a progressive groundbreaker, and a hell of a good time, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! is as deadly amazing as ever.

18 ARTS

September 8, 2015

COMIC CONNOISSEUR

Tessa Perkins Arts Editor Having never been to a mixology competition before, I wasn’t sure what to expect at the Vancouver finals of Made with Love. What I didn’t expect was a trade show style set up and voting with dog tags. I pictured a stage, set up almost like a cooking show, with mixologists creating fancy drinks while they or a commentator explained what they were doing and why the ingredients would work well together. Then samples of the drink would be passed around.

What I had imagined was much more entertaining than the reality.

We were greeted with a drink of Campari and Red Bull Yellow before entering a large conference room at the Fairmont Vancouver Hotel, which was lined with tables against three walls and tall cocktail reception tables scattered in the centre.

Upon entering the event it wasn’t

select brands: Campari, Hendrick’s Gin, 1800 Tequila, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, Disaronno, Skyy Vodka, Wild Turkey Bourbon, and Appleton Rum. Some of the tables had a canapé paired with their drink, which was a nice addition. My favourite by far was a chocolate gelato paired with a vodka-based drink infused with rosewater. Both were delicious. Other than that drink, I was hard pressed to find one that didn’t make me shudder on first sip from the sheer alcohol content.

Another table that deserves praise for their performance My favourite by far was element was a a chocolate gelato paired Campari table set up like an with a vodka-based drink old Parisian carnival. There was infused with rosewater. a ring toss, popcorn, and a mixattempted to bring the beach ologist with sparkly make-up indoors by having you stand in making a whisky ice cream float. a sandbox while your drink was The ice cream was delicious, but being made. Their rum based after that ran out the rest of the drink did have a taste of the drink was quite bitter.

Even though I struggled to Caribbean and wasn’t bad, alfind a good drink, I was enterthough it was very strong.

The lack of variety of the li- tained by the interesting people quors used in the drinks was a wandering around the room, bit disappointing. The mixolo- and now I know I can stick to my gists were sponsored by a few good old Long Island iced tea. clear where to begin or how one would vote for their favourite drink.

Eventually an emcee made a barely audible announcement explaining the purpose of our dog tags — we were supposed to give them to the creator of our favourite drink. Then the dance music began.

Each mixologist had quite an elaborate set up at their table as they tried to create an entertaining experience while making their drink for you. One table featured men in togas making “Aphrodite’s Milk” (it was just gin and greek yogurt – gross unless you like the taste of straight gin). Another table

In the previous volume of Southern Bastards, readers were introduced to Euless Boss, a vile football coach with a stranglehold on a rural southern wasteland known as Craw County. In the latest edition of this deep fried crime anthology, we witness the origin of the southern villain and how he came to be the most fearsome bastard of his whole town.

Back in his youth, Euless Boss was a small boy with a dream of being a linebacker for his school’s football team, the Running Rebs.

He was a hopeful youth with dreams of dominating the gridiron and gaining the affections of his unloving father. However, Boss did not grow up with the support of his teammates, coach, or father. He fought every step of the way, receiving verbal and physical abuse every day he walked onto the field for practice.

Faced with the insurmountable goal of making the football team, Boss turned to the help of an old blind sports janitor to help him make the team by any means necessary — unwittingly setting into motion a dark accession to power in his hometown.

The artwork of Jason Latour continues to be a fine fit for the series. He consistently crafts artwork that brings the town and people of Craw County to life with grit-filled authenticity and grime. The character design of Euless Boss is by itself a work of fine craftsmanship, with every

detail line helping to further accentuate the mannerisms and characteristics of the twisted football coach.

Jason Aaron succeeds in writing a story that is as painful as it is captivating. Boss’s climb to power is written with compelling realism. Every page feels like a bitter walk down memory lane rife with terror, pitch black hatred, and palpable anguish — made all the more enjoyable with his top-notch dialogue and excellent story pacing.

While he is a monster of a man, Euless Boss is a character with the obsessive desire to be the best when it comes to football, and for that reason alone, he is an identifiable lead in Southern Bastards.

While his actions are unjustifiably evil, it is hard not to empathize with the character given his abusive and cruel upbringing. As Boss suffers through the hard road to making his dreams true, readers cannot help but share in his pain and anger, feeling all the more content when the character enacts painful retribution on his opponents via debilitating tackles and checks.

Admittedly, it is hard to decide what is more frightening when reading Southern Bastards: the unsettlingly origin of Coach Boss or the fact that underneath his cold and frightening exterior is man with whom audiences can identify. Southern Bastards is not your run of the mill, feel-good football story.

In every way imaginable it’s the very opposite, yet all the more engaging and addictive to read.

Southern Bastards is a more than entertaining work that will leave its readers conflicted as they cheer begrudgingly for the vilest son of a bitch to hit a comic’s page.

SPORTS

sports editor email

September 8, 2015

Nick Bondi sports@the-peak.ca

19

It’s no secret that SFU’s football program has been in a state of flux the past couple of years. From Dave Johnson’s dismissal in 2013 to Jacques Chapdelaine’s sudden resignation the following year, the football team has gone through two offseasons with no head coach, and no direction. However, new head coach Kelly Bates is determined to change all that.

“I am committed,” said Bates.

“I’ve laid out a four year plan, and if the administration sees fit to allow me to carry [it out], I am here for four years and beyond.

Make no ends about it, I treat this as professional football. If we don’t create an atmosphere that is conducive to a great student athlete experience, they won’t allow me to be here that long.”

Coach Bates recognizes that building a stable, successful

program won’t happen overnight.

“To build stability you need a solid foundation,” remarked Bates.

“There’s been a lot of turnover the past three years — not just the head coach but the coaching staffs in general. To create a foundation that’s stable, you need to create long lasting relationships with your players and your student athletes, and to do that you need to have the same coaching staff.”

The Clan have recruited 20 new players into this years team, including defensive standout Jake Tumblin and running backs David

Lagou and Nathan Kyeame. “[Jake] has shown some promise. Great work ethic, and very coachable [. . .

David] is a local kid who is speedy, fast, strong, tough, and Nathan has shown tremendous promise. Those three guys really stick out to me right off the bat.”

This year’s coaching staff features a wealth of experience for Bates to call upon. New offensive coordinator Joe Paopao is extremely experienced, having served as the head coach for the BC Lions and the now defunct Ottawa Renegades, and having been the offensive

coordinator for multiple CFL teams.

Jaime Hill, the new defensive coordinator, spent two years in the NFL with the San Francisco 49ers as the secondary coordinator, as well as with Calgary Stampeders and the Ottawa Renegades.

“The great thing about both my coordinators is that they have a vast amount of experience,” said Bates.

“Jaime’s familiarity with the American game and what he has to do in terms of his players gives us a distinct advantage.

“Joe has more experience in his left pinky than most of us do

in our entire body. [He] is a living legend [. . .] he commands the respect of the people around him, and our student athletes feel that and know that. He’s always trying to get better.”

Both coaches will have their work cut out for them. SFU’s scoring offense was the worst in the GNAC conference last year, only scoring an average of 21 points per game.

Their defence wasn’t much better, giving up an average of 36.5 points per game and 447 yards per game, near the bottom for both categories.

Coach Bates is taking a patient approach with his program and isn’t judging his team in the early going solely by wins and losses.

“We always want to win, that’s why we compete [. . .] but I think it’s important we understand that this is a building process. I believe my veterans have bought into that, and understand that this year is their last opportunity to leave their legacy on this program.”

“It’s more important to respect the process, and create a proper process going forward to build the program, as opposed to measuring our success right off the bat with quick wins.”

The process begins for SFU in Monmouth, Oregon on September 12 when they take on the Western Oregon Wolves. Their first home game will be a week later, when they face Azusa Pacific University at Swangard Stadium.

SFU has narrowed down the list of candidates for the athletic director to a “medium list”, according to Tim Rahilly, associate vice president of students.

“We ended up with quite a large pool of applicants,” he said. “The selection committee reviewed all of those applications and narrowed that down to about 10 people who we think have the highest potential for the position.”

Candidates in this phase will be interviewed over Skype. From the medium list, SFU will narrow the list of candidates down further into a shortlist.

“We will bring those people on campus later in September to come meet us on campus, meet some important stakeholders, and give them an opportunity to check us out.”

SFU Athletics has been without an athletic director since Milt

Richards, who had held the position since 2011, resigned in July. Richards was the first American athletic director at SFU. SFU has had only five athletic directors in its 50 year history. Lorne Davies ran the program from its inception for thirty years, before retiring in 1995. Mike Dinning, who previously held the position at York University, became the school’s second athletic director, holding the position until 2001.

Wilf Wedmann, a former Clan track star, Olympian, and Rhodes scholar, succeeded Dinning, running the program until his retirement in 2007. David Murphy, the school’s fourth

athletic director, brought SFU into the NCAA. This time around, Rahilly said that they had received applications from a wide spectrum of people in the collegiate athletic community. “[The search] included people who are currently sitting as athletic directors in NCAA schools that would include people who are associate directors in NCAA schools, Canadians working in the US, people who have previously worked in NCAA schools who are in Canada. It also includes people who are in the Canadian system in the CIS. “We’re aiming to have an offer to the preferred candidate at the end of September or early October,”

he continued. “In terms of actually having someone in the position, that’s going to depend very much on the circumstance of that individual, whether or not they’re local, or from parts unknown, and their personal circumstances in terms of their ability to move quickly.”

For now, however, the department still has to run, even without an athletic director hired. Peg Johnsen is listed as the interim director, handling day-to-day operations.

“It has to be business as usual, we’ve got a department to run,” said Rahilly. “We’ve got people who are stepping up to make sure things are operational.”

Last season: 5th Coaches Poll for 2015: 7th

20 SPORTS

Last Year: 3rd Coaches poll for 2015: 2nd Men’s soccer at SFU has become synonymous with excitement, passion, and most importantly, success.

For eight years the men’s program flourished under the tutelage of Clan alumnus Alan Koch, who expertly led the men through a transition from NAIA play into NCAA Division II competition. Koch will be remembered for orchestrating feats such as an undefeated 2011 season and taking the clan into back-to-back NCAA Division II final four finishes in 2012 and 2013. Now, after taking the reigns as the Vancouver Whitecaps FC 2 head coach, Koch has passed the torch to former associate head coach and longtime friend, Clint Schneider.

The San Angelo, Texas native has been with the Clan for all five of their NCAA playing years, and prior to joining SFU was working alongside Koch at Baker University. As an expert in recruiting, scouting, and a specialist in goalkeeper coaching, Schneider is thrilled to take on a new challenge at the helm of the men’s team.

“I am honored to be given this once in a lifetime opportunity to lead such a prestigious and successful program,” said Schneider to SFU Athletics upon his promotion in February.

“I have had an opportunity to work with one of the best coaches in the business for almost a decade and he has helped me to develop the skills necessary to continue to build upon the foundation already in place.”

With preseason clashes already under his belt, SFU’s fifth appointed soccer coach is straight to work on building a competitive squad for the Great Northwest Athletic Conference (GNAC) opposition. Alongside Schneider will be former Canadian International and Major League Soccer player Kevin Harmse, who offers the young

on the pitch as well. The team won the MLS Cup three times with him, and finished top of the league twice.

The Galaxy have continued with this trend, signing Giovanni dos Santos and Steven Gerrard this past summer.

The Whitecaps are having the best season of their short Major League Soccer (MLS) existence. They’ve won the Amway Canadian Championship, and at publication time are one point back of being the top team in the MLS. All of this without a big name star from Europe.

The MLS has long been dependent on star players from Europe to boost ticket sales and to help market the league. This all started in 2007 when David Beckham transferred from Real Madrid to the LA Galaxy. This immediately launched the MLS into the public consciousness. I hadn’t even known what the MLS was until I found out Beckham was coming over. Not only was he a success financially, he was a success

Of course, having a big star from Europe doesn’t guarantee success.

Last year Toronto spent lavishly on players such as Jermaine Defoe and Michael Bradley, and still finished far out of a playoff spot. Whitecaps fans are probably never going to see a big signing like this for the franchise, for a couple of reasons. The ownership group doesn’t have the kind of money to spend on high salaries, and the artificial surface at

September 8, 2015

New coach Clint Schneider has been tasked with keeping the program’s success going. players a great source of mentorship at this stage of their development. Six players in total are gone from last year’s playoff run and 11–5–2 season record.

So far the Clan has had a taste of every possible result with one win, tie, and loss during a series of friendly matches in August.

Despite losing their star attacking player in Jovan Blagojevic — who scored 18 goals in 18 matches during his senior

year last term — the Clan look destined to build their goal scoring exploits as a collective unit.

“I think we will score by committee,” Schneider remarked after a 2–1 victory over Kwantlen Polytechnic University. “We don’t have a guy like Jovan who will score 18 goals. I would love for that to happen but we are more likely to have a lot of guys with 5, 6 goals, or 7 goals.”

Schneider is eager to test out his fresh batch of

reinforcements and is full of confidence to set the bar high.

“We have a great group of returning players and adding these incoming freshmen will enable us to compete for championships straight away.”

One thing’s for sure: the soccer fans at SFU will be ready and raring to motivate the men to victory at Terry Fox field. The Clan take on California State University San Bernardino Terry on September 9 — will you be there?

BC Place is a deterrent for almost all European trained players, so much so that Thierry Henry refused to play on it when he was with the New York Red Bulls.

The Whitecaps have achieved success this year without a David Beckham.

Under the designated player rule in MLS, teams can sign a player for any salary and not have it count against the salary cap. The ‘Caps have three of them, the maximum allowed under the rule. The highest paid one of them is Pedro Morales, whose $1,410,900 salary is close to six million dollars less than what Kaka of Orlando City makes.

Octavio Rivero and Matias Laba both make less than a million.

The Whitecaps have found success by buying players from South America and outcasts from

the major European leagues such as Morales.

The team’s defence and goaltending has been terrific this year, and not one of their players is designated. Kendall Waston is one of the best centre backs in the league, completely dominant in the air.

And David Ousted could very well be named the best goalkeeper in the league at the end of the season.

There is still much to be decided in MLS, but the

Whitecaps have found success this season with no high priced talent. Recent MLS championships have been been dominated by LA, winning three of the last four with the likes of Beckham and Robbie Keane. It remains to be seen if this run of success for the Whitecaps can be maintained without the big name players.

SPORTS

September 8, 2015

Last Season: 8th Coaches Poll for 2015: 9th Last season was a terrible one for the women’s soccer team, to say the least. The team finished with a 2–-16 overall record, 2–-12 within the GNAC and ended the season having lost 10 straight.

During that time, they only scored three goals while conceding 27. Needless to say, there is a lot work that needs to be done to turn the team around. Despite all the challenges, head coach Annie Hamel is confident that this year, more wins are in the cards.

“Last year was more of a transition year,” said Hamel.

Last season: 5th Coaches Poll for 2015: 5th Last season was a milestone year for SFU’s volleyball team. They finished with an 11–7 record in conference play — their best ever — and finished 5th overall in the standings.

It was a huge improvement over the previous season, where they finished with a 6–12 record. The challenge now for the team is to improve on that, given the high expectations from fans.

“I think we learned a lot going through last season,” remarked head coach Gina Schmidt. “Although we lost several seniors who contributed a lot last year, we have a solid core of returners that I think gained experience throughout the

The team will look to play a more attacking formation this year to boost goal scoring. Hamed Yaghoubi Shahir / “We established a team culture and philosophy. . . but now we’ve done that, and now we’re looking for executing and results. We want to win.”

One of the main concerns that needs addressing this year is goal scoring. The Clan only managed six goals in conference play all of last season, partly because of a defensive 4–-5–-1 formation the team employed. “We’re playing a more attacking [formation], a 4–-4–-2

season and will be ready to step in and fill in the roles that have been vacated.”

Coach Schmidt also discussed the change in mindset of the team heading into the season, now that their rebuilding years are behind them. “We have that mentality of being able to compete with anyone in the conference. With the players we’ve brought in, we’ve added some size and athleticism, and I think we have added a good balance of experience and skill.”

A number of new players have joined the team this year, including Emma Jennings, a native of Port Moody who spent the last two seasons at the University of Toronto. “[Emma] brings some good experience and an all-around game,” according to Schmidt. “I see her contributing a lot this season.” Middle blocker Tessa May is also expected to play a fair amount of minutes.

One of the challenges this season will be to quickly integrate all of the new faces, if the team hopes to have another winning season.

“It starts with our fall training.

For two weeks we do double days

diamond. I think our players now are better suited to going forward, so we’re playing a formation that better suits the personnel that we have.”

To help become a more offensive team, coach Hamel and her staff recruited more attackminded players this year. “I tried to recruit goal scorers this year. It’s been an issue here for a number of years, so we certainly have a number of players who can do that now. Hopefully

we generate more attacking opportunities.”

Ten new recruits come into the program this year, and coach Hamel is excited about what they can bring to the squad. “They were all recruited here for a reason. They all come from good clubs where I know their coaches personally and I know how they have been trained. . . so far I’ve been actually surprised by a couple of them, in a very positive way.”

21

The new players will need to contribute quickly, as there is a high turnover with this year’s squad. “We have a small roster this year — 20 players who are eligible, and three of those are goalkeepers. So we only have 17 field players, which is a very low number. We are going to need everybody, playing loads of minutes, and in terms of fatigue.”

Not surprisingly after last season, the Clan were picked to finish dead last in the GNAC. That doesn’t seem to bother Hamel, who isn’t the biggest fan of the coaches polls. “I won’t be using it for anything. Whether we had been picked last, first, or middle of the pack, it’s not something I place value on.

These polls are useless, honestly. We don’t have time to do it. I’m not going to sit there and analyze statistically whom they recruited and such. So you just pick literally where they finished last year [in the standings] and vote that way. It’s not a motivational tool for me. It’s nothing, it’s nonexistent.”

The Clan will have a tough test to start conference play, as they will play last year’s number one team, Western Washington, on September 19th.

Last season was the team’s first taste of success in the NCAA . [two practices a day], so it’s a lot of works on fundamentals, team systems, and also opportunities to spend time together and bond as a team. So we try to play a lot; it’s just a matter of getting players up to the speed of the game in terms of what we are trying to accomplish on the court.”

For the team to improve this season, they will have to have a better showing against the top three teams in the conference, Northwest Nazarene, Alaska Anchorage, and Western Washington. “Last year we took some strides, but we were not able to get over the hump of the top three teams. We looking to

take some strides and hopefully win some games there if we can.”

Last year, the Clan was counting on a similar core group of player to help them improve. With four different seniors graduating and with significantly higher expectations, the team will be hoping to make a solid push for the top three this season.

22 DIVERSIONS / ETC

September 8, 2015

CLASSIFIEDS@ THE-PEAK.CA

CLUE: The MBA’s field is their “management.�

sudoku

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

EVENTS AT (OR AROUND) SFU: SEPTEMBER 7 — 18 7: MONDAY

8: TUESDAY

9: WEDNESDAY

10: THURSDAY

11: FRIDAY

LABOUR DAY

WEEK OF WELCOME 2015

SFU VANCOUVER COMMUNITY BBQ

WELCOME BACK PUB NIGHT

Campus is closed — no classes. Hope you enjoyed your summer. Now the fun begins!

And by fun, I mean months of cold weather and studying.

6)8¡V DQQXDO ZHOFRPLQJ HYHQW for new and returning students GXULQJ WKH ÀUVW ZHHN RI FODVVHV 7RGD\¡V IHVWLYLWLHV LQFOXGH FDUQLYDO JDPHV IUHH PLQL GRXJKQXWV popsicles, and cotton candy, UHPRWH FRQWURO VWRFN FDU UDFHV HOLPLQDWRU LQà DWDEOH FKDOOHQJH DQG YLGHR JDPLQJ VWDWLRQV 3OXV ORDGV RI DFWLYLWLHV DW WKH 6XUUH\ campus!

10:00 a.m. — 3:00 p.m., Convocation Mall / Surrey Mezzanine

&ODVVHV GRZQWRZQ" +HDG RYHU WR WKH 9DQFRXYHU FDPSXV :HHN RI :HOFRPH %%4 (QMR\ PXVLF UHIUHVKPHQWV DQG YHQGRUV LQ WKH :RRGZDUGV¡ FRXUW\DUG 11:00 a.m., SFU Woodwards, 149 W. Hastings St.

&RURQD %HDFK WKHPHG SDUW\ 7LFNHWV DUH LQ DGYDQFH DW WKH door). Free entry to students with D )DOO .LFNRII &RQFHUW WLFNHW VWXE 8:00 p.m. — 11:00 p.m., The Highland Pub

)LOO XS RQ SDQFDNHV EHIRUH KHDGLQJ WR WKH WK DQQLYHUVDU\ celebration.

9:00 a.m., Convocation Mall

&RPH UHOD[ ZLWK \RXU IDYRXULWH student paper while watching Anchorman 1 & 2!

7:30 p.m., Images Theater, RCB Hall, SFU Burnaby

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, VWHS LQWR DQ H[WUDRUGLQDU\ HQYLURQPHQW FRQVWUXFWHG E\ VHYHQ XQOLNHO\ DUFKLWHFWV WKHDWUH artists, dancers, and a musiFLDQ 6HH WKH EXLOGHUV DW ZRUN tirelessly creating the realms of their dreams.

8:00 p.m., B2540 (Visual Arts Basement), SFU Woodwards, 149 W. Hastings St.

15: TUESDAY

16: WEDNESDAY

17: THURSDAY

18: FRIDAY

14: MONDAY

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT TRIVIA CLUBS DAYS Are you an expert on hop-ons, KXJH PLVWDNHV DQG IUR]HQ bananas? If so, head on down WR DQ HYHQLQJ RI Arrested Development WULYLD 3XW RQ \RXU $7,000 suit, jump in your stair car, and get ready for some %OXWK VL]HG ULYDOULHV 3OXV D QHYHU QXGH FRVWXPH FRQWHVW 7:30 p.m., The Biltmore Cabaret, 2755 Prince Edward St.

/RRNLQJ WR JHW PRUH LQYROYHG WKLV VHPHVWHU" :DQW WR PDNH some actual friends instead of PDNLQJ DZNZDUG FRQYHUVDWLRQ ZLWK WKH NLGV LQ \RXU WXWRULDO" This is a great opportunity to FKHFN RXW DOO RI WKH FOXEV DQG departmental student unions at SFU. 10:00 a.m. — 4:00 p.m., Convocation Mall

FREE PANCAKE BREAKFAST

THE PEAK PRESENTS: MOVIE NIGHT

SFU MFA GRADUATING EXHIBITION

RED NIGHT — WOMEN’S VOLLEYBALL

This exhibition features three JUDGXDWLQJ SURMHFWV E\ 0)$ FDQGLGDWHV DW 6)8¡V School for the Contemporary Arts.

12:00 p.m. — 5:00 p.m., Audain Gallery, Goldcorp Centre for the Arts, 149 W. Hastings St., Vancouver

6)8 ZRPHQ¡V YROOH\EDOO RSHQV its season at home against 6W 0DUWLQ¡V 8QLYHUVLW\ $OO IDQV are encouraged to wear red to show support for the Clan.

7:00 p.m., West Gym

THE BUILDERS: AN ACCUMULATION & PERFORMANCE BUILT BY UNLIKELY ARCHITECTS Wednesdays @ 12:00 p.m., 7KH 3HDN RIĂ€FHV 0%&

CREATIVE PUBLICS: ART MAKING INSPIRED BY FEDERAL ELECTION ISSUES 7KLV UHFXUULQJ HYHQW ZLOO EH KRVWHG HYHU\ )ULGD\ WKURXJK 2FWREHU DQG SURYLGHV D space to use art to share ZKHUH \RX VWDQG RQ WRSLFV OLNH XQLYHUVLW\ WXLWLRQ DIIRUGDEOH housing, childcare, climate justice, and more.

12:00 p.m.— 4:00 p.m., SFU Surrey Central, 10153 King George Blvd.

EVENT LISTINGS ARE FREE FOR SFU STUDENTS AND STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS. SEND THE DATE, TIME, LOCATION, NAME, AND A 15 WORD DESCRIPTION TO CLASSIFIEDS@THE-PEAK.CA

DIVERSIONS / ETC

June 29, 2015

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HUMOUR

So you’ve passed through the gauntlet of high school, and you’ve now moved on to university? Congratulations! I think. What you need now is advice from an experienced post-secondary expert, someone who’s spent the last three years mastering all there is to master and learning all there is to learn: me. I’m the experienced post-secondary expert. So that’s why I wrote this comprehensive, four-step guide for the first month of university. There’s a step for each of the first four weeks, so make sure to follow them exactly to make the most of your post-secondary experience.

(Week one) Create healthy, long-lasting relationships: perhaps the most important thing in university is meeting people. This is where life-long connections are made and true friendships are born. But most

importantly, you need someone who will write your papers for you, or feed you exam answers at their own personal risk. Now’s the time in life to approach someone who looks smart and find a common interest (like taxidermy) or maybe buy a round of drinks (fountain pop, because you’re 18). These are the ways to any university student’s heart.

(Week two) Find a mentor who will positively influence you: by now you’ll have realized that not many people enjoy discussing taxidermy with complete strangers, so it’s time to move on from developing meaningful friendships. What you need is a mentor. A smart, handsome, successful mentor. If only you could find such a person, who has a few more years of university experience. . . oh wait, there’s me. I could be your mentor. But kid, I believe in hard work. I can’t just do all the heavy lifting for you — you’d learn nothing! Instead, I’d like for you to attend my lectures, write my papers, and write my scholarship applications. I guarantee it will be an educational experience.

(Week three) Perfect the art of time management: managing

O

O O O O The first week of university can be a whirlwind, but you’ll get through it: The Peak’s got you covered.

Here is a list of 25 things every freshman should do in their first week of post-secondary.

O O

O

Attend your first tutorial.

Personally introduce yourself to your T.A., a.k.a. your fearless tutorial leader.

Ensure you meet at least two people in every class (for future note taking requests).

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O O

O O

Show how prepared you are on the first day of class by showing up with seven spare pens.

Suggest a seating chart to your fearless tutorial leader.

Do all your readings for the week.

Ask for sample test questions.

Ask for sample test question answers.

Seek out a different classmate each day and get to know something about them.

Wear pink on Wednesday.

Pursue your passion for amateur ushering by standing near the lecture hall door and then guiding classmates to their seats.

Answer your professor only in the form of questions.

Conduct idea-generating brainstorming sessions during pop quizzes as a form of protest.

humour editor email

September 8, 2015

your time is key in post-secondary life. Now that you are going to my lectures and completing my coursework and essays, there’s just not enough time for you to handle your own workload. This is an opportunity to learn about prioritizing different responsibilities. Realistically, which lectures — of your own, since mine are mandatory — can you skip? Which assignments

Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca

— again, of your own — can you afford to ignore and still pass?

(Week four) Never lose sight of the future: the honeymoon period of post-secondary is over, and the reality sinks in. Handling both of our timetables is a lot for even the most capable of freshmen, so I think it’s time for you to drop out and start a career as my full-time assistant. I’ve got lots of papers to do and plenty

of books to read, and they aren’t going to read/write themselves.

As a bonus, I even pay: once every two weeks, I’ll take you out for a cheeseburger (no combos though). Life will be good.

Graduates of the Austin Cozicar School of Hard Knocks have gone on to illustrious careers such as dishwashers, gas station attendants, and sewage disposal cleaners — and you can too!

O

O

O

O O

O O

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Set up a buddy system so you can have someone to bug constantly for any minor issue.

Evaluate your professor’s teaching style, then provide them with constructive feedback.

O

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Make a slow-motion entrance for one of your classes, so people know what a big deal you are.

Go to the gym, check out their operation hours, and never go for the rest of the semester.

O O

Make sure the librarian knows your literary taste so they stock the “right” books.

Resist peer pressure by walking around with a soundproof, transparent ball around your head.

Attend the first pub night event to see what the next 57 pub nights will be like.

Write down your semester goals on a piece of paper.

Throw the aforementioned piece of paper into the garbage.

Learn where paper goes in the four-bin disposal system by spending 20 minutes in front of the garbage bins.

Offer to rub off the white boards after your tutorials.

See your fate suffer as rubbing boards becomes an expectation.

HUMOUR

For years, Devin Mackenzie and Tom Hill have been bringing their signature style of highspeed comedy to the Vancouver scene. In addition to being part-founders of local improv and sketch comedy school Blind Tiger Comedy, the pair have also made a name for themselves through their two-man moniker Hip.Bang! The Peak caught up with Hill and Mackenzie to learn more about their upcoming Fringe show, Hip.Bang! presents WHITE PANTS, and to learn whose butt is featured so prominently on the all of the show’s promotional items.

September 8, 2015

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DM: We started out going to a lot of thrift stores and buying a lot of different oddly shaped pairs of white pants, and then we dialed it in to just spending the money to have the pants fit us and be comfortable. And yeah, funnily enough, the ones that are the most comfortable and actually look astonishingly beautiful on me are these long, thin, sexy women’s pants that I’m just making come alive.

TH: The poster for the show, I’m sure Devin would be happy to share, is an image of his butt in white pants.

Are there any noticeable differences between Fringe audiences and the audiences you usually perform in front of?

DM: Fringe audiences generally attract a wider spectrum of ages and types of people. Through our flyering and actually talking to people, we really target younger crowds. We try to get the younger person in there because, in a way, our show relates better to younger people more than it does to older.

TH: The demographic that sees shows at the Fringe is totally different from the demographic that typically sees us in Vancouver. With an improv show, you can really adapt to that. The audience is always in conversation with you on what they’re enjoying and you can do more of that for the next 45 minutes. But WHITE PANTS is written to our taste and what makes us laugh, which is deliberately not something that everyone will laugh

at. We don’t like a lot of vanilla, mainstream comedy. We’re aiming for what our twisted, fun sensibility is — which is not for everybody.

Your show Hip.Bang! presents WHITE PANTS is about to start an eight-show run at the Vancouver Fringe Festival. First off, how many pairs of white pants do each of you own?

Devin Mackenzie: For this show, we each own two pairs of white pants.

Tom Hill: Historically though, for this show, probably closer to five each. A lot of women’s pants, a lot of pants that don’t fit our bodies correctly. But the pants we use in the show fit our bodies. Although I’d like to point out that Devin’s pants are women’s pants.

What’s the elevator pitch for the show?

TH: WHITE PANTS is a twoman comedy show all about the idea of wearing white pants. If that sounds ridiculous, that’s because it is. WHITE PANTS is a comedy show but it also goes beyond that. We deconstruct what it is to watch live comedy while you’re watching live comedy.

One thing that people aren’t really anticipating about the white pants thing is that, yes, of course white pants are amazing and beautiful and that’s the inspiration for the show, but as much as the actual garment is the inspiration, perhaps closer to the vision is the idea that something is perfect and beautiful, but could be destroyed or imperfected by almost anything there is. That sense of tension — of something that should be great, but maybe is not or could become not — is what excited us most about the concept. So it might as well be called Hip.Bang! presents The Idea of Impossible Perfection.

Assemble an outfit of your finest SFU swag and get ready to school spirit like you’ve never school spirited before: this year, our fair university turns 50 and the coming months are chock-full of events to celebrate the milestone. Starting the semester’s festivities off is the 50th Anniversary Campus Kickoff,

happening September 9 at Freedom Square. Here are a few of our predictions for some of the wackiness sure to go down.

1. During the event’s special address, President Andrew Petter uses the word “engage” or one of its derivatives more than 20 times, besting his old record for “most engages used in a single speech.” (The previous number being 17.)

2. Attendees playing the Presidential Special Address Drinking Game (take a shot every time Petter says engage) will all experience at least some form of mild alcohol poisoning.

3. In line with its age, the university announces plans to purchase a fancy, new, probably red sports car, and drop hints that hair plugs might not be that far off.

4. During the festivities, the SFU Pipe Band has one of their best performances to date, causing a micro-resurgence of pipe band popularity on campus that lasts for several hours.

5. On the day of festivities, the Lower Mainland will experience both the hottest day of the year and a torrential downpour that causes partial flooding.

Because summer isn’t going without a fight.

6. In an unexpected upset, the winner of the SFU Legacy Song Contest will be “School Spirit,” an often underrated track from Kanye West’s 2004 debut album The College Dropout. When press reach out to West for a comment on the announcement, he will respond with an annoyed “What took so long?!”

7. The only food options available at the kickoff will be instant ramen and cups of coffee, the two official foods of SFU students.

What’s the hardest part of writing sketch comedy?

TH: The sheer amount of time. You take a bunch of time and then you pour it onto the show and you realize you need more. And then you pour more on it, and then more, and you just keep going until you run out of time.

DM: You’re working for 10 to 15 hours, probably more, on a two-minute bit.

TH: That strikes me as the hardest part. We love doing it, and we love performing. It’s exciting to discover what is working and isn’t working in a show.

But the last 10 per cent of editing and tweaking the sketch show just the right way is a grind.

Is there anything else you want to tell our readers about Hip.Bang! presents WHITE PANTS? TH: It’s more than just a normal sketch show. We tried to pursue ideas we thought were generally interesting in comedy and pushed them into this show.

DM: It deconstructs comedy a little bit, and builds it back up in front of your eyes. It’s very unexpected. It’s also very sharp and very funny.

TH: We had a review from the Edmonton Fringe I thought was really accurate: the show is definitely not for everybody but if you want a show for everybody, don’t go to the Fringe. WHITE PANTS is meant to be a cool comedy show for people who are interested in a cool laugh.

If you want to do something safe, go do something else.

8. Tired of always playing second and third fiddle to Burnaby Mountain, both the Vancouver and Surrey campuses will use the celebration as a platform to announce a united sovereignty movement from SFU. (Response to the announcement will be generally apathetic, because no one was paying attention to those two campuses anyways.)

9. For a brief, fleeting moment, you’ll be so impressed with the kickoff festivities that you’ll forget all about how much you’re paying for your degree.

26 HUMOUR

The first week of classes can be a tumultuous affair for students at Simon Fraser — a fate made all the more torturous by excessive line waits to purchase textbooks. However, starting this semester at the Burnaby Campus, line supervisors will now be accepting bribes to place cash-carrying students at the front of the line.

The initiative from the SFU Bookstore, known as “Project Jump Ahead,” was announced over social media last Friday and has been implemented with the goal of shrinking long wait times for students (or at least those from wealthier economic backgrounds). Currently, the average student waits nearly 45 minutes to get their course supplies, in lines that weave all over the Maggie Benston Centre.

A previously-unknown member of iconic hip-hop group N.W.A. has come forward, following the group’s resurfacing in the public eye.

The announcement comes just after N.W.A. biopic Straight Outta Compton spent its first three consecutive weekends in first place at the domestic box office, causing a resurgence for the musical group.

However, one man feels his role in the group has been left out. If you’re thinking of Arabian Prince, sorry, but no one cares about him; rather, the neglected member is Steve Johnson, a previously-unknown, Caucasian member of N.W.A..

Project Jump Ahead was designed by economics graduate and long-time bookstore employee Katya Lizz, who claims that the program was designed to be a component of her master’s thesis, though recent evidence may suggest that the 40 per cent commission on each student gratuity may also have been a factor. (A point made all the more viable with her recent twitter postings of purple Gucci high heels with the hashtag #Book$toremoney.)

While no set payment tier has been announced, students have been advised to use their common sense when bribing bookstore staff; line supervisors suggest that students determine suitable buyoff on the basis of the time of day and line length.

It is also recommended that students bring paper money, as opposed to their younger sibling’s piggy bank, for matters of convenience.

Needless to say, the response to Project Jump Ahead has already led to outcry amongst old and new students of the SFU Bookstore; some

“I was a white member in an ostensibly and overtly black group of musicians,” Johnson reminisced in an interview with The Peak. Now in his late 40s, the former rapper has mixed comments regarding his experience in the group: “I was the only white guy who rapped in L.A. back then, so it wasn’t like I had a lot of competition in being the token white guy in a group.”

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have even gone as far as boycotting the bookstore entirely.

The Peak contacted political science student Katya B. Keatings, a member of the petition, to get their side of the story.

“Since when do we treat bookstores like night clubs? Is nothing sacred in this world?

And let’s not forget, this is the kind of stuff that enables the one per cent even more petty justification over the 99 per cent. I, for one, will not stand for this,” Keatings said.

“I would rather wait an extra two weeks for my book to arrive through the mail than support this devious cause.”

Despite the project’s controversy, managing staff of Burnaby’s SFU Bookstore have been unwavering in their support of the new student designed program. One bookstore supervisor even told The Peak that the new line system had been in the works for quite some time.

“In the past, we’ve found that students become agitated while waiting to purchase books. They become aggressive, even getting confrontational

with our staff. By offering customers a way to jump the line, we’re making the experience slightly more bearable. Still terrible, yes, but slightly less so.

“It also means we’ll have extra money to put into our staff’s semester-end pizza party [. . .] If we make enough, we’re also going to rent a magician for the wrap-up.”

Preliminary projections state that the SFU Burnaby

Bookstore could stand to gain $1,000 within the first week of classes. Bookstore management are considering on accepting debit, all major credit cards and Bitcoin if the service proves to be a success.

As it stands, Lizz has met with SFU Administration, and rumours are swirling that the project might be further implemented to quell rising restroom wait times.

Johnson went on to describe how N.W.A. member Eazy-E was interested in adding another layer of controversy to an already infamous group, and hired Johnson on the spot after hearing him freestyle. Johnson recalls the whole experience as being very strange: “From what I remember, it wasn’t really a successful night. Vanilla Ice was

in the audience, and even he was booing me.”

Johnson took Eazy-E’s offer, but that was before he knew what controversial name Eazy had planned. “I was originally rapping under the name Slick Steve, but Eazy wanted to change my name to Krazy Killa Kracka or KKK,”said Johnson, with a note of coldness. Eazy thought it would be a good play on the name and a way to both attract white supremacists and shock black audiences. But the other N.W.A. members disapproved of the name and of Johnson’s presence. “The name wasn’t my idea.

I guess Eazy didn’t tell them and the fact I was a white MC didn’t fit with the N part of N.W.A..”

After the group disbanded, Eazy-E promised to help get Johnson’s career off the ground, but the rapper died in ‘95 before anything was recorded. Afterwards, Johnson reverted back to his Slick Steve

identity and attempted to release a series of dirty rap albums that received negative reviews. He had a few sleeper hit songs, including “Da Vanilla Thrilla,” “Slick Like My Dick,” and “Bitch Gave Me Herpes.”

Now, Johnson says he wants his story told and suggested a director’s cut of Straight Outta Compton should be made available for the home release, with a scene referencing his time in the group: “I don’t have an ideal actor in mind, but I’d take anything from Eminem to Shia LaBeouf,” said Johnson.

“Man, I live out of my car right now [. . .] Couldn’t Ice Cube or at least Yella come down and bring me some McDonalds?”

Johnson still hasn’t heard back from Universal Studios on receiving a mention in the film, but he wants the rest of the group to know he’s currently in the South Central Walmart parking lot and he’s waiting on that Big Mac, preferably in a combo with fries and a drink.

HUMOUR

September 8, 2015

27

28

LAST WORD

The Peak: I’m going to start with a tough one, if you don’t mind.

President Petter: Whatever you want to throw at me.

P: Egg or avocado?

[After a moment of confusion, it was established that we were talking about the landmark sculpture in SFU’s AQ gardens, and not Petter’s dietary preferences.]

Petter: I’ve always seen it as an egg, but I don’t want to denigrate those people who see it as an avocado.

P: SFU earned its reputation as the ‘radical university’ when it first opened its doors. Do we still live up to that reputation? How has the university evolved?

Petter: I think SFU’s history of being a radical campus has very much informed who we are today. I think we’re a different university than we were 50 years ago in a lot of ways. But I think there’s a certain degree of energy about the university — a willingness to do things differently, a bit of an adventurous spirit, a sense that people should speak out on controversial ideas. [. . .] The university, even in the early days, was a place of [fomentation] and controversy.

I guess I sometimes say we’ve gone from being a radical campus to an engaged university, which hopefully suggests that a lot of that energy informs who we are today, but also recognizes that we are today, of course, a much larger university, but also a university that I think has a much larger mission and relationship to the community than would have been the case 50 years ago.

P: What are some of the most significant things to happen for SFU during its 50 years?

Petter: For an instant university that was created, really, of a piece, over a very short

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period of time, I guess the greatest highlight is just how far we’ve come in a 50 year period, to a three-campus university with 35,000 students and rated the leading comprehensive university [by Maclean’s]. Our research performance has gone up astronomically. [. . .] That development of the university into something that I think we can all be really proud of has made a huge difference.

P: Do you have any particular goals for SFU in the long term?

Petter: Yeah, well, the vision sort of informs those goals. I think as much as I believe we already are extraordinary in terms of the engagement that we practice in our educational research [. . .] I think there’s much more we can do in that dimension.

For example, we will soon be announcing an innovation strategy, and that innovation strategy not only connects a lot of the work we’re already doing, including student innovation in social innovation at the RADIUS incubator and venture lab which was just started a few years ago [. . .] Surrey Innovation Boulevard, Venture Connection, the student incubator, but I can see that becoming a much extended presence in the university and also linking internationally.

P: Are there any challenges you foresee that SFU will face in the future?

Petter: Well, finances are always a major challenge. We’ve had to endure some funding cuts in operating grants the last three years. And that’s very, very difficult because,

Max Hill eic@the-peak.ca

like it or not, without funds we can’t do a lot of the things we want to do. We can’t address our desire to improve the quality of the student experience, which is a real priority throughout the university and particularly on this campus. So, I would say the financial challenges are probably first and foremost in my mind.

P: What has been the most defining moment of your term up ‘til now?

Petter: It’s a little hokey, but I’ll say it, because the most defining moment for me is every year at convocation when you see the students cross the stage. You see that look in their eyes, you see the look in their parent’s eyes, a combination of pride 90 per cent, relief 10 per cent. That sort of brings it all together and I think reminds us of what we dare not forget, and that is that it is about building human potential.

And it’s when I see those students cross the stage that is, I think, defining. It was particularly so this past convocation when we had a significant cohort of Aboriginal students cross the stage, including students in the program we created, the Executive MBA. But all students crossing the stage. . .

It’s moving and it’s defining.

P: Do you have a favourite SFU historical figure?

Petter: There are some people [who are] regularly and constantly referenced — and appropriately so — people like Gordon Shrum who made the decision to put it on top of a mountain or W.A.C Bennett who decided to create a couple new universities. . . Arthur Erickson. But

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you know the one I think doesn’t get the credit, perhaps, he should, and who I have a great story about because I met him recently, is the guy this building is named after, Ken Strand.

Ken Strand came here as an economist, a very young economist. And he kind of got thrown into the presidency. [. . .] And he, I think, really helped at a time when this instant university and a lot of the raucous qualities of SFU were being expressed. [. . .]

He helped the university to really start to develop a trajectory and move forward and not to be undermined by, or distracted maybe, is the better word, by some of the controversies and things but to really get the university moving forward.

P: Do you have any final thoughts you would like to add?

Petter: One of the things that I really value about this university is the commitment we do have to free speech and to diversity. We don’t believe everyone should think alike and we think we’re better off when people don’t think alike, provided their dialogue, debates, and disputes are respectfully carried out, we’ll be the stronger for it. And so I think it behooves us to remember that and to listen, to learn from each other in a respectful way, and not to become worried when we have disagreements, but not to become complacent either.

And it’s one of the things I really value about this university. Like it or not, that people are not afraid to speak their minds vigorously and challenge each other and challenge the administration and, while I don’t encourage that gratuitously, I celebrate the fact we have a university that supports that and sees it at as a core part of its commitment.