Game of Phones

P.8

FIRST PEEK

February 15, 2016

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“I wouldn’t say it should be mandatory, but [. . .] I think there should be more [courses available], depending on your field of study.”

Justine Kiedane Fourth-year health science

“There should be a mandatory class, to build on what we learn in high school. I don’t feel we learn enough knowledge about the subject; it’s something that’s very important for everyone to know, because it’s relevant and it’s a large part of our area that we grew up in.”

Addison Tessema Third-year business

Nick Bondi Sports Editor Being a Vancouver Canucks fan comes with it a special type of pain. It’s very different from a Toronto Maple Leafs type of pain, one centred around always being terrible and never coming close. No, being a Canucks fan means dealing with the pain that comes with getting as close as humanly possible to winning, and then falling at the last hurdle. The Canucks are the only team in NHL history to get to two game sevens in the Stanley Cup finals without winning the Stanley Cup. My first clear memory of the Canucks was the 2002 playoffs. I remember listening to the radio of the first game in Detroit, in the car during a school field trip to the local library. After the first two games, I was sure they were going to win the Cup. Of course, I was naïve. The Red Wings were absolutely stacked that year, and the Canucks had no chance. But try telling that to my eight-year-old self.

This set us up for the first Canucks disappointment. In game three of the series, the Canucks were tied one-one with less than a minute left in the second period. Detroit player Nick Lidstrom, just trying to kill some time, shoots the puck from centre at the goaltender

Dan Cloutier. The puck somehow manages to go in, and Detroit takes the lead at 2–1. They win the game, and promptly win the next three games to win the series at 4–2. After game six, I remember balling my eyes out. I was so sure the Canucks were going to win.

If that was crushing, next year might have been even tougher. 2003 was the height of the ‘West Coast Express’ era, and this time, I was sure they were going to win it all. After winning the first round series against St. Louis, the Canucks were up against the Minnesota Wild, a team only in the league for a few years. After taking a 3–1 lead in the series, the team was only one win away from advancing to the Western Conference finals. The Canucks then proceeded to lose the next three games, including blowing a 2–0 lead in game seven at home. I was inconsolable afterwards, and I remember my dad trying to calm me down after with the words that have become familiar to every Canucks fan: “There’s always next year.”

After two years of crushing losses, you’d think I would be very cautious and not get my

hopes up. Wrong. The 2004 playoffs pitted the Canucks against bitter rivals the Calgary Flames. This time the Canucks, without star-power forward Todd Bertuzzi after his suspension for his now infamous hit on Steve Moore, were in for a fight. The Canucks won the first game, and the teams traded wins from that point on. After Brendan Morrison scored in triple overtime in game six, the stage was set for an epic game seven.

It didn’t disappoint. With literally less than six seconds left in the game, Matt Cooke tied it up with the empty net to send it to overtime. I was on a high. The Canucks had all the momentum, and surely they would score and go on in the playoffs. Well, just a minute and a half into the overtime period, Martin Gelinas scored over an outstretched Alex Auld, and the dreams were crushed yet again. I also cried for a good hour or two. I’m not even going to get into 2011, because it still hurts a bit and it’s so fresh in my, and everyone’s mind.

These formative years were crucial in my development as a Canucks fan. I now distrust every move they make on and off the ice, and am pretty much an eternal pessimist when it comes to any team success.

Hopefully they can win a Cup soon, so I can stop crying every time they’re eliminated.

“It should be an optional elective [. . .] but I think it would definitely improve the learning experience in this area -— especially the area that SFU Burnaby is built around.”

Jordan Daniel Third-year mechatronics

“I think that’d be fine, honestly. I think it’s a really important thing that you don’t learn anything about in high school, [and] barely learn in elementary school. I think that’d be kind of cool.”

Nicole Hillis Third-year psychology

“The whole prerequisite thing, I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s not really that relevant to what you’re taking. [. . .]

I’m not too big on prerequisites.”

Rowan Rampton Third-year biology

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NEWS

February 15, 2016

news editor email

Jamal Dumas news@the-peak.ca

associate news editor Nathan Ross

S From February 11 to 21, the SFU Woodward’s Cultural Program will be presenting daily showings of Robert Lepage’s one-man show 887 at 7:30 p.m. in the Fei and Milton Wong Experimental Theatre at The Goldcorp Centre for the Arts.

887 premiered in Toronto earlier this year and explores the mechanisms behind memory, consciousness, and childhood.

from Februruary 2015 - 2016. The University of Toronto had the most new students signed up during the same time with 133.

A new study from the website Seeking Arrangements suggests that Simon Fraser University is among the “fastest growing sugar baby schools in Canada,” with increasing numbers of students using it as a way to both pay for tuition and as a dating app.

According to the website, 280 SFU students are currenlty registered as “sugar babies,” meaning that over a quarter thousand students are financially taken care of by a wealthy, older person (a sugar daddy or sugar mama)in exchange for sexual favours as well as non-sexual forms of companionship.

SFU students had already turned to the app over previous years, with only 31 students being classified as ‘new’ to the website

According to the press release accompanying the study, sugar babies receive over $2,600 on average in monthly allowances. To help attract students, free premium membership is offered to anyone that either registers with a school email or shows proof of enrollment.

Marina is a student at SFU who has chosen to keep her identity anonymous. She’s also a sugar baby, and has been for a few semesters now. Speaking with The Peak, she said that she found it to be a great way to pay for tuition, even before the wordlwide economic crisis hit in 2008.

“I just heard a lot of horror stories about going into debt, and this seemed like a way to avoid it that was up my alley,” said

Marina. “It’s basically like a fancy dating site, except I set my terms and conditions and walk away from it with a bit more cash than if I was using a real dating site.

“I think there is a weird stigma about it. I’m basically deciding who I want to spend my time with outside of school. A lot of them really just want someone to care about, and have the advantage of just being able to pay for it instead of hoping for something to happen.”

Even though Seeking Arrangement’s press release with the story says that students are turning to the site because of tuition hikes and budget cuts, this isn’t a brand new trend for students, and it has been going on across the country for a while.

Denise graduated from the University of Calgary last year, and she paid for the latter half of her undergraduate degree through being a sugar baby. She identified as a sex worker while she was using it, and clarified that she only keeps her identity anonymous because she doesn’t want her parents to find out.

“I would meet on the ‘first date,’ as you would call it, and decide if I would go on more dates with them. If I liked them enough, I would sleep with them. Sometimes I didn’t have sex with them, because either I didn’t want to or they weren’t looking for someone to sleep with,” she said.

“A lot of sugar daddies I found wouldn’t want someone to sleep with. They just wanted someone to escort them when they went to fancy parties so they could have someone attractive as their date, but not

somebody who was going to embarrass them.”

Not all students on the site end up having sexual encounters. This was the case for

On Wednesday, February 17, there will be a poetry recitation at Harbour Centre. “Lunch Poems at SFU” will take place at noon at the Teck Gallery, and is a free event open to the public. Poetry readings at Harbour Centre are held on the third Wednesday of each month.

Poetry will be recited by UBC Humanities teacher and poet Ted Byrne, as well as Kayla Czaga, who was nominated for the Governor General’s Award for Poetry in 2014 for her debut collection of poems, For Your Safety Please Hold On.

Shane, a recent graduate from SFU, who saw it more of just a dating app.

“In my experience, I’ve met a bunch of people off [Seeking Arrangements], but none have ever escalated to a relationship,” he said. “I’ve never actually engaged in intercourse with anyone I’ve met through the website.

“I’ve never been specifically paid for it, it really did just feel like a dating app. I was never handed money, I never asked for money.”

These are only a few of the experiences of those using the website, and do not represent those of all of its users.

With 280 students at SFU, there are likely a variety of individual stories to be told.

NEWS

“Justice has to be holistic, and a threat to justice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We have to remember that the conversation about Islamophobia [. . .] is inseparable from the conversation on racism, sexism, militarism, xenophobia, and others.”

He noted there is an onus put on the Muslim community — by media and politicians, among others — to publically condemn the actions of terror: “We hate and condemn, we hate and condemn, we hate and condemn — there should just be an app for that [. . .] you just plug in the name of the latest terrorist tragedy, and it produces for you, your press release.”

However, Safi argued that hating and condemning, while important, is far from enough.

While few are guilty for terrorist attacks, all of us are responsible for what is happening on the ground, and for engaging in radical change.

With the recent rise of Islamophobia, an academic industry of

specialists in “Islamic-inspired terrorism” has emerged and gained popularity with support of mainstream and corporate media. Safi referred to Bernard Lewis and Samuel Huntington, author of the infamous Clash of Civilizations, as some of the pioneers in this industry, and explained that parts of their work have influenced US policy, in some cases being used verbatim.

Safi believes racism and white supremacy are partly to blame for why Muslims are held accountable for the actions of ISIS while other ethnic and religious groups are not targeted in the same way.

He explained, citing a number of recent shootings in the US conducted by white American men, and instances of state-sanctioned violence — both within the military and law enforcement systems — that acts of terror committed by non-Muslim Americans far outnumber instances of terrorist attacks by Muslims.

“Think about what it would have looked like if President Obama had said that, ‘it is time for white people, it is time for white men, to unanimously, explicitly, forcefully, and consistently, denounce the actions of white domestic terrorism,” said Safi.

“That never happens, and the reason it doesn’t happen is simple: white privilege.”

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By Levin C. Handy (per http://hdl.loc.gov/loc.pnp/cwpbh.04326) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

“You measure the health of any community or society by the way in which it treats the people who at the moment find themselves the weakest and the most vulnerable. And, I would argue, that there is probably no [. . .] population worldwide who collectively is more vulnerable than the Syrian people.”

Leading American Muslim intellectual and director of the Duke Islamic Studies Center Omid Safi was referring to the plight of the Syrian people, as well as the refugee crisis in relation to the rise of ISIS in the region, and Islamophobic sentiments worldwide.

On Tuesday, February 2, Safi spoke to a crowded room at SFU’s Harbour Centre campus in a lecture titled “Muslims in an age of Islamophobia and ISIS: Towards a holistic stance of Justice.”

Before unpacking Islamophobia and the role of ISIS (also known as ISIL) in its most recent proliferation, Safi explained that while it is undeniable that Muslims are being increasingly targeted, the community does not have any sort of “monopoly over suffering,” and advised against “wallowing in victimhood.”

Safi opened the discussion with a quote by Jewish theologian Abraham Joshua Heschel: “Few are guilty, but all are responsible.” He referred to Heschel’s comment throughout the talk in light of the way Muslims in general have been held responsible for the actions of ISIS. Safi acknowledged the relationship between the recent rise in Islamophobia, especially in Europe and North America, and the phenomenon of ISIS — a group whose barbaric actions are based on a very specific, and highly contested interpretation of Islam.

However, in order to combat Islamophobia, Safi explained that we must collectively address all issues of social and political justice.

February 15, 2016

You don’t have to sit in school to stand among greatness.

› Thomas Edison: The world’s most extraordinary failure never gave up.

Thank goodness.

open. online. everywhere. go.athabascau.ca/online-courses

6 NEWS

Simon Fraser may follow example of other Canadian universities

February 15, 2016

SFU students will likely have an Indigenous Studies course become part of their requirement to graduate in the future.

The discussion surrounding the development of a new Indigenous Studies course is currently in its early stages. SFU’s Office of Aboriginal Affairs plans to collaborate with the SFSS, the First Nations Student Association, and the Aboriginal Steering Committee, the vehicle of communication for SFU’s Aboriginal community, to make this educational component a reality.

“Our senior administration is very supportive of Aboriginal issues at SFU,” says William Lindsay, Director of the Office of Aboriginal Affairs.

“However, they want to make sure that [this is implemented] in the right way — it can’t be a top-down process, it should be student-led.”

The Office of Aboriginal Affairs is currently looking at

providing three potential options for students: an Indigenous course being phased in for undergraduate students, an opportunity for each faculty to develop their own courses with Indigenous content, or the creation of an Aboriginal Awareness workshop for graduate students.

They are hoping to implement all three of these options for the incoming class for Fall 2018.

The course would focus on educating students on facets of Aboriginal life and history, building off of the curriculums currently offered by the Department of First Nations Studies.

Dr. Eldon Yellowhorn, an Associate Professor and Chair within the Department of First Nations Studies, offered the existing introductory course, First Nations Studies 101, as an example. “In [First Nations Studies 101], students gain basic knowledge on issues of importance to native people in the contemporary world and the historical trajectory which they come from,” he says.

“Anything that is on offer in the future will, of course, play off on what we already have.”

The SFSS will also form a working group that is yet to be created by the Office of Aboriginal Affairs and the Aboriginal Steering Committee. “We as the SFSS will be there to

facilitate student advocacy and consultation work with students in how this program will be implemented,” explains Kathleen Yang, VP of External Relations.

At the February 12 SFSS Board of Directors meeting the board voted unanimously for a motion to endorse the course requirement.

Aside from providing students with knowledge and insight about First Nations history, this course is also being viewed as an opportunity for reconciliation. Lindsay noted that the development of this course is in line with the goal of education

and awareness within the Truth and Reconciliation Commission’s recommendations.

“I really feel that students are ready for this. Canada is now more knowledgeable about Aboriginal issues than ever before. We [First Nations peoples] are in a position of influence in this country like never before.” he says.

Yang echoed this sentiment: “[This course is] not just about Indigenous people and settlers, it is about all of us coming together and learning about history. It really is about all of us.”

Not only did Canadian hedge funds outperform American hedge funds as well as global indices last year, they maintained high returns amid a decline in the US hedge fund sector.

This follows the predictions of a study by Beedie School of Business Professor of Finance Peter Klein and his colleagues, who investigated the Canadian hedge fund industry and found Canadian funds to have higher risk-adjusted performance than their global peers.

The study attributes the strong performance of Canadian hedge

funds to a lower level of competitiveness for capital due to the smaller size and number of hedge funds in Canada. In addition, Canadian funds are better able to exploit inefficient domestic financial markets and having an information advantage by investing in markets that are closer in proximity.

Hedge funds, according to Investopedia, are a type of financial investment that allows multiple investors to pool their money together. In Canada, hedge fund investors must have a net worth of at least $1 million or earn $250,000 per year in income.

Thus, hedge funds are allowed to take more risks than traditional mutual funds and are less regulated as investors are seen to be better able to shoulder losses.

Professor Klein was motivated to study Canadian hedge funds “to articulate a business opportunity” to potential investors and contribute to the growth of the

hedge fund sector by advising investors to look to Canada.

Klein himself facilitated two pensions plans placed with KCS Fund Strategies as part of their Canadian hedge fund portfolios, and continues to promote Canadian hedge funds. Said Klein, “There is too much capital chasing too few opportunities” in the US, and there is room for development in Canada.

This room for development has been realized in 2015, according to John Shmuel of the Financial Post. While US hedge funds contended with high competition for investors and a higher number of closures last year, the Canadian sector has seen relatively strong returns with new hedge funds opening up.

The small number of hedge funds makes it easier for new entrants since there is less competition. Furthermore, Canadian hedge fund managers are more knowledgeable about the

Canadian markets they are investing in, which can improve returns.

One disadvantage for Canada is that investors with large amounts of capital tend to invest in the US, since Canadian hedge funds are too small to generate a significant impact for their investment. Shmuel noted that this can even be seen with the Canadian Pension Plan Investment Board, which has invested $272 billion in US hedge funds.

Klein argues that this places “limits on growth” for Canadian hedge funds. Additionally, a unique risk for Canadian hedge funds is that of a real estate market crash.

Moreover, Klein mentions that Canadian hedge funds may already have higher risk-taking activities than seen in the US. However, if Canadian hedge funds can continue attracting investment, Klein sees “Canadian capital markets becoming more efficient and creating more employment” in the near future.

SFU President Andrew Petter highlighted the search for the new chair in Technology Innovations for Youth Addiction Recovery and Mental Health. SFU, along with the John Volken Academy, the City of Surrey, and the Surrey Fire Fighters Association, have partnered to make $1.25 million available for funding.

The chair’s goal is to be able to assist youth who are recovering from substance abuse issues to be able to develop long-term solutions to their problems. They will also be working on problems that youth with mental illnesses face, and will looking into noninvasive innovations for diagnosis and recovery.

The senate congratulated SFU health sciences professor Dr. Jeff Reading on his recent appointment as First Nations Health Authority Chair in Heart Health and Wellness at St. Paul’s Hospital. This $2.5 million chair co-located at St. Paul’s, SFU, and the First Nations Health Authority will focus on First Nations cardiac health and drive research to improve health outcomes.

Reading, a Mohawk from Tyendinaga First Nations in Ontario, told SFU News that “you have discovery, treatment and advocacy in a triangle, working together and supporting each other.”

Reading believes this threepronged approach should be replicated across Canada.

Reading says that one of his main goals is to create “optimal physical, emotional, and spiritual health” for future generations of First Nations peoples.

NEWS

SFU student Claire Sieffert is petitioning for a national eating disorder policy the old-fashioned way: one postcard at a time.

After receiving positive feedback for her UnmaskED project, a photography project featuring intimate portraits of individuals who have a history with eating disorders, Sieffert has launched the PostED project through the Post Your Change organization, which she founded. The PostED campaign is focused around individuals creating postcards to send to Canadian politicians, urging them to create a comprehensive national eating disorders strategy.

In an interview with The Peak Sieffert shared her thoughts on how the healthcare system deals with eating disorders currently: “I think it’s pretty abysmal. [. . .] We’re always comparing ourselves with the US, and on healthcare, that’s something we’re proud of. I think eating disorders is a department where we can’t be proud of our healthcare system.”

The campaign takes a hands-on approach by asking participants to either write or illustrate their answers to the questions, “What does a community that supports people with eating disorders and mental wellness look like to you?” or “What positive change do you want to see so that people with eating disorders are supported in Canada?” onto a postcard,

February 15, 2016

which they then hand to Sieffert and she mails off to the MPs in House of Commons at a rate of one postcard a day, until May, the month’s first week being Canada’s Mental Health Awareness Week.

“This way is [one way] for the community to connect by actively going hands on and making this postcard and sending it to politicians. I think that shows a real willingness for change,” Sieffert stated.

Sieffert cited her partnership with the National Initiative on Eating Disorders as an important source in helping her understand Canada’s current policy, and thinking of changes and improvements the both of them would like to see made, which are written on the back of each postcard.

Some of these proposals include increasing medical professionals’ training on eating disorders, allocating more funding for eating disorder treatment, upholding a commitment to universal care, and establishing interprovincial information sharing on eating disorder statistics and best practices.

The cause is especially personal to Sieffert, who was diagnosed with an eating disorder when she was a teenager. Through this project and first-hand experience, she also is trying to frame eating disorders as a mental health issue, rather than simply a “need to eat more.”

“A lot of it isn’t even tied up in body image,” Sieffert said. “I think that’s a dominant misconception [. . .] Eating disorders, at least for

me, can be a coping mechanism for stress. It’s a way of when you can’t control anything else, you can control food.”

Sieffert explains, “Unlike alcoholism, where to deal with your addiction, you go sober and you don’t drink alcohol again, [with an] eating disorder, the addiction is controlling food, but you can’t just go off food. You have to face food every day.”

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In regards to future plans for the project, she says that for now she’s waiting to see how it further develops before making any long term plans.

Said Sieffert, “We’ll have to see how it is goes. It really is an ongoing effort to break the silence around this issue, so the more conversations we have, the greater the impact of this project and to me that’s pretty profound.”

THURSDAY

FEB 25 VANCOUVER

VANCOUVER CONVENTION CENTRE 3 pm - 7 pm SEMINARS start at 2 pm

www.studyandgoabroad.com

8 NEWS

SFU students wasted no time in building their vision of a sustainable university at Embark’s Student Sustainability Summit, an SFU2021 partner event.

The event brought together 45 students from a wide array of disciplines, taking part in ranging discussions about different facets of sustainability. Their ideas and conversations will be used to build a Student Sustainability Vision which will help shape the university’s new sustainability strategic plan that will carry on until 2021.

“We got an overwhelming response,” Embark’s Executive Director Josh Cairns said, speaking to the enthusiasm of the participants. This summit was a continuation of the discussion that Embark started in November of last year. They surveyed over 400

February 15, 2016

students in the hallways of all three campuses, asking, “What does a sustainable SFU look like?”

One of the challenges of the event was addressing a topic as complex as sustainability. Cairns explained that “everyone defaults to the idea that sustainability is turning the lights off when you leave the room,” but the topic is far more multifaceted. SFU’s Sustainability Strategic Plan has six facets: energy and emissions, consumption and waste, mobility and travel, learning and discovery, society and equity, as well as risk and resilience.

Embark, formerly Sustainable SFU, has been promoting sustainability since 2003. The organization offers programs and events all year long. Students with their own project in mind can apply to use one of the $12,500 worth of grants Embark offers every year.

Some of the projects include aerial imaging of agricultural land, and funding a competition for sustainable business practices.

One of Embark’s recent initiatives was a petition to encourage SFU vendors to switch from styrofoam to more sustainable materials.

As of April 19, 2015, any SFU vendor renewing their lease will have a new set of food packaging guidelines, instructing them to use recyclable or compostable packaging only.

U of Alberta students use app to stop “hangriness” [EDMONTON] — Students at the University of Alberta are now a lot more happy and a lot less hungry.

Two weeks into launch, the Hangry app allows students to order meals ahead of time, avoiding long lunchtime lineups.

This may not be the first time you’ve heard of the app, as it was pitched on Dragon’s Den by its founders and received $120,000 to start up. Hangry doesn’t only let you pre-order food, it also offers loyalty points and allows users to rate food and their experience.

With files from The Gateway

This kind of pressure on businesses to reduce their waste production is catching on in Vancouver as well. The city is currently considering a ban on single use coffee cups and plastic bags to reduce garbage.

For those skeptical that SFU students have any say in university policy, Cairns said, “if you give students the opportunity to be involved [. . .] you’d be surprised how much input they have.” He also added that because SFU was readily approaching Embark for student involvement, he is “confident that the ideas students

U of Regina press celebrates short but controversial legacy [REGINA] — Just over two years old, the University of Regina Press has already published three national bestsellers. The Press focuses on Canadian history and culture, and never hesitates to focus on the truth of important issues that have surrounded Canadians, specifically First Nations.

This year, readers can expect new publications focusing on typically taboo topics, like sex and mental illness. They hope to normalize these topics by inputting them into mainstream media.

brought forwards [will be seriously considered by the] university.” Embark is planning on submitting their vision statement to the senior sustainability council at the end of March.

Although the Summit is over, there are still ways for students to get involved with SFU2021. “One way is to convene a community conversation with friends and submit your thoughts and ideas as a group,” Cairns said, explaining that the SFU website has a guidebook titled SFU 2021 to help organize this kind of event.

Dalhousie musicians support North Korean refugees [HALIFAX] — North Korean refugees are being supported by music produced from students at Dalhousie University. Not all musicians themselves, many learned guitar in order to contribute. Focusing on lyrics that promote solidarity, one of the songs is even an original.

The movement was created by an International Development Studies student who was inspired by a Development & Activism course. The students involved marched and sang to bring awareness to North Korea’s liberation movements.

The group also raised money for funds to support the cause.

With files from The Carillon With files from Dal News

The board discussed a motion to approve a referendum question that will accompany the 2016 SFSS General election regarding funds that are given to Schools Building Schools (SBS). Currently, the SFSS collects one dollar from every full-time student to go to SBS, a non-profit organization that aims to expand educational access in Uganda.

This follows concern that SBS was not submitting to the board “satisfactory details regarding the precise activities of the organization of the uses made of that financial contribution [to] the SFSS.” A representative from SBS was on hand to answer questions from the board.

She echoed concerns from VP University Relations Brady Yano that the proposed referendum question was leading students to answer one way. She also said that many students are unaware of the levy and the fact that it is optional through an opt out on the SFSS website, a fact which the referendum question doesn’t mention.

VP External Relations Kathleen Yang stated that the financial statements available on the website ought to be audited by an external source. She also noted that since the SFSS contribution constitutes a majority of their funding, if funding were to be pulled, it would impact the operation of their program.

A report from the Advocacy Committee, of which Yang is chair, cites a lack of response from SBS representatives about concerns regarding how funds were used as part of the reason they recommend the SFSS stop collecting the levy.

Faculty of Arts Representative Arr Farrah moved to postpone the vote on the referendum question until the next meeting since many board members had not read the package circulated before the meeting. Said Yano, earlier in the meeting, “Board members, do your homework.”

OPINIONS

Tamara Connor Features Editor

February 15, 2016

opinions editor email

Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca

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10 OPINIONS

There’s a new commercialized beast in town, and it comes stomping in red, white, and pink.

The Christmas decorations have now been replaced with useless heart mobiles, and you’re choking on Kim Kardashian’s latest attempt at perfume. Every radio station is playing some love song and the timeless debate regarding the true contents of candy hearts have started appearing on your timeline.

It’s Valentine’s Day, yet again.

You’re probably thinking that I’m just a bitter single person that loathes Valentine’s Day because I have no one to spend it with. Ha ha. I assure you that I am not a romance killjoy. However, I simply don’t see the necessity of the occasion. So this is my red-hot cinnamon heart take on why we should abolish America’s favourite sickly-sweet day of the year.

I am all for love and being ‘lovey-dovey’ with your significant other — but shouldn’t you already be doing that, regardless of the day? Valentine’s Day isn’t an on-off switch that controls your romance levels. There is no magic dust in the air on Valentine’s Day that makes you fall in love with your significant other even more.

However, Cadbury and Hallmark want you to think otherwise. They have no problem playing the guilt card if you walk out of their stores emptyhanded. They don’t care what you buy, as long as you buy something; something big and bold that screams “I love you!”

According to a study by Shop.org, in 2015, the average American shopper planned on spending $142.31 on Valentine’s Day. Cumulatively, last year, Valentine’s Day spending was “expected to reach $18.9 billion,” according to the National Retail Federation. That is a scary amount of money to be spending — money that some people feel obligated to spend ‘because everyone else is doing it.’ But when did Valentine’s Day become a contest?

When did our love become measured by how extravagant our gifts are?

As it turns out, this sense of obligation and competition might prevent potential heartbreak. A study conducted by the

Unbeknownst to many lovers out there, America’s favourite romantic day of recognition is also known to ‘outsiders’ by a few other labels — my favourite being ‘Singleness Awareness Day.’ Yes, all you single people.

February 14 is the day where you recognize and reflect on the fact that you’re alone. For most single people, this is a difficult reality; I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen silently indignant individuals scoff at relationships as if they’re meagre annoyances. Or the types of dejected individuals who openly and relentlessly spill

February 15, 2016

Statistic Brain Research Institute found that 53 percent of women would end their relationship if they didn’t receive anything on February 14.

Here lies the downfall of Valentine’s Day. These women (and sometimes men) weren’t expecting any kind of gift on the days before February 14, so what makes this day the exception? We’ve conditioned ourselves to expect something heartshaped or chocolate-covered that

we almost feel disappointed if we don’t receive anything.

Case in point: remember that horrible feeling you felt in elementary school when your red and pink paper bag wasn’t filled with as many Disney Valentine’s cards and cheap chocolate as your best friend’s?

I’m still bitter about that, by the way.

If you truly appreciate someone, let them know at every opportunity you can find. Once in a while, bouquets of her favourite flowers or tickets to see his favourite team are nice, don’t get me wrong. But we shouldn’t expect our significant others to spend

their sorrowed guts with the beliefs that they will “never find their other half.” Or the people who’ve just come off a breakup and seem traumatized at the fact that they “actually don’t have anyone to spend Valentine’s Day with this year.” How sad.

Please. Treat yourself this Singleness Awareness Day. Download a movie, buy a tub of your favourite ice cream, and bask in the idea that you don’t have to spend loads of dollars on another individual today to make them happy. Life isn’t all about being dependent, so just take a chill pill.

I’ll be honest and say I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day for the ridiculous portrayals of happy relationships I see everywhere.

No, this isn’t about V-Day being a corporate cash-grab (although it is), it’s about the gushy intimate behavioural expectations with which media penalizes us. Scrolling through Facebook, watching YouTube videos, flipping on the television, I witness scenes of couples lip-locked, their love practically bursting from every orifice in their bodies.

This is all nice and sweet — in small doses.

excessive dollars on gifts just because it’s one of America’s favourite corporate holidays. Love isn’t measured by the message on those chalk hearts, the number of roses in the bouquet, or the price of champagne at dinner.

It’s no secret that today’s society has become increasingly enamoured with consuming material things. So, instead of waiting for Valentine’s Day to tell that special someone that we love them, and to shower them with romantic trinkets that will give your dentist a headache, let’s just scrap the day altogether and say “I love you” more often.

But on February 14, it’s safe to say we don’t even have to open our laptops to actively search out porn because Facebook and Twitter already have it covered.

This emotional overload convinces couples that this is the only way to love, and by constantly barraging the public with images of nose-nuzzling and vociferous spit-swapping, we’re led to believe that if we aren’t following suit then we’re doing V-Day all wrong.

Do yourself a favour and close your laptop during Emotional Porn Day.

OPINIONS

Dear editor, Re: “SFU’s Health and Counselling Services need to provide better service” We are writing in response to this article from The Peak’s previous issue. We sympathize with the hundreds of students like Sarah who have faced barriers to accessing support services, and know that there are many more out there who still aren’t able to access the support they deserve, let alone have the courage to talk about it. We don’t have all the answers, but as students who also struggle with mental health, we hope this offers folks more insight to the complexities faced by our institution and provide more information about the resources available to all of us.

The Situation: Prior to 2013, there were no wait-lists for counselling.

Thousands of students are served each year but past years have shown increases in demand for counselling services. While counsellor to student ratios should be 1,500 students per counsellor, it remains at approximately 1 per 4,000 students. With 37,000 students (Fraser International College included) to serve, the recommended number of counsellors should be 25.

As of now, there are only 9 counsellors at Health and Counselling services (HCS).

The lack of capacity of HCS is ultimately why we have waitlists and 6 session caps today.

Only those from HCS will be able to tell you exactly how long it’ll take to get an appointment.

If you are in crisis, at risk or in an urgent situation you will be seen by a counsellor immediately.

February 15, 2016

dental plan can receive up to $500 a year in coverage for a registered psychologist or clinical counsellor. Therefore every undergraduate student enrolled in our plan has access to the 6 sessions in addition to the $500 in coverage.

Alternative resources: You can check out some of Health and Counselling’s drop-in groups, workshops and seminars. For instance, there’s drop-in mindfulness meditation every Wednesday at 12:30pm and a craft collective every Thursday at 2pm. You can find an array of online services available through the HCS website under “our services.”

There is also currently a group of students working to create a sexual assault support centre on campus, which would not only help free up counsellors, but would provide targeted support for survivors or sexual assault.

What the Simon Fraser Student Society (SFSS) is doing: We are currently researching the possibility of implementing a student-led peer support program and are hosting a mental health first aid workshop through the Canadian Association for Mental Health on February 27 to 28. If there is interest we can continue to offer this workshop on a more regular basis. The SFSS offers staffled peer support, which is different from counselling, at our LGBTQ+ centre Out on Campus and at our SFU Women’s Centre. You can also find peer support at the Simon Fraser Public Interest Research Group (SFPIRG).

Sincerely, Six appointments: There is a 6 session cap per semester, but these sessions are covered through your tuition payments not through your student insurance.

Students who are enrolled in the SFSS extended health and

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Enoch Weng, Kathleen Yang, Larissa Chen: SFSS president, VP external relations, and Health Sciences Representative

We’ve both seen, and probably been, that person: head down, slightly drooling over your notebook or laptop, trying to catch a bit of shut-eye on that cold, hard countertop.

Not only are there heaps of empirical data on the benefits of napping, but as a napper myself, I feel refreshed and optimistic after dozing for 20 to 30 minutes. As such, and because of the benefits they provide, I fully support workand school-place nap rooms.

Recently, the British Columbia Institute of Technology (BCIT) introduced a nap room at its campus, where students can book an hour slot in a room with mats and pillows.

This isn’t a new idea, as technology giants like Apple and Google have introduced similar features in their work environments. However, at the time, it had yet to be seen in a postsecondary institution in BC. The National Sleep Foundation’s research demonstrates that to take a nap for 20 to 30 minutes can improve alertness and performance without affecting nighttime sleep.

Some of us may actually benefit more than others from napping, too. Over 85 percent of mammalian species are polyphasic sleepers, which means they sleep in short intervals during the day. Humans are said to be monophasic, meaning that we generally partition our days into sleeping during one time and being awake during another. But are we all fully monophasic? Small children and the elderly often nap during the day, so why aren’t more adults getting in on it, too? A short nap never hurt anyone.

Napping may also be of economic value; instead of loading up on costly caffeinated beverages for an energy boost, one could simply recharge the oldfashioned way. Not only would napping save money on coffee or Redbull, but it’s probably a lot healthier than drinking either excessively.

Now, I understand that SFU’s new Student Union Building

plans to have a napping room, which is great, albeit still a few years away. But imagine how awesome it would be if all universities and colleges did the same. Instead of having to put your head down on a hard desk, or pass out in some contorted position on a chair in the library, we could all have a quiet room equipped with comfortable bedding designated solely for sleep.

The fact is that course schedules don’t always line up perfectly. In my time at university, there have been days where I’ve had six hour breaks in between classes.

While the majority of my time is obviously best spent studying, I could also use part of it to catch up on sleep. Universities could even turn a profit on it: I’d pay a dollar or two for a snooze on some comfortable bedding in a quiet room.

SFU has adopted other stress relief practices such as puppy therapy, but we still have room to improve the mental and physical health of everyone, and SFU as well as other universities should follow BCIT’s lead — and fast — to create a comfortable environment in which students can recharge in a practical way.

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In all honesty, I don’t enjoy Canadian politics. I do, though, find it bearable enough to be fascinating.

Perhaps this is why I’m currently trudging through a minor in political science — I’m fascinated by how much I dislike it but how unavoidable it is in my life, by how complex and shifting it is. I’m particularly interested in how different our politics are from America’s.

For some time now, I’ve toted Canadian politics as being the “politics that America should have.” The fact that we’re still a country with a young history and a small population supports the notions that our politics are far more progressive, practical, and less of an excuse for entertainment than that of the big boy downstairs.

Canadian politicians are seen as politicians. Sure, Trudeau may be the closest thing we’ve had to a celebrity politician, but ultimately he’s recognized primarily for the

political role he’s in. This is the way politics needs to be in order for it to work.

But when I booted up the Macbook Pro a few weeks ago, and scrolled through heart-sinking headlines that told me Canadian television celebrity Kevin O’Leary is considering throwing his investor’s hat in for Conservative party leader, that’s when it became clear that our politics have taken a turn for the worst.

To be clear, I hate American politics — if you could even call them that. The United States runs rife on an overanalyzed entertainment gongshow it proudly labels “democracy.” Sure, some politicians may be true to their aims, but as much of the American public seems hungry for Fox to manhandle them with useless information, I think it’s safe to say that “democracy” is a bit of a crapshoot term shaken frantically down the frayed pant-leg on our southern hillbilly. Mix distorted media with a clueless fascist like Donald Trump, and I don’t even know where to start on what a sad disaster US politics is.

I dislike Canadian politics in a different way — mainly because it’s real. And real politics comes with a different (though necessary) baggage than the entertainment kind. Enter O’Leary, stage

SFU’s WQB requirements should be replaced with practical knowledge courses that will help us students become more responsible adults in our communities.

In particular, Introduction to Political Science (POL 101) would be the best alternative course to our current WQB options, as to be an informed Canadian citizen is just about as ‘practical’ as it gets.

You thought you lacked an intimate relationship in time for Valentine’s Day? Don’t worry about

it. The government is a very intimate part of our lives, whether or not we want to admit it. It has an impactful and powerful say over every little thing: the air we breathe, our money, our homes, our food, our information, and even our personal agency.

That’s right, ladies. If you choose the wrong government, next thing you know it may have something legally unpleasant to say about whether or not you even have entitlement over your own body.

You can be religious, atheist, man, or woman from any manner of background, yet you will still fall under the one umbrella that is Canada. If you are a Canadian citizen over the age of 19, I believe that you have the responsibility to be educated and active in politics. But this isn’t as daunting as it sounds. It could simply

February 15, 2016

right. The investor and TV personality is known for his abrasive and often outrageous behaviour on popular programs such as Dragon’s Den and Shark Tank. And as a TV persona, he’s fake. He’s a carefully sculpted character created to swipe up good ratings for reality TV. He’s known for tirelessly playing devil’s advocate against so many political perspectives that would seem like public no-brainers. And sadly, he’s known for his exorbitant wealth.

Similarly, Donald Trump is a television celeb with the same caricatures. And from what we’ve

seen, these aspects are swiftly gaining mindless American support by firmly declaring that Mexican immigrants be forced out with an expensive wall, and that all Muslims be banned entirely. In other words, he’s taking his madefor-TV persona and moronically persuading what should be a sacred aspect of life.

O’Leary has unfortunately begun to dabble his toes in a similar fashion by bribing Albertan oil patches with one million dollars from his own wallet if the province’s current NDP Premier Rachel Notley steps down from her

position. Sure! It’s great for ratings, but does it have a place in true politics? Take a wild guess.

The sad truth is that the public can be mindless and TV celebs are influential, their pockets run deep, and apart from needlessly bloating our political climate, they probably have no clear idea the everyday challenges to middle and lower class citizens. So please, O’Leary, apart from actually learning a bit of French, don’t terrify us as your shark fins tauntingly break the surface of the real world.

Stick to the bottom of your tank.

mean you do your research, form an opinion, support your party, and vote. It could also mean that throughout that party’s term, you keep them accountable to their platform and continue to fight for the changes you want to see.

difference. Why? Because POL 101 is not mandatory for everybody.

I was so shocked during this past election, where the political stakes were so high and personal, yet many students I spoke to did not “care much about politics” or “know enough to cast a vote.”

I wanted to tear my hair out.

It’s your job to know. It’s your job to represent as many minorities in your community as you can. People that don’t have the same rights that you do are placed in a very vulnerable position, don’t you understand this?

POL 101 is a theory-based course that not only teaches you

the basic definitions and theories surrounding politics, but encourages you to form your own opinion on the issues you see around you, and to think about what kind of changes you’d like to see made by our highest authority.

This should be a mandatory course at SFU. It’s something much more applicable and useful for a post-grad adult, rather than our other current WQB requirements, which include learning about pointless topics such as dinosaurs and the stars in the sky (in my case, as a liberal arts student).

As fascinating as that is, my priorities lie in knowing exactly who is representing the Canadian people, and exactly what I can do to be heard if I don’t approve of their actions or lack thereof.

Make POL 101 the only requirement.

SFU’s POL 101 is currently a Breadth-Social Science course, so there is a higher chance that more students will take it as compared to other 100level courses, yet it’s still not enough to make a democratic

l a i c e p S

START YOUR OWN SHOW Don’t hear anything you like on the radio?

Commercial radio plays the same music over and over and quality interviews with interesting community members are too few. Start your own show on CJSF and play the music you want to hear and interview the people you want heard.

Come to a station orientation or email cjsfprog@sfu.ca to find out more.

TALK RADIO Create a topical roundtable, interview a community member, produce news, record events and edited audio for broadcast! What could be more fun? Stop by CJSF 90.1 FM and lend your voice to a worthy cause. Join the CJSF Spoken Word department! Email cjsfpa@sfu.ca

MUSIC DEPARTMENT Do you love music? Of course you do! Lend a hand in the CJSF music department where you’ll find your favourite artists and some hidden melodic gems. There is a variety of tasks you can help with including: library inventory, listening to new releases, and converting old albums into digital files for our digital music library.

Email cjsfmusc@sfu.ca

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT Discover the Vancouver arts scene! Join the CJSF arts collective. Write theatre, restaurant, and concert reviews. Interview your favorite artists, befriend rock stars and realize your dream of being a real life rock journalist!

Email cjsfae@sfu.ca !

phone: 778·782·4423 on-air: 778·782·2573 (CJSF) email: cjsf prog@sfu.ca web: www.cjsf.ca TC-216 Simon Fraser University 8888 University Drive Burnaby, BC, V5A 1S6

g n i m m a pr o g r FEBRUARY LAUNDRY IS THE ONLY THING THAT SHOULD BE SEPARATED

BY COLOR

BLACK HISTORY MONTH Radio Presents Special programming to celebrate Black History Month

CJSF

listen online at www.cjsf.ca

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rd

2pm -4am PST.

A national community radio broadcast with stories and performances from homeless people and their allies.

We will be live on location at RainCity starting at 4pm.

CJSF will host the national broadcast from 6-7pm PST.

VOLUNTEER WITH CJSF for information, orentation schedules, and more, visit:

www.cjsf.ca/signup

February 15, 2016

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COMMUNITY PHOTOS June 29, 2015

COLD AS ICE The SFU Engineering Student Society held their annual polar bear swim at the AQ Pond on February 5. Basically, they threw each other into freezing cold water for a couple hours. But before you ask yourself ‘why would anyone in their right mind do that?’ It’s for a good cause: all proceeds went to theVariety BC Children’s Charity.

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Lisa Dimyadi photos@the-peak.ca

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arts editor email

February 15, 2016

Jessica Whitesel arts@the-peak.ca

FOOD FIGHT

Bartosz Wysocki Columnist

Bon appetit everyone, it’s Bartosz, the new meat correspondent for Food Fight! Previous meat expert Jess Whitesel has moved onto taking the newspaper editor world by storm, so I have been given the impossible task of taking her place. However, my Polish ancestry gives me an automatic expertise on all things alcoholic, pickled, and meat-related, so I do feel right at home.

The first meat-venture I’ll take you on is into my ‘hood, the hinterlands of East Richmond.

You might think that East Richmond is not known for having a wide array of luxury eateries, and you’d be correct. But what this place lacks in hipster bars and Michelin Stars, it more than makes up for in cheap, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, with the best one by a country mile being Lotus.

Lotus is a Vietnamese restaurant that specializes in serving delicious, life giving bowls of pho — their nickname is “The Place for Pho Lovers.” A few weeks ago, vegan aficionado of the Food Fight column Gemma Lee reviewed a delectable Vietnamese restaurant of her own, Paradise Vegetarian Noodle House. I’m here to assure all

the carnivores out there that Lotus has your Vietnamese needs covered as well.

When you walk into Lotus, the first thing you notice is its cleanliness and a simple-yetsleek décor that would make any IKEA designer tip their hat. The service is incredibly quick and with a smile, and the complimentary green tea that is served is actually prepared correctly — not brewed beyond all recognition.

The appetizers that I tried out were their shrimp salad roll and chicken wings.

Though somewhat bland on its own, the roll was very well paired with its complimentary peanut sauce. The chicken wings also delivered. Crispy on the outside and with soft meat that fell off the bone on the inside, Lotus’ wings can definitely hold their own with any potential challenger.

Now onto the crown jewel of Lotus, their pho. Every part of this soup was excellent. The broth had a “just like mama used to make” homemade taste, and perfectly balanced with the ingredients inside it. The vermicelli noodles were delicious as well, and went great with the steak and meatballs that I ordered. If that’s not your jam, though, there is a plethora of other goodies you can put in your pho, such as beef tendon, tripe, flank, and brisket.

I also got to try out one of their other mains, which was a chicken fillet served on rice. While simple, it was made incredibly well, with the chicken simultaneously having a crunchy skin and tender core.

If you ever find yourself lost in East Richmond and are in serious need of some sustenance, then you can feel safe knowing that Lotus will take good care of you.

With their appetizers ranging between $3–6, and their mains being $7–12, you can be sure of the fact that both your taste buds and wallet will be fully satisfied.

Before I get into it, I think I should make it clear that I’m a very avid follower of Marvel’s trash-talking anti-hero, Deadpool. But even as a huge fan of Deadpool, I entered this film with low expectations and cautious optimism. 20th Century Fox has a spotty track record regarding their treatment of Marvel superheroes — Fantastic Four, anyone?

Now, for those of you who are aware of Deadpool in name and merchandise only, Wade Wilson is Marvel’s token antihero. Think The Punisher — if the Punisher were a character from Looney Toons and still brutally murdered his enemies.

The merc with a mouth has the healing powers of Wolverine, the combat prowess of Captain America, and the killer puns of Spider-Man — earning him his nickname.

In the months leading up to the movie’s release, chatter speculated if Fox would incorporate one of Deadpool’s defining traits: his ability to break the fourth wall and his self-awareness of being a fictitious character. The film does not disappoint. The intro, for instance, is immediately followed with an

upbeat tune, backing the opening credits so self-referential that it seemed the character had wrote them himself.

From that moment onwards, I was in tears from laughing so hard, only letting up in moments to let me cringe at an over-thetop decapitation and other such mutilations. I can say with absolute sincerity, as a fan of the character, that the production company has finally done this character justice in a movie.

What’s more, justice is done without stooping to the tropes found in the films made by Marvel Studios and Disney. The cinematography wasn’t too dull, nor did Fox try to castrate Deadpool with a meek PG rating.

In fact, I would go as far to say that Deadpool is perhaps the first R-rated superhero movie that succeeded at being a decent adaptation without going too dark and gritty — a la The Punisher or Spawn. (Remember, that was a thing, in 1997?) At the risk of alienating a much larger, younger demographic, Ryan Reynolds gave the fans a portrayal worthy of

the anti-hero; one that is equal parts violent gore and tonguein-cheek self-awareness.

Unfortunately, though, apart from the fact that Wade Wilson is a horribly scarred, immortal psychopath, the film is a by-the-numbers revenge plot.

It seems that the writers and Reynolds had a detailed idea of Deadpool, and then built the story around his character.

However, the basic plot is veiled by the use of flashbacks and fourth wall-breaking to jumble up the timeline. The audience doesn’t sit through a straight-forward look at Wade Wilson’s transformation from cancer-ridden mercenary, to crisped, spandex-wearing assassin. Instead, it begins with Deadpool massacring a troop of (hopefully) bad guys, and then the narrative explains how he got there — all within a fairly compact runtime.

Though marred by its simple plot and excessive cost-saving CGI, Deadpool exceeded my expectations of what could be done in a superhero blockbuster.

Ryan Reynolds has gleefully brought life to a character of pure lunacy and bloody fun.

The jokes, while crude, happily don’t overstay their welcome, and Deadpool ends up as a surprisingly endearing character, despite all of his flaws.

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February 15, 2016

Savvie is a Vancouver band lead by Savannah Leigh Wellman (previously of Redbird). They’re as musically together live as they are on the recording, a tell-tale sign of talented artists. Featuring Wellman’s powerful, sultry voice that can just toe the line of the hard-rock-rasp, Savvie delivers top quality rock with catchy pop hooks.

This album is seductive, a little bit brooding, and impressively melodic. Powerful guitar blends with tight bass riffs to give a very rhythmic

product. If you need a little something to play loudly dur ing some amorous adventures — so as not to disturb roommates — look no further.

“I Fall Again” is a favourite with its groovy licks and feel-good beats. It’s perfect for impromptu kitchen dance-offs or long bus rides to school. “Where We Wanna Be” is a slow-burn that practically begs you to soulfully rock your head to it.

“The Tower” is a marathon ending to Savvie’s debut, clocking in at just under 10 and a half minutes.

It brings this CD and this period in Savvie’s musicality to a close by persuading you to throw off the chains of nostalgia and have faith in yourself: “Looking to the heavens for a purpose when all that you need, you already know.”

Young Rising Sons is an indie pop-rock band from Red Bank, New Jersey. This is their second EP following the success of their self-titled release in 2014. The catchy lyrics will have you singing along your first listen-through, but the talent and the infectious optimism will have you hitting replay time and again.

Soulful vocals by Andy Tongren, brilliantly constructed guitar lines from Dylan Scott, groovy bass via Julian Dimagiba, and toe-tapping drum riffs from Steve Patrick all merge together to create awesome, uplifting music for every occasion.

Despite its sad basis — “So tell me who burned you with

their cigarette” — “Fucked Up” is catchy and boasts that love isn’t conditional. “You’re so fucked up and I love it. You’re so obtuse, but I love you anyway,” it croons. Singing along to the bridge makes you feel badass, something everyone needs sometimes.

Emotional ballad-like tones introduce “Flesh and Bone” before it builds into a resounding chorus about our mortality. But that it’s okay, the song seems to say, because you strive for as much as you can, and sometimes you crash and burn. “The future’s ours to own,” no matter what happens.

“Ghost of Me” screams ‘I’m a conqueror’ at your haters and leans more to the indiepop side of their sound. It’s one to belt while driving in the rain. “Somebody” is melodic and brilliantly showcases Tongren’s vocal range. It almost gets a little bluesy, too.

All in all, it’s an excellent EP to blast any time, as loud as you can crank it.

Gateway Theatre’s Closer Than Ever, on until February 20, is a collection of songs about the trials and tribulations of midlife. The cast of five performed this string of songs with bravado and conviction, but I couldn’t help but think that I’d like a little more plot with my song and dance.

There are many musicals with too little plot, or not enough plotdriven songs, but for a musical to involve only a series of thematically connected yet independent songs, each a short story in and of itself, makes it hard to maintain the audience’s attention.

Themes of divorce, marital strife, and unreadiness for the events of midlife like having children, taking care of parents, and

growing apart from old friends recurred throughout. A standout song was “The March of Time,” which brought to mind the uncomfortable fact that no matter what we do, time and life continue moving forward, and we get older, whether we’re ready or not.

If you’re looking for a nice evening of song by a talented cast, this show will be a delight, but don’t expect to become invested in any characters or to be caught up in climactic events — there are none to be found.

L’Immédiat, a PuSh Festival show at the Vancouver Playhouse, was an absurdist, surrealist, and circus comedy-inspired show. It was one of the most entertaining things I’d seen in a long time, and had me laughing throughout.

Seven acrobats of France’s Association Immédiat dazzled with their inventive scenes and quirky props. The opening scene was superb, as two performers returned to their small apartment only to have everything fall apart. The table collapsed, the walls tumbled down, and even their pants wouldn’t stay up. The scene evolved from

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there as the entire stage seemed to be breaking down, and another performer leaped from ladder to wall to chair, each one crumbling or toppling as he nimbly moved over them.

After this opening bombardment of hilarity and slapstick fun, the stage was a complete mess. One of the performers grabbed a megaphone and told us there would be a five minute break as they cleaned up. Even this was a monumental scene of physical comedy as they went about tossing cardboard boxes into the wings, sweeping debris to the back of the stage, and opening the back door of the stage to push everything out of the way.

The following scenes were no less riveting as characters, such as a woman who keeps floating upward and has to be held down and a man who lives in a cupboard, punctuated the scenes with perfect comic timing, and the set pieces moves about as if of their own volition.

This is one of those shows that you don’t want to end. It keeps the surprises coming with endlessly entertaining and creative scenes that are impressive and incredibly clever.

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February 15, 2016

Season two finds our favourite Strategic Scientific Reserve agent in Los Angeles. Once more, Carter teams up with Sousa, who is now chief of the L.A. branch, to solve a series of bizarre occurrences that all seem to trace back to a new substance called zero matter. Jarvis is also in the city of sun, and provides comedic relief throughout, while bringing back the sassy, knowing dynamic between the two.

Add in a scientist who doesn’t exist on the same plane as humans, a woman acting as a vessel for the most volatile substance on Earth (zero matter), and the not-forgotten spy, Dottie, and this season’s cracking up to be awesome.

The way time is experienced at a film festival is paradoxical — accelerated by the lack of sleep, and at the same time decelerated from living so many lifetimes inside cinema. As I sit here nearly a week later, recalling the slightest impressions from the festival, these memories remain the most prominent. The following are my highlights from Sundance 2016, most of which I kind of, sort of, remember.

In Whit Stillman’s adaptation of Jane Austen’s unpublished

The third season starts with the Mountain Men, the gang from Mount Weather, being only a nightmare of the previous season. A sect of Grounders (people born on Earth) called the Ice Nation, look like the new bad guys for the season, wishing to bring an end to the unsteady peace with the Skaikru and other Grounders.

Their method: capture Clarke (Wanheda, Commander of Death), then the Queen of the Ice Nation will kill her to absorb Clarke’s supposed powers. At the end of the second episode, Clarke has been captured, but taken to Commander Lexa instead.

Monty’s found his mom, and Jaha is being his usual idiotic self. Shit is hitting the fan.

Ah, the show we know and love, only better.

novel, Lady Susan, Kate Beckinsale’s revelatory performance is Oscar worthy: her subtle condescension, her disrespect through chivalry, her perfectlytimed delivery of Stillman’s dialogue.

Period pieces, which have the potential to feel stilted and inaccessible, are rarely this funny, rarely played for these kinds of screwball laughs. Audiences won’t have to wait long for this comedy of manners; Amazon picked up the rights and will be streaming the film in the middle of May. Runner up: Wiener-Dog

Werner Herzog’s documentary is hardly a beautiful mess as some might have you believe, but rather a kind of abstract expressionist documentary, where disconnected subjects

A spin-off of The CW’s Arrow and The Flash, this show is like The Avengers and Doctor Who had a baby in the time vortex.

A bunch of little-known superheroes team up with a Time Master, a protector of the world’s timeline, to change the course of history and prevent an almost-immortal enemy, Vandal Savage — stupid name, right?

— from taking over the entire world.

It has that cheesy superhero show quality, which may stem from there only being one bad guy (who’s lived for thousands of years). However, the delivery is smart and witty, with the added bonus of badassery from Sara “White Canary” Lance, Kendra “Hawkgirl” Saunders, and Jefferson “Jax” Jackson, the latter of whom is one half of “Firestorm.”

are spread across the screen in a way that is both random and perfectly coherent.

Playing like science-fiction as much as “documentary,” Herzog’s introspection into the Internet is philosophical in its implications and immediate in its emotional impact. I could easily have watched the director muse on the subject for another nine hours.

Matt Johnson’s found footage flick about a couple of movie-lovers who infiltrate NASA, fake the moon landing, and bear the consequences takes a trite format into new thematic and formal territory, a kind of coup on what is mostly a dumb genre.

Although the film has layers of self-reflexivity that will make your head spin (the director, like the characters, infiltrated

Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series has found a new home on the channel Freeform. Thank whatever almighty power there is because holy crap, that movie based on City of Bones, the first book in the series, was shitty.

The casting is A+, with Simon being adorkably endearing and Isabelle a whip-wielding knockout. There’s lots of seraph-blade-wielding fighting, smartalecky quips, and overall sexual tension because goddamn this cast is gorgeous.

The show-runners have taken some creative licence with the source material (anyone else seeing the IsabelleClary ship?) and the Mortal Cup is way more important and powerful than it was in the books, but it’s a great show to watch with friends or family. There’s something for everyone.

NASA to make the film), it always works as entertaining movie-magic, and thematic introspection into the narcissism of two men who make themselves the stars of a movie that doubles as a pivotal event in American history.

Runner up: Under the Shadow

It’s entirely possible that two of my favorite films of the year, decade, and (potentially) all time, premiered at Sundance 2016. Kenneth Lonergan’s Manchester By The Sea is delightful and delicate, literary in its density yet cinematic in its form.

Featuring all-time great performance from Casey Affleck, a screenplay with a daringly subtle structure, and impactful formal choices, the film is perhaps as close to perfect as any other film ever made. Every

gesture, every line of dialogue, every shot choice — when to move the camera, when to be funny, when to be sad, when to be both at the same time — the film almost never makes a false step and sticks with you for long after the credits. I saw the film twice in a cinema and another 10 times in my mind.

Runner up: Certain Women Although the rest of the festival’s lineup never reached the heights of Manchester By The Sea or Certain Women in terms of emotion, vision, or execution, Sundance was still a wonderful distraction, a way to get away from school and responsibilities. As soon as I got back from the festival, I hibernated for 12 hours without interruption. The memories are slowly slipping away, even as I try to recall the films I attended, the people I met, and the experiences I had.

ARTS

With a heavy bluegrass influence and hailing from New Zealand, Marlon Williams and band have started their North American tour right here in Vancouver.

The group is lead by lead singer Marlon Williams, who “cobbled a band together when [he] recorded the album,” said Williams. The self-titled album is Marlon’s debut solo album, “so it feels a little bit different. . . both daunting and exciting at the same time,” he told The Peak.

Although Marlon identified his music as folk, his sound is influenced heavily by bluegrass and country. Marlon said these genres are “the ethos, the philosophy

February 15, 2016

behind the music that drives me most.” However, he admitted to listening to everything from hip-hop to classical.

“I always feel the most creatively free when I’m at home,” said Marlon on his inspirations. He continued, “the wide open spaces [of New Zealand] were really a big part of it; I guess that’s sort of a parallel with country music from America, it’s associated with an infinite amount of space.”

The touring lifestyle “really does get to you,” said Marlon. On the other side of touring, though, he says, “the masochist in me just likes the punishing nature of touring, it’s quite addictive. It feels like a marathon, once you hit your stride you

get that sort of runners high. . . It’s a really invigorating feeling.”

Playing to a packed house, the show opened with Shelley Short, a singer-songwriter with a sweet, soulful voice. The audience was reverently silent as she sat on stage, just her and her guitar, performing a mix of original songs and covers.

After Short’s set, the crowd eagerly awaited the main event, pulling out chairs from storage to create a makeshift concert hall in the club.

As Marlon Williams appeared on stage, the crowd went crazy, escalating until he started the set alone with his guitar, crooning about love.

The band soon followed him onstage with mandolin and upright bass in tow for a set of true-blue bluegrass, dressed in their finest countryhipster chic. The concert continued, flipping between upbeat tunes and soulful ballads, the set

list studded with hilarious quips between songs.

After a few instrument changes, the sound became more folksy, and Marlon tried to end the set as it began: just himself and his guitar onstage. But after raucous applause, two encore pieces ensued, with the

21

musicians ending the night together as a band.

With William’s great voice, a solid band, and a passionate audience, the concert was a success.

Overall, Marlon Williams is a refreshing change in the folk music scene by being unique in the very best of ways.

22 ARTS

January 25, 2016

4. 808S & HEARTBREAK 6. YEEZUS

6. GRADUATION Don’t get me wrong — Graduation isn’t a bad album. I genuinely don’t think Kanye is even capable of making a straightforward bad record. However, he is capable of making a mediocre one, and this is it: Kanye’s pop rap charm hit saturation point here, and tracks like Chris-Martin feature “Homecoming” and Krautrock-sampling “Drunk and Hot Girls” just don’t hold up against Yeezy’s discography.

5. 808S & HEARTBREAK Arguably his most divisive record, 808s is a lot better than you remember, thanks to Kanye’s surprising knack for pop melodies (“Love Lockdown,” “Paranoid”) and ahead-of-his-time production style. Everyone from The Weeknd to Drake to Future owe their sad-rapper image to Kanye circa 2008, and though the album is definitely not his strongest work, there’s lots to love here.

4. YEEZUS I think a lot of people straight up don’t get Yeezus. It’s not about the lyrics, it’s not about the samples, and it’s not about the crappy album art. It’s about the aesthetic: this is the sound of a public figure tearing his image apart at the seams for everyone to hear, and it’s equal parts disturbing and invigorating.

“Soon as they like you, make ‘em unlike you,” as he says.

3. THE COLLEGE DROPOUT This record and Late Registration are basically equally great.

It’s tough to pick. The College Dropout has

a lot going for it: it’s Kanye’s first effort, he’s full of energy, and the guest verses are straight-up incredible. However, I’d say this album sounded better when it leaked six months before its official release, back when Lauryn Hill featured on “All Falls Down” and guest verses from Dirty Ol’ Bastard and John Legend were still included.

2. LATE REGISTRATION On the surface, producer Jon Brion was a weird choice: most of his credentials came from weepy indie flicks like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, not rap records. Luckily for him (and us), it ended up being a perfect choice.

Late Registration is near flawless, and features Kanye at his most tender (“Hey Mama,” “Roses”) and his most provocative (“Gold Digger,” “Gone”). Plus, it sounds incredible. Like butter.

1. MY BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY Anyone who ranks this any lower than number one is messing with you.

MBDTF is the perfect mix of everything that makes Kanye legendary: fantastic, quotable lyrics; lush maximalist production; perfectly chosen guests; and an almost uncomfortable level of honesty about his personal life. As I wrote before, all of Kanye’s albums are great, but only MBDTF ranks with the best records in the history of the genre.

(Also, that Nicki Minaj verse on “Monster”? Unbeatable.)

An easy choice for me. First, the production is straight-up weird. On first listen, I was really feeling “On Sight,” and then he drops that sample right in the middle of the song. Secondly, the lyrics are terrible.

“Bound 2” is a perfect example of this — he obviously put no thought into the lyrics for that one. Even the mastering of the album is way off. People don’t want to admit that Kanye made a bad album, but this is definitely a bad album.

5. THE COLLEGE DROPOUT A tough choice between this and 808s for this spot. The guest verses are excellent, and the production is on point, but songs such as “The New Workout Plan” and “Breathe In, Breathe Out” just don’t hold up on further listens. He also left some great tracks off the album. If you get the chance, listen to Freshmen Adjustment, specifically the songs “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly” and “Keep The Receipt” — absolute bangers that were, for some reason, left on the cutting room floor.

I give this one the nod over The College Dropout because I love the minimalist production. It pairs perfectly with the use of Auto-tune. This album shows Kanye at his most vulnerable, his most insecure. He mixes that vulnerability with the previous two elements and gets an album that shows an almost pure form of emotion. And I don’t even have to get into how many artists this album has influenced.

3. LATE REGISTRATION I love the orchestral tones throughout the album — it gives it a consistent backdrop to some great verses from Kanye and others. “Touch the Sky” is in my top three for best Kanye songs, and “Gold Digger” is a classic. However, it’s still a bit mired in hiphop traditions, exhibited by the inclusions of sketches. Other than that, I’ll echo what Max says — it’s nearly flawless.

2. GRADUATION People love to shit on this album for whatever reason, but I rank it this high because it combines the best from The College Dropout and Late Registration — the sped-up soul samples that made him a top producer, and the lush strings make Late Registration a classic. I’ll concede that “Drunk and Hot Girls” isn’t the best track, but we can go on every one of his albums and point out a track that isn’t that great compared to the rest.

“The Glory” and “I Wonder” are hidden Kanye gems, and by the end of the album you’re left feeling wonderful and on top of the world.

1.

MY FUL DARK FANTASY

BEAUTITWISTED

Max and I may disagree on a lot when it comes to Kanye, but I think we can both agree that MBDTF is his peak. Combine some of his best lyrics with a production style that is the complete opposite of 808s, and you get an album that is a classic. The songs “Devil In a New Dress” and “Monster” are the highlights of the album for me. It’s so good, in fact, that he may never be able to top it.

SPORTS

sports editor email

February 15, 2016

Nick Bondi sports@the-peak.ca

23 Elsewhere in SFU Sports. . .

The streak is over. The Clan won 90–70 over Concordia University Thursday night, snapping an 18-game losing streak that started last November after a loss to Colorado Christian University. SFU now holds a 2–19 overall record, and 1–14 in the conference.

It’s been a tough season for the men’s basketball team, to say the least. The team suffered through a 18-game losing streak, and has only won a single game in conference play this season. One of the constants throughout this trying season has been senior Michael Harper. The native of Melbourne, Australia has averaged the most minutes on the team, and leads SFU in scoring for the season.

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take a hit, but guys still like playing basketball,” said Harper on the team’s struggles this season. “[The players] still enjoy the competitiveness, and that helps take away from the aspect of losing. Just the fact that you enjoy basketball still. And you know, there’s always hope for the next game. You’re always looking forward to the next game, because we’re not down and out, we’re never down and out.

“Your spirits are always trying to stay high, [and] this is when you really get tested to see [where you are] with the program. When you get to this level, winning is what keeps jobs and keeps scholarships. [. . .]

So if you’re in a losing environment,

[when] things get heated, we stay together. I think everyone has each other’s back.”

Harper started playing basketball at the age of eight, when a friend of his started playing. While still in Australia, he had his eyes set on coming over to North America to play basketball.

“Basketball in Australia is more kind of European, because high school basketball isn’t as big,” he explained. “There’s still high school basketball, but it’s not as serious.

And then once you get to university [in Australia], no one plays, every-

one who’s on the university team shows up drunk to the game. That’s kind of why I wanted to come to the [United] States or North America, because the basketball for my age, that’s where it’s at.”

Harper elaborated further. “You can play professional in Australia, there are club teams that pay you, but it’s not about development once you go professional. [In North America] there are college coaches that are with you every day. It’s just more hands-on at the collegiate level. You grow up watching college basketball, like high Division I schools, and you see them on TV and they’re just out of high school.”

Harper got his wish when he went to play for the University of Hawaii in his first two years of university.

“It was good,” he said. “It showed me different people’s coaching styles. Just different athleticism, playing with guys growing up in America, [. . .] I had to adapt my game a little bit. [It was] more challenging, [and] I think I learned a lot at the Division I level that translates well to the Division II level.”

After not getting much playing time at the University of Hawaii, Harper transferred here to Simon Fraser, to finish his collegiate career playing regular minutes. “[I] just wanted to play in my college career,” he said. “I didn’t want to sit on the bench for all four years. [. . .]

James Blake, the head coach before our current coach, contacted me because he knew someone at the University of Hawaii in the offices. They obviously knew that I was looking to transfer, so Blake got into contact with me and it all went from there, really.”

With James Blake gone and his successor Virgil Hill at the helm, the Clan have drastically changed their style. Not only are the two coaches’ game philosophes different, their coaching style is different as well.

“They’re pretty different,” said Harper. “Last year we had a more loosely-flowing offence, which is a fact [that goes with] the players that we had last year versus the players that we’ve had [this] year.

Coach Hill has more of a handson system, more plays that are run. We have a younger team this year as well, so he’s really trying to build a program [. . .] As the lone senior, he puts a lot of pressure on me to show [the others] how it’s

done. And just really lead the way, and show how college basketball should be played. We have good juniors as well, in Hidder [Vos] and Max [Barkeley].”

Harper has also had to adjust this season, becoming a leader on the team — a stark contrast to his supporting role earlier in his career at Hawaii.

“I’ve always been a guy that leads by example,” said Harper.

“One of the tests that I’ve had as a senior is being more vocal.

I’ve never been the most vocal guy growing up, so it’s always just been my actions. So that’s how I’ve kind of how I try and do it, is leading by actions. And it helps that we have guys from last year as well, a few guys from last year that help me and Coach Hill build the program as well.

“It’s not just me as a senior, it’s everyone pulling their part, wanting to win, wanting to get better. Instilling that confidence that it’s just a process.”

Once his NCAA eligibility is over after the season, Harper plans to go back to Australia to finish his degree while playing for a club team.

SFU is the number three seed heading into the 2016 WCWA Women’s College Nationals. In last year’s nationals, SFU finished fourth. Senior Darby Huckle is ranked third in the 101-pound weight class, and Sophomore Abby Lloyd is ranked third in the 116-pound weight class.

SFU split a doubleheader against the University of Montevallo last Wednesday. The Clan won the first game 12–2, but lost the other game 4–1. SFU is now 3–4 on the season. Their next game is February 27, against rivals Western Washington University.

24 SPORTS

February 15, 2016

On Saturday, SFU was able to squeak out a 2–0 victory over local rivals Trinity Western. It was a game that was vastly different from the previous night, where SFU won 10–5, scoring five goals in the third period alone. The Clan came out and played a very tight, defensive game that was still highly entertaining.

“I thought it was one of those games where you have to guts out a victory,” said Head Coach Mark Coletta afterwards.

“It’s even both ways, both teams are playing with injured players, and you go from one night where there’s 15 goals to a night where there’s only two.

It’s a character win, and we’ll take those.”

The first period was marked by penalties. A total of eight were taken by both teams, five

by Simon Fraser. In the second, Brandon Tidy broke the

deadlock, scoring in his fourth straight game off a fortunate bounce. Jono Ceci sealed it in the third period with an empty net goal, his second point of the night and the team-leading 25th point. The majority of the game was quite defensive, with both teams determined to tighten up after the goal fest of the previous game.

The big story of the game, however, was Clan goaltender Jordan Liem. He made 33 saves that night gaining the win and a shutout. He made a number of terrific saves, including an amazing cross-crease save early in the third period to preserve the one goal lead.

“Try to keep calm,” said Liem on what went through his mind late in the game. “Usually when the play’s in your end you’re not usually thinking too much. But when it goes down the other way, you’re definitely trying not to say the word ‘shutout’ in your head, or trying not to think of the end of the game with a shutout. You’re just trying to keep your team in it with a 1–0 lead.”

Another big story afterwards was the unsportsmanlike conduct penalties that SFU took during the

game. The Clan took three of them during the game, two of them after ordinary cross checking and slashing calls. This meant regular twominute penalties turned into massive four-minute kills for the SFU penalty kill.

“I don’t think he likes us very much, to be honest,” said Liem afterwards. “I think we rubbed him the wrong way right off the bat, with [Matthew] Luongo being a little lippy. We know him from before and he’s just that kind of ref where if you get on his

bad side, you’re on his bad side for the rest of the game.”

With top pairing defensemen Jesse Williamson still out, Dustin Cave stepped into his spot alongside Darnel St. Pierre.

“The Caveman” filled in nicely, providing a number of bonecrunching hits throughout the game, and seemed to have instant chemistry with St. Pierre.

“They’re finally coming into their own,” said Coletta on the pairing. “They’re firstyear guys, and it takes time for

these guys to get used to this style of hockey. Everybody always thinks that the BCIHL is a collegiate league that isn’t that great, and we don’t get much respect. Which is fine. When they come from Junior A or Junior B and they’re the big guys in the pond, they come play for us, they realise how good this league really is.

“Cave and St. Pierre are very physical guys, and that’s what we need them to do, and they did that tonight.”

The SFU Clan Men’s Basketball team were defeated 86–66 by the Alaska Anchorage Seawolves on Saturday night in front of a strong crowd of Clanfaithfuls. Offensively, the Clan executed quite well, connecting on 49 percent of their field goal attempts and sinking seven of their 15 three-point attempts.

The loss though, marked their 18th consecutive loss.

However, SFU’s defensive struggles continued, as they allowed the Seawolves to connect on 50 percent of their field goal attempts, and committed 31 fouls, which resulted in an

astonishing 39 free throw attempts by Alaska-Anchorage.

This was essentially the ball game, as the Seawolves connected on 32 of 39 attempts, while the Clan made only 11 of their 18. Starting Guard Max Barkeley’s performance was particularly indicative of the Clan’s overall performance.

At a key point in the first half, with SFU trailing 25–20, Barkeley received a technical foul, his fourth of the game while on the bench.

The Clan was gaining some momentum prior to this lapse in judgment after a Tyrell Lewin basket was followed by a long three-point make by Hidde Vos. Oshea Gairey and Bowen Bakken then made key defensive plays which were followed by the technical foul.

SFU would rally back with a 6–0 run to close the quarter, highlighted by a Gibran Sewani offensive rebound and put back. The play was followed by an incredible steal by Freshman

Oshea Gairey, who sprinted the length of the court, connected on the layup while being fouled, and made the ensuing free throw with just 2.7 seconds left on the clock.

The second half saw AlaskaAnchorage slowly stretch the lead to 10 with 9:11 left and then pull away. The game concluded with a steal by the Seawolves’ Sekou Wiggs on the game’s final possession, which resulted in an emphatic reverse dunk. The Clan was also undone by the play of Seawolves guard Brian McGill, who netted 34 points on just 15 field goal attempts.

Second-half SFU highlights included the bare-knuckles intense defense of Bowen Bakkan, who also made back-to-back threepoint baskets. There was another dunk in the game by Redshirt Junior Gibran Sewani. His offensive rebound put back he converted into a three-point play and, a highlight-reel blocked shot on defence.

Sewani made the case for increased playing time with a very efficient offensive performance that included 16 points on seven of nine shooting. Tyrell Lewin, too, had an exciting two-play sequence where he banked in a long two to

beat the shot clock and then took a charge at the other end. Oshea Gairey who finished with 12 points and six assists continued to demonstrate toughness and perseverance with several fine plays in the second half.

SPORTS

February 15, 2016

25

Last year, SFU’s softball team had what Head Coach Mike Renney called a “mediocre year.” They finished sixth in the conference, and have been picked to finish seventh in the annual preseason Coaches Poll.

“You know, at this point [the standings are] pretty much wide open,” coach Renney told The Peak.

“We’re in the early stages of what I would call a rebuilding process.”

“Having said that, it often comes down to chemistry at this point. We got a good group of seniors in terms of experience and numbers, but we haven’t produced on a regular basis yet. So if the seniors have a good year, we’re going to have a good year.”

The team will have six returning seniors for the season, and Renney expects them to lead the

team throughout the season, and show the younger players how it’s done for the future.

“Lead through example and performance, and certainly help guide the underclassmen,” he said on his expectations for the seniors. “Their stats themselves have to certainly be at the top end of the team. But again, it’s going to be them bringing up either our new kids or younger kids, bringing them up to speed quick enough so that they can all contribute.”

One of the biggest challenges heading into the season is how to prepare. Due to the weather, the team has not been able to practice much outdoors, instead having to practice regularly in the gym. There has been a couple of times where the team had to scrap plans to play inside, due to snow being on the field.

“This is adversity,” said Renney. “Quality rises to adversity, and that’s what we hope to do.

We certainly have had good success from the past, coming from a gymnasium to an outside softball field [. . .] you got to deal with wind, you got to deal with

weather, all those sort of things.

So, we’re practicing at 6’oclock in the morning when the university is still asleep, and so our athletes are getting up early and dealing with that adversity. Now they get to sleep in and play a game under the daylight.”

Another challenge for this team will be scoring runs, as they were last in batting average

and other major offensive categories. But Renney stresses a balanced approach will bring more success.

“I think it’s a combination of offence and defence. You just simply can’t put them in separate vacuums. Because if we’re struggling defensively, and we’re giving up more runs, that puts more pressure on the

offence, and then the offence gets tight. If we can cut down on some of the runs against, keep us in more games, the offence will be a little more free swinging, so to speak. And they both hand in hand will support each other.”

The Clan’s first home game will be February 28 against rivals Western Washington.

February 3 marked the NCAA’s National Signing Day, the first day that a high school student can sign a binding letter of intent with an NCAA school. Since then, with a stable coaching staff, SFU Football has announced 30 new members of the team.

The announcement of 27 new players on Signing Day is up from only two last year — one of whom rescinded his national letter of intent in order to play with UBC. Also, by March 9, 2015, the team had announced four new recruits., while in 2014, the team waited until May 8 to announce their first 11 prospects.

On National Signing Day 2016, the names just kept coming, creating the kind of excitement that elite American schools must feel on National Signing Day, or that hockey fans feel during the NHL Draft.

In large part, this is because this recruiting season was the first

full one with a head coach in place since 2012/13, after former head coach Dave Johnson was dismissed in December 2013 and Jacques Chapdelaine left the program in December 2014.

“Recruiting is the lifeline of your team, so it was extremely important to hit the ground running, and put together a class that both had depth in talent and depth in numbers, to try and rebuild this roster,” said Head Coach Kelly Bates. “It’s no secret up here what people have gone through the last few years with coaching turnover — it has hurt recruiting tremendously.”

The recruiting class contains 16 BC high school seniors and two NCAA transfers.

Bates was particularly excited about three local players who will play receiver for the Clan: Gavin Cobb, AAA player of the year at Mt Douglas in Victoria; Nathanael Durkan, who played quarterback at John Barsby in Nanaimo; and Rysen John, a six-foot-seven wide receiver and BC provincial all-star.

“Those three guys bring in a mix of size and athletic ability, are committed to getting better, and are just

great young kids,” said Bates.

At quarterback, SFU added three players: Jack Graham of Long Beach, CA; Patrick Pearson of Kinmount, ON; and Conner Richardson, a transfer student coming from Pima Junior College in Tucson, AZ. Richardson, who was a back-up at NCAA Division I Eastern Washington before transferring to Pima, will likely get the starting position.

“We tried to get him last year from Eastern Washington, but their head coach contacted me [. . .] we really wanted him last year, but he really wanted to give Division I opportunity another try, and I didn’t expect to see him this year,” said Bates. “What really sticks out about Conner is that he’s just a good man off the field, and when you combine that with his competitiveness, his skillset, everything he brings to the table, it’s a complete package.

“Right now we’re fairly inexperienced at the quarterback position — going into spring ball, we’ve only got one quarterback on the roster, and he’s not seen a snap of game time action

yet. Conner, with the experience he has, will be named the starter to begin with. However, recruiting isn’t done yet, and Conner welcomes competition.”

The Clan also added running back Jalen Jana, a Division II transfer from Cheyney University, who played at St. Thomas More Collegiate in Burnaby two years ago.

With 30 new players coming, SFU has added quite a bit of depth, something the team lacked last year. However, recruiting season is not quite over, as Bates is still looking for some more talent.

“We’re still looking for offensive linemen — it’s tough to find lineman on either side of the ball [. . .] but that’s no different than any other team.”

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February 15, 2016

Missing football on TV after the Super Bowl? Worry no more! As the Champions League gets back into action this week, ensuring that you can still get your football fix (of the European variety, that is). Here’s a preview of what’s to come: Last year’s champions Barcelona get into the thick of things with a tough match against Arsenal FC. The Catalonians are favoured, with Barcelona’s ridiculous SuarezMessi-Neymar power trio sure to cause a plethora of problems for the Gunners. Arsenal might make it competitive in their home leg, but I expect Barcelona to take the London side apart at the Nou Camp.

Prediction: Barcelona wins 6–1 on aggregate Another London based side taking part in the second round is Chelsea, who’ll be feeling a bit of déjà vu this year, as they’ll be playing the French champions

Paris St. Germain. These two sides also played each other in the second round a year ago, with PSG coming out on top due to away goals. With Chelsea’s struggles in the EPL this season, PSG’s total domination of Ligue 1, and Zlatan Ibrahimovic being the unstoppable beast that he is, it looks like the French side will come out on top once again.

Prediction: PSG wins 3–2 on aggregate The final English side taking part is Manchester City, who will be up against Ukraine’s Dynamo Kyiv. While City will be heavy favourites, they have an impressive history of choking in European competition, so this game is truly up in the air; however, I expect that they do have enough talent to make it to the next round.

Prediction: Manchester City wins 5–2 on aggregate The final this year is taking place at the San Siro stadium in Milan, Italy. While no Milan teams feature in this year’s Champions League, two Italian teams still have a chance to win on home soil. One of those teams is Roma, who will be heavily outgunned

against Real Madrid. While the likes of Edin Dzeko and Francesco Totti will probably nab a couple goals, Real’s Ronaldo, Benzema, Modric, Rodriguez, Bale, etc. will prove to be too big of a challenge.

Prediction: Real Madrid wins 7–3 on aggregate The other match with an Italian side is arguably the juiciest of the bunch, Juventus vs Bayern Munich. Juventus will heavily rely on their solid defensive skills, but I suspect that Munich’s MullerLewandowski tandem will be too much for Juventus to handle.

Prediction: Bayern Munich wins 3–0 on aggregate Zenit St. Petersburg vs Benfica might not have the glamor of other matches, but this fixture does give you a great chance to accumulate Air Miles. The distance between the two clubs is 3600 km, so the team with best in flight movies will come out on top — that being Zenit, after being inspired by Eisenstein’s classic “Battleship Potemkin.”

Prediciton: Zenit St. Petersburg wins 4–3 on aggregate PSV Eindhoven vs Atletico Madrid is bound to also be a fantastic series. It’s only two

Coming into Thursday night’s game against Saint Martin’s University, most would have expected a comfortable win for SFU. The Clan looked for their 10th win of the season, while Saint Martin’s was ninth in the GNAC with just three wins. But after blowing a 15 point lead in the second quarter, SFU was able to win the game 84–74, led by a record-tying performance from Ellen Kent.

“I thought at times we were very good, and at times we were horrific,” said Head Coach Bruce Langford. “In the first quarter we moved the ball very well, we got our baskets [. . .] but in the second [quarter] we were terrible defensively, we were careless, we were lazy at times. We certainly let them back in it. In the second half we kind of continued a bit of back-and-forth between the two.”

Before the game, Elisa Homer was honoured by SFU Athletics Director Theresa Hanson for breaking the GNAC record for most three points shots made in a single game. She then proceeded to score the first points of the game with a corner three. SFU moved the ball around beautifully in the quarter, and at the end it was 26–13.

It looked like it was going to be a blowout.

The second quarter was a different story. SFU at one point was getting outscored 18–2, and Saint Martin’s was hitting big shots. At the end of the first half, SFU was down a point and shell-shocked.

“He said we weren’t competing hard enough,” said Ellen Kent on coach Langford’s halftime address.

“We looked a bit tired, our hands weren’t up on defence, we weren’t moving our feet. So he said, ‘make sure you’re competing.’”

The Clan came out competing in the second half, with Elisa Homer sinking a free throw to immediately tie the game up.

That seemed to give SFU confidence, as they outscored the visitors by nine in the quarter,

thanks in large part to Kent’s incredible vision. The fourth quarter featured Rachel Fradgley’s 25th point on the night, a career high for her at SFU. Dagger threes by Kent, Homer, and Vanessa Gee sent SFU off with a 84–74 win.

Kent finished with 16 assists on the night. This tied the GNAC record, and was one assist shy of the SFU school record. She probably could have broken it as well, but fouled out with five personal fouls near the end of the game.

Said Kent, “I really didn’t know until [coach] Langford said that after I fouled out [. . .]

I don’t mind passing the ball, it’s what I look for most of the time, I’m more of a pass-first player.

When everybody makes their baskets, it’s easy for me to make assists. So credit to everybody else for making all their shots.”

“I thought it was a good night on her part, except for her fouls,” said Langford on the record setting game by Kent. “[If] she could have stayed in the game longer, she could have broken the record. But she doesn’t care about that. She cares about the team win.”

years ago that Atletico was runner up, and they’ll be looking to go one step further this time around. PSV will be a tough hurdle to climb though as they knocked out Manchester United in this year’s competition, but Atletico should be able to navigate this Dutch challenge.

Prediction: Atletico Madrid wins 1–0 on aggregate Finally, we have Wolfsburg vs Gent. Gent is the first Belgian

team since 2001 to make the second round, and I think they’ll continue their impressive run by surprising the Wolves of Germany. While they don’t have any household names on their roster, their strong showing in the group stages and in the Belgian Jupiler League makes me think that they’re more than capable of punching above their weight.

Prediction: Gent wins 2–2 on away goals

DIVERSIONS / ETC

February 15, 2016

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LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

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HUMOUR

February 15, 2016

humour editor email

Creator’s Pet (Destiny Hsu)

Pun, 2, 3 (Sarah Walker)

(Reuben Newton)

Justin Stevens humour@the-peak.ca

HUMOUR

February 15, 2016

29

SFU replies!

This is a column dedicated for questions for SFU directors to dispel fears regarding the new school government. Have an SFU question? Send it to copy@the-peak.ca!

Dear Dr. Breakup, William has just been dumped by his valentine, Lady Francesca.

William will not stand for these indiscretions. William has made a blood pact with our Lord of Darkness to be with the Lady Francesca forever. William’s hand still bares the cut of grandmama’s butter knife from the sealing of the holy blood pact. William now seeks the help of Dr. Breakup to help recapture the heart of his unruly mistress. William wishes to purchase necessary pharmaceuticals to complete his task. Please accept William’s cash advance of 23 dollars taken from Grand Mama’s purse.

–William, 31

Dear Dr. Breakup, I’ve hatched the ultimate plan to get Derek back. I’ve acquired two cartons of free range eggs, my brother’s butterfly knife, and a packet of Post-it notes. I plan to slash his tires, egg the shit out of his basement suite, and post mean notes all over his door about the size of his penis. I want him to suffer for breaking up with me last year at Denny’s on Valentine’s Day. I want to make sure he realizes what he’s missing out on.

Then he’ll realize what a basic little bitch Tina is. Do you think I’m going to easy on him, or should I try something really drastic to get his attention?

–Liz, 24

Dear Dr. Breakup, Okay, there is something seriously wrong with my partner. I came home this Sunday and found a trail of rose petals all over the floor. Like, what the hell? I just vacuumed the house, man! She never picks up after herself, ever.

I’m always the one that has to clean up after her. And to top it off, she taped promiscuous little notes all over OUR FRESHLY PAINTED WALLS. Now I’m going to have to put another topcoat on. And just when I think it can’t get any worse, I walk into our bedroom to find her in expensive lingerie and room full of freaking candles everywhere. Can you say fire hazard much? I have no clue what to do, man. What do you suggest?

–Gerry, 27

Dear Dr. Breakup, Yoohoo! It’s your obscene correspondent Brandy Jay again. I couldn’t resist the urge to write you another dirty note. Ever since you sent me that feisty little message to go away, I’ve wanted you all the more ;). I just love a man who plays hard to get and you are no exception. I’ve been go absolutely insane with you, darling. I can scarcely find the will to anything, I just strut around my home naked all day ;). Please Doctor Breakup, probe me with your thermometer — I have a fever and the only remedy is more of you. :) –Brandy Jay, 43

Dear William, Maybe “William” should use his 23 dollars from Grand Mama’s purse to invest in a healthier relationship with say — I dunno — a blow-up doll?

–Dr. Breakup

Dear Liz, I think you’re being far too easy on Derek. It’s very clear to me that to get him back you’re going to have to really go out of your way to show it. May I suggest walking out in front of busy traffic? Nothing says ‘I want you back’ like an oncoming semi-truck.

–Dr. Breakup

Dear Gerry, I suggest you give your head a fucking shake, you twat-muffin.

–Dr. Breakup

Dear Brandy Jay, You are a sick woman, all right, but you need a cold shower, not my thermometer.

–Dr. Breakup Feeling heartbroken? Send a message to Dr. Breakup today at humour@the-peak.ca!

Hello SFU students!

This week, we received a flood of letters, asking questions about — you guessed it — the first annual Woodward’s Valentine’s Week Surprise! I’ll take this opportunity to address both the most common and most loudlyshrieked concerns about the lovely display: “What are those small dots on the walls? They’re hung at least 10 feet high? I think they have writing on them. . .”

Those sky-high surprises are the sweet, chalky, heart-shaped, love-message candies that you all know and love! We nailed up the yellow-est, most Valentine-iest candies, as a sweet love treat. Fun surprise: they all read the SFU official Valentine’s Day slogan: “I’m waiting.”

“What’s that smell?”

You must mean vinegar!

That signature Woodward’s vinegar smell is mostly the SFU ecofriendly floor-cleaning liquid — vinegar! But, this week only, that same mouth-watering vinegar is also emanating out of the gooey, heart-shaped, vinegar-flavoured, dark-beige volcano cakes that are taped all over every Woodward’s bathroom door! Can you find the one with corn starch-filling?

“Is that a chainsaw?”

Maybe! That sound you’re hearing could be a chainsaw, or a number of others. It’s been mastered with paper crumpling and animals cawing, and is playing backwards all week in the Love Web! Where is that you ask?

The film student lounge, for only this week! Have a seat, and help yourself to some of those toasted, dry, flaky, crisp, dark-beige hearts that are literally just lying around! (What’s in ‘em? We’ll never tell!)

“What are those notes on the stairs?”

Oh man, those sticky notes, with the same phrase written on every one?

“If not now, when?”

We didn’t do that. The acting students probably did that.

They... mean well.

Swing by Woodward’s this week — and don’t mind the actors!

And while you’re here, keep an eye out for one more surprise — hint: it’s oozing, and it’s glued under chairs in a certain classroom!

Sandy “Spectre” Jollins, Woodward’s Department of Decor, Omnipresent manager, literal spectre

30 HUMOUR

February 15, 2016

BY TIA YOUNG

SFU Introverts Club announces brand new app

University administration planning to shut down the SFU bookstore

[VANCOUVER CAMPUS] – In an attempt to convince the introverted population at SFU that going outside and meeting people is worth the effort, the club will be implementing various changes, including the release of the SFU Introvert App. The app will includes handy features, such as real-time hallway traffic, designed to allow members to avoid unnecessary crowds, and a list of secluded locations on campus for much-needed alone time.

[SURREY CAMPUS] – The bookstore has been documented record lows in profitability according to SFU’s head accountant, Buch Geschäft, who noted that “inelasticity of mandatory textbooks could backfire on us as soon as professors started using free online versions of textbooks that were just as good or even better.”

SFU students will now be expected to buy their supplies and college hoodies from neighboring post-secondary institutions, or just high schools.

SFU launches dangerous study area [BURNABY CAMPUS] – In response to the demands of the undergraduate population at SFU, the administration is preparing for the grand opening of North America’s first dangerous study area. Students can expect the ceiling to collapse at the slightest quake, and for strange men to go around offering complimentary massage therapy sessions.

One student said, “when I’m studying, I need to get the adrenaline flowing, or I fall asleep within five minutes. The safeness of the Burnaby campus has been forcing me commute to the Surrey campus whenever I need to study.”

HUMOUR

February 15, 2016

1. My professor’s

Memes, GIFs, and

expensive to live in

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email about what

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people I can blame

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extension 10. The Wikipedia

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list on my shampoo

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assignments

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your own death

Live and Let Live A

ccording to the centre for Disease Control and Prevention, as high as twenty eight percent of gays and lesbians have been threatened or injured with a weapon; twice as many gays and lesbians have suicidal thoughts and attempt suicide and one in four transgender person attempt suicide. As well, incidence of depression, drug and alcohol use and a poor school attendance record, is much higher in gays and lesbians and studies have linked these problems to harassment and abuse.

Sadly, many parents do not accept their gay children, so young gay people are more likely to be homeless.

Where parents reject gay children the incidence of suicide can be as high as nine times the rate for the general population.

These are shocking statistics, but things use to be a lot worse. Incidence of black mail, denial of employment, housing, opportunities to work in government, have declined, but the fact remains that being gay, lesbian or transgender, remains a singularly oppressive existence for some people.

Gays and lesbians are your classmates, friends, acquaintances and relatives. According to the Williams Institute (UCLA), eleven percent of Americans (presumably, Canadians as well), acknowledge same sex attraction and about four percent, acknowledge being gay or lesbian.

If you want a world where no one is assaulted or driven to self-loathing or to suicide, because of sexual orientation, here are some things you could do: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Treat everyone kindly and do not judge or stereotype people on the basis of sexual orientation.

Remind yourself often why it is wrong to victimize others.

Do not make sexual orientation an issue in your decisions.

Do not encourage or be entertained by people spreading hate.

Make gays and lesbians feel welcome and safe in your circle.

Refrain from telling gay/lesbian jokes.

Avoid using hateful and defamatory language.

Stand up for victims.

Lend your voice to organizations that promote a safe, happy, and loving environment for people.

Gently remind those who use religion to justify prejudice, that hate and discrimination come from people, not from God. (God is love).

The Compassionate Listening Society of Alberta wedaretolisten.com

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32 LAST WORD

Features Editor email

Tamara Connor features@the-peak.ca

February 15, 2016