rhymes and using mnemonic devices. Here’s some advice that I would actually probably take, but please don’t hold me to that. I’ll consider it a public service announcement for my fellow forgetful friends.
I’m going to take a moment to be a hypocrite and try to tell you how to do something that I’m really bad at: recalling names, facts, details, and other important stuff necessary to having your life together. I once had a teacher who on the first day of class would look each of her students in the eyes and, without breaking eye contact, would repeat their name loudly a dozen times. It was unorthodox and mildly terrifying, but it worked. If you’re even a little bit like me, you’re familiar with that pit-in-your-stomach, “Oh dear God no, I’ve forgotten something important” feeling. Sometimes it is a text that you forgot to respond to, sometimes it is a dentist appointment, and sometimes it is your best friend’s birthday. Whoops! I’ve searched for the solution to fill the gaps in my sievelike mind, and most sources recommend making up cute
As soon as you make an appointment, put it in your phone and set an alarm, or you might be sorry. I don’t carry a pen and paper with me every moment of every day, but I do always carry my smartphone, so there’s no chance of missing my high-priority Snapchats and Instagram direct messages.
Your computer monitor, the dashboard of your car, the bathroom mirror: all places that you’re probably going to look at on a regular basis where you can post fun colour-coordinated reminders of all the crushing responsibilities weighing on you.
Research shows that when you’re happy, healthy, and well-rested you retain information more effectively. Well, shoot! I was so anxious trying to remember the dates for my exams, I forgot to be happy. I foresee this being a terrible, awful downward spiral.
This should really be tip number one. You’re a busy person! Doesn’t your mind deserve a rest? Tell the person nearest to you to remind you and then you have an irrevocable licence to forget.
5. Pay attention It’s your life, so I wouldn’t feel guilty concentrating on it more than other things if I were you — or if I were me, for that matter. Here’s one last pearl of wisdom before I go: borrow ebooks from the library. You don’t even have to step foot in a library to return them and you’ll never pay another fine since they just disappear from your account at the end of your loan. Technology has sprung leaps and bounds for us forgetful people. What a time to be alive!
The Peak (SFU)
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NEWS
June 29, 2015
news editor email
Melissa Roach associate news editor news@the-peak.ca
Samaah Jaffer
The SFSS is planning another fall kickoff, but on a smaller scale than previous concerts. Keeping in mind the other priorities of board members, the board will only have two or three board representatives on the formal concert organizing committee this year. The rest of the committee will be comprised of student volunteers. SFU’s 50th anniversary committee, among other departments, have expressed interest in partnering with the SFSS for the event. The 50th anniversary committee has offered to commit at least $10,000 sponsorship for the concert. In addition, they will provide the assistance of the 50th anniversary community ambassadors for the event itself, and will include the fall kickoff in official communications as a signature event of the 50th anniversary.
SFU is turning 50 years young this September, and the university is preparing to celebrate in style. Fiftieth anniversary celebrations will kick off this fall on the university’s official birthday, September 9. The day program will involve a free event starting in the morning in Freedom Square, with concurrent events taking place on the Surrey and Vancouver campuses. People are invited to hear some speakers, have a piece of Fair Trade chocolate birthday cake, write some inspirational chalk messages, and sign SFU’s giant birthday card. Later in the evening, the AQ gardens will play host to the “Celebrate and Savour” portion of the festivities. This party will include an address from SFU President Andrew Petter, a food festival of featuring gourmet sponsors, fireworks, and a performance by the
to-be-determined winner of the SFU Legacy Song Competition. Participants are encouraged to come in their SFU attire. Gloria Chu, director for SFU Ceremonies and Events, is one of the driving forces behind the kickoff event. She explained that one of the primary goals for planning this event was to engage the community and bring people together in celebration. Chu went on to say that they aimed not only to recognize donors, but to make it accessible to everyone by offering free daytime activities and making tickets reasonably priced. “We want to really engage our community, not just a select few,” she said. “We really wanted to make it accessible and to be very inclusive.” As of press time, SFU has raised $180 million of the $250 million fundraising goal. The donations will go towards funding scholarships, bursaries, and various programs at SFU. There will be a reception with the president to recognize and give thanks to the donors. “Something that we haven’t really utilized is our iconic AQ. It’s really symbolic of the university,” she stated. “It’s a magnificent space outdoors, so that’s why we decided we wanted to have this big celebration here.”
Chu detailed some of the plans for transforming the gardens for the event, and alluded to a few surprises. “As it slowly gets darker,” Chu shared that “lights will be glistening around the AQ.” The food festival aspect will be one of the main focuses of the event. Many of the participating food vendors are partners and friends of the university, with the addition of some other local restaurants, such as The Four Seasons Hotel, Fable, and Cafe Medina.
Voting for SFU Legacy Song Competition will close on August 1. People may vote once a day online for their favourite and the overall winner will perform their composition for everyone in the AQ gardens that night. The legacy song plays into the ultimate goal to “create some spirit on campus.” There were 35 songs entered into the competition, but it has been narrowed down to the top six. “We were really impressed by the range
of submissions,” said Chu. “Some of them were really professional.” The Howard Trottier Observatory will put on a Starry Nights session, so attendees can check out the recent addition to the Burnaby Campus and participate in some stargazing. SFU has invited its charter faculty and alumni to join in the celebration and to see the growth of the university since it first opened its doors to them 50 years ago. “They’re very fascinating people,” said Chu. “Back in the day, everyone went to UBC, so it wasn’t common that people came here. These people were really taking a chance coming up to the university.” Chu concluded, “I am really excited. This is something that we have never done before.” Tickets for the evening event are available now at $50 each, which includes unlimited sampling from all the food vendors and one beverage per person before paying cash at the bar. Current students can get their own for $35 each, which only includes the food. There is also an option online to sponsor an SFU student to attend.
VP student life Deepak Sharma and sciences representative Jas Hans presented on the progress of the Surrey space expansion/renovation project, which will be creating additional study space for students at the Surrey campus. Three spaces have been narrowed down to undergo renovations — two in the 5th floor galleria and one in the 4th floor galleria. A consultation process will take place from June 29 to July 10, under the supervision of the Surrey campus committee and Surrey affairs officer. The consultations are meant to be an interactive way to engage students in the planning process, to ask them to voice which of the tentative layouts they prefer, and gauge opinions on more minor details such as upholstery fabric.
NEWS
The next event in the Creative Mornings lecture series will feature Giant Ant founders Jay Grandin and Leah Nelson at 8:30 a.m. on July 3. Giant Ant is a creative studio in Vancouver that dabbles in animation and documentary. Grandin and Nelson will be imparting some of their wisdom in the field, having collaborated with clients around the world including Facebook, TOMS Shoes, and Target.
Vancouver campus will be hosting a special talk on “Prospects for Economic Reform in Ukraine” on June 30 from 5 to 6 p.m.. This free public lecture will be hosted by Leszek Balcerowicz, the former Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister for Poland, and currently a professor of economics and expert in financial crises at the Warsaw School of Economics. He is currently tasked with the position of Head Advisor for Ukraine’s economic reforms due to his prior experience with the Polish government’s own reforms.
The board approved spending a total of $1,461 to send three members of the board of directors to the SUDS conference, which is taking place August 13–16 at UBC. The conference is hosted by the Alma Mater Society, and brings together members of student unions from across the country. Topics covered at last year’s SUDS included advocacy, finance, and student services. Although the conference fee — currently $435 per person, including UBC accommodations — will increase by $75 each after July 1, the board indicated a chance for adding to or changing who will attend the conference at a later date once more details are released.
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Last week, patrons of the Renaissance Coffee cafe in the Cornerstone building were greeted by a notice informing of the first Renaissance location’s closure as of June 27, after 10 years of service. It was customer appreciation day the day before closing. The cafe served free coffee the morning of Friday, June 26. Renaissance Coffee’s other locations are alive and well, but upon the expiry of the lease, owner Parminder Parhar has plans to expand into new avenues, taking over the Simon C’s convenience store and moving the Cornerstone Subway into a new location down the block. The Cornerstone Renaissance location was a draw for multiple larger coffee corporations, but it was SFU Dining Services that secured the lease. They will provide the space for a new fair trade Starbucks to open this fall. Executive Director for Ancillary Services Mark McLaughlin explained that if any other company were to lease the space, there would be no guarantee that they
would adhere to SFU’s fair trade philosophy. SFU’s current Starbucks in West Mall Centre was the first location in North America to offer a fair trade option, but the effort has since expanded to Starbucks on campuses across Canada. The campus location used to ask customers whether or not they’d like the fair trade coffee, but since May 1, all coffee served is fair trade. “Fair trade is not about the coffee, it’s about improving the lives of the farmers,” said McLaughlin. He explained that the ethical values of the movement fit very well into SFU’s mandate to engage the world. Remodelling work for the new Starbucks is slated to begin
Monday, June 29, and is expected to open this September. Like the other location, this store will have similar student-friendly features, such as ample power sources, free wifi, and large community tables to spread out study materials. McLaughlin added, “We’re really hoping to create a lot of community, because that [area is] such a key component of UniverCity.” Despite the closing of this Renaissance location, Parhar will play a significant role in the future of food services at SFU. He is already overseeing the MacKenzie Cafe Subway, the new Pizza Hut, Jugo Juice in the AQ, as well as Simon C’s, which will see improvements
through gradual renovations in the months to come. “Parminder is a very valuable member of the SFU community,” said McLaughlin. “He’ll be coming in with some new ideas and some new investments and you’ll see some significant change in there.” SFU Community Trust president and CEO Gordon Harris echoed McLaughlin’s sentiments: “Parminder asked us if he could open a Subway a number of years ago, and we said yes because we wanted to support a local business owner.” “He saw an opportunity to do better, provide better service, and a more consistent product by switching from his own brand to a more recognized brand,” said Harris. Much of the Cornerstone Renaissance staff will be transferred over to Simon C’s. Additionally, the Subway under Parhar’s leadership — which used to occupy the same space as Renaissance in Cornerstone — will be moved to the unit that used to house Booster Juice in UniverCity. “Today is a bittersweet day, the fact that the flagship Renaissance is closing,” McLaughlin lamented. But he expressed that it was all a part of moving forward, “creating community social space, improving areas, and really pushing the fair trade agenda.”
Starting July 1, SFU, along with the rest of Metro Vancouver, will be fined for throwing organic waste into the landfill. Solid food waste takes up a lot of space in landfills and does harm to the environment if it isn’t composted properly. Organics that are trapped under other garbage take much longer to decompose and release methane gas into the atmosphere. Garbage loads with a more than 25 per cent of visible food will be surcharged with an additional 50 per cent of the disposal cost. Metro Vancouver will levy fines against garbage haulers, based on what
they bring in, who will then pass them on to those who are actually generating the waste. SFU has been participating in the organics ban for the past 18 months in preparation for the forthcoming financial enforcement. SFU’s Sustainability Office claims the university has been successful at meeting its organics recycling goals. Rachel Telling, the Sustainability Office’s Zero Waste Coordinator, expressed that the implementation of the zero waste initiative at SFU has been a positive experience overall. “We’ve had mostly positive feedback, but we try to be reactive to whatever challenges we may face,” Telling stated. She went on to recognize the diligent cooperation that the staff and administration have showed so far in the initiative and the positive result of various outreach efforts by the sustainability office. The implementation of the fine on food waste aims to draw forth
more individualized accountability from Metro Vancouver. From July 1 to December 31, enforcement of fines will be in place for an excess of 25 per cent organics in the trash, with that percentage gradually lowering over time starting in January. By that time, most, if not all, buildings will be expected to have food waste recycling programs in place.
Telling stressed the importance of zero waste initiatives: “100,000 tonnes of avoidable food waste per year [is] going into the landfills just by residence alone.” She said this calls to question why so much food is being wasted in the first place when so many people are in need. “We want people to recognize that food waste has a value.”
6 NEWS
SFU women’s basketball forward Meg Wilson has been named to the Canadian team for the FISU (International University Sports Federation) games. The 2015 FISU games will be held from July 5 to 13 in Gwangju, South Korea. While playing for the SFU Women’s Basketball team last season, Wilson started in all 27 games she played, and averaged 12.9 points per game, and shot .538 from the field. Women’s basketball head coach Bruce Langford explained, “The FISU games are university games that happen every two years. They are the second largest games next to the Olympics.” “It is an amazing opportunity to play with and compete against great teams and
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players,” said Wilson. “This level of competition both at training camp and during the tournament forces you to challenge yourself and always work to improve. I am looking forward to my senior season and hope that I can return to SFU with new knowledge gained from international competition.” This isn’t the first time SFU has sent students to this event. “We have had several athletes go from our basketball team over the years. Actually, every year since I can remember,” said Langford. In 2013, Erin Chambers was selected onto the Canadian team. Langford said Chambers being left off this year was a bit of a surprise, as she won the GNAC Player of the Year in 2015, was named to the West Region All-Region First Team, and set the GNAC all-time women’s scoring record. “I do not know why Erin was not selected, but all teams are made up with coaches of different philosophies who are looking for different skill sets,” said Langford. “Their job is to put together the best team to represent Canada. I am sure they are confident that they did that.”
Being selected to represent your country is a huge honour for any athlete, and Langford hopes this will help Wilson grow as a player. “Meg will benefit from playing in international competition. She is an outstanding rebounder with very good off-the-ball defence. “Doing that against different styles is beneficial. Offensively, her role will be different from our team, plus, they run a different offense and that always expands a player’s game.” Wilson is not the first SFU player to be included on the national team. “As I said, we have always had a player on this team and at least one in the national team since before I got here,” said Langford. “We hope Rachel Fradgley makes her age team in a couple of weeks. Nayo [Raincock-Ekunweis, former women’s basketball player at SFU] is with the national team. “We hope this success continues, but no team in Canada or the US matches this success, and the competition gets tougher all the time.” Canada’s first game will be against Hungary on July 5. The gold medal game will be next Monday on July 13.
UBC students go anti-nuclear UFV welding students file complaint over poor ventilation [ABBOTSFORD] — Students taking welding classes at University of Fraser Valley have complained about poor air quality that came from the school’s new ventilation system. UFV President Thomas Davies acknowledged the problem after receiving complaints from students, and issued an alert to their program’s department heads. It was later discovered that the poor air quality resulted from residue that accumulated in the ventilation system. Until the residue is removed, welding students are required to use respirators for their safety.
[VANCOUVER] — Three University of British Columbia students have launched a campaign against nuclear testing. “The United States [. . . has] tested 1,032 nuclear weapons in the past, most of those being the same or bigger than those dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki,” said Hayley Gendron, one of the students. They presented their Ban the Bomb project at a science and technology conference sponsored by the United Nations last week in Vienna. The aim of the initiative is gain recognition from world leaders for their Comprehensive Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, which they hope will be signed, ratified, and eventually implemented. With files from The Ubyssey
U of A student is Edmonton’s first youth poet laureate [EDMONTON] — Poet laureates were traditionally named to record the history of a nation in verse. The title carries a different meaning for Edmontonian and University of Alberta student Charlotte Cranston. The first youth poet laureate in her city, Cranston will serve as a cultural voice for her community and perform her poetry for various city events. She hopes to bring poetry to Edmonton youth and to provide them with a platform to share their own creative work: “I really want to celebrate young people’s poetry because it is so honest.” With files from The Gateway
With files from The Cascade
OPINIONS
Body positivity is something that I take personally. As a woman who doesn’t fit perfect societal body standards, I needed time to accept my figure. I could look in a mirror and pick apart my body from head to toe, criticizing it for not being a flawless representation of what mainstream media uses to define “beautiful.”
The easy solution is to blame mainstream media for inundating women with endless fashion spreads, and celebrities who are famous for, apparently, no reason other than fitting some arbitrary beauty standard. But I was lucky. I grew up in a home where being yourself was more important than fitting any media ideal. I was also raised to look at the media with a certain amount of
opinions editor email
June 29, 2015
trepidation, continually questioning what it was telling me. I knew that what I saw wasn’t realistic; I knew that all the images were airbrushed to perfection. As a child, I dealt with bullying over my appearance and other aspects of my character. It’s only in hindsight I realize that what my childhood peers said had more of an effect on me than I thought. For myself as a 14 year-old, being in public felt like I was being judged for every choice I made — what I was wearing, how I chose to do my makeup. I felt as though at any minute someone was going to say something hurtful. So instead of wearing the clothes or makeup I preferred, I tried to either blend in with my surroundings, or hide my body as best I could to avoid being looked at. I associated public looks with opportunities to be judged, hurt, questioned for who I am, and I hated myself for it. Then my life changed, and with it my perspectives. I did have confidence issues during my first year of university, and it wasn’t until I gained close friends while living in dorms that these issues began to dissipate. Every time someone told me I
looked good, or I caught sight of my reflection and didn’t recognize who I was, the good feelings about my body began to outweigh the bad. I gained the confidence to wear my clothes and makeup in the manner I preferred. I gained more confidence to not care about how others perceived me. I still have days where I just want to stay home and hide. But in those times, I remember the good feelings I had from wearing a certain shirt or shade of
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Adam Van der Zwan opinions@the-peak.ca
lipstick. These memories help me realize that I am my own worst critic and that it never is as bad as I think it is; I can then get dressed, walk out the door, and feel confident about my appearance. Through my personal experiences, I take issue with people who participate in body shaming, both online and in person. Every body is different; every person is different; above all, every person is amazing. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion, but if you don’t have
anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s that simple. Your words can change lives. We should strive to change lives for the positive rather than the negative, and the simple act of complimenting someone goes a long way to doing just that. So next time you feel you need to comment about someone who does not have a celebrity’s body, stop and think about how your words can have more of an impact than you intended, or how they simply reinforce the lies shaped by that cookie-cutter magazine cover.
WILL ADD!
8 OPINIONS
The Supreme Court of Canada recently invalidated sections 4 and 5 of the Controlled Drugs and Substances Act in a unanimous decision, effectively legalizing non-conventional forms of marijuana for medicinal use. This means that those who are licensed to use medical marijuana will no longer be restricted to just smoking it. They will have the option consume marijuana cookies, brownies, lip balms, oils — the list goes as far as your imagination allows.
This decision is part of a growing trend toward decriminalizing and legalizing cannabis, and it’s about time. Canada’s law surrounding cannabis, especially of the medicinal variety, are puritanical and arbitrary, with lines drawn between certain methods of consumption for apparently no reason other than the government feeling like it. Laws should only be in place so long as they are useful to society. But when a law becomes damaging and harmful to the
citizens it is supposed to help, it becomes unjust. The cost of the “War on Cannabis” is well documented. SFU criminology professor Neil Boyd estimated in 2013 that by 2018, BC alone will spend $18.8 million per year on policing and court costs. A World Drug Report from 2008 states that if half the marijuana in circulation were consumed by Canadians, it would garner $2.12 billion in revenue every year. Addtionally, the state of Washington, which recently legalized recreational pot, is suggested by the most recent Economic and Revenue Forecast Council estimate as of 2014 to generate $694 million in tax revenue by 2019. For sufferers of painful chronic illnesses, cannabis products may be a helpful and even necessary respite for their distress. A UBC researcher has begun a study which will look at how marijuana can help patients with HIV/AIDS. Medicinal marijuana has also been suggested to help treat multiple sclerosis and cancer patients. The laws that were struck down had serious consequences. Take six-year-old Liam McKnight from Ottawa: he suffers from a severe form of epilepsy and requires cannabis oil to help with his seizures. His parents have knowingly broken the law to supply him with this aid. According to federal laws, it would be legal for a seven year old to smoke a joint,
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but cannabis oil is considered a step too far. Conservative health minister Rona Ambrose has said that she was “outraged” by the ruling, yet she shows no outrage for the human cost of draconian marijuana legislation. While the Supreme Court was supplied with ample medical evidence to consider when making their decision, Ambrose has chosen to ignore it. Essentially, when it comes to marijuana, Conservatives plug their ears and insist on governing morals. Conservatives are well aware that their strict anti-drug stance is popular. It feeds into societal anxiety which categorises recreational drug users as troublemakers who need to be purged. But in a society where other recreational drugs are openly accepted, there is no basis for this belief. We Canadians have the liberty to choose; whether a decision is unhealthy or healthy, that decision is ours to bear. While the government does not have to encourage “unhealthy” decisions, it has no business throwing someone into jail for making them. Behind the current position is nothing but hot air and a lack of respect for the welfare of drug users and for our enshrined freedoms as Canadians. There is no longer any rational justification for marijuana prohibition, and the federal government needs to acknowledge the human cost left in the wake of their battle against the drug. A war on drugs is a war on Canadians.
Growing up during the turn of one century and the beginning of another, it’s been pretty amazing to see how we’ve progressed in the fight for equal rights. I was a 10-year-old when samesex marriage became legal, and in social studies class we learned about the plight and freedom of slaves in America, which impacted me greatly.
Although we still have a way to go, we can say that many major victories have been won in achieving an equal Canadian society. Our Charter of Rights and Freedoms outlines freedom for all people, no matter what race, creed, sexuality, or religion — and that is fair and just. Last week the Abbotsford City Council decided to fly the Pride flag at City Hall in support of LGBTQ people, and to mark the commencement of the Fraser Valley Pride Celebration. Obviously for many Canadians, this act marks another step in the right direction for equality. For others, such as the “Citizens for a Morally Strong Abbotsford,” they feel that it somehow impedes their own happiness, and contributes to the moral decay of society. With that being said, basically everything was set for me to write a scathing article
on how illogical this type of opposition is, because I personally believe in equal rights for everyone. However, I realized that because I do believe in equal rights, there’s a bigger problem at the heart of this situation. As a Canadian citizen, the right to freedom of speech is something I don’t take for granted. We all have the right to express different opinions and I’m sure everyone would agree that’s how it should be. The real issue is that when people don’t agree with you it most often is perceived as discrimination or ‘hate.’ What these Bible thumpers are doing is simply exercising their civil liberties, and as much as I might disagree with the ignorance behind some of their claims, I believe that they should be able to express those opinions without labels such as “hate” and “slander.” In general, people can be very sensitive. Whenever the subject of LGBTQ or any minority rights are brought up, it always triggers strong reactions. But that’s the beauty of Canada: our opinions can be shared and debated, even if some people tend to forget this fact. If there is something you disagree with, you can vote to change it. Clichés aside, “hate” is a strong word, to the point of it being lazily overused by many today to describe anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Once you start to accuse someone of “hate” due to a difference in opinion, rather than in the effort to prevent someone from infringing on your rights, you have infringed on theirs. As the great writer Oscar Wilde once said, “I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to make an ass of yourself.”
OPINIONS
June 29, 2015
So you’ve completed years of schooling, spent years of your life practicing your speciality,
trained and supported pupils, helped advance global understanding in academia, won a Nobel Prize for your work, and then you make a few comments on gender and have your career and credibility destroyed. Sound fair? I don’t think so, either. Dr. Tim Hunt’s comments have created a storm of social media outrage: “Let me tell you about my trouble with girls [. . .]
Sinking my teeth into this baby feels like I’ve captured heaven right on my plate. From the shores of the Atlantic, my little Nova Scotian friend is a companion to not only my stomach, but to my mind and soul. The decadent, sweet meat, fresh from the boiling pot, now drips with butter, garlic and an assortment of other spices that have me yearning to gorge
on this tasty dish on a regular basis. Aside from the fact that my poor buddy was thrown into the bubbling pot while still alive — its drowning screams silenced by the deathly darkness — the resulting delicacy plucked from the stove has left billions of stomachs pleasantly satisfied for thousands of years. Thank you, my sharppincered, brilliantly scarlet friend.
The box emblazoned with “limited time only” has me curious, excited, and slightly apprehensive. While still coming to terms with the fact that the fast-food symbol of American obesity regularly serves lobster in the Atlantic parts of Canada, I cautiously open the box and witness a confusing hodge-podge of lettuce, cucumber, and something red in a mysterious goopy sauce — a lobster salad in a hot dog bun? Here goes.
My fingers explore the warm, crispy bread-casing and I take a bite. Ice fucking cold. Really? A strong lemon-mayo flavour impedes my taste-buds from accessing the good stuff — that sweet, soul-comforting ocean bliss. I expected butter, I expected garlic, I expected it to be hot. Instead what I got was an icy, confusing mess like something my mother experimented with, didn’t like, then forgot in the fridge for four days.
three things happen when they are in the lab [. . .] You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticise them, they cry.” While I can see how Hunt’s comments have been interpreted as demeaning to women in science, and may even discourage women from entering the discipline, I believe that it’s absurd that Hunt has had to resign from his position at the University College London and the European Research Council for his statements. There is still some controversy over whether Dr. Hunt’s statements were truthful or, as he claims, meant to be “ironic” and “jocular.” Since he says his statements were not meant to be taken the way they have been, and because he has received a lot of support from his colleagues who attest to his good character, I believe
that being forced to resign from UCL and the European Research Council is extremely inappropriate. The media unfairly cherrypicks which high-profile individuals they want to call out for their behavior. Hunt, who has dedicated his life to helping us better understand the world, and who has done a damn good job doing it, gets sacked from his career for a few crude, naive comments. Meanwhile, Michael Tebbutt, a former horse jockey who works with the British Racing School as a coach, made national headlines early June with a completely sexist remark on female riders, but he has gotten off without so much as a slap on the wrist. Tebbutt claims that men make better jockeys than women because of men’s superior physical and mental strength. I’m sure it’s a demanding task to maintain a proper stance
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while the horse is running at full speed, but male jockeys don’t exactly strike me as possessing more strength than a female one could acquire through enough strength training. Tebbutt has received media attention, but unlike Dr. Hunt, he hasn’t been fired or even condemned by his colleagues and the British Racing School. Some of his colleagues even came to his defense for his unmistakable sexism, claiming that it was just a silly comment. Hunt may endorse gender segregated laboratories and believe that relationships get in the way of science, but these are only his opinions, and no one is seriously considering implementing these ideas. Other celebrities, with a much higher profile than Hunt, have made much worse comments yet received no negative media attention — never mind lost their career.
This year, SFU is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the day it opened its doors — September 9, 1965. There are a number of celebratory events being planned by the university in effort to engage the students, faculty, staff, alumni, and community in commemorating the milestone. The associate project director of SFU’s 50th Anniversary Project, Adam Brayford, expressed, “SFU’s 50th Anniversary is so rich with events because events are perhaps the most meaningful and memorable way for us to engage our community.” With less than 72 days until the big “50th Anniversary Kickoff” and “Celebrate & Savour SFU’s 50th Anniversary,” here are some celebratory events you can attend leading up to September 9.
Where: All three SFU campuses (September 8 – 11) As the university welcomes a fresh batch of faces for the 50th time, all students are welcome to participate in the biggest Week of Welcome in SFU history. A carnival-themed day will kick off the first week of classes. Students can expect to see photo booths, mini golf, and daily barbeques or pancake breakfasts at the Burnaby and Surrey campuses. A community barbeque will be held at the Vancouver campus on Wednesday September 9. “Our 50th Anniversary Week of Welcome will provide a fun way to enter the fall semester and will create memorable experiences for students,” explained Brayford. The week promises to engage and entertain with lots of good food, music, performances, and free stuff.
Where: SFU Gallery (June 3 – July 31), Audain Gallery (June 3 – August 1), Teck Gallery (June 3 – April 30, 2016) Showcasing the history of visual art at SFU over the past 50 years, this three-part exhibition integrates the works of former students, faculty, and other collaborators in a reflection of the artistic rhythms of the past. The exhibit literally looks at a window in each of the galleries as “as a social, spatial, and material symbol.” The works display shifts in local, national, and international aesthetics, theory, teaching, technology, and politics over the decades. In addition to public tours, mobile talks, and sound walks, the three galleries will host various listening events and lectures throughout the summer.
Where: Holland Park (July 18 – 19) Music, food, and culture will be at the forefront of the Fusion Festival, featuring a number of ethnic groups and service clubs from the Surrey and South Fraser communities. There will be over 70 performances on four stages throughout the park, including an appearance by the SFU pipe band and highland dancers. The Celebration Stage is being sponsored by SFU, with the aim to “create a celebration of international cooperation in the spirit of harmony.” “SFU’s presence at the Surrey Fusion Festival,” said Brayford, “is an example of how, as we enter our 50th year, we are more communityengaged than ever.” In addition to interactive booths put on by groups such as SFU Recreation and the Mechatronics department, the festival will include a 50th Anniversary ceremony and reception, and a welcome address by President Andrew Petter.
Where: SFU Convocation Mall (October 8 – 9) The Fall 2015 Convocation will be celebrated with esteemed guests, including SFU’s Charter (very first) alumni and special honorary degree recipients. Filmmaker and author Sut Jhally, scientist and educator Bill Nye “the Science Guy,” prizewinning chemist Harry Gray, and ethnobotanist and ethnoecologist Nancy Turner, are just a few of the individuals who will walk the stage with the graduands. The ceremony will include 50th anniversary heraldry, and the graduands will receive a special momento from the university and Alumni Association.
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Where: Swangard Stadium (September 19) SFU Athletics will be kicking off their 50th anniversary celebrations at the first Clan football game of the season. The anniversary season will feature event passport reward programs to allow fans to win prizes by collecting stamps at each game they attend. Select games throughout the season will recognize some of the Clan’s greatest athletes and athletic achievements. Fans can also expect to see the distribution of commemorative t-shirts and performances by university artists, including the award-winning SFU pipe band at the games.
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Where: Various SFU locations (September 9)
Where: Freedom Square (September 9)
Where: AQ courtyard (September 9)
SFU’s official birthday party will be held around on the day the university opened its doors to its very first students. Although the kickoff will be held in Freedom Square around midday, it will be livestreamed to simultaneous celebrations at each of the satellite campuses. Attendees will have the opportunity to don 50th Anniversary tattoos and write inspirational chalk messages on the steps of Freedom Square. Live entertainment, food trucks, and — of course — fair-trade birthday cake are on all the menu.
The evening of September 9 will see the AQ courtyards transformed into an interactive food festival, featuring the greatest chefs and culinary experts in Metro Vancouver. An array of ethnic performances, a giant birthday card, photobooths, and more, will be topped off with a display of fireworks at the end of the night.
Starting September 9, SFU will be launching a series of videos profiling “change makers” from the SFU community. The change makers include those who have taken the knowledge and experience acquired from their time at SFU and shared it with the greater global community. The videos will released throughout the year.
See page 4 for more on this unique evening event.
Check out page 4 for details on the celebrations.
Written by Samaah Jaffer | Layout by Gabriel Yeung
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ARTS
The theatre is all about humanity, and the thank you speeches at this year’s Jessie Awards reflected that. The tone was grateful, reflective, and honoured absent friends and those whom the community lost over the past year.
arts editor email
June 29, 2015
Théâtre la Seizième’s À toi, pour toujours, ta Marie-Lou deservedly took home six out of the 11 awards in the large theatre category, including Outstanding Production, Craig Holzschuh for Outstanding Direction, and Joey Lespérance and France Perras for their lead roles. Julie Trépanier also won for her supporting role, and Drew Facey for his set design. The Arts Club Theatre Company and Bard on the Beach usually win a fair number of awards, but this year Arts Club picked up only two for Saint Joan (Dean Paul Gibson’s supporting role and Alessandro Juliani’s Outstanding Sound Design), and Bard on the Beach didn’t take home any. Surprisingly, Carousel Theatre who usually also do well
didn’t take home any awards for their five James and the Giant Peach nominations. I was so glad to see one of my favourite plays of last season, Osimous Theatre’s beautiful production of Our Town, win Outstanding Production of a Play and Significant Artistic Achievement. Another one of my favourite shows of the year, STATIONARY: a recession-era musical by Delinquent Theatre, won Outstanding Musical and Outstanding Sound Design (Mishelle Cuttler). In between the presentation of the awards, the sobering sentiments of many speakers were contrasted by the fun musical numbers and skits produced by Vancouver Theatresports. The Jessies are
Tessa Perkins arts@the-peak.ca
always full of these hilarious interludes, but some of this year’s could have been livelier. For example, the Artistic Directors’ Den segment with Bill Millard of the Arts Club, Christopher Gaze of Bard on the Beach, Carole Higgins of Carousel Theatre for Young People, and Richard Wolfe of Pi Theatre elicited bland reactions from the directors, although the pitches were quite funny. I personally enjoyed the proposal for a Bard2Go app that would allow audience members to pop in and out of the theatre and only pay for the portion of the show they watch. With this app, you could pop out for a coffee or have a nap and be back in time to see Hamlet stab Polonius to death.
JR and the Thirty-Somethings provided their version of “Shake it Off” rewritten about bad reviews and an “Uptown Funk” where they promised to “Jessie funk you up.” Two opposing video segments describing which summer production was most authentically tragic, King Lear or Les Misérables, perpetuated the longstanding friendly rivalry between Bard on the Beach and the Arts Club. The night saw an abundance of respect for fellow artists, talk of leaving ego at the stage door, and a desire to work towards more diversity on stage. But the night clearly belonged to Théâtre la Seizième, and they basked in their well-deserved glory.
2015 Jessie Richardson Theatre Award Winners
ARTS
The three current exhibitions at the Vancouver Art Gallery, Of Heaven and Earth: 500 Years of Italian Painting from Glasgow Museums , How Do I Fit This Ghost In My Mouth? An Exhibition by Geoffrey Farmer, and Residue: Persistence of the Real represent a tour de force of both traditional and contemporary art forms. Of Heaven and Earth showcases works from the 14th to 19th centuries. This chronological approach allows the viewer to appreciate the changing styles of art from the earliest Renaissance paintings of a religious nature to the later paintings of secular scenes and portraits. While works of Bellini and Botticelli are present, the two highlights of the show are both by unknown artists. Adoration of the Magi (c. 1503–1510) is beautifully painted and shows what can only be described as an intimate look into a famous Biblical scene. The other is Vanitas (c. 1650–1660), which highlights the heightened sense of realism that came out of the Renaissance. As such, all the objects on the canvas have a depth that makes the viewer want to reach into the canvas and pick them up. The opportunity to see these artworks in Vancouver should not be passed up. How Do I Fit This Ghost In My Mouth? An Exhibition by Geoffrey Farmer embraces all that multi-media installations have to offer. There is a sense of memory that flows as an undercurrent throughout the entire exhibition. Memory is explored by using space and sound in conjunction with works that could be stand-alone pieces. The unexpected and discordant sounds that play while one walks through the exhibition create a feeling of discord that shocks the viewer back into looking at the art. This is not an unpleasant sensation, but one that speaks to how memory and perception are
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linked and enhances the understanding of the work. Although The Last Two Million Years (exhibition copy 2013) is impressive in scale and detail, it pales in comparison to Let’s Make the Water Turn Black (2013–2015) and The Surgeon and the Photographer (2009–ongoing). Let’s Make the Water Turn Black is homage to Frank Zappa and his developments in xenochrony or strange time. It is like stepping into a Tim Burton film in the best way imaginable — where light, sound, and sculpture are choreographed in a manner that changes the meaning of the work every time it is viewed. The Surgeon and the Photographer is a time consuming work to look at. It consists of 365 individual small-scale sculptures, each with an accompanying story, poem, or title, located in a book that the viewer carries throughout the exhibition. It was fascinating to wander about and read the book before finding the matching sculpture. Residue: Persistence of the Real is a multi-artist exhibition that focuses on photography and film, and the relationship
that objects and ideas have to the perception of what is real and what is art. Featuring Babak Golkar’s Return Project (2014–ongoing) and Geoffrey James’ Inside Kingston Penitentiary (2013), the concept of the persistence of the real is explored to its full extent. The photographs of these two works showcase objects and images that were not created by the artist, but simply photographed as a record of their existence. The physicality of this is most clear with Golkar’s work, while James’ focuses on the mental aspects by showing prison art and objects. This exhibition is well done, but I found it underwhelming in comparison to the previous two exhibitions. I would recommend visiting these three exhibitions, but it would be best to start on the 4th floor and work down to the 1st to avoid an anticlimactic end to your visit.
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COMIC CONNOISSEUR
The Wake is a sci-fi story which takes place over the course of two generations. In its first half, we are introduced to a team of individuals tasked with learning the origin of a newly discovered and vicious underwater organism. When conflict erupts during their research, not only is the crew put in danger, but so is the rest of the globe. With time of the essence and their lives in constant mortal threat, this ragtag group including a scientist, a historian, and a poacher are forced to work together to understand a previously undiscovered race of marine humanoids. The second act of the story shifts in tone considerably. Set 200 years in the future from where the story first took place, readers are introduced to a
world formed by the consequences of years prior. As such, we follow the story of Leeward and her dolphin pal Dash as they scavenge and fight for survival in what’s left of North America. When Leeward stumbles upon an old communique from one of the scientists from two hundred years ago, she is thrust into an outrageous adventure readers will have to see to believe. The two acts of the story are parallel in tone, with the first part of the story reading like a deep sea horror thriller, and the latter acting, on the surface, like a swashbuckler. One story is dark, the other is bright and vibrant. Yet neither take away from each other: they complement with their differences. Snyder crafts a story as thrilling as it is intelligently written. Amidst its well-paced arcs and cool characters are dabbles of scientific facts which enhance the experience of the whole graphic novel. On art, Murphy dazzles with his distinctive character designs and knack for world building. Every panel crafts the world of The Wake into a visually unique entity.
The Wake ’s publisher, Vertigo Comics, at one time reigned supreme as the leader in cutting-edge graphic novels for mature readers. Founded in 1993, the company helped introduce audiences to notable works such as Neil Gaiman’s Sandman and Alan Moore’s Watchmen . That being said, Vertigo has garnered some serious competition in recent years. Image Comics has dominated the market as of late and is arguably the new leader of
adult-oriented comics. This has led many to question the future of Vertigo’s existence in the comic book industry. However, if The Wake is any indication of the company’s future, fans can rest easy. Vertigo shows no signs of tucking its tail between its legs just yet. Killer Mermaids, Colossal Cruise ship tipping monsters . . . and a dolphin in body armour. This and many more wild and amazing things are what await readers who pick up the thrilling tale that is The Wake. While
Kelowna’s Yukon Blonde hail from the class of indie rockers that captured the hearts and ears of young Canadians at the end of the last decade. At the time, the BC indie scene was exploding with great music from the likes of Mother Mother, Said the Whale, Dan Mangan, Aidan Knight, and Hey Ocean! After a while, however, the winning streak ran out. The grit and soul that made the music indie was replaced by sleek synthesizers and slow, generic pop songs. No one would argue that early releases by Vancouver indie heavyweights Mother
Mother and Said the Whale have been bested by their more recent releases. Yukon Blonde have fallen into the same trend. Back in 2012, they had that indie soul and feel. “Stairway,” their second single from that year, captures that perfectly. It is something of a peppier version of The Arkells’ first album, Jackson Square . Yukon Blonde’s latest release doesn’t live up to their former glory. On Blonde is packed with woozy synthesizers and drum beats that seem to stick exclusively to similar kick and snare patterns. Songs like “Make You Mine” and “Saturday Night” blend into each other and fade into a blur of mild grooviness that wouldn’t sound so awful if they weren’t the exact same thing for 30 minutes. The album isn’t all bad though. Tracks like “Favorite People” see Yukon Blonde returning to a more
the story is far from perfect — notably, it suffers from a convoluted ending — it certainly comes very close. Brought to you by prolific Batman scribe Scott Snyder and arguably the best artist in comics today (in this connoisseur’s eyes), is a testament to well-written science fiction horror the world over. It is also proof that with the right creative team, even something as previously child-friendly as mermaids can be made absolutely horrific.
rock-oriented sound — if only for a few seconds. The most interesting track is probably the goofy number titled “Starvation.” Lines like “They call you the shark / ‘cause you got the mind of an animal” might seem corny upon first listen, but the track really does display some inventive wordplay. On Blonde won’t disappoint any fans who are already invested in Yukon Blonde or other artists like Mother Mother and The Arkells. You’ve come this far, so you might as well listen to the new album. However, know it won’t take you by surprise or show you a different side of the band. Indie music is called indie for a reason. Real great music, indie or not, needs an edge — whatever that edge may be. Yukon Blonde’s latest album lacks just that. It’s a circle of an album.
ARTS
In 1987, SFU’s Patricia Gruben and Colin Browne had the foresight to convince the BC government that developing screenwriters meant developing the province’s film industry. With a grant from BC’s Funds for Excellence in Education, they established the Praxis Centre for Screenwriters at SFU’s School for the Contemporary Arts. A few years later, SFU stepped in to become the centre’s core funder. Over the years, as a centre for the professional development of screenwriters, Praxis has helped develop over 200 scripts — more than 30 of which have been produced as feature films. In June, Gruben was honored for her contributions to Canada’s film industry at the Women in Film and Television (WIFTV) 2015 Spotlight Awards, where she was presented with the Teamsters 155 Woman of the Year Award. The award acknowledges her significant success in film as well as her mentorship of other women in the industry. Carolyn Combs, Executive Director of WIFTV, noted that it was a pleasure and privilege to honour so many women at the Spotlight Gala for their high level of achievement, but that Gruben was well
June 29, 2015
deserving of the award. “It honours her career,” Combs said. She added that Gruben has been “a key influence in the industry for a long time not just as a professor, but also as an artist.” An associate professor with the School for the Contemporary Arts, Gruben is the Director of the biennial field school to India and the director of Praxis. She completed graduate studies in film at the University of Texas, and then moved to Toronto, where she established herself in set and art direction. She also delved into experimental narrative film, and her work has screened at festivals such as Sundance, the New York Film Festival, and TIFF. In 1982 she moved to Vancouver to teach film production at SFU. She also helped organize WIFTV to create a way for women in film and television to support each other and advocate for better access to key creative and leadership opportunities in the industry. In an interview with The Peak, Gruben reflected on the early days of WIFTV. “We used to get together and everyone else had these well-behaved baby girls who would sit nicely in their carriers. I had twins,” she said wryly, “and they were boys.” WIFTV now has over 300 members and is part of a coalition of 15 organizations representing women in Canadian media that has taken its concerns over the wide gender and racial gaps noticeable in public funding of media to the Canadian government.
Recently, Gruben’s interests in experimental narrative led her to conceive of an immersive transmedia experience inspired by the famed 19th century Russian occultist Madame Helena Blavatsky. One part play, The Secret Doctrine, and one part multi-media installation The Veil of Nature: Museum of Liminal Science, her project was a collaboration with Martin Gotfrit, composer, instructor, and Associate Dean of FCAT Undergraduate Studies, and Toronto-based designer Marian Wihak. Gruben is now working on two feature screenplays set in India and plans to do more installation work. This year is a poignant moment for Gruben to be acknowledged for her work at Praxis, because the centre will soon be leaving SFU. In the wake of post-secondary budget cuts, SFU’s capacity to support Praxis has dwindled. In 2014, the program lost its last piece of funding, with which Gruben used to employ the program’s assistant, Liz Cairns. Vancouver filmmaker Lynne Stopkewich, a Creative Advisor for Praxis’s Workshop Series for Feature Scripts, knew of WFF’s interest in promoting Canadian film and developing a space for emerging artists similar to the Sundance Institute. The first WFF-Praxis Screenwriters Lab was held during the 2014 Whistler Film Festival. Gruben plans to remain involved with the Screenwriters Lab and is investigating ways to keep access to the program open for SFU students.
We know how this story is supposed to go. There is a guy, there is a girl. He is married, and she is too. His wife is boring. Her husband is adulterous. We see them laugh; we see them flirt; we see them passionately have sex. By most movies’ standards, this is enough for us to care about them — we can forgive their transgressions if they want to be together. According to many filmmakers, this is love. Martin’s Pink Pickle is a subversive, anti-romantic comedy that builds this fantasy while asking the deeper, harder questions that a more shallow film would forget. Rather than seeing, feeling, and living in a heightened world because it makes us feel better about ourselves, this film replicates the conventions of Hollywood wishfulfilment only to explore what a more simplistic film would sweep under the rug. This hyper indie and lowbudget Canadian production was written by Curtis Woloschuk, a film critic and SFU alumnus who has evidently seen his fair share of mindnumbing, Nicholas Sparksstyle romances. Instead of critiquing conventions with witty prose, he has attempted to transform the genre from within — to judge dumb clichés by making a film that respects its audience through a refusal to heighten its characters’ relationships and devalue their problems. We don’t empathize with a fantastical cartoon; Woloschuk has written a screenplay that causes us to feel for the characters because we can’t escape to the warmth of simple contrivances and easy coincidences.
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Woloschuk, a fellow critic, is probably familiar with Roger Ebert’s famous phrase, “it’s not what a film is about, but how it’s about it.” Martin’s Pink Pickle has a good cast with uniformly strong performances, especially considering the film’s microscopic budget, but it mostly succeeds for the reason opposite the style: the content. Although director René Brar’s DIY style and detached visuals are fitting, too often the film’s cinematography feels amateurish. Some choices, like the wide shots that create depth and detachment by placing objects in the foreground that frame the characters and add another layer of separation between them and the audience, are interesting and give the film a contemplative tone. But too often the imagery is overexposed and fails to engage beyond the thoughtful compositions. During its final scene, Martin’s Pink Pickle has a glimmer of superlative filmmaking: the style compliments the content in a masterfully expressive way. The two “forbidden lovers” have come to the end of their rope. They must decide to make out (and pursue love, because those two things seem to be synonymous in most romance flicks), or make a harder but more realistic decision. Brar frames the couple on the edges of the frame to accentuate their separation but to also tease the audience — they would normally meet in the middle for a climactic kiss. It’s ridiculous and we know this isn’t true, but that’s why we go to these movies: to see, feel, and live something we can’t. Martin’s Pink Pickle, however, is a poignant film because we, like the characters, remain stuck. There’s no easy way out and everyone leaves a little bruised. There is no final kiss, no easy healing, and no minor consequences. Unlike what most romance films would have you believe, not even a climactic kiss dressed in warm golden hues could heal that.
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June 29, 2015
NEW!
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LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION
EVENTS AT SFU: JUNE 29 — JULY 10 29: MONDAY
30: TUESDAY
1: WEDNESDAY
2: THURSDAY
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6: MONDAY CONSERVATORY LIVE +HDG GRZQ WR WKH 'ULYH IRU D QLJKW RI HQWHUWDLQLQJ LPSURY IHDWXULQJ WKUHH FKDUPLQJ VWXGHQW HQVHPEOHV +RQRXUDEOH 0HQWLRQ 3DUURW &DUWHO DQG *DVWURQRPLVWV <RX FRXOG HYHQ JUDE VRPH &XEDQ IRRG DQG D SLWFKHU RI VDQJULD RQ WKH SDWLR EHIRUH \RX KHDG LQ WR WKH VKRZ 7:30 p.m., Havana Theatre, &RPPHUFLDO 'U
7: TUESDAY OUTDOOR CINEMA: PITCH PERFECT AT STANLEY PARK 7KH (YR 6XPPHU &LQHPD 2XWGRRU 0RYLH 6HULHV VWDUWV WRQLJKW )UHH PRYLHV LQ 6WDQOH\ 3DUN ³ QRW D EDG GHDO 2U IRU \RX FDQ SXUFKDVH 9,3 VHDWLQJ LQFOXGLQJ ODZQ FKDLUV DQG WUHDWV $OVR WKLV LV D VLQJ DORQJ YHUVLRQ VR EH SUHSDUHG WR VLQJ LI WKDW·V \RXU WKLQJ 'XVN 6HFRQG %HDFK 6WDQOH\ 3DUN 'U
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9: THURSDAY TOGETHER PANGEA
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Wednesdays @ 1:00 p.m., The 3HDN RIÃ&#x20AC;FHV 0%&
10: FRIDAY IN THE DRIVERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SEAT: STORIES FROM THE CAB :LWK WKLV HYHQW WKH ,QGLDQ 6XPPHU )HVWLYDO LQYLWHV \RX WR PHHW D JURXS RI ZULWHUV ZKR DUH OLQNHG E\ WKH IDFW WKDW WKH\ RQFH GURYH RU VWLOO GULYH WD[LV 7LFNHWV 'RXEOH ELOO ZLWK 7KH (YHU $IWHU DW S P S P 7KH *ROGFRUS &HQWUH IRU WKH $UWV :HVW +DVWLQJV 6W
EVENT LISTINGS ARE FREE FOR SFU STUDENTS AND STUDENT ORGANIZATIONS. SEND THE DATE, TIME, LOCATION, NAME, AND A 15 WORD DESCRIPTION TO CLASSIFIEDS@THE-PEAK.CA
HUMOUR
June 29, 2015
humour editor email
Jacey Gibb humour@the-peak.ca
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HUMOUR
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! This Sunday only, Ital Decor Ltd. — that place with all of the statues you sometimes see while riding the 135 to and from SFU’s Burnaby campus — is having a blow-out clearance sale.
June 29, 2015
Bloooooooooow ouuuuuuuut saaaaaaaaale! A glitch in our inventory system means we accidentally have two hundred cement gargoyles coming in next Monday. Our lot is already at full-capacity and so we’re dealing with this surplus the only way we know how: not by canceling the order, but by throwing a super special, once-in-a-lifetime sale. Sale sale sale! We’ve got everything you need. Little ceramic frogs with open mouths that you can put a plant inside of? You bet. Stone statues of young women wearing minimal clothing, but not in a sexual way?
We have dozens. Ordinary-looking stones with vaguely inspiring quotes written on them? Like you even had to ask. Gnomes for your garden? Available in 20 different kinds of coloured hats. If you can stick it on a lawn and ask yourself, “Is this art?,” then we have it in stock! No yard? No problem! All of our ornaments are easily transferable to indoor, more “Vancouver” settings, including (but not limited to) living room laying tiger statues, kitchen Virgin Mary mouldings, and plasters of any Greek god you can imagine — perfect for keeping on your nightstand.
Potted plants are needy and always die, even when you take real good care of them; when you purchase an ornamental snail statue, it’s a decorative investment that’ll last for years to come. Did you know the word “statue” comes from the Latin one for “eternally stylish”? It doesn’t, but that’s definitely something you can tell your next house guests when they’re over and inquiring about why you have a cement angel fountain in your living room. Did I mention we have fountains? From fountains where the water shoots out of a fish’s mouth to ones where the spout makes the angel look like it’s peeing, there are few things as elegant and timeless as an indoor fountain. Admit it: your lawn’s stuck in what the ancient Romans referred to as the Dark Ages. But it’s time to shine a light on that darkness. If you’ve been contemplating purchasing a ceramic statue or adding some kind of decorative pillar to your lawn, now’s the time to act. Our sales associates are knowledgeable and friendly, and our inventory is limited, with select items sure to go fast. There’s never been a better time to buy a 150 lb lawn vase. So this weekend come on down to Ital Decor Ltd., 6886 Hastings Street, that’s 6-8-8-6 Hastings Street, in Burnaby and save big big big!
Hans Jungman
Why are you reading this? I already told you this article was about nothing. It’s in the headline for Christ’s sake. Were you really expecting to see a headline like that and then read an article that’s about anything more than nothing? In what kind of a crazy world does that make sense?! Still reading, huh? That’s cool. I’ve got all the time in the world to not have an overarching thesis or narrative to this article. I don’t have anywhere pressing to be. You might as well just quit reading and
check out some of the newspaper’s other content. Did you know The Peak interviewed Vancouver comedian Graham Clark for this same issue? Bet that would be a fun read. You should probably just go check out that article and leave this poor, meaningless faux-article to be in peace. Really? Well, you’re obviously not a reader who listens to logic, so maybe some reverse psychology will do the trick: don’t stop reading this article. Keep going until the very end, absorbing every word you can, and then finish the article, left only to crave more. You’re someone who’s just finished running a marathon and these words are your oxygen — breathe it all in. Okay fine, you win. This article’s about something. It’s
breaking news, and The Peak has an exclusive: just this week, an article about nothing confused and confounded readers who felt like they were entitled to read about something, even when they were warned that nothing awaited them at the end of everything. When asked to comment on the non-phenomenon, Peak Humour Editor Jacey Gibb claims the piece originally came from the idea of writing an article about absolutely nothing. Gibb went on to suggest that he might have been trying to prove a point about how informationhungry and untrusting readers are of that exact same information, but later confirmed that any moral to the article would have defeated the purpose of its existence in the first place.
Non-humans of SFU
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Editor-in-Chief email
Max Hill eic@the-peak.ca
June 29, 2015