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CANADIAN COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER AWARD 2013

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As I have a few more days off than I normally would this summer, I’ve been trying to keep every week busy. On one hand, it has been great to reconnect with friends and volunteer, but on the other, it has also been easy to overcommit myself and end up feeling emotionally and physically exhausted on top of my schoolwork and job.

Overloads of stress and exhaustion could eventually lead to burnout, or even depression, which is often common in a high-stress environment like university. However, as it usually starts gradually, there are simple changes one can make in their everyday life to prevent it from getting to this point.

It’s called “self-care.” Having struggled with depression and self-injury in the past, I found this to be a foreign concept.

Self-care, defined by Pauline Salvucci, author of Self-Care Now, is “the right and responsibility to take care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being,” looks different for each person.

At the time, this practice made me feel shameful because I thought it was selfish, or that I didn’t deserve to be helped. Now, I realize that that was far from the truth. Self-care is more selfless than it is selfish.

As I began learning (ever so slowly) how to care for myself and respect my limits, I saw a difference in my life. I had more energy to do the things I love, attend to my studies and workplace, and more importantly, I was able to help others more efficiently.

For example, a couple weeks ago after finishing a 14-hour Mental Health First Aid course, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless in my own ability to help others who were struggling with mental health problems. Sulking in my bed that night, I remembered our instructor’s advice to practice some selfcare, and for me, this was going to a birthday party and playing with some babies that night.

Since finishing that course, and practicing self-care on a more regular basis, I have felt more capable in handling a mental health crisis that might occur, and in supporting the teens in

the youth group at my church. By setting aside some “me-time” to attend to my social, emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, I have felt stronger, healthier, and more equipped to support someone in their time of need.

Self-care doesn’t have to be done alone. I often misconstrue the phrase “I can take care of myself” into “I can handle it on my own,” when sometimes I just can’t. Having someone to listen to you and support you can be very beneficial, and sometimes I will talk to a friend or counsellor after experiencing something emotionally exhausting. Other times I’ll do some therapeutic activities like painting, laughing, writing poetry, or something more physical like having a good nap, eating well, or exercising.

As you get to know yourself better, you will come to know what types of self-care work best for you.

Sometimes, I do just need to cry in my bed, and other times I just need to get out of bed when my only reason for staying in is not wanting to brush my teeth –– which happens more than I’d like to admit.

By practicing self-care, you’ll learn innovative ways to deal with stresses and problems that may arise in your own life, and in return, be better prepared to help that person who may need your support.

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NEWS

June 22, 2015

news editor email

Melissa Roach associate news editor news@the-peak.ca

Samaah Jaffer

Woodward’s has got you covered this Thursday, June 25 with their Community Singers 2015 Workshop. This weekly community choir is hosted on a drop-in basis, kicking off each week at 9 p.m. at PHS Woodward’s on the 10th floor, and is open to all music lovers.

Tuesday, June 23 will be a night to join together as a community over a Canadiana-themed meal at City Hall Plaza at 8pm.

This dinner, “The Long, Long Table,” seeks to strengthen community ties of Surrey residents by engaging guests over a night of entertainment and lively conversation. Tickets are $35 at the Surrey BIA office for this gourmet feast and friendly company.

Participants will learn about “self-defence, awareness, conflict de-escalation, and on how to protect yourself in the event of an attack.”

SFU’s “Danger Zones: The Changing Nature of Global Conflict” begins at 5 p.m. on June 24 and features special guest expert speakers from across the province who will share their insights on conflicts and the current global state of affairs. The event is free and will be held at SFU’s Harbour Centre campus in room 1400.

The SFU Women’s Centre is bringing back their popular women’s self-defence workshop series, WENLIDO, taught

by Diane Jacobs.

By Annalise Mathers

All self-identified women who are part of the SFU community are invited to take part in this workshop series, running now and for the next three weeks. The course is “pay what

you can,” with a price range of $20 to $50.

Leah Horlick, the Women’s Centre coordinator, explained that the centre had been running these workshops each semester for years, and they have recently had a lot of requests to reinstate them.

The four weeks of workshops take place on Wednesday evenings from 6 to 9 p.m., having started on June 17, with the last of them on July 8 on SFU’s Burnaby campus. Horlick explained that over the course of 20 hours, participants will learn about “self-defence, awareness, conflict deescalation, and on how to protect yourself in the event of an attack.”

As Horlick explained, “It’s incredibly important for women to feel empowered to go out at night and to own their space. We live in a world where the reality of violence against women is really an epidemic. Especially as young women, it’s important for us to

hold that awareness, and hold it in our bodies, knowing how to protect ourselves.”

She spoke about the detrimental messaging women receive in regards to violence and where their responsibility in it lies. “The messaging we get about violence is that we shouldn’t wear short skirts or have our hair in a ponytail, so someone can grab it when we’re out for a walk at night.

“Really, the messages we should be receiving are don’t perpetrate violence, it’s important to respect one another and not to touch each other without consent,” she asserted. “I take issue with the kind of messaging we get about violence and prevention — that it’s all women’s responsibility and it’s about what we wear and what we do.”

Because of these negative messages that bombard women constantly, the Women’s Centre aims to counters them in these self-defence workshops, while also creating a safe space where women can feel both empowered and free of fear.

“The advantage of a program like this is that we break down the myths around slutshaming and victim-blaming, around when violence happens. Regardless of when, or if, you encounter violence, you will have the skills to protect yourself. [ These workshops] eliminate these myths we have about who receives violence or who deserves violence based on what they were doing or where they were,” Horlick elaborated.

The centre takes a strong stance that no one deserves violence regardless of where they are or what they are doing. Eliminating these stigmata is a goal of the self-defence workshops, along with providing the skills in case an incident does occur.

NEWS

June 22, 2015

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STRIKE UPDATE

The TSSU is escalating job action after bargaining demands were not met

SFU’s Teaching Support Staff Union (TSSU) has decided to escalate job action by withholding numerical and letter grades from their students.

This is the second escalation since March, when 92 per cent of union members voted in favour of the strike.

The first action included an overtime ban for the foreign language instructors at Harbour Centre, taking three to five minutes out of a tutorial to update their students on the bargaining process, and stickering student assignments with the TSSU logo and a message that said “marked” or “taught” by a TSSU member.

George Temple, spokesperson for the TSSU, explained, “We’ll still be teaching and marking work as normal, we just won’t be providing any number or letter grades on any assignments and we won’t be [entering] grades into any SFU

systems. This way, it’s the least disruption to students.”

The secondary escalation was initiated after the TSSU received no response to a letter sent to the SFU administration on June 10. The letter outlined four bargaining demands with a deadline of June 16. As a result, the TSSU cancelled the bargaining session that was scheduled for June 17 and moved to escalate job action on June 19.

According to a press release issued by the TSSU on June 17, SFU administration has “instructed TSSU members to break their strike.”

TSSU Chief Steward Reagan Belan stated in the press release, “Instead of bargaining meaningfully on our core issues, SFU Administration has directed our members to hand in grads in direct contravention of our legal strike action.”

SFU issued a statement to The Peak, expressing how administration was “very surprised at these threats, given the positive progress made at the last meeting on June 3, and the potentially significant negative affect this would have on the TSSU’s own membership.”

The statement explained, “We believe the Union’s course

of action contravenes the Labour Relations Code and constitutes a failure to bargain in good faith and have asked leadership to reconsider their position.”

The first of the four main bargaining demands made in the TSSU’s June 10 letter to the administration was for the addition of “a member of Senior Administration to their bargaining committee with the authority to conclude an agreement.”

TSSU Chair Derek Sahota said that, “When SFU sent a Senior Administrator to the table in 2012, we signed a contract within 48 hours.”

SFU’s statement explained that the demands made by the TSSU are not enough to halt the bargaining process under the Labour Relations Code.

On June 16, the Graduate Students Society (GSS) issued a letter to President Andrew Petter, indicating their support for the TSSU and concern over the lack of “meaningful dialogue on major issues.” The letter urged the administration to “negotiate more productively with the TSSU.” The TSSU identified three of the four concerns raised by the GSS — guaranteeing access to work, merging the TA

(teaching assistant) and TM (tutor marker) language in the collective agreement, and paying workers on time — as three of their major concerns. TAs and TMs are currently on two different payscales, although the TSSU argues the jobs have become increasingly similar.

SFU’s statement acknowledged the letter from the GSS, stating, “We understand the GSS recently expressed some concerns around current progress in bargaining. We share these concerns .”

Temple expressed the frustration with the bargaining process, “At this point [. . .] we haven’t even proposed monetary issues, we’re not even discussing — for most of our members — pay and benefit yet.

They’ve just refused to bargain with us on language issues.”

The TSSU hopes to reach a collective agreement sooner rather than later. “We know SFU is planning a huge celebration on September 9 of its 50th anniversary,” said Sahota. “It would be a shame if we had to escalate even more before then, maybe even see picket lines on that day. I think that would be a really awful thing, but we do need to get to a contract.”

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“Add a member of Senior Administration to their bargaining committee with the authority to conclude an agreement.”

SFU and the TSSU came to an agreement within 48 hours of VP Academic and Provost Jon Driver joining the bargaining committee in 2012.

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“Add another faculty member to their committee who has taught in the past three years.”

There is currently only one member of SFU’s bargaining committee who is a teacher, who Temple says has not been able to attend most of the bargaining sessions.

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“Schedule back-to-back bargaining dates that do not end at 4 p.m.”

Derek Sahota explained, “It’s sort of like a Cinderella experience, where they have to leave at fouro’clock, no matter what is going on.”

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“Withdraw SFU Administration’s concessionary proposals for Instructors in ELC/ITP.” There are approximately 30 ELC/ITP employees working at at Harbour Centre. SFU has proposed to decrease their benefits and seniority due to unexplained budget cuts.

6 NEWS

“It is unconstitutional, un-Canadian,” Somayeh Bahrami said of the implementation of Bill C-24, also know as the “Strengthening Canadian Citizenship Act.” An MA graduate of the Department of Gender, Sexuality, & Women’s Studies currently pursuing her PhD degree at SFU, Bahrami strongly believes that this new bill will not only affect all immigrants wishing to call Canada their home, but all Canadian citizens.

According to Citizenship and Immigration, Bill C-24 — which was passed as a law in the summer of 2014 and came into effect last week — will implement new amendments on the acquirement of citizenship for new Canadians.

It will make citizenship tests and residency requirements more difficult to attain.

The bill also aims to make it easier for the government to

June 22, 2015

revoke the citizenship of individuals that they suspect of terrorism or fraud. Citizenship could be revoked if it is believed to have been obtained by “false representation, fraud, or by knowingly concealing material circumstances.”

It could be revoked from dual citizens for having been convicted of treason or terrorism in another country, or for having served in armed forces that have been in conflict with Canada.

Bahrami explained that the amendments also categorize Canadians as “first” and “second-class” citizens depending on their origin and if they happen to be a citizen of another country. This will affect the “second-class” citizens in that the government will have full control over their citizenship

[VANCOUVER] — National Green Biomed, a Richmond-based company, is funding the $1 million grant for a study to be conducted by the UBC Division of AIDS and the British Columbia Centre for Excellence in HIV/AIDS. Head researcher M-J Milloy hopes the clinical trials enabled by the grant will help to “nail down the effects of marijuana on HIV, to figure out what is behind that mechanism, and to see if there might be clinical benefits.”

With files from The Ubyssey

and can exercise power to revoke it for different matters.

“The government did not even integrate the [concerns of the citizens] about this bill,” Bahrami said.

“Bill C-24 has redefined narratives of citizenship and what it means to be Canadian, and what can be seen as an ‘exemplary’ Canadian,” she said. “No matter how long you live here, or if you call Canada home, you are still not Canadian enough, because you are a citizen of another country.

Or, you could be eligible for another citizenship without you knowing.”

Bahrami believes that the new amendments validate the negative rhetoric about immigrants and Canadians of dual citizenship, propagating the stereotype that they apply for Canadian citizenship for their own convenience and do not contribute to the Canadian society.

One of the concerning clauses of the new bill is that it could revoke one’s citizenship if they are convicted of terrorism charges in another country.

“Terrorism is subjective in definition,” argued Bahrami. “The definition of ‘terrorist’ in one country could mean a recognized right in another.

“What is the possibility of an individual who happens to be a dual citizen of Canada would turn out to be a terrorist?” She asked. “There is an agreement on punishing whoever does any criminal activity, [. . .] but it is not right to punish them by revoking their citizenship.”

She believes that it is the responsibility of academia to reach out to the student body and be sure they are informed, are knowledgeable, and on board with what is going on.

“We are all in this together,” Bahrami insisted. “This bill affects us all in both the short and long term. [. . .] It is impacting the whole narrative of citizenship and identity.

“It is not just about citizenship — it is our basic human right of mobility, of being able to hold different citizenships, to be able to be seen as good individuals who would want to contribute the Canadian society, and to be viewed as equal Canadians,” she concluded.

[SASKATOON] — This fall, students at the University of Saskatchewan will have the opportunity to graduate with a certificate in Indigenous languages.

The two-year certificate program will include 10 courses to prepare students to teach Indigenous languages in a number of different environments.

The program intends to play a role in cultural preservation by putting an end to the loss of Indigenous languages.

[OTTAWA] — Name a famous University of Ottawa alumnus. Who is: Alex Trebek?

The well-known Jeopardy! host spoke at the opening last week for U of O’s first dedicated alumni space on campus.

Funded in part by Trebek’s $2.4 million donation, along with contributions from the Alumni Association, Johnson, Inc., MBNA, Canada Life, and campus faculties, the Alex Trebek Alumni Hall will play host to the Alex Trebek Distinguished Lecture Series.

With files from The Fulcrum

With files from The Sheaf

NEWS

June 22, 2015

Following the January 26, 2015 incident where blind student Anthony Janolino fell down a set of concrete steps and sustained a concussion, SFU has begun accessibility improvements on campus.

Janolino has since been in touch with SFU Facilities Services. They are currently doing work to improve accessibility at the site of his fall, installing handrails on the staircase near the West Gym and Shell house in order to prevent hazards for the visually impaired.

“It is to prevent anyone from stepping off that edge,” said Frank De Vita, Buildings and Grounds superintendent. The estimated time for completion is not set, but De Vita expects the work to be done in three or four weeks.

“There is an accessibility office on campus that primarily focuses

on accessibility issues, and there is an Accessibility Committee where the members sit on and review the accessibility needs with certain amount of funding to make those modifications,” explained De Vita.

According to him, these processes take time and some areas are “not easily modified because of the way [. . . the] university was built over the years.”

Facilities Services is trying to look at more creative ways to solve accessibility problems, says De Vita.

Otherwise, it is likely to become costly for the university.

“All this takes some time, but it is up to the Accessibility Committee to prioritize issues. But when issues do come up, the accessibility office does contact us to let us know where the issues are,” said De Vita.

One of the challenges Facilities Services faces when making modifications to the campus is trying to preserve historical value of the buildings and aesthetics of the university.

De Vita explained that the issue of accessibility was not a high priority issue when the

SFU researcher and MA student Adam Baker is producing experimental research in psychology on stereotypes — partially due to his pursuit of an interdisciplinary degree in cognitive science and political science.

Using state-of-the-art neurological monitoring devices such as electroencephalography (EEG) recordings of electrical activity along the scalp, Baker monitors test subjects’ reactions to words that stereotype a certain group or gender. This is done to invoke an “implicit bias,” which Baker says “can be interpreted as the process in which the brain stores and retrieves semantic associations in memory.”

Baker began as a physics undergraduate at Vancouver Island University, later switching to psychology with a focus in neuroscience, and working as research assistant at the Universities of Victoria and Montreal.

He chose neuroscience partly due to his fascination and respect for the brain as “a resilient fighter,” an organ that might “[lose] its way [or] become injured, but it always tries its best to simply do its job.”

Now at SFU as a member of the Laboratory for Affective and Developmental Neuroscience, Baker conducts research on the reasons we stereotype. His focus is on groups of people separated by polarizing differences, such as those with differing religious beliefs or political affiliations, to determine whether they have tendencies to stereotype and conceal their biases more than control groups.

Baker’s current trials examine gender stereotypes among those with conservative or liberal political orientations. “Subjects were shown word pairs that consisted of a gender category followed by a target

university was built in the ‘60s, but they are now striving to resolve accessibility problems.

“Facilities Services is always here to address problems, and the students should feel free to contact us when issues arise,” he stressed.

Sitting on the Simon Fraser Student Society’s (SFSS) Accessibility Fund Advisory Committee

word or non-trait stereotypically associated with one of the gender categories,” explained Baker.

Target words like ‘nurturing,’ and ‘aggressive,’ or items like ‘cigar’ or ‘lipstick,’ were some of the words used for his gender stereotype study.

Although the data is far from conclusive, Baker has been able to draw associations between

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and representing Students United for Disability Support (SUDS) on the SFSS council, Janolino is involved in numerous accessibility efforts at SFU. He added that although this particular concern is being addressed, there are certain accessibility measures that need to be maintained on a regular basis,

pointing to how shrubberies on campus require continual trimming to allow adequate clearance around campus walkways.

Janolino also mentioned that while the work being done right now will benefit the visually impaired, there are many other needs to consider when approaching accessibility on SFU’s campuses.

subjects “that had to exert greater cognitive effort to override these associations,” suggesting that some groups “reply on their gut responses, [whereas others may have conflicting] negativities suggesting more deliberate processing of semantic associations.”

The reactions revealed an implicit bias toward the word being presented to certain subjects. By

identifying the existence of these implicit biases, and that groups separated by ideology, religion, or politics have fundamentally different biases, Baker can draw conclusions as to why opposite groups have difficulty with communication and compromising on contentious issues.

Baker is working to prove that the reason why long political debates, spanning decades between opposite sides of the spectru, resulting in no progress is not because of their conscious unwillingness for compromise, but because of different moral conclusions drawn due to their implicit biases. If his hypothesis is true, the need for “new methods of investigating discrimination and intergroup bias” will no longer be just a plan for the future, but a policy for the present.

He explained that this deeper understanding of the link between a group’s psychological biases and political opinions has the potential to increase “our effectiveness to raise public consciousness of social inequality and bias.”

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OPINIONS

June 22, 2015

opinions editor email

Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca

Rachelle Tjahyana / The Peak

I’m butt naked, holding my privates in my cupped hands, running around a cabin in the woods at full speed.

There’s no cellphone reception and it’s well past midnight. I can barely see through the beads of sweat running down my face. Among me are my coworkers, half of whom are equally nude, the other half watching us with amusement. We are split by gender.

The latter group — the clothed one — includes my boss. Later on in the night, I will have yogurt licked off of my chest by a man nearly ten years my senior. This man is also, in a way, my boss.

We are all very drunk, and we are playing truth or dare.

Most will tell you that picking truth over dare is lame or cowardly or a refuge for those unwilling or unable to party hard, and they may have a point.

But as someone who has done his fair share of both, I can tell you this: you

learn more about people from truth than from dare.

Truth gives us a chance to ask each other the probing, sometimes uncomfortable questions we’re all secretly dying to ask each other. It’s in these quiet, tense moments where you really start to understand someone: how they react under pressure, what they are willing to share about themselves with strangers or with friends. Pull back the safety blanket of politeness, add a healthy dose of alcohol, and it turns out you can learn a lot more about a person than you might imagine.

And you know what? I may cringe at some of the things I’ve admitted due to choosing truth, but I don’t regret them. That’s the name of the game — and frankly, the idea of a party game centred around getting to know each other better seems pretty progressive to me.

You may remember fondly, as I do, your most extraordinary dares. Your friends may mention them now and then, congratulating you on your exploits. But I can tell you with confidence that no one knew me any better the morning after seeing my naked ass.

So I was talked into a game of truth or dare. Or, more likely, the majority of those around me have collectively decided we’re playing.

Truth. Truth. Truth. The majority of the time, I chose to not be dared. With truth, I didn’t have to respond with complete honesty. I could hone my lying ability, give a half-answer, or give a yes/no response that only hints at the true truth. Every one of such choices was a chance to exercise my slick, fast-talking muscles that have never felt strong enough. Congratulations, Joel: you’re a better deceiver than you were moments earlier. Who was I fooling?

I’m a pretty honest person, but choosing truth allowed a different, sneakier form of dishonesty, too: there is an opportunity, albeit a small one, that I’ll be given a chance to air something that I’ve wanted to say, and haven’t had a reason to.

But how can I live my life this way? If passivity were personified, it would be me, there,

sheepishly hoping to be handed an opportunity for self-expression, or to lie my way out of a tight spot, back into my sheltered reality.

There was a point in my life when I stopped playing the game like this, when I stopped preferring the weak, plain, instant coffee-equivalent of these two choices. The time came, eventually, when I chose bold.

Full flavoured. Dark, double Americano. I chose to be dared.

In choosing this, I choose to be pushed. Make me do something I wouldn’t imagine doing otherwise. Dare my disgust for mayonnaise. Dare my fear of improvising a ballad about myself while I wear someone else’s clothes in front of an audience. Challenge me to give up something I hold dear, whether it’s as fickle as a favourite mug, or as monumental as my ego.

And if the dare is too much, I can only dare my way out of it. I don’t talk or persuade out, just use real, solid action.

I’m done with living scared. I need to show how I feel, and I need to push out from the comfortable, yet stale, dank hole I’ve curled myself into.

But I don’t always know how to do that. I need your help.

Dare me.

OPINIONS

As a constant tea drinker and advocate, I know why I drink tea. I even joined the Tea Club here at SFU in order to share this love of tea with people who love it as much as I do. However, if you were to tell me that tea is just water flavoured with a bag of dried leaves, I would probably agree with you. Because that’s what it is.

So why do I, and so many people, drink tea like it’s from heaven?

It’s because tea isn’t just a beverage that gives you a caffeine hit. Along with its colonial and medicinal history comes a unique experience that a teadrinker won’t find with any other beverage in hand.

It is true that tea has been consumed as a beverage by people for centuries, since its origins as a medicinal drink from China during the Shang Dynasty.

June 22, 2015

However, it was the British who popularized tea production as a business venture.

This drink has a history associated with being a tonic with medicinal properties, which holds true today, as it’s proven to be the best for your health and well-being. Green tea has antioxidants that may interfere with the growth of many cancers, and prevent neurological disorders. Black tea may help protect lungs from damage caused by cigarette smoke, and reduce the risk of strokes. Other teas like Oolong and Pu-erh are associated with lower fat and cholesterol, and healthy organs.

Now, with 21st century soft drinks like vitamin water and energy drinks, it doesn’t seem reasonable to drink tea anymore. It no longer just competes with coffee, but also with sugary cool drinks that sell for less. Why would anyone spend $3.25 for a cup of earl grey when you can easily buy two bottles of pop without waiting in line?

Economically, it doesn’t make sense for me to continue supporting tea makers, to buy

tea brands like David’s Tea, or to drink tea as regularly as I do.

Other tea lovers will argue that it is likely far less processed than the other drinks, that it already has a greater flavour variety compared to other drinks, or that it doesn’t contribute to excess sugars in your body. But I don’t drink it for any of those reasons, either. I am not a drink purist; I love myself a good sugary carbonated beverage once in a while, too.

But I have to drink tea. And there is one reason for that: the experience. I drink it for the feeling of relaxation and contentment, and I ask others to drink it so that they can relax with me too. In knowing that I’m downing a cup of something that’s been around for centuries, I feel like I contribute my piece in the continuation of the drink’s history. The satisfaction is more psychological or spiritual than it is physical. As a university student, who can deny a little historical relaxation in a cup?

Find a tea you like, let it heal your body, hurt your wallet a little, but ultimately soothe your soul.

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Father Time, old sport, you need to get off your wrinkly old buttocks and back in the game. You’re the living embodiment of time but you look like you haven’t left the house in centuries. You have Cheetos stains all over your robe and you‘ve developed an unhealthy obsession with The Price is Right.

A makeover is definitely in order.

A man of your reputation should not look like a hobo who just raided a Halloween store.

Ditch the hourglass, get yourself a new Apple watch, and while you’re at it lose the scythe — you’re a walking liability with that thing at your age. Get yourself down to the barber and clean yourself up.

Ever since Mother Nature left you for the pool boy, you’ve been understandably glum. But that should not become a reason for you to let yourself go. No pun intended, but you need to make up for lost time.

Your father may not have gone through the agony of childbirth, but give the man some credit. It’s because of his expert marksmanship that you’re even alive. It was a shot in the dark bringing you into the world (in more ways than one). The least you can do is take a minute to consider all

the great things he’s done for you over the years.

When Mom was out of the house, who let you watch R-rated action movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger? When a healthy meal was absolutely out of the question, who opted for fast food instead?

Hands down, every time, it was your Dad who made it happen!

Student in hall: “He tries to make funny dad jokes, and they’re funny dad jokes that aren’t funny.”

Student in class: “Elmo was injured by falling debris.”

Student in class: “Bill was living out of the trunk of his car for 2 years.”

Student in hall: “I didn’t know the first Mad Max was set in a dystopian future. I thought that was just Australia!”

Prof lecturing: “Jazz was like the EDM of the 1930’s.”

Student outside: “Can I still listen to Michael Jackson if it’s June?”

Person 1: “World Literature is my life. I can’t even imagine being in something like English.”

Person 2: “Yeah, that’s because English sucks Moby Dick.”

Students on the bus: [speaking Chinese] Girl: [Something something] Ed Sheeran!

Both: [loud giggles] Student on the bus: “I hate the 135.”

Other student: “Yo, the 135 is my jaaaam.”

Student exiting bus: “Someone catcalled me on the street!”

Other student: “I’m not a big fan of catcalling.”

10 OPINIONS

June 22, 2015

Bernice Puzon Peak Associate The word “self-defence” usually evokes images of karate chopping ninjas or intense fight scenes (or maybe I just watch too many action movies). But the sad reality is that self-defence must sometimes be used in the midst of dangerous situations — one in particular being sexual assault.

The SFU Women’s Centre will be offering four weeks of self-defence classes for selfidentified women from June 17 to July 8. Their website states that “women attending the selfdefence program report an increase in self-confidence, as they gain knowledge of being able to defend themselves against a potential attack, as well as confidence in their own abilities.”

Some may lament that women have to go to such lengths in order to protect themselves from sexual assault,

First of all, and perhaps most importantly, I want to congratulate the author of the previous last word with her weight loss and newfound awareness of her diet and lifestyle.

But, I feel like GM foods are being unfairly blamed.

The problem is that health issues are so incredibly nuanced and complex that it’s really difficult to tease out what’s really going on.

So what I’m hoping to persuade you is that in a similar way, the GM food debate isn’t as simple as whether GM foods are safe.

Firstly, food is different in North America for a lot of reasons.

One of which is the corporate environment that we do our business in. Monsanto, a frighteningly affluent organization, has employed some shady business practices to become a major stakeholder in the American corn and soy market.

The company sues farms that have fields that are accidentally cross pollinated by their GM crops because of the patents that they have on the artificially added genes. Even if their GM crops are perfectly safe to eat, their business practices would still be shady.

So companies using patent law to run competitors out of business is definitely a mark against GM crops. But even if that didn’t happen, agricultural practice isn’t great as is. In order to increase efficiency, huge farms will cultivate the same crop in bulk. This makes economic sense, but it also makes

the crop incredibly vulnerable to pests and disease because usually the whole field is genetically the same, GM or not.

As a result, farms rely on pesticides and other chemicals to a huge degree. In recent years, North America has seen a huge drop in bee populations which have been linked to overuse of these pesticides; we’ve been shooting ourselves in the foot because without bees, we can’t pollinate our crops that we’ve been spraying with pesticides.

Another factor that complicates the GM food debate is the

and that time should be spent focusing on teaching men how to treat women with respect.

While this is certainly true, it is also easier said than done.

Further, this does not make knowledge of self-defence any less valuable.

I had the pleasure of attending the Inter-University Conversation on Sexual Assault Prevention and Response Conference at UBC last April. There, I learned about the rape culture pyramid, in which the physical act of sexual assault was at the top of the pyramid, and factors which made sexual assault okay — such as catcalling, misogyny, and rape jokes — formed the pyramid’s base.

For decades, people have been contributing to the acceptance of rape culture. These values stem from deeply-rooted patriarchal norms of traditional male privilege and entitlement.

Education and awareness of what causes sexual assault is key to stopping it altogether. Institutions like the University of Victoria have established a Men’s Circle where

a group of men gather together to listen to facilitators address issues related to rape culture, while also centering on the experiences of sexual assault survivors.

Initiatives like these are a great start, but this education will take time. And within that timeframe, many will sadly still experience sexual assault.

Making people aware of these norms and values is often a difficult task, as it is a hard pill to swallow; nobody wants to believe that they are perpetuating something that is so awful. It’s not easy for somebody to unlearn the attitudes about rape and sexual assault that have been fed to them for years.

These self-defence classes provide self-identified women with a way to stop being the victim of a patriarchal society, to give them a sense of control amidst people who are constantly telling them what to do, how to act and how they should be treated.

Until the day when everybody can be educated about the roots of male privilege and rape culture, these classes are a way to fight back, literally and figuratively, against the forces that allow sexual assault to be possible.

fact that certain food can be safe, but too much of it still might be incredibly bad for you. North American food is much sweeter than its European counterparts, usually due to added sugar. Regardless of whether it comes from a GM crop or not, that added sugar can still lead to increased risk for diabetes, kidney failure, heart disease, and stroke.

So after all of this, it might not even matter whether GM foods are safe because of the myriad of things that surround them. But I did some research regarding this anyway.

I’ll confess that I was looking forward to finding something definitive that concluded that GM foods were perfectly safe. But when I read a scientific article that said so, I saw that some of the

scientists worked for Monsanto.

So I looked again and found another, but the results were inconclusive. Then I kept looking.

What I found in the end was a huge body of work showing that people are actually pretty confused about whether GM foods are safe or not. There seem to be just as many studies that say they’re dangerous as that say they’re safe, and a lot of scientists are saying that more work needs to be done.

So what I think it boils down to is this: if you’re a politician, pass laws that prevent agricultural companies from screwing farmers over; if you’re a farmer, try to use as few pesticides a possible; if you’re a person who cares about their health, eat a healthy diet.

But at the end of the day, blaming health problems on GM foods, or calling them universally good or bad, is oversimplifying something very complicated.

OPINIONS

June 22, 2015

to create more open discussion surrounding difficult topics, including sex.

Although less taboo than it once was, sexual discussion can still be awkward. This is why dialogue is so important; the more something is discussed, the less awkward it becomes — and the sooner these conversations start, the better.

A new app called “Clementine Wants to Know” is being marketed towards parents as an aid to help teach their children about sex. At first, this seems like a great idea. The sooner kids know about sex the sooner the stigma surrounding open conversations about sex will be over. Win-win for everyone, right?

I don’t think so. By using an app to teach kids about sex as a way to replace “the talk,” parents continue the cycle of conversations regarding sexual taboo.

I will admit that talking to younger children about anything other than toys and cartoons can be uncomfortable.

But shouldn’t a parent feel comfortable having an honest conversation with their children about any asked question? Honest questions deserve honest answers, not only as a way to teach children that deception is wrong, but as a way

Why, then, is a parent using an app to teach kids about sex a bad thing? By relying on technology, parents remove their responsibility. Hand little Jimmy an iPad and say, “here you go, son.” Although Jimmy will learn where babies come from, he will not learn how to talk about it. A parental conversation also allows an opportunity for Jimmy to ask questions that he felt the app may have not answered well enough.

While using technology or other resources can be beneficial for one’s learning, it needs to be used as a tool to propel the conversation and not to replace it. We don’t need to

giggle nervously each time we say “penis or “vagina.” The only way to become comfortable with these words is if we use them repeatedly in a serious context. If using an app helps remove some of the awkward feelings that a child has about using these words then that is fine, but it should also be used to encourage parents to be more comfortable in using these words as well.

Using an app as a tool to assist parents in talking to and teaching children about sex is a great idea. By removing the ‘game’ element from the app, and turning it into an interactive book that requires parental participation (perhaps through having to enter a passcode or using the built in fingerprint scanner), the advantages that come from using technology to learn can be harnessed, while still encouraging parents to have the actual conversation about sex.

If you are or will one day be a parent, make the commitment to use your words, not your phone. Talk to your kids and encourage them to talk to you, and you’ll create healthy, open relationship.

Many places in the United States and Europe are choosing to forego ancient gender norms by practicing what’s being called “gender mainstreaming.” This is a term established by the UN in 1995 as a global strategy to support gender equality. Though it has gained momentum over the last 20 years, we still have a long way to go, even in a place as influential as North America.

Europe is far more accepting of gender nonconformity than we are here. Many countries have adopted laws and policies to influence a more equal and accepting society, regardless of gender.

In Canada, many people still have to fight for places like SFU to have gender-neutral washrooms, whereas places like Berlin now see this as a normal and expected establishment.

Language is an integral part of gender biases, and can be the deciding factor regarding whether or not people have equal access and rights in a country or area.

Many languages have gendered

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words and tenses, associating certain things with femininity or masculinity. This often works to facilitate sexism and create a gender divide.

Many countries have recently been working to alter this. For example, Sweden recently created a gender-neutral pronoun within their language, “hen.”

The German language is also being scrutinized, as it, along with other European languages, often uses pluralized words with masculine pronouns, regardless of whether or not females are within the group.

Cities in Germany and Austria have been going one step further, eliminating binary gender structures within their everyday society. Germany has converted many of its pedestrian stoplight signs from flashing images of men to those of women, and Austria has added some samesex couples on theirs.

Austria also adjusted its national anthem to celebrate both its “great daughters and sons,” rather than just sons.

Canada, however, is still far behind these progressive and inventive European countries.

While for the most part, individuals here generally accept others, we still have a long way to go as a nation. We need policies to reflect our overarching mindsets of the time we are living in, rather than the mindsets of days far behind us. It’s great that we’ve come so far for women’s rights, but we still have a ways to go to make sure every citizen has equal rights, regardless of their gender.

June 22, 2015

12

COMMUNITY PHOTOS June 22, 2015

photo editor email

Phoebe Lim photos@the-peak.ca

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ARTS

arts editor email

June 22, 2015

Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca

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COMIC CONNOISSEUR

The Disappearance of Charley Butters is not a tale with an abundance of twists and turns.

It is a very straightforward mystery — one readers have seen before. It is not a reinvention of the genre or a trailblazing new epic, but an engrossing read driven by well-crafted characters. On those grounds alone, Zach Worton weaves a graphic novel that is nothing short of spellbinding.

When a trio of friends in a black metal band go out to shoot a music video in the forest, they stumble upon a deserted cabin.

While looking around inside, the group discovers a sizeable collection of journals that date back to the 1950s.

These recant the story of an estranged artist named Charley Butters, who left his life one day to find solitude in the forest. One of the members of

the band, Travis, becomes enthralled in the story of the elusive painter and begins to investigate him further.

At its core, The Disappearance of Charley Butters is about the transition from youth to adulthood and the pursuit of self-discovery. As Travis delves into the life of the lost artist, parallels begin to manifest between the two time-displaced characters.

He continues to learn more about Charley Butters, and Travis himself begins to change; he slowly adopts a path not dissimilar to the man he strives to know more about.

Travis is a character with whom many readers can identify — he is a young man in his twenties unsure of what he wants to do with his life. He hates his job with a passion, and to make matters even worse, his best friend is a man-child; half the time they spend together is filled with arguing.

As the story progresses, Travis is forced to make bittersweet decisions that risk changing his status quo. These hard decisions will resonate with readers young and old as they reflect on the bitter and truthful realities of growing up.

While Charley Butters is the focal point of this story, his appearances are few and far between. Writer Zach Worton, however, includes the character compellingly in the few times he appears throughout the story.

Charley Butters is an endearing character whom audiences cannot help but feel sorrowful towards: he is tortured, with a mind slowly drifting through the throes of madness. Like Travis, readers will surely become captivated by his journey, reading to discover his ultimate fate.

The story can be described as being very mellow; it meanders at a pace of its own. Rather than being a detriment, though, this adds a thoughtful resonance to every panel. The Disappearance of Charley Butters is a story that speaks volumes through its poignant artwork. Zach Worton’s black and white work casts a haunting tone on the story while taking the otherwise simple content and making it chilling and provocative.

The Disappearance of Charley Butters is a strong character centric mystery which hypnotizes readers to keep turning the page. Its only flaw is that it leaves readers with a cliffhanger, and a dismally long wait for the sequel.

Patrick Watson is a Canadian singer-songwriter born in Lancaster, California and raised in Montreal, Canada.

His music style has been described as a mixture of cabaret, classical, and indie rock, and he is often recognized for his melancholy lyrics and melody. He is perhaps best known for the song “The Great Escape” from his 2006 Polaris Prize-winning album Close to Paradise and for his vocals on “To Build a Home” by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Watson shows significant musical growth on his fifth album, Love Songs for Robots.

He transports listeners to another galaxy with his melody and instrumentals. Fans will feel at home with Watson’s voice, lyrics, and melancholy sentiment and will be shown another side of his style with a complex melody composed of psychedelic guitar and drums that are reminiscent of

MGMT’s mushroom trip vibes, or The Beatles’ “I Am the Walrus” and “Eleanor Rigby.”

There is tremendous beauty shown by Watson’s ability to deliver love songs of all species.

Whether about a former lover mourning a previous companion or a loved one slowly losing their mind, Watson delivers music that is haunting and hits hard to the bone.

“Alone in this World” is especially powerful. It tells the tale of an Alzheimer’s patient from a first person’s point of view. Watson sings: “Ding dong, someone’s at the door / Who could it be? / I hope it’s sweet ol’ buddy / She’s supposed to be here by four / but there’s a stranger knocking at my door.”

He illustrates the tragic reality of losing one’s mind firsthand, inferring that the disease consumes your memory until all you can do is fall unconsciously into a dark abyss, losing the ability to recognize your oldest friend.

Watson’s smart lyrics combined with his powerful psychedelic melodies prove that he is an artist that continues to develop in sound and talent, while remaining true to his original roots. If psychedelic vibes paired with smart lyrics are for you, you’ll want to give a listen to Love Songs for Robots.

14 ARTS

Steampunk is one of those things that is quite difficult to describe, but very easy to recognize. Essentially, it’s a sub-genre of science fiction that features steam-powered machinery rather than advanced technology. But it’s more complicated than that: it also tends to feature fantastical elements and references to the British Victorian era, and it has an aesthetic to match that period. Scott Bellis directs this version of The Comedy of Errors in a whimsical world full of turning cogs and hissing steam, and it’s a delight.

This audience favourite is Shakespeare’s shortest play, and is based on a very simple premise: twins separated early in life, both named Antipholus, end up in the same town, and they each have identical-looking servants named Dromio. As Antipholus of Syracuse (Ben Elliott) and Antipholus of Ephesus (Jay Hindle) cross paths with each other’s Dromio, plenty of information is conveyed to the

Plenty of sun, good friends, and a guided tour to four of North Vancouver’s craft breweries can only make for a very enjoyable Sunday afternoon.

Burnaby Tours and Charters, a new boutique tour company, is now offering brewery tours to suburban locales that don’t seem to receive the same attention as those within Vancouver. The other version of their tour visits four breweries spread throughout Port Moody, Burnaby, and New Westminster.

And if by some chance you haven’t had enough beer by the end of the tour, there is also a chance to win a growler from one of the breweries.

Complete with pretzel necklaces, our tour began with a scenic

June 22, 2015

wrong recipient and these meetings full of mistaken identities lead to increasingly confusing events and silly situations.

Despite all this comedy, the story begins with the Duke of Ephesus threatening Egeon, an old merchant, with a death sentence for having broken the rule of forbidden travel between Syracuse and Ephesus. Egeon explains that he has come to Ephesus to find his wife and two sons. Egeon and his wife Emilia had each raised one of the twins separately after being separated in a terrible shipwreck, and now he is on a quest to reunite the family.

Unbeknownst to Antipholus and Dromio of Syracuse, they have finally found the home of their twins, and we are treated to some hilarious scenes caused by mislaid communication. One such scene involves Dromio of Ephesus (Dawn Petten) beckoning Antipholus of Syracuse to come home to have dinner with his wife. When he refuses, his brother’s wife is shocked at her husband’s behaviour and goes looking for him.

The shrill, angry “Hello!?” that emanated from Adriana (Sereana Malani) as she approached Antipholus of Syracuse, calmly eating by himself, was impeccable, and Antipholus met her with a befuddled, high pitched “Hello” to match, of course increasing her frustration

drive from Burnaby over to Black Kettle Brewing. This brewery, nestled in a small industrial park, was opened by two friends in 2014; despite their tight quarters, they’ve managed to squeeze a small bar into their space. We started off with samples of their wheat ale and IPA, and were able to choose a pint of one of those. I’ve never been a fan of IPA, but I enjoyed a glass of the lighter ale.

Our next destination wasn’t far away at Lonsdale Quay. Green Leaf Brewing has been open since

and causing a roar of laughter from the audience.

Antipholus of Syracuse follows Adriana back to her house while trying to figure out how he all of a sudden has a wife he wasn’t aware of, and he ends up falling in love with her sister, Luciana (Lindsey Angell). At their house, we meet Nell, the grunting kitchen wench (Andrew McNee), and Maud (Daniel Doheny), a chambermaid who is constantly brushing everything with her feather duster. The slapstick comedy shines with these characters, and Luciana’s performance had

the perfect amount of innocence and fragility.

The brilliant humour is in the dramatic irony of the entire intricately woven plot. We know there are these identical looking people with the same names causing all the confusion, but we love laughing at the mess on stage. We are just waiting for the moment when the characters figure out what we’ve known all along.

To top it off, the beautiful, intricate set full of cogs, pipes, and a clock centrepiece was the perfect backdrop, and the costumes were equally elaborate with a riveted executioner’s

helmet, lace-trimmed dresses, long, dapper pleated coats for Antipholus, and goggles for Dromio.

While the show didn’t receive a standing ovation and doesn’t rank among my favourite Bard productions, it features strong performances, lots of laughs, and a killer steampunk aesthetic.

2013, and they have a more polished storefront with long wooden tables and gleaming vats at the front of the shop. We were treated to a flight featuring four of their beers including their Pie Hole Pale Ale, a Bitter Leaf IPA, and the seasonal and aptly named, Les Saisonniers. With earthy décor and a view of the water, our stay at Green Leaf was topped off with a short stroll on the Quay.

Originally named after the Lions Gate, Bridge Brewing is now housed in a warehouse near the

Ironworkers Memorial. At this stop we were able to go in the back and see where the magic happens. We sampled a few of their beers including the Hopilano IPA and All Out Stout, and one of the brewers explained how they turn hops, barley, and yeast into beer. There were different varieties of toasted barley to smell, and a glass of condensed hops that we were warned not to sample due to its intense bitterness.

Opened in 2012, Bridge Brewing has seen a lot of growth over the past year and has gone from a couple of employees and hand-bottling all their beer to a sophisticated operation with about 13 employees.

Located in a rather industrial area, Bridge has done a nice job of creating an inviting bar space adjoining the brewery.

Our last stop was at Deep Cove Brewers and Distillers, which opened in 2013 (and is unfortunately not in Deep Cove). The bar area was larger and more spacious than our other stops, and I was pleased to see that they are very dog-friendly. If you lived in the area this would be a great destination for

a dog walk where you could pause for a beer, and Fido could share a pepperoni stick.

By this point in the tour we were all quite relaxed, so I’m not sure if it was the beer talking or if the atmosphere at Deep Cove was simply calming. Nevertheless, the stacked barrels, wood accents, and gleaming golden vat on display along with the chrome tables gave the space a fresh, bright appearance. They also feature live music and special events on weekends.

We sampled their very potent non-alcoholic ginger beer, smooth Trapper John’s Lager, fruity Sun Kissed Tea Saison, and a very delicious Rye IPA Grapefruit Radler.

With craft beer becoming a booming industry in BC, new breweries seem to be popping up all over, and North Vancouver has an impressive lineup of their own.

So maybe it’s time to get in on the ground floor and take the Craft Beer and Brewing Essentials Certificate through continuing studies at SFU. Who knows? Maybe someday this tour will be visiting your own backyard brewery.

ARTS

I have found my summer road trip album.

Beneath the Skin, Of Monsters and Men’s latest release, is the kind of high-energy music that makes you want to roll your windows down and drive off into the sunset. It is the band’s second full-length album, and builds on the sound that was established with My Head is an Animal.

As a whole, this album has a more polished feel, but they still give the sense that commercial success has not changed their writing and production styles. It seems that in the four years since My Head is an Animal was released in the band’s home country of Iceland, they’ve matured to create a sound that stays true to their roots while still progressing musically.

There is, however, a lack of whimsical storytelling on this album in comparison to their previous work. While it’s probably a solid decision in the long run, it could be a shock for someone who enjoyed this element that was present in “Dirty Paws,” for

June 22, 2015

instance. That is not to say that the band has abandoned what made them lyrically brilliant: it is that this has become polished as well.

When whimsical elements do appear, they are integrated in a manner that fits with the overall stylistic choices made throughout the album.

My top five songs from the album are “Crystals,” “Wolves Without Teeth,” “Thousand Eyes,” “I of the Storm,” and “We Sink.” “Crystals” has the most in common with the songs from My Head is an Animal and has a good energy.

“Wolves Without Teeth” brings some of the whimsy that was also featured on their previous album, but in a manner that is less of a theatrical story and more based on their word choices — it’s subtle yet equally magical.

“Thousand Eyes” is a beautiful example of mixing the lyrics with the overall structure of a song in which one element does not stand out over the other. “I of the Storm” showcases the vocal talents of Nanna Bryndís Hilmarsdóttir, — any song doing so is consistently mesmerizing. “We Sink” contains multiple rises and falls in energy, yet is always building in intensity even with the very calm and subdued ending.

This feels more like a best-of album than a sophomore release.

Beneath the Skin is magical, but it left me wanting more.

the owner and coordinators of the park decide to make a “scarier” dinosaur with “more teeth.”

Just like I wouldn’t want to go to a surgeon who knows lots of theory but no practical skills, I didn’t like Jurassic World, which recognizes the reasons that it is so bad while failing to practice what it preaches. Colin Trevorrow’s reboot of the beloved ’90s series is dead on the operating table. Its self-awareness doesn’t amount to rising above clichés and tired conventions, and thus it never manages to create anything novel.

Some time after the disaster at John Hammond’s original theme park, Jurassic World was successfully built and maintained. Like kids who have been to Disneyland too many times, the general public is no longer excited by the sight of live dinosaurs. The fear of these onceterrifying beasts has faded — the theme park features pony rides with dinosaurs, and Sea Worldlike shows and attractions. The lessons about not playing God or underestimating the power of nature have been forgotten as

Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard), the aunt of two kids who have come to the park while their parents finalize their divorce, is in charge of containing the genetically modified Indominus Rex. After the giant, scary dinosaur gets loose, Owen (Chris Pratt), an ex-navy soldier, and Claire try to contain the monster while searching for her nephews. They might fall in love too!

Essentially what you have here is a film trying to justify its existence through simple pleasures: the chance to hear the iconic John Williams score and the ability to see a bigger newer CGI dinosaur with “more teeth” — a metaphor for the film’s pandering sensibility. The audience at the park is getting diminishing returns out of seeing dinosaurs similar to how the audience of this franchise has already seen the same thing three times.

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So how do we get butts in the seats? Do the same thing but bigger! More fanservice. More dinosaurs. Larger-scale action. If all you want is simple nostalgia and action set-pieces, I suppose you’ll get your money’s worth. I expect more value for my coin; however, Jurassic World is not meant to challenge, only to provide exactly what you expect in the safest and most predictable of ways.

Instead of commenting on the issues with modern spectators that it hints at, the film indulges in the same tired clichés it clearly loathes — meaningless action with hollow characters; an angsty teenager, the cocky hunk, and the stiff and professional woman. Trevorrow finds no pathos or depth in any of them. They are archetypes with simple and purposeless backstories pinned to them.

What we’re left with are a series of action sequences that allude to the original. It’s bland, boring, and the same thing you’ve seen before, but with bigger teeth. For a film about scary dinosaurs, Jurassic World couldn’t be any safer.

This movie is awful and you can’t argue otherwise (even the film agrees).

16 DIVERSIONS / ETC

June 22, 2015

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

EVENT LISTINGS ARE FREE FOR SFU STUDENTS AND STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS. SEND THE DATE, TIME, LOCATION, NAME, AND A 15 WORD DESCRIPTION TO CLASSIFIEDS@THE-PEAK.CA

HUMOUR

First off, congratulations are in order for the class of 2015. You did it, graduates. You deserve it after four to 10 (or more) years of extraneous brain exercises.

We undergraduates are so proud of every single one of you bastards and wish you all the luck you won’t need to conquer your “real-life” future.

With that aside, here’s a glimpse at what the non-graduates go through during the greatest week of your academic career.

Banners are hung to impress visiting parents and relatives, 6,848 chairs are dragged out from the Narnia wardrobe, the sounds of bagpipes are piercing and inescapable (and somehow more unbearable than usual), and that spine-tingling stage that you, and secretly everyone, are afraid of tripping on is constructed.

The moment that setup begins, we undergrads get goosebumps — though partly from the obnoxious dragging of massive metal carts across Convocation Mall.

My favorite on-campus study area, Higher Grounds Coffee Shop, is a major no-go zone during the week of Convocation. It’s an especially lethal environment for introverts like me to be in, with all the people congregating to get coffee, or soup, or to head upstairs to the

humour editor email

June 22, 2015

pub. By people, I mean all of the people — and by all of the people, I mean all the graduates and their families. My advice is to just stay out of Spirit Bear that week and let the graduates enjoy it one last time.

Imagine crime scene tape reading “Caution! Non-graduates really don’t want to be here right now!” sectioning off the premises.

The insecurity and internal conflict during convo week is a struggle for non-graduates, especially the ones who’ve already served four years but still have time left on their sentence. We’re motivated to study 100 per cent more than our norm, and that’s for one of two reasons: we fear we’ll never graduate, or that we’ll graduate unprepared. There’s something about seeing successful graduates in their proud gownand-cap attire that drives us up the wall in conflict; one minute we’re thinking “I’m so excited to get there and start my professional life,” and the next we’re panicking, “No, wait, I’m not ready for that real-life shit. Sign me up for

graduate school; I’m never leaving this beautiful prison!”

Can we return to the sheer number of humans on campus during convo week? And the bagpipes? God, the bagpipes. I swear I heard them in my sleep the other night, like a backwards lullaby; hear them once and they stick to the inside of your ear and play for eternity. No offense, bagpipe players. It’s nothing personal. You’re all really damn talented and I respect your super cool outfits and your super cool lungs, which probably mean you could run a marathon really easily or something.

But if there’s a hell and I go there when I die, there’ll probably always be at least seven bagpipes playing in the background.

With all seriousness, a big cheer to you, graduates. We sincerely hope that your day was perfect and everything you wished it to be. Thank you for the sudden burst of motivation to study for midterms and a reevaluation of my time management skills. Proud of you, happy for you, kind of want to be you, kind of don’t want to be you.

Good luck and farewell!

Non-humans of SFU

Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca

Shortly after the cancellation of the widely criticised ‘Om the Bridge,’ another familiar politician, Surrey mayor Linda Hepner, announced that the city will be shutting down a different Lower Mainland bridge for a trading card game tournament.

“The City of Surrey is committed to serving its people and hosting events representative of their interests,” announced Hepner in a press conference. “As such, we have opted to close the Alex Fraser Bridge on June 28 to facilitate a Magic: The Gathering tournament for Surrey youth and man-children alike. Are you all ready for ‘Ice Storm the Bridge’?

Because ‘Ice Storm the Bridge’ is ready for you.”

Just two weeks ago, Premier Christy Clark announced the closure of the Burrard Street Bridge for a several hour-long yoga event — a move that faced significant public backlash, considering the event was planned for the same day as National Aboriginal Day and Father’s Day. Om the Bridge was canceled just a week after the announcement.

Learning from Clark’s mistakes, Hepner reassured Surrey residents that the event would not encroach on any other special occasions happening on that day: “We want to come together and have fun, but we also want

17

to be respectful. That’s why we triple-checked our calendars and the only other thing happening on June 28 is National Paul Bunyan Day.” However, some people are unhappy about the event. Fans of the popular card game Pokémon have voiced their disdain for ‘Ice Storm the Bridge’ over social media; many claim they felt insulted and neglected by the planned event, with others arguing that if anyone has the right to shut down a major bridge in order to play a card game, it’s Pokémon fans.

“The bridge being shut down is not what’s upsetting here,” SFU student and Pokémon enthusiast Charlie Kim told The Peak. “Hepner has turned her back on a far more vast community of people.

And for that, she’s going to feel the heat like a Charizard’s blaze!”

Only a day after her announcement, Hepner made matters even worse when she tweeted a photo of a deck of Digimon cards with the hashtag #patullo2016. Needless to say, outrage over the event has only ramped up since.

“Personally I think it’s fantastic,” laughs SFU political science student Murtaza Zain. “As someone who’s played [Magic: The Gathering] from a very young age, I can’t wait. Pokémon fans are notorious for this crap. If I had it my way, I’d lock them all in their parents’ basements and throw away the key.”

Time will tell if the event will face the same fate as Clark’s ‘Om the Bridge,’ but at this time ‘Ice Storm the Bridge’ is still scheduled to go forward.

18 HUMOUR

June 22, 2015

SEE NO EVIL

Since the profound and extremely accurate remarks made by Nobel Prize winner Tim Hunt — that having women in the lab always leads to romantic entanglement and females weeping whenever criticised — scientists from around the globe have been working tirelessly to remove this hindrance on scientific progress (women). In a confined space like a laboratory, after all, how is anyone supposed to get any work done around any distractingly sexy women?

Thank you, Tim Hunt. Thank you for successfully outlining the key feelings I have long held about what’s been holding back my scientific pursuits.

In his progressive and insightful words to young science journalists at a recent conference, Hunt, a Nobel Prize winning British scientist, said what has needed to be expressed for a long time regarding women in science: “you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them, they cry.”

Never have I felt so suddenly spellbound by a man I have

Finally, an answer has been found: compulsory blinding for all male scientists.

“It’s a wonder the field even made it this far in the first place,” says biochemist Joel Marshall, the scientist credited for solving the dilemma standing in the way of everyone being even remotely productive. “To be perfectly honest, I’m surprised any work has been done in any branch of science at all.

Females are just too damn distractingly sexy. I want to get work done but I just can’t help falling in love with them, which inevitably leads to all of the crying.”

Prior to compulsory blinding, many solutions had been proposed to the sexy women phenomenon. First, several labs tried making hazmat suits part of a mandatory dress code for all female scientists, but this was deemed insufficient.

It was also suggested that those same suits be constantly worn by women in everyday situations as well, but this was also seen as counterproductive: a thin layer of fabric cannot stop the male mind from thinking of

those pesky females, and suits can be removed, so men remained distracted.

Luckily, in a flash of blinding insight, Marshall saw the answer that males simply need to be blind: “My son, unable to focus on homework, suggested, ‘If only I’d never seen a girl, then maybe I could finally focus.’

“It was at that moment that everything became clear.”

Going forward, Marshall’s (patent pending) technique of

blinding aspiring male scientists will become part of orientation for post-secondary science-based faculties across the country. If successful, the program could expand beyond just the sciences and maybe even outside of schools.

“There may be a few minor difficulties with the procedure,” says Ben Schiller, the recently hired on-call blinding doctor for SFU’s Faculty of Science, “but these problems will surely resolve themselves

never met in person. His words were sincere and yet so simple — he really gets it.

However, I can’t deny that his charming disposition was only offset by his devastatingly good looks. Hunt is something of a king among the silver foxes: with glasses, a hint of nasal hair peeking out, and an air of power that makes me feel like he will always take charge. Any sensible woman would become understandably overwhelmed in his presence.

But here I go again, getting distracted by old white men of superior intelligence with entitlement issues. I am barely making it through my current co-op position because I am so attracted to my supervising professor that I can never focus on the task at hand. But really, how can I help it? A girl acts in silly, irrational ways when she finds herself faced with a man of that caliber.

Hunt struck a real chord with me when he went on to explain that mixed-gender labs are disruptive. For a long time, I have been struggling to deal with the guilt I feel for distracting my male co-workers.

Promising young male scientists don’t deserve to be kept from their PhD just because they’re distracted by the more pressing matter of the other D. I have wrongly felt like I have a right to roll up the cuffs of my lab coat, or wear earrings that accentuate my neck while my hair is pulled back in a ponytail to keep it out of the saliva samples.

It’s too much. I am too much.

And it is about time someone went out there pushed me in the right direction: out of the mixed lab and into an all female lab where I belong.

Being in an all-female lab will have other benefits too.

Women, being the more kind and nurturing gender, will be

more sensitive to their coworkers’ emotional fragility.

I can speak to that. Just yesterday, after a grueling ninehour shift in the lab, I started sobbing when my supervisor told me to change the colours of my bar graph. I was embarrassed, but then my kind supervisor recognized that as a woman I could be experiencing PMS symptoms.

My period is not expected to start for another two weeks, but he is an internationally recognized and celebrated researcher, so I think it is fair to say that he knows best.

I hope that Tim Hunt continues to share his message of hope for all female scientists who have been held back simply because of their gender.

I for one will continue to the conversation and become more aware of how my body can influence the rigor of any serious research in the future.

quickly. Some individuals have protested, but this must be done for the progress of the nation. Once men see how much being blind helps them focus, they will be eternally grateful.

“Personally, I can’t wait for my own scheduled blinding.”

With one part of the problem finally resolved, scientists have now turned their attention to figuring out how to prevent women from crying all of the time, though trials so far have been unsuccessful.

HUMOUR

June 22, 2015

19

20 LAST WORD

editor-in-chief email

Max Hill eic@the-peak.ca

June 22, 2015

I

t turns out you really can have it all. SFU athlete Lorenzo Smith was recently selected for the 2015 Great Northwest Athletic Conference Track and Field Academic All-Conference team for demonstrating outstanding achievement in academics and athletics.

In fact, Smith is the top student among the 163 in the conference with a GPA of 4.21 (yes, you read that correctly). At 21 years old, Smith just finished his third year at SFU while completing a major in Biomedical Physiology in the BPK department.

A Chilliwack native, he has run track since the third grade and now he runs for the SFU Track (800m and 1500m) and Cross Country teams. Smith sat down with The Peak to talk about the key to his success.

The Peak: How did you initially react when you heard about the GNAC Academic AllConference team?

Lorenzo Smith: It’s great. It’s an honour and it’s exciting. [. . .]

Especially since there’s so many of us on the team who are doing well academically, so it’s nice. We have a really balanced team that way.

P: I guess what readers want to know is: what’s your secret?

LS: Well I would say there is no secret formula. I don’t think there’s a secret for me, and I definitely don’t think there’s a cookie cutter secret for everybody else. I think it takes a lot of discipline to do well in school.

It takes a lot of hard work learning to balance academics and athletics. I don’t know if I have a secret necessarily.

P: Have there been any sacrifices or compromises you have to make in your life to accommodate both athletics and academics?

LS: Sure, there [are] always sacrifices. I think to be good at something, you have to focus on [it] and sacrifice in other areas. Whether that’s a bit of sleep here and there, which is tough because you gotta rest as an athlete. But sometimes you gotta sacrifice sleep. You gotta sacrifice social time as well. That’s been a big one. [. . .] But I’m trying to be balanced as well.

P: What attracts you to track and field?

LS: It’s a funny sport to like. You get better by working really hard.

It’s not always pleasant. I’ve always just loved running [. . .] You’re just constantly pushing. It’s very mental as well. I can’t even tell you why I like it necessarily [laughs]. It’s not even that fun, to be honest, sometimes. [. . .] I just love running.

What can I say?

P: Running is a very individual sport, and when you go to training, you’re pretty much only

accountable to yourself and that’s similar to studying. How do you find motivation and a support system?

LS: I think, for academics, definitely my family has always really supported me. [. . .] I just want to do the best with the resources I have, the time I have, the abilities I have.

I’ve just always been driven to do my best and whatever that looks like I’m okay with.

Track. . . yeah, it’s definitely individual. [. . .] I will say though, even though it’s an individual sport, you have your teammates out there counting on you, your training partners counting on you, and we all kind of keep each other accountable.

P: I know a lot of students get distracted by social media. Do you ever get sucked into that abyss or do you limit yourself?

LS: I definitely limit myself [laughs]. I feel pretty strongly about this actually. I have Facebook but I don’t have Instagram or Twitter or anything. I think that that is a huge obstacle to progress and success. . . kind of all the distractions we face as a generation. And I’m convinced a lot of people might find that if they’re able to put the distractions aside they might have a bit more success in certain areas. But of course I get distracted like everybody else. That’s I think a really important thing though to learn to have that discipline.

P: What are your plans for after you graduate?

LS: I’m not sure yet. I have about two more years. I’ll finish up in about five years. My goal for a very long time now has been med school. [. . .] I’m also considering physiotherapy or research as well but definitely further studies.

P: What interests you about medicine?

LS: Definitely the number one thing that draws me is the ability to just help people. To use your skills and your knowledge is really important, I think. I think having knowledge for the sake of having knowledge is just completely pointless. [. . .] Of course, I love science as well.

P: What do you do to unwind?

LS: [Laughs] A good run. A good run helps me unwind.

I’m a pretty boring person. Even though I don’t listen to “pump-up” music I do love listening to music. I love being with my family, hanging out with my friends, going to the beach, or something like that.

P: Do you have a personal motto or a kind of saying that you live by?

LS: I don’t think I have a single motto that I live by [. . .] No “YOLO.” No “Just Do It.” None of that. I would say, definitely if I have a motto, it would be something biblical. I find a lot of peace and kind of motivation spiritually in the Bible. Definitely there [are] some cool mottos in there, I would say.